#4 heart attacks a day*
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
AAAH I saw Wally's kid flash design from @luisbajocollados on insta and I just had too 🤯
My little skrunkly 💔
#I did change the design abit#But other than that I adore the original#A bit late on this bcs I got lazy#And ofc I had to sneak in a little bit of birdflash#Wally most likely gave Barry atleast 4 heartattacks when he was Kid Flahs#4 heart attacks a day*#the flash#wally west#barry allen#kid flash#dick grayson#nightwing
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
...0///0
#DOC#DOC HOW FUCKING DARE YOU#YOURE GONNA GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK ONE DAY#MY POOR LITTLE HEART CANT HANDLE THIS#docm77#twitter#Doc's twitter is just. this is day 4 out of 4 for a streak of how many days in a row he's retweeted my art.#im dying a little i think#Also they're both slaying it
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
hi small vent
but like i went 2 get soda bc sugar & i just step on glass??
theres just glass on the floor no1 told me about
i didnt step 2 deep so im FINE BHT JUST
i was complaining how “not asking 4 help will make us end up walking on the broken glass u leave bhind” earlier & it came true i dont get this
also theres more blood but its on concrete so its fine but like cmon
#i did get my soda but in also rlly annoyed#i moved the big chunks of glass while wearing shoes so niko thought we were going on a walk#FREAKED ME OUT HE STARTED FOLLOWING ME CLOSER#I DONT THINK HE STEPPED ON ANY GLASSS HES FINE#but like heart attack#my dad has been sayong all day how hes a bad dad & abusive & neglectful but dude stop?? yk u r so like stop?#he says hes not embarrassed 2 ask 4 help but he never does even when i fucking beg him#BC IT ENDS W/ME STEPPING ON GLASS#THIS ISNT THE 1ST TIME RAAAHHHHH#im vey annoyed & now paranoid theres glass in my foot#im gonna die from glassy foot :(
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s been an absolutely terrible few days
#so my dad had to go to hospital late Saturday night in an ambulance#turns out he’d had a major heart attack#so then last night he had open heart surgery#and I’m due to leave for a 4 week trip to Europe in like 4 days………#im convinced the universe hates us#also so many people keep calling and texting asking for updates and it makes me cry every time#anyway … life sucks rn#txt
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
They just be giving drivers licenses out to anyone it seems
A lotta yall should NOT be driving 😭😭😭😭
#silly talks#on mobile#no no no nooooo karen you cant just cut me off 4 lanes away holy shit 😭😭😭😭#its the mustangs! the mustangs are menaces these past few days for some reason 😭😭😭#i hate 95!!!! i hate I-95!!!! you cursed pos ur the reason i have heart attacks every day 😭😭😭😭#it gets worse the more north you gooooo *sobs*#'do a barrel roll' is the motto of 395 dont at me#i need a shirt saying 'i survived 395' before i move out of this hell hole 😭😭😭😭#'as if you're so great at it silly“ lemme tell u im still kicking AND you havent seen of of this crazy shit#that ohio child driver is probs better than most ppl around where i live now (and ohio drivers the best either)#i need to rant aisjdj 😭😭😭 im like neo dodging car accidents save meeeeeee#the you is the universal you btw sksjdjd 😭😭😭
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Whumptober Day 4: Fun Uncles
AO3
Written for the prompt: Shock
Nineteen years ago…
When the last mourner leaves there’s an air of finality. Like now that they’ve finished with the funeral, Dad is really dead.
Zenkichi, Tsuru, and Mom all just sort of sit around the family room, not saying anything, until someone’s stomach growls.
“Tsuru, could you please make some dinner?” Mom asks.
Tsuru wordlessly gets up and heads into the kitchen, but soon enough there’s a loud crash and the sound of plates breaking.
“Damn it, Tsuru!” Mom snaps, and Zenkichi follows her into the kitchen, where Tsuru’s standing, surrounded by shards of ceramic.
“Sorry, I was just—”
“I don’t want to hear it! Go grab something to clean this up.”
