#3. as an east asian 100% hearing people who used to call you by a slightly incorrect nickname suddenly try to use your legal name

[possamble]

Grits my teeth

[reki-of-the-valley]

My thoughts on Turning Red

Before I jump into this, I wanna say that 1) this is salt-free. I genuinely loved the movie and found it super cute and deeply resonated with me so I'm just gonna talk about what I found cool and stuff, 2) this is the opinion of a half Chinese Canadian who is not from Toronto, so there might have been some Toronto stuff that I missed, and who is not a 90s kid, but the experience was still pretty similar, 3) I don't know how coherent any of this is going to be

Also, under cut because spoilers and it got long

I'll start with general praise of the animation, visuals, and everything: The body diversity was amazing.

I'm going to be totally honest: Disney has not always been the best with body diversity. All the protagonists and princesses that I grew up with were (mostly white) skinny girls with Barbie proportions. So seeing this cast of girls with totally different body types just made me so happy. Growing up, I looked a lot like Abby, from being a heavier girl to being one of the shortest of my class to the long hair and fringe, and I also acted a lot like her (highly energetic and borderline violent), so seeing an Asian kid who reminded me of me was really cool. And while my experience aligned more with Meilin's (y'know from being a Chinese Canadian and stuff), visually and personality-wise, Abby really resonated with me.

Also, about the bodies, I actually adored that you could see these were girls going through puberty but not at the same speed. It's dumb to get fixated on this, but boobs. 13 is a hella weird age because of puberty and some girls look more child-like while others look a lot older because of bodily changes, and I just really liked that the girls didn't all have the same chest size or a tiny waist. Especially given that if you look up Disney princesses, they all have pretty much the same body. So it was really cool to me that these girls were all so different (also 2 East Asian girls and a South Asian girl!!!)

Also also, not much to say but THEIR NOSES!!!!! I love how they all had different noses!! It was just 💛💛 I liked that a lot

Next: the tween/teen experience

So I won't lie: I cringed so hard while watching this movie. But I didn't cringe because "ew, that's so bad." I cringed because my brain immediately reminded me that "Hey dumbass, look, you did the exact same thing when you were 13."

I won't hide it: I'm someone who is not (and probably never was) attracted to men. Still, that didn't stop me from having a Boy-Crazy phase, except that it was towards fictional men. But how I acted about these boys I had a "crush" on was pretty much the same as how these girls. I'd see fanart about my fictional crushes and call them hot and sexy (which, unrelated to this point, was so weird and amazing to hear in a PG Disney movie). And yeah, I too drew self-insert fanart and wrote self-insert fanfiction with these crushes. Which is totally cringe but totally a 13 (and 14 and just teenage) year old thing to do. And if you think I didn't call my most intense crush the father of my children (be they be plushies or characters in video games, kinda like Mei's Tomagatchi) then you'd be totally wrong. So that? Spot on. 100% the 13-year-old girl experience

The way they act was just so. On point too. I know people have talked about the reaction any middle-schooler would have to see a giant red panda would be to squeal and call it cute, and I totally agree, but I won't be talking about that. I'm mostly thinking about the start of the movie. I'm talking about when Mei says "Ha! Except I'm not like that!" and when the title comes up, she does all those just so typically Weird Teen things. I used to act like that when I was 13. So yes, I cringed so much, but because it was spot on. And again, Abby, how she acts in her introduction (and just generally throughout the movie) was 100% 13 y/o Ellie. I used to scream and intimidate the other kids, except I wasn't screaming in another language because I never learned my ""Asian Language"" (Abby is Korean, but I would have learned Cantonese if my family didn't go out of its way to completely whitewash us because being Asian was Bad(tm) and knowing Cantonese would have been an invitation to bully us). But yeah, tiny cutesie bully girl deeply resonated with me and just gave me flashbacks to being 13.

I won't talk too much about this because I don't have much to say but even the vocabulary was so 13 year old. I counted 3 crap throughout the movie but I really liked how Mei didn't just say crap. She also used crud which I found really funny because it's just so... tween of her. Like, the age where you start swearing but there's still that lingering "wait that's a bad word" so you replace it with something close but not bad? (I remember replacing shit with shiitake mushroom which totally ruined the flow of a sentence, but it was the early censoring). And there were other expressions that we used as tweens (but in the early 2010s, not early 2000s) like "the bomb dot com." It was really cool that even the vocabulary was pretty spot on.

Period talk and being overly emotional

I could but this with the whole tween thing, but I want to make it its own category. Not only did I find it super impressive that periods were discussed in a PG Disney movie (which will lessen the tabooness of the subject) but they didn't make it totally ridiculous and horrible. Like, yeah, they ridiculed it and made it a bit of a mortifying thing, but it wasn't SO bad. Like. I laughed because I remember how embarrassing it was at first and I hid it for so long from my parents. There was no discussing that, so seeing Ming talk to Mei about her changing body and showing all these pads? Kinda cool, ngl. So maybe in the future, it'll be less embarrassing for kids to talk about menstruation? I sure hope so

I also loved how messy the emotions were in this movie. From Mei's uncontrollable crying to her anger to her joy, it was just so, so good. And even seeing her sorta exploring her sexuality? 10/10. loved it. I don't know what to say, but I'm so happy that she wasn't the stereotypical overly zen or no emotions Chinese girl, even if the whole point of the movie was her controlling her emotions. Because while she was supposed to control them, she never really did. She controlled them enough to not harm others, but even then, sometimes she would lose control, which is, again, a very teenager thing to do. Hormones make them snappier and they're going through so much, so it was cool seeing that happen on a screen.

Now, the good stuff. The Canadian Chinese representation in the movie.

That was my biggest fear when starting this movie: I was terrified that they were going to butcher the Chinese Canadian experience. I was terrified that they were going to make it totally stereotypical and just completely disconnected. But they didn't! They actually did a super good job with the Chinese rep!

On the more superficial side of things: the decor was spot on. The house just. I could smell my grandparents' house just from looking at the Lee house. A lot of small details that made me smile: the random orchid, the Chinese calendar on the wall, the kitchenware, Mei's room, the bathroom. And how they were always wearing slippers? Very Chinese. Even the car, the beads on the driver seat? Such a small detail that just had me going "oh wow, I forgot about those." And the temple? Now, I don't remember when's the last time I walked into a temple, it was probably when I went to China, so idk what a temple of the sort would look like in Canada since our China Town sucks ass, but I still got the whole vibe. And you know when they're praying to the ancestors with the fire thingies (I never know what they're actually called)? Spot on. We don't do it at a temple, but whenever we go to the graveyard, exactly that + another extra food ritual. It was so weird to see it happening in an animated kids' movie, but it was also so cool. So I really liked that.

I also highly enjoyed how much Cantonese was being thrown around in the background and how there was the presence of Asian accents. The one I noticed most was Jin (the dad). He doesn't talk much, but he has a slight accent which made me smile like a dumbass. It doesn't change much, but I liked that there was that little bit, that they didn't just take white VAs or Asians without accents. Felt a little more like home? Idk. I liked it.

Also, on the note of language: Mei-Mei. Idk if it's the same in Mandarin, but in Cantonese, repeating a word is like a childish/cutesie way of saying things. So when talking to a kid, you might go "do you want milk-milk?" or "do you want a blanket-blanket?" so Mei-Mei would be a cute diminutive to Meilin that is really rooted in Cantonese tradition of saying things childishly or cutely. And I found that detail really cute.

Also also on the note of language: Mommy. idk if it's only a Chinese thing, but man. Even if I refer to my parents as Mom/Dad, whenever something goes wrong or I want some kind of attention, it's automatically Mommy/Daddy, which you can see Mei do. Like when she's crying in bed? She cries Mommy, but otherwise, she refers to her mother as mom. Also, the way Ming refers to herself as Mommy really hits home for me. My parents don't do that, but my grandparents do, so whenever I'm talking about my parents to them, it's automatically Mommy/Daddy, even if I'm not a little kid anymore. So yeah, another little language thing I really liked.

I know this is a stereotype, but it's true: Food. Always more food. And even the food that was being thrown around, it was all foods I know. From the dumplings (At first I thought they were Har Gow but I think they were just soup dumplings or something) to the oranges, I really laughed because that's the foods that my grandparents shove in my face whenever I see them. Again, not much to say, but it did make me smile a lot to see that. (Also that cooking scene was so sexy??? I could watch it for hours on end and it totally made me want to go make dumplings)

Another little detail that made my heart jump was the Aunties. From the way they appeared to how they acted towards Mei? Very auntie-like. All that would have been missing for it to truly be the Auntie Experience is for Mei to ask "so who is that?" only to be told that it's "your grandmother's friend's sister's best friend" or something like that. And also, how they were dressed?? I have 100% seen Aunties dressed like that so it was hilarious to see.

A more Chinese thing superstition, but the number 4. I missed it the first time, but the way the grandmother says "Four is the worst number"??? Just. Just so true. So for anyone who doesn't know, the number four sounds a lot like death in Cantonese (and maybe also in Mandarin, but idk Mandarin at all, so idk). So four is the worst number ever and even if I'm not superstitious, even I avoid the number four if I can. So seeing that acknowledged was kinda wild and made me weirdly happy.

I also really adored the jade jewelry. It was a nice touch that was to be expected, but still made me smile.

Now, the generational trauma. I cannot not acknowledge it. so here's a little bit on that.

Honor. Honoring your parents. Doing everything they want. Now, that's not just a Chinese thing, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a very Chinese experience. I too was a straight-A student like Mei who was particularly good at math. The only thing was that I had no musical talent and my parents never wanted to pay for the lessons, but that's the whitewashing. But yeah, had to have the best grades to make the parents proud. It was always all about searching for parental approval, especially maternal approval, which can be seen in this movie.

Now, I should say this: my mother is white. My father is Chinese, my mother is white. So my experience doesn't exactly align with the big Chinese Canadian experience, but I still think that I have something to say. Because despite the fact that my mother is white, she very much adopted the Chinese way of raising us, aka extremely high expectations and never letting us go out like the other kids. And, much like Ming, she is big on the gaslighting. (see Ming's "Don't blame me" for how Mei is feeling and how she feels like she was missing out on the teenage experience and stuff)

But anyway, the way I cried when hearing lines like "I never went to concerts. I put my family first. I tried to be a good daughter!" and "Sorry I'm not perfect! Sorry I'm not good enough! Sorry I'll never be like you!" Because those sound like lines I've either heard from my mother or from my (Chinese) aunt or lines I've said. "Sorry I'm not perfect" is definitely something I have said. So seeing such a horrible thing on a screen and then seeing it repaired? Man. I cried like a dumbass.

But more about the wanting mother's approval. Short anecdote: the first time I saw Turning Red, I saw it with my mother. she couldn't relate to anything and immediately went "That was a terribly disappointing movie" and of course, still wanting my mother's approval, I agreed. I was ready to call it disappointing at best, but then I realized that no, I will enjoy this movie. I will enjoy this movie that has a girl that's so much like me, hence the rewatch 24 hours later. But can you see how the desire for approval is just ingrained in me? So hearing more lines like "I'm so sick of being perfect. I'm never gonna be good enough for her. Or anyone" really just took me out. It was the little things and the bigger things that made me enjoy this movie so so much

So TL;DR the Chinese Canadian rep was amazing and I highly enjoyed Turning Red. I haven't often seen protagonists that represent me, so it was kinda amazing to see. I just really really liked this movie, from the wonderful representation of the 13-year-old Fangirl Weird Girl experience to the Asian experience. It was a really cool and cute movie and I highly recommend it, even if Disney as a company sucks ass. so yeah! That's what I thought about the movie!

[my18thcenturysource]

About the protests

Here, some food for thought about the murder of Mr George Floyd, the way it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, how white supremacy has educated a whole country about “being civil”, and what WE ALL (yeah, we all, no matter who and where we are) can do something to help the Black Lives Matter movement.

First of all, I think I’ve mentioned before, but images and videos of Black bodies suffering are not and will not be shared in this blog. So no, here’s not the video of Mr Floyd dying for all to see, or a black protester being hit. Just no. There is no need of a constant victimization though images and videos of both, the individuals and the whole black community, since we all know what is happening (and have happened for hundreds of years).

Now, we can start. I’ve made it in bullet points for easier reading, answering questions I’ve seen in media, and different social media platforms:

Why is this murder suddenly more important than the ones before? It is not. Mr Floyd’s life loss is as important as Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, Philando Castille, and many others who have died thanks to police brutality. All lives lost are equally important. The difference is that the black community cannot take it anymore, and change (maybe violent change) needs to be done.

Let’s talk about systemic racism. The United States of America was founded with a racist system, that even after the Civil War was still racist, and 100 years later after the Civil Rights movement was still racist, and now is still racist. The way institutions, education, and society work is deeply racist: from the way wealth is distributed (white families hold 90% of the country’s wealth), the way education is “available” (black students are 3 times more likely to be suspended for the same infraction than white students), the way criminal justice “works” (black people make 40% of incarcerated population, even though they’re 13% of general population); to the housing available to different races thanks to redlining, and even how healthcare is biased (67% of doctors have a bias against African-American patients). Add to that that the education (civic and academic) is white centered, and that black drivers are 30% more likely to be pulled over, and you have a whole society working against and entire race, while saying that everyone is treated equally, even though there’s every proof that only white people are treated as people. Here a NYT article about systemic racism and how it’s part of the DNA of the US.

“Peaceful protest are OK, but riots are wrong!” Or “I mean, I don't like racism either, but do they have to be so AGGRESSIVE about it?” This is such an oppressor answer I’ve seen repeated everywhere: from feminist to BLM protests, the oppressor (in this case white people) feel that Black people need their permission and approval for how they ask for their basic rights, and that saying “no” if they are rude is ok. NO, IT IS NOT OK. BLACK PEOPLE OWE YOU NOTHING. STOP ACTING LIKE THEY DO. Here a good article “Nonviolence as Compliance”, shining a light on asking for nonviolence in the middle of the war.

“But they are destroying property! That is wrong!”  One of the things I hear the most and it is the LEAST important of all is this. Property owners have insurance, they will not loose a single penny. Things can be replaced, human lives cannot. In a racist and materialist society, the only way to make the oppressor care is destroying what they think is more important: their property. Look at how people phrase stuff, meaning (consciously or not) that a life lost at the hands of the police is not as important as a destroyed Target.

“Yes, police brutality is wrong, but there’s also climate change! There are other more important things that we need to fix first!” Supporting a cause do not diminish other causes. I’ll say it again louder for the ones in the back: SUPPORTING A CAUSE DO NOT DIMINISH OTHER CAUSES. We can use the Black Panthers as an example to follow on how to join forces and support each other’s causes. So this is a call to all People of Colour: let’s join each other’s causes, support and rise to the light what needs to be done. So, right now we can fight against police brutality to black people, while keeping an eye open for Hong Kong protests, and next week we can support and shine a light on Native American’s fight for their lands, while being vocal against racism to Asian Americans... Together we’re so much more powerful.

Some info for protestors. Before all, please be careful. Being in a mass of people with strong feelings can be exhilarating, but please try to keep a cool head: research the path of the protest, and think of ways to get out of there fast if necessary. Write important information on your arm with sharpie and put some hairspray on it so it doesn’t fade. Here a few other things to take a look at:

What do police use for crowd control. Take a look at this and think of gear to go against it.

Use Hong Kong protestors as inspiration. Take a look at Hong Kong protestors gear, they have been fighting an authoritarian regime for a while now and have come with not only great organization, but great ideas to counterattack police. Check the evolution of their protest and their organization (that article includes terms and strategies during the protests).

Here a thread of several tips and another one

I’m not black, what can I do? Not being black is not an excuse to do nothing. For starters, DO SOMETHING. Do not only say or post stuff. Do it. Act. Be there for your black friends and neighbors. Go to the protests with them (if you’re white, the chances of being attacked by police are less, use that to protect your friends), stand beside them as support (this is not about you!), be available, listen and do not diminish their struggles, help them get the gear needed for protests. If you have a little money to spend, donate to the cause, sign petitions, call your representatives (here a link from BLM with several more options), amplify their voices. Be vocal about it, be sure that all voices (especially black ones) are listened. Take a look at the HK protestors organization, and note that not everybody is on the ground, and you can help your friends being there or following and informing from home. Just help anyways necessary, they’ll let you know.

Finally, this post might be read as quite *revolutionary shaking her fist*. And it might be. The change is happening now and we all should help for it to happen. Right now the Black community should be at the front and center of this fight, and we all other PoC should stand behind them in support. Next time it might be Hawaiians on front and the rest of us in support, or Native Americans, or Latinos, or East Asians, or whoever on front, we all must support their cause.

Please reblog and add your resources, links and info for a better and more useful post.

[ddinusa]

How I was treated in ICE Processing Center, California United States of America

I’m writing this down to reveal the situations, and how detainees being treated in immigration detention, California United States of America.

