#4 some reason i always draw dc on paper??? this is like the only digital thing

[pr80boy]

DAMN MY OLD D!CK ART !!!!! 😨😨😨

i make him more pointy more curly now(take that how u will)

[astyle-alex]

[Fanfic] Museum Mishap | the BatFam

Heya! As we approach the End of 2020 (FINALLY), I’m realizing that this story is ridiculously close to reaching the milestone of 25k hits on Ao3. To celebrate, I’ll be posting the whole thing here on Tumblr!

(I would however, deeply appreciate it if y’all would pop over to view it on Ao3, briefly, so I can get the view counted as a hit and actually make it over the line for 25k in views before the close of 2020!)

Museum Mishap  |  Chapter 1/6

Fandom: the DC Universe, Batman & co. Pairings: Jay x Tim Characters: Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson Rating: Gen Audiences Warnings: None

Total Word Count: 38,590

Summary:

Middle-School Tim Drake is on a field trip to the Science Museum, but with a WE exhibition of top-secret new technologies being staged in the basement, Tim separates from his classmates and breaks into the staff-only areas by using the skills he's developed over years of stalking Batman and Robin.

Current-Robin Jason Todd catches him in the act, but he's not there to confront Tim for trespassing or truancy - he's there because there's a rumor on the street that Tim Drake knows Batman's real name. And the rumor's gaining ground, quick, drawing in the wrong kind of attention.

When a Drug-Lord decides to take the rumor seriously enough to kidnap the little genius, Jason jumps into the crossfire. It all goes downhill from there. Fast.

(Jason is 14, Tim is 12)

Chapter 1 : Special Access

           A trip to Gotham’s History of Science and Technology Museum would’ve been exciting for even your average twelve year old – it was a day of school that didn’t feel like school, and it meant a chance to hang out, relatively unsupervised, with your friends all day instead of just the one or two classes you managed to luck into having together.

           Timothy Jackson Drake was not your average twelve year old, and a trip to the SciTech Muse was the kind of thing that made his enrollment in middle school entirely worth it. For starters, it was an entire day spent in the heart of the city surrounded by some of the coolest artifacts of science humans could craft.

           And to make things even better, the trip was an all-day, delayed opening affair, starting at 10am and ending at 6pm – which meant he’d actually been able to get enough sleep last night to be well-rested, a rarity in its own right with his particular extra-curriculars. Better yet, he’d been able to tell the Drake housekeeper / nanny that he’d be having dinner with his class so she could go home right at 6 without having to wait for him to get back so she could cook for him.

           That part wasn’t true, of course, but he had concrete evidence that had been legitimately published by the school to help back up his story. Mrs. Simz had her own kid, and was therefore harder to convince than some of the others Tim’s parents had hired, but that also meant she had more reason to hurry home when presented with a believable reason excusing it.

           Being a sixth-grader meant Tim couldn’t just stay in the heart of the city when the field trip was over, he was on a rollcall and the bus back to Gotham Academy wouldn’t leave without his name getting checked off. The high schoolers were allowed to take public transit home if they had a signed permission slip from their parents, but Tim had to wait a few more years before he could con his way into having such freedoms.

           Still, getting over to the West Side from where his school was in Coventry would be far easier than getting there from the Drake Estate way out in Bristol. The extra hour and a half he’d save himself in commuting time mean he would be able to grab some coffee and something to eat without having to rush to get in place for the nighttime adventure he’d planned.

           Beyond all that, the fact that the field trip was this week, meant there was a special exhibition from the cutting-edge tech division of Wayne Enterprises in the midst of being set up. All the main components were being staged in the museum's basement and the ones too big to steal were as close to unprotected as they would ever be – and Tim intended to take full advantage of that.

           He’d been summarily and repeatedly denied acceptance to the WayneTech summer camps as his parents owned one of the company's main competitors: Drake Industries. Apparently corporate espionage was a big enough problem that even ten year olds were suspect. Tim found it ridiculous that the one time he would’ve been entirely okay with having his abilities underestimated was the one time he wasn’t assumed to be just another dumb kid. Honestly, Tim was pretty sure that no one had actually read his application – the computer had probably scanned his ID and kicked his profile out of the running before it had even made it to a human that might care about his actual qualifications.

           Tim hadn’t figured out how to make a bulletproof fake identity profile – not yet, at least – And he certainly wasn’t going to get caught trying to gain illegal access to WE on a sub-par fake ID. Because there were all kinds of ways that would go poorly for him – between his parents possibly being disappointed in him enough to hire a live-in Nanny to the legal ramifications he’d face, even as a minor, it just wasn’t worth it.

           But the thought of getting an up-close look at the new tech WE was rolling out still made Tim's heart pound like he’d just downed a full pot of coffee. WE took a very different approach to developing their tech than DI – more of a ‘you know what would be cool? can we make that reasonable?’ philosophy than a ‘how do we solve this problem?’ sort of thing. Tim found the both the WE approach and their results utterly fascinating.

           Not that Tim had been allowed to play with much of DI's tech, being that his parents would hear about him attempting to gain unsupervised lab access, and promptly ground him, and anyone who might supervise treated him like a kid far too young to understand or unobtrusively observe the work going on inside the places he wanted to see.

           So, the fact that a spectacular spread of WE tech was set up in the basement of a rather glaringly unsecured staff only area in the very building Tim’s class was touring stood as an open invitation for Tim to investigate.

           An invitation that Tim took very seriously. He’d spent at least 18 hours over the past week examining the museum’s blueprints – courtesy of the Gotham City Hall Public Archives – And the rundown of the security, both in terms of the human guards and staff on-hand and the electronic countermeasures – via close examination of the extensive repertoire of ‘insider access’ videos on the museum’s own webpage. Tim would probably end up sending the museum an anonymous suggestion about adjusting that at some point, but he’d worry about that later.

           After he used it to his tech fantasy fulfillment advantage.

           For now, he simply slipped away from the unwatchful eyes of his teachers, stuck headphones in his ears, and carefully made his way – casually, calmly, and like he had no destination in mind – over to the hallway by the cafeteria near the east wing gift shop. The hallway that had restrooms and a staff-only door halfway down it. A door secured with a heavy-duty machine-lock, with a ten-digit keypad, but a door that was not alarmed.

