#4:00 am bad decisions

[joypawz]

Zombie. Aka a Undertale Yellow fic cause my brain cannot handle the horrors even though I was warned about them lol

So basically, this all originated from me seeing iilmunchkiin's comic of Martlet, Starlo, and Ceroba's reaction to Clovers rotting corpse (MAJOR GORE. VERY GOOD GORE BUT GOOD LORD) at four in the morning the night before. SO, I MADE A FIC TO FIX THINGS IN MY BRAIN LOL!

Anyways not promising this is good. Not beta read other than by me who is dyslexic lol

Is it accurate to the characters??? No this is the first time I've written about them lol

Anyways enjoy this fic lol

Quick warning Starlo explains what a zombie is and what they look like lol just to the extent of what I said above lol

Zombie

Martlet sat next to Starlo and Ceroba awkwardly. It wasn’t that she hadn't hung out around them before! She definitely had! Just… You know… Not like this… Usually she was invited over for dinner or she would run into the two when she was in the Wild East or the two were visiting Snowdin. But today was very different.

Something really weird had happened to the whole underground and the idea of Clover’s coffin being damaged horrified her so much she decided she needed to check up on them instantly. She hadn’t really been prepared to see Ceroba and Starlo there though. They of course were polite and made space for her; it was just a very different atmosphere… You know sitting next to the stone coffin…

“Why’d you come ��ere?” Asked Starlo trying to make small talk. Ceroba promptly lightly smacked him on the back.

“What he means is did you come here because of what happened earlier too.” She translated.

Martlet nodded slowly. It had been about just a couple hours ago. She had been sitting in her house working on a jigsaw puzzle when suddenly she had the oddest feeling. It felt like her very soul was shaking around like it was trying to leave her body and then suddenly she was out like a light. She swore there was something that happened between her soul shaking and then waking up but she couldn’t remember. She had decided a walk would be good but when she walked out of her home and saw other monsters were getting up from the ground, she had begun flying over to check on Clover's coffin.

“Yeah… The whole weird soul thing happened and I thought maybe it was an earthquake!” Martlet explained.

Starlo nodded, “Yeah had the same idea…” 

The conversation was silent again.

For a while.

“Do you think anyone has lifted the coffin lids trying to see what they look like… I mean monsters turn to dust… Some monster probably got curious…” The thought of it made her sick.

Ceroba and Starlo just stared at Martlet.

“Well if they did they saw something real disgustin’.” Starlo said, looking away awkwardly.

“What do you mean?” Asked Martlet, a gross curiosity taking control.

“A lot of movies travel their way to the underground… Seen a few of em. Personally only keep the westerns. But I saw something called a “horror” movie when I was a little kid and it had something they called zombies and their flesh was rotting off of em.” Starlo explained.

“Star. Don’t ever say anything like that again,” Ceroba said, sounding like she was trying to forget what he said and was now horrified.

“Oh…” Martlet felt sick to her stomach… “You mean…”

“Maybe…” Starlo mumbled regretting the words he had let out.

Ceroba stayed quiet just staring blankly at the coffin… What had she done…

BAM!

Martlet flew back letting out a shriek and yelled, “ZOMBIE!” While Starlo jumped back just as quickly trying to pull Ceroba back -who’s ears instantly pinned back at the loud sound- away from the coffin that had just made the loud “BAM!” sound.

The banging continued until eventually with one last “BAM!” the lid went flying to the wall and made another loud BAM! And shattered.

From the coffin rose a perfectly not rotted Clover who stared blankly at the three before saying only one word, “Brains.” And put their hands up in the classic zombie fashion.

Starlo wasn’t sure whether to cry or burst out laughing while Martlet just stared in shock and Ceroba sat blankly trying to process what just happened.

Starlo eventually chose both. Practically tackling Clover as he hugged the poor kid while laughing and sobbing, “My deputy’s back!”  

“Zombie deputy,” Clover corrected Starlo in their flat way of theirs earning them more laughter from Starlo.

Martlet soon joined in the hugging and crying.

Ceroba while quiet for some time with only her tail wagging just the slightest bit until eventually she let out a the ugliest and loudest sob and joined the hugging and crying pile.

“You’re crushing me. Please don’t kill me again,” Clover eventually had to say as they were in fact being crushed by three full grown sobbing monsters.

[lysarria]

Warnings: Fluff, Tiny hint of PTSD, Cussing, Lots of love ❤️

Words: 3562

I enjoyed writing this and I hope that you all enjoy it as well. This story will be 2 parts. Possibly 3. There will be typos. Thank you for reading ☺️😘

A love that never fades

Part 1

Finally got the last box out of storage and into my house. Long distance moving and trying to get everything lined up is frustrating and very exhausting. I flopped my tired body onto the couch to rest my sore feet and back. I reached for my phone to check the notifications and I saw I had new text messages. Most were in my group chat with Cat and James (My friend and Sy's sister Catherine and her husband James who is good friend of Sy's from the Army). I replied in our group chat and went to my next set of new texts and they were from Lily (Sy's Mom).

Lily - Good morning sunshine and welcome home! We are thrilled that you are back here. We think of you as family and love you. You are always welcome at our house.

Let me know if you need any help! If you are feeling up for it later today we would love to have you over at the house for dinner and catching up. You're welcome over anytime but we will start cooking around 4:00. :)

While reading her messages I started to tear up a little bit and felt happiness in my heart. I moved away for a job opportunity little over 3 years ago. I gained a great deal of experience to further my job advancement but the feeling of being out of place and alone started to wear me down. I knew where I belonged so I put together a plan and made it happen. I replied back and let her know that I'd love to come over and that I would let her know once I was on my way.

I placed my phone on the ottoman and jumped up and started to dig around in boxes and putting together an outfit for this afternoon. Once that mission was completed I decided to turn on some music to rock out to and start working on unpacking boxes and figure out how I wanted to setup the house. Mötley Crüe - "Kickstart my heart" came on and that music adrenaline rush hit and I was rocking out all over the house cleaning out boxes while memories of Sy started to flood in and how he had taken me to see Mötley Crüe in concert a couple of times. He would always stand close to me, especially during the slow songs. He would stand behind me and wrap his arms tightly around me. Damn, I miss him. Does he miss me? Does he ever think of me ? For whatever reason we became distant after I moved. Honestly, the man is on my mind probably more than he should be, but maybe that's not such a bad thing. I sighed and shook my head and reset my focus back on the task.

I took a much needed long shower. The hot water felt so good on my sore body. Now it was time to finish getting ready and drive over to the Syverson's for dinner. I sent Lily a text to let her know I would be leaving soon and should arrive in 30 minutes. I am excited, nervous, happy and somewhat emotional on this drive. I haven't seen them in years and I have missed them so much. It is such a beautiful drive in the country to their house.

The leaves are starting to change colors for Fall. The feeling of actually being home is becoming stronger and stronger. The feeling of real happiness is sparking again. Moving back to Texas was the best decision and I'm excited for the future.

I entered their long driveway and came to a stop. I stepped out of the car and grabbed my phone to take a picture. They have Pecan trees and Oak trees along the sides of the driveway. The color of the leaves are so magical. A slight breeze blows the leaves around and the smell of crisp air flows. I've always loved their property. Out in the country. Away from the loud and busy city. Out here it's just nature and peace. I let out a content sigh and get back into the car and continue on. I parked my car and got out and looked around. Sy's truck is under the car port. He would always leave his truck at his parents during deployment. I could feel my heart speeding up just seeing his truck and all the memories I have with him. Our random adventures, driving around just because, going out to eat, sitting on the tailgate and watching sunsets. He loves that truck and seemed that he also loved having me sit next to him with his arm around me. I know that I loved it and I would put my head against his chest. I know he's currently deployed in Iraq but a big part of me wishes that this was a surprise and he was actually home because he's pulled that surprise on me before. I jumped as a dog started to bark at me and my eyes quickly located the incoming dog. "Hank!?" I quickly squatted down and greeted their Chocolate Labrador, Hank. I gave him lots of love and pets as he's trying to lick my face off and dancing in excitement. All these years and he remembers me! Then I hear laughing and look up to see Lily and Felix (Sy's Dad). I stood up and walked towards them and they met me half way. Lots of hugs given and received. They are two of the kindest people I've ever met. Chatting away in the driveway with Lily and there's good ole Hank at my side. Felix went back into the house but returned in seconds. I can hear keys jingling and slightly curious. Lily stepped away to check on dinner and Felix motions for me to follow him. We chat back and forth as we walk to Sy's truck and he hands me the keys that I heard. I looked at him and then to the truck. Felix smiles at me and says "Go ahead Sweetheart. I saw you checking out his truck when you got here." I unlocked the door and slowly slide onto the custom made leather bench seat. I looked down at the set of keys and Sy still had something on the keyring that I had made for him many years ago when I was learning different crafts. A small metal charm in the shape of Texas and I had engraved Sy and a little heart below his name. I put the key in the ignition and started up his truck. Ahhh that loud rumble. I can't help but smile like a big goof. His truck had such a distinct sound. Everything inside looks almost the same as a few years ago. I turned off the truck and slid out of and I handed Felix the keys and thanked him. He then looks at me and says "You know he loves you, right." Tears immediately start to form up as I look at him. Shocked and unsure what to do or say. Felix reaches out and hugs me tightly and as I'm crying I tell him that I love his son so much. He patted me on the back saying "I know you love him, sweetheart. You always have. You're very special to him and to us as well. You bring out a side of him that not many people get to see. You truly make him happy, dear."

Felix made sure I was okay and then stepped back into the house to help Lily with dinner. I walked around the yard with Hank by my side as I gather myself and my thoughts before I head inside. We walk up the steps and I open the door and I'm hit with the wonderful smell of Pot Roast. Lily and Felix always made the most delicious meals. I head into the kitchen and let them know dinner smells great! Lily smiles and winks at me. "We knew this was one of your favorites and we felt a good comfort meal would be perfect for this evening." Felix is making homemade mashed potatoes and rolls. I thanked them for doing so much for me and it wasn't needed. They just shake their heads at me and Felix said dinner will still be a bit and to make myself at home.

I walked around the house and viewed the framed pictures on the walls. Many pictures of friends and family. Army pictures. Baby pictures. A few of the pictures I remember and then some new ones. Pictures of Cat and James adorable daughter, Skyler. She is 2 years old. There's a picture of my Dad and Felix. They were both Majors in the Army. They had met on Base and quickly became good friends. That is how I ended up in this area during my highschool days. My parents had divorced and I picked to live with my Dad. He was transferred to Texas and of all the places we lived. This is where I felt the most at "home." A lot of that is from meeting the Syverson family and how fast they welcomed us in like we were family. Now I am in my late 30s and this is where I still feel the most at home and welcomed. I stepped down the hallway and there's one of my favorite pictures of me and Sy at a Fall festival. Both of us making goofy faces while lost in a corn maze. I can't believe that was almost 4 years ago. Another picture is me with the Syverson family on Christmas. Cat came up with the idea of doing an ugly Christmas sweater photo op and everyone actually agreed to it. That was a fun day. We did the photos after opening our gifts. So to add to the ugly sweaters we decided to stick bows on each other and do silly pictures. His family has such a great sense of humor and very laid back. All these memories makes my heart feel alive. I walked down the hall more and enter Sy's old bedroom. He always liked to stay at his parents house from time to time. Framed Army certificates, Medals, Awards and Army group pictures are hung on the walls. His stereo system and large music collection still sat in the same spot as I remembered. The top of his dresser had a couple of framed pictures. One of him with his parents before leaving for his first deployment. The second picture is of us at Cat and James wedding 4 years ago. Sy in his Army dress uniform....*swoons*. Another favorite picture of us. They had such a beautiful outdoors evening wedding. I grabbed the photo and sat on the bed and just stared at it. It's so obvious that we love each other. I have so many regrets and I'm sure Sy has regrets as well. I do hope that whenever he returns home that he will want to see me and we can talk. I miss that man so much. Half of my heart feels empty without him. Then I hear a knock on the door and Lily walks in. She sat down on the bed next to me and looked at the picture with me.