Tsuru hangs her head and runs out.
“That girl, she doesn’t know how lucky she is, beautiful, never has to worry about her weight, if she could be bothered to behave properly men would be lining up to marry her,” Mom huffs. “Couldn’t even wear proper clothes throughout the whole ceremony.”
“Mom, it’s hot out. You know Tsuru doesn’t do too well in the heat, especially not decked head to toe in black. Dad certainly wouldn’t want her collapsing from heatstroke just because of him.”
“Even more reason she should focus on being a proper housewife! She can’t even go out, so she could damn well learn to keep house.”
“Ok, ok, I think we’re all tired,” Zenkichi says. “How about we just call Oishi’s and get some food delivered. One less thing to worry about.”
Tsuru comes back in with a broom.
“You’re bleeding,” Zenkichi says as Mom snatches the broom out of Tsuru’s hands.
She starts sweeping the mess, and Zenkichi pulls Tsuru into the bathroom where they keep their first aid kit.
“I can do it, it’s not that deep,” Tsuru mumbles.
“Eh, come on, let me do it.”
“How mad is Mom?”
“She’s stressed.”
“Sure, but how mad is she at me?”
“Look, it’s been a long day, she’ll be over it in the morning. We’re gonna call Oishi’s and get some delivery.”
“Can we go pick it up?” Tsuru asks. “When you leave, I won’t have anyone to go out with, might as well spend as much time as I can outside of this place.”
“Why don’t you ask mom? Or one of your friends, didn’t you mention—”
“She doesn’t know about them,” Tsuru says, “for a reason.”
“Tsuru, you’re being dramatic.”
“No, I’m not. She’s worse when you’re not here.” Tsuru sighs. “Hurry up and get a job already so I can move in with you in Tokyo.”
“I still have five more months of training at the police academy. I might not even be stationed in Tokyo, you know.”
“I don’t care. Anywhere is better than here. Anyone is better than her.”
“She’s our Mom.”
“She sure doesn’t act like it.”
“You know she’s only like this because she’s worried about you, right? Now that Dad’s dead, she’s worried no one will take care of you if she dies.”
“Won’t you be around?”
“Well, you know how she is, she thinks that when I’m a family man, I’m not going to have time to look after my baby sister.
Tsuru kicks him. “I’m not a baby, dummy.”
“Sure sound like one, calling people dummy.”
Tsuru cracks a smile for the first time since Zenkichi came home for the funeral. “I guess if three years difference makes me a baby, you can carry me all the way to Oishi’s.”
“Yeah, no.”
“Come on!”
“No.”
Present
According to the forecast, the day they leave Sapporo is the hottest of the summer, and Yusuke can definitely feel that.
He feels like he’s wading through soup with all the humidity.
“Yusuke? Are you alright?” Morgana asks while they pack up.
“The heat,” Yusuke says. “And I’m sore from our fight with Shadow Mariko yesterday.” His neck and shoulders hurt, but they’re nothing compared to the pressure in his chest.
“Why don’t you rest for a bit then,” Haru says.
“I don’t want—“
“Nah dude don’t give us any of that ‘I don’t want to be an inconvenience’ crap,” Ryuji says, “rest a bit, we don’t mind.”
Yusuke’s too tired to insist otherwise, so goes to sit on the bench.
He sees Inspector head over to them.
“You kids almost ready?” he asks, but strangely it’s being drowned out by the ringing in Yusuke’s ears. Everything sounds vague and distant, and he can’t follow the conversation at all.
Then Inspector Hasegawa seems to nice him and the Inspector’s immediately concerned
He opens his mouth to say something that’s probably “Kitagawa?!” but Yusuke can’t hear it specifically because he’s too focused on the way everything’s spinning.
~
“Niijima, call an ambulance. Sakamoto, help me lie him on the ground,” Zenkichi says.
“Wh-what’s—” Niijima stammers but Zenkichi doesn’t have time for this.
Sakamoto helps him lay Kitagawa on the ground. “Good, now raise his feet slightly above his head,” Zenkichi instructs.
