#3pm and already resigned to crying in my bed :)

[olli-online]

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[ask-dancer-jimin-blog]

Promise (yoonseok)

HAHAHAHAHA I CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA OUT OF NOWHERE AND DEPRESSED MYSELF HAHAHAHA ;u; Bare with me it isn’t the best one-shot since I rushed it and I typed it all out of my phone! But here it is! YOONSEOK FLUFF AND ANGST IN ONE

Name: Promise Rated: T for kissing and minor cursing Pairing: Yoonseok (Yoongi x Hoseok) Summary: He had disappeared on him out of nowhere after a promise that they would find each other no matter what. A promise to make each other happy before one lf them was to leave. A promise Yoongi thought would never be complete until one day Hoseok comes back to him, but nothing is ever as perfect as it seems

note: I didn’t edit for typos sorry ;u; my bad

hurried footsteps echoed in an empty alley way accompanied by ragged breathes and laughter. Behind the trashcans that were blocking the view of what was behind two male around 17 wriggled their way behind revealing a ratty mattress, a small fire and a couple of useless items lying around. The chuckles were barely audible as the two boys tried to regain their breathe and slumped themselves on the mattress, limbs accidentally tangling. Of course, they didn’t mind given that they huddle closer together hands holding and fingers lacing.

“H-Hyung, were gonna…end up getting…beat up really bad one day”, one of them giggled. Soft orange locks slightly parted on his face, honey brown eyes, and a heart shaped smile. Even as he’d said those words, he was smiling widely, even when some blood dripped from his forehead, a small cut at his bottom lip The other male in front of him snickered a bit before gently passing his thumb gently over the small cut on the others lip.

“You say that, but you don’t sound very concerned, Hoseok”, the boy, this one having black locks and dark brown eyes, motioned. The other blushed furiously at the small innocent action, pouting a bit.

“Y-Yongi hyung, d-don’t baby me”, Hoseok muttered, but deep down he like when Yoongi cared for his like this. Small delicate touches, treating him like he was delicate and precious. He didn’t have time to say anything further when soft lips pressed against his own. Hoseok didn’t even flinch bringing both his hands after unlacing their fingers to Yoongi’s cheeks to sigh softly into the kiss. Yoongi, his precious and caring boyfriend. “What’s this about?”

“Spoiling my baby s'all” he chuckled especially when Hoseok hit him playfully on the arm and brought their lips together for a simple chaste kiss.

“Babe, you’re the one that’s really hurt. We barely made it out from stealing those goods from the store. Was it really worth it? We have like stuff at our houses, you just like to cause trouble”, Hoseok sighed sitting up to examine the elder’s injuries. He slightly lifted his shirt, groaning when he noticed the dark purple bruise ln his boyfriend’s pale skin. Yoongi snatched his shirt back down, pulling the other against his chest.

“Yah, hyung, let me treat you”, the younger protested, but not really putting up much of a fight.

“It’s fine, Hobi. We both like trouble that’s why were so good together. You aren’t so innocent, baby”, he muttered. Hoseok just laughed since he really couldn’t deny that was a fact, but soon the laughter died and Yoongi was taken aback by the sniffles and the shaking male in his arms.

“Hobi…Babe, why are you crying?” the black haired male questioned as he sat up bring the male along with him. Hoseok only smiled even as tears dripped down his face.

“It’s nothing, hyung. I’m just…I want to be with you forever”, he whispered and Yoongi felt hos heart clench at the genuine love and affection behinds those words. He tightened his grip on the male nuzzling his nose into the younger’s hair.

“and we will be”, he promised.

“Yoongi hyung, promise me that if we ever part, we’ll always find each other. That when we’re sad or suffering, we’ll do everything to make sure the other is happy before we leave each other. Promise you’ll try and fufill your dream to become a producer! You’re so good, hyung, he muttered into the male’s neck.

The request had been strange to say the least. His dream was childish and not many actually made it. But the way Hoseok was clutching onto his shirt waiting for a positive response, he couldn’t being himself to not accept the conditions. He could never say no to Hoseok.

"I promise, Hobi. I love you”, he muttered letting his hand wander into the younger’s hair.

“I love you too, hyung”.

