#2nd ed constantly in my head i cannot get it out

[snoozel]

wonderful♡animal!

[dawnover-dusk]

it’s only like, two years later lol. inspired by my intern boot camp! lemme know if there’s too much medical jargon so i know i can tone it down in the future lol  EM resident wonwoo x IM intern reader, bullet point, not proofread more seventeen medical au here!

- wonwoo is a 2nd year EM resident - but as a fresh-faced baby intern, you mistake him for an attending - it’s not your fault really -- his aura and quiet stoicism despite the packed ED suggested years of experience - so when you are on nights and a patient that you are admitting starts crashing, you don’t even question it when he comes running over and ordering you to get fluids - after the patient’s vitals stabilize, your adrenaline is still pumping as you shakily say “thank you dr. jeon” - he contemplates you over his wire-framed glasses and nods, “oh it’s just wonwoo”

- and as you gush over wonwoo to your (barely awake) senior resident jeonghan, he begins to grin - you know you’ve only been working at the hospital for a month, but it’s long enough to know that jeonghan is scheming - so when jeonghan calls you over the next night to get sign-out for a new admission, you’re a lil sus - but you don’t have time to react when jeonghan runs out of the room cackling and you hear wonwoo’s voice over the speaker say “hey yn” - and you curse at how your heart jumps over his deep voice and you don’t know if you should thank jeonghan or kill him - when you go to see that patient, wonwoo can’t help but look over at you from time to time from where he is seated at his workstation - not that he purposely chose that seat because he could see that patient or anything because he’s definitely not interested ... and not that jeonghan texted him the entire night about you LOL - and he can see your eyes crinkle over your mask as you talk softly to the elderly woman - and how you pat her hand and she grasps yours for reassurance - and how you run over to the supply storage to grab a hot pack for her before you go back upstairs - just like how you were in awe of how calm he was during an emergency, he’s awed by how considerate you are - so he doesn’t even really mind when you walk into the medicine lounge for more keurig coffee and jeonghan ditches him in the most conspicuous way possible - “oh hi wonwoo!” you greet him brightly, setting down the steaming paper cup on the table as you plop down on the couch across from him - and now he is graced with your full smile, the corners of your eyes crinkling as he tentatively smiles back and gives a small wave - “thanks again for helping me out last night! you looked super cool and i hope that i can be like you,” you start, before realizing that that you just blurted that out without thinking - you could feel your face start to flush and if you weren’t avoiding eye contact, you would’ve seen that wonwoo’s hand had reflexively come up to cover his grin - “don’t worry about it, i know med school and the real world are totally different but you’ll get the hang of it. i’ve seen you with patients though and they can’t teach that amount of empathy, so you’re already miles ahead” - your eyes widen and even though you’ve been trying so hard to fake like everything’s been okay - intern year sucks - “thank you, wonwoo,” you whisper, but words cannot convey how much his recognition means to you - throughout the rest of the rotation, you meet up with wonwoo to have bad coffee and over time, you don’t even use jeonghan as an excuse anymore - whenever wonwoo is off, he texts to check in on you - wonwoo knows how scary it is to be alone as an intern on nights, and as much as he loves jeonghan, he knows that he’s less than…hands on - but you always try to change the subject from work because you believe that when you’re off from the hospital, you should be off - so you talk about video games and literature and spoken word poetry - and to his surprise, wonwoo ends up telling you that he sometimes writes lyrics for this music group that he was part of back in med school (he has never told anyone else this!!!!) - so you ask him to go to a show with you the next time you’re free and he’s like “sure” but internally he’s like “IS THIS…A DATE???”

