#20sob ch 8

[mrsjihyunkim]

20 Seconds of Bravery Ch 8

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          When I woke up I felt something heavy and warm on me. I looked down and saw V's arm draped a crossed my waist. Everything from last night came crashing back in my mind and I remembered asking V to sleep with me. I turned over slowly and was relived that it wasn't all a dream. V's arms tightened around me and I was now only inches from his face. The closeness made me blush but I noticed that he had strange looking scars around his eyes. They were very faint but they looked like thin stab marks from some blunt object. It filled me with both rage and sadness to know that someone did that to V. I reached up moved some stray hairs out of his face and he stirred a little bit. He looked so peaceful and happy; I almost didn't want him to wake up. Although he always tried to appear fine I can always tell that there's something on his mind. Almost like guilt or some kind of loss. It always made me wonder but I knew better than to push. We had plenty of time to share our tragic backstories. V began to stir again and I could tell he was waking up. I didn't want him to find out I'd been staring at him so I closed my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I heard him yawn and I waited to see what he would do next. I could feel his eyes staring at me and I hoped I wasn't blushing. He held me tighter and I could feel his breath on my face. I could feel his hand in my hair and I was going nuts not looking at him. I slowly opened my eyes and he smiled at me. "Good morning." he said as he kissed my forehead. I smiled and brushed the hair out of his face. I let my hand rest in his hair twirling it.

"Good morning. Did you sleep ok?" He nodded sleepily. I could see that he was still really drowsy and it made him seem like a little kid. "You're really cute when your drowsy. Are you not a morning person?" He shrugged his shoulders and pulled me closer to him for a quick peck.

"I can be if I need to but everything I need is already in the bed so why get up." He said it so casually without a care in the world.

"I'm not that great. I'm honestly surprised I didn't push you off the bed." He laughed and opened his eyes fully.

"I mean you did smack me in the middle of the night while you were having a nightmare, but I'm fine." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I don't remember having a nightmare. Are you sure?" He nodded his head and I began to think. I honestly didn't remember having a one and I almost always remember them because they wake me up.

"I'm not sure what you were dreaming about. You were just tossing and turning a lot and I imagine that's how you smacked me." I leaned over and kissed his cheek to apologize. "It's ok. You calmed down after I had you so I made sure to not let go after that. I'm happy that I was able to help you for once." I laid my head on his chest and he rubbed my back.

"You really did. Normally my nightmare wake me up and then I can't go back to sleep after that because I'm scared I'll have them again. I would have to fall asleep watching cartoons or something. Come to think of it these last two nights are the first time in a while I didn't wake up on my couch."

"Well like I said I was just happy to finally be able to help you. It's the least I can do after causing so much trouble for you." I couldn't help but laugh at his statment. I sat up and saw the confusion on his face.

"You think you're the one causing me trouble?" He only looked more confused. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh it's just that Searan told me that you can be a stubborn hero. Please don't blame yourself for any of this. I was bound to meet someone eventually so I'm glad it was you." His hand caressed my arm and I laid back down next to him. "Plus you probably don't realize it but I'm glad all of this is happening. Thanks to you I'm not only going out of my comfort zone, but I'm also realizing that I can be happy. It's like my self-esteem is slowly rising and that's as good as any super power. Especially against Jake. He always fed off of my insecurities and used them against me but thanks to you that won't work anymore. I mean I'm still terrified of him but I'm slowly getting less scared of him. Ya know what I mean?" I looked up at him and he seemed to be thinking.

"I think I do. I was once like that. Very insecure and afraid of my self. There was another person that I thought I loved a long time ago and everyone thought we were perfect together. They didn't see us behind closed doors though. We were always fighting and she always said strange and terrible things when we were alone. It made me feel like I had to hide it from our friends but that didn't do anyone any good. It wasn't until we actually seperated that I was actually able to get better and see the truth."

"Is she the one who did that to your eyes?" He smiled a little but then looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "When I'm this close I can see the scars. I've seen my fair share of injuries so I can tell that they weren't self inflicted and that it was done by something blunt." This time he chuckled a little.

"You sound like some kind of doctor."

"Not really. Just more of an expert on pain." He let out a heavy sigh and seemed to be thinking again.

