#4/7 times it'll probably work.

[darishima]

oh also ! my twt is anisechewtoy ! I don't use it much it's just sorta there, I much prefer my tumblr idrk twitter etiquette or anything -🦴

i much prefer tumblr too but YAAAYY NOW I CAN STALK YOUR POSTS LIKE YOU STALK MINE IM OVERJOYED !! followed u on my extra super cool priv too btw :3 which has been abandoned for like... months... but its fine

[lostwords-found]

Oh no. Oh fuck. I am relistening to some of the earlier Protocol episodes, and I have a horrible, terrible, no good very bad suspicion about Gerry.

I could, I want to emphasize, be completely wrong! I could be wildly, hilariously, off the mark. But--hear me out. This is going to take some explaining about what I think is going on in the bigger picture worldbuilding stuff; hopefully it'll be coherent, but fair warning, it may get a bit long.

First: there have been a lot of cases that have boiled down to trying to keep only the "good"/desirable/etc aspects of things or events or people, and discard the "bad"/unwanted, right? We saw this happening very explicitly in episode 23 with Alesis Newman, and way back in episode 2 with Daria the painter, but a number of episodes have presented variations on a similar theme.

Two variations in particular that I've been thinking a lot about are the violinist in episode 4 and the gambler in episode 9. The violinist can play his violin beautifully, but he wants to be rid of the price in flesh and blood that it demands. Similarly, the gambler wants the rewards of rolling high on his magic dice, but wants to be rid of the misfortunes that come with rolling low. Crucially, both episodes make clear that in this type of balance--something unwanted for something wanted--you can't just make the unwanted piece vanish. It has to go somewhere, it has to happen. But you can make it happen to someone else, somewhere else. And when that's how the game works, one of the major questions for players who want to get ahead then becomes: "how do I make the bad stuff stay happening somewhere else, and keep reaping the benefits of the good stuff that balances it out?"

Here's where this gets wildly speculative and from here on I freely acknowledge that I may be talking out my ass:

I think the Magnus Institute was investigating that question. I suspect a great many alchemists before the Institute, probably going back to the times of Albertus Magnus, were investigating it as well. I think the Great Work they were attempting -- the "universal transmutation" alluded to in episode 21 as the Magnus Institute's aim -- was the exact opposite of Jonah Magnus's own "Great Work" in TMA. In other words, I think they were probably trying to make the world an eternal paradise, rather than an eternal hell.

But if you're getting rid of all the "bad" stuff, all the suffering and misfortune, it's got to go somewhere.

I think they were sending it through to other worlds.

I'm not going to get into all the reasons I think that right now, because that's a whole essay in itself, but basically--the Leitners in TMA? The artifacts? All the little bits and pieces of evil given physical form, that never had a clear origin point in the world where they caused so much suffering for so long? We've all been worried about them winding up here, post-Archives... but I think this is where they came from in the first place. I think they were sent away in the hopes that an increase in "bad" in other worlds would lead to an increase in "good" in this one. Remember all those books Albrecht von Closen found in the tomb in the Black Forest in TMA, that Jonah Magnus later stole and let loose on the world? Remember that Albrecht found a mysterious coin along with them dated 1279? Albertus Magnus died in 1280; I strongly suspect he sent those books from the world of Protocol to that of Archives shortly before his death, much as the world of Archives sent the tapes away centuries later. But I think Protocol's world kept sending things away, kept trying to export "bad" and import "good". Remember all those happy, laughing volunteers bringing strange and sinister items to the charity shop on Hill Top Road in episode 7? "All for a good cause."

Okay so. Now. With that bit of hypothetical framework for Protocol's worldbuilding in place, let's next go back to Alesis Newman of episode 23. Her expressed wish is to create a new her. "Someone better. Someone the pain can't touch." Someone who can be everything Alesis wishes she could have been. Someone "free of all (her) mistakes."

But increasingly it sounds like what she actually wants isn't to create someone new. It is to create someone who is only a part of her current self. Someone who, she says in one of her last few posts, will "just be the good parts of me."

And if that's the case, if what she's really trying to do is make someone who holds only the "good" parts of her, someone who can be happy and strong and perfect and loved by everyone forever... what happens to the bad parts of Alesis Newman, as she currently exists? What about the parts of her that feel pain and fear, the parts of her that make mistakes, the parts of her that she rejects?

One might assume, from the experience she narrates, that those pieces of her are simply being destroyed. But that doesn't line up with the suggestion we've seen from earlier episodes that there has to be some kind of balance maintained in these bargains. What she actually says is happening to her--and what the forum members have apparently told her will happen, through this process--is that she and this "new her" are "becoming one... and then two."

I don't think the "bad" parts of Alesis Newman are dying. I think they're also going to become a "new her"--they're just going to go somewhere else, somewhere the new, happy, strong, perfect version of Alesis Newman never has to see them.

Still with me?

Okay.

Now let's talk about Gerry. Let's talk about the smiling, laughing, irrepressibly happy Gerry Keay we meet early in Protocol. Gerry who seems to have everything that the Gerry Keay of Archives was denied.

Gerry who underwent tests at the Magnus Institute as a child, and who, per the static over his and "Gee Gee's" words, holds a few more secrets about what went on there than he let on to Sam and Celia.

Back when I first heard Gerry's appearance in episode 8, it sure felt like a narrative gut punch: This is who he could have been in Archives, if not for the presence of the Fears. This is what Jon and Martin's final decision threatens to destroy--for this safe, happy version of Gerry, and for everyone else in his world.

I'm now suspecting it might be significantly worse than that. I think the Magnus Institute might have done to Gerry Keay something similar to what Alesis Newman later did to herself: made him New. Kept only the good parts--ensured a happy, comfortable, good life for him. In which case, all the bad stuff--all the parts of Gerry Keay that would ever have to suffer from bad luck, to feel pain and fear and misery...

...well. They'd have had to go... somewhere else, wouldn't they.

Which would suggest I had the causality the wrong way around the first time I heard Gerry's appearance in Protocol: maybe it's not "Gerry has a happy life in this world because he didn't have to suffer everything that the Gerry Keay of Archives did."

Maybe it's "Gerry in Archives had to suffer everything he did because Gerry in Protocol was made to always be happy."

[brbsoulnomming]

Heart On Your Sleeve Part 7

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

written for steddiebigbang2024 and belatedly posting here!

-----

Steve's half asleep on the couch when Dustin arrives the next day, and Robin lets him in.

“Hearts out,” Dustin demands immediately.

Steve winces. “Not a good idea, bud. My ribs are-”

“It's not your ribs,” Dustin interrupts. “You think I didn't see some blood when you were waving your heart around? Don't treat me like a baby, Steve, come on.”

Robin looks at him, and Steve shrugs.

“Okay,” he says, and Robin takes his heart out from her chest.

It looks better than it did yesterday, but it's still pretty pulpy, and Dustin goes pale.

“Steve,” he whispers, voice cracking.

“It's getting better,” Steve promises.

Dustin frowns, looking between him and Robin. “Are you having trouble breathing again? Why is Robin holding it?”

“It heals better when someone else has it,” Steve says. “Some kind of science thing.”

Dustin's frown deepens, then smooths out, and he holds his hands out to Robin. “My turn.”

“Dustin, I'm not going to ask you to-” Steve starts.

“You can't ask, I'm telling you I'm going to,” Dustin retorts. “I'm the first person who carried it, remember?”

Steve looks at Robin. She shrugs, and he can feel that she's not opposed to it, so he shrugs back. She hands his heart over to Dustin. There's some fumbling as Steve gives Robin's heart back to her and takes Dustin's instead, and then -

Huh.

Dustin is just as stubborn as he's always seemed, but underneath that is a quiet fear and a sense of love deeper than anything Steve's ever felt - other than from Robin.

“Come here.”

Steve gives him a hug - or as much of a hug as he can manage - then leans back on the couch again. “Breakfast's in the kitchen,” he says, already closing his eyes.

—

The next time he opens them, it's to the sound of half a dozen gremlins talking in what's probably supposed to be hushed tones.

“How did you all even get in here?” he asks.

They jump, then Dustin juts his chin out.

“I called them,” he says.

“We are here to help,” El says solemnly.

“Dustin told us what happened,” Lucas says.

Steve grimaces. “Look, you guys don't have to-”

“Will it work?” El asks.

Steve blinks at her. “Will what work?”

“If I try to heal your heart. Dustin says he looked it up, and it works best if it's someone you care about. Am I?”

Oh, that's just cheating. How is he supposed to protest with those eyes looking at him.

“Yeah, Ellie, of course you are. It'll work.”

She holds out her hands determinedly. "I don't have my powers. I couldn't save my - my dad, but I can do this. I can help you."

And that's that.

The next thing he knows, they've scheduled up a rotation along with Robin, and taken over his house, setting themselves up to watch TV or play games or do whatever else.

He finds himself alone with El, and he looks at her for a moment before asking, “Do you like cookies?”

Of course she likes cookies.

Steve can't actually do much work, but he can sit at the kitchen table and give directions, and she determinedly follows all of them as she puts together cookie dough.

He can feel the rough edges of her grief and her hopelessness, and he tries to give back as much support as he can.

She isn't alone.

“May I ask you something?” she asks, when a batch of cookies are in the oven and they're eating cookie dough.

“Sure,” he says.

“Dustin is not your brother.”

That's not a question, but he answers it anyway. “Not the way Mike is Nancy's brother or Will is Jonathan's, no.”

She frowns. “I don't understand,” she admits. “Mike says you are brave. That he likes you better now that you're not Nancy's boyfriend. I thought - you are like Mike.”

Oh, he is definitely remembering that for later. “Like Mike how?”

“Mike stepped off of a cliff for Dustin.”

Steve's brain screeches to a halt. “Mike what?”

“There were mouth breathers - bullies. They threatened to hurt Dustin if Mike didn't jump. He did. I caught him,” she's quick to reassure him, like that's what he's stuck on. “So - I thought you are like Mike. You protect your friends.”

“Like you, too,” Steve says, deciding to table the whole Mike thing for now. “You protect your friends.”

She smiles at him, a tiny, fleeting thing before her face scrunches in confusion. “But Max and Dustin and Lucas were not always your friends. Max says you jumped in front of a demodog the day you met her. I don't understand.”

Yeah, Steve's not sure he really understands either - a feeling she must pick up, because she looks even more confused.

“I just - wanted to help.” It sounds even lamer than it did when he said that about cleaning up the graffiti at the theater, but it's what he's got. “Maybe - we don't have to be like anyone, you know? We can just be like us. We can just want to help.”

Her expression smooths out, and he can feel - she kind of likes that.

“What I like,” she says, which is clearly a call back to something else with the way she's feeling, though he has no idea what.

It's okay. He doesn't really have to know what, he thinks - they understand each other.

And they have cookies.

—

He calls Mrs. Byers, just to make sure she knows where Will and El are.

She does, of course, but he also wants to check on her.

Her voice is unsteady and thick with grief, but she tells him not to worry about her, asks how the kids are doing, how he is.

He doesn't want to worry her, either, but he tells her what the kids’ plan is, how hard they're trying to help him.

How guilty he feels about it.

She's gentle when she tells him to let them help, that they care about him and they want to be able to do something good. He promises he will, and that he'll look after them.

He wishes he could do more.

—

Mike's up next, like he wants to get it over with.

Steve wants to tease him about the whole thinking he's brave thing, but when he's hit with everything Mike feels - worry and love and pride and protectiveness and how can I keep them all safe what am I supposed to do, he finds he doesn't want to give him a hard time.

