#5 1/2 hours left
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I'm about half an hour into the third episode, and I see a bunch of people in the chat saying that the Gods never explain themselves, which sure, could be a valid criticism. But they have said that destroying a God is different than replacing them via ascending because their mantel of power won't be upheld. The Matron killed/replaced/erased? the previous God of Death and took their place. It has been heavily implied/ basically outright stated that the Factorum Malleus (God Hammer) would not just be the end of the Gods, but the end of their domain which does NOT just affect said God, but also all mortals, who are their creations. The phrase "never have existed" has been thrown around a couple times. If the Gods never existed, with no one to take their place in the weave, guess what, neither has anyone on Exandria, ever. That's my read on the situation anyway. Cause and Effect: Gods create mortals, no Gods ever, no mortals ever. To use a pertinent quote, it's very Wibbly wobbly timey wimey.
They also said that there are things beyond our mortal comprehension that exist outside this world that would take the combined might of ALL the Gods to defeat. Now, that "beyond mortal comprehension" bit can come off as condescending for sure, but what if it's literally just the truth and they genuinely can't explain it to us more specifically than a general outline. Go back to the beginning of episode 1 of Downfall, we couldn't even comprehend their NAMES. They were/are impossible fractal patterns and balls of light and sensation and sound and thunder and fire. Imagine all the other things that we just physically cannot process.
Imagine trying to teach quantum physics to an ant. You like the ant, the ant is really cool, and charming, and fun to be around. You love the ant and think it's great. You're very proud of the ant's achievements. The ant has impressed you with its skills. You want to protect the ant and you also want to protect yourself. You aren't trying to be a dick. But it's still an ant. How ARE the Gods supposed to translate the untranslatable Eldridge Monstrosities that lurk beyond? The things that, were you to grasp a fraction of their reality, they would break your mind and leave you a drooling mess on the floor, clawing at your head with madness. Other than by saying; 'look, there are layers here you don't understand, and also threats that require all of us to combat. Shit's complicated, sorry.'
This is all in addition to the "the Gods are a fractured family and would rather put each other in jail than murder each other" thing. Which honestly, that's fair. If someone I loved went off the deep end and started killing innocent people, I too would rather put them in jail than murder them. And many things can be true at the same time. They can both long to be a family again AND have legitimate/strategic reason for not killing each other. Not wanting to kill your family doesn't automatically make you a liar or a bad person lol. The prime deities DID choose saving mortals over getting along at thanksgiving with the betrayers and a lot of people seem to be forgetting that. From what I can tell, it would have been super easy for them to be like, 'ah fuck it, fine. Have it your way bro. Smush the ants if it means that much to you.' But they didn't.
#critical role#cr downfall#exandrian pantheon#episode 3#aeor#ludinus da'leth#metaphysics#the matron of ravens#factorum malleus#incomprehensible horrors#eldritch abominations#prime deities#betrayer gods#campaign 3#bells hells#I have#5 1/2 hours left#of this and#brennan lee mulligan#is gearing up to hurt me#specifically#I'm not ready#lore#matt mercer#complicated relationships#complicated family dynamics#the wildmother#the lawbearer#the dawnfather#the archheart
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diversity win! your doomed greek tragedy ship is genderfluid!
