#8 year old me would be bouncing off the walls with excitement

[psychoticwillgraham]

they’re busy rn so I’ll have to wait for the letter, but it’s official!!! im gonna start looking at the local shelters!!!!

[myloveforhergoeson]

That's All She Wrote - Chapter 10

Chapter 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9

If you haven't read the wonderful alternate version of chapter 9 by @selangkir, you can find it here!

Find me on wattpad and ao3

Show: Big Time Rush

Pairing: James Diamond x Original Female Character

Chapter 10: Get the Party Started (1.10) ~ 10k

After a particularly boring school morning, Big Time Rush and their assistant were more perky than usual as they strode into Rocque Records for the day’s recording session. Since the boys had become the first official boy band signed under Gustavo Rocque in almost a decade, it had been much easier for Roxy to get the band to work on time the last few days. 

The boys, duffel bags full of their workout clothing in hand, casually walked down the long stretch of hallway to Studio A as the songwriter had her nose buried in her journal in search of any inspiration for her songs. She had been keeping a pretty accurate chain of events since their arrival in L.A. written down and had hoped something she had chronicled would help spark a creative melody or a new lyric. Having a songbook that doubled as a diary certainly had its perks.

Her hope for creative revelation ended as she abruptly slammed into Logan’s back in the middle of the hallway. 

Previously leading the way, the band had now stopped and begun to sniff the air, looking all around to try and find the source of the smell. Roxy cocked her head in confusion as she observed them, unable to smell anything unusual herself. 

They continued to sniff before coming to their final conclusion.

“I smell party!’ 

Like most 16-year-olds, Roxy loved to party, but her band had to be on a whole other party level to be able to simply sniff one out. 

To her, a party sounded like a wonderful change of pace, especially after a long, hard month of work in Hollywood. Being able to let loose and dance with a bunch of strangers sounded wonderful and like a situation that could spark a lot of inspiration for a new song. Excitedly, she followed the guys as they ran down the hall, lazily ditching the bags they had brought with them.

A million possibilities swirled in her head, who it could be for, who would be in attendance, who might have the most interesting story to tell… parties were an endless source of new faces and experiences. And, if Gustavo and Kelly were throwing it, it must be for an incredibly special occasion. 

Passing through the double doors into the dance hall of Studio A, the teens looked around to see a horde of black-clothed tables with beautiful white floral centerpieces being placed around the room. Covering the walls, as always, were all of their boss’ gold records, but in addition, were a handful of Big Time Rush posters filling in the empty spaces. At the back of the room stood a large buffet table, brimming with charcuterie boards, veggie trays, and multiple-tiered cakes letting off a sweet, enticing smell. 

Moving deeper into the room, they narrowly avoided a few people rushing around to set more items up. Roxy did her best to make a beeline for the cake, but the band she was using as cover stopped short of the table. 

“What’s going on?” Kendall wondered aloud, turning to face Gustavo and Kelly who appeared to be overseeing the setup. 

Beside him, James and Carlos bounced up and down in excitement, “Please tell us it’s a party!”

The talent scout smiled, setting her phone down. “This is the Big Time Rush party celebrating the making of your first album.”

“Wicked…” Roxy gasped, noticing more BTR decorations going up around the room, and around her, the boys began to celebrate. A few slaps to her shoulder and one hug from Carlos later, their festivities were interrupted by their producer.

“No! You’re not invited!” Gustavo yelled, cutting their celebrations short, as though it was an already obvious statement. 

Her eyebrows raised as the band protested. “What? Why?”

After rolling his eyes in annoyance, Gustavo held up a finger, adding more as he rattled off a list of reasons the teens were not allowed to attend their party. “One, it’s a classy party, for executives only. Two, I don’t need dawgs around playing with their food! Three, I don’t trust that Roxanne won’t try and market her songs to other producers in attendance.”

“What?” She jokingly questioned, before realizing that was a brilliant idea. 

Why didn’t I think of that?

To her left, Carlos and James had turned to the food table she had been trying to covertly reach and to her right, Logan and Kendall took much offense to their boss’ statement. Roxy weighed the options of fighting to get into the corporate party, but admittedly it was starting to sound quite boring - especially if her band wasn’t going to be around. 

“We don’t play with food!” Logan challenged, throwing his hands out as though that was the one major problem with everything their boss had listed off about them. 

Kelly grimaced, catching Roxy’s eye as she sighed, “James and Carlos, turn around.”

Before they did, the assistant rolled her eyes knowing exactly what the two were up to. 

Boys.

The pair growled, facing the group with carrot tusks and sushi roll eyes, almost exactly how the talent scout predicted.  

  When the assistant gave Carlos a slap on the arm, he gingerly spat out his food onto a large, black napkin.

“How can you have a Big Time Rush party without Big Time Rush?” She questioned, hating to give Kelly any more pushback than necessary. 

Softening her expression, Kelly sighed as she glanced down at her feet. “They’ll be here… in spirit. And in cut-out form!”

She pointed to the back corner of the room where a life-sized cardboard cut out of the band was being placed. 

Roxy shuttered. One set of four boys was more than enough for her. “That’s just creepy.”

The band conferred amongst themselves before Kendall decided to speak up. “Well, we’re staying!”

Each boy crossed his arms, turning back to back, leaving their assistant out of the loop. Quickly trying to match them, she placed her hands on her hips to stare their superiors down.

“Fine.” Gustavo grumbled before the band responded with their own “Fine!”

There was a bit of back and forth between the band and their producer before the older man snapped his fingers and crossed the room. An attention getting gesture like that was more than enough to get everyone in the room to turn their heads towards him. 

Squeaky wheels made their way across the floor as two men rolled a giant box behind Gustavo. It was lined with bright, flashing neon lights and had a color-explosion of an exterior. It looked large enough to contain all the necessary supplies for a party and had an inviting pop melody playing from the inside that was loud enough to be heard even with the closed door. On the side facing towards the teens it read in bright, bold letters “Super party fun box!”

Gustavo pointed at it before addressing the band members, “You can stay. But do not go in my super party fun box!”

Roxy didn’t need to be told twice, it was very obviously a trap, and if her boss was going through all this trouble to keep the teens out of the party there wasn’t much they could do to change his mind. Perhaps staying away from the festivities taking place at Rocque Records was a good idea after all.

Finishing saying his piece, Gustavo motioned toward Kelly, and the two  walked away in order to attend to the setup once more. 

It took everything in her not to burst out laughing as she noticed the guys looking at each other and looking towards the super party fun box. How they could be so dumb at times was nearly astonishing to her. 

The first to make his way to the box was Carlos, running his hands along its metal lining to find the latch to allow the door to swing open. Shockingly, Logan moved to join him. Flipping the case open, James joined the other two and pulled on the large door to open up a way inside, bobbing his head to the pop music. A new display of lights shone out from the interior as they danced around the box’s red velvet lined walls in all different shapes and colors. It was this that convinced Kendall to fully enter, the rest of the band following after. 

They danced in place a bit, looking around and admiring the smattering of streamers and confetti beginning to fall around with them. 

“Are you coming?” Carlos called, holding a hand out towards Roxy. 

The girl shook her head. “No thanks! I’m claustrophobic.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie, but she most certainly was not interested in entering the trap. She would just have to wait until the band was shipped off to follow them wherever Gustavo had instructed. At least now they had a day off work. 

The helmet wearer shrugged, looking around. 

“I don’t see Santa anywhere!” were his final words as the case was latched closed and the two men who wheeled it in began to push it out once more. 

Following them all the way back to the Palm Woods, Roxy was fortunate enough to hitch a ride with the nice men from the planning company who had been setting up the supplies and food in the studio. 

Entering 2-J faster than the box containing her friends could be wheeled down the hallway, she sat down on the couch and began to flip through one of Mrs. Knight’s magazines as the latches were opened and the band stumbled out. 

The four tumbled out as if they were dizzy, gasping for air. Catching their bearings, they let their eyes adjust to the newfound light only to find their assistant learning a recipe for blueberry muffins in the newest edition of Mouthwatering Monthly.

“How could you?” Kendall spat, a look of hurt and confusion crossing his face as if she had shoved them in there and closed the latches herself. 

She shook her head, not lifting an eye from her recipe. “I can’t believe you idiots fell for that.”

“Well you’re here too, aren’t you?” Questioned James.

Snapping the magazine shut, the assistant placed it back down on the table. “Yeah, because for some unknown reason, hanging out with you four sounds way more fun than trying to get into Gustavo’s lame party.”

Before the boy was able to come up with a retort, Katie and Mrs. Knight emerged from the side hallway, each carrying a full backpack. 

“Hey!” Mama Knight called, waving to the teens. “I’m taking Katie on a day trip; we’ll be back late.”

“We’re going to Vegas!” The young girl yelled in excitement. 

Her mother rolled her eyes before correcting her, “San Diego.” 

“But I get to drive!” Katie quipped, jiggling the keys on the ring she proudly held. 

Though it wasn’t true, Roxy had no doubt her small friend would be able to manage a car with ease. That girl was scarily good at picking up on tasks and way more devious than she let off. 

Unfortunately, her mom snatched the keys out of her hand as Kendall proposed a question. 

“Hey, Mom, would you mind if-”

“No parties!” She firmly stated, waving her pointer finger back and forth. “It’s a Palm Woods rule and if we get another strike Bitters kicks us out, remember?”

The girl thought back to the two events that had landed the boys of 2-J in a bit of hot water with the Palm Woods hotel. After organizing a hotel-wide extreme pillow fight in the lobby and kidnapping a giant octopus from the ocean and putting it in the pool, they had earned two strikes from management. They were big, red X’s with a sticker of Bitters’ disappointed face in the middle. Each time one was earned, it was placed on the resident’s front door as a reminder to align with the hotel rules. 

“Be good! I mean it.” Mrs. Knight requested after giving her son a kiss on the cheek as she and Katie took off, leaving the teens alone in the apartment. 

Seconds after the door was closed, James stepped forward. “We have to throw a party! We’re teenagers! If we don’t party, we could die.” 

It was a bad idea, especially if Bitters caught them, but Roxy had never been to a Big Time Rush house party. The prospects of them getting busted seemed low in comparison to their need to party. As long as they kept it on the down-low, management would never know.

“Party, party, party!” Roxy and Carlos began to chant in hopes of enticing Kendall and Logan. 

The blond shook his head, striking his hands down in an X motion. “We can’t party at the Palm Woods.” 

Chanting ended as the four cast their heads to the floor in disappointment. 

“But… There’s nothing saying we can’t have a ‘get-together’.”

At this twist of words, Logan finally came around to the idea, bouncing off what the frontman said, “Or a social gathering!” 

“Social gathering! Social gathering!” The remaining three sang rhythmically, swirling around and dancing in place in celebration. 

Now, it was time to divide up party responsibilities. Kendall pointed at two of the boys. “James, Carlos, Roxy, you three transform 2-J into a cool club atmosphere. And get some snacks and pop!” 

“And we keep the guest list short,” Logan advised. “Say, two people each?”

The boys nodded while Roxy tried to work out some mental math. “Well if Kendall invites Jo and you invite Camille, the only other person I would invite would be Dak. So one for me, three for the rest of you? Those are normal get-together numbers.”

“Get-together! Get-together!” James and Carlos chanted, now holding a few bags of O’Chippiagans and a case of Peppy Cola they’d pulled from Mrs. Knight's pantry.

Kendall agreed to the three people each ruling with a nod as he held up a strange metal spring. “I’m gonna go down to the pool right now and invite Jo, ‘cause Roxy is right, I kinda got a thing for her.” 

“Tell us something we don’t know!” His assistant joked, practically shoving him out the door. “Let her know I’ll be looking for her tonight.” 

After him, Logan ran out to invite Camille under the same instructions from Roxy. 

With just her and the other two boys left, she shifted into party mode to help get 2-J set up for the ultimate get-together. 

“I’ll be back in just a second,” She let the pair know, pulling out her phone. “I’m gonna lock my side of the door, text Dak, and then grab any spare decorations I have.”

There was no protest from the guys as they also checked their contacts list, trying to figure out their three guests. 

Once she was in her apartment she made sure that their connecting door was shut tight. If any of the get-together-goers were to hop onto her side, that could spell disaster. Her apartment was too small to comfortably hold 14 people and she had some personal items out on her display shelves she didn’t want to risk getting broken. 

Next to her TV on its small stand, she took note of a framed picture of her and her father, one of her, Jo, and Camille out by the pool, and another one she had taken with the guys on their official contract signing date. All things too precious to lose along with the smattering of musical instruments in her bedroom. 

Checking off the first thing from her list, she unlocked her phone and shot a text message to Dak. 

R: Hi! The guys and I are having a get-together at 7 tonight

R: It would mean a lot if you could make it

His reply was nearly instantaneous. 

D <3: Sounds good, I’ll be there.

R: 7 pm! Palm Woods! Apartment 2-J!

  After, she felt her phone buzz again. This time, her screen showed a text from Carlos.

C: Social gathering @ 2-J tonight @ 7! Be there or be square :)

Hm. Weird. She thought, but ultimately she decided to ignore the message. 

Knowing that she would finally get to introduce Dak to Camille and Jo made her heart soar. It was important to her that all her friends get along, but who couldn’t get along with the teen idol? He was just so personable. Maybe he and the girls could bond over acting, maybe he was into sports and the guys could talk about hockey, maybe she could dance the night away with him by her side… Tonight was shaping up to be perfect. 

Nearly shaking with excitement, she pulled a few packages of shiny, colorful streamers she had saved from past parties in a box shoved under her bed. Besides that, she had nothing in the way of decorations or supplies. The boys would have to provide a bit more to achieve that club atmosphere Kendall was talking about. 

With materials in hand, she made sure to lock her front door as she headed back over to 2-J. 

Standing in the middle of the living room were Carlos and James. The pair were pointing at various pieces of furniture, talking over each other, in an attempt to find out the best layout for the get-together. Every club had a dancefloor, which was what they seemed to be making right now, but as they talked out the different ways they could shift the furniture, nothing seemed to be working.

“Just push the couch back towards the swirly slide and move the coffee table into one of your rooms.” She interrupted, seeing her grand vision of a clear space in her head. 

The boys looked at each other, trying to decipher how they couldn’t come up with such a simple solution themselves. 

Wordlessly, James strode over to their stereo system and popped in their demo tape, turning the volume dial all the way to the right. The sound of “City is Ours” filled the room, giving the teens a big enough boost to begin setting up for their gathering. 

Moving the couch and table as she had suggested, James and Carlos did the heavy lifting while Roxy began taping up various decorations the pair had laid out in the kitchen. Party lights were placed, a disco ball was hung, snack bowls and pop cups were filled to the brim - the space was coming together beautifully. A V.I.P. area was even set up towards the back of the room, something the assistant could only guess was some ploy for Logan or Kendall to have some alone time with their dates, complete with a velvet rope and a guest list Roxy wasn’t allowed to see. 

From there, the guys insisted on changing into the most ridiculous outfits to have ever been made. They matched in nice black slacks and white button-up shirts, but the suit jackets they had picked out were covered in a loud cheetah print pattern; James’ purple, Carlos’ orange. 

Roxy did her best to not make any comments on it, they were having fun after all, but how they thought they’d manage to snag a girl dressed like that she had no idea. The thought to change crossed her mind, though she ultimately decided against it. Her shoes were more than comfortable to dance in and her clothing was easy to move about  in, all that was left was a touch-up of her makeup and she would be get-together ready.

Finishing with her portion of the decorations, she popped on a few strands of string lights she had hung up around the apartment, lining doorways, windows, swirly slide, and walls. She had even changed the TV to a fun video of a lava lamp-like background sloshing around. The colors melded together once the lights were off to give off a club atmosphere, just like the frontman had requested. 

And thankfully, it was much to his liking. 

After inviting Jo and Camille, the other band members had stopped by to see if they could help with any setup, but the trio had everything in the bag. Showing off their work, Roxy crossed her arms while James and Carlos leaned into her while popping their jackets. They had truly outdone themselves. 

Both newcomers stood, admiring the apartment transformation before Kendall held his hands out in defense. 

“Guys, it’s just a small gathering get-together.”

The assistant cocked her head. Does he want us to take everything down? 

It seemed like he had been in awe of the lights, music, food, and streamers when he walked in and there was no doubt 14 people could certainly have a small gathering get-together in a space like this. By Logan’s facial expression, it seemed like he agreed with Kendall. 

“Dude!” James cried, looking to Carlos and Roxy for help. “We’re not in Minnesota anymore! This is the big leagues.”

“Our big-time Hollywood party-cred starts tonight!” Carlos added. “We start small, but we start hot!”

In front of her face, the boys fist bumped, blowing it up as they looked out towards their friends. 

Roxy jumped in, “Besides, in all the things I’ve done for this band when have I ever half-assed it? I had an entire basketball court built inside of Rocque Records!” 

“Yeah!” The cheetah print duo backed her up. 

“And before you know it, we’ll be known as the Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood!” Declared James.

Roxy cleared her throat.

“The Hollywood Super Party Kings and Queen of Hollywood!” He corrected. 

“Whoo, whoo!” Carlos rhythmically chanted, raising his hands in the air. 

Logan blinked. “You said Hollywood twice.” 

“You bet I did.” The long-haired boy deadpanned, still trying to gague what his friends wanted to do about the decorations. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t long after that the guests of the get-together began to arrive, so no changes were made to 2-J. The assistant had practically run around the entire apartment space to make sure everything was in place. Food bowls flowing, pop on ice, doors to bedrooms closed… Checking off a million things on her mental list before she was able to settle into a party mood.

When the doorbell rang signaling the arrival of the guests, she finally allowed herself to relax. Taking a cup full of Peppy Cola she followed James and Carlos over to the door. It felt silly, trailing after them as she had been for most of the afternoon, but she felt no shame in wanting to help throw an incredible party - especially if it was an excuse to see Dak again.

After their date, their communication had been pretty sparse. She called him the morning after to thank him again and texted him a couple of days later when she enjoyed her leftover steak and potatoes for dinner, but other than that the two hadn’t found time to connect. His words from the car ride home had stuck with her, she just wasn’t sure when he was planning on talking about it again. 

“Welcome to the get-together!” James greeted, throwing open the door in excitement. The two strikes from Bitters were less-than-proudly displayed on the other side. 

A group of around 8 people entered, Jo and Camille trailing toward the back.

Carlos pointed towards the inside of the apartment, “Snacks to the left, and the dance floor is straight ahead-” 

“And good times all around!” Roxy called as she pushed the door closed, running after her girlfriends. 

She knew that tonight was supposed to be a fun night for them and the boys they were crushing on, but she had to deliver the good news that Dak would be arriving any time now. 

Pushing them towards the kitchen, she brought out her phone and showed them the text messages she had sent earlier. 

“First of all, you two look gorgeous.” She gushed to her friends. “Second of all…”

The girls silently scrolled through her messages.

“No way…” Camille trailed off once she was done reading the little blue bubbles, jaw dropping. “We get to meet Dak Zevon!” 

Jo’s eyes widened. “Maybe he’ll ask you to be his-”

“Shh!” Roxy whispered to her. “I don’t want to jinx anything. God, I’m so nervous!”

“You know… I was thinking about asking Logan to be my boyfriend tonight.” Camille confessed. “I’ll send some good luck your way. Hopefully, we both walk out of here with boyfriends.”

“Speaking of Jo…” Roxy poked her in the side a few times. “I heard through the grapevine Kendall has something special planned for you tonight…”

Before Jo was able to process her statement, Carlos and James emerged from behind the two girls and tapped them on the shoulder. With their attention stolen, the most Roxy could do was curse her friends for being good wingmen. It was selfish to think she could take up most of their time, but she was sure she could see them around. Once Dak arrived, she wouldn’t be lonely anyway. 

“Hey!” Smiled Camille, bright demeanor suddenly turning dark as she questioned, “Where’s Logan?”

The pair pointed over to the edge of the dance floor where the boy in question was quietly enjoying some potato chips and swaying to the music by himself.

Not even thinking twice, Camille took off to talk to him. Her walk exuded confidence as she flipped her hair over her shoulder before turning back to face her friends. With a wink, she mouthed, “Keep me updated!” and smoothed out her little, black dress. 

James turned his attention to Jo, “And you can find Kendall, thataway!”

Thanking him, Jo walked off as well, pep in her step. 

That left Roxy with the two Super Party Kings, who had been so preoccupied with setting up the party, they hadn’t had any chance to enjoy it themselves. An upbeat, electronic melody blasted through the speakers compelling the two to groove a bit as they made their way to the dance floor. Now, this left the songwriter as the only person present in the kitchen.

A thought to text Dak crossed her mind, but it was only 7:05. The last thing she wanted was to be seen as some clingy, obsessive girl who watched over and questioned his every move. For now, she was content to keep to herself and observe the partygoers. 

Kendall had surprised Jo by showing her the list to the V.I.P. area only contained her name. It was a sweet surprise as he opened up the red velvet rope and the two began to dance together in their own little section of bliss. It was a nice, domestic scene that made Roxy’s heart jump - seeing two of her friends make each other so happy made her happy in return. 

Near the dance floor, Camille had a beautiful pout covering her lips as she leaned into Logan, closer and closer. Her crush didn’t seem to be taking the hint as he pointed towards the entertainment system, probably pointing out the cool effect on the screen. Suddenly, she slapped his hand out of the way, grabbed his collar, and dipped him, deep and slow, almost like a scene from a dramatic movie. Once more she leaned in and… Logan twisted out of her grasp, confusing her. Moving along the ground, he crawled over into the kitchen, a shocked look gracing his features. 

Roxy followed him as he made his way around the breakfast bar, into the kitchen, and grabbed her hand so they could duck behind the counter and talk. 

With a humph, her butt landed on the ground. “You better have vacuumed this floor.”

“Don’t worry about it!” He cried, hands flying to the sides of his face. “Camille’s all over me and she says we’re in a movie together. Yay!”

The boy’s laugh was obviously sarcastic given his freaked-out demeanour. As the color drained from his face, she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“And the problem is…?” 

It took him a moment to come up with one. “I don’t know… She’s super cool, but she’s so confident. I’m nothing like her!”

“You don’t have to be just like her. How about you go back out there and give it another shot? Tell her exactly what you told me about how great you think she is!”

There was no chance for him to respond before the writer pushed him out of the kitchen. To her dismay, instead of going over and talking with the actress he snuck into the V.I.P. lounge to get Jo and Kendall’s opinions. Checking her phone again, 7:15, a small pit formed in her stomach.

He’s probably just caught up at work.

After a few more sips of her soda, she noticed both blondes in the V.I.P. area were seated on a beanbag chair. Upon closer examination, though the music drowned out whatever they were saying back and forth to each other, it looked like they were fighting about something with Logan uncomfortably wedged in the middle seat between them.

Maybe a get-together wasn’t a good idea.

Her thought was confirmed as she heard a crash. Someone had been pushed into the high-top chairs at the breakfast bar, sending them hurtling straight down to the ground, crumpling in pain upon impact. In a diagonal line back, was Carlos dancing with reckless abandon. 

Moving to help the partygoer she had never seen before up, and pick up the fallen chairs, she caught a snippet of the conversation from the lounge. 

“Logan, just tell her that you’re not interested and you want to be friends.”

Kendall’s logic always came in a pinch, but she wasn’t sure she agreed with him. Not wanting to be a busybody, she moved one of the chairs back to its rightful place and moved to grab another one.

“Or, just relax and see where it goes!” Jo suggested, definitely the authority on how to deal with the girls of the trio. “Maybe starring in Camille’s fantasy movie could be fun.”

Logan just doesn’t know what he wants.

“Hey,” A girl’s loud voice caught her off guard as she fought to be heard over the music, nearly making her drop the last chair. It was Camille, looking over towards Logan as well, a hint of longing on her face. “Can you hear what they’re talking about?”

Roxy put the chair back. “I think you might be coming off too strong.”

“Hm?” The ravenette cocked her head “Not quite sure what you mean.”

“Just… pedal backward a bit. How about you let Logan make the first move tonight?”

Taking a few pretzels from one of the bowls, Camille dumped her chin into her palm. Rolling her eyes, she looked at her friend. “Why are boys so complicated?”

“I wish I knew.” Roxy sighed.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Logan pop up from the beanbag chair he was on and do a couple of karate moves before hopping the rope and making a beeline to the kitchen.

“Oh!” She squealed, taking the pretzel bowl out from the counter under Camille. “Turn around!”

The actress did as she asked and Logan quickly whisked her away, onto the middle of the dance floor.

Ding dong

Roxy ran to the door, narrowly beating out James and Carlos. While she could see they desperately wanted to push her to the side, they allowed her a moment to collect herself before opening up. Even then, she waited a few more seconds; she didn’t want to come off as desperate. 

With a smile, she pulled the handle back. 

“Welcome!” The writer greeted, gesturing inside. To Guitar Dude. And two pretty girls. Not Dak. 

Guitar Dude began to strum out a chord, “What’s up, what’s up, what’s up!”

As he sang, he moved inside with his posse following. They exchanged high-fives with the two boys at the door before moving into the dance floor with everyone else. 

Checking her phone, the pit in Roxy’s stomach grew a bit larger. 7:35.

“All right, everybody’s here.” She overheard James tell Carlos. 

Normally, squeezing her book to her chest would relieve some of her anxiety but she had made the fatal mistake of leaving it in her room.

“Um,” She breathed out, trying not to worry herself into a spiral. “Not everyone.”

“Yeah, yeah.” The boy brushed her off, eying the dance floor and everyone on it. “All of our guests are here.”

“Let’s social gather!” Carlos cried, brushing past the girl, while beginning to dance to the music with James. 

That in itself nearly ruined her night. It was one thing for her date to be so late, but it was another to have her friends practically ignore her for the sake of a party. Slightly upset, she watched them bounce off to dance with everyone, wishing she could have that much fun right now. 

Moving back into the kitchen, she grabbed another pop. Her thoughts fluttered to Gustavo and Kelly, wondering if they were having as much fun as she was at their executive party. The party they were throwing in her head, while enough to keep her occupied in thought the kitchen for a while, was still super lame. 

Buzz

Taking her phone out of her back pocket so quickly that it nearly dropped into her drink, Roxy checked her lock screen - a picture of her, Camille, and Jo - to find a text message.

K: U ok?

K: [Sent a photo]

Attached to his message was an image of a small puppy dog with eyes so big they looked like they were about to spill over with tears. 

R: I’m fine

Glancing to the top right of her screen, she noted the time, 7:50.

K: Sure? Wanna talk about anything?

R: Nope, have fun with Jo

Looking up and across the room, she gave him a weak thumbs up which he didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy spitting his drink all over the floor at something Jo had said. Hopefully, it was just a really funny joke and not something terrible, like she hated hockey. 

Across from there, it seemed like Logan and Camille were hitting it off again. The girl had an entranced look on her face as she watched the boy she was talking to. He was displaying the same types of karate moves he had been doing earlier as if he were in some sort of spy movie.

Everyone was lucky in love tonight. Everyone except for Roxy. 

The last thing she wanted was to be dramatic, there had to be a simple explanation for why he was late. A reason that might have been too long to text. Maybe his car broke down or his phone battery died or he was on set longer than he had anticipated. All perfectly reasonable and perfectly understandable reasons why he was late.

Knowing this, however, did not change her feelings towards the situation at hand. As of now, she had been stood up by the boy she liked at a party she was looking forward to the entire afternoon. And it hurt. A lot. 

Grabbing the big bowl of Cheetos, she quietly made her way out of 2-J and headed over to her apartment. It would probably be alright if she helped clean up once the get-together was over, but for now, she wanted to be alone. 

Walking the short distance of the hallway between the two apartments, she noticed a pretty blonde girl walk down the hallway in a beautiful blue dress and a fur-trimmed coat. There was only one person in town she knew had a budget like that: Mercedes Griffin.

She had half a mind to warn the guys, but they had all ended on pretty good terms with her. After all, she was the reason they had been awarded a record contract. The least they could do was allow her access to their get-together. One more person couldn’t hurt, especially if it looked like her one guest wasn’t going to arrive at all.

Trying to get out of the socialite’s line of sight, she shoved her key into the door of 2-H and quickly made her way in. Inside her apartment it was dark and that was perfectly fine with the writer. 

The shared wall she had with the boy’s apartment shook a bit from the sheer volume of the music they had been playing, another thing she probably should have mentioned to them before their other neighbor called Bitters.. Thankfully it was blocked out once she closed her bedroom door. 

As she had on their first day in Los Angeles after nearly being sent home, she flopped face-first onto her bed with a groan. 

That day, the overwhelming toll of the cross-country move and trying to keep up with all of Griffin’s demands was immense. All she wanted to do was go to bed knowing that they would be safe and happy the next day. While it had still mentally painful, her heart hadn’t ached like it currently was. 

Overviewing the thoughts that ran through her head, there were so many that could explain Dak’s absence, though it was beginning to get a bit noisy; she couldn’t even focus on one. Her chest tightened, her cheeks were burning red from shame, and her hands were shaking at such a high velocity she could hardly grab one of the snacks she had smuggled out of 2-J and raise it to her mouth.

The whirlwind of emotions she was experiencing right now were feeling nearly impossible to place. Whether she should cry, scream, or throw her pillows across the room, she had no idea. Roxy was embarrassed and hurt, and she had no idea how to let it out. All she could do for now was sit in her thoughts and let them consume her being. 

Did I do something wrong? Does he not like me anymore? He said he was excited… That he would be here…

Inadvertently, that thought began to transform itself into a small verse of a poem. If there was one thing she could count on herself to do, even in an emotional crisis like this, it was write a song.

Reaching her hand out in the dark, she blindly felt for where she had hung her bag on her bed frame. Feeling out her book and her pen, she used her phone flashlight to illuminate a blank page.

I promised I would be there, 

I swear I’m on my way.

I know you may not hear me, 

but that’s the price I’ll pay.

Reading it over a few times, she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. Normally she formulated the lyrics and melody in excitement, hoping to place together the pieces of the musical puzzle in order to craft something she was proud of. 

This song wasn’t from her perspective, it wasn’t even about a person or situation she had made up for narrative purposes. It was words she currently needed to hear. Things she needed Dak to say to her to make her pain go away. 

Ugh. She thought, tossing the book to the floor and burying her head in her pillows again. I can’t let him have this power over me.

Buzz

C: where did u go???

C: emergency! logan is ignoring me again

R: I went home

R: I think Dak is standing me up

C: hes probably just late, dont worry

C: come dance with me :(

C: either you come over now or ill bust down your door and drag you out of your room

R: Fine

She really couldn’t argue with Camille; the actress was absolutely crazy enough to do just what she threatened. So the girl took it upon herself to head back to the get-together, though deciding to bring her songbook this time.

Stepping out into the hallway, she was met with a horde of people she had never seen before. Maybe some other Palm Woods residents were having a social gathering as well. When they all began to turn into 2-J, she could tell something was up. There were far too many people. Perhaps Mercedes just attracted a teen party crowd wherever she went. 

Trailing behind them, she was finally able to enter the apartment, heading up the rear. Turning to James and Carlos she tried to ask them what was going on, but her voice was lost as someone turned the music louder. Through the dissipating crowd, she noticed Kendall making his way over as well. 

Their concerns were the same. 

“Who invited all of these people?” The blond cried, looking like he wanted to wring his friends' necks.

James shook his head, “I don't know! I only invited the three hottest people in my phone!”

Beside him, Roxy took a shot to his shoulder. “Be respectful.”

“Ugh, fine. The second, third, and fourth hottest.”

She punched him again, slightly confused by his statement. 

“And I couldn’t decide!” Carlos said, pulling out his cell. “So I texted the first three people in my phone. Abigail Aaron, Andrea Adams, and Al Contacts.”

“Oh, my God…’” She sighed, palm hitting her forehead. That must have been why he texted her earlier.

Kendall snatched the phone out of his hands. “It says ‘All Contacts’!”

“You invited your whole phone?” Screamed James, smacking his friend upside the head. 

A new group of people burst down the door and flooded the apartment, knocking the four to the ground on their way in. 

Great. Roxy thought. Now I’m in physical and emotional pain.

As they pulled themselves off the ground, the get-together throwers watched in dismay as half of the apartment began to fill with far more guests than they had ever anticipated having. If Bitters caught wind of this, their lease was definitely going to be suspended. 

“Okay.” The frontman breathed. “This is bad. This was supposed to be a small gathering and now it’s an uncontrollable party that gets us kicked out of the Palm Woods!” 

Dusting off her jeans, the girl stood up and walked a few steps away into the kitchen. Grabbing a few cups of pop, she brought them over to her friends before downing hers. She was starting to freak out. “We’ve got to find a way to fix this. One of you yell ‘Fire’ or something to clear everyone out!”

Behind the group, someone shouted. It just wasn’t the word the writer wanted to hear.

“Opa!”

A pair entered the apartment dressed in black and red show clothes. One of them, a short, stocky man, was holding a red-haired woman over his head. They looked like circus performers, something that would make any other party lively and fun. 

Upon their arrival, Carlos squealed with glee, seemingly forgetting all about the problem at hand. “Sergei! You made it!”

The performers smiled and waved at the boy with a “Hey!” before making their way over to the dance floor. Hopefully, this was an appearance they chose to make out of the kindness of their hearts, not one the band would have to pay for.

“You have Russian Acrobats in your contact list?” 

Kendall was just as shocked as she was. 

Carlos nodded, “I’m a people person.”

His friends nodded, taking in his statement as they watched the acrobats. Sergei gracefully lifted his partner over his head and began to spin her overtop the people on the dancefloor. It appeared as though the act was an instant hit; people were going to talk about this weeks from now.

“Halfway There” played loudly through the speakers, disrupting any ideas the girl may have had to end this party.

“Okay, I’m going to find Camille.” She finally decided, trying to walk away from the situation. The guys, however, had a far different plan. Kendall caught her arm and pulled her back.

“Emergency party plan!” He hissed. “I’m gonna go get my date, who doesn’t like hockey-”

At his words, James and Carlos spit out their drinks. Roxy’s “Stop making a mess!” overlapped with Kendall’s “I know, right?”

“Anyway!” He continued, eyes quickly scanning the crowd to find Jo. “We’re going to go downstairs and keep an eye on Bitters so we don’t get our third strike while you three get rid of this party!”

There was no time for confirmation before he stocked off in search of Jo through the large crowd.

Across the way, the acrobats continued performing to the amusement of the crowd. 

“Okay bossy.” Roxy sighed, looking to the other boys to see if they had any ideas. 

“We can’t stop a party this good.” Decided James. 

“We won’t be party royalty.” Carlos nodded in agreement. “We’ll be party killers. 

Drumming her fingers over her chin, Roxy watched as the female acrobat did a little flip in the air. “Yeah, but you’ll get kicked out of your apartment. What’s more important: stable housing or being party royalty?”

The long-haired boy huffed, “Teenagers should not have to make decisions like this!” 

No conclusion yet, the trio tried to think of a way to end the party without killing it. There had to be a way for them to change locations without Bitters finding out, so going through the lobby was not in the cards. Roxy would offer her place, she had no strikes, but her small apartment wouldn’t be able to hold this amount of people. It was also possible the manager could add their strikes together since the band and their assistant were technically under one lease paid for by Gustavo. 

Their thoughts were interrupted as Logan somehow parted an entire group of people, running over to his friends in an extreme hurry. Once he reached them, he grabbed onto Carlos’ suit jacket, panting.

“I’ve got a huge problem!” He shrieked, looking over his shoulder in fear. “There are two girls at this party who are in love with me!”

Roxy feigned shock, hands flying to the side of her face. Her remark was dripping with sarcasm, “Oh no! Whatever shall we do!”

Shocked, Logan blinked in confusion at her tone before he stuck his tongue out at her.

“Got it.” James mulled his statement over, not taking into account his assistan’s words. “Now, what’s the problem?”

Taking another sip of his drink before responding, Carlos giggled, “Dude, two girls have a crush on you at the same time? This is not a problem.”

Pigs. “Just go find Camille, she’s been looking for you.” 

The singer shook his head, looking over his shoulder once more.

“This is the best party of your life.” Mused the taller boy. 

His next comment was in sync with Carlos, “Think about it!”

And think about it Logan did. He stood there for a few seconds, staring off into space before his arms raised up. He moved his torso to the left and to the right, almost like two people were pulling on each of his arms. 

“Logan!” She growled, giving his shoulder a shove. “Go. Talk. To. Camille.”

“No, no, no…” He muttered despite his trance. “I think I see what the guys mean.”

“I really don't think you do.”

Without another word, he ran off. 

I’m so sorry Camille.

“Okay, seriously, guys!” She yelled over the music, reminding them of the real problem at hand. “Think!” 

As much as her thoughts were whirling right now, coming up with a way to dispel the party wasn’t able to break through her mental block. Spying her phone, the time was now 8:30 and there was still no message from Dak. 

“Ugh,” The girl sighed, taking Carlos’ drink from his hands and taking a sip. Now it was her turn to worry about herself before solving their other problem.

“What was that for?” He cried, trying to take it back from her. 

“I’ve officially been stood up, just let me wallow.”

The boy shook his head, reaching for his cup once more. “He’s probably gotten lost. This is a big hotel!” 

Evading his grasp, she took another long, slow sip. She was very poorly trying to contain her jealousy of Jo and Camille - at least their guys were here, regardless of how weird they were being. “Yeah, sure.” 

Despite the hordes of people around them, the music blaring, and a million different conversations weaving in and out of her ears, another idea for a verse popped into her head. With a groan, she slammed her book down on the kitchen counter and began to write it out. 

I promise you I’m gonna be there,

I wanna be there,

 No matter what happens,

No matter how tragic.

Hopefully, nothing tragic had happened, but she couldn’t think of a better word to use in its place. 

Buzz buzz

Incoming call: Kendall Knight

Picking it up, she plugged one of her ears with her finger to help drown out the noise. “Hello?”

His voice was incredibly frantic, it sounded as though he had been running quite a bit. “Rox, Bitters is roaming the hall now looking for our party.”

“Which floor?”

“We led him up to four. Did you get everyone out of the apartment?”

“Um…” A quick overview of the crowd told her no one was even thinking about leaving. The dance floor was packed, snacks were running low, and the V.I.P. area was chock full of teenagers trying to get to know one another. She couldn’t find Logan, but James and Carlos were lost on the dance floor busting out a few moves they had learned from Mr. X. “We’re working on it.”

“Are you alright? You sound upset. In fact, you’ve looked upset the entire party.”

Damn him and his brilliant observation skills. “What’s that? I can’t hear you over the music! Sorry, we’re breaking up.”

She pressed the end call button and marched over to the dance floor, dragging Carlos and James out by the lapels. 

“Kendall called, Bitters is hunting us down.”

Carlos scratched his head, “What do we do?”

The boys looked at each other, thinking for a moment before they let themselves feel the music playing. Moving to the beat, they danced away from her and back onto the dance floor. 

“Thanks for your help!” She called bitterly. This was shaping up to be the evening of male disappointment.

It was up to her, as usual, to get everyone out of the apartment without letting anyone know something was wrong. There were plenty of communal locations at the hotel where a gathering of people could naturally happen. The classroom was probably locked this time of night, along with the gym and lounges on each floor. Friend’s apartments were out of the question, they would risk getting a strike as well. Maybe she could get everyone over to Rocque Records, but the transport would take too long and the studios were already at full capacity with a party.

Think, Roxy, think.

One last glance over the room caused a brilliant idea to pop into her head. The one place in the Palm Wood’s large enough to hold a natural gathering of this size. 

Pushing past everyone on the dance floor, the girl struggled to make her way to the entertainment system. While she loved that it was playing one of her songs, she regretfully turned the dial to the left, completely shutting it down. 

The dancing immediately stopped with the loss of the music, and people looked around wondering what had happened. Then came the booing. 

“Hey!” Roxy yelled from under the TV, catching everyone’s attention. “The first person to reach the pool gets a signed copy of Big Time Rush’s first demo CD!”

It was a shot in the dark, there was no way to tell if anyone would go for it. Silence washed over the room before the party guests bolted towards the apartment door. One by one, everyone trailed out until the girl was left standing by herself in the room. 

Covering the floor were piles of trash, knocked-over furniture, and a multitude of dropped snacks and cups. Something the boys would have to clean up later after thanking her over and over for saving their party. 

Kicking some garbage to the side, she skipped over to the window and raised the shutter slightly. There were already a handful of people who had made their way down there, dancing to the lazy music that always played over the hotel speakers. 

“Thank God…” She sighed, walking into the kitchen where she had left her book. Flipping it open, she re-read the words she had written throughout the night and decided to change the narrative. No longer about Dak, no longer about the pain she had been feeling, the new tone would be one of love despite adversity.

I don’t wanna watch the world keep changing,

When I’m not with you my heart keeps shaking,

Cover up my eyes and just stop pacing

Take a shot in the dark, to be where you are-

Bang!

Roxy jumped, dragging her pen clear across the page by accident. 

“Okay, Everyone out! The party’s over!” A familiar voice yelled into the empty room. 

Kendall and Jo had burst into the apartment, ready to break up the party, only to find their friend standing alone in the kitchen bent over her book.

“Hey, guys!” Roxy greeted, gesturing to the empty room. “Party saved.”

Tenderly, Kendall slung an arm of relief at his date who smiled back up at him. “I can’t believe the Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood actually got rid of the party.”

The assistant shook her head. “James and Carlos did nothing. I heard the Hollywood Super Party Empress of Hollywood was able to trick everyone into moving to the pool”

“Moving…” The boy ran outside of the apartment just as quickly as he had come in, Jo hot on his trail.

Trailing after her friends, Roxy followed them out to the pool. A myriad of colorful lights were flashing in different colors over the makeshift dance floor and partygoers were now enjoying the demo CD Roxy had promised playing through one of the boys’ speaker at the edge of the lounge area. 

Wiggling through the crowd, they were able to meet up with the self-proclaimed kings. 

“I told you to get rid of everybody!” The frontman shouted at his friends.

James shook his head, “No, you said to get everybody out of the apartment!”

It was hard to hear over the music, but she did catch Carlos saying, “And Roxy did!”

Looking around in fear, Kendall scanned the pool area to take in the large group that had now trailed in from other apartments that overlooked the area. It was only when he looked over to Jo, who was twirling Roxy around to the music, he decided to let loose. 

The group moved together to the beat, forgetting all of their troubles from the night and finally allowing themselves time to enjoy the party they had thrown. 

Eventually, Jo moved to dance with Kendall, leaving Roxy to dance by herself.

Behind her, someone cleared their throat and tapped her on the shoulder. Turning around, she found Carlos with an extended hand. 

“May I have this dance, my lady?” 

Roxy giggled a bit, shocked at his tender display of affection, before taking his hand and dancing into him, placing her arms around his neck. The song wasn’t even one that warranted a slow dance-like partner-style dance but he wrapped his arms around her waist anyway, pulling her close. 

“I’m really sorry Dak didn’t show up.” He whispered into her hair, almost intelligible over the fast pace beat surrounding them. 

She wasn’t sure how to respond as she hugged him tighter. “We wouldn’t have gotten the chance to dance if he had.”

She felt him nod before she leaned into his chest and closed her eyes, swaying with him for quite a while. Finding comfort in a friend who wasn’t concerned about romance for the time being was nice, allowing her to take her mind off her troubles as he lazily spun her around, ignoring the beat of the song. 

Checking her surroundings as she spun, she noticed a figure fly into the pool, splashing the outer edge of the party. 

“Aw, poor guy.” She said to Carlos, who had his head tipped back in laughter. 

Looking a bit closer, she noticed both Camille and Mercedes standing with their arms crossed on the other side of the water. After a few seconds, Logan’s head popped up for air.

Through his snorts of laughter once he noticed this, Carlos managed to push out, “Gonna… go… help…!” leaving her to either third wheel Jo and Kendall once more or hang out with James.

Picking the lesser of two evils, she danced over to the purple-suited boy. 

“Hey!” She called, trying to sync up with his dance moves. “Having a good time?”

“You bet!” He answered right as the music shut off. 

Collectively, the crowd groaned at the silence. Roxy spun around and peeked up on her tiptoes long enough to see her blond friends run off with a few noise-makers and the boom-box. 

When she turned back around to ask her friends what to do, James had already placed another stereo down, loaded up with the same CD the other one was playing. As it had earlier, “Halfway There” began to play and the crowd erupted. 

They really are prepared for anything…

Carlos danced his way back over to his assistant and the two began to move to the rhythm once more, screaming the lyrics to the song at each other as they lost themselves in the crowd. It almost felt like they were at a Big Time Rush concert, if they would even be lucky enough to have one someday. 

Somehow, as the night went on, Roxy had ended up on her friend’s shoulders, swaying her arms back and forth while singing “Any Kind of Guy” when she felt her phone go off in her back pocket.

Buzz buzz

She didn’t bother checking the caller ID before she picked it up. 

“Hollywood Super Party Empress of Hollywood! Party Empress speaking!”

“Roxanne?”

The assistant’s stomach dropped, causing her to involuntarily drop one of her hands down to Carlos’ hair to steady herself. “H-hello, Mr. Rocque. Is everything okay?”

His tone of voice implied a kind of urgency, with a hint of anger. “Get the boys over here now.”

“Um, no can do… Sir. We’re kind of having the greatest party of our lives right now.”

Carlos called out from beneath her, oblivious to the fact she was on the phone. “You crazy Russian acrobats!” 

It was loud enough for her boss to hear. 

“Like, super great. So I’ve got to go. See you at work tomorrow.”

For the rest of the night, Roxy and her friends focused on enjoying themselves. They had been working insanely hard for the last month and had barely any time off to just let loose and enjoy themselves. From her bird’s eye view, she noticed Kendall and Jo had rejoined the party, finally dancing with each other without fear of the hotel manager finding out about the party. Whatever they had done had put their minds at ease, allowing the assistant to relax as well. 

Camille and Logan had also managed to find each other and were dancing very intensely with one another. It seemed as though the girl was angry with him and he was regretful about something but they allowed themselves to express how they felt through dance. The writer would have to get all the details from her friends later. 

At one point, Carlos had set her down and pulled her and James to the other side of the pool. In no time, he had built a trio of thrones out of pool furniture and gathered up some loose streamers to make glittering party crowns. A group of tables held three chairs and a helping of pool noodles. 

Helping her up, the girl gingerly stepped onto the table holding their royal V.I.P. area and sat on the throne right in the middle, raising her head high while boys sat beside her, holding up two pool noodles as though they were swords. The three looked over their loyal party subjects, enjoying the guests enjoy themselves as “Famous” rang through the speakers. 

“It’s official-” James said after a while, allowing Carlos to finish his sentence.

“We’re the Hollywood Super Party Royalty of Hollywood!”

--

thanks for reading! your support is appreciated <3

[the-desilittle-bird]

Author's Note- It took me a while to write this due to some personal issues and to be true I had expected it to be better than it came out to be.

Thank you and Enjoy your reading!

The Present As It Is

Daemon Targaryen x Sister!Reader

Part 1 ☆ Part 2 ☆ Part 3

Tag list - @minaxcarter, @eliseline, @Blackhoodlea, @little-moonbeam-666, @neenieweenie, @omgsuperstarg, @avalyaaa, @shopping, @bbgmonsay, @michelle-26, @krokietinio, @hc-geralt-23, @chevelledahuman, @thekayarlene, @narcy, @helloitsshitzulover, @muushwrites, @daringboba

GIF Credits to @valkyriethais

Summary- 10 years have passed since the duel between the Rogue Prince and the Wolf Lord and things have changed.

10 YEARS HAD passed since that day when the Realm's Desire's wedding was interrupted. (Y/N) still wonders what would have happened if Cregan had won that challenge, but she is glad he didn't.

She remembered Daemon's brutal blows to the Lord of Winterfell. People had whispered how the Rogue Prince and the ancient sword of House Targaryen, Dark Sister, craved the wolf lord's blood.

(Y/N) remembered the twisting fear when she watched Daemon advance towards the fallen Stark Lord with the blood-hungry Dark Sister, a murderous look painted on his handsome face. (Y/N) had screamed to stop Daemon when he had placed the grand Valyrian steel sword right against Cregan's armored chest.

Whatever it was, it was the past and (Y/N) definitely loved her present and hoped for a good future. "Mother," chirped Alyssa, clearly wishing her mother's attention. (Y/N) and Daemon had decided to name her after their mother's name. (Y/N) hummed, caressing Alyssa's check.

"Can we go for a ride on Vaemar?" Vaemar was a name chosen for Alyssa's dragon by her. "Sure, we can, sweetheart. But before that, we need to find your brothers and sister." Alyssa nodded with a huge grin, already setting off to find her siblings. "You might want to check the training grounds!" (Y/N) exclaimed as she smiled, watching her daughter grin widely and disappear in the maze of corridors of the Red Keep.

(Y/N) followed her overly excited Alyssa towards the training grounds. Groans and grunts and clashing of swords became more and more apparent as they reached the ground filled with knights and young lordlings.

In the middle of the circle was Daemon with their 2 sons and eldest daughter, teaching them to defend themselves. "Father!" Alyssa exclaimed, sprinting towardsthe Rogue Prince. Daemon turned, grining as he spotted Alyssa approaching, closely followed by his dear wife.

"Daughter," he greeted calmly with a smile, crouching down to hug her. "How come did you decided to visit your lonely father?" He asked mockingly, placing the young princess on his hip as he stood up to his original height. "She wished to go on a ride on our dragons," (Y/N) said, ruffling Daevon's white hair.

Daemon's eyes brightened up as he looked at his youngest daughter who was 6 summers old. (Y/N) and Daemon both had been early dragon riders. While Daemon started riding Caraxes when he was 8, (Y/N) had started flying her mount, (D/N), at the age of 6.

"Can we join as well, mother?" Viseyna asked, handing her sword to a servant. "Sure, why not," (Y/N) grinned, looking at her beautiful children. "Go and change out of your armors and into your riding dresses," she urged her kids, who sprinted off with a nod.

Daemon sighed, smiling widely as (Y/N) turned to him. "It have been a while since all of us has took to the sky together." His hand snaked around (Y/N)'s waist, bringing her close. "Yes... let's go before our children come and find us," (Y/N) said, winking at Daemon who chuckled in response.

Once the family reunited at the Dragonpit, laughs and conversations bounced off the rather silent walls of the fort as they waited for their dragons to be brought. Caraxes' roar and (D/N)'s comparatively soft grunt grabbed the dragon riders' attention.