Mike's angry at him, but he's angry at him because he's scared. Because he doesn't want to like him, doesn't want to trust him, but he does.

Mike likes him a whole lot, actually.

And Steve guesses that Mike can feel his own slightly amused fondness, because the kid scowls at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” Steve replies.

He thinks for a while, while Mike sullenly sits at the kitchen table with him and pretends like Steve doesn't know that he actually has feelings.

Eventually, even though he knows it's going to get him scoffed at, he says, “Do you know why teams have co-captains?”

Mike rolls his eyes. “Because they're too stupid to figure out how to play themselves?”

He tamps down on his irritation, though he knows not quickly enough, because Mike looks smug.

“So there's more than one person to make the hard choices. So if one person can't be there, the other can. So no one has to be in two places at once. So one person doesn't have to be everything to everyone,” Steve continues.

Mike scoffs, but Steve can still feel that it resonates with him. “Your stupid sports game is way less important than real life danger.”

“Yeah, sure. But so is your dragons game, and you guys use that all the time.”

He can feel that Mike wants to protest, though he also reluctantly thinks that Steve's right.

“So, what, you think we should pick captains for our Party?” Mike asks.

“Nah. You're already the party leader, right?” Steve asks. He knows that's how Mike sees himself, knows that's the pressure he puts on himself.

Now more than ever.

“But last time and this time, we had to split up, right? And you can't be everywhere.”

“You don't get it,” Mike says. “It's my job to protect them. How am I supposed to do it if I can't look out for everyone?”

“You get some help. Look - that's what I'm here for, all right? Let me help watch out for you guys.”

Mike snorts. “You?”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, I think it's worked out so far.”

Mike glances away. Whatever he's thinking of, there's the faint memory of fear and an unbidden, reluctant wash of relief, of safety.

“Fine,” he mutters. “Whatever, you're in the Party.”

Steve doesn't point out that he's already been in it, according to some of them. He has a feeling that's the most he's going to get out of Mike, for now.

It's enough.

—

It's easy, with Max and Lucas.

Probably easier than it should be.

He and Max swap, and he sits with her angry, confused grief. He can feel her daring him to say something, so - he doesn't.

He opens his arms, and he says, “Come here,” and she's exhausted enough that she does.

He hugs her tight while she cries into his chest, angry with herself for crying and angry with Billy for being so terrible and saving her life anyway. Angry with Steve, too, but that one's too complicated for him to figure out with the echoes of the feelings he gets from her.

“I'm here,” he says after a while, even though it makes her cry harder. “I'm right here.”

He sits with Lucas, after, staring at the door where El and Max have retreated to try to get some sleep.

“I don't know how to help her,” Lucas says.

He doesn't sound lost, but his heart beats in Steve's chest, and he can feel it anyway.

“Me either,” Steve admits, because he knows Lucas can feel it from him, too.

“What am I supposed to do?” Lucas asks.

Steve thinks for a moment. “Be there for her. Don't push her, but make sure she knows you're there. That you're not going anywhere.”

Some of the helplessness fades, and Lucas nods.

“Yeah, I can do that.”

They're quiet for a little bit.

“I want to try out for the basketball team,” Lucas says suddenly, then shoots an almost shy little look over at Steve at his pleased surprise.

“That's awesome, man. You want to get some more practice in after a few weeks?” Steve asks.

Lucas nods, then hesitates. “I don't think that Mike and Dustin and Will are going to like it.”

Steve frowns. “They like me okay.”

“Well, yeah, but that's different. We used to think you were a douchebag.”

It startles a laugh out of Steve. “Wow, thanks, Sinclair.”

Lucas shrugs, unapologetic. “We know you aren't now. But they're going to think I'm abandoning them.”

Steve considers. “Are you?”

“No! I'll still play D&D and stuff with them, we'll still be the Party. I want to prove you can do both. I want - I don't want people to mess with them. I want to do what you did.”

Steve swallows, suddenly a little choked up. He wishes he could blame it on his injuries, but he knows damn well Lucas can feel how touched he is.

“You're gonna be great, man,” he says when he has himself more under control. “You're gonna be way better than I ever was.”

—

When Will's up in the little rotation the gremlins have worked out, he lingers a few steps away, hesitant.

"Hey, man, you don't have to," Steve says awkwardly. "I can tell the other gremlins that you're needed at home."

Will looks at him for a moment. "Do I count?"

"What?" Steve asks.

"You didn't hunt a demodog with me, or barricade a bus in a junkyard, or fight off a bully, or go to the Upside Down tunnels, or invade a Russian bunker. You just let me into movies for free and let me hang out at your house with everyone. Is that enough?" Will's tone had been very matter of fact, but it goes a little bit more tenuous there.

"Yeah," Steve says. "Yeah, it is."

Will comes up to the table, holding his hands out expectantly, and Steve drops his heart into them.

It doesn't hurt, but by now, he doesn't expect it to. Steve's not sure he'll ever be able to thank any of the kids for this, but if Joyce is right, if being able to do something helps them after everything they just went through, then he guesses he's glad for that.

The awkwardness lingers a little after they've exchanged hearts. Probably because now they can feel an echo of each other's feelings. It makes Steve scramble for a topic.

"Mike and Lucas apologize to you yet?" Steve asks.

Will looks at him in confusion. "What for?"

"You think I didn't notice they've been kind of shitty? My money's on Mike being more insensitive about it, but Lucas has been right there with him, you know? Ditching Dustin half the time since he's been back, and before that it was always you playing fifth wheel."

Will looks a little surprised. “How'd you even notice that?”

"Because the same thing happened to me," Steve admits.

"I doubt it," Will mutters.

"It did!" Steve insists. "I had two best friends growing up. Then in middle school, they started dating, and suddenly every time we hung out I was the third wheel. It drove me nuts at first."

Will frowns. "Wait, but. You were always dating girls."

"Well, yeah, because I knew I was supposed to. I did a lot of things because it was what I was supposed to do." Steve'd liked all of them well enough, enjoyed dating them - especially once he started having sex and realized how good at it he could be - but he's not going to pretend like there isn't a reason his relationships didn't last very long.

Nancy'd been the only one he could see a forever with.

The kid's brows furrow, like he's not really sure what to do with that information.

"My point is-” Steve points at him with his spoon. “-don't let them rush you, or make you feel like you have to do something you don't want to do just to fit in with them. They're a lot better friends than mine were; they'll understand."

Will considers that. "Jonathan says I should never like something just because people tell me I should. That it's okay that I'm a freak, because he's a freak, too.”

“Yeah?” Steve asks. “What'd you say back?”

Will scrunches his nose. “I asked if that was why he didn't have any friends.”

He shouldn't, but Steve gives a little snort of laughter. Oh, no, Will is funny.

“Your brother has friends,” Steve protests, to counter his laughter. “He's got Nancy and me.”

Will rolls his eyes. “Nancy's his girlfriend.”

“Point in your favor,” Steve admits. “Still leaves me. And Robin will be his friend.”

Will toys with an apple from the fruit basket on the island. “Are you and Jonathan even really friends? It's not like you guys hang out.”

“Ouch, Byers, I thought you were the nice one,” Steve says, giving the kid a fond little smile to show he doesn't mean it. “There's different kinds of friends, I guess. Did, uh. Did Jonathan ever tell you how I got involved with all this?”

“Not really.” Will says with a shrug. “Just that you and him and Nancy fought a demogorgon.”

“That's because your brother's a good guy,” Steve tells him, then nudges the chair across from him.

It only moves a handful of inches, making Steve grimace - he'd wanted to kick it all the way out from under the table, but clearly he's not at full kicking strength. Still, it does the job, and Will takes a seat.

“I saw Nancy and Jonathan together on her bed one night, when she and I had just started dating. She couldn't tell me about the Upside Down stuff yet, but I knew she was lying, and I thought they were seeing each other behind my back.”

Will's looking at him, eyes huge, and it makes guilt twist in his stomach at the thought of what he said to Jonathan that day.

“We got in a fight the next day,” Steve admits. “I was really mean to him. So I went to your house later to apologize, and that's when I stumbled in on him and Nancy setting their trap. I gotta tell you, it was a really rude awakening, getting my apology speech interrupted by a demogorgon.”

“Try getting your bike ride home interrupted by one,” Will says dryly.

For a moment, Steve wonders if he should feel guilty bringing it up and potentially traumatizing the kid, but - Will doesn't look like he wants to be tiptoed around, and he can feel the faint trepidation from the kid's heart beating in his chest. The fear that someone's going to treat you different.

So Steve snorts instead. “Okay, you've got me beat,” he concedes. “You win the gold medal of demogorgon attacks.”

“Thanks.” It's just as dry, but Will's smiling at Steve like he said the right thing, so he'll take it. “Do I get an actual medal?”

Steve gives a surprised little laugh. “You know what? Sure. Come on.”

His pace is slow as he heads upstairs, and out of the corner of his eye, he's pretty sure he sees Will's hands twitch like he's debating trying to help him up. Steve resolutely ignores it until they get to his room, and then he unearths his first place medal from the medley swimming relay in eighth grade.

“Hang on, let me-” Steve digs around for some duct tape and a sharpie, then slaps a strip of tape on the back of the medal, pressing it down to get it to stick well. He writes demogorgan attack on the tape, blows on it to get it to dry, then hands it to Will with all the solemnity as if he was actually presenting him with a first place medal.

“Oh my God,” Will says, looking a little gobsmacked. “You're a nerd. You're one of us!”

“Hey! You spread that around, and I'll take your medal back!” Steve threatens.

“No way,” Will retorts. “Come back when you get dragged into the Upside Down by a demogorgon for dinner.”

“No thanks,” Steve says. ��It's all yours.”

Will is beaming at him, and Steve kind of hates to ruin the mood - but he also really has to sit down. The downside to having them all on a rotation of heart exchanges is that he can't hide when it gets really bad.

He sits down on his bed while he can still do it without just dropping down onto the mattress. Will watches him for a moment, then carefully sits on the bed too, a foot or so away from him.

“So - that's why you and Jonathan are friends? You apologized and you fought a monster together?” Will asks.

“Yeah, I guess so. Look, there's different kinds of friends, right? There's the friends you have because you share a class together, or the ones you play the same sport - or, uh, hobby with, or the ones you just hang out with sometimes. And then there's the good ones, the ones who know you. Jonathan and I might not hang out outside of school, but I know he's got my back, and I've got his. Any time he needed me, I'd be right there.”

His feelings about Jonathan are - complicated, but that's the truth. Whatever else, Steve cares about the guy a hell of a lot, trusts him like he trusts very few others.

Steve's not sure what Will can pick up from him, but it must be enough to convince him that Steve's sincere, because he just quietly says, “Oh.”

“That goes for you, too,” Steve tells him. “Okay? You need me, I'm there.”

Will's cheeks go just a little pink, and there's a faint flutter of some kind in his heart, but Steve can't really tell what it is. “Okay.”

They're quiet for a moment, but it's not really awkward anymore - or at least, not beyond Steve trying to figure out how long before he's going to be able to get himself back downstairs without leaning on anyone.

“Did you date Nancy because you were supposed to?” Will asks after a while.

“Nancy's different,” Steve replies automatically, hearing an echo of himself saying the same thing to Dustin the day they were looking for Dart, and knowing it's just as true now as it was then, even if he's over her now - or as over her as he thinks he'll ever be.

