#40 years of careless whisper

[louisbxne]

GEORGE MICHAEL

Careless Whisper (1984)

[gods-favorite-autistic]

hoping u die🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

And yet you still follow me…wonder what’s that about

[daistea]

𝙼𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚞𝚗 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚁𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜

gn!reader

word count: 3,000 :o !

Mild Spoilers! Sfw-ish

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

What Do The Canaries Think?

Before you can date Mithrun, you must first defeat his five evil exes. (The Canaries.)

Depending on your background, Pattadol may either be suspicious of you or happy that you’re with the Captain. If you have her trust, she’s generally quite supportive. She cares for Mithrun like how a fresh out of highschool over-achieving kid that just got a job at the local dumpy gas station cares for their chain-smoking 40 year old manager that handles all the rude customers. That is, not quite a big brother, but not quite simply a coworker. Pattadol is one of the first to recognize Mithrun’s feelings for you. She generally stays out of his business, though, and is your savior when it comes to dealing with the other Canaries. Defeat her with the power of kindness and sensibility. Or not. She’ll respect Mithrun’s decision no matter what. 

Cithis does not like you, not unless you do something to earn her respect. It’s not personal, she just sees you as a nuisance, a fly buzzing around the Captain's head; except he’s decided to keep the fly as a pet for some reason. She’s the first to notice Mithrun’s feelings and it honestly surprises her. On occasion, she’ll whisper horrible little things about you to Mithrun in an attempt to irritate him— things like “Oh look, they’re smiling so sweetly at someone else. Doesn’t that drive you mad?” Mithrun doesn’t react, simply casting her a glance. “No, it doesn’t,” he says. Cithis gives him a look and his good eye flickers away in thought. “A bit,” he corrects himself. She doesn’t push him too far, though. She will try to establish her dominance over you. Defeat her with the power of stubbornness and determination. 

Fleki doesn’t care. She will make fun of both you and Mithrun and ask a lot of invasive, embarrassing personal questions just for funsies. Mithrun doesn’t mind the questions at all, but if they make you uncomfortable then he’ll tell her to stop. She thinks it's funny to interrupt your alone time and be a third wheel. However, if anyone criticizes you or your relationship, she’s one of the first to defend you. Defeat her with the power of a sense of humor and maybe drugs or an interesting toy to distract her. 

Lycion does not like you. It is personal. He’s simply protective and jealous. It’ll take him a while to warm up to the idea of you and the Captain being together, no matter what you do. Just give him time. He won’t go so far as to try and break you up, but you’ll notice him sometimes watching you coolly, his face calm but his eyes analytical, observing your every move. Beneath that stare, you feel like a rabbit being stalked by a wolf. Once he warms up to you, he joins Fleki in asking invasive questions. You almost wish he still disliked you… Defeat him with the power of patience and a thick skin. 

Otta doesn’t care either. If you’re part of a short-lived race, she’ll have slight affection for you and be the most understanding about your relationship with Mithrun— if you die years before Mithrun, Otta is the one who supports and pities him, rather than just being confused as to why he falls apart afterwards like the others are. If you’re long-lived, she doesn’t care about your relationship as much, it isn’t nearly as interesting to her then. Otta does not need to be defeated.

 You’ve defeated the Canaries! What awaits you now?

Mithrun has been in relationships before, but not in the last forty-ish years. Not since The Incident. Before The Incident he was quite charming, a little careless, and kind of a bad boyfriend. He had so many red flags. He hid them well, though, and nobody really got close enough for him to feel comfortable dropping his facade, so the red flags generally stayed hidden. Toxic bf Mithrun was real. 

He’s been in relationships. He’s slept with people. He thinks he knows what to do and for the first time in forever, he considers doing those things again. With you. The feeling may be a bit dim and uncomfortable for him, something that must be cultivated, but post-ending Mithrun isn’t about to ignore it. 

Pre-ending Mithrun is a bit more stubborn, though. Most think he doesn’t feel anything, but he does. He feels empathy for dungeon lords, he can be surprised, he can be irritated, he can be desperate when it comes to his goals. Most emotions are dimmed, though, and it would take him a while to recognize what’s happening when he starts falling in love. And when he does recognize it, it kind of irritates him. It’s a distraction. It’s useless to him. But he doesn’t really do anything about it, if you want to cozy up to him then go ahead, just don’t get your hopes up. He will react physically, though, such as tensing when you touch him, grabbing you to pull you out of the way of danger, sometimes his stomach churns when you smile… He has no desire to question those things. 

Can you romance pre-ending Mithrun? Yes and no. Don’t expect much. Are your feelings requited? Yes and no. Don’t expect much. Can you get physical? Sometimes. Don’t expect much. 

Post-ending Mithrun is more willing to explore these feelings. The demon is dead, he’s… trying to live. He honestly planned to simply waste away once the demon was defeated— and that wouldn’t have even been satisfying, either, because killing the demon wasn’t his true desire. Now, he’s working on his view of himself and his existence. His desires aren’t going to just magically reappear in him, it will take a lot of work and patience. When a desire for you starts to grow, he closely examines it, curious. What is it about you that attracts him? It starts out in a cavalier manner, this new desire is simply there and he’s not going to do much about it. Then it starts to fester. Mithrun starts noticing more things about you, little stuff that he never would’ve bothered to see before. He starts taking note of how he physically reacts to your touch and presence. He may not have the desire to do things like eat or sleep, but he still experiences the physical repercussions of those things— collapsing from exhaustion, a growling stomach. It’s the same with your touch. A skip of his heart, heat in his stomach, his gaze lingering on you whenever you’re near.

The desire grows and becomes undeniable. That’s when Mithrun starts to get a bit more emotional, a bit more desperate, a bit possessive. When he develops a desire for something, he digs his claws in and refuses to let go. 

It gets to the point where he just inserts himself into your life. He does it subtly and casually, without any passion or performance or drama. He’s just… there one day. How did his clothes get in your drawer? Don’t worry about it.

Mithrun thinks he knows what to do in a relationship since he was in a few before the dungeon. Except, he was a selfish, emotionally-closed off boyfriend. Fortunately, he doesn’t really have the desire to take the steps he used to take in relationships. He knows he should probably take you on dates, flirt with you, do the whole confession thing… 

He does not do those things. 

Not normally, at least. Mithrun simply figures that if you wanted a typical relationship, you wouldn’t be interested in a person like him. So he’s going to just do what he wants. 

What does he want, though? He doesn’t really want much of anything but you and maybe a few other little desires he’s cultivated. But in order to have you, he has to do things. What things? It suddenly hits him that no matter how much experience he had with relationships before the dungeon, things are different now and he’s basically starting over in that area. 

Mithrun decides to just simply do what feels right. 

His method of flirtation? Staring at you. Subtly touching you. Grabbing your wrist or waist and suddenly teleporting you both somewhere more private even though he knows you hate it when he teleports you without warning. 

Dates with Mithrun? Doing errands together. Him inviting you to his house and listening to you talk. 

A confession? No. You can ask Mithrun what you are, if you want, and he’ll say, “We’re in a relationship. Did you not notice?” He doesn’t even flinch. How long have you been dating? Neither of you really know. 

If you never ask what you two are, he’s never going to say anything unless the situation calls for it. You might find out randomly one day when he’s talking to a merchant and says, “I’ll buy this for my partner.”

"Who's your partner?" You ask.

Mithrun simply looks at you. He's thinking something but you can't quite tell what yet. Finally, he raises a brow, "You. Obviously."

Obviously.

Imagine that you have no clue you’ve been dating for years and one day he just slips a ring on your finger and tells you that the wedding is next weekend. 

Mithrun doesn’t have as many red flags as he used to, but there’s still a few. He can be a bit unsupportive sometimes. He can be apathetic. And possessive. 

His possessiveness is subtle and only really kicks in once he’s deeply in love. You’re only in Melini temporarily and have to return home? Oops your boat was destroyed, there’s chairs stuck in walls and planks hanging from the ceiling. You got another boat? Oops that one’s been mysteriously destroyed too. Another boat? Oops—

“Are you destroying my boats?” You ask. Mithrun doesn’t even glance up from his book when he answers, “Yep.” 

“Stop doing that.”

He finally looks up, his face blank as he meets your eyes. “No.”

He’ll stop if you insist but he’s going to be grumpy about it.

Mithrun trusts you, his possessiveness doesn’t come from a place of insecurity. He’s just finally found a desire, another reason to keep living, and he’s not going to let go of that. 

Yet, he's never really outwardly jealous. He doesn't make a scene. He doesn't start fights. But the person flirting with you feels this presence... like eyes on the back of their neck... like danger lurking from the shadows... They turn around and Mithrun is just standing there with his arms crossed.

He likes to teleport people away from you. Pattadol has asked him to stop because it's scaring the people of Melini. He just does it more subtly then.

Generally, a relationship with Mithrun is understated. Your connection runs deep but is unspoken. He says I Love You through soft touches, through the way he opens the door for you, by the way he stares, how he lingers, how he starts taking better care of himself so as to not worry you, how he gives you his cloak when you’re cold, how he gets a bit unhinged if you're hurt in the dungeon. Little things.

Domestic Headcanons

Mithrun actually has bad depth perception due to being blind in one eye. He’s learned how to deal with it, but on occasion you’ll playfully toss something at him and he’ll miss catching it by a longshot. You apologize profusely, but he doesn’t really mind. It is what it is. 

His sense of direction is worse. But he carries himself with such confidence and authority that people often ask him for directions. You’re usually leading the way when you go out.

Mithrun post-canon actually cooks a bit more than one would realize. His food isn’t good at first, but Senshi teaches him a bit and he gets better! Cooking together with you, or cooking for you, is one of his preferred activities. 

He’s very clean and tends to keep his house spotless. This also surprises people since they assume he would have no desire to clean. They’re right, he doesn’t have that desire, but he’s been trained to keep his surroundings clean. It’s just a habit, something he does robotically, automatically. 

FUN FACT: HIS EARS TWITCH. What’s left of them is still quite soft and he will, on occasion, let you touch them. They tend to twitch when he’s annoyed, droop when he’s sad, and perk up when he’s interested or curious, like all elf ears. If you blow on them, they’ll flicker like a cat’s, but he’ll usually pull away and give you a Look if you do that. 

Mithrun sleeps like a burrito. You don’t share blankets in bed, you need your own. Even in hot weather, he’s still wrapped up. 

He also tends to wake up late in the morning. 

He likes it when you play with his hair. If you don’t brush it for him, it won't get done and will start to tangle. On hot days, it’s good to pull his hair back into a little stubby ponytail to keep it off his neck.

Mithrun is a cuddler, surprisingly. He doesn’t like anyone else touching him, but he chooses to touch you. He likes wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, tangling your fingers together, and pulling you into his lap or sitting on yours.

If you’re smaller and lighter than him, he will not hesitate to manhandle you in certain situations. He’ll throw you over his shoulder, pick you up and set you down elsewhere, and carry you if you ask. You’re in front of the kitchen drawer he needs into? You’re getting lifted up without warning and set down outside the perimeters of the kitchen. He’s quite strong for an elf! 

If you’re the bigger one, feel free to manhandle him! He’s used to it. 

He teleports around the house. And his steps are light. It’s not his intention to scare you, though, that’s just what he does. 

The Canaries are in your house often. Fleki likes to sleep on your couch. Lycion likes to eat your food. Mithrun kicks them out eventually.  

He doesn’t really care about introducing you to his family, but once his brother finds out that he’s in a relationship, he wants to meet you! He has many stories to tell you about Mithrun's childhood.

There’s a chance that Mithrun has never met his biological father. He actually doesn’t care about that and has no desire to meet him. I headcanon that he doesn’t have a good relationship with his mother or her husband. While he’s generally let go of the resentment over being sent to the Canaries, he still doesn’t really want to interact with them. 

Modern Au Headcanons

He uses three in one shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. He used to have a hair care routine before the Trauma, but now it's more efficient to use the three in one. 

He isn’t allowed to drive. He’s your passenger princess. 

Mithrun would play bass. This information was given to me through a prophetic dream, soooo...

He was probably raised playing something fancy like harp, violin, or piano. But he never kept up with it. 

Mithrun can ballroom dance! Does he enjoy it? Not at all. But he can and will if you ask. 

He prefers cats. 

Mithrun drinks seven Red Bulls a day. Fleki sometimes pours Nyquil into his can and Mithrun proceeds to see The Hat Man. 

On occasion, he’ll smoke a cigarette. But he doesn’t like how it makes his clothes smell, so it’s rare. 

Hoodies, baggy jackets, jeans, and slip on dad-shoes are all that’s in his closet. 

You’re invited to his apartment… You walk in, and the living room is empty save for one folding chair with a television in front of it. Still, it’s spotless, clean, and smells of Windex. 

His fridge is empty aside from energy drinks— they do not give him energy— and bowls of ramen he never finished eating. 

Once he starts recovering from the Trauma, his fridge looks better and he cooks more often. 

Mithrun’s preferred video game of choice is Fallout New Vegas. Don’t ask me why, I just know. 

He also likes Legend of Zelda! His consoles and devices are old and he’s never caught up on new releases. 

His phone screen is insanely cracked but he never gets around to fixing it. 

He doesn’t answer phone calls. Even from his brother or the Canaries. He just doesn’t feel like it. Text him if you want his attention. 

Zero social media presence. However, if he wants to stalk someone— you— he has Cithis use one of her many burner/catfish accounts so she can do it and tell him the tea. 

He goes to the gym at two in the morning because he can’t sleep. 

No therapist, no antidepressants, just raw dogging life. 

He is weirdly good at Jeopardy. 

The Canaries meet every Saturday at a dingy bar near his apartment! Mithrun’s tolerance is low, though, so he doesn’t drink much. (Before the Trauma, he would regularly get white girl wasted.)