"He called us a couple of days ago. We told him that you were getting yourself settled in. I could hear a difference in his voice once I mentioned you. He sounded livelier. He asked if you were single! Oh my boy. That was his first question about you. I could hear him smile. If that makes sense. When I told him that you were single. He said he wished he could get on that plane now and come home. He probably has three more months on this deployment but maybe things will change and he can come home sooner. That would be wonderful, huh? Ya know....you should mail him a Care package. I remember when you would mail him packages and letters all the time. You helped him feel like he wasn't too far from home or alone. He knew he had people back home that cared and loved him. I think that would be quite the surprise for him on mail day! I will write down his address for you. He decided to date about a year and half ago while he was home in between deployments and that didn't last long. That girlfriend was absolutely the worst nightmare ever and really messed him up. He was really hard on himself after that. He wanted to jump in his truck and drive out to see you. He kept kicking himself for not asking you out. So many years he wanted to ask you out. He wanted to take it further with you but he always hesitated. We sat right here on this bed and had many discussions about the two of you. I believe in soul mates and I feel it in my heart that you two are meant to be. You both were teenagers when you met but even then. You both clicked like you had known each other for a lifetime and got along perfectly. It was hard for him to fully wrap around the idea he had met "the one" at such a young age. Then he went into the Army and was away so often. He wasn't sure if you wanted that life with him because you grew up in the Army life with your dad. At times he wondered if he deserved to have you in his life in that way. Each deployment changed him and I get it. I went through it with Felix. Just like you had seen a change in your Dad over the years. I told Sy that you are both strong people and can handle anything that is tossed at you. As he grew up and older he realized more and more that you were his world and didn't want to be without you and kicked himself for the past and letting all these years slip by. You two have such a special bond and no other woman has made him feel the way that you do or treated him so lovingly the way you do. I think things will fall right back into place as they were with you two and your future together will be bright and full of happiness and maybe even a wedding! Then we can officially make you a Syverson!"

Lily winked at me and I can feel that I'm blushing and my face hurts from smiling. Felix shouts from down the hall that dinner is ready!

Dinner was amazing and the best meal I've had in a long time. We sat at the table talking and catching up. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the sun was setting. The sky was covered in orange, red and a hint of yellow. I quickly jumped up and asked if one of them would take my picture with Sy's truck so I could print him a copy and put it in his care package. We rushed outside to capture the gorgeous sunset before it was gone. The sun was shining brightly through the trees. Felix took a few pictures for me and then I asked for a group picture. Of course we included Hank! It was very entertaining trying to get the 4 of us in a picture but we finally got it. I can give Sy a copy of that picture as well. We go back inside and continue to chat and catch up. Lily yawns and I didn't realize how fast time had zipped by. It was almost 10:00 p.m. I thanked them again for a wonderful evening and everything they had done for me. They followed me out to my car. I gave Hank some pets and told him bye. I hugged Lily and Felix again and got into the car then Lily stops me from leaving and runs into the house and returns with a post-it note and smiles at me. It's Sy's Military address. It's too late to shop for items tonight. I know what my plans are for tomorrow after my morning jog. I'm excited to go shopping for Sy like I use to and buy some of his favorite things. The drive home went by fast as I had many thoughts going in my brain. Having someone and something special to look forward to. It really makes each day better and happier.

I got up early and went for my usual sunrise jog. Afterwards, I went the post office to get Priority mail shipping boxes and then off to the store to buy items to put into his care packages. It's been such a long time since I've felt like this. The excitement for him to receive my packages and how he'll react when he opens. If only I could see those reactions. From the way his parents talked to me then he should be over the moon. I purchased: coffee, creamer packets, beef jerky, trail mix, oatmeal cookies, granola bars and packs of crackers. Then I decided to get some candies that were cute and a little flirty. In my head I could see him shaking his head and grinning as he pulled the items out of the box. So off to the candy aisle! I tossed a variety of different types of Hershey's kisses...they probably won't survive the Iraq heat but I'm sure he'll still enjoy. Looking around I spot Hot Tamales candies.... I mean...he is pretty damn hot. Perfect find. Tossed a couple of boxes of those in the cart. The last great find... Gummy bears! Of course. I've called him Bear for almost 20 years. Then I went to the other side of the store and purchased some hygiene products that will I will put into a different care package box. Off to the register to purchase the items. I almost feel like squealing and dancing as I exit the store. Before going home I swing by the photo center and quickly print off some copies of the pictures we had taken the day before.

I placed all of the store bags on the living room floor and then I went to browse my crafting box for cardstock, stickers, markers and glue. It's been a while since I've mailed him a package but I had kept all of the supplies. I sat on the living room floor and started working on the packages. Trying to decide on what to write on the inside flaps of the boxes. Then it hit me...."Someone in Texas misses you beary much!". Cute, cheesy, corny? I'm going to go with my heart on this and just be me. After writing that on the flaps I placed a big cute bear sticker on one flap and then placed some little red hearts on each flap. I filled up the boxes with the items I had purchased. I wrote a short note to him on the inside of a card and wrote my phone number at the bottom. I'd love to hear his voice. I placed the photos in the card and sealed the envelope. I looked at both care packages and felt like they were ready to be taped up and to be mailed. I decided to add a little extra love and put some hearts on the outside of the boxes as well. I wish I could see the looks he receives whenever he picks up his packages.

Off to the Post office I go. I took a picture of me with the boxes and sent to Lily. Packages were accepted and later today they will officially be on the way to Iraq to a very special Captain. I get back into the car and Lily had replied:

Wow Honey!! You were on it this morning, huh?! You are such a wonderful person. Thank you for caring and loving our Son like you do. Thank you for loving us and we love you and glad you're a part of our family.

Each day I check the tracking numbers on his packages to see their progress. On day 10 the status on both of his packages change to Arrived to Military Post office. They made it ! Now the feeling of being nervous/anxious hits. I check the tracking again a few hours later and the status has changed. Green words that say "Package delivered to Recipient." I thought I was nervous and anxious earlier. Nope. What I feel now blows that away. I want to jump up and down, scream, cry, giggle, dance. Every emotion is hitting me. Will he call me or maybe just write to me. I can't concentrate on anything. All of my thoughts are on him and these packages I sent. Hours go by and nothing. It's almost 9:00 pm and my phone starts to vibrate and I freeze in spot. I grab my phone. Unknown number. I accepted the call and said Hello. I hear a lot of crackling. No voice. I say hello again. Still just crackling. Then I hear a deep breath...

"I miss you too, Sweet Pea."

..... To be continued 💚

Tags: @mayloma @identity2212 @happydistraction @blah80 @beck07990

[wifey-ohara]

Blood and fire, they burn the same way

Part1

Angsty miguel &teen spider!reader

Notes: mentioned characters death, nothing major, sad, mentiones of threats of violence, this one is just dull really, i should really add to it ,hobie is here!,not proof read

tag list:@mvlanchqly

4:00 am

You woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and well rested, it's been years since you had that kind of good sleep, is this what revenge feels like? Now you understand why villains hold grudges so bad

With a small smirk, you got up and got ready for your day, you didn't have anything to do today, so a day in the lab it is then, your mood got better at the decision you made.

Then it fell back down

There he was, right where you left him, leaning on the wall eyes so puffy you doubted he could open them

Pathetic

With a small huff you entered the kitchen making yourself a drink, hoping that your day wouldn't be ruined

You were almost done when you heared him a take a sharp breath,

It took a moment for him to move, standing up and walking towards you, blocking your exit,, too much for hoping you think

"Good morning " his voice was hourse, raw, painful, how much did he cry

"morning" you replied standing in front of him drink in your hand, waiting for him to move

"..H-how did you sleep?" he asked, almost shy

"good, thanks for asking" you answered

With a slight flinch he backed up, giving you room to move and go to your lab

-

Miguel wantched you leave and then with a click, you were gone

He wondered how hard is it gonna be, if it isn't impossible

So now, sitting in the couch his brain trying to process what happened to him in those last few days

He killed his wife and daughter because he was selfish, destroying a universe in the process

He missed his actual wife's death when she waiting for him to return, he didn't get to say goodbye, he doesn't know if he deserve to do so

And you, with you cold eyes and colder replies, pouring acid into his wounds, he deserves it, he knows he does, but he wants to do right by you, try and fix whatever shattered glass left between you two, and it seems that it'll cut him every step of the way, and he doesn't mind one bit, as long as you don't wish him dead, that's all he wants, not forgiveness, not a relationship, not love, only a middle ground, to live with you without feeling the heavy air around

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the lab door open

"thanks Ben, I'll read it and take care of it" you said getting out, a screen showing that you're on a call with ben, another saving a report

"thanks dude! I'm sorry i didnt do it last night, i was so tired i fell asleep so quick!" the voice from the screen said

"don't worry about it I'll see you next time" you said hanging up..

Then a normal door opening and closing again,, the one to your room this time

He sighed, leaning back on the couch, staring at the ceiling above him

What wouldn't he give for forgiveness?

And then the door knocked...

He stood up to open it, and was shocked to find..

"hobart?"

In all his punky glory, with his wide and wild hair, shiny piercings, hobart brown was at his door step

He was smirking a cocky smile, one that fell the moment he laid eyes on the taller man, soon turning into a frown as he looked miguel up and down

Miguel was still confused..

Hobie recovered quick though, pushing past him and into the house, yelling "Ayo, smartass, where you at? You're never late!" into the house, it didn't surprise miguel that much, what did surprise him was you, coming out of your room, a playful frown on your face "I can get too occupied in a project from time to time" fixing you outfit

He stood there in the middle of the living room watching you walking around, collecting your, phone, wallet and anything else someone would need for an outing, hobie behind you talking about something or the other, he didn't really care

He knows he shouldn't ask, that he has no right to do so, but the words leave his mouth, forced.

"where are you going?"

-

You paused midway through your quick search for your stuff, looking at him, hobie also quieted down behind you, you know it a big deal when that happens

Hobie Brown was your closest friend,(he might say that someone earns such label when you have a bunch of friends, and then choose who you let in or not, which you don't, but you'll roll your eyes every time at it anyway) knows about your fathers, rather nostalgic trip he had for 12 years, only he and lyla do, he found out when came to loot in on your snacks and found you crying, rare, yes, but possible, he asked you what was wrong and you told him, what was a talk about your mother turned into your life story, he listened the whole time, only commenting after, he had alot of choice words, still does but you convinced him out of going to the universe your father was in and beating the crap out of him both for cheating and abandoning you

So now, the fact that he didn't have a "talk" with him is impressive, what's more so, is that he didn't answer miguel at the moment

Is he being funny?

No way he thinks that i must answer

Did he hit his head, is he insane?

Taking a breath, you look in his eyes, red irises, red and puffy "out." you said, continuing your tour around your house, then heading to the door where miguel stood, going past him and leaving, you could swear if you had a knife you could cut the tension he caused, as if he ever caused anything else to you

"be safe" he said

"as if they needed to hear that from you" hobie scoffed, slowly reaching his limits

"Come on we're gonna be late" you said, already out the door

sorry for not posting, just can't seem to write lately,but i promise to get them doe eventually!

[ms-moonlight-inn]

10:00 pm. Time to make some bad bedtime decisions. Tagged by @jrooc @mybrainismelted @lingy910y & @bawlbrayker to do a ✨✨ FIRST LINE ANALYSIS ✨✨ (escándalo)

Rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics/chapters posted on AO3 (if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics) and try to draw some conclusions.

#1

"Milo - portrayed by Ian Gallagher

Catchphrase - Duct tape won’t fix that!

Dante - portrayed by Mickey Milkovich

Classic Dante Move - raised right brow and Elvis-style lip curl."