#their fem forms are. incredibly self indulgent#hello beef and leaf i get off work at 5 ………#sqx. transgender georg. born a boy raised a girl ascended as a guy worshipped as a woman#my headcanon is that he xuan is identically genderfucked 1) it increases the er#um. the parallels. 2) its funny#not calling these their male and female forms cause i a#m a butch lesbian and that would be hypocritical#actually. you know what. the ones on the left are he/him and the ones on the right are she/her. hope this helps#sqx: COME ONNN MINGXIONG hx: fuck off i dont want to have a ‘girls night’ (spent an hour picking out their outfit and is applying makeup)#thats a faux bob. btw. sqx is very good at them by now#FUCK I FORGOT HE XUANS LIPSTICK. ... if the stars align ill fix it#tgcf#my art#art#tian guan ci fu#hob#heaven official’s blessing#beefleaf#🥩🍃#shi qingxuan#he xuan#ming yi
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wip posting just to get something out there, and it's def a mixed bag!! the only thing more inconsistent than my posting schedule is my art style RIP
#wip#yapping below#1. sinnohtrio group pic where nothing bad has happened yet... dedicated sinnoh post coming soon#2. personalizing dawn and lyra's togekisses with different coloring and markings based on region. there's lyra's omelette :]#3. timeskip red and leaf except it's just pikachu#4. top left is all the assets i made for my cs final project! a little cherrim themed browser game#then there's sprites for my champion dawn; cool concept methinks but it's definitely a work in progress. peep the giratina hairclips#some vaugely lugia/ho-oh inspired protag ideas for a hgss sequel#anddd a bunch of background doodles. goldenrod flower shop and a very saturated mt. silver#in timeskip there shall be a proper town at mt. silver's base to officially bridge kanto and johto (and make lyra's work commute easier)#5-7 is me spitballing ideas abt pokemon biology#dratini & dragonair are forever sea snakes to me!!! though i do enjoy the amphibian interpretations#also i didn't know dragonite island was already a thing from pokeani... rip wyverse dragon master lore#i think crobat looks goofy no matter how you stylize it. silver and his big bumbling bat that insists on grooming its trainer. so unserious#there's a togekiss page too but then i remembered egg groups are a thing so i'm revising parts of it#i spent so long trying to come up with a reasonable wing-to-body ratio for togekiss and crobat. literally useless when dragonite can#apparently fly around the globe in 16 hours. are you Kidding me. dragons weren't even merging with jet planes until gen 3.#OK that is all. sorry for the lack of uploads wah#i'm like a ferret hoarding all my doodles until the quantity > quality lever switches in my brain to give the 👍 to post#i did made a spam blog but who knows if i'll actually post on there lol! probably for non-pkmn related stuff
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Me messaging my boss usually: of no in sorry I haven't quite finished the 6 hour piece of work you gave me an hour ago!!!! maybe I could work late and finish it after work?
Me responding to my boss asking anything of me today, my last day and the day after they tried to discipline me for mentioning unions: do it yourself or fuck off and die lol, furthermore bosses get the guillotine
#red said#WAIT RUTH CAN YOU MAKE SURE YOU FINISH THIS BEFORE YOU GO?#1) physically no. there's like 5 hours left where i have this laptop i cannot do 50 hours of work in it#2) why would i want to? literally why? you had one piece of leverage#which was extending my notice a week. and you've already made it clear a) that you won't#and b) that you don't respect me or care about my wellbeing beyond vague lipservice#so literally why would i do more than the bare minimum today? i don't owe you shit.
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ghost story premiere day! check @melliotwrites for more info
#*there's less than a day left* me: does this count as a prediction :33 sorry it's vague i just predict Vibes. stream sheep in wolf country#last several hours i can post this before it comes across as a Reading Comprehension Cringefail! due to the new update (premiere)#which is also to say i've rushed it in the last 24h after cc told me ''go for it''. i haven't digitally rendered like this since i was 15#in lieu of character designs falling into my lap from above i give you wolf & sheep & wolf & sheep. also House. also fire and water concept#brought to you by (1) general excitement i've been swept up in // (2) cc; who i messaged yesterday with a sketch on a half-wet receipt#and was an enabler of this nonsense // (3) copious usage of the procreate liquify tool and eyedropping colours from the pinterest boards#(4) '' rotatable 👍 '' from cc which means that the house in water isn't beset by reflections and vague. and this work is rotatable.#bonus points if you treat both sides as a spot the difference game.#tempted to print this out as like a6 merch. lowkey. // (4) me rendering last minute on the last possible day [art proj flashbacks] //#(5) ghost story art draft 1 i did like dec last year involving a shelf; incense sticks; peeling paint; spilled cup; the whole shebang -#if you look at the water house there's incense sticks in the window. yippee! had fun with that... it never made it out of sketch.