           The human guards were always more focused on preventing shoplifters from stealing over-priced – for a good cause, but still over-priced – museum memorabilia than on the high-traffic restroom hall by the cafeteria. Using his headphones as an excuse to tap his fingers to keep count – while his eyes and most of his brainpower focused on evaluating targets – Tim tracked the museum employees on their lunch breaks and calculated the best option to use as his ticket backstage. He had some in mind, but he had contingencies for last-minute adjustment.

           Tim settled on a big guy whose name he’d read on staff profiles but had forgotten with the other useless information provided about his role in the marketing department. What Tim hadn’t forgotten about him was that his department’s office was right by the staff door he was eyeing – 4.5 meters down and to the left, to be exact – which meant that, even with his slow stride, he would be behind another door in the hallway approximately 17 seconds after the door Tim needed closed behind him.

           When Mr. Marketing got up and lumbered over to the trash, Tim sidled over towards an informational sign with a museum map. As Mr. Marketing passed him, Tim counted off 4 seconds before he turned around to follow. He slid his hand into his pocket and wrapped his fingers around the u-shaped metallic magnet he'd had to smuggle in by jamming it into his mouth and using sleight of hand to pretend it was his retainer – Less than sanitary, but effective, and he’d taken an extra vitamin this morning as a precaution.

           Mr. Marketing punched in his code and pulled the door open to well over 90° before he lumbered through the gap. Tim kept his pace consistent; patient, he could be patient – even though it made his heart rate kick up uncomfortably as he put his faith in his calculations instead of in his feet. He reached the door with almost 6 inches of clearance left for him to slide his hand in and clip his magnet into place over the latch.

           The door closed as he withdrew his hand and kept walking, but it did not click.

           The machine lock whirred with an attempt to close, but its components struck the flat surface of his magnet and failed to properly secure the door. Had the door been alarmed, that would have drawn a lot of unwanted attention, but as it was Tim made it to the restroom with almost nothing noticeably amiss.

           The restroom was crowded enough that his entrance didn’t draw attention and he shut himself in one of the stalls to count off exactly 10 seconds. Then he washed his hands, acquired a paper towel that he did not immediately dispose of, and went to retrieve his magnet. The paper towel allowed him to grasp the handle without leaving fingerprints and he retrieved his magnet without incident – opening the door onto an empty hallway and promptly swerving right to access the unsecured stairwell he knew would be there.

           Tim had no way to hide himself from the singular security camera watching the hallway, but the area was so highly trafficked that he doubted any security guard had been monitoring closely enough to spot his detour. He would get in a ton of trouble if he was caught here – phone calls to his parents would be unavoidable and they’d likely be so angry at him they’d fly back from Spain a week early. But he’d almost certainly avoid any kind of legal consequences.

           Besides, he wasn’t going to get caught. He’d planned this too well for that.

           Tim made his way through the less convenient passageways in the museum’s basement until he reached the corner of the sub-basement where the WayneTech exhibit was being staged. It was, as he’d known it would be, isolated and completely vacant of staff.

           A smile split his face as the relief he felt in making it there successfully was quickly replaced by the buzz of unadulterated excitement. He set his backpack down carefully – mindful, as always, of his precious camera. Then he rolled up his sleeves as he stepped closer to the first machine he saw with the WE logo stamped proudly on its side.

           According to the signage prepped in the binder sitting next to the behemoth, it was a component of the quantum computer WayneTech was developing to facilitate physically interactive virtual realities. Tim bounced on his toes as he warred with himself – half wanting to read more about the technical specs and half wanting to dive right in and see it for himself.

           Tim made it through another two pages of engineering details before he gave up and literally tackled the machine to hoist himself up high enough to look inside via the glass panel built in for that specific purpose. There were at least a dozen windows in the casing and Tim wondered – for a brief moment of distraction from the tech itself as he clambered higher up its exterior – how the museum was going to work in ramps and such for visitors to get the best views. If he didn’t get arrested tonight or banned from the museum forever, he might have to come back to see it in its full glory.

           He’d finagled his way to the last protrusion from top and was marveling at the neat rows of complicated wiring laid out below him when something crucial changed: he discovered that he was not, in fact, alone.

           “Ya know, I don’t think you’re supposed to be down here.”

           Tim really wanted to pretend he didn’t yelp like a kicked puppy when the sudden voice scared him half out of his skin, but the basement echoed enough for him to know it would be ridiculous to think the newcomer hadn’t heard him. Tim ducked his head in shame as his ears burned red and he turned to face whoever had caught him with hunched shoulders and guilty hands raised in surrender.

           And then he spotted his accuser on the floor and froze.

           It was Jason Peter Todd.

           Jason Peter Todd – Bruce Wayne’s new ward and the new Robin. And also kinda Tim’s neighbor. Well, as far as the word ‘neighbor' applied when your respective estates were so big it took an hour to hike door to door. Tim’s brain got caught in a loop of wondering what the frack Jason Peter Todd, of all people, was doing at the museum on a Thursday afternoon. Was doing down here, in this particular sub-basement, on a Thursday afternoon.

           Tim had fully been expecting to see the new Robin today, but that was when he was in full costume and wasn’t supposed to be for at least ten more hours. And Tim had not – in any of his contingencies – planned for Robin to see him.

           “Uh, hi,” Tim floundered.

           “Hi,” returned the crime fighting teenager Tim idolized and had been planning to stalk through Coventry later today. There was a glint in his eyes as he stared up at Tim with a smirk.

           They stared at each other in silence for way longer than could possibly be considered reasonable and Tim's ears resumed to burn at that, and at the distinct realization he had no idea what to say next.

           Because what exactly are you supposed to say when Jason Peter Todd catches you red handed in an off-limits part of a museum? Sitting on top of a piece of cutting edge computer engineering that you had absolutely no right to touch?

           “You're Tim Drake, aren’t you,” Jason asked – in a way that was definitely not really a question and also made it clear that Jason was laughing at him. “We met last month at the charity gala. I’m Jason.”

           “I remember, Mr. Todd,” Tim spouted, falling back on the robotic safety net of manners his mother had drilled into him. “Um, what brings you here?”

           “It’s just ‘Jason’, kid.” He jerked his chin at the machine Tim clung to, continuing, “That shit’s WayneTech. B sent me over to make sure it’s got all the right bits with it.”

