#3 days worth of Aleve in his system

[kingsofeverything]

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[iscribblin]

Weight

I made this post anonymously in one of my bachelor-related FB groups yesterday:

“Hi, this is my first time posting in this group but I need some serious help. I’ve considered going to a therapist but every time I can’t seem to bring myself to chalk up the money so perhaps some advice would help.

I’m 29 and single. I’ve been dating and had a short relationship recently but every time my relationship or guys I’m talking to don’t work out, I pin it on my weight. I’m not extremely heavy but I’m around a 14 in jeans so I’m a bit plump. Normally I’m quite confident in myself but every time these things don’t work out I end up hating myself and my body for looking this way. When I think about losing weight, I HATE thinking about the fact that I’m losing the weight for the sole reason of finding a man. Overall, I’m someone who eats pretty healthily but each year since college I’ve gained 5-10 pounds and although I’ve managed to lose weight along the way I always seem to gain it back and more so. It seems that if I don’t “restrict” I don’t lose weight (I just maintain the same weight) but by restricting and dieting I can’t seem to manage to find a “healthy lifestyle” that I can maintain for months and months.

I come to you all for any and all advice. For the first time in years I broke down crying about what seems to be a no-win situation. I am content with my body, but feel that men aren’t, then when it comes to trying to lose weight, I hate that our society can’t just accept some people as not stick thin. I am a normally very happy-go-lucky person, fun, positive, successful in my field, and told by everyone around me “I don’t understand why you’re still single.” I just want to find someone decent and be happy already.

If you’ve made it this far, I applaud you. Thank you for listening to my ramblings.”

The responses were really heart-warming. What was nice was that they were all about acceptance of your body and none about “How to lose the weight”. Many told me that if men are rejecting me for the weight than you shouldn’t want them either. The problem is, I don’t think these men outright reject me for that. But I do feel as though I’m not given the same worth as the women who are skinnier. It’s easier to toss me aside because I’m not as “hot” as the skinny girls. I just think there’s a value system and things like beauty and weight are commodities when it comes to women. Personality comes third. It’s the reality we live in. What’s amazing about my personality is my ability to look on the bright side no matter what but I think my optimism shields me from this reality. 

However, what they said does ring true in a lot of other ways.

I won’t truly be happy until I’m happy with myself. So self-acceptance is first. I need to come INTO the relationship happy and content with who I am so if things go wrong the insecurities don’t come floundering out at the first sign of trouble.

Through self-acceptance and healthy mindset, I think that’s how I will truly lose the weight. I cannot sustainably lose weight through dieting, restricting, and some of the other traditional methods. I need to focus on a healthy mindset and a healthy lifestyle to achieve sustainable weight loss. The diets are just methods of losing weight but perhaps I don’t need a set of “rules” as I’ve always leaned towards. I need to focus on mental health (seeing a therapist and reading self-help books) and then the rest will come (hopefully). 

I also liked the idea of focusing on performance-based activities. Who cares if you’re 200 pounds if you can hike 10 miles, or lift 50 pounds, or beat someone in tennis. Focus on feeling strong and achieving competitive goals rather than exercising for the sake of losing weight (perhaps I should loan my scale to Allison for the time being and set a list of non-weight related goals...).

Actually the idea above sounds nice. Some behavioral goal examples below:

1. Join three tennis tournaments in the next school year.

2. Go hiking once every 3 months.

3. Make sure to get out of the house once a day to somewhere.

4. Join the gym and do the weight-lifting activities that appear to you, writing down the weights you start with and slowly increase.

5. Eat vegetables with every meal.

6. Carb-cycle?

7. Eat fruit at night.

8. Eat a lot of protein in order to achieve the strength you desire.

9. Allow cheats, just note them down.

10. Keep cold water in the jars/jug in your fridge at all time.

11. Post your meals.

12. Set a monetary budget for eating out.

13. Find 30-minute meals to cook at home.

14. Say no to alcohol (make consumption intentional)

15. Join a 5k.

What does a healthy lifestyle look like to me? What do people around me do that I envy? I know I don’t envy people who crazy restrict, because it seems they are so weight-conscious they’re unable to enjoy life. I do envy girls who are strong (Sarah trainer). Girls who are confident with their personality (Maya in the Moment). Girls who own their body (new york). Girls who cook (Melisa). Girls who exhibit willpower but aren’t hyper-focused on weight (Alev). 

I need to keep envisioning what I see as healthy. Not skinny. HEALTHY. Healthy habits with healthy mindsets. Create a vision board. Manifest those into my life. And finally, drop the hyper-fixation on men. Live my life and be happy and satisfied with what I’m doing.

Article I liked while writing: https://www.npr.org/2019/04/25/717059239/a-saner-mindset-for-weight-loss