#and then i lost the paper. alas. sorry i guess that was fated to never be. here's attempt 2.0 with months of hindsight#anyways let's talk really quick about song assocs! water imagery @idk you anymore // sheep in wolf country!! pretty obv. above#there's a house & there isn't a house. much House. idk how else to put it. // also that one timeline (not a song) saying <house burns down>#incense sticks mentioned in i breathe in you breathe out // the lighting for the field of grass comes from there's a house:#'where the grass looks like fire sick with anticipation'. also in the same song: pond mentioned 💥💥 body of water moment //#also also the house in this work is like. if you took the ghost story header & the ghost story programme houses and smushed them tgt#except i was lazy to render wood that clearly. and last note here is that the smoke was kinda insp from how clouds are done in chinese art.#ghost story musical
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my webfishing art feature is glitched the hake out but we go forth anyway
I LOVE THEM!!! beautiful shapeshiftercore life <3
#art#pokemon fanart#pokemon#zorua#hisuian zorua#hello pokemon and webfishing community#webfishing#webfishing art#:) i freaking. Adore these guys.#learning how to draw in webfishing. this was my uhhh. 1 2 3 4... 5th drawing in the game#spent 1 and a half hours on this#I LOVE THEM!!! THEYRE SO FUCKING AWESOME#no id#because i need to sleep i dont have the brainpower#WOOOO!!! i love you limited color palettes#pixel art#it causes my perfectionism to fester but still... love it#have a good one <3 im sleepang.#i had to redraw the left corner of u zorua so much because it kept getting covered by h zorua's face duplicate. sobs. the glitch#mostly had fun though :)#u zorua's face FOUGHT me. as did both of their cheek fluffs. and eyelashes. and eyes. yeah#(this was actually the first post i drafted. not the sonic one. so im way more of a yapper here whoops)#(also bc i spent more time drawing this)#thank you winchi for the original music and the yttd fanmusical it carried me through from the very start of my drawing hours#ive listened to the yttd fanmusical like over 5 times tonight HGHRGDNF
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who needs encouraging fathers when you can get fortune cookies that tell you you're doing a good job and that it'll all be okay
#nvm. the second fortune told me to suck it up and work harder. this is exactly like having a father.#this post is very deeply joking and unserious as I tend to be btw lmao.#shitpost hours#idk if I ever mentioned this before but my stepfather literally has a gridded map of our yard for the annual easter egg hunt.#he maps out where he put all of them (over 100 eggs. 25 for each sibling). [big yard. backs up into the woods.]#I think he had it on excel one year.#I only escaped doing the egg hunt a few years ago. I am in my twenties.#you guys know that scene from Psych where shawn's like 'dad you literally dug an egg 2 feet underground one year#and still expected me to find it' and the dad was like 'ok well i left loose dirt to indicate a dig'? yeah. it's that lmfao.#I love him but GOD. not easy being the only type b person in the family lmfao.#like. that's FUN for them. for me it feels like boot camp but they're all having a great time I guess#they're all very 'give 110% all day every day' type people and i'm like. idk. i think 36% sounds nice. doesn't 36% sound nice?#anyways. I truly believe that oversharing online is okay if it's kinda funny. also this is not new information lmao.#like. oh noooo the internet knows that i'm a bisexual with daddy issues. there's only like 5 billion of those on tumblr 😭#that's like 1/4th of the entire userbase so i think it's okay to disclose lmfao.#I am NOT unique in any way shape or form ✌️#anyways. back to finals work but tomorrow i'll catch up on dms/etc lol
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i’m literally 80 hrs in to bg3 and i haven’t even started act 2 yet asdfghjkl
update: apparently it’s actually almost 85 hours 😅
#idk when i became obsessed with 100%ing stuff before moving on but here we are#*technically* i entered act 2 for like half a second#from grymforge#so i got the steam achievement for it#but then i immediately left and went back to act 1 to take the mountain pass#and go to the githyanki crèche#and it’s been 5 hours since then and i’m still there lmao#i’m starting to believe that act 2 isn’t real#it’s all some elaborate prank everyone’s pulled on me#it’s been like a week now where every single day i think#todays the day i get to act 2!#and then it doesn’t happen#AGAIN#i will update this with my playtime when i actually enter act 2 for real#wanna take bets on if it’s under or over 100 hours? asdfgjkllg#bg3#op
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Recent images I suppose ~