Will mulls that over. “So - I might find a girl one day that's different, even if I've never liked girls before?”

There's something about the way that Will says it that sends him back into the Starcourt bathroom with Robin, watching her stare at him as he said but Tammy Thompson's a girl, waiting for it to click into place for him, and -

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, he thinks he's accidentally implied something he didn't really mean to imply here. He thinks about trying to stutter out a clarification, that when Steve said he did it because he was supposed to, he didn't mean that he didn't like girls - he loves girls, girls are fantastic -

But.

But there's Eddie.

Will's voice had been so small, and whatever he can feel from Steve's heart in his chest is making his eyes go wide and scared, and it -

“Maybe,” Steve finds himself saying before he really knows what he's talking about. “But maybe not. And that's - that's okay. Whoever you like, or don't like, whoever you want to date or not date, it's okay.”

Steve pauses, feels like that isn't enough, and scrunches his face up. “Unless they're like, objectively terrible. If you get a crush on some little asshole, I can and will make fun of you.”

There's a ghost of a smile there. “Like Dustin and Suzie?” he asks.

“Way worse than Dustin and Suzie,” Steve says. “I had to be nice about Suzie, because everyone thought Dustin was making her up. I'm talking no holds barred here.”

—

"Do you think that guy's dead?"

Steve doesn't have to ask what guy Dustin means. He grimaces a little, because even if he wanted to, there's no way he can lie with their hearts in each other's chests. "We blew up their lab, man, I think most of them are dead."

Dustin frowns, looking like he's not sure if he thinks that's a good enough answer.

"I guess," he says finally. Then, so quietly Steve can barely hear it, Dustin asks, "Am I a bad person?"

"What?" Steve asks, thrown. "You've saved the world how many times now?"

Dustin gives him a look. "The same amount of times that you have."

Steve bumps Dustin's shoulder with the back of his knuckles. "Saved Nancy and Jonathan, maybe, but not sure how much world saving I did the first time. You got one up on me."

Dustin rolls his eyes. "Basically the same."

"All right, all right," Steve says. "We've saved the world a few times. Bad people don't usually do that."

Dustin fiddles with the hem of his shirt. "Billy did. Kind of. He helped, at the end. Does that make him a good person?"

Shit, Steve is way too concussed for this.

"No," he says after a little while. "I don't think so. Maybe if he had more time, but I don't think one good thing that he did while he was already dying makes up for all the other bad things he did."

Dustin screws up his face in concentration, then nods. "Me too."

Steve'd really like to just end the conversation there, but he's pretty sure Dustin needs him to keep going, and, well.

He's always going to be there when Dustin needs him.

"What makes you think you're a bad person?" he asks.

Dustin stares at his hands for a little while. "I don't feel bad."

Steve tries to make sense of that for a moment, then gives up. "You lost me."

"I killed that guy," Dustin says, looking back up at him almost defiantly. "And I don't feel bad. I'm not sorry he's dead."

Guilt stabs through him so strongly that he knows Dustin must feel some of it, and he grimaces a little when Dustin frowns at him.

"What was that?" Dustin asks.

"I'm sorry that you had to do that," Steve says. "It's not fair."

Dustin scoffs. "None of this is fair."

All right, yeah, Dustin's got a point. Okay, new tactic.

"Look at me, Dust," Steve says softly.

Dustin pulls a face. "I am looking at you."

"Ugh, no, I mean look at me." Steve waves a hand at himself.

"You look like shit," Dustin tells him.

"Exactly," Steve agrees. "You know why I look like shit?"

There's an echo of something remarkably similar to the guilt Steve just felt.

"Because of me," Dustin says, voice small.

Shit.

"What? No! How is this your fault?" Steve asks.

"I pushed the Russian message thing. You only looked into it because I wanted to," Dustin says.

"That's not - I looked into it for the same reason I helped you look for Dart, okay? Because I'm in this, and we're in this together, and if there's something out there, it's going to find us. That's not your fault."

Dustin doesn't look convinced.

"There is nothing that's going to keep me away from being in this with you, okay? Even if you didn't push me. Even if you didn't even tell me. I'd find out, and then I'd be mad." He pauses. "Like, really mad. Like telling your mom you ditched me and got in trouble so she doesn't let you leave the house for a year mad."

"Okay, okay," Dustin says, but he looks happier. "So what was your point, then?"

His point?

Right, his point.

"I look like shit because of the dead guy and his buddies." Part of Steve thinks he should hedge around this, try to sugarcoat it a little, but - treating Dustin like he's a kid who can't handle this isn't going to do anything. "You saw my heart, Dustin. You think the guys who did that were just going to let me walk out of there?"

Dustin looks at him, eyes big. "No," he admits quietly.

"The only reason I'm still standing here is because of you. I mean it, man - I'd be dead without you. And it sucks that you had to do that, and I wish I could have been faster or better, saved you from being the one that had to, but I'm not sorry that he's dead, either. Maybe that makes me a bad person. Maybe I'm a bad person because I would do the same thing, because I'd have killed all of them to protect you and I wouldn't feel bad at all."

Dustin's lip quivers a little. "You're not a bad person, Steve."

"Neither are you," Steve tells him.

The kid's eyes look suspiciously wet. Steve shifts, straightening up a little and lifting his arms.

"Come here."

Dustin drops down onto the couch, squished into his side. Steve drapes his arm over his shoulder, gingerly hugging him, and pretending that he can't hear Dustin's quiet sniffles or feel the shake of his shoulders.

"You're like the best person I know," Steve says softly.

"You too," Dustin replies, voice a little wet. "You're gonna be okay, right?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna be fine."

His heart might not ever be the same, but with all of them trying so hard to keep it together and help it heal - it makes him feel pathetic, but he kind of thinks he might be even better.

It seems a good enough response for Dustin, who stays tucked in against his side, eyes slipping shut like he's going to fall asleep right there.

Steve wants to bitch about it, but he also doesn't want to move, so he just lets it happen.

"I used to be so jealous of Mike and Will," Dustin mutters sleepily after a while.

"Yeah?" Steve asks absently.

"All this sucks, and they had Nancy and Jonathan," Dustin says.

"Mmm," Steve agrees, feeling pretty close to sleep himself.

"I'm not anymore though."

"No?" Steve asks.

"Nah," Dustin mumbles. "You're way better than Nancy and Jonathan."

This is already written, and my plan is to post one part a day until it's all up here!

----

Part 8

Taglist (always happy to add more to this if anyone wants): @fairytalesreality @lostonceandneverfound @wheneverfeasible @awkwardgravity1 @theintrovertedintrovert @thewickedkat @ravenfrog @scarlet-malfoy @missmagillicuddy @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @ollyxar @cringe-culture-is-dead-99 @thedragonsaunt @makewavesandwar @cryptid-system @ajeff855 @mae-liz @the-fantastical-asexual @jettestar @warlordess @persnicketysquares @samsoble @my-love-of-books @mydysfunctionallife @dreamercec @holyangelstudentuniverse @breealtair @shunna @xtraordinarally @thatdamnfan @justalittledrainbamage @strangerfolks @disrespectedgoatman @amber-ambience @anxietyfulloption @thepossummoldypasta

[libraford]

Multi-paper junk mini journal tutorial (low spoons version)

Last night, I mentioned that I like my blank books to have a combination of different papers: colored paper for sketching, blank paper for writing, dotted paper for lists, graph paper for schematics and maps, but there arent many manufacturers that make this. So I just make them myself.

And yall wanna know how to do that.

GREAT!

Here's the easy version. This is for:

-I want this for me, NOW, and I don't care what it looks like because I'm gonna cover it in stickers, and it's only going to be a few pages long. If it lasts a week, I'm happy.

You will need:

- desired papers, 8.5x11 inch regular ass sizes

- a piece of card stock or a thicker paper.

- stapler

- washi tape (optional)

- probably scissors

STEP 1

Take a piece of paper. Fold it in half. Tear or cut the paper along the fold line so you have two half sheets of paper.

If you want a larger book, you can just fold it in half and the book will be 8.5×5 instead of 5x3.25.

STEP 2

Fold the half sheets in half and crease them. Repeat this for every sheet you intend on using for the inside of your journal.* Try not to do more than 8 papers because it'll put stress on the stapler. The papers should now fit inside of each other.

*you could, if pressed, fold them all together in one big group. This is faster, however- if you've ever had a handmade zine that doesn't close cleanly it's likely that they stapled it together without creasing. To each their own. I don't run your life.

If there is excess on the ends that makes the book uneven, feel free to chop it off at this point.

STEP 3

Repeat step 2, but with the thicker paper, which is now your book cover.

STEP 4

Find the centerfold- which is the middle piece of paper. Lay it flat and make sure all the papers and the cover line up.

TIME TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH STAPLER!

Ah, yes- the zine-stitch. Three staples to hold it all together, one in the center and 2 an inch from the top and bottom. If you are doing a larger size, you may need more staples.

You can staple from the inside or you can flip it over and staple it from the spine. Stapling from the spine will make it smoother on the outside so if you're carrying it in your pocket it won't catch threads.

But sometimes stapling from the inside is the only method that works. I've got a fix for you at the end.

Stapling is easy because it's a fast fix, but you may find yourself wasting staples because they don't go all the way through. This can be that the paper is too thick or that there's too many papers. I have a more complicated version of this that's suited to this situation, which I'll write later.

Other, more obvious solution: better staples, better stapler. But I don't have that.

You can call yourself done now, or...

OPTIONAL STEP 5

If you stapled from the centerfold or if you plain don't like the way your spine looks, we're gonna use some washi tape.**

Gently find an unstapled flap in the cover and separate it so you can get some washing tape to adhere to the inside.

Run it along the spine with the book flattened.

Adhere it to the inside of the cover at the bottom and then fold.

**an advanced technique for this when you don't have washi tape: cut a strip of contrasting paper at least 1 inch thick and 2 inches longer than the spine (so in this case it would be 1 inch by 7 inches.) Coat the back of this paper with glue and then use in the same way the washi is shown. This will require extra curing time and you will want to put something heavy on top as it dries. Washi is just easier.

Now slap a sticker on it.

Nice!

And now you've got a little journal. Does it look great? Who cares? You don't have to look all over for a piece of graph paper when you wanna draw a map of something while you're out doing stuff.

It took me longer to write the tutorial than it did to make the thing. The hardest part was getting the staples to behave.

I have a higher spoons version that I will write up later, but this is the punkass way of doing something for yourself.

UPDATE: The tutorial for the nicer version is available here!

[luuvprincess]

✰࿎7࿎✰

Sierra

"So what exactly are we doing here?" I asked Jey as we pulled to Trin and Jon's house. Jey hadn't told me anything just told me to pack bag for 4 days and that he was picking me up. "I'll let Trinity tell you since it was her idea." He says as turns the car off. He gets out first as his sons got too and I get out myself.

"I'm gonna be honest im scared for what yall have planned." I said as I walked to back of car as he pulling out our bags. "Don't be scared."

"Hey yall!" I hear Trinity yell. I turned around seeing her and Jon and they're kids standing on porch. Jon and trinity started walking down towards us as Jeyce ran over to Jayla and Jayden leaving Jey to carry the bags in alone.

Jey shook his head at jeyce as he closed the trunk. "This boy and damn baby what the hell you pack?" He asked.