           Tim nodded like a puppet, trying not to drown in his horror as he realized what it meant that Jason had caught him. He was messing with tech that Batman owned. There were probably a hundred undetectable BatSecurity features on this thing. Robin had probably been sent to see if someone was trying to steal it when one of Batman’s invisible alarms had gone off.

           “How about you, kid,” Jason asked, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his cargo pants. He regarded Tim with openly amused parody as he asked, “What brings you here?”

           “Field trip,” Tim responded automatically.

           “Field trip?” Jason echoed with an incredulous chuckle.

           He stared at Tim for another long moment and Tim stared back, terrified and unblinking and too tongue tied to substantiate his claim.

           “Alright then,” Jason said eventually, with a one shoulder shrug inside his leather jacket. “So, you got yourself stuck up there or are you gonna come have lunch with me?”

           “Lunch?”

           “Yeah, ya know, food. You eat it,” Jason explained. “I know I could use some pizza.”

           Tim frowned – at the confirmation of the non-sequitur of lunch plans, not the various insults attached to it.

           Jason seemed to falter briefly. “You actually stuck up there, Tim?”

           “No,” Tim huffed, willing to admit he sounded slightly petulant about it.

           “Well then get your skinny ass down here,” Jason prompted – a beat too late in a way Tim didn’t quite understand. He blinked, trying to puzzle out what didn’t sit right, but Jason arched an eyebrow – in the way Tim had seen him do as Robin, magically managing the expression despite the mask – and Tim realized he was supposed to be doing something.

           He was already in enough trouble as it was, so Tim scrambled down the computer and found himself face to face with the second Robin. Or face to chest, as it were.

           Tim hadn’t hit his growth spurt yet, so he knew he was a scrawny twelve, but he hadn’t thought Jason would be that much taller. Jason was only two years older and he was stocky to start with. It was different when he’d been in the suit he’d worn for the charity gala. In civvies he looked broad and strong, and he stood up straighter.

           Jason pulled one hand from his pocket and threw his arm around Tim’s shoulders – began dragging him towards the exit. Tim lunged for his backpack as they passed it and clutched it close to his chest as Jason continued to drag him back upstairs.

           They ended up in the west cafeteria, in a corner that Jason had clearly selected for it’s state of semi-privacy. It was crowded and public enough to make raised voices problematic, but private enough to discuss sensitive details without much worry of being over heard. And it was neutral ground, like Jason was trying to make Tim comfortable before hashing out exactly how much trouble he was in for touching Batman’s stuff without express permission.

           Jason had acquired a large pizza, dripping with extra cheese and a blanket of peperoni, and two double-thick paper plates – one of which he piled high with three slices and placed in front of Tim. He gave himself five slices and settled down to chat having somehow already inhaled half of a sixth.

           “So,” Jason started around a mouthful of food as Tim poked tentatively as his own serving, “Some people are saying you’ve got some sort of connection to the Batman.”

           Tim frowned, his gaze snapping up to evaluate Jason.

           He’d spoken quietly, conspiratorially – like he wanted in on a secret Tim had. Like he wasn’t about to threaten to hang Tim by his thumbs in the depths of Batman’s secret lair for the rest of the foreseeable future.

           Awareness that Jason didn’t know that Tim knew his vigilante identity sparked inside Tim’s brain. He might be able to get out of this. If Robin didn’t know then Tim was only in trouble for touching the quantum computer because Batman didn’t want anyone touching it, and Jason was limited in how he could exact vengeance because the wrong move would reveal his role as Robin. All Tim had to do was talk his way out of this.

           Tim could do that. Right?

           All he had to do was figure out how.

           “I’m sorry I touched the quantum computer,” he blurted.

           Probably not like that.

           Tim hunched down into his shoulders and poked again at his pizza to avoid eye contact with Jason. His ears began to burn again as he felt Jason staring at him.

           “Shit, kid,” Jason said, after swallowing his bite this time, “You’re not in trouble.”

           Tim’s finger paused mid-poke. “I’m not?”

           “Nah,” Jason promised. “Fuck the Man.”

           Tim blinked. “Then why are you talking to me?”

           Jason blinked. A sort of confused expression that was vaguely pitying flickered across his face. Then he reiterated, “’Cause I hear you know who the Batman is, ya know, under the cowl.”

           Okay. So, Jason didn’t know he knew, but he suspected.

           Tim could work with that. Probably.

           He took a bite of pizza purely to keep himself from blurting anymore unhelpful apologies and attempted to calculate the best response.

           “Nobody knows who Batman is,” Tim said eventually.

           “But you’re a fan, right?” Jason nodded at Tim sweater – at the big black and yellow R embroidered on the left-hand side of the red-wool knitwork. Mrs. Davis had made this sweater for him, before her kids had insisted that she retire from babysitting rich Gotham kids and go be a grandmother in the safety and comfort of their town in Florida. Mrs. Davis had been one of the very few people who had supported Tim’s moderately obsessive interest in Batman and Robin.

           She hadn’t really understood, but Tim missed her – missed being able to talk about it.

           “You’ve gotta have some theories,” Jason was saying, his voice persistent enough to pull Tim back out from inside his own head.

           “I don’t have any theories,” Tim said. And it was true enough. He’d had theories. But that was before. Now, he had evidence. Another bite of pizza kept him from saying that out loud.

           “Seriously? None?”

           Tim shrugged and counted the circles of peperoni left on his first slice. Nine more circles, fifteen more bites. His stomach was already wary of the food he was putting in it. If this interrogation lasted more than ten bites, Tim’s stomach would probably begin to protest.

           Adamantly.

           He peeked up at Jason. Who was somehow already finishing slice number three.

           “Then why’s the word on the street that you’ve got insider know-how on ole Batsy?”

           “I dunno,” Tim said with another shrug. Truthfully, the question was bothering him too.

           Tim had never been seen when he’d staked out a spot to catch the dynamic duo on patrol or in the midst of a big bust. Never. They would’ve confronted him then and there if they’d ever found him with a camera full of very clear photos of them in action.

           So, how did Robin know enough to suspect him?

           “Who’d you hear it from?”

           This time, Jason shrugged. “I dunno. People. But like seriously, you don’t have any fucking idea why someone would think you know Batman’s real name?”