~~xXXx~~

Yoongi awoke with a start, breaking into a cold sweat, his heart thumping wildly. He would have been annoyed at having woken up that early, but the dream it was just like he remembered it. It had been at least 7 years since he had that dream. That dream had haunted him almost every night for three years since that faithful night Hoseok had just disappeared from his life. Leaving nothing behind fro Yoongi but a broken heart and so many questions.

Yoongi spent five years searching, asking around for any clues for any traces of where he could be, but lost hope soon after. He was gone and Yoongi resigned himself to the fact that he wasn’t coming back. He was now 27, 10 years since that night, living in a crappy apartment with a crappy job as a cashier at Walmart. He released a shaky breathe, passing a hand at his hair. Why now? It had been 7 years since the last time he had this dream. Why now of all times dod it have to come back and remind him of what he’d lost.

He looked at the clock on his bed side and sighed. At lear he didn’t need the alarm since he was a minute early to wake up time. He shut off the alarm before it dare to noisily ring and dragged himself from under the covers. It was 6 in the morning. Too early, but when you’re a lowly employee with minimum wage, you it was never supposed to feel early if you were getting money to get by.

He slid his work shirt on lazily, pulling on the khaki pants he’d left on the floor the previous day he’s gotten off of work. He wasn’t in the mood or had energy enough to dig through his drawer for a clean pair. All he knew was today was probably going to be a shitty day given that it was already off with a bitter start. He’d finished getting ready after brushing his teeth, and went took the bus to work. And just like he’d expected everything was a shit storm at work.

People had decided that today was bring-your-most-annoying children to Walmart day and he had to go around the whole store rearranging toys that had fallen from where kids would pull them off. Had to pick up clothes that had been pulled off their hangers by annoying children and had to put back food items that kids had slipped into the cart that they’re mothers were probably to lazy to return back to their original shelf and simply chose to hide between crevices.

Not only that, but he had apparently yelled at a customer when he’d simply asked that she keep her rowdy kids in check. The woman had been offended, creating this whole story to incriminate Yoongi as she reported him to his manager. After a good scolding, his manager found it wise to send him hime early. So there he was trying not to explode at his manager as he angrily gathered his shitty cold dinner he was going to eat for lunch break and threw it in the trash as he stormed out of Walmart, having lost at least 3 hrs of work.

As soon as he’d gotten home, he’d decidedly that a good angry nap was his best option after such a shitty day, as he slumped on his bed, after throwing his tight pants off. He didnt know when he’d dozed off, but he knew he’d probably taken the meaning of nap to the next level since his clock showed 3pm. He barely registered that someone must have been knocking on his door for a few minutes until he heard a quick hello’s mumbled into the crevice of the door.

He was still upset from work, but pulled himself up, dragging himself to the door, grumbling the whole way. He swung the door open not really wanting his greeting to sound so venemous or make it obvious that he desired no visitors, but failing as he hissed out a “what?”

“H-Hi hyung…Uh…long time not see?” he heard a voice mutter quietly and was that embarrasmment? Yoongi felt himself suddenly freeze. That voice was familiar, too familiar. He slowly went to look up, finding a handsome young man. Brown hair, tall, but Yoongi could never forget those eyes and that smile. Those honey brown eyes and heart shaped smile. He felt his throat go dry, his eyes stinging. This had to be another dream. He was probably still napoing and soon he’s wake and he would be alone.

“H-Hobi….Hoseok?” he barely managed to choke out as he eyed at the male before him incredulously. The male got over his embarrassment as a fond smile splayed on his lips. He nodded slowly his own tears welling in his eyes.

“Yes, hyung. I finally found you”, he muttered. Yoongi fonally released a sob before pulling the male in and slamming the door shut before pushing Hoseok against it before crashing their lips together. He was cold to the touch, but his lips were so familiar still the same as he remembered. And he was here and that’s all that mattered. Yoongi didn’t question him. Didnt think to pry answers because Hoseok had kept his promise to find him and here they were reunited again.

Hoseok clutched onto his Yoongi’s shirt the same way he had that nightt 10 years ago, and Yoongi felt so relieved. “H-Hyung I-”, he sobbed agains the elder’s lips.

“Shhh, baby, you don’t have to say anything right now”, the elder had whispered and Hoseok nodded bringing their bodies closer, the coldness of the other, comforting him. “Just…Don’t leave…Stay with me”, the elder pleaded.