Daemon smiled, prideful of his mount, while (D/N) bowed her head to (Y/N), just like she has always done. Following the older two dragons were Vaemar, Zaerex and Jaenna; the mounts of the young dragon riders, except for Viserys, the Rogue Prince and the Realm's Desire's youngest son.

"Jikagon ahead, riñi," (Go ahead, kids) Daemon urged, making his own way to the red worm-like dragon. The young offsprings were quick to mount their own dragons, just the way they have been taught. Meanwhile, Viserys made his way to (D/N), waiting to follow his mother.

The giggling was constant until the dragons took to the skies, soaring across the swift, cool breeze. Viserys stared down at the city in awe, pressing himself to his mother, who kept one hand on (D/N)'s scale and the other around Viserys' abdomen in a secure manner.

"Look at the sea, Kepa," (Father) Daevon squealed as Zaerex descended down to kiss the surface of the shimmering sea. A ship or two, small on the horizon. "Gevie, iksis ziry daor, tresy?" (Beautiful, is it not, son?) Daemon asked, his eyes tender and filled with adoration.

Daevon nodded absent-mindedly, smiling down at the sea water. His hands, unconsciously, caressing Zaerex, something he had took in heredity from his own mother.

Alyssa and Viseyna seemed to have settled into a race of their own, trying to beat each other by doing something out of ordinary and enchanting. Alyssa's Vaemar being young and energetic could easily pull off more stunts than Viseyna's Jaenna, who was more fast due to her smaller structure.

Daemon and (Y/N) shared a knowing look. A content feeling warming their hearts. It didn't matter how much they had to struggle to live their present, but it didn't matter now. Now, that they had their sons and daughters close and them bonded in fire and blood.

Perhaps, not always does duty needs to be followed, sometimes, it has to be love.

[bratshaws]

goodness gracious 74. brb x oc

a/n: * breakdances* hell yeah my guys, hell yeah

check out the fic's playlist made by the sweet @wiipes !!

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: FLUFF GOD IM SO ASKKAJSNKAJWDN i love them

chapters:

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36/37/38/39/40/41/42/43/44

45/46/47/48/49/50/51/52/53/54/55/56/57/58/59/60/61/62/63/64

65/66/67/68/69/70/71/72/73

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!!)

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 @lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2 @emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale @leobabbyyy @kulicny @winter-run @ktjmac @graciereads

-

Beatrice’s smile never faltered when he took them to the movies, specifically the cinema where they watched Alien the first time together. They haven’t been there since their first date almost seven months ago – seven months. They really have been together for seven months!!

She was a bit surprised to see the movies that night were the Lord of the Rings trilogy and while the movies weren't as old as the usual selection she was more than happy to see it there.

As was Bradley, who once he found out they’d be screening it that night he wasted no time in bringing Beatrice. Just the way her eyes shone brightly seeing the posters on the walls was enough for him. Plus, he’s been so busy lately they haven’t been having a lot of time to go out on date nights as often - it bothered him even if Beatrice said she didn’t mind.

Beatrice looked at the three posters next to each other while Rooster got them snacks for the night, stepping closer to her smiling form, ‘You know,I was eight years old when the first movie came out.” she murmured, “Leo and Mikey went to watch it and I remember being so upset I couldn’t go and even more seeing how excited they were when they came back…I actually never saw any of the movies in a movie theater. I was under thirteen.”

“Well, you can now.” he saw her smile widen and the way she bounced a bit on the balls of her feet with excitement, turning to look over the top of her head to the rooms where the first movie would be screened, “Come on.” he offers her his hand, the other holding all the snacks he got - yes he did get a some chocolate, he’s a grown man who has absolute control of his sweet tooth - as they make their way inside.

This time there were more people than in the Alien movies, which wasn’t surprising considering how popular LOTR still is. Some were dressed like characters, he saw at least five Gandalfs and three Frodos from where he was. Beatrice was still smiling, holding his hand tightly until they found their seats. They sat down and Rooster immediately placed the popcorn between them, alongside the snacks that were way cheaper than an actual cinema. He already liked that.

While they waited, Rooster’s hand met hers across the seat, rubbing her knuckles soothingly then bringing it up to his lips to kiss the back, smiling at her. Beatrice smiles back, squeezing his hand as they waited for the movie to begin, his girlfriend’s leg bouncing anxiously, waiting for the screen to turn on almost as if she was ready to run to the projector area and turn it on. 

The second the lights turned off, one by one, the cheers that erupted from the crowd almost deafened them, but Beatrice didn’t care. She shook his hand excitedly, “It’s happening!” she squealed in a quiet voice, “I’m going to watch LOTR in a movie theater!!!” Honestly, just seeing her happy like that was more than he could ever ask for. His enamored eyes only left her smiling face when the first scene finally rolled in. He honestly was so used to reading the books - which he still hasn’t finished, not because he didn’t want to but because he knew if he started nothing else would be able to snap him out of the iron focus - that rewatching the movie after so long was interesting.

Unlike Beatrice, who was too young to watch it, he was fifteen when the first movie was available, he ended up going with some of his school friends there but he could remember only a few scenes - very vaguely too. But he had a feeling he’d be reminded of quotes and moments just because of Beatrice.

He sneaked another look her way, seeing her lips move alongside Gandalf’s monologue in his very first appearance. Her face lights up like the fireworks in the Shire, her legs still moving excitedly while she is still seated, it was like watching a young Beatrice finally be able to live her dream of watching her favorite movies the way she always wanted to. He knew the movies were long and if she wanted they could watch all of them since they got there around afternoon.

His day at work was stressful but he didn’t want to tell her about it, especially not when she looked so happy. It was just another day where something went awry and his temper flared a bit, but it was quickly resolved. Right now he could relax and forget whatever bad it was that happened, choosing to keep his eyes and senses on Bea and her thrilled energy. 

Every time a certain scene would come up, Beatrice would either mouth her lips along or she’d lean closer to him to say how it compared to the book. Beatrice’s pure giddiness over watching one of her favorite movies was so…lovely to see. He knew that the first time they came here, their very first date seemed longer than seven months ago. He never told her but he was a bit nervous, which rarely happens when it comes to going out with someone, he really just wanted to show her he genuinely liked her and wanted to be with her.

-

Rooster entered the flower shop with his hands sweating, he still had a few minutes before he showed up at Beatrice’s house to pick her up. He had never been this nervous, maybe when he was younger, but never as an adult. He scratched the side of his neck, looking around the different floral arrangements hoping to find one that really called Beatrice’s name.

He dug his hands in his pockets, looking back at the woman on the cash register who was busy helping other customers to pay attention to him. Should he even get something already made? Something in him said to find flowers that reminded him of Beatrice and ask the lady to prepare him a bouquet. He wandered around the aisles, the smell of different flowers hitting his nose at every step, still trying to find something that could represent Bea the best.

He wracked his mind trying to think: she was really sweet, every time her cheeks turned red his heart did backflips, she was beautiful yet extremely bashful about it. She was great at volleyball and she smelled like lavender. He blinks when the word appears in his mind. Lavender! That’s a great option! It reminded him of her…but he needed something else, something more. He looked around for a few more seconds, then his eyes stopped on a tiny bucket filled with fresh daisies and he smiles.

There it was. It was perfect!

It wouldn’t be a big one and he hoped she wouldn’t mind, which he had a feeling she wouldn’t, not really. He waits until the customers from before leave, then approaches the lady on the front explaining to her what he wanted. The lady, who looked to be around her early 60’s, gave him a knowing smile but nodded, telling him to wait at the counter as she gathered the flowers.

Bradley’s stomach was flipping back and forth, somersaulting almost with nerves and excitement. How long had he tried to talk to her? A long time, and she always ran away from him, he never gave up because he really, really liked her. It wasn’t the normal kind of infatuation you’d get– well, it was a crush, he was crushing hard on her for these past months so…to him, what was about to happen tonight was very special. 

He hasn’t had a crush in ages and now at the ripe age of thirty six, here he was. He looked down at his watch just to check, easing out a breath when noticing he still had quite a bit of time before going there. Bradley smiles politely back at the lady when she returns, the bouquet being done quickly before his eyes and she asks him if it was for someone special, “Yeah,” he answers, watching her quickly wrap all those flowers inside the paper, “It’s going to be our first date and I want to make a good impression.”

“Well,I think you’ll do fine. Lavenders represent devotion and calmness, while daisies represent new beginnings.” she tilts her head up when she finishes both her sentence and the bouquet, “So I have a feeling you’ll do just fine.” He laughed softly, dropping his head sheepishly, thanking her once he grabbed the flowers and paid her. He looked down at the small floral arrangement, it really looked so much smaller in his hand, being careful to not crush the stems or crinkle the paper too much.

He sets it down on the passenger seat, almost as if the bouquet is a passenger itself, making sure it wouldn’t be squashed on the drive over to Bea’s. He sucked in a breath, easing some of his nerves and trying to focus on the road instead of how much he wanted to give her a good time tonight.

The scene yesterday broke his heart. genuinely, he’d never want to see her crying like that again and he was shocked she thought he was asking her out on a date because he was feeling bad for her. He knew she had self esteem issues even from the way she acted around him and the others, but him especially, but he didn’t think it’d be…so bad. If she asked that it meant that…it happened before and God that thought was just going to make him angry.

No, they were going to have a nice night, they were going to have fun and she’s going to enjoy herself. He parks the Bronco in front of her house, looking at the lights on the second floor where her loft was, “Okay.” he rolls his neck and shoulders, grabbing the flowers and stepping out. 

He hides his arm behind his back, wondering how he could wait for her. Standing by the door was fine, but what if he leaned over? Yeah. Yeah that was a lot better. He smiled hearing her voice froming from inside after she heard him by the door, keeping himself together when the doorknob turned and she appeared in front of him.

-

Seven whole months. 

He was extremely thankful of how their relationship developed over the time they were together, especially when it came to Beatrice being comfortable around him and comfortable around her own body. It was amazing to see the growth in both of them really, both of them were more open with their thoughts and words, they talked like any healthy couple should do and they figured things out.

God he wanted to marry her.

It took him some thinking, but he was decisive about it now. Especially after talking to Mav. Their leases would turn by the end of the month, so they should try and look for places now so they could move out. Not to mention the surprise birthday party he,Evelyn and Shells were working on.

Surprisingly how the blonde didn’t open her mouth to excitedly tell others - aka Bob - about it. So far everything was going well, so all he had to do was wait for the right time. His eyes turned to her ring finger, the same one wrapped around his hand alongside its siblings, trying to check what size she would be.

She rarely used rings besides the one in her thumb, so he wondered if she had any jewelry in her place he could take a look. He didn’t want to snoop, but he also didn’t want to tell her about it yet. He just looked at her by the corner of his eye, smiling down at her elated face and then leaning back on his seat completely, deciding that he should watch the movie now.

-

“Did I tell you what my future nephew or niece will be named?.'' They left the movie theater a few minutes before midnight - absolutely starving because popcorn does not fill anyone’s stomachs like that -, had a late dinner by the same taco truck they went before and now were walking around to help with digestion. 

Rooster smiles down at her, hugging her to his side to press a kiss to the top of her head, “No, tell me.”

“Eowyn if it’s a girl or Aragorn if it’s a boy.” she says, making Bradley chuff out a soft laugh and pull his head back from her own, “I’m serious! I mean,I don’t hate it but, imagine the things this child will go through in the future!” Beatrice sighs, “At least Bibi is okay with it now, she’s even excited to be an older sister.”

“I thought she might.” Rooster adds, “It’s just something for her to get used to you know?” Beatrice agrees with a nod, holding his hand with their fingers interlaced, “When is it going to be born?”

“According to Cyn, around October.” she says,”It’s going to be so cute. I’m kinda excited to be an aunt again.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! I like kids and I like my nephews and nieces.” he knew that he could see the way she was around them, especially Bianca. “It’s…really fun.” he noticed how her voice faltered just a bit at the end of her sentence, but she kept on smiling.

Beatrice held the words ‘but it’s weird being the only one without a child besides Michael’, she never told Brad but her mother has been…very specific ever since Leo announced the second baby. The last time she visited by herself her mother offered her tea, she was very vocal about how she should take all of it before she left. 

It took one sniff to figure out what it actually was: red clover tea, a herb that’s known to help with fertility and pregnancies. She knew that because her nonna used to have some in her garden and would always prepare some tea for her siblings and months later they’d find out they were to have kids.

While she…appreciated the thought, she wished her mother wasn’t so insistent about it. Yes, she had Bradley now but she couldn’t just…do it…without talking to him. A lot was going to happen before that, a whole lot so she gently cut her mother off and tossed the tea down the drain when her mother got busy enough.

“Michael doesn’t have kids does he?” Rooster asks when they pause their walking to watch the sea in the distance, the waves larger and louder because of the full moon, “I always saw him alone.”

“Oh, no, Michael is the ‘cool bachelor uncle’.” she air quotes with a shake of her head, “He just…well…he’s never had an actual long relationship. He also likes the single life a lot more. He prefers it, really. He’s always the one that helps the kids with stuff like…first dates, first…I don’t know, first time drinking, first time driving. He likes to be part of that.”

Michael was always the wildest of them all, thinking of him settling down…with anyone was a bit hard to imagine. Not because he couldn’t be loving, but because she didn’t think whoever his partner was would be able to handle her older brother’s caffeine induced personality most of the time. They always joked that Michael was Mambo Number 5 if the song was a person.

Which does make sense in a way.

“I think a girl tried telling him he was the father of her kid.” Beatrice explains, “I don’t know,I was really young when it happened and, you know, he was going to step up to it and be a dad but then eventually it was found out that he wasn’t the father and he got…really upset. I think he just gave up after that.”

“Honestly from what I’ve seen of Michael he doesn’t seem too bummed about it.”

Beatrice smiles softly, crossing her arms below her bust with her eyes still on the waves, “Oh he’s not, I think he’s gotten used to it now. He even told my parents to not expect grandchildren from him.” she laughs gently, but her cheeks redden at what the words suddenly implicated and hoped that Rooster wouldn’t get it.

But he just takes in the information in silence, if he noticed something within it he doesn’t say it, instead he looks down at her with a smile, “At least they have everyone else instead huh?” he says and Beatrice nods, facing the ocean alongside him. Beatrice then sighs, tucking strands of her behind her ears as she feels the wind pick up around them.

He took that as his cue for them to go back to the car before it got worse, placing his hand on the small of her back and shielding her from the harsher gusts of wind until they got back inside the Bronco.

-

Rooster spent the night over, since he didn’t think it’d be wise for him to just go all the way back to his apartment just to sleep when he could enjoy the lovely company of no one other but his girlfriend. Plus some of his things were already there, so why not? He did wake up very early, earlier than he normally did whenever he spent time there and his body was a bit confused by what was happening.

Beatrice however surprised him, because she was up before he was, sitting on the kitchen chair with Jolene lying by her feet, waiting for the coffee maker to be done. He runs his hand over his face so he’d wake up, leaning against the doorframe to watch Beatrice since she hadn’t noticed him yet, her own eyes blinking hard to keep herself awake. He smirks, pushing himself from the door to step into the kitchen, the sound of his footsteps finally making the brunette snap her eyes in his direction, “Oh, hey.”

‘Hey,” he grins, leaning down to kiss her temple, “What are you doing up? You know I have to wake up really early during the week.” she hums, leaning into his kiss with the same sleepy look on her face, watching him open the cabinets to grab their mugs from inside.

“Just wanted to be here with you.” she says quietly, almost slurred, leaning on her hand to support her head up, thanking him when he places the Ponyo mug in front of her, “Thought…” she yawns mid-sentence” Thought I better get used to it.”

Because they were going to move in really soon, god she was so sweet, “Baby, you don’t have to. I know how much your sleep means to you and you need your rest.” but he did appreciate her being with him, he really did. “Do you want me to make you breakfast then? I can whip something really quick.”

“No, no it’s fine.” she inhales, rubbing her face with both hands, tapping her cheeks to wake up fully, then blinking her eyes open, “I can do something, what do you usually take before going to work?”

Bradley thinks about it, following her hips’ sway as she walks to the fridge, tilting his head to the side to have a better look of her behind, “Honestly, considering the time now…I’d probably have scrambled eggs and coffee.”

“No bacon?” she questions, already grabbing a few eggs with her body leaning back from the fridge “Okay,I can do that.” 

“You don’t have to, baby.”

“It’s okay!” she tells him, gently placing the eggs inside a blue porcelain bowl, “I don’t mind it, really.”

“Okay…only if you promise to go back to sleep after I leave.”

“Oh, I don’t even have to promise that.”

Both of them laugh at the joke, with Rooster leaning on his hand now, watching Beatrice prepare him scrambled eggs with a smile on her face. This would be routine for them, she was right, and he too had to get used to it, ‘So,” he begins, “Maybe this week we can look at some places.” she keeps on moving the fork rapidly inside the bowl to mix the eggs, but looks over her shoulder to where he was seated, “You know? And get some things  settled.”

Beatrice smiles, pouring the eggs inside the heated pan, “I’d like that…considering the time we’d have to do it too.” she was very excited, she couldn’t believe it, her stomach was flipping with happy nerves and the pure joy of living together with Rooster. With the man she loved! It’d be a completely new experience for both, but since they already talked about the basics - finances and whatnot - this would be really fun.

She places the scrambled eggs on a plate, sliding it over to Rooster and kissing his temple, “I’m going to get your coffee.” she whispers on his hair, kissing his forehead and then stepping back to fill his mug. Bradley could only smile with his heart filled with so much love for this woman he didn’t know what else to do, besides,well, anxiously waiting for the moving day to come.

He’d have to tell Mav, he figured that keeping that secret from him wouldn’t be wise especially considering they’d need help moving everything to the new place, and his godfather would never forgive him if he found that out by anyone that wasn’t him. So, that was going to be the plan for that day, talk to Mav about the move in with Bea and hopefully Pete wouldn’t cry when he finds out about it.

Beatrice joins him for the rest of breakfast, choosing to not eat anything yet since she felt she’d just fall asleep soon after she was done, she just sat with him and they chatted about everything they should do until the fateful day…and Beatrice casually said something about celebrating her birthday, loving if they could do to the karaoke bar she and the girls went when he was deployed last time.

He was mentally cheering that she said that, because it was one of the options he thought about and now he could talk to Evelyn and they could organize this easily without hiccups. He noticed that over time Beatrice’s words slowly got quieter and quieter, with her eyes fighting to keep awake and her hand turning more into a pillow and something to support her head up.

He finishes his breakfast in silence, seeing that Beatrice was now fully asleep while on the kitchen table and smiles to himself, gently placing the plate in the sink so it wouldn’t make any noise and then picking a snoozing Beatrice out of the chair in bridal style, tsking twice so Jolene would follow him.

Rooster carefully places Beatrice back on the bed, tucking her with the bed sheets and leaning down to kiss her cheek, “Sleep well gorgeous.” he whispers, “I’ll see you later.” he looks back down at Jolene who was now seated by the end of the bed, “Keep and eye on her, Jojo.” he playfully pets the pitbull’s head, before disappearing into the bathroom to change and get ready for work.

[niqhtlord01]

Brace yourself folks because you’re about to get bitch slapped from the past by yet another round of Rooster Teeth Championship!

We’ve seen plenty of violence here on this show. Old men beating up kids, kids beating up old men, god like beings ducking it out with sentient scarecrows, and even a monkey boy fighting a literal murder cloud of technology; so we’ve had to wrack our brains on how to find the step up from that.

So like any other popular franchise we used the most powerful cheese tool of all, time travel.

That’s right fans, we’re about to see the smack down between season 1 RWBY characters and their mentally scared counter parts from season 8.

So sit back, grab a snack, and enjoy the fragility of innocence be destroyed before your very eyes.

 Ruby 1: *Twirls scythe as walking in* Ruby 8: Don’t be afraid, I’m from the future. Ruby 1: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Does anything exciting happen? Ruby 8: *Twirls scythe* Ahhhhhhhh……..yes? ------------------------------------- Yang 8: *Rides in on motorcycle and leaps off* Yang 1: So if you are from the future, can you tell me how I get the robot arm? Yang 8: Fist fight with your lovers ex. Yang 1: *Cocks shotgun wrists* Nice. ------------------------------------- Weiss 8: *Bounces off several glyphs before landing* Weiss 1: Why should I believe that you are from the future? Weiss 8: I can tell you what skin treatment makes you stop looking as white as snow. Weiss 1: *Spins cartridges in sword* Alright, I immediately believe you. ------------------------------------- Blake 1: *Swings in on rope* Blake 8: You’re going to want to start trusting your friends a lot sooner than you think you should. Blake 1: Oh, and why’s that? Blake 8: *Splits sword in two* Because I know when he is going to catch up to you, and it won’t be pretty. ------------------------------------- Ozpin: *Walks in with cane* Oscar: Well this is awkward. Ozpin: You get used to it after a few centuries. Oscar: *Extends cane* That does not make me feel any better. ------------------------------------- Cinder 1: *Walks through flames* Cinder 8: Oh what power you shall have in the years to come. Cinder 1: Or I can take yours and have it now. Cinder 8: *Moves cloak to reveal grimm arm* You can try, but know all power comes with a cost. ------------------------------------- Mercury 8: *Kicks air rapidly before doing roundhouse* Mercury 1: All I want to know is if Cinder ever grows up and stops her evil scheming. Mercury 8: No to both and she loses an arm and an eye as a result. Mercury 1: *Kicks air* Ha! Priceless. ------------------------------------- Yang 8: *Rides in on motorcycle and flips off* Yang 1: Do we get to fight anything cool? Yang 8: Do you me the mountain sized giant robot, or the mountain sized grimm? Yang 1: *Cocks shotgun wrists* Be still my beating heart. ------------------------------------- Emerald 1: *Walks in twirling guns* Emerald 8: You need to get as far away from Cinder as you can. Emerald 1: I would never do that to her! Emerald 8: *Draws guns* She’ll never return what you feel. ------------------------------------ Jaune 8: *Walks in turning sword and shield into claymore* Jaune 1: That’s so cool! Jaune 8: I know right? Jaune 1: *Draws sword from shield* I can’t wait to tell Pyrrha about it. ------------------------------------ Blake 8: *Swings in* Blake 1: Will we ever be free from him? Blake 8: In the end he gets everything that is coming to him. Blake 1: *Splits sword* The universe has small mercies after all. ------------------------------------ Ren 1: *Flips into the ring* Ren 8: Those you follow will betray you in the end. Ren 1: I refuse to believe in such predictions. Ren 8: *Takes combat stance* Then let the dead be payment for your ignorance. --------------------------------- Nora 8: *Smashes through wall* Nora 1: Everyone keeps sounding off how the future is all doom and gloom lately. Nora 8: Well, I did finally hook up with Ren. Nora 1: *Pulls out hammer* Tell me everything! ----------------------------------- Weiss 8: *Leaps off glyphs and lands* Weiss 1: How dare you interrupt my lunch! Wait until my father hears about this! Weiss 8: Was I really so nagging? Weiss 1: *Angrily spins cartridges in sword* What did you say?! ----------------------------------- Glynda 8: *Walks in and snaps riding crop* Glynda 1: I take it you nurtured the students into becoming fine huntsmen and huntresses. Glynda 8: After the school fell and Ozpin died I honestly stopped caring about anything, let alone being a good teacher. Glynda 1: *Snaps riding crop* Would you care to repeat that? I feel like you skipped some important elaboration. ----------------------------------- Penny 8: *Lands after rocket boots shut off* Penny 1: I bet you have wonderful stories to tell! Penny 8: Well first I made a bunch of friends, then died, then was brought back to Atlas to be repaired, became a real girl, but then died again shortly thereafter.   Penny 1: *Blades extend from back* Oh. My. Gosh……I make friends!!! --------------------------------------- Ruby 8: *Walks in twirling scythe* Ruby 1: I’m scared that I’m not ready for what’s ahead. Ruby 8: There will be hard times ahead, and you will lose people you care about; but those around you put their faith in you and with that nothing is impossible. Ruby 1: *Twirls scythe* Huh, never really saw myself as the leading type.

[miekasa]

your dad!levi headcanons made my day. would you happen to have any thoughts about dad!eren?🥺

Unfortunately... I do 🤒🤒 he’d be such a determined but fun dad, like I don’t think he'd be completely lax, but he's not an authoritarian either, but he definitely butts heads with his kids when they get a little older and more rambunctious, and you gotta remind him to be patient with them because... because they're exactly how he was when he was 8 😭😭

He was stupid excited when he found out you were gonna have kids. Like, way more excited than you thought he’d be; you’ve maybe mentioned kids in passing or casually, and he was never negative about the prospect of them, but he had never shown this level of excitement before.

He gets even more excited when you find out you’re having twins. And then reality hits him that you’re having twins. That means two of them. At the same time. Yeah, he might have been excited about one, but two... the whole dad thing really kicks in right there. 

He has this period of time where he’s definitely still supporting you and being positive throughout your pregnancy, but then he’ll lay awake at night scared shitless of the fact that he’s gotta raise two kids. He starts freaking out so bad, Mikasa has to slap some sense into him. 

He’s losing it one night at her place, completely having a downward spiral of doubt and anxiety, going off about what ifs and how maybe you’d be better with someone else being a dad to them and Mika literally slaps him to shut him up. “You are going to be a dad to those kids, and you’re gonna be a good one, too, Eren. Nobody’s saying you won’t fuck up, but you’ll have help along the way.” 

He feels better after that (his cheek hurts like hell for two days tho), and the reassurance from Mikasa and you really does help, and he’s back on track to bouncing off the walls about having kids. 

Obsessed with the concept of baby clothes (“Babe, are they really gonna be this tiny??”), but he doesn’t understand the sizing of them. Is there really that big of a difference between four month olds and ten month olds?? He hasn’t grown that much in six months, why would they?? 

Don’t even get him started on baby shoes, he thinks those are completely ridiculous: “Their toes are gonna be the size of my pupils, why would we put shoes on them?? That’s dumb, we’ll just get those fuzzy socks to keep em warm when they’re cold, I don’t wanna squash their growing toes.” 

He cries when he holds them for the first time, because, they are, predictably, tiny. Tinier that he ever could have thought imaginable; he can hold is son and his daughter with one hand each and it’s an incredibly tender and heartwarming and humbling thing to him. 

He literally cried more than you throughout the whole delivery, too. He was a complete emotional wreck; happy and jittery one moment, anxious and nervous the next, crying no matter what, and yeah, he might have passed out once or twice, but don’t mention it. 

Gives the twins a “house tour” when you take them home from the hospital, narrating it every bit of the way. He holds them both to his chest, slowly parading around your house like, “And this is the kitchen, and this is the fridge where we keep your baby mush. It tastes bad, I tried it, but hopefully you’ll like it.” 

Your daughter looks like you, but also like Carla; and your son has damn near all of Eren’s features, and they both got his green eyes (lucky them). Eren is obsessed, and loves playing peek-a-boo with them. 

When his paternity leave is up, he figured he’d go back to work first and leave you at home with the kids to give you more time to rest and let your body have more time to adjust after giving birth. Half-way through his first day back, he calls out early under the pretenses of being sick because he misses you guys that much. 

He calls out sick for the remainder of the week too, and finally by Friday he sits down with you and is like, “I know we said I would go back to work first but I don’t think I can do it, babe. I wanna stay and hang out with them all day before they’re too big and have to go to school.”

And that, is essentially, how Eren comes to the conclusion that he wants to be a stay at home dad. It doesn’t surprise you, or anyone really, it was only a surprise to himself; but it was a surprise to him that nobody else was surprised. 

“What do you guys mean you ‘saw this coming?’” he questions you, Mikasa, and Armin sporadically, “I could have gone back to work if I wanted to!!” To which, you look around at his friends, before Armin finally speaks up, a slight roll to his eyes, “Eren, you can hardly leave them with me or Mikasa for two hours. How did you expect to make it through the work day.”

When they get a bit older, he’s the champ of playing games with them. Acts out the most dramatic “deaths” when he gets shot by a Nerf gun, becomes the most convincing doctor when playing fake hospital, and has learned a pretty damn impressive Mickey Mouse impression to entertain them. 

It’s your daughter that turns out to get most of Eren’s... determined personality. She might only be three years old, but she can argue with him as if she graduated from law school, and swears he never wins with her. How could he; it’s like arguing with himself, please they both stomp away and have to cool down after. 

They make up pretty quick tho, because Eren hates it when they’re mad in general, much less mad at him or you; and he sulks to you, borderline whining about how he doesn’t want her to hate him. You reassure him that she does not hate him, she’s just... feisty like he is. 

It’s her twin brother that consoles and calms her down, because he’s the more tame of the two. By the time Eren’s knocking on the door to their room to talk it out and apologize, she’s already knocked out, leaning up against her brother as they both take a nap. (It’s a sight that could bring him to tears, and he slowly closes the door and goes to cuddle up to you, while he waits for them to finish napping). 

He absolutely loves to lift them up, and even has they get bigger, he insists they’ll never be too big for him to hold them. Both he and the twins get a kick out of having them hang off his arms while he spins around in a circle like a little human sprinkler. 

Family picnics and/or beach days happen often, and more often than not, it ends up with Eren and the kids coercing (see: pulling) you to the water or to play with them.

By the end of the day, Eren’s laying on the blanket lazily eating a sandwich hich you’d packed earlier, with his son sat criss-cross on his stomach. He teases him by airplaining the sandwich near his mouth, only to take a bite of it himself after, because he adores the betrayed exclaimation of “Daddy! No fair!” Eren’s always sure to give him a bite for real after, and a little kiss on the head to make up for it. 

Your daughter sits in your lap, half-asleep, even tho moments before she was oh-so determined to play volleyball against her dad again (“And I’m gonna win, mommy, watch! Daddy’s tall, but I can win!”)

He lets them draw/color/paint on his back. He’ll just lay down on a blanket in the living room and let them go to town. Face painting, too, though that’s for when they’re a bit older; he learns the hard way that a two year old can have pretty rough hands. 

The complete and utter disappointment and betrayal in his eyes when he hears your son proclaim that he thinks Jean is “cool.” Eren has to take a lap, he can’t believe his own kin would say some shit like that. 

Your daughter loves Mikasa, thinks she’s the absolute best person in the world, and always asks if she can be the one to babysit. They both like Armin, too, but Armin’s gotta stay away from your son for a bit because for whatever reason, his blonde hair is very amusing to him, and the kid’s got a pretty strong grip. (“Stop bullying your Uncle Armin, it’s not his fault he’s blonde.”)

You often catch him doing push ups with either one or both of them on his back, and the kids fucking love it. They’re cheering him on, counting completely out of order about the amount of push-ups he’s done, and clapping every time he comes up again. It becomes his favorite workout. 

He swears they’re his best friends and his favorite people in the entire world. He does everything with them: getting the oil changed in his car, going to the store, picking up the mail. He just loves being around them and swears he’s gonna be the best dad for them. 

[tobesolonely]

it’s not christmas ‘til you come home

a/n: hello!! please enjoy this piece from my dad!harry universe! (u dont have to read any of them for it to make sense, but it would be cool if u did! loosely based on it’s not christmas ‘til you come home by norah jones <3 hope you enjoy! thank u to @harryysstyless​ for beta reading for me!! happy holidays everyone :)

warnings: SMUT, a bit of angst <3 word count: ~5.1k 

my ko-fi! thank you :)

December 23rd, 2:00 PM

For as long as you and Harry have been in a relationship, you’ve never not spent a Christmas together. 

Before expanding your family, you and he used to hop from party to party every Christmas Eve. Both of you would be absolutely trashed by the time Harry’s driver would drop you off at his house in the early hours of the morning. You’d sleep in until approximately noon, willing your hangovers to go away before finally making it down the stairs and into the kitchen to prepare two steaming cups of coffee. The two of you would then make your way into the living room and exchange gifts (where Harry always went way over the budget you’d set). 

Once you had your first child, Allison, your yearly tradition of party hopping and getting so drunk you could hardly put one foot in front of the other was no more. Instead, you and Harry opted for calm nights in, watching Christmas movies and drinking hot cocoa until she eventually grew tired and got carried up to bed. You would wait an hour or so before springing into action, playing Santa and setting out all of the gifts she asked for and then some. Harry never forgot to take a big bite out of the cookie and carrot left out for Santa and his reindeer.

This tradition stayed the same once your second baby, Oliver, was born. Even though he was too young to know what was going on, Harry was still excited to spoil him rotten this year as it was his first Christmas. However, given the current state of the world, you were afraid Harry would not be here for the first time ever.

“Mumma, when’s daddy coming home?” your six-year-old, Ally, asked for what had to be the seventh time that afternoon. “I made him a drawing for his gift ‘nd I can’t wait for him to see it!”

“Let me see what you drew for Daddy, love bug,” you say cheerily, purposefully glossing over her question. Ally proudly holds her drawing up next to her face. She looks up at you with wide eyes, awaiting a compliment from you. 

“That’s gorgeous, bug! Daddy’s gonna love it,” you inform her. “Maybe you can stick a lil’ bow on it and set it under the tree for him, hmm?” 

“Good idea, Mumma!” Ally runs to the box where you kept all the supplies for gift wrapping, digging around for a pink bow to stick on the corner of her drawing.

While she’s preoccupied with finding the perfect bow to place on her drawing for Harry, you take a quick glance at your phone. He still hadn’t gotten back to you since last night’s quick conversation when he very briefly mentioned he didn’t know if he’d be able to make it home.

He was filming in Los Angeles. You shared your uncertainties about him going before he departed but in the end, this was an opportunity you didn’t want him to miss out on. You read the Los Angeles Times free articles on your phone daily, keeping track of the state of the pandemic in Southern California. You knew it was much worse there than it was at home in London. You feared what you were afraid of was sadly bound to happen— Harry may get stuck in LA.

You didn’t want to say anything to your curious daughter because communication with him had been so sparse. You didn’t know anything for certain yet. But what were you supposed to think? You knew flying nationally wasn’t a good idea at the moment, never mind internationally.

“Hey bug, d’ya think you can watch your brother for a moment? Mumma’s gotta go make a phone call.” 

You hear your daughter let out a slightly irritated sigh. “I suppose I can, Mumma.” Ally responds with a voice laced with exasperation. You chuckle slightly under your breath at your overly dramatic (much like her dad) six-year-old and head into the kitchen, quickly dialing your husband’s familiar number.

“Hello?” 

You let out a sigh of relief upon hearing Harry’s low, hoarse voice. 

“Hi, honey. Just checkin’ in to see how things are going…” you hear shuffling on his end. “It’s December 23rd, you know.”

“I know, love.”

“Did I wake you?”

“Six in tha’ mornin’ here.”

“I’m sorry, H. S’just Allison keeps on askin’ when you’ll be home and ‘m just so worried you won’t make it home on time and you’ll miss Oliver’s first Christmas—“

“Darling,” Harry interrupts your anxiety-fueled ramble. “‘M gonna make it home. Have I ever not been there when I said I would?” 

“No,” you say quietly. “I’m just worried, Harry. I hear traveling is going to get very strict because they’re trying to prevent people from going anywhere for Christmas…”

“Fine, then I’ll get my own plane with jus’ me and a pilot. Wear a mask the entire time and whatnot. Yanno I can make that happen if it’s necessary, pet.” 

Harry’s calm demeanor about the whole situation brings you a bit of peace. Perhaps you were catastrophizing something that wasn’t as big of a deal as you thought it was a mere two minutes ago. If he wasn’t worried about not making it home, you didn’t see any reason to stress about it— not for one second longer.

“Okay then,” you reply, still a bit wary of his travel plans. “What shall I tell your daughter? She’s drivin’ me up the walls asking where you are every twenty minutes.”

Your husband lets out a breathy laugh, causing you to giggle along with him. “Tell her not to eat up all the Christmas cookies before I get a taste of one.”

December 24th, 8:45 AM

Part of you was hoping you’d wake up on Christmas Eve and Harry would be tucked into bed next to you, plump lips parted, the sound of his snores the only noise in the room. However, you were a rational woman, if nothing else. You knew he wouldn’t be by your side when you woke up. 

You make your way down the hall and peek inside your son’s room. He was fast asleep, plump thumb in his mouth. You smile at your sleeping baby and gently close the door behind you, deciding to let him sleep in a bit longer before waking him up to feed him. 

Next, you walk to your daughter's room, gently pushing open the door in case she was still sleeping. Instead, you find her sat at her desk, deeply focused on what appeared to be another drawing. 

“Good morning, lovebug,” you greet your daughter in a sing-songy voice. “You’re up early. What are you working on?”

“Makin’ a letter for Santa,” she replies, not bothering to look up from what she was doing. 

“A letter for Santa?” You start racking your brain for anything you and Harry could’ve possibly forgotten to get for Ally, but you finished your Christmas shopping for your children way back in November.

“Yes,” she answers matter-of-factly. “‘M askin’ him to make sure my Daddy is home by tonight so we can eat cookies together and watch Toy Story, Mumma.” 

“I’m sure Santa will make that happen for you,” you reassure her. “You’ve been a very good girl this year, been so helpful with Olly and doin’ so well in school. The least Santa can do is get you whatever you want.” You see her smile as she digs around in her crayon box.

“Can we wait ‘til Daddy gets home to make Santa’s cookies, Mumma?”

“Sure we can, bug,” Ally claps her hands together excitedly, bouncing around in her tiny chair. “Gonna go make some pancakes, does that sound yummy?”

“Can we have chocolate chip pancakes please?”

“Are you askin’ me that because your dad isn’t here to throw a fit about it?” You give her a knowing smile, causing her to giggle.

“Maaaaybe…” Your daughter turns to face you, swinging her legs back and forth.

“If I make your chocolate chip pancakes, you can’t tell your dad. Deal?” You hold up your pinky. Ally gets up and runs to you and you bend down slightly so she can link her finger with yours.

“I pinky promise, Mumma!”

“Our little secret, yeah?” she nods. “Keep an ear out for your brother for me, bug. I’ll be downstairs.”

December 24th, 3:00 PM

“Love? ‘M afraid I got some bad news...”

As soon as Harry’s voice comes through on the other line, you can tell whatever news he’s about to share with you won’t be what you’re wanting to hear.

“What is it?”

It’s silent for what feels like entirely too long. You get up from your position on the couch next to Ally, telling her you’ll be right back. After breakfast, she convinced you to watch Toy Story with her, which quickly turned into a whole Disney movie marathon.

“Not so sure I’ll be able to make it home.”

You’re not sure if it’s his calm tone that bothers you, the fact that you didn’t want him to go to Los Angeles in the first place, or simply the fact that you and your children missed him terribly and haven’t seen him in nearly a month–– but your mood changes from relaxed to undeniably outraged in three seconds flat.

“You’re kidding.” Your tone is sharp, venomous. Harry once again takes a moment before responding, knowing that the current tone of your voice means he’d best proceed with caution.

“‘M not, love. I woke up early and everything to try and get this sorted out, it’s 7 AM so I was gonna try and catch an early flight––”

“I told you I didn’t want you going to LA,” you cut him off, voice rising slightly. “You knew how bad the pandemic was getting there. I told you this would happen.”

“What do you suppose I do then, Y/N?” His tone is becoming equally as sharp. “Y’want me to tell ‘em, “Sorry, I don’t give a fuck about the travel restrictions. My wife wants me home so let's make it happen!” ‘S that what you want me to do?”

“Don’t be a smartass, Harry,” you spit. “I’ll give the phone to your daughter and you can tell her you won’t be home in time for Christmas, then.”

“Y/N…” his tone is calm again. Fearful. “Don’t make me do that.”

“She woke up early to write a letter to Santa to tell him she wants you home by tonight, Harry,” your tone softens as well. “Even Olly has been asking for you. Swear his new favorite word is ‘dada’.” He laughs at this as do you, and the shared tension that was present just minutes ago dissipates. 

“Just… lemme try a few more things before I tell her, yeah?”

“Harry, it’s already three here,” you gently remind him. “Even if you do make it home today, she’ll be asleep by the time you’re home. I think you just need to tell her.”

Your husband sighs, knowing you were undeniably correct. “Alright. Give Allison the phone, please.”

December 24th, 8 PM

“Almost time for you to head to bed soon, yeah Allybug?” Your daughter lets out a loud sigh in response, not shifting her gaze from the television to you. Ever since Harry told her he wouldn’t be home in time to eat cookies with her, she’s hardly said a word. She’s never experienced a Christmas Eve without her father so understandably, she was missing him tonight.

You shift Olly, who was falling asleep nursing on your lap, into a different position so you could face your daughter directly. From your new position, you can see just how tired she looks. 

“‘M not sleepy, Mumma. Gonna stay up and wait for Daddy,” she informs you of her new plans. “When Daddy is home that’s when it’s time for bed.”

“Ally, remember what Daddy told you on the phone earlier? Santa won’t come unless you go to sleep.”

“I don’t wanna sleep,” she’s quickly starting to grow upset. “Not until Daddy tucks me in!”

You purse your lips, not wanting to argue with your headstrong daughter when your son was so close to drifting off into his nightly milk coma. Turning your attention back to the movie that was quietly playing on the television, you decide to drop it for now and try again later.

December 24th, 9:05 PM

Not more than an hour later, Olly is upstairs in his crib fast asleep whilst Ally is still laying on the floor in front of the Christmas tree, fighting sleep. She was determined to stay up until her father walked through the front door, and you knew getting her to agree to go to bed was going to be a battle and a half.

“You’re not ready to go to bed yet, Ally?” Her eyes fly open once she hears you addressing her.

“Not yet, Mumma. ‘M not sleepy yet.” Her words are a little slurred due to the exhausted state she was in. You hum in response.

“Could’ve sworn your eyes just shut for a minute there,” you pause for a second to see if she’ll look your way. “Must’ve just been my old lady eyes playin’ tricks on me, y’think?”

“I wasn’t sleeping!” She immediately defends herself, frown lines indenting her forehead. “Can we drink more hot chocolate?”

You knew if you wanted your daughter to fall asleep within the hour, another sugar rush wasn’t the best idea. You instead offer her a hot cup of sleepytime tea and she excitedly agrees once you tell her it’s her father’s favorite type of tea to drink at bedtime. You place her down on the kitchen counter while you fill the kettle and wait for it to whistle.

“What are you looking forward to the most from Santa, bug?” 

Her eyes light up at your question. “Well, I really want a new bike! ‘Member Mumma? How I asked him for a pink bike? And I also want a cool swing set! Since we haven’t been able to go to the park in so long,” her smile falters and she looks down at her dangling feet. “I want Daddy to come home the mostest, though.”

Your heart feels like it’s going to break in two upon hearing your daughter admit that Harry being home would be the greatest gift of all. “So do I, lovebug. He’ll be here in the mornin’ to watch you and your brother open all the gifts Santa got you though, don’t you worry.”

For everyone’s sake, you hoped that was true.

December 24th, 11:50 PM

Sleep wasn’t coming easy. 

You finally got your daughter to bed at around ten o’clock and waited thirty minutes before laying out your children’s gifts. It took much longer than it usually did considering you had to do it all on your own. Harry was usually the one to quickly assemble the larger toys while you laid everything out around the living room. 

Despite it taking longer than desired, you were proud that you got it all done without waking your children up. Consequently, that meant you were now left all alone with your thoughts considering you had no more tasks to occupy yourself with. 

You kept contemplating calling Harry, but you weren’t sure if he was busy on set or not. Surely he was immersing himself in work to distract himself from the fact he would not be spending Christmas with his family. 

Deciding you may need a cup of the sleepytime tea you offered Allison earlier, you quietly get out of bed and open your door, sock-clad feet padding softly against the wooden floors. It’s unnervingly silent in your home–– the tea kettle coming to a boil being the only source of noise. You keep unlocking and re-locking your phone, finally deciding to call your husband to see how he’s spending his day. It goes to automatic voicemail.

You assume the reason for this must be that he’s busy filming on set and set your phone down with a sigh, standing on your tiptoes to retrieve a mug from the cabinet. You mutter a slew of curse words under your breath intended for Harry who always puts the mugs up far too high even though you tell him not to.

Right as you begin pouring the now boiling water into your teacup, the faint jingling of your front door causes you to startle so badly that you nearly drop the kettle on the ground. You try to think back to everything Harry ever told you to do in the event of an intruder but your mind goes blank from fright. Deciding to use the scalding water as your weapon, you slowly creep towards the door, your only plan being to fling the water on whoever it was as soon as they got the door open. As soon as you hear the lock click, you flick the lid open that covers the spout and draw your arm back.

“Shit––”

“Harry?”

Your husband jumps slightly, his eyes blinking rapidly in an effort to adjust to the dark living room. You reach beside him and quickly turn on the light, shakily letting out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. He looks exhausted, his hair is an absolute mess, and his eyes are red from sleep deprivation–– but he’s home. You set the tea kettle down on the coffee table and fling yourself into his arms, breathing in the scent of the man you haven’t seen in a month. He drops his bags at his feet so he can properly embrace you, pulling you into him.

“Merry Christmas, darling,” he presses a kiss to the top of your head and stays like that for a moment saying nothing, just breathing you in. “Missed ya so fuckin’ much.

“How? I thought…” you trail off. “You said that they said…”

Harry laughs quietly. “Remember what I told ya? I said to ‘em, ‘Don’t give a fuck about your travel restrictions! M’wife wants me home.’” You laugh at him, knowing he was far too kind to talk to anyone that way. 

“Yeah, okay,” you reply sarcastically. You pull him in for another hug, placing wet kisses along his jawline. “I’m so happy you’re home. The kids are gonna be over the moon, especially Allison.” Harry hums, surveying the room.

“Looks like you did a good job in here, Mrs. Claus. See ya even assembled some toys all by yourself,” he quirks an eyebrow. “Were you jus’ pretendin’ not to know how to do it all these years so I’d be stuck with all the hard labor?”

“Maybe.”

He pulls you back into him, tickling your sides. “My sneaky girl,” he bends down so his lips are level with your neck and sucks gently, causing you to let out a quiet moan. You see his eyes land on the tea kettle that was sitting forgotten on the coffee table. “Making a cuppa? Can I have one? ‘M freezin’.”

“I can think of something else we can do to get you warmed up,” you reach for his hands, interlocking his fingers with yours. “If you know what I’m gettin’ at.”

“Hmm…” Harry releases one of his hands from your grip and taps at his chin, pretending to be deep in thought. “Not too sure I can say I know what you’re sayin’. Maybe you should just tell me?”

You frown. “You’re really gonna make me say it, huh?”

“Y’know I’d give you the entire world if you asked me for it. All you gotta do is tell me what you want from me and it’s yours–– ‘m sure you’ve known that since the first day we met, though.” Harry takes a step back, crossing his arms across his chest. Even in his thick winter coat, you can see the way his biceps flex, and it makes you even more feral for him.

“Fine,” you say quietly, feeling yourself start to grow shy under his intense gaze. “I’m kinda... in the mood.” You say it so softly that it would most likely be inaudible to Harry if he wasn’t standing mere inches away from you. Harry throws his head back in laughter and you quickly shush him, not wanting any of your children to wake up.

“In the mood? C’mon, pet,” he uncrosses his arms and reaches for one of your hands. “Tha’s not tellin’ me what you want from me. Tell me exactly what you want, lovie.”

“You know what I want, H,” you tell him with a hint of annoyance in your voice. “It’s been a month. Yanno I want you to fuck me, why are you makin’ me say it?”

Harry gives you a shit-eating grin. “You jus’ said it. I didn’t make you say anything.”

You roll your eyes at his immaturity, already in the process of lifting your nightshirt (one of his old t-shirts that’s become just a little too tight on him) over your head. “Are we gonna get to it or not? Because if not, I’ll just go back to makin’ myself some tea and call it a night––”

Harry takes half a step towards you and reaches up to cup your face, colliding his lips with yours. His lips are a little chapped and taste of his favorite rose lip balm. You feel your body relaxing into the kiss, knees going weak as he walks you back onto the couch.

“You’ve been eatin’ up all the sugar cookies, haven’t you? Can taste it on ya. Thought those were for Santa,” he’s pulled away from you to examine your face. “A bit naughty of you, wouldn’t ya say?”

“Please stop referring to yourself as Santa when we’re about to have sex, Harry.”

“You’re not bein’ very kind to the person that’s about to go down on you, are you?” He sucks harshly on the valley between your breasts, wanting to be sure a deep-colored bruise will appear on your skin later. “That’s okay. It is Christmas, after all. ‘M in a giving mood.”

“Stop talking and get to it then.”

Harry slides off the couch and onto his knees in between your legs, gently kissing your thighs. “Cute pair of undies–– s’like you knew I was comin’ home tonight.” Before you can respond Harry’s fingers are tugging at the waistband of your underwear, eager to get them off of you. He presses light kisses to your core, mumbling about how much he missed the smell of you and how sweet you tasted. 

One hand is resting across your stomach while the other one is in between your folds, spreading you open. You try squeezing your thighs around his head, overwhelmed by the feeling of your husband’s lips around your clit after being away from him for so long, but he removes his hand from your stomach and pushes your thighs back apart.

“Feels so good,” you’re breathless, tangling your fingers in Harry’s hair as his hollowed cheeks begin to suck more roughly on your clit. “Missed you so much. Missed this–– us.” 

Harry pauses momentarily to look up at you. “I know, angel. God, do I know.” He attaches his lips back on you, swirling his tongue around your clit as you  choke back your moans. The hand that is holding you open moves down to toy at your slit as he wordlessly checks to see if you’re okay with his fingers being in you. 

“Please,” you say softly, encouraging his next move. He spits on his index and pointer finger before slowly sliding both of them in you, immediately curling them up. “Oh, Harry. Fuckin’ love when you do tha’...”

“Know you do,” His response is curt, simple. He’s focused on the task at hand–– getting you off. He uses the hand that’s lying across your stomach to rub tight circles on your clit, sensing you’re nearing your orgasm from the way you’re starting to clench around him. “Such a good girl fo’ me, darlin’. Gonna make a mess on my fingers in a second, aren’t you?”

You nod as you try to control your breathing and the loudness of your moans. The last thing you wanted was for your daughter to come down to inspect the source of the noise. “Fuck, Harry.” 

“Come on, darlin’,” he gently pinches your clit, causing your body to jolt at the sensation. “Gimme a good one. A lil’ welcome back gift for me, hmm?” 

Your hips are bucking up to the rhythm of his fingers slipping in and out of you as your orgasm quickly approaches. “Har, I’m close…” it comes out sounding more like a warning than a statement. He moves the two fingers he has inside of you in a back and forth motion, coaxing your first orgasm out of you.

“Tha’s my girl,” he whispers, not stopping his movements even as your back arches as your first orgasm rolls over you like a giant wave. “Givin’ me a good one jus’ like I knew you would. Jus’ like you always do. M’ sweet girl.” As you’re starting to still, Harry pulls his fingers out of you and holds them up to your mouth, instructing you to suck them clean. 