"Yes she's the one who hurt my eyes." He stared up at the ceiling as if he was recalling the memory. "We were having another fight. She was accusing me of not loving her, as she always did, and I told her it wasn't true. Then she asked me if I'd still love her even if she hurt me. Of course I told her I would and she seemed happy. Later on that day I went to the store and she was angry that I didn't tell her that I went. When I told her I went to the store she didn't believe me. She kept insisting that I was with another lover because I couldn't handle her darkness. She called me a liar and a hypocrite. Then in her anger she gouged me in the eyes." Hearing V's story made me realize who he was talking about and I debated if I should ask him. I didn't even realize that I had started crying until I felt V wipe them away. He was still looking at the ceiling and I was surprised he knew I was crying. "It means a lot that you'd cry for me but it's unnecessary. It's all in the past."

"How did you know I was crying?" I asked still surprised.

"I could smell them. My eyes have been in this state for over a year and a half so my other senses have began to adapt." His voice sounded so sad and I wished there was something I could do.

"Is there nothing that can be done to save your eyes?" He simply nodded and I felt a little happier.

"Yes. There's a surgery that could fix them and it's a 99% success rate." Before I could even ask why he hasn't gotten it he continued. "I just chose not to get the surgery because I've always believed that I deserved this pain. I always felt like I failed my lover and this was my punishment." I sat up in the bed and stroked his hand.

"You sound like some kind of masochist." We both laughed and he shurgged his shoulders. "No one deserves abuse and to justify something like that happening to you shows a lot of compassion. I do wish you'd reconsider the surgery though."

"To be honest I've been think about it more and more lately. When it happened I never thought I'd find another reason to see. I thought I made my peace with it and then I met you. You were the first thing I saw clearly in months. Then you told me about Jake and you got hurt in that tree. Both of those times my vision was blurry and I thought you'd disappear. I began to wonder if I could really protect you the way I am now." He sat up with me and played with my hair. "That's why I've been thinking about the surgery more and more."

"I'm glad that your reconsidering it but I don't think that I should be your soul reason for doing it. I'll still love you even if you don't get it. I don't what a knight in shining armor to protect me. I want someone who will comfort me when I'm having an attack or reassure me when I need it. I want someone who is kind and compassionate. I want you." He seemed to be surprised by my words. "Just think about other reasons why you want to see. Think of all the things you'll never get to see again, like family photos, or your old home. Memories fade as you make new ones that's why sight is so precious. I mean if I couldn't see photos of my mom I probably wouldn't really remember what she looked like. Do you see what I mean?" He placed his hand on his chin and seemed to be thinking.

"I think I understand what you mean, and although my past is something I'd rather forget, I want to see my future with you. So please understand where I'm coming from. I don't want to become a burden for you if I completely lose my sight." I let out a frustrated sigh and he looked sad. I honestly didn't know why I felt so annoyed. I should be glad he wanted to fix his eyes but I couldn't help but to be annoyed at me being the reason for it. The more I looked at those sad blue eyes the worse I felt for getting angry. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

"V, I have nearly crippling anxiety and depression. If anything I'm constantly worried about me being the burden and you leaving. I mean my brain is still a mess around you. The idea that you love me has me completely baffled and my brain keeps telling me that your playing some kind of joke on me. So me thinking that you're a burden is never gonna happen."

"You really have become more bold since I met you. I think it suits you." I felt my face blush and V laughed. I was about to say something when a loud grumble came from my stomach and then the same sound came from V. He began to laugh so hard he fell off the bed and dragged me down with him. I landed on top of him and our heads banged together. I was now laughing with him as I rolled off of him onto the floor. "Sounds like it's time to get out of bed. What would you like to eat?" I honestly hadn't thought about food since I woke up this morning.

"How about eggs in a basket? They're quick and I need to use my eggs before they expire." V stood up and held his hand out to me.

"That sounds perfect." He said as he pulled me up. I smiled and leaded the way to the kitchen. I pulled out the eggs, butter, and bread. "Do you need any help?" I shook my head.