Shame-proof, written with @notherenewjersey

#2

"He's been doing this for a long time now, Ian's beginning to wonder if it's too long. It was fun at first –a hobby to keep his boyfriend out of trouble, out of juvie, away from his family– but now Mickey's his husband and doing drag has become a bonafide profession." Enough Ain't The Test

#3

"The last thing Mickey remembers is falling asleep with one thought in mind: 'Get me the fuck outta here.' The last thing Ian remembers before closing his eyes and drifting off last night was: 'Get me out of this South Side hell hole.' Happy Wish Night, Asshole

#4

"'Stay in bed, it's still early.' Ian whispers the words, careful not to rouse his slumbering husband." Passenger Prince

#5

"Ian loses things, loses them all the time. His keys, his wallet, his focus, his sanity." Eyes Of Disarray

#6

"It’s 2 am when Ian notices it for the first time. That 'it' feeling, beginning at the center of his solar plexus and radiating down towards his stomach and up to his throat. Soon, his body’s engulfed in the feeling, the it." Mango and Yuzu Flowers, written with @notherenewjersey

#7

"The frayed hole at the bottom of his backpack threatens to bust loose any minute, but that doesn't stop 10-year-old Mickey Milkovich from marching his scrawny ass down the railroad tracks." The Adventures Of Striker The Cat, written with @deathclassic

#8

"King has been planning this for a long time. For longer than he can consciously remember, his brain has been thinking on the prom dilemma and planning out how to make it happen." The Reactions Of Friends, The Combustion Of Elements (King and the Dragonflies)

#9

"After two weeks of expediting at The Bear, he gets his first asshole customer. A real asshole, not those posers pretending to be difficult, trying to get a rise out of Sugar as a way to score a free meal." Baby Steps (The Bear)

#10

"Planning a caper is exactly like planning Thanksgiving dinner. You gotta start with your end time. When the fuck do you want to get out of there? Or rather, what's your departure?" The Caper, written with @notherenewjersey (Our Flag Means Death)

***

Analysis:

Man, I sure as fuck love utilizing in media res as a starting technique, don't I? No preamble, no mincing words. Just dive straight into the bullshittery of my story & let's go. Don't worry, you'll pick up whatever information you need along the way. 😁

I also noticed that I often either start a fic with the person that the story is not about (kinda like an insider's outside perspective if that makes sense), or I make sure to include the perspective of both characters. And I think I do this so that I have an excuse to dump as much information as I can without having to stop the narrative for a bunch of explanations. I could literally just build-in pertinent information in dialogues or headspace narrative as the introductory character(s) interact with each other and/or their environment.

***

Well, ok. I'ma tag a few people, with no pressure to play: @blue-disco-lights @transmurderbug @sluttygallavich @sweetbee78 @depressedstressedlemonzest @transmurderbug @rayrayor @gallavichgeek @energievie @spacerockwriting @sgtmickeyslaughter @ian-galagher @callivich @palepinkgoat

As always, I'm forgetting a bunch of people 'cause my memory is shit. 🙈 Sorry, I mean no harm.

[octuscle]

I really like the transformation of this guy in a professional soccer player! Well I know the feeling to wish for another decision in the past. I work actually as a construction worker because my gf got pregnant in college and I had to earn money quickly. Now we're divorced and I don't think I'm a hero for my son. That would be different if I said 'no' in the past going my way into sports and maybe got draftet in a money-spinning sport. Maybe my son would have a poster with me on it on a wall in his room today if I decided otherwise in the past. I'd like the same program as the other guy - changing my life and my past. I take the risk not becoming a hero but please give me a chance, chronivac support

No problem, you can use the preset as often as you like, that's the least effort. You are now not quite as old as the soccer player, so with an initial age of 36 like yours, the result will be 18 years… Depending on the sport that fate decides on, your career can be almost over or just beginning. 4:00 PM, you just got off work, shall we get right to it?

Boy, I mean, you're not exactly in bad shape. But you've allowed yourself to get a little carried away, haven't you? And the tattoos would look better with less flabby skin. Well, that's going to change. Actually, you wanted to order a pizza while you were scratching your sack. But suddenly you don't feel like it anymore. Instead, you write a message to your gym buddy, with whom you have been training for a few weeks, asking if he spontaneously has time and wants to do a training session. You meet in half an hour at the gym.

The guy at the reception greets you with a fist bump. You've been part of the inventory here for a year. Some people with a fine nose may be bothered by the fact that you don't shower after work before you start training. But nobody can say that you are not a role model in terms of motivation and discipline. A year ago some things were still wobbling on you But now there's hardly any fat left and the muscles are coming really nicely. You also have your life better and better under control. No more alcohol, no more cigarettes. Your alimony checks come on time and are always covered. Even if the mother of your son doesn't want to have contact anymore, your son at least follows you on Instagram. In the meantime, you have a good 2K followers who accompany your transformation. You are proud of that, too.

20:00 o'clock, you two are done. A few more poses in front of the mirror. Four years of hard training have turned you into a model athlete. And with your fitness followers you now make more money than with your job as a construction worker. But you want to be a role model for your son, just being an influencer is not a profession. It takes you an hour to shower, shave your body and trim your beard. When you leave the studio, you want to look good. Even if it's just to go home and cook. You are a domestic person. And besides, it saves money. And you make a live stream out of the cooking, which gives you a few more followers. But it's also a hard job. By the time you've eaten and cleaned up the kitchen, it's already 11:00 pm. And the alarm clock rings at 5:00 am. Time to go to bed. Actually, at 29, when you have a body like yours, you should have more fun in life. But you've been a father for seven years, and that obliges you. With the birth of your son, you've completely turned your life around. Even though you are divorced, you still have a good relationship with your ex-wife. And your son already writes you good-night text messages. Hey, you know people who are worse off!

Your routines include drinking a liter of water before bed. It flushes all the toxins out of your body overnight. Can't be much with your diet, but you like routines. However, this often means that you have to pee again at night. Today so about 02:00 clock. You have to be quiet so as not to wake your wife and son. The little angel breathes regularly. It is nice to hear this sound from the neighboring room while you fall asleep again.

06:00 in the morning. Your wife hits you with the pillow. Like every morning, when you don't turn off your alarm clock after a microsecond. She gets her good morning kiss and you head off to the gym. You're always one of the first of the team to get there. The janitor already knows you. They call you the Swiss clockwork. Always on time, always reliable. Discipline is everything. You have the chance to live out your passion for ice hockey here. You've been on the ice since you were eight years old, and you've been a professional for four years. In Canada. An absolute dream!

10:00 a.m. Press conference. You're just 18 and you've managed to get signed by the London Knights as a European. Your stepping stone into the National Hockey League. Everything is still terribly exciting. But you are a sporting prodigy. And you've spent your whole life preparing for this moment. You speak English and French fluently. Despite the double burden, you skipped a year of school and graduated with honors. And your girlfriend is pregnant. It was not planned. But it happened. And you are both very happy.

The nursery is already furnished. Above the crib a poster of you. You have to expect that you will not see your son for one or two weeks. But he should always have a picture of you in front of his eyes.

[eriexplosion]

These will probably get broken pretty much immediately but. Last minute double feature predictions:

Identity Crisis

Tech comes back, but he's not Clone X. He's just back. They had to go get him and he's maybe injured, but he's alive. Seems too simple? Well. Continuation of that.

Hunter knew that he was alive, gathering intel on Eriadu. And didn't tell anyone, least of all Omega.

The reasons for this theory: 1. Hunter is the only one to have never directly brought up Tech, in our one shot of him with the goggles he doesn't actually look at them, he looks past them at Lula. (Extra tinhat moment too but there is a light positioned behind the goggles that make them look like they're on, implying Tech is alive.) 2. Hunter also is established in season two as calling Tech every time he falls and receiving the confirmation 'we are alive' - but Omega is conveniently unconscious for an undetermined period of time. Long enough for Hunter to have commed Tech. (Also as a 2.5 - we could even wrap Plan 00 into this, if Tech told him 'I am alive, plan 00' or something of that nature.) 3. Hunter has a SIGNIFICANT track record of withholding information. The first thing he does in this show is lie to Crosshair about being sure that the jedi kid fell to his death (lol) and he doesn't tell Omega about trying to send her with Cut and he doesn't tell Omega about Echo planning to leave with Rex and it's implied he might not be planning to tell Omega about her being force sensitive. 4. Reflects War Mantle when Tech was the one to make the decision to leave Hunter like he was told to.

Anyway Omega is Pissed. Hunter told her Tech didn't make it (technically true) and let her grieve, alone, in a cell for months. No he couldn't have predicted she would be taken, but that's what the results were.

The identity crisis is Omega wondering if she's even a real batcher if she's not being treated like one of the team that deserves to be told things? Something as important as WHETHER HER BROTHER WAS ALIVE?

Also Omega deserves to be mad okay she's been building up her Upset for seasons let her explode please.

They do at least manage to make it back to Pabu but she's still Pissed

Point of No Return

Of course they make it back in time for the Empire to invade Pabu because HEY REMEMBER THE THING VENTRESS TOLD Y'ALL VERY CLEARLY TO YOUR FACES?

Things Are Very Bad, Pabu's residents are being rounded up/several are killed

Shep and possibly Lyana are captured and arrested (I still think that shot in Juggernaut is of Wrecker carrying Shep)

Omega gives herself up hoping that it will mean saving Pabu and because APPARENTLY self sacrifice is what you DO in this FUCKING FAMILY

They do take Omega but they continue wrecking the place including blowing up the Marauder

They escape via an imperial ship after Hunter yeets several stormtroopers off of it.

Everything Is Very Bad.

[robotstrategy]

Recalled • Part 4 • 28 - Nero

Previous • Series Masterlist • Part 4 Masterlist • Next

TW: Menstruation + Puberty Trauma + Hinted SA

5:00 Am, her alarm clock buzzes at her before the sun even rises. Nero sits herself up in bed and stretches out her back, her abdomen seems to be cramping more than usual, but that’s just normal everyday things for a girl, right? 

Nero changes into her boeuf uniform of a t-shirt and camo pants looking over at Madison and Ester, envious that they get to sleep in a bit more. She pulls a plastic bin from under her bed, searching for a box of protein bars, picking one up she shoves it in her duffle bag and takes her water bottle with her downstairs. Closing the door to her dorm she spots a hall monitor in the corner of the hallway, they’re usually here to make sure no funny business is going on, but for right now they're only here to make sure the bœufs don’t sabotage each other before their day on the field. Walking down the empty hallways to the stairwell Nero notices that it’s spitting outside, which means that it’ll mostly be a day of battle strategies. Unless of course, the sergeants want them to act out a cold war, Nero hopes they don’t go with that second option, but she knows they’ve done it before in a torrential downpour. 

“Nero!” She hears someone yell, she turns around and frowns, it’s Mark. He runs up to her as she nears the military classroom. 

“Listen, about what I said Wednesday, I’m sorry, I didn’t know what happened.” He pauses, “I know why you’re upset to have titles now, I would be upset too!”

“It’s fine.” She opens one of the two doors separating the classroom from the main building.

“No, you don’t understand, I’ve felt something like it before, there’s a girl who had a memory about something that would’ve happened to you if you weren't strong enough.”

Nero looks back at Mark with wide eyes, she then turns back around to open up the second door. “If you really need someone to talk to go talk to the therapist, I know people think that they can talk to me because I have one in my brain, but please don’t. I don’t want to hear about your second-hand trauma.”

She holds open the second door so he can grab onto it. “I, I understand,” he tells her.

Inside the class, all four drill sergeants and the Admiral stand around a pile of white masks with Rewind classes on them. Nero already knows all the all the classes, Friendly, Rewinds mostly made of tithes, Ward, like the name suggests they’re mostly made of wards of the state, Troubled, mostly made of Awols, and Hostile, a special class that only needs one really bad part to qualify you for it. The drill sergeants and the Admiral spot Nero and Mark and one of the drill sergeants hands them their masks. Mark is a Troubled, no surprise there, but when Nero is handed her mask she gasps a little, she qualifies as Hostile.

Nero points to Starkey’s face plate, “It’s because of him isn’t it?”

The drill sergeant nods, “Sorry, I don’t make the rules, not even the head lady does, the government wants you all to be classified this way.”

Nero puts on the mask in shame, dragging her feet to where she usually stands, it seems like the government is always behind every stupid decision, it took an entire uprising just for them to stop unwinding. One thing that Nero can say about the masks is that they seem to work like one-way mirrors, it’s perfectly clear on the inside despite the white exterior.

More and more Bœufs pour in, some smile when they’re given masks, but others look horrified, Nero feels a little better that she’s not the only person who feels this way about these masks. Nero realizes something about the masks, because they all have ball caps to cover their heads, the uniqueness of their hair is taken away, and because of their masks now their unique faces have been taken away, this was the government's idea on how to make them uniform.