Now it’s year 2020, the whole world still panicky of the pandemic of COVID- 19 (Corona virus), and America has the highest numbers of positive cases and death toll in the world, the numbers still going up. Even in this extreme pandemic time, tons of detainees from immigration detention still being deported with potentially carrying the deadly virus to other countries. And this will put the whole world in risk of deadly virus spreading even worse since detainees might not get sufficient and complete medical care for prevention/cure the deadly virus.

 Air port

       My story stared form LAX airport where I was landed in Feb, year 2020.

I was holding a traveling visa (B2) which was officially issued by American government, so I could go to California again to stay with my partner who I have been dating since year 2018, and planning to get married. Year 2020, this is the year that many Asians had been discriminated in America since COVID-19 pandemic.

And yes, I was one of them being discriminated in the airport when I landed, then CBP used lots of excuses to reject my permission entry, even I was holding a valid visa which was being revoked at the airport on the same day I landed, see figure 1.

(Figure 1- Contents in the figure: Expiration Date XX JUN2023)

Nightmares started right after CBP questioned me. There were always security reasons for CBP to do things. Body- searching, phone checking, personal belongs checking, loosing shoelaces…..etc. I was panic for not getting any help since all my electrical devices and phones were all being taken away. I couldn’t call my partner, nor my families. There’s no way I could contact anyone; I was hopeless, literally a hopeless foreigner in a foreign country along all by myself.

I didn’t know if my rights have being violated for doing what CBP did since I knew nothing about the laws here in America. Maybe I didn’t have the right to contact anyone or lawyers; or maybe this was good for CBP to do what they want to do without obstruction. I really had no idea what’s right or what is wrong, and was really panicky for being in that situation first time in my life.

 After being held in the airport for one night without any of my personal belongs with me, ICE came to bring me to the immigration detention (ICE Processing Center) within 24 hours after CBP reported. They hand-cuffed me on our way to the detention, and that was my very first time being hand-cuffed.

Yes, exactly like shows you watch on TV or Netflix. Metals on my hands, ankles, and metal chain attached to my handcuffs too.

When we arrived to the detention, the detention facility staffs came out to take me in, and the very first word they said was “Really!?”.

Yeah, I bet that’s because my Asian race has SUPRPISED them a lot in the time of COVID-19 outbreak. ICE and I had been waited outside for few hours before the detention made a decision of taking me in or not, I guess, that’s why it’s taking hours waiting.

I was taken in after waiting, then, what waited for me next was intake procedure.

  14 days quarantine

The facility has 2 buildings, WEST and EAST to detain all detainees. I was assigned to live in the WEST at the beginning (then being transferred to East because of COVID-19 was getting worse afterwards).

The facility members put me in 14 days quarantine not because I was not in America for 14 days; they put me in 14 days quarantine because they assumed that I might carry the deadly virus from the country I came from. And they assumed that I came from China without confirming my identification (because I am Asian). The medical records showed that I came from China, the country I never been to, nor a citizen, nor a permanent resident, not even a traveler. That is racial discrimination, real racial discrimination. I AM NOT FROM CHINA, 100% POSITIVE.

See the description from the facility as attached figure 2.

(Figure 2- Contents in the figure: Rule out COVID19 virus- Patient has been in infirmary since February 27, 2020, as he comes from a region of China Last date in China 2/26/20. Per patient he arrived 2/26/20 and spent the night at the airport. He will remain quarantine to rule out for COVID19. Patient denies cough and stated he feels well. No fevers since arriving, denies chills, or body aches. Reports he is in good health and takes no medications. Exam- Afebrile, non-toxic, Lungs CTAB. Heart sounds RRR w/o murmur, no sweating, no cough. Plan- Continue on airborne isolation for a total of 14 days. Patient to be assessed daily for changes in health status. )

I was put in quarantine for 14 days immediately to make sure to rule out potential COVID- 19 virus as soon as I was finished the intake procedure. Oh, and the RN (Registered nurse) asked about my physical characteristics when I was in the intake procedure. To be honest, I was confused why they need to record my body characteristics, and the worst scenario cases that I could think of was that….. once my head’s being cut off in some bad situations, they could recognize who I was by my body characteristics. (Really scary, huh, because I couldn’t find a better way to explain why they need my body characteristics.)

In the 14 days quarantine, I was in a small room without TV, nor books or anything to entertain myself, basically only a rack that I could sleep on. And lights which never been turned off 24/7.

And there’s one thing I was really worried.

The air was circulated to other isolation rooms, which have been used as quarantine and discipline, since I could hear other detainees shouting through the air tunnel in my isolation room. If there was one detainee had the deadly virus, the deadly virus will be circulated with air and get into other isolation rooms, then spread to everyone in the facility. Since the isolation rooms are for quarantine and for discipline, too; detainees in discipline punishment might get infected by other sick detainees next door (if the next door detainees are sick and being quarantined).

(Figure 3- Layout of Isolation room where I was staying for 14 days quarantine)

The facility staff told me I couldn’t go out, but I could borrow a tablet or a phone to contact families or friends, but it was not free. I had to pay with my money I bought with me.

So I borrowed a phone, but I didn’t have my partner’s phone number in my head. I asked if I could get my partner’s number in my cellphone, but my request was denied, so I authorized them to reach my phone or bring my phone to me, but still a NO to me. So basically I couldn’t contact anyone even I was offered the opportunity and equipment to call.

Oh, by the way, I had asked 3 staffs for toothbrush and toothpaste since I was not given any, and finally, a lady officer brought me some. I really appreciated for her help since she was the only one among them 3 whom I asked; she brought me not only lotions, floss, toothbrush and toothpaste, but also brought me HUMAN LIFE back.

Finally, I reached my families, but I didn’t tell them I was in detention; I didn’t want my families in my country to worry about me.

After about 2 days later, my friend, J who’s from Georgia USA found me, so J called the detention to leave his number to the staff, so I could contact him once the staff gave me his number. I was busted into tears when I reached him after several calls since the staff wrote his numbers wrong, or maybe J said it wrong. (I had to try many times before I could reach him.) Then I got my partner’s number by asking J to contact my partner on my Facebook’s friend list.

And about the tablet, it charged USD$0.05 per second if I wanted to play candy crush or watch old shows. Of course the phones too (the charge depends on where I called), every single phone call I made cost the money I brought with me.

The facility offered me 3 meals a day. If I was hungry, I either went sleep or drank water which came from the sink tap when I was in quarantine.

I sang to sing to myself, talked to myself, tried to sleep as much as I could to get this 14 days done.

 Dorm with other detainees (West building)

Finally, after 14 days quarantine, I had people to talk to, or to order commissary food to not get hungry since the meals were not very likable.

About the kitchen food, there’s a menu so we detainees got to know what food we getting. But, sometimes, something missing; for example, there were 6 items on the menu, then there were only 5 items when we got our plates, sometimes ketchup missing, sometimes dressing, sometimes something else.

If a pack of ketchup is 5 cents, then few thousand ketchup will save the facility some money; or just kitchen people simply forgot to serve them.

These were the dishes that appeared the most on the menu, turkey slices, beef and beans burritos without beef, fruits from cans, sloppy joe, or sausages…etc. So commissary was the only option we could get food beside 3 meals, but if detainees didn’t have money to order commissary, detainees couldn’t shop commissary. Detainees could either apply 1 dollar job (maximum $1 a day.), or trade with other detainees with something else.

About the water, we were offered drinking water in Home Depot 5 gal. orange water coolers. Some detainees drank the water from the tap, instead of water from coolers since all the officers didn’t drink the water from the cooler; every officer brought their own water.

BTW, I didn’t have much sexual drive, nor physical erection since I got into the detention, so I asked other detainees, and they all had the same situations. We all figured that something has been added in our food or water. Even now I’ve been deported for a month, my sexual drive still not that high, compared to the times before being detained in detention.

About the shower water, every detainee sees everyone naked in the shower since there were no doors, just 6 chambers.

And my skin was dry and itchy after shower. I used to showered twice a day, but other EXPERT detainees told me to shower maximum one time a day since the water might be added with chemicals to reduce the mold in the shower chambers. (What they said made sense since there were only 6 shower rooms, and hundreds of people are using them every single day; there were no ways to find out what other detainees said was true or not, so I chose to listen to them to shower only one time a day.)

About the chemical spray to prevent corona virus during pandemic of COVID-19, the spray has been used over 50 times a day in the dorm. There were lots of detainees didn’t speak English, so I was helping to interpret if we spoke the same language. I remembered one time I was writing a medical request for a detainee who had unknow and persistent nose bleeding recently.

After I was deported, I knew why he had unknow and persistent nose bleeding. I read a report which showed that the spray used in the detention might cause unknow bleeding and some bad effect on animals. See the title from insider.com as attached figure 4.

(Figure 4, from insider.com - Contents in the figure: Report finds ICE detention centre is using a disinfectant over 50 times a day that causes bleeding and pain.)

About the phone calls, every phone call was being monitored. A detainee told me that ICE (or facility staff) called his cousin to confirm the relationship with the detainee, but he never provided his cousin’s number to anyone; the ICE (or facility staff) found the number by monitoring his calls, and called without asking the detainee. (I know, there are always security concerns for doing everything.)

And, my phone account has been blocked from calling legal orientation without any notification; I could still call other people, only not able to call legal orientation;

I didn’t see any or how I’ll post threats or dangers by calling legal orientation to get some helpful advise from the legal group. So I wrote a letter to DHS (Department of Homeland Security) on 17th April, 2020 to tell how my situation was, see figure 5.

(I always made another hand-writing copy for myself to all the mails I sent.)

(Figure 5- Contents in the figure: Dear sir, I’m a detainee in Adelanto California where I’ve been detaining since Feb, 27, 2020. I’m writing based on my situation and my rights might be violated in this detention: ①I have rights to appeal to BIA (Boarder of Immigration Appeals) within 30 days after immigration judge’s decision has been made, but the paper of judge’s decision shows that “No appeal is available.” It violates my right. If I haven’t had looked up information myself, I would have been taken advantages of, (since I don’t have legal representatives, nor attorneys in the whole process; I have made a few calls, but still haven’t found any free attorneys yet because I have limited finance, furthermore, the pandemic of COVID-19 makes this even more difficult.)②The judge made a false statement on the final decision. It shows that I’m subject to third-country-transit after July 16, 2019. But the fact is that both my flights were direct flights, straight from XXXXXXXXXXXX to America in 2019 and 2020. The judge didn’t ask me , nor give me a chance to confirm.

I’ll still keep waiting for more information on appealing to BIA (but I don’t know if I can make it withinh 30 days with limited info.) And also waiting for my ICE officer to reply my paper requests. I need help in anyways since I’m fighting this all alone by myself so far, and I don’t know if there will be any more advantages been taken from me. Please help, thank you.

My phone account has been blocked from calling LOP- Legal Orientation Program (844) 312- 5327 when I tried to call on April 17, 2020.)

At the same time, I tried to call legal orientation for 2 days, but still being blocked…. So I stopped calling legal orientation (19th April, 2020 was my last time trying.)

Then, I realized that my phone account was unblocked on 20th without any notification to me until I wrote a KITE (request/inquiry form) to the facility, see attached figure 6. (I think when they read my mail to DHS, and they knew about my phone blocking complain, so they unblocked my phone without telling a thing to me until I wrote a KITE to the facility.)

(Figure 6-Contents in the figure: My phone account has been blocked from calling legal orientation (844) 312-5327, when I tried to call on Apr. 17, 2020. It was not blocked before 4/17. I made few calls and it was connected.

Number was unblocked on 4/20/20.)

BTW, all the incoming/outgoing mails will be inspected, see attached figure 7.

(Figure 7- Contents in the figure: MAIL PRIVACY.

．All incoming and outgoing letters may be inspected for contraband and content.

．If you receive legal mail, the facility staff will open it in front of you and may check for contraband, but not read it.

．If you do not want your outgoing legal or special mail opened, allow facility staff to inspect the mail, but not read it, seal it in front of a staff member and clearly label it as legal mail.

．You may seal your other mail on you own and drop it in a detainee mailbox.)

DHS gave me a letter few weeks later, see attached figure 8. It said they were not taking any action on the information I provided, and I may need to consult an attorney. But I didn’t know how to find a free attorney once they blocked my phone from calling the group that I could have found free attorney since I have limited finance. (my partner had limited finance too since the family member needs some money for new knees.)

Once I got the letter from DHS, I knew there’s another “nowhere getting help” Again.

(Figure 8- Contents in the figure: After carefully reviewing the information you provided, CRCL has recorded it in our database. This will allow us to track the issues you raised in order to identify potential patterns of civil rights or civil liberties allegation within our jurisdiction. Accordingly, CRL will take no further action on the information you provided at this time. Please be advised that CRCL does not provide individuals with legal rights or remedies. Accordingly, CRCL is not able to obtain any legal remedies or damages on your behalf. Instead, we use information in correspondence like yours to find and address problems in DHS policy and its implementation. If you believe your rights have been violated, you may wish to consult an attorney. There may be time limitations that govern how quickly you need to act to protect your interests.)

About the voluntary work projects, one dollar a day, but first, I had to be selected to have the job, so I could get a one dollar job.

Interesting thing was that I couldn’t even able to afford a pack of cracker which was $1.55 for working a day, how interesting…..but the same, I still had to get the job first.

(Figure 9-Contents in the figure: 3 SNICKERS BAR $3.18, 1 CLUB CRACKERS $1.55, 2 ZC CHOC CHIP COOKIES 6 $2.20.)

About the grievance, on detainee handbook which showed that all grievance will be response back within 5 working days, see attached figure 10, but I haven’t got any of my detainee grievance forms reply back. (I wrote 2 grievance forms, see attached figure 11, 12.)

(Figure 10-Contents in the figure: GRIEVANCE PROCEDURES. A grievance is a complain about the substance or application of any written policy, regulation, or rule of the facility or the lack of the application of a policy, regulation, or rule; or a complaint about any behavior or action directed toward any detainee by staff or another detainee; or a violation of civil rights. The facility shall maintain a channel of communication between staff and detainees at all times. However, if a detainee feels a situation or issue has not been addressed to their satisfaction, they may file a grievance regarding any operational issue at any time. A response will be provided within five (5) working days of receipt of the grievance.)

(Figure 11-Contents in the figure: STATEMENT OF GRIEVANCE: (DECLARACION DE AGRAVIO.)

Please don’t move our beds/ bunks again, there is no such thing as “social distancing” when you’re trapped with a bunch of people in a space 24/7. Around 3 days ago, they changed my bed from XXXXXto XXXXX, then they changed my bed again yester from XXXXXto XXXXX again. That caused lot of inconvenience in many ways, such as form filling, paper request filling, bed/bunk calling out for work, library, paper request returns…etc. it’s really confusing because we don’t know who is being called since our bed has been changed again and again.)

(Figure 12-Contents in the figure: ① Phones have been cut off for many days without any notification; don’t know how long this will be lasting. ②Self-enhancemnet, everyday newspaper has been suspended for 7 days so far; still don’t know how long this will be lasting. I don’t see how making phone calls, or reading newspaper could post any security issues to this facility/ detention; we are not terrorists, nor criminals.)

About our marriage request, I was deported promptly right after my partner and I both submitted all the required papers about our marriage request, see attached figure 13, 14.

(Figure 13-Contents in the figure: This is in response to your request to marry your fiancé, while you are detained at the Adelanto ICE Processing Center. As part of the review process, the following information is required to consider your marriage request.

1) Are you eligible to be married?

2) Please (re) state your intent to marry.

3) Submit a statement indicating that you understand that the marriage ceremony will not be conducted if it is determined that if would present a threat to the security or orderly operation of the Adelanto ICE Processing Center or to the protection of the public.

4) Submit a statement indicating that you understand that your removal from the United States, if ordered, will not be postponed to accommodate this request.)

(Figure 14-Contents in the figure: Please Specify In Detail: What’s the status of marriage request? It has been another week again, please. Officer Response: Management is reviewing your request.)

After being deported back to my country, I still don’t know if my marriage request has been approval or not; even detainee handbook shows that I will get the decision, see figure 15.

(Figure 15-Contents in the figure: MARRIAGE REQUESTS. Detainees wishing to marry while detained must submit a request to ICE staff for approval, via and ICE Detainee Request Form. The decision to approve or deny will be provided to the detainee. Facility staff cannot approve marriage requests. The detainee and family are responsible for making all arrangements, including obtaining the marriage license, any required blood test, and retaining and official to perform the marriage. Neither the facility or Ice will Participate in making the arrangements. The following guidelines will be followed:

．Ceremonies will be no longer than one hour in duration.

．Ceremonies will be held at a time that does not conflict with facility counts, court, etc.

．only four individuals will be authorized to attend a service, of which one is the official performing the service, two are witness and one guest (this does not include the spouse.)

I’m just an ordinary person, not a Nobel prize winner, nor a billionaire. We two ordinary people just wanted to build our future together and live in our little world. But I was not welcomed to get in America and we are being separated. That’s really upsetting and frustrating for us and my partners families in USA.

