#3k of Himeko purposefully tormenting people with her coffee

[thenovelartist]

The Coffee Conundrum - Honkai: Star Rail fanfiction

None of my DanStelle fanfictions were coming together for 2 weeks, but I get inspired to write this in 2 days flat. Go figure.

I love all the mentions against Himeko's coffee, and after Welt mentioned he'd never recover from it, this plot bunny took off. Enjoy!

Pom-pom held much pride for being among one of the first trailblazers to board the Astral Express. Although, Pom-pom did not care to recall the embarrassing story of what actually happened, instead focusing on the achievement instead. However, there was a drawback to being one of the first trailblazers aboard.

Namely, there was no one to warn an unsuspecting Pom-pom about the dark brew known as “Himeko’s Morning Coffee.”

“Come have a seat. I brewed you some coffee.”

At the time, Pom-pom was flattered by the woman’s invitation for drinks and breakfast. “Pom-pom is ever so thankful for the consideration.”

The scent was incredibly strong, but it still smelled nice. The few times that Pom-pom had indulged in coffee, it was always satisfactory. Surely this time would be no different. If anything, it should be amazing, considering all the time Himeko had put into brewing the drink this morning.

However, nothing could have prepared Pom-Pom for the thick, bitter sludge that was ingested that day. One little sip, and Pom-pom saw stars. And not the ones rolling past outside.

“Do you like it?” Himeko asked.

Pom-pom wasn’t sure how long it took for the haze to clear and to come back down reality after being sent into the outer limits of space, but the little conductor had half a mind to give Himeko a scolding for the disgusting drink.

But upon seeing the worried expression of Pom-pom’s treasured companion, the person who kindly allowed Pom-pom to stay after stowing away, that decision had to be rethought.

Calmly as possible, Pom-pom replaced the cup Astral Express Motor Oil on the saucer while sweat threatened to start running down Pom-pom’s ears. “It is not to Pom-pom’s taste.”

~~~

Welt was certain that it would take a lot of time before he stopped feeing gravely indebted to Himeko. Allowing a stranger like him to board her star train as a permanent resident and co-worker was beyond gracious and bold. He had to admit that he greatly admired those qualities in her.

“Welt, would you like to join me for coffee? I’d love to get to know my new trailblazer better.”

As if he would decline. “I would love to join you.”

“Wonderful.”

So, he took a seat at the table in the parlor, watching the stars roll by as they traveled to their next destination, wherever that may be. Besides the conductor, he and Himeko were the only ones left on the train at the moment, Welt’s companion having chosen to stay on the last planet instead of agree to partake in Himeko’s risky lifestyle. But Welt had no where else to go, and he saw value in the choice presented before him. Hence, he’d agreed.

“Here we are.” Himeko rolled up a cart of coffee and snacks, grinning proudly as she did.

Welt couldn’t help but smile as he looked over the impressive array of treats on the cart. “That’s quite a spread.”

She shrugged dismissively as she started transferring things to the table. “It’s been a while since I’ve had someone agree to travel with me. So I might have gotten a little carried away.”

“Well, I’m honored.”

Her grin was bright as she took a seat and started pouring two cups of coffee.

And that’s when the smell hit him. It was quite potent, which was the only indication he had that this woman enjoyed her coffee stronger than most. However, there was nothing wrong with that; everyone had their own tastes.

“Hope you enjoy,” Himeko said with a smile.

“I thank you.”

He should not have. Because dear Aeons above.

After downing far too large a sip of the… er, strong coffee, he set his cup down with a shaking hand.

“How is it?” she asked.

Looking at this lovely young lady before him, hopeful and happy to share a drink with her new companion, Welt knew there was only one thing he could do.

“It is…” He coughed, trying to keep his voice even and expression calm as he lied about the frankly atrocious drink before him. “A stronger blend than I am used to.”

Himeko’s expression fell slightly, more out of concern than disappointment. “Would you like some sugar or cream?”

Normally, the answer would be no as he preferred his coffee black. However, in this case, an exception would be made. “Some cream, please.”

He tried to limit the added dairy, attempting—and failing—to find the balance of not adding so much as to insult but just enough to make the rest of the cup palpable. It would be a miracle if his scorched taste buds would ever recover from this. By the time he finished, he decided that would be the first and last cup of Himeko coffee he would ever accept. His stomach literally could not handle another cup.

Ever.

It was after that day he realized there were many things he admired about Himeko. Including her incredible ability to make deadly cups of coffee capable of incapacitating a man.

No wonder she wasn’t worried about strangers on board her train.