“Ok.” Sakamoto does, and there’s a small crowd coming to the scene, but Zenkichi doesn’t even have to tell Amamiya to keep them away.
Kitagawa still isn’t responsive, but starts taking gasping breaths that are fewer and farther between, so Zenkichi moves to perform CPR.
Old habits really do die hard. It’s been years since Zenkichi spent his summers taking CPR training, but his hands move on his own at the right rhythm.
He feels Kitagwa’s ribs cracks, and Sakamoto winces in sympathy, but Zenkichi isn’t bothered. He keeps going until Kitagawa’s eyes flutter open, just as the ambulance arrives.
Zenkichi follows the paramedics, who give him a questioning look, but Zenkichi doesn’t want to bother with it.
“I’m his uncle.”
The paramedic nods and lets him in.
Eighteen years ago…
There’s an inexplicable feeling of dread when Zenkichi comes home. No movement, not from Tsuru in her art room nor Mom in the living room.
His visit home was supposed to be a surprise, but he didn’t expect them to be out.
After waiting a second, Zenkichi grabs his gun before heading inside.
He feels some sort of relief when he realizes the door is still locked and has no sign of being forced open.
Unfortunately, he relaxed too soon.
Because when he enters, he sees his mother’s cold, dead, body at the bottom of the stairs, surrounded by days-old dry blood.
Zenkichi wants to scream, cry, and throw up all at once.
Instead he runs upstairs to check Tsuru’s room.
It’s completely empty, but there are signs of a fight with broken canvases and paint cans that look kicked over. Normally, Tsuru’s window is always locked, but now it’s wide open and there’s the remnants of what looks like a sheet tied to the table.
Other than that, there’s no sign of Tsuru in the house.
Present
There’s a whirr of activity that eventually settles with Zenkichi sitting in the hospital room with Kitagawa.
A doctor comes in. “Hello, you’re his uncle?” she asks. “Have you contacted his parents?”
“No, they passed away,” Zenkichi says. “But I’m responsible for him at the moment.”
“Do you have his medical information?”
“No, but his mother suffered from hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.”
“Of course, probably complications from the heat. Make sure he’s rested and hydrated and doesn’t stay outside for too long. You administered CPR?”
“Yes.”
“You did a good job. Cracking the ribs is a normal occurrence so I don’t want you to think—”
“I know, I did it to his mother too,” Zenkichi admits. He’d been absolutely panicked when she collapsed during a school picnic and spent the whole time inconsolable until his father explained he hadn’t made it worse.
“Ah, well I just didn’t want you worrying you did something wrong. You saved his life.”
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“Do you know of any medications he’s taking?”
“No, I’m sorry.”
“Well, I’d like to keep him for a bit just to make sure there’s no complications. I’m sure you’ve noticed but he’s severely underweight and suffering from anemia. We might end up keeping him overnight.”
“Alright, thank you.”
The doctor leaves and Zenkichi practically collapses into the nearest chair.
God, he’s more exhausted than he’s been in a long time. They’ll probably end up staying in Sapporo an extra day and—
Oh. Oh no.
Zenkichi pulls out his phone and calls Akane.
“Where are you?” Akane asks as soon as the phone picks up.
Zenkichi sighs. “Look, I’m not going to be home tonight.”
“WHAT?! What are you doing?!”
“I’m sorry! I don’t want to do this, but your cousin had a heart attack.”
“Huh? Grandma and Grandpa didn’t—”
“No, on my side of the family. My sister’s son.”
“Are you serious? You can’t come up with a better lie?! You only mention your sister sometimes and I sure as hell haven’t met her.”
“It’s really, really complicated. I promise I’ll explain tomorrow.”
“Yeah, whatever. See you.” The line clicks, and Zenkichi throws his head back. Why is his life like this?
“Is that your daughter?”
Zenkichi snaps his head up, and Kitagwa’s awake.
“Kitagawa!”
“Lying to the hospital is one thing,” Kitagawa says, “but there’s no need to lie to your daughter for my sake.”