"You didn't tell what exactly I needed to pack for so I just picked a little bit of everything." I said as Jon and Trinity stop in front of us. "Hey girl you look cute." Trinity said as she pulled me in for tight hug I hugged her back with a little squeeze. "Hey Uce." She said as then hugged Jey as I hugged Jimmy.

"Hey Jim."

"Hey Cece, uce you need help?" He asked as we all watched Jey struggling a little.

"Hell yeah your nephew ain't shit for leaving me and this girl I don't know what the fuck she packed something told me I should have went over and pack her shit myself." Jey says. I rolled my eyes at him as I shake my head.

"So Trinity what are we doing anyways Jey told me you were gonna tell me." I said.

"We are going camping boo so I hope you packed some boots!" She yelled all excited.

"Who's camping?" I asked. "We are girl it's gonna be fun relax. I rented us a RV and this time we are gonna actually be able to some fun family activities." She said as she looked at the twins. I also looked at them as they gave us thumbs up cheesing hard.

"Yea relax ma it'll be fun. No phones, just us the trees, and some wild animals that live in woods." Jey says.

"Joshua you are not funny." I said.

We walked into the house, the kids were somewhere around the house I followed Jey to the room we'd be staying in tonight since we're leaving until tomorrow.

"So we're leaving around 9:30, 10 so be up." Trinity yells from the living room.

"You knew that had you told me what we were doing I'd say no that's why you didn't want to tell me." I said immediately turning my attention towards Josh.

"Yea I knew your ass would have said no, but I want you here." He said.

"Joshua you know ion do the woods." I said as I folded my arms. "Baby it's just 3 days you acting as if it's a week in woods." He said.

"Eww 3 days in woods. I better be getting this cookie ate or something." I said.

"I can make something work." He said with a smirk.

"I can't believe yall about to have my ass in the woods I gotta call my mommy and tell her I love her." I said as picked my phone.

"Your dramatic Sierra." He says before he walked out the room just as my mom picked up my call.

"Hey baby." She said.

"Hey mommy guess what?" I said.

"What's sup honey?" She asked. "My boss and his family got me going camping mom, you know ion do camping." I said.

"Cheer up honey it'll probably be fun." She said.

"Mom the last I went camping was when I was ten and

Saint and uncle Jameson chased me and Candace around in big foot a costume and till this day I still refuse to go camping." I said.

"Well looks like that will be changing soon." She said. I then hear someone in the background which sounded like my brother.

"Who's that talking?" I asked.

"Who's that on the phone?" Saint asked as poking his head in the camera. "Ah shit is that my big headed little sister." He said as he took the phone.

"Eww boy you ugly as hell." I said.

"If I'm ugly you ugly too we look alike little sis." He says.

"My man says other wise but later mom love you." I said.

"Love you more sweetheart, Saint gimme my damn phone boy."  She said.

"Hey hello where's my I love you big brother and when the fuck you get a boyfriend again." Saint says.  I playfully rolled eyes.

"I love you Saint I gotta go duty calls." I said.

"Love you too sis be safe miss you and don’t think we ain’t done with this conversation." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"I miss yall too later." I said ended the call.

I let out a sigh as I got off the bed walking downstairs as I joined Trinity the kitchen not seeing Jey in sight. "Hey boo." She said.

"Hey where the boys?" I asked.

"Out back they finna cook on that grill." She says.

"Good I'm hungry." I said. "Girl me too but aren't you excited for this road trip?" She asked.

"Honestly no last time I went camping my uncle and brother traumatized me chased me around in a big foot costume."  I tell hers

"Oh well that's scary I can see why you wouldn't to go camping now." She said trying her hardest not to laugh but she couldn't hold. "Haha ahh I'm sorry it really not funny I can only imagine you running around trying to get away from them."

"It's fine at the time it wasn't funny but now that I'm older and I know big foot don't exist it's funny to me now." I said laughing with her.

"What y'all in here laughing about?" Jimmy says as him and Jey walked in through the back door.

"About time I get chased by big foot when I was 10." I said.

"You know big foot ain't real?" Jey asked coming up next to me. "Yea I know he's not real Boohda and my uncle decided it was good idea to chase me my cousin in a big foot costume and that was the last time I went camping and reason I'm not a fan of camping now."

"It's okay bae I'll keep you safe." He said kissing my cheek making me blush. I turned hiding my face in his chest.

Omniscient

1am

Sierra woke up feeling Jey just now getting to bed. Him and Jimmy had decided to play the game before bed. "It's about time you came to bed." She muttered as she cuddling into his chest. He chuckled placing a kiss on her forehead. "I wasn't go for long." He said.

"It's one in the morning i came up here at 10 that's 3hrs you left me in this cold ass bed alone." She said. "Ight baby my fault." He said as tighten his arm around the her. "I get a personal cuddle bear, I'm in love." She said causing to let out another chuckle. "I love you too." He says.

"Is that so?" She asked. He sighed flipping them over so that he was hovering over her. She gasped as he grabbed face so she could look him in the eyes.

"You gonna keeping questioning my answers girl? I done told you countless times before Im the one that's in love with you Sierra, I see a future for us." He said.

"You hear me?" He asked.

"Yes I hear you Joshua." She said.

"Nah ion think you do." He says. "But I'm finna show you ass I'm deadass about you and about us...turn over for me and you take this off too. He said pulling at his shirt she was "barrowing".

Her eyes brows arched into confusion as she looked at him. "C'mon mama, don't act like you don't know what's finna happen."  He said. 

"I know your crazy but hello your kids, your brother, Trinity and your niece and nephew are literally down the hall." She said. He leaned down kissing her neck leaving hickeys in few places.

He knew he was finna get cuss out tomorrow when she sees them but he ain't care he’ll deal with that tomorrow.

"Josh seriously." She wishpered yelled slightly pushing him back. He sighed kissing her as he ripped her shirt off. She broke the kiss gasping at his action. "You clearly made your mind." She says flipping over on her stomach.

"Mhmm All you gotta do mama is be quiet...lift ya hips up a little." He said as reached over grabbing a pillow she lifted her hips up as he slide the pillow under her. "You feel comfortable mama?" He asked.

"Yes daddy." She said. He smirked as he began leaving a trail of kisses from her neck down her back down to her causing her to moan. He gave her as a little smack. "You not listening already mama." He said.

"Sorry daddy."

"You love me baby?" He wisphered as he got close to her ear. "Yes." She murmured. His hand wrapped around her neck as he pulled her in for a hungry sloppy kiss.

"Fuck you sexy." He groaned as he pushed his arosusal on her plumped butt. She tried her best to quietly moan his name.

He sat up pulling himself out his shorts. He spread her open with one hand sliding himself in her wet auora. Both of them letting out a soft quiet moan feeling each other.

"Fuck baby this pussy wet as hell." He groaned in her ear as he began moving. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. "Fuck." He groawled.

"J-jey." She whined. He grabbed her hair pulling her back. "You like that we could possibly get caught don't you mama?" She let out a soft moan in response.

"Mhmm yeah you do." He says with a smirk. "You so naughty baby."

"Fuck." She whimpered as his tip hit her g-spot. "Right here daddy."

"Right there mama?" He asked. She nodded her head eyes rolled to the back of her head as she bit down on her bottom lip. "Look at you pretty girl." He said.

Her walls started clutching around him making him let out a deep but quiet moan his hands grabbed on to her waist as he began picking up his speed. The room filled with the sounds of soft moans and groans, the sound of their skin slapping against each other was Jey sure that Jim and Trinity heard them.

As for kids he kids felt bad but at same time didn't after thinking back on how many times he's been woken up out his sleep to them all fighting and brickering at each other.

"Uhn uhh move that hand mama."

"F-fuck slow d-fuck I'm coming daddy." She cried out.

"Wet this dick up mama, cum on your dick." He says giving her ass a smack.

"Oh fuck jey." She moaned as she milked him. He continued to fuck her through her orgasm as he chased his high.

“Fuck this my pussy?” He asked.

“Y-yes Jey.” She muttered.

“Can daddy nut in his pussy?” He asked.

“Yes pleasee.” She begged. His strokes started getting sloppy. “Fuck baby I’m finna nut…ah shitt fuckk.” He grunted as his shoot warm seed in her.

“Fuck god damn baby.” He says as pulls out. His dick covered with their juice. “You good pretty girl?” He asked.

“Mhmm.” She mumbled as she began to fall asleep. He chuckled kissing behind her ear. “Imma go get you towel to clean you up don’t fall sleep baby.”

He got up walked the bathroom he grabbed a towel wetting it a little and went back to the room to find her passed out. He shook his head walking over to her and cleaned her up. He as few leaned down kissing her forehead.

“I love you baby.” He said then got in bed himself.

“WAKE YALL FREAKY ASS UP!” Jimmy yelled as he banged on Sierra and Jey’s door. Sierra groaned putting her pillow over her face. “AYE UCE get up dog.” Jimmy said as continued to bang on the door.

Somehow this man was still sleeping. Sierra sat up remembering that Joshua ripped her shirt off last night she used the blanket to cover her chest as she rubbed her eye. She looked to her side as she looked at Josh.

“Joshhh.” She groaned shaking him out his sleep.

“Mmm.” He groaned swooshing her hand away.

“Wake up so we can get ready.” She said. They both eventually got up and went to the bathroom. “Can get me my pills from my bag please.”

“Which pocket is it in?” He asked.

“In the left pocket.”

He came back in the bathroom with her pills handing it to her. While he used the bathroom she took her pills.

“Joshua Samuel Fatu why?” She said groaning as she seen her neck that covered with fresh hickeys. “Joshhhh!” She whined.

“W-oh I forgot I did that.” He said with a smirk. She rolled her eyes grabbing her tooth brush and began brushing her teeth.

Sierra throw on some leggings a spaghetti strap crop-top and a grey hoodie with her grey and white dunks that hey got her.

Jey throw on a Nike hoodie no shirt and a pair of his famous hoochie daddy shorts with his black and white dunks and Nike hat.

Once Sierra saw what he was wearing she immediately felt got wet in her panties. They made their way downstairs grabbing some food.

After everyone ate they checked their bags and made their they had everything the needed for the trip before hitting the road.

Tag list 🏷️💗: @uceyliyahh @mselenalovebug @theusotwinzcom @isabella-2025 @dstark-0706 @4milly @zillasvilla @charmed-dreamssss @sheaabuttaababyy @levissslutt

[whereserpentswalk]

Choose a transformation to permanently alter your body and remove your humanity.

1: get infected with lycanthrope (being bitten is the easiest way, but the curse can also be passed on through blood transfusions, or other bodily fluids). You'll be able to turn into a wolf any night when the moon shines, and you'll be compelled to when the moon is full. The other werewolves are likely to accept you into their community under most circumstances.

2: enter a local ufo to be turned into a cyborg. The visitors are dying to find a human who'll let you do this to them, and you might just be the one. Parts of your body will be replaced with strange and unknowable technology, thousands of years more advanced than what your backwater planet has. Who knows what you'll become, but it certainly won't be human.

3: allow a demon to possess you. While this sounds bad at first, most demons aren't actually sentient beings, but just semi sentient balls emotions. When they possess you it'll still be your mind and personality, just enhanced with the demon's emotions and desires, given its abilities. You'll also probably start looking more like what people consider a demon to look like after awhile, weather that be a body with horns and scales like the classic devil look, or something more animalistic, or even something more eldrich.

4: let the faeries play with you. This is a risky one but they're looking to be entertained by a cute little human to do things to. Who knows what they'll do to you, but we can be quite certain it'll be something very very interesting.