“Alright!” A drill sergeant roars, “Has every single one of you been given a mask?”

Nods all across the room. “Good. Now, a lot of you might be thinking different things about these masks, these were not given to you because of the military, even your friends who aren’t Bœufs will have to wear them if they want to cross the border. Even Recalls.”

Nero grumbles, what’s the government’s problem with them? Are they not ready to face the fact that they created Recalls and Rewinds out of the necessity that no one wanted to buy unwind parts anymore?

“In the next coming weeks, you’ll be studying. You already know that we’ve split you into medics, bœufs, and ammo makers, in the military you can be split into so much more. We plan on finding what exact practicality you fall under. Now hit the books!” 

Nero goes over to the shelf to pick out a book, uninterested in anything Nero waves her hand over the bookshelf, seeing if Roland will grab at anything. He does, surprisingly, it’s an aircraft manual. Nero rolls her eyes, she goes to sit down at the table Zachary was sitting at yesterday. He’s not here yet, but Nero can’t expect someone who isn’t a bœuf to be up this early. 

She watches as Roland’s hand flips through the book, he flips for a while until landing on a page with a chopper, and he aggressively points at it.

“Umm, yeah, a helicopter,” She aggressively squints at her arm. “Why?”

Nero gets Roland’s arm to flip back to the beginning of the manual, if this is really what Roland is interested in well then Nero better just go along with it. He does make up most of her limbs after all.

Nero squirms around in her seat as she flips through the manual, sure, she’s been cramping ever since her first body assessment, but it feels even worse today than it usually does. Her left arm slams against the table, it seems like Roland has gotten annoyed with all her movement, so Nero sits still, holding her other hand to her abdomen. 

Two figures wearing Ward masks come to sit down across from Nero, minding their own business.

“Huh, I’m surprised you two aren’t scared of me,” Nero remarks.

“Psh, think I’m scared of some beefy bœuf, I make guns sweetheart.” One of them responds, ‘She sounds a lot like Madison.’ Nero thinks.

“Madison? Also, I use those guns sweetheart.” 

The same Ward lifts her mask ever so slightly, Nero was right, it is Madison. “Nero?” She asks. 

“Yeah.” Nero clutches onto her abdomen harder.

“Are you ok Nero? You look like you’re trying to get a giant cut to stop bleeding?” The other Ward asks, she sounds a lot like Ester, she probably is Ester. 

“God, well, that’s what it feels like, do you think my appendix is bursting?” Nero asks, now holding both hands to her abdomen.

“We weren’t made with appendixes Nero,” Ester replies. 

“Darn.” Nero mutters, “So what the hell is this? A nasty stomach bug?” Nero squirms around some more, it feels like someone has stabbed her in between her legs, and is gutting her from the inside out. Her entire body is uncomfortable at this point, both her arms are trying to soothe each other and Roland has gone all knock-kneed.

Nero looks over to the clock on the wall, it’s only just hit 6:45. Nero grimaces ‘Momma didn’t raise no little bitch.’ She thinks, neglecting the fact that she has no mother, nor was she raised, she looks back up at the clock, only about 10 more hours to go, Nero can do this.

It’s when suddenly she feels really gross, she already shoved her hand under her mask to put her palm to her face, and it’s oily. Why is it so oily and gross? And why can she feel pimples all over it? Why does it scar her face when she picks at them? There’s liquid leaking into her underwear, and Nero thinks her body is failing her. She’s already aware that Mason died before he was harvested, maybe Mason caused an infection and it’s spreading through her body. Nero can’t ignore it anymore, she has to go to the nurse’s office. As she stands it feels like half of all the bœufs in the room have their attention on her, or rather her butt.

“Wow Miss Mosaic, it seems you’ve had an encounter with the Red Sea.”

Every Bœuf except for her roommates erupted into laughter at this comment. Nero furrows her eyebrows, she pats her bum then lifts her fingers in front of her face, she’s horrified, there’s blood all over her fingers. She’s dying, she’s really dying, and everyone is laughing at her death. 

The one female drill sergeant comes over and sighs, she grabs the aircraft manual and shoves it into Nero’s unstained arm.

“Go clean yourself up and get changed, you can go study in your dorm!” She barks.

“But, but-“ Nero stammers, how can she be so nonchalant about one of her students dying right in front of her?

“No buts, get out! You’ve already caused a biohazard!”

With not a second to lose to what she thinks is her untimely demise, Nero bolts for the double doors out of the classroom and out to the hallway, running over to the medical wing. There are so many thoughts going on in her head right now, they’re all from boys, boys don’t really know what goes on with girls all the time, but right now Nero is in cahoots with those boys. She knows she’s dying, it’s not until the voice of a woman rings through her mind does she change paths.

‘You’d be better off going to the bathroom.’

Nero puts her hand on the wall, panting after all that running.

‘I said you’d be better off going to the bathroom!’ The voice yells.

Nero looks behind her to the washroom, she walks into the bathroom and sits down in one of the stalls, realizing her mistake of not being in the nurse's office she starts crying. Her legs can’t move anymore, the cramping must feel ten times worse than a kick to the balls. She sobs as she watches blood drip down into the water, she doesn’t die on the battlefield, fighting for what she believes in, or not giving up important information to her enemies, she’ll die in a bathroom stall clutching onto an aircraft manual, alone and afraid.

She keeps sobbing as someone comes into the stall beside her.

“Are you okay? You seem pretty sad.”

“I’m, I’m, dying! There’s blood coming out of me, and I can’t do anything to stop it!” She sniffles.

“Like, in between your legs?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Oh,” She giggles, “You’re not dying, it’s okay, you’re just on your period, don’t worry, it’s my first time too.”

“Period?”

“Yeah, here, take this.” There’s an umber arm attached to a sienna hand that reaches under the stall to give her a small plastic tube with cotton in it, the arm looked a lot like Tonya’s, and the voice sounded like Tonya’s as well. ‘If it quacks like a duck, and it looks like a duck, it’s a duck.’ Nero thinks. She looks back to the plastic tube in her hand, “So, what is this?”  

“It’s a tampon with a tampon insert.”

“Where does it go?”

“Up your vagina?! Your third hole.”

“THERE’S A THIRD WHOLE?!… sorry, I’m mostly made of boys… despite being a girl.”

“Oof, that must be rough, well, I hear you can find the vagina by starting from the front and working your way back until you find a divot.”

And so that’s what Nero does, she puts the cotton part to her bottom and works back to find that divot. “So what now?” She asks. 

“You just push it up then push the piston on the end in.”

Nero does what she is told again, it feels weird, really weird, when she pulls her arms back up her fingertips are covered in blood. She takes a piece of toilet paper and wipes it off, setting it in the toilet. 

“Then you just set the insert in the metal tin behind you.”

Nero turns her head behind her, looking at the metal box, “Huh, so that’s what they’re for.”

She flushes the toilet and gets out of the stall, while washing her hands she looks behind her, Tonya comes out of the other stall, Nero was right. Upon seeing her masked face and hair Tonya smiles.

“Oh, I heard Bœufs would be getting those masks today, it must be hard to tell who’s who, you must be so lost.” She flirts.

Nero crunches her nose behind the mask. “Uh, yeah.” Seems like not even Tonya can tell who’s who.

“Oh, umm, do you mind washing my skirt, I’ll be late for breakfast if I do it.” She says shyly, batting her eyelashes. She sets her stained skirt on top of the aircraft manual, Roland’s arm starts spazzing at this, Nero scoffs, “Sure, whatever.”

Nero grabs the stack and heads out to her room so she can change out of her own stained clothes. People look and snicker as she passes them down the hallway, she doesn’t care, there are more than enough thoughts on her mind. Tonya, freaking Tonya, once such a sweet girl that Nero had developed with, and now she can’t even recognize the little things about Nero, it makes Nero so mad.

She changes her underwear and pants, she sets down the manual on her bed and goes back down to the laundromat with all the stained clothes in hand. 

“So, is it fixable?” She asks the laundry person.

“Oh yeah, of course, I’ve fixed millions of stains like this, I’ll call you over when they’re done.”

“Great! Thank you!”

She sits on one of the benches next to the washing machines, checking her phone for anything interesting, seeing if the news died down about the incident, nothing yet. Not before long Nero sees Sam sneak into the Laundromat for some peace and quiet after breakfast. He sees her and comes towards her, “Nero?” He questions. 

Nero practically lunges at him, hugging him tightly, getting a yelp out of him. “Sorry, you’re just the person who’s recognized me today.”

“That’s so sad.”

“It really is.”

“What’s it like in there?” Sam asks about the mask.

“It’s cool, it’s like a one-way mirror!”

“Awesome!”

Sam frowns, “Tonya is still hanging out with those girls.”

“Ugh, she practically forced me earlier to take her stuff here to get washed, because she’d miss breakfast.” Nero groaned.

“Bullshit!” Sam gasps, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”

Nero howls, “No, no, it’s hilarious, keep at it!” She cries of joy.

“So, how’s Roland doing, you’d know about that, right?” Sam asks. 

“I don’t know, he hasn’t texted me back yet.” She shrugs.

“Hmm, maybe one day.”

As if the devil himself had heard their call and answered, Nero gets a text from Roland. Her eyes widen and she smiles from ear to ear, and she can’t stop laughing.

“What? What is it?!” Sam shouts.

“Ian and I were discussing how Hayden Upchurch would eat Fun Dip, he refused to believe that Hayden could eat it without the stick. And guess what, we’ve got an answer, he eats it with or without the stick!”

[workingforitallthetime]

who do you think is leaving/going pro after this season on the michigan hockey team? hearing the announcers talk about how frank might come back next year because of his injury made me think about the rest of the roster

I'm assuming Adam and Luke are for sure done after this year, but what about Mackie, Dylan, Rutger, Seamus, Gavin, etc.?

They really need to give Naruto the full gig so he can recruit better and this keep can keep being good

good news, anon: chris peters and corey pronman agree that there's "a good chance" adam stays at umich for another year. you can listen to their full convo starting at about 1:12:00 here, but they opined that the major factors influencing this will be what team he's drafted by and how the rest of his season goes.

i am mentally preparing myself for the worst case draft scenario for adam, and am therefore heartened by what i've read about how chicago likes to let their prospects marinate at lower levels longer than some other organizations do. the only bottom feeder i'd be really worried about the 2OA ping pong balls falling for would be columbus, since their prospect system is already stacked so they've got no incentive to hang out being bad for another year, and they've got a yawning void at 1C all ready for adam to step into (one factor that made matty's transition to seattle so successful.)

i also think it's encouraging that adam is getting advice from the same place as matty and owen and luke and quinn, who are all also late birthdays who seem happy to have played a second year of college hockey. also, adam has a track record of making the decisions that make him happy even if they are not a traditional hockey path.

...on the other hand, adam is a better player than matty and owen and luke, and he's having a better freshman season than any of them had. (but on the other other hand, that season is also demonstrating that he's got some maturing to do.) anyway the point is, we have reasons to hope!

otherwise:

luke and erik are gone for sure. i know erik's already communicated that and i think luke has too.

seamus, gavin, and frankie are almost certainly staying. they are all on the smaller side; second-rounders (seamus and, probably, gavin) aren't usually one-and-done anyway; and i assume chicago is going to be patient with frankie.

i would be kind of surprised if eddy or dylan left, since mid- to late-round draft picks usually spend 3-4 years in college. i'd put truss in this category too... even if vancouver's willing to sign him this spring, he seems like the type to go the nick blankenburg path and finish his senior year with the C.

mackie and rutger are the other two who wouldn't surprise me if they left. scouting reports always say that rutger's Big Body (TM) already wouldn't look out of place in an NHL locker room. however, fellow mid-first round power forward matt boldy did two years of college, so i live in hope. mackie's draft status and college performance are probably closer to two-and-done thom and brendan, but i personally headcanon that the two of them left after two years not for hockey reasons but because they refused to do any more homework. going pro might interfere with mackie's napping schedule so maybe he'll stick around a little longer.

to your other point: fuck yes they need to give naur a contract. i got all emotional last night about him jumping up and down with his assistant coaches when they won the game. coaches don't do that! they nod approvingly and walk off the ice! please hire him so he doesn't have to worry that the board of regents is going to kick him off the island if he loses to michigan state!