           Tim shook his head silently. He wanted to save his pizza for the questions that really needed him to have something to do with his mouth other than blabbing out his secrets.

           “Huh.”

           Jason’s eyes were narrowed, not quite threateningly, but pressingly – like he wasn’t quite sure a threat would be appropriate, but he was certain that Tim wasn’t telling the truth. It was another look Tim had captured him using as Robin. A kind of gentled-down BatglareTM for Robin to use on uncooperative victims instead of how Batman used his on uncooperative criminals – because victims could be uncooperative for all kinds of non-criminal reasons.

           Tim suddenly understood why it was so effective.

           He squirmed in his seat and caved to the need to take another bite of pizza.

           But he wasn’t a victim. Was he?

           Suddenly, Robin’s presence at the museum seemed a lot more suspect. It made sense for Robin to be there because Tim had triggered some sort of invisible Batalarm on the quantum computer, but he’d gotten there way too quickly for that to have been what brought him to the museum initially. He’d’ve had to have already been inside the building.

           But why?

           Tim’s class had been scheduled for this museum trip over a month ago. He’d even talked about it briefly with Bruce Wayne himself at the charity gala he’d attended with his parents – that’s how he’d known about the WayneTech exhibition far enough in advance to plan effectively to sneak down to the basements.

           “When’d you start hearing that rumor?”

           Tim’s question was so sudden and loud in his own ears that he startled himself.

           He seemed to have startled Jason too – who was starting on pizza slice number five and appeared to have been in the middle of a sentence when Tim had jolted into questioning him.

           “Uh, about a week ago, I guess,” Jason explained. “Your name had come up a few times before that in regards to you being a fan, but it wasn’t too long ago that it changed to you having special access or some shit.”

           Tim nodded absently.

           Two weeks ago, there’d been a major drug bust in a neighborhood just over half a mile away from his school. Batman had been tipped off about the drug ring in the same way Tim had: kids who came to school high rode the bus home and the chalk marks on the benches at the stops used by the kids who were using weren’t terribly sophisticated code.

           Tim had snagged some really spectacular shots the night that bust went down.

           Several of Tim’s classmates had exhibited symptoms of withdrawal shortly after that. A few of those students – namely some who’d never seemed to be able to have a civil conversation or simply let Tim pass in silence – had stopped exhibiting those symptoms a few days later. Tim had assumed they’d found a new dealer.

           Maybe they’d needed to find something more valuable to trade too, to make up for getting their old dealer busted.

           Info on the Bat who’d busted them would be pretty valuable.

           Even just a lead on info would’ve been valuable. Tim had been outright stalking Batman and Robin for over a third of his entire lifespan, at this point, and only just recently figured out who Batman really was. And he was a verified genius who’d happenstantially acquired the right life experiences to recognize things like quadruple somersaults. Who’d circumstantially idolized and stalked two different costumed acrobats for several years before he realized they were actually the same person and begun to extrapolate from there.

           Nobody knew anything about Batman.

           A tip on someone who might, would be very valuable indeed.

           Tim was being interrogated by Robin because he was a victim. He just hadn’t been victimized quite yet.

           Tim dropped his pizza like it’d burned him and began to rifle through his backpack for the new cellphone his mother had bought him when school started. It was ‘so he could fit in with his peers’. It was too big to fit in his pocket and he’d never liked wearing a watch, so he’d had to dig to find it and figure out the time.

           It was 4:32pm.

           Shift change for the guards was in less than an hour and they were already definitely antsy for it. Most of the science staff were already heading home to beat the traffic, and most of the new guards wouldn’t be coming in for at least another twenty minutes.

           If Tim were going to lead a team to invade this place and capture an unwilling potential asset, he would do it in the next ten to fifteen minutes.

           “We have to get out of here.”

           Jason frowned, his confusion pronounced with wary unease. But he demonstrated a willingness to trust Tim at his word for no other reason than Tim wanted him to and clambered to his feet. He took his last slice of pizza with him though – and nabbed the two untouched pieces from Tim’s plate as he followed.

           “What’s wrong, Tim,” Jason asked, carefully nonchalant. His hands were full of pizza in the way Tim’s mouth had been to stop him from doing what he wanted to do when asked a stupid question he should’ve known better than to answer – Tim suspected that if Jason wasn’t holding onto the pizza he’d’ve grabbed Tim’s shoulder at this point.

           Tim didn’t know how to answer at all, let alone efficiently communicate what he’d deduced about their current situation. Especially not without revealing that he knew Jason was Robin and could guess why Robin was here talking to him to begin with.

           Jason was rapidly eating though the pizza that was keeping him from grabbing onto Tim’s arm to stop their not-so-subtle scramble towards the museum’s main exit. They made it to within sight of the doors before Jason had inhaled the last piece of crust, and Tim had probably ignored several unheard comments and questions about their rapid egress, when Jason finally lost the battle to avoid physical contact and wrapped his hand around Tim’s elbow.

           Tim swung around to face him as his inertia asserted dominance.

           “Timmy, what’s got you so spooked?” Jason asked. “C’mon. You can tell me. Anything. I won’t rat on you, even if it’s something bad. Lemme help.”

           “I can’t – it’s not – You don’t,” Tim could practically feel the whine building in his voice at all the false starts that his brain attempted to send through his mouth to make the act of communication happen. His brain apparently thought it worked something like magic.

           Tim was frustrated and embarrassed and still very acutely aware of the fact that they needed to get out of the building. Right now.

           And Jason was doing the Robin look, the other one – the one for the scared little bunnies of the victims they came across that needed to be soothed and calmed and promised that they had a friend somewhere in the cold cruel world. Tim knew why it worked – felt it working on him – and yet he was mortified that Robin thought it necessary.

           He wasn’t a bunny. He was an asset. Currently being targeted.

           Recentered, he focused and forced words to come out of his mouth intelligibly.

           “We have to get out of the building.”

           Jason had moved to holding onto both of Tim’s shoulders at some point – holding him steady, holding him still. He looked Tim right in the eye and asked gently, “Why?”

           The words got jammed up in Tim’s throat again and he squeaked.

           And then the museum’s windows exploded inward with a dramatic shower of glass and gunfire as more goons than Tim could count began to repel their way inside.