5: permanently psychically bond to a wyvern through the dreaming. For generations humans have done this to become wyvern riders, though rider is an odd term as your minds will be linked, you'll be able to know what it's feeling as well as it's sensations, and possibly even be able to control it directly with enough time, as easily as you'd control your own body. Though the wyvern and dreaming may effect you to, you'll likely become more creative and have more vivid dreams, at the cost of your ability to fit in with much of human society. Your body will also likely become more youthful, slender and androgynous, and may even take on wyvern like traits like slit pupils or sharp teeth.

6: permanently hybridize yourself with an animal of your choice. It's useally done with mammals for compatibility reasons, but it might work with anything. This is a slow process, involving weekly injections of Phlebotinum, and you'll get more and more like the animal you choose over the course of many months. There's no actual end limit to how long you can inject the Phlebotinum for, only a few weeks for some animal features, about a year for a 50/50 split, and if you never stop taking it ever you'll end up just becoming an animal of your choice. Be warned, it's a one way trip, so while you can always become less human, you can never reverse the changes.

7: be melted into a slime. Not much more to say about it. It'll probably be the most alien your physical form can become, as you'll have no solid body parts anymore, just an amorphous mass to move around. Natrual born slimes may be suspicious of you.

8: get bitten by a vampire and become a vampire yourself. You'll get most of the powers, from strength, to healing, to not needing sleep or food, along with the requirements to drink blood, and the weakness to silver and sunlight (you still can go out in the sun, but it won't be a pleasant experience). Your body will also change a lot, losing any sex characteristics, gaining red eyes and completely desaturated skin, and becoming extremely emaciated looking. Your mouth will also be able to shift at will between a humanoid shape, and a massive horrifying maw with huge fangs and strange mouth parts for drinking blood. There's likely a vampiric community around who'll accept you.

9: become a digital only being. You won't just be transforming your body, you'll be getting rid of it. Your entire vision will display what you'd usually see on a computer monitor, and you'll be able to type and move the mouse as easily as you can move your body now. You'll be entirely online without anything human to worry about.

10: become a spiritual being. Like a less online version of the last option. You'll become a spirit, without a body to worry about. You can't touch things, but you can move them psychically. You can also choose who can or can't see you, and how you appear to people.

11: have your entire body replaced by the cloth witches. They're always looking for humans to do this to. Every part of you will be replaced with artificial materials, usually you'll get a metal skeleton, stuffing for filling, and either cloth or plastic for your skin, like a doll of some sort but big and alive. You won't have to worry about a lot of the body things like dying or being tired or in pain, but be warned, you'll have to repair yourself with new material if damaged.

(Hey, I had to delete the first version of this poll and reupload it because of something on the old post setting off my silly little trauma. I feel like such an awful person for this, I'm sorry. But yeah, please reblog and interact with this version instead.)

[halocakii]

Is this enough to prove my devotion to Project: Eden's Garden?

I've finally finished it!! My Team Tre4sure Subathon AU!!

Chapter 1, here we come! And I will say, if any of these 4 are the first to go I will go mad and have the craziest ZENO flare-up you've ever seen (does anyone know ZENO remake? Please say yes). Is placing my hopes & dreams on the heads of a FOURTH of the cast a crazy thing to do? Yeah, but I'm a Danganronpa fan so it's par for the course.

Below the cut are closeups, tidbits, and reference explanations... Thank you for your time, folks!

Oh! I wasn't actually expecting anyone down here erm... No, no, you're welcome! Welcome!

KAI (Whaat? There's no mental instability over here!)

He doesn't seem like he's well. He's probably never heard of work-life balance before, so I totally think that he's the type of guy to have a tripod pointing directly at his bed 24/7. He records all his videos there. Great idea, Kai! I think it'll do loads to help with your mental state!! Associate your bed with work!!!!

Being on-camera 24/7 would probably ruin him. Best believe that the camera gets covered when it's time for him to sleep... It probably isn't all that healthy for him to do a subathon at all honestly. It all sets in on like day 2 and his sanity goes on a steady decline from there. He gets twitter cancelled 10 times before the subathon ends.

Once the whole passing-the-camera-to-other-ultimates thing starts, he's the one doing it the most. Like I said, bro starts trying to avoid the subathon at ALL costs it's REAAAL BAD. When he is on camera, he's either freaking out inside or actually letting the presence of the others chill him out. Kai's yapping either way, it just depends on if its normal yapping or stress yapping.

Yeah I made up some merch for him... I think he'd wear it from time to time!

The YouTube plaques in the background hahaa it's a subtle brag! But, don't some youtubers keep them in their background? Those plaques are for the 100,000 and 10,000,000 milestones.

CASSIDY (Please don't die please don't die please do-)

Here's where all the real easter eggs begin!! Her mic setup is from 3FS and her background is based off of CoryxKenshin! Two very funny youtubers you should watch!! The entire Twitch screenshot was taken from a Kai Cenat Minecraft stream and the viewer count was real! Isn't that impressive?!

Cassidy's streams would most definitely focus on her gaming prowess, so I kept her setup nice and simple. I like to believe that her desk is pretty trashy, but she probably cleans it every once in a while... Right?? RIGHT???

This subathon ends up getting to the length of around 33 days (sorry Ludwig!). They start passing the cameras off to other ultimates, playing hot potato with the stream! This subathon is dubbed "The Ultimate Twitch Stream" because of all the shenanigans.

Some of the following happen DURING the subathon: hospitalizations, breakdowns, arguments, fights, parties, a debate (a camera got forced into the hands of Damon once), a DRAG RACE (Diana gave her camera to Mark who immediately passed it on to Jett), and JEAN WHO IS CONSTANTLY GOING OUT TO SEA THE WHOLE TIME!!

They raise a lot of money for charity though :D

DIANA (She's not the mastermind JUUUST SAYING!!!)

Diana is a busy, busy girl. I'd imagine that she has to get ready + leave the stream fairly often to... Y'know... Do her job! Her Hollywood-renowned job! Chat gets used to seeing her come and go.

Her background is improvised for the stream, and her camera (sent over to her by Cassidy) constantly falls off the ledge she's got in on, but she refuses to give up on putting it there.

If she can, she'll take her camera with her to places (but with proper advice from Cassidy about safety + revealing her location). Living the streamer life is a little fun for her, but not something she'd actually wanna pursue.

She really loves talking to chat!!! Cassidy's Comrades really like Diana!! The Diana-Cassidy fan overlap is just a circle. They cheer whenever she comes back and they're so serious about it.

Fit checks. Soooooooo many fit checks.

JEAN (How is he getting INTERNET OUT THERE??)

Jean is GENUINELY out at sea for 80% of the subathon. Cassidy gave him a camera and a detailed tutorial on how to use Discord. Everything else is simply a miracle. Chat is confused. Everyone is confused. For the first 15 minutes of the stream, all anyone could hear was the sound of the waves. The others had to teach him about noise suppression. Team Tre4sure vs. The Sea...

Jean comes and goes like the waves themselves. He disappears from the stream for days at a time with no explanation. Chat is listless every time. "When will the sea return Jean to us?" they ask. "Actually, how long has it been since we've seen Jean?" they ponder. They get no answer and he pops up two days later with a smile and a live fish.

Scurvy becomes a long-running meme in Cassidy's chat after Jean spends 30 minutes giving a harrowing tale + lecture. Kai leaves halfway through and comes back with an orange. Diana leaves and comes back with an orange. Cassidy leaves and comes back with celery (no oranges).

Jean never reads chat. The other members of Team Tre4sure speak for chat when Cassidy's Comrades have questions for him (re: "Is scurvy real?"). One time, they got him to flex, which sparked a flexing competition between him and Cassidy. She suuuper lost but it was totally awesome.

He does not know personal space with the camera. Not in the slightest. Back UP, JEAN!!!

Aaand that's my AU!! (Not really ALL mine, I had a lot of help with the brainstorming, ty Nullyvoid)

Everyone in chat is either me & people I know, music references (mikumiku, Vanillatwilight, TeeVeeGirl, etc.), funny chatters I made up (to3s4tozu, supreme_leader, sigma_KAI, etc.), or straight-up P:EG characters (UltDebater, MayhemMusic, and uh DamianVB)

Thank you so much for reading all about my silly little subathon AU, stay safe out in those rocky waters!

[ghostieyanyan]

One are you okay with writing NSFW and to please I beg of you more demon riddle I'd love him there is not enough content of him I love my sassy little gay man who would probably step on me if I stepped out of line

(can I be ♦️annon?)

~What's that little mouse?~

Yan!Demon!Riddle x mc

Warnings: yandere, demon, kidnapped/imprisoned, implied punishment

Yes you can be ♦️annon!!

And about the NSFW Writing, if I were to write it out, idk if I should do it on patreon (because patreon was a way for me to not get those "im underage and-" comments). i think what I'll do is post suggestive content (stories/writing) and you could get the full in patreon.

But im also worried on how to write them~~ (in, out, in, out) i'll try tho!!

Also im so happy how this came out!!! the drawing mainly lol

~~~

You were laying in Riddle's bed, staring at the ceiling. That's all you could really do...

Riddle was off for one of his house warden meetings and wouldn't be back for some time... you could try to escape...? But you knew it'll leave you more empty then if you just stayed.

You were stuck in Riddle's kingdom... if you even peeked outside, Riddle had order his card knights and report anything and everything they see you doing. Riddle will discipline you for just "looking at the roses on the top floor."

"You could have waited for me, I'd walk you there myself. You have to understand how dangerous it is for you out there... "

You turned to get in a comfier spot. Riddle did bring you thinks to do.. but could you imagine what he thinks are "fun things to do" in this room? He mainly just gave you school textbooks or books for academics...

"Thanks Riddle's mom... You've created a monster..."

"Haha!! just you wait to see her in person, she's much worst."

You didn't have to look at who it was. like clock work, Trey came in with your lunch. Riddle had you on a strict schedule and he order everyone in Heartslaybul to follow them.

~ you have an hour of walking around the garden while being guarded by 10 card soldiers.

~ you must have tea time at 4

~ you must wake up at 7 and sleep at 9

just to name a few..

you heard the clicks of the dishes that Trey has made for you..

"Please come to the table, Riddle will not be happy if he finds a crumb in your bed, heh."

"im not hungry..."

Trey sighs and walked to the bed . he sat down and started to rub your back.

"come on~ you know you'll get in trouble if you dont eat. I'll have to tell Riddle~"

you felt you blood boil. the worst part of trey taking care of you is that he knows how to handle little kids. So sometimes when Trey knows that you want to break a rule. he'll taunt you like your a kid..

You hear Trey sigh and stand up.

"I give the you the time for me to put everything back onto the tray and walk out that door. and when i do walk out that door, you'll not have lunch and i'll have to tell Riddle."

you didn't respond and watched as trey walked away. slowly placing each dish, back onto the trap, and heading to they door. he looked back at you, to give you another chance...

you just huffed and turned the other way.

you didnt even realized that you were holding your breathe until you heard the door click close and you let out a sigh..

you were in for it now...

~

It was late, Riddle should have been back now…

You felt the uneasiness in your stomach… You just wanted all of this to end. To be back where you were, without Riddle.

You were about to fall asleep but you were interrupted by a door slamming open. You jumped from where you were on the bed and looked at the door.

There was Riddle, a very unhappy Riddle.