About sick calls, no doctors in the pandemic of COVID-19.

Detainees made sick call requesting, but there were no doctors available, so the RNs would arrange another times and wait till doctors to be available for detainees.

Before I was deported, I read from the newspaper that the facility I was staying started to have positives cases, and we had no idea if the facility had done prevention or not since we didn’t get any COVID-19 test after outbreak in the facility.

And detainees still being deported with potentially virus carrying from America to other countries.

About psychiatrist, I was traumatized.

Being separated with my families for months and months, no visitation available to see my fiancé and the families, concealing my custody from my families in my country, limited finance to afford an attorney, phone account being blocked, excessive use of force, communication being cut off because of protesting, not knowing how long to stay in custody, risking of getting COVID-19 since insufficient medical care, not being welcomed in the stats, might be deported anytime and separated with my partner……. more and more and more.

I knew I need some mental help with all these burdens on me all by myself; I was literately in hot water, so I started seeking psychologist’s help and taking pills, see figure 16.

(Figure 16-Contents in the figure: Chief Complaints: 1. Routine follow up. Patient spoke English. Patient is diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety DO and Adjustment DO with mixed anxiety and depressed mood. We discussed his concerns about recent local protests and how the communication was shut down internally, as well as lack of timely response from ICE on his request to be married. Patient reported, “I don’t know what to do – I’m following the rules, and I’m not getting anywhere.”)

I never had difficulty to be in small room/ space.

But I realized that after I was deported home, I started to feel uncomfortable while I was in a small room. I’m traumatized from what I’d been through in the detention and the airport. I’ll seek some mental help in my country later or sooner.

I’m not a terrorist, nor criminal, and I belive that lots of detainees in American immingration detentions are not either, and I was one of the detainees in the non-humanized situations.

America is a country of freedom, a counry full of human rights. After what happened to me, I’m hurt and scared. And I truly belive that im not the only one feeling this pain.

“Thank you” to American citizens who pay all the expense to the facility, based on how many days I was being detained. More days I was being detained, more the failitye being paied. (All detainees don’t know in advance how long to be detained in the detention; the decision is not on detainees.)

A truamatized, deported detainee from Californa Adelantion ICE processing center.

Year 2020, Spring/ Summer.

[neonlaynes]

I was actually tagged on my main but I’ll just copy it here WAHAHA

get to know more meme under the cut! it was fun to do and maybe (definitely, tbh) offers more insight on me as a person rather than just another local art peddler....lol.......

1. What is the favourite item of clothing you own?

god I really.......it’s soooo hard to choose between my regular clothing and my lolita wardrobe but I’d have to say my daydream carnival tiered JSK in ivory....it’s got such a gorgeous pastel palette and I could stare at the print for days!!

2. Tell me about the first time you watched your favourite movie?

do....do I even have one?! I think I have many....but a super memorable experience was in high school junior? senior year? where we had to read the great gatsby for class and it was coincidentally the year that the baz luhrmann adaptation came out so I went and watched it together with my friends. breathtaking visuals that I absolutely will not forget, especially the scene with 9000 flowers and the silk rain scene. we watched it a second time too, but that time we sat in the Very Front Row so our necks hurt afterwards from looking up and seeing everything at an extreme angle HAHA

3. What was the last book you finished?

it is soooo awful (to myself, if anyone shares this sentiment then welcome to the club) that the only true reading I’ve done these years are textbooks and fanfiction. I cannot for the life of me recall when I’ve read an Actual Book and I hopefully can change that eventually!!

4. What is the next book you want to read?

I am Totally Open to recs but I’m probably going to finally get to reading the myriad of design and art books that I got last year ;;;

5. When is your birthday, and what do you want for it this year? (If your birthday has already happened this year, did you get what you had your heart set on?)

oct 12! I am sadly very materialistic and impulsive and I tend to get the things that I want myself, so. I’ll go abstract and say maybe a sense of direction or something along those lines haha!! feeling like I haven’t stagnated for the past few years and being able to feel in control of what may come would be lovely. please I am quite desperate!!!

6. If you were given one month and $10,000, where would you travel to?

either japan because although I’ve been there, I feel I didn’t fully enjoy the beauty of the culture and especially the nature of the area (I went to tokyo) so I’d love the chance to go again!

OR!! a europe exploration trip with focus on italy! getting my minor in italian and it’d be a shame to not experience the rich culture of italy at least once in my life, but also bc I hear that it’s pretty economical to travel around while in europe and I might as well visit the other lovely countries!!

7. Cake or pie?

Cake!! I adore cheesecake!! literally whenever I go someplace and they have cheesecake I HAVE to eat and taste it I love comparing them... I actually hardly ever eat desserts but also catch me eating fondant abominations and LIKING IT!!!!!!!

8. Name 3 things you think you’re really good at.

hyperfixation (on a MEANINGLESS task like searching for a post buried underneath several layers of Hell, on a fandom/pairing, etc.)

retail therapy!!! you feel bad??? don’t worry!!! ADD TO CART!! CHECKOUT!!!

Art (one of my Only Skills bc I kept building on it and ignoring everything else so I’m Kinda Decent)

9. Name 3 things you’d like to be better at.

Focusing on the Right Things. it’s ridiculously hard to get me excited/passionate on something especially if it’s to do w academics so I Always procrastinate and never put 100% effort into things and even though it’s my last quarter in uni I want to see Some Modicum of change

Making friends and being social.........it’s not good to compare myself to others but I’m still rly beat up over not being able to be charismatic enough to Attract people but I also spend most my time worrying about social cues anyways so uhm?? spend less time Thinking and more time Doing!!!!!!

Art. I’d really like to see where the next years will take me art-wise. still don’t know what I want to focus on like painting, or developing my style, or just.......revisiting the fundamentals but it’s gonna happen y’all!!

10. Name 3 far-fetched dreams you’d like to do someday.

be Completely Fluent in Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Italian. I’m Chinese-American and I’m woefully inept in that I can speak like a native and pretty much comprehend most things but I’ve got the literacy and handwriting of an elementary school kid and BOYYY I am Truly Regret at this age, just like my mom said I would be, at not spending more time with my mother tongue. also ngl I fking love language and it’d be great to complete that East Asian Trifecta and be able to not have too much of a problem traveling in those countries. Italian I actually took because fresh out of high school I had a brief infatuation with assassin’s creed, namely II, and on a Damn Whim, I chose to take italian in college instead of japanese which was my high school language course that I took up til honors. REALLY ENJOY IT THOUGH, NO REGRETS HERE FOR ONCE!!!

Travel to the places that you see in nature documentaries...like what an EXPERIENCE that would be!! esp waterfalls?! beaches?! sightings of unique species?! okay actually now that I think about it this is going to involve a lot of camping stuff which I am painfully not ready for but would be willing to prepare for.....worth it though!! I just (clenches fist) really love nature

this isn’t so much a dream but like......Finding the One and not being in a loveless relationship/marriage. I don’t rly have any place to say this considering I haven’t dated Anyone ever at the ripe old age of 21 going on 22 but like a kid, I can still fantasize abt being with someone in a textbook romance,I hope. kind of Deathly Scared of becoming what they call in China “leftover women” who can’t find a partner and end up being single well into their late 30s ;; and since I’m gonna be out of college and graduated there’s even less chance to meet someone unless I Actively throw myself into shit which I am notoriously!! bad at!!! so that is a Saga for another time.......

11. If you had to dye your hair, what colour would you dye it?

PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just wish dyeing hair didn’t mean signing off your hair quality to a death sentence (I am aware there’s methods/products you can use to make it better but... AAAAA) I’ve bleached my hair before and Already it was significantly.....Sadder

if you made it here I applaud you and appreciate you!!!! thanks for listening to meeeee

[dankcranks]

100% serious. It'll help me get out of my own head, too. I've had a kinda blehhh day

same here friendo

putting this under a cut cause it’ll be long

☝ - How tall are you? - fun story for years i thought i was 5′7 cause that was the height the last time i was measured at my doctor’s office in my late teens, but they measured me “just to see” the last time i was there, and i’m 5′8???? the last few years of my life has been a lie

✔ - Sexual Orientation - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ still trying to figure this out tbh. def pansexual, probably panromantic but also possibly on the grey spectrum??? i value platonic relationships over romantic ones, but do still have the ability to have romantic attractions towards others (although it’s rare) and idk what that means

🚬 - Do you Smoke? i used to a lot a lotttt but nowadays it’s only when i’m with friends that smoke and can bum one off of them (cause i’m incapable of making good choices when it comes to my health)

🍷 - Do you Drink? - yes, but rarely and generally only socially 

♒ - Do you Take Drugs? - prescription yes. but similarly to smoking, i used to smoke a lot a lotttt of weed but now only do when i’m hanging with the person in my life that smokes regularly

😳 - Age you get mistaken for? - honestly idek. late teens? people are always suspeeshy of me when they id me and see my birth year, and i feel like i look like a teenage boyo which isn’t helped by my shit skin

💉 - Have Tattoos? - ocarina of time style ganondorf and skull kid (with the mask you give him on) on my left upper arm, the chorus of hilf mir fliegen by tokio hotel on my back, and schwester on my foot (for my sister)

✏️ - Want any tattoos? - oh hell yes i have like a backlog of tattoos i want

✂️ - Got any Piercings? - snakebites, industrial, rook, lobes x3

✌ - Want any piercings? - occasionally i think about a nose ring, but nah, i’m happy with the ones i have

👌 - Best friend? - i live with one of them, and the other lives on the other side of canada :’)

♥ - Do you like anyone? - lmao nah

🎤 - Top 5 favorite bands? - KSJHDSAK kay i’m putting these in no particular order, cause it’s hard enough limiting it just to five, let alone determine a favourite. also this is subject to change at any given moment. twenty one pilots, weezer, alexisonfire, linkin park(💔), one direction anD HAHAHAHA I’M COUNTING THEIR SOLO CAREERS AS PART OF THIS FIGHT ME

🎶 - Top 5 favorite songs? - this is even fucking worse than trying to limit my top five bands alfhdalfhlsjdkf i’m gonna go with the top five songs that i currently keep listening to on repeat (again, no particular order)top - addict with a pensleeping at last - saturnniall horan - seeing blind ft maren morristop - a car, a torch, a deathpale waves - television romance

😒 - Biggest pet peeve? - forgetting about plans (i literally do nothing with my life so like, when i make plans with someone, i'm really really looking forward to it)

📝 - Story from your childhood. - so when we got our family cat, i really wanted to call her cookie. but my mom decided on sophie, and i was highkey offended because i wanted a cute non human name like cookie??? but it’s hilarious now, because i only name animals by human names

💬 - I wish… - i wish i could afford to have more cats in my life

‼️ - Something you’ll change? - ...the amount of cats in my life

💦 - What makes you horny? - i literally had to finish these questions and come back to this lmao. physically, arms and nice hair i guess. otherwise, jfc idk, i’ma go real lame and say personality. idk how the fuck i get turned on okay, it just happens sometimes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

🌟 - A wish you’ll wish for? - m o r e  c a t s  i n  m y  l i f e

🔥 - Something spicy you like? - fuckIN INDIAN FOOD (i’m eating some curry i made right now lmao) shoutout to other east asian spicy foods

👃 You hate the smell of …. - idk fertilizer

👊 - Something you hate? - myself lmao #relatable am i rite

🚶 - Are you single? - yup

💬 - Can we text? - i have no idea who you are

💌 - Fan mail me? - again, i have no idea who you are

💍 - Marry me? - i literalLY DON���T KNOW WHO THIS IS 

💘 - Be my tumblr crush? - ^^^^^^^^^^^^

💭 - Favorite foods? - indian foods, bagels, cereal, ramen, sushi

☀ - Story about your day. - my cat tomi is having one of those days where he decides he’s going to be a gigantic piece of shit. he keeps coming over to me and yelliNG, reaching up to my desk and trying to knock things off. he keeps trying to get in fights with the other cat too. currently, i can hear him getting up to shit in the living room

💘 - Top 5 celebrity crushes? kay so there aren’t enough “celebrities” of sorts that i have that traditional celeb crush on that set my loins ablaze SO here have a list of celebrities that my ass will stan until the day i die because of their raw talent and for the way they treat those around them: tyler joseph, harry styles, uhhhh, josh dun, louis tomlinson, niall horan

🎥 - Top 5 favorite movies? ah fuck. spirited away, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, and i’d be doing my child self a disservice if i didn’t include the nightmare before christmas, ace ventura when nature calls, and fantasia (the three movies that truly shaped me as a person)

📺 - Top 5 favorite TV shows? - i’m about to expose my nerd ass lmao. in no particular order - avatar the last airbender, dragonball z, card captor sakura, battlestar galactica (the 2004 remake also this just reminded me it’s been a while since my last rewatch *heavy breathing*), and, uh, idk, mr bean?

✏ - Random fact about yourself. - am very musically inclined. percussion instruments is my home (piano included in this, cause it’s a percussion instrument thanks)

✈️ - Where are you from? - canada, north of toronto

🚀 - Where do you wanna visit? - germany and more of canada

😍 - Do you have a crush? - lmao no

😷 - Something you hate eating? - fuck kay i’m actually a really picky eater and because i’ve been working around it for years i always forget what foods i hate. uhh. turnips?

🙈 - What makes you shy? - people, but that’s directly related to my social anxiety ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

💃 - Can you dance? - i mean, i CAN, but is it any good? no

💏 - Do you love anyone? - YEEE i love my friends and family (animals count as family)

👟 - Favorite shoe(s) to wear? - i finally got real converse and i  l o v e  t h e m

🌴 - A island you would visit? - when it comes to like, traditional island type things, that’s like, warm places, and i’m not particularly a fan of warm places. like beachy vacation places? nah fam. so like, the kinds of islands i’d want to visit would be countries like japan or ireland

🌎 - A country you would visit? - g e r m a n y

🌀 - Favorite type of weather? - fall, when the leaves aren’t green anymore and some have fallen, and it’s a little windy, and it’s the kind of temperature where you go out in the morning with a jacket, but in the afternoon don’t really need the jacket

🔮 - Do you believe in luck? - kinda?

📱 - What kinda phone do you have? - i literally just bought my roomie’s old lg g4 off him

��� - Favorite time of the year? - fuckin october because fall and SPOOP SEASON

📚 - Career goal you want? - ...lmao. one that lets me afford to adopt mature cat babes to love and care for

🍴 - Favorite food(s) to eat? i immediately wanna say indian, but i feel like it’s biased cause i’m eating it right now

🍭 - Favorite Candy? - probs sour patch kids

🍇 - Favorite fruits? - bananas? apples? kiwi?????

🚘 - Dream car(s)? - a functioning car that is one solid colour

🚔 - Have you ever been arrested? - nah but i’ve been in cahoots with the law for dumb shit

🚑 - Have you ever driven in an ambulance before? - this question is phrased weird and it’s making my brain fucky. but i’ve been taken somewhere in an ambulance before, yes

🎫 - Do you have a license? - yee i have my full driving license as well as my boating license (lol)

🚼 - Do you have or want kids? - nO only animal frens

🔞 - Are you under 18? - nah

🐶 - Do you own a pet? - ngl i don’t like the phrasing of “owning a pet” buT i do live with animal babes that are under my care :3

😔 - Something that makes you sad? - thinkin about all the animal babes at animal shelters that don’t get adopted cause they’re not babies or they’re a little broken D8

😡 - What pisses you off? - boy howdy that’s a loaded question. lets go with a nice blanket response of “the state of the world”

😏 - What turns you on? - go back to the horny one

😈 - Are you a freak? - this is a very subjective question. to normies? yeah. in the sheets? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

💪 - Do you work out? - like bimonthly when i decide i’m gonna look after myself better lol  

[vanbwi]

> Faq.

ask box.

 1. How often do you update?

Sadly, I don’t update that much. I’m studying most of the time and I also have to take care of my health. I’m also badly unmotivated and I don’t wanna force myself to write. This is a hobby and I do it for fun. If I get inspired and I have time, I’ll update or write new scenarios immediately. I do write down ideas and prompts that I’ll carry out in the future.

IM SORRY boo’s

2. Do you accept requests?

Of course! If I like the topic and I got inspired by it, I’ll do it. It’s actually a help for me to get my lazy, unmotivated ass to work. I love to hear your ideas, keep it rolling in! :p       

3. Will you be updating Glass Table Girls / Bonnie & Clyde? Or any other series?

I will update Glass Table Girls and Bonnie & Clyde, since I already planned to make it a series. But I do not know when since once again, I’m unmotivated. I’m sorry. But I'm coming up with new ideas real quick... Things just take time and school, feelings, life, basically everything is whooping my ass.   