“Of course”.

~~xXXx~~

“Hyung! I want to go to the zoo!” Hoseok announced one morning that Yoongi had gotten the day off. The black haired make gave the younger a strange glance.

“We’re a little old for that, don’t you think?” he questioned teasingly as Hoseok pouted and crossed his arms childishly. Yoongi felt a fond smile slip onto his lips. It had been three months since Hoseok had been staying with him and he was extremely happy like he’d never been before. And Hoseok was still adorably childish. Hoseok let a mischievous smirk slip onto his lips before he went to hug Yoongi around the waist. “You know. Didnt you once say you liked spoiling your baby. Baby doesn’t feel very spoiled”, he whined.

Yoongi chuckled, rolling his eyes at Hoseok’s antics knowing well he was going to give in. “Fine! We’ll go to the stupid zoo”, he sighed feigning irritation, Hoseok knew him well as he cheered loudly and urged Yoongi for them to get going. The only thing that Yoongi found different about Hoseok was that he’d be oddly quiet when they were in public,he was content with staring, eyes wide in wonder. Yoongi didn’t mind, but it was just something new.

“I’ll wait for you inside! I get in for free. Just buy your ticket, here”, Hoseok said as they approached the ticket booth. Yoongi didn’t have time to question the male before he was excitedly rushing past the gates of the zoo entrance. By the time the elder caught up to him, Hoseok was fawning over the seals, given that Yoongi could hear his laughter from miles away. It was an enjoyable day, Yoongi wasn’t an animal person, but seeing Hoseok squeak in fear at the elephants and snakes was a good reward especially when the younger clung to him as if his life depended on jt.

Hoseok would urge Yoongi to eat, but never really ate himself even when Yoongi asked if he wanted anything, the male would simply shake his head and smile. “Babe, you sure you’re not hungry?”

“Babe, I’m fine! I’m too excited to even think about eating”, he laughed before leaning down to peck at the elder’s lips. And so it became a routine. Everytime Yoongi would get a day off, they’d go off someplace to have a date or simply enjoy themselves. The places they’d go to would be them taking turns going places they’ve always wanted to go together. They were both so happy together, even playfully fighting and cuddling in bed after an exhausting day out. And when they felt lazy, they’d stay in watching movies and Hoseok would cook them dinner. They wouldnt have it any other way.

One night, as they lay together at midnight, huddle close with arms wrapped around each other, legs tangled in the familiar way they were accustomed. “Hobi, don’t you miss your family. Maybe we should invite your mother over sometime”, he whispered lovingly to his ear, kissing softly down his neck. He felt the male tense slightly before he took the elder’s chin in his hand to smile at him. Yoongi hadn’t notice how those eyes seemed always so loving every time they looked at him.

But of course Yoongi worried. All the time they’ve spent together, he’d never once seen him call anyone, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Hoseok with a phone. It was more than simply suspicious, it made the elder feel a foreboding feeling and he constantly felt nervous as some of the things his boyfriend did. Some odd behaviors and sometimes just how he refused to talk a lot when in public or around too many people, but once alone he’d be talking nonstop constantly. Now that he remembered, he had yet to get answers. Sure he’d told the younger that he had nothing to explain, but honestly now he was getting curious There was something mysterious about his sudden appearance.

“Don’t worry. I call her all the time, hyung. I usually check up on family while your in the restroom so we don’t waste any of our time together when we go out. She’ll visit one day. I promise. Now how about you head to bed. You have work at the amazing Walmart as the super cool manager extraordinaire”, he teased and Yoongi gave him a withering look suddenly forgetting all his worries, all his doubts fading to the back of his mind.

“You’re stupid”, he mumbled. Hoseok laughed as he nuzzled into the black haired male’s neck, kissing his nape softly.

A year had finally gone by and it happened to be the very day Hoseok had first left him and then strangely noticed it was the day he reappeared at his doorstep. Yoongi had just gotten off of work, excited for yet another movie night with his boyfriend although he always pretended to hate only so they younger would pull him between his legs on the couch and cuddle with him as an ‘apology’. Hoseok however knew the elder just wanted to cuddle.