~~~

Dan Heng had been warned about Himeko’s coffee very early on by Welt. Having lived his life thus far with very limited luxuries sans the occasional cup of tea, he had never had coffee. However, the smell always hung heavy in the air each morning, just enough for Dan Heng to grow curious.

“Do you enjoy coffee, Dan Heng?” Himeko inquired, elegantly holding her teacup just off the table before her. “Or are you a fan of tea?”

He looked over at the red-head woman. “Although it is a rare occasion that I drink tea, that would be my answer. I have never had coffee before,” he mentioned.

“Oh! Then would you like to join me for a cup?”

Dan Heng mulled over her question for a moment before accepting. After all, this was the woman who had graciously accepted him on her star train as a bodyguard with almost no questions asked. To turn down her kind invitation would be an insult Dan Heng did not wish to give.

He sat down across from her as Himeko pulled another cup off a tray then she filled it with a thick, black liquid.

The scent was even stronger when set right before him, and as he stared at the steam wafting up from the cup, he began to have second thoughts. However, he was not one to waste food, particularly food he had already accepted. Hence, he raised the cup to his lips.

Before he could even take a sip, he had to pause. That was… extremely pungent. And with a smell like that, the taste was certain to be just as strong. He took a second to steel his resolve before finally taking a sip.

Wow. That… that could kill a man.

“What do you think?” Himeko inquired.

Dan Heng did not usually mince words, but out of respect for the favor this woman had shown him, he would make an exception this once. “I cannot say this would be my preferred drink.”

Her expression fell. “I suppose not everyone has a taste for coffee. Would you prefer tea instead?”

Although his stomach was already clenching in protest, he shook his head. “It’s fine. I don’t like to let food go to waste.”

“As admirable as that is, you don’t have to force yourself to drink it,” she kindly assured.

Oh, but he would. Himeko had graciously given him this potent poison for him. Least he could do was accept her generosity. Besides, if he couldn’t handle this, who knows if he could handle foods on other planets. “It’s fine.”

Two-thirds of a cup later, he had to admit defeat or he feared he would soon find himself back on his home world, reincarnated. “Thank you for the generosity.”

“You’re welcome. But next time, you don’t have to force yourself to drink it. I’ll make you tea.”

His stomach flinched at the mention of more drinks. Beyond that, another part of him feared her tea considering how potently she brewed her coffee. However, he didn’t want to sound rude or ungrateful at the moment. So he simply answered, “That… might be preferable.”

After dismissing himself, he headed to the archives, where he collapsed into a chair

And could not move.

Suddenly, his previous thought of her coffee being poison might not have been that far off.

Some time later—Dan Heng wasn’t certain how long; he felt like his life was flashing before his eyes—Welt made an appearance in the archives. “Forgive the intrusion, but I heard you joined Himeko for coffee.”

Much to his embarrassment, Dan Heng could barely move to greet the man. It took all he had to pick his head up and meet Welt’s gaze. “Against your prior warning, yes, I did. I regret not taking it more seriously.”

Welt hummed in sympathy. “How are you fairing?”

“Not as well as I’d anticipated.”

He gave a chuckle of pity. “Would you like something for your stomach?”

Dan Heng shook his head, but the motion only worsened the queasy feeling in his stomach. “I don’t believe I can stomach anything at the moment. Though I appreciate the concern.”

“Just some stomach medicine. I had to use it after my first bout with Himeko’s coffee.”

Dan Heng quirked a brow. “And it helped?”

“Took the edge off, yes. The rest I had to sleep off.”

He could manage that. “I’ll take you up on that.”

“Then I’ll be right back.”

True to his word, Welt returned within a minute bearing a little pill and a glass of water that Dan Heng gladly accepted.

“Give it about ten minutes to fully kick in,” he said. “But it will help settle the queasiness.”

Dan Heng simply nodded his appreciation.

“But I should warn you about what happens after.”

At that ominous words, Dan Heng quirked a brow at the older man.

Welt gave him a pitying smile. “Sorry if this sounds… graphic, but you should be warned about the possibility of an… unpleasant bathroom break in your future.”