It’s funny that for all Kitagawa inherits from his father, he makes the exact same look as Tsuru did when she caught Zenkichi in a lie.
Daring him to try and dig himself deeper.
“Er, right.” Zenkichi scratches his head. “Look, Kitagawa. I wasn’t… exactly lying.”
“So what you told the doctor was true? You’re my uncle?”
“You’ve been listening in that long, huh?”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
The way Kitagwa’s glaring at him, Zenkichi feels a pang of nostalgia. Honestly, it’s been so long, he even misses Tsuru being mad at him. “I wanted to tell you, I just didn’t know the right time. It’s not like I can just walk up to someone I’m investigating and say ‘hey, I’m your long lost uncle!’”
“Are we still just people you’re investigating at this point?”
“Well…”
Kitagawa’s frown gets deeper. “Fine. Did you know my mother died? Why did you never come to pay your respects?”
“That’s… I didn’t think she’d want me there. Or to have anything to do with you,” Zenkichi says.
“Then tell me why. I think you owe me that, at least.”
Zenkichi takes a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re right.”
Eighteen years ago…
Zenkichi hasn’t slept in weeks. If he’s right, he’s tracked Tsuru to Tokyo of all places. Supposedly someone’s seen her working at this ramen shop, so Zenkichi settles in to a seat by the door, and waits all day.
His tab is pretty expensive by the time Tsuru shows up, slipping in discreetly by the back and relieving a stressed-out high school student. She goes to talk with the owner and locks eyes with Zenkichi.
They stare at each other across the shop for a second, before Tsuru whispers something quickly to the owner, clearly apologizing, then heads over to Zenkichi.
“Let’s go outside,” she says, and Zenkichi lets her lead the way out.
They go around back, and the second they’re out of sight of any cameras, Zenkichi pulls her into a hug.
“Are you ok? You’re not hurt, are you?”
Tsuru blinks at him. “W-wow, I thought you’d open with yelling.”
“Who’s behind this? The owner?”
“W-what? No, behind what?”
“Who kidnapped you?”
Tsuru groans. “Oh, ok is that how Mom’s dealing with it? Of course not, it’s never her fault.”
“Tsuru, Mom’s dead.”
Tsuru’s face goes pale. “W-what? W-what happened?”
“Blunt force trauma to the back of the head, what do you mean ‘that’s how she’s dealing with it?’”
“I wasn’t kidnapped,” Tsuru says. “I ran away.”
Zenkichi feels his eye twitch. “What?”
“I ran away.”
“What do you mean you ran away?”
“I couldn’t stay in that house anymore, so I ran away.”
“On your own?! Tsuru, do you know how worried I’ve been?! Of all the stupid little—”
“Stupid?! Are you kidding me, I tried to tell you so many times, but you never believed me?”
“What about the canvases then?”
“Mom broke them! She’s been breaking them for years when she’s mad at me!” Tsuru snaps. “And I could never bear to throw them out, so I kept them and left them in my room so she’d remember why I left!”
“I thought someone had broken into your room because you felt like being dramatic?”
“Gah! This is why I didn’t talk to you!”
“Tsuru I haven’t slept in weeks trying to investigate your disappearance and mom’s death.” Suddenly Zenkichi stops, and he steps back from her. “...did you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Did you kill Mom?”
“What? Have you gone crazy?”
“You had a fight, you pushed her down the stairs, and then you panicked.”
“First of all, that’d have to be a pretty hefty shove, and as you’ll remember I can barely throw a ball 30cm. All my life it’s been ‘oh no Tsurur you’re too small for that, yu’re too weak for that, you can’t do that,’ but now you think I can shove someone with 30 pounds on me hard enough to send them down the stairs?!” Tsuru gasps. “Besides, If it was an accident I would have called you.”.
“You didn’t call me when you decided to run away to Tokyo!”
“Because you’d tell Mom, and it wouldn’t be safe for—” Tsuru clutches her stomach and looks away. “That’s different, ok?”