If he does drink too much, he just falls asleep. 

They also have monthly game nights! Mithrun is an absolute menace at Catan. The rest of the table is screaming, making deals, arguing with each other, but Mithrun sits there quietly, strategizing… The Canaries don’t actually care who wins, they just want Mithrun to lose. 

The Canaries will sometimes drag him to concerts, parties, or music festivals. He brings ear plugs and his Kindle. (You’re on stage, singing your hit song. The crowd is going wild, girls are screaming your name, begging for your attention. But then you see him… He’s not paying attention, he’s not looking for your approval. He’s just reading Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice in the middle of the crowd, his hair in a messy bun, his converse black. This guy is different… This guy is deep… You invite him backstage afterward. He insults your music, thinking it's for preps. His friends forced him to come and he'd rather be in his room, listening to mcr and reading books. Your infatuation with this quirky senior citizen only grows.)

My Relationship Playlist for Mithrun

Never Love an Anchor - The Crane Wives

Runner - Tennis

Metaphor - The Crane Wives

Feel Better - Penelope Scott 

Absence - Rio Romeo

Pearl Diver - Mitski

The Perfect Pair - beabadoobee

The Only Exception - Paramore

From Eden - Hozier

High and Dry - Radiohead

We’ll Never Have Sex - Leith Ross

How I’d Kill - Cowboy Malfoy

Curses - The Crane Wives

✧˖°

[lil-quinnie]

I'm not that innocent

part II

Stepdad!Eddie x F!reader

Warnings: STEPCEST, AGE GAP (Eddie's 40s and Reader is middle 20s) , daddy kink, oral (m receiving) , slight pet play, dom sub dynamic, degradation, cheating, bad family's relationship, nipple play, breast fucking, Lemme know if i forget something <3

Summary: Your mother left your stepfather alone and lonely on her birthday, the next morning you wanted to make his morning as easy as possible, that's what a good girl would do, isn't it?

picture of older eddie by: @eddiemunsons-missingnipple

You've known Eddie for almost five years now, ever since he started dating your mother when you were fifteen, your mother and he didn't know each other well when they had the brilliant idea of getting married and living together in less than three months of dating.

You didn't have to say how disastrous the whole get-together was inside the suburban house that used to be just yours and your mother's, and now in every room you looked there were traces of Eddie, from Mister Munson to you.

For two long years your Mother's marriage to Mr. Munson seemed like a fairy tale, he brought her flowers at least twice a week, cooked delicious dinners while your mother drank a (few) glasses of wine until they were both laughing and bumping into the hallway walls, giggling and whispering like two teenagers in love, it was cute you thought.

Things started to get bad on your 18th birthday. Eddie used to work in a big mechanic and managed to buy you an almost new car as a gift, your mother knew the whole plan and helped the man with every detail, from covering the car with an old sheet to blindfolding you and guiding you to the garage.

Maybe it was your reaction, maybe it was Eddie's hands hugging you back, hands in your lower back, maybe it was how you jumped and laughed causing your body and your stepdad's to brush against each other,your mother could see your braless chest squeezed on her sweaty husband, but something in her attitude has changed, both with you and with her husband.

Unlike your mother who is an extrovert, you were quiet, preferring to stay with your books and headphones. Your quiet nature caused your voice to be low and calm, which would explain your mother's sudden change after your explosive reaction , with her husband and not with her! Which ignited a flame of insecurity inside the head of the older woman who was always talking back to you for anything you said, who started to ignore you and made your life more difficult at every opportunity .

The situation for Eddie wasn't the best either, they fought over any and all nonsense and it always ended the same way, with him begging her to stay, while she kept saying terrible things to him, the ending was your mother slamming the front door in his face, going to god only knew where, as he sat in the dark room, face in his hands.

It didn't take long for rumors to start running around town. One day of carelessness and your mother was seen by a neighbor kissing a boy much younger than her. And from what you'd heard, it wasn't the first time.

That was 2 years ago, you didn't stick around long enough to find out if they were real or not, but you never understood why Eddie put up with it all and believed your mother's sarcastic voice when she denied the whole story.

Now, 2 years older than the last time you were here, you avoid that story as much as possible, of course the weekly calls home became monthly and soon you only called on major holidays, visiting was out of the question as money was tight and your job at the library college barely paid your rent. 

You wouldn't accept financial help from them even though they insisted, knowing what happened the time you accepted your old car.

Now, on your mother's 40th birthday, you were forced to be there, your mother even offered to pay for your plane ticket but you preferred to face the 9 hours on the road. When you arrived, to your -not- surprise, things weren't very different from how they were in your last days in this house.

Your mother was trying her best to maintain a not-so-fake smile as she waved from the porch and you parked your car. You were happy to see the mother you hadn't seen in a few years, now blonder with more visible wrinkles but still just as beautiful.

The tension of a few years ago didn't exist but everyone could feel that something still wasn't clicking. You gave your mother a quick hug and nodded at Eddie, as you tried to carry all your luggage alone into your old childhood room, now with some guitars and acoustic, posters of some old bands you didn't know and others that you were much more than a fan.

If you noticed the little touches Eddie left in your home, this room now certainly screamed Eddie, you mean, Mister Munson!

The strangest thing was the fresh smell of his shampoo on the pillow that used to be yours. "Does he usually sleep here?" you thought, digging in your nose, taking in all Mr. Munson scent, the cigarette, something earthy and musk, all of him, causing your thighs to press against each other to bring any kind of relief.

It had been three days since you had stayed with them and the tension was only beginning to rise. You could hear the little arguments your mother had with Eddie over the smallest of things. The final straw, both for you and for your mother, was on Friday night, on her birthday. 

The argument had started over a wrong present that Mr. Munson had bought, intensified because he tried to hug the woman who was raging in front of him and ended when, to your surprise, he shouted that he missed her, he missed her touch. Making your mother grab an old backpack, stuff it with some clothes and speed off the tires of your car.

You tossed and turned all night in your bed, feeling his scent wafting around you, the sound of the man's deep breathing sleeping on the couch echoing in your ears, making your hand roam over your body, adding pressure everywhere you thought that Eddie would pay more attention until you found your sex already wet.

The mere memory of Mr. Munson's hands were enough to send you over the edge, but it was hearing him moan in rage that made you come harder, thinking of how he could take all that anger and frustration out on your pussy at the same time, instead of anything else he was doing right now.

You didn't know how to act the next morning, not because you heard the fight, but because you knew how needy your stepfather was, that information made something carnal wake up inside your chest and you decided to test the waters around you.

You decided to act as if nothing had happened, leaving the room only in a baggy T-shirt and shorts so short they barely showed, and a pair of white socks.

You went to the kitchen to make coffee when you noticed the unconscious figure of your stepfather lying on the sofa, his hair covering half of his face and the half you could see was beautiful.

You prepared two large mugs of coffee, looked for the man's cigarettes and took a deep breath trying to gain more courage to wake him up, not knowing what his reaction would be after this type of situation with your mother.

You put everything on the coffee table in the living room, knelt down next to the sofa and brushed some curls from the man's face. Eddie squirmed under your touch and slowly opened his eyes, taking time to understand what was happening and where he was.

He sat on the couch, having an overhead view of you, getting to see the contours of your breasts and your nipples already erect from the weather, peeking out from under your shirt "my shirt" he thought to himself as he looked your body up and down. down, smiling slightly when he saw you kneeling so close to him.

"Good morning sweetheart" he said in a hoarse voice, rubbing his face with both hands "Sorry, I didn't expect the night to end like that" he gave you an apologetic smile, you just nodded and passed the mug of coffee for the older man.

"It's okay, really. It wasn't your fault" you smiled, as you started to stand up, you let your shirt ride up to the curve of your ass, as you purposefully bent down to pick up one of Eddie's cigarettes, turning to face the man who was obviously checking you out "May I Mr Munson?" you asked in the sweetest voice you had in your arsenal.

Eddie took a while to understand what your request was and looked away when he saw your obvious smirk and cleared his throat to disguise the blush rising in the man's bearded cheeks.

"S-sure, be my guest sweetheart" he straightened his body on the couch, sitting as straight as possible, bringing a pillow to his lap trying to hide the erection marked in black jeans.

"But you know you don't have to call me Mister Munson, right? Fuck, I don't even think my father was called that." he chuckled softly as he took a few sips of his delicious coffee

You now leaning against the window across the room, cigarette wedged between your lips, you shrugged and lit your cigarette, your eyes never leaving the man's eyes, who eyed you suspiciously

"Sorry, old habits die hard" you blew out the smoke and smiled at him, the kind of smile he hadn't gotten in a while, the kind of smile he'd gotten from your mother for the past two years.

"Yes! Of course,yeah, just Eddie is fine" He had to take a big, long drink of his coffee to quell the malice that was growing in his face, but he didn't expect your answer to be as direct as it was "I thought you wanted to that I called you daddy" you bit your lip as the man took a slight choke on his coffee before giving a disbelieving laugh.

"You would like that, right, little girl?" The smirk and the hungry look that Eddie was giving at you made your thighs clenched automatically, this time harder causing a low sigh to escape your perfect lips. Not going unnoticed by Eddie, who was already sitting with his forearms resting on his knee as he stared at you like you were a prey.

"Yes" you said above a whisper, "Yes what?" Eddie's gaze never leaving your face;

"Yes d-daddy" you replied with a groan, making the man squeeze the pillow tighter on his lap, “Good girl”.

Silence filled the living room, you could hear your stepdad's cigarette paper burning across the room at the same intensity you could feel his gaze burn holes in your skin

"Are you, are you feeling better, Daddy?" you smirked as you approached the man sitting on the couch a few steps away from you.

"Stop!" he demanded, making you stop instantly, not knowing if he was asking you to stop the overt flirting or if he wanted you to physically stop moving so you did both.

"So obedient, what a good girl" he said, taking the pillow off his lap leaving the bulge in his pants apparent to you, he brought a huge, ringed hand to his cock, groping and squeezing causing the man to moan

"please daddy" you said pathetically not really knowing what you were asking for "please what little girl?" he said, now sliding his hand over his cock, showing all the girth that would hopefully be filling your desperate little pussy

"Can I get close to you? Can I make you feel good daddy? please" Eddie could sense how much you were in need and decided to take full advantage of it.

"You can, of course you can princess" he smiled as if he was hiding something and before you could say thank you, he completed the sentence "but come crawling to daddy, little girl" 

The words disappeared from your mouth, your knees were already weak watching Eddie touching him even if only over his pants.

Your knees sank to the floor, and you made a point of pushing your ass as high as possible, leaving your little white cotton panties visible as you crawled between the older man's legs.

You can smell him faintly in your nose, the same one that surrounded you all night for the last 2 days. With his small hands gripping his stepdad's thick thighs Eddie did the one thing you wouldn't expect him to do, he grabbed a handful of your hair and rubbed your delicate face against his crotch.

"Yeah, that's it, I know you like it you little slut" he circled his hips against your face, you could feel his already hard cock pressed against your face "you think I didn't listen to you yesterday?" you let a moan come out of his mouth followed by a chorus of "please, please, oh! let me taste you daddy, i'm your good girl, i'm your good kitten"

Your last sentence made the man moan loudly and start to unbutton his pants in a clumsy way, pulling his pants down to his ankles and kicking them away, your hands went up his thigh, stopping at his groin, you could feel the heat emanating from him. of his dick.

"Go on little girl, take your time" 

he said, opening his legs wider for you to settle between them.

You did as you were told, your hands roamed your stepfather's body, who felt everything as if it were torture, your hand enveloped his hard cock, giving a few kisses to the covered head of the member, you could taste the precum through the fabric of his boxers.

You pulled the underwear down Eddie's legs, gripping his cock in both hands, touching your feather-light lips to his red head, giving cat-like licks as you moved your hands up and down. "oh! fuck" Eddie's hands found the hair on the back of your neck, taking control of your head, forcing your mouth deeper and deeper into his hard cock. "Put your tongue out little girl, let daddy fill your throat, huh?" you just asserted and stuck out your tongue as much as your body would allow.

Eddie took advantage of the space your sticking-out tongue created and shoved his cock deep down your throat "mother…fucker" he groaned, setting a rhythm as he fucked your throat. He wiped away the fat tears that were streaming down your face and you could see his smile through your blurred vision as he licked your tears away from his thumb print.

"That's it little girl, making daddy feel so good" Eddie ripped your head off his cock so you could breathe, you moaned at the lack of contact causing Eddie to slap your cheek, making you even redder. "Thank you daddy" you said, leaving the man almost speechless.

The stepfather's hands went to the hem of your shirt, lifting it, leaving your bare breasts on display. "I knew it" he said, slapping your chest with his hand  "looks like my little girl is a slut", Eddie stuffed part of the hem of your shirt into your mouth, trapping the fabric between your teeth as he attacked your nipples.

He licked and sucked your nipple like a starving man, pinching the other nipple with his fingertips, rolling and tugging, making your muffled moans almost inaudible, but not to Eddie.

He ripped the shirt from your body holding your face between his fingers "Now open that pretty little mouth wide little girl, I need you to get my cock very wet for what I want to do to you next, ok slut?" he whispered as he passed the head of the cock in your mouth asking for access.

You opened your mouth wide, his cock assaulted your mouth without mercy, going so deep that with each thrust your mouth watered more, making your saliva run down your stepfather's balls and your full bare breasts "That's it, little girl, swallow everything daddy gives you" You completely surrendered control of your head to the man, so it was no surprise when he ripped you off his cock and made you suck his balls instead, causing more saliva to run down your body .

You took an entire ball into your mouth, sucking so gently it took Eddie over the edge more than once in a row, he pulled your bodies apart, lifting you off the floor and placing you on the sofa in the position he needed you, leaning against the headboard of the sofa. Your step dad jerked off a few times before wedging his hard cock between your breasts.