The black haired male climbed the steps towards his apartment, grimly looking at the sky. It was getting a dark gray and the elder hated the fact that he could already here the soft pattering of the rain beginning to fall. He blinked in confusion noticing someone standing by his door. The figure heard his footsteps as she looked at him. The male, although noticing she was older, wiser looking, he could recognize Hoseok’s mother anytime. Her dark brown and white pepered hair was in a bun, a gentle smile at her lips, clutching tightly onto a box as if it were a lifeline.

“You must be, Min Yoongi. The boy my baby had gone to school with…ah no. You’re the boyfriend he adored, aren’t you?” she asked softly, hands slightly trembling as she neared to caress his cheek lovingly. Yoongi was taken aback as she met her eyes which were filled with nostalgia and a bit of regret.

“Yes that’s me. Why don’t you come in and I’ll prepare some tea? I hope you weren’t waiting long”, he smiled back as she nodded gratefully.

“Thank you dear. It took me quite a while to find you. I’d very much like to speak with you”. And for some reason Yoongi didn’t like the sound of that, but still nodded as he opened the door and guided her inside.

A few hours later, Yoongi finally guided Hoseok’s mother out, dry tears at his face, sobs still threatening to spill from his lips, and now he clutched tightly onto the box the older woman had held firmly in her own hands a while back. “You truly are such a wonderful young man, Yoongi. J can see why Hoseok was so enamored. He loves you, you know?” she muttered, her own tears at her eyes as she leaned to kiss him on the cheek.

“Treasure them. Those letters and photos I saved all this time. Hobi, didn’t know I kept them, when he thought he threw them away”, she smiled and Yoongi nodded im a silent promise. She gave him a final wave climbing down the steps and into to the rain, a vehicle already waiting for her and then she was gone.

~~xXXx~~

The storm had gotten worse, rain pouring heavily as Yoongi had climbed down the steps sittig at the bottom, soaking, but remaining silent as he clutched onto the box still in his hands. “Babe! oh my goodness! You’re gonna get sick. What are you even doing out here, silly”, Hoseok’s voice caught him out of trance. He felt the younger who was also soaking place a hand at his shoulder as Yoongi refused to look at him. “babe?” Hoseok muttered.

“H-How l-long?” Yoongi’s voice cracked as Hoseok blinked at him in confusion stepping slightly back. He tried to read his posture trying to see if he could see any part of his face, but then his eyes wandered to the box, a familiar item. He didn’t know what was inside, but he finally came to an understanding as to what his boyfriend was asking.

“Babe-” he began to say, but the words died right at his throat when Yoongi looked up at him with the most broken expression he’s ever seen since they were young. So much pain and sorrow he could no longer whisk away because he was sure the male had found out.

“Hobi…how long?” the elder pleaded, a sob finally breaking through, his body shaking, and eyes pleading as he looked at the younger. “how much time…” he began to say before breaking into a coughing and wheezing fit, trying desperately to calm his cries. Hoseok was patient and said nothing as Yoongi’s eyes scrunched up in pure pain sadness and loss.

“hobi…how long have you been…dead?”

The silence is defeaning, but the rain pounding down on the concrete makes it far more overwhelming. Hobi’s expression finally breaks into a sad smile, the rain has become a light sprinkling and suddenly he looks far younger, far shorter. Just like he did when they were teenagers. As if he had been under a spell the entire time and now it just faded and broke. He saw Hoseok’s true form.

“7 years”, he mutters letting his hands fall to his sides limply. Defeated even.

For the longest time, Yoongi doesn’t say anything, he simply looks at the box and he cries and yells and Hoseok sobs into his hands because there’s nothing he can do now that the truth is out. Because the fact of the matter is that he’s dead and Yoongi is alone, Broken and alone that all this time he’s been living a dream. A dream that had been far too beautiful far too perfect. “How? And why did you disappear on me? Why didn’t you tell me? WHY?!” and suddenly the elder is yelling because he’s desperate and upset and hurt.

Hoseok looks at him tears falling down his cheeks, but he simply walks towards yoongi and kneels before him and the elder does nothing but let the younger hold his face and kiss his forehead before he reaches to grasp his hands tightly. He takes a shaky breathe before he musters the courage to explain himself.