… Dan Heng did not like the sound of that.

~~~

March 7th had a lot to learn after agreeing to stay on the Astral Express. And considering just how many rules there were, sometimes there were pieces of information that went in one ear and out the other. Hey, it wasn’t like she was trying to forget about it! It was just a lot of information that she was bound to mix some up at some point, right? So you couldn’t blame her for mistaking Mr. Yang’s warning about Himeko’s coffee for a simple caution.

“March,” Himeko called out. “Would you like to join me for coffee?”

It had been four days since March had joined the Astral Express crew. She’d learned generally where things were on her new home but still had much to get a grasp on. So sitting down to chat with the only other female on the train seemed like a great way to relax. “Sure! I’d love to!”

However, the smell of the coffee, one that only got stronger as March got closer, suddenly had her doubting her relaxation assumption.

“Here.” Himeko set a delicate cup down in front of March. “Are you a cream and sugar person?”

“I… don’t really know,” she answered truthfully, a tinge of sadness and fear welling up in her gut as she looked over the spread of things before her.

“Well, why don’t you try it first, then add some to your liking. If you mess up, I can make another cup for you.”

Himeko was really kind that way. It made March feel welcome and included. But she also didn’t want to be that much of a burden. They had just melted her from ice, after all, and there was still an odd stain on the parlor carpet from it that Pom-pom complained about when March wasn’t in the room.

Not like it was her fault! She knew that. It was just… still made her feel a little guilty.

“Thanks!” Doing her best to shove her worries aside for now, March gladly took the cup of coffee and raised it to her lips

And proceeded to gag.

Good grief, the smell of it!

“Something wrong?” Himeko asked.

“No, no,” March awkwardly said, trying once again to raise the cup to her lips

Only to almost drop it as she gagged again.

Across the room, she thought she caught Dan Heng turning away, a fist to his mouth.

Was he laughing at her? She was dying from the stank of the forbidden sludge, her eyes and mouth watering in protest, and he was laughing at her? The nerve!

“Er…” She picked herself back up to look at Himeko, who wore an unreadable expression. With an awkward smile, March set the cup back down on the little plate—what was that thing called again? “I… think I wasn’t a coffee fan. Sorry.”

Himeko giggled, waving her hand in dismissal. “It’s okay. And now you know a little more about yourself.”

This woman was so sweet.

But her coffee was decisively ruining the moment, so March excused herself and walked off back to her room.

No, she went to the bathroom. She needed a moment to pull herself together after almost throwing up her non-existent breakfast.

~~~

Stelle had been warned very early on by a very adamant March to avoid Himeko’s coffee like the Anti-matter Legion. In fact, if it were between facing the Anti-matter Legion and Himeko’s coffee, chose the Legion.

Which was enough to appropriately worry Stelle.

But then Pom-pom made the comment that Dan Heng regularly tested his resolve against Himeko’s coffee, and a competitive streak a mile wide flared within her. Because if Dan Heng could do it, then Stelle could, too, right?

So when Himeko invited her to coffee, she agreed.

Across the table from Stelle, March, who sat holding a glass of some milk and sugar concoction, shot her an “are you crazy?” glare whenever Himeko wasn’t looking.

It wasn’t like Stelle didn’t understand where March was coming from. As she watched Himeko pour the surprisingly thick, extremely dark liquid out of the pot into the cup that sat before Stelle, she realized just why March had given her that warning. And the smell…

Aeons, she’d dug through trash cans that smelled sweeter.

“Hope you enjoy.”

… Was it too late to back out?

Sadly, one glance at the happy red-head woman shot enough guilt through Stelle that she forced a smile as she picked up the cup and raised it to her lips.

The moment it hit her tongue, she almost recoiled. Wow, that was…

It was…

She was pretty sure Clara could use it for robot oil.

“Is it okay?”

Wide-eyed, Stelle looked up at Himeko. Behind the worried woman was March, who smugly sipped her drink with the most “I told you so” look Stelle had ever seen in her life.

“Er, it’s… fine?”

“Fine?” Himeko repeated, slightly confused.

“Y-yeah,” she lied, slowly setting the cup back on the saucer. “It’s just… I just remembered I left a mess in the archives, and Dan Heng is going to have a fit if I don’t clean it up.”

“Surely it can wait until you’ve finished your coffee,” Himeko said.