[dk-wren]

Rogers: The Musical First Impressions

Just finished watching a recording of Rogers: The Musical, which I am so happy to finally say, is currently running at the Hyperion Theatre inside Disney's California Adventure theme park on select days through Aug. 31st!

While subject to change, Rogers: The Musical will typically run from Tuesday to Saturday, with performances at 12:30, 2:00, 4:00, and 5:30

Here is a link to the recording I watched, but there are already plenty of videos of the whole show to choose from. Just thought I'd include it since my thoughts may be specific to what I saw in this video.

Summary of Final thoughts: I was very excited about this musical actually becoming a real thing and being developed more. Additionally, I was super interested to see if Disney tried to develop it as a serious musical or leaned more into the satire and comedy of "Save the City." Bottom line, I had so much fun watching it and thoroughly enjoyed it. I am a huge theatre fan, so definitely have a few critiques, but given its constraints, for a first production, really great.

And now, if you are interested, here is my long list of more in depth first impressions/thoughts:

Even based solely on what's been adapted in the MCU, there's still a lot of history that could be covered in a musical about Steve Rogers, which this musical does attempt to cover. So, the pacing is pretty quick.

It's kinda like a slideshow where you see the snapshots, but not the details. The only times it felt like I had a break to just sit and be in the moment was during the songs/musical numbers. Now, I don't think I can necessarily say this is a negative since it is only a 35 minute musical. I just had to sorta shift my expectations.

Building off of that, for a 35 minute, theme park musical, I'd say it's pretty darn good. It had less base material compared to Aladdin or Frozen (the previous two musicals staged in the Hyperion Theatre) that could easily translate to the stage, which allowed this creative team to have a lot of freedom in how to adapt this story for the stage. And, honestly, I really enjoyed their choices.

It's Disney and it's their theme parks. Avengers Campus is literally steps away from this theatre, so they absolutely could have gone all in in designing beautifully elaborate costumes, specifically the super hero suites. But they didn't, and I kinda liked it. Part of the decision for the actors' costumes to look more like everyday clothing likely comes from the design choices made for "Save the City" when it appeared in Hawkeye, but also, if the Captain America walk-around costume was to be the one used in this musical, I feel it would actually look a little out of place. I enjoyed how the costumes weren't one-to-one reproductions, but rather representations of each character and their signature look. You can still clearly tell who is who, but it matches the more minimalist style of the stage design too.

Loved The Starkettes! In terms of costuming, loved how their looks changed between the 40s/USO look and the modern day/business look to reflect the setting. I'm debating if I want to refer to them as the narrators or the chorus, but either way, loved their interactions with the Marvel characters and responses to certain lines in the show.

At least from this video, the projections and digital backdrops looked well done. Loved how there was not an emphasis on making like Times Square look hyper-realistic.

I don't think I'd say the digital backgrounds looked cartoonish, especially in a bad way, but there definitely is an aspect to them that's meant to be stylized. Again, this then compliments the design choices of like 3 comic book covers and that whole sequence about Steve fighting in WWII.

I could be wrong, but Rogers seems to have a smaller cast than Aladdin or Frozen. Absolutely loved their performances, but sometimes it felt like the stage was a little too big or too bare for the size of the ensemble/cast (could also be due to having minimal set pieces). - This is meant as an observation not as a critique

During the scene in which Steve and Peggy are chatting about going dancing before he crashes the plane into the ice, that conversation was translated into a song. And in my head, I was like YES!!! That's how you do a musical adaptation. You take those iconic and emotionally charged lines and put them to music.

Like I said at the very beginning, there's a lot that could be covered in a musical about Steve Rogers, so I kinda appreciated how there was like a mini reprise or continuation of "Save the City" as announcements came about attacks in different locations, which corresponds to all or most of the movies Captain America has been in. It reminded me of "Drive" from The Lightning Thief of quickly condensing a bunch of events/locations into the span of a few minutes, something the musical needed given its runtime.

This way, it acknowledges those events rather than completely ignoring them, but doesn't spend a whole lot of time with each one. The way I interpreted it too, when Cap sings the very last "I can do this all day," it then feels kinda somber in that he is reflecting on having to continuously fight in all these battles, with the expectation of always "saving the city." Plus, I thought it was a great transition to the next song, which in all honesty, I could not tell from the video if it was meant to be pre-serum or old Steve.

Loved how everyone came back out in the end for the finale (it's like memory lane)

Hoping to see it in person. This recording just confirmed to me that I am going to have a good time. Literally, big smile on my face, quietly cheering and whooping throughout the show, I'm just so excited to (hopefully) go to the theatre for a purely fun/good time.

[hirocimacruiser]

Time to settle. Pulsar VZ-R vs Civic Type R!!

Rematch in dry Yatabe

Settled on 2 runs!!

REPORT

Sonobu Takedaira

civic type r

0-400m acceleration = 15 seconds 14

Tsukuba LAP time = 1 minute 12 seconds 00

Overall length (mm) 4180

Width(mm) 1695

Height(mm) 1360

Wheelbase(mm) 2620

weight(kg) 1050

Engine straight 4 DOHC

Displacement (cc) 1595

Max power(ps/rpm) 185/8200

Maximum torque(kgm/rpm)16.3/7500

suspension (front) wishbone

suspension(rear) wishbone

engine type Straight 4 DOHC

tire 195/55R15

First of all, it's a game of engine performance. Judging from Zeroyon data, the Civic wins, albeit by a small margin. However, I am not satisfied with this result. A time of 15.23.4 despite the dry weather was dissatisfying for Pulsar, who was definitely superior in power. I would have liked at least 15 seconds.

This time it was caused by a bad clutch on the Pulsar (hard to control the meat due to almost no free play) and a low mu on the test track. As a result, the Pulsar had severe wheel spin control at the start dash. On the other hand, the Civic was able to make a perfect starting dash and mark the data according to its ability.

That's what it means.

Pulsar was not able to show its full potential, but it should be possible to determine the ideal starting dash by adjusting the clutch. The result is Shibi

There is no doubt that it will enter the 14-second range faster than the Type R. Although it is the same size as the Civic R, it has the handicap of a tire with inferior grip level and a viscous LSD, but in terms of ability, the Pulsar is still superior. The Pulsar engine is undeniably wonderful, with all-round power, top-end extension, and revving speed.

Next is the gymkhana test. Here, as in the previous wet road test, the Civic R won by a landslide. The Civic R, which was thoroughly tuned for winding and circuit driving, was indeed fast. The sure handling that almost never misses the aimed line is superb. Thanks to the LSD, which also works well when coming out of turns, it shows a sharp dash. There is little posture change during full braking. On the other hand, the Pulsar has a stable posture, but it lacks grip in the corners, and the tires spin excessively when coming out of turns. The lack of power steering in the test car also had an effect.

SR16VE (front) is a Pulsar VZ-R with 200 horsepower at 1.6ℓ NA, while B16B (back) is a Civic Type R with 185 horsepower. Pulsar leads the way with top-end extension and power.

Thorough competition at Tsukuba Circuit!!!

REPORT

Etsuro Fushiki

Pulsar VZ-R challenges Civic R

Pulsar VZ-R

0~400m acceleration = 15 seconds23

Tsukuba LAP time = 1 minute 12 seconds 80

(Overall length (mm) 4140

Width(mm) 1690

Height(mm) 1385

Wheelbase(mm) 2535

Weight(kg) 1110

Engine type Staight 4 DOHC

Displacement (cc) 1596

Maximum output (ps/rpm) 200/7800

Maximum torque (kgm/rpm) 185/7600

Before suspension strut

After suspension multi link beam

tire 195/55VR15

Engine power is what matters on the circuit

- foot handling

Even so, in the first place

If the power is inferior, There is no way to make use of it. law of the law

is the rule of the basic circuit.

The Pulsar VZ-R was too good and had a chance to win.

but how the engine

It is also a circuit that even if the engine is excellent, that alone cannot win.

reality. Bit out with VZ-R

Then, without waiting for a lap, I was keenly aware that there was a gap between the Civic Type Rs that could not be filled. To put it bluntly, the power performance is even.

You can think of it as a mate of strength. However, the difference in the level of total design of running is decisive. Suspensions and brakes that do not mesh with non-powered steering. No matter how much it is a base model for competition, since there is a high possibility that a license plate will be attached, it is not good to cut corners here. The time difference is less than 1 second, but I think there was definitely a gap of more than one lap in terms of the car's evaluation.

Pulsar VZ-R and Civic Type R go head-to-head at Tsukuba Circuit!! The Pulsar is superior in power, but in terms of time, it is not as good as the Civic R.

The suspension of the Civic R is fully compatible with the circuit. For a moment, there was a scene where Pulsar was allowed to take the lead, but the positions were exchanged in no time.

TEST

So, which one is more attractive!? Pulsar VZ-R vs. Civic Type R

Sonobu Takedaira REPORT

After a full test in dry and wet, it's settled for the time being, but both are wonderfully attractive. However, considering it as a real problem, the winner is the Civic R.

Problems with Pulsar VZ-R

First, it is difficult to obtain. The limited production of 200 units is said to be nearly sold out. And even if you could get one, it would be considerably more expensive than the Civic R. These two points are serious problems.

That said, the Pulsar is overwhelming in terms of engine power and comfort...

Limited to just 200 units of the 200-horsepower Pulsar VZ-R. Eager to sell the 2nd edition!!

[payphoneangel]

HEHEHE 4 & 5 for Sam, 9 & 10 for Dean, and 14, 15, & 18 for Cas >:3c

Send me a character + a number and I’ll tell you my headcanons for them

DOHOHOHOH OKAY HELL YEAH

Sam (given the nature of these two i'm gonna b a little horny abt it lol) 4) Best places to kiss on their body: uhhhh first and foremost his cute lil pointy nose!! give that bad boy a hearty ~chu~ But if the kisser wants to really feel how they're affecting him I would say go along the jawline. He carries a lot of tension in his jaw and it would be fun to feel how that tension lessens/intensifies by being smooched. (Spicy version) I think starting at the hip and kissing down the V of his abdomen would be fun for all parties involved. 5) Guilty pleasures: Now this one is very fun bc has his whole obsession with purity and being 'clean' so there's a lot of things he doesn't allow himself to do. I def think one of his guilty pleasures is that he likes Chick fil a. He knows they're a super shitty homophobic corporation and he KNOWS he shouldn't support them AND a lot of the food on the menu is 'unhealthy' and something he can't eat bc of [insert w/e diet he's on this week] but he loves it. OH, how he loves it. It's his comfort food. He likes their special sauce and even when he tries to make it himself it never quite tastes right so he will occasionally buy food from there and then feel awful about it for like 3 days afterward. (Spicy version (warning for mentions of SA)) Ok so I think Sam has a lot of weird hangups about sex. Particularly, he feels weird about subbing. I do think he enjoys it, but where the guilt comes in is that he doesn't feel like he should enjoy it because of the ways in which his bodily autonomy has been jeopardized. It feels very strange to him to derive pleasure from a situation that resembles a context in which the circumstances were very dire for him. I think it's scary for him to give up that sense of control, but even scarier that he actually enjoys it. Since Sam has been known to diminish and trivialize his own trauma, I think subbing might make him slip into a spiral about if he 'actually was assaulted' bc if he enjoys it here how bad were the times when he was forced to submit to someone? I think he has a lot of trouble acknowledging himself as a victim, and I think enjoying subbing would make him think himself a """bad victim""" if he doesn't actively work to get out of that mindset. Because of that, I don't think he subs often, and only with someone he really really trusts, but I think he does really enjoy it and can even derive some catharsis from it.