“I was ill, Yoongi. I was fighting a terminal illness. My parents forced me to move with them to get treated and I…I was going to ask you to run away with me…but. I thought about it when you said we’d be together forever. I knew it would be a lie because I would leave you behind and I couldn’t force you to watch me die. I lived longer than I should have, desperately keeping myself alive until I could see you one last time, but I couldn’t much longer and every letter I wrote never got sent because I would be hurting you. I loved you and I still do. I just couldn’t hurt you”, he sobbed.

Yoongi threw himself in his arms, hugging him. All those three years he’d had nighhmares was Hoseok desperately staying alive to be able to see him. So they could find each other and make their promise. “I came to you like that because I couldn’t leave without keeping our promise, hyung. The promise that’d we’d make each other happy before we left each other. I found you through years of wandering without a memory of who I was, but then something bothered me and then I felt your sorrow and how undeniably sad you were and everything came back to me and I just realized I had unconsciously refused to leave because I had unfinished business. I wanted to see you, yearned to be by your side one last time or even just a bit more. To keep my promise to you. But i didn’t make you happy and instead I’ve caused you immense pain”, he muttered ashamed.

It all made sense. The way he was content with just watching Yoongi eat, making sure he was always happy and tended for. The outings to places meant for teenagers and children when it was Hoseok’s turn to choose their date place. The way he didn’t speak in public to avoid the elder from looking crazy for probably talking to someone no one but him could see. The reason he was always cold to the touch and would always already be inside places without paying. Because he wasn’t alive anymore:

Yoongi grasped his face, shaking his head and peppering kisses on his face and lips. “No baby, you didn’t. Spending this year with you had made me the happiest man alive. I’ve never been this happy since you left my side…but please Hobi…don’t leave me”, he begged a new wave of tears fallig down his eyes. Hoseok smiled at him hugging just a bit tighter than before, orange locks sticking to his face from the rain still pouring.

“Hyung, you know I can’t. It’s finally time for me to go. I wish I could stay by your side just like this, but my business was over, my last wish fulfilled”, he whispered. Yoongi knew there was no way he could be cruel and force him to stay when this world wasn’t for him to live in.

“I love you, Hobi. And I always will”, the black haired male muttered. Hoseok separated from him and smiled brightly as if he’d been yearning to hear those words. Their words of parting when the younger male was still alive.

Hoseok brought their lips together in one more kiss. A kiss that meant everything, desperate but so full of love.

“I love you too, hyung. Alwyas and forever. Never forget that I’ll always be here”, he pointed to where the elder’s heart should be. And then Yoongi noticed that Hoseoke was fading slowly, loving eyes and the most beautiful bright smile. “Hobi”, Yoongi cried out as Hoseok was finally gone. Gone for good. Yoongi would never love anyone more than he loved Hoseok. Because he was the love of his life. Made his life full of color when it was dull and miserable. Hoseok had been his hope and his angel. And he’d never forget that and their love as long as he was alive.

He brought himself up onto his feet, lips tingling. He ribbed the box in his hands as he climbed the step leading to his apartment. It was time to move on.

~~xXXx~~

A knock at the door interrupted Yoongi as he typed as the laptop in his office. He sighed heavily, but urged the person inside. “Producer Min, Jeon Jungkook is waiting for you for recording and further discussion of the contract”, the young woman motioned to him apologetic for interrupting him.

“Ah great, tell him I’ll be with him now”, he smiled gently as she nodded and scurried out and closed the door with a soft click. He closed his laptop fixing his suit jacket as he chuckled to himself. Before taking deciding to leave he looked over at the edge of his desk a picture in a frame as he looked at orange locks and honey brown eyes with the same beautiful heart shaped smile he fell in love with. “We did it, Hobi”. He smiled fondly before sighing contentedly and walking out of the office.

[devious-loki]

This may be long, so I’ll put most of it under a read more, I don’t expect any of you to read this, as this is me just having an emotional moment. But I just wanted to get it out in words. 

So I just got my end of semester results today and I passed all four of my courses, and that’s probably nothing to most people, but I’ve been bouncing around from degree to degree at university for the last SEVEN years. I’ve done some law, psychology, biomedical science, pharmacy, political science, and am now currently almost finished my law degree, and half way through my international relations. All up, that means I’ve completed 14 semesters, and not once have I passed all four of my courses. I’ve either dropped one at the last minute (after the allowed date, so it showed as a fail) or I’ve had a mental breakdown and not submitted an assignment or not shown up to an exam or something – either way, I’ve always had some form of a mental breakdown which has resulted in me failing something, sometimes when it’s really bad I’ve even failed two courses. But not once, have I ever not failed a subject, in seven years, until today. I oddly have marvel/fandom to thank for that.

