#7x1 misşing scene

[spotsandsocks]

Holding Me Up 688 words

7x1 missing scene for you… this hit me this morning because Eddie’s face as he stands against that wall has broken me. He needs a hug. If anyone has the gif and wants to add it for me please do I have no skill in that area! Spoilers for 7x1 obviously .Tagging some friends who might be interested under cut hope you don’t mind 😊

The wall pressed against his back isn’t warm, it isn’t cold. It just is. It’s just there.It’s holding him up. It’s keeping him hidden. It’s protecting him, just like it’s protecting Chris.

It’s keeping them safe from each other's pain. It’s letting his kind, beautiful, gentle son share his hurt, something he hadn’t seen coming, at least not yet, with the best man he knows. The only person he can trust with this. The only person he wants to trust with this.

It’s letting him close his eyes and allow his own hurt to flow through him freely. It’s holding him up while the ache of it all tries to take him to the floor.

The pain of losing her not once but twice still hurts but not like it did then, he almost wishes it did, his own pain is easier to bear than his; than Christopher’s words, his confusion and doubt. His fear and anger that he wasn’t enough to make her stay. That he’s lost his mother a third time now as her voice slips from his mind. As the gentleness of her fingers, the warmth of her arms and the scent of her disappears from his world. Christopher’s pain is unbearable but he faces it and allows every ounce of the agony to be felt.

The wall pressed against his back isn’t warm, it isn’t cold but is strong and he’s so very grateful for it.

Buck talks gently, so much understanding and compassion in his voice. So much love. Eddie asked Buck to do this and he came without question, jumped straight in. Buck has stayed with him, stood beside him and had his back for years.

Buck holds him up as much as this wall does.

Eddie stands still, aching and hurting as the two people he loves most talk softly to each other. He knows what he needs to do so he walks away to do it.

*

Buck finds him of course, with a quiet knock on the bedroom door and a even quieter ‘hey’

He looks up from the envelope in his hand. Buck’s lips are curled into a sad smile, his eyes are sad too.

“You heard.”

It’s not a question but he nods silently, tears in his eyes.

“I’ve had this for years now.” He looks back at the rectangle of paper in his hand. It’s easier than looking at Buck. “It’s from Shannon, she wrote it for him when she left.”

As he walks past Buck in the doorway, he pauses and allows himself to take comfort from the touch of a hand on his arm. Strong and warm and his. Theirs. He always has been.

Buck squeezes once then lets go so he can go and do what needs to be done.

*

Nothing hurts like your child’s pain.

Eddie leaves his son to his homework and walks away. There’s nothing else to do. He’s been hurt before by the things that have hurt Christopher but not like this. Nothing’s hurt as much as the words he’d shared with Buck, the way he discarded the letter or the way the photo of his mother was placed down on his desk.

He finds himself standing in the bright light of his living room, heart breaking for his baby boy’s broken heart.

“Eds?”

Buck.” Here. In front of him, waiting.

“He didn’t read it. Didn’t even open it.”

“He will, just give him time.”

He nods once, Buck’s right, Chris will read it and he’ll understand what happened a little better, he won’t understand everything, not yet but he’ll get there.

It’s still unbearable to see your child in such pain but he bears it because he has to and because he’s being held up again, not by a wall this time but by arms and a strong warm body, pulling him close and holding him tight.

Buck hugs him and whispers in his ear. “He’s a good kid and you're a great dad. It’ll be ok. It’ll all be ok.”

Eddie wraps his arms around the man who’s always been there for him and believes him.

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