Dean 9) Humiliating memories: ooooooooh ok now this one is a little tough bc Dean is constantly tormented by The Shame so it's hard to pick out a specific instance where he was definitely humiliated buuuuuut in my personal headcanon one of the most impactful times is his first solo hunt. More specifically, the situation leading up to Dean's first hunt. I mention it here, but essentially, John catches on to Dean having feelings for another boy, which scares the hell out of Dean. After disappearing for a few days (leaving Dean alone and sick to his stomach with anxiety for John's total lack of a reaction) he comes back to the motel, picks Dean up, and tells him to go do a salt and burn of two dead gay nuns. He does, but also internalizes the message John is sending: this is what happens to people like you. John picks him up afterward and never directly says what he's referring to, but tells Dean, "you need to be careful and not be selfish. Your stupid decisions could get you or even Sammy hurt." That, of course, makes Dean feel so astoundingly horrible, he can barely respond. It's why I am in the camp of 'Dean is painfully aware of his attraction to men, but rarely acts on it/never vocalizes it.' bc ^this memory, coupled with the homophobia of the 90's/00's makes Dean very wary of how he carries himself and the kind of """negative attention""" he wants to could attract, and how that could endanger himself/other people around him. 10) Fears/phobias: ok this could couple nicely with the thing i just talked about above but instead I'm going to go in an entirely different direction: DEAN IS (or should be) SCARED OF DOGS. It's honestly pretty wild to me that this really isn't touched on in canon. One of his most significant/narratively impactful deaths is when he was mauled by Hellhounds, and consequently dragged to Hell for 40 years. Canon like, farts in this direction sorta in s6 but it's really not talked about. Homeboy got sliced and diced by dogs!!! He should have some residual stuff about that!! Also I think it would be a point of contention between himself and Sam, Known Dog Lover. It's also why i'm team 'fuck that dog' from the finale. Although, it could be cathartic for him to have an esa/therapy animal be a dog, to rebuild trust.

Castiel 14) Ingrained habits/forces of habit: this one is SO fun for him bc there's so many possibilities with him being an angel. I think this manifests a lot as physical ticks/quirks from being an angel in a human vessel. I think a 'force of habit' of his is literally breathing. He really only needs to breathe in order to talk, but I think in early seasons he catches himself doing it all the time, as a leftover instinct from his human vessel. Later, he catches himself mirroring Dean's, Sam's and other people's breathing as he starts growing closer to humanity, before eventually just adopting breathing all the time. I think it also takes him a long time when he's human to get used to moving at a human speed. If he realizes he needs to go somewhere, his first thought is to fly, and he often has this moment of "why am I not there yet?" before realizing he needs to physically move his human body 🙄🙄🙄 I also think it would be really fun if, especially after first obtaining a vessel, he often speaks quietly because he is used to overwhelming humans with his True Voice. 15) What it takes to make them cry: 🤔🤔🤔 I think Cas is like, a medium-frequency crier (order of most to least likely to cry imo is Dean, Cas, Sam). I think he IS a happy crier and that's what most often causes him to cry; being overwhelmed by positive emotions (i.e. love for his family). I don't think he's normally an angry crier but I do think that when Jack died he should have 1) gone completely silent and stone faced 2) leveled like an entire forest in grief-induced rage and 3) broken down in full on heaving sobs in the middle of all the destruction. 18)Things they’ll never admit: OUGH THIS ONE IS SO JUICY FOR HIM. SO SO JUICY. This one stumped me a bit at first because Cas is a very honest person who normally speaks his mind. He's also pretty self aware. BUT the thing that Cas will never admit is that he kind of revels in being The Universe's Greatest Fool. Like, he's the Angel that Fell in Every Way Imaginable!! He betrayed all his kin and fucked up The Father's Great Narrative, all because he fell in love with a stupid human!! A Bug, Even!!! A BUG WHO DOESN'T LOVE HIM BACK (he does, but, well, see above). And he does it, over and over and over again. He always chooses humanity; he always chooses Dean. The thing is, there's a part of him that feels really comfortable in that idea of ceaseless devotion without acknowledgement; without reciprocity. Of course, it's familiar, but on top of that, I think there's a part of him that still houses guilt for going against his programming. We know he was lobotomized countless times; certainly there's residual feelings about straying from his designed path? And I think it's easier, in a way, to wallow in this self-pity, then to actually attempt to vocalize his wants and ask for what he needs. So, essentially, he fell and he feels like he needs to be punished, and the best possible punishment is for his one true desire to be something he can never obtain, because he doesn't deserve to have what he wants. Anything else feels foreign.

[spoonie-brigade]

Weird vent/rant about shit

CWs: sort of a vent, sort of not. DIscussion of very unhealthy behaviours. Discussion of medication. Discussion of money.

Disclaimers: I completely invalidate my own emotions and pain/illness in the text below. This is because I have a very unhealthy way of coping with things so don’t take any of this to heart. You’re not lesser if you can’t do the weird things that I do, I’m pretty sure the way I deal wiht my emotions is incredibly unhelathy and you’re not weak if you can’t do that. Also, my priorities rn are fucked up and I am destroying my health, please please please do not do what I’m doing it’s incredibly reckless.

None of this is in ANY way intended to be medical advice.

ADHD meds are great and all but they completely fuck up my emotions. Normally I can postpone my emotional responses at LEAST 168 hours if they’re not too serious but with the meds I can’t even manage an hour. Like sure I might have accidentally wasted 35000kr (SEK) but I’ve been through worse. Also my emotions persist for longer. Normally, if I have an emotional reaction I can turn it off and on but with the meds if I’m sad I’m sobbing for at least 30 minutes like I’m a fucking 9 year old. It messes up my emotion-feeling schedule too, I was planning to have emotions tomorrow because the house will be empty all afternoon, evening and most of the night. It was perfectly planned out, I had made sure I had nothing to do past like 13:00 that day. Another anynoying part of it is that it seems to affect physical pain as well. I have huge reactions to minor and/or daily pain. AKA my pain tolerance got fucked, yay. /sarc It’s not all bad though, I have weird amounts of energy now and I can stay up much later, my insomnia has gotten worse though. Its great that I can actually stay up late though because I can get much more done. Last saturday I stayed up until 04:00 (I know that’s not that late but it is for me) and I was able to retain focus and complete my project. The energy also wakes me up really well in the morning, I usually need at least 10 hours of sleep to function which I can never get because my school hours don’t line up with my natural circadian rythm but now I’m fine with 4 or 5. This is obviously all very unhealthy but I’ve agreed with my doctors and parents that I should prioritise education and grades over my health this year because I need to get into a good school because otherwise I might not be able to continue my education. So basically, I’m gonna fuck up my body and mind this year and once I’m in a healthy work enviroment next year I can try to fix it. I know that’s shitty but it’s not rlly my decision. I also need to make my parents happy because I signed up to the world scout jamboree this year and they’ve paid 35000kr (roughly 3500 euros, dollars or pounds) but I maight not be able to go because of my shitty health which means I basically owe them 35000kr now which is a shitty situation because I am 15 and have no income. 

tl;dr: My ADHD meds force me to feel my emotions and physical pain like a normal person instead of postponing them, they also allow me to function with half the amount of sleep I normally need and exacerbate my insomnia. I am completely disregarding my health and focusing more on my education this year because I need good grades so I can have an education next year, I don’t really have a say in this. I need to make my parents like me more because I accidentally wasted a fuckton of their money on a once-in-a-lifetime trip I porabbly can’t go on because of my shit health and it almost certainly can’t be refunded.

that was also too long: My ADHD meds make me have emotions like normal ppl, I can function on 4 hours of sleep with them though. I’m fucking up my health this year but I don’t rlly have a say in it, I might owe my parents a fuckton of money.

[seancamerons]

I have reason to believe something is going on that is kind of weird.

I’ve been waking up early lately for the past couple of weeks. I go to bed late, and don't feel tired with or without coffee. My eyes are burning, tingling as well as my cheeks. Idk if its because I started wearing my prescription glasses 2 years ago because my eyes have been hurting for several days lately. My eyes tear all the time. I believe I could be allergic to ingredients in some mascaras, I end up looking like a racoon or have to constantly wipe away fallout and prevent my eyes from burning. I’ve been putting more effort into my appearance, make up, hair and dress. I have all these ideas buzzing around my brain, I want to make xmas cards and such but I feel weird about all of this. I’m always avoiding being depressed or trying to keep my mind upbeat but Im feeling like this, in my gut is scary and possibly a potential warning. No naps the past couple of weeks. No depression, feeling ‘good’.

I just assume everything is fine but I feel like there’s warning signs happening when I had that bad time in 2015. One of the hardest things. I had to become more self-aware. Going forward from there, I had no experiences after my hospital stay. I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to have problems. I usually get depressed near the holidays, now I feel good about them and excited, which I also fear getting bad again. I take my meds. Why am I feeling like this?

But yesterday, I woke up at 3:30am after going to sleep at 930-10 pm and I have stayed awake. I got tired around 4-5:00 pm and laid down and calmed down without my phone, without my computer and simply cleaned while listening to music. I’ve been non-stop for days. Very motivated, but I also feel unproductive.

It is currently 1 in the morning, overwhelmed, overloaded, not tired at all whatsoever. I’m trying to figure out what is going on. I think I’m suffering from stress related anxiety,adhd side-effects, and it’s affecting my mood. I honestly hope I am not having a relapse of mania. I haven’t had any issues in a long time. I hope it improves and doesn’t get bad. I desperately don’t want to ruin my life again. I have been doing so good for the time being and I thought I was doing good. I’m constantly over-thinking. I constantly have to feel like being mindful of what I say in any and all situations. I take so long to respond to friends and such. I feel like I’m constantly afraid of improvisational interpersonal difficulty.

I’ve been stressed financially for a long time, at least a few years. In the back of my mind I’m always thinking the worst. Outside I’m fine but inside I’m always a walking contradiction, my mind says one thing, my heart wants another and my brain too wants something completely different sometimes. I have trouble making some decisions. I don’t want to go back to therapy. I want to find a way to combat this before it gets out of control though. I don’t even know what the first steps are to start this.

Sometimes I wish I got therapy in college because I struggled badly through those years. I was absolutely miserable and I’m a nervous wreck at my own graduation. I hate making mistakes and shit I regret a lot about that time. I struggle now because of those decisions.

When I did get help it wasn’t until recently that I started feeling weird. I can’t calm down. I feel like I want to do fifty million things at once. This is really rough and bad. I’m going to try to calm down, wind down, get off the computer and get a little bit of sleep. Am I ok?

[nathank77]

11/8/24

2:00 p.m

Idk what to do. I pooped 5 times today already. I know the barricade/her being crated when I'm out there is reducing stress but I think the stress of my mother not caring about me and always seeing the dog and listening to the dog barking and whine and hearing her eat and drink water and walk around is either making my levels higher or maybe they are getting slowly lower. Idk.

I came home and I started my food. And some strange man came here to installed the new shower head which I've been dreading bc my mother wants to spray her cunt and ass with it. The one we used to have was one that wasn't something you could do that with.

After he left i turned on the water and it wasn't even hitting the center of the shower. It was spraying the wall.... I flipped shit about it at my mother cause she's like just take it down and spray yourself... I can't fucking do that cause of my ocd.. you dumb cunt.

Thankfully I was able to point it down so the water flow was in the center of our shower. I just had to clean it with lysol. I'm waiting to shave my head in a bowl so I can see myself in the mirror and look decent when I go to my dad's on Sunday cause I won't if I don't shave today or tomorrow bc my facial hair grows fast...

I now have to wait for the shower head and the floor to dry.. and everytime my mother showers i got to lysol the fucking head of the thing and the floor. The head bc she's legit going to spray her cunt and ass bc she's disgusting. And the floor bc of her bag. She can't help that part but why the fuck can't she just have left my shower alone....

Anyways I'm very fearful I'm going hyper I had 4 normal poops and Dihherea for my 5th... I'm so fucking stressed about Riley and my mother truly doesn't care at all. I got to sabotage her. But I can't do it while she's in the crate. I can't do it while my mother is sleeping in the living room bc for all I know she could be awake and catch me. So it has to be in the kitchen and i have to call Riley in there so she thinks it's her.

I can't live like this much longer. Riley already broke like 500 things to begin with so I'm not sure breaking more will even do anything but make me feel bad. I just wish my mother would make the right decision.

As i consider taking repatha... I consider that case study of the person with thyriod storm. And how stressed i am about the fucking dog that never leaves. And until this stressor goes away if she ever does i don't think I can fucking take it. As it sit in my fridge... and I know I should but what if I get thyriod storm bc this dog never leaves and everything is always stressful.