"Nah. Just sit tight, it'll be done in a few." He nodded and sat down at the table. I watched as he tinkered on his phone and even tried to sneak taking pictures. "I saw that." I said shooting him a look.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said with a coy smile. As I whisked the eggs I noticed he was looking at his phone.

"So how's the RFA today?" I asked as I poured the eggs into the bread.

"Yoosung is bragging to Hyun about how he met you. Now Zen is practically begging to come over here." He laughed a little. "It's funny how excited all my friends are about you. I knew they would be curious but I never thought Zen would offer to clean my house in order to meet you." Now I was laughing.

"I mean I'd be fine with Zen coming over but isn't he really allergic to cats?" I asked flipping to bread.

"Yes he is. How did you know that?" His question kinda surprised me because he almost sounded suspicious.

"Shelby was an extra in a musical that he stared in last year. After that she became a pretty big fan. She knows everything about him and it drives Eric crazy." I went to go get the plates out when V hugged my waist. "V?" He rested his head on my shoulder and hugged me tightly.

"Are you a fan too? Do you prefer men like Hyun?" Right then I knew what this was, he was insecure. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"It's true I am a fan but only of his talent. And as for my preference in men it's pretty obvious. I mean I've only know you for about two weeks and I'm already madly in love with you. You are everything I always wanted and more. And besides guys who like to be the center of attention 24/7 aren't really my type." He still looked a little uneasy. "If it makes you feel better he flirted with me before but I turned him down and avoided the play after that." V's face perked up after I said this. His arms dropped to his sides and a smile crept onto his face. I turned back around and put the food on the plates.

"I have got to hear this story. Please tell it to me." He grabbed the plates from me and took them too the table. It was cute how excited he was.

"There's really not much to tell. Why do you want to hear it so bad?" I grabbed forks and joined V at the table.

"Because I've never heard of such a thing happening to Hyun. I mean he usually stays away from relationships because he doesn't have time. But no ones ever doubted that he can have anyone he's ever wanted. So to get the girl that turned him down is a little bit of an ego boost." He was gleaming like a little kid and I blushed. Zen wasn't the first guy I've turned down so I didn't think it was that big a deal. I took a couple bites of toast while anticipation danced in V's eyes.

"I honestly don't remember the name of the play but it was sometime last year. Shelby had gotten a decent part so I went and saw it with Eric. Well after the play Eric left me alone in the lobby to get get Shelby. I was there for about twenty minutes when Zen walked out. I became really anxious and I remember plan an escape to the bathroom." V laughed and I took another bite of my food. "He was staring at his phone so he didn't notice me at first but then he did. I tried my best to seem uninterested but he started talking to me anyway. My shyness made him think that I was a fan and that made me a little peeved. He told me that he didn't usually hang out with his fans but he would make an exception for me." I paused to take another bite.

"What did you say to him?" V was so amused by my story that he had completely forgotten his food.

"I told him not to flatter himself and that I had no interest in feeding his ego and that I already had plans to take my girlfriend to dinner. That left him speechless enough to run to the bathroom and hide. I haven't been to a play since then." I finished my food and took my plate over to the sink. V began to laugh and I smiled. "You should finish eating before it gets cold." He stopped laughing and looked down at his plate.

"You're right. Delicious food shouldn't go to waste but after I'm done I'm going to tease Zen about this." He beamed like a little kid and I couldn't help but smile. I was glad to have made his insecurities disappear. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I saw that it was an email from a client. My face dead panned. With everything going on I had completely forgotten about work. I had two days to redesign an entire website for Mr. Smith. V took notice of my face and became concerned. "What's wrong? Is it Alex or something?" I shook my head and gave a small laugh.

"No I just kinda forgot about work and now I have two days to redesign a whole website. I really hate to do this but I'm gonna be busy for a bit. I'll get as much done as I can before dinner. Feel free to watch TV or read. The whole wall behind the couch is book shelves. I'm sorry I can't spend the day with you." It felt like I was ditching V but it couldn't be helped. Mr. Smith was my biggest client. V walked over and kissed my forehead.

"It's fine MC. Your work is important so take your time. I'll be fine relaxing for the day, just don't over work yourself." He patted my head and I smiled at him. I watched as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. As soon as I saw that he was settled in with a book I headed to my office and began to work.