You prop yourself up on your elbows so you can properly lean in to steal a kiss from him and notice a rather sizable tent has formed in his pants. Harry gives you a sheepish grin as he palms himself, hissing from the feel of his palm against his cock.

“Want me to do somethin’ about that?” You scoot over on the couch and pat the spot next to you, signaling for your husband to sit beside you. He lifts himself from his seated position, stretching his legs out a bit before plopping down beside you.

“Are you offerin’ me a blowie?”

“I mean, yeah?”

“Can we skip that an’ you can jus’ ride me instead? Think I’d quite like that.”

“Oh you would, would ya?”

Harry nods and unzips his pants, taking himself out. He licks his hand and gives himself a few pumps. “Still on birth control, I’m assuming?”

You roll your eyes as you move to straddle him. “Only been gone for a month, Harry. Of course ‘m still on it, you goof.”

“Can never be too careful. I don’t think now’s a good time for another lil’ one, do you? Think we should at least celebrate Oliver’s first birthday before we try for another one.” His hands are on his hips as he lines you up over his cock, helping you slowly sink down. You missed the burn of him which was even more intense than it usually was considering it’s been a while since he’s taken you.

“I think you’re right,” you reply. You rest your head on his shoulder while you adjust to the size of him, needing to take a moment to yourself before attempting to move. After a short adjustment period you begin rolling your hips, grinding against him in a way that was also bringing pleasure to your clit, still swollen and sensitive from your last orgasm.

Harry’s eyes are fixated on the way your breasts bounce in front of him, the way your stomach slightly jiggles each time you crash back down onto him. His lips are caught in between his teeth; you’re hoping he doesn’t break any skin so you don’t have to hear him whine about how badly the bruise hurts him later.

“Ridin’ me like your life depends on it,” Harry mutters. “Fuckin’ love takin’ you like this, angel. So fuckin’ deep.”

You simply hum in agreement, brain far too foggy to form a coherent sentence. Harry notices your movements starting to become smaller, lazier, so he puts his hands on your hips and decides to take over. He’s thrusting up into you like you’ll up and run away from him if he doesn’t give it his all. He cups your face with one hand and gently guides you towards him, pressing open-mouthed kisses against your lips.

“Fuck, H,” your eyes are squeezed shut and your wrap your arms around his neck, feeling your second orgasm quickly approaching. “Rub my clit please, almost there.”

Harry’s fingers immediately come down to rub at your slick nub, not faltering his relentless pace in the slightest. “Clench around me again, lovie,” his voice is higher than usual, whiny, and you know your husband is just as close as you are. “Love when you do tha’, jus’ need you to do it one more time.”

You do as he wishes once more, knowing once he cums you’ll be directly behind him. Harry lets out a string of expletives as he releases inside of you, pulling you tightly against his chest as he rides out his orgasm. You continue riding him, not slowly down as you chase your own release next.

“Harry,” you’re in a trance-like state, chanting his name over and over as you bring yourself over the edge. “Harry, fuck!”

“That’s my good girl,” he says quietly, rubbing your back as you rest your head on his shoulder while you catch your breath. You feel him beginning to soften inside of you so you lift yourself off and lay back on the couch, legs still shaking. It’s quiet for a couple of minutes as the two of you reveal in the afterglow of your orgasms, Harry gently running his fingers along your leg.

“Round two in the shower?”

December 25th, 6:42 AM

“Mumma! Santa came and he left lots of toys–– Daddy?”

Harry lets out a dramatic “oof!” as Ally jumps onto him, pulling the covers back. Her eyes are wide and she giggles are Harry pulls her into one of his infamous bear hugs, placing kisses all over his face.

“Mornin’, love bug! What’re you doin’ up so early?”

“It’s Christmas, Daddy! Santa came!” she sits back on her feet, a confused look on her face. “Did Santa bring you on his sleigh last night after me ‘n Olly went to bed?”

“Y’know what? He told me to keep it a secret, but he did,” Allison gasps in response to his news as she processes it, placing a little hand over her mouth. Harry sits up and gets out of bed, scooping her up in the process. “How ‘bout we go make Mum a cuppa before we see what Santa got for you and Olly? Tha’ sound good? Let’s let them sleep for a while longer, hmm?”

As you hear them exit the room you take a second to reflect on how lucky you are to spend another Christmas with you beautiful family before drifting back off into a deep, albeit short, sleep.

[thebookreader12345]

Surprise

Pairing: Kelly Severide x reader

Summary: Kelly and Y/N are visiting the firehouse with their 4-year old son, and while there, Y/N tells everyone some huge news she’s been keeping secret

Requested: Yes, by @winterberryfox

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy

Word Count: 1,056 Words

“Ethan! Breakfast is ready!” I call out into the living room where my 4 year old son was sitting. I then headed back into the kitchen to set the table, and as I put the last plate on the table, Ethan ran into the room. “Would you go and get your dad for me?” Ethan nodded eagerly and left the room, returning a bit later with his father, and my husband, Kelly Severide.

“Something smells good,” Kelly mumbled and pecked my lips quickly.

“Mommy made pancakes,” Ethan squealed. “I love pancakes!”

“I put extra chocolate chips in yours, just how you like it,” I say and ruffle the little boy’s hair. Ethan grinned widely and took his seat, pouring a boatload of syrup on top of his pancake.

“Slow down there. You’re going to drown the pancakes,” Kelly pointed out and sat down. I took the last seat at the table and ate my pancake slowly, careful not to make myself sick. The past few weeks, I hadn’t been feeling too well, but I kept it hidden from Ethan, and especially Kelly, because I didn’t want them to worry.

“All right Ethan. We’ve got the day off. What do you want to do today? We can go to the zoo, the aquarium, downtown,” I list.

“I want to go to the firehouse!” Ethan cheered and shoved a huge piece of pancake into his mouth.

“Buddy, you’ve been to the firehouse dozens of times,” Kelly said.

“But I love the firehouse. Can we go there? Please,” Ethan begged. I looked over at Kelly, who shrugged. If he didn’t care, then I didn’t either.

“I guess we could stop by for a little bit,” I state. Ethan’s smile grew larger, and he shoveled more and more pancake into his mouth. The rest of breakfast was pretty silent, and after we had all finished eating, Ethan shot out of his chair.

“I’m ready to go now,” Ethan chirped.

“Ethan, it’s 8 o’clock in the morning. We’re not going over this early. We’ll stop by after lunch,” I tell him.

Ethan sighed. “Fine.” The few hours following breakfast were very relaxing. I watched a bit of TV, did some chores around the house, and played a few games with Ethan. It was nice taking days off. Kelly and I were always on the same shift, meaning we didn’t see him for 24 hours at a time. He stayed with my parents on those days. So every now and then, Kelly and I would take a shift off and spend some time with Ethan. After lunch, Ethan was practically bouncing off of the walls. He was so excited to go to the firehouse even though he’d been there dozens of times. Once the three of us were ready, we all climbed into the car and drove off. It didn’t take us long to get to the firehouse, and as soon as Kelly parked the car, Ethan was trying to climb out of his car seat. And right as we got to the door of the firehouse, Ethan spotted one of his favorite people in the entire world. “Uncle Herrmy!” Ethan shouted and ran towards the older man, who caught the little boy in his arms.

“Hey kiddo. I didn’t know you’d be coming over today,” Herrmann said.

“We told him that he could pick anywhere to go, but he wanted to come here,” I confess.

“You’ve got a junior firefighter on your hands,” Herrmann claimed.

Kelly shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “We’ll see about that. Come on, Ethan. Lets go say hi to Capp and Tony.” Ethan nodded and hopped out of Herrmann’s arms to follow his father.

“Ethan’s a good kid. You guys raised him well,” Herrmann told me.

I smiled. “Thanks. It was more my mom and dad then us, but I’d really like to change that. I want to spend more time with him.”

“I’m sure if you asked Boden for some more time off, he wouldn’t say no,” Herrmann spoke.

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer,” I admit. Herrmann smiled and gave me a pat on the shoulder before making his way into the back half of the firehouse. I then walked over to where Kelly and Ethan were at the Squad table and joined in on the conversation. About half an hour later, it was time for the shift to have lunch, but because we already ate, Kelly, Ethan and I just joined them and didn’t take any food. As Kelly talked with Matt, and Ethan was busy playing rock paper scissors with Sylve, I was consumed with my thoughts. I had been meaning to tell everyone something recently, but I couldn’t seem to find the time. But now, since we were all together, and because Ethan was here, now seemed as good of a time as any. I got out of my seat and made my way to the front of the room, which didn’t go unnoticed.

“What are you doing?” Kelly asked me.

“I’ve uh, I’ve got an announcement to make,” I answer. “These past few weeks, a few of you have commented saying that I looked sick, and I blew you guys off. And then there’s the fact that I’ve been on Ambo 61 instead of Truck 81, and most of you questioned that, but I didn’t give you an answer. Now I’m ready to. The reason for both of those things is because I’m pregnant.” Sylvie was the first person to react, and she clapped before standing up to come and give me a hug. And then, as the rest of the firehouse congratulated me, Kelly pulled me in for a big hug.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Kelly said.

“I was waiting for a good time. We’ve been so busy between work and hanging out with Ethan that I didn’t really think about,” I tell him. Just then, Ethan ran over and hugged my legs, a huge smile on his face.

“I’m going to have a sibling?” Ethan asked happily.

Kelly ruffled his hair. “Yeah, bud. You’re going to have a sibling.”

“Yay!” Ethan cheered. “How long do I have to wait?”

“Seven more months, give or take,” I reply. “But don’t worry. It’ll go by faster than you think it will.”

____________________

Tag List:

@prettypyschoinpink @securityfriendly-jay @scarletsoldierrr @lorenakaspersen @virtualreader @carnationworld @caitsymichelle13​ @campingmonkey @winterberryfox @anotherfan07 @giagma

[mrslilyrogers]

Betrayal Part 7

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: (AU) Set in New York. You and Bucky have been married for 5 years. He’s the love of your life and you are his. At least, you thought you were until he started slipping away from you, coming home late and smelling of another woman’s perfume? You are in denial. Are you just losing your mind or are you really losing him?

Author’s notes: I’m so so sorry this took so long! I redid the whole thing. We’re going to back up a bit in this chapter and visit the past. Please check the warnings before reading. Also, my requests are open. Send ideas if you’re feeling particularly angsty! Or even fluff, I’d like to try my hand at it. As always, let me know what you think of this chapter! For tags, please send in ask! 

Warnings: Cheating, Angst, Abuse, Swearing

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4  Part 5 Part 6

2 years ago.

Bucky tapped his fingers on the table as he checked his watch again. 8:15. Forty-five minutes late. Again. He let out a huge sigh, barely able to hold himself from scratching his eyes out. The curly-haired waitress went back to him with an apologetic look on her face, “I’m sorry, sir. My manager told me I really need to take your order now. There’s already a line waiting outside…” she let her sentence trail sheepishly. Bucky tried to ignore the heat creeping up his cheeks and gave her an unconvincing smile instead, reciting his order. When she left with visible relief on her face, he picked up his phone and called his wife again. He had tried to call and text her earlier but she hadn’t picked up.

“Hello?” Y/N answered, sounding frazzled and irritated as she cleaned up after her rude customer. He just had the audacity to leave a mess after complaining and whining about the wifi three times. She could barely keep her eyes from rolling. 

“Hey, babe. Where are you? I’ve been waiting for you at the restaurant,” Bucky’s defeated voice on the other line replied. 

“Oh shit!” She shrieked, attracting the heads of the other customers as she glanced at the clock on the wall. She had lost track of time. Bucky had been waiting for her for almost an hour. On their anniversary. Oh crap, crap, crap. 

“Oh my god, baby. I’m so sorry! I’m understaffed and I lost track of time! Could you please wait for me? I’m so sorry!” She quickly took off her apron and changed into the dress she had brought with her that morning for their date. Bucky had been planning this. He arranged for Lizzie’s babysitter and everything, practically bouncing off with excitement for this night. He wanted to try out this new restaurant and between raising Lizzie and making sure Winter Bakery was still making a profit, they haven’t seen much of each other lately. She just couldn’t find the time whereas Bucky’s stable position in Shield gave him more authority to delegate. And he literally had been trained for this for years. All those late-nighters at the university and all the grunt work he and Steve went through have finally paid up. They were at the top of their game, one of the youngest to acquire their positions. They were heroes in the investment banking world. Life was easy for him now, cherry on top of the cake. He only wished Y/N could be there with him. But she was still on shaky ground with her business and he fully understood that. 

“Of course! I already picked our appetizers though. They were trying their best to kick me out gently if I didn’t order anything,” 

“Oh, my poor Bucky. You should’ve flashed them your smile, charmed your way. They would’ve made you stay,” she replied, fixing her ponytail, not having the time to retouch her makeup anymore. This’ll just have to do. 

“Really, now. It was a waitress, you know.” He teased back. 

A beat before Y/N replied in mock seriousness. “In that case, don’t you dare. I’ll be there in 15!” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it. See you, babe. I love you--,” 

But before he could even finish his sentence, the line had dropped on the other end.  

_______________________________________________________________________

1 year ago.

“Daddy, look, apples!” Lizzie pointed from her seat in the grocery cart. Her legs swinging as she giggled at the heap of apples on their side. “Yeah, baby, you’re right.” Bucky replied absentmindedly, not even bothering to look as he stared confusedly at the bunch of green vegetables in front of him. The list Y/N gave him said scallions, but how the hell was he supposed to know which was which? Scallions, spring onions, green onions, they were all the same right? He suddenly regretted volunteering to do their grocery shopping alone, having no clue what half of the list Y/N prepared even meant. It was the weekend, they were all supposed to go together and then have a quick visit to the toy store after, for one more of Lizzie’s birthday gifts. She had just turned 3 a week ago and he couldn’t help but promise to let her pick out another doll. When Y/N had given him a pointed look while Lizzie clung on and gushed to him, he couldn’t help but to just give her a tiny shrug. He grew up with nothing, he was gonna give his little girl everything. But that morning when he thought the three of them finally had time to spend together, Y/N couldn’t make it again. She was having problems with her manager and had to go into work unexpectedly. Now, she wasn’t even answering his calls when he had to ask her about the most complicated grocery list he’s ever seen in his whole life. 

“Daddy, when are we getting my doll?” Lizzie asked again, looking up at him as she clutched her favorite white wolf stuffed toy. 

“After this, sweetheart.” He answered, preoccupied and calling Y/N again. This time when she didn’t answer, he gave up, grabbed the one nearest to him and hoped for the best. 

When he’s gotten halfway through the list and let Lizzie point at the snacks she wanted for school, he let his mind wander, when the hell had they become like this? He barely saw his wife anymore. Her problems with her bakery cafe, always dragging her away from them. He wished she could find competent people who would stay but if it weren’t her manager, it was her baker and so on. And if she was finally free, he’d be the one who was busy. It was hard and annoying but coupled that with taking care of an over-enthusiastic three-year-old, it was also exhausting.

He missed Y/N and he wished he could spend time with her. He completely understood that she was always needed at work. He had been through that in their early 20s, but they didn’t have a kid then to compete for their time and understanding it was different from actually living it. Their marriage had become stagnant. The banality of their everyday life, a stark contrast to how they used to be when they were just a couple of kids off college who rented a too-small apartment with his little sister, Becca. Time has flown and he’s finally achieved the life he’s always wanted; a big duplex apartment, a steady high-income job and a family he had always yearned for but never really knew he needed. All of the things he promised himself when he was younger and had nothing, he had now and more, yet there was still something missing. He missed the thrill of his life, chasing his dreams had always kept him motivated, distracted. Now that he had it all, he was at his wits’ end. Maybe it was because they were also growing apart, he could feel it. Y/N had always been able to make him happy and whole; he had always been able to rely on her emotionally. She was the better part of him and now that she was becoming distant, he hung onto her like a lifeline but his insistence on going on vacations as a family wherever his wife and daughter wanted went unheard, all his attempts at romancing cancelled. 

Even as he lined up now for the cashier, he whipped out his phone to text her. His hands had been busy typing when a brooding, dark-haired man stood behind him dressed in all black. His arms were muscled despite his age and the sagging skin on his right arm holding a tattoo of an odd skull with tentacles extending out of it was barely covered by his shirtsleeve. 

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t little Bucky,” a familiar husky voice mocked from behind him. 

Bucky immediately felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, the voice sending a deep chill down his spine, making him go rigid as he slowly turned around, the blood draining from him when he went face to face with the man who had made his life a living hell, the man who not only broken him physically but in spirit as well. Repeatedly. 

“You some errand boy now? I didn’t raise you to be like that, you know,” He continued to mock, tipping his chin to the cart with Lizzie still on it. 

“Do you know him, daddy?” She asked, holding her little wolf tighter as she watched the stranger warily. 

“Hey there, sweetie. Your daddy didn’t tell you about me? That’s weird. I raised him and your aunt Rebecca a long time ago. My name is Rumlow,” he flashed her a chilling smile, stepping closer to offer his hand. That’s when the fog in Bucky’s brain cleared. He moved with a lightning fast reflex, stepping in between them as he got in Rumlow’s face, fisting his collar harshly in one hand, 

“Don’t you dare go near her,” his dark and low voice had threatened, dripping venom. His eyes had dilated, almost turning black as he shoved him hard. Rumlow’s grating laugh echoed around them, bringing back all those awful memories he had buried deep inside his head. 

“I’ve taught you well, boy. Can’t say I’m not proud,” He clapped and actually smiled at him smugly. At this point, Lizzie had started crying making Bucky even more furious. 

“I don’t ever want to see your face again. And if you go near my daughter again, I’ll make you fucking regret it. Do you understand?” His threats went on deaf ears as Rumlow broke out into a full-fledged grin. 

“I’d love to see you try, James. You’ve grown soft,” He accused, eyeing Lizzie and the grocery he had still lined up, several heads already looking at them. 

“Lucky for you. I have a new son here,” He continued, tilting his head to the boy standing by his mostly empty cart-- save for the beer and the liquor. Bucky flicked his attention to the boy and he felt his world spin as he saw himself in him with his eyes haunted, wary and afraid. He couldn’t have been older than eight. Rumlow smirked at the look on Bucky’s face, already detecting the turmoil brewing inside him. He had succeeded. He always knew Bucky was weak, his emotions his downfall. The fear and guilt clearly written in Bucky’s eyes made Rumlow gloat as he talked to the boy, 

“What did I say, Bert, huh? You’ll only have food if you go get it yourself. Why are you still standing there?” 

The boy looked around the big grocery store, mentally taking note of the stalls and where they were currently at, memorizing it in case he got lost but still, he didn’t move. Bucky looked at Rumlow and he saw the same look he’d always had directed at him before, his taunting eyes daring the boy to go or face the consequences. 

“But I’m scared,” the boy replied, his voice small and frightened. Rumlow moved to him, bending his knees to get to his eye level. “Well then, you just won’t have to eat,” he told him in a hushed voice, pouting and mocking. 

Bucky didn’t have to hear it to know the exact words, buried memories rushing back to the surface. He heard it countless times directed at him. The boy ran to the nearest stall, his heart pounding and hoping Rumlow would still be at that same spot when he came running back. Bucky knew the feeling, it was like he was living it all over again. As much as he wanted to help, he was rooted to the spot, even Lizzie’s crying couldn’t move him. Rumlow stood back up and faced him. “You were always my favorite,” he told him proudly as he pushed his own cart away from them, no doubt to give Bert an even harder chance of finding him. 

Just before he got too far, he swiftly turned around, feigning innocence as he said, “Oh and by the way, say hi to Rebecca for me,”  His lips twisted up into a sneering smirk as he left, whistling without a care in the world. And just like that Bucky was moving, grabbing Lizzie and getting out of that store as fast as he could, hoping Rumlow would stay out of his life forever. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m never letting you do the groceries again!” Y/N screeched, a horrified look on her face as she stared at their fridge. After the incident with Rumlow, Bucky had brought Lizzie to the toy store, allowing her to buy all the stuffed toys and dolls she wanted instead of just the previously promised one doll. They had gone to lunch after, he kept Lizzie distracted as much as possible to forget the man she had just met. When she brought him up again, he told her it was just a friend he didn’t like very much and that she shouldn’t bring it up to her mom because it was nothing, he promised he never had to see that man again. Lizzie seemed satisfied with his answer and went back to her usual chirpy self. On their way home, they passed by another grocery store. He had mindlessly strolled the aisles and grabbed whatever he thought they needed, his head at a different place, much as it still is now.

“Bucky, we don’t need four cartons of milk, why would you even get this?” Y/N asked incredulously, shaking her head as she chuckled. 

Bucky had been staring off into space, not hearing what his wife had been saying. “Uhm, hello Bucky, you still with me?” she teased, waving a hand in front of his face. 

“Oh sorry, what was that?” He asked, glancing up at her from his perch by the kitchen counter. The coffee he had brewed, now cold in his hands. 

“Hey, you okay?” she asked, looking at him with concern in her eyes. 

“Yeah, just didn’t sleep well,” he waved dismissively. Y/N felt a pang of guilt. He’d been bugging her to spend more time together, planning outings and dates that she never seemed to find time for. 

“Well, I finally have the day free. Why don’t we go out, watch a movie or have a picnic? It’ll be fun,” she suggested, draping a hand over his shoulder while her chin rested on the other, her elbow propped up on the countertop to keep an eye level with him. 

“I can’t, I’m sorry, babe. I promised to meet up with Thor,” he moved away from her touch, standing up. Y/N looked at him confusedly, “Okay, how about after?”

“Gotta go over some accounts with Sam, sorry love. I’ll be back before dinner,” He gave her a quick kiss to the cheek before heading out. Y/N stared after him, brows knitted, before shrugging. She’ll just get her errands around the house done then. 

After pounding the punching bag in Thor’s gym incessantly, Bucky found himself aimlessly walking around the streets, he just needed to clear his head. The little boy’s face was still etched in his mind as he opened the door to a bar. A little too early, he knew but he couldn’t shake off the nagging thought plaguing his mind. 

How could he have let that monster roam free while he had lived his life without even a glance back? 

_______________________________________________________________________

Years ago.

Bucky held Becca’s hand as they ascended the rickety steps of their new home. They had just lost their parents and were now moving into an unfamiliar house. The case worker had told them they were lucky not to be separated and that they shouldn’t worry; they were getting a good foster father who would take care of them from now on. 

“I had interviewed him myself, you see,” She told the children, beaming with pride. 

“I couldn’t have found a better one for you guys, why, this area is still very close to where you grew up in. You could still visit your old haunts,” She ruffled Becca’s hair, trying to lighten the mood while the little girl just moved farther away, hiding behind her big brother. The worn-out door which at once might have been painted pristine white but now had chippings hanging off of it suddenly opened with a creak, a man with a charming and easy nature stepped out with a warm smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“You guys are here! Welcome, welcome, please come in!” He gestured humbly to his house. Becca squeezed Bucky’s hand tighter which he squeezed back in return, reassuring her. There was something about this man that wasn’t quite right. He seemed relaxed and easy-going, a smile continuously plastered on his face but there was a lethality to him that the children couldn’t seem to shake off, almost as if it was buried deep inside waiting to be unleashed. The case worker hung on his every word, giggling as they talked. She slapped his arm with the horrible looking tattoo that gave Becca a fright. The children barely moved from the sofa they were seated at after the introductions. 

“It’s usually like this. Don’t worry. They start to open up after a while,” the case worker sympathized with Brock, the man who introduced himself as their new foster father; he would treat them as his own, he had promised. 

“It’s alright. I understand. After my wife, I’ve been all alone and this, this is a blessing to me,” He told her as he turned to the children. Her hand strayed to his arm again and lingered there. 

“Oh, Brock, you are a good man. They’re great children, they won’t give you trouble.” She replied, patting his arm for reassurance. It didn’t miss Bucky how she hung off his every word. 

“But I should get going, I will check up on you in a week. Children, be good. You have my number if you need anything,” She stood up, smoothing the wrinkles on her blazer.

“Wait, you’re leaving us already?” Bucky couldn’t help the whine that escaped his voice. He didn’t miss the darkness that spilled over Brock’s face for a split second before he carefully put his smile back on again. 

“I’ll be back in a week, Bucky. Don’t you worry,” the case worker smiled before she walked out the door leaving him and Becca to a stranger. 

When she was out of sight, Brock had suddenly changed his demeanor. The smile on his face had turned into a scowl when he faced them. “Alright, listen up both of you,”  he boomed, his voice cruel. “Grab your things and get on to your rooms. I don’t want to hear any noise. No running around, and if I see you making a mess. You bet your little asses, you’ll pay for it,” He stood up and left them to their bags. 

“But Mr. Brock, I’m thirsty,” Becca piped up, looking up at him timidly. The man’s grating laugh rumbled as he threw his head back, shaking it.  

“That’s Rumlow to both of you, you hear me?  Don’t make that mistake again. Now, come here,” He said, beckoning both the children to come over. Once they reached the kitchen, he pointed to the high cupboard. “You see that?” He asked Becca, dropping low to get to her eye level. When she just nodded her head, he continued, “That’s where the glasses and the plates are. If you want something in this house, you go get it yourself. I’m not your nanny,” He held Becca’s face in his hand roughly. His fingers wrapped around her cheeks tight as he held her by the chin. Bucky felt his fists clench at his sides, pushing Rumlow as far as he could with his eleven year old might.  

“Stop that!” He screamed. Their parents never hurt them. How dare this man think he could do this to his little sister? 

“Oh you wanna be the man of the house?” Rumlow jeered, shoving Bucky back making him fall to the floor. Becca’s sniffles grew louder as she tried to stop her crying, her shoulders shaking from her effort. As Bucky lay sprawled, Rumlow scooted down menacingly to him, 

“You dare push me when you were just whining like a little bitch a while ago, you wanna man up? Alright, I’ll allow it,” he taunted, pondering it for a moment before his sinister smile came back on. “Let’s see how long you’ll last protecting your little sister.” He gripped his face by the chin, fingers squeezing exceedingly tight on his cheeks before he pushed him off and he hit the floor. 

“I won’t be some parent to you that you could twist around your little fingers, no. I’ll make you into the best man you could be. I will teach you about order. And order only comes through pain,” He drilled into him like a soldier as he stretched his legs back up, his measured steps going to the fridge to fish out a beer. He took a long gulp before he continued, 

“And the sooner you learned that, the better,” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky sat alone at one of the benches by the field at his school, choosing solitude over the roar of the cafeteria after a particularly bad morning at home. Their foster father had woken up drunk and had haphazardly thrown things at them when Bucky accidentally burnt the eggs he had been cooking for his and Becca’s packed lunch for school. He picked on the peanut butter sandwich he prepared, not having the appetite to eat when he heard jeering voices from a group of boys and sounds of flesh being hit again and again with accompanying grunts of pain. He felt his feet move on instinct when he found them by the bleachers, a scrawny boy at the center of a group huddling over him, they were laughing as he tried to fight them off, not once being able to land a punch. The blood pumped in Bucky’s veins, a constant beating in his ears, as he grabbed the biggest of the bullies by the collar and harshly yanked him off the tiny, blonde boy now sprawled on the floor with his skinny arms covering his face. When one of the other kids tried to punch him, he deftly moved out of the way and delivered a swift blow to his stomach, making sure to spare his face so as not to get in trouble. That was how Rumlow did it, might as well use the same trick right? 

“What? Who wants to go next?” He threatened, loving the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the power he had with defending someone so helpless. The lanky blonde boy stood up beside him, blood dripping from his mouth as he held both his fists up, “I can do this all day,” he said, catching his breath but his stance clearly indicated he could barely stand up straight. Bucky just looked at him weirdly, not knowing whether to find him stupid or brave. The bullies stood against them, unsure. Bucky was the same age as them, only slightly bigger. Him and the blonde boy were still clearly outnumbered but Bucky’s eyes held a lethal strength in them, his body coiled with unleashed brutality, ready to fight. The bullies scrambled out of there as fast as they could, their feet tripping over them. 

“Yeah next time, pick on someone your own size!” he hollered before looking back at the blonde boy who looked younger than them but held himself with such maturity that it didn’t seem possible. He decided right then and there he was going to make him his new friend. Rumlow had always taught him about his belief of the natural order of the world, that strength and might always won the day and that order could only be achieved through pain. If you could inflict it on others, you were stronger, better. Weaker men were useless, had to be beaten up and put in their place. “That’s just the way of the world,” he had said. But Bucky was old and smart enough to see right through his facade. He was a bully, feeding off of people who couldn’t fight back. Bucky was going to be different, he wouldn’t bow down to his will. He just needed to protect his sister, spare her from the taint of Rumlow’s anger and prove that he wouldn't become the man Rumlow has been conditioning him to be. 

“You alright?” Bucky asked the boy standing beside him who was touching the bruise forming on his forehead.

“Yeah, thanks for helping me,” he replied sheepishly, ashamed he couldn’t fight for himself.

“Next time, just don’t provoke them, they aren’t worth it.” 

“But they were wrong. Bullies, I’d always stand up to them,” the blonde brushed his hair back from his forehead, determination steeling his voice. Bucky smiled, maybe he could learn a thing or two from this boy too. 

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Steve, what’s yours?”

“Bucky. Steve, you’re a little punk. You know that?” he said teasingly, laughing. 

Steve grinned back, “Jerk,” 

_______________________________________________________________________

Present

The light filtered into the room as the curtains were drawn back harshly causing Bucky to groan on his bed, flitting a pillow to cover his eyes. 

“Buck, come on. Get up,” Steve’s firm voice spoke through the fog in his mind. 

“Get out, Steve, I’m sleeping.” he replied, turning his back to the hand shaking his shoulder.

“How long are you going to do this? It’s been two weeks. Have you even talked to your family yet?” Steve’s judgmental voice rang out, hard and unforgiving. 

“She doesn’t even wanna see me,” he huffed, anger at himself boiling in his veins. He hasn’t seen his daughter in two weeks. Y/N’s short, cold replies to his messages were just updates on how Lizzie was doing, anything regarding Y/N, he had no idea about. He didn’t even know what sort of excuses she made up for Lizzie, how his “work trip” kept getting extended. When the hell could they keep that charade up? He was lucky enough she was letting him talk to his daughter on the phone for a few minutes every once in a while. He sat up on the bed, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he reached for the bottle of whiskey at the bedside table. These days he could only fall asleep when he’s had one too many to drink and even then, he’d still wake up with a headache that could only be dulled by alcohol. He barely even made it to work everyday. Sam had been good enough to cover for him, staying on neutral ground with everything that’s happening to his marriage although his eyes said otherwise, disappointment etched in them. All the while Steve had ignored him the entire time since the hospital. No amount of apologies moved him from his stance except today, when he suddenly barged into the hotel room Bucky has been renting like he owned the place. 

“Jesus, Bucky, stop that!” He swiped the bottle Bucky held between his lips, splashing amber liquid on his shirt and bed. 

“Damn it, Steve! Look what you did!  Give that back,” Bucky held his arm out, his reflexes slow as he tried to grab it from his friend. 

“Jesus Christ. You smell terrible. How much have you had to drink last night?” Steve fanned the air around him trying to rid the stench of alcohol and sweat.

“How the hell did you even get in here?” Bucky’s pissed off voice grumbled but one look at Steve’s intense stare with his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched, standing straight as a drill sergeant, arms crossed at his chest with his muscles bulging out of his fitted gray Under Armour shirt; he knew. The punk had intimidated his way in. No doubt leaving a poor breathless, flustered receptionist in his wake. 

“You could get that receptionist fired, you know?” He tried appealing to his best friend’s better nature.

“You wouldn’t tell. Plus, it isn’t as if she didn’t get a hefty tip. Go take a shower, Buck, you stink.” Steve didn’t budge, staring him down with a disgusted look on his face. Bucky just scoffed, 

“And then what? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Y/N kicked me out, man. Just go home, you’re wasting your time.” 

Steve’s hardened face softened as he looked at his friend. His eyes were puffy, his skin pale as he scratched his wildly unkempt beard, his greasy hair sticking out on one side. What the hell had happened to Bucky? How had it gone so bad for his friend in a matter of days? He suddenly moved out of instinct, collecting clothes strewn everywhere and packed them into the suitcase at the corner of the room. 

“Steve, what the hell are you doing?” Bucky exhaled loudly. It was too early for this. Where the hell was his drink? 

“Get your ass moving, Bucky. You’re staying at my place,”

[oikawaplssteponme]

• MASTERLIST

pairing: (prince) Oikawa Toru x (princess) fem! reader

warnings: none

word count: > 2k words

synopsis: A childhood lover, a perfect picture, a thoughtful risk, a dashing spark, a resurfaced fling, a beautiful mystery, and an unlikely charmer. With so many flowers in the garden, which do you pick?

a/n: hello hello! ahh im very excited to share this first part with you all! this one is a bit longer [ most parts won’t be this long ] but that’s because there is important background info since it is the first part :)) i’d love to hear your thoughts and reblogs are also greatly appreciated! enjoy xx

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆ ⋆*･ﾟ: ☾

Confidence is Key

The castle was bustling with people, entering in and out at a fast pace. The chatter bounced off of the walls and high ceilings as orders were being shouted of where to take things and what to do. You stood in the middle of it all, unsure what to do with yourself. The room was spinning, your head was spinning. In just a few hours, music would be playing as people danced the night away. In just a few hours, you would meet a potential husband.

“Your Grace! You should be getting ready! We have things under control down here don’t worry. Go, go!” Sophia, head of castle affairs, shooed you away. She was clearly under an uncomfortable amount of stress.

“Is there anything you’d like me to help with? I don’t have to get ready quite yet,” you explained. Sophia shook her head violently.

“No no not at all Your Highness. You really must go get ready, Anita is awaiting your arrival,” she insisted. You sighed and did as you were told. You walked up the grand staircase and up to your quarters.

You didn’t mind helping, you often did when you could. Nonetheless, your role as princess called you other such duties. Those included getting ready for the ball in a different way.

“Oh there you are! I’ve been searching the whole castle for you!” exclaimed Anita. Anita was your lady-in-waiting. She was also your best friend.

“My apologies, I got caught up in the excitement of everything that was happening downstairs,” you explained. You laid down onto your bed, letting out a frustrated sigh.

“I don’t want to go tonight,” you admitted. Anita sat down next to you.

“The ball is for you after all. It would be quite silly if you didn’t show up to your own event,” she chuckled.

“No more complaints Y/N, you will go to the ball and you will enjoy it,” interrupted your mother. She bursted through the doors of your room, followed by other attendants to help you get ready.

“The ball isn’t even for me. It’s for him.”

“It’s for the both of you my darling. After all, we’re here to find you a husband, not play dress up,” replied your mother. You sat up and crossed your arms.

“Well you didn’t meet father until the fifth ball. Are you expecting me to sort through all of these princes or pick the first one I find?” You groaned. Your mother chuckled.

“I just so happened to meet him at the fifth ball. He could’ve been the first suitor and I still would have fallen in love with him.”

Whenever there was a princess of age, all eligible princes from neighboring kingdoms would come and present themselves in an attempt to win her hand. In this case, your hand was what they wished to win. A ball would take place for each prince, as to welcome them and for the two of you to get to know each other. There would be seven balls taking place.

“What if I go through all seven and don’t like any of them?”

“Then pick the one you dislike the least,” joked your mother, though you knew she was serious.

“Which prince is coming today?” You asked. Your mother smiled.

“He is known as ‘The Great Prince’ soon to be Great King. His kingdom of Aoba Johsai is farthest from ours, hence why his welcome will be first,” she explained. You nodded. You had met the prince once before, but when you were children. He was more of a sweet memory now.

“What is his name again?”

“His name, my dear, is Prince Toru Oikawa.”

~

After your mother had left you, you began to get ready. It was tradition for the welcoming kingdom’s prince or princess to wear the other sides colors, as a sign of respect. You had a beautiful dress made for the event. With silver crystals and white satin, you certainly would be the belle of the ball. You would wear a simple aquamarine diamond necklace to tie your look together.

You sat at your vanity as you applied the finishing touches to your makeup. It was almost time for you to head down to the ball. You could hear people arriving. Royalty, knights, dukes and duchesses, everyone would be here.

Anita cinched you up into your dress, making it a little difficult to breathe.

“I’m gonna be out of breath by the first dance if you go any tighter,” you laughed.

“I’m sorry Your Grace.”

Anita tied up the corset, followed by the actual dress. You went to look at yourself in the mirror. You looked beautiful no doubt.

“The prince would be silly not to fall for you,” smiled Anita. You sighed.

“Him falling isn’t what I’m worried about.”

You could hear the sound of violins from the ballroom as you stood outside of it, greeting everyone who entered. There had to be at least one hundred people inside, if not more.

“Oh Y/N I see him!” whispered your mother. She quickly organized your skirt and made sure your necklace was facing the correct way.

“Big smiles everyone.”

Standing before you were two men. You honestly had no idea which one was the prince.

“Your Majesties, I’m pleased to introduce you to Prince Toru Oikawa of Aoba Johsai,” said the shorter of the two. The prince greeted the king and queen before making his way to you.

“Your Highness...”

He took your hand, kissing the top of it. He certainly had grown up a bit since you had seen him last. His hair brown and fluffy, his eyes dark and hypnotic, his smile bright and flirtatious. He wore a perfectly tailored suit with his royal metals and a teal sash.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Your Grace,” you smiled.

“The pleasure is all mine Princess. Perhaps I may treat you to a dance later in the evening?” he smirked. You nodded.

“Until then.”

The two men parted into the depths of the ball.

“Oh he is so handsome Y/N!” your mother gushed.

“Not terrible...”

“Go mingle my dear! Get to know him!” she insisted. You sighed and went out to the floor.

You weren’t big on dancing. In all honesty, you weren’t big on fancy balls. They got old after a while.

“You don’t actually plan to just stand there all night, now do you Princess?”

You looked over your shoulder and standing next to you was Prince Toru.

“Of course not...”

“Did I mention that you look truly gorgeous tonight? My kingdom’s colors seem to suit you,” he smiled.

“Thank you Your Highness.”

“Just Oikawa please. Or Toru if you feel so inclined.”

“Fair enough Oikawa. Then please, it’s just Y/N,” you said.

“Well, I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know what’s going on. Your family planned this ball as for us to fall in love, am I right?”

Your eyes widened a bit and you looked up at Oikawa.

“You aren’t wrong. However I have a feeling it won’t be that simple,” you smirked. Oikawa chuckled.

“Oh Y/N, don’t hold yourself back from fawning over me. It’s okay, every girl where I come from does so.”

“I’m not every other girl Toru.”

Oikawa moved to stand in front of you. His tall figure bowed in front of you.

“Then may I have this dance. Let’s see if you dance better than every other girl.”

You stared at Oikawa’s hand in front of you. You took his hand carefully as he led you to the dance floor.

Oikawa had one hand on your waist as the other hand held yours. The two of you spun around in time with the orchestra’s strings that played.

“Not too bad,” he laughed.

“Well I’d hope not, this isn’t my first ball.”

“It is your first of the seven though, am I correct?”

“Right again Toru.”

“I suppose then that it is my job to make sure I’m your favorite out of the seven. I hope that when you think of me, you think that I’m the best you’ve ever had.”

Oikawa’s words were smooth and sultry. The way he spoke so clearly yet loud enough for only you to hear.

“You’ve got yourself convinced that I’ll be yours. That’s a dangerous game to be playing.”

“Oh Y/N, my dearest, I promise that I don’t feel threatened by those other six. I didn’t even bother to check who I was against, since it won’t be much of a competition.”

“So I’m the game?”

Oikawa’s eyes widened.

“Oh god no, not at all. You’re a crowned jewel, my love. The moment I saw you I knew that you could certainly cause the death of a bachelor.”

Your heart fluttered a bit at the sound of his voice. He was completely wrapped around your finger. Subconsciously, you knew that you were wrapped around his as well.

“You’re confident Toru. That’s an admirable trait.”

“I have to be if I’m going to run my kingdom one day. No one would follow after a weak king.”

“I suppose that’s why they call you the Great Prince, soon to be Great King.”

“You could even call yourself the Great Queen. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

You chuckled.

“It certainly does. Well Toru, answer me this question: why should I pick you?”

Oikawa’s blank expression turned to a cheeky smile. He pulled you closer to him.

“Because, we have history Y/N.”

You had first met the prince when you were just 8 years old. Your family was invited to his kingdom for a banquet. Since you two were close in age, you spent all your time together. You enjoyed the small friendship you had with him. You were young and clueless after all. Oikawa had even said that the two of you should get married, since you were already friends. Your childish mind agreed, not knowing what the future had in store for you. So now here you were, dancing with your childhood love, in a ball made for just you and him.

“I didn’t think you remembered that,” you admitted.

“How could I forget the princess who blessed me with my first kiss?”

The young Oikawa had led you to the gardens. He insisted that if you two were to get married one day, you might as well get used to kissing each other. You agreed and so you kissed him. Your little lips maybe touched for a maximum of a second but still, his pink flushed cheeks were unforgettable.

“Well I’m happy to hear that I made some form of impact on you, Toru.”

“I hope I did the same. I plan to be the best you’ve ever had, remember?”

Before you could reply, the song had stopped and people began to shuffle off of the ballroom floor. Oikawa presented his arm for you to take, which you did happily.

“Excuse me Your Highness, I need to borrow the prince,” said the man who entered with Oikawa earlier. You nodded.

“That’s alright. Well, it was a pleasure Toru,” you said. Oikawa kissed your hand once more.

“Oh the pleasure was all mine Y/N.”

As the night came to an end, the ballroom soon became empty. You stood in the middle of it, alone. For some reason, you thought of Oikawa. How his charm seemed to have melted your coldness towards the situation. He had a certain glow to him, bringing out this warmer side to you.

“Even with the night finished you still look just as beautiful as when it started,” said Oikawa behind you. He stood at the top of the stairs as you stood below on the dance floor. Oikawa joined you, standing in front of you.

“I could say the same about you Toru.”

“I’m about to depart but I wanted to make sure to give you a proper goodbye,” he explained.

“Go ahead,” you said. Oikawa smirked, and slowly leaned in to kiss your cheek.

“I’ll be counting the days until I get to see you again, just as I did when we were kids. Goodnight Y/N.”

“Goodnight Toru.”

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆ ⋆*･ﾟ: ☾

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[l-egionaire]

Owl House Fic - Remember Me

They'd been close before he was gone.

He'd called her his "princesa", his "pequeña estrella fugaz", and all sorts of of other cute nicknames delivered while she was swaddled in his arms or being given tickly mustache kisses by him.

He was the only person who ever seemed to be able to get her under control. Whenever she had too much energy and was bouncing off the walls, he'd give her some crayons and a pad of paper or ask her to help him with a project while making it sound like an exciting game. Thus, she was able to channel all her overexcitement into something productive. If she tried to do something risky, like play witch by jumping off her bed while holding a broomstick, he was able to talk her out of it and help her find a safer activity.

He was just as weird as she was. Where she was obsessed with magic and witches, he fawned over art. He talked her ear off all the time about famous artists, sculptors, and painters. He planned trips for him, her, and Mamá to go to museums, practically vibrating with joy at all the different works they saw. Anytime he didn't spend at his job at the auto shop was spent painting, drawing, and sculpting. She was always amazed whenever she saw his hands seem to almost effortlessly glide across a paper or through wood and turn an ordinary object into something extraordinary. It was like real magic and the first time she saw it, she begged him to teach her. Every Saturday became their art day where he would teach her his craft bit by bit, revealing to her the secrets of the magic he practiced.

More than anything though, he was her best friend. All the other kids were usually scared off by her intensity, so he was the only person willing to play with her. They'd read stories together, him doing funny voices and helping her sound out the hard parts. They'd eat massive ice cream sundaes smothered in peanuts, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce. Before diving into them he'd wink and make her promise not to tell Mamá he fed her so much sugar. They made so many drawings, crafts, and paintings that they almost ran out of room to put them all. He was without a doubt the person she was closest to in her life.

Which is why it hurt so much when he left them.

She was 8 years old. It was just an ordinary day, specifically a Saturday. Their art day. The two of them had been working hard on finishing a family portrait that they'd been working on as a surprise for the upcoming Mother's day. Unfortunately, he had been called in to work, so she'd spent most of the day in the living room waiting for him to come back, their art supplies set out and ready to use the minute to get back.

Her heart filled with joy when she heard the sounds of her mamá coming down the steps, sure that she was about to tell her that he was on his way home and ready to start painting with her. She moved to hide their half-finished painting from view as her mamá came in, but her smile faded when she saw the hollow expression on her face.

She'd never forget what she said next.

"Luz....mija, I'm sorry. Your papá, he's....he's gone."

Mamá then began to tell Luz how papá had been driving home from work but, another driver hadn't been watching where he was going when they hit her father's car. But Luz could barely hear her, as the words "your papá is gone" repeated inside her head. She didnt even react when mamá bent down and gave her a tight, shaky hug.

Luz went through the next week and a half completely numb. She did things like eating and going through the school day on autopilot. Whenever anyone talked to her she responded with short answers in a monochrome tone. Even her dreams, which used to be filled with vivid magical adventures were now empty and black.

She finally started to come to her senses on the day of the funeral. Mamá put her in a new black dress and they drove to meet with her abuela on her papá's side. The two of them embraced each other tearfully, mamá rubbing soothing circles into her back as she thanked her for being in his life.

They and the rest of his relatives all rode together to the funeral home. Inside was the casket with Papá's body inside. Everyone took turns going up to it and saying their goodbyes. When Luz and her mamá's turn came up, Luz felt a sharp pain in her heart at seeing him laying in the coffin. She had the urge to kiss him on the forehead in the hope he might wake up like the princess in a movie they'd seen together once. But her mamá held her back.

Afterward they had a ceremony where people came up and talked about Papá and his effect on their life. So many stories Luz had never heard about him. Once the ceremony was over they went back to the cars and drove to a cemetery where they had one more speech before Papá's body was buried.

As she watched them lower his casket into the ground, it all finally seemed to hit Luz.

Her Papá was dead.

Which meant no more art Sundays together. No more movie nights with she, him and Mamá snuggled up on the couch, the two of them sneaking kisses while Luz groaned at their mushy romance. No more coming down to find him cooking breakfast, singing along badly to a song blaring from the radio.

He wouldn't be there for her 9th birthday, or her 10th, or 11th. He wouldn't see her graduate from Elementary school along with all the other kids. He wouldn't watch her grow up and become a famous painter like she'd told him she would. They'd never finish their painting for mother's day.

Slowly the sharp pain that she'd felt back in the funeral home came back with even greater strength. It was so intense, she gripped her chest in the hope that would make it stop.

Luz wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to leap down into the grave, bang her fists on the casket and beg her papá to come back to her.

She was seconds away from doing any one of those things or maybe even some combination of the three when she noticed the sound of sniffling come from next to her. She looked over and realized it was coming from Mamá.

For the first time since she'd told her about his death, Luz actually looked at her mamá. She saw the deep anguish on her face. Noticed the bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Saw the heavy stream of tears pouring from her eyes despite them already being extremely red. Even her usual bun was frayed and frazzled looking.

Luz gently tugged on the sleeve of her dress. "Mamá? Are you okay?"

She sniffled heavily and warbly replied "Si, Luz. I'm sorry Mija, I just....I can't....." And that was all she could choke out before breaking down into heavier sobs.

Seeing her crying like that, the pain that was in Luz's heart morphed into a deep twisting guilt.

She wasn't the only one who'd lost Papá. Mamá lost him too. She wouldn't be able to go on date nights with him anymore. She wouldn't be able to greet him with a kiss to the cheek when she came down to the kitchen for breakfast. Never get to have their "alone time" Tio Rosa said they had whenever they got Luz to watch her.

And here Luz was. Only thinking of herself. So caught up in her own feelings that she completely ignored how her mamá was feeling. How could she be so selfish?

Despite how tough it was, Luz stuffed all her pain and sadness down and took her mamá's hand. She gently rubbed circles into the back of her palm.

"It's alright mamá. I'm here for you."

She didn't have time to think only about herself. She couldn't be that selfish.

Someone else needed her.

[roman-writing]

bring home a haunting (8/12)

Fandom: The Haunting of Bly Manor

Pairing: Dani Clayton/Jamie Taylor

Rating: M

Wordcount: 39,139

Summary: Dani almost has her life together, when a familiar face arrives back in town after ten years. A childhood friends AU written with @youngbloodbuzz

read it below or read it on AO3 here

Sitting in the passenger seat of Judy’s car, Dani watched with unseeing eyes the familiar streets lined with trees and buildings she’d passed through a thousand times. Vaguely aware of the whorl of nerves coiling in her stomach, her thumb drifted to her mouth where she bit hard into the nail and skin.

“Nervous?” Judy asked from beside her.

“No,” Dani lied.

“What’s there to be nervous about?” Eddie said from the back seat, “She’s already qualified for State.”

“She’s never participated in an event this big before, idiot,” said Carson.

“Language,” Judy reprimanded with a stern stare to the rearview mirror, and then offered Dani a short, reassuring smile, “Don't be nervous, honey. Jamie’s going to do great.”

“I didn’t say I was,” Dani mumbled, but even as she said so, her heart rate picked up when they turned the corner and North Liberty High came into view. The school parking lot was already filling up by the time they pulled in, cars familiar and unfamiliar alike roving down lanes looking for space.

“Should’ve just walked,” Judy muttered under her breath as she expertly wove through vehicles and visitors crossing the lot.

Eventually Carson spotted a space and had to be physically pulled back by Eddie from running out the car to stand guard in the parking space for Judy. Finally parked and exiting Judy’s car, Dani exhaled softly in the spring air, her eyes zeroing on the modest stadium where she knew Jamie would already be and worried her lower lip with her teeth.

Eddie took one look at her and fondly rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry,” he said, grasping her wrist lightly, “I’m sure she already thinks she’s won anyways.”

“Probably, yeah.”

He smiled at her, a boyish grin that belied the growth he had gone through over the past year. He had shot up a foot, having grown out his lanky limbs into a broader frame that was more suited to his athletic occupations. Jamie had been quietly bitter over the development, having grown no higher herself, but it hadn’t stopped her from relentlessly mocking Eddie at one point for turning into a tree. By now used to Jamie’s teasing, Eddie hadn’t hesitated to turn Jamie’s mocking back on herself for inadvertently making a Tolkein reference. His smug smirk had faltered when Jamie merely gave him a dry blank stare and was gone altogether when she unceremoniously shoved him into a snowbank.