4. Will you be making a part two of _____?

The short stories I have written, no, sadly not, there won’t be a sequel. If I do say that there will be a part two coming up since the entire story was too big to fit (that’s what she said) in one, then there will be a part two. But since it’s a one-shot and that story ends that way, you may think of what happens next tho :3       

 5. What’s your bias list in Bangtanshityeondan? 

After a few years, I have finally sorted my bias list. I'm kidding. I don't have any bias list in BTS. I love them all so fucking much, I would probably sell my soul to them directly. 

6. Which k-pop/non k-pop other groups or music to you listen to? 

Oh, god. This one is difficult because I almost listen to every genre except overrated pop from the US. Apologies. But I do have playlists that contain almost 100+ songs that I adore. I like indie and alternative, punk, rock, some metal, house, k-pop, hip-hop, rap, a little of old-school jazz, blues, and soul. + The other group that I hardcore stans and that I’m also utterly in love with is Mamamoo. 

Artists I highly recommend:

Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Arctic Monkeys

Chet Baker

Gorillaz

Radiohead

Cigarettes after sex

RADWIMPS

Chad VanGaalen

Two Feet

Yaeji

🌹

About me: Call me Van | she/her | 17

Enfp, proud pansexual!, east-asian (Thai-Chinese) 

Height: 167 cm     

My friends says that I look like a koala... So imagine that.

I write scenarios sometimes, but mostly I’m studying, reading, drawing, sleeping, eating my hearts out, crying and staring blankly into emptiness. I’m open-minded, stubborn and think way too much than I suppose. I’m a melancholic hooman and struggle with some personal issues. Also desperately trying to love myself. But I have Hobi as my sunshine so everything will be fine! 

Likes: lame puns, overdoing jokes, reading, travelling, art, architecture, dogs, sleeping, food!! - especially seafood, indie/rock music, the weeknd’s voice, contemporary dance, playing games, fashion, nature, all animals basically, spreading love, COMING UP WITH NEW IDEAS

Dislikes: meat, school, my big ass tv forehead, my panda eyebags, feelings, being tired, writers block, crying, liars, gender stereotypes, stupid/close minded people, Nazis, racist people, homophobes, (basically anyone who look down on animals, people, climate change deniers) + people who complain way too much ;c

[whereintheworldisclairerans-blog]

Heyyyyyyyy

WOW Sorry it’s been so long you guys! I’m currently sitting in my now 100% furnished and decorated apartment in Madrid, listening to the numerous buses and people talking to each other in the street in Spanish and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve been here a little more than a week now and it’s starting to feel like I’m here to stay. Just in time for me to leave again! Ha. We’ll get there though. So very much catching up to do, I don’t even know where to begin. Probably where I left off would be good, would’t it? That would be... Hamburg? I think so. 

Our direct train did, in fact, end up being a direct train *hooray*. Jordan and I were both extremely productive and sketched a plan for my apartment (which ended up being pretty accurate) and wrote out goals, aspirations, etc. After waiting outside of our AirBnb for a while because we didn’t know which doorbell to ring, we found ourselves living in the land of luxury with a.... wait for it.... KING SIZE BED. After sharing full size beds (and/or mattress on the floor or just straight up floor) for the month, it was pretty exciting to starfish out and each have plenty of room. We made our typical dinner of pasta and wine and each hung out on our respective social medias, got caught up on emails, etc. We woke up around noon the next day and decided to treat ourselves to brunch. Jordan, being the TripAdvisor master of the trip, found us the perfect little place that was a brunch BUFFET. I honestly don’t know why more brunch places at home aren’t like that. You pay for the plate and a drink and then you just pick whatever you want. You can eat and eat and eat and ITS AMAZING. After stuffing ourselves to the brim, we decided to walk it off and spent the day rambling through the city center. It was lovely because Hamburg reminded us both remarkably of Denver, just with a lot more water. There was very similar architecture and the general vibe just felt like home. It was simultaneously comforting and a little bit heartbreaking, given that I don’t know when I will be home next. *cries a little* We decided to go shopping for some warmer layers, and I mooned over a backpack in an outdoors store. Which, despite the best efforts of the salesman, I did not end up buying. We ended the afternoon in yet another gorgeous park with warm chocolate and banana crepes before walking the three miles back to our AirBnb. That night, we decided to double check the check-in time of our reservation for Berlin, hoping that we could go into the city earlier to make the most out of our time there. And it was then that we had our first and only issue with any booking or accommodation. The AirBnb host in Berlin had canceled our reservation the day after we booked it (several weeks earlier) and we were never notified. So in a scramble, we had to book another one, that ended up being way farther outside of the city and nearly twice the cost. (AirBnb has compensated me a little, but to say it was inconvenient would be an understatement). We couldn’t check into Berlin until 4pm, so we decided to hit the brunch place again the next morning and properly stuffed ourselves before getting on the train. 

And what a train ride it was. German trains are such a joke. We had become quite the pros at arriving on time, finding seats together and getting settled before departure. This time, however, the train just continued to sit there and sit there. We didn’t care, we had music and seats and that was all that mattered. Until everyone started to leave the train. We rolled our eyes, cringed and prepared for another travel day like the one from Zurich to Cologne. Luckily though, we asked the people next to us what was going on. They explained that the train route had been changed and that it was no longer going to the Berlin Central Station, but to the West Station. If we wanted to, we could run with the other 500000 people to catch a train leaving in 5 minutes, or we could stay on this one and arrive slightly later. SURPRISE we stayed on the nearly empty train, which ended up going to the central station anyways. Suckers. We did, however, get in much later than we had anticipated and we had booked tickets to this film festival that one of Jordan’s favorite bands did the score for. So we hustled to the AirBnb, dropped all of our stuff and then immediately left again to the complete opposite side of town. We followed the hipsters from the train, to the bus, to this cool set of warehouses, where we arrived half an hour late but nothing had started yet. Beers and popcorn in hand, we chatted with a super nice Spanish girl for a while before taking our seats to watch the movies. The theme for the night was on politics, with a specific focus on the nuclear bomb, so the first movie was Dr. Strangelove and the second was a documentary called The Bomb. 10/10 would recommend seeing both. It was very powerful and a cool experience. The next day was the day we had been waiting for the whole trip, the only thing that we had booked before we left, the Moderat concert! It ended up being Jordan’s big hipster day out, that started with her getting a tattoo, then some kombucha (and a coffee for me) and then we walked around the East Side Gallery (art that was done along the wall in the 90s), before heading home to get ready for the show. We had originally planned to get there early, but you all know how that goes... So we ended up arriving with the massive hoards of people getting off the train, then casually walking through a forest to get to the venue, where we promptly stood in line for two hours waiting to get in. We completely missed the opening band, and the first few songs of Moderat’s set, but it was worth it once we were in. We were able to make our way down to the front of the massive venue and danced our asses off. And then we got a snack before the looooooong trek home, where we literally squeezed into the metro with thousands of other people (where I met a very nice Spanish woman) and then onto a bus, and then a long walk back to the apartment. It didn’t matter though because we were both in incredibly good moods and it felt like we were in 7th grade again, dancing in the street and obsessing over how good the show was. 

The next day was our “historical Berlin” day, where we saw more of the wall, learned about the failed and successful escape attempts, and what life was like on the East side. From there we went to a museum called “Topography of Terror” which was quite frankly the most depressing and terrifying thing we did our whole trip and maybe in my whole life. Without getting too into it, it was a museum about how Hitler came into power, and a very thorough documentation of what he did with it. The scary part, though, was in how many parallels there were in 1930s-40s Germany and 2017 in America. Food for thought. To get ourselves even more depressed, we went to the Memorial for the Murdered Jews of Europe, which was hauntingly beautiful. Our spirits were lifted though hearing the peals of laughter coming from the small children to whom the giants stones were nothing more than a playground, something for them to play “hide and go seek” behind. We decided to treat ourselves to Asian food for dinner, and went to this beautiful restaurant, that was full of upper middle class couples and playing rather explicit rap. It was an interesting evening. Our last day in Berlin was a pretty mellow one, traveling for a month was catching up to us and we spent the day chilling in a park and in a cute little coffee shop. That night we made ourselves our last plates of pasta and wine and binged Grace and Frankie. 

AND THEN WE WERE OFF TO MADRID! A 4 hour flight and 3 metro trains later we arrived at MY APARTMENT! I cannot even begin to describe the relief that I felt at realizing that it was a real place, I hadn’t been scammed and that I really did have a place to live for the next few months. Jordan really didn’t feel well, so I left her sleeping and spent the day getting the immediate things we needed (AKA sheets and my credit card) and signing my lease. We ordered pizza to properly break in the apartment, and though it was rather loud that night in the apartment, definitely a wake up call to the fact that I voluntarily chose to live in international student housing, it has since gotten much better. The next day was the second day that we had been waiting for the entire trip - IKEA DAY! We took a half an hour long metro ride and then a 15 minute walk and loaded me up with (almost) everything I needed. It was a hilariously exhausting trip back, but we managed to carry everything that we bought in our hands, trekked back to the metro and then to my apartment. I am the kind of mover that likes to get everything done in one day, so I dragged Jordan out again and we had the BEST TIME. All that we had left to buy were hardware (screwdriver, fan, etc) and home goods (laundry detergent, trash bags), so we did some google mapping until we found what we thought was the perfect place. And then it was closed. Dejected, exhausted and done for the day, we started to make our way back home. We had passed this little store selling coffee makers and specialty coffee, and Jordan recommended that we stop in, knowing how much I need my morning fix. The guy who helped us was unbelievably friendly, and pointed us in the direction of a store two blocks away that would have everything else we needed. We went there next, to be helped by two more incredibly nice guys and got EVERYTHING. Arms full of shopping bags, we went to pick up some takeout for dinner and I realized that I had forgotten the one thing that I actually really needed, trash bags. I left Jordan with all the stuff, ran back into the shop to grab some and realized I didn’t have any cash. The machine could only do credit card transactions over $5, so the guy just let me take them and told me to just pay him tomorrow. Can you believe that?? I love this place. 

The next day, after a few more shopping adventures, we decided to tourist around a little. First stopping at Atocha (the train station) to pick up our train tickets for Barcelona the next day, then going to el Retiro (park) and around downtown to get back home. We tried to get to bed early that night because our train left at 8am the next day, but naturally only slept for about 4 hours. We dragged ourselves out of bed, managed to make it to the train station on time, and 2.5 hours later we were in Barcelona! It was incredible to be back in the city that originally made me fall in love with Spain and we headed directly for the beach, where we spent the whole day listening to the familiar anthem of “Cervezaaaaaa beer agua waaaaaater cervezaaaaa sangriaaaa.” Jordan was not a fan, but I felt completely at home. It alternated between being sunny and cloudy all day, which made it the perfect temperature for swimming and laying. I was thrilled. It was dinnertime before I knew it, and we treated ourselves to a Menu del Dia, where Jordan had her first paella, patatas bravas and crema catalana. We were so relaxed that we nearly missed our last train, but we did in fact make it back to the apartment nearly 18 hours after left. We slept hard that night, and then it was Jordan’s last day. We spent our last few hours together relaxing, packed up her things, went to the store, and then had one last dinner and gelato. I went with her to the airport, and we sat together and looked at photos to kill time before we parted ways. I fought back tears the entire way home and then was greeted by all the roommates heading up to the terrace for a free drink. I decided to join them to try to be social, but wasn’t really in the mood and after a polite amount of time went back to bed. 

I’ve spent the past couple days on my own running errands and getting settled in. I went for my first run around el Retiro, caught a gorgeous sunset along Gran Via, opened a bank account, joined a gym and am basically 100% settled in. I have a few more things to get done today, and then tomorrow I’m to Sweden for the weekend to visit Hanna! I can’t believe it, I got to see her just a few months ago in Colorado and now again! WOOO Europe is the best. 

I’ll be there until Sunday, and then will spend next week doing more exploring of Madrid and maybe taking an overnight trip somewhere (since I have two travel days left on the Eurail pass whooo whooo). I’ll try to do better keeping you all posted! 

xx

[mercurious-minds-blog]

Ditch Your Glasses And Terrible Eyesight With These 6 Eye Exercises

Your eyes aren't broken. It's your lens use and bad habits that weaken your eyes over time. And the massive hundred billion dollar optics industry loves it. They keep you in ever increasing prescriptions and tell you stories of the genetic myopia condition. 

Photo by Tan Danh from Pexels It's nonsense. Your eyes may not be perfectly healthy, but there's no need to diagnose them under unnecessary conditions. The National Eye Institute reports that “About 42 percent of Americans ages 12-54 are nearsighted, up from 25 percent in 1971. A recent review reports that myopia prevalence varies by ethnicity. East Asians show the highest prevalence, reaching 69 percent at 15 years of age. Blacks in Africa had the lowest prevalence at 5.5 percent at 15 years of age. Children from urban environments are more than twice as likely to be myopic as those from rural environments.” I think it’s no coincidence that those who are more prone to myopia are also the same ones who spend more time in front of a screen. As for the genetic aspect of myopia, science has shown that our own thoughts and actions can change our genetic makeup, and that DNA gets passed down to later generations. A generation of screen watchers begets another, more susceptible, generation of screen watchers. And it’s not just screens that cause myopia. Holding anything close to your face, such as a book, places a certain strain on your eyes and trains them to stay that way. It works the same for farsightedness as well. If you suffer from poor eyesight, you've probably been told that you need to wear either glasses or contact lenses or to save up for expensive lasik surgery. Improving your sight by exercising your eyes might seem pretty unbelievable but a number of ophthalmologists believe that certain exercises may indeed keep your eyes in better shape. These findings are nothing new. In fact, evidence of these claims have been around for almost 100 years! But sadly, because it would greatly affect the optics industry, major studies have never been done.

The Man Who Introduced Eye Exercising

Back in the 1920s, Dr. William Bates, a New York ophthalmologist determined that if eyes responded to glasses by getting weaker, the muscles around the eyes were the key factor in poor vision. He found that a tremendous amount of muscular tension builds up in and around the eyes, causing problems with their ability to see. So, he developed a series of eye exercises to relax those muscles in order to release tension and restore circulation to help improve the eyes’ functioning.  The three fundamental eye exercises from the Bates Method are "sunning", which involves shining the sun or a full spectrum light on closed eyes; "palming", which is covering the eyes with your palms, and massaging them gently; and "swinging", which is keeping your eyes focused on an object as you turn your head back and forth from left to right. Since then, there have been many other eye exercises developed that are very easy to implement at any time.

Eye Exercises Are Becoming More Popular

Conditions such as astigmatism, far and nearsightedness, as well as weakening sight, have been improved and sometimes cured by the Bates Method, and some clinical trials appear to prove its effectiveness. At the time, eye exercises were a highly controversial idea, and it still is. Mainstream optometrists widely disapprove, but tens of thousands of people swear by using the Bates Method. By learning to relax their optic muscles, people can improve their eyesight. When you think about it, it’s unbelievable that more studies on this haven’t been done. Lately, though, Bates’ ideas have been receiving unexpected confirmation from scientists who are studying neuroplasticity—a branch of neuroscience that is developing from an understanding that the brain is capable of self-repair and healing, more than we ever thought possible. Psychiatrist Norman Doidge, a neuroplasticity expert, writes: “The natural vision principles behind what did can be applied far more widely than is done now, from the milder problems of those who have blurry vision to more serious ones, and to prevent future vision problems.” He continues on by saying, “Exploring the Bates Vision Method, David Webber discovered the work of Meir Schneider. Schneider, born with vision issues, also had failed surgeries and vision of 20/2000. But working with the Bates method up to 13 hours a day, he eventually brought his vision to 20/60. I hope you caught that: 13 HOURS A DAY. Schneider decided to develop his own approach to restoring vision which is highly influenced by Bates’ work.”

Behavioral Optometry

Some of the key principles of eye exercising are being more and more accepted by mainstream eye care. The idea that the eyes need care and stress relief just as the rest of the body has been developed as a part of a discipline called behavioral optometry. Within this practice, eyesight is considered to be an indivisible part of the whole being and therefore influenced by our behaviour, environment, stress and the cognitive functioning between eyes and brain. Vision links with the other senses. Balance, spatial perception, and mismatches in seeing and hearing can all lead to distortion and mixed signals between the eyes and brain. Behavioral optometry uses visual therapy to fix issues like insufficient focusing, for instance in squinting. You can also help boost your eye exercises by using supplements designed for eyes. Most include extracts such as marigold, bilberry, gingko, and eyebright, in addition to antioxidants and vitamins and minerals such as A, C, E, lutein, and zinc. amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mercuriousmin-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "eye supplements"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "dab3cd9330efa1b9ebd5d61221a7199d";

6 Eye Exercises You Can Do Anywhere

1. Eye Circles

Eye circles will help tone and stretch your eyes' muscles. Slowly move your eyes in a clockwise direction 20 times. Make as wide a circle as you are can. Relax for 10 seconds and repeat in a counterclockwise direction. Do this exercise a few times throughout the day. If having your eyes open for this exercise is too uncomfortable, you can opt to close your eyes.