           Tim closed his eyes and winced at the bite of regret on how fracking close they’d been to getting out of this without any major complications.

           “That’s why,” he groaned.

-----

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[targetdummy]

I’m not interesting, but I was tagged by @givemebishies to answer some stuff about. These probably won’t be that cool or interesting for anyone else to read, but here we go!

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.

1. Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi. It’s sweeter, and you’re supposed to sip soda rather than drinking it like water. Plus, MJ still forgave them after they caught his hair on fire, started his painkiller addiction, and dropped him as a promoter because of the child abuse allegations, so I imagine he at least liked to drink it.

2. Disney or Dreamworks: Disney generally. I’m not a big fan of either one, but I think Disney has made more important things in their time. Kind of unfair since they’ve been around longer, but whatever.

3. Coffee or Tea: Cappuccino. And even then I don’t want to taste the coffee in it.

4. Books or Movies: I watch more movies, but I think more books have had a serious impact on my life. I don’t know though, Rocky is a freaking masterpiece.

5. Windows or Mac: What? Where is my GNU/Linux option? Richard Stallman didn’t die for this! [For real though, I use Windows because I’m peasant trash who likes to play video games without spending hours on configuration. Though, I am considering dual-booting with Linux Mint in the near future. We’ll see. And Stallman isn’t dead, that was a joke.]

6. DC or Marvel: Marvel. Gotta have my Spider-Man and X-Men. The Avengers are also much more varied and interesting than the Justice League.

7. Xbox or Playstation: Playstation all the way. I can’t even name an Xbox exclusive offhand other than Halo or Gears of War. Playstation has a more interesting history too.

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: A friend of mine kept telling me to play both, but stressed Dragon Age more. I have played neither.

9. Night Owl or Early Rise: Night owl. I feel and work better at night. I like knowing the rest of the world is asleep.

10. Cards or Chess: Cards because they are an unlimited number of games! (So is Chess technically, but I like that with cards you can more easily have a random aspect if you want).

11. Chocolate or Vanilla: Are we talking ice cream? Vanilla. Are we talking brownies? Chocolate. Are we talking anything else? I don’t know.

12. Vans or Converse: I buy the cheapest shoe that feels comfortable and doesn’t make me hate myself when I wear them. I’ve never owned either of those.

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar: I’m sorry, I’m only a level 2 mage, I don’t know those ones yet.

14. Fluff or Angst: both I guess? I’m an angst lookin’ to get his fluff on.

15. Beach or Forest: Beach beach beach. I need to be warm and surrounded by water.

16. Dogs or Cats: I like cats and dogs that act like cats.

17. Clear Skies or Rain: Rain all the way. Rain for days. Clear skies are boring and make me sad. They don’t even move. I can feel rain. It surrounds me and makes me feel loved. Warm rain especially, or cool rain on a warm day.

18. Cooking or Eating Out:  I prefer eating out in both senses of the term. But for real, I love restaurants. I love the feeling of being in one, and knowing that my food is being handled by someone who knows how to make it well. Then to just have it brought to me, it’s awesome. Like, I didn’t make this. I don’t deserve this. But you’re giving me this, just for some paper. It’s just so comforting. Oh, and takeout is awesome too, because it’s that experience, but with more control and less atmosphere. All of it makes me so happy, honestly, I can’t understate how awesome it is to pickup food from somewhere awesome. Shout out to my people at El Canelo, that’s the place I dream of when I’m hungry. Any Chinese/Japanese is great too. Then fast food, Sheetz and Chick-Fil-A especially can be great. All of it, man. I’m sorry, I wrote too much for this.

19. Spicy Food or Mild Food: Spicy! Specifically, spicy and sweet. It’s all a part of the experience!

20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: Halloween is cooler theme-wise. Japanese Christmas though 💕

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot : Yeah, I guess a little too cold, because I love the sensation of getting warm.

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? Phew, does what Dr. Manhattan have count? You know, just be god. Nah, I wouldn’t want that, that’s too much. Controlling time would be cool. Would probably be depressing in reality, but cool in theory.

23. Animation or Live Action: This really depends on the work.

24. Paragon or Renegade: I have no idea what this is referencing. But Renegade is a 1986 beat ‘em up game that I really like for one reason: it’s the start of the Kunio-Kun series that would eventually lead to Downtown Nekketsu Monogatari, or River City Ransom. Renegade isn’t amazing on its own, but really cool to see where RCR got its origin.

25. Baths or Showers: Showers usually.

26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man: Haven’t watched Civil War yet, but Iron Man.

27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi: Sci-Fi usually feels bigger than Fantasy and can include Fantasy elements without much of an issue (infinite universe, infinite possibilities), so I’ll go with it.

28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes?

Okay, these might get lengthy, so here we go:

1. (Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid 2)

“Life isn't just about passing on your genes. We can leave behind much more than just DNA. Through speech, music, literature and movies... what we've seen, heard, felt... anger, joy and sorrow... these are the things I will pass on. That's what I live for. We need to pass the torch, and let our children read our messy and sad history by its light. We have all the magic of the digital age to do that with. The human race will probably come to an end some time, and new species may rule over this planet. Earth may not be forever, but we still have the responsibility to leave what traces of life we can. Building the future and keeping the past alive are one and the same thing. “

2. (Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen)

“Nothing ends, Adrian. Nothing ever ends.”

3. (Shigeru Miyamoto)

“A delayed game is eventually good, but a rushed game is forever bad.“

And there’s a lot more but I’m bad at remembering them.

29. YouTube or Netflix: YouTube, I watch it way more than Netflix. I like all the different voices on YouTube, how accessible it is.

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: Isn’t Harry Potter a My Immortal fanfic? I go with that one. Also, nobody will even remember Percy Jackson in ten years.

31. When You Feel Accomplished: When I’ve created something that people enjoy, and when I fulfill the needs of those I love. I haven’t been doing enough of either lately :/

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: I accept that Star Trek is superior in every way, however I will always defend Star Wars as my personal favorite.

33. Paperback Books or Hardback Books: Hardback. I am less likely to ruin it, and it looks nicer on a shelf.

34. horror or rom-com: I’m not a fan of either, but I like horror elements in other things.

35. tv shows or movies: TV shows. Individual stories that build to an overall story arc will always have more depth than a single movie. That’s why Samurai Jack is more compelling than any of the samurai movies it draws inspiration from.