His big hands squeezed your breasts against his cock, he used the mixture of your fluids to slide the hard member against your skin, always letting the luscious head hit your chin "C’mom princess, let me in your mouth, open that little mouth for daddy", Eddie ran his fingers over your nipples, making you grind against the couch looking for any kind of relief.

Eddie was so mesmerized by the puddle forming on the black leather sofa that he didn't notice your open mouth, a string of saliva fell on the head of his cock, snapping him out of his trance, faster fucking your breasts as the angry head of his cock it entered through your lips, brushing deliciously on his tongue, the texture of your taste buds made eddie's knees weak

"Please daddy, give me more, I can take more" you said trying to get more of him into your mouth as he fucked frantically, pinching and pulling at your nipples, he was in a frenzy. Head thrown back, eyes closed, highly pornographic moans followed by insults that made you feel like the most desired and admired woman in the world “‘m gonna come, oh!fuck, where? where can I come?" he said between moans.

"In my mouth, I want to taste you daddy," you said, making your tongue swirl around the head of his cock. The man moaned louder, jamming his cock deep in his mouth, "Such a slut, such a dirty slut, oh! fuck" you went up and down sucking his cock, as he held your head in place and thrust most of his cock in. in your mouth, cumming deep in your throat. "oh! fuck" he sighed with his forehead against hers, "fuck little girl, I don't think I've ever come this hard in my life" his husky voice made her cheeks flush, bringing out a shyness that hadn't been there a few minutes ago .

"Come here" he said, holding your face and for the first time in the night, his lips touched yours, he could feel the sweet taste of your mouth mixed with his cigarette that you had smoked earlier, he knew it was the new favorite flavor of his and that now that he's tasted the forbidden fruit no other flavor would suffice.

The kiss was slow, despite the few words exchanged you could feel how important his touch was to your stepfather, he licked his tongue and kissed you as if he hadn't had any kind of contact for years. And maybe he hadn't. The kiss was broken by the ringing of the phone. Eddie's naked figure walked away from you, taking the phone in his hands and walking to the bathroom. "yeah, yeah ok, I'll be there as soon as possible", you could hear the muffled sound of Eddie's voice as he cleaned up.

The mess that oozed between your thighs from an untouched pussy was pathetic, you felt your clits throbbing, making you squirm with every little contact of the panties with your button.

When Eddie came back from the bathroom he was fully dressed in his work overalls,

"Sorry dollface, emergency at work" he said leaning down as he spoke to you, he placed a few more kisses on your mouth and your jaw "I'll be right back" one kiss "I don't want you to touch yourself" his fingers circled your clits over her panties "that pussy is mine" in a whisper "you want to be my good girl don't you? my good kitty?" he stood up, making himself look a lot more intimidating.

"yes, yes daddy, I'm your good girl" you said getting up, your half naked body pressed against his, his hands roaming your body, squeezing your ass as he kissed you, taking you with him towards the door "My good little girl", he said, pulling out of your embrace.

"I'll see you later, okay?" he said with his body almost completely out of the house "and, thanks for... for today, I.." you cut him off with a quick kiss on the lips "see you later, daddy", your smile made him melt a little on the doorstep, giving you the sweetest smile you've ever seen on your stepfather's handsome face.

He just waved and closed the door, leaving you alone in a house that wasn't yours, in a city that wasn't yours and thinking about a husband that wasn't yours.

[perfect-fourth]

@independentzaun

𝄌 Zaun.

No matter how many times he visited the sunken city, no matter how long he dwelled within its' claustrophobic walls, he would never, ever get used to that stench.

He could perceive it in his nostrils even while his face was concealed by one of the most high-end respirators the twin cities had to offer, leaving an uneasy warbling in his guts that made him extra disinclined to participate in any of the more exhilarating activities The Last Drop had to offer him. Though the temptation was there with the ambience of pounding industrial music and dizzying lights, he withheld if only because tonight was not a night of pleasure, but rather of business. Such desires used to be so beneath him before he'd delved into the pale underbelly of this world, something he had taken to lamenting to himself over quietly in the darkest little corner he could find in the place-- alone, nursing a virgin cocktail through a straw he prodded beneath the lip of his fanciful gas mask, but still within ear shot of as many club goers as he could muster. People watching was a skill he'd mastered over his 40 years alive, and his sense of hearing was impeccable.

Alas, none of the discussions he sat in on gave him a single ounce of insight into what he wanted to know. Or rather, what he wanted to find, long gloved fingers straying beneath his cloak to stroke over the ghost of his misplaced hand canon. How could he have been so foolish as to lose his most valued posession? He should have known better than to wander the streets when he was ill, but stubbornness was a sin he'd never been able to forgo. He only hoped that whoever had pilfered Whisper from him when he was unconscious was treating her well. Knowing Zaun, though, the poor weapon had probably already been dismantled and sold off in pieces, no doubt for much less than any of them were worth. The thought of what his benefactors might do to him when they discovered his carelessness made his jaw clench.

No, it was best not to think of the worst possible scenarios. If he was going to find out where his gun was, this place was probably his best chance. If not by eavesdropping, then by networking. He knew of the man who ran this facility, he'd heard many a story about the happenings in Zaun and it's many motley characters, and Silco was surely one who could be of vital use to his own short term goals. He'd already mapped the building out as best he could from his dingy little corner, he trusted it would not be hard for someone of his caliber to sneak into the inner rooms and seek out the owner should he not receive a more direct invitation; though that would have been preferred. He'd been eyeing the large, muscular woman from across the way for half the evening now with hopes of catching her attention, and at one point even decided to hassle the bartender to send the most expensive brew they had her way, courtesy of him. She was clearly some sort of bouncer. That was a good way to invite social interaction, right? Maybe she could get him into the loop. He'd dressed down just enough to not look too suspicious among the other patrons, but surely dropping money as he did would raise a brow.

[deathsmallcaps]

My 43rd Win A Commission was The Last Unicorn! Coincidentally, the movie turned 40 on November 3rd! Wow. Anyways, if you’d like to see my drawings next to the relevant text, please

The unicorn lived in a lilac wood, and she lived all alone. She was very old, though she did not know it, and she was no longer the careless color of seafoam, but rather the color of snow falling on a moonlit night. But her eyes were still clear and unwearied, and she still moved like a shadow on the sea. She did not look anything like a horned horse, as unicorns are often pictured, being smaller and cloven-hoofed, and possessing that oldest, wildest grace that horses have never had, that deer have only in a shy, thin imitation and goats in dancing mockery. Her neck was long and slender, making her head seem smaller than it was, and the mane that fell almost to the middle of her back was as soft as dandelion fluff and as fine as cirrus. She had pointed ears and thin legs, with feathers of white hair at the ankles; and the long horn above her eyes shone and shivered with its own seashell light even in the deepest midnight. She had killed dragons with it, and healed a king whose poisoned wound would not close, and knocked down ripe chestnuts for bear cubs.

Unicorns are immortal. It is their nature to live alone in one place: usually a forest where there is a pool clear enough for them to see themselves for they are a little vain, knowing themselves to be the most beautiful creatures in all the world, and magic besides. They mate very rarely, and no place is more enchanted than one where a unicorn has been born. The last time she had seen another unicorn the young virgins who still came seeking her now and then had called to her in a different tongue; but then, she had no idea of months and years and centuries, or even of seasons. It was always spring in her forest, because she lived there, and she wandered all day among the great beech trees, keeping watch over the animals that lived in the ground and under bushes, in nests and caves, earths and treetops. Generation after generation, wolves and rabbits alike, they hunted and loved and had children and died, and as the unicorn did none of these things, she never grew tired of watching them.

One day it happened that two men with long bows rode through her forest, hunting for deer. The unicorn followed them, moving so warily that not even the horses knew she was near. The sight of men filled her with an old, slow, strange mixture of tenderness and terror. She never let one see her if she could help it, but she liked to watch them ride by and hear them talking.

"I mislike the feel of this forest," the elder of the two hunters grumbled. "Creatures that live in a unicorn's wood learn a little magic of their own in time, mainly concerned with disappearing. We'll find no game here."

"Unicorns are long gone," the second man said. "If, indeed, they ever were. This is a forest like any other."

"Then why do the leaves never fall here, or the snow? I tell you, there is one unicorn left in the world. Good luck to the lonely old thing, I say and as long as it lives in this forest, there won't be a hunter takes so much as a titmouse home at his saddle. Ride on, ride on, you'll see. I know their ways, unicorns."

"From books," answered the other. "Only from books and tales and songs. Not in the reign of three kings has there been even a whisper of a unicorn seen in this country or any other. You know no more about unicorns than I do, for I've read the same books and heard the same stories, and I've never seen one either."

The first hunter was silent for a time, and the second whistled sourly to himself. Then the first said, "My great-grandmother saw a unicorn once. She used to tell me about it when I was little."

"Oh, indeed? And did she capture it with a golden bridle?"

"No. She didn't have one. You don't have to have a golden bridle to catch a unicorn; that part's the fairy tale. You need only to be pure of heart."

"Yes, yes." The younger man chuckled. "Did she ride her unicorn, then? Bareback, under the trees, like a nymph in the early days of the world?"

"My great-grandmother was afraid of large animals," said the first hunter. "She didn't ride it, but she sat very still, and the unicorn put its head in her lap and fell asleep. My great-grandmother never moved till it woke."

"What did it look like? Pliny describes the unicorn as being very ferocious, similar in the rest of its body to a horse, with the head of a deer, the feet of an elephant, the tail of a bear; a deep, bellowing voice, and a single black horn, two cubits in length. And the Chinese-"

"My great-grandmother said only that the unicorn had a good smell. She never could abide the smell of any beast, even a cat or a cow, let alone a wild thing. But she loved the smell of the unicorn. She began to cry once, telling me about it. Of course, she was a very old woman then, and cried at anything that reminded her of her youth."

"Let's turn around and hunt somewhere else," the second hunter said abruptly. The unicorn stepped softly into a thicket as they turned their horses, and took up the trail only when they were well ahead of her once more. The men rode in silence until they were nearing the edge of the forest, when the second hunter asked quietly, "Why did they go away, do you think? If there ever were such things."

"Who knows? Times change. Would you call this age a good one for unicorns?"

"No, but I wonder if any man before us ever thought his time a good time for unicorns. And it seems to me now that I have heard stories but I was sleepy with wine, or I was thinking of something else. Well, no matter. There's light enough yet to hunt, if we hurry. Come!"

They broke out of the woods, kicked their horses to a gallop, and dashed away. But before they were out of sight, the first hunter looked back over his shoulder and called, just as though he could see the unicorn standing in shadow, "Stay where you are, poor beast. This is no world for you. Stay in your forest, and keep your trees green and your friends long-lived. Pay no mind to young girls, for they never become anything more than silly old women. And good luck to you."

The unicorn stood still at the edge of the forest and said aloud, "I am the only unicorn there is." They were the first words she had spoken, even to herself, in more than a hundred years.

That can't be, she thought. She had never minded being alone, never seeing another unicorn, because she had always known that there were others like her in the world, and a unicorn needs no more than that for company.

"But I would know if all the others were gone. I'd be gone too. Nothing can happen to them that does not happen to me."

Her own voice frightened her and made her want to be running. She moved along the dark paths of her forest, swift and shining, passing through sudden clearings unbearably brilliant with grass or soft with shadow, aware of everything around her, from the weeds that brushed her ankles to insect-quick flickers of blue and silver as the wind lifted the leaves. "Oh, I could never leave this, I never could, not if I really were the only unicorn in the world. I know how to live here, I know how everything smells, and tastes, and is. What could I ever search for in the world, except this again?"

But when she stopped running at last and stood still, listening to crows and a quarrel of squirrels over her head, she wondered, But suppose they are riding together, somewhere far away? What if they are hiding and waiting for me?

From that first moment of doubt, there was no peace for her; from the time she first imagined leaving her forest, she could not stand in one place without wanting to be somewhere else. She trotted up and down beside her pool, restless and unhappy. Unicorns are not meant to make choices. She said no, and yes, and no Dec again, day and night, and for the first time she began to feel the minutes crawling over her like worms. "I will not go. Because men have seen no unicorns for a while does not mean they have all vanished. Even if it were true, I would not go. I live here."

But at last she woke up in the middle of one warm night and said, "Yes, but now." She hurried through her forest, trying to look at nothing and smell nothing, trying not to feel her earth under her cloven hoofs. The animals who move in the dark, the owls and the foxes and the deer, raised their heads as she passed by, but she would not look at them. I must go quickly, she thought, and come back as soon as I can. Maybe I won't have to go very far. But whether I find the others or not, I will come back very soon, as soon as I can. Under the moon, the road that ran from the edge of her forest gleamed like water, but when she stepped out onto it, away from the trees, she felt how hard it was, and how long. She almost turned back then; but instead she took a deep breath of the woods air that still drifted to her, and held it in her mouth like a flower, as long as she could.

The long road hurried to nowhere and had no end. It ran through villages and small towns, flat country and mountains, stony barrens and meadows springing out of stones, but it belonged to none of these, and it never rested anywhere. It rushed the unicorn along, tugging at her feet like the tide, fretting at her, never letting her be quiet and listen to the air, as she was used to do. Her eyes were always full of dust, and her mane was stiff and heavy with dirt.

Time had always passed her by in her forest, but now it was she who passed through time as she traveled. The colors of the trees changed, and the animals along the way grew heavy coats and lost them again; the clouds crept or hurried before the changing winds, and were pink and gold in the sun or livid with storm. Wherever she went, she searched for her people, but she found no trace of them, and in all the tongues she heard spoken along the road there was not even a word for them any more.