- “wonwoo’s finally going to have a s/o!” jeonghan all but shouts to his co-residents jihoon and joshua in the morning - it’s been a month on nights and you’re back on the day team - you had gone to intern morning report while the rest of your team...gossips? - “it’s too early for this,” jihoon grumbles while joshua slides his chair closer to jeonghan - “i am the best senior that an intern can have and no one can tell me otherwise,” he continued while joshua just chuckled - “last i heard, you let the intern handle septic shock and you didn’t even leave the call room,” jihoon rebutted. - “uhh..hi?” you question as you enter the room and see joshua zoom back over to his desk and jihoon whip around and pretend to finish his email - jeonghan clears his throat to fill the silence but as he is the king of luck, your pager goes off and you exit that room as quickly as you had entered, shouting something about a code in the ED - jihoon: “so…are you gonna help or” - jeonghan: “nah it’s cool” - in the ED, you run over to the crowd that had formed around this patient and you see wonwoo at the head of the bed who nods at you - “yn, this patient came in with nausea and vomiting but her blood pressure has dropped and her mental status has changed. we think she’s having a heart attack” - you grab the EKG and your eyes widen as you tell the nurse to ready a defibrillator - “there’s nothing that we don’t already know on the EKG, we have to get her to cardiology,” wonwoo argues but you point out this one beat that is abnormal - “she’s going to get worse, wonwoo” you reply and before wonwoo can say anything, the patient’s heart rate skyrockets - “ready for defib,” wonwoo says. “charge to 200, and clear!” - the patient’s rhythm returns to normal and after her vitals are stabilized and she’s transported to cardiology, you see wonwoo slip out - “hey,” you call, and you see him stop in a less busy hallway, his eyes trained on the floor and his face pale. “let’s go somewhere else,” you grab the crook of his arm and lead him to the benches in front of the vending machines - you grab a cup of warm tea and sit down next to the silent man, noticing that his hands are shaking as he runs one through black disheveled hair - “…i’m sorry,” he starts as you gently bump your knee against his - “hey, she’s alive, she’s going to be fine,” you say, folding his shaking hands around the cup and wrapping your hands around his - even though this was foreign to wonwoo, it was…comforting. your thumb brushing across his knuckles, your breath falling in sync with his… - you were comforting - “you know what they always tell us in school, that medicine is a team sport? i’ll always have your back,” you laugh, and you see the corners of his mouth start to rise - “are we still on for our date?” he asks, although so lowly that you almost miss what he’s saying before a wide grin breaks out onto your face - “honestly it’s the highlight of my day off,” you reply

- skip forward in time and you’re almost at the end of your intern year - you pretty much live at wonwoo’s now, using the excuse that he lives closer to the hospital despite jeonghan saying you’re in LOVE - and now instead of jeonghan trying to play wingman, he’s complaining about how much wonwoo won’t shut up about you - when your schedules don’t match up, you prep food for him when he’s working and vice versa - on days off you switch off having lazy days in with going to the movies or hanging out with friends - you meet his med school music group and you’re surprised to see jihoon there (he glares at you whenever you try to bring it up during work though) - tells you the CHEESIEST jokes and wordplay and every chuckle he can get out of you is a victory that he rides the entire week - you’re each other’s go-to person for the most random thoughts, from “why does rheumatology take weeks when all they give are steroids” to “what are the ethical obligations for us as physicians to like…zombies tho…” - his affection for you in the hospital is in the form of coffee and trying not to admit complex patients to whatever medicine team you’re on (jeonghan will point out this favoritism CONSTANTLY) - appreciates that you initiate the skinship at home because sometimes he gets too nervous - one day you’re leaning on him as he plays video games, your laptop open on your lap and you should be doing work but you can’t help but absentmindedly stare as he plays - and you take in his furrowed brow and his glasses and the way he adjusts his headset - it hits you -- you love this man - and you’re so zoned out that you don’t notice that he’s paused his game and is looking at you quizzically - all you can do is pull him down and kiss him and only the need for air causes you to pull back - “so…should i play games more often?” he jokes and you sigh, the arm wrapped around your waist pulling you closer to him as he giggles - “i love you,” you whisper into his neck as one of his hands smooth over your hair - “i would hope so, it would be awkward since you’ve practically moved in and all” - “wonwoo!” - and all you can see is his nose wrinkling in laughter before he kisses you again

[everythingkeiji]

memorable tunes | semi eita

summary: you and semi were having a picnic at the park since it was your birthday, until something unexpected happened that made the songs you both listen to have a deeper meaning. 

semi eita x reader

word count: 1.1k

author’s note: this was inspired on what had happened with me. it’s been a few years since i’ve written so i hope everyone enjoys it <3

masterlist

it’s been a few weeks since you graduated from high school and it’s spring in japan right now. you and semi have been dating since the beginning of your 2nd year. it was a very pure relationship, something you rarely find these days and you treasure it a lot.

today is your birthday and you and he have decided to go on a picnic at tadamoto park since your parents did not have the time to celebrate with you because they were out of town during work. this was the first time your parents were away on your birthday and it obviously hurts you, but you are thankful that semi is around to accompany you.