“Then maybe when you left you left the window open and someone broke in and killed Mom,” Zenkichi says. “Either way you still killed her.”
“That’s— that’s not true.”
“Come on, we’re going to the police station.” Zenkichi says, grabbing for her wrist, but Tsuru snaps it back.
“What? N-no, I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I’m betting you were hired under a fake name,” Zenkichi says. “You may have tampered with a crime scene.”
“I told you I didn’ kill Mom!”
“Well I can’t believe you now, can I?” Zenkichi says. “I thought you’d tell me about something like this, so how can I know you’re being honest with me now.”
“You’re not even working Mom’s case. They wouldn’t let you.”
“Oh so you want to call an officer and wait for a police car?”
“You’re just doing this because you’re mad at me!”
“No, I’m not, I’m acting as an officer of the law, and since you were the last one to see Mom alive, you’re a suspect, and should be interrogated.”
Tsuru looks down on the ground and mutters something.
“What was that?”
“...I hate you,” Tsuru says without raising her voice. “I’ve been so worried I was wrong not to trust you, and here you are proving my right. I hate you! I hate you so much!” Then she walks off.
“Where are you going?”
“To the police station, that’s what you wanted right? Then once they explain you’re ridiculous for thinking I could kill Mom, then I’ll decide if I ever want to talk to you again.”
Present
Yusuke doesn’t know how to feel after Inspector Hasegawa— should he call him Uncle?— finishes. He grasps for the first thought he can force into intelligible words.
“And after that?”
“I got chewed out for accessing information on a case I wasn’t working on to track down your mom, she showed her train ticket to prove she was already gone by mom’s ETD, and then she never spoke to me again,” Inspector Uncle Hasegawa says.
“Were you still angry with her?”
“I held out for a year being stubborn. Then I didn’t know how to talk to her.”
“Did you know about me? Did you know she’d died?”
“Yes. It’s not like I was stalking her or anything, but I… kept tabs on her. When she died, I’d heard you were living with a family friend, so I figured that’d be better for everyone.”
Yusuke would be lying if he said he didn’t see Hasegawa’s side of things. It’s not like he’d know what to say.
But another part of him is stewing in an ice cold rage. Madarame had always said he should be grateful, that Yusuke had no other family who would want to take him in. Was that just another lie or an accidental truth considering his uncle had never even tried to reach out to him after his mother’s death.
His mother’s death stands out as the one sharp point of the haze of his early childhood, and he remembers it being just him, Madarame, and a few other mourners. If Hasegawa had been there, he never spoke to Yusuke.
Though, given the look on Hasegawa’s face, now’s not the time to go into that.
So Yusuke swallows his rage. “Can you send the doctor in? I suppose I need to give her my medical information.”
“Oh, sure, of course. I’ll go tell your friends everything.”
Inspector Uncle Hasegawa gets up, and something in his bearing makes Yusuke feels as though he’s only added to the weight the man has been carrying all these years.
#uncle zenkichi conspiracy board#alto writes#whumptober#day 4#yusuke kitagawa#zenkichi hasegawa#child abuse tw#ask to tag#hospitals#heart attacks#medical stuff i probably got wrong I'm so sorry
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
a week ago i might have said i feel mostly ok, just a little off, but i am Suffering now. why can’t graves’ disease have fun symptoms like……………idk i can’t think of anything.