2. Zooming

Focus exercises can help strengthen your eyes. Hold a pen upright or simply use a thumbs up motion and straighten your arm in front of your body. Focus your eyes on the tip of your thumb or pen. Focus for 10 seconds. Slowly bring the pen towards your nose while gazing at the tip. Hold this position for 10 seconds. Slowly extend your arm again while focusing your eyes on the tip and repeat the process three times. Try to blink as little as possible. Relax your eyes and repeat throughout the day.

3. Face Focus

Lower your eyes and gaze at the tip of your nose and hold this position for 15 seconds. Do not blink. Slowly return your eyes to the original position. Close your eyes and relax for 20 seconds. Open your eyes and look up at your eyebrows for 15 seconds. Return your eyes to the original position. Close your eyes and relax for another 20 seconds. Repeat this exercise throughout the day.

4. Eye Squeezes

Squeezing will strengthen and stretch your eye muscles. Tightly contract your eye muscles by closing and squeezing your eyes together. Hold this tension for 4 seconds. Open your eyes. Quickly blink your eyes a few times. Relax for 5 seconds and repeat. Do this exercise throughout the day.

5. Up and Downs

Strengthen your eye muscles by doing up and down maneuvers. Look up at the ceiling a few feet in front of you and hold for 5 seconds. Return your eyes to the straight-ahead position. Relax for 6 seconds. Move your eyes to look down at the floor a few feet in front of you and hold for 5 more seconds. Return your eyes to the original position. Blink quickly to relax your eyes. Repeat this exercise throughout the day.

6. Figure 8 

Practice controlling the movement of your eyes. Imagine a giant figure eight right in front of you and trace the figure eight with your eyes, slowly. Trace it one way for about 30 seconds and then relax your eyes for 15 seconds. Trace the opposite way for another 30 seconds. Relax and repeat throughout the day. Read the full article

[365footballorg-blog]

Inside the deal on the day Man City changed the football landscape

Media playback is not supported on this device

It was the deal that changed Manchester City, the Premier League and the football landscape forever.

On 1 September 2008, Sheikh Mansour Bin Zayed Al Nahyan’s Abu Dhabi United Group agreed a deal to take over City.

Ten years earlier they had been in the third tier of English football. With that deal, City became the richest club in the world and had the money to buy the very best footballing talent on the planet. A decade on they have spent more than £1.4bn on players, won three Premier League titles and become established as one of Europe’s superpowers.

This is the story, from those who were there, of the most significant summer in English football…

Summer 2008 – ‘Chaos’

In August 2008, after his wife Pojaman’s conviction for fraud, Thaksin Shinawatra jumped bail in his native Thailand and fled to Britain. At the time it was estimated Shinawatra had £1bn-worth of assets frozen, plunging his ownership of Manchester City into chaos. City had finished the previous season with an 8-1 defeat at Middlesbrough, with manager Sven-Goran Eriksson replaced by Mark Hughes. Chief executive Garry Cook led the search for a solution.[1]

Garry Cook, who was appointed chief executive in May 2008: “There was chaos. Everybody was clinging to the wreckage. There wasn’t a lot of hope and it was born out of the fact that financially, we were almost out of business.

“We couldn’t pay the bills. We couldn’t pay the wages. Money was frozen. It was a desperate situation and faced with that, you borrow money from wherever you can. We were borrowing from board members. It was not a plan to run a football club. It was one of survival.

“Finding partial investment was not an option. Someone had to take over the club 100%. Good fortune is always a major factor in situations like these and Abu Dhabi United Group were in the market for a football club.

“The dream we sold to them was more than just buying 24 footballers. It was about buying the opportunity to create something rather special.

“We didn’t realise, as a group, the gravity of what was about to happen and the levels it would go to.”

Timeline of a transformation [2]

‘You can give money to all kinds of people’ – Man City chief on spending, players & European success[3]

22 August 2008

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Belgium international Vincent Kompany signs from Hamburg, originally joining as a midfielder, he has gone on to establish himself as one of the Premier League’s greatest defenders and to this day he remains the club’s captain.

Vincent Kompany: “I wasn’t aware [of the planned takeover when I joined]. Like every player who signs for a new club I was told about big plans and big projects and them needing me to complete the project. You listen and you never believe. I was lucky, the guys came in, took over the club and held onto every single promise.”

1 September 2008 – ‘Complete relief’

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Abu Dhabi United Group agree a deal to buy City from Shinawatra and the takeover was officially completed on 23 September.[4][5]

Cook: “The feeling we had when we knew there was a deal was one of complete relief. Relief that we were going to go through change, relief that we wouldn’t have to look back to where we were, relief that we were going to be able to maintain our financial well-being.

“At that stage, the agreement was all on one piece of paper. The irony was that as part of it we took a loan from the prospective owners to allow us to buy a single player in order to state the ambition of what was coming. That was Robinho.”

Former defender Nedum Onuoha: “The takeover was a shock in itself, it was insane. Out of nowhere, we were getting called the richest club in football. It was a shock not just to the players, but the whole football world, it was such a big statement at that time.”

Kompany: “There were a lot of east Asian people at the club. From one day to another, no-one was there anymore. You wonder who is going to be running the club. Next thing it is transfer deadline day, talk of transfers and Robinho coming in. Before you know it, he is sat next to us in the dressing room. Then we knew ‘this is serious’.

1 September 2008 – ‘I couldn’t believe Robinho was my new team-mate’

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City are linked to Tottenham striker Dimitar Berbatov, but he joins Manchester United. But in the final hours of deadline day on 1 September, City break the British transfer record by signing Brazilian forward Robinho from Real Madrid for £32.5m.

Cook: “We had the capital to go out and get a player, but we only had 24 hours. We had to really go through this ridiculous facade because if we didn’t get the player, the ownership might not take over. It was all very precarious. All a little bit storybook.

“We were making offers for players that were outrageous, unbelievable and made no sense. But we had to try and fulfil the obligation of the incoming owner, which was, get me a marquee player. Robinho was that guy.

“One thing I do remember about that day was the reaction of the fans. It was like they had this weight lifted off their shoulders.”

Onuoha: “I will never forget being in my house watching deadline day on TV and there was breaking news that Robinho had signed for City – it felt like an out of body experience. I looked at it and thought ‘there is no way Robinho has signed’ and then I realised ‘I play for City and Robinho is a new team-mate’.

“I thought ‘wow I will go into work tomorrow and someone who I just watched play for Real Madrid, is now going to be put on the blue of Manchester City and that is incredible.’

“That transfer took the club to a whole new level that they had not been at in Premier League history. This is someone who has now made the step from Real to come to the Premier League, at this club. It was totally surreal, the first sort of big statement.

“Of course he is just a human being, but he was the first real Galactico at the club, as much as didn’t want to, we looked at him differently to everybody else. Not know which direction the club was going in, but knew if people like him were at the front, it would be a very serious place to be.

“The atmosphere and vibe completely changed in the team. It had always been a good place to be, but now it became exciting. The squad had a jewel added to it, that you’d never thought you’d see.”

Kompany: “It was surreal because it was so out of proportion. A superstar was landing at a club where they didn’t see a superstar at their prime for a long time. It hit home to everyone that the pressure was on to do well and succeed.”

Groundsman Lee Jackson: “Someone came knocking on my office door and said we had bid £30m for Berbatov, I thought hold on, we have just paid £6m for Vincent Kompany, we have not got £30m. All of a sudden Garry Cook is in Madrid signing someone called Robinho, being a City fan, I had no knowledge of European football for obvious reasons, so I had to look up who he was.”

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‘I wonder if Kaka has any regrets?’

In January 2009, the first transfer window after the takeover, City failed in a £100m move for Brazil and AC Milan star Kaka. But later that year they would sign Carlos Tevez from Manchester United. City erected a blue ‘Welcome to Manchester’ sign featuring Tevez , which prompted Ferguson to brand them United’s ‘noisy neighbour.’ The summer after they signed Yaya Toure and David Silva and in 2011 Sergio Aguero arrived.

Cook: “All of a sudden, people were paying attention to Manchester City. Everybody wanted to hear about it. We weren’t used to that. Initially, we were voicing our intentions a bit too loudly. We needed to calm ourselves down.

“But there is a pace at which you should normally proceed and we did not have that luxury. The ambition that needed to be executed quickly. We wanted the best football team on the pitch and executive team off it. We wanted the best facilities and infrastructure.

“[In January 2009], we went for Kaka, which was another declaration of our ambition. But our audacity made people sit up and think ‘that’s not right’. We started to be used as a tool players could use to renegotiate their own contracts. I wonder if Kaka took the time back, whether he would look at the situation differently and joined Manchester City?

“Robinho was a moment. Carlos Tevez was a moment. But we changed the face of the football club when we signed David Silva and Yaya Toure in 2010.”

A decade later – ‘Kids wear City shirts with pride’

City, boasting some of the world’s best players, have won three Premier League titles, the FA Cup and three League Cups and reached the semi-finals of the Champions League. In 2017-18, Pep Guardiola’s side set a Premier League record number of goals, point and wins. A £200m state-of-the-art academy has been built and the owners have invested millions in the surrounding areas of the stadium.

Cook: “There is pride in the knowledge we never forgot where we came from. As Ferguson said, we were a little noisy in our ambition. But we were a club rooted in our community.

“The employees were rooted in the football club. Mike Summerbee, Colin Bell and Francis Lee were ambassadors. You want to take the history and heritage of 100 years, keep it, cherish it and hold on to it. But you also want to look forward and make change with the aim of being successful and sustainable over the long term.

“The thing is, there is no finish line in football club ownership. Ten years ago, kids wouldn’t wear the City shirt amongst their peers because they didn’t feel proud. Now people around the world wear the City shirt with a lot of pride.”

Kompany: “It is easy to track it [the differences from before the takeover] with the programme and the infrastructure. We already had a state-of-the-art stadium. It was a club with a lot of history – it was a big club already, but it did not have a big club mentality. It had lost it somewhere along the road.

“The progress was tremendous. We always had the basics, but from one day to the other we had a ‘no excuse’ environment. Everything was there to allow us to focus on our football and to be successful.”

Onuoha: “Only a year or two years after [the takeover] we started talking about Champions League. When I made my debut we finished in the top 10 and that was a good season, the next year we only just stayed up. This was a change in mindset and direction.

“It was about 10 years before, I was at Wembley when we beat Gillingham in the old Division Two play-off final, I was one of those watching who walked out when we were losing. Then 10 years later we get bought and 10 years later than that, we set a record points haul in the Premier League.

“It is ridiculous when you think about it like that, credit to those who had the vision of turning the club into what it is today.”

Further coverage on the takeover across the BBC Radio 5 live from 11:00 BST on Saturday, 1 September Football Focus, BBC One, 12:00-13:00 BST Saturday, 1 September BBC Radio Manchester, Monday, 3 September, 18:00 BST

References

^ Thaksin Shinawatra (www.bbc.co.uk)

^ Timeline of a transformation (www.bbc.co.uk)

^ ‘You can give money to all kinds of people’ – Man City chief on spending, players & European success (www.bbc.co.uk)

^ agree a deal (news.bbc.co.uk)

^ officially completed (news.bbc.co.uk)

BBC Sport – Football

Inside the deal on the day Man City changed the football landscape was originally published on 365 Football

[arielyinyeeyapsresearchjour-blog]

Research Reflection 7: Post Research Scope Visit

Hi everyone! I am back in lovely Melbourne, sitting here in the quiet thinking and gathering my thoughts over the last few days since my return from the Penang -Singapore leg. Lots to think about, lots of researchers, practitioners and academics (or former academics) met, lots of discussions and advice provided, and most importantly -in keeping with the theme of my archival research a lot was revealed and indicated to me during my trip to the National Archives of Singapore (NAS). 

(Disclaimer: This is not an excuse but I did not feel comfortable or mentally ready / prepared to write and reflect ‘openly’ during my time in Singapore as I was overtly aware of surveillance and notions (or rather cautions) of ‘being watched. Note to self: to aim for reflection every Friday)

1. National Archives of Singapore

This trip was not as productive and access was not as open as I’d hoped. It was a very different experience from the British National Archives (BNA). Protection of data appeared to be on a whole other level. In the BNA, the documents were protected but a sense was given to the readers (or researchers) that reading, access and visual documentation (e.g. taking pictures) were allowed and even encouraged as staff did their best to facilitate this. This was the inverse in the NAS. To start with more than half the documents I requested on the first day were listed but ‘unable to be accessed’ as they required ‘additional clearance from respective governmental agencies’ (it was mostly the MHA for mine). I was then asked to put a request and sign forms that declared my research topic, title, projected end date, intentions with publications and encouraged to disclose how I would use the data provided in NAS in my research / publications. It was almost implicit that the state wished to vet drafts of my publication for their ‘approval’ or ‘copywrite’ actions may be taken as a result of my use of their data. 

The second thing I noted and took issue with was the hyper-surveillance state the archives were in. Singapore has already been classified a ‘police’ state and ‘surveillance state’ by several social and political commentators / journalists. This evidence of this in its social and cultural fabric is reflected in ‘equal’ form in the physical environment with CCTVs, videos surveillance live feeds, signs that security and video surveillance is being conducted on explicit display and security desks at every train, building and residential flat entry and exit, lifts, stairwells etc. This was taken to a whole other level as i felt ‘watched’ in this ‘panoptic’-like room where researchers were asked to sit in with data being loaded on to provided laptops and desktops for viewing. The room was circular and in the middle of the library floor with glass windows / doors and swipe access was only provided to staff. There were also cameras at each section of the room. The data I requested for was loaded on to two special laptops on a separate desk on the room. No laptops, no cameras or any recording / digital devices were allowed there. Just a pencil and notepad. Archivists also checked in on me to encourage me to inform them how I might use the data. There was also a one-hour restriction for viewing each file -they ranged from 100+ to 300+ pages long. 

The final nail in this coffin that ‘seals’ the data access ‘doorway’ would be the constant disclaimer of copywrite and licensing issues that protects the data. Almost indicating that ‘even if you manage to get a hold of this data / information, you would not be protected and able to use this due to tightening legal discourse’ 

I spent a total of 3 days in NAS (perhaps two full days to be precise) as most of my visits did not last long and were brief due to all the events described above. The trip ended with me cancelling my requests for documents that required ‘additional clearance’ from respective governmental agencies.

On a more personal, I have to say I do not hold any of this against any staff members in the archives as they were merely doing their jobs and did their best to assist me. Another governmental official I met with told me in passing that ‘no one is willing to put their head on the chopping board for you, unless something else is guaranteed here.’ And I am afraid whatever that bargaining power might be, I am unable to offer almost none of it at this stage. 

2. Research meetings in Singapore

Fortunately, my schedule cleared up due to the inability to access data. This provided me with more time to take up meetings in Singapore with respective academics, researchers, officials and stakeholders. My meetings were largely supportive, productive and informative. I have been inspired and encouraged to pursue my project albeit with some well-intended and well-founded advice from experience scholars about possible revisions I am considering to make to:

1. Timeline

2. Scope

3. Data -interviews or archives? 

4. ‘Pains’ and ‘strength’

The third is still and I suspect will be an ongoing struggle for myself over the next three years as I decide whether to rely on documentary analysis or interview data for my thesis. I am currently going back and forth between this, and deliberating and consulting this with my supervisors.

Pains and strength are the other considerations I have to make throughout this journey -even after my thesis is done, especially as I consider what to do with this project. I can think of no better way to summarise this than the quotes that still resound in my head after two notable individuals have mentioned this to me as they took the time to mentor me and advice me on this project and my career. 

“We need good-hearted and well-intending scholars to pursue this and produce such knowledge. This is not a question for you, my question is whether you are strong enough to keep swimming against the current, this tide that will keep coming for you in already uncertain waters.”

“My question for you are not so much about this project -we can always keep talking about this throughout -you have our support. What is more important is Why are you doing this? What are your goals? And how much Pain are you willing to endure?” (This individual says this in the context of their own pain endured publicly and socially on many levels as their integrity was brought to question by people in power. They took it upon themselves too warn me, speak to me and make me aware of the pains in my future that not just myself, but my family has to endure should I continue to see this through)

My response: This is not about me or my pain, my goals are to assist in social justice and telling stories that need to be heard and speaking through my (sadly more privileged space) in hopes that redress can be provided to individuals who have endured immense amount of suffering under structures of power, some of whom still feel rendered helpless and live in anguish even after ‘release’. Freedom here, is now shifted to being this ‘state of mind’,  one that may not be achievable for many -even if they were not directly impacted.