~~~

~~~

[shadowsviper]

Thanos and Nam-Gyu as Cats Part 4

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Sorry this took so long! It's finals week for me so I've been focusing on school.

This may or may not be the last part of this series. Thanos and Nam-gyu taking care of cat reader and Gyeong-su fic are currently in the works! Sorry for making you guys wait but it's coming!

I got one of the ideas from someone who commented on one of the parts, lol I thought it would be fun

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Zoomies were chaotic, I mean they always are but when it comes to Thanos, it's cranked up to 1000%

He's running all over the apartment, and he will make a mess everywhere

He climbs the walls

He gets zoomies mostly at night when you're asleep, and it'll probably wake you up

7/10 times he knocks something over

8/10 times he runs over the other cats

10/10 times he runs over you

Once he's done, he'll snuggle up to you in bed acting as if nothing happened

Thankfully, all the other cats aren't as bad

Nam-gyu will run around, sometimes Thanos' zoomies triggers his so they're both running around in the middle of the night

If they're both doing it, lock them out of the bedroom. Otherwise, you'll never sleep

Usually gets them early in the morning, around the time you wake up. He does that thing where he'll stare at you and then run off, run back, stare, and run off again

He's usually preoccupied with his box so he won't really make a mess unless it's with Thanos

He has chased Se-mi around before

Gyeong-su and Se-mi are at the same level. They aren't as chaotic and messy as Thanos and Nam-gyu, but they definitely make a lot of noise running around

Gyeong-su chooses to run under things like tables, chairs, the couch, whatever he can fit under, occasionally knocks things over because he moved the table while scurrying under it

He will attack your feet

Se-mi prefers the counters. She'll hop from one place to the next, occasionally knocking something over

If she gets spooked, she's knocking everything over trying to get away (Nam-gyu most likely scared her on purpose)

Min-su is probably the chillest out of all of them. Due to him being a munchkin cat, he's small and short. He doesn't do a lot of damage to the apartment

However, you do have to watch out for him. He's small and he moves fast and will run across your path out of nowhere

Look where you're going so you don't step on him

If all of them get zoomies at the same time?

Yeah no, that's their apartment now. You're never getting it back, it's going to be destroyed

When it comes to affection, this is the list: Thanos, Min-su, Se-mi, Gyeong-su, and Nam-gyu

Thanos is definitely the most affectionate cat that's ever existed. Your space is his space. It's pretty rare to find him alone. If he's not with you, he's probably with Nam-gyu

He purrs very loud

If you give him any type of attention he'll start purring. He'll also squeeze in wherever you are for cuddles

Sometimes it does get a bit too much and you have to tell him to stop, but that never works

Min-su likes attention, but if you give him too much, he gets overwhelmed and will leave

He likes to sit by you whenever you're doing something to keep you company. He understands personal space unlike Thanos

It depends on Se-mi's mood if she's going to like the attention. A lot of times she's fine with pets, but not so much with cuddles. She'll allow it for a bit but will eventually squeeze out and go somewhere else

Like Min-su, she'll keep you company from a small distance

Gyeong-su isn't that affectionate. He'll ask for pets here and there, but isn't crazy about it, but he also doesn't hate it

He usually finds joy in following Thanos around anyway

Nam-gyu doesn’t like being touched. He tolerates it from you and Thanos but anyone else he’s hissing and swatting at them

If he feels like it, he’ll come to you for pets and cuddles. If he doesn’t find you himself, he just wants to be alone

Sometimes his affection is just headbutting your leg and walking away

Now, if you were to bring home a partner, whether it’s a long term relationship, or situationship, one night stand, whatever, all the cats will have a reaction to it

Thanos and Nam-gyu are the worst when it comes to this because how dare you give someone else so much affection

You know that side eye Nam-gyu does in the show? Yeah he’s doing that in cat form

They both refused to be pet by the person. They don’t care what they are to you, they will bite them

It’s actually concerning to see Thanos like that since he usually loves the attention

They will try to break up any type of interaction. Holding hands? Sorry, you have to pet Thanos right now

Hugging? Oh, that’s crazy, suddenly they want cuddles and will squeeze in between you two

Sex? Yeah forget it, they’re screaming and scratching at the door

The second your partner leaves, they’re back to normal. They’ll act like nothing happened and they didn’t try to drive the person away

The others are more chill about it

Gyeong-su doesn’t really care. He’s just following Thanos and does whatever he does. You technically have three cats fighting for you

Se-mi also doesn’t care. She will watch from a distance and if they seem like a good person, she’ll like them

However, if she thinks they’re not good for you, she’ll also try to drive them away

Thankfully, she doesn’t drive everyone away, she actually takes the time to get to know them a bit before deciding

Min-su is already timid. Adding a new person to the place kind of scares him. He’s like Se-mi where he wants the best person for you but if he thinks they’re not good, he won’t do anything, he leaves that up to Se-mi

Overall, they don't mean any harm. They just really like and appreciate you

Except for Thanos and Nam-gyu, they meant all the harm

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Taglist: @ilikedrinkingsoda @nxttaru

[geminiwritten]

what is your writing process like? how do you write so much so fast and how do you not lose steam? (i love everything you write and tbh you’re inspiring me to finish one of my wips)

AH OMG THANK YOU!!! i am inspiring you??? gah, that makes me so happy 🖤

ooh, okay... my process haha WELL once i have an idea or outline, i'll usually info dump into a word doc or notes app. it's absolute nonsense, but it gets me excited and sometimes forcing myself to write through the whole summary will help me discover all the little bits that tie everything together.

then once i've done that, i'll (usually just in my head or notes app) break it up into scenes / moments (this is the part that REALLY helps me stay on track and not burn out, because each scene or moment is exciting so i look forward to the next)

e.g., let's look at my fic 'the plan' (this is literally how i planned it) 1. apartment with phoenix, payback, and fanboy: introduce reader's crush on bob and come up with "the plan" 2. the run where he sees her underwear 3. the sleepover: tension (games), cream pies, borrowed clothes 4. in the kitchen (almost kiss) 5. brief intermission to revamp "the plan" 6. montage of jealous moments 7. group setting to tease bob and get his pov 8. the beach / the finale

so you can kind of see that each scene or moment has something delicious or tense that happens between reader x bob.

THAT is what keeps me going. breaking it into 'moments' where i know something fun is going to happen. sometimes the in betweens and bridging bits are unexpectedly good (when hangman joins in on 'the plan') OR sometimes they're boring... and sometimes (a lot of the time) i just put a dash (-) and cut to the next moment because i feel like a bridging bit will make the fic too long.

and that's pretty much it! i struggle big time when i don't know what's coming next, which used to happen a lot. i used to just start writing and see where it went, but now i feel like i've got the rhythm down!

i know 'planning it' sounds like... duh. but planning out moments is what works. moments that lead up to the BIG moment. and making each little moment delicious is the best part!

other tips and tricks! (that help me, so maybe they might help others)

TALK DIALOGUE TO YOURSELF (i do this when i walk my dog or clean the house or shower, it helps SO much especially with fight scenes or big confession scenes where characters need to bounce off each other, because you can naturally respond without thinking too much which is what would happen with the characters if they were real! then don't forget to write it in your notes or something)

if you're not sure about your 'moments' use headcanons / tropes!!! or watch movies / shows with two love interests who have a similar dynamic to your characters (i get lots of cute moments from friends, b99, the office) even small bits of dialogue that you could build a moment around!

WRITE A FULL SCENE OR MOMENT, THEN READ IT BACK / EDIT. don't lose the momentum to edit as you go, but also i like to edit each section before i move on so i know it's flowing well. then i do an overall re-read / edit a day or so AFTER finishing.

take breaks! watch edits! go for a short walk! it all helps, because once you're not staring at the screen, it'll probably come to you

in saying that though... i write BEST when i'm at a desk, in my study, no noise. so if you're struggling on the couch with a movie playing and someone talking in your ear... i'd say give the quiet a go! (although, i'm a bit of a hermit and i talk to myself so much while writing, i can't possible be in the company of other people)

I'M SO SORRY THIS WAS WAY LONGER THAN IT NEEDED TO BE BUT I LOVE SHARING AND I LOVE HELPING OTHER PEOPLE TO WRITE WHEN I CAN SO I HOPE SOME OR ANY OF THIS IS HELPFUL 🖤🖤🖤

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters with Tamagotchi

Tamagotchi are little virtual pets: you have to feed them (but not overfeed them), clean up after them, and give them attention. Or else they die. How would Cosmere characters feel about having such a device?

1. Shallan

Shallan: Hey, my tamagotchi is doing pretty good! Shallan: I think I might be a natural, despite never having had one as a kid. Pattern: Never had one? What do you mean? Don't you remember the oth- Shallan: SURE LOVE MY ONE AND ONLY TAMAGOTCHI

2. Vin

Elend: Hey Vin...is your tamagotchi cleaning up its own poop? And feeding itself? Vin: Ha ha, yeah! Elend: But...how? Vin: Oh, I discovered the secret backdoor the Lord Ruler apparently created that allows you to make your tamagotchi do stuff for itself. Elend: ...but of course.

3. Raboniel

Raboniel: Die? No, my tamagotchi has never died. Raboniel: Sometimes I do get busy and then it reincarnates into a new body, but that's hardly DYING. Leshwi: I'm not sure that's the intended lore... Raboniel: Any day now the insanity will start to show...

4. Sibling & Navani

Navani: I can feel you staring, Sibling. Sibling: I don't like it. Sibling: It's trapped on that little screen. Navani: It's not actually sentient. It's a pretend pet. Sibling: Like I'd trust a human to know the difference!! Sibling: ... Sibling: It's cute though. You better take good care of it, just in case. Navani: Dont worry; I will.

5. Yumi

Akane: Wow! How many tamagotchi do you have, Yumi?? Yumi: Mmmm, I think I'm up to about 15 or so, why? Akane: How do you take care of so many?! Yumi: So many? I mean, I check in one each of them every 75 minutes or so, go through their needs & wants in turn, and then the cycle repeats. Yumi: Is it...hard? Akane: ... Painter: Trust me--don't even try to understand it.

6. Renarin

Renarin: It's nice that it has meters for hunger, happiness, and training. Renarin: You always know exactly what it wants and needs, just by looking. Rlain: Would be nice if people were more like that. Renarin: It would be so nice!!

7. Adolin

Adolin: You're such a good buddy, little Shelldon! Adolin: You're going to grow so big and strong! Shallan: You sure talk to your tamagotchi a lot, huh? Adolin: Ha ha yeah, I do! Adolin: ...I lowkey wonder if I talk to it enough if it'll turn out to be secretly alive, like Maya. Shallan: ... Adolin: P-Probably not though!

8. Lightsong

Lightsong: Ugh, it's just so NEEDY Lightsong: Beep beep! Feed me! Beep beep! Love me! Beep beep! Clean me up! Lightsong: Why don't you try WORKING for a living, you little leech! Lightsong: ... Lighting: Scoot, I am giving you SO many chances to jump in with a cutting remark about me and you're not taking ANY of them. Llarimar (perfectly seriously): I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Your Grace.

9. Lift

Wyndle: ...another one died, huh, Mistress? Lift: Yeah. Wyndle: I-I think you're overfeeding them. Lift: Don't be silly! Eating will make them stronger--I bet I need to feed them MORE! Lift: The deaths of Tama, Eggy, Gotcha, Omelet, and Togepi will not be in vain! Wyndle: ...You remember them all?!

10. Kaladin

Dalinar: Kaladin, we need to talk...about your tamagotchi obsession. Kaladin (eyes currently glued on the tamagotchi): What do you mean? Dalinar: You're bringing it to all of the meetings. You use Stormlight to lash it to you when you fly. Syl told me you wake up multiple times a night to check on it. Kaladin: Listen, the last three all died, but THIS one is going to make it. I can feel it. I just need to keep my eyes on it at all times. Forever. Dalinar: ... Dalinar: I don't know if tamagotchi are for you.

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🖤💙 4 days until my Surgery 💙🖤

(Picture taken Dec 9th, 2023)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ So see part 7 below the cut.