36. favorite animal: Tiger.

37. favorite genre of music: Funk and its derivatives.

38. least favorite book: The Old Man and the Sea. I like Hemmingway, but it’s a book where nothing happens, the most exciting part is when he says the ocean is a women having her period, and the ending feels like actually watching an old man die. He doesn’t die in the book, that’s just how it feels.

39. favourite season: Summer. As hot as possible.

40. song that’s currently stuck in your head: ME NE’ER HA ME GUN SO ME HA TA MOO SHARP LI ME KNIFE

41. what kind of pyjama’s do you wear? Pajama pants and a t-shirt. I wear this all day when possible.

42. Handwriting or Typing? Typing. Gotta go fast. And I can’t compile my code from a piece of paper.

43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be? The Real Folk Blues.

44. What is your go to book/movie/tv show that you immediately find solace in when you feel down? Okay, I don’t know about books, movies, or TV shows, but I always find solace in any YouTube show that can make me feel less alone. It doesn’t have to be funny or interesting, I just have to feel like people are around me, talking, and being happy. Game Grumps works well for this, or most podcasts.

45. “Yer a wizard/witch, Y/N” - your reaction? I know. I didn’t learn to code just to not be a wizard.

46. Are you generally a messy or organized person? I’m an organized person who appears messy. It’s like a hashing algorithm. There is some initial data behind it, but you can’t make sense of the result, and there’s no way to reverse it.

47. What’s your go to comfort food? Anything fried. Especially fries. It just feels so familiar, so welcoming, like it can never be bad. Especially with good sauces, sweet and sour most of all probably.

48. Do you enjoy being creative? If so what’s your favorite way to create? I do. I’m not sure what my favorite way is. Writing is easiest, but making games and web stuff is so rewarding. I need to do more either way.

My question:

49: Other than Tumblr, what is your favorite website?

I have no friends to tag :D (But if you see this and nobody tagged you to do it, you can totally say I tagged you and do it anyway. I’ll vouch for you.)

[studentsofshield]

2015 Comics Holiday Gift Guide Part 2 - All the Rest

By Vincent Faust

(This was originally published on December 14, 2015)

Everyone loves Marvel and DC’s movies and television shows. But maybe you’re looking for something different. Not simply some source material (all the sources are better though, just like novel to film adaptations), but something wholly original that you can’t get anywhere else. 

Comics are a singular medium with its own advantages and disadvantages in conveying art and telling a story, just like prose, music, film, video games, etc. If you ask a creator or fan of comics, the motto is that this is the medium with an infinite budget. On a surface level, the only constraints are an artist’s illustration abilities. The special effects are free. Superheroes can fight aliens in space. Dragons can romp around a battlefield of thousands of soldiers. There are no bounds, only as far as imagination can push us. 

Here are some more colorful suggestions to show off how comic books work, the heights they can reach, imaginative independent books and some low key Marvel gems.

10. Understanding Comics

You love the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Nolan’s Batman films. You would love to get into comic books. The only problem is you don’t fully understand how to read these weird picture books. What do you do with double-stacked left side panels? Are Bendis’ dozen speech bubbles confusing you? Are you always hung up on figuring out the progression of time in comics storytelling? I don’t fault you. Comics can be incredibly intimidating, even putting aside the “volume 6 issue 21” and crossover/tie-in messes that plague superhero books. 

You need to pick up Scott McCloud’s Understanding Comics. Think of the most fun and informative textbook you’ve ever used in school. Then add character to it and make it about a topic you give a shit about. That is Understanding Comics. McCloud’s book is the go to for both industry newcomers and veteran academics. It belongs on everyone’s shelf. 

McCloud wrote two sequels, Reinventing Comics and Making Comics. They’re just as informative and interesting as the original. However, they are less of a 101 and delve into the specific advances of their respective times. Reinventing attempts to cover digital comics, but from the perspective of 2000 when it was written. Some of it doesn’t hold up as well.

11. All-Star Superman

Do you think Superman is boring? He’s an alien that we can’t even relate to. He has dozens of powers that would be sufficient by themselves on any other superhero. He wears underwear over his tights. His secret identity concealing glasses are dumb. He reversed time by flying around the planet. He’s in a shitty Zach Snyder movie. Not even Bryan Singer could make him work. He belongs in the past where he comes from. He isn’t cool like Batman and Spider-Man. Right?

Well, guess what? You are objectively wrong. Superman is the forefather to all modern superheroes. He was the big leap (literally) that fused Greek mythic heroes and early 1900s pulp heroes. Hercules and Odysseus meets The Shadow and The Phantom. And he isn’t an archaic idea that should have been left in the 1940s. 

One of the greatest comic writers of all time, Grant Morrison, said this about the big blue boy scout, 

“Because it all derived from Superman. I mean, I love all the characters, but Superman is just this perfect human pop-culture distillation of a really basic idea. He’s a good guy. He loves us. He will not stop in defending us. How beautiful is that? He’s like a sci-fi Jesus. He’ll never let you down. And only in fiction can that guy actually exist, because real guys will always let you down one way or another. We actually made up an idea that beautiful. That’s just cool to me. We made a little paper universe where all of the above is true.” 

Supes is about our idealism, everything we can and should be. He’s an alien stronger than all of us, but he chooses to serve us and desperately wants to be one of us. 

Morrison wrote a twelve issue deconstruction of The Man of Steel called All-Star Superman. Each issue covers another part of his character, whether it’s his love life or his villains. It is a nearly immaculate piece of comic book storytelling. Morrison’s meta writing is complimented perfectly by Frank Quitely’s pencils. If you read this book and still think Superman is dumb, fine. 

The sad thing is that for whatever reason, DC has struggled with putting out solid Superman stories in his ongoing titles for the past fifteen or twenty years. I attribute it to them not understanding the essence of their own character. They’re constantly trying to make him edgy or tear him down. He is currently missing his powers in one book. Why?

12. Multiversity

Whaaaaaaaat? 

All-Star Superman is actually one of Grant Morrison’s more approachable works. He is more known for metafictional stories that make your mind hurt. He does a lot of drugs. Allegedly he was abducted by aliens. Or contacted by a spiritual force. I don’t really know and neither does he. His art is usually better for it though. 