I was so sure I was going to have failed at least one course, hell I was unsure about two, but I thought it’d have to be a miracle to pass all four. One of them I was going to fail, had full on accepted it, it was 3am and my assignment was due that same day at 12am, so I had less than 24 hours to do it in and I had been working on and off the day before, but I wasn’t happy with what I had written and I thought it was a pile of steaming shit. I’ve always been the type of person who would rather fail than submit something horrible, that’s been half my problem, I’ll have an assignment typed up, but I won’t like it, or I think it’s not good enough, and so instead of submitting it and getting maybe a few marks here and there, I’d rather submit nothing and fail. Warped mindset, I know. But I’d rather fail from not trying, than have tried and failed. 

So I had a decent sized mental breakdown at 3am where I was screaming, and crying, and I deleted everything I had typed in a fit of rage and told myself it was okay to fail, that I would just not submit anything, accept the fail (the assignment was worth 50%, a non submit is an automatic fail for the class, unless I like, got 50/50 on the next one lmao) and so I told myself okay, I will just fail and repeat it next year, I cried myself to sleep that night. 

I woke up at 7am, left for class at 8am, but I took my laptop with me (I never take it with me) and I thought you know what, no, I’m not going to fail. I had lectures until 3pm but I half listened to them, and half attempted to start this mess of an assignment over from scratch. There were two parts to the assignment, one was worth 30% and the other 20% I only answered the 30% question, in an absolute mess of shit I thought made no sense whatsoever, but I told myself that I just needed to get 10-15% and then try extra hard on the other 50% assignment so that I could get 50% overall (a bare minimum pass lol) anyway so I typed some shit, submitted that assignment, and was praying for 15% 

Then when results came back I had another breakdown, like imagine someone just gasping in tears and dropping their phone and wailing because that was me. I somehow managed to get 27% out of the possible 30% I was in utter shock because I thought I barely answered it and had just scrapped together some garbage, but apparently not, because I fucking did great. So I got 27% instead of the 0% I had resigned myself to accepting the night before. I passed the second assignment too, and so I passed the subject. The subject I was okay with failing, the subject that would’ve just amounted to another semester with a fail. But it wasn’t. I passed it, and I passed my three other subjects too, and to my surprise I got my first HD / High Distinction, I got a 97% in one class. The exam results that came back today state I got 50/50 for that exam. I’ve never aced an exam before, I’ve never done so fucking well before. 

And I know I need to accept some responsibility, like this was because of me, I overcame my mental illnesses, things I’ve struggled with for 10+ years. (I’m diagnosed with anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder and EDNOS) so like my brain is a fucking bag of cats at the best of times. 

But why I am posting it on this fandom blog, is because it was fandom that helped me. Specifically the marvel fandom. I was always somewhat of a fan, I’d seen a handful of the movies before and enjoyed them, but just recently I’ve full on dived in and became an obsessive fan (lmao) and as we all know, my favourite character is Loki and I was listening to my Loki playlist I created on spotify (of songs that remind me of him) and I just listened to it on repeat when I was writing my assignment, and I just kept thinking, what would Loki do, Loki wouldn’t give up, and Steve, Captain America is my favourite avenger, he wouldn’t give up because things got hard, he’d keep going and trying and I just adapted that mindset and I pushed through this mess and I came out successful. Which like, most people probably don’t need to rely on fictional characters to help them with their law degree, but as someone who just easily gives up all hope and who accepts the worst without questions asked, it was nice to have that change, that, no, that’s not what they would do, you don’t have to do that either, you can do this. 

Another thing that helped, I was scrolling through pinterest after my 3am breakdown whilst lying in bed, having already decided to fail, and I saw this photo of Loki saying this from The Dark World: 

and I don’t know, maybe it inspired me, spoke to me, who the hell knows, but it sparked whatever little part was inside of me and I am now sitting here today with my first semester transcript with no fails, and even an A and an A+ and I am just, honestly, speechless.