#personal#dr said she’d send a prescription by mail and email and i haven’t got either yet. how long does it take to send an email????#it’s the end of the next day after she said that. helloooooo can i have my thyroid medicine before i’m stuck in bed all day pleeeease#i can’t even enjoy lying in bed because i keep getting hot flushes#for now i will just lie here and try to stave off migraines. how tf did i do this for 4 years before i was diagnosed ugh#no wonder it was such a horrible time and i ended up with such bad agoraphobia from symptoms i haven’t developed yet this time#i’d better not start having panic attacks before i get my medicine. not the panic attacks that my thyroid gives me#i still have panic attacks but those ones were always like. ah i am Actually dying. complete certainty i’m having a heart attack#ended up with such bad heart anxiety that my wrists were constantly bruised from checking my pulse#anyway. hopefully some aggressive treatment knocks it out within a few months. if i ever get the fucking prescription#sorry i’m mad. that’s also a symptom lmao kill me#at least i have my heart meds because i still take those sometimes
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
hello tumblr *flops over and dies*
#today was. smth. ig#after the heart attack i had this morning my recovery exam went horribly bad and i failed my last math exam. yahoooooo#for some reason i don't actually care?? i might fail two subjects and yet i just can't seem to focus on it.......#maybe it's bc i haven't told my parents yet ahahaha...... woops ^^;#ANYWAYS i saw all the other pokemas art and died a bit more and my thoughts totally haven't been rotating over um. yk what#u see it's weird bc at some point of the day i completely forgor himeru had a new 4*..... damn u pokemon hyperfix grrr..........#it's not like my thoughts rotate around hop and marnie 24/7!! t-that's just stupid 😁😁#i just. i recently found this swsh fic and i'm OBSESSED it's the best piece of writing i've seen in my whole life......#AND NOT JUST BC IT HAS BEDEHOP!!!!!! bc it obviously does have bedehop BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!#it's just so...... so............. explodes into a thousand million pieces#ANYWAYS i think i should get going uhhhhh i don't rlly have any more exams so i should be back in the weekend?#if i don't fail maths and language ofc ahahaha BUT I WON'T!!!!!!! SO BYEBYE LIVE LAUGH LOVE BEDEHOP
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dont mess with me I have a resting heartrate of 50
#Without ever doing any cardio#Gramma brought a measuring thing the other day and my folks wanted to measure everyone just for fun#The increasing horror as my heartrate measurements went from 54 to 52 to 50#And then we stopped measuring in case i was having a heart attack#Luckily it was 4 days ago so I dont think so
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
the thing abt sailor moon s is that the soundtrack is so so good and also etched into my soul from having rewatched the same 3 episodes on vhs over and over again as a kid
#meaning the music for moon cosmic power make up and moon spiral heart attack have been stuck in my head for like 2 days now#i listen to them ONCE and it’s over for me#ive been hearing it in my DREAMS#(also the particular 4 eps i had being the ones i had just. explains a lot abt me lmao)
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Had a really bad day today
So to feel better I am once again going to think about tiny collei because I get joy from that
Tags have more rambling lmao
#wondering now about how she'd end up tiny#rn im just going with maybe late effect from fatui experiments#and bam she just wakes up tiny one day and tries to avoid tighnari#but even when 4 inches tall i dont think avoiding him would be easy#or cyno if he happened to go over#probably be scared when she gets found at first both ways but i think theyd calm her down and try to talk about what happened#cyno would probably scare her more... i can see hom struggling a bit with what to do and probably just picking her up quickly to run and#get Tighnari. while Tighnari i think would be more... careful? kind of guy to get on the floor and ask before picking her up and focus on#just helping her feel safe.. then work towards picking her up and learning what happened#ok im done with my genshin g/t ramble#... no im not what if tiny collei meeting fischl-#feels like that would be chaotic... i think fischl wouldnt realize shes scared and just... you know.#probably be a little quick to go picking her up and stuff... i always headcanons she talked kinda louder which wouldnt help#give poor tiny collei a heart attack every two seconds without realizing since fischl is just realllly animated
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
f