In 1990, he had Animal Man acknowledge the readers and freak out. The readers freaked the hell out too. I almost wish I had not said that and spoiled the moment. But I kind of don’t care. It’s also a “I am your father” kind of moment that everyone in comics knows about whether they’ve read it. 

His most recent big metafictional piece is called The Multiversity. Here’s the concept: each issue is an individual done-in-one story presenting a different alternate dimension, all drawn by different artists. The issues are book ended by The Multiversity #1 and 2, connecting the story. At some point in one issue, a character will be reading a comic book that showcases the adventures of the previous issue. 

The Just is about a generation of spoiled superhero grandchildren obsessed with fame. Pax Americana is Morrison’s take on Alan Moore’s Watchmen, which is to say a deconstruction of the Charlton Comics characters DC bought in the 80s. Mastermen is an alternate history Earth where Superman (now called Overman) lands in Nazi Germany and is raised by Hitler. Ultra Comics is the most meta of them all, covering a fictional superhero created by “memesmiths” to defeat a “Hostile Independent Thought-Form.” Yes. It is that weird. It all works though. And by the end, an inter-dimensional team of heroes defends the entire multiverse.

13. Batman: Noel

Not much to say here. Batman: Noel is fitting for the season. Something with a theme to actually fit the Christmas spirit for those who are Christian or enjoy the celebration and aesthetic regardless. 

Lee Bermejo writes and draws this story loosely based on Charles Dickens’ evergreen novel A Christmas Carol. Catwoman, Superman, and the Joker all play the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future respectively. Bermejo’s art is really pretty. He’s otherwise known for original graphic novels on the Joker and Lex Luthor. Both worth looking into if you like Noel.

14. Saga

Brian K. Vaughan already got a spot earlier in the list for Doctor Strange: The Oath. Here is his mega hit Saga, mentioned in that entry as well. Saga just hit a magic vein in the industry that catapulted it to stardom. All the pieces are fabulous. 

Brian K. Vaughan is a gifted writer that can flesh out worlds as seen in Y, Ex Machina and Lost. Fiona Staples came from relative obscurity and turned into a top three artist overnight on the book (and she colors it too!). 

It’s ultimately a love story. Alana and Marko are from opposing races that have been at war forever. To complicate things further, they have a baby they have to take care of. Part of its appeal is the crazy shit they get into. A race of aliens have televisions for heads. There is an infamous splash page of a dragon fellating itself. 

You can get the first trade here. There is an oversized hardcover that collects the first 18 issues (three trades). It’s worth it for Fiona’s beautiful art alone. However, you are going to want to keep reading the series as soon as you finish it and the second hardcover probably won’t drop for a while. So here are volumes 2, 3, 4, and 5.

15. Ms. Marvel

Media representation and diversity have increasingly become a focus in media studies and the discussion has become an increasingly mainstream topic every day. Comic books have unfortunately been pretty lackluster on these fronts for decades. 

In the 1930s through mid 1950s, there was some diversity in comics. Girls read Supergirl as much as boys read Superman. Romance comics were popular with women, while Archie, Betty and Veronica were a co-ed teenage sensation. There were some problems from the start, like most things in the naive post-war era. A lot of the different genres, books, etc were explicitly gendered. The audience was there though. 

Fredric Wertham’s Seduction of the Innocent and the subsequent hysteria not only drastically shrunk the market. It also censored entire genres and pushed entire demographics out of the medium. For comparison, Japanese comics never experienced this censorship rallying cry and people of all genders, ages, etc read a wide array of manga. 

The lack of a significant female audience and the infatilization of the medium (no drugs, no sex, no suicide, no race issues, no vampires, etc) led to a “young male” stigma in the medium. Comics were “for boys.” The late 1980s and 1990s was probably the worst point of this, when artists ruled the industry and just wanted to draw scantily clad women. 

The late 2000s/early 2010s second (or third? 1. Cerebus, Usagi 2. 90s Image) explosion of independent comics has led to a diversification on both sides of the dollar. Marvel and DC have been trying to catch up in the past few years. Marvel particularly has made major strides with characters like Miles Morales. Sam Wilson, Jessica Drew and Carol Danvers have also exploded in popularity and exposure. 

The breakout new character of this trend by far is Kamala Khan. When Carol Danvers gave up her Ms. Marvel moniker to become Captain Marvel, the Muslim, Pakistani-American, Jersey City fangirl Kamala took up her idol’s old title after being exposed to the terrigen mists. 

Her writer, G. Willow Wilson, is a Muslim herself who has been praised for her believable teenage dialogue. Kamala’s signature artist, Adrian Alphona, made his name doing BKV’s teenage superhero book Runaways. Marvel and DC have introduced fairly few long term successful characters in the past decade or two. New superheroes cropped up every week in the 1960s, 70s and 80s. Kamala may be the biggest recent breakout for Marvel. 

You can read her series across, four, trade, paperbacks. There are also two oversized hardcovers collecting the same material. Her series has continued post-Secret Wars and hopefully will for a long time.

16. Noir Comics

Ed Brubaker wrote Captain America for years (as detailed in this list). He also did other work for Marvel and DC on Iron Fist, Batman, etc. All of those stories are great and I’m sure he enjoyed doing them. 

However, Brubaker’s true calling is independent noir comics. Hollywood doesn’t make many noir movies anymore. There are some neo-noir films that capture similar tones and aesthetics – a personal favorite of mine being Nicolas Winding Refn’s Drive. However, if you want sultry broads, men in suits and that dark, expressionist look, you’ll need to turn to comic books for your fix. That’s not a bad thing though because Brubaker and a small circle of artist buddies have pumped out a healthy library of noir comics.

I’m going to highlight Velvet because it reunites Brubaker with Steve Epting, the primary artist from his early Cap work. Velvet is a simple secretary on the surface. But she’s secretly the most dangerous woman alive. Isn’t that a juicy premise? 

There are two volumes of Velvet out. Brubaker’s usual collaborator on these books is Sean Phillips. The pair have produced straight classics together. The Fade Out is a highlight of their oeuvre. It covers the seedy side of Golden Age Hollywood.