#First one is THE LONG series of GEESE that fly by!!! my aforementioned friends... Or I think I referenced them in tags of some post#days ago. and how I love watching them. See how many there are? And multiple of these will go by. It's like hundreds of them.#Then just the sky because I love the sky. My hair looking ridiculous as it always does when I brush it out of the four big braids I always#keep it in to keep it out of the way lol. I just find it silly how small it can be all braided up and then as soon as it is Released and#combed then it poofs into some sort of swamp dwelling wizard style.#Then... a daily word count... have been so busy the past week that I sadly haven't written much but I'm WORKING on it. Still on the blasted#'odd jobs' tasks sections which were SUPPOSED to be very quick and short. but.. alas.. Though I am on basically the last one. You go work#for one of the enchanting specialists in the city (very important in society since a majority of people cannot do that type of magic) and#basically he just works so much he has no time for a social life so he hires random people to sit with him in the afternoons doing menial#tasks. You show up thinking you'll help with some Important Job or something but hes just like 'no... peel this apple for me.. :)' lol#Edit note: arrgh just had to fish a slippery avocado pit out of a narrow garbage disposal drain with a chopstick. felt like some#sort of taskmaster challenge or something.. gods... I know some people just reach into them. I guess maybe#my hand would fit?? but... erm... scary. what about Sharp Things in there or something.. also Sludge of some sort perhaps.#ANWYAY.. interruption... I got up to go to the kitchen in the middle of typing my tags... lol..#Next image is SLEEPING boye.. And then PIGEONS!!!!!!!!!! my beloveds...#Oh then the giant evil hole in my bathroom ceiling which is STILL not fixed and the repair people still have to come back again.. BUT they#did have this terrible industrial dehumidifier thing they put in the bathroom and just left here for like 5 days and it was like a noisy#hairdryer going at all times and raised the heat in the bathroom from 65F to 76F in like two hours so.. I'm glad at least at their#last arrival they've finally taken it away.... the Noise Beast... silence in my house at last...#though I am still plagued by Mysterious Hole.. the plastic wrap rustles sometimes when I'm in there.... go away...#Ah. Then a delightful little lemon poppyseed muffin someone didn't want and then gave to me. Which was interesting since I haven't#had one in soooo long even though its like a very Classic Flavor.. I do quite like them though now that I've had one again. :0c#Lastly.. mushrooms. I think it's the mushroom season here. Everywhere you go outside there's some new manner of fungus#having popped up from nowhere. I like the variety of all their little shapes. These in particular have an interesting wispy curled layers#sort of look to them. Almost like a shaggy hairstyle that's curled up at the ends or something. They seem neat to draw perhaps.#Okay.. that is all.. I still have literally like 2 costumes and 12 outfits and I think 1 sculpture? to post.. but I am so busy this is#what I can manage for now I suppose lol... quick pictures that don't really take any sorting or cropping or editing lol#photo diary
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small update
ok so um I got my number theory paper today, and the TA had cut marks for me because i left the answer at 66^2 and not 4356 (fermat's little theorem) 😔 I even wrote the full proof
my friend told me I should mail the TA about this, I got 14/20 and should be getting 17or18/20 😔
scores aside, number theory is so much fun, so much fun. the only good thing here is that I know the concepts well, and I fully knew the paper (still fucked it up, because I'm so frickin slow while writing and time). and it hurts worse because there's not enough proof that validates my knowledge. which in turn makes me question if i actually do have any.
I am, in general, a person who does well in concepts but screws up the exams (70% of the time) and I'm trying, I'm trying to get myself out of this "exam paniK" that I often spiral into, just minutes before the exam. I hope I change and grow; I hope, I hope.
#im so sorry for this meltdown once again#so sorry#and for the paper - many people got 20#it was actually a very easy paper and yes 20 was doable#even i could've gotten a 20 had i not screwed up the way i did#and i feel so bad to even say “had i not screwed up...” the excuse sounds horrible to my ears#well what is done is done#i can only try better next time#this course might just end up being the easiest to get an A#let's hope that I don't fuck up this one too#after seeing my paper i just returned it and came back#and my friend was like “ok. why did u not ask them why you've lost so much when the concepts are all right there on your paper?”#and i was like “um so should i ask them?” she went “YES.”#but by the time i went back to the hall the TAs had left so i have to mail mine now#and im very worried that she wouldn't change the current grading#last time i missed an A in math by 1/2 marks and i don't want the same thing to happen this time 😔😔#oh god ONE good thing can help me right now please#ru's trying#JUST 1 good thing#just give me ONE#i was so out of sorts today i slept for ~5 hours during the day and missed my calc class#i deliberately missed it though bc i wasn't feeling up to mark#i regret not going but my brain simply said no we're not there atm so maybe it was for the better#once again im so so SO sorry for the meltdowns lately#it's been bad rains and cloudy days in my head for a while now#i hope for the sun soon
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New Employee aquired today
My manager: Hey Grace maybe you can show NE some things, but don't overwhelm her
Me:
Me: so like. make sure it's not a repeat of my first day???