Early one morning, about to turn off the road to sleep, she saw a man hoeing in his garden. Knowing that she should hide, she stood still instead and watched him work, until he straightened and saw her. He was fat, and his cheeks jumped with every step he took. "Oh," he said. "Oh, you're beautiful." When he tugged off his belt, made a loop in it, and moved clumsily toward her, the unicorn was more pleased than frightened. The man knew what she was, and what he himself was for: to hoe turnips and pursue something that shone and could run faster than he could. She sidestepped his first lunge as lightly as though the wind of it had blown her out of his reach.

"I have been hunted with bells and banners in my time," she told him. "Men knew that the only way to hunt me was to make the chase so wondrous that I would come near to see it. And even so I was never once captured." "My foot must have slipped," said the man. "Steady now, you pretty thing."

"I've never really understood," the unicorn mused as the man picked himself up, "what you dream of doing with me, once you've caught me." The man leaped again, and she slipped away from him like rain. "I don't think you know yourselves," she said.

"Ah, steady, steady, easy now." The man's sweating face was striped with dirt, and he could hardly get his breath. "Pretty," he gasped. "You pretty little mare."

"Mare?" The unicorn trumpeted the word so shrilly that the man stopped pursuing her and clapped his hands to his ears. "Mare?" she demanded. "I, a horse? Is that what you take me for? Is that what you see?"

"Good horse," the fat man panted. He leaned on the fence and wiped his face. "Curry you up, clean you off, you'll be the prettiest old mare anywhere." He reached out with the belt again. "Take you to the fair," he said. "Come on, horse."

"A horse," the unicorn said. "That's what you were trying to capture. A white mare with her mane full of burrs." As the man approached her, she hooked her horn through the belt, jerked it out of his grasp, and hurled it across the road into a patch of daisies. "A horse, am I?" she snorted. "A horse, indeed!"

For a moment the man was very close to her, and her great eyes stared into his own, which were small and tired and amazed. Then she turned and fled up the road, running so swiftly that those who saw her exclaimed, "Now there's a horse! There's a real horse!" One old man said quietly to his wife, "That's an Ayrab horse. I was on a ship with an Ayrab horse once."

From that time the unicorn avoided towns, even at night, unless there was no way at all

to go around them. Even so, there were a few men who gave chase, but always to a wandering white mare; never in the gay and reverent manner proper to the pursuit of a unicorn. They came with ropes and nets and baits of sugar lumps, and they whistled and called her Bess and Nellie. Sometimes she would slow down enough to let their horses catch her scent, and then watch as the beasts reared and wheeled and ran away with their terrified riders. The horses always knew her.

"How can it be?" she wondered. "I suppose I could understand it if men had simply forgotten unicorns, or if they had changed so that they hated all unicorns now and tried to kill them when they saw them. But not to see them at all, to look at them and see something else what do they look like to one another, then? What do trees look like to them, or houses, or real horses, or their own children?"

Sometimes she thought, "If men no longer know what they are looking at, there may well be unicorns in the world yet, unknown and glad of it." But she knew beyond both hope and vanity that men had changed, and the world with them, because the unicorns were gone. Yet she went on along the hard road, although each day she wished a little more that she had never left her Forest.

Then one afternoon the butterfly wobbled out of a breeze and lit on the tip of her horn. He was velvet all over, dark and dusty, with golden spots on his wings, and he was as thin as a flower petal. Dancing along her horn, he saluted her with his curling feelers. "I am a roving gambler. How do you do?"

The unicorn laughed for the first time in her travels. "Butterfly, what are you doing out on such a windy day?" she asked him. "You'll take cold and die long before your time."

"Death takes what man would keep," said the butterfly, "and leaves what man would lose. Blow, wind, and crack your cheeks. I warm my hands before the fire of life and get four-way relief." He glimmered like a scrap of owllight on her horn.

"Do you know what I am, butterfly?" the unicorn asked hopefully, and he replied, "Excellent well, you're a fishmonger. You're my everything, you are my sunshine, you are old and gray and full of sleep, you're my pickle-face, consumptive Mary Jane." He paused, fluttering his wings against the wind, and added conversationally, "Your name is a golden bell hung in my heart. I would break my body to pieces to call you once by your name."

"Say my name, then," the unicorn begged him. "If you know my name, tell it to me."

"Rumpelstiltskin," the butterfly answered happily. "Gotcha! You don't get no medal." He jigged and twinkled on her horn, singing, "Won't you come home, Bill Bailey, won't you come home, where once he could not go. Buckle down, Winsocki, go and catch a falling star. Clay lies still, but blood's a rover, so I should be called kill-devil all the parish over." His eyes were gleaming scarlet in the glow of the unicorn's horn.

She sighed and plodded on, both amused and disappointed. It serves you right, she told herself. You know better than to expect a butterfly to know your name. All they know are songs and poetry, and anything else they hear. They mean well, but they can't keep things straight. And why should they? They die so soon.

The butterfly swaggered before her eyes, singing, "One, two, three o'lairy," as he whirled; chanting, "Not, I'll not, carrion comfort, look down that lonesome road. For, oh, what damned minutes tells he o'er who dotes, yet doubts. Hasten, Mirth, and bring with thee a host of furious fancies whereof I am commander, which will be on sale for three days only at bargain summer prices. I love you, I love you, oh, the horror, the horror, and aroint thee, witch, aroint thee, indeed and truly you've chosen a bad place to be lame in, willow, willow, willow." His voice tinkled in the unicorn's head like silver money falling.

He traveled with her for the rest of the waning day, but when the sun went down and the sky was full of rosy fish, he flew off her horn and hovered in the air before her. "I must take the A train," he said politely. Against the clouds she could see that his velvet wings were ribbed with delicate black veins.

"Farewell," she said. "I hope you hear many more songs" which was the best way she could think of to say good-by to a butterfly. But instead of leaving her, he fluttered above her head, looking suddenly less dashing and a little nervous in the blue evening air. "Fly away," she urged him. "It's too cold for you to be out."

But the butterfly still dallied, humming to himself. "They ride that horse you call the Macedonai," he intoned absentmindedly; and then, very clearly, "Unicorn. Old French, unicorne. Latin, unicornis. Literally, one-horned: unus, one, and cornu, a horn. A fabulous animal resembling a horse with one horn. Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold and the mate of the Nancy brig. Has anybody here seen Kelly?" He strutted joyously in the air, and the first fireflies blinked around him in wonder and grave doubt.

The unicorn was so startled and so happy to hear her name spoken at last that she overlooked the remark about the horse. "Oh, you do know me!" she cried, and the breath of her delight blew the butterfly twenty feet away. When he came scrambling back to her, she pleaded, "Butterfly, if you really know who I am, tell me if you have ever seen anyone like me, tell me which way I must go to find them. Where have they gone?"

"Butterfly, butterfly, where shall I hide?" he sang in the fading light. "The sweet and bitter fool will presently appear. Christ, that my love were in my arms, and I in my bed again." He rested on the unicorn's horn once more, and she could feel him trembling.

"Please," she said. "All I want to know is that there are other unicorns somewhere in the world. Butterfly, tell me that there are still others like me, and I will believe you and go home to my forest. I have been away so long, and I said that I would come back soon."

"Over the mountains of the moon," the butterfly began, "down the Valley of the Shadow, ride, boldly ride." Then he stopped suddenly and said in a strange voice, "No, no, listen, don't listen to me, listen. You can find your people if you are brave. They passed down all the roads long ago, and the Red Bull ran close behind them and covered their footprints. Let nothing you dismay, but don't be half-safe." His wings brushed against the unicorn's skin.

"The Red Bull?" she asked. "What is the Red Bull?"

The butterfly started to sing. "Follow me down. Follow me down. Follow me down. Follow me down." But then he shook his head wildly and recited, "His firstling bull has majesty, and his horns are the horns of a wild ox. With them he shall push the peoples, all of them, to the ends of the earth. Listen, listen, listen quickly."

"I am listening," the unicorn cried. "Where are my people, and what is the Red Bull?"

But the butterfly swooped close to her ear, laughing. "I have nightmares about crawling around on the ground," he sang. "The little dogs, Tray, Blanche, Sue, they bark at me, the little snakes, they hiss at me, the beggars are coming to town. Then at last come the clams."

For a moment more he danced in the dusk before her; then he shivered away into the violet shadows by the roadside, chanting defiantly, "It's you or me, moth! Hand to hand to hand to hand to hand" The last the unicorn saw of him was a tiny skittering between the trees, and her eyes might have deceived her, for the night was full of wings now.

At least he did recognize me, she thought sadly. That means something. But she answered herself, No, that means nothing at all, except that somebody once made up a song about unicorns, or a poem. But the Red Bull. What could he have meant by that? Another song, I suppose. She walked on slowly, and the night drew close about her. The sky was low and almost pure black, save for one spot of yellowing silver where the moon paced behind the thick clouds. The unicorn sang softly to herself, a song she had heard a young girl singing in her forest long ago.

The unicorn plodding along, down-trodden head down, in the moonlight.

"Sparrows and cats will live in my shoe,

Sooner than I will live with you.

Fish will come walking out of the sea,

Sooner than you will come back to me."

She did not understand the words, but the song made her think longingly of her home. It seemed to her that she had heard autumn beginning to shake the beech trees the very moment that she stepped out into the road.

Art Explanation

Okay, so I adore the original animation - I love the character designs and the special effects. But what really got to me were the sets. I adore painted sets in cartoons, especially the aesthetic panorama shots. (And hey, your Mom and Aunt probably saw this in theatres! Ask them.)

Now, as you may have noticed, I’m trying to put my own little style into these drawings. All the characters are inspired by previous media, but are not directly copied from them. However,this has mostly applied to clothing and character’s bodies. I enjoy figure drawing, and dislike drawing objects/a background, so I avoid it most of the time. And so I stuck to those guidelines throughout this story. Except for the last picture.

I hate drawing horses. They’re beautiful animals, but once you truly consider their shape and movement, they look so odd! So, I decided to depart from the whole ‘unicorns look like horses’ mindset. I love that kind, sure, but I enjoyed both the movie animated version, the book’s description and the really old tapestries of unicorns. As a result, my unicorn ended up looking a little feral - and I love it! I really tried to play up unusual features that I’ve rarely/never seen on a unicorn, by giving her overly long ears, visible horizontal pupils (like goats!), and a pony mane. Ponies have funny, fuzzy, overly dense manes, and I love it so much. My neighbors once fostered an almost-mini mare, named Jellybean, and she was full of personality! I say my unicorn does vaguely resemble a horse, but if you got a good look at her (even minus the horn, lion tail and cloven hooves) you can tell she isn’t really a horse.

The first picture, the title, I basically just did word art. My favorite song from the movie (it’s not a musical, it just has a very distinct and well-displayed soundtrack) is Man’s Road, by America. But considering that the title of the book is also the title of the first song (also by America), I chose that instead. The reading order may be a little wonky, but all the lyrics are there! I kept on messing up with the spacing/lyrics, so I kept having to cover up the mistakes with little slips of paper and then erasing the shadows when I took a picture! Lol.

The second picture, with the Unicorn running, was difficult but fun. I just kept telling myself that I was actually drawing a goat, not a horse, and that lowered my anxiety and annoyance about it a little! I drew her running because she’s an upset herbivore, and that’s kind of their thing. Even though I hated the extra time it took, I’m glad I drew the tree and the owl. It makes Unicorn seem a little less lonely. I drew a basic form for each of them, because frankly the book isn’t super consistent about its time and place. It mostly has medieval themes, but then one character makes burritos for dinner later in the story. So, basic owl and tree.

The unicorn rearing as picture number 3 wasn’t as hard as it could’ve been. In one of your cousin’s last stories (The Man From Snowy River), I had also drawn a horse rearing, so I had recent practice. Still, not a fun animal to draw XD. I realize I put myself in this mess but still. I only have tops three horses to draw from this project, so I’m looking forward to being done with it! THe part I enjoyed most about this drawing was the hair on her hooves and her tail. I really want to make it clear that this unicorn is very fluffy, like a dandelion. Although her look of disdain came out pretty well! Also, this is just my personal interpretation but I think the daisies ar ewhite with yellow centers. But if you like the other type, go right ahead!

The fourth picture, with the butterfly on the horn, was fun and easy. It was kind of like my ‘break’ picture. All I had to do was make the line of separation going around the horn spaced smaller and smaller as time went on. Like the other animals in this story, I also made the butterfly relatively unidentifiable; while many have an outline around the edge of their wings and eye-like spots on them, I did not specifically copy any butterfly. It all was supposed to be a thin and easy picture to integrate into the text, but I decided to make things hard on myself lol. But back to the unicorn horn. As I was writing this, I realized that since the line on a unicorn’s horn is a spiral, it ought to match up with the Fibonacci sequence (more on that in the next paragraph). Since unicorn horns were based on the narwhal tusks that wash up on a beach occasionally, just like how dinosaur skeletons inspired dragons, I looked up narwhal tusks. As far as I could find, there is no direct information on whether narwhal tusks match up with the sequence - but apparently elephant tusks and ram horns match up, so I think that’s a good sign. As such, narwhals probably have spirals on their tusks that correspond with the sequence, and so do unicorns. That being said, I, uhhhh, didn’t think of that while drawing it. So don’t use my unicorn horn as a reference lol.

Now, the Fibonacci sequence is a series of proportions found in much of nature - usually only an extremely mutated individual doesn’t match up with the sequence. Anything that has a spiral, or even a curve, often lines up with the numbers. Now, look at this shell cut in half - it has a very pretty spiral, right? Start at zero, and then measure the very innermost section,and call it one unit. The next section will be the same size. But the next would be twice that size. Then three units big. Then five units. Then eight. And so on and on. Each section would be bigger than the other, in that exact sequence. All over the world, you can find this sequence - even in art! A lot of Islamic art, which is often based on geometric patterns, showcases the sequence, as does some Renaissance art later on, and many people even use it today. One of the other fun things about the fibonacci sequence is that its an adding game! Look at the first seven numbers {0,1,1,2,3,5,8 …}, like I mentioned above. If you add two numbers together, they equal the next number. 0+1=1, 1+1=2, 1+2=3, 2+3=5, 3+5=8, 5+8=13, an infinity.