as you reached the park, you saw semi tighten his grip on the strap of his guitar bag before he starts running towards an empty spot below a cherry blossom tree. you loved that your birthday was in spring, mostly because it is the season where your favourite flowers bloom.

you are carrying the picnic basket and smiled while you strolled to where semi was, admiring the blossoms around you while a cold breeze came by. you were wearing a flowy floral dress and you had to hold it down to prevent it from flying up. ‘this looks like a great spot,’ he chuckled. semi seemed more excited about this than you are, it was cute. you handed him the picnic mat so he could lay it out on the ground.

you sat down and removed everything from the picnic basket and laid them neatly on the mat. you and semi packed sandwiches and fruits since you both were not heavy eaters. instead of helping you set up, semi removed his guitar from the bag and immediately played some tunes. you rolled your eyes at how helpful your boyfriend was.

semi was delighted at the fact that he can focus on music more after graduating, and it eases your worries because you knew how much of a pain volleyball training was for him. after arranging everything on the picnic mat, you pulled out a book from your bag & laid down on his lap as he played a familiar tune. 

you recognise this song anywhere, i mean, it was basically you and his song. the song was ‘she is love’ by parachute. it is a very cute song; it melts your heart every time he sings it for you because you know that he genuinely means it. 

he kept singing the song over and over, he knows you like it. he knows you love listening to soft tunes while reading, especially when he is the one singing. he then asked you to sit up to sing another song with him. you are usually shy to sing, all your life you never had the confidence; but around him you just feel comfortable.

he started playing the tune of ‘i was made for loving you’ by tori kelly. both of you know how well your voices harmonise with one another, and it sounded amazing. semi was the reason you got more confident in singing, he constantly assured you that you sounded amazing whenever you doubted yourself.

the both of you stared at each other’s eyes while singing the song together. you have been together for a year and it still feels like you are in the honeymoon phase. he respected you, he never tried to do things that might make you uncomfortable. he constantly asks for your consent, especially when it comes to showing his affection to you publicly. however, you made it clear on whatever you are comfortable with and of course, semi knows his limits.

you always get butterflies just by maintaining eye contact with him, or when he pecks your cheek and forehead, or when he circles his thumb on your hand while holding hands with him. the simple things he does makes you overjoyed and very loved.

you suddenly felt the urge to kiss his cheek, and so you closed your eyes and leaned in but instead you felt something soft and moist against your lips. ‘this can’t be his cheek,’ you thought. you immediately pulled away and your face flushed at the realisation.

you realised you kissed his lips and immediately hid your face on semi’s lap as he chuckled while stroking you, ‘i was leaning to kiss your cheek too.’ you lost your first kiss- and it was by accident. you blushed harder, heart palpitating out of your chest. 

you lifted your head from his lap and immediately fiddled with your fingers, still looking down. he lifted your head so that you both made eye contact again. to your surprise, he leaned in to give you a proper kiss on the lips. you were stunned, but you liked this new feeling.

semi smirked, ‘i’ve wanted to kiss you for so long. every time we win a set i’ve always had the urge to run up to you and kiss you. or when you surprise me after classes so we could walk home together. but i never knew if you were ready, i guess today’s my lucky day. happy birthday babe.’

you blushed harder, punching his shoulder hard to hide how much you were freaking out. he playfully groaned in pain to tease you but all you did was roll your eyes, cross your hands, and look away from him. but you were still thinking about the way his lips fit perfectly on yours.

he started playing the tune of another song, this time it was ‘best part of me’ by ed sheeran. you hummed the tune while semi strummed. semi knows singing calms you down, you turned back to him and started singing once the verse started. you and semi were terrible with words and music was a way for the both of you to express your love to one another. neither of you had said ‘i love you’ yet but you are certain that it is obvious with the songs you send to each other.

the rest of the picnic was just you and him watching the cherry blossoms and singing tunes together. he sent you home after the picnic, it is a blessing that he lived 10 minutes away from you. you laid on bed, still thinking about how you lost your first kiss earlier the day. you started playing the collab playlist you and semi had, but now you cannot listen to the three songs the same way because you will just remember how you accidentally lost your first kiss to him. 

the songs are now memorable tunes.                                                      

[biggy-habes]

Jonny Haber’s Day Off (Part II)