Going to my dad's will be like a vacation. I get to see the kids. I can try to connect with my dad. Unfortunately the years of trauma make me anxiuos the night before so I'll have to take more xanax to sleep but everytime I get there I'm like why was I anxiuos. This is fun it's nice seeing everyone.

I got to get rid of Riley. I have to otherwise I'm going to die here.

[pwblogarchive]

June 2007

June 4, 2007

goodbye the longest year of my life.

sometimes i want to blow my head but not in a hottopic kind of way.

i am global warming.

i am toxic.

sometimes i am glad i saved everything for a rainy day.

i am a wish.

i am under your skin.

i love you and life:

separate but never equal.

fuck it.

its all okay.

"Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run..."

posted by xo at 8:05 PM

June 6, 2007

“its easy to get older not so much wiser”

"pooh"

"yes, piglet"

"nothing, i just wanted to be sure of you"...

posted by xo at 8:40 AM

June 7, 2007

“fuck the palm readers, i love mirror breakers.”

i have an obsession with sitting inside a confessional in church and hearing someone else spill their guts for once.

id almost take an oath for it.

get me out of new york.

this city only gets me up to making bad decisions.

love, the last boy.

posted by xo at 10:40 PM

"the christian in christian dior, damn they dont make them like they used to anymore..."

if i bashed your head in how good would the secrets be that poured out.

posted by xo at 4:00 PM

June 9, 2007

“late night snack”

the light splashes in and out. its almost violent. everything rational inside of me tells me that its the dull white of a voicemail. but my eyes are playing tricks on me. i see it purple textured velvet. the tv is blaring whatever. i can see light is sneaking in the cracks everywhere of this suite. like vermin. take a vote, the eyes have it. there is too much space here. between me and everything else in this room. i wish i had a habit bad or not just to pass the time. just trying to fight the big black sadness.

June 9, 2007

“sic transit itum”

Theres an opposite to deja vu. They call it jamais vu. Its when you meet the same people or visit places, again and again, but each time is the first time. Everybody is s stranger. Nothing is ever familiar.

This isn't learning from my mistakes anymore so much as it is damage control. I might as well be trying to paint a house that's on fire.

Posted by xoat 11:33 PM

June 11, 2007

“counting sheep and you.”

tour life has got my fingers spitting from a pornographed philosophers mind. girls with bruises in designer patterns. too full off the diet pills to be hungry for iceburg lettuce and water lite when it shows up. i trapped you in my head a long time ago. i am a treasure chest filled with trash. two orders: one near tears and one beer tears. just put em on my tab.

dont you dare tell me about true fucking love. i spit and punched and blood for it. and now i want to sleep inside of it.

June 12, 2007

“cantsleepcantsleepcantsleep”

dont you feel bad for the suicidal cat thats stuck with 9 lives.

my head only goes from zero to rage.

like a domesticated animal giving into instinct.

carved our names into a tree

and i dont care that i saw it first in some movie.

i think ill always go back and see if it sticks.

i feel like the santa maria. like i got there just after the discovery.

heads like this are gonna go extinct.

posted by xo at 5:53 AM

June 14, 2007

“lullabye.”

everybody is dropping like flies.

the truth is i am a slave to my head and my thoughts, not the other way around.

i am the hand up the skirt of this moment. over underwear, under pants.

under medicated. underwhelmed.

me and you in a not so private corner.

duke it out with our lips and teeth.

ill find the love if its there between your cavities.

dust it off.

its a cold hard ride back from where ive been.

what ive seen.

and what ive done.

or how ive come undone.

apples that make your teeth bleed

love that makes my heart coma-

keep careful count of your tears in that corner-

the market is shit.

they arent going for what they used to.

keep em in a jar-

bury them in a wine cellar.

so you can remember when you felt like just a madman.

im a trust junkie.

i need a fix.

i have so much i want to say. none of it is eloquent or poetic- referencing change and belief- lies and betrayal. how sometimes this ride doesnt feel fun anymore, when the press is controlling it. i will post when i have formulated all of the thoughts. i am tired of constantly defending this, its enough to defend it to the world- but to defend it to believers has drained me. i am only human, a kind of lousy one at that. i am 1/4 of this thing that has felt magical to me for so long. i dont want to lose it. i hope this makes some sense.

i hope i am a boomerang on its way back not some stone sinking in the sea.

thank you to everyone who has stood beside this and me- in both the light and the dark. it means more than a handshake or hug or song,,,

on a good note. the video felt genuinely fun to make. so thank you for taking part in it. the smiles are real.

goodnight.

posted by xo at 11:49 PM

June 17, 2007

“i may be just a dime store prophet. but youre a dollar store whore.”

so i guess i am on the up. thunder on runways cant even kill the boredom. the tips of my fingers bruised from the letters on the typewriter. but if feels so much more final than this. and that is why i love it. and i said the last time i was put in handcuffs it was over a can of spraypaint. she said 'someday i want to spraypaint with you". and that is why i love her. in a backyard, lying on the couch on a sunday kind of way. one that is not explained or thought out. but runs up the back of your legs to the back of your head and crashes out of my mouth whenever you show up. what keeps your head together when you feel the tilt and spin of the world. what keeps those club jaws grinding in between the trips to the bathroom. the best week never. theyre taking stabs at me while im leaning and yawning, but sometimes YOU get through. pinpricks become blackholes and i feel my moods pulled into them. whats up with my obsession with your obsessions. been writing so much lately the paper is starting to add up. theres a part of me that wants to take a match to it sometimes late at night- the same part inside that cant walk next to balconies for fear that i am going to jump off of them.

i can make a mess of anything. but its strange to say when a stranger can bring you peace. you just swaying in the heat of the meet and greet. a face and a voice i dont know. just a tap on the shoulder and a "keep your chin up" from you. but there was a kindness there that brought me back. thank you.

June 19, 2007

so obvious but: i fucking hate this sugar free low carb diet world. i want the wild fucking west. i want love in handcuffs. i want more scars. i dont want this fucking future. meth bake sales to lower global warming. sweat shop work to burn calories. i hope this ship burns before it sinks. i hope this planes air goes bad before it crashes. i dont want this to be an affair anymore, i want to walk down the aisle with catastrophe. lets go to hell just for the weekend. your happiness is making me miserable. waste the time of my life. and if that mocking bird wont sing, im gonna buy you a diamond ring.

i only feel in love on the stage and on the side of a pillow. everything in between just makes me wish myself to pieces. please dont put me back together, keep me in a box under your bed.

June 20, 2007

i hate explaining my own interpretations to people. id rather you come up with your own- but this one seems to be pretty glaring....

there is a distinct difference between the idea "seasons change, but people dont" and the idea "everyone changes". this difference is simply the connotations of the two. in the former: the idea is brought forth that there are certain parts of you that are inherently there. forever. whether they are a part of your DNA or how you were raised- they are so deep and solidly rooted they cannot change. to me these are your ideals, your morality, your internal monologue. they remain constant though are defined differently as your mind and heart mature. to simplify, people who are kind have something switched on within them that will not change. on the other extreme malicious people will always be malicious. not to say there isnt gray area between the two- where someone who is kind can act maliciously and vice versa. obviously there are more rare examples where something can impact someone in such a tremendous way that it will cause a deep change in them. these remain constant through celebrity, through tragedy, through happiness, through loss. i can feel certain things in myself and ways that i know i will always feel- no matter what else changes around me. if you read my actual diary entries from when i was 14 to now, while the language and subject matter has changed- and hopefully has gotten a bit better. my subconscious impacting me and my decisions seems to remain faithful. however, what was meant by the latter "everyone changes, i used to be tiny", is the idea of growing up. honestly, i am not who i was a year ago or 5 years ago or 10 years ago. i think i would hate myself if i never changed. this is an experiment more than anything. if new cultures, people, and art didnt impact me and change me than this would be fraudulent. we expect any of our fans who have been with us from the beginning have grown and changed. i hope most of these changes are for the better, though i know i am human and make mistakes. sometimes i turn right when i should have turned left. but anything you loved or hated about me from the beginning have not changed- these are the things that make us each different from each other and either magnetize or polarize from others.

June 22, 2007

“the AMERICAN dayDREAMer - die-a-tribe”

when they rip the tickets i hope im on the ride with you. sleepless in seattle and pretty much everywhere else- wont bore you with the details, but actually i probably will. you dont have to be a train to come off track. dont have to have feathers to flee the coop. i dont gotta tell you about my adventures, i keep them in my head and forget them and remember them every once in awhile. i watch them on projector screens while you are talking about your magazine or countdown. were flypaper baby- but nothings sticks. molded from teflon and porcelain. doesnt take much shining around for you to want to get back under that rock you crawled out from. i found a point when i was searching for pointlessness. i found a love when i was looking for madness. gonna save your sweat for when we get to heaven. autocratic hearts and throats- tongues loving on the skin and words- listening too carefully and robbing them of their beauty. you only think im blooming when im wilting on the outside. dying to be dearly forgotten, not wrongly remembered. florescent yellow in the toilet bowl. i love holding strangers hands, pulses matching, beating just off the p.a. speakers. you dont have to sell me on how this isnt real, cause my guts are whats in deep not my head or my heart. sometimes i get the feeling when i walk into a room like im in some movie from the forties where ive been shipwrecked and marooned on a desert island, only to return to a life that is no longer mine. or maybe just a raft adrift, except i slept through the s.o.s. calls. the caveman frozen in ice analogy works as well, only i am too lazy to transcribe it. im projecting. im bobbing and weaving. im deflecting. only cos i want to mean more than all of this. i lost it at woodrow and nichols, brakes ground to my teeth. just a kid strung out on neon lights

June 26, 2007

dear man in the mirror: get over yourself.

i love it when people wonder how its gonna end.

my right hand is fucked.

boxers fracture im pretty sure and a cut down the front that we super glue every night.

if i shake you yr hand with my left thats why.

im clumsy-

with both actions and words.

what happens in vegas stay in vegas except for when brendon hit me with a bowling ball.

deaths just the other bookend on this thing, so who cares.

posted by xo at 12:28 AM

June 28, 2007

The world is your oyster, what does that mean? That I'm just grinding sand waiting to be sucked down by box dye blondes and chased with hynotik. .... dumb-luck, but there's no such thing as smart luck. Think It got us kicked out of vegas. Happy as a clam but how happy can clams be? Dreaming of being steamed or robbed of their only worldly possession, pearls, sounds like a total soccer mom fantasy- only with upscale spas and mugger fantasies. I am a starfish waiting to regenerate a point. Till then, I am kind of pointless. I got a bad rap for not caring but I still pay taxes and wear my seat-belt in back seats- though I'm considering changes. I am a fixer-upper. Feeling the buzz but too far off the hive for any of the other bees to get it. And man I gotta tell you, the years are like friends in your old hometown. They stop being so friendly. They only want to reminisce. And no matter what they keep moving and changing you whether you want them to or not. The doctor says I need to stop talking with my fist and do more talking with my mouth. I told him I was never too great at that either- that it was usually my mouths talking that had to get my fist involved in the conversation. He said well then I had better start throwing a good left or hope I can play bass one handed. Neither seems too reasonable right now. Thinking maybe I should just stop all together. I order every movie in hotel rooms just so I don't feel alone. Its a very home alone moment for me, you know without the holiday music and cute culkin looks, but I'm hoping you are catching my drift anyway. Yes, for those who wonder there are other journals online. Sometimes I kind of leave bread-crumbs to get home to them for you. Sometimes I just space out. I also have a pen and paper diary and some letters and what not that I have been typing on my typewriter. I've been working on other visual art too, nothing I like well enough to show anyone. Its more for my own piece of mind. Drive, fuck, and sleep safe. I'd like to know that you awaken in the morning with out a headache or blurry eyes. Love is in the air, just get ourselves the right equipment to grab it. Its like moths headed for the brightest light, which aint me. But I'm ready to sweat and run and get there. And just cause you got a scar on your wrist or a charcoal stomach, were supposed to get eachother? Cause I don't really even get me. I'm too busy calling everyone else crazy- in these late slurred debates on how everyone else is not exactly like us- to worry about you calling me crazy. Tho all the other rhymes for crazy work on me lazy, hazy, etc.

someone has some great pictures of this past week. if i find any, ill post some.