Well, back to the less tangential unicorn pictures! Number five, which is the picture of the Red Bull chasing a different (older) unicorn, is also something I decided to only base it partly on the original movie art. The movie’s bull kind of looked like a pig? It was something about the beady eyes, wrinkly face and the comparatively stubby legs. Also, cows don’t have front teeth on the top half of their mouths. So along with making the red bull more fire related (I loved putting the small blaze between his horns) I tried to make him look like a Jersey steer I know, but angry and toothy. I haven’t drawn a cow in a very long time (I used to draw a ton of animals, but I draw mostly people now lol), so while I think he still looks very recognizably like a cattle, he also looks a little … different. Last week my roommate and I were talking about the old Ice Age movies that came out when we were kids (they’re good, just remember to not be a butt about how the CGI has aged.), and upon consideration, I realized he kind of looks like the platybelodons from those movies. They’re no longer accurate representations, and somehow less scary looking than the accurate versions lol. But it’s just a happy (?) coincidence.

Last picture is the Unicorn walking off into the distance. I really wanted to capture the absolutely beautiful backgrounds and painted sets Rankin-Bass used, so I attempted a sketch of a background. I chose a somewhat easy one, and became super-involved with it. I really like how it turned out! Unfortunately, I had forgotten one thing - the Unicorn! So unfortunately, since I had to draw her on a separate paper and then cut her out, I had to draw her somewhat big and she ended up blocking part of the scene. Oh well. So I’ve included the original below :).

I really hope you enjoyed this and decide to check this book out! It’s an oldie but a goodie :D.

Colored in versions of the cool scenery.

Edit 23 April 2024: I made an additional drawing due to a WAC winner request! So totally sweet. You can check it out here! It’s from a later part of the book.

[soft-serve-soymilk]

I posted 1,436 times in 2022

That's 1,436 more posts than 2021! (Well of course, I started again this year 😅)

38 posts created (3%)

1,398 posts reblogged (97%)

When I say I want to be more like V this is what I meant 😅. Only,,, 3% are original :o Blogs I reblogged the most:

@askr

@midnight-rice

@theblackbutterfly02

@tag-that-oc

@lildoodlecat

V is just topping all the charts xD

I tagged 1,418 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#fire emblem - 169 posts (I can think of several reasons)

#tales of zestiria - 107 posts (somehow)

#persona 5 - 99 posts (yeahhh that’ll be all the god tier akeshu art on my dash sorryyyyy)

#tales of xillia - 96 posts (I liked it!)

#fave - 95 posts (I also like a lot of things!!)

#mikleo - 83 posts (He is a good boi. Must protect)

#persona 4 - 82 posts (Probably increased in reblog numbers ever since Dolphin started playing it :>)

#goro akechi - 75 posts (Tumblr is a fascinating ecosystem)

#captive prince - 70 posts (Hi Shadow :3)

#fire emblem three houses - 68 posts (Hi Shadow again :3)

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#dism’s concept in conception—and you wouldn’t be able to tell this now— was that he was ‘what if the sidekick best bro became the protag’?

That is true— it was my launching pad for his personality! I took so many cues from Junpei and Yosuke 🥲

I figured one of these would be about my ocs xD. It was just a lucky dip of which tag bc I knooooow I’ve hit the character limit many times talking about them 😅

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

V’s ask: thank you <3 i'm very happy you returned to this hellsite! our dashes wouldn't be the same without you

And then what I said (Tumblr why did you destroy the formatting): You’re welcome <3. And I’m happy to be back, no matter the form :). I even cameo on Dolphin’s new banner hehe (get on my level /lh). Anyway the whole world can enjoy this meebo doodle, as a treat for your kind words <3333

10 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

Ah yes— my first trial of the New Art StyleTM ✨

#4

OC-Tober Day 1: Childhood (@oc-tober2022) Sweet summer child Dism don't u know that not following the latest artificial children's toy trends doesn't make you any less valid, nor do you need to be exceedingly helpful or skilled.... no don't develop a white-knight complex ahaha you're so cute </3

13 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

MY SON MY BOY *goes on incomprehensible rambles for the next 40 minutes*

#3

Short king 👑

26 notes - Posted September 12, 2022

I am still endeared to Jude 🥺

#2

*Careless Whisper intensifies*

34 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

Of course this ended up here ^^;. I did the right thing by hopping on the peonus hype train :P

My #1 post of 2022

‘The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?’ 

I drew my favourite capri scene (^・ω・^ ). Please click for additional quality!

208 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

I knew this was going to be a winner before I clicked the button xD. Ah yes, my most popular piece of artwork of all time :3

It took so looong to draw tho hehe (like 2 months, even with school holidays)

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

And that was my potluck of a tumblr in a nutshell :D

[dan6085]

Here's a list of 50 popular songs from the year 1985. These songs were hits and had a significant impact on the music scene during that year:

1. "Like a Virgin" - Madonna

2. "Careless Whisper" - George Michael

3. "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" - Wham!

4. "We Are the World" - USA for Africa

5. "Everytime You Go Away" - Paul Young

6. "Money for Nothing" - Dire Straits

7. "Take On Me" - A-ha

8. "Material Girl" - Madonna

9. "The Power of Love" - Huey Lewis and the News

10. "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" - Tears for Fears

11. "Shout" - Tears for Fears

12. "I Want to Know What Love Is" - Foreigner

13. "Don't You (Forget About Me)" - Simple Minds

14. "Into the Groove" - Madonna

15. "Crazy for You" - Madonna

16. "I Can't Tell You Why" - Eagles

17. "Walking on Sunshine" - Katrina and the Waves

18. "Heaven" - Bryan Adams

19. "The Boys of Summer" - Don Henley

20. "Smooth Operator" - Sade

21. "Part-Time Lover" - Stevie Wonder

22. "Raspberry Beret" - Prince

23. "Cherish" - Kool & the Gang

24. "We Don't Talk Anymore" - Cliff Richard

25. "Don't You Want Me" - The Human League

26. "You Belong to the City" - Glenn Frey

27. "A View to a Kill" - Duran Duran

28. "Broken Wings" - Mr. Mister

29. "One More Night" - Phil Collins

30. "Neutron Dance" - The Pointer Sisters

31. "We Built This City" - Starship

32. "The Wild Boys" - Duran Duran

33. "Alive and Kicking" - Simple Minds

34. "St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion)" - John Parr

35. "Saving All My Love for You" - Whitney Houston

36. "Private Dancer" - Tina Turner

37. "Who's Zoomin' Who?" - Aretha Franklin

38. "Never Surrender" - Corey Hart

39. "Axel F" - Harold Faltermeyer

40. "I Can't Hold Back" - Survivor

41. "Oh Sheila" - Ready for the World

42. "Freeway of Love" - Aretha Franklin

43. "Glory Days" - Bruce Springsteen

44. "Voices Carry" - 'Til Tuesday

45. "One Night in Bangkok" - Murray Head

46. "Money's Too Tight (To Mention)" - Simply Red

47. "California Girls" - David Lee Roth

48. "Broken Heart" - White Lion

49. "The Heat Is On" - Glenn Frey

50. "Loverboy" - Billy Ocean

Please note that the popularity of songs can vary by region and personal taste, so this list represents a mix of different genres and styles that were well-known during that year.

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

23 April 2023 sSunday ☀️ 11:06 am pt

11:07 am pt

Q did point me in the direction of getting help for my learning disability. But I think 💭 she might have used it as confirmation that she could take advantage of me and gas ⛽️ light 💡 me more. Alike to Nick carter premeditated rape of an autistic 17 year old female Bcz incubus approved like he told garrido. 11:09 am pt same god. Talking to all 3. 11:10 am pt they have no shame. They justified it. Is that a “ki” Japanese character tattooed on Carter’s shoulder? Ki like keying a car 🚗? Keys 🔑 to life and death ☠️. Hades. Be hat i. 11:12 am pt time can never mend careless whispers of a “good” friend. There’s no comfort in the truth. Pain is all you’ll find. I’m never going to dance 💃🏻 again. 🎶🎼🎵🎤🎧🎸 11:13 am pt

11:36 am pt Instagram. Com/p/WXBue5HMXO/ Maru music? Ammar Malik 11:38 am pt

11:40 songs not music

12:29 pmpt my youngest sister blocked me from texting 💬 her. A lot of people spontaneously stopped messaging me on Facebook when I wrote to them in 2019. My aunt wouldn’t open a letter I wrote to convince her daughter in 2015 not to trust random people online Bcz of my experience with “Brendan” cramps 12:33 pm pt and my cousin didn’t open it either. She deleted it. My aunt seemed afraid 😱. Incubus did bad stuff to my aunt and her husband abandoned her in a time of need and he blamed her as if she did something to deserve what the incubus did to her. I don’t think 💭 she did anything wrong 😑 except marry him Bcz he’s a d*ck. She had 3 of his children 👶. And he made the children 👶 do a lot of labor. 12:37 pmpt there’s nothing wrong with them working a little, but he intentionally neglected them all when he neglected her. Left foot 🦶 bone 🦴 pain. All the children 👶 are very good I think 💭. He did not fix the air conditioning I think 💭 is what I heard. Right foot 🦶 arch pain 12:40 pmpt He’s now remarried and had more children 👶. 12:41 pmpt 12:42 pm pt I feel like I am at a dead ☠️ end. My sister won’t come to see us and she is still avoiding talking to me on my phone ☎️. 12:43 pmpt I have been abandoned like Uriah in battlefield. Incubus really did love 💗 king 🤴 David. Does not matter what he did as long as he loves incubus. 12:45 pmpt now my aunt has a nice house 🏠 Bcz my uncle is a jerk. 12:47 pm pt

12:48 pmpt incubus is an actor. If he did have phone ☎️ s*x with me he I guess was very detached and will do it with any one. It didn’t matter to him like it mattered to me in 2001, but it didn’t meet all my needs so since 2016? The romance and magic 🪄 of those times that I clinged to for years like gatsby died when I was confronted with his cruelty and selfish behavior (left hip bone 🦴 pain 12:54 pmpt) in 2016. When I watched the voice starting October 8? 2016 sometime after that the incubus said “I’m with Brendan.” To me he was saying Lean. On the voice people only knew of Brendan singing 🎵 true colors 🎧 song. Fletcher? Was it? 12:57 pmpt

1:06 pmpt everyone is ignoring me. Leaving me to die. 1:07 pm pt. I think 💭 incubus doesn’t need me and wants me to die. He wants me to commit suicide. He toyed 🧸 with me to make me neglect myself. Bcz my sister won’t talk to me I felt that I have to commit suicide. 1:10 pm pt (left heel left hip joint pain 1:11 pmpt. I only have mom and she is not great. Complained about health 😞. 1:12 pmpt jordi died. What does that mean for me? 1:13 pmpt he’s really into all the younger women for himself. It’s no joke or lie. 1:14 pmpt

1:19 pmpt incubus burned scorched right lower side. Hurts. Probably meant to kill me with starvation. Been doing it for many months, since last year. 1:21 pmpt. He put me in this weird position to be rejected 🙅‍♀️. Scott did not even express interest in having children 👶 at all to me. But he is probably doing very well. Dating teens. 1:23 pmpt left ankle pain. I feel now literally incubus has no intention to be kind to me ever. He hurt me first. 1:24 pmpt

2 pmpt my anus area was burned with acid very harshly. I found out it is completely bloody 🩸. It is as bad as it felt. 2:01 pmpt wow. I’m in shock. I should not be but I am. Denial denial denial all the time. I try not to be. Don’t worry ammar, it seems you were far more valuable to incubus than I am Bcz he needs someone to kill a lot of people for him. I was so naïve. That we could bring down the population in a peaceful way. Like March madness matches. Only one kid per family. But I guess some people really are better than others? Should we kill off all the men except for the 100 💯 sexiest alive? And all take turns with them? So the population starts looking homogeneous? We can all start to look 👀 alike like agent smith? In the matrix? We can all be agent smith in the future!? 2:07 pmpt then incubus woul have tattoo everyone on the face Bcz we all start to look 👀 alike. 2:08 pmpt maybe then he will get tired of (acid throat pain 2:08 pmpt) seeing the same face (acid throat pain 2:08 pmpt) and start changing our faces Bcz he misses the old varied faces. 2:09 pmpt

2:11 pmpt on tv 📺 maybe 2 weeks ago it said 1.2 million women go into menopause I forgot how often , maybe annually? 2:12 pmpt what’s accurate? Sounds like a lot of women. 2:12 pmpt chest pain 2:13 pmpt. Why was I born? To be unhappy ? I was born to be unloved and in desolation. Born to be a sacrifice to appease an evil 🦹‍♂️ river god of s*x? Dugard said she was made to believe that she was a sacrifice that saved all the other little girls. That she was a hero. What happened to her I consider bad. But god wants me to think it’s good. I can feel that. 2:16 pmpt if dugard knew everyone in the world 🌎 saw a reality knew a reality she didn’t know existed and in that reality everyone judged her to be a villain 🦹‍♀️ so they justified what happened to her so they can go on with their lives not caring about her, how would that shatter her? That people have justified her rape? Including god? Incubus? To everyone else behind her back only to be revealed during the apocalypse? 2:18 pmpt awful. Sh*tty. Undeserving. 2:28 pmpt 2:19 pmpt neck pain sharp