I woke up the next day feeling refreshed. At peace. The exact opposite of the previous morning. I had the entire day ahead of me. In the back of my mind the dread of returning to work the next day lingered. I felt like I had to make the most of today. So I grabbed some hiking gear and loaded Fennie up in the backseat. We were heading to Letchworth Park. For those not familiar with this area, Letchworth is a state park about an hour away. It is respectfully known as the Grand Canyon of the East. The Genesee River cuts through it, creating beautiful cascading waterfalls. The weather was sunny and mild and perfect for a long hike. Still lethargic from yesterday's walk through the trails, Fennie slept practically the entire drive. But once we arrived at the entrance to the park, he perked up. As we drove through the winding turns, he kept his nose out the window. He could not wait to explore these new smells! I decided to start at the Lower Falls and work our way up. The trail leading to the river was a decent 3/4 mile hike. When we got to the water, Fennie started to pull hard. Now he has never been much of a fan of water. You would think that taking a bath was worse than when his nuts got snipped. He created a scene at the pet store that I take him for his baths. It was like he wanted the store employees to think that I waterboard him. For the record, I DO NOT WATERBOARD FENNIE! He just hates water! He makes the most pathetic look when he has to go as far as to go pee in the rain. But for some reason he REALLY wanted to check out this friggin water! The flowing river created waves on the shore that he felt were a threat and he needed to bite the SHIT out of them! He would never get in above his knees. Dogs DO have knees, don't they? Well, anyways, that is where the water was. But he would dip his face in the water in order to bite the crest of the waves. And I sat there watching him, and thought to myself "You malingering ASSHOLE!"

As we started venturing back, I started to remember how a group of us rugby players would head to an area like this in Stony Brook for the day to cook some meat and drink cheap beers. And it dawned on me that I was not too far from where I went to college. I haven't stepped foot in that area since I was still in the service. Fennie was starting to slow down and was panting pretty hard, so I felt that perhaps we could save the rest of the trails for another time. Instead, let's take a trip down memory lane. I always remember the drive to Alfred being peaceful and serene. College was a very confusing time for me and I would use the drive to contemplate my wants out of life. Driving through the farmland brought back the familiar country smell. Soon I could see the white steeple signifying that I was entering Alfred Station. I passed the banquet hall where the rugby team had their social. Past the packie that would sell me gallons of Skol vodka despite my shitty fake ID. Past the hill that I had to climb to get to my dorm at Alfred U. I came up to the old Delta Sig house,  which has since been taken over and painted pink. I banged a right and entered the campus that contained 2 of the greatest years of my life. Alfred State. Home of the muthafuckin PIONEERS! 

As I drove around the loop of the campus, the memories came in waves. The 77 steps leading to Peet Hall...a treacherous hike for any drunken resident. The gymnasium where I had decided to "toss the gloves" during an intramural hockey game and, not aware at the time that my target was on the wrestling team, I proceeded to get suplexed onto the floor. At the top of the hill stood the Mackenzie dorms. This is was my turf from 1997-1999. This is where I went through 4 roommates. This is where I met my good friend Ed (oh there will be more on Eddie in later stories. He is a character!) And this was where my friendship with Johnny ("Tits") and Matt ("Squirrel") began. After reminiscing for a bit I walked over to the track, location of the annual Naked Mile. I ran this twice. First time was as a rookie on the rugby team. All rookies were expected to run it. The 2nd time…well, that was just for shits and giggles. Young Haber LOVED to get drunk and run around naked! After walking around for a little bit I left Alfred State and decided that it was time to pay a visit to the old rugby field. Now you will notice that I mention rugby a lot in this story. Well, this is because rugby played a significant role in my college life. I have never been known for my athleticism. My grandfather was a 3 sport athlete at Boston College and went on to play a year as a center in the NFL. I inherited his size and his passion, but the athletic gene unfortunately did not get passed down to me. In High School I played football, taking the position that brought my grandfather fame. Although I was a Varsity starter both my Junior and Senior years, I will never be known as a stand-out player and the name "Haber" will never be uttered in the halls of Greece Arcadia. When I went to college, I had tossed around the idea of trying to make a spot on the football practice squad. But it never blossomed into more than that. One night, while waiting in line for a beer at the TG house, a large group of loud, brash guys in purple jackets walked straight in and went up the stairs to the 2nd floor with arms filled with beer. I did not know who they were, but they seemed like the kind of guys that I wanted to be part of. As they walked past me, I read the back of their bright purple jackets and in bold white lettering it read "ALFRED RUGBY". I followed them upstairs, where they gathered around a keg and proceeded to drink like there was no tomorrow. One of them, just a bit larger than myself and wearing a backwards purple hat, had been challenged to a chugging contest. When he heard the word "Go", he pinched his cup and in one complete gulp he finished his beer. I had never seen anything like that! So after he collected his High 5s from the other ruggers I went up to talk to him. I cannot tell you exactly what was said, but I remember telling him that I wanted to see what this whole "rugby" thing was all about. He told me to show up to practice on Monday. On the front of his beer-covered jacket in white stitching was the name "BooBoo". I give this guy credit for introducing me to one of the greatest experiences of my life. Now, just like with football, I was not a GREAT rugby player. I was big enough to play on the front row, but again, I would never describe myself as "athletic". Despite the fact that my conditioning was shit and my balance was on the same level as a 4 year old, my heart and my grit got me a position as a starter as a rookie. Now, let me tell you, being a rookie on the rugby team was tough! You come to rely on the bonds that you create with your fellow rookies. This is where I really became close friends with Tits and Squirrel.