17. Hawkguy

Hawkeye is a character with a deep history in the Marvel Universe. He started off as a villain of Iron Man’s under the influence of Black Widow. He later joined the Avengers as part of the famous “Quirky Quartet” when Iron Man, Thor, Ant-Man and Wasp ditched the team, leaving Cap with the responsibility of drafting a squad from scratch. 

Clint Barton for many years was seen (and saw himself) as a B-rate Captain America, always under his shadow. In the 1980s, Barton split off and led the West Coast Avengers brand extension. Around this time he interrupted his serial bachelor streak and got married to Bobbi Morse aka Mockingbird. This pairing is basically a parody/homage of Oliver Queen and Dinah Lance (aka Green Arrow and Black Canary). Hawkeye led the Thunderbolts in the late 1990s for a while. 

In the revolutionary Avengers Disassembled storyline, Scarlet Witch goes cuckoo and in the process Hawkeye sacrifices his life to save others. He comes back to life, but audiences aren’t aware of this for a while. He flips back and forth between the aliases of Echo and Ronin. Oh, and while he was dead a teenage hero named Kate Bishop takes on the Hawkeye mantle as a Young Avenger. 

In 2012, Matt Fraction and David Aja start a Hawkeye solo title. But, it’s not a solo book. The story tracks the street level adventures of Clint and Kate as the Hawkeyes. Mostly due to Aja’s simplistic art, their tenure is already a classic and the best thing to come out of Marvel in years. Issue 11, Pizza is My Business, is one of the greatest single issues of all time. It is entirely silent and told through the perspective of Lucky, Clint and Kate’s dog. 

For whatever reason, Marvel is offering a bunch of different formats to read the book in. You can get four trade paperbacks, two hardcovers or one omnibus.

18. Bitch Planet

With Ms. Marvel, I talked about media representation. Kamala tackles these problems by simply existing. Young Muslim girls, and anyone else who doesn’t fit the typical cookie cut out of “comic fan,” can see people that look like them in comics and feel more welcome in the community. There are scientific studies that show that representation affects ones self-esteem and other factors. 

However, some of the best media directly critiques and tears down these kinds of problems. In comic books, an example of this is Kelly Sue Deconnick’s Bitch Planet. 

Deconnick is the writer responsible for evolving Carol Danvers from Ms. Marvel to Captain Marvel. Carol’s getting a MCU film with her new moniker, so something worked there. Her stint on Captain Marvel gave rise to the Carol Corps, what Deconnick and Danvers’ new fans call themselves.  

Part of Deconnick’s success is her extensive self promotion and audience interaction on Tumblr. By the way, she’s married to Matt Fraction. Just like her husband, KSD has left Marvel behind to work on more personal endeavors (and ones she gets to actually make quality money from).  

Her other series, Pretty Deadly, has also been well received. It’s Bitch Planet though which has people getting tattoos inspired by it. It’s set in a dystopian future where misogyny is rampant and ingrained in the laws. “Noncompliant” women get sent to a giant prison in space. Deconnick uses this send-up of 1970s women in prison exploitation films to examine and critique issues of gender, sexuality, race, body image, etc.

19. Silver Surfer

#BasedMikeAllred. 

Mike Allred is known for his 1960s pop art style comic art. Here he is doing his thing on Silver Surfer, a character that complements the style well. He gets to draw Galactus’ funky helmet, aliens and weird intergalactic tidbits. 

Dan Slott, the longtime writer of Amazing Spider-Man, handles the writing and essentially does his spin on the Doctor Who formula. Norin Radd serves as the good Doctor, while he gets Dawn Greenwood as his companion. They explore space together. 

It’s a great little series. There are fifteen issues and three trades. You can fine them here, here and here. This series is also continuing with the same team in the new Marvel relaunch.

20. Fun Home

Most everything on this list was superheroes or “genre” fiction. What if I want something based in reality? Something autobiographical? Something that will make me feel empty inside? 

Then you are looking for Fun Home by Alison Bechdel. Independent comics have a long history with personal stories. “Autobio” books exploded in the late 1980s in the first boom of indie comics interest. Names like Robert Crumb and Harvey Pekar stand out from this era. Hell, Paul Giamatti played Pekar in the Oscar nominated American Splendor biopic. There’s something about someone letting you into their life that is so captivating. Especially if their life fucking sucks. These are often told in black and white, with deceivingly simple cartooning. Art Spiegelman, Eddie Campbell, Phoebe Gloeckner, David B, Marjane Satrapi, Jeffrey Brown, Craig Thompson and others have all made their livings telling their peculiar personal tales. 

Alison Bechdel started her career doing a strip called Dykes to Watch Out For. It was a mix of soap drama and topical commentary featuring a bunch of lesbians (as the name implies). Bechdel’s strip has been overshadowed by the “Bechdel test” A proposed test to test gender biases in media, particularly film. The test asks whether a work has at least two women who talk about something together other than a man. Theoretically, whether a film passes or fails has a judgment on whether it is in a way sexist. Unfortunately, the test has been broadly applied to label works as sexist or even make value/quality judgments. 

Bechdel has transitioned from strip cartooning to an author of autobio graphic novels. Fun Home parallels her coming of age and coming out story with her father’s homosexuality, pedophilia and suicide. It sounds tragic and twisted. It is. And it is one of the best graphic novels of all time. It has also been adapted as a Broadway musical, which is currently running. 

Bechdel has put out a sequel of sorts, Are You My Mother?, which covers her mother instead of her father. It’s still her work and spectacular, but doesn’t stand up to Fun Home.

I highly recommend www.instocktrades.com. They will offer almost all of these books cheaper than Amazon or brick and mortar stores will. Some of them might not be in stock on Amazon, or more obscure and harder to find in stores, and IST will also be more likely to have them available. Over fifty bucks, free shipping.

10. Understanding Comics, Reinventing Comics,  Making Comics 11. All-Star Superman 12. Multiversity 13. Batman: Noel 14. Saga – Vol 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 / HC Vol 1 15. Ms. Marvel – Vol 1, 2, 3, 4 / HC Vol 1, 2 16. Noir Comics – Velvet Vol 1, 2, The Fade Out Vol 1, 2, 3 17. Hawkeye Vol 1, 2, 3, 4 / HC Vol 1, 2 / Omnibus 18. Bitch Planet, Pretty Deadly 19. Silver Surfer – Vol 1, 2, 3 20. Fun Home, Are You My Mother?