“Well… you see…” Stelle slipped out of her seat, already stepping away from the table. “He already told me multiple times, and so I better… go. ThanksForTheCoffee.”

And with that, she skedaddled out of there faster than when the Silvermane Guards were on her tail.

She threw open the door to the archives and bolted inside.

“Stelle?”

Oops.

She turned around to see a very confused Dan Heng there.

Sheepishly, she shot him a grin before remembering Pom-poms words. “You,” she began, pointing her finger at him. “Have all my respect.”

Apparently, he could get more confused, his brow somehow quirking up even higher.

“How do you not die from drinking Himeko’s coffee?”

At that, his expression relaxed, turning almost amused. “The Aeon’s mercy, apparently.”

Yeah, she could believe that.

~~~

From as early as Himeko could remember, the coffee had always been a staple of her household, so it wasn’t a surprise she’d be introduced to it at a young age. And when she had found the broken Astral Express, abandoned in a heap on her home world, coffee had been her constant companion, giving her the energy to keep moving forward in the repairs.

Hence, when she finished the repairs and left her home world to begin her journey among the stars, it was coffee that kept her grounded, that gave her a little taste of home wherever she went. So when she started bringing other trailblazers aboard, she was excited to introduce them to her favorite drink, slightly hoping they would return the favor of introducing her to something they held dear.  

However, something soon became evident. Her coffee was not to anyone else’s liking.

Ever.

She’d had some sneaking suspicions at the beginning, but it really didn’t take long for her to get the hint.

Pom-pom had been easy to read. Her poor conductor, watching the sweat start to form across that adorable little face was almost painful to watch. That one she felt guilty for, but she had to admire Pom-pom’s ability to handle that little encounter with some grace.

Then came Welt. Bless his heart, he tried. Aeons, did he try. And he almost succeeded in duping her in his ability to handle it. But it wasn’t until she caught the poor man passed out, red faced on the couch in the parlor did she realize the truth. He looked dreadful, and the little bottle of stomach medication that was on the side table next to him proved that her coffee wasn’t sitting well with him.

She made sure to tell him afterwards to be honest with her next time while also thanking him for trying to be a gentleman. Sheepishly, he promised to do so. It was the start of the open pathway of communication built between them that she so greatly appreciated and had yet to find with any other member.

Next came Dan Heng. By now, she’d had seen enough reactions to know that her coffee was generally considered too strong for almost everyone, so it was probably a little sadistic on her part to introduce Dan Heng to coffee this way. But she couldn’t help it. And like Welt, Dan Heng sat there stone-faced while he drank as much of it as possible. He’d actually impressed her at the time. He had gumption, she’d give him that. It might have been mean to say, but it ultimately made her feel reassured that this man of iron will was the Astral Express’ body guard.

Furthermore, it highly amused her that he dared to continue testing his resolve against it. She once tried to make it even stronger to see if he could manage it. He’d caught it right away and glared at her for a half a day after that. She accepted every well-deserved glare with a too-proud smile.

March had made it almost impossible to keep a straight face. She hadn’t even been able to take a sip, the smell alone causing her to dry-heave like a cat choking on a hairball. Poor girl had gone white as a sheet as she’d made her escape. Himeko would have felt worse for breaking into a giggle fit if Dan Heng hadn’t been there smiling as well.

Afterwards, Himeko made sure to brew a much weaker version for March, doctoring it up with milk, sugar, and chocolate before offering an apology as well as assuring March that her reaction had been adorable. It was clear March didn’t know how to take Himeko’s teasing, her reaction somewhere between mad and embarrassed. Thankfully, the new, much more acceptable drink had successfully smoothed everything over.

Stelle handled it decently well, her expression simply blank after taking a sip. But Himeko had caught the way Stelle’s nose twitched at the cup set before her, and her frozen state afterwards had only proven that she’d not been expecting what she’d just drank. For a moment, Himeko wondered if Stelle would also attempt to drink the coffee out of politeness, but then the girl had set it down, running off with her metaphorical tail between her legs.

Apparently, not even Stellarons could handle Himeko’s coffee.

So yes, Himeko knew what her brew was capable of. And she used it to her advantage. After all, as much fun as it would be to be able to share a slice of her home with her companions, she was able to find just as much enjoyment out of tormenting them with it.