#2p!America was an ispo for my OC Khoshekh... And 2p!Canada was literally where I got my grim reaper OC name from.

[whoop-de-fuking-do]

Okay tbh, I have no idea what my identity is. I'm debating on dropping all labels and just. Be consumed by the void.

Because like

I havent felt "like a girl" since like 7th grade. like when I came out in freshman year of highschool (9th grade, US) to my friends, they werent surprised? Like they knew before even I did?

I had to get my hair cut due to a lice issue, and it was just above shoulder length when I finally got rid of them. I looked in the mirror and went "Huh, I kinda like short hair." so a few weeks later, my mom took me to a professional hairstylist, and I got a pixie cut- my first actual hairstyle that was different than I ever had before, and I'm the one who picked it out. I was so happy. Then it started to grow out. It was at my shoulders again when I was at my aunts house hanging out, and literally on impulse, my aunt and my mom went "Hey, do you want a haircut?" And of COURSE because I liked my short hair so much I went "HECK YEAH" and so we all went upstairs and basically gave me a buzzcut on the sides and back, but shortned the top. (Don't worry, they checked in with me a lot during this, just to make sure I was happy with the outcome.)

So there was my mohawk.

It was bad, and I could never get it to stand up right, but I was happy. And looking in the mirror with my short as fuck hair, rubbing my hand over the centimeter-length hair, with a big smile on my face, I realized that I looked like a boy and I was much happier with the idea of being called one.

Now, at the time, I was REALLY into Hetalia, and the 2P! characters that the fandom made piqed my interest. I read fanfics. (one that was based off of the Angel beats anime has stuck with me, and made me c r y) I made art I found on google my lockscreen and homescreen. I memorized little facts and designs from the 2p! FACE family. (and typing this, i remember another fanfic with 2p!Canada, where he takes y/n to a hotel and yall are on the run, which in hindsight could have kicked off that one dream I had... anyway.)

I remembered their names. At least the ones I cared about. I never really did care about 2p!France. (although ive fallen for the rest, and his 1p! counterpart.)

Allen Jones. (America)

Mathieu Williams. (Canada)

Oliver Kirkland. (England)

Now, those who know these characters, know what their whole deal is. I don't know why, but I still fall for these types of fictional characters. But that's not important.

I came downstairs, all giddy and happy, and I wizzed around the corner with a smile. Getting ready to leave, they were making remarks like "You're a boy now!" and the like. Now, it was honestly all in fun and games, and they never meant any ill harm, they could see how happy I was. So, while we were gathering our things, I was making remarks like "Haha, I guess you guys can call me Allen now." That got me informed that that was the middle name of a close family member, so oops, can't use that. "Well... call me Mathieu?" Nope, that was a first name of another family member, who I later met a month or two down the road. Different spelling, same pronounciation. I nervously laughed it off, keeping the last name to myself.

Soon after, I realized that I was attracted to boys and girls, when I got asked out by my close friend, and I said yes. She could tell that I liked both from the way that I acted, but I had no idea there was even a term for it.

So, I now identify as a girl(?) and bisexual.

Upon research upon this "Bisexual" term, I learned about others.

Transgender.

Lesbian.

Demi.

Genderfluid.

Genderfluid.

Genderfluid.

That had a nice ring to it, and it fit pretty well what I was feeling at the time.

So.

I wasn't a girl, and that's why I was uncomfortable with she/her pronouns at some times and not others. I liked the idea of having he/him pronouns, and I loved they/them pronouns. Those made me the happiest, and they still do.

I had my girlfriend over for the weekend, and that was in a time of my life where I was out to my friends at school, and I have notified them of the name I liked, Oliver. They were all surpportive, but I never enforced the name change until about two years ago, or halfway through my 11th grade year.

Anyway, it was also a time where I couldn't stand my birth name or pronouns, and I actually physically flinched whenever I got called them. I wasn't out to my grandmother at the time, who I had been staying with for the weekend, so my girlfriend and I went up to my room later on the day and we talked. She brought it up, and I explained just the extent of how it affected me.

1/?