Part 1 here

As the summer was ending, I got really lucky! A lesbian hairstylist (who helped organize the drag show I went in the last update) gave my name to this sales lady who sold accounting work to like companies and she needed help with researching CEO and CFO types. And she paid me out of pocket and honestly it was pretty easy internet research using Google. I felt like a little rat scurrying across the Internet 🐀 So, thank you lesbians 🙏🙏

(Picture taken Nov 6th, 2022)

Apparently I really impressed her so she got me hired full time as a sales admin for her company (I wouldn't have gotten with my lack of a college degree without her) and I've had that job since! And a lot of my transition wouldn't be possible without the pay and benefits of this job. Also this is my first job where I get gendered correctly and I'm slowly getting less anxious about going to the bathroom at work 🥰

She honestly mom'd up on me and bought me a bunch of new business casual clothes for the job. And here's an example of one of my new work outfits 😁

(Picture taken Nov 14, 2022)

Bc of the new job I was able to afford a lot more things for transitioning! Like voice training. I remember when I first cracked I tried to just teach myself using videos but I wasn't good at it 😅 Also a friend during the summer of 2022 helped me and I did make some progress with her help. But, I started making a lot more progress once I started seeing a speech therapist. But, there was a barrier since I could tell she hadn't worked too much with trans people. I went to a speech therapist bc it was covered by my insurance but she moved and then I couldn't find anyone for insurance covered speech therapy. So, I eventually just paid for lessons Your Lessons Now. And, honestly it's going a lot better! It's really nice to be able to talk about my frustrations with voice training with another transfem. The biggest thing I'm learning from here is how to break the bad habit of pitching up my voice by squeezing my vocal chords.

(Picture taken Sept 8th, 2023)

I had also switched to injections and I highly recommend it! A friend even made my first two vials into earrings 🔥

I also got a lot lazier with makeup 😅 I do eyeliner wings, mascara, and blush for when I go into the office. Which for a bunch of accountants means I do about as much makeup that is normal for the women in the office 🤷‍♀️

(Pictures taken October 31st and December 2nd of 2022)

These were two notable exceptions. I really love the makeup I did for the Halloween of 2022 bc I decided to go as a ghost-type trainer. And the one on the right is when I learned how to use concealer to cover my 'raccoon eyes' as my dad liked to call them 🦝

Also this would be a good time to mention something I probably should've mentioned earlier 😅 I never learned how to use foundation. I know it's easy but I have a weird mental block around it 🤷‍♀️ But, in the summer of 2021 I started doing twice daily skincare routine for my face. Which took me from a very acne heavy face to people being surprised I'm not wearing foundation. Also the routine is really nice. Would recommend to those who want to get rid of their acne (send an ask if you want to know specifics).

(Picture taken Aug 20, 2023)

Romance update since I've been doing that lol: Well, things ended with all the girlfriends I had so I am down to 1 partner. And I got caught in a romance scam for a few months 😭 However, I can't really complain because I got engaged!!! It was so sweet in cute. My partner and I had this date the night before Valentine's Day under a statue outside of a local art museum. We read sapphic poetry by candle light and then they popped the question 🥰🥰

But, I say another big part of this era was I made a lot more local trans friends. Went to a good amount of house parties which would've surprised pre-transition me! And I really love my community of queer people I've been building 🥺🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💕

(Picture taken July 21st, 2023)

Oh yeah!! I also started laser hair removal at the beginning of 2021 as well. Which was before this era but time is a lie. But the new job definitely made it easier to afford.

The biggest step for my transition was getting my surgeries set up!! And my FFS (facial feminization surgery) marks the end of this era. Below was the last picture I took before my FFS.

(Picture taken Feb 17th, 2024)

So, in my next update, I'll be showing my post-op pictures once most of the swelling went down. See you tomorrow!! 😁✌️

Next Part Here

[yunsound]

Ne Zha 2 Breaks More Records

I think I'm at least a week late but I checked the Wikipedia page because I was bored and what.

When did this happen??? I swear just yesterday it was 7th or 8th.

Congrats Zha-er and Bingbing! You are both 百亿影帝 (billion-dollar movie stars). I think this is the epitome of "the Chinese kid better than you". In what world do 3-year-olds become billion-dollar actors???

Mythological world, I guess.

I don't really expect it to pass Titanic for 4th-highest grossing, since that's another 100million USD away (which, hell, 100million USD is more than most movies make) and also 4 is a really unlucky number, so we'll either stop at 5 or be forced to go to 3 (WHICH IS 200 MILLION AWAY).

Then again, that's what I thought about Ne Zha making it from 11th to 10th, then from 10th to 8th, then from 8th to anything higher, so who knows?

Recent updates (source, the movie's Douyin official account) that Ne Zha 2 is going to keep airing in China until 4.30, which means it'll edge into the May 1st movie market.

CNY is the biggest movie season in China, with May 1st being the second, since May 1st is Labour Day and people get a few days off work and school. The summer explosion is probably bigger than May 1, but that's like 3 months long, so it doesn't count.

I haven't posted in a while, but I'm pretty busy at the moment. Current drafts include:

1. Oubing through the ages (mythological interpretations of Oubing, Ne Zha commissioning artists and storytellers for 5 millenia to make him and Ao Bing's story into a love story and they never seemed to get it until Jiaozi)

2. Ne Zha's evolution through history (from Indian deity to... punk rock iPad kid on HotWheels)

3. My favourite Chinese movies that Westerners can watch (I can probably post this soon? It's nearly done)

4. C-drama recs (I don't really like watching most recent K/J/C-dramas because the makeup and aesthetics are so obviously just trying to make money and make the actors go viral, but some of the earlier C-dramas are VERY GOOD)

5. The Legend of the White Snake

6. Background on China, Chinese film industry, Chinese culture (warning, there will be a smidge of politics included since art is political, but my PERSONAL views will not be there since ultimately what I think doesn't matter, you should make your own opinions)

7. The Classic of Mountains and Seas

8. What it's like living in Shanghai (where I'm from!)

9. Vacation guide for people trying to visit China for the first time

10. The Four Great Beauties of Ancient China

11. Xianxia novel, cultivation and jianghu terminology

12. My thoughts on how Chinese are portrayed in Hollywood

That's it for now. Please feel free to make requests or ask questions, I love yapping. Even if I don't manage to make a full post I'll respond to any questions because I love explaining shit.

Congratulations for Jiaozi, everyone at Enlight Media (the sponsor company) and Chengdu Coco Animation (Jiaozi's animation studio) and all the talented people involved in making history! I look forward to Ne Zha 3! (No pressure but totally pressure.)

[toyouhellohowareyou]

Tagged by the wonderful @zarvasace

1. How many works on AO3? 8!

2. Total AO3 word count? 132k Which is, uh, more than 10k a month. How did I manage that?

3. Top 5 fics by kudos:

Two Moon Pearls and the Master Sword the chain gatecrash Legend's first quest. Honestly, I'll be surprised if this is ever surpassed. It's my oldest, but also it's a good combination in terms of length, accessibility, and story I think.

Ocarina, Oracle Sequel to the above! The chain gatecrash OoA and OoT. There's a pipeline from people reading Moon Pearls to reading this nowadays. It'll be interesting to see how it goes, it is a longer read after all.

Mandatory Puppy Pile The funniest and shortest fic I have. This was second place after Moon Pearls for a long, long time. We love wolfbrain Twi.

Reasonable Assumptions The little fic that could. This came out after Moon Pearls and it's always done... fine. It's not the funniest, or best, or angstiest or most anything else of anything I've done, but it chugs along. Hyrule, Legend and Wild meet in Hyrule's era. None of them realise time travel has occurred.

Requiem of the Wind Ghost ship and space whales. 8.5k Wind centric one shot. I feel like this one is very me lmao. I like it! It'd be nice if it got more attention. I reckon Fortuity is going to overtake it though.

4. What fandoms do you write for? Zelda/LU exclusively at the moment

5. Do you respond to comments? Yep, all of them. The authors that influenced me tended to do it, so it just seemed the normal thing to do.

6. Fic with the angstiest ending: Hero of Hyrule The fic people skip, presumably because it's dark. I wouldn't say it's an unhappy ending though.

7. Fic with the happiest ending: Fortuity Shot story, happy ending, and co-author who would happily write the fluff for me <3

8. Do you get hate? Nah. Shout out to the bookmark that called OcaOra a solid 7/10 for being complicated and not as emotional as preferred though LMAO

9. Do you write smut? I have not written fic smut 😐

10. Do you write crossovers? Nope

11. Ever had a fic stolen? Nope, not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope again!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic? @whitewinterstar and I wrote Fortuity together! It was a fun time <3

14. All-time favorite ship? I'm not much of a shipper to be perfectly honest! 'All time' is a big ask too!

Uhh, I loved Nagisa and Tomoya in Clannad After Story.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Ha haaa... I'm gonna work on Completionist again one day, really I am.

16. Writing strengths? APPARENTLY PACING??? I've had several people complement this recently so huh. Dialogue, characterisation, having a couple of genres going at once.

17. Writing weaknesses? Painting a picture of the setting, generally setting the environment, fights probably, too much telling and not enough showing sometimes.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue? I don't really have thoughts on mixed language dialogue. 🤷‍♀️ Maybe I should get some.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Technically I have a single Naruto one shot out there...

20. Favorite fic you've ever written? Two Moon Pearls and the Master Sword will always be my baby.

Tagging: @needfantasticstories @nyastri @not-freyja @zolanort @somer-writes

[caledine]

Leader Whumpee Pt3

( sighhhh do i feel bad? maybe a little… Also heads up these are so short— im sorry I’m tryna cure writers block…consistency not length for now. Hope these get longer as time goes on)

The world had tilted sideways before he could summon the response in him. He lay there with his throbbing head leaning against a cabinet. He should probably do something; his body was too exhausted to care but he knew he had to do something. He heard the pan sizzling as the pasta water overflowed. He scowled, pushing himself up slowly and turning the stove off.” Leader for goodness sake you’ve made a mess.” Medic sighed from behind him. Pasta water dripped on. the floor and she frowned at him. “ You know weaponizing your incompetence is not a good way to get out of your work because I know you can cook. I know you are a hard worker— so if you slack off and pretend that’s all you have I'm going to know.” She pressed her lips into a thin line and disappointment laced her words. Leader didn’t look at her, he grabbed a cloth and pushed himself back on the floor ,haphazardly, to clean up the mess. His side seared. “ Dinner was meant to be ready, Leader. You know how people are— everyone’s tired. We agreed it would be done by 7, and I was feeling nice and gave you 30 more minutes.” Medic’s tone had started getting frustrated. He didn’t blame her but seriously? They were the ones tired?

“ Medic cut it out.” He mumbled, “ I’ll make sauce, it'll be fine.” He couldn’t find the energy to get back up from where he was crouched cleaning up the water. He cradled his side trying to find a little comfort in the waves of misfortune that had led to the unfortunate situation he’d found himself in. “ Leader, it's a crisp, we aren't eating this. What the hell?” she bit, “ Every week , everyone in this house makes an attempt to make dinner something special we can share— but this?” She held the steaming pan in front of his face. He blinked hazily at it. He wanted to be mad. Yell and scream and tell her how cruel they were being . Tell her he needed help and they were all making it worse. But being mad needed energy, energy he didn’t contain. He let it simmer in his chest but didn’t speak up. “ It’s lazy. That's what this is— you’ve had since you got home from patrol to finish this, and Second said you barely did much during patrol . Just wandering off and taking unnecessary breaks. Whatever mood you're in, no matter how mad, we are a collective and your slacking off affects us; All of us. Because lord you won’t even look at me” She was mad now. She spilled the steaming pot down the drain and kissed her teeth in frustration.