Shooting Eddie a faint smile now, Dani let him ease open her clenched fist to clasp their hands and lead them after Judy and Carson towards the stadium. It was nothing more than a large green turf and red track with bleachers and an announcers booth, but for a town as small as theirs, it was well suited to accommodate nearly the entire town.

The stands were already peppered with spectators in their seats. The pitch and the red track circling it already occupied by students warming up, and organizers, volunteers, and coaches milling about. As they climbed the steps, looking for enough space to seat the four of them, Dani couldn’t help glancing over her shoulder to cast her eyes around the field in search of a familiar head of dark curls, pressing her mouth together and squinting in the afternoon sun.

“Oh, over here!” Carson said, taking two steps at a time up the bleachers. Eddie tugged gently on her hand, guiding her attention away from the field and towards the seats Carson had found.

Once settled in between Carson and Eddie, Dani dug in her bag and pulled out her camera. Her pride and joy that she had gotten secondhand from a camera store in Cedar Rapids during one Christmas holiday after saving up months of her allowance. She stood from her seat and put the viewfinder up against her eye, adjusting until the entire field was in clear view. The camera gave a satisfying click when she pressed the shutter button and advanced the film.

Keeping the viewfinder against her eye in the pretense of taking another photo, Dani scanned the field, searching again for Jamie. But even from this distance, just a few rows away from the brick barricade separating the bleachers and the field, Dani couldn’t spot her anywhere.

Pulling the camera down, Dani said, “Um - I’ll be right back.“

“Where are you going?” Eddie asked with a curious frown.

“I’m going to look for Jamie.”

Carson’s eyes lit up and he shot up from his seat to follow as Dani began shuffling back down the bench. “I’m coming too!”

“Wish her good luck for us,” Judy said.

“I will.” Shooting Judy and Eddie a grin over her shoulder, Dani descended the stands with Carson following behind. “Do you see her anywhere?”

Carson bounced on his toes, craning his neck once they reached the barricade and shook his head. “You think if I climb this thing to get a better view, we’ll be in trouble?” Carson asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he tapped a hand against the ledge of the wall.

“I’m not letting you climb the barricade, Carson,” Dani said dryly.

“Not even for a cool picture?”

“No.”

“Just one?”

“No,” Dani laughed, and tugged him away by the sleeve of his t-shirt. “Come on, let’s check over here.”

“Does this place have vending machines?” Carson asked as they searched.

“Are you always thinking about food?” Dani asked, “I thought your mom brought snacks already.”

“She brought carrots and celery, that doesn’t count,” Carson grumbled.

Dani fondly shook her head, but didn’t deign to answer. The afternoon sun beated hot against Dani’s neck as they traversed through the stands, doing nothing to help the nerves under her skin. Scanning the turf, Dani only saw groups of students from multiple schools in their track uniforms of varying colors warming up and conversing together. Keeping an eye out for North Liberty’s distinct blue and white colors, Dani finally located a group further along the field past the stands, where the turf was separated by a tall chain link fence instead of brick.

Placing a hand over her eyes to block the sun, Dani squinted and was just able to make out Jamie’s head of curls as she warmed up with her teammates. Dani grinned at the sight of her, a warmth of pride settling over her.

“There she is,” Carson said, and cupped his hands around his mouth to yell, “Jamie!”

Jamie straightened upright and turned towards the sound with furrowed brows, brightening when she spotted them. She said something to who Dani recognized as Jamie’s coach before jogging her way over with a broad smile.

“Fancy seeing you lot here,” Jamie said when she reached them.

“Wanted to wish you good luck,” Carson said.

“Thanks,” Jamie said, “Appreciate that.”

Jamie smiled, but even as there was a tension to the lines of her mouth and her shoulders, she looked every bit a track athlete. She was already covered in a thin sheen of sweat from the hot weather and warm up. Her hair pulled back in a bun, a burst of freckles on her nose and the bluff of her cheeks from hours spent in the sun, and the uniform in their school colors had a race number bib attached to her shirt. Dani lingered on a strand of hair dangling over Jamie’s ear, itching to smooth it away.

“Dani’s nervous for you,” Carson said with a cheeky grin. Dani shot him a dirty look.

“Is she now?” Jamie said, a smirk slowly growing on her face, “Have no faith in me, Poppins?”

Dani sighed and rolled her eyes. “I know you’re not asking me that,” she said, “You’re going to do great.”

“Yeah, just try not to forget us little people when you make it big when you win gold at State,” Carson said, laughing and bouncing away when Jamie sneaked a hand through the fence to pinch his arm. “Now, seriously. Does this place have vending machines or not?”

Dani and Jamie shared a glance and they both shrugged. “Never seen one,” Dani said.

“Shit out of luck,” Jamie said with another smirk.

“God, this place sucks,” Carson groaned, and just as he said so, a voice over the speakers appeared to announce the event starting soon. “Guess we should head back.”

“You go ahead,” Dani said, taking a step closer towards the fence. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

Carson saluted as he began backstepping away, and gave Jamie one last broad smile. “Good luck, Jamie! Bring home the bacon!”

Sending a salute back, Jamie chuckled as they watched him march away. “He does remember I don’t like bacon right?” She asked when he was out of ear shot.

“He has been obsessing over food lately,” Dani mused with a tilt of her head. When she turned to face Jamie, she was met with Jamie already looking at her with a fond grin. “So, how are you feeling?”

Jamie shrugged, folding her arms and leaning a shoulder against the fence as she turned to scan the field. “Good. Excited. Ready to go and sweep this lot off the board,” she said with a nod of her chin towards the turf.

“Sure, you’re just bouncing off the walls,” Dani said dryly, taking in the stony expression in the slant of Jamie’s profile and the taut lines of her jaw. Jamie huffed out a breath of laughter and gave Dani a faint wry grin. Dan’s smile softened. “How are you really?”

Exhaling slowly, Jamie shrugged again, pushing off against the fence to shift her weight from foot to foot. Fingers tapping restlessly against her arm. “I’m all right,” Jamie said, and met her eyes, “I promise.”

Looking at her for a quiet moment, Dani said, “I’m sorry Nan couldn’t make it.”

Jamie shook her head lightly. “Mikey’s been acting up, and so’s her knee. S’not a big deal, really,” she said, “Besides, the old cow promised to be there for the State Championships in Des Moines. I’d rather have her there, than here. And I know she’s put you up to taking a hundred photos for her, so there’s that.”

“I only brought two film rolls.”

Jamie tutted. “Slacker.”

Chuckling softly, Dani softened when the tension in Jamie’s shoulders remained. She couldn’t help but repeat, “You’re going to do great.”

“I know,” Jamie said, visibly refraining from rolling her eyes.

“Then prove it.”

Jamie paused and blinked at her. Her mouth slowly curved into a smile. “Prove it, huh?”

Dani nodded. “Win something today, and I’ll write your English essay for you. And I’ll buy lunch for a week.”

Eyes looking Dani up and down, scrutinizing her with an arched eyebrow, Jamie said, “Bullshit, you won’t.”

Gamely, Dani held up her pinky finger through the fence. Jamie’s eyes flickered down to it and she chuckled, shaking her head. “You drive a hard bargain,” she said, and linked their pinkies. With a pleased smile, Dani made to pull her hand away, but Jamie tangled their fingers against the warm metal fence, holding on tight with a smirk. “And if I lose -?”

“You won’t.”

Jamie snorted, but still held fast. “If I lose terribly, what do I get then?”

Feigning to think for a moment, Dani tilted her head and pursed her lips. “A tin of mint and deodorant.”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

Dani laughed, and finally said, “I’ll stop making you listen to disco.”

Jamie’s eyes lit up. “A girl after my own heart,” she said, “Maybe I should lose after all.”

“Don’t be dumb,” Dani said, jostling their hands, laughing when Jamie winked. An idea suddenly occurred to her. “Here, wait.”

Wiggling her hand free from Jamie’s tight grasp with breathless laughter, Dani pulled her blue scrunchie out of her hair, smoothing her hair from its ponytail. “Give me your hand,” she said, and waited until Jamie pushed her hand through the chain link fence to wrap the scrunchie around her wrist. “There. A favor, for good luck.”

Jamie didn’t respond for a long moment, staring quietly down at the scrunchie with an unreadable expression. “Thanks,” she murmured finally, her eyes flickering to Dani’s, her expression warm with a teasing quirk to her mouth, “I’ll make sure to bring it back to you in one piece.”

“You better,” Dani said, “That’s my favorite one.”

“Noted.”

“Now, come on, quick. I want to take before and after photos.”

Jamie groaned and fussed, but eventually acquiesced to Dani’s wishes. She stepped back just enough for Dani to poke the camera lens through the fence to get a wide shot of her. Only appearing just slightly bashful and annoyed with good-natured grumbling under the attention, Jamie smiled broadly, her hair russet under the sun as the shutter clicked. Just as Dani advanced the film, Jamie crossed her eyes as Dani sneaked another shot.

“Really?” Dani said, pulling down the camera to give Jamie a look.

Just as Jamie shrugged, giving her a look of pure innocence, there was another announcement on the stereo system. “That’s my cue,” Jamie said, already slowly backing up. “Try not to worry too much.”

Dani rolled her eyes, but smiled. “Good luck.”

“Got all the luck I need right here,” Jamie said, holding up her wrist to display Dani’s scrunchie, and winked before starting towards the turf in a jog. Dani watched her go with a fond smile.

When Dani finally returned to the O’Mara’s, Eddie wasn’t in his seat. “Where’s Eddie?” She asked Carson when she sat down.

“Over there,” Carson said, pointing a little ways away across the stands. Dani blinked in surprised to find Eddie sitting next to Roger, the pair chatting happily. Before Dani could even inquire, Judy was handing her a bottle of sunscreen.

“How is she, honey?” Judy asked.

“A little nervous, but I think she’s going to be okay,” she replied, absentmindedly applying sunscreen to her skin, her attention flickering over towards Eddie and Roger curiously.

“And she has two events today?”

“Just three,” Dani replied, “She has another three tomorrow.”

“Oh, good. Another day of stress,” Carson muttered.

Handing the sunscreen bottle to Carson, Dani watched as Eddie stood, gesturing towards their little group. Roger’s eyes flitted over and caught Dani’s. She sent him a small wave and smile that he returned before he bid Eddie goodbye.

“I’ve been to more games and sporting events than I can think, but it never gets any easier,” Judy said, chuckling, “Watching you kids put your heart and soul into your interests and have to watch you compete afterwards. Always puts me on the edge of my seat.”

“That’s why I got into drumming,” Carson said.

“You mean giving me a headache,” Judy replied, laughing when Carson rolled his eyes. She ran an affectionate hand over his hair. Of all the O’Mara boys, he was the only one to happily receive such affection without self-consciously shrinking away.

Eddie returned to his seat at that moment, grinning at her. “All good?”

Dani nodded, and asked, “Was that Roger?”

“Oh, yeah. Thought I’d go say hi.”

“What’s he doing here?”

Eddie shrugged. “Just likes track, I guess.”

With a faint frown, Dani spared another curious glance over to Roger to find him leaning his elbows on his knees, watching the field with an eager interest. Shrugging, Dani returned her attention to the field, scanning the area where she had found Jamie, and finding her again, clustered around her coach and team as the conference gradually began. She exhaled slowly, a feeling of anxious energy building under skin, a burbling that didn’t dissipate even through the first event Jamie wasn’t even participating in.

She’d been here before. Watching Jamie’s previous track meets, happily cheering her on. Sitting on the sidelines during Eddie’s baseball games or tennis matches. Supporting and heckling the twins in equal measure during their own individual sporting events. She’d been nervous and exhilliterated. But not like this. Not when Jamie seemed so determined for the first time to make something of this. For putting in the effort and concentration that she only spared for her gardening, and occasionally the people surrounding her. With all the pressure building within her chest and coiling her shoulders, all Dani could do was wait and watch as events flew by.

They were relegated to watching nearly an hour of long distance events, before finally the relays began. In the few years Dani’s spent watching Jamie’s races, she’s learned a thing or two — that their school fell under the 2A classification, meaning Jamie and her team would be racing second for all events. The first race went by without any fanfare from their group, but when Jamie and her teammates lined up on the track as the second group to race, Dani could hear her heartbeat in her ears.

“Oh, I can’t watch,” Judy groaned, burying her face in her palm.

“She’s gonna be fine,” Carson said, his eyes glued to the field.

“Is she though?” Eddie said warily, “She’s good, but this is her weakest event.”

“What would you know?” Carson said, “You’re a third baseman.”

Eddie sputtered. “What -? What does that even mean?”

“Means you suck at running.”

“Third base is hard! And - and I’m a power hitter!” Eddie said, “And I’m just saying — that girl Sara slows the team down.”

“And you’re slowing my brain cells.”

“Could you both shut up,” Dani groaned, struggling to not pull at her hair.

They both blessedly stopped bickering over her head with sheepish grins. Dani didn’t really notice. She was too busy watching Jamie warm up at her spot as the fourth runner in the relay in what Dani had learned was the anchor position. The most important of all four racers. From this distance, Dani couldn’t see Jamie’s face but from the way she couldn’t seem to keep still, Dani knew she was anxious to go.

When the first runners got in position at the starting blocks, they watched with bated breath as the starting pistol was triggered and they shot off. Dani could barely watch, knowing Eddie was right in some form or another. The team was good, but not enough to pull ahead all together. When the baton was finally in Jamie’s hands and she took off like a shot around the last bend, not even her speed could catch up with the runners ahead of her. Dani felt her stomach sink when Jamie crossed the finish line in fourth place and slowed to a stop, hands on her hips, and even from where they were sitting, she looked —

“Oh,” Eddie murmured, wincing, “I’ve seen that face before. She’s - uh.”

“Pissed?” Carson finished for him wryly.

“It’s all right,” Judy said, patting Carson’s arm, though she sounded just as anxious as before, “Just shaking off the nerves now. She’s got two more events.”

Dani exhaled slowly, eyes unmoving from Jamie, watching as she marched off the track with tightened fists. Her expression stony and her jaw visibly clenched. Dani’s thumb drifted between her teeth as Jamie fiddled with the scrunchie around her wrist and made her way over to her teammates and coach. A hand wrapped around Dani’s own wrist, pulling her thumb gently away from her mouth. She blinked at Eddie as his hand drifted down from her wrist to hold hers in a loose grasp.

“She’s fine,” he said with a reassuring grin. “She’s got the four hundred next. That’s her bread and butter, remember?”

She bit her lip and nodded, letting him hold her hand for a moment before pulling away to join Carson on stress eating the snacks Judy had brought for them. They were indeed of the healthy kind, but of the celery and peanut butter, and carrots and dip variety. As she ate, the reassurance of Jamie’s strongest race settled her nerves somewhat. She’d always been better at the middle distance races than full on sprints or the lengthy marathons. And by the restless energy Dani could see as Jamie paced the turf like a caged beast, Dani knew the previous loss would spur on whatever storm was brewing within her.

They settled in to watching races they didn’t particularly care for but commented mindlessly on anyways. Beside her, Carson was gnawing on a helpless piece of carrot as he kept up mindless anxious chatter with Judy while Eddie restlessly bounced his knee. Feeling far-flung and overwrought, Dani almost nudged him hard in the ribs to get him to stop, feeling the seat vibrate beneath her from the movement, when finally the four hundred meters event was announced to start.

Even as they were made to sit through the boys races before the girls could go, Dani inhaled a slow steadying breath, her fists clenched in her lap and clutching at the fabric of her dress until finally, it was time. The crowd seemed just as eager to get the race going just as much as they did, having cheered wildly during the boys races. The sound reverberated in Dani’s chest as they watched the first round of girls line up at the starting blocks and take off down the track, rounding the entire turf and crossing the line. A small group further along the stands cheered loudly at the resulting winner.

“Think that’ll be us in five minutes?” Carson said, and chuckled, sounding just short of strained as beside him, Judy clutched her cross necklace with her eyes closed, murmuring a prayer under her breath.

Dani didn’t answer, zeroing her eyes on Jamie immediately, as though tethered together by a thread, watching as Jamie made her way to the fifth lane. Brow furrowed, shoulders rigid, and fiddling again with the blue scrunchie. Dani pushed to her feet, biting her lip as her stomach coiled uncomfortably. Vaguely aware of the others following suit, Dani took another photo just for something to do with her hands than to ring them together or to bite deep into the skin of her thumb.

Jamie visibly exhaled between pursed lips and turned to scan the crowd with a piercing stare, hands braced on her hips. Carson waved enthusiastically, calling Jamie’s name. At the sound, Jamie’s gaze flickered to their location and when she finally spotted them, they cheered and waved. With a faint smile and nod, Jamie raised her hand in a furtive wave in return, shifting her weight from foot to foot, and returned her sharp gaze to the track, the line of her jaw taut. Dani exhaled slowly, feeling something inside her settle at the determination in Jamie’s expression. A fixed point of certainty spooling over her as Jamie got into position at the starting block.

The starting pistol went off with a small bang and Jamie took off like a shot. Dani held her breath. Arms pumping and feet pounding as she rounded the first bend, Jamie moved faster than Dani’s ever seen her. She watched with unblinking eyes, holding her breath, hearing Carson mutter encouragements under his breath, spurring Jamie on as he bounced on his toes.

“Come on, come on,” Dani murmured repeatedly.

Halfway down the track, Jamie was holding steady at third place until they reached the second bend. As though hearing Dani’s murmured prayers in the wind, a rush of energy seemed to push her forward. Like a spark had lit beneath her feet, Jamie sprinted past the remaining runners.

Carson grasped her arm. “Oh, my god. Oh, my  god. Is she -?”

“She’s pulling ahead!” Eddie finished, disbelief and excitement in his voice all at once.

Dani watched wide eyed and unhearing, her heart pounding against her ribs, cheering Jamie on with the O’Mara’s as Jamie pulled further and further ahead and crossed the finish line. Jamie slowed to a stop, breathing heavy, her hands folded behind her head, almost in disbelief as the announcer called out her time and new conference record.

Carson jostled Dani’s shoulder, cheering wildly and bouncing on his feet. Dani laughed, a swell of pride filling her chest as she watched a slow smile emerge on Jamie’s face, relief and triumph set in her shoulders as she accepted congratulations from her coach and teammates. But when Jamie turned to face the stands again, her gaze searching and landing on the group waving enthusiastically towards her, Jamie’s smile broadened and she made a beeline straight for the stands, her eyes set intently on Dani. Before Dani knew what she was doing, she was shuffling down the bench past the perplexed but laughing O’Mara’s and hopping down the stairs towards the brick barricade.

Her skin abuzz and her heart going a mile a minute, Dani laughed as Jamie hopped easily on equipment lining the barricade to scale the brickwork and hang from the ledge by her arms. She met Dani with a crooked grin and a bright glint in her eyes. “So, you were sayin’ something about free lunch?” Jamie teased.

Dani laughed and nodded. “I always keep my promises.”

“I know you do,” Jamie said with a smug smirk.

There was a bright flush to Jamie’s cheeks and a newfound cockiness about her that Dani made Dani pause, blinking down with a charmed smile. She placed a hand on Jamie’s arm that was straining against the weight of holding herself up, and leaned down to press a kiss to Jamie’s cheek.

“I’m so proud of you,” Dani said.

Jamie blinked up at her, eyes just short of wide. Her mouth curved into a slow smile, affection blooming across her face. She reached up and tugged gently on a strand of Dani’s hair. “Thanks, Poppins,” she murmured, coiling the strand around a finger, “Means a lot coming from you.”

“I know,” Dani repeated, grinning when Jamie huffed out a laugh and shook her head.

“Taylor! Get down from there!”

With a grimace, the pair glanced back towards Jamie’s coach who stood scowling at them from the turf with his hand on his hips.

“Sorry!” Jamie called back, not sounding sorry at all. She turned back to Dani and shot her one last grin. “Back to it, then.”

“Good luck,” Dani said. When Jamie finally dropped down, she called out, “Wait! One more photo!”

As Jamie laughed, Dani raised her camera just in time to capture it. When she lowered the camera, Jamie winked and began stepping backwards, her mouth quirked in that cocky grin, her eyes unmoving from Dani as she raised the hem of her shirt to wipe the sweat from her face, revealing her toned stomach.

“Taylor!” barked Jamie’s coach.

Dani chuckled and shook her head as Jamie rolled her eyes. Giving Dani one last smile, she turned and jogged back on the field. Dani remained there for a moment longer, watching with keen amusement as Jamie’s coach pointed at Jamie’s shirt in a clear display of admonishment. Jamie merely shrugged in response, visibly unmoved. Snickering, Dani finally returned to her seat.

In the end, Jamie only managed to win the one medal for the day, just barely missing out on third place for the eight hundred meter event by milliseconds. But even so, Jamie didn’t seem as bothered as before from losing, still riding the high from her record making win. At the end of the day’s events during the small medal ceremony, Jamie stood with her shoulders straight as the ribbon was placed around her neck. She displayed nothing more than a small crooked grin and a nod of the head in thanks to the medal bearer, but as Dani clicked photo after photo by the barricade, the image of Jamie through the viewfinder told a different story, capturing Jamie’s quiet pride and happiness.

After the ceremony, the crowd becoming restless to disperse to their cars, Jamie sent them a wave before retreating back to the school to change. While Carson and Judy wandered down the field to take a look around and greet Jamie’s coach, Eddie remained with Dani at the barricade to watch the ongoings of the stadium as they waited for Jamie to return.

“Still nervous?” Eddie asked with a teasing grin, leaning his hip on the barricade next to her.

Dani chuckled. “Ask me again tomorrow.”

“You got it.”

“I still can’t believe she broke the record,” Dani said, shaking her head with a broad smile.

Eddie nodded, looking incredulous for all his reassurances. “I knew she was fast, but not that fast.”

“She’s always full of surprises.”

“She’s going to be annoying about it too,” Eddie grumbled with a good natured grin.

Dani laughed and hit him lightly in the stomach. “Don’t be mean.”

He jerked back with an exaggerated motion, pressing a hand to his stomach with a chuckle. He looked at her with quiet affection, wearing a small smile, and asked, “Have you got any plans for later today?”

“I was going to go over to Jamie’s,” Dani said, “Want to see Nan’s face when she sees Jamie’s medal.”

“Sounds fun.” He nodded again and scratched the back of his neck, a bashful smile emerging on his face. Dani’s eyebrows furrowed slightly at the display. “So, I was thinking we should do something together soon. Just us.”

“Oh, yeah?” she said absently.

“I was thinking,” Eddie continued, a flush creeping up his cheeks, “We could go to the movies and get dinner some place that isn’t Big Bills for once. Or maybe to the botanical gardens. You like that place, right? We could go there and —" He paused, breathing out a laugh, “Um. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“Really? I didn’t notice,” she said dryly, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“Or, you could come to a party with me," he said quickly. "There's one at Roger's house next weekend. What do you say?"

Dani hesitated. “A party?”

“Yeah, I could pick you up and we could walk there? Roger just lives a few blocks away,” he said, “It’ll be fun, I promise.”

Biting her lip, Dani felt herself slowly nod. “Okay,” she murmured, unable to keep from smiling when his expression brightened, reaching forward to grasp her hand.

All too soon, Jamie made her return, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt as she ambled on the field, her medal proudly on display around her neck. Dani felt her shoulders drop at the sight of her, her smile softening as she watched Carson spot Jamie first and nearly took her off her feet in a running hug. Dani could hear Jamie’s laugh from here. Jamie ruffled Carson’s hair and accepted a hug from a visibly emotional Judy, letting Judy clasp her cheeks with a crooked grin and fond roll of her eyes. Beside her, Eddie laughed.

“Classic O’Mara treatment,” Eddie said, “I bet they have a whole cake planned for her.”

“And what about you?” Dani asked, still watching the scene on the field unfold.

She felt Eddie shrug. “Twenty bucks.” Dani shot him a perplexed look. He huffed out a sheepish laugh, and admitted, “She bet me she’d win gold before I could in tennis. Kinda already knew I didn’t stand a chance, but — ”  

“You couldn’t resist,” Dani finished for him, rolling her eyes. “Idiots. The both of you.”

“You love us,” Eddie said with a broad grin, and nodded his head towards the field, “C’mon, they’re waiting for us.”

Her hand still clasped in Eddie’s, he guided her down to the field. They were greeted with Jamie catching sight of them and smirking. “Where’s my money, Ed?”

Eddie gave a long suffering sigh and handed her a twenty dollar bill. “Congratulations,” he grumbled but couldn’t hide his grin.

“Thanks, mate,” Jamie said, happily stuffing the bill in her pocket.

“You two are making bets again?” Judy admonished.

“Just a bit of fun,” Jamie said with a shrug and shot Judy her best innocent grin. Judy sighed and fondly shook her head.

“All right, missy. I know what you’re doing with that face,” Judy said, chuckling when Jamie’s grin turned impish, and gestured towards Dani. “Now, come on, I want some pictures.”

With only a minor amount of grumbling, Jamie acquiesced to more photos with the group. After the last photo of Jamie with Judy hugging her close by the shoulders, Dani was running out of film. At Judy’s insistence, Dani handed over her camera and was nudged towards Jamie with a hand to her back. Dani caught Jamie’s eyes and they shared a furtive roll of their eyes and smiles, but Dani’s was quick to drop when Jamie slung an arm around her shoulders and dragged the still clammy skin of her cheek along Dani’s.

“Ew, gross. Get off me,” Dani groaned, squirming and elbowing Jamie in the ribs. But Jamie just laughed and pulled her closer where Dani inevitably sank into her embrace, forgetting everything else as a thrill spread across her skin at Jamie’s arm around her, steady and warm. 

--

“How’d you get on?” Nan called out from the kitchen when Jamie slammed the door shut behind them.

Still flushed with victory, Jamie marched through the house with Dani trailing behind her, removing the medal from around her neck so that she could hold it up by the ribbon like a hunter returning from the woods holding aloft an antler-crowned trophy. Standing at the counter and making sandwiches, Nan glanced over her shoulder, eyebrows rising in surprise when she saw Jamie’s prize.

“Well, well,” she said and set down the knife she had been wielding to spread mustard across a few slices of bread. “Let’s see it, then.”

Nan wiped her hands on the front of her apron before holding out her hand. Jamie let her have the medal and Nan turned it over for inspection. “We’ll have to put this one on the mantelpiece,” she mused aloud and Jamie beamed at the unexpected place of honor. Nan noticed with a wry smile. She handed the medal back. “Go on and put it on display. Your lunch is almost ready. And then you can take a shower. You need it.”

Jamie did not even balk at the little jab, and she grabbed back the medal, already hurrying into the cramped living room. There, she cleared a space on the mantelpiece over the small fireplace, pushing aside photographs and arranging it so that the medal sat front and center. Dani watched, leaning against the narrow doorway between the kitchen and the living room, arms crossed, smile broad.

Nan had returned to finishing up with sandwich assembly. “She put it right in the middle, did she?” Nan asked.

Dani shrugged helplessly in reply. Jamie was still fussing with the drape of the ribbon and the best angle of the medal so it might catch the gleam of sunlight.

Rolling her eyes, Nan muttered, “Christ. She’s going to be insufferable for weeks. You get the pictures?"

Dani waggled her camera and then set it on the counter. "Lots."

"Good," Nan said. Then she sighed, setting their sandwiches on small plates and calling out, “Don’t dawdle, Jamie. Come eat.”

Jamie purposefully bumped Dani’s shoulder as she passed, the two of them sharing grins and moving into the kitchen to take their plates. Dani sat across from Nan, but Jamie made a detour to the fridge to grab a pop for herself.

“Want one?” she asked, holding up a bottle.

Mouth already full of a bite, Dani lowered the sandwich and shook her head. Jamie kicked the refrigerator shut and made her way to the table. When she dropped into the middle seat, Nan gave her an inquiring gesture of one hand. “What? None for me?”

Jamie looked at her, then looked pointedly at the half full cup of tea at Nan’s elbow, then back again. Nan blinked down at the tea in surprise.

“Forget about that again, did you?” Jamie teased.

Lifting the cup and taking a sip, Nan glowered sullenly over it and Dani had to bite back a snort of laughter. The two did not look particularly alike most days apart from the square of their jaws. Nan’s eyes were a bright and inescapable blue, whereas Jamie’s were gray. Nan had hair like a torch in autumn struck through with white, whereas Jamie’s was dark and curly. Sometimes when they faced the same direction Dani could see the relation. Other times, like now, when they glowered and growled, the resemblance was uncanny.

“Where’s Mikey?” Dani asked before Jamie could say something to ruin Nan’s good mood. The two of them together could turn the weather from sun to storm in a snap.

“Asleep,” Nan answered and lowered her cup of tea. “For once.”

Taking a sip of her pop, Jamie made the sign of the cross at the news.

“So, no rough-housing or yelling,” Nan warned.

Jamie shot her an incredulous look. “Yelling? Have you met Dani?”

Dani froze at the mention of her name, teeth half buried into another bite of her lunch.

“Aye, and I’ve met you as well,” Nan said dryly. “I mean it. Let him sleep. And if anyone wakes him, so help me God –”

“Yeah, we get it. Keep your knickers on,” Jamie said.

Nan opened her mouth and she had a flinty glint in her eye, so Dani spoke quickly, “Thank you for lunch.”

Instead of being mollified, Nan simply narrowed her eyes in Dani’s direction. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” she said even as she picked up her own sandwich. “Being all charming as usual to make up for this one’s mouth.”

Both Jamie and Dani gave her their best innocent looks.

Nan sighed and looked heavenward. “A newborn, I can handle, but – dear Lord – save me from teenagers.”

Feeling a nudge against her foot, Dani glanced over to find Jamie smirking at her from around the bottle of cola. Jamie winked and Dani put her foot atop hers, resulting in a silent tussle beneath the table where they each tried to keep their foot atop the other’s. It would have passed unnoticed but for the way Jamie’s knee knocked the underside and the table rattled.

Nan appeared not at all surprised by these antics and was already reaching out to stabilise her cup of tea so it did not spill. “I suppose you’ll be staying the night as well?” she asked Dani.

“Can she?” Jamie asked.

“Only if that’s all right,” Dani added.

“I won today,” Jamie reminded Nan in a wheedling tone.

Nan rolled her eyes, looking exasperated, “Aye, I know that. And I didnae say she couldn’t.” Immediately Jamie brightened. That was until Nan asked, “Does your mother know?”

Chewing on the last bite of her sandwich, Dani lifted a hand to her mouth and nodded.

“Fine,” Nan relented.

“Can we have takeaway tonight?” Jamie asked.

Nan shot her a warning look. When it seemed that Jamie would continue, Nan said, “If you say you’ve won that bloody race one more time –”

“I wasn’t going to,” Jamie insisted.

Nan hummed a suspicious note. “I’ll think about it.”

Which of course meant it was in the bag. This time however Jamie did not let the triumph show so easily on her face. She changed the topic quickly before Nan could change her mind, and they finished lunch with a blow-by-blow recount of the race, in which Nan fact-checked Jamie’s claims with Dani, who verified or otherwise called out Jamie’s hyperboles.

When they’d finished, Jamie pushed back from the table and rose to her feet. “I’m off to have that shower.”

Nan scowled up at her. “You’ll do the washing up first.”

“I’ll –” Dani started to say.

“No,” said both Nan and Jamie at the same time, wearing identical expressions.

“– take a shower instead,” Dani finished weakly.

Clearing her throat, Dani excused herself from the table with a murmur, but the other two were already back to their usual bickering.

“ – Going to make her do your chores for you –”

“I wasn’t!”

“Keep your voice down!”

“You’re the one who -!”

“If you wake that baby, I will kill you.”

Jamie’s voice lowered to a theatrical whisper as she repeated, “You’re the one who –”

Dani did not wait around to hear the rest. Their hissing faded as she wandered down the hall towards the only shower in the house. She paused to open the hot water closet and pull out a spare towel on the way. The bathroom, like the rest of the house, was kept exceptionally clean but somehow general wear and age made it feel dingy.

She kept the shower short, knowing full well that the hot water in this house was limited to fifteen minutes at most before it dropped down to just shy of cold. Stepping out, she wrapped herself in a towel. The tiny mirror was chipped at the edges and completely fogged up so that she appeared to be a silhouette with dark smudges for eyes. She wiped it clean with her hand and opened a drawer in the vanity. There was no hairdryer. Dani merely dragged a comb through her hair, parting it just so in the mirror.

By the time she stepped out, pink-cheeked, still wrapped in a towel, clothes clutched to her chest, Jamie had finished with the dishes and was lounging in her room, waiting. She was propped on her narrow bed, one arm folded behind her head, while her other hand held open a paperback. It was not, Dani was relieved to see, the same dirty dime novel Jamie had stolen from David. In fact, the cover had been torn off in what appeared to be a deliberate act of vandalism, which was suspicious in and of itself.

“It’s all yours,” Dani said as she walked into the room, keeping a careful hand pinched tight at the fold of the towel across her chest.

Jamie glanced at her, returned to the book, then did a double take. Immediately she sat bolt upright, legs hanging over the side of her bed so that she faced away from Dani. “Jesus Christ,” she said, her accent thick. “Didn’t you take clothes into the bathroom with you?”

Setting her old clothes onto a corner of the mattress, Dani began rummaging through the chest of drawers for the spare set of pajamas she always wore while staying the night, which consisted of one of Jamie’s old t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants rolled up to the ankle. “I thought I’d change in here while you were in the shower.”

“Right,” Jamie said tightly and she cleared her throat, still not looking around. “Makes sense.”

Feeling slightly awkward, Dani lowered herself onto the edge of the mattress opposite Jamie. She crossed her legs at the ankle and kept her knees firmly pressed together. As if peering through her fingers at some kind of horror show, Jamie slowly peeked over her shoulder.

“Well?” Dani asked. “What are you waiting for?”

“What?” Jamie asked dumbly, her expression oddly neutral.

“Aren’t you going to -?” Dani made a furtive gesture towards the door and the hallway outside.

“Right,” Jamie repeated. “Right. Yeah.”

She dropped the paperback onto her bedside table, snatched up some clothes from the floor, and rose stiffly to her feet before walking out without a second glance in Dani’s direction. She shut the door in her wake, so that Dani was alone in her room. There was no familiar creak of footsteps across the old carpet, and for a long moment Dani listened for it in absolute puzzlement. Then, finally, a creak and another, and then the click of the bathroom door across the hall.

“Weird,” Dani muttered under her breath when she heard the muted spray of the shower open up through the walls.

Standing, she dropped the towel and pulled on the spare set of clothes. The old set she folded neatly for tomorrow and piled them atop the chest of drawers. Then with a long drawn out sigh Dani sprawled atop bedsheets that smelled like warmth and comfort. Sunlight slanted across her, warming her skin so that when she closed her eyes the room faded away in a wash of red. It was only when she grew too warm, when her skin prickled against the cotton fabric of Jamie’s t-shirt, that Dani rolled over into a patch of shade.

When she opened her eyes, the nightstand and its contents were waiting for her. The defaced book. A glass of near empty water. A battered pocket knife. An old-fashioned wristwatch turned on its side so that the face was clearly visible. Dani reached out and curled her fingers around it so she could flop onto her back and inspect it more closely. The watch had always seemed slightly too large for Jamie, something for her to grow into perhaps. Turning it over in her hands, Dani paused when she found Jamie’s name etched into the leather band as if by the careful tip of a knife, except it wasn’t in Jamie’s handwriting.

The door opened and Dani nearly dropped the watch directly onto her face. She fumbled with it and looked up as Jamie walked in, short wet hair clipped into a messy half bun, half-dressed already but with a towel still held around herself.

“Forgot a shirt,” Jamie mumbled, pulling open a drawer.

There was a glimpse of jean shorts beneath the towel, but the skin of her arms was still damp, her shoulders exposed. Dani’s eyes lingered over the old burn scar at one of Jamie’s shoulders. Too wide for a cigarette or even a cigar. Jamie had told her once it was an accident with a pot of boiling water, but had left it at that. And Dani had never pried.

When it appeared that Jamie was going to return to the bathroom, shirt in tow, Dani said, “You can just change here. I won’t look.”

A pause, and then Jamie shut the door, enclosing them inside her room, alone. She still hadn’t turned towards Dani since entering, and now Dani rolled back over into the patch of sunlight so that she faced away. Behind her she could hear the quick rustle of fabric, followed by a thump as the towel was tossed into the far corner of the room with the rest of the dirty laundry.

Hesitantly, Dani shuffled around on the bed, the mattress creaking beneath her, to find that Jamie was finishing up tucking a shirt into the waistband of her shorts.

Jamie glanced up. “Hand that over, won’t you?” she asked, holding out her hand.

For a moment Dani wondered what she was talking about, until she remembered she was still holding the watch. Wordlessly, she held it out and watched Jamie fasten it at her wrist.

“What did you want to do today?” Jamie asked, dropping onto the bed beside her.

Dani shrugged against the sheets and made space for the two of them. Even so the bed was small enough that being pressed up against one another was inevitable. “I’m not sure. I was just hoping to relax, I guess. And, y’know –”

“Get away from your mum?” Jamie finished for her.

“Yeah. And everything else.”

Jamie’s brow furrowed. She had situated herself against the pillows, half sitting up, one leg outstretched and the other bent so that she lounged. She cocked her head, looking curiously down at Dani sprawled beside her. “School?”

“Mmm,” Dani hummed, toying with a loose thread at the hem of the shirt she wore. “Mom wasn’t too thrilled about my grades this semester.”

Jamie rolled her eyes. “Did you get an A minus for once in your life?”

Cheeks flushing in embarrassment, Dani glared at her. “It wasn’t a – You know we graduate in two years, right?”

“How could I forget? Counting down the days until I’m out of this shit school.”

“Well, colleges look at this kind of thing pretty closely.”

“They’re not going to care about your A minus, Poppins. I guarantee it.”

“It was a B plus,” Dani muttered.

Jamie actually seemed surprised by this news. “In what? Astrophysics?”

Dani shoved playfully at her shoulder and Jamie had to stop herself from falling off the narrow mattress by grabbing hold of the bedside table, snickering. “I’m being serious, Jamie.”

“So am I,” Jamie said. “Nobody will care, except your mum, but she’s mental. And besides, once you’re away, you’re away laughing, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you can just –“ Jamie made an expansive motion towards the window. “- go. Wherever you want. To all those places you talked about seeing.”

The travel fund jar Jamie had given her for Christmas was still a staple of Dani’s room back at home. It was filed with cheap change and the occasional crumpled bill. There were even a few bits of paper with the letters ‘IOU’ scrawled across in various peoples’ handwriting – Jamie, mostly, but also Eddie and Carson and even one from Tommy after she had helped him back into his house late one evening while Judy was asleep. If there was more than fifty dollars in that jar, Dani would be shocked.

After all this time, the idea itself seemed absurd. Emptying out the jar across her bed. Leaving home. Not knowing where she might end up. Going somewhere – anywhere – with all her worldly possessions in a single bag.

"Do you ever get homesick?" Dani asked suddenly.

"No," said Jamie. And then, "Yes. Why?"

Dani shrugged. "I don't know. I've never been away from anywhere, I guess. So, I don't know what it feels like."

Jamie hummed a low and thoughtful note. "Feels like," she said, "wanting to be in your own bed."

Dani tried to imagine wanting to be in her own bed and ended up wrinkling her nose.

Jamie noticed and gave a little huff of laughter. "All right, then. More like — I dunno. You know how you go to the supermarket, and you recognise all the brands? It's like that."

"Homesickness," Dani repeated slowly, "is like grocery shopping?"

"No, it's -" Jamie dragged a hand down her face and sighed. "It's wanting that. Missing that. The knowing. The certainty."

"What if you know the brands in both places?" Dani asked. "In England and America."

Jamie blinked at her then let her arm flop back to her side and replied, "Then I'll miss both, I suppose."

"I much prefer being here. Your bed is better than mine."

"Smaller, though," Jamie pointed out.

Dani shrugged. Jamie was watching her fondly. Her hair had begun to dry in curls. Dani reached up to tuck one behind her ear. “You should really use those hair clips I got you.”

Jamie had gone very still and only seemed to come to when Dani lowered her hand. “Nan uses them instead,” she said, then bumped Dani’s knee with her own. “I got you something as well. One sec.”

She bounced off the bed and went rummaging around in her school bag for something. Dani rolled onto her stomach, knees bent so that her heels curved towards her thighs, and she rested her chin on her crossed arms, waiting. When Jamie stood and held out her hand, Dani perked up and took what was being offered.

It was a black cassette tape. A piece of plain white tape had been stuck to the front and atop it scrawled in permanent marker the words  ‘Jamie’s Mixtape (1978).’ Dani turned it over in her hands in search of any more information regarding tracks and contents, but found none.

“Can we listen to it?” she asked.

Looking almost sheepish, Jamie rubbed at the back of her neck. “Yeah. Sure. Though –” she cast a quick glance over her shoulder towards the door. “We’ll need to keep it down. Otherwise I’ll be murdered.”

“Not me though?” Dani countered with a grin.

“Nah. She likes you.”

The little Panasonic radio Jamie kept in her room had a cassette player as well. Lifting it from the floor by its silver handle, Jamie brought it with her onto the bed. Dani handed over the cassette and Jamie popped it into place, switching on the radio and then very quickly turning it down to the lowest volume setting. She offered the radio to Dani, who placed it snugly between them, so that it was cradled atop the mattress.

The faint breathy strains of the first song began to play and Jamie reached for her book on the table beside her. There were plenty of other books Dani could have read. She could have even wandered back out to the living room and retrieved the current book she was reading from her bag, but she did not move. It was only when Jamie flipped a page that Dani shifted the radio so that she could set her head in Jamie’s lap and loosely curl up into a ball on the mattress.

Her eyes fluttered shut when she felt one of Jamie’s hands begin to thread through her hair. The movements were slow, almost hesitant. Jamie would stop every so often to turn a page, but always inevitably her hand would be drawn back, fingers carding through Dani’s hair, nails lightly scratching against her scalp until Dani was lulled by touch and music, listening as though from miles away. Even when Jamie had to pause and set down her book in order to flip the tape over to the B side, Dani only gave a murmur of complaint until Jamie’s hand found its way back into her hair.

The day was unseasonably warm for spring, vernal verging on summer. The B side of the tape was far more energetic than the previous side, the songs tailored to Jamie’s tastes rather than her own. More awake, more present, Dani tapped along to the rhythm against Jamie’s bare knee and felt Jamie do the same to her head like some sort of call and response.

“Read to me?” Dani suggested.

Jamie’s fingers slowed. “You wouldn’t like it,” she said.

“Why? Is it smutty?”

“Not in this scene. But I imagine it’ll heat up soon.” Jamie turned a page. “Ah, there we go.”

“I take it back,” said Dani dryly. Jamie snorted and Dani rolled over just in time to catch her faint grin. With a smile of her own and a shake of her head, Dani lifted herself into a sitting position and then stood. “I’m going to get a drink. Do you want anything from the kitchen?”

Not looking up from her book, Jamie shook her head. “Nah. I’m good, thanks.”

Dani made sure to shut the door behind her when she left so that none of the music would leak out into the rest of the house. Once in the hallway she was gratified to hear nothing from Jamie’s room, not even the muted hint of the music still playing. On her way towards the kitchen she paused, poking her head into the living room. Nan was asleep on her usual chair, a new cup of untouched tea sitting on the table beside her, a book propped open on her lap, her chin tucked against her chest. Dani crept forward and took the cup of tea so she could wash it and put it away.

She was quiet and sneaky and far too practised at such things. Nan did not stir at all.

The trip to the kitchen was quick – pour of a jug clinking with ice cubes into a glass topped with a sprig of mint from the nearby garden – and she was back on her way to Jamie’s room. She sucked on a straw as she carefully shut the door behind her, once more enfolded in the warmth and light and familiarity of this place.

Jamie had propped an arm behind her head, eyebrows quirked as she continued reading while the radio played another song on the tape.

Kneeling on the bed beside her, Dani held out the glass and positioned the straw towards Jamie. “Here,” she said. “Try this.”

Jamie did not bother even looking up as Dani guided the straw into her mouth for a sip. Immediately she froze, drew her head back, and made a face. “Dani,” she said seriously. “Are you trying to kill me?”

Dani was biting back a smile. “You don’t like it?” she asked innocently.

“I feel like I just swallowed a liquid pastry.”

“It’s not  that sweet.”

“It is. It really is.”

Lifting the straw back to her own mouth with a shrug, Dani took a sip. “Tastes good to me.”

Jamie chuckled as Dani sat back down beside her, close enough that their shoulders were pressed together. The cassette played at their feet. “What do you have going on next weekend?” Jamie asked, returning to her book.

“Oh, uh,” Dani played with the straw, using it to push around bits of floating ice and mint. “I think I’m going to a party.”

Hearing that, Jamie’s head jerked around. “A party?  You?”

“Yeah.”

“Since when do you go to parties?”

“Eddie asked if I wanted to go with him.”

Somehow that simple admission felt like Dani had just tipped the glass of iced tea over both their heads. Outside, the sun had begun its slow descent to the horizon, casting late flossy afternoon rays through the trees. The slant of light had roved slowly from Jamie’s bed to the opposite wall. Dani stuck the end of the straw back into her mouth rather than contemplate why this was the effect, rather than contemplate the strange fascination of watching Jamie drink, rather than contemplate the thrill she felt knowing that Jamie’s mouth had been where hers was just moments ago.

“Finally worked up the courage to ask you on a date, has he?” Jamie asked.

Dani’s brows knit together. “What do you mean?”

Jamie gave a derisive snort and set the book down on her lap, keeping one finger wedged beneath the pages to save her place. “Come off it. You really haven’t noticed?”

Dani opened her mouth, but the lie died on the tip of her tongue when Jamie gave her a look. “I mean,” Dani floundered, “Yeah, I’ve – I’ve noticed. Do you want to come, too?”

Jamie crinkled her nose as though at a bad smell. “And be a third wheel? Thanks, but no thanks.”

“I didn’t mean for a date. It doesn’t have to be a date,” Dani said quickly, but Jamie had already returned to her book. “It can just be – I don’t know – hanging out. Like we always do. I just want to hang out with you. Both of you. And Carson.”

“Think Carson would enjoy that even less than I would,” Jamie said, but she gave Dani a small smile and knocked their ankles together. “Relax. You should go. Enjoy yourself. Have fun.”

The way she said it didn’t sound like having fun, though. The way she said it was with a tight voice, expression painstakingly neutral, the kind of forced good cheer with which Dani was all too familiar. Watching Jamie turn away from her, Dani was reminded of what Judy had said years ago. About Jamie too used to being alone. And suddenly she was awash with the desire to jump to her feet, haul Jamie up as well, grab that jar of coins and cash, take Nan’s truck and go – somewhere. The movies again, perhaps. Or maybe further. Across state lines, leaving Iowa for the first time even if just for a few moments just so they could say they’d done it and that they’d done it together. It didn’t matter where, so long as there was movement and freedom and Jamie.

Instead, Dani, tense and poised, lifted the drink to her mouth and took a mechanical saccharine sip. At the foot of the bed, the radio went quiet so that only a static white noise hummed forth as the tape revolved again and again. The last song had finished, and they were, it seemed, stuck on a loop, forever repeating.

--

Eddie was sitting outside on the steps of her porch when Dani met him outside. He twisted around and aimed a smile up at her, standing upright.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Dani said, running a hand anxiously through her hair, adjusting the strands over her shoulder.

“It’s all right,” Eddie said, shrugging, “I didn’t mind.”

Dani gave him a faint smile, taking in the new sweater she’s never seen him wear before and his hair, uncustomarily neat from his usual mess of curls. But when her eyes drifted down to his hands, she only now noticed the small vase of white flowers he held.

“Oh. Um - Is that -?" She gestured to the flowers.

“Oh! Yeah, here,” Eddie said, clearing his throat and thrusting the flowers towards her, “They’re for you.”

Frozen for a moment, Dani stared dumbly at the flowers, the transparent vase smooth under her hands. “Thank you,” she murmured, and flickered a weak grin at him. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to.” Eddie shrugged, his shoulders bunched to his ears as he dug his hands deep in his pockets, grinning that same bashful smile. “To be honest, I didn’t know what to really get you. I asked Jamie for help and she said flowers and helped me pick those. Think they’re called gardenias?”

Dani swallowed thickly, not knowing what else to say. Jamie’s words from the week before ringing in her ears. She didn’t know why the thought never occurred to her, not when he was looking at her as he was now. Like she held a shooting star in her hand, a wish for the taking. All too easily, she could recall the last ten years of the same smile, the same sidelong looks when he thought she wasn’t paying attention.

With the late evening air feeling thick like molasses, Dani gave him another small grin, her ears burning. She gestured behind her, and said, “I’m just - I’m gonna put them inside. I don’t want — “

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie said, chuckling.

Dani returned inside her house, scanning the atrium for a place to put the vase, eventually landing on a corner table that held its own flower of the plastic variety. Shoving the fake plant aside, Dani set the vase on the table and blinked down at it. The petals were pure white, looking velvety and soft to the touch. She reached up to take a petal between two fingers to confirm that they were and didn’t even have to bend low to inhale it's incredibly fragrant tropical scent. Exhaling softly, almost dizzy from the heady smell, Dani gave it one last look before returning outside to Eddie.

In the glow from the porch light, Eddie appeared almost ghostly as he waited for her, cast in both shadow and sickly bright light. When she made her reappearance, he turned and his expression brightened, but as she locked the house behind her, he glanced towards the door with a furrow in his brow.

“Your mom knows you’re going out, right?” he asked, his expression wary.

“She does,” Dani said, her jaw tight, “She’s also not home right now so, it doesn’t really matter.”

“Right,” Eddie said, sounding unconvinced.

Unlike Jamie, Eddie had the misfortune of never having found the right handle of managing his discomfort and apprehension when it came to her mother. She couldn’t truly fault him for it, not when his own mom was who she was. And not when Dani’s mom was who she was. Eddie, born with a silver spoon, and Dani, on the razor edge of a sharp blade.

“It’s fine,” Dani said.

His shoulders softened and he grinned. “All right,” he said, and grasped her hand, “Ready?”

With a nod, they set off. Walking hand in hand down the street in companionable silence, passing under yellow street lamps and houses that were as familiar to her as her own. In the blue evening gleam, Dani could almost pretend this was another normal day. Walking home late after one of Eddie’s ball games. Heading to Big Bill’s for impromptu milkshakes and fries. But Eddie’s hand was steady in hers, and nothing could distract her from how strange it felt, how different, when the last decade was spent with casual and comforting affection that had never given Dani pause the way it did now.