2:47 pmpt I have been left alone to figure out that that utopia is not doable? Even if it involves probably being close to what it is now only a limit placed on family/offspring count. 2:48 pmpt

2:49 pmpt if there’s no crime and illness then we would have more time for dating and being sure? 2:50 pmpt

3:11 pmpt stinging hot acid pain right butt cheek. Left brow bone 🦴 pain again and again. Maybe it happened already???? Aagent smith. Matrix. 3:12 pmpt

5:22 pmpt my experience is that I can’t force anyone to do what they don’t want to. Women can’t have s*x w/ a man who doesn’t want to? Hypothesis. Can’t do it if p*nis is limp? I’ve seen a movie 🎥 wedding banquet? Gay man married straight woman. They got drunk 🥴 and they did it. How often does it happen tho? Acid brain 🧠 pain. But they got (acid brain 🧠 pain 5:28 pmpt😖😭😫😩) 5:29 pmpt

6:31 pmpt I think 🤔 all the symbolism attached to me means if you let me die you’re acknowledging you are corrupt and a rapist? Bcz I am categorically probably a sacrifice like Jon benet Ramsey and dugard? 6:33 pmpt. Any doctors 🥼 who let me die and anyone who set me up to die are linked to human trafficking Bcz “Brendan” wanted to buy me a plane ✈️ ticket 🎫 when I was 16 years old. If there’s a pattern of corruption in cops 👮‍♂️ in a bunch of areas, it’s more probable that it is all areas and Brendan lean is a lynchpin for all s*x trafficking of minors. But you all want to protect him over me, this will go on for another 2000 years. That’s what my death ☠️ means. Autocorrect: deal dear. 6:38 pmpt all EARTH 🌍 is agreed with my death ☠️. You will all suffer from my death ☠️ onward. That’s what that means. Odin ? Was that the Norse god who travels the skies 🌌 some thing called the hunt? Sounds scary. That’s Nick Carter’s son’s name. 6:40 pmpt

6:51 pmpt Asian women are highly s*xualizes and murdered? ABC article I tweeted about Georgia? (Acid brain 🧠 pain 6:52 pmpt) Sierra LaMar is half Japanese. The nbc news 📰 and cops 👮‍♂️ said it was a hoax when Sierra asked for help Bcz she was kidnapped. Those who covered up 🆙 are most likely doing it Bcz they are s*x human trafficking. They’re most likely involved with that and trying to cover up 🆙 by framing some one else. Oakland cops 👮‍♂️ was forcing prostitution of a 16 year old. 1207 <- Pearl Harbor Sierra LaMar’s beginning case numbers. Scott cano likes to have s*x w/ teens. 6:56 pmpt Courtney woods/wood in 2010/2011. 12/07 David Scott cano’s bday. Friends with cops 👮‍♂️. Even though they did not find her body they have him in prison for murder even though she was probably In Saratoga in a house 🏠 w/ a red door 🚪. She could still be alive. Me and Sierra LaMar have a lot of similarities. Brendan Lean was probably my neighbor since at least 2011. He was a landscaper. We don’t know what the cops 👮‍♂️ intentions were when they labeled it a hoax. Remember Georgia and Oakland. 7:01 pmpt and rapists justify. 7:02 pmpt

7:03 pmpt s*xuallized not s*xulizes.

7:55 pmpt 2017?2018? Incubus gave me a hard time about making decisions. I have to decide in the moment to commit to an action otherwise the opportunity is gone. I don’t know how true it is Bcz he’s always lying 🤥. But if it is, then there won’t be a second chance. It will be set in stone. You will be stuck. 7:57 pmpt 7:58 pmpt if he’s really ordering people around to rape people is that fascism? 7:58 pmpt. Slavery? Sold soul to the devil 👿? Is it a threat? Bcz I’m threatened all the time but I don’t have a choice but to take this. Young people don’t do much these days I guess? Onlyfans. Random little things for pr. Pornography? = onlyfans? I’ve only seen a little bit of one persons only fans and she was ranting and showing her boobs. About money 💰 I think 💭 I remember. 8:01 pmpt 8:02 pmpt

8:06 pmpt how unromantic to let me die. I guess love 💗 is dead 💀 in incubus. 8:06 pmpt love 💗 is dead ☠️ with rape? I need the definition of fascism again. 8:08 pmpt yeah it’s the same thing over again he claimed behati forced him to marry her and every time I think (acid pain brain 🧠 8:09 pmpdt ) I believe him or write ✍️ something or say it out loud he shows an intimate picture of the 2 of them. It’s very pavlovs dog 🐶 I guess. 8:11 pmpt. Yeah thanks 🙏. I don’t like his face anymore Bcz he looks like he’s plotting murder all the time. 8:12 pmpt. I saw 👀 a picture of him touching her boob. It’s what ever now. Romance is dead. No more love 💗 songs necessary in a purely rapist corrupt society. To fall in love 😻 with incubus is a death ☠️ sentence therefore to listen 👂 to his Siren song 🎶 would only let me down. Like Shannon Ruth. A FAN. Nick Carter justified rape with his ki? Japanese tattoo. Prejudged even though she may be gave him the benefit of the doubt? Tummy ache 😖😭 the biggest let down to a young fan. Someone so greedy. Taking whatever he wants when he wants without regard for her well being and feelings. 😖😭😫😩😞 8:18 pmpt biggest insult to all fans everywhere. 8:19 pmpt

8:33 pmpt katakana. Does anyone know when he got that tattoo? Shoulder. Ki. Looks young in the picture. 8:34 pmpt

8:37 pmpt started burning 🔥 my left thigh and did my butt for several days. Incubus if you cut my head you can stop 🛑 my suffering and have the whole skeleton at once. 😑😖😭🥵😤 8:39 pmpt stop 🛑 saying shawna like you’re happy about 🪚 sawing me. Sometimes it sounds like that when he sings sugar. Acid brain 🧠 pain it was going to happen anyway. I don’t like 👍 it! I don’t like you! Keep your hands 🙌 on behati’s boobs where I can see them. 8:42 pmpt I don’t care 🤷🏻‍♀️ why would I now? 8:42 pmpt I’m prediabetic Bcz of him. It kills romance for me. 8:43 pmpt

8:47 pmpt and he likes child 🧒 rape. Another red flag 🚩. 8:47 pmpt him and his family endorsed it. 8:48 pmpt Jon benet Ramsey, dugard, Elizabeth smart? Possibly Sierra LaMar, too. 8:49 pmpt you like a system and men like that? You let me die and it will speak about your character for eternity. 8:50 pmpt trials shouldn’t be postponed for carter. 8:50 pmpt

9:17 pmpt incubus burned my butt. It might be killing the bone 🦴 making it easier to chip away. Nick Carter’s tattoo. 9:19 pmpt unfortunately for me the butt bone 🦴 is probably not that thick. So he might actually be taking it completely away. Not a lovely thing to do. Raping is very predatory. Like a hunter. Narwhals and rabbits 🐇 do they only survive by magic 🪄? 9:21 pmpt 9:22 pmpt incubus faked me out with Brandon Boyd’s invisible man 👨 Instagram avatar? Icon? 9:23 pmpt. Incubus/god really advocates the raping of 11 year olds and younger Bcz they really are heinous. 9:24 pmpt. That’s what my death ☠️ symbolizes. The continuation of sacrifice ig children 👶 to men for s*xual predatory behavior. Alike to the sacrifice to a wicked demonic god of a river or ocean 🌊/sea. The siren 🚨 🧜‍♂️ 9:26

9:29 pmpt in a world 🌎 with billions of people rape should be outlawed. 9:30 🕤 a rapist system includes greed/selfishness, exhibiting the worst character traits of a human, landfills and wastefulness, organized crime, untrustworthy “professionals,” making for a weak and unpleasant unpeaceful economy. 9:32 pmpt (autocorrect: unpractical 9:33 pmpt = incubus says a world 🌎 w/o rape is unpractical I guess? I had a thought 💭 but I got cramps 😖😭 I don’t remember right foot 🦶 hot burned 9:35 pmpt) rape is unromantic cold 🥶 not humane. We should outlaw romance romantic songs and movies if we are going to allow rape to be normalized by incubus. 9:36 pmpt

9:42 pmpt the fish 🎣 at the bottom of the ocean 🌊 in (acid throat pain 9:43 pmpt) finding Nemo. Ladies ! Just keep swimming 🏊‍♀️!

9:56 pmpt I looked 👀 again at that new planet 🌎 if I found the same one ☝️ then it is 100 light 💡 years away. That doesn’t sound good to me. I jumped to conclusions Bcz of that d*mm anime. And incubus toying with me. 9:58 pmpt I hope there’s another one closer (autocorrect: nothing 9:58 pmpt )

10:10 pmpt maybe 100 light 💡 years is wrong ? Maybe it is closer? How do they see 100 light 💡 years away? If it takes 100 years to see the light how do you see something that is probably only reflecting light 💡 half the time? Shouldn’t you only see light Not actual objects? I don’t get it . Am I wishful thinking 💭 I probably am. Unless they have internet down there 100 light years away to transmit an internet signal through relays of satellites 🛰 trying to figure out what sounds logical w/o knowing much. Socratic method. 10:14 pmpt

10:16 pmpt yup I recalled the TESS. Testing memory and trying to figure it out. 10:17 pmpt

10:22 pmpt it really is far then. Had too much hope for nothing. 10:24 pmpt . I wish incubus will cut my head off then. 10:25 pmpt this life is too tortured to be worth living. 10:25 pmpt would need a very fast plane ✈️/shuttle with a worm hole 🕳. 10:26 pmpt I don’t trust anyone who let me suffer. Especially during covid. 10:27 pmpt right shin pain. 10:28 pmpt

10:38 pmpt I’m stupid. 10:39 pmpt incubus cut off my head now! Please stop 🛑 hurting me. Cut my head please. No one’s doing anything about Sierra LaMar and composting at the hotel. I need another bin. 10:41 pmpt hot sting left upper thigh hip 😖😭😫🥵

11:10 pmpt this probably won’t help me at all but when I was a baby 👶 I lived in me looking park. Stereo hearts 💕 connection? 11:11 pmpt he burned my hip joints it feels acidic Bcz it stings with how hot it is. 11:12 pmpt this isn’t fair! Cramps.

Zzz 11:17 pmpt I did not want to be alone! You keep taking away my feelings! Making me confused! How dare you say things as if I didn’t want MORE! Genuine feelings and love 💗! (Pain right foot 🦶 11:19 pmpt)(acid brain 🧠 pain right foot 🦶 bottom abrasive pain 11:20 pmpt) I was afraid 😱 to meet more people and try again. I wanted the search 🔦 to be (<-what’s w/this ?. I put ! 11:33 pmpt) I wanted to find someone already. 11:21 pmpt why do I get the worst treatment all the time! 11:23 pmpt. I HATE YOU! 11:23 pmpt

11:28 pmpt every guy seems to try to manipulate me into having s*x too early and then gas ⛽️ light 💡 me about their intentions. They’re lucky 🍀 I tolerated them at all. Trying to give them a chance even when I don’t feel 100% like it. Unfortunately I should have listened to those feelings more probably and stop 🛑 trying to get to know them and keep them interested (left eye 👁 abrasive pain 11:31 pmpt) with out giving into s*x. But I failed! Over and over again. Speak 🗣 for yourself if you want to talk about people who pretend to Love 💗 people. Jordi is dead ☠️!

11:34 pmpt

11:36 pmpt cut my head off and leave me alone incubus. 12:56 am pt unfortunately Adam Noah Levine has prematurely judged me when I was a kid 👧 and he was probably 15 years old when I was 9 years old. I shared my colored pencils ✏️ and markers with the whole class when I was 7 years old. He looked over there or claimed it as something that I should have no credit claiming. He is prejudiced against me. He refuses to acknowledge when I wanted to feel something real even though I had too much fear to be myself completely. I grew up 🆙 learning to watch what I say a lot Bcz my mom was always annoyed with me. I had to learn to walk on egg 🥚 shells . He still holds it against me for not completely being myself. He splashed more acid in my brain 🧠 while I tried to sleep 😴. Unfortunately for us he is hypocritical and overly critical. Without understanding. Without sympathy 💐 or empathy. It is alarming and overwhelming that we have thus type of person to deal with having the power to destroy us yet claim to have righteous judgment. 1:03 am pt

1:04 am pt in 2010 I had the goal 🥅 to change myself to be more honest natural and in a good mood si that I might be more naturally good to people Bcz I usually felt I couldn’t talk to anyone unless I could present myself in a happy state of mind. 1:07 am pt I believe I already wrote all this in tumblr and that I did reach my goal 🥅 but incubus took it away. 1:07 am pt 1:08 am pt

1:08 I don’t recall telling Scott my feelings except when I said we should not have s*x and that I liked josh b4 he bit me. 1:09 am pt I think 💭 he didn’t really care to really hear 👂 my feelings and he was too busy trying to set me up 🆙 to fall and look 👀 bad. 1:10 am pt he asked me once if I liked him but he didn’t seem to care again. I thought 💭 I remembered (tummy ache hot 😖😭1:11 am pt) looking down feeling shame that I could not say yes. But he didn’t really respond to my absence of a verbal answer. He seems to like to ask things (right ankle pain 1:13 am pt) but then it seemed like only for show. Bcz he didn’t allow me to verbally decline kissing 😽 him. He didn’t respect me verbally declining s*x. When he asked about the condom I laid there with my eyes 👀 closed trying to figure out what to say and to have the strength to say. I think 💭 I might have been paralyzed? In a way from being able to respond. He waited for maybe 45 seconds? And proceeded to do what he wanted with me without respect. No condom. I had talked to a doctor 👩‍⚕️ after it happened and the doctor believed he got the cat 🐈 hair on it intentionally (pain bottoms of feet 🦶 1:18 am pt). He asks for show. But doesn’t care what you answer. He will get what he wants from me regardless of what I want or need. 1:19 am pt vag pain left foot 🦶 pain 1:20 am pt