#like maam ive worked here for barely a month you know this#and my first ever shift was 8 hours and CLOSING#i did a lil bit of everything my first day why do you think im so adaptable to what you need now???#anyways i had NE help shred chicken cause we needed more and then i couldnt even use it bc we were out of the salad kit 🙃#today twas a long day#i was supposed to do subs but literally worked on salads all day cause we were so short staffed#a coworker who YESTERDAY asked for a shift today never showed up. our manager had to open and was barely through salads when i got there#(3 hours after open)#me and manager tackled customer service and did as many tasks as we could (specifically distress and make salads)#(i learned how to do temps)#morning cook stayed late WITHOUT TAKING A BREAK to bring back some stuff we needed#closing cook got sick and left when me and NE did leaving i assume 2 store managers (maybe just 1) and one coworker to close#we so short staffed they had a job fair JUST FOR OUR DEPARTMENT.#anywho#ive also been up technically since 1-2am. i got extra 1 hour between then and 5:30am before i had to get up. i went to bed at 9pm#so. ive been tired all day but since i dont have work tomorrow im gonna stay up late and chill#amber's shit you can ignore
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*breathing harder than if i'd run a marathon* finished wild blue yonder rewatch...dear god
#it took me like 5 days?? 😭#this was the second time i saw it first when it aired dear fucking GODDD#i finished it in 1 night then but it still took several hours#only 1 episode with 14 left ougfhfufhdudhfdjdjndjnx🥺#saddest creature in existence fr i cant protect him......#BUT top 3 best scenes of all time incoming (toymaker dance sequence)#also 15 soon holy shit... AND only 2 months til s14. still with no release date😐#doctor who#dw lb#wild blue yonder#14th doctor
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I did my first grandmaster quest in osrs tonight :)
#I decided to just play some runescape to chill out with after infinite wealth but this was not very chill :P#I had exactly zero doses of my healing and restore potions and was very close to using my emergancy teleport with the boss at 50 hp left#Glad I didn't cuz those potions cost way too much to restock frequently xD#Think one full inventory of 6 super restores and 20 sara brews costs around 350k#That's a good 2-3 hours of money making for me depending what I feel like doing#I also spent about 4.5million gold on getting the better trident and a mage necklace#So my cash stack is not looking very healthy right now xD#I got all the way up to the final 3 fights a few nights ago but didn't have the money to get enough supplies#I did die to the final boss 1 time tonight and nearly lost my stuff trying to get back and fell down a pit 5 times in a row xD
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I got lazy and didn't request a refill of my Sertraline as soon as I should have. And then when I did request it my doctor didn't answer for a full weekend (I had to ask again) so I ran out.
But also during this same timeframe I've been dealing with recovering from yet another dental surgery so I was like I'll be in too much pain to even notice any withdrawal symptoms and hopefully I'd finally get the refill before it got bad.
Well.
3 or 4 days without a dose, I can get my refill tomorrow, but I've had withdrawal brain zaps for almost 2 days. Yayyyy...
#don't be like me kids. request a refill when you have like 5 doses left. not 2.#though honestly i don't know why my doctor didn't respond to my request on thursday and then he responded today#and now i'm like oh ok so if you'd answered me thursday my refill would have been ready friday and i'd avoid withdrawal#but instead i didn't get a response till a few hours after i followed up monday. and it was ready by the end of the day#(though i couldn't get to the pharmacy today before they closed) so i'll make my way over tomorrow#and yeah i could have avoided this withdrawal if 1) i reached out when i had more than 2 doses left. or 2) doctor answered me thursday.#and of course since the brain zaps started over 24 hours ago it's not going to go away until like 24 hours after i take my next dose#and i'm sad about that since i wanted to walk around tomorrow and it's hard to walk around when your brain is zapping constantly#with every small movement even slightly turning my head or taking a really really big breath
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it's just like that huh.
#grandma passed away suddenly last night around 2am. at the hospital after collapsing that evening.#her 2 sons [my dad + uncle] and grandpa were there with her. peaceful#aunt will be here within a few hours [lives 6-7 hours away; was gonna drive straight to whatever hospital they were gonna airlift her to-#-but it was over before that happened. all in about 5 hours. nobody knew it was gonna happen before it did#I've got just 1 grandma & 1 grandpa left now. one on each side.#🍋🟩#the other passing was before i was born so it's. still new somehow. ah.
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Stockholm here we fucking go!!!
#kirke’s inner dialog#we are road-tripping#currently got like 5 1/2 hours left I think??#in the car with me. mama kirke and my older sister#this is going to be grand#already been on the road for awhile but we are in Sweden!
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