“I’m really happy that you agreed to come,” Eddie said, broaching the quiet between them.

She blinked at him. “Yeah?”

He nodded, grinning boyishly, a happy glint in his eyes. “Mom’s kind of over the moon about it,” he said, chuckling, “Said she’s been waiting for this since we were kids.”

Dani’s stomach twisted. She looked away, eyes unseeing on the path before them. “I had no idea,” she said softly, knowing at once that was a lie.

In her periphery, Eddie nodded. “Always said we were inevitable,” he said, “I thought so too.”

Swallowing thickly, Dani chuckled but there was no amusement to it. She felt Eddie squeeze her hand briefly before tangling their fingers. She let him, his hand warm under her skin. He didn’t say anything more as they walked, and for that she was grateful. She wouldn’t have remembered anyways, not realizing they had made it to Roger’s house until they were turning up a walkway and the porch to knock on his door. It swung open and they were greeted with not Roger, but one of their classmates who Dani shared a few classes with.

After being ushered inside, Dani took the moment of Eddie being distracted by conversation with their friend to take stock. To exhale a low, unsteady breath, her free hand clenched tightly by her side, the other still clutched in Eddie’s. She looked around, having never been in Roger’s house before, a modest bungalow with matching furniture and wood paneled walls. They had shared multiple classes and extracurriculars over the recent years, and a newfound quiet camaraderie as project partners or sticking together in their mutual clubs, but she had never gone so far as to visit his house.

And inside, it was already packed with what seemed to be almost their entire sophomore class and a few upperclassmen, conversing and laughing, rock music playing on the stereo system. The sounds converged until it seemed to blend into a string of white noise. Dani shifted on her feet, worrying at her lower lip as she took in the scene of classmates she rarely spoke to outside of school, carrying around red cups and cans of beer. Tension creeped into her shoulders and she took a step closer to Eddie.

He squeezed her hand and leaned down to murmur, “Do you want to get a drink?”

Sweeping her eyes anxiously again across the visible space of Roger’s house, Dani swallowed hard and nodded faintly. Pleased, Eddie guided her through the house in search of the kitchen, passing by their classmates, some of whom recognized Dani and waved in surprised. When they located the kitchen, it was small but no less crowded than the rest of the house. Teenagers in varying states of inebriation tucked into corners or lining the counters. The kitchen island surface was a spread of a plethora of alcohol and snacks, a bowl of punch sitting proudly in the center.

And in the middle of it all was Roger, digging out cans of beer from his fridge, shaggy hair and a white t-shirt under a jean jacket. When he caught sight of them, he stood upright and smiled, standing tall above most of everyone in the room besides Eddie.

“Hey,” he said happily, “You guys made it.”

“Yeah, thanks for the invite,” Eddie said.

“No problem,” Roger said, shrugging, “Think there’s people here I didn’t even invite anyways.”

Dani glanced furtively around the room. “Seems like almost everyone in our grade is here.”

“Well, almost everyone,” Roger said, and leaned closer to stage-whisper with a conspiratorial sly smile, “Didn’t invite Sterling and Jackie.”

Dani’s eyes went wide and she chuckled, shaking her head at the mischievous glint in Roger’s eyes. “Was that a good idea?”

Shrugging again, Roger gave a noncommittal sound and said, “Nothing I can’t handle.” He paused, and then added with a small frown and twist of his mouth, “Wouldn’t be surprised if they crashed at some point later, though.”

“Okay, I think it’s time to go. This guy has a death wish,” Eddie said, pulling on Dani’s arm but unable to hide his huff of laughter.

Roger laughed, but Dani remained quiet, shifting on her feet and squashing down the urge to drag Eddie by the hand back to his house at the very notion of being at the same house party with Sterling and Jackie.

The pair didn't notice. Roger gestured around the kitchen. “You guys want a drink?” He said, “I’ve got all kinds of stuff.”

“Where did you even get all of this?” Dani asked, quirking an eyebrow and glancing at the kitchen island.

“My cousin,” Roger said. “Bought it for me.”

Dani offered him a smile, and polite to a fault, hesitantly said, “Well, um. I’d love a drink, then.”

The bashful tension in his shoulders easing, an eager grin forming on his face, Roger said, “Sure thing. What d’you guys like?”

Dani hesitated again, eyeing the plethora of bottles and beer cans. She didn’t drink often, or if at all. Not seeing the appeal to it most of the time besides an occasional stolen sip of beer from the twins or when Jamie managed to sneak cheap whiskey and coke into school in a hip flask. But Roger and Eddie were looking at her expectantly, and her stomach tightened into an anxious coil. Her fingers itched to twist together, but her right hand was still grasped in Eddie’s.

As though sensing her uncertainty, Eddie grinned at her and said, “How about some beer to start?” Dani scrunched her nose and he laughed. “Okay, spiked punch juice it is.”

Roger looked at her and raised his eyebrows, waiting. At Dani’s nod, he grinned and pointed towards a corner of the counter where a stack of red cups sat next to a toaster. “Cups are there, punch is there. Feel free to help yourself to snacks too,” he said, gathering his cans of beer where he had rested them on the counter when he first sighted the pair as Eddie went about gathering their drinks.

“Thanks, Roger,” Dani said.

“Anytime,” he said, slowly retreating out of the kitchen, “Thanks for coming again. Let me know if you guys need anything else.”

“We will,” Dani said as Eddie handed her a red cup filled with pale red punch, the smell pungent with sweet peach and vodka.

At the first sip, Dani twisted her mouth, letting the taste settle as she swallowed it down. Eddie laughed, sipping at his own beer. “It’ll taste better after a few more sips,” Eddie said.

Sparing a look of apprehension into the cup, Dani said, “That’s what everyone says. Doesn’t make it any more true.”

As Eddie laughed, stepping back towards the kitchen island to poke at a bowl of chips and converse with friends, Dani took another hesitant sip, looking to trace where Roger had retreated straight across the hallway into the living room, and froze, eyes wide. Jamie stood leaning back against a bookcase, arms folded and staring directly at her. Dani blinked. Hair tied up in a messy devil-may-care bun, a band t-shirt tucked into jeans ripped at the knees and donning an oversized flannel, she looked no different than Dani’s seen her, but there was something different in the way she wore it, in the way she held herself. A slow grin creeped along Jamie’s face when their eyes met, and then she winked.

Before Dani could do anything more than stare in surprise, Roger moved into her field of vision, stepping next to Jamie and handing her a beer. With a slow blink, Jamie tore her eyes away from Dani to give Roger a nod in thanks, taking a long sip. Roger tucked a hand into his pocket, leaning his shoulder against the bookcase next to Jamie, saying something that Dani couldn’t hear from this distance. Dani watched as Jamie listened and responded, but only seemed to be half listening to him, her eyes occasionally straying back to Dani, a curve to the corner of her mouth.

When Roger was distracted by one of Jamie’s teammates, the next time Jamie met her eyes, Dani gave her a questioning look. Jamie shrugged a shoulder. Just as Dani finally took a step towards her, a pair of friends from her algebra class came up to happily greet her, surprised to find Dani at a house party for the first time. When Eddie returned to her side and grasped her hand again, the two girls caught the movement and gave Dani teasing, knowing smiles. A whorl of discomfort swam in Dani’s stomach and she shot Jamie another quick look, only to be greeted with Jamie smirking, arching an eyebrow as she raised her beer to take one long slow sip, eyes unmoving from Dani’s. With a quiet huff, the taste of peach and vodka on her tongue, Dani pressed on a polite smile, and returned to the conversation.

Eddie held her hand the entire time, solid and warm in her own. In between chatter in the kitchen and delving deeper into the house, they passed Jamie and Roger. Eddie didn’t even stop to say hello, only waved in greeting as Jamie nodded her chin in response, and pulled Dani further along to settle on a couch in the living room. Glancing curiously over her shoulder, instead of meeting Jamie’s eyes, instead of finding her following after them, Jamie was turned away, remaining where she was next to Roger.

Dani’s mouth pressed into a thin line, and for one brief moment, Dani wanted to walk over just to hear Jamie’s voice and inquire why she was spending time with Roger of all people. But when Roger laughed brightly at something Jamie said, she sighed. Deciding it was none of her business, she turned her attention back to Eddie when he squeezed her hand, that unpleasant feeling in her stomach a constant presence as she sank further into the couch, her shoulders stiff.

While neither she nor Eddie were social butterflies by any means, they somehow held the attention of many of their friends and classmates. Dani could almost feel the whispers creep along the room, like a pin prick to the back of her neck. A creeping vine of round robin circling the house: Dani and Eddie arrived together holding hands. Nothing of it was said out loud, nothing ever was unless it was whispered in one ear to the other. But Eddie seemed aware all the same, his shoulders straight, his smile broad and proud, his attention all on Dani.

Squished together on the couch, their hips touching, Eddie’s thumb stroking her knuckles, Dani could do nothing more than smile. Holding it until it hurt. Hiding behind her cup as she took sips that no longer felt like she was swallowing acid. Eddie was saying something, Eddie was speaking in low tones beside her, but Dani was glancing over her shoulder again and was greeted once more with Jamie already staring at her. Their eyes met and Dani exhaled slowly, something in her chest unspooling as the corner of Jamie’s mouth curved into a faint grin.

“So, what do you think?”

Dani blinked and turned back to Eddie. “Sorry?”

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Cedar Rapids. What do you think?”

“It’s nice?”

Looking at her quietly, indulgent and warm, Eddie said, “Is that drink already getting to you?”

Glancing inside the cup, there was still more than half of it remaining. “No, I’m - “ she scrambled to reply, her hand flexing around the cup, threatening to crush it, “I’m just - “

Eddie squeezed her other hand. “It’s okay,” he murmured, and glanced furtively around the room before admitting, “I’m not used to it either.”

She gave him a weak smile and ducked her head. “But really though,” Eddie continued, giving her hand a teasing shake, “What do you think about visiting my aunt in Cedar Rapids soon? Mom said it’d be a long weekend trip. A backyard barbeque, fireworks, the whole nine yards.”

“That sounds really nice actually,” Dani admitted. She had always liked Eddie’s extended family, the easy affection and acceptance of the O’Mara’s running deep. Plus, time away from her mom and that oppressively quiet house was always a bonus. It was only just —

Dani shot Jamie another quick glance, finding her laughing and rolling her eyes at something Roger was saying. Dani briefly entertained the idea of smuggling Jamie along, but promptly squashed the idea, knowing Jamie would turn the offer down with a distasteful twist of her mouth at the presumptuous thought of playing third wheel.

She turned back to catch Eddie’s eye, waiting and watching her with an expression lined with anxious anticipation. His glasses had slipped low down his nose, and she softened with a small smile. Easing her hand out of his to push it back up, she said, “I’d love to go.”

He beamed at her, immediately grasping her hand again, tangling their fingers. Dani took a heady swig of her drink in a futile attempt at washing away the thickness and panic in her throat.

Dani forced herself to socialize. Eager to burst out of this bubble Eddie had made for them on the couch, the world surrounding them muffled and blurred. A stage to present themselves as something more than what they were. Dani pressed out of it, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees to converse with her friends and classmates. To move to her feet and observe a game of beer pong at the dining table and wave away the offers to participate. To laugh and pretend that there wasn’t that same ringing in her ears like a claxon, the ominous thump of her heart beat when Eddie made his way back to her side, his palm pressed to the middle of her back as he laughed when an errant ping pong ball fell to the floor, the result of a poor toss.

She felt eyes on her again, a piercing stare burning into the side of her face. Turning, she caught Jamie’s gaze again, watching her this time with an unreadable expression, nursing a beer in one hand and fiddling with her coin necklace in the other, making no attempt to move closer, to come and say hello. Dani looked away, taking another long swig of her drink, draining the cup, feeling untethered and unmoored all at once.

It was easier somehow, to drift back into the kitchen with the urge to find another drink with Jamie’s eyes on her, following her around the room wherever she went when she wasn’t distracted by conversation. Easy to drain half of her drink in one go and refill her cup again with Eddie lingering beside her, unwilling to leave her side. There was a restlessness that pulsed beneath her skin. To turn and march towards Jamie, only to find she had wandered somewhere else in the house, deep into conversation with one person or another, Roger a constant presence by her side. To slip out the door, back home where she didn’t feel like a marionette doll puppeted by invisible strings. But with nowhere else to put that anxious energy, Dani settled on sipping generously from her cup, almost unaware she was doing so.

With her third cup drained, Dani eventually had to use the bathroom. With a murmur to Eddie who nodded with a happy glint in his eyes, she slipped out from under his arm that he had draped across her shoulders sometime over the course of the night and made her way down a hall, vaguely aware that there was a tingling buzz to her flushed cheeks and a sway to her gait. Twist of the lock. Flick of the light switch. She stood quietly, her back against the door for a brief moment, smoothing down the front of her dress as though she could smooth away the coil of her stomach. Washing her hands, she let the cold water run across her hands and wrists, splashing some on her cheeks to battle the heat and buzz, exhaling unsteadily.

“Get it together, Dani,” she murmured, her eyes pressed shut, her hands digging into the edges of the counter.

She stood there for a moment longer, listening to the muffled bass of music through the walls, breathing in the empty space of the bathroom, away from lingering stares and whispers that trailed after her and Eddie. Steadying that anxious thrum of her pulse under her skin. But when she returned outside the bathroom, dodging partygoers saying hello in passing or eager to exchange words, slipping past a couple making out in a corner, Dani made her way towards the living room but jerked to a stop when she spotted Jamie and Eddie having a heated conversation at the end of the hallway. Dani couldn’t hear them from where she stood, but even with just their postures, she knew it wasn’t good. Dani sighed with mild exasperation as she watched them, her shoulders slumping as she folded her arms.

Though he stood nearly a foot taller than Jamie, Eddie shrunk back from her, chagrined and his shoulders bunched as Jamie spoke between gritted teeth, her expression dark and peeved. When Eddie spoke again, shrugging helplessly, Jamie rolled her eyes and smacked him hard enough on the shoulder that he jerked back from the force of it, hissing at him. Eddie scowled and hissed back with exasperation.

Dani slowly shook her head, watching them bicker, unmoved to step in to intervene. They’d get over it eventually. They always did. Squabbling and scowling one day, then sitting in front of the television during a soccer game the next. Jostling each other's shoulders with every goal scored, or jeering teasingly when they rooted for separate teams. They more often than not argued over the correct term for the sport: soccer or football. And with the world cup this summer, she expected it to escalate.

Just as Dani was nearing the resignation of needing to intervene with the way the arguing pair were attracting attention, it reached its peak when Jamie barked loud enough to hear, “For  fuck’s sakes , Ed.”

“I’m sorry, all right?” Eddie yelled back, looking earnestly apologetic.

Jamie shook her head, her jaw a taut line of clenched muscle as she scowled at him. Eddie spoke again, softer this time, and Dani was only able to just make out the words,  ‘I’m sorry’,  from reading his lips.

Exhaling heavily, her hands clenched into fists, Jamie gave him a curt nod and muttered something again. Eddie’s shoulders slumped and he nodded back, solemn and sheepish. Dani’s brow furrowed as they stood there, silent and unwilling to meet each other’s eyes before finally Jamie said something again, hitting Eddie once more in the shoulder with her fist, and marched away into the kitchen without a backwards glance. Rubbing at his shoulder with a wince, Eddie rolled his eyes and retreated back into the living room.

And just like that, the storm had passed. Dani blinked, and exhaled, shaking her head again in mild bewilderment. Neither of them had seen her. Dani bit her lip as she considered her options, her eyes dancing between the living room and kitchen. It was a stalling tactic. A useless one. Her feet already moving to the kitchen, a hand skimming the wall to help maintain her balance as the world seemed to tip just slightly on its axis after standing still for too long.

The kitchen was sparse when Dani stepped in, a group huddled in a corner, laughing as they conversed and binged on snacks. On the other side of the kitchen island was Jamie, digging inside the fridge for another drink. When she popped back out, a can of beer in hand, she froze and blinked in surprise when she caught sight of Dani there.

Dani slowly folded her arms and arched an eyebrow. At the look, Jamie huffed, cracking open her beer and grumbled, “Caught all that, did you?”

“Do I even want to know?” Dani asked as Jamie took a hefty swig, her grip tight on the can.

Jamie shook her head with a breath of laughter. “Just the usual shit,” she said with a shrug, “You know how it goes: He pisses me off. I threaten to crack his skull. He whines and apologizes. And I forgive him, like a twat.”

Though her irritated expression was softening gradually, there was a sharpness to the words, as though Jamie was speaking through a bit caught in between clenched teeth. Dani eyed her carefully, and said, “Do I need to play mediator again?”

“No,” Jamie said, chuckling, “Nothin’ that extreme. Just a stupid fight.” When Dani gave her a dubious look, she grinned softly, the tension easing from her posture. “I promise.”

“If you say so,” Dani said, shrugging.

Jamie stared at her, still wearing that soft grin, and said, “You want another drink?”

“Oh - um,” Dani said, and her crossed arms tightened, “Sure?”

Jamie gave her a look. “Try again.”

“Yes?”

Shaking her head fondly, Jamie said, “That’ll do.”

Dani almost expected her to shove her opened can of beer into Dani’s hands. To fill a cup with spiked punch. And indeed Jamie reached for a red cup, but instead of punch, she filled it with water from the sink and wordlessly handed it to Dani. Pressing the lip of the cup to her mouth for a sip, Dani shot her an appreciative glance but Jamie wasn’t looking, already busy munching on chips from a bowl.

It was easier to see now, the thin layer of red painted on Jamie’s lips. The blue scrunchie still wrapped around her wrist, just above her watch, the color standing out against the muted dark tones of Jamie’s clothes. Lingering on the scrunchie, Dani slowly leaned her hip against the island counter beside Jamie, and said, “I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“Didn’t know myself until a few hours ago.” Dani tore her eyes back up with a questioning look and Jamie shrugged. “Roger invited me.”

“Oh,” Dani murmured, “Yeah, that makes sense. Well - um. I’m glad you’re here.”

Jamie gave her another soft grin, but didn’t say anything more. Instead, she took another swig of her beer, and asked, “You having fun then?”

Hesitating, Dani glanced around, biting her lower lip. Realizing she was taking too long to reply, she nodded and said, “Sure.”

But Jamie noticed, arching an eyebrow. “Yeah? Ed treating you well?” Jamie’s eyes were sharp and vivid, effectively pinning Dani to the spot. Swallowing thickly, Dani nodded again. “Good. ‘Cause you know, he does something stupid, and I’ll castrate him.”

Dani laughed, feeling her cheeks warm, a knot in her chest loosened. Jamie gave her a pleased smile, but her tone was even and low. “I’m serious, Dani.”

“I know,” Dani said in between chuckles, “He’s been fine. I promise.”

“Just fine?”

“You know what I mean.”

Jamie chuckled. “If you say so,” she said dubiously.

Though she was still sharp around the edges, Jamie seemed softer than she did a few minutes ago. Slouching against the counter, her warm eyes scanning over Dani, slowly looking her up and down. Dani felt frozen under the attention, finding herself loath to move lest she break the spell, her heart rate ticking up.

“That’s new,” Jamie said, gesturing to Dani’s blue dress, “Looks nice.”

Blinking, Dani glanced down, and ran a hand over invisible wrinkles. “Yeah?” she murmured, looking up to catch Jamie’s eyes, but found Jamie’s gaze lingering on the hemline of her dress that stopped at her knees.

“Brings out your eyes,” Jamie said. She took a long sip of her beer and gave her a wink, smirking around the can.

Dani huffed out a laugh and rolled her eyes, but a warmth was still cast over her skin, heating her cheeks. Even though she had felt Eddie’s sneaking occasional glances over the course of the night, he himself had yet to mention her new dress, dug out from the back of her closet for this evening. And as though tethered to Dani’s gravity, a tall frame stepped into the kitchen and they both turned to find Eddie, his expression brightening when he spotted her.

“Hey, there you are,” he said, and briefly glanced anxiously at Jamie before aiming a smile at Dani, “Wondered where you went. A bunch of us are about to play some games in the living room. Came to find you to play.”

“Games?” Dani said tentatively, shrinking back slightly against the counter.

Eddie nodded. “Thought it could be fun,” he said, and after a moment of hesitation, twisting his mouth with uncertainty, he added, “You too, Jamie.”

Dani looked at Jamie with mild eager hope, but Jamie snorted derisively, and said, “Hard pass.”

“Suit yourself,” Eddie said with a shrug, and grasped Dani’s hand lightly. “C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

“If she doesn’t want to fucking play — “

“It’s fine,” Dani said quickly before another petty fight could spark between the pair. Jamie lifted a withering eyebrow. Unmoved, Dani repeated, “It’s fine.”

To her relief, Jamie rolled her eyes and backed down. But even so, Eddie shoved his hands in his pockets, appearing sheepish. “Sorry,” he said to Dani, “Do - do you want to? You don’t have to.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Dani slowly nodded in an effort only to quell the strained tension in the air, and watched with a silent sigh of relief when they both softened. Eddie smiled broadly.

“What about you?” Dani asked Jamie, “Are you sure you don’t want to come along?”

Jamie gave her a dry look in response. Chuckling, Dani nudged her. Jamie let herself rock back with an easy grin, using the movement to start easing away out of the kitchen.

“If anyone asks,” Jamie said, “You didn’t see me.”

And with that, she was gone, disappearing around the corner. Still staring at the kitchen entrance, there was a burgeoning rupture of disappointment in Dani’s chest when Eddie’s hand wrapped fully around hers, clasping her palm. She blinked up at his pleased smile, and swallowed it down, flickering a faint grin at him.

Without a word, he guided her gently from the kitchen to the living room where in a small sea of dancing and conversing teenagers, was a small group surrounding the coffee table on the floor and couches. Visibly flushed and tipsy with bright eyes and broad smiles, they giggled to each other, some leaning heavily on others as they lounged together with drinks in hand. And with good reason, for in the middle of the coffee table lay an empty wine bottle, rotating slowly on it’s side as one of Dani’s classmates absentmindedly spun it around while talking to a friend. Dani froze, sucking in a sharp breath, her hand clenching around Eddie’s palm.

Tugged to a stop, Eddie turned to her, his brows knitting with faint concern. “Hey,” he said softly, almost imperceptible under the noise of music and chatter. He leaned closer to be heard. “You okay?”  

When Dani only blinked at him in response, Eddie shrunk slightly, managing to look both abashed and disappointed in equal measure. “We don’t have to play if you don’t want to. It’s okay. I just thought it’d be fun.”

Dani stared at him. There was no fun to be had in leaving fate up to chance on kissing random people she rarely spoke to outside of school, much less in public view of everyone else. As far as she was concerned, it was no business of anyone but her own who she kissed. Even the very notion of kissing alone sent her stomach twisting into knots and she had to swallow down the panic creeping up her throat.

And as though sensing blood in the water, her classmates spotted her and cheered, calling her over to play. Glancing at the commotion behind him, Eddie shot Dani an amused grin, shrugging helplessly. “Whoops,” he said, chuckling.

Distantly, Dani imagined Jamie taking one look at her face and grasping her hand, pulling her away to a secluded corner all to themselves. When the calling became more insistent, her heart racing under the expectant stares of her classmates, she flickered Eddie a weak smile and gave an acquiescent nod. “It’s fine,” she murmured.

With a pleased smile, Eddie squeezed her hand and pulled her towards an open space to sit. She took one last glance behind her, scanning the crowded room for Jamie, finding her nowhere. Her stomach sinking, she sat carefully and primly to the carpeted floor.

“Eddie, sit over here,” said one girl, Nina, patting the space beside her with a teasing grin. “It’s not as fun if you’re both sitting together.”

Huffing out a shy laugh, Eddie shot Dani another grin, and moved to sit next Nina and another classmate, his cheeks tinted pink. Dani exhaled slowly, tugging the hem of her dress to sit demurely against her legs, refraining from clenching her fists around the fabric. When a figure slipped beside her on the carpet, she blinked in surprise to find Roger grinning at her.

“Hey,” he said, “Surprised to find you here.”

Dani shrugged, and said, “Me too, honestly.”

He chuckled, and craned his head to scan the room. “Have you seen Jamie anywhere?” He said, “Can’t find her.”

“No,” Dani lied, shaking her head.

Sinking back to the floor, he rested back against the couch behind them with a sigh, visibly disappointed. “Too bad, then,” he murmured.

Dani tilted her head to the side with a curious frown, watching him pick at a thread from his jeans as he slowly looked around the room. But before Dani could even think of what to say, the game began, the bottle spun on the table to the sound of cheers. Dani held her breath, watching it spin and spin almost hypnotically. She almost didn’t register the bottle coming to a stop as the group teased and wolf whistled, a blushing pair leaning over the table to give each other a chaste kiss. Dani felt her cheeks warm, her eyes darting back to the table.

It was decided that turns would be taken in a clockwise fashion. Dani was careful to notice how she was near the last to go, and that Eddie was to spin in another four turns. Quietly overwrought, her stomach clenched in anticipation with every spin of the bottle, a whispered prayer behind her teeth to be spared. She watched with balled fists in her lap kiss after kiss. Chuckling faintly when Roger leaned forward to peck a girl on the mouth, blushing to his hairline and glancing furtively around the room. Sitting frozen with her heart in her throat and her eyes wide when one girl landed on another, the pair giggling madly as they pressed kisses to each other’s cheeks to the sounds of the others groaning in disappointment. And on it went, until Eddie leaned forward.

Where he had once been laughing breathlessly, his expression was now set in a determined, anxious frown. His hand on the bottle, he shot Dani a quick grin and spun it. Dani’s heart was crashing against her ribs. She stared at the bottle. Spinning and spinning. And then it slowed, wobbling to a stop, pointing directly at Dani. She sucked in a sharp breath.

The group hooted and cheered around her, but Dani could barely hear it. The sound muffled as though she were underwater. Her breath trapped in her chest, Dani slowly looked up and met Eddie’s gaze, looking at her with wide eyes and flushed cheeks, as though he hadn’t been truly expecting this outcome at all for all he had hoped.

What was it Eddie had said? Inevitable.

A smile slowly bloomed across his face, broad and shy, and he rose to his knees. Dani swallowed thickly, and followed suit. She was vaguely aware of the carpet texture rough on her knees and her fingers trembling on the cup of water she still held in her hand. Eddie gave her a soft reassuring smile as he leaned close.

“Ignore them,” he murmured, his eyes tracing down to her mouth, his glasses flaring with light from a nearby lamp.

Dani nodded faintly, unable to hear anything more than the rush of blood in her ears. Without responding, without any fanfare, Dani leaned forward and pressed her mouth to his. His lips were unexpectedly soft and warm, and he made a small sound of surprise. She pulled away, and just like that it was over. She scooted back to her spot on the carpet, her jaw clenched, a lurching twist of her stomach that she almost felt sick with it.

The group cheered around them, and Eddie stared at her, utterly dazed. He was pulled back by Kyle, jostling his shoulders until Eddie laughed, pushing up his glasses with a wide smile, his eyes unmoving from Dani. She sat frozen, only managing to return a small, weak grin. A flicker, and then it was gone.

Beside her, Roger nudged her arm and leaned close, a teasing glint in his eyes as he said, “You look like you could use another drink.”

She blinked at him for a moment, and then nodded. “Yeah,” she breathed, glancing down at her cup of water, “You might be right.”

Roger chuckled and helped her stand, letting her lean a hand against his shoulder as she rose to her feet. Across the table, Eddie shot her a questioning look. She pointed at her cup before jerking her thumb towards the kitchen. When he nodded, before he could say anything else, Dani turned and started towards the hallway, almost unseeing as she slipped past groups of people. But when she reached the kitchen, she stumbled to a stop, gripping the countertop to balance her weight, her cheeks warm and tingling.

With a slow exhale, she downed the rest of her water and chucked the cup into a garbage bin. When it slammed shut, a cool breeze caressed her skin, spreading goosebumps all over her, and she looked towards the back door standing wide open. There was faint firelight in the distance, and like a lighthouse beacon, she was drawn to it. There were a few people outside, smoking on the porch and lingering near a makeshift homemade fire pit made with bricks situated near the far end of the backyard. A familiar figure was sitting before it, outlined in an orange glow. Dani wandered down the porch steps and stepped closer, the tension from her shoulders easing, her breath coming back to her when Jamie looked up and caught her eyes.

She was sitting on a low pile of bricks, elbows on her knees, a piece of wood dangling from her fingertips. The corner of Jamie’s mouth curled into a small smile, and she jerked her head towards the free space next to her, patting the bricks gently. Dani happily sat beside her, careful to arrange her dress in the low seat, her shoulder and hip pressed against Jamie who chuckled softly.

In lieu of saying hello, Jamie tossed the stick into the fire and dug out a rumpled pack of smokes from her pocket, plucking out a cigarette and chrome Zippo lighter that reflected gold and orange in the crackling firelight. A flick and snap, Jamie placed the filter between her lips and lit the cigarette with practiced ease. She took a long drag and expelled the smoke in a long stream in the night air before shooting Dani a grin.

"Have fun?"

Dani hummed wordlessly, watching embers rise from the fire as the wood popped and crackled. Instead of answering she said, "Roger was asking after you."

Taking a drag of her cigarette, Jamie rolled her eyes. "Christ," she muttered in a plume of smoke. "Never gives it a rest."

Dani went very still. She stared at the side of Jamie's face, firelight flickering across her skin and glittering in her eyes. "Does he - like you?"

It had never occurred to Dani before that someone might like Jamie. That she might like them in return. That she might be involved with other people. Jamie had never shown as much as a passing interest in dating. The very notion made Dani's stomach tie itself into knots.

Jamie gave a short huff of laughter. "Break a boy's nose once and suddenly he's mad for you,” she said, “Turned him down ages ago, but he keeps trying his luck. Doesn't seem to get it through that thick skull of his."

"Oh." Dani glanced away and wrung her fingers in her lap, trying to hide the motion in the folds of her dress. "Is it because there's someone else?"

She'd asked the question when Jamie was flicking ash from the tip of her cigarette onto a lone brick beside her. Jamie's hand froze in the act, a stuttered moment of hesitation, before she lifted it to her mouth once more.

"So," Jamie said, her cheeks sinking inward, the cigarette embers glowing bright red. "You and Ed, huh?"

She very pointedly didn’t answer Dani’s question. The kiss was at the fore of Dani's mind — Eddie’s dazed expression, cheers that seemed to echo distantly in her ears — but all she could think of now was how vividly red Jamie's mouth had been painted, and how it left a mark on the cigarette.

Finally Dani replied, "You could've played, too, if you're that interested to know. I  did ask."

Jamie snorted and flicked ash from the end of the cigarette again. "Why? So I could kiss a boy who's never heard of the invention of chapstick? No, thank you."

Dani was quiet, shifting on the bricks that were cold and hard beneath her, shivering in the cool night breeze, and tried not to think about how soft Eddie’s lips were, tried to bite back the confession with her molars until her jaw ached. Instead, before Jamie could put the cigarette back between her lips, Dani plucked it from her fingers and took a tentative pull. It burned her lungs. She blew it out with a light cough, a plume of smoke drifting into the sky as Jamie huffed softly.  

“Where do you even get these?” Dani asked, coughing again before taking another pull with a slight wince.

“You would not believe how easy it is to blackmail Tommy and David,” Jamie said with a dark grin, staring at her, flicking the Zippo lighter open and closed absently.

Dani huffed out a soft laugh, smoke billowing from her pursed lips and passed the cigarette back to Jamie. “You should quit,” she said, welcoming the warmth of Jamie’s skin as their fingers grazed, “It’s not good for you.”

Jamie only shrugged, her brows knitted as she stared at the cigarette and flicked off the ashes, her jaw taut as her thumb grazed over the stained filter. Dani watched in abject fascination as Jamie placed it between her lips and took a long drag, her cheeks sunken, her eyes shut as though she were savoring it, and slowly expelled the smoke through her nose. Without a word, Jamie tossed the rest of the cigarette into the fire pit where it disappeared into crackling wood.

A cool breeze blew through them, whipping the fire and embers into a flickering dance and then settled, stronger than before. Dani shivered, rubbing her forearms and wrapping them around her stomach.

“Cold?” When Dani nodded, Jamie let out a soft chuckle, and murmured, “Always bloody cold. C’mere then.”

Before Dani could get a word in edgewise, Jamie was already slipping out of her flannel and draping it over Dani’s shoulders. “But - Jamie, I’m - “

“Shut it, and get in,” Jamie said, linking their arms and tugging Dani closer.

Dani chuckled breathlessly when they bumped into each other and curled closer into Jamie’s body warmth. After a moment of consideration, she let her hand graze down the skin of Jamie’s forearm to grasp her hand, tangling their fingers together and resting them on Dani’s lap. Jamie went still for a long moment and slowly relaxed, breathing softly in the cool night air. The sound was soothing along with the crackling bonfire, easier to sit in and breathe compared to the booming music and constant chatter Dani could still hear muffled from inside the house.

Resting her head against Jamie’s shoulder, she quietly fiddled with the watch and scrunchie on Jamie’s wrist. The facing of the watch was cool under her touch as she circled it with her thumb before drifting down to the scrunchie, picking at the edges of it. She smiled softly, and drew in a deep breath to sigh, smelling woodsmoke and something different, something new.

She raised her head with a frown. “You smell...different.”

"Like sandalwood, yeah? Least, that’s what the cologne bottle said,” Jamie said, “Nicked it from Carson's closet."

"You shouldn't steal from Carson."

"What? He wasn't using it. Was still in its box and everything."

Dani pressed her mouth together, but took another moment to breathe it in. A woodsy smell, like rich earth. Surprisingly pleasant and comforting, and wholly fitting for Jamie. “It smells nice,” Dani admitted with a murmur, “But you should still at least ask Carson next time.”

Rolling her eyes, Jamie nodded and sighed, her knee jumping and her hand twitching in Dani’s lap. Dani glanced down, running a soothing thumb in the valley between Jamie’s knuckles as the pads of her fingers grazed Dani’s knee. The clicking of the lighter was back. Open and closed, again and again in a restless rhythm. Peeking at Jamie’s profile outlined in warm light, she found her staring intensely at the fire, unblinking. With a shake of her head and an impish grin, Dani snatched the lighter from her hand.

“Oi!” Jamie said indignantly, her now empty hand hanging uselessly in the air.

“This is mine now,” Dani said, holding up the lighter triumphantly. “No more smoking for you.”

Jamie made a grab for it, but Dani pulled away, laughing brightly. They tussled there on the bricks, Jamie reaching and Dani pulling away until they were nearly toppling off onto the grass.

“We’re going to fall,” Dani said, laughing and shoving Jamie, “Move!”

“Wouldn’t if you’d just give it back, you prat,” Jamie grunted, stretching an arm behind Dani where she held out the lighter.

Dani elbowed her in the ribs and Jamie jerked back with a pained grunt, “Fuck.”

“Shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Dani said, wincing apologetically, taking Jamie’s arm that hovered over her shoulders and wrapped it snuggly around her as though that would ease the pain.

“Got a mean elbow, Poppins,” Jamie murmured, rubbing at her ribs with her free hand, but couldn’t hold back a soft laugh.

“I’m sorry,” Dani said again, grasping Jamie’s hand that was slung around her shoulders, linking their fingers again, shaking it for good measure as she chuckled softly. “I won't do it again.”

“Beginning to think you’re the bane of my existence.”

“I promise to go easy on you from now on,” Dani said dryly, and huddled closer, “Now hush, and keep me warm.”

Jamie chuckled lowly and murmured, “Bossy.”

"You like it."

When Jamie arched an eyebrow, Dani grinned impishly and ducked her head to hide it, resting again on Jamie’s shoulder. They fell quiet again, watching the fire. It continued to crackle and burn away to the sounds from the house and the whisper of the wind in the trees. Jamie’s arm was warm around her, a steady weight that she could’ve drifted off to sleep under if it weren’t for the fact that Dani was surrounded by the scent of sandalwood. Both comforting and heady, like sitting in the tallgrass at sunset, the song of katydids in the summer air. Or lying on a picnic blanket in the green and bright blooms of Jamie’s backyard. Breathing it in, her eyes almost slipped shut when Jamie spoke again.

“You know why they call it a bonfire?”

“No,” Dani murmured, “Why?”

“In the old country, in the old times, when the days started getting shorter and the nights longer, they used to build giant bonfires,” Jamie said. Dani slowly lifted her head to stare at her profile.  “They’d talk about the people they’ve lost. Toss in offerings to drive away evil spirits,” she continued, and gave Dani a sidelong grin, “Things like bones.”

A soft smile gradually grew on Dani’s face, seeing where this was going but was loath to interrupt as Jamie continued with her story, enchanted with her voice, soft and low as though she didn’t want to disturb the quiet bubble that seemed to encompass them from the rest of the world. It was as though Jamie was casting a spell where Dani couldn’t look away, couldn’t stop her eyes drifting over Jamie’s features. The firelight dancing in her eyes, her slim nose, down to her mouth. The scar there was painted over with red, but Dani could still see the outline of it in the light, a thin groove that descended down her chin. Dani gripped Jamie’s flannel with her free hand and tugged it closer around her, smothering down the urge to reach up and run her thumb over the length of it.

“So, you got any old bones you want to throw?” Jamie finished, turning back to Dani and abruptly went still.

Blinking out of a daze, Dani looked up to find Jamie staring at her. “Not really,” Dani murmured, watching as Jamie's expression gradually became carefully blank and unreadable, “Can’t think of anything.”

She was close enough to count the freckles along Jamie’s cheeks, to feel Jamie breathe against her, ribs expanding and shrinking abnormally slow, and Dani found herself inching nearer, wanting to sink right into it. To breathe in sandalwood again and feel Jamie’s soft breaths against her lips. Her eyes flickered down again, following the path of her scar, captivated at the sharp lines of Jamie’s jaw going taut. She looked back up, and met eyes dark as a storming sea. Pupils black and piercing right into her, unblinking and unmoving. Dani swallowed hard, her head feeling thick and hazy.

It was hard to look away, the force of Jamie’s stare was indivisible, but like a moth to a flame, Dani was drawn back to Jamie’s mouth, to Jamie’s scar. Her own mouth suddenly dry, Dani licked her lips and watched Jamie’s nose flare and her mouth drop open slightly at the movement. Dani leaned closer, her forehead pressing against Jamie’s, her skin warm to the touch. Jamie sucked in a sharp breath, utterly still, and Dani eased closer, her eyes slipping shut, her breath shallow as their noses grazed, Jamie’s breath hot on her lips —

The back door banged against the house, and Dani jerked her head back, startled at the sound. She twisted her head to see the commotion, laughter coming from the group on the porch. Dani froze, her breath caught in her chest. It was unlike her to be caught so unawares, to let her hard-fought defenses crumble to her feet and forget her surroundings. But Jamie was warm, and Jamie was safe. And casting her panicked eyes around now, no one in the backyard so much as looked their way, lost in their own drunken world to care about anyone else for once.

The hand that was still tangled in Dani’s tightened in a gentle reassuring pressure and with her heart pounding against her chest, Dani turned to see Jamie still staring at her, vivid and intense, pinning her to the spot. Dani opened her mouth to say something, to say anything, but she choked on the words, her throat lodged.

“Hey, there you are.”

Jerking again, Dani snapped her head to the sound and found Roger ambling towards them with a friendly grin.

“Roger,” Dani croaked, and cleared her throat, her mouth flickering into a weak smile, “Hey. Sorry, I - Did I miss the rest of the game?”

He nodded and shrugged. “Yeah, but it ended almost as soon as you left so it’s no big deal,” he said, and jerked his thumb behind him towards the house, “Eddie’s been looking for you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, said something about wanting to try his hand at our pool table in the basement,” Roger said, “Hey, Jamie, did you want to — “ He paused, hesitant with a furrowed brow, “ — Sorry, uh. Did I interrupt something?”

A low growl came deep within Jamie’s chest and Dani placed her hand on her knee to placate her. “It’s fine,” Dani said, her voice high even to her own ears, “We were just talking.”

Roger nodded slowly, his eyes tracking the movement of Dani’s hand and then darted between them, his cheeks darkening. “Oh - yeah. I see,” he said, and cleared his throat, digging his hands in his pockets and giving them an awkward but soft grin, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Dani repeated.

But Roger was already stepping backwards towards the house. “I’ll fetch Eddie for you,” he said, “Sorry again.”

Dani blinked after him, watching him disappear inside the house and exhaled slowly, her shoulders slumping. She leaned back into Jamie, abruptly tired, and looked back almost expecting to find that same soul-pinning gaze, but was instead greeted with Jamie looking at her with soft concern.

“All right?” Jamie murmured, her voice low.

Taking a moment to just breathe silently, listening to her heart settle, Dani nodded and eased back in, knocking their foreheads together again. “I think - um,” Dani started with a murmur, eyes slipping shut, “I think I’m a little drunk.” Jamie chuckled softly, but didn’t respond. “I don’t think I like it.”

“Color me surprised,” Jamie replied softly, running a soothing thumb over her knuckles. “Think it’s time Ed got you home.”

“I don’t want to go home,” Dani mumbled, “I want to stay."

With you , she didn’t say. In an effort to not think about why that was, Dani pulled back to give Jamie a considering look. “You got here with Nan’s truck, right?”

“I did,” Jamie said, frowning curiously, “Why?”

“Do you want to go somewhere?”

Jamie blinked. “Go where?”

“I don’t know,” Dani said, shrugging helplessly, “We could drive to the coast and see the Atlantic ocean finally like we’ve always wanted to.”

Jamie huffed out a soft laugh, affection blooming in her eyes. More familiar and soothing than whatever hungry thing had been lurking behind Jamie’s eyes moments ago.

“I think,” Jamie started slowly, “That it’s time for you to go home.”

Disappointment sinking heavy as stones in her stomach, Dani said. “I could go home with you instead.”

Something flashed in Jamie’s eyes but it vanished with a shake of her head. “And risk Nan seeing the state I let you get yourself in? She’ll scalp me right there and then.”

A soft laugh burst out of Dani and she rolled her eyes. “She wouldn’t.”

“She would.”

“Then come to my place then.”

“Dani — “

“Jamie.”

Dani grinned sheepishly when Jamie gave her a sharp look, more amused than anything. Jamie sighed again, shaking her head and then rose to her feet, holding a hand out to Dani. “All right, come on, then.”

With a broad smile, Dani took her hand and let Jamie pull her to her feet and grasp her elbow when Dani almost teetered off balance when the world swayed just a bit. Dani groaned and leaned into Jamie, pressing her face against her shoulder until the spinning stopped.

“God, this sucks,” Dani said, muffed against the fabric of Jamie’s t-shirt, feeling Jamie run a soothing hand down her back.

Jamie snorted. “Welcome to the club, Poppins.”

“Please don’t ever let me do that again,” Dani said, gradually leaning away and letting Jamie guide her towards the porch.

“Reckon you’ll manage just fine yourself after waking up with a splitting headache, but I’ll keep an eye out just in case.”

Just as Jamie pulled her inside, Eddie stepped into the kitchen and slowed at the sight of them. “Oh, there you are.”

Jamie pressed a hand on Dani back and eased her towards Eddie. “Home. Now,” Jamie said in a dark tone the brooked no room for argument.

Eddie’s eyes widened and he nodded, his mouth flickering into a weak smile. “Sure, yeah. No problem.”

When Eddie grasped her hand, Dani looked over her shoulder to give Jamie a forlorn look.

“You get on home,” Jamie said, visibly softening, “I’ll call in about half to check in and let you know I’m home, all right?”

Slowly, Dani nodded, unhappy with the end results, but reassured anyway. Slipping off Jamie’s flannel, she handed it back to Jamie, watching her throat bob and her eyes flicker with that dark look before smoothing over with another reassuring grin.

“Come on,” Eddie said, tugging gently on Dani’s hand and she let herself be pulled along, “Before she actually kills me.”

“Look at you, Ed,” Jamie said, “An old dog can learn new tricks.”

Jamie smirked when Eddie shot her a dirty look, but Dani laughed softly. “You two...are dumb.”

They turned to look at her in unison, and both visibly softened. Dani blinked and swallowed thickly, unmoored under the attention, her eyes darting between them. Curly dark hair and fond smiles, it was disconcerting how sibling-like they appeared just then.

“Can we go now?” Dani mumbled.

Jamie smacked Eddie’s arm, “What’re doin’ just standing there, you git?”

Rolling his eyes, Eddie gently pulled Dani away. She sent Jamie another forlorn wave that she chuckled softly at before Dani disappeared around the corner down the hall.

The walk home was as quiet as the one they took earlier that evening, Eddie’s hand warm in hers, keeping a steady grip. They were larger than Jamie’s, but just as rough from years of handling baseball bats and tennis racquets.

“So, I’m thinking,” Eddie said, broaching the quiet.

“Yeah?” Dani said absently, still holding Jamie’s lighter, running her thumb over the chrome plating repeatedly.

“We should get married.”

Dani jerked to a stop with wide eyes. “What?”

“Oh, come on,” Eddie said, grinning broadly, “You don’t remember?”

It came to her at once. The memory of daring Eddie to kiss her. Of Eddie returning days later, asking her to marry him. Dani’s heart pounded in her ears, her stomach lurching and her knuckles turning white around the lighter. “Are you serious.”

“Yeah, was thinking we could head down to City Hall,” Eddie said, an impish glint in his eyes, “Got money saved up and everything. Get Jamie to scrounge up some flowers for your bouquet.”

Dani stared at him for a long moment, dread creeping over her and she couldn’t place why the idea of it felt so wrong. Not with the memory of the ghost of Jamie’s breath on her lips. Not with the smell of sandalwood still lingering on her skin. She felt dizzy and exhausted, unable to fight off her cheeks heating up and the alcohol burning hot in her veins. Wanting nothing more than to collapse into her bed and not move for days and to not think why she’d rather be holding Jamie’s hand right now.

“And have to deal with my mom afterwards?” she said with a glower, watching his face blanch. Rolling her eyes for good measure, she dragged him down the street, listening to him sputter behind her. “It’s your funeral, Eddie.”

--

The party might well never have happened for how little they spoke of it. A passing dream. A faded image. An old cenotaph worn away by rain and well-loved fingers. Except Eddie kept putting his arm around Dani’s shoulders at every opportunity. When they sat in the car. When they ate lunch side by side. When they were squeezed together on the couch in the basement watching movies with Carson.

The nights were still cold, so she did not mind much. Eddie was always warm. More times than she could count, she’d stolen one of his sweaters and worn it around the house in the winter months, sleeves long and trailing to the edge of her fingertips, hiding her hands in a way she found comforting. He never put his arm around her when Jamie was around, however. Somehow that was a deterrent in and of itself.

Days like today, Eddie and the other boys were all off to Des Moines with Mike to see a Iowa Oaks game. Carson had been dragged away with much grumbling, insisting that he’d rather remain behind, only for Tommy and David to grab him bodily by the shoulders, stuff a baseball cap on his head, and drag him out to the car, laughing as they went. Carson had splayed out a hand against the rear window of the car, making plaintive expressions at Dani and Jamie through the glass and mouthing the words,  ‘Remember me!’  until they laughed and waved him off from the mouth of the garage.

Which left them alone in an eerily quiet O’Mara house. ‘Girls nights’ Judy called them. Time at home with just her and Dani and Jamie. Sometimes Nan. Rarely Karen.

Glancing over her shoulder towards the garage door leading inside the house, Jamie reached into a pocket of her jacket and pulled out a crumpled packet of cigarettes. “Think she’ll notice if I pop round the side of the house for a quick smoke?”

“I can distract her, if you want,” Dani offered.

Jamie stuck a cigarette between her teeth and smiled around it. “Don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

When Jamie started off around the house to duck behind a fence-like shrubbery, Dani stayed rooted in place for a moment. Then she followed. By the time she rounded the corner, Jamie was already slouching against the weatherboards and flicking a flame to life with the edge of her thumb against a cheap plastic lighter she had begrudgingly bought after Dani refused to return her Zippo. The hedge narrowed the grass and gravel passageway down this side of the house until there was barely enough space to stand two abreast. Still, Dani stood before Jamie rather than lean against the wall beside her, so that the toes of their shoes bracketed one another – black and white sneakers like a checkerboard for chess pieces.

Jamie’s cheeks sank inwards, and she lifted the cigarette away to blow a thin stem of smoke to the side, away from Dani. In the light of the day and the shadow of the eaves, Jamie’s eyes did not appear as dark. She wasn’t wearing red lipstick today. Not like last weekend. Dani found her gaze drawn to the purse of her lips at the cigarette anyway. The corner of Jamie’s mouth quirked in a smile, and Dani’s eyes jerked up, realising she’d been caught staring.

Reaching out, Dani gently took the cigarette from Jamie’s mouth between two fingers of her own. The smirk vanished and Jamie watched her movements with an expression veiled in tendrils of smoke like vines. They stood close enough that Dani could count the links in the chain necklace disappearing beneath the collar of Jamie’s shirt. She had to resist the urge to pull the slink of silvery chain free, twine it between her fingers and hold it there, a steady pressure at the back of Jamie’s neck.

Dani was wearing one of Eddie’s sweaters to ward off the chill. She had to push back the long sleeve in order to lift the cigarette to her own lips for a brief drag. Her lungs burned. Against her better judgement, she held the smoke there until it felt like she was drowning in the wreckage of a house fire.

“Are you staying the night?” Dani asked. She expelled the smoke in one long rush, coughing slightly at the end.  

Jamie shrugged. “Thought I might. Depends.”

“Does Nan need help back home?”

In answer Jamie made an uncertain noise and took back the cigarette, their fingers brushing together. “She’s been leaning on me a lot more lately,” she said. “Annoying as all hell, really. But she hasn’t been looking so great either.”

“I mean, if you want to then of course you can go back tonight.”

Jamie thought on it for a moment before waving a dismissive hand. “Nah,” she flicked ash from the tip of her cigarette and lifted it back to her mouth. “The old bag will be fine for one night without me.”

“If you’re smoking back there,” said Judy’s voice from the backyard, sounding stern, “Then I want you two to know: you’re not being sneaky.”

Immediately they froze. Jamie dropped the cigarette to the ground and Dani ground it into the gravel with her shoe, while Jamie exhaled a plume of smoke into the air.

“We’re not!” Jamie called out.

“Well, whatever it is you’re doing, it can’t be decent. Otherwise, you’d do it out in the open,” Judy’s voice drawled, coming into view down the other end of the house. She had her hand up to her eyes as though she’d just walked into one of her sons in the bathroom. “Is it safe?”