1:23 am pt I started thinking 💭 that whoever touched me with my eyes 👀 closed must have been a woman 👩🏼. 1:24 am pt

1:31 am ptmouth acid pain right shin bone 🦴 acid 1:31 am pt he only had one condom left and he got cat 🐱 hair on it from the bed 🛌. 1:33 am pt

1:34 am pt I think 💭 I might have saw the condom box 📦 but did not commit it to memory. Maybe 🤔 he used all the condoms with other girls b4 me? 😑😩🥵😤 1:35 am pt

1:50 am pt I guess some people think 💭 I’m a b*txh. I ve been in pain all my life. You wouldn’t understand if you were allowed to grow to your natural height. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ how tall you are but I’m under 5’2” like Sierra LaMar and the similarities don’t stop 🛑 there. One of my parents was 5’7” I think 💭. 1:53 am pt. Every time I got sick 🤒 I always hoped it would be the last time Bcz it was agony. 1:54 am pt my uncle had money 💰. I asked my mom to confirm. They gave us money 💰 for the pizza 🍕 but yes I was a little selfish. I grew up being very thin and short. My dad was a teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 and complained about his work environment and he was very frugal. He composted. He took out his own trash 🗑. The students on campus threatened his life pushing him into the rails but he had to follow specific rules to not get in trouble for defending himself. Security guards walked the campus Bcz students set trash cans 🗑 on fire 🔥. If I looked unhappy with my resting face I got lectured. 1:59 am pt

2:21 am pt when I had my first permanent job I only took vacations to see my sister and when my eczema got bad. It was decided I was to be a sacrifice probably b4 my cousin Jeremy was conceived. Being a sacrifice included painful (hot right cheek pain 2:24 am pt) 3 seasons of running sports when I got shin splints but kept going didn’t quit. I had to rest and ice 🧊, with tall buckets 🪣 of ice water 💦 and pain medication 💊. I dropped chemistry ⚛️ Bcz I was burned out from biology 🧬 summer school 🏫 Bcz I almost failed the second semester being online too much with Nick and “Brendan”.. I think 💭 I got a little obsessed about “Brendan.” I will remind you I did graffiti is art 🖼 for my thesis for senior project of high school 🏫 Bcz I guess I was obsessed a little? (Acid throat pain 2:30 🕝 am pt) I don’t know why I am a b*tch. Maybe Bcz my mom was annoyed with me since I was 4 years old. I used to remember her tone when she told me to clean up my toys 🧸 when I was 4 years old when she came home 🏠 from work and it was dark. 2:31 am pt my sister went off to Pratt after buying a new dx model car 🚗. Mom helped her with the loans and I had stayed at community college for 4 years? And drove a very old cheaper car 🚗. My mom didn’t pay very much for my community college I did federal work study 📚 and grants. I usually tried not to ask for a lot. But my sister did all these things and my mom helped her with the loans. My uncle my cousin’s father worked in the tech industry and said his hands 🙌 are like a surgeons hands 🙌 and claimed he helped invent the gyroscope? For a computer 👨‍💻? 2:35 am pt his father was an inventor, too and had a walnut farm in Missouri. When my aunt worked it’s a pharmacist her boss gave her some gold jewelry as goodby presents. She worked for an old rich man in Saratoga for years. I had a lot of times being sick and eczema problems and other pains like from braces and being called anorexic looking. I once scratched myself in my sleep 😴 and woke up 🆙 with very bloody sheets. I had dark circles under my eyes 👀 which my mom said to sleep more. I was punched in the head very hard 3? Times in a row and my vision blacked out and I became a little autistic maybe? 2:40 and I hit my head a lot very hard on hard surfaces. And I had memory issues. Probably Bcz of it. No one cared that all this was happening to me. I hit my head or was punched and no one did anything for me everytime. 2:41 am pt I didn’t feel normal. I had to deal with everything including my mom getting a hemorrhages cerebral aneurysm when I was a senior. She had high blood pressure. My dad was old and unhappy. My sister although had better health and circumstances than me she blamed me for being weird that I was causing her social problems? She couldn’t take me anywhere. She didn’t like the way I treated a friend of her even though he was a guy and it was my first time meeting him. She wrote something like she didn’t like being protected? Some thing like that in a journal. She didn’t need that from me. But I guess I was weird the way I did it. Bcz I was damaged in the brain 🧠. But no one cared. So if I am scared to spend more money 💰 on someone else when I’m already helping my mom and I have to deal with my fears like my brain 🧠 when no one else would help me since I was a kid then oh well it’s my problem for being a b*tch. 2:47 am pt I’m the problem it’s always me. I forced myself to finish UCB even though my eczema got very bad and teachers and nurses looked at my hands and told me I should drop school Bcz of it. (Acid throat pain 2:48 am pt)

[misssolitudesmusicblog]

My Music for October 2022

Dear Tumbler,

Happy Halloween! I hope that my monthly music blog finds you well and thriving. Hope everyone has had an amazing spooky season, I know I most certainly did. My dog Prudence definitely gave a spook this month when she wasn’t feeling too well and had me thinking it was a goodbye. I am happy and relieved to report that she is doing better. My dog is elderly and has been with me for 14 years. I hope next year to throw her a quincenda for she has been my best friend and most loving companion. Anywho my October was filled with many festivities with family and friends. I am so thankful for the time I got to share with them. I definitely look forward to the holidays with my family and friends. Thank you to all who have been following me this year and have given the time to listen to the music that has resonated within me. As always here is the link to my music for the month of October:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/52lBmq9VrxWiGq6Z6POS12?si=a32cc9f741d04b27

without further adieu coming in at number…  

55. Shore Story by The Mars Volta

54. Relax/Divide by Hail The Sun

53. Little Trouble Girl by Sonic Youth

52. Dear Prudence by The Beatles

51. Psycho Killer by Talking Heads

50. Feeling Myself by Wolf Alice

49. Therapy pt. 2 by Robert Glasper, Mac Miller

48. La Unica -Sprite Limelight by Kali Uchis

47. Miss You by Oliver Tree, Robin Schulz

46. Pink + White by Remi Wolf

45. Yes I’m Changing by Tame Impala

44. Growing/Dying by The Backseat Lovers

43. Call Off The Bells by The Early November

42. Cruel Melody by Black Light Burns

41. Heaven, California by Honey Gentry

40. Halloween by Phoebe Bridgers

39. Crystal by Stevie Nicks

38. Forget Me Nots by Patrice Rushen

37. Sabor a Mi by Eydie, Los Panchos

36. Little Dark Age by MGMT

35. Vampire Girl by BOYO

34. Midnight love by girl in red

33. Drive by Deftones

32. Talk To You by ALEXSUCKS

31. Songs About You by Sunbeam Sound Machine, POPPONGGENE

30. Body by Glume

29. Witches by Alice Phoebe Lou

28. Oh Kalhome by Jack Stauber

27. Porno Witch by Devil’s Witches

26. Sisters of the Moon by Fleetwood Mac

25. Fox’s Dream of the Log Flume by mewithoutYou

24. Fear by Current Joys

23. Sex-I’m a by Lovage, Mike Patton, Jennifer Charles, Nathaniel Merriweather

22. Xerces by Deftones

21. Careless Whisper by Eagles of Death Metal

20. Meet Me on the Equinox by Death Cab for Cutie

19. Change Acoustic by Deftones

18. Haunted by Beyonce

17. Test by Bedroom

16. Venus In Furs by The Velvet Underground, Nico

15. Seven Devils by Florence + The Machine

14. Uninvited by Alanis Morissette

13. Come Undone by Duran Duran

12. Spiders by Junglepussy

11. Shirt by SZA

10. Surround Sound by JID, 21 Savage, Baby Tate

9. Rainbow Signs by mewithoutYou

8. Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away) by Deftones

7. Randall Flagg by Surf Curse

6. Dolce daydreams by Monica Riskey

5. Monster Mash by Bobby “Boris” Pickett, The Crypt-Kickers

4. I Put a Spell on You by Sylvia Black

3. Black Magic Woman by VCTRYS

2. Soledad by Bomba Estereo

1. The Chauffeur by Deftones

Well folks that’s all the music that made my October. Wishing everyone Happy Holidays and a great rest of the year. 

Sincerely,

Miss Solitude

[tohokuu]

3:02 AM - backseat fling / park seonghwa

word count : 2.5k

warnings : heavy making out, childhood friends to enemies to lovers, impact play, degradation, seonghwa’s mean and gets slapped.

a/n : based on a dare and a real life experience

“you’re so fucking annoying.” you barked at him. he looked at you with disgust, a snarl coating his lip.

“just load the fucking boxes backstage.” he yelled back. you did as told, grabbing the heavy boxes and lurching the last of them onto the polished wooden stage.

“done.” you said to yourself, and halfway to the dark haired man standing near you with his own pile of boxes that didn’t seem to be ending.

“how are you already done ? they gave you less boxes, didn’t they ?” seonghwa asked with a roll of his eyes.

“wrong. i came early and got my shit done. no one asked you to come 40 minutes late, seonghwa.” you snapped at him.

he angered you beyond words. it made you wanna punch him. all those stupid comments he’d made ever since you were little and all those stupid things he’d do to piss you off.

“bitch.” he whispered underneath his breath. you clenched your jaw, deciding that saying nothing was better than saying anything at all. walking away from him and down the hall to the main lobby, you grabbed your bag and car keys, heading to the front door.

just before you could make it out, a flash of black passed by you and you were pushed into the side of the doorframe. you groaned in slight pain, ready to yell whoever it was that had so careless bumped into you.

“what’s your fucking issue ?” you yelled before being met with the only idiot that you didn’t want to see.

“my issue is you.” he said. you wanted to slap the stupid smirk off his face. he seemed relieved at making your life a living hell.

“my issue is that you won’t move away from my fucking car.” you yelled at him.

god, so much yelling and barking and snapping and snarling. what a headache over one guy who’s managed to piss you off on every occasion since you were 7 years old playing in his parents backyard.

-

“seonghwa, i wanna play too !” you yelled at him. you carried your long maxi up, holding it above your ankles.

“you’re gonna rip your dress, idiot !” he yelled back.

he pushed you off the trampoline, sending you flying into the short, clean-cut grass. you hit your head so hard that a bump formed. your lips downturned and tears gushed from your eyes, immediately catching seonghwa’s attention.

he quickly got down from the trampoline, coming to your side before your crying got loud enough to attract your mothers.

“y/n, don’t cry ! please don’t cry. you can hit me if you want ! i promise but please don’t tell my mom. i’ll even get you ice cream.” he cried, fat tears pouring down the apples of his cheeks.

you cried more as he consoled you, hugging you close to him and rubbing the bump on your head.

“i won’t.” you responded, quieting down your wailing and sniffling the snot back into your nose. “but you have to get me the strawberry popsicle, okay ? i want the ones with the shortcake pieces on them !”

seonghwa nodded, showing his two missing front teeth.

“i promise !” he told you.

-

“i wanna be the mom !” you argued with him, slapping his arm. he grumbled loudly, “no ! i’m gonna be the husband and you’re gonna be the wife !” he told you before forcing you into the small race car bed.

you grumbled but listened anyway. the small affection he showed you while playing the stupid, childish game of ‘house’ ignited a measly fire burning in your 10 year old heart.

“i want-“

“yeah, i’ll get you more strawberry ice cream, okay !”

-

“seonghwa, seonghwa !” you yelled, a huge smile encasing your face.

“what is it, y/n ?” he grumbled back. your smile faltered at his tone, wondering why he was being so uninterested in you.

“are you mad at me ?” you asked.

he didn’t look up from his game, continuing on the playstation his mother had just bought him and ignoring the new shopkins you wanted to show him.

“i am. now get out.” he said, flatly.

you couldn’t help the wobble of your bottle lip. the way it jutted out and your eyes slowly became glassy.

“i just wanted to-“

“i said, get out.”

-

“hey, seonghwa ! let’s go to-“

“get out of here, punk !” he yelled at you. his friend laughed beside him, staring down your form that was dressed in a small baby pink frock with your hair tied in two pigtails with ribbons.

“i’m not a punk!” you barked at him, crossing your arms over your chest. “and i’m telling your mom !”

seonghwa rolled his eyes, knowing you’d never tell his mom but when he saw his mom come outside to the backyard and deliver a smack upside his head, he knew you were no longer his.

“seonghwa ! why are you calling y/n a punk ? that’s not nice. wait until i tell your dad when he comes back from work.” his mom scolded him.

seonghwa fired up. he felt humiliated. his friends snickered besides him and there was a small smirk in your form who stood a few feet away. your eyes crinkled in joy as you watched seonghwa get berated by his mother.

it was satisfying to say the least.

he wanted to rip the stupid bows out of your hair and stomp on them just to make you cry, but he didn’t.

instead, he was just so much meaner than that.

-

“y/n’s so stupid to go after a guy like him. no one even warned her ?” seonghwa laughed. he looked at your crying form across the school cafeteria. “there’s no way she’s actually crying over that asshole.”

but you were and damn, it hurt so bad and it hurt to see your old bestfriend sit so many tables away and laugh at you like you were some kind of joke.

“she’s pathetic.”

-

“seonghwa, get out of the fucking way !” you yelled, pushing him to the side but he wouldn’t budge.

“do you just enjoy making my life difficult ?” you cried to him. he laughed, crossing his arms over his shoulders.

“yeah, pretty much.”

you groaned, wanting to slap the fuck out of him.

so you did.

it landed right on his cheek, leaving the worst of marks. it was dark and shaped your hand perfectly. he looked down as veins popped in his neck.

you gulped and stepped away, absolutely regretting what you did. your each step back was a step from for him.