 I started driving towards the outskirts of Alfred towards Jericho Hill, where the rugby field was. I drove past the practice field, where I was able to imagine all of us scrimmaging. Punk would be running into a crowd of bodies, turning to scream "GET THE FUCK UP HERE AND RUCK IT OVER, YOU FUCKERS!!!". Mild-mannered BooBoo would become possessed and would run through anyone brave enough to stand in his way. And Squirrel would be way out at the opposite end of the field, dropping any kick that would come his way. Jesus CHRIST he had some hands of stone! I turned down the gravel road leading up to the game field, and eventually I was able to see the purple covering of the goal posts. I let Fennie out of the car and as we started to walk around the field, I recalled me getting my ears taped on the sidelines. Me stepping foot on the pitch for my first rugby game. All of the hits. All of the scrums. All of the sweat and blood that soaked into the soil. The sound that is made when large bodies violently collide. The smell of mud, body odor, and processed alcohol seeping from pores filling the air. And then, a feeling of sadness and grief overcame me as I started to think about my friend Squirrel. It was time to pay him a visit. I have gone to see him since the funeral. I wiped the tears from my eyes and headed back to the car. It was coming up on 4:30. Plenty of time to go see my old friend.

 Mattie lived his entire life in the small town of Owego, NY. All his life he had wanted to follow in the footsteps of his father and be a firefighter. I cannot tell you the number of times he would turn down an all-night binger because he was on call for the Volunteer Campus EMS. However, when he was not required to stay sober, he seldom was. Squirrel was loud and obnoxious, but he could easily become the life of the party. I never really saw him get angry. He was cool and easy going. Together, him and I wreaked havoc on Tits, never missing an opportunity to cut him down or pull a prank on him. One day we trapped him in a broom closet and proceeded to blow baby powder under the door until he agreed to go to the Rugby House (aka "The Alamo") for a party. He LOVED finding ways to get in trouble. He was not a very big guy, but that never stopped him from constantly talking shit. After leaving a party at TG (we spent A LOT of time there!!) he passed someone passing by with his girlfriend wearing a baggy white dress shirt. Squirrel turned and shouted "Hey, Jerry Seinfeld! Nice puffy shirt, ASSHOLE!" 

Squirrel's weakness was women. After hooking up with a girl at St. Bonaventure, her and her friend decided to make an impromptu visit. Later that night they took turns writing some of the funniest, most hateful shit in Sharpie on his door he had ditched her at a party. We spent the rest of the night scrubbing his door clean. After graduation we had all gone our separate ways, but we still managed to keep in touch. A couple of years later we met back up to play in the Alfred Rugby alumni game. As the years passed, the conversations became sparser. Squirrel went on to become a firefighter like he had always dreamed about. He became a husband and a father. When The Facebook became big we were able to reconnect and would share stories of our lives or talk about old memories. When Amanda and I were planning our wedding, Mattie was talking about flying to the Keys to attend the ceremony. And when all of that came crashing down, he would call me to make sure that I was hanging in there. I took one last look at the field that contained so many terrific memories. There will always be places where you just feel a sense of peace and reflection. It is a bit ironic that the pitch that hosted such ferocity on Saturdays would become such a place of contentment. As it turns out, another place of mine is the Arcadia football field house. When I would have my crackups in my 20s, my friend Schworm would always know that if I went missing, that is where he could find me. Anyways, I had to go. It was time to go pay my old friend a visit.