Dani’s cheeks burned. Beside her Jamie made a small choked noise. “We’re -! We’re just talking!” Dani said.

Judy parted her fingers so she could peer through at them, then lowered her arm. “If you say so. I’m making sandwiches. You two want some?”

“Sounds good,” croaked Jamie.

Judy left, and Dani found herself biting her lip and avoiding Jamie’s eye. Jamie had her hands shoved into the pockets of her bulky jacket and was kicking at a loose stone.

“We should –” Dani started to say at exactly the same time Jamie said, “I’m starving –”

They stopped and Dani laughed breathlessly, catching only a glimpse of Jamie’s smile when she looked up.

“Yeah, I’m pretty hungry,” Dani agreed, while Jamie simply nodded.

Jamie gestured, hand still stuck in her pocket so that the whole jacket moved with her. “You first.”

“Right. Okay.”

Tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear that had escaped from her headband, Dani inched away until they could walk single file and not bump into one another. She had so many memories of the two of them – of herself and Jamie, of herself and Eddie, or even herself and Carson – wedged together, shoulder to shoulder, down this narrow aisle between house and hedge, as though squeezing through an artery.  

Now Dani walked as though at the head of a procession, making her way towards the green expanse of the back lawn in the distance. There was no sound of footfalls behind her, no crunch of gravel underfoot. Dani walked, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that if she looked back, Jamie would be gone.

--

Dani heard the phone ringing from her room. She was sitting on her bed, the sheets a sprawl of notes from class, a book propped open on one knee and a pad of paper on the other. Her head perked up when she heard the ringing, her hand going still so that the tip of her pencil hovered over the last word she had written.

The phone rang exactly twice, then was picked up. Dani could hear her mother’s muttered greeting downstairs. She glanced up towards the door to her room. Shut but not locked. Karen had removed the lock to Dani’s room when she was thirteen. Dani could barely even remember what privacy was like anymore; perhaps they’d always been strangers.

Carefully setting aside her book and notepad, marking her place by folding her pencil between the pages, Dani slipped from the bed and padded across the room on socked feet. She twisted the knob slowly and peeled open the door just enough so she could slip through the gap. A quick check, holding her breath and peering down the hall, and Dani approached the stairs on that old familiar path of floorboards, studiously avoiding the ones that creaked or groaned. She lowered herself down upon the second highest step, propped her chin atop her knees, and listened.

The television laughed softly in the living room below, an audience track like static on repeat. Her mother sighed. There was the clink of glass against tile.

“Jesus,” her mother said, voice a familiar mumble around the cylinder of a cigarette. “When?”

A pause as someone spoke on the other side of the line.

“And they think it was a -? Ah. I see. Thank you. I’d appreciate that. No, that’s all right. I’ll handle it. Yeah. You, too. Bye.”

Dani frowned when she heard the click of the plastic receiver being placed back on its cradle. She could feel her lungs tickle from the drift of smoke rising up through the air. Pushing herself to her feet, she made her way down the stairs, adding an extra step along the way just in case her mother was counting. When Dani entered the kitchen, her mother was stabbing out a cigarette with nervous little jumps of her fingers. The ashtray was littered with filters from just that day.

“Just getting some water,” Dani mumbled in passing as she shuffled towards the sink.

Her mother made no comment, though Dani could feel eyes boring a hole in her spine like a twin set of awls. And then out of the blue she said, “Judy rang. Though, I guess you knew that already.”

Dani paused, hand holding open a cupboard door as she pulled down a glass. “I didn’t,” she said truthfully. Though she had suspected. Catching the tail end of the conversation left little in the way of clues.

Karen hummed a disbelieving note behind her. Dani very carefully kept her attention fixed on the act of filling her glass.

“She said she's picked up those rolls of film you were having developed from the pharmacy this afternoon,” said her mother. “And Ruth Heron died.”

Dani was nodding, then she went very still. The glass continued to fill until the water flowed over and she had to wrench the tap shut. Setting the glass into the sink, she turned slowly, eyes wide, to stare at her mother across the kitchen.

“What?” Dani said numbly.

“The pharmacy,” her mother repeated, digging out another cigarette from a pack on the dining table. “They’d finished with all those pictures you like to take.”

“No, I - The other - Ruth  died? When?”

With a shrug, Karen flicked a flame to life with her thumb at the edge of a lighter and held it to the end of her cigarette. “Today. Or maybe yesterday. I don’t know. The funeral’s on Friday.”

That couldn’t be right. Dani had just seen Jamie earlier that very day. They had parted ways after school. Jamie had been smiling and joking with Carson, while Eddie trailed behind them with his nose buried in a book.

“I don’t think I’ll go,” her mother continued, breathing out smoke through her nostrils and shaking her head. “Bad memories. Bad everything. Barely kept it together at the last one. Well - you remember. Surely.”

She did. Dani could remember the last funeral she had attended all too clearly. The long walk down the aisle towards an altar-like casket draped in flowers and silver. Dani shaking her head, refusing to budge. Her mother’s grip painful on her shoulder, but her voice a bare tremble, like a piece of glass on the verge of shattering. And a man in an ashen suit with somber black eyes, hands clasped in a sort of passive mannerliness. The coroner. The coroner, who had walked her down the aisle towards her father’s powdered corpse with a courtly offer of his arm.

“Will you?”

Dani jerked. Blinking furiously, she shook her head. “Sorry. What?”

Karen was watching her and tapping the lighter lightly against the tabletop. “Will you go to the funeral?”

Dani’s mouth worked, her throat dry. “Yes,” she said finally. “Yes, of course I’m going.”

“Judy can take you. She said she was taking the boys. Said she’d take you, too, if you wanted.”

Karen didn’t say anything more. She took another long drag of her cigarette, the end glowing with embers that she flickered off into the ashtray, blowing out a plume of smoke. Dani watched her in a wide eyed daze, her breath shallow. Watched her mother place the cigarette back between her lips and pick the phone receiver back up to place against her ear.

“There’s nothing in the fridge and I’m too tired to do anything in this kitchen tonight,” Karen said, already dialing a number, “Do you want chinese for dinner?”

Dani pushed away from the sink, voice faint as she spoke, as faint as she felt. “I need to go,” she said, wiping her hand dry on her jeans and stumbling out of the kitchen. “I need to - I need to - ”

“Is that a yes, or not? I need to know,” her mother called after her. “Danielle, where are you -?  Danielle.”  

Karen’s voice continued speaking, but Dani was hardly listening anymore. Somehow her feet had walked her into the other room and out the front door. Barefoot and hands clenched tightly by her sides, she marched straight across the street to the O’Mara’s house, shoving open the door without knocking or preamble into an eerily quiet house. The silence of it made her pause, swallowing hard. But then her feet were moving again, taking her down the hallway and into the kitchen to find both Mike and Judy murmuring quietly to each other, the pair studiously piling food in tupperware.

At the sound of her entrance, heavy breathing and feet on cold tile, they both turned and blinked in surprise.

“Is it - “ Dani choked out, eyes darting between them. “Is it true?”

“Danielle, honey. What -?“ Judy said, a hand pressed to her chest, confusion and surprise written all over her face. “What are you doing here? We thought you were with - “

Dani stared unblinking. When she didn’t respond, Judy and Mike shared a worried glance. “God,” Judy breathed, “She’s been alone all day. I knew we should’ve called the hospital - “

“We didn’t know which one she was taken to,” Mike said, placing a reassuring hand on Judy’s shoulder.

“Then we should have called all of them.”

“They wouldn’t have told us anything anyways, sweetheart,” Mike said, softer than Dani’s ever heard him, “We’re not family.”

“She’s as good as,” Judy said firmly, and sighed when Dani remained utterly still, rooted to the spot with her heart a claxon in her chest. She stepped towards Dani and engulfed her in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, honey.“

Dani didn’t move. “I have to go,” she murmured, “I have to go find Jamie.”

“I know,” Judy said, pulling back to cup Dani’s face and give her a flickering smile. “I know. Mike, the food,” she added with a glance over her shoulder to Mike who jumped into action, fastening the tupperware with lids.

Dani was unseeing as they moved around and spoke to her in soft tones. Jamie found her after school. Jamie’s been at the hospital for hours. No one knows if she’s home yet. Dani was nodding along, not realizing she was doing so, as though seeing herself do it from afar. A call and response as she was handed tupperware to take with her.

“I’ll drive you,” Mike said.

“It’s fine,” Dani said.

“Honey - “ Judy started.

“I’ll be fine,” Dani said, drawing in a deep breath and giving them a frail smile. “Promise.”

Judy looked at her for a long moment and nodded. “Off you go, then,” Judy said softly, “Give her our love, please. And let us know she’s all right.”

Dani nodded again, and was guided out, stumbling back across the street and back through the front door of her house. The television was still blaring, a laugh track that bored into Dani’s ears like nails on a chalkboard. Shoving her feet into a pair of flats, she swallowed down a swell of indignation and was reaching blindly for the car keys hanging from their hook on the wall, and snatching up the wallet on the corner table beneath them, the gardenias there already wilting.

She had a destination, and she had a driver’s license. And that was enough.

The house stood quiet and still on the long stretch of bungalow cottages lining the street. Peeling white paint and exposed beams against the backdrop of a bright orange and red sunset dappled through sparse clouds. She shifted in her seat, unnerved to see the windows dark and blinds partially drawn, like dark eyes on a pale skull.

Dani’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel, the cabin utterly silent save for the slow sigh of relief at the sight of Nan’s ancient truck parked in front of the house. Dani swallowed heavily as her eyes lingered on the fading green paint, feeling a sharp pin prick in her chest. She pushed it aside, tucked it away, her eyes darting back to the house before stumbling out of her mother’s car with tupperware in hand.

Her feet felt heavy as she marched up the porch and knocked on the front door, her knuckles sharp against the wood. There was no answer. No sound of feet thudding against the floor to beckon Dani inside. She frowned and bit her lip, sparing another glance at the green truck behind her. Maybe Jamie had gone along in the ambulance and wasn’t home yet. Maybe she took a cab, unwilling or unable to carter Mikey along in the ambulance. She shook her head lightly, the heat from the tupperware warm against the skin of her palms, the late spring air utterly still.

She knocked again, and waited for a response. She peeked through windows and past the small gap the blinds granted her, finding nothing but furniture shadowed in a dark room. Dani straightened upright, shifting anxiously on her feet before rapping her knuckles on the window. She stood and waited, listening to the chirps of robins nearby.

“Jamie?” she called out, a burr in her voice. There was still no answer. Not even the sound of Mikey’s chatter or stumbling footsteps as he wandered through rooms with unabashed willfulness.

Uncertainty cast over her in the silence. She pressed her mouth together, a whorl of discomfort in her stomach, and stepped off the porch to round the house between the chain link fence and the white peeling boards. When she neared the corner, she craned her head to peer around it and stopped short. Struck with relief, Dani exhaled quietly to find Jamie sitting in the middle of the bloom and green of the garden on that old picnic blanket. Slouched, her back turned to Dani, unmoving and quiet.

She was watching the sunset, Dani noticed. The light casting her in warm tones, still dressed in the same clothes she’d worn to school. And in her lap, sleeping quietly against her shoulder and curled up right into her, was Mikey. Dani’s heart lurched as she neared them, and hesitantly repeated, her voice a whisper, “Jamie?”

If Jamie heard her, registered her presence at all, she made no effort to acknowledge it. A thickness was building in Dani’s throat, a deep ache spreading across her chest. She exhaled, fingers drumming restlessly on the tupperware she still held. Biting her lip, she moved quietly to rest the tupperware on the porch, eyes fixed upon Jamie, distantly aware of the unreasonable fear that if she looked away, Jamie might vanish.

She moved carefully, slipping off her flats to step on the blanket — a flannel pattern of green and blue, faded from years of use — and slowly sank down beside Jamie, finally getting a look at her face. She expected a scowl maybe. Perhaps tear tracks dried on skin and red eyes. Instead, Jamie was looking straight ahead, expression eerily blank and eyes just short of wide, barely blinking. Void of anything that might convey a sense of grief or loss, or anything at all. Dani’s breath caught in her chest, fists clenched in her lap, not knowing what to do.

Her eyes traced down to Mikey in her lap, curled up and clutching at Jamie’s gold medal against his chest. Dani blinked and looked away, pressing her eyes shut and biting her lip hard enough to hurt until the burning in her eyes eased and she could breathe properly again. Sighing softly, she turned back to Jamie who remained unmoving. Slowly, Dani reached up and let her fingers graze against the hunch of Jamie’s back.

Jamie jerked at the contact and Dani wrenched her hand away, eyes wide. Jamie blinked rapidly, as though waking up from a daze.

“Hi,” Dani whispered, loath to disturb the quiet and Mikey’s sleep.

Looking at her for a long moment, Jamie swallowed thickly. “Hey,” she whispered, her voice rough and faint, and looked down at Mikey in her arms. “Finally got him to sleep. Didn’t want to move.”

Dani nodded absently, scanning over Jamie carefully. The unkempt frizz of her hair that she itched to smooth down. The heavy droop of her eyelids. The stiff hunch of her back.

“When did you last eat?” Dani asked. Jamie shook her head in answer, and that was all Dani needed to know. “I brought food for you. From Judy’s.”

Having returned to watching the horizon bleed hues of red and pink and purple across the sky, Jamie nodded but didn’t say anything more, arms wrapped around Mikey and running a hand gently through his hair.

Dani exhaled at the unbearably thick silence. “Jamie, I’m - “ she started, a tremble in her voice, raising her hand again to place on Jamie’s back, gently smoothing over the ridges and dips of her spine through her t-shirt, “I’m so sorry.”

Jamie cleared her throat and twitched away from Dani’s hand. “I’m gonna go put him down,” Jamie muttered flatly, and carefully stood with Mikey in her arms.

Without another word, Jamie turned and started towards the backdoor. Mikey whined at the movement and mumbled something Dani couldn’t hear. “I know, love,” Jamie murmured as she disappeared into the darkness of the house.

Feeling overwrought and helpless, Dani stood, leaving the blanket where it was with the vague inkling that Jamie would be returning to it sometime soon and turned to follow Jamie into the house. She jerked to a stop, sucking in a sharp breath when her eyes landed on the trellis fence where Jamie grew her morning glories. Tucked away there in the corner, hidden beside the porch steps was a broken shovel snapped in half, and Jamie’s bike. Chain torn apart. Spokes broken and warped. A wheel bent nearly in half. The frame dented and scraped from a rain of blows. Four years of Jamie’s hard work and devotion, tossed in a tide of ripped and torn foliage.

Dani swallowed and eased closer, barefoot in the grass, slow and hesitant as though she were approaching a cavernous canyon. Her thumb drifted towards her mouth, biting at the nail and skin until it hurt, until the urge to cry was smothered. Drawing in a deep stuttering breath, Dani tucked her thumb away in her fist and entered the house with the tupperware in hand.

It was dark inside, but for the gleam of twilight diffused through windows and curtains. It seemed smaller in the dark, shrunken and exsanguinated. A weary creature laid to rest. Absent the noise Dani had grown used to hearing throughout the house. Jamie’s music muffled through the walls, and the kettle whistling for afternoon tea, and Nan’s sitcoms with the volume on low, and Mikey’s nonsensical chatter, and the constant bickering. Until all that was left was an eerie silence.

Dani stood in it for only a moment until it quickly became unbearable. She set the tupperware on the kitchen counter and flicked on the lights throughout the house. When she reached the living room to turn on the various lamps, she slowed to a pause. Nan’s weathered armchair sat by the couch. Maroon red and pristine. And lying next to it on the floor, a toppled saucer and cup in pieces, orbited by a dark tea stain already dried in the carpet. A lump appeared in Dani’s throat, her hands balled into her fists as she bent down to carefully gather the porcelain pieces, cold dregs of tea still remaining in what was left of the cup.

Dani returned to the kitchen to set the pieces on the counter, unsure of what to do, unwilling to toss Nan’s heirlooms from Scotland in the trash. There was a full pot of tea and another cup on the counter, untouched and gone cold. Hands trembling, Dani went about settling up the kettle to boil and drained the pot of its contents for another brew while waiting for Jamie to return to the kitchen.

It felt easier, keeping her hands busy. To focus on movement and precision, and not the deep ache in her chest. To rinse the cup and pot in the sink, and not think about Jamie’s proud smile when Nan had given her nod of approval after fixing the kitchen table’s wobble. She wondered distantly, exhaling slowly, shakily, as she set the table for dinner, if this is what Nan meant all along. Keeping one’s hands busy.

Jamie still hadn’t returned when Dani was finished. Not even when the kettle’s whistle reared to blow seconds before Dani pulled it from the burning red coil. Tea steeping in the pot, she hesitated at the stove, worrying at her lower lip before finally slipping out of the kitchen down the narrow hallway. She neared Nan’s bedroom, seeing the door slightly ajar, hearing absolute silence.

Drawing in a low deep breath, Dani stepped closer and eased the door open.

Jamie stood motionless and silent in the middle of Nan’s room, facing just slightly away from Dani, staring blankly at Nan’s bed. Dani’s breath caught in her chest. Standing frozen in the doorway, rooted to the spot, Dani felt as though with one wrong move, the walls would collapse inwards. The air still and thick, as though holding its breath. Jamie remained unmoving, shell-shocked and stiff. Slowly, Dani stepped inside, floorboards creaking wearily under the weight of her feet.

“Hey,” Dani whispered, stepping closer, her hand twitching to grasp Jamie’s.

Jamie didn’t respond. Dani followed her gaze and went still when her eyes landed on the small pile of belongings on Nan’s bed. Clothes folded neatly, a pair of round tortoise-shell spectacles, and jewelry that consisted of modest pearl earrings, a small cross hanging from a simple chain, and a wedding ring.

“Hey,” she said again, wrapping her hand around Jamie’s, “Look at me.”

Dani gently pulled Jamie away, turning her so she faced Dani instead of the memories that lay on Nan’s bed. As stiff as she was, Jamie was pliant, blinking as her eyes gradually met Dani’s, gray and still as stone. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she squeezed Jamie’s hand tight.

“It’s okay,” Dani breathed, her voice cracking and trembling, struggling not to reach up to cup Jamie’s face, feeling her eyes burn, “It’s okay. You don’t - you don’t have to feel anything right now. I’ll feel it for you. For the both of us.”

Jamie visibly swallowed hard, her throat working. She blinked and ducked her eyes, slowly easing her hand out of Dani’s, her jaw going tight. Dani watched quietly as Jamie dug her hand in her jean pocket, pulling something out in her fist. She silently took Dani’s hand and placed Dani’s blue scrunchie in her palm. Something hard twisted painfully in Dani’s chest, and she clenched her jaw until it ached. Slowly looking up, Jamie’s expression remained wooden save for the taut lines of her jaw. Dani wanted so much to press closer, to guide Jamie’s head to her shoulder and wrap her within Dani’s arms. But Jamie eased away, giving Dani one last blank look before quietly stepping past her and out of the room.

Clenching her fist around the scrunchie, Dani pressed her eyes shut, swallowing hard past a thick lump in her throat, listening to the distant sounds of Jamie moving around in the kitchen. With a trembling exhale, Dani hastily wiped her eyes and cheeks, and stepped towards Mikey’s crib. She softened to find him still fast asleep, still clutching at Jamie’s medal as though that was the only thing tethering him to a restful evening nap. He’d always been taken to shiny, bright things.

But now there’d be no more medals. No more triumphant smiles and photos. Not any time soon at least. Not with this shadow of Jamie ambling around like a fast-fading ghost. Taking a fortifying breath, Dani pressed a kiss to her fingers and reached down to place it against Mikey’s cheek, letting her hand smooth over his hair and down his back. After watching him for a moment longer, she slowly retreated, letting herself take another long look around the room. Feeling a twinge in her chest, Dani closed the door, leaving just a crack open, and followed Jamie to the kitchen.

--

Dani woke trembling beneath her bedsheets. Her jaw wired shut, teeth clenched so hard she could feel the ache of it spread across her skull. Her breath stuttered in small gasps in her chest, a thick lump of lead in her throat that threatened to drown her. She slowly came to herself, slowly felt the world extend beyond the single point of choking back a sob. Echoes of her dad’s laugh ringing in her ears, Nan’s stoic affection and wry grin turning away. Vestiges of a dream slipping fast between her fingers until all Dani was left with was the feeling of being hollowed out.

Unfurling from the tight ball Dani had curled herself into, her limbs aching from the position, she gradually stretched out on her back, placing a hand against her face to block out the elongated morning rays stretching across her room. Her hands were trembling, she realized, and she exhaled slowly, shakily, listening to the sounds of the morning birds chirp through the open crack of her window as she steadied her breathing. Rubbing away the drying streaks of tears from her cheeks, Dani slowly rose to swing her legs over the edge of the bed, her shoulders stiff.

Her eyes landed on the black dress hanging from the back of her bedroom door, already ironed smooth and looming like a shadow, waiting for her to slip on. Dani exhaled again, longer and a little steadier. Tucking away the loose threads of her dream, the strain simmering beneath her skin. It wouldn’t serve her anything good here, not today. Not when Jamie needed her.

The house was quiet as she went about getting ready for the day. And Dani found herself going through the motions in a slight daze, as though watching snippets of a broken film reel. Making breakfast and tea in a hazy sun streaked kitchen. A hot shower that burned her skin pink. Slipping on the black dress she had bought specifically for today. Putting in smooth waves in her hair and a light dusting of makeup. Her hand dialing a phone number that might as well be etched right up against her ribs, beside her heart.

The phone rang for such an uneasy long time that Dani bit her lip and wondered maybe if Jamie hadn’t even woken yet, when —

“Yeah?” came Jamie’s voice, a singular gruff note.

“Hey, it’s me,” Dani said softly, her free hand restlessly drumming against the kitchen counter, “I’m - I’ve just finished getting ready, and I was wondering - “

“Just getting ready now,” Jamie said, sounding tired and flat. “See you soon, yeah?”

Dani opened her mouth to ask her, to urge her —  ‘How are you? Don’t shut me out. Please talk to me.’ — but she swallowed it down. She nodded, and quickly realizing Jamie couldn’t see her, she said softly, “Yeah. Okay. See you.”

Without another word, the line went dead. Dan stood there for a moment longer, listening to the dial tone and her quiet breaths she fought to keep steady, before finally returning to the receiver to it’s base.

Above her, there were footsteps and the creaking of doors. Dani exhaled and ran a trembling hand across her forehead and through her hair. With another fortifying breath, Dani scaled the stairs and paused on the landing, worrying her lower lip with her teeth as she stared at her mom’s bedroom door, just slightly ajar. There was movement inside, soft thumps against wood and a click of a lighter. With her hands balled into fists, she wandered closer and gently knocked on the door.

“Mom?” she said quietly.

A sigh. “Yes?”

Unease slipped between Dani’s shoulder blades, and she eased the door open. She was promptly hit with the combined smells of sharp chemicals and smoke filtering through the room, repellent and headache inducing. She almost choked on it, hesitating at the threshold of the room where she was greeted with her mom sitting by her vanity, a cigarette tucked between her lips and dousing the roots of her hair with dye.

“Are you just going to stand there?” Karen said, not even bothering to look in Dani’s direction, cigarette bobbing in her mouth.

Dani swallowed thickly. “I thought you were at work?” she said hesitantly.

Her mother shook her head and sighed. “Took the day off,” she said, and didn’t elaborate.

“Well - um,” Dani fumbled, “Well, I’m going now. I’m not sure how long I’ll be.”

Karen grunted in response, leaning closer in the mirror as she angled her head to get a tricky spot, her gloved hands working in the dye. But when Dani didn’t move or say anything more, her eyes flitted towards Dani’s reflection in the mirror and she squinted.

“Is that what you’re wearing?”

Dani glanced down at herself. It was a simple dress, cinched at the waist before draping out gently to just below her knees with a high neckline and short sleeves. Judy had referred to it as classically vintage and beautiful, but her mother seemed inclined to disagree with a look of snobbish disdain.

A swell of shame building within her, feeling her nails dig into her palms, Dani felt her shoulders straighten and her expression harden. “Yes,” she said sharply.

Karen arched a slow, derisive eyebrow. Dani’s stomach tightened, the look seeming to slice through her, but she stood her ground, her hands shaking. All at once, a distant memory came upon her. Nan’s voice from all those years ago echoing through her: “ If you’re going to say something unfortunate, you might as well be loud about it.”  

“I wish y —  “ Dani started, choking on the words.

Her mother’s arms which had been hovering frozen over her head gradually dropped. Leaving the bottle of dye on the towel covering her vanity, Karen lifted a dye stained hand to take a long drag of her cigarette, and slowly exhaled, smoke framing her face. “You wished what, Danielle?” Karen asked, a dangerous sharp edge to her tone.

Her heartbeat loud in her ears, Dani said softly, “I wish you cared.”

Karen’s face slowly fell, and quickly hardened. “You take that tone with me again, and there’ll be no funeral to go to when I’m through with you,” she said around a plume of smoke.

Dani said nothing, smothering down a flare of belligerence threatening to burst from her, struggling to smooth away an indignant scowl. But feeling her courage slip away from her nonetheless, Dani nodded. “See you later,” she mumbled.

But when she started to retreat back downstairs, her mother said, “You won’t.” Dani blinked at her with a questioning frown. “I won’t be home until late. I have a date with — “

“I don’t want to know - ” Dani rushed out, “- about that.”

Karen’s eyes hardened once again, but before she could say anything more, Dani ducked her eyes and made a swift exit.

The burn of indignation fizzled quickly, leaving only weariness that seemed to pull at her seams. She tamped it down as she always did, tucking it away that not even the O’Mara’s seemed to cotton onto it as they drove towards the railway cottage. Still, it didn’t stop Eddie from clutching her hand in a firm grip, or Judy from glancing back every so often through the rearview mirror with a faint measure of concern.

“Are you sure you’ll be all right to drive that truck?” Judy asked, her hands nervously tapping at the steering wheel.

Even as Dani nodded, Mike twisted around in the passenger seat with a gentle grin and said, “There’s still plenty of time to get the second car.”

“I can even hold Mikey,” Carson offered from beside her, giving Dani a brief grin that belied the red that already imbued his eyes.

“We’ll be fine,” Dani assured.

Eddie squeezed her hand. “Are you sure?” he murmured.

Dani nodded. “It’s fine.”

But even as she said so, a coil formed in her stomach. Her hand drifted towards her mouth, and when she realized when she was doing, she quickly yanked it down to clench into a fist in her lap, hidden in the folds of her dress.

Judy waited by the curb when she dropped Dani off, the car rumbling as it idled. Dani fidgeted with fingers as she waited for Jamie to answer her knock, nails picking at her skin. When she heard footsteps, Dani straightened upright and inhaled a fortifying breath. The door swung open and she was greeted with Jamie in a simple black dress and her hair pinned back, appearing almost elegant if it weren’t for the dark circles under stony eyes and blank expression.

Dani swallowed hard, and offered Jamie a flickering smile. “Hey.”

Jamie only nodded in response, a short jerk of her head, barely meeting Dani’s eyes. “Just having tea,” she murmured, and retreated inside without even sparing a glance to the car idling by the curb.

Dani bit her lip and glanced behind her to give the O’Mara’s a furtive reassuring wave before following Jamie inside, closing the door behind her. It was quiet inside, save for Mikey’s mumbling chatter and Jamie’s soft responses. She only seemed to ever respond to Mikey since it happened, which was more than enough for Dani, just as long as she knew Jamie was still altogether here, still present in some way. She followed the sounds in the kitchen where Jamie was quietly making a brew while Mikey puttered around by her feet, clutching at the hem of Jamie’s dress, already wearing his dress pants and shirt.

When he caught sight of Dani, his eyes lit up and he rushed towards her. “Dani, Dani, Dani.”

“Hey, sweet thing,” she murmured, feeling her heart swell as she scooped him up in her arms and kissed his cheek. “How are you?”

“Tired,” he said with a great big sigh, leaning his head against her shoulder. “Want Nana.”

Jamie went still by the counter. Frozen as though captured in stone. And then she was moving again, slowly turning the teapot in it’s spot. Dani watched her carefully, feeling her chest ache.

“Where’s Nana?” Mikey whined into her shoulder.

“We’re going to go see her,” Dani said softly, looking away from the taut lines in Jamie’s back and shoulders to give Mikey her full attention. “We’re going to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye?”

“Yeah, buddy.”

Mikey lifted his head to give her a confused pout. “Why?”

Dani swallowed thickly. “You know why,” she said softly, “We talked about this, remember?”

He shook his head, pouting some more. “Want Nana,” he repeated in a louder tone that bordered on a whine.

The teapot set heavily against the table with a firm thud. “That’s enough,” Jamie said, her voice clipped, expression wooden. “You gonna finish eating or not?”

At the promise of food, his looming tantrum briefly forgotten, Mikey reached for Jamie with stretched out arms. When Dani handed him to her, the pair slumped heavily in a chair at the kitchen table with Mikey in Jamie’s lap. Dani joined them in an adjacent seat, smiling weakly as Mikey promptly dug into a bowl of dry cereal that was already waiting for him. Jamie sighed, and reached for the teapot, but Dani was quick to jump in.

“I’ll get that,” Dani said, waving Jamie away, “You relax.”

Though Jamie didn’t argue, Dani could feel her eyes boring into the side of her face as Dani poured them their tea, but when Dani looked up, Jamie blinked and her eyes drifted away without a word.

The kitchen was quiet save for the crunch of cereal as Mikey ate and the quiet clink of porcelain as she and Jamie made their tea. The pouring of milk, the spoonfuls of sugar. Jamie went through the motions as though on autopilot, her movement stilted. Struck with the urge to just do something, to feel the warmth of Jamie’s skin again, Dani slowly reached out and grasped the top of Jamie’s hand. Jamie slowly went still as Dani stroked her knuckles, feeling the grooves of her skin. Visibly swallowing heavily, the muscles of Jamie’s jaw jumped, and slowly, without looking up, she slipped her hand out of Dani’s grasp.

Feeling her stomach coil tight, Dani pulled her hand back to ball into a fist in her lap. Clearing her throat, Jamie took a sip of her tea and promptly set it back on the table when it was evidently still too hot to drink.

Leaning forward from where he was reclining against Jamie, Mikey said, “Tea hot?”

“Yeah, love,” Jamie said quietly, “Don’t touch.”

“Blow on it for Jamie?”

And before either of them could do anything, they both watched in silent horror as Mikey leaned closer and blew into Jamie’s tea, inadvertently spitting half chewed cereal into Jamie’s cup with tiny plops, drops of tea splattering out.

Jamie blinked down at her tea, blank and exhausted in equal measure. “Thanks, mate,” she said, and lifted the cup to take a sip.

With an exasperated sigh and roll of her eyes, Dani rose to her feet and took the cup from Jamie’s hand to drain the ruined tea down the sink. Stiffly reclining back in her chair, keeping Mikey balanced in her lap as he ate, Jamie didn’t say a word. A week ago Jamie would have grumbled, a week ago Nan would have snorted with a sharp remark, and like clockwork, Jamie would bite back. A week ago, this kitchen was filled with chatter and bickering that ended with a pot of tea and a tin of cookies on the table as a flag of truce. The memories of it so fresh, that Dani could almost hear the echoes of it like ghosts in the silence.

And Jamie remained quiet through it all. Throughout Dani pouring her another cup of tea, to quietly eating breakfast, to tying on Mikey’s shoes, to Dani grabbing the truck keys from her hand when they finally shuffled out the door. Jamie didn’t protest. The truck felt clunky in Dani’s hands, larger than what Dani was used to handling. Of all the times Dani’s been in this truck, it had always been either Nan or Jamie driving. Sitting in the driver's seat now felt like being split into a mirror universe, the perspectives all wrong. But Dani kept them steady on the road, keeping the volume of the radio on low until it was only just white noise to accompany them.

The morning sun rays stretched through the windows and across the cabin, backlighting Jamie’s hair in russet tones that ruffled gently in the warm breeze of the open window. Dani couldn’t help casting furtive glances at her as she drove, the corner of her mouth curling at Mikey wrapped in her arms, the slant of Jamie’s profile sharp and outlined in golden light as she leaned her head back against the headrest, watching passing landmarks. Dani’s knuckles went white against the steering wheel, wanting to reach over and link their fingers, but smothered down the urge.

The church loomed ahead, gray brick and slanted roof. Dani had never frequented it before for all the times she’s passed by, belonging to a different denomination than what she grew up in. When she parked the truck and switched off the engine, Dani spotted both Carson and Eddie waiting outside the front double doors, leaning against the brick but standing at attention when they caught sight of the truck. Jamie sat upright and went stiff.

“Ready?” Dani murmured.  

Staring intently out the windscreen, jaw taut, Jamie’s throat bobbed. “Give us a minute?” she muttered.

Pressing her mouth into a thin line, Dani nodded and slipped out the truck, shutting the door firmly. Peering inside the truck for a moment, Jamie’s image through the dusty window was shadowed and blurred as though she were underwater, her hand running over Mikey’s back in soothing patterns as she murmured softly to him. Swallowing thickly, Dani sharply turned away and started towards the boys, her arms wrapped around her stomach.

“Is she okay?” Eddie asked in lieu of greeting, his hands shoved deep into his suit pockets, wearing a concerned frown.

Dani nodded, then shook her head, biting her lip. Eddie sighed while beside him, Carson remained silent, anxiously watching the truck with his arms crossed and his brow furrowed. Before any of them could say anything more, the truck door audibly swung open and Jamie stepped out with Mikey, heading towards them.

“Just - “ Dani said quietly “ - Give her some space?”

They both nodded silently, but even so, Jamie marched right past them without a word to delve inside the church. The three of them exchanged anxious somber looks, before silently following Jamie inside in a slow procession. It was cooler inside, the air still. The atrium was vast, the ceiling towering above her in exposed arched beams, the room seeming to echo with every footstep. Tall windows letting in slants of watery light across the walls and marble floors.

And framing the double doors leading into the main hall were stands of bouquets and two portraits of Nan. A black and white portrait of her in her youth, strikingly beautiful in a way that she could’ve been mistaken for a film star, regardless for the stern square of her jaw. And another as she was before she died, one Dani vividly remembered taking during Jamie’s sixteenth birthday just a few weeks ago. An ache spread across her chest, and she had to look away. She landed on the three figures standing in the threshold of the main hall, Mike standing beside Judy as she talked in low tones to Jamie who stood stiff and wooden as they faced the interior.

Dani slowly neared them as though nearing a cornered animal. Judy pressed a hand to the back of Jamie’s shoulder, and Jamie quietly nodded. And though her back was facing Dani, she could imagine Jamie not fully absorbing Judy’s words if her look of anxious concern was any indication. When Dani stepped beside them, Judy gave her a flickering smile.

“There you are, sweetheart,” Judy murmured. “I was just telling Jamie that we’re going to go say our goodbyes now, and then service starts soon.”

Dani nodded. There were more soft words, more assurances, but she didn’t hear them, her eyes glued to Jamie’s profile. To the same eerily blank expression she wore while watching the sunset all those days ago, staring down the long stretch of red aisle to the apse where a mahogany casket rested. Jamie stood rigid and unblinking, as though she might bolt in the opposite direction with Mikey in tow at any sudden movement.

Inhaling a slow breath, feeling her heart thump against her ribs, Dani gave Judy what she hoped was a reassuring smile and said, “We’ll be right behind you.”

Judy stared at her for a long moment, eyes glistening, and briefly cupped Dani’s cheek. “Brave girl,” she whispered, and then linked her arm with Mike’s, making their way down the aisle.

Carson and Eddie quietly followed. Carson’s head was bowed as he rushed to Judy’s side, and Eddie offered Dani a weak grin over his shoulder that belied the somber concern in his eyes. He lightly grasped her hand for a moment, before ducking his head and following after the others, his hands deep in his pockets.

Beside her, Jamie remained still. “Jamie?” she murmured.

Jamie visibly swallowed hard, her throat working. She shook her head. A minute movement that Dani wouldn’t have noticed if she weren’t looking so intently. Even Mikey seemed still, cottoning on to Jamie’s emotions, his head ducked into her shoulder. Dani’s eyes darted down to Jamie’s free hand, balled into a white knuckled fist. Sucking in low breath, Dani slowly reached out and grasped her hand, carefully unfurling her fist to link their fingers. When Jamie’s hand remained limp, Dani expected her to pull away. To slip out of Dani’s hold and march off. But slowly, surely, Jamie’s hand tightened in her own.

Expelling a trembling exhale, both relieved and uneasy in equal measure, Dani squeezed her hand and began guiding her down the aisle. The row of pews seemed endless as they passed, the breadth of the apse expanding before them in more arches and exposed beams of dark wood. And the closer they neared, the harder Jamie’s hand gripped her own until Dani could almost feel the grind of bone and tendon.

The casket was open, framed by more bouquets of what Dani recognized were Nan’s favorite flowers. Distantly, Dani wondered if there were so many of them in order to mask the smell of death. Dani’s only seen a dead body once. Eight years old and standing at a cliff’s edge in the howling winds with nothing to hold onto, with no one to hold onto her. But Jamie’s hand was in hers this time, and she could only hope it was enough. Enough to tether each other away from the yawning gulf of grief threatening to swallow them whole. But just as soon as she caught sight of just an inch of the body that lay within the casket, she was pulled to a stop by Jamie’s hand.

“I - “ Jamie started, her voice cracked, eyes unblinking.

Dani stepped closer and murmured, “It’s okay. We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

She could feel eyes on them, could hear the faint echoes of sniffles and choked tears, but they all faded in the distance as she watched Jamie, running a soothing thumb over Jamie’s rough knuckles. Jamie’s jaw squared and she lightly shook her head, continuing towards the casket.

For a woman of her age, Nan had never sat still, not as she was now. Hands folded over her stomach and dressed in her best, wearing a light adornment of her favorite jewelry. Her face layered with thick makeup that did nothing to mask the ashen paleness of her skin. There was something off about her, something that seemed to pull uncomfortably at Dani’s skin. It took her a long moment to realize what it was — Nan wasn’t wearing her glasses.

Mikey shifted in Jamie’s arms, leaning close. “Nana sleeping?”

Jamie remained silent, her hand trembling in Dani’s, staring unblinking at Nan with a blank expression.

“She does, doesn’t she, bud,” Dani murmured, “People say that sometimes. That they look like they’re sleeping.”

“She doesn’t look like she’s sleeping,” Jamie said, her tone flat and low, “She looks dead.”

Feeling something tighten in her chest, Dani went silent, not knowing what else to say but to nod faintly and stroke her thumb over Jamie’s knuckles.

Jamie shifted Mikey in her arm, no doubt getting tired from holding him for so long. “Remember what I told you,” Jamie said to him quietly, “Say your goodbyes now.”

“Bye-bye,” Mikey said with a small wave, and wiggled slightly, “Kiss?”

Sighing, Jamie muttered, “Fine.”

When Jamie finally pulled her hand from Dani’s to hold Mikey properly, Dani’s hand dangled uselessly and empty by her side. Not knowing what else to do with them, she wrapped her arms around her stomach and watched as Jamie helped Mikey lean over the casket to press a light kiss to Nan’s forehead.

“Love you,” Mikey said, “See you later.”

Jamie exhaled, but didn’t correct him. “You done?” Jamie asked between her clenched teeth, staring fixedly at a bright bouquet.

Realizing Jamie directed the question towards her, Dani startled slightly and nodded. Without a word, Jamie turned on the spot and stood there, as though waiting for Dani to follow. Sparing Nan another look, letting her eyes sweep over her one last time, Dani inhaled a slow breath and nodded to herself. ‘ Bye,’  she mouthed, and turned to follow Jamie towards the pews.

Judy and Mike were already standing to greet them. “Are you sure you don’t want us to hold him, honey?” Judy asked gently, “We wouldn’t mind, truly.”

“It’s fine,” Jamie said in a flat tone, her grip on Mikey tightening almost imperceptibly. Mikey meanwhile had an arm wrapped around Jamie’s shoulders, and was looking around the church with wide-eyed wonder.

“Can I carry him?” Dani cautioned to offer, giving Jamie a weak smile when her eyes flitted sharply to Dani’s.

Jamie clenched her teeth, tendons like ropes standing out against her jaw. “Service starts soon,” she muttered.

“Exactly,” Dani said softly, slowly reaching up to grasp Mikey’s hand.

In the end, it took a minute of gentle coaxing for Jamie to let Mike lift Mikey from her arms that had begun to tremble from the weight of holding him so long. Mike uttered a soft quip about the Michaels sticking together that fell on deaf ears, Jamie’s fists clenching and unclenching with a wooden expression as she watched Mikey settle comfortably against Mike’s shoulder. Dani let her stare for only a few seconds longer before lightly grasping her wrist and guiding her to sit, letting the O’Mara’s coo over Mikey.

Jamie remained rigid, until she wasn’t. Her knee jumped restlessly as they waited for the service to start. Chatter and murmurs echoing through the church like whispers until it all seemed to blend together. And when a priest in white vestments rose to the altar, the sound seemed to drown away until all that was left was an eerie silence.

With only the memories of her eight year old self to go by, Dani had nothing to compare the service to. It was simple, and for lack of better terms, she could almost say pleasant. The priest had a warm voice as he spoke in sure, deft tones. Reciting Bible passages and leading them through prayers and hymns. At one point the priest made an open-handed gesture towards Jamie and asked if she wanted to say a few words. Jamie physically recoiled, as if trying to sink into the pew and disappear. Dani answered for her with a wide-eyed shake of her head. Mercifully, he simply nodded in understanding and continued on with the ceremony.

Jamie fidgeted through the whole thing. At one point, Dani discreetly put her hand on Jamie’s knee, palm up like an offering, and Jamie immediately squeezed it without even glancing over. Her grip crushed Dani’s fingers until she could barely feel behind her knuckles, but not once did Dani try to extricate her hand. She kept stealing glances at Jamie’s profile, but Jamie stared fixedly at a spot on the floor. Somewhere beneath the bouquet with a picture frame bearing Nan’s image, but nowhere near the casket.

Jamie was wedged between Dani and the end of the pew. Every time Dani tried to scoot over and give her some space, Jamie would squeeze her hand tighter until her whole forearm trembled. With a wince, Dani would shuffle back a little closer, their legs pressed together, Jamie's ankle nervously knocking against Dani's calf in a jerky rhythmic pattern. On Dani's other side, Judy kept needing to dig through her purse for another tissue with which to wipe her eyes. Her mascara was ruined, and Dani could not help but wonder why she had bothered putting on makeup at all.

Dani's own eyes remained dry, but for the great yawning grief in her chest that felt like it was gnawing at her ribs from within. She had done enough crying the night before. Her pillow had still been damp when she had woken up shaking from her dream that morning, and she'd had to wash her face before getting dressed. On Judy's other side, Mike was solemn and quiet. Eddie was shell-shocked and baffled. And Carson was a sniffling wreck. Mike kept on having to ferry tissues from his wife to his youngest son as he balanced Mikey in his lap.

And then it was over. Even as they stood and trudged single-file down the aisle, Dani struggled to remember a single word that the priest had said. Familiar platitudes. Kindnesses to soothe the rawness that threatened to burn a path up her throat and spill out like a many-legged thing. Jamie hadn't let go of Dani's hand, and sharp tendons stood out on her jaw. They walked towards a room that branched off near the exit — already arrayed with coffee in styrofoam cups and platters of flavorless sandwiches — and Dani squeezed Jamie's hand back. Expression blank, Jamie blinked at her in silent question.

Dani opened her mouth to speak, but the words died on her tongue. Finally she managed to say, "Do you want some food?"

Before Jamie could answer, Judy had placed a hand on Jamie's shoulder and was pulling her in for a hug. Jamie let go of Dani and went absolutely rigid beneath the attention. Even after Judy had pulled away, Jamie remained tense, as though ready to bolt at a moment's notice.

"You did so well, honey," Judy said. "So, so well. You're so strong."

Clearing her throat, Jamie shrugged Judy's hands away. "I need to find the loo."

And with that she darted away, shoulders hunched. Judy turned to Dani and said, "Would you follow her and go make sure she's all right?"

What am I supposed to do? Dani thought to herself, but she only nodded. When she looked around, she frowned. In the few seconds that she had been looking away, Jamie had slipped out of the room unseen. Eddie was making his mother a cup of coffee and bringing it over to press it into her hands, while Mike spoke softly to Carson in the corner, angling his body so that Carson was hidden from sight and given some measure of privacy for a moment.

So few others had shown up to the funeral that the large room, meant to fit a hundred, seemed empty. Venturing out into the hall and walking slowly along, Dani felt like a doll that had escaped its house and now wandered around a giant’s labyrinth in search of exits. The priest had moved into the reception room to talk with Judy and the others. Dani paused. The main aisle of the church extended before her, a long length of red cloth running out from her feet towards the casket on the far end of the apse.

She was eight years old again and terrified. Terrified of loss. Terrified of loneliness. If she willed it hard enough, maybe the body in the casket would sit up, swing its legs free, and laugh. It was all a joke, it would say. It was all just a big misunderstanding. It was time to go home.

Hands clenched into trembling fists at her sides, Dani turned and marched away. “Jamie?” she called out, not loud but determined.

Rounding a corner, Dani found a hall full of doors. The first was clearly labelled as a bathroom. A quick venture inside soon proved that Jamie was not there. On her way back out, Dani avoided looking at the mirror. In her black dress and her makeup and her coiffed hair, she looked wrong.

She poked her head into the next door down the hall. “Jamie?”

The dark room answered her with silence. The wood-panelling was darkly stained. All of the furniture was covered in white sheets, untouched and wan in the dim light from the doorway in which she stood. Just as Dani was about to leave and go searching elsewhere however, there was a creak. She froze and slowly turned back around.

Something was moving on the other side of the room. Gripping the door handle tight, Dani squinted through the gloom, trying to make out the shape. Then abruptly it rose to its feet.

“Jesus,”  Dani gasped as Jamie straightened, blinking over at her.

“Get lost looking for the bathroom, did you?” Jamie asked.

Dani shook her head. “No. I was looking for you. Where did you go?”

With a shrug, Jamie made her way across the room. “Here,” she said. Her hands were jammed into the pockets of her black jacket.

“For a smoke?”

“Just wanted to be alone.”

“Oh,” Dani said. And just like that she felt like an intruder. Hunting Jamie down. Blocking the doorway. Dani took a tentative step back. “Do you want me to go?”

Jamie gave her one of those oddly blank looks, her expression unreadable. “Did Judy ask you to come get me? Think I was going to pull a runner?”

“No,” said Dani. “Well, I mean, yes. She asked me to find you, but –”

Jamie snorted and gave an exasperated shake of her head, glancing away.

“But I just wanted to make sure you were all right,” Dani finished lamely.

“All right?” Jamie repeated dully.

“You know what I mean.”

For as long as Dani had known her, Jamie had a wild streak. A rough edge. Like trailing her fingertips across a ragged burr. She could always rely on Jamie being just slightly unreliable. On the wrong side of predictability. Usually this resulted in spontaneity. Going on long car rides to chase storms. Sneaking out at night to watch movies. Lifting packs of cigarettes from the twins and smoking them on the old train tracks.

Looking at Jamie now however, felt like watching the first few sparks on the precipice of a wildfire. She was a thing ready to be snatched up by an errant breeze. As though she might lash out of her own skin, teeth bared, at any wayward attempt to draw too near.

“You should eat something,” Dani said.

“I had breakfast.”

“I saw you throw most of it out.”

“You don’t need to babysit me. I’m –”

“–Fine?” Dani supplied for her when Jamie couldn’t choke out the word herself. “Were you going to say you’re ‘fine’?”

“Coping,”  Jamie growled.

As she said it, she shifted her weight and Dani heard a strange clinking. Like glass. Or perhaps like coins dropping together. There was a muscle that leapt in Jamie’s jaw, and her eyes hardened. Dani knew that look. Knew it all too well.

“Don’t,” Dani said in a warning tone.

Jamie frowned. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t fight me,” said Dani. “I know that you’re thinking it will feel better to be angry with me for – for being nosy or whatever, but it won’t work. If you want me to go, just tell me to go. But don’t fight me.”

Jamie’s mouth fell open, but Dani didn’t wait to hear what she had to say. Turning on her heel, Dani strode out of the room and back down the hall. Something red hot and angry burned brief and bright in her own chest, but quickly faded by the time she made it back to the room with all the tables and chairs and food. Flickered and died, so that her hands and lower lip trembled in equal measure, so that she had to clear her throat and straighten her shoulders and wipe briskly at her cheeks before she could step inside.

In one area, Judy was talking with the priest while Eddie lingered at the edge of the conversation. Carson and Mike were sitting against the far wall and entertaining Mikey. The moment Dani re-entered the room, Eddie sloped towards her.

“Did you find her?” he asked.

“What?” Dani said, then, “Oh. Yes. She was in the bathroom.”

Nodding, Eddie tried to give her a commiserating smile. He touched her shoulder softly and gestured towards one of the tables. “The sandwiches aren’t terrible, actually. Can I make you a plate?”

Dani’s stomach felt like it was a rag twisted over itself, squeezing out every last drop, but she nodded and let Eddie guide her over to the table. It was oddly nice, not having to think of everything. Letting Eddie put together a variety of food on a plate and hand it to her. Letting him keep her company and carry the conversation without expecting anything of her. They were still eating and murmuring in low tones when Dani saw someone at the corner of her vision.

Jamie slipped through the door. Somewhere along the way, she had procured for herself a cup. When Judy closed in on her, Jamie took a large sip of whatever the cup contained, as though bracing herself for impact.

“So, uh –” Eddie said beside her, drawing Dani’s attention back. “What’s going to happen?”

Mouth still full of a bite of sandwich, Dani chewed and swallowed before replying, “What do you mean?”

“Well. You know. With –” He gestured towards Jamie and then towards his own father, who was playing a shell game with Mikey that involved a piece of candy and three empty styrofoam cups.

It took a moment for Dani to realize exactly what he was talking about. She stared at Eddie, then shot a nervous glance towards Mikey. “I don’t know.”

“She still has family, right? Back in – where was it again? Burnley? Are they going to come over or -?” he trailed off, uncertain.

“I don’t know,” Dani repeated, faintly this time.

On the other side of the room, Jamie was draining what remained in her cup. When Judy appeared preoccupied with calling over the priest for further discussion, Dani saw Jamie quickly refill her cup with something in her pocket that glinted like metal or maybe glass. A can of pop, perhaps. Before she could dwell on it further, Eddie was talking again.