“i-i’m sorr-“ you apologized, but he didn’t exactly care. not once had you lifted a finger against him in the 12 years that you’d known him.

“shut the fuck up.” he snapped at you. you flinched, cowering under his height and this is when you realized how much bigger he had gotten.

‘this is such a bad time to be thinking about stuff like this.’ you told yourself but you couldn’t really help it.

his vein was bulging in his temple and neck. his hands were itching to grab onto you and his chest was just so wide and his shoulders were so broad.

“stop eyeing me up and down.” he called your wandering eyes out.

“i-i’m not-“ you argued back but he grabbed your hands, pulling you close and slamming you against the car door.

“unlock the car, y/n.” he said.

you gulped, fishing in your pocket for the remote and hitting the unlock button within nanoseconds and within those same nanoseconds, you were pushed up against the backseat of your car.

he was laying on top of you with either knees on each side of your hips.

“you’re so infuriating.” he growled against your neck. you whimpered, looking into his dark eyes that seemed to be clouded with more than just anger.

“i don’t even know what to do with you..” he trailed off. his hands wandering around the backseat window and the other next to your head.

“kiss me.” you told him, abruptly.

“wha-“

“just fucking kiss me, you stupid fucking idiot.”

“i’m not a fucking idio-“ he started but you cut him off with a hungry kiss. your lips clashed against his and they felt so warm. his tongue messed with yours without wasting a second. he was hot and his lips were hot and his hands on your waist were hot.

“you wanna fuck me so bad, don’t you?” he asked you.

“just say you like getting your desperate dick wet.” you barked back in between the messy, wet kisses.

your arms trailed behind his neck, pulling him closer and closer until it was physically impossible.

his hands trailed to your thighs, squeezing them before pulling them apart so he could slot himself in. you felt the hard on in his loose trousers, pressing against the inside of your thigh and in the heat of the moment, you thought you wanted it inside of you.

“you’ve gotten so pretty,” he praised. you nodded, pushing his head down and he obliged, taking his kisses farther down south, against the corner of your mouth.

he led down and down until he was at your neck. he kissed hard, sucking and biting.

“i don’t care how old we get; you’re always gonna be mine.” he growled lowly.

you whimpered at his words, heat pooling in your panties. it was like he could feel the heartbeat down there and pressed his hard crotch against yours.

you moaned as his hard cock caught onto your clit perfectly. your hands trailed to the short hairs on the back of his neck. pulling slightly, he groaned in satisfaction.

“f-fuck, seonghwa !” you cried out. you pressed your hips up, trying to gain more friction on the growing problem in your pants.

“keep saying my name like that, slut.”

you bit your lip at the name, holding back a moan you knew you didn’t want to let him hear and it seemed like he knew.

slapping the edge of your thigh, he forced a gasp and a moan out of you by pressing his hard dick against your thin pants and rubbing into your clit.

“you’re so fucking dirty, y/n. i had no idea.”

“you never bothered to find out.” you snarked back. the vein in his forehead bulged and a scowl twisted onto his lips.

“what a fucking brat.” he cursed at you, slapping your thigh once more. you moaned in response, enjoying the punishment you were receiving.

“gonna fuck this brattiness out of you by tonight.”

-

thanks for reading !

reblog dudes ! likes don’t help us. reblogs do !

[turnpage]

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

feel free to change to fit your preferences as need.

❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜
 ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness.  ❜ ❨36❩ ��� If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives?  ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.  ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly.  ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope —  It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together.  ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase.  ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord.  ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you.  ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory.  ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are.  ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences.  ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise.  ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table?  ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death?  ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable.  ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you.  ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner.  ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away.  ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

[nancyqueerler]

Robin and Nancy get a camera where they take videos keep as memories, hidden away in their closets (🤭) but they practically carried it everywhere with them, have it as a time capsule that they open up when they're, like, 30-40 years old and it's just filled with videos of them sharing moments meant for only them. A particular favorite would be them dancing to 'careless whisper' or 'nothing's gonna change my love for you' in a wedding hall but it's entirely empty; they snuck in after all the guests had left.

[licncourt]

Idk if you have already answered something like this, but do you have any thoughts or headcanons about what our Precious But Sometimes Stupid vampires would think of newer technology like Google Dot or Amazon Alexa, or even just texting/group chats? I'd love to know how they interact with stuff like that! I bet Daniel would be exhausted trying to help the rest of them figure that stuff out correctly. Love your blog, it's amazing!

I have SO many thoughts about this actually because as a concept vampires with technology is inherently funny (my sense of vamp humor was shaped by WWDITS 2014). And thank you so much!!

Lestat LOVES new technology and he has absolutely no fucking idea how to use it. He's got the spirit though and the two things he can do successfully are take hundreds of selfies and text Louis with too many exclamation points and emojis. He's also the one friend with the perpetually cracked phone screen no matter how new it is. He won't put a case on it because that ruins the aesthetics. Tiktok seems up his alley if he ever figures it out, as does livestreaming. If he knew how to vlog, he would.

So Daniel is pretty good with tech, he enjoys it and tries to keep up with new developments, but he is also a boomer, so he's probably not going to be quite as down with the kids as he wants to think he is. I'm thinking "soccer mom with an iPad" level of tech literate. He can do decent troubleshooting though and is Lestat's main hookup for new devices when he breaks them or downloads seventy viruses from clicking on pop-ups

Louis pretends to be a total luddite but he's actually not. It's all an act to keep Lestat and Armand from trying to find his social media accounts. He's not super great with it, but he's reasonably competent and has a secret Twitter that he uses to save artwork/poetry/etc and to get in fights about history and culture. He might have a sad boi finsta with pretentious photography and melodramatic captions, but I haven't decided. He's torn on ebooks when Daniel shows him the Kindle app. The practicality is unbeatable but on principle it feels wrong

Armand is the best with tech and internet culture in general. He's on his phone 24/7 scrolling socials, online shopping, networking, and basically just girlbossing it up. When Bluetooth comes out, his earpiece becomes a fifth limb. I mean, he's still limited by his circumstances, but he's pretty damn savvy and even keeps up with new memes/slang terms. He doesn't use them, but he has a mental catalog mainly so he can feel superior to everyone else

Marius ONLY likes Youtube and texting. He has no interest in being taught anything else. All he needs are TedTalks and instant communication with everyone he knows so that they all have to hear every thought he has. It's a lot of thoughts and literally no one cares. The four times a year it's something important no one gets his message because they've stopped checking and he has to use the trusty brain beaming method

There is definitely a group chat. Lestat and Marius talk the most (incessantly). Armand chimes in when he has something snarky to say to one of them. Louis has it muted, but Daniel texts him screenshots of anything particularly stupid

Armand has probably scammed someone with NFTs (as he should). Daniel literally does not care anymore as long as his one Bitcoin keeps going up (he bought it as a joke in 2011 for like $10 and totally forgot about it. He's sitting on 40 grand now and has no idea what to do what to do about that)

Lestat is fascinated by Alexa and the like, but he doesn't have one because Louis is horrified by the privacy implications of the whole thing. Lestat just wants to be able to talk to a machine and have it play him Careless Whisper on command. He does not care about internet privacy as long as his life is convenient

[toastedkiwi]

Rough Day

Summary: after finding his girlfriend in bed with another, Sebastian is down in the dumps but thankfully you and your little girl come to his rescue.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Single Mom!Reader

It was not a great day for Sebastian. The chick he thought he might marry was caught in bed with another man. So that was fun to deal with today. He just overall feels like absolute crap. He's now just looking and staring up at the ceiling as he lies in the middle of the bed wearing only boxer briefs. His hair is all wet still from the shower he took to try and make the day somewhat better.

You come into Sebastian's house with Kasey, your 5 year old, and the giant puppy that's all grubby. She probably shouldn't be carrying it but she insisted that she does so that Sebastian can help her clean it. You put the groceries down on the kitchen island whilst Kasey rushes off to find Sebastian.

"Bassy! Open the door!" Kasey yelled kicking his bedroom door and she struggling to hold the wiggly puppy.

Sebastian immediately leaps out of bed and is at the door within the next second. He opens it up and Kasey marches past him.

"Whatcha got there, munchkin?" Sebastian asked following her.

"What does it look like?" She sassed standing in front of the closed bathroom door. "Now, will you help me or what?"

He just laughs and opens the door for her. She walks in and Sebastian follows. She heads to the bathtub as he closes the door. She puts the puppy in and nearly falls in but Sebastian grabs the back of her jacket.

"Why aren't you wearing any pants? Sir Oreo of The Five Dinosaurs on the West Side doesn't appreciate this!" Kasey exclaimed looking up at the man.

Sebastian laughs and wraps his arms around her. She squeals when he picks her up and holds her against him.

"I'm very sorry. Can you explain it to him?" Sebastian asked looking at your daughter.

"To whom?" She asked.

"Sir Oreo of The Five Dinosaurs on The East Side," Sebastian said and he kissed her cheek.

“It’s West!” Kasey corrected.

“Oh my bad,” he said.

"Where's your pants?" You asked checking in on the trio.

"I have had a day from H-E-L-L," Sebastian said looking at you.

"Ok, we can talk about it later," you said giving him a smile.

He nodded and Kasey said, "you gotta help me clean the puppy, Daddy."

"Alright, Kase," Sebastian said and you headed off smiling.

It wasn't rare for Kasey to call Sebastian daddy and honestly he doesn't mind it at all. He adores it. It even happened in front of his girlfriend— his ex girlfriend. He didn't hear the end of it when he drove her home after dropping you and Kasey off. It should've been a red flag but he was having such a hard time trying to get someone stick that wasn't his best friend.

Sebastian held up the now clean white fluffy puppy that has black speckles earning its Sir Oreo Of The Five Dinosaurs on The West Side. Kasey had insisted that they fully blow dried the pooch and Sebastian could not deny her which is why they now have a fluff ball.

"Dinner!" You called out.

"Alright, let's go eat,” Sebastian said holding the puppy.

Kasey reached out for her puppy. He gave her Oreo reluctantly. He walked with her and decided she's taking forever. Sebastian scoops up the two up making Kasey squeal and he headed off with a smile. The trio comes into the kitchen and Sebastian places Kasey in her favorite chair at his dining table. He kissed the top of her head and you come over with a huge serving bowl of spaghetti which is both Sebastian's and Kasey's favorite.

"SPA-HETTI!" Kasey cheered.

"First, we gotta put the puppy down," you said.

She frowned but let it loose on the ground. It went off exploring and Sebastian could careless. He's got a huge bowl of your spaghetti on the table and Kasey on his right. You serve Kasey first which prompts Sebastian to try and get a bite off of her plate.

"Daddy, Stop!" Kasey whined as she kept trying to elbow him.

He wraps his arms around her and kisses her cheek. You laugh at your two favorite people interacting with each other. Sebastian lets her go seeing that he's got a plate of spaghetti in front of him.

~~~

You are tucked right under Sebastian's arm as you and him are laying down on the big grey sectional couch. Mulan plays and Kasey is seated on the floor with Sir Oreo. The duo have the biggest and most fluffiest blanket that Sebastian has wrapped around them.

"Talk to me," you whispered looking up at Sebastian and putting a hand on his bare chest.

He looked at you and whispered softly, "I was gonna propose but I found her in bed with another man —actually two."

"I'm gonna kill her!" You said sitting up.

"Mommy! Please! We are trying to watch Mulan defeat the HUNS!" Kasey sassed looking at the two of you.

Sebastian put a hand over his mouth before he bursted out laughing.

"I'm sorry, baby," you said.

"Thank you," she said and looked at the screen.

You looked back at Sebastian and propped yourself up a bit.

"She doesn't deserve you. You deserve a lot better than that poopy head," you whispered.

"Oh, she's a poopy head?" Sebastian questioned with a smile playing on his lips.

"I'd like to say something a lot worse than poopy head but there’s a child in our presence," you mumbled.

"I know you would but what if I don't deserve anything better than the poopy heads of the world? What if this as good as it gets?" Sebastian asked.

"Sebastian," you said frowning.

"What? It's true. No girl wants to be with me," he whispered solemnly.

“Then what am I? Swiss cheese? Sausage? A pepperoni pizza from Joe’s?” You joked.

“Wait, what?” He said confused.

“First of all, all your fans are teenage girls, women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and beyond,” you whispered. “They’d happily get into your pants except the teenagers— they gotta wait till they’re legal.”

“Where are you going with this?” Sebastian asked.

“Daddy,” Kasey said climbing onto the couch.

“Yes?” He asked letting her climb onto him.

“I decided that I’m moving in with Oreo,” she said. “We’re moving in here.”

“Fine by me but your mama’s gotta move in too,” he said.

“She can sleep with you in your bed and you won’t need Wandy,” the five year old said squirming.

Sebastian is about to correct his ex’s name but he doesn’t see a point. He just puts his left arm around her keeping her in place where her back is against his chest.

“And you’ll get the guest room?” Sebastian asked.

“Yeah,” Kasey said.

“Alright, I’ll be sure to get you a dinosaur bed,” Sebastian said.

You had slipped off the couch as they countinued to discuss what will happen when the three of you move in with him. You let the little puppy outside in the backyard.

“You should just marry my mommy,” Kasey stated.

“You’d want that?” Sebastian asked.

“Yes, Daddy,” she nods her head. “I think Mommy would like that a lot.”

You soon come back in with Oreo and helped him onto the couch.

“Y/n?” Sebastian said.

“Yes?” You questioned grabbing the blanket off the floor.

“Would you marry me?” Sebastian asked.

“Do it, Mommy,” Kasey exclaimed.

“You both are crazy,” you said. “But sure I’ll marry you.”

The two cheered excitedly and Oreo yipped with them.