After Amanda and I split up I had taken a job in North Carolina. Still reeling from the difficult breakup, I had walked into the basement of the Research Department on a chilly, dreary day and sat down to take a few minutes to catch up on Facebook when I heard about Squirrel. There was a post regarding a fire in Owego during the night. There was a casualty. But no. It couldn't have been him. But I am sure that he must be pretty shaken up. I should probably try and reach out to him. Before I got the chance to, I was interrupted by a message from an old mutual friend, Wendy. Matt and Wendy grew up together. She let me know that the casualty was Squirrel. It did not process at first. That couldn't be right! He was a good firefighter! He was had a family! But then the reality started to set in. I went in to the office of the head of my department and explained what had happened and that I needed a couple of days off. That night I packed a suitcase, asked my father to let me borrow $200, and I drove through the night to New York. I shared a room at a run down Red Roof Inn with my friend Ed (my suite mate from college. Man, I cannot WAIT to get more into him some other time! He is a goddamn character!) So anyways, the next day me and Ed, who had become a volunteer firefighter and was decked out in his uniform, met up for breakfast with Tits and shared old stories over some eggs and bacon. I have not seen Ed in a few years, and Johnny for at least 20. We carried on like nothing had changed. We were missing the loud voice and dramatic flair of Squirrel. 

Now when I tell you that Mattie had died a hero, I am not sure if you quite understand. He was a loved and cherished member of his community. He had a tight group of friends. He did all that Dad shit. But he NEVER let that part of him that made HIM get away. He was still known for drinking a bit too much shitty beer and run his mouth any chance that he got. Owego is a very small town, and I think that everyone in that town was present to say their "Goodbyes" to Matt. There were Police, EMS, and Firefighters from Syracuse all the way to Pennsylvania there to pay their respects to their fallen brother. There were so many people there for his Last Call that they filled the auditorium and streamed it in the Gymnasium so that everyone was able to be present. The occasion was somber but the ceremonial pageantry was breathtaking. Squirrel had the tendency to be a bit of an asshole. But this was the ceremony that Mattie deserved. My old friend is my fucking hero. I love and I miss the fuck out of that guy!

I pulled into St. Patrick's Cemetery, and the part of me that grew up Catholic turned off the radio out of respect for the souls. It was not hard for me to find Matt's gravestone. Fennie was wiped out from all of the walking the past 2 days and he was perfectly content with sleeping in the backseat. I sat down in front of the gravestone marked Matthew Porcari. I talked to him like 19 year old Whimpy would talk to his fucking homey Squirrel. I caught him up on my life. I told him funny stories. About the death of my dad. And how I was struggling trying to cope with my grandmother's passing. And how much I fucking missed him. How I wanted to be sitting at a bar sharing these stories. I will never find a friend like him. He had the ability to be a complete jackass. But he was the guy that made you laugh and knew just what to say when life took a shit on you. He was the guy that would make sure that all of his buddies had a great time. He will always be my brother. I shed a few tears, and saw that the sun was starting to go down. I had a good 2 hour drive back to Rochester, so it was time to say "Goodbye" and that I would see him soon. 

By the time we got home Fennie and I were beyond exhausted. I had to return to work the next day. I was not sure what sort of reaction I would face. Despite the need for the time off to reflect on what has been happening in my life, I felt guilty for making my coworkers pick up the slack of my little break. And to be honest, I was embarrassed! A mental breakdown is never pretty. And to have it take place in your workplace, ON A GODDAMN CRISIS LINE, is not very cool. But when I got back to work, it was just another day. There were a few people who pulled me aside to ask if I was OK. And I truly appreciate that. I have to be honest, I work with an INCREDIBLE group of people. They were completely understanding. They could not believe that I was able to take all of this and still show up to work and do my job. I have been conditioned to take what life throws at me and find a way to absorb it and keep moving forward. However I never gave myself an opportunity to address it all. But being outside and in nature, just myself and my best friend-slash-companion-slash-Ryde or Die, it gave me a chance to process all that has happened and all that I have to look forward to. I did not take turning 40 very well. But it is gone. I am now looking at 41. It is time to figure out a way to get back to living. L-I-V-I-N-'. It is time to evaluate my relationships and my role in them. It is time to figure out the person that I am wanting to be. I have seen a lot of unbelievable people fade out of my life and a lot of them are never coming back. Some of them I can only talk to in spirit. I am not promised another 10 years. I am not promised another year. Is this the kind of person that I want to be remembered for? And if not, then what I am going to have to do to get to that person?