June 28, 2007

from pete's friends or enemies blog

June 28, 2007

“the pretend”

i never really appreciate the compliments people give me. i feel like people say them because they feel like they have to- "youre hot"- except in my head i dont see myself that way so it doesnt mean a thing. "you played great tonight"- except i probably didnt because its not really my thing. "i love your words"- except they only make sense to me out of patricks mouth. "i love you"- but you wouldnt if you knew me. and so on.

but the other day my friend told me: "you have an incredible sense of the pretend". and it made me shake. just in the way that its all i believe. i dont care too much for the ins and outs of the world we are inside. i like the one in my head far better. it is not chronological or pragmatic. but it meant alot to me.

as did this...

so i cant fully remember writing this entry. that is because my brain is scattered and resets all of the time. the only thing i save room for are faces and memories. maybe it is a collection of entries. but apparantly someone cared enough to remember or patch together an entry from a year ago... so thank you (i think they made little changes or additions here and there). its funny because i am in vancouver all over again, it rings so much more true now.

"and like florence nightingale and nurses through history. we fall in love with those were protecting and curing. we dream big and then wake up everyday and hunch over computer screens. and everytime we let our fingers go it amounts to a little more than the worlds smallest violin paying just for you. here i am half asleep between vancouver and salt lake city. can't remember the last time i had a conversation with you that wasn't from between the dotted lines of the highway. i don't want sheep or parrots. i feel like we have a vested interest in each other. it's love of sorts. you were there in the beginning, you've stuck around when everyone else climbed aboard, i hope you're there when it's gone. for all the times we've come off course, you have always served as a compass. steady. unforgiving. at times hard to find. but you were always there. this probablly isn't worth your time to read. but as long as you do we'll keep playing small, secret shows. we'll keep writing this. we'll keep ignoring what they say. this is we- everyone- the haters, the newbies, the so, the ckk, ock. a collective [[sigh of relief]]. everyone always asks what's the cure of growing up? this is it. it's you. the smiling faces screaming and 'doging' security in the front row. the kid that waits outside after the show until their hands are blue just to say hi. don't ever let me fucking forget it. we don't deserve this. but now that we got it. we will do our best to keep it like a kiss in the corner of our mouths. for our heads to your speakers, to your ears, to your mouths, to you, your fingers, to us, to our mistakes, to our heads and back. the new songs are coming. what if for one moment we became everyone we dreamed we could be? there is a buzzing from outside of this darkened room. as though if i walked down the hallway past their sleeping faces, red in the warmth of the afternoon. i would walk into the first day of my life. light gleaming off the windshield- like the wizard of oz after the color washes over everything. like i could start all over again- only with the same faces that are imprinted on my heart forever. and my same bed. and dogs. and ex- loves. and friends. save your troubles for another day, they wern't at the end of the hallway. baby boy, you're too busy writing tragedy to notice. we're shaping up to do big things. and you're nothing special. except.. what if you are? "

posted by xo at 8:01 PM

June 29, 2007

i never really appreciate the compliments people give me. i feel like people say them because they feel like they have to- "youre hot"- except in my head i dont see myself that way so it doesnt mean a thing. "you played great tonight"- except i probably didnt because its not really my thing. "i love your words"- except they only make sense to me out of patricks mouth. "i love you"- but you wouldnt if you knew me. and so on.

but the other day my friend told me: "you have an incredible sense of the pretend". and it made me shake. just in the way that its all i believe. i dont care too much for the ins and outs of the world we are inside. i like the one in my head far better. it is not chronological or pragmatic. but it meant alot to me.

as did this...

so i cant fully remember writing this entry. that is because my brain is scattered and resets all of the time. the only thing i save room for are faces and memories. maybe it is a collection of entries. but apparantly someone cared enough to remember or patch together an entry from a year ago... so thank you (i think they made little changes or additions here and there). its funny because i am in vancouver all over again, it rings so much more true now.

"and like florence nightingale and nurses through history. we fall in love with those were protecting and curing. we dream big and then wake up everyday and hunch over computer screens. and everytime we let our fingers go it amounts to a little more than the worlds smallest violin paying just for you. here i am half asleep between vancouver and salt lake city. can't remember the last time i had a conversation with you that wasn't from between the dotted lines of the highway. i don't want sheep or parrots. i feel like we have a vested interest in each other. it's love of sorts. you were there in the beginning, you've stuck around when everyone else climbed aboard, i hope you're there when it's gone. for all the times we've come off course, you have always served as a compass. steady. unforgiving. at times hard to find. but you were always there. this probablly isn't worth your time to read. but as long as you do we'll keep playing small, secret shows. we'll keep writing this. we'll keep ignoring what they say. this is we- everyone- the haters, the newbies, the so, the ckk, ock. a collective [[sigh of relief]]. everyone always asks what's the cure of growing up? this is it. it's you. the smiling faces screaming and 'doging' security in the front row. the kid that waits outside after the show until their hands are blue just to say hi. don't ever let me fucking forget it. we don't deserve this. but now that we got it. we will do our best to keep it like a kiss in the corner of our mouths. for our heads to your speakers, to your ears, to your mouths, to you, your fingers, to us, to our mistakes, to our heads and back. the new songs are coming. what if for one moment we became everyone we dreamed we could be? there is a buzzing from outside of this darkened room. as though if i walked down the hallway past their sleeping faces, red in the warmth of the afternoon. i would walk into the first day of my life. light gleaming off the windshield- like the wizard of oz after the color washes over everything. like i could start all over again- only with the same faces that are imprinted on my heart forever. and my same bed. and dogs. and ex- loves. and friends. save your troubles for another day, they wern't at the end of the hallway. baby boy, you're too busy writing tragedy to notice. we're shaping up to do big things. and you're nothing special. except.. what if you are? “

June 30, 2007

I have a new girlfriend

The iphone.

posted by xo at 4:46 PM

[m323200]

3x06: The Three Graduates

Enjoy!!!

——————

Yep. It's official. I'm graduating in two days. Even though this year was shitty, I had some fun times

MAY 22nd

2:40 pm

We had to practice our graduation. Believe me, it was a workout. It was hot outside we're lucky they didn't make us wear the gowns and caps.

3:49 pm

 We were at Manny's. We were having hot dogs. It was fine. Luke kept asking me, "Are you going to move more to Hollywood.". I kept saying, "I don't know...". Manny knew. He thinks I should follow my dreams and let the road take me wherever it leads. I find that dumb, but it's Manny.

4:59 pm

I sketched an outfit of me in a dress. I looked so cute. I got my hair done yesterday, I look so cute. I added light brown highlights. Haley and Alex asked me what I wanted to do in the future, or in a few days. I kept wondering on what. Focus on my dreams or just go to college and see what awaits.

5:15 pm

When we got home, I told Haley and Alex that I got a main role for a horror movie. They were all happy, but Alex was wondering what was going to be my decision and what's Luke going to say.

I didn't know if he was going to react bad or good. There was a sight chance I might decline the role. I just didn't want to leave him.

6:00 pm

I called Will, asking him on how's he doing. He says he doing great. Owning a Target is easy. They get sometimes free stuff, and I'm happy, I'm happy that they are living a happy life.

I messaged Haley if she could go by the bakery to pick up the tres leches cake. She says she could do it after her and Evan are done having sex.

I am hoping she gets that. That's the only thing I asked her to do when it comes to parties or celebration.

-HALEY POV-

"What's the place called?", I said. Evan said, "Fernando's Cake Bakery.". She chose a good place. Before we headed over there, she thought it be cute if they had Cold Stone, like sharing one.

By the time we finished, we forgot about the cake and that it's 7:30 pm and it closes at 7:55 pm. We rushed to get over there. We didn't make it. The store had closed and Isabella told me that once you don't get it on the day you order it, you can't get it. No refunds.

So me and Evan tried going to other places and looking online, but with graduations, they didn't have nothing till the day after.

8:49 pm

We told Isabella when we got back. She got mad.

That cake cost $50. I said that I could repay her by making a cake. But I'm bad at baking. So me, Evan, my mom, and Alex helped me.

 We finished it and it was two layers. Sure it wasn't tres leches but it looks good. It's Chocolate with Buttercream frosting, Chocolate on the sides and sprinkles on the top. It's my best creation yet

10:15 pm

-Back At Isabella's POV-

Tomorrow was Will's graduation. My outfit looks so cute. 

Haley called me downstairs. I saw the cake. It looked beautiful. That was Haley's best cake. And maybe her last.

MAY 23rd

9:00 am

It was Will's graduation day, I was so emotional that day, I'm just glad to see one of my siblings graduating.

12:35 pm

The time had came. Moments later his name was called, "Will Wheeler". I was so excited. They threw their caps in the air. Then we were allowed to see him. We all hugged him. We were proud and we were crying. 

Will said, "Don't cry, don't forget yours is tomorrow." I took that serious. But I know the others did not.

1:50 pm

We went to Applebees for dinner. Haley and Evan paid. It was day to remember.

3:27 pm

We left by 3:27 pm. We all went to Jay and Gloria's to celebrate. Haley, Evan, and me try to take the cake over there. What Haley didn't think about is how are they going to put it in the car and bring it to the house.

Evan carried the bottom layer and I carried the second layer. We carefully brought it to the car. We told Haley to drive slowly. 

We made it to the house. We put the cake together and cut it. The cake taste surprisingly good.

10:00 pm

Tomorrow is our graduation day. I felt nervous. Me, Manny, Luke. We lasted well. I'm glad to be their friends and I hope nothing changes.

MAY 24th

8:00 am

It was graduation day, everyone was filled with tears. I got a text from Universal, saying they want me in the lead role of their next horror film. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I just decided to tell everyone soon. 

10:00 am

The graduation started. The principal called names up, after time, "Lucas Phillip Dunphy". Everyone was cheering. Then moments afterwards, "Manny Delgado". More cheering and clapping. Then minutes later, "Isabella Wheeler". Everyone cheered more. Then by the end, everyone threw their caps in the air.

All parents and brothers and sisters were filled with tears and happy. Me and Luke kissed each other. Then we hugged Manny. Our family came up to us. Will and Evan are excited to see me graduate.

We headed to Phil and Claire's to celebrate. There was pasta and garlic bread. We ate. We talk. We had fun. We enjoyed it. 

7:00 pm

The party ended. The fun stopped. I had to tell Luke about the job.

I texted Luke to come upstairs. He came in my room. "Hey. Whats up?", he said. I locked the door. He thought that it was us having sex. So he took off his tuxedo jacket then unbutton his shirt. I told him, "No it's not that. I wanted to talk.".

He seemed disappointed but knew there would be another time. I told him, "I got a job.". He was happy for me. He asked, "What is it? Where is it?". I said, "It's in Hollywood, I got a role to star in a horror film...". 

I thought he be sad, but he eventually got happy. He said to me, "I'm so happy for you! You get to live your dreams!". I asked, "Your not sad?". He said he wasn't and that it's my time to shine.

He asked me why should he be sad. I said that, "It's because I might stay there. Filming takes months or a year. We might not see each other long. And I could end up with another role.".

He didn't care. He wanted me to be happy. I told him, "I don't know what the others may think.". Luke said, "Just say it to them. If they say no, screw them. Follow the road.".

I told Luke, "I'm going to get their opinions. They're my family and I don't wanna leave randomly and just leaving a note saying, "Leaving to follow my dreams, ask Luke if u have questions, Love each and every one of you!".

He said, "Duh". I told him I'll ask their opinions on that and if they don't like it, I'll leave. He kissed me. I kissed him back. I told him, "Only about 3-4 more years till we can actually drink and not illegally at parties.". He laughed.

He says, "You know, I think we deserve to do this. It's going to be a night to remember.". I took off his collared shirt and touched his abs as we kissed. We kept going on and on.

I enjoyed the time I had left with him before I leave. He was my first. I hope he's not my last.

————

Tbh this felt boring. I love the ending part, Haley baking, 

Tell me what do you think of this?

Next part is chapter 3 finale.