3. South-East Asian Scholars not Scholars in the ‘South’ (colour, culture, and race)

This summarises conversations I had with ‘other’ scholars I met  in Penang. We bonded on ‘solidarity’ that we are people of colour in this field. These scholars (who now kindly call themselves my colleagues, peers and friends ) were / are inspiring as they continue to pave the way in friendly criticisms of theories such as the global south that are still problematic as they stem from an undeniably privileged, ‘white’ perspective. They encouraged me to look for not just Asian, but South-East Asian scholarship that is applicable and speaks to structures of power within social, political and cultural contexts. This is a point and a struggle that I have been making and it was good to hear that and speak to them about this, and be made aware of such scholarship in Malaysia, as I have often spoken about (possibly written about) my ability to represent these ‘truths’, especially coming from a ‘western’ educational background / perspective. I have been sent some readings and found some good scholarship around this (although not all of it is translated - my colleagues are now assisting me in obtaining translated readings and manuscripts). I am hopeful that I will be able to integrate this into my thesis in time for confirmation.

[fishermariawo]

How to Do Keto As a Vegetarian—And a Giveaway

This is one of the most common queries I receive: How do I go keto as a vegetarian?

One way to go keto as a vegetarian is to stop being vegetarian. You begin as a vegetarian, make the conscious decision to go keto, and then cease vegetarianism. Seriously, just try it out. A little animal won’t hurt you. Promise.

Okay, jokes aside: How do you go keto while remaining vegetarian?

Once you let the dust settle and consider the proposition with a calm, clear mind, going keto as a vegetarian isn’t all that outlandish.

Most low-carb diets are hard to do as a vegetarian because protein is a big component, and quality protein is harder to obtain without meat in your diet. The focus of keto is carbs and fat—less of the former, more of the latter—and not so much the protein. There are plenty of ways to reduce carbs and increase fat while remaining vegetarian, and if you keep a few things in mind, you actually have a lot of freedom. More than you’d think.

Here’s what you should keep in mind when constructing your diet. After this, everything else is gravy.

Eat Eggs

This is pretty non-negotiable, at least if you’re trying to optimize your keto vegetarian diet.

Eggs provide long chain omega-3 fatty acids. You have to choose the right eggs, of course. Your average battery-farmed corn-and-soy-fed chickens won’t produce omega-3-rich eggs. If you’re lucky, they’ll have some ALA. But for the animal-based omega-3s that we truly need, you must eat pastured eggs or eggs from chickens on a special diet designed to boost levels of long chain omega-3s.

Eggs provide potent animal protein. I know I just said that protein isn’t a big concern on keto. But you still need a solid source of animal protein, and egg protein is one of the most bioavailable ones in existence.

Eggs provide choline. Our livers go through a lot of choline when they metabolize fats, and you’re going to be metabolizing a lot of fat. Without enough choline, we run the risk of developing fatty liver disease and compromising overall liver function.

Eggs provide vitamin B12. Five average grocery store eggs net you over 100% of the RDA.

Eggs provide retinol. Retinol is the animal-based type of vitamin A that our bodies use far more readily than plant-based vitamin A.

Look for “Super Eggs.” Sometimes Whole Foods carries a brand of egg called the Super Egg. Laid by chickens fed a special diet that includes algae, fish, and specific minerals, each egg has 125 mg of DHA (4.3x a normal egg), 250 IU of vitamin D (6x), 4.7 IU of vitamin E (6x), 378 mcg of lutein and zeaxanthin (1.5x), 1.2 mcg of B12 (2.5x), 185 mg of choline, 20 mcg of selenium (1.25x), 0.8 mg of zinc, and 35 mcg of folate. They taste great and make staying nourished on a vegetarian keto diet much easier.

Find the Dairy That Works For You

Some folks simply can’t eat any type of dairy. Okay. But make sure that’s the case and you’re not just exercising a preference. In populations without traditional access to dairy in whom adult genetic tolerance of dairy never developed, vegetarianism was absent. East Asians, Southeast Asians, most of Africa and the Americas—they were not vegetarians. Then, consider the most successful vegetarian cultures, like in India. Dairy plays a major and constant role in their diet. From yogurts to cheeses to milk to cream, they probably wouldn’t have been successful vegetarians without it.

It’s easy to understand why. Dairy is a reliable, delicious source of healthy fatty acids like conjugated linoleic acid, important minerals like calcium, and bioavailable protein like whey. Ferment your dairy and you introduce probiotics, lower the lactose, and create novel nutrients like vitamin K2. Dairy is the perfect accompaniment to a keto diet.

If you have no issue with dairy, great. Go wild. Make it a significant part of your diet. If you do have legitimate issues with dairy, figure out what kind of dairy you can consume. Most people can get away with fermented dairy, like yogurt and kefir, and hard, aged cheeses, like pecorino romano, aged gouda, and parmigiano reggiano.

Take creatine, carnosine, and taurine. These are micronutrients found only in meat.

Creatine monohydrate: It’s cheap. It works. And it’ll help you perform many of the physiological tasks creatine does in us meat eaters, like increasing muscle power and enabling cognitive function. For a nice overview of what creatine does in addition to boosting gym performance, check out Chris Masterjohn’s recent podcast.

Carnosine: Vegans and vegetarians tend to have lower levels of carnosine. You may not like meat, but you probably like muscle endurance and brain antioxidants . This is a good one.

Taurine: Another one that only appears in animal foods, taurine appears to play an under-appreciated role in preventing heart disease and death. Worth including.

Take niacin and thiamine. These are really hard to obtain without eating starches or animals or a ton of seeds. The top sources of thiamine are trout, pork, sunflower seeds (huge omega-6 hit to get the required amount), and beans. Top niacin sources are pork, poultry, fish, liver, peanuts (but you’d need to eat about a cup), sunflower seeds, and beef. Not exactly vegetarian keto friendly unless you love omega-6.

Eat mushrooms. Everyone should be eating mushrooms, perhaps even patients with depression. But they become crucial for keto vegetarians because they’re the best non-animal, non-starch, non-omega-6-rich seed/nut source of niacin. A couple cups of grilled portobello mushrooms gets you 76% of your daily requirement of the vitamin. Other mushrooms aren’t far behind.

Take algal oil if you’re not getting good eggs high in omega-3s. Good eggs will provide long chain omega 3 fatty acids. So will algal oil, which offers both EPA and DHA.

Consider eating oysters and other shellfish. This is a big stretch for most ethical vegetarians, but I don’t think it has to be. First, oysters aren’t motile, meaning they don’t move to escape danger. This indicates that they probably don’t feel pain, since pain is a costly physiological mechanism that only arises or is preserved in organisms who can respond to it by leaving the scene. Second, oyster farming is ethical and has very little impact on the environment. An oyster farm is pretty much identical to an oyster’s natural environment. If you can stomach a few oysters, you’ll get a fantastic source of vitamin B12 and other B vitamins, iron, zinc, copper, selenium, and even omega-3s.

What Might This Look Like?

Here’s a sample day of keto vegetarian food. This is just one example.

9 eggs

Cup of full-fat Greek Yogurt

2 ounces Pecorino romano cheese

Ounce of almonds

Ounce of mac nuts

2 Brazil nuts

4 cups of raw spinach

2 TB avocado oil

1 TB butter

5 green olives

That gets you 1981 calories, 109 g protein, 31 g carbohydrate (10 g fiber), 158 g fat with most of your micronutrients, except for the ones mentioned above (thiamine/B1, niacin/B3). You could easily add in a couple TBs of raw potato starch or a fully green (unripe) banana for some more fermentable substrate for your gut bugs. If you’re willing to give it a shot, you could throw in a few small oysters and take care of all your zinc, selenium, copper, and most of your iron requirements. I think you get the idea, though.

Eat enough eggs to give you adequate protein and micronutrients. Choose the best eggs you can find, as they’re the backbone.

Eat some dairy that you can tolerate, focusing on fermented stuff (which digests the lactose and provides additional benefits) like yogurt, kefir, and hard cheeses.

Eat non-starchy veggies with plenty of healthy fat in the form of dressings, mayo, avocado/olive oil, nuts/seeds, cheese, avocados.

Have a Big Ass Salad every day, which makes getting all your nutrients really easy. This is my latest favorite.

Going keto as a vegetarian isn’t that hard. And if you take my advice to heart, you won’t even miss out on any major nutrients.

Now For the Giveaway…

Today I’m choosing one random commenter to win a Primal Kitchen® Advanced Keto Kit. It’s the perfect compliment to anyone’s keto plan—vegetarian or not.

With five delicious dressings, you’ll have all the tasty variety and healthy fat you’ll need for your daily Big-Ass Salads as well as inspiration for marinades of all kinds. Both Primal Kitchen mayos are outstanding dips for veggies and can help you whip up some comfort food favorites. Finally, Extra Virgin Avocado Oil lets you create your own sauce and dressing accompaniments to both cooked and fresh Primal meals.

Today I’d like to hear your questions on anything kitchen related. Are there kitchen tips you’d like? Suggestions for kitchen gadgetry? Other Primal cooking or shopping inquiries? Product questions?

Be sure to post your comment here before midnight tonight (1/10/18 PST) to be eligible.

Good luck, everyone!

Now let’s hear from you. If you have any other comments or questions about going keto as a vegetarian, let me know down below.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Take care.

Want to make fat loss easier? Try the Definitive Guide for Troubleshooting Weight Loss for free here.

[cristinajourdanqp]

How to Do Keto As a Vegetarian—And a Giveaway

This is one of the most common queries I receive: How do I go keto as a vegetarian?

One way to go keto as a vegetarian is to stop being vegetarian. You begin as a vegetarian, make the conscious decision to go keto, and then cease vegetarianism. Seriously, just try it out. A little animal won’t hurt you. Promise.

Okay, jokes aside: How do you go keto while remaining vegetarian?

Once you let the dust settle and consider the proposition with a calm, clear mind, going keto as a vegetarian isn’t all that outlandish.

Most low-carb diets are hard to do as a vegetarian because protein is a big component, and quality protein is harder to obtain without meat in your diet. The focus of keto is carbs and fat—less of the former, more of the latter—and not so much the protein. There are plenty of ways to reduce carbs and increase fat while remaining vegetarian, and if you keep a few things in mind, you actually have a lot of freedom. More than you’d think.

Here’s what you should keep in mind when constructing your diet. After this, everything else is gravy.

Eat Eggs

This is pretty non-negotiable, at least if you’re trying to optimize your keto vegetarian diet.

Eggs provide long chain omega-3 fatty acids. You have to choose the right eggs, of course. Your average battery-farmed corn-and-soy-fed chickens won’t produce omega-3-rich eggs. If you’re lucky, they’ll have some ALA. But for the animal-based omega-3s that we truly need, you must eat pastured eggs or eggs from chickens on a special diet designed to boost levels of long chain omega-3s.

Eggs provide potent animal protein. I know I just said that protein isn’t a big concern on keto. But you still need a solid source of animal protein, and egg protein is one of the most bioavailable ones in existence.

Eggs provide choline. Our livers go through a lot of choline when they metabolize fats, and you’re going to be metabolizing a lot of fat. Without enough choline, we run the risk of developing fatty liver disease and compromising overall liver function.

Eggs provide vitamin B12. Five average grocery store eggs net you over 100% of the RDA.

Eggs provide retinol. Retinol is the animal-based type of vitamin A that our bodies use far more readily than plant-based vitamin A.

Look for “Super Eggs.” Sometimes Whole Foods carries a brand of egg called the Super Egg. Laid by chickens fed a special diet that includes algae, fish, and specific minerals, each egg has 125 mg of DHA (4.3x a normal egg), 250 IU of vitamin D (6x), 4.7 IU of vitamin E (6x), 378 mcg of lutein and zeaxanthin (1.5x), 1.2 mcg of B12 (2.5x), 185 mg of choline, 20 mcg of selenium (1.25x), 0.8 mg of zinc, and 35 mcg of folate. They taste great and make staying nourished on a vegetarian keto diet much easier.

Find the Dairy That Works For You

Some folks simply can’t eat any type of dairy. Okay. But make sure that’s the case and you’re not just exercising a preference. In populations without traditional access to dairy in whom adult genetic tolerance of dairy never developed, vegetarianism was absent. East Asians, Southeast Asians, most of Africa and the Americas—they were not vegetarians. Then, consider the most successful vegetarian cultures, like in India. Dairy plays a major and constant role in their diet. From yogurts to cheeses to milk to cream, they probably wouldn’t have been successful vegetarians without it.

It’s easy to understand why. Dairy is a reliable, delicious source of healthy fatty acids like conjugated linoleic acid, important minerals like calcium, and bioavailable protein like whey. Ferment your dairy and you introduce probiotics, lower the lactose, and create novel nutrients like vitamin K2. Dairy is the perfect accompaniment to a keto diet.

If you have no issue with dairy, great. Go wild. Make it a significant part of your diet. If you do have legitimate issues with dairy, figure out what kind of dairy you can consume. Most people can get away with fermented dairy, like yogurt and kefir, and hard, aged cheeses, like pecorino romano, aged gouda, and parmigiano reggiano.

Take creatine, carnosine, and taurine. These are micronutrients found only in meat.

Creatine monohydrate: It’s cheap. It works. And it’ll help you perform many of the physiological tasks creatine does in us meat eaters, like increasing muscle power and enabling cognitive function. For a nice overview of what creatine does in addition to boosting gym performance, check out Chris Masterjohn’s recent podcast.

Carnosine: Vegans and vegetarians tend to have lower levels of carnosine. You may not like meat, but you probably like muscle endurance and brain antioxidants . This is a good one.

Taurine: Another one that only appears in animal foods, taurine appears to play an under-appreciated role in preventing heart disease and death. Worth including.

Take niacin and thiamine. These are really hard to obtain without eating starches or animals or a ton of seeds. The top sources of thiamine are trout, pork, sunflower seeds (huge omega-6 hit to get the required amount), and beans. Top niacin sources are pork, poultry, fish, liver, peanuts (but you’d need to eat about a cup), sunflower seeds, and beef. Not exactly vegetarian keto friendly unless you love omega-6.

Eat mushrooms. Everyone should be eating mushrooms, perhaps even patients with depression. But they become crucial for keto vegetarians because they’re the best non-animal, non-starch, non-omega-6-rich seed/nut source of niacin. A couple cups of grilled portobello mushrooms gets you 76% of your daily requirement of the vitamin. Other mushrooms aren’t far behind.

Take algal oil if you’re not getting good eggs high in omega-3s. Good eggs will provide long chain omega 3 fatty acids. So will algal oil, which offers both EPA and DHA.

Consider eating oysters and other shellfish. This is a big stretch for most ethical vegetarians, but I don’t think it has to be. First, oysters aren’t motile, meaning they don’t move to escape danger. This indicates that they probably don’t feel pain, since pain is a costly physiological mechanism that only arises or is preserved in organisms who can respond to it by leaving the scene. Second, oyster farming is ethical and has very little impact on the environment. An oyster farm is pretty much identical to an oyster’s natural environment. If you can stomach a few oysters, you’ll get a fantastic source of vitamin B12 and other B vitamins, iron, zinc, copper, selenium, and even omega-3s.

What Might This Look Like?

Here’s a sample day of keto vegetarian food. This is just one example.

9 eggs

Cup of full-fat Greek Yogurt

2 ounces Pecorino romano cheese

Ounce of almonds

Ounce of mac nuts

2 Brazil nuts

4 cups of raw spinach

2 TB avocado oil

1 TB butter

5 green olives

That gets you 1981 calories, 109 g protein, 31 g carbohydrate (10 g fiber), 158 g fat with most of your micronutrients, except for the ones mentioned above (thiamine/B1, niacin/B3). You could easily add in a couple TBs of raw potato starch or a fully green (unripe) banana for some more fermentable substrate for your gut bugs. If you’re willing to give it a shot, you could throw in a few small oysters and take care of all your zinc, selenium, copper, and most of your iron requirements. I think you get the idea, though.

Eat enough eggs to give you adequate protein and micronutrients. Choose the best eggs you can find, as they’re the backbone.

Eat some dairy that you can tolerate, focusing on fermented stuff (which digests the lactose and provides additional benefits) like yogurt, kefir, and hard cheeses.

Eat non-starchy veggies with plenty of healthy fat in the form of dressings, mayo, avocado/olive oil, nuts/seeds, cheese, avocados.

Have a Big Ass Salad every day, which makes getting all your nutrients really easy. This is my latest favorite.

Going keto as a vegetarian isn’t that hard. And if you take my advice to heart, you won’t even miss out on any major nutrients.

Now For the Giveaway…

Today I’m choosing one random commenter to win a Primal Kitchen® Advanced Keto Kit. It’s the perfect compliment to anyone’s keto plan—vegetarian or not.

With five delicious dressings, you’ll have all the tasty variety and healthy fat you’ll need for your daily Big-Ass Salads as well as inspiration for marinades of all kinds. Both Primal Kitchen mayos are outstanding dips for veggies and can help you whip up some comfort food favorites. Finally, Extra Virgin Avocado Oil lets you create your own sauce and dressing accompaniments to both cooked and fresh Primal meals.

Today I’d like to hear your questions on anything kitchen related. Are there kitchen tips you’d like? Suggestions for kitchen gadgetry? Other Primal cooking or shopping inquiries? Product questions?