#made me type something so f in the chat boys i guess#listen i'm doing this one differently bc idk how others are gonna feel about this#my dad died because of bad genes/dna#and because of an Entire life of hard drug abuse#alcohol abuse#and tobacco abuse#my mom leaves my dad and i'm there the exact moment she decides and moves away#(her extremely abusive gf for 12 years later)#my dad still hasn't paid child support bc he's been homeless#my life starts changing again and my dad finds out he has stage 4 cancer.#he had so much hope that he shared with me daily#had a heart attack at a gas station#he spends his last days in hospital and then his sister's house until he dies in said sister's daughter's arms#i'm on my shift at fucking chick fil a because they gave me the most pay and hours in the entire area#getting endless phonecalls#anyway#a few months after it's all said and done#i get a check in the mail#it's enough to clear my debt#all of it#i pay almost everything off but i'm [redacted] to multiply the dollards#but i'm struggling and i feel bad#this is my whole point for this post. i feel bad for spending the money the states gave me for my dad's entire life i guess ???????????????#and i've been collecting plushies and games and consoles (that i lost because of him now that i think about it)#so i guess what i'm trying to say is#do i get to use this money?#there was an oopsie to say the least w the accounts and one of them is minus a couple hundred so it's probably gonna charge me but i keep#spending anyways#i don't know how to feel#the spirits and angels and energies all around in our time are speaking to me daily and i can't hear or see them
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
hi update still having an absolutely terrible time
#purrs#ive had a headache for 2 days and had an anxiety attack at 5am this morning ♥️ and also there is more drama. i feel so bad about it but i#literally wish i was home and this was over so bad. im not eating well im not sleeping well. and i haven’t had a moment in which i wasn’t#stressed or anxious about this program for literal weeks and i think after 4 long days of running around taking care of people and not#having a moment to take care of myself it just caught up with me this morning and it was so terrifying and i couldn’t reach out to anyone#becaus it was 5am but i needed a hug or to go home. and the anxiety attack passed i got through it alone but im still not okay and shaken up#i couldn’t catch my breath and my heart was pounding and my head was spinning and hurt so fucking bad and i just couldn’t exist#ive gotten sporadic sleep and markya got me vegetablrs (if you read this thank you markya) and im about to eat them now but im still so#n*useous and jittery and my heart hurts. idk how long it’s going to take me to heal from this and i don’t even have time and i don’t know#why everything feels like it’s crashing down on me this week but i feel so frightened and alone and inadequate and helpless#delete later#we go home tomorrow and i know it’s going to be chaotic then too and we have a lot more facilitation to do and a meeting with the leaders#tonight and after learning so much more about why they have hard feelings towards us i just want to run away. and last night we had a#community reflection and i had to give my part to someone else bc i just couldn’t do it. lol
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
“if your chronic lifelong anxiety disorder causes you to have severe, painful heart palpitations, chest pains, a racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, full body dripping cold sweats, and full body trembling, to the point where strangers get concerned and ask if you need a doctor, multiple times a day, every day— how do you know if, one day, you actually have some sort of cardiac event?”
hey good question! here’s the cool thing: i don’t! :)
#everybody in the same boat put your hands uppp#i’m honestly not concerned like this has been since i was 4 years old#it’s genetic and no one in my family has dropped dead of a heart attack at any age that you wouldn’t expect them to#if i drop dead one day at like 74 i’ll be like okay. not that even that bad a way to die.#the hard part is just continuing daily activities when you have these symptoms half the day#i shouldnt have to work like this but i have no choice rip#.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#yea. this dizziness and lightheadedness and heart shebang is worse than good old#fibromyalgia brain fog and exhaustion and zombie like state#i actually hate this#id actually so much rather trade this for being in more physical pain#im laying down and still feel so lightheaded and out of it#it feels like i spend 4 hours smoking too much weed except im sober#or like I haven't slept in days#everything is fuzzy snd its like my head isnt properly attacked to my neck#theres definetely something wrong w the nerves in my neck and spine#every time the dizziness and light-headedness and heart beating#out of my chest starts the back of my neck feels deeply deeply uncomfortable#not hurting necessarily but like something in my spine isnt connected properly
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#god this anxiety attack is really too long ove been at it for 4 days. i literally cannot do anything#because i keep thinking about it#i feel so out of everything#and fear is clenching my heart#im hungry but eveything i eat burn my stomac if i even manage to eat at all#im so scared so fucking scared#im trying to breath but it only works for like 2 minutes#ive even tried slapping myself nothing does it#ive been stuck in bed all day. i just went to the toilets and went to get some water and food at some point but barely#personal
2 notes
·
View notes