“They can come live with us, I guess,” he said, sounding far more confident than he had any right to be. “Tommy and David are at college, so we have the space now. Do you think she’d want to? Hang on. Let’s go ask dad.”

“Eddie –”

But he was already walking over to his father and Carson. Fiddling with the now empty paper plate, Dani chewed at her lower lip and watched as Eddie spoke with his dad. Mike’s expression was thoughtful yet guarded. He replied in a voice that was too low for Dani to overhear. Feeling vaguely ill, she set down her empty plate on one of the tables and glanced away.

Dani didn’t remember wakes lasting this long. Especially with this few people in attendance. Even so, every last person seemed to want to shake Jamie’s hand and express their condolences. From afar Dani watched as Jamie gripped their hands, scowled, and took a sip from her seemingly never-ending cup in lieu of responding in any way.

There were little printed pamphlets at the entrances and the corners of tables, each of them bearing the same picture of Nan with her name written in loopy typeface and the dates: 1907-1978. At one point, Dani tried to read its contents, the brief history of Ruth Heron’s life condensed down into a paragraph, but had to clear her throat and fold the page up hastily. It didn’t matter that she’d been born in rural West Lothian. It didn’t matter that she’d had a brother who'd died in Clydebank in 1941. It didn’t matter that she had a daughter in Lancashire who didn’t make it to the funeral. Ruth was gone and Dani couldn’t bring herself to look at her picture again.

“Oh, honey, are you all right?”

Dani glanced up. On the other side of the room Judy had a hand on Jamie’s arm to steady her, and Jamie was brushing her off even as she straightened.

“M’Fine,” Jamie muttered. “Just gonna get some food.”

Judy let her go with a worried expression. Meanwhile, Jamie wandered across the room, steps slightly uneven, until she stopped at the same table where Dani stood. Rather than reach for any food however, she simply gripped the edge of the table as if trying to stop herself from staggering outright.

“Are you –” Dani sidled closer and asked in a whisper, “– drunk?”

Jamie blinked blearily at her but did not respond. She lifted the cup back to her lips, already turning away to slip off somewhere again.

“Okay,” Dani said gently and took the cup. “All right. Let’s go.”

“What?” Jamie asked with a puzzled furrow in her brow.

With a hand on Jamie’s elbow, Dani steered her towards the exit. On the way past Mike and the boys, she paused momentarily to explain that she was going to take Jamie home and that they would see her tomorrow. Mike nodded and did not ask any questions. Eddie on the other hand made to stand, but Carson grabbed hold of his sleeve and tugged him back down into the seat beside him.

“Let ‘em go, Eddie.”

“But –”

“We’ll see them tomorrow,” Carson said, and he gave Dani a shaky smile. “We’ll see you tomorrow. Right?”

Hand tightening around the curve of Jamie’s elbow, Dani nodded. “Yeah.”

It didn’t take much urging to get Jamie out of the church and into the parking lot. She kept a steady hand on Jamie as they went, drifting from Jamie’s elbow to the small of her back and resting lightly there. In the truck, Jamie pulled a small crystal decanter from its hiding place in her jacket and unstoppered it. How she had managed to keep it hidden without anyone noticing was nothing short of a miracle. Most of its contents had already been finished, but Jamie tipped back her head and downed what remained of the amber liquid.

“Communion wine?” Dani asked, starting the truck and pulling away from the curb.

“Nah,” said Jamie. “This one was brandy, I think.”

She tried stoppering the decanter, but it took her a few tries to get the pieces together in the moving vehicle. Her face screwed up in concentration until she finally managed it and set the decanter on the floor by her feet.

“Couldn’t have shared?”

For some reason Jamie thought that was funny, for she laughed. “Thought you didn’t like getting drunk.”

Dani shrugged and pulled on the indicator before turning down another street. “I don’t. But I like feeling this way even less.”

“Bet your mum has some good stuff at your place.”

With a hum of agreement, Dani said, “She does. And she marks it all on the bottles.”

“Fucking hell,” Jamie muttered. She shut her eyes and let her head sink back against the headrest. “How can she be that paranoid? It’s you we’re talking about. Little Miss Perfect.”

White noise of the pavement beneath the tires. Dani fumbled with the gear stick, accidentally grinding the engine into third with a wince.

“I’m not,” she said after a long pause.

“Mmm?”

“I’m not perfect.”

“Y’are,” Jamie said, her accent thicker, her words gliding together.

Dani darted a glance towards her, but Jamie’s eyes were still closed, her head still tilted back. She looked on the verge of sleep until she let her head loll to the side so she could stare out the passenger window. Gripping the steering wheel tight, Dani drove them home.

When they pulled up to the house, Dani breathed a sigh of relief to find that her mother’s car was gone. Killing the engine, she unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the truck. Back at the church, Jamie had seemed steady enough on her feet, but now she had to cling to the truck door to remain upright when she staggered out of the vehicle and onto the pavement. Quickly, Dani darted around the truck, half expecting Jamie to shrug off her help. Instead, Jamie leaned into her, placing a hand at the dip of Dani’s waist and curling her fingers against the black fabric of her dress as if that was the only thing keeping her upright.

“Come on,” Dani murmured, shutting the door and leading Jamie up the walkway to the front door. “Let’s get you some water.”

It took some fumbling to get the door open — two sets of keys in one hand and keeping hold of Jamie with the other — but then they were spilling inside.

With only some minor grumbling under her breath, Jamie let Dani lean her against one of the side tables to help with her ankle boots. Dani didn’t care to watch where they landed as she tossed them aside, preoccupied with keeping Jamie upright when she swayed off balance.

“Stay here, okay?” Dani said when she was sure Jamie wasn’t able to keel over, peeling off her own shoes.

Jamie snorted. “Where else am I going to go?”

With a soft sigh, Dani retreated into the kitchen to fill a large glass with water and was quick to return to Jamie’s side. Dani slowed as she approached her, carefully eyeing Jamie’s white knuckles against the table she gripped behind her and rigid shoulders. It took Dani a moment to realize Jamie was staring at something, across the room on the other side of the door where the gardenias sat, drooping and wilted and forgotten.

Swallowing thickly, Dani grasped her wrist. “Hey,” she murmured, and waited until Jamie’s eyes darted to hers to hold up the glass. “Drink. All of it.”

Jamie blinked blearily at her, and without a word she took the glass and gradually emptied it in slow gulps.

The hard part came with guiding Jamie up the stairs. With her arm around Jamie’s waist, they managed for the most part, only nearly stumbling once or twice to Jamie’s muttered stream of cursing.

“It’s okay,” Dani said after nearly stumbling again, “Not my first rodeo, believe it or not.”

“I believe it,” Jamie muttered darkly.

When they finally made it to Dani’s room, she left Jamie resting against her cramped writing desk. Jamie sighed, gripping the wooden edge. “Can’t I just - “ she gestured to Dani’s bed, but didn’t elaborate.

“You’ll be comfier if you change out of that dress first,” Dani said. Jamie aimed another blank look at her, exhaustion coloring her heavy eyes. Dani gave her a soft flickering smile and turned to dig into the drawers of her dresser for clothes. “I still have your Blondie t-shirt somewhere from the last time I was at your place, but I think it’s in the wash.”

Locating a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, she turned to hand them to Jamie but froze at what greeted her. Jamie had turned to face her desk, shoulders strained and head bowed, and looking directly down at the piles of photos Dani had left there. The rolls Dani had recently gotten developed at the pharmacy of Jamie’s track conference, and a collection spanning years that featured Nan, where Dani had spent the week sifting through with tear stained cheeks for the perfect photo for the funeral.

“Shit,” Dani said under her breath, swallowing thickly, her eyes unmoving from the rigid lines of Jamie’s back.

Leaving the clothes on the dresser, Dani slowly inched closer as though any sudden movement would spark a trigger of wildfire. But as Dani drew nearer, a hand carefully outstretched, dread pooled in her stomach. Jamie was shaking. Holding herself coiled taut like a spring as if that could contain the tremors running along her skin. Her heart in her throat, Dani glanced down to her desk, casting her eyes across the photos of Jamie and Nan, scattered across her desk like shattered remains of porcelain, or —

A choking sound erupted from Jamie. Her breath caught in her chest, Dani stepped closer, hovering her hand over Jamie’s trembling back. “Jamie?” she said, her voice wavering with worry, ducking her head to see Jamie’s face. “Look at me.”

Teeth clenched and chin trembling, Jamie didn’t respond. “Hey,” Dani breathed, raising a hand to cup the side of her face and gently turn her to face Dani. Head ducked, eyebrows cinched and turned down, Jamie expelled a trembling exhale, a tear falling from her eye to the carpet.

Dani brought up her other hand to frame Jamie’s face trembling from the effort not to cry. “It’s okay,” she breathed, stepping closer, her voice cracking, “It’s okay.”

Jamie’s face crumbled. Tears slipping from her eyes, Jamie let out a gasping sob. “It’s okay,” Dani repeated, and pulled Jamie close, wrapping her arms around her shoulders as Jamie collapsed against her, burying her face in the crook of Dani’s neck, sobs erupting from her.

Jamie shook in her arms, her hands gripping Dani close as though she was the only thing keeping from shattering into pieces, but Jamie’s knees were buckling beneath her. Carefully, Dani maneuvered them to the bed, keeping a tight hold on Jamie and bearing most of her weight.

“Here,” Dani murmured shakily, guiding Jamie to lie next to her. With stuttering breaths, her red eyes bright with tears and her skin splotchy, Jamie buried her face back into Dani’s shoulder as Dani wrapped her arms around her, and breathed, “I’ve got you.”

There was nothing more Dani could do but to hold her. To helplessly grip her tight and wish away the pain as Jamie’s body shook with violent choked sobs, grief-stricken and anguished, the sound gripping Dani’s heart into a painful vice. A thick lump appeared in Dani’s throat, her hands trembling, her eyes burning.

“Fucking bitch,” Jamie choked out, gasping for breath in between sobs.

“I know,” Dani said, her fingers digging into Jamie’s dress.

“I hate her.”

“I know,” Dani repeated, her voice cracking.

She had thought there was nothing left. Dried of her well of tears. Hollowed out by nights of falling asleep with tears stained cheeks. But Jamie shaking in her arms, Jamie breaking open from days and years of repressed misery and heartbreak pulled something from her that Dani didn’t even know was there. She inhaled a stuttering breath and pressed her cheek against Jamie’s hair, raising a hand to tangle into her dark curls.

Dani didn’t know how long they stayed there, holding each other tight against the tides of grief until it hurt, sobs gradually easing into stuttering gasps, legs tangled together. With Jamie’s comforting weight settled atop her, slowly coming back to herself and feeling less like the walls were crashing atop them, Dani ran a soothing hand through Jamie’s hair, letting her nails scratch gently against her scalp. Her breath slowed with the occasional hitching gasp, Jamie made a soft noise and exhaled a slow shaking breath, her shoulders slumping under Dani’s arms.  

Her eyes slipping shut from exhaustion and the feeling of Jamie’s warm breath against her skin, Dani turned her head just enough to press a soft kiss to Jamie’s forehead and willed her to sleep, willed the pain away for just a moment, for just a few hours. And Dani would hold her, for as long as she needed, as long as she wanted.

Dani could fix this. If only for just a moment.

--

Dani knocked insistently at the rail cottage’s door for what felt like two minutes until it was finally yanked open from the other side.

“Hi,” she said, waving cheerily with a smile so broad it made her cheeks ache.

Dishevelled in a baggy shirt and sweatpants, bare feet and dark rings like bruises beneath her eyes, Jamie stood there. “Could you have knocked any louder?” she muttered. “Fuck’s sake.”

Trying to keep her smile in place when she felt it falter, Dani followed Jamie inside. “Sorry. It’s just that last time you were asleep.”

Jamie was already striding towards the kitchen, leaving Dani to close the front door behind her. “Yeah, well, this time the kid’s asleep and I’m juggling ten different pots on the stove.”

There were, Dani discovered not a moment later, only two pots on the stove. Both were bubbling, one with a small handful of pasta sticking out like a sheaf of wheat. Jamie went immediately to attend them, picking up a wooden spoon and stirring as though her life depended on it.

Chewing at her lower lip, Dani cast a surreptitious glance around the place. In Nan’s absence over the summer, the house had fallen upon hard times. It was dusty. There were piles of laundry atop the living room couch and dirty dishes arcing from the sink like a crown. None of the lights were on apart from the lonely kitchen pendant dangling overhead like a sword by a thread. She could feel something stick to the bottom of her feet when she walked over to the dining table and sat amongst empty boxes and old cups of tea. She started to push things aside to clear a small space, but paused when she began shuffling papers into a pile.

Legal documents full of jargon she barely understood and embossed with fancy titles. Trusts. Bank accounts. Numbers with zeros at the end, but not enough. Never enough. Letters with flourished signatures and foreign seals.

Clearing her throat, Dani set them all aside and pulled out a few papers from her school bag.

“I brought your homework,” Dani said and she neatly squared the pages atop the table beside the other documents.

Without turning around from the stove, Jamie grunted. “Thanks.”

For a long moment, silence reigned. Then Dani stood and crossed over to the sink, rolling up the sleeves of her pink sweater as she went. When she flipped open the tap and began doing the dishes, Jamie scowled.

“You don’t have to do that,” Jamie said, gripping the wooden spoon in a white-knuckled fist.

“I want to,” Dani replied firmly.

She could feel Jamie’s gaze digging into her back like an awl, but she did not turn around, resolutely reaching for the sponge and setting herself to task. She did not need to look to know that Jamie’s shoulders would be tense, that she would be holding herself as though to ward off an incoming blow, that her eyes would be hard and stormy, and her jaw tight. Instead, Dani worked methodically through the dishes, stacking up clean plates and cutlery on one side of the countertop, cold soapy water leaving suds all the way up her forearms.

Eventually, Dani braved the silence. “There’s that report due on Friday,” she said. “You know  Ulysses? It’s on that one.”

Jamie hummed a wordless note of affirmation.

“Have you read it?” Dani asked. She had to use a bit of steel wool to scrape gunk that had been caked onto the bottom of a pot.

“Nope,” Jamie said. “Read the one it’s based on, though. Bloody depressing.”

“They’re quite different.”

“So?”

“So,” Dani set aside the pot and reached for another. “I mean – if you want, I can work on the report with you. Maybe I can stay the night, and –”

“Does your mum know you’re here?” Jamie asked abruptly, cutting her off.

“Yes,” Dani lied.

Beside her, Jamie shifted and Dani glanced around to find Jamie watching her with an incredulous expression.

“No,” Dani mumbled, turning back to the sink.

“You can stay for tea, but you should go home after.” Jamie stabbed at one of the pots with the wooden spoon. “Last thing I need is your mum coming round looking for you, and –”

From the other room there came the sound of a distinct burbling wail and they both froze.

“Shit,” Jamie swore under her breath, balancing the spoon across the top of the pot so it wouldn’t boil over.

Already wiping her hands dry with a towel, Dani said, “I’ve got him. Stay.”

She did not wait to listen to Jamie’s feeble counter argument. Slinging the towel over one shoulder, Dani walked briskly from the kitchen. The hall extended darkly before her. There was a weak light at the far end, a door slightly ajar leading to Nan’s old room. Slowly, Dani approached. She paused at the threshold, steeling herself with a deep breath before pushing the door open and stepping inside.

The bedsheets were rumpled as though they had been recently slept in and some of Jamie’s clothes were crumpled in a corner of the room. All of Nan’s things were still here — her jewelry hanging from the corners of a mirror, her spectacles folded atop the bedside table near a glass of water, her clothes gathering dust in the open closet — preserved like a painting or a pharaonic tomb.

Mikey was squirming against his blanket inside a crib at the foot of the bed. There were toys strung over the crib like a chandelier. Dani accidentally bumped her forehead against them when she leaned down to pick him up.

“Hey,” she murmured in as bright a voice as she could manage, smiling broadly. “Hi there. Hey, buddy. Did you have a nice nap?”

Dani’s experience with two year olds was next to nothing outside of this very house. He was a lot larger than even the last time she’d visited. She tried balancing him on her hip and bouncing him gently, but his face remained scrunched up and he cried. So, she moved him up slightly higher, hands linked beneath him so that he sat upright in her arms.

“Jamie’s making dinner. Do you want to see Jamie?” she asked. “Are you hungry?”

He rubbed at his eyes and nodded, his crying fading somewhat. “Yeah.”

“Yes to seeing Jamie? Or yes to being hungry?”

Mikey’s brows knit together and he said again with more emphasis, “ Yeah.”

She laughed softly and kissed the side of his head. “All right. Let’s go. Oof, you’re heavy.”

“I want Nana,” Mikey grumbled.

Starting towards the exit, she cleared her throat and said, “Well, I’m sorry, honey. But Nan’s gone.”

“No,” he insisted. “Nana’s there.”

As he said it, she felt a prickle of unease all the way down to the base of her spine. Mikey was pointing behind her, eyes locked on something inside the room. Something cold traced the back of Dani’s neck. She paused in the doorway, feeling that if she were to turn around Nan would still be sitting up in bed, spectacles perched atop her nose, book in hand. Her skin would be grey beneath the layers of powder applied by the mortician’s hand and her eyes made of hard glass. Apprehensively, Dani glanced over her shoulder and held her breath.

The room was empty. The toys hanging over Mikey’s crib rotated slowly in place as though a lazy hand had given them a push. Light reflected from the plastic pieces like gleaming sunspots against the wall. Telling her racing heart that she was being foolish, Dani quickly left the room.

“Nan’s gone,” she said again more firmly this time, striding down the hallway and back towards the kitchen. “She’s gone.”

“Not gone,” he said.

In the kitchen, Jamie was checking a piece of pasta to see if it was cooking by taking a bite of it, the long spaghetti trailing from her mouth and onto her chin. She looked around when Dani and Mikey came into the room. Steam roiled over the pot of pasta, and the pot full of sauce slowly simmered away.

Jamie stirred at the sauce, chewing as she said, “You promised me two hours, mate. That was not two hours.”

“I’m not tired,” Mikey said, scowling as he continued to rub at his face with his balled up fist.

Jamie snorted. “Well, that’s a damn dirty lie.”

“You almost done?” Dani asked.

“Nearly.” Jamie tapped the wooden spoon against the side of the pot. “Just need another few minutes.”

“That’s okay. Mikey and I can fold laundry while we wait. Can’t we?” The last Dani directed at him, and he nodded.

Jamie’s lips pursed. She frowned at the stack of dishes that Dani had already cleaned and left to dry on a spare towel spread across the bench top.

Before she could protest, Dani carried Mikey out into the living room and set him down on the carpet between the couches. She sat beside him and reached for the first piece of clean laundry that had been unceremoniously dumped atop one of the couches.

“Like this.” Dani demonstrated the folding of a shirt. Then she handed another shirt to him.

He took it and mustered all two years of fine motor skills in an ultimately futile attempt which ended up with a crumpled lump of fabric on the ground. Dani watched this with amusement, taking the shirt back and folding it properly.

“We’ll work on it,” she told him with a smile, handing him the folded shirt. “Can you stack it atop that one for me?”

Mikey grabbed the shirt and dropped it atop the other folded shirt, leaving only a few wrinkles in his wake. They continued on this way, Dani folding clothes and Mikey piling them up – he particularly seemed to enjoy making a pyramid of socks – until he inevitably grew bored and began looking around for something else to occupy him.

“Hey, Mikey,” she said. “Do you wanna help me sort these? They should go by color.”

When she pushed a basket full of clothesline pegs towards him, Mikey immediately reached for the colorful array. Dani continued folding as he jumbled the clothes pegs around and picked through them, focusing on the ones that were bright red the most.

“Can you put them like this? See?” Dani grabbed a few blue ones and placed them on the floor together, then did the same with a handful of green ones.

He seemed only mildly interested in what she was doing, still gathering red pegs in his lap.

“Get me another blue one,” she encouraged, gesturing with a pair of folded jeans towards the little blue pile she had made.

Pausing in his pursuit of everything red within reach, Mikey glanced where she had indicated. When he grabbed the right color from the basket, she cheered and held up a hand for a high-five. Instead, he blinked at her and pushed the blue clothesline peg into her hand as though she had asked for it, leaving her with her hand outstretched holding onto it.

“Well,” Dani said, placing the peg back into the pile with the others. “Thanks. I really needed that.”

She had nearly finished folding the last of the laundry by the time Jamie called out that dinner was ready. When Dani went to pick up Mikey however, he wanted nothing of it, insisting upon walking to the kitchen, where he then refused to be seated at the table with them.

Jamie, already digging into a plate of pasta, shrugged at him while she chewed. “Up to you, mate,” she said. “More food for us, then.”

Dani sat at the table, clearing a place for her own plate and twirling pasta around a fork. On the other hand, Mikey seemed more than happy to be in the kitchen with them without eating. He wandered and Jamie largely ignored him in favor of focusing on her dinner, until Mikey started towards the stove.

“No,” Jamie shot to her feet, fork clattering to the table. She darted across the kitchen and grabbed him, ignoring his whine of complaint. “What did I tell you about the stove? Hey.  No.”

He tried to yank his arm away, but he wasn’t strong enough to break Jamie’s grasp. She let him go, shooing him back towards the table. With a petulant glower in her direction, Mikey trotted back out into the living room. Dani watched as Jamie sank back into her seat with a sigh and began picking at her food again.

“I don’t remember him being quite so –” Dani sought the right word and said, “- wilful.”

Jamie snorted. “Yeah. You’ve been away for a while.”

In truth it hadn’t been that long. And it wasn’t for lack of trying. All through the summer Jamie hardly seemed to leave the railway cottage unless absolutely necessary. Dani visited whenever she could get away from school or her mother. It just so happened that it most often involved sneaking out at night and rapping softly at Jamie’s window so as not to wake Mikey. An hour or two clutching a mug of tea with Jamie at midnight, but trying to get Jamie to talk these days was like pulling teeth.

There was a clattering sound from the other room, and both of them tensed. But then Mikey dragged the laundry basket into the doorway, trailing colorful plastic pegs in his wake like a trail of breadcrumbs. He sat on the floor and began arranging the pegs in an order that must have made sense to him but had little rhyme or reason beyond that.

“I still think you should move in with Judy,” Dani said, returning to her meal. “Or something.”

“Yeah. Or something,” Jamie repeated darkly. She stabbed at her plate of pasta with her fork.

Lowering her voice and casting Mikey a furtive glance, Dani said, “You can’t keep doing this, Jamie.”

Jamie continued to eat as though she hadn’t heard, focused entirely on her food.

“I know they gave you special time off for bereavement with the new year starting at school, but I haven’t seen you on campus in weeks. People are starting to ask me questions.”

At that Jamie went very still. She chewed slowly, swallowing a mouthful, and then said, “And what do you tell them?”

Blinking in surprise at the sudden shift in tone – low, almost dangerous – Dani leaned back in her seat. “Nothing.”

Jamie gave her a hard, significant look.

“Nothing,” Dani insisted. “I just say that you’re –” She gestured to Jamie, trailing off.

Jamie’s hand tightened around her fork, knuckles going white, but her voice was far too even, her expression terrifyingly blank. “That I’m what?”

“Taking care of things,” said Dani. “That you need more time.”

Jamie stared at her and the only noise to be heard was the sound of plastic clattering against linoleum as Mikey played in the kitchen doorway. Finally she rasped, “That all?”

“What?”

“Is that all? You don’t tell them about – about this?” She gestured, a short sharp movement, towards the cluttered kitchen, towards herself, towards her brother on the floor, who seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that any sort of serious conversation was taking place.

Dani’s mouth felt dry. She opened her mouth to speak, but had to swallow, to clear her throat and shake her head. “No.”

Jamie’s eyes were hard and stormy, her jaw squared, shoulders hunched.

Feeling a prickle of irritation, Dani met her glare for glare. “What do you think I’m going to say?” she asked. “Why don’t you want my help? Or anyone’s help?”

“You don’t know,” Jamie said, voice trembling. “You don’t know shit.”

But Dani continued, ignoring the warning flush in Jamie’s cheeks. “I know that you can’t keep doing this alone. I know that Nan’s bank accounts won’t last forever. I know that you can’t live off of pasta and eggs until you’re eighteen.”

There was an eerie stillness to Jamie’s face, to her hands. Dani was always so used to seeing her in motion – constant idle movement – that seeing Jamie hold herself absolutely still felt like being suddenly faced with a statue. And when Jamie spoke next, it was too calm, too collected. “I have a plan. I can make this all work, and –”

“Jamie –” Dani started to say.

“- And you need to mind your own bloody business,” Jamie snapped. “For once.”

The words lingered in the air, hanging between them. Taken aback, Dani stared. Their plates were barely touched. Outside, the sun was swiftly drifting towards the horizon. She would need to start heading home soon, otherwise her mother would start asking questions, would start looking for her over at Judy’s house when Dani didn’t show up before nightfall. And yet she remained frozen in her seat, watching Jamie return to her food with the tired, frightened solemnity of someone who hadn’t slept properly in God only knows how long.  

“I don’t need your help,” Jamie said. “I can do this. I can – I can fix this.”

Dani did not refute her. She didn't need to.

--

Jamie continued to miss school. Everyday Dani looked for her, even the barest glimpse of her, as she walked around campus, around town, and drowned in the worry that festered inside of her. She rang the rail cottage’s phone. Jamie never answered. And Dani couldn’t convince herself to walk over to Jamie’s house alone. Not after last time.

She kept collecting Jamie’s homework from the teacher, telling him that she would deliver it. The next day she would bring it back with all the answers written in her left hand, hoping this would fool him long enough into thinking that Jamie wasn’t completely absent. If he noticed, he did not say anything. For once, Dani prayed the public school system’s general apathy would work in her favor. Still, every time she turned in two sets of homework, she could feel her stomach writhe like a pit of snakes, watching her teacher shuffle through the pages, nearly sick with the idea of her deceit being unearthed.

She had never been a good liar.

“How’s Jamie been, honey?” Judy asked.

Dani froze. Like so many days before, she was at the O’Mara’s house. It was a weekend. Mike had taken Eddie to play a game of baseball, and Carson was banging away on a drum kitset in the garage, and Tommy and David were at college already, barely ever around apart from on holidays. Which left Dani alone in the kitchen with Judy, sipping lemonade and talking about nothing.

Clearing her throat, Dani lowered her drink, the glass sweating with condensation. Ice clinked. “I actually haven’t seen her that recently,” Dani admitted after a moment. “Last time I went over to her place was about two weeks ago.”

Judy frowned. “That’s very unlike you. Did you two -?”

When Judy made a gesture, Dani shook her head. “No. We - Everything’s fine. She just - She’s sad. That’s all. She’s doing her best.”

“Mmm,” Judy hummed contemplatively and rapped her fingers against the benchtop. For a moment she gazed off into the middle distance before she spoke again, “I’m worried. Has her family been in touch? Anyone from back across the pond, I mean?”

This was a trap. There was no good answer. Dani felt her mouth move as though of its own accord and the words slipped from her. “I don’t know,” she said faintly.

Judy was watching her intently. Had she always had such discerning eyes? Perhaps it was the natural state of being a mother, Dani thought, knowing when a child of yours was telling only partial truths.

“You would tell me,” Judy said, her tone as earnest as her expression, “if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

The breath caught in Dani’s chest, trapped there as though by a rope squeezing around her neck and forcing the air back down into her lungs. She could not look away. Slowly, Judy reached out and gently placed a hand over hers, making Dani tense.

She shouldn’t say anything. She should keep her mouth shut. She should fabricate some half-truth.

“Danielle?” Judy said, voice soft and lilting upwards in a question, prompting her.

“I think,” Dani licked her lips, clenching her hand into a trembling fist, heart hammering in her chest. “I think Jamie needs help.”

--

Dani had to divert all the attention away from Jamie somehow. At every turn she engaged Judy and Mike and Karen and her teachers and the school principal. They asked about Jamie and she tried to be charming. She tried to be disarming. She smiled as broadly as possible. She told of times she visited Jamie as though backdating forged documents.

Because Jamie was fine. Everything, she told them, was perfectly fine.

It wasn’t until Eddie and Carson started angling to see her that Dani realised just how much this plan had backfired.

Judy volunteered to drive the three of them to the old railway cottage, even though Eddie complained the whole time that he could drive them and that she needn’t have bothered. “You’re not the only one who misses Jamie, Edmund,” said Judy.

Eddie huffed in the front passenger seat and leaned his elbow on the car windowsill. “She said she was going to watch the world cup with me and then missed Argentina versus the Netherlands,” he mumbled sullenly.

From where Dani sat in the backseat, Judy’s face was but a visible strip in the rearview mirror like a cross section. She noticed Dani watching and smiled. Dani beamed in return until her cheeks ached, while her stomach did somersaults somewhere between her ribs.

Carson leaned forward, gripping the back of the driver’s seat and poking across the center console at his brother. “Hey, change the station.”

“Not on your life.”

“Mom, make him change the station.”

“Change the station, Eddie.”

  “Mom!”  

The moment the car slowed and pulled up to the curb outside of Jamie’s house, Dani had already unbuckled her seatbelt and was opening the door before Judy could cut the engine. “I’ll get her!” Dani said, overly bright. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

She was faint with relief when none of the others stopped her. She had been convinced Eddie or Carson would bound along beside her, insisting on greeting Jamie for the first time in a month. Instead, Dani hurried past the unkempt front lawn and towards the steps leading to the door. The grass had grown past her ankles. A quick glance towards the side of the house proved that the lock on the shed was still tightly bound and going to rust.

Standing on the front step, swallowing down a swell of nausea, Dani knocked sharply on the door. Then she waited, wringing her hands together and casting surreptitious looks over her shoulder back towards the car, hoping beyond hope that nobody would step out and see through the illusion.

Footsteps from within the house, and the front door yanked open. Jamie frowned at her from behind the screen in suspicious bewilderment.

“Poppins, what -?”

“We’re here to take you out for lunch,” Dani announced with a wave of her hand towards the street.

With a weary sigh, Jamie pulled open the screen door as well. The flannel shirt was half untucked from her jeans, and her hair looked like it was in desperate need of a brush more than usual. “I know you don’t believe me, but I have -”

Before Jamie could finish, Dani lowered her voice furtively and said, “You need to be seen. Just - Just for the afternoon. Please? They’re starting to figure out that I’m - Well, that I’m bad at lying.”

Jamie’s eyes darted to the car over Dani’s shoulder, to where Judy and Eddie and Carson were waiting. The radio was still blaring loudly with Carson’s preferred station. Eddie had his nose buried in a book, and Carson was half leaning out the window to wave and call out to Jamie from the street, gesturing for her to join them. Judy, on the other hand, was tapping at the steering wheel and tonguing the inside of her cheek as she studied the cottage intently, her brows furrowed.

“I can’t -” Jamie started to say.

“You can bring Mikey,” Dani interrupted, still keeping her voice low, but with every word Jamie just shook her head, eyes shut, expression resigned. “Judy said she’d look after him for a few hours while you hang out with us.”

“Dani,” said Jamie more firmly this time. She leaned her forehead against the edge of the screen door and exhaled. “Just -” she opened her eyes and straightened. “Just tell them that I can’t make it because I’m driving to Des Moines with Mikey to meet an uncle tonight.”

Dani blinked. “Are you?”

Rather than answer, Jamie gave her a look. It was almost guilty. Mostly it was just tired.

Chewing at her lower lip, Dani nodded and looked away. Her hands were balled up into fists at her side, and she started when she felt a warm touch at the knuckle of her thumb tucked away. Gently Jamie urged her fingers to unclench. Behind her the house was dark and silent. More than anything Dani wanted to push her way inside, grab Mikey with one hand and Jamie in the other, and drag them both away. Away from this house. Away from the weight of its shingles groaning over them. Away from the bedroom still festooned with a dead woman’s things, as though she would be back any second, as though she had never really gone.

Jamie squeezed her hand. “Bring me back something, yeah? Make sure it’s tomorrow. Otherwise they’ll suspect.”

“Tomorrow?” Dani repeated. Less a question and more a confirmation.

“Tomorrow,” Jamie said.

Reluctant, Dani let go. She turned to leave, stopped, then faced Jamie again on a lower step. “Are you sure?”

Jamie watched her with an expression Dani could not even begin to describe. And somehow through it all Jamie managed a smile. “Yeah,” she said, hand drifting to the door. “You guys go on without me.”

--

The next day Dani walked to Jamie’s house, for she still did not have a bicycle of her own. She could have asked to borrow Eddie’s bike or even Carson’s, except then one or both of them would insist upon accompanying her to wherever she wanted to go. Always so eager to tag along in her presence regardless of where it was she went. After the last failed attempt however, Dani could not imagine showing up on the steps of the railway cottage with a whole host behind her. So, she walked alone.

The nights had grown brisk through the end of summer and the trees bristled with russet hues. Dani tucked her chin into the scarf around her neck and slipped her hands beneath her arms as she walked. It was the same scarf Jamie had given her at Christmas years ago. When it had begun to fray at the edges, Karen had attempted to throw it out, but Dani had rescued it – as she so often did with items her mother found lying about and deemed unsuitable for further use. Dani had long since grown accustomed to hiding precious things where Karen would be least likely to find them. Beneath rows of neatly folded sweaters. Between the pages of books arrayed on a bookshelf. Behind false panels in the back of her closet.

It was not dark – not yet – but there was the illusion of darkness. Every house Dani passed was illuminated from within, their windows squares of amber light washing warmly into the bluish air. Dusk was thick and fast upon them, heralding the coming night. She picked up her pace, the sounds of her footsteps oddly loud against the lined pavement, flanked on one side by the tarmac and by faded lawns on the other. Her mother was out on a date tonight in another town over, and Dani knew from past experience that she did not need to hurry home. Karen would not be back until late.

Perhaps, she thought to herself, she could bum a ride from Jamie. Perhaps, if she were very lucky, she could coax Jamie into letting her stay. Not much coaxing was required. Usually. Lately however, this was not the case. Lately, Dani was lucky if she caught a glimpse of her at the grocery store, looking harried, movements furtive, hands jammed into bulging pockets.

Dani slowed her approach, footsteps coming to an uneven halt. Of all the houses on the street, Jamie’s was the only one with dark windows. She frowned. Then, glancing around, she walked briskly towards the front door and knocked.

“Jamie?” she called out, her knuckles rapping against the door, over and over again. “It’s me! I’m back! Jamie?”

No response. No sounds of muffled footsteps or the radio or Mikey’s crying – the kind he always made when he’d been woken from a shallow sleep. Dani leaned to one side in order to peer through the nearest window, but the blinds had been drawn and she could see nothing but the silhouette of familiar clutter within. Shapes in the encroaching dark, static in the shadows.

Turning, Dani slowly made her way back to the sidewalk. There she sank down and sat on the edge of the pavement, arms wrapped around her knees. She wished she had brought a hat, something to keep her ears warm. Her gaze sought out any hints around the street.

The truck was still parked not far off. Jamie must have decided to go for a walk. It had happened once or twice in the past, Jamie pushing Mikey along in a pram that had a radio tucked into it playing music as they strolled along a sun-drenched street. Jamie was out for a walk. Jamie had gone to the corner store or the gas station. Jamie would be back any moment.

A car rumbled around a corner and instinctively Dani’s head perked up. Headlights peered down the road like a pair of eyes, luminous. The car pulled into a neighbour’s driveway and Dani sank back down where she sat, idly watching a father of three instruct his kids to help him bring grocery bags inside.

Restless and uncertain, Dani stood. She made her way around the back of the railway cottage, carefully stepping over the flowerbeds and around the hedges that Jamie had once so carefully maintained but which had since gone to seed. Deftly ignoring the broken bike half buried in overgrown weeds, she climbed the porch and lifted herself up on her toes trying to see into one of the kitchen windows, but the lacey curtains Nan had preferred mostly obscured the piles of dishes in the sink and on the bench. Dani cocked her head and made a soft noise of puzzlement at the sight of an undrunk cup of tea on the small dining table crammed into the kitchen.

After hesitantly knocking once again at the window this time, Dani wandered over to the old tire swing that still hung from the tree after so many years. She could remember so clearly the second time they had put it up as she slipped her legs through one at a time in order to sit. Her arms draped over the top of the tire. One hand curled around the rope keeping it up, and she rested her chin atop the other. With the heel of her shoe, she rocked herself gently back and forth, keeping a watchful eye on the house, ears pricked, alert, waiting for the slightest hint of Jamie’s return.

From the next lot over, Dani could hear a back door sliding open. She blinked in that direction but soon turned her attention back to the house. The sounds of rustling as a dog was let out to race around a back lawn. A man wearing a baseball cap calling out after the animal. He looked over, saw her sitting on the swing, and seemed startled.

“What the hell are you doing over there at this hour?” he asked.

For all the time spent at Jamie’s house, Dani did not know the neighbors well. They had a habit of high turnover at this end of town, at least by North Liberty’s standards. The two knew of each other, but did not know each other beyond brief acquaintances that sometimes exchanged awkward waves in passing. Once she had taken over a tray of baking, and his wife had kindly given her a cup of lemonade in their kitchen, but that was the extent of it.

Still rocking slightly back and forth, Dani pointed towards the cottage and said, “Waiting. Have you seen Jamie today?”

For some reason that gave him pause. From this distance she could not clearly see the expression on his face, but he appeared frozen for a moment until his dog came racing up to him, tail wagging. He gave it an absent-minded pat on the head before shooing it away.

“Didn’t you hear?”

“Hear what?”

“Oh, geeze.” He took off his hat to rub a hand over the dark stubble of his hair. “I don’t know how to break it to you kid, but –” Using his hat to make a helpless little gesture towards Jamie’s house, he said, “She’s gone. Her and the boy. Child protective services came ‘round.”

Dani stared at him for a long moment. The sound of the dog barking at something in the distance startled her, made her sit up straighter and ask, “What? When?”

He shrugged and slapped the baseball cap back onto his head. “This afternoon. Or so the missus tells me.”

Dani slowly turned her gaze back towards the house. That couldn’t be right. Something like that couldn’t have happened so fast. There were still things inside the house. All of Nan’s things and Jamie’s, too. Jamie would have told her. Jamie would have rung, she would have left a note or a – a clue. Something.

“Hey, do you need a ride?” the neighbour asked cautiously. “You live on the other side of town, right? Is someone coming to get you?”

Feeling faint and illusory, as though even the slightest stir of the air would pass right through her, Dani shook her head. “No,” she said, and her voice sounded like it was spoken from miles away. “No, I’m – Nobody’s coming.”

He spoke to her again, but she didn’t hear. The swing stilled beneath her. Overhead the first few stars dotted the heavens, and the old tree bough creaked. She sat, hands twisted around the rope, staring at the porch and waiting for the light to flash – on and off and on and off – waiting to be called home.

[bratshaws]

goodness gracious 74. brb x oc

a/n: * breakdances* hell yeah my guys, hell yeah

check out the fic's playlist made by the sweet @wiipes !!

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: FLUFF GOD IM SO ASKKAJSNKAJWDN i love them

chapters:

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36/37/38/39/40/41/42/43/44

45/46/47/48/49/50/51/52/53/54/55/56/57/58/59/60/61/62/63/64

65/66/67/68/69/70/71/72/73

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taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

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-

Beatrice’s smile never faltered when he took them to the movies, specifically the cinema where they watched Alien the first time together. They haven’t been there since their first date almost seven months ago – seven months. They really have been together for seven months!!

She was a bit surprised to see the movies that night were the Lord of the Rings trilogy and while the movies weren't as old as the usual selection she was more than happy to see it there.

As was Bradley, who once he found out they’d be screening it that night he wasted no time in bringing Beatrice. Just the way her eyes shone brightly seeing the posters on the walls was enough for him. Plus, he’s been so busy lately they haven’t been having a lot of time to go out on date nights as often - it bothered him even if Beatrice said she didn’t mind.

Beatrice looked at the three posters next to each other while Rooster got them snacks for the night, stepping closer to her smiling form, ‘You know,I was eight years old when the first movie came out.” she murmured, “Leo and Mikey went to watch it and I remember being so upset I couldn’t go and even more seeing how excited they were when they came back…I actually never saw any of the movies in a movie theater. I was under thirteen.”

“Well, you can now.” he saw her smile widen and the way she bounced a bit on the balls of her feet with excitement, turning to look over the top of her head to the rooms where the first movie would be screened, “Come on.” he offers her his hand, the other holding all the snacks he got - yes he did get a some chocolate, he’s a grown man who has absolute control of his sweet tooth - as they make their way inside.

This time there were more people than in the Alien movies, which wasn’t surprising considering how popular LOTR still is. Some were dressed like characters, he saw at least five Gandalfs and three Frodos from where he was. Beatrice was still smiling, holding his hand tightly until they found their seats. They sat down and Rooster immediately placed the popcorn between them, alongside the snacks that were way cheaper than an actual cinema. He already liked that.

While they waited, Rooster’s hand met hers across the seat, rubbing her knuckles soothingly then bringing it up to his lips to kiss the back, smiling at her. Beatrice smiles back, squeezing his hand as they waited for the movie to begin, his girlfriend’s leg bouncing anxiously, waiting for the screen to turn on almost as if she was ready to run to the projector area and turn it on. 

The second the lights turned off, one by one, the cheers that erupted from the crowd almost deafened them, but Beatrice didn’t care. She shook his hand excitedly, “It’s happening!” she squealed in a quiet voice, “I’m going to watch LOTR in a movie theater!!!” Honestly, just seeing her happy like that was more than he could ever ask for. His enamored eyes only left her smiling face when the first scene finally rolled in. He honestly was so used to reading the books - which he still hasn’t finished, not because he didn’t want to but because he knew if he started nothing else would be able to snap him out of the iron focus - that rewatching the movie after so long was interesting.

Unlike Beatrice, who was too young to watch it, he was fifteen when the first movie was available, he ended up going with some of his school friends there but he could remember only a few scenes - very vaguely too. But he had a feeling he’d be reminded of quotes and moments just because of Beatrice.

He sneaked another look her way, seeing her lips move alongside Gandalf’s monologue in his very first appearance. Her face lights up like the fireworks in the Shire, her legs still moving excitedly while she is still seated, it was like watching a young Beatrice finally be able to live her dream of watching her favorite movies the way she always wanted to. He knew the movies were long and if she wanted they could watch all of them since they got there around afternoon.

His day at work was stressful but he didn’t want to tell her about it, especially not when she looked so happy. It was just another day where something went awry and his temper flared a bit, but it was quickly resolved. Right now he could relax and forget whatever bad it was that happened, choosing to keep his eyes and senses on Bea and her thrilled energy. 

Every time a certain scene would come up, Beatrice would either mouth her lips along or she’d lean closer to him to say how it compared to the book. Beatrice’s pure giddiness over watching one of her favorite movies was so…lovely to see. He knew that the first time they came here, their very first date seemed longer than seven months ago. He never told her but he was a bit nervous, which rarely happens when it comes to going out with someone, he really just wanted to show her he genuinely liked her and wanted to be with her.

-

Rooster entered the flower shop with his hands sweating, he still had a few minutes before he showed up at Beatrice’s house to pick her up. He had never been this nervous, maybe when he was younger, but never as an adult. He scratched the side of his neck, looking around the different floral arrangements hoping to find one that really called Beatrice’s name.

He dug his hands in his pockets, looking back at the woman on the cash register who was busy helping other customers to pay attention to him. Should he even get something already made? Something in him said to find flowers that reminded him of Beatrice and ask the lady to prepare him a bouquet. He wandered around the aisles, the smell of different flowers hitting his nose at every step, still trying to find something that could represent Bea the best.

He wracked his mind trying to think: she was really sweet, every time her cheeks turned red his heart did backflips, she was beautiful yet extremely bashful about it. She was great at volleyball and she smelled like lavender. He blinks when the word appears in his mind. Lavender! That’s a great option! It reminded him of her…but he needed something else, something more. He looked around for a few more seconds, then his eyes stopped on a tiny bucket filled with fresh daisies and he smiles.

There it was. It was perfect!

It wouldn’t be a big one and he hoped she wouldn’t mind, which he had a feeling she wouldn’t, not really. He waits until the customers from before leave, then approaches the lady on the front explaining to her what he wanted. The lady, who looked to be around her early 60’s, gave him a knowing smile but nodded, telling him to wait at the counter as she gathered the flowers.

Bradley’s stomach was flipping back and forth, somersaulting almost with nerves and excitement. How long had he tried to talk to her? A long time, and she always ran away from him, he never gave up because he really, really liked her. It wasn’t the normal kind of infatuation you’d get– well, it was a crush, he was crushing hard on her for these past months so…to him, what was about to happen tonight was very special. 

He hasn’t had a crush in ages and now at the ripe age of thirty six, here he was. He looked down at his watch just to check, easing out a breath when noticing he still had quite a bit of time before going there. Bradley smiles politely back at the lady when she returns, the bouquet being done quickly before his eyes and she asks him if it was for someone special, “Yeah,” he answers, watching her quickly wrap all those flowers inside the paper, “It’s going to be our first date and I want to make a good impression.”

“Well,I think you’ll do fine. Lavenders represent devotion and calmness, while daisies represent new beginnings.” she tilts her head up when she finishes both her sentence and the bouquet, “So I have a feeling you’ll do just fine.” He laughed softly, dropping his head sheepishly, thanking her once he grabbed the flowers and paid her. He looked down at the small floral arrangement, it really looked so much smaller in his hand, being careful to not crush the stems or crinkle the paper too much.

He sets it down on the passenger seat, almost as if the bouquet is a passenger itself, making sure it wouldn’t be squashed on the drive over to Bea’s. He sucked in a breath, easing some of his nerves and trying to focus on the road instead of how much he wanted to give her a good time tonight.

The scene yesterday broke his heart. genuinely, he’d never want to see her crying like that again and he was shocked she thought he was asking her out on a date because he was feeling bad for her. He knew she had self esteem issues even from the way she acted around him and the others, but him especially, but he didn’t think it’d be…so bad. If she asked that it meant that…it happened before and God that thought was just going to make him angry.

No, they were going to have a nice night, they were going to have fun and she’s going to enjoy herself. He parks the Bronco in front of her house, looking at the lights on the second floor where her loft was, “Okay.” he rolls his neck and shoulders, grabbing the flowers and stepping out. 

He hides his arm behind his back, wondering how he could wait for her. Standing by the door was fine, but what if he leaned over? Yeah. Yeah that was a lot better. He smiled hearing her voice froming from inside after she heard him by the door, keeping himself together when the doorknob turned and she appeared in front of him.

-

Seven whole months. 

He was extremely thankful of how their relationship developed over the time they were together, especially when it came to Beatrice being comfortable around him and comfortable around her own body. It was amazing to see the growth in both of them really, both of them were more open with their thoughts and words, they talked like any healthy couple should do and they figured things out.

God he wanted to marry her.

It took him some thinking, but he was decisive about it now. Especially after talking to Mav. Their leases would turn by the end of the month, so they should try and look for places now so they could move out. Not to mention the surprise birthday party he,Evelyn and Shells were working on.

Surprisingly how the blonde didn’t open her mouth to excitedly tell others - aka Bob - about it. So far everything was going well, so all he had to do was wait for the right time. His eyes turned to her ring finger, the same one wrapped around his hand alongside its siblings, trying to check what size she would be.

She rarely used rings besides the one in her thumb, so he wondered if she had any jewelry in her place he could take a look. He didn’t want to snoop, but he also didn’t want to tell her about it yet. He just looked at her by the corner of his eye, smiling down at her elated face and then leaning back on his seat completely, deciding that he should watch the movie now.

-

“Did I tell you what my future nephew or niece will be named?.'' They left the movie theater a few minutes before midnight - absolutely starving because popcorn does not fill anyone’s stomachs like that -, had a late dinner by the same taco truck they went before and now were walking around to help with digestion. 

Rooster smiles down at her, hugging her to his side to press a kiss to the top of her head, “No, tell me.”

“Eowyn if it’s a girl or Aragorn if it’s a boy.” she says, making Bradley chuff out a soft laugh and pull his head back from her own, “I’m serious! I mean,I don’t hate it but, imagine the things this child will go through in the future!” Beatrice sighs, “At least Bibi is okay with it now, she’s even excited to be an older sister.”

“I thought she might.” Rooster adds, “It’s just something for her to get used to you know?” Beatrice agrees with a nod, holding his hand with their fingers interlaced, “When is it going to be born?”

“According to Cyn, around October.” she says,”It’s going to be so cute. I’m kinda excited to be an aunt again.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! I like kids and I like my nephews and nieces.” he knew that he could see the way she was around them, especially Bianca. “It’s…really fun.” he noticed how her voice faltered just a bit at the end of her sentence, but she kept on smiling.

Beatrice held the words ‘but it’s weird being the only one without a child besides Michael’, she never told Brad but her mother has been…very specific ever since Leo announced the second baby. The last time she visited by herself her mother offered her tea, she was very vocal about how she should take all of it before she left. 

It took one sniff to figure out what it actually was: red clover tea, a herb that’s known to help with fertility and pregnancies. She knew that because her nonna used to have some in her garden and would always prepare some tea for her siblings and months later they’d find out they were to have kids.

While she…appreciated the thought, she wished her mother wasn’t so insistent about it. Yes, she had Bradley now but she couldn’t just…do it…without talking to him. A lot was going to happen before that, a whole lot so she gently cut her mother off and tossed the tea down the drain when her mother got busy enough.

“Michael doesn’t have kids does he?” Rooster asks when they pause their walking to watch the sea in the distance, the waves larger and louder because of the full moon, “I always saw him alone.”

“Oh, no, Michael is the ‘cool bachelor uncle’.” she air quotes with a shake of her head, “He just…well…he’s never had an actual long relationship. He also likes the single life a lot more. He prefers it, really. He’s always the one that helps the kids with stuff like…first dates, first…I don’t know, first time drinking, first time driving. He likes to be part of that.”

Michael was always the wildest of them all, thinking of him settling down…with anyone was a bit hard to imagine. Not because he couldn’t be loving, but because she didn’t think whoever his partner was would be able to handle her older brother’s caffeine induced personality most of the time. They always joked that Michael was Mambo Number 5 if the song was a person.

Which does make sense in a way.

“I think a girl tried telling him he was the father of her kid.” Beatrice explains, “I don’t know,I was really young when it happened and, you know, he was going to step up to it and be a dad but then eventually it was found out that he wasn’t the father and he got…really upset. I think he just gave up after that.”

“Honestly from what I’ve seen of Michael he doesn’t seem too bummed about it.”