He leaned against the front of the oven, having given up cleaning. He knew it would piss her off but he couldn’t find it in him to care. There was a point a human could reach where necessity was watered down enough to neutrality. “ I’ll do better. Tomorrow. Or even in an hour. Please, I want some sleep.” He whispered. She didn’t seem to hear him.

He zoned out a bit and sat on the floor as the room swayed. He tried to force out words that just came out incoherently mumbled, not that any of them were paying attention to him. He thinks he remembered yelling of some sorts. Voices— since when has everyone else gotten here…? Then annoyance. Half towards him he thought, maybe all towards him actually, the burn of glares didn’t vanish from him as he sat frozen. He forced his cloudy vision up to see the team in the kitchen, their yelling falling on deaf ears. Was it to him or eachother? His hand fumbled with the handle of the oven and he used it to push himself onto trembling feet. Pain. Spinning.

He blinked trying to get everything to make sense. Pain. Spinning.

He wondered if he even managed a couple steps before he’d crashed into the ground and the darkness had swam over him.

Part 2, Part 4

[knoxic]

A kiss may ruin a human life.

Oscar Wilde

-Masterlist- part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4

wc: 2,1k

warnings: miscommunications (but really there's almost no communication at all), self deprecating thoughts, mentions of death, ptsd, insomnia, anxiety, grief(?), angst,

i think that's it but please let me know if there's anything else!

a/n: this work implies that Hotch heard Haley's last breath. timeline is around season 6-7 but it doesn't really matter. this is heavily based on my own experience from death and hearing someone's last breath. Hotch is a little out of character but it'll get better i promise, this was supposed to be something just for myself but i decided to post it, that being said, im already writing part 2!

no use of y/n!

He was distant. 

He kept avoiding you, every day, even when you got back to the hotel and had no other choice but to be around each other, he showered and said some casual phrases that could damn well be said to a stranger.

You tried to understand, he was stressed and haven't slept well in days but, fuck, wasn't it happening to everyone else? And they weren't avoiding you...

Asking if he wanted something to eat or if he wanted that shitty coffee just got you a cold and empty answer. "No, thanks.", "I've had enough for today, thank you.", "I'll just finish some files," and etc. Sure he was polite, you don't think Hotch could be rude even if he wanted to, at least not with someone he was close to, but he was always so gentle and warm, had you done something to make him mad?

It started off just as every other day started, a new case in a city you've never been to before. Sharing a room with your boss meant a different routine than if you shared with anyone else in the team, late nights and early mornings, the sound of pen scratching paper being the first thing you heard when waking up and the last when you were drifting off, you wondered if he even slept at all.

The answer was no, he barely ever slept during a case, especially if he could hear you breathing all night. 

He was scared, scared it would happen again. It was unrealistic and he knew, it happened too many times already, but twice like that was terrifying.

Terrifying to the point he was paralyzed, every night you whispered that sweet "Good night, Hotch." and it flipped the switch, he would now spend the night awake to make sure that you would tell him "Good morning, Hotch" in a gentle yet strong voice. That whisper sounded enough like the gasp he heard that one time, and it always immediately set off every trigger he had of that unfortunate day.

Every night he spent with you in the same room he tried to distract himself enough not to hear your steady breaths, finishing random files that weren't so important and sometimes even going as far as writing them twice. When he got tired enough to pass out, he would lie down and hope that the second his head hit the uncomfortable pillow he would be asleep. 

It never happened.

He kept listening. You sometimes tossed and turned in your sleep, and he knew it meant you were probably having nightmares but it always soothed his mind. If you were moving it meant you were still alive, and the rustling of the sheets downed out the agonizing sound of your breath.

Sometimes he slept, but even when he did, he kept listening, gunshots echoed inside his head, his aching hands clad with blood holding her body, the sound... the horrific, terrifying, agonizing sound of her last breath.

He thought it had stopped, he has triggers of course but, it wasn't always that they were set off like this, usually it happened sometimes when Jack slept on his chest and that meant carrying him to bed, but he normally allowed himself a bit of self care and went to his own room, close enough from his child to hear if he called but far enough to not hear his steady breaths. Being stuck in a hotel room did not allow him that. He tried soundproof headphones after the second night they spent together a couple years ago, he quickly figured it was somehow more agonizing than being able to hear.

Now three days into the case, he was desperate for a night alone, to drown in complete silence and darkness. Thankfully, yet not what he wanted, you had gone to Emily's room to discuss something, he didn't know what it was and apparently you didn't care enough to tell him, or you just didn't want him to know.

He held himself from sprinting to bed right after you left the room, surely it wouldn't look so good if you were to come back because you forgot something or for any other reason, he let a couple minutes pass by, anxiously so, before he got up to take the fastest shower he could manage and jumped into bed, he almost decided against clothes before reminding himself that sooner or later you would come back. It took more time than he'd like but finally he was drifting off, quicker than expected.

"Emily..." you whimpered.

"Come on... it's Hotch," she rested a hand on your shoulder, "he's probably just going through something. I heard him tell Rossi last week that Jack was having some troubles in school, it might be that, right?"

"Yeah, but I feel like..." Emily was the only one who knew about your confusing feelings for Hotch and still you hesitated, "I feel like it's something else... he's been avoiding me and rarely looks me in the eye when we talk."

Emily went silent for a few seconds, looking away and seemed to be deciding carefully what to say.

"Listen, you know I love you and support anything you do, but..." oh God "You should talk to him, not me."

"I came to you exactly because I don't want to talk to him, even if I tried I don't think he would answer." You gave her the most pleading puppy eyes you could manage. 

"There's only one way to find out, honey."

After a few more minutes of licking your wounds you gathered yourself enough to face Aaron, walking a little too fast to your shared room just to make sure you wouldn't have time to back down and run back to Emily. Thinking too many things and nothing at all just to distract yourself you ended up opening the door loudly, scaring yourself when the lights were off and you could barely make out the person under the blankets.

Did you really just open a random door? Fuck! 

In your panic state your eyes caught a glimpse of Aaron's bag close to his bed, some files slipped out from it when he drastically dropped it earlier. Without realizing, you slipped into the room and closed the door quieter than you had opened it, unsure if Aaron was indeed asleep or if he was pretending just so he wouldn't have to talk to you, a shower seemed to be the best thing to do.

It was weird, a part of you knew he was tired, and going to sleep without someone else in the room is sometimes a lot easier, but, the bigger part of you kept thinking that he was doing this just to avoid you, to not have to force out a "Good night." when both of you knew it wasn't good for him, and it hurt.

Shower was indeed a good thing, the warm water doing wonders to your aching muscles and the sound of the water running was a good background for your mind to organize your thoughts. That same sound was what Aaron woke up to.

Looking around searching for what had woken him, he saw the light coming from the bathroom, the door didn't close all the way sometimes, you had to close it hard and he supposed you didn't want to make noise. He searched for his phone to check the time, see how long it took you to come back, but in his hustle earlier he had forgotten to pick up his phone, wherever it was he didn't feel like getting up to search for it.

In his sleepy state he had turned to watch the door, not really paying attention to what he was looking out for until he got a glimpse of you wrapping a towel around your body, he hadn't even that noticed the sound of the water had stopped, snapping himself out of whatever this was he turned away from the door, right before he saw the light getting brighter and your quiet barefoot steps getting closer, a zipper being opened, rustle of fabric and the zipper being closed, steps again but this time going away and the room getting darker again.

It didn't take long for you to come back, he could smell the soap you always used, it only took him a couple days sharing a room and a bathroom with you to know that every soap and perfume you used smelled mostly the same.

It almost physically pained him to not be able to smell it directly from your skin, he had hugged you and stood close enough to smell your perfume he knew it wasn't the same as your fresh out of the shower scent. It already smelled so comforting from this far, he was certain he'd go insane if he ever got the chance to hug you like this, out of any police department or hospital smell, just you. 

He was so lost in thought he hadn't realized you had already settled in bed.

"Good night, Hotch..." he heard you whisper, so quietly he almost missed it, it made his heart stutter and beat faster.

Did you know he was awake? Did you see him looking at you through the open door? He didn't see anything but the skin of your arms! Should he answer? No. Stop it, idiot.

You turned again, again and again. The mattress was hard, the blanket kept scratching your bare legs, the pillow made you feel like a stone would be comfier, not to mention the discomfort of having your mind tell you how uncomfortable Aaron must be that he even went to bed earlier just so he wouldn't have to see you. You must be so pathetic to even have wished him a good night when he clearly didn't want you here–

"Are you okay?" There it was, his husky voice, he was sleeping and you disturbed him. 

"Uh–yeah, sorry to wake you up." Wow, that came out so weak, he definitely thinks you're pathetic.

The sound of his body turning and his voice right beside your ear made you shiver. 

"You keep tossing and turning, your breath is faster than normal," he sighed. "So I'll ask again, are you okay?" It's now or never.

"Have you–you've been avoiding me." You could hear Emily's voice saying it wasn't so hard was it?

"No I haven't." That came out way too fast to be true, Hotchner.

"Yes you have, and you can barely even look at me when we're alone, you give me empty words and talk better to a rookie you'll never see again," you were rambling but now there was no way you would stop. "If I did something to upset you, please tell me. Because, I can profile you but I cannot read your mind yet, and I can't apologize if I don't know what I did wrong." 

"I-" God, you were so self deprecating. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, you did nothing wrong." He spoke in a weirdly soft voice.

"That–that doesn't make me feel better..."

"I'm sorry... it's... not something you did..." Well, if you were talking then he should too, "It's you."

A couple seconds passed, they felt like minutes.

Your heart dropped, "What?" It couldn't be... you knew you weren't perfect but, to know your mind was right yet again felt... nauseous.

"Wait! wait," he was sitting up now, back to the headboard, making a calm down gesture with his hands, he did that once with a child, to make them stop their rambling, you really were pathetic.

"Not you, I meant... Fuck, it's complicated."

Now that you were already broken, you might as well just finish this, end what made you anxious for once, even if it meant losing your hopes of being with him.

Your breath was harder and lost its rhythm. You could be going into a panic attack right now but Aaron was relieved, after hearing the way your voice got so... pained, he thought he ended this, that you would get up and leave him. The memories came back in a rush that made him dizzy, but you were still here, and breathing hard, unlike the breath Haley–

"Then tell me, unless you have something else to do at 2am. I think we have enough time, tell me. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not as complicated as what we had going on." Your voice was steady, no longer panicked and embarrassed like someone who just got rejected by their crush, that was the voice of a person who took down serial killers for a living, who could damn well talk face to face with him if they were to fight. Now he felt small, he could tower over you if you two were standing up but he knew you were the bigger person.