Be sure to post your comment here before midnight tonight (1/10/18 PST) to be eligible.

Good luck, everyone!

Now let’s hear from you. If you have any other comments or questions about going keto as a vegetarian, let me know down below.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Take care.

Want to make fat loss easier? Try the Definitive Guide for Troubleshooting Weight Loss for free here.

[watsonrodriquezie]

How to Do Keto As a Vegetarian—And a Giveaway

This is one of the most common queries I receive: How do I go keto as a vegetarian?

One way to go keto as a vegetarian is to stop being vegetarian. You begin as a vegetarian, make the conscious decision to go keto, and then cease vegetarianism. Seriously, just try it out. A little animal won’t hurt you. Promise.

Okay, jokes aside: How do you go keto while remaining vegetarian?

Once you let the dust settle and consider the proposition with a calm, clear mind, going keto as a vegetarian isn’t all that outlandish.

Most low-carb diets are hard to do as a vegetarian because protein is a big component, and quality protein is harder to obtain without meat in your diet. The focus of keto is carbs and fat—less of the former, more of the latter—and not so much the protein. There are plenty of ways to reduce carbs and increase fat while remaining vegetarian, and if you keep a few things in mind, you actually have a lot of freedom. More than you’d think.

Here’s what you should keep in mind when constructing your diet. After this, everything else is gravy.

Eat Eggs

This is pretty non-negotiable, at least if you’re trying to optimize your keto vegetarian diet.

Eggs provide long chain omega-3 fatty acids. You have to choose the right eggs, of course. Your average battery-farmed corn-and-soy-fed chickens won’t produce omega-3-rich eggs. If you’re lucky, they’ll have some ALA. But for the animal-based omega-3s that we truly need, you must eat pastured eggs or eggs from chickens on a special diet designed to boost levels of long chain omega-3s.

Eggs provide potent animal protein. I know I just said that protein isn’t a big concern on keto. But you still need a solid source of animal protein, and egg protein is one of the most bioavailable ones in existence.

Eggs provide choline. Our livers go through a lot of choline when they metabolize fats, and you’re going to be metabolizing a lot of fat. Without enough choline, we run the risk of developing fatty liver disease and compromising overall liver function.

Eggs provide vitamin B12. Five average grocery store eggs net you over 100% of the RDA.

Eggs provide retinol. Retinol is the animal-based type of vitamin A that our bodies use far more readily than plant-based vitamin A.

Look for “Super Eggs.” Sometimes Whole Foods carries a brand of egg called the Super Egg. Laid by chickens fed a special diet that includes algae, fish, and specific minerals, each egg has 125 mg of DHA (4.3x a normal egg), 250 IU of vitamin D (6x), 4.7 IU of vitamin E (6x), 378 mcg of lutein and zeaxanthin (1.5x), 1.2 mcg of B12 (2.5x), 185 mg of choline, 20 mcg of selenium (1.25x), 0.8 mg of zinc, and 35 mcg of folate. They taste great and make staying nourished on a vegetarian keto diet much easier.

Find the Dairy That Works For You

Some folks simply can’t eat any type of dairy. Okay. But make sure that’s the case and you’re not just exercising a preference. In populations without traditional access to dairy in whom adult genetic tolerance of dairy never developed, vegetarianism was absent. East Asians, Southeast Asians, most of Africa and the Americas—they were not vegetarians. Then, consider the most successful vegetarian cultures, like in India. Dairy plays a major and constant role in their diet. From yogurts to cheeses to milk to cream, they probably wouldn’t have been successful vegetarians without it.

It’s easy to understand why. Dairy is a reliable, delicious source of healthy fatty acids like conjugated linoleic acid, important minerals like calcium, and bioavailable protein like whey. Ferment your dairy and you introduce probiotics, lower the lactose, and create novel nutrients like vitamin K2. Dairy is the perfect accompaniment to a keto diet.

If you have no issue with dairy, great. Go wild. Make it a significant part of your diet. If you do have legitimate issues with dairy, figure out what kind of dairy you can consume. Most people can get away with fermented dairy, like yogurt and kefir, and hard, aged cheeses, like pecorino romano, aged gouda, and parmigiano reggiano.

Take creatine, carnosine, and taurine. These are micronutrients found only in meat.

Creatine monohydrate: It’s cheap. It works. And it’ll help you perform many of the physiological tasks creatine does in us meat eaters, like increasing muscle power and enabling cognitive function. For a nice overview of what creatine does in addition to boosting gym performance, check out Chris Masterjohn’s recent podcast.

Carnosine: Vegans and vegetarians tend to have lower levels of carnosine. You may not like meat, but you probably like muscle endurance and brain antioxidants . This is a good one.

Taurine: Another one that only appears in animal foods, taurine appears to play an under-appreciated role in preventing heart disease and death. Worth including.

Take niacin and thiamine. These are really hard to obtain without eating starches or animals or a ton of seeds. The top sources of thiamine are trout, pork, sunflower seeds (huge omega-6 hit to get the required amount), and beans. Top niacin sources are pork, poultry, fish, liver, peanuts (but you’d need to eat about a cup), sunflower seeds, and beef. Not exactly vegetarian keto friendly unless you love omega-6.

Eat mushrooms. Everyone should be eating mushrooms, perhaps even patients with depression. But they become crucial for keto vegetarians because they’re the best non-animal, non-starch, non-omega-6-rich seed/nut source of niacin. A couple cups of grilled portobello mushrooms gets you 76% of your daily requirement of the vitamin. Other mushrooms aren’t far behind.

Take algal oil if you’re not getting good eggs high in omega-3s. Good eggs will provide long chain omega 3 fatty acids. So will algal oil, which offers both EPA and DHA.

Consider eating oysters and other shellfish. This is a big stretch for most ethical vegetarians, but I don’t think it has to be. First, oysters aren’t motile, meaning they don’t move to escape danger. This indicates that they probably don’t feel pain, since pain is a costly physiological mechanism that only arises or is preserved in organisms who can respond to it by leaving the scene. Second, oyster farming is ethical and has very little impact on the environment. An oyster farm is pretty much identical to an oyster’s natural environment. If you can stomach a few oysters, you’ll get a fantastic source of vitamin B12 and other B vitamins, iron, zinc, copper, selenium, and even omega-3s.

What Might This Look Like?

Here’s a sample day of keto vegetarian food. This is just one example.

9 eggs

Cup of full-fat Greek Yogurt

2 ounces Pecorino romano cheese

Ounce of almonds

Ounce of mac nuts

2 Brazil nuts

4 cups of raw spinach

2 TB avocado oil

1 TB butter

5 green olives

That gets you 1981 calories, 109 g protein, 31 g carbohydrate (10 g fiber), 158 g fat with most of your micronutrients, except for the ones mentioned above (thiamine/B1, niacin/B3). You could easily add in a couple TBs of raw potato starch or a fully green (unripe) banana for some more fermentable substrate for your gut bugs. If you’re willing to give it a shot, you could throw in a few small oysters and take care of all your zinc, selenium, copper, and most of your iron requirements. I think you get the idea, though.

Eat enough eggs to give you adequate protein and micronutrients. Choose the best eggs you can find, as they’re the backbone.

Eat some dairy that you can tolerate, focusing on fermented stuff (which digests the lactose and provides additional benefits) like yogurt, kefir, and hard cheeses.

Eat non-starchy veggies with plenty of healthy fat in the form of dressings, mayo, avocado/olive oil, nuts/seeds, cheese, avocados.

Have a Big Ass Salad every day, which makes getting all your nutrients really easy. This is my latest favorite.

Going keto as a vegetarian isn’t that hard. And if you take my advice to heart, you won’t even miss out on any major nutrients.

Now For the Giveaway…

Today I’m choosing one random commenter to win a Primal Kitchen® Advanced Keto Kit. It’s the perfect compliment to anyone’s keto plan—vegetarian or not.

With five delicious dressings, you’ll have all the tasty variety and healthy fat you’ll need for your daily Big-Ass Salads as well as inspiration for marinades of all kinds. Both Primal Kitchen mayos are outstanding dips for veggies and can help you whip up some comfort food favorites. Finally, Extra Virgin Avocado Oil lets you create your own sauce and dressing accompaniments to both cooked and fresh Primal meals.

Today I’d like to hear your questions on anything kitchen related. Are there kitchen tips you’d like? Suggestions for kitchen gadgetry? Other Primal cooking or shopping inquiries? Product questions?

Be sure to post your comment here before midnight tonight (1/10/18 PST) to be eligible.

Good luck, everyone!

Now let’s hear from you. If you have any other comments or questions about going keto as a vegetarian, let me know down below.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Take care.

Want to make fat loss easier? Try the Definitive Guide for Troubleshooting Weight Loss for free here.

[odinknows]

Know Your Meme Goes to New York Comic Con

The west side of 8th Avenue in midtown is a strange place in New York City. On an island where every plot, lot and its sublot has been claimed or filled, Hudson Yards, Manhattan’s soon-to-be latest neighborhood, is an urban ghost town, a surreal snapshot of a newly developed district in Simcity. But this weekend, Hudson Yards was flooded by hundreds of thousands of pop culture fans of all ages: teens, adults, kids chaperoned by their moms and pops, moms and pops chaperoned by their kids. New York Comic Con (NYCC). It’s the biggest nerd convention on the East Coast.

Thursday, 10:00 a.m. Matt, Adam and I met up by Penn Station on 34th Street and 8th Avenue. This was the first NYCC for all of us. Having had a daily commute in the area for a few years, I’ve certainly heard and seen the hubbub NYCC brings to the city every year, but as soon as we joined the first wave of attendees and entered the main venue, we were immediately struck by the sheer volume and size of the gathering.

Jacob K. Javits Center is a massive complex designed much like an international airport. Yet, with thousands of attendees moving in droves at all times, the 1.8 million square feet arena felt like, as Matt put it, a “geek mall” filled to its max capacity. And it’s true. Unlike its west coast counterpart, San Diego Comic-Con, NYCC has always been a for-profit event organized by ReedPOP, with a reported annual revenue of $50 million. At that level of rainmaking, it has grown into such a high-profile industry event that not even Hollywood’s most wanted A-list celebrities can decline to attend, not even George Clooney.

Once we made our way through the security checkpoint, we were greeted by Bandai Namco promoters offering wearable printouts of Luffy’s straw hat and calling on a few volunteers to participate in a lottery game for their mobile game One Piece Thousand Storm.

After a brief moment of complete distraction by fancy pop-up booths, neat gadgets and professional cosplayers all around us, we headed over to our first panel event of the day, Geek Journalism in the 21st Century, hosted by Ryan Britt of Inverse Magazine and joined by writers Caseen Gaines, Emily Asher-Perrin, Jill Pantozzi, Krutika Mallikarjuna and Mike Cecchini. Reflecting the popular consensus that’s been running for years on the Internet, much of the discussion centered around the future of fandom and challenges entertainment critics face as Hollywood’s reboot frenzy persists, a trend that hasn’t sloed down since Disney’s acquisition of Marvel Comics in 2009. While the panelists acknowledged that reboots can bridge the gap between generations, especially for the millennial audience, and serves the industry well with its guaranteed profit, they all seemed to agree that some of these classics have been rebooted at the expense of legacies that the original works left behind.

Thursday, 12:15 a.m. Tara Strong is a celebrity of her own class. As the familiar voice behind Bubbles of The Powerpuff Girls, Twilight Sparkle of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic and a number of other characters in video games, it is little surprising that she commands one of the most diverse and devoted fan bases. The seating in the conference room had already filled up by the time we arrived. Taking in the spotlight, Strong opened up the panel by talking about her latest voice work in the forthcoming film My Little Pony: The Movie, at times playfully breaking into the voice of Twilight Sparkle, and offered quite a few insights on how to get one’s foot in the door of a career in voice acting. In a way, Tara Strong is the archetype of a celebrity whose fame probably wouldn’t have been the same without the power of internet fandom. For decades, most voice actors lived behind-the-scene of films, TV shows and video games (unless you were already a famous actor), until people on the Internet began putting faces to their names in all corners of fan forums.

Thursday, 3:00 p.m. We assembled on the main exhibition floor, a gigantic open showroom where hundreds of vendors were offering all sorts of geek treasures and merchandises. The density of the crowd was more than any of us could bear for too long, although it was on the show floor where we spotted some of the most impressive cosplays at Comic Con. Aside from an army of Rick Sanchez, there were a number of other usual suspects in attendance: Deadpool, Princess Leia. Sailor Moon. Dv. A. Super Mario Bros.

Cosplay is a magical way for people to socialize. In 1939, Los Angeles sci-fi fan couple Forrest J. Ackerman and Myrtle R. Douglas showed up at The First World Science Fiction Convention in New York in futuristiccostumes, little knowing they had invented the world’s first prototype of a “fan costume,” which would eventually become known as cosplay in the coming decades. At this year’s NYCC, swarms of cosplayers, many of whom are Con-goers, but also event promoters and journalists, roamed the show floor, greeting each others in passing. Who they were didn’t really matter. It was all about what they were.

This isn’t to say that everyone is on equal footing at Comic Con. After all, it was the familiar faces from the big-screen that drew the fans out in hundreds of thousands. Throughout the day, we could hear intermittent bursts of applause from the live stage and autographing booths all around. And just from a glance at the guest list, one could gather which stars came to make an official appearance and which stars came to seize their day.

Friday, 11:00 a.m. Midtown Manhattan felt livelier than ever, with long lines wrapped around every venue on the way to Javits Center and the day’s construction work in full swing. Most workers seemed barely distracted by the seemingly endless stream of Rick Sanchez, Captain Kirks and Power Rangers pouring out of the 7 train subway exit, except for a few who would take occasional snapshots with their phones. I asked one of the men in hard hat if he has ever seen a crowd like this in Hudson Yards before. He said this is the most people he has seen in six months of working in the neighborhood. I asked him which character he has seen the most thus far. “Hello Kittys,” he said. “Lots of Hello Kittys.” Funnily enough, we didn’t catch any glimpse of Hello Kitty cosplays.

In stark contrast to the construction workers, the tension was running high among the New York Police Department officers, as they tried to keep the crowd in motion outside the convention center. Mix a couple hundreds of RPG and FPS cosplayers sporting all sorts of weapon replicas into an estimated crowd of 200,000 people, you’ve got yourself a long day at work.

We started our second day off with our own agendas. Matt attended the Philip K. Dick’s Electric Dreams panel, which explored the storylines of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep and The Man in the High Castle, and how art can combat bigotry through representation and diversity. As Matt put it, imagining the worse case scenario for America was “a real nice cup of coffee at 10:15 in the morning.” Adam went to the Hey Arnold panel event, where the creators and voice cast of the show came together to talk about the upcoming animated feature film Hey Arnold!: Jungle Movie and reminisce about the early years of the show when the voice actors themselves were kids. I headed straight to the Artist Alley, where more than 100 artists and independent vendors have set up shop to showcase their works, ranging from hand-drawn illustrations and comic zines to custom figurines and wearable merchandises.

Just one floor level below the festivities, next to the autographing booths, there was something very different going on. As much of a geek mall NYCC felt like, the vibe in the conference rooms stood out from the rest of the convention as scholarly and inquisitive. For an event of such massive scale, there were quite a few panel discussions that opened the doors to constructive discourses on identity politics and pop culture: The Wonder Women Behind LGBTQ Characters in Comics, Super Asian America, How to Respectfully Draw POC and LGBTQIA Characters, Gender Identity Through Art, the list went on. TL;DR, they were woke AF. And unlike the discussions that all too often devolve into mudslinging on the internet, everyone listened and waited for their turns to speak. With things in order, the discussions made leaps in the short span of an hour, something that we don’t see every day.

Had the late French cultural theorist Jean Baudrillard still been alive, he would have taken great pleasure in tearing NYCC apart, just as he had done with the Pompidou Centre in Paris and Disneyland. To be fair, Comic Con is a hypermarket of industrialized pop culture, where the boundaries of fiction and reality blurs with every transaction. Nevertheless, despite its glossy artifice and Disneyland-like deceit, NYCC does ultimately serve its purpose as a public forum where the creators and consumers can critique and workshop the status quo in today’s pop culture. Say what you will about the mall culture in America, but there’s nothing like the good old-fashioned consumerism that brings people together in this country, regardless of age, gender and color.

Round Table Discussion

This conversation was audio-recorded, transcribed and edited for clarity at Jacob K. Javits Convention Center on October 5th and 6th, 2017.

First Impressions of NYCC

Adam: We’re all really exhausted, just from the sheer amount of people and fandoms and cosplays and comic book booths and panels. It was pretty crazy.

Brad: Luckily, we got our badges sorted out beforehand.

Matt: It seemed like a real nightmare this morning getting into the place. It’s a lot like Disneyland with the lines and the check-ins and the bags–

Adam: Also, let’s clarify that the Javits Center is like a fancy airport, better than the actual airports in New York City. It was basically like going on a flight through fandom, I guess?