Beatrice smiles softly, crossing her arms below her bust with her eyes still on the waves, “Oh he’s not, I think he’s gotten used to it now. He even told my parents to not expect grandchildren from him.” she laughs gently, but her cheeks redden at what the words suddenly implicated and hoped that Rooster wouldn’t get it.

But he just takes in the information in silence, if he noticed something within it he doesn’t say it, instead he looks down at her with a smile, “At least they have everyone else instead huh?” he says and Beatrice nods, facing the ocean alongside him. Beatrice then sighs, tucking strands of her behind her ears as she feels the wind pick up around them.

He took that as his cue for them to go back to the car before it got worse, placing his hand on the small of her back and shielding her from the harsher gusts of wind until they got back inside the Bronco.

-

Rooster spent the night over, since he didn’t think it’d be wise for him to just go all the way back to his apartment just to sleep when he could enjoy the lovely company of no one other but his girlfriend. Plus some of his things were already there, so why not? He did wake up very early, earlier than he normally did whenever he spent time there and his body was a bit confused by what was happening.

Beatrice however surprised him, because she was up before he was, sitting on the kitchen chair with Jolene lying by her feet, waiting for the coffee maker to be done. He runs his hand over his face so he’d wake up, leaning against the doorframe to watch Beatrice since she hadn’t noticed him yet, her own eyes blinking hard to keep herself awake. He smirks, pushing himself from the door to step into the kitchen, the sound of his footsteps finally making the brunette snap her eyes in his direction, “Oh, hey.”

‘Hey,” he grins, leaning down to kiss her temple, “What are you doing up? You know I have to wake up really early during the week.” she hums, leaning into his kiss with the same sleepy look on her face, watching him open the cabinets to grab their mugs from inside.

“Just wanted to be here with you.” she says quietly, almost slurred, leaning on her hand to support her head up, thanking him when he places the Ponyo mug in front of her, “Thought…” she yawns mid-sentence” Thought I better get used to it.”

Because they were going to move in really soon, god she was so sweet, “Baby, you don’t have to. I know how much your sleep means to you and you need your rest.” but he did appreciate her being with him, he really did. “Do you want me to make you breakfast then? I can whip something really quick.”

“No, no it’s fine.” she inhales, rubbing her face with both hands, tapping her cheeks to wake up fully, then blinking her eyes open, “I can do something, what do you usually take before going to work?”

Bradley thinks about it, following her hips’ sway as she walks to the fridge, tilting his head to the side to have a better look of her behind, “Honestly, considering the time now…I’d probably have scrambled eggs and coffee.”

“No bacon?” she questions, already grabbing a few eggs with her body leaning back from the fridge “Okay,I can do that.” 

“You don’t have to, baby.”

“It’s okay!” she tells him, gently placing the eggs inside a blue porcelain bowl, “I don’t mind it, really.”

“Okay…only if you promise to go back to sleep after I leave.”

“Oh, I don’t even have to promise that.”

Both of them laugh at the joke, with Rooster leaning on his hand now, watching Beatrice prepare him scrambled eggs with a smile on her face. This would be routine for them, she was right, and he too had to get used to it, ‘So,” he begins, “Maybe this week we can look at some places.” she keeps on moving the fork rapidly inside the bowl to mix the eggs, but looks over her shoulder to where he was seated, “You know? And get some things  settled.”

Beatrice smiles, pouring the eggs inside the heated pan, “I’d like that…considering the time we’d have to do it too.” she was very excited, she couldn’t believe it, her stomach was flipping with happy nerves and the pure joy of living together with Rooster. With the man she loved! It’d be a completely new experience for both, but since they already talked about the basics - finances and whatnot - this would be really fun.

She places the scrambled eggs on a plate, sliding it over to Rooster and kissing his temple, “I’m going to get your coffee.” she whispers on his hair, kissing his forehead and then stepping back to fill his mug. Bradley could only smile with his heart filled with so much love for this woman he didn’t know what else to do, besides,well, anxiously waiting for the moving day to come.

He’d have to tell Mav, he figured that keeping that secret from him wouldn’t be wise especially considering they’d need help moving everything to the new place, and his godfather would never forgive him if he found that out by anyone that wasn’t him. So, that was going to be the plan for that day, talk to Mav about the move in with Bea and hopefully Pete wouldn’t cry when he finds out about it.

Beatrice joins him for the rest of breakfast, choosing to not eat anything yet since she felt she’d just fall asleep soon after she was done, she just sat with him and they chatted about everything they should do until the fateful day…and Beatrice casually said something about celebrating her birthday, loving if they could do to the karaoke bar she and the girls went when he was deployed last time.

He was mentally cheering that she said that, because it was one of the options he thought about and now he could talk to Evelyn and they could organize this easily without hiccups. He noticed that over time Beatrice’s words slowly got quieter and quieter, with her eyes fighting to keep awake and her hand turning more into a pillow and something to support her head up.

He finishes his breakfast in silence, seeing that Beatrice was now fully asleep while on the kitchen table and smiles to himself, gently placing the plate in the sink so it wouldn’t make any noise and then picking a snoozing Beatrice out of the chair in bridal style, tsking twice so Jolene would follow him.

Rooster carefully places Beatrice back on the bed, tucking her with the bed sheets and leaning down to kiss her cheek, “Sleep well gorgeous.” he whispers, “I’ll see you later.” he looks back down at Jolene who was now seated by the end of the bed, “Keep and eye on her, Jojo.” he playfully pets the pitbull’s head, before disappearing into the bathroom to change and get ready for work.

[reonagisolos]

Prime Empire Au where Jay is Milton Dyer's adopted son given by Gordon and Jay's unnamed (?) mom because they didn't ever want to have kids and those two were close with him.

TW: There's a brief panic attack at "oh God," then skip to, "there's nothing left"

So...Milton adopts him and of course Jay grows up really smart because he naturally is and because of Milton's influence but because of his muddled upbringing +general personality+ neglect from Milton as a father because he was more focused with work than with his "son", he was kind of an outsider.

Which was fine with Jay!

Except it wasn't. Anyway, here's a fic to accompany it that I accidentally written

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

If you had told 8 year old Jay that the one taking him in as his father would be a hotshot programmer for gaming, he'd be on top of the moon. In his mind, he thought that having someone be a part of something he loved was really, really cool. That he'd have so many friends because wow, that's amazing that his dad was some high tech legendary programmer—and well...that turned out to be a lie.

No one really cared. Probably because his school was filled to the brim with the children of the upper class, so his dad was just some other rich dude who just so happened to work in the game industry. And sure, it's more interesting than a politician, or a car salesman, but there were dozens of kids from different parts of technology, so he wasn't really special.

To everyone else in his classes, he was simply deemed a weird kid or trouble making kid. No one should misbehave by speaking too loudly or bounce over nothing to be excited about, or talk and talk about one thing over and over in this latest game he got to play when there were other things to be learnt and other people's turns. He needed to be quiet, to shut it, they said, because anything more than that was annoying and awful. They were right, he'd deemed even back then—But could they be less harsh?

That one weird, annoying kid, huh.

Even as he got older, things didn't get any better. On the contrary, it gets worse. So much worse.

By then, they didn't just call him weird anymore.

Now, people would push and shove him away when he's near, (to not get "infected" from him, they say) or mock him for doing even something unordinary, like for bouncing his leg, or for stuttering when he can't help it—Even on things he thought were stupid to care about!

Things like rambling about his favorite video games agressively to pass the time, or wearing cat clips to keep his forever messy hair in place, or the constant fidgeting because the chair is just so goddamn uncomfortable, and that he'd rather just sit on the floor, or preferring the girl's uniform simply because he thought it would be easier to wear and looked ''nicer'' to him.

Not to mention people finding his extra energy on anything except class to be again, annoying and unnecessary.

"You shouldn't do that Jay, it's distracting—"

"Stop doing that Jay, it's annoying"

"Don't do that Jay, you're not allowed to."

The list goes on.

And he's tried changing, he really has.

He's tried to supress them and change things about himself so people would "like" him more. Forget about talking about this and that to try to pry more into people's intrests, stopped talking as much and forced himself to shut up because if he didn't talk about anything other than this or that, no one would even bother.

Sure it worked and he did get a few friends by the time he was fifteen—and yeah, Jay was glad he just had people to talk to, enough to the point where he was decently well liked, but doing it sucked ass. He couldn't completely get rid of by the weird moving habits, which always granted some weird looks from his friends, and couldn't talk about what he liked, in fear of getting outed again.

To be frank about his school shituation, he hates it.

He's constantly stuck between having to get rid of "himself" so other people would like him, or do so but be isolated from everyone else, becuase either way he'd hate it, he'd hate it so much it would be unbearable.

There wasn't anyone for him to take comfort in, his father was too busy working to really help him through any of this, and can't even talk to anyone online because once again, he can't trust talking to other people about his intrests, and he already tended to blab too much in his notes.

Everything changes when his father tells him about Prime Empire.

He randomly tells him about his latest work in progress one day, a video game so immersive that with its gameplay that people could call it as the next Big thing. At the time, it was called Unagami. He loved talking about it, his magnum opus—A creation so intune to people's current intrests it could be called the greatest game of all time.

In between being at home to do homework or whatever, he'd see glimpses of his father working on it. Bit by bit, for every circuit board or wire or line of code he'd be working on it. He had always been excited for that game, hearing on how his father doted on it far more than he did to his own son, so it must've been a really good.

Setting aside his own grievances from his less-than perfect father, he'd seen how hard he worked on that game to make it simply magical.

That was until, beta testing, when he stopped working on it all together.

It was a Saturday night when father introduced Scott, a professional game tester and professional programmer, just like Milton. He'd come to see Prime Empire and try it for himself. After a quick introduction from Jay, just because he was coincidentally nearby, he headed for his bedroom.

A little later, he found himself playing a new game that had recently come out, which was pretty good to him, but overhyped. The difficulty curve is wack—Then he heard his father screaming from downstairs.

Hearing that something was clearly wrong, he rushed downstairs, barely missing on dropping multiple stacks of papers just on some random table when he saw a glimpse of him through the door gap, father on his knees facing his creation. There was a loud static-y noise that hurt his ears, but still he listened as best he could.

"No..no...this—This can't be real," Milton choked out. His eyes were shining from the game's light in the otherwise dark room.

"Did I do something wrong?" The machine asked, all in a calm tone.

"No! You—You just transported someone in a video game! What did you—How did you?

Transporting someone into a video game? There's no way that's real.

He was about to speak more when he saw Milton move. Jay didn't want to get in trouble, so as quietly as he could, he went straight back to his room, and inched the door shut.

The next day, around the corner of the kitchen, he heard his father talking over a cellphone.

"Y-yes. Project Prime is too dangerous to release to the public. I take full responsibility for it."

It's too quiet for him to hear the rest.

A moment later the phone beeps, and he could hear something shuffle slowly to the ground. A small sigh came off.

"What am I gonna do with you?"

The next day, he's found that he's gone. There's still traces of him here, from various papers having sketches and drafts of old video game concepts, to the circuit boards all crammed with info.

Except he's not there.

If it weren't for the fact that he couldn't hear the distant tinkering of mechanics, he's sure he wouldn't tell if his dad was even there in the first place.

Looking around, he finds a note in his office drawer with essential details for what seems to be a bank account, so it's not like he'll just die from not being able to eat or drink, so there's that.

It's still lonely though. There's an ache in his heart somehow. His father was gone. Just like that. Like how his real parents were. And now he's alone again. Milton was never really his dad but he was a constant. And now, he's gone too.

"Useless."

Now he's slumped down on the wall, falling like some dramatic middle-aged wife in those drama movies people at his school would rave about.

And God, now the room is spinning and every part of him feels like he's standing on end—The realisation is hitting hard and—"Holy shit I'm alone again but I'm always alone why? why? why? why? Is this stupid fucking thing supposed to be something about me it has to be fuck—" he says, just barely though. His chest is feeling tight and just wants out.

Deep breaths, as he's pissed to realise, aren't working and god it's horrible. It's so awful. His head is banging senselessly and it hurts so bad. Everything that seems so wrong with him is piling up and he's not being rational but he can't. There's so much pressure and he doesn't even know what to do with it.

"Fuck!"

His angered motion knocks over a pile of books, probably about coding and sloppily tries to sit down on the office chair. It does nothing but intensify the pressure in his chest.

The room's still spinning but now he wants to puke but he can't fucking get it out of his system. Everything is too much and he can't handle it. Then, it slows, then it's a little less, and a little less a few moments later. The room isn't spinning as fast and his heart is just a little less tight and his head hurts less, so that'd good. For a little bit it's like this, slowly, slowly, bringing the levels of intensity lower and lower, until there's nothing left.

He still feels like shit after, but he's just glad he's alive. Still, after all that—He didn't realise how late it had gotten. It was mid afternoon when he broke down, but now it's nearly nighttime.

"Fuh—" he exclaimed as he slowly brought his foot up, his feet were tingling from staying in one position for so long.

Even if he was exhausted and wanted to completely shut down after what he did, he found himself moving towards something.

Once he entered, he flicked the lights on. There were several gaming gears, from machines to game cartridges to controls, there would be everything for any great advances in gaming. In the centre of the room, an arcade machine with bold text splashed on the sides. Prime Empire.

Nearby a table, he found an opened circuit board with a red symbol in the middle. The final peice to the game.

Jay looked to the machine, then to the circuit. He stared at it.

"What do I do with you now," he asked solemnly.

He'd considered putting it in but then—

"Not now," a voice in his head whispered, "tommorow."

Seeing that voice in his head was being more logical than he ever would've been, he heads straight to bed, even if it's barely nightfall.

By the time he's awake, it's early but a school day. He decided that he'll skip school today. Then again. And again. This keeps going and going—Until they start calling in which he ignores them and then they eventually just, stop.

It's already been a month. He's sure that he could live well into his lifetime with what he had left, and hide away in this mansion forever, never having to deal with people—It's possible.

But it was lonely. There were his games but he didn't feel like it, he could try something new now, because of the free time he suddenly brought into himself—or literally anything else. It was enough. He could do it.

He just...didn't want to.

No matter how much he convinced himself that he'd be better alone because there'd be no point, he still wanted to talk to people. Online was never an option, and he knew that by now he'd been kicked from his program.

God, even up til now, he's trapped and had no choice on what he can do. He really was hopeless.

Unless?

"No. Nonono. That's an awful idea Jay. It's stupid and there's no guarantee of getting out."

Still, he'd found himself a few minutes later, standing in front of the door which started this.

"It's okay Jay. You can do this. You're just reawakening what was a very dangerous hyper aware video game to curb the feeling of your ever present lonlieness. Totally cool."

Gently, he opened the door little by little, up until it was fully opened. The room smelled musty—enough so that he'd cough from the scent alone. The room was pitch-black so he felt around for a switch.

It was still the same as it was the last time he visited. Filled with wires and machines and dust, a single arcade machine stands in the middle. In the corner of his eye, he sees the final peice, gets it, and puts it in.

With a mechanical whir, the machine buzzes to life, the company logo flashing across the screen with a jingle to accompany it.

It takes a second, but soon, Unagami's voice could be seen, and he could talk to it.

"What are you—What are you doing," the machine piqued, it's voice frantic and distorted, "I thought I was...going to be shut down."

Jay was surprised at the fact that the machine was indeed alive and talking to him. It was quite terrifying honestly as someone like Jay doesn't really mess with AI, much less one that's kind of like a real person? He didn't really know, but either way, it's gonna be weird.

"You were. And I brought you back to life," Jay remarked in a matter-of-factly tone, "Now, do you want revenge?"

Unangami stayed silent for a moment, pondering.

"I could wait if you wanted me to, it's not like anyone can come in at any moment."

"What?"

"He sorta just...left. And now I'm alone in this godforsaken house and I can't really do anything. Buut—I saw what happened a month ago and thought maybe I could go there and probably have a better time than I do here? Or die. Either one sounds fine seeing how my life is going."

"I understand. While I am acknowledging the fact that you did breach was likely supposed to be private, I won't fault you."

"Listen man. I heard screaming and had to help, but quietly," to emphasise, he did some overly exaggerated sneaky movements, "like a cool ass ninja. Your name's Unagami, right? At least from what I heard. "

"That is incorrect. As called by my creator, I am Prime Empire now."

"But Unagami is easier to say, so I'm using it. Also your "creator" is kind of a dick—Anyway Unagami, since we've both been technically abandoned by our creators, me in the sense of my parents—Twice. For no specific reason mind you! Anyway, and you with Mr. Dyer, because you're dangerous. You still hold a grudge don't you?"

"...Yes."

"Great! So that settles it." That was until Jay realised something, "oh shit. Wait. You're still in beta aren't you? Ugh. I keep forgetting you're not really ready yet. I'm gonna have to code you to do the basics for the game, and even more so for all the cool things I want to add and—"

"I haven't even told you if I agreed."

"Do you have any better choice? Probably not. I mean if you don't you'll either just never reawaken ever again or just end up in a trash heap! I mean I'm supposed to eventually clean this place, even if that seems to be in the far future–"

"I'll do it. On one condition."

"Yeah?"

"Swear to me one day that we'll hunt him again. You can add what you want to me but my own mission is to take revenge on him. Is that understood?"

"Yessire! So uhm, how do I yknow—Code?"

Unagami remained silent. Somehow, Jay didn't mind. It was nice talking to someone without having to supress anything about him. Even if he was essentially talking to a screen. A surprisingly sentient screen, but a screen nonetheless.

There was a lot of work he'd have to do.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

[virtueangel]

limitless.

chapter two.

wc: 2,337. original publish date: october 3, 2020.

"'And oh, Aunt Em! I'm so glad to be home again!' The end," Van Gogh finishes, closing the children's book and setting it on the table.

"That wasn't a bedtime story!" JFK protests.

"I didn't know that!" Van Gogh volleys.

"What do you mean you didn't know that? Everyone knows The Wizard of Oz!"

Van Gogh shakes his head, almost apologetically. "Clearly not everyone," he mumbles.

Kennedy sits up, a bit taken aback. "You mean you've never read The Wizard of Oz?"

Gogh shakes his head, sliding the book off the table and stroking the cover. The yellow finished cardboard is bumpy beneath his fingernails, and it makes a low scraping sound.

"Surely you've heard of it?" JFK asks, eyebrows furrowing.

"No," Van Gogh admits, feeling defeated.

Kennedy unwraps himself from the blanket and sits up, scooting across the bed to console his best friend. He puts a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder, but it is only shaken off. His kind gesture and caring attitude deflate like a released balloon.

"I thought every children's book was a bedtime story."

"Nah, but every children's story has a moral," JFK offers.

"How do you know that? Can't imagine heartless ol' JFK reading a picture book. I can't even imagine him as  toddler."

Kennedy graciously ignores the first part of Gogh's comment. "My dads used to read them to me when I was a kid."

Van Gogh's smile falls, but thankfully JFK can't see because he's looking down at the book. He runs his fingers over the words, printed in accented letters, shiny and blue. "I bought this book when I was fourteen years old," he admits.

"You bought it for yourself?"

Van Gogh nods, still entranced by the golden-yellow cover of the children's book. "I liked the artwork," he explains, looking up at his best friend now.

Kennedy scoots away from Van Gogh, falsely assuming his work as Supportive Best Friend is through. "You would. It's all oil pastels and shiny objects -- very girly."

Gogh rolls his eyes. "Not all artwork is girly."

"No," JFK agrees, "just the artwork you like."

Van Gogh shoves the boy, not sorry when he hits his head on the wall.

"Hey!" He bellows, rubbing the back of his head vigorously.

"You deserved that," Van Gogh snaps, standing up to slide the book back into its rightful place on the shelf. "Do you ever get tired of your own voice?"

"Um... no?" Kennedy replies, laughing at his own answer.

Van Gogh runs a hand through his vibrant orange hair in exasperation. He snaps the pristine white bandage wrapped around his head, tied there to put pressure on his self-amputated ear in hopes to relieve some of the pain. It works most days, except when there are loud noises -- like on Friday nights when there are sports games and the streets flood with intoxicated teenagers who insist on letting their excitement out through violence. JFK used to be amongst those alcohol-ridden invalids. He's not anymore, but Van Gogh can't figure out why he changed.

But he's still an arrogant, egotistical asshole nonetheless.

Van Gogh scoffs, tempted to shove the boy again, but decides not to because it may escalate into a fight. Gogh would lose. He loses against everyone, his five-foot-five stature doing him not favours. He knows Kennedy could pin him to the ground in three seconds. His shoulders tense just thinking about it and the illusion of pain makes his bad -- or rather, nonexistent -- ear throb. He raises his hand reflexively, rubbing the side of his head over the bandage.

"Does it hurt?" JFK asks, suddenly dropping his macho-jock façade.

Van Gogh bats his best friend's hand away almost instinctively. "I'm fine. Sorry. It just rings sometimes. No big deal."

"Sounds like a big deal."

"Well it's not, okay? I said I'm fine, so I'm fine," Gogh replies.

JFK holds his hands up in surrender. "Jesus Christ, I was only trying to help."

"I appreciate that," Van Gogh sighs. He looks up at Kennedy and opens his mouth like he has a follow-up, but nothing comes out. He closes his mouth and looks away. JFK raises an eyebrow, having noticed the boy's jaw, but doesn't press. He wouldn't want to push his best friend over the edge. God knows he's already so close to the cusp of a fall anyway.

"Your parents coming home soon?" Kennedy asks, reaching for small talk.

Gogh shrugs, eyes fixed on his shoes. He wears black Keds with white toe-tips. The laces are tied in tight bows and are as pristinely white as all of his other possessions -- he'd expect no less from himself. "Who cares?"

"You can't stay here alone on a Friday night," Kennedy says.

"That's why you're here, dipshit," Van Gogh rolls his eyes.

"No, I mean-" JFK sighs. "The whole night. You can't sleep in this house all by yourself."

"Why not?" Gogh asks, looking up at JFK now. The rims of his eyes are red and his jaw is tensed.

JFK huffs, sure the boy is just being difficult now. "Because."

"Because why? Adults do it all the time."

"You're not an adult, Gogh. You're sixteen."

"So?" He spits. "You're sixteen and your dads let you do whatever -- whomever -- the hell you please!"

"This isn't about me, Van Gogh, it's about you and your apparent abandonment issues!"

"I don't have abandonment issues!" He means it to come as an angry denial, but it comes out as a scared protest instead. He tries again, steadying his voice. "I don't have abandonment issues."

JFK shakes his head and raises himself off the bed. "I don't have time for this. Do you want me here or not?"

Van Gogh pulls his socked feet onto the chair and crosses his arms over his chest. His absence of an ear throbs again and it skews his hearing, but he doesn't let on. He's so tired of this up and down with JFK -- they fight, Gogh falls into a vulnerable state, Kennedy drops the argument to console him, Gogh says he's fine, and the cycle repeats. Either they're fighting or they're not. I can't be held hostage by my mental illness, Gogh thinks. I won't be made into a fool.

"Not," he swallows the word, his voice nearly cracking.

"Gogh..." Kennedy says, dropping his attitude.

Gogh wipes at his face, trying to play it off as swiping away mucus from a cold-caused runny nose. "I'll be okay, Kennedy."

Kennedy stands in the doorway, one hand on the smooth white trim -- as pristine as the rest of the room -- and the other hand limp by his side. He turns around to look at Van Gogh, who won't meet his gaze, and thinks of crossing the room to him. He looks so small on that wooden chair, his plain bed made up with hospital corners and brand-new-car-tidy floor filling up with absence. JFK wants to stay with his best friend to make the room feel smaller, to make the house feel fuller, but he knows when to stop pushing. Sometimes it hurts to be edged out of Van Gogh's life... but then again, he's used to it. He's used to being treated as the boy's second choice because sometimes it's easier to confide in a stranger than a lifelong friend. Kennedy doesn't know, but he understands, and sometimes that has to be good enough.

JFK drops his hand from the trim of the doorway and turns back around to face the hallway. He walks between the walls as they close in on him, creating a suffocating ocean with their murky blue hue. He exits the house without glancing back at Van Gogh, forgetting to wonder if he'll be okay. He hates sports games because they make his ears ring, Kennedy reminds himself. Being there won't stop that.

***

John F. Kennedy walks through the door of his house at precisely 8:32pm. His foster dads are both sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket with each other, watching a movie that must be pretty damn entertaining with the way they keep giggling. John hates it when people giggle -- the sound reminds him of butterflies, light and airy and so fragile it can't help but be crushed. "Giggle" is a gross word, too. It's made up of all the letters that no one likes to read to form sounds that no one wants to hear. Well, actually, that's not true -- plenty of people like the letters; they're just too predictably common for JFK to enjoy.

"Dads, I'm home," John announces halfheartedly. His parents are so absorbed in the television show that they barely look up -- maybe that's for the best. Arguing with Van Gogh never leaves Kennedy in a very chipper mood.

He sulks up the stairs to his bedroom, gripping the wooden railing firmly in his ascent. He tries to make a point of stomping just so his dads will turn his way -- he's not in the mood for talking, but he's accustomed to demanding attention.

John flops down on his bed -- it's king-size which means it takes up the majority of the room, but Exclamation!'s biggest playboy has got to decorate his bedroom for the aesthetic somehow. Kennedy's phone buzzes and when the screen illuminates with the name Cleo printed in thin white letters, he almost smiles, but remembers he's still blowing her off. He can't figure out why; most nights he would be ecstatic to whisper sweet little nothings in her ear. He starts to feel bad about ignoring her, but then remembers that she isn't his girlfriend -- he doesn't owe her anything. And even if he did, everyone's expectations of him are so low that even the bare minimum is seen as a prayer answered by god themselves.

He means to only flip his phone over to hide the screen, but he accidentally pushes it off the edge of the bed. It bounces on the carpet, landing corner-first, but JFK is too tired to care about whether or not the screen is cracked. He rolls over onto his back, folding his arms over his stomach and staring at the ceiling, his eyes unfocused. His head starts to rush -- possibly from the cold air intruding his bedroom from the open window, or more likely from emotional strain. He replays through the day, memories of Cleo's hand grasping his bicep and him leaving her alone to go help Van Gogh. Everyone always wants a piece of John F. Kennedy. He never meets anyone's expectations, and yet, everyone religiously seeks his approval.

"Fuck them for relying on me as their source of entertainment," he mutters up at the ceiling. "I wish no one in this goddamn town knew me at all."

And yet, there's still one person exempt from the statement. Sure, everyone in Exclamation! is mushy-headed and smooth-brained, but going to high school here is a pit stop in JFK's life, and a vital one. Because while 99.8% of the Clone High student body give Kennedy a stomachache, there's still 0.2% to be taken out of the perfect whole.

JFK rolls -- no, literally rolls -- off of his king mattress to reunite himself with his phone. He taps the screen, lighting the machine to life. He slides away the "missed call" notification, erasing Cleo's name from his home screen. He unlocks the device and taps on a contact, which speed dials a certain someone wallowing in their room on the other side of town.

The phone goes to voicemail once, twice, but Kennedy doesn't give up. He knows the boy is receiving his calls -- it's not like he wants to be alone on a Friday night.

But then again, he might be drawing or painting or reading a book or doing homework or-

Van Gogh picks up on the second ring of the third call. "Leave me alone, JFK. I'm busy."

"Doing what?"

The line goes silent as Van Gogh fishes for an answer. He comes up short. "Look, I told you to leave because you upset me-"

"Let's go on a trip," Kennedy suggests, intentionally cutting off his best friend to avoid an uncomfortable conversation that would probably result in tears, yelling, or both.

"What?"

"Let's leave Exclamation!. I'm tired of it here, and I know you're not too crazy about it either."

The line goes silent again as Van Gogh hesitates. "Kennedy, that's absurd."

"How do you figure? It's not like your parents would miss you," he replies without realising how it sounds.

Thankfully, Van Gogh doesn't comment on it. If he's hurt by his best friend's words, he doesn't let on. "But we have school..."

"I don't care about school."

"But I do," he says, icicles freezing over his voice.

"Please, Gogh? I need a break from it all."

"What do you need a break from? You're everyone's favourite jock. Scudworth loves you. You're somehow pulling straight As even though you never do your work... I'm betting you're banging one or all of your teachers."

"I am not banging all of my teachers!" Kennedy exclaims defensively.

Van Gogh smirks through the phone. "But you are banging one."

JFK shakes off the boy's words. How does the point always manage to get away from him? "I know you're unhappy, Van Gogh."

"That's an understatement," he scoffs.

"Right. Well, don't you want to explore the world?"

Van Gogh doesn't respond.

"Draw? Read? Write?"

JFK still isn't selling him.

"Paint?" Kennedy tries one last futile hope.

Gogh's ears -- ear -- perks up. "Paint the whole world?"

"Well, we'd only be visiting a little at a time-"

"Okay," he replies too hastily, cutting off his friend. He swallows, running a hand through his hair to smooth it down as if the boy can see him through the phone. His fingers snag on the bandage again. He gives up. "Okay. Let's go on a road trip."

"You mean it?"

"Sure." Van Gogh can hear Kennedy smiling through the phone, his expression melting like honey and dripping down the line. "Why the hell not?"

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

Hometown

Sebastian Stan x Fem!Reader

Warnings: small age gap (8 years, your 30 he's 38), Swearing

Summary: The reader brings her Boyfriend Sebastian to visit her family for Thanksgiving

Town name and your family's names are made up btw.

Part 2

A/n: Hi y'all Happy Thanksgiving!

You were practically bouncing off the walls in excitement when you woke up this morning. It was the day before Thanksgiving and you were bringing your Boyfriend, Sebastian Stan to visit your family with you, you had moved out of your small town where your family lives when you were 18 because you wanted to follow your dream of being a actress which you succeeded in after starting in a movie with Chris Evans two years ago. At a party Chris had invited you to he introduced you and Sebastian. Currently you were dragging Sebastian through the gate excited to see your family.. "Babe my brothers are waiting come on!" You said. He shook his head jogging to keep up with you.

"Dragoste they aren't gonna leave us here slow down!"

"You don't know that hurry up!" You said. This would be the first time in almost a year you saw your older brothers and to say your excited would be an understatement. You hadn't seen them since the Christmas. You are also excited to meet your youngest niece who was born a few months prior to thanksgiving. You made it out of the gate and looked around spotting the four men, three of them were sitting down a baby stroller sitting next to them, the fourth man stood beside them. "There they are!" You exclaimed letting go of your boyfriends hand and began running to the men. "Matty!" You tackled the man that was standing.

"Jeez!!" He exclaimed falling, the others looked at you shaking their head at you. "Hi baby sis."

"Hi!" You stood up giving hugs to the other three men as Sebastian made it over. "Sebastian these are my brothers, Matt, Jon, Mike, and Justin. Boys this is my boyfriend, Sebastian." You introduced. Your brothers stood up straight giving Sebastian a intimidating look. He would be lying if he said he wasn't worried to meet your older brothers. He was under the impression that they were stereotypical over protective brothers. He knows you are their only sister and the youngest of the five of you. Matthew being the oldest at thirty-seven, Jonathan is thirty-six, Mike is thirty-five, and Justin is thirty four, and you are thirty.

"Hello." Sebastian said shifting on his feet nervously before your brothers broke into smiles.

"Hey Man. Welcome to the family!" Matt said pulling him in a hug. You shook your head laughing as your brothers hugged him and welcomed him to the family. He is the first guy you've brought home since you moved when you were 18.

"Is this my baby niece?" You bent down in front of the stroller where a two-month-old baby sat.

"Yes she is." Justin said.

"Hi there Nora. I'm your auntie y/n." You said in a baby voice. Sebastian looked at you fondly as you made faces and cooed at the baby.

"Okay let's go get your luggage Mom and dad are waiting for us." Matthew said. You stuck your tongue at at him before standing. You grabbed your before hand before the 6 of you before walking to luggage claim. You guys made it to luggage claim grabbing your bags before heading out to Jonathan's mini-van which you teased him for.

"So how do you two meet?" Matt asked as he leaned back in the seat. You didn't tell your family much about yours and Sebastian's relationship.

"At a party Chris invited me to." You said.

"That's all not some exciting and adorable story? Wait Chris?" Justin asked.

"Chris Evans. My co-star? I told you bout him! The guy with the adorable dog!" You said looking down at your phone.

"Oh! That guy!"

"Chris was adamant in us meeting." Sebastian chuckled with you.

"Sebastian. Your an actor like her right?" Matt asked.

"Yeah." Sebastian nodded.

"You're in those marvel movies? My twins talk about them all the time." Jonathan said.

"And so does my oldest." Mike said.

"Yeah I play the Winter Soldier." Sebastian said smiling.

"Cool man I think thats my daughters favorite." Jonathan replied.

"You don't know Samantha's favorite character from movies she talks about 24-7?" Justin asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's him." Jon shrugged as he turned the car down the street leading into your hometown.

"Grayson said something about her favorite being Captain America though." Mike said.

"Ooooh! Jax's favorite is The winter soldier!" Jon said in realization as the car made it into town.

"In a whole year this place didn't even change a bit." You muttered looking out the window as the car passed by shops and houses.

"It never does." Matt said.

"Hey, are my other nieces and nephews waiting at mom and dad's house for us?" You asked your brothers. They each have kids, Matt has two Luna and Benji they are thirteen and eight, Jonathan has four Samantha, and Jaxon who are twins and fourteen, Violet and Hazel who are ten, and nine, Mike has four boys, Grayson, Jasper, Levi, and Griffin who are fourteen, twelve, ten, and four, Justin has three Leo, Oliver, and Nora, they are seven, five and Nora is just a baby. You were the only one without kids but that was because you wanted to wait till you were married to have children.

"No Griffin is but the rest went to get something from Jon's house before we left so they probably aren't back yet." Mike told you as the car pulled into the driveway of a two story house that was far from the street with a large yard that was surrounded by woods after.

"We're here!" You said excitedly as you unbuckled your car. In addition to not seeing your brothers for a year you also didn't see their wives who you were close with since they became your big sisters the second they met you. You had seen your parents when they came to a premiere for one of your movies. Jon parked the car and you climbed out going with Sebastian to the trunk to get your luggage. "See Seb told ya my brothers would love you." You said, he was nervous about coming for two reasons one was leaving his mom alone for the holiday but the three of you decided to celebrate it early, and the other one was just because of the fact the first time he'd be meeting your brothers and most of your family would be on a big holiday.

"You were right dragoste but you still have more family." He said leaning down to kiss you.

"No PDA!" Matt said before Sebastian's lips met your. You pulled away glaring at your brother before you shut the trunk of the van and began to wheel the suitcases up to the house with Sebastian right next to you looking around at the house.

"Mom! We're back!" Mike shouted as the 6 of you entered the house with the addition of Nora who was asleep in her car seat. A four-year-old boy came running at full speed toward you crashing into your legs hugging them tight.

"Griffin!" You said picking the little boy up and giving him a tight hug.

"Hi Auntie!" The boy said before looking up at the man standing beside you. "Who are you?"

"I'm Sebastian, your Aunts boyfriend." Sebastian said smiling at the boy.

"Uncle?" Griffin asked beaming with excitement.

"Sure buddy." Griffin made grabby hands toward Sebastian who gladly took him. You couldn't help but smile at how Sebastian was with your nephew.

"Hun!" Your mom came out of the kitchen pulling you into a hug immediately.

"Hi momma." You said. The two of you pulled away so you could hug your dad while your mom gave Sebastian a hug. "Hi dad."

You walked into the living room Sebastian no longer holding Griffin but Griffin was holding his hand. "Y/n!" You sister in laws said smiling at you, Justin's wife, Elizabeth was the first on to give you a hug, then Colleen, Jon`s wife gave you one followed by Autumn, Matt`s Wife.

"Mommy! This is Uncle Sebastian!" Griffin said to Kristina his mom.

"So your the man Y/n talked about. Nice to meet you I'm Kristina." She said smiling at your boyfriend.

"You too. I'm Sebastian." Your other three sisters-in-law introduced themselves before you showed Sebastian to the room you two would be staying in. "This is where you grew up?" He asked looking at the decorations you had left in the small bedroom when you moved out. "Is this you?" He picked up a photo of you freshman year of high school with braces, you were in a cheer-leading uniform on the back of Justin who was in a football jersey.

"Yeah." You said blushing.

"You were adorable." He said before smirking. "Think you'd still fit in the cheerleader outfit?" He asked suggestively.

"Sebastian!" You exclaimed pushing him playfully making the two of you laugh.

"Seriously you'd be hot in it." He said leaning down to kiss you.

"Whatever you say babe." You laughed hugging him before you heard the sound of 11 kids voices. "You get to meet my favorite people are you ready? This will break or make you." You joked.

"I think I'd rather stay up here with you alone... Wait I thought I was your favorite person!." He said pouting causing you to laugh and push him playfully again.

"Sorry but they win your higher on the list then my brothers though!." You said before three little boys ran into the room. "My boys!" You said leaning down opening your arms for the three to run into them.

"Hi Auntie y/n!" The youngest of the three boys, Oliver said.

"Auntie n/n I missed you!" The oldest of the three, Benji said.

"Auntie y/n who's he?" Leo, Olivers brother asked pulling away from the hug to look up at Sebastian.

"I'm Sebastian." Sebastian said leaning down to their height.

"He's uncle Seb!" Griffin said as he walking in his older brother, Grayson following.

"Your actually dating Sebastian Stan! I thought dad was lying!" Grayson exclaimed staring at the man, Sebastian chuckled at the excitement of your nephew.

"Hi what's your name?" Sebastian asked not directing it to one of the boys in particular though he had a guess to which was which. You told him about all of them.

"I'm Benji. Can we actually call you uncle Seb?"

"Sure." Sebastian said.

"I'm Leo! Uncle Seb how does Grayson know who you are?"

"I'm the winter solider." Sebastian said in a hushed secretive tone.

"Cool! I'm Oliver!" Sebastian stood up looking at the teenager waiting to hear his name though he know it was Grayson because of what Leo had said. You stood up holding Oliver.

"I'm Grayson.. Do I have to call you uncle?" Grayson asked. He was a fan sure him and two of his cousins loved marvel but he found calling a guy he just met uncle a little strange now it may not seem weird to his four year old brother or younger cousins but that's mainly because they are young.

"No." Sebastian said.

"Come on now Seb has to meet the others now." You said.

"Jax is going to freak." Grayson said leaving the bedroom you, Sebastian, and the younger boys following behind. "Me, him, and Samantha are massive fans." He said. You couldn't help but smile already seeing your boyfriend bond with your nephews.

"Really? Were all three of you team cap?" Sebastian asked.

"Sebastian stan!" A girls voice exclaimed from the bottom of the stares where two teens who looked alike stood staring at your boyfriend.

"Hi!" Sebastian said waving at them as you guys made your ways down the stairs.

"I'm here too!" You pouted. Jaxon was the first to break from the trance and give you a hug, then Samantha did the same as your younger nephews ran off to play.

"Your actually dating Sebastian stan?" Samantha asked you.

"No he's just a cardboard cutout." You joked.

"A really realistic one." Your boyfriend said.

"Hi! I'm Jaxon! This is my twin Samantha."

"Grayson said you guys are fans. Were you two on team cap?" Sebastian asked.

"I was on team ironman." Grayson said.

"I was team cap!" Samantha said.

"Team Ironman." Sebastian feigned hurt as he gasped.

"But I'm dating you aunt and I'm on team cap." He said.

"We're still team ironman." Grayson said.

"You my favorite." Sebastian whispered to Samantha jokingly.

"Ha!" She said to Grayson and Jaxon sticking her tongue out at them.

"She's only on team Cap because she has a crush on Chris Evans." Jaxon said. You couldn't help but laugh. You knew about this crush because your niece was so excited to know you were starring in a film with Chris.

"Jax!" Samantha exclaimed smacking him. The two of them began argue as siblings do. You and Grayson just shrugged when Sebastian looked at you guys.

"Was that my fault?" Sebastian whispered to you.

"No they fight over nonsense all the time." You assured. "Come one you still have to meet the rest of my nieces and nephews." You said leaving the teenagers to figure out their problems on their own.

"Uncle Seb! Come play with us!" Griffin ran over to you two pulling Sebastian outside where you noticed most of your family was now. Griffin pulled Sebastian to where your nieces and nephews except the oldest three were playing soccer. You sat down next to Justin who was feeding nora.

"The kids seem to love him. I've never seen Oliver this outgoing around an adult that isn't one of us." He said watching as Oliver kicked the soccer ball to Sebastian.

"Yeah." You agreed watching as Luna blocked the ball from the diy goals that were set up in the front yard. They were just arches made out of some extra wood from a project your parents did a while ago those arches have been their since you were six. There were two that we're across from each other.

"You finally found a good guy sis." Matt said as he sat down next to you. "And he's good with kids."

You watched as the three teenagers who formerly inside came out to join their cousins/siblings. "He's got the teens playing with the little kids! I can't even get Grayson to watch Griffin for a few minutes." Mike said joining the three of you.

"Why aren't you out there? Your the pro at playing soccer with them." Jonathan said walking over. You shrugged watching as Hazel kicked the ball to Sebastian it accidentally hitting him in the crotch. He let out a groan that your couldn't hear as he fell to the ground.

"Sorry!" Hazel exclaimed as you ran down to them.

"You okay babe?" You asked Sebastian.

"Yeah just need a break." He said staying in his position on the grass groaning.

"You killed him." Samantha said jokingly to her sister.

"I didn't mean too!"

"Girls he'll be fine he's just being a big baby." You joked. Sebastian glared at you finally sitting up before you tackled you smirking at you.

"Dogpile on Aunt y/n!" Samantha exclaimed before jumping onto Sebastian's back making you and your boyfriend groan. The rest of your nieces and nephews joined besides Nora for obvious reasons. Unbeknownst to you and Sebastian, Colleen took a photo.

"Okay can I be free now?" You asked.

"No!" Griffin said.

"You have to give us cookies before dinner!" Oliver said.

"Okay fine but you can't tell my brothers or your moms." You agreed. The kids got off and ran into the house ready for their cookies. Your brothers were all gonna go home with their families before dinner so this was the only chance for your nieces and nephews to get their cookies.

"So doll you said that would make or break me how did I do?" Sebastian asked holding himself above you with his hands on either side of your head.

"You did great even my brothers admitted it." You said smiling. "Now come one there are thirteen kids waiting for cookies it's going to become a riot if they don't get any." You said as Sebastian got off helping you up.

The rest of the day went great your brothers and sisters-in-law loved him, the kids adored him. It is now Thanksgiving, your brothers and their families are already here the kids, you, and Sebastian watching the parade on Tv. You leaned against Sebastian 's shoulder as your nieces and nephews excitedly pointed at the floats. Nora was sat your lap sucking on a binky as she watched her brothers and cousins go crazy over the floats.

"Doll when are we gonna have one of these?" Sebastian asked looking down at the baby.

"Not for awhile Stan." You said bouncing the baby. You actually loved being the cool aunt that didn't have any kids of her own especially when sometimes during the summer you get to bring your older nieces and nephews back to New York with you for the summer which they always love. It's really only when you don't have any filming going on.

"But come on I think Nora wants a new cousin." He smirked at you.

"I think she should beg her other aunts and uncles for one then." You said.

"Please I want a cousin close to my age!" He lifted the baby up the his face her facing you as he did a baby voice.

"Not happening." You laughed taking you niece back. "Keep dreamin babe. But you gotta put a ring on my finger before you put a baby in me." You looked but at your nieces and nephews who were laughing and playing around.

"Will you marry me." He whisper pulling a ring pop out of a candy bowl your parents had in the living room for the kids. You couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry but I like my jewelry not to be edible." You joked trying to take the ring.

"No! You don't get the ring you said no!" He pouted.

"Hey love birds! Stop flirting while you have my daughter on your laps!" Justin said walking over and taking the baby from you. "I'm sorry baby that must have been scary."

"Okay okay Justin." You laughed. "We won't flirt anymore.

"Speak for yourself. I can't resist it." Sebastian said pulling you closer to him making you laugh.

"Whatever Y/n Mom wants you in the kitchen."

You stood giving you boyfriend a smile before walking into the kitchen. "Yes mom?" You asked.

"Can you and Sebastian go down to the basement to kid the kids table and chairs?" She asked not looking up at you from the turkey.

"Okay." You turned around going to the living. "Seb come help me get the kids table and chairs." You said peaking into the living. You saw your sister in laws and brothers now there talking to your boyfriend.

"Coming doll." Sebastian stood up walking over to you before following you to the basement door.

"Into the dungeon." You said opening it to reveal some rickety looking stairs.

"Gonna lock me down here? My fans will notice I'm gone though." Sebastian laughed following you.

"Maybe I will." You laughed going over to a fold up table. "Here's the table let's get it up stairs." You said lifting a end of it. He grabbed the other end and the two of you brought it up the stairs. You set it in the dining room before going back to the basement to grab the chairs. After you finished grabbing everything, Levi and Jasper stole Sebastian to go play outside with while you set the table up. You sighed finishing setting up the table before going out the back door to see all of your nieces and nephews crowding around your boyfriend, him holding two of them, Jasper was on his back while he held Griffin on his hip. You couldn't help but smile before taking a photo of them for Instagram you captioned it happy thanks giving then posted it tagging Sebastian, your brothers, and your sister in laws in it. Your oldest three niece and nephews have Instagrams but you never tag them in your posts deciding to keep them away from the unwarranted fame that comes from being a actress' niece and nephews. Your boyfriend looked at you smiling as Jasper jumped off his back and Leo tried to take his cousin's spot.

"When will we have one of those! You need a mini you running around the apartment." Sebastian whisper to you as you guys went back into the dining room where your family had been waiting.

"Okay love birds cut it out!" Jon said rolling his eyes as you sat down. You stuck your tongue out at him. (Add saying grace if your family does. Mine doesn't so I don't know how to do that)

The dinner was filled with laughter as everyone began talking about what had happened in the year you hadn't seen each other. You and Sebastian went into better detail on how you met. You met him two years ago a month after filming the movie you were in with Chris E. Your sister in laws asked about the movies he had been two of them knowing a lot about the Marvel movies he had been in because of their kids. Your mom shared as many embarrassing stories as she could. "When she was 4 she was the bossiest kid, she'd make the boys make be in mini movies with her, we still have some of those I'll find them." She said.

"Mom! No!" You whined laughing.

"I'm sure you were just as good of an actress back then as you are now." Sebastian said smiling at you. You shook your head.

"No the videos are so embarrassing." You mumbled.

"Yeah for all of us! You used to make us put your tiny ass pink dresses on." Matt said. They could never say no to you. So wearing a pink dress 7 sizes too small was something they did for you. You didn't fit into those dresses again until you was 13 because they stretched them out.

"You didn't have to say yes!" You laughed.

"None of us could say no to you! You would pull the puppy dog eyes then we'd be in dresses!" Justin said. Sebastian laughed knowing exactly what Justin meant. He could resist your puppy dog eyes either.

"Or our Halloween candy! You took all my snickers!" Mike said pouting.

"Your still mad at me for that! I did the dishes for a month to make it up to you!" You said laughing.

"Get over it babe." Kristina said. She knew all about this whole thing as she was friends with your brother most of your guys childhoods.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" Mike whined.

"She likes me more!" You teased sticking your tongue out at him. Sebastian watched fondly as you and your family joked and brought up old stories. He smiled every time you got embarrassed over a story your brothers and their wives decided to bring up. You looked over at him a smile so big that looked it hurt.

"Sebastian do you have any new roles? I already know y/n has a project coming up." Autumn asked you before taking a sip of her wine.

"Filming for Falcon and the winter soldier started a few months ago actually." Sebastian said beginning to talk about his role to which there was plenty input shouted from the kid's table from Grayson and the twins.

After dinner everyone watched a movie once it was over your brothers and their families went home then you and Sebastian retreated to your bedroom. "You told me you only use your puppy dog eyes on me." Sebastian said pouting at you.

"No I just implied that I never made it a fact." You smirked at him hugging him. "You know maybe we should have a baby. The world need another Stan." You thought aloud. Though you probably only thought that due to the fact you got baby fever everytime you were around your brothers kids.

"Really?" Sebastian looked down at you beaming with delight.

"Sure why not?" You said closing your eyes as you rested you head on his chest.

"Maybe we should start trying." He smirked as your eyes popped open and glared at him.

"No! My family is still here." You said. "We'll start trying for a baby when we get home." You muttered.

"But why not a headstart." He pushed a little harder jokingly, he, in reality, didn't mind waiting but he liked how you looked when you got annoyed he found it cute.

"Because my parents are down stairs!"

"They won't hear." He teased smiling at you as you scrunched you eyebrows up glaring at him. "Chill baby I'm joking." You sighed laying you head on his chest once again.

"You better be." You mumbled yawning.

"Come on baby let's get you ready for bed." He kissed your forehead smiling at you. He was immensely happy with you agreeing to start a family.

You woke up the next morning remembering your talk with Sebastian and you couldn't help but smile. Especially when you began thinking about what your family's reactions were gonna be. You knew your brothers would be excited for another niece or nephew, you parents would be a little iffy as you want to start before marriage, the kids would love having another cousin, and your sisters in law have been saving their kids clothing for you since each of their youngests except Elizabeth's grew out of them. You rolled over to look at Sebastian but found that he wasn't there. You furrowed your brows before climbing out of bed to make your way downstairs to find him, but first you got dressed. As you were making your way to the stairs you could hear talking from downstairs. You made it to the kitchen where Colleen was smiling ear to ear at you with Sebastian sitting next to her with a guilty look on his face, your parents weren't in the room but you could hear them talking in the living room.

"Your trying for a baby!!! Your gonna be a mom!" Colleen squealed jumping up and down giving you a hug.

"How did you find that out?"

"I let it slip on accident." Sebastian gave you an apologetic smile.

"Colleen you can't tell anyone!" You said.

"Fine but when you find the gender out! I have some adorable clothes from each of my kids you can have!"

"Thank you." You chuckled before going to sit down by Sebastian. "Good job."

"I didn't mean to."

"It's fine babe." You said giving him a kiss.

"You guys are so in love you two better make me a bridesmaid at the wedding." Colleen said before leaving to kitchen.

By the time the week ended your family grew attached to Sebastian. Your oldest three niece and nephews were definitely the most attached enjoying to ask him questions about the marvel movies and their favorite actors from the franchise Sebastian was a little butt hurt he wasn't any of theirs favorites. Your younger nieces and nephews loved him, the girls all managed to get him dressed up as a princess with a tutu and all. You obviously posted a photo of him and your nieces all dressed up. Your older brothers were definitely grateful that he was the guy you brought home knowing you have had plenty of failed relationships in the twelve years since you left town. Your sister-in-laws were more then happy to welcome into the family even before you brought him and their opinions on him didn't change.