Adam: It’s like the movie The Terminal, but for fandoms.

Matt: It’s like a play land for people who like very specific things. The more specific the thing, the better.

Thoughts on Panel Events

Adam: One thing from Geek Journalism in the 21st Century that was interesting to all of us as “meme journalists” was to hear the perspectives of other people in the pop culture journalism industry, even if we all hears stuff we were a little bit familiar with, in terms of how to break into it.

Matt: I think that’s one of the things you see at a thing like Comic Con. You see all these people that like a very big “work,” whether that’s an anime, movie, or video game, and they really want to be a part of it. I think that that’s true in that a lot of the people here also want to be creators. They want to either be writing about this stuff or create this stuff. A lot of the panels we saw today, like the Tara Strong panel, there were a lot of people there asking her how to break into voice acting. I got to the Tara Strong panel assuming people would be asking her specifically about My Little Pony stuff, Powerpuff Girls stuff. I didn’t expect so many people would be asking her how to break into this thing. There’s a lot of people here looking into that, and that definitely carried over into the Geek Journalism panel.

Brad: There was kind of a workshop layer to it, and that’s as good as Q&As can get.

Adam: Matt, you went to Michael Rooker’s panel. Did you find your experience similar there? Were people asking him about acting or was there more a “people geeking out” vibe to it?

Matt: There was more geeking out, but it was also in a bigger room. Tara Strong Spotlight and Geek Journalism were held in very small, conference-like rooms, but Rooker’s panel was held in the special events section, a giant auditorium. The way that it started was he was on a panel with an author who wrote Guts, Frank Darabont. They were discussing Rooker’s career. As the panel was going, Rooker became more and more restless answering this guy’s questions, and all of a sudden, he was like, “We have 38 minutes left!” then ran offstage and started running through the crowd, being like, “Who has a question? You have a question? What’s your question?” And people would be like, “Uh, what’s your favorite scene in Guardians of the Galaxy?" and he’d be like “Any one that I’m in!” Just stuff like that. It was very much like he was there to let people experience him. He was such a personality, you couldn’t even get a word in. There were maybe one or two questions about how he got his start in acting and he was just like “I had nothing else to do.”

Adam: So he wasn’t trying to be workshop with the audience. He was trying to be a celebrity.

Brad: That is really endearing, especially considering he has been a longtime character actor whose fame suddenly blew up only as of recently.

Matt: He’s like the breakout character of Guardians of the Galaxy, for sure. He is kind of building up a cult-following, like Bruce Campbell. Your parents might not know his name, but you know the face. Fans of the Guardians of the Galaxy movies and fans of The Walking Dead will love him. And he’s a great actor. It’s about time he’s gotten that recognition.

Brad: I think that also reflects as how fandom works on the internet. Even in the context of memes, there has always been a tendency to put the spotlight on people in the backdrop instead of up and center.

Adam: Like the Left Shark.

Brad: Definitely.

Thoughts on Fan Interactions

Matt: I think that the appeal of conventions like this one is that its a celebration of the specificity of these things. Like, everyone loves Star Wars but not everyone loves TC-14 or R5D4, things that have fans but have like, one line in the movies. Still, fans will watch these things so many times that they end up having to focus on different elements to get new appreciation.

Adam: And that spoke to a conversation Brad and I had with Ryan Britt of the Geek Journalism panel about memes, and he immediately jumped to talking about Prequel Memes, which I think are exactly the type of hyper-specific, fandom-driven things you were talking about before. You pick out this one moment of the films and if you keep repeating it, it becomes a joke. I mean, at this point, it’s like almost 60% of the script is a meme.

Matt: Prequel memes in general changed the way I saw the Star Wars prequels. The fans are so attuned to finding one word that’s delivered in the strangest way and it becomes a meme. That’s very similar to the type of specificity you’ll see here. You’ll see things now, like Simpsons shitposting, where it’s like the more obscure thing you can put into a new context, the more successful that meme will be. That’s true for cosplay too. Like, if you can make something super specific and make it super well, your thing and blow it out, that’s where you’ll have the biggest Comic Con success.

Thoughts on Cosplay at NYCC

Adam: By the way, our Rick Sanchez cosplay count is 12.

Matt: But to be fair, you have to have a high IQ to like Rick Sanchez cosplay… [laughter]

Brad: Rick Sanchez has to be the most frequently seen cosplay, right?

Matt: There’s a lot of Deadpools.

Brad: Oh yeah, that’s true. Deadpool has to be the unofficial mascot of cons. There’s that YouTube guy, D Piddy, who goes to like, every single Con.

Matt: I think Deadpool is like the unofficial spokesperson of adult geeks. Like, “This isn’t your granddaddy’s superhero. He swears.” You know, this stuff started out as just being for kids, basically, but there’s a lot of that sort of “adulting” going on in fandoms and superhero movies right now.

Brad: It’s not surprising you see a lot of Deadpool after the movie. I’ve gotten so used to seeing D. Piddy doing wacky antics. I completely forgot that there was a movie after Deadpool had already become a convention staple.

Matt: And we saw that Deadpope, that was pretty awesome.

On NYCC and Consumerism

Adam: Matt, you were talking about a point earlier at lunch about how this place is very much like a Disneyland, and in the same way Disneyland is a land of wonder, it is also like, an orgy of capitalism.

Matt: When I was going through all the aisles and booths, I started realizing that we were basically at the geek mall. All the stuff that you want and care about in pop culture is here at your disposal. The things you knew you wanted, didn’t know you wanted, all here. It exists in the center of this Venn diagram between consumerism and emotional investment. People want to express their enjoyment of these things but outside of here they only have designated areas to express these things, like the movie theater or online. Comic Con gives people a chance to celebrate that, hence the cosplay. But there’s also this element of this engagement being sold to these people. There’s an element of exploitation here. It’s like the people here can become the billboards for these giant corporations like Disney and Marvel.

Adam: And you were saying before how you used to collect things but the realization eventually dawned on you how you were being kind of a pawn in this larger machine.

Matt: Yeah, at a certain point, you realize you’re spending so much money on books you read like one time, and you’re just like, well, what am I doing with this comic book collection? Like, I’m not gonna make money off this in the future. The comic book industry was ravaged by overprinting. The reason comic books aren’t worth any money is because everyone threw them out. There’s so much supply and no demand. Now we’re existing in a space where superheroes and science fiction are the biggest American export. Entertainment is America’s biggest export, and superheroes and Star Wars are the top of that heap. Right now, to participate in these things is really to engage with America’s biggest global machine. It’s a weird thing, because the flip side of that is very pure: people love these things. I’m one of them! I love Star Wars and Star Trek, and people want to go and, as I witnessed today, argue over whether the Millennium Falcon would beat the Starship Enterprise in a fight. This is a conversation people want to have! There’s nothing wrong with that, but it does exist in a weird space.

Adam: Someone brought up in the panel how fandoms crop up around certain things basically on the strength of the characters. On the one hand, the general idea of a Comic Con is to create a place where perhaps social outcasts can geek out about their fandoms and find themselves in pop culture where they might not necessarily see themselves in their daily lives outside of that. There’s something really empowering about that, but at the same time, it is sort of playing into the great industrial machine. You can look at it both ways. It’s sort of cynical and cool at the same time.

Matt: There are some cool aspects. I think a big part about this convention and cosplay in general is feeling like you want to participate in this thing, in the same way, say, a Patriots fan wants to put on a Tom Brady jersey and paint their face. Someone wants to dress like Spider-man to express they like Spider-man. It’s basically the same thing. It’s not like the Patriots are a small Mom-and-Pop business. They’re a huge sports franchise!

Adam: That makes me think that the reason so-called “sports cosplay,” if you will, is more socially accepted, and part of what makes Comic Con so special, is that when you walk around the convention, there’s a really supportive and wholesome vibe, which is really awesome. Maybe because NYCC is so big, it doesn’t leave any room to be cliquey, which may be the case in some smaller Cons. If you have a niche fandom, you may not interact with like-minded people IRL every day. To come to a place like this is an opportunity to engage with some people like you.

Matt: I think what’s really weird about that is that this place is so pure and feels very welcoming to all different types of people, which is so different from the type of fandom that exists on the internet. It’s a total 180!

Brad: I agree that is the most refreshing thing, in comparison to other smaller-scale conventions I’ve attended. Like you said, the size of this place kind of renders cultural elitism almost impossible. There’s something nice about not having to be on, say, the same frequency, but everyone is on the same bandwidth, more or less.

On Inclusiveness at NYCC

Adam: This brings up an interesting point. Matt, you recently wrote a bit on Simpsons shitposting and how the phenomenon exemplifies the way geek fandom is portrayed in pop culture. Do you think the preconceived ideas about NYCC has shaped your expectations of what this event would be?

Matt: I always have a hard time with fandoms because of the toxic online culture of it, and it can really put a sour taste in your mouth. I don’t know why we have to be so mean about a cartoon! But when we came here and started talking to people and engaging with people it was a lot calmer and nicer than I expected. You’re dealing with a lot of personalities with things like this, and granted we went to small panels, but… I had a good time.

Adam: Mark Hamill was here, and there were some big names here that if we wanted to meet them, that would’ve been our entire day. We saw the line for his autograph signing and it looked at least two hours long.

Matt: Mark Hamill is like the perfect model supporting fandom as a base. After Star Wars, Mark Hamill wasn’t a huge movie star. It wasn’t until Batman: The Animated Series that he really started taking off as a voice actor. Through that, he built this fanbase that grew at conventions like this and carried him to where he is now. A lot of people and studios today recognize that you can maintain a good base and evangelize for your thing if you’re good to them. Michael Rooker is taking advantage of that right now by blowing it out and saying “I am the guy fans want to be around,” so people will cast him because they know he’ll promote the film.

Via Knowyourmeme

The post Know Your Meme Goes to New York Comic Con appeared first on Odin Knows.

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[msblackriver]

Fly on the wall Elephant in the room

It makes me feel uncomfortable.  People talk as if I am a fly on the wall when I should be the elephant in the room.  Comments they make, about black people in front of me because I am different or I am not like “them."  But it makes me feel uncomfortable, and of course they do not know that.  If they did they would refrain from the stupidity they are engaging in.  “Black people this, black people that”, like I am so far from.  Like it is impossible for me to be one of them.  Well I surely am not one of you.  And although I am not exactly them, I am much closer to them than I am to you.  By black you mean African American and I am not that, but I am black.

I am an East African and I have had this conversation before with people.  There is a number of things to consider about my experiences.  First I do not look like what some people expect black people to look like.  I’m not saying that I don’t look black or African, but I am saying that I have been told that I do not look Black or African, which explains to me the disassociation in people's minds.  I most definitely look East African, and some people believe this is not what a “true” black person looks like.  To those who are familiar with Eritreans or Ethiopians they recognize me as one.  One girl at work asked me where my parents are from and when I replied East Africa she asked “both of them”?  Her mouth hung open in shock when I told her "yes".  “But what color are they”?  “Their color is similar to mine”.  She was speechless.  There are variations in skin tone. facial features and body types in African people.  Also it’s not just how you look, even dark skinned Jamaicans and Nigerians are treated differently by White Americans, Mexican Americans etc.  Why?  Because they are culturally different  and non threatening to white washed people.  They stand out, easily spotted and sorted, they may talk

with an accent and they may dress differently.  They don’t carry the same generational mistrust and unease in the presence of  white people that many African Americans do.  The African American fearing white people feel comfortable in their presence, they feel welcomed by their lack of bad experiences with their race and may occasionally say unintentionally offensive things in their company.  Malcolm Gladwell said it’s called moral licensing.  Someone may feel they are not racist by associating with people of a different race and by doing so feel justified in expressing negative thoughts and feelings they may have on that group of people.  The “black friend” thing.  

The bashing of American blacks I believe is very common within different cultural groups, including other black groups such as Caribbeans and Africans.  I have heard a good amount of it within my group of people.  The remarks can be outright or implied.  Somehow everyone got the memo that it was okay to do this.  Probably in an effort to differentiate oneself, and to reinstate your own patriotic beliefs that you come from a special group of people.  A good looking group of people who keep a clean house, cook the best food, are hard working, and don't steal and rob.  You don't shoot guns, and your women are honorable and the men polite.  Whats messed up is that it is agreed upon by those participating in this conversation that it is acceptable and factual.  “I hate to say it but..”  “it’s not racist if it’s true.”  That was spoken by a Greek Orthodox priest during Sunday service expressing his discontent with Muslims, “it’s not racist if it’s true.”  I was there with my mother and sister and was surprised that a Priest was including this in his sermon.  It was either 9/11 or 4th of July one of the patriotic anniversaries because I remember the Star Spangled Banner was played.  

One blond skin head looking kid I once worked with at Benihana’s thought it was funny to share a disturbingly racist story at work.  He was sitting at the table with another young white boy and an Asian woman in her mid 30’s.  They laughed like they did not see how disgusting it looked to someone like me.  Well the skin head looking boy started off talking about how his dad did not like black people.  He had come to Benihana’s and because of the way they do seating there often times you will be seated with strangers.  Each table seats 8 so if you are by yourself or have a small party you will most likely be seated with another family or group of friends.  His dad was seated with a group of black people, and he asked to be moved.  “Because he doesn’t like black people, and they were really dumb."  They all laughed like they were watching Chris Rock’s comedy special.  Then the story gets worse, “yeah my dad hates black people, he’s from Texas and said I should become a police officer and move to Texas.  Down there you can beat the shit out of black people and get away with it.”  They are all sitting there and laughing like it was funny to them.  This kid who could only beat anyone behind the protection of a Police Officers uniform because he was 100 pounds in his Minnesota winter boots,and jacket.  I could not believe my ears.  I have been around and heard fucked up things, casually racist remarks and what not but my experience at Benihana's was unreal.  The staff of mostly Asians did not give a fuck.  They openly expressed their disappointment about being given another black table.  “Brotha sista” they called them, “too many brotha sista.”  They did not want to serve them because they didn’t tip well and were demanding, not completely untrue.  However when 30 or

so percent of the customers are black you will have to serve them, it is inevitable, because of the neighborhood it happened to be in.  I kind of wanted to call 20/20 so they could do an undercover report and Benihanas would get busted?  I’m not sure who would be held responsible.  I bet you it’s the same bitches working there now, miserable bitches don’t go nowhere they don’t move on and get different jobs.  Then how could they bitch and moan every 15 minutes about “brotha sista”, “why are they giving me all the black tables”?  “Because they like this particular server they are giving her all the good tables.”  Some supposed restaurant politics if you get in good with the host they will give you all the good tables meaning they will give you all the white people.  3 of the hosts were black 2 of which were half black they were the managers sons, all the managers were Japanese.  They knew about the complaints which they somehow took lightly it didn’t seem to bother them too much.  They would just say “shut up” and laugh about it.  But nothing as bad as I witnessed from this little white leprechaun.  I approached him, he was now by himself, and told him, “You can say what you want when you are at home or outside of work but you can not talk about that here.”  He was caught off guard and defensive.  “Are you racist”?  “Um no he stuttered, “my dad is”.  He apologized that he offended me and clarified that his dad was the racist.  He was young 20 years old  I believe he was at a point in his life when he did not know what he was.  He was undecided in his stance, unsure of himself.  I know that no one would say those things in front of me if I looked like Michael Jordan.  Also another interesting thing is when I later told the story to other coworkers one of which was a Filipino woman who was one of the nicer ones but still not free of discriminatory behavior.  I said “why did he say that in front of me”.  Her response was “don’t get mad, you’re not black you’re half and half”.  I said “no i’m not”.  Somehow she made up that I was biracial and in her mind if I was biracial I should not get mad when negative remarks were made about black people, because I should be happy to disassociate myself because I was not full black?  What kind of logic is that?  Then I think a light bulb went off in her head, “oh so that means you don’t like when I say things about black people”?  I said well I wouldn’t talk about Mexican’s in front of them gesturing towards a group of Hispanics, some of them being Mexican “see see, she said eagerly they are not all Mexican, Salvadorians don’t like to be called Mexican either.”  Her boyfriend was Salvadorian so I guess she was in a position to speak on their behalf.  I never said they were all Mexican her guilt made her feel the need to gas light and accuse me of being racially insensitive somehow equating me with everyone else there that said anything racist.  Confusing a Salvadorian for a Mexican is not the same as calling a Salvadoran stupid and saying that you want to be a cop so you can beat them up.  It would simply be ignorant but not hateful, Like when someone assumes i’m Somalian or Ethiopian it’s a stupid assumption but not racist or hateful, just ignorant.  The thing is I never said they were all Mexican I simply gave an example.  I was well aware that some were Salvadoran and could tell you who was what but she was so eager to attack me so that she wouldn’t feel bad about herself.  Whats messed up is I know that I should of corrected the behavior before.  It did make me feel uncomfortable but I did not and part of the reason is because I was used to hearing the exact same things from my own people, and the truth is although I never agreed it didn’t upset me as much coming from my own.