#2019 at 12:39PM | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

writingontheclouds · 7 months ago

Text

Chapter 4: How To Finally Get the Girl

The finale of my fic "How You Get The Girl" that I started in 2019 when I was a wee fresher in college. It is finally over. *phew* I hope this story stops haunting me now.

Read it on AO3.

...

The clock in her room read 7:39pm when Lily watched Isis disappear into the horizon, soaring higher and higher above the identical houses of Cokeworth.

She wasn't sure which part of her brain was working overtime when she thought of sending a letter through Isis. Or when she thought of the idea. She just remembers Sirius holding her by her shoulders and shaking with excitement at the idea as he exited her room and her house and disapparated from her front yard with a distinct pop.

She should have checked around if anyone saw him disappear. She should have berated him for being so careless in a muggle neighbourhood, *her* neighbourhood, as he apparated back at the same position exactly 12 minutes later with a grey owl sitting gleefully on her shoulder, playing with his black hair. But words suddenly seemed foreign to her.

Despite her newly found resolve and the shadow of a black haired boy peaking behind her shoulder, she had hesitated. Multiple times. Her quill broke twice. Isis fluttered around her room from her bed to the shelves. Sirius paced the small length of her bedroom muttering, "Good god woman, you don't have be Shakespeare."

She couldn't shake the guilt looming in her stomach, making her nauseous. *What if he truly has moved on?*

Sirius had been ecstatic, almost jumping off the walls of her bedroom as Isis flew out her window. "He's going to come as soon as he gets it, I promise."

Lily knew Isis was pretty fast, even for a magical owl. And after conveying her urgency in getting the letter delivered as soon as possible, Lily was almost sure she saw Isis' eyes become determined. She loved a challenge, that feisty little thing. Lily promised her an entire box of her favourite treats and off she flew, feathers fluttering to an inch of her face.

Her mother came in announcing dinner just 10 minutes later, asking Sirius to join them. 30 minutes and multiple pointless conversations later, she was ready to stab herself in the thigh with a fork.

"So there is actually a magical giant squid that lives in the lake at Hogwarts?" Her mother asked, absolutely aghast.

"Oh yes, my mate James and I arm wrestled one of his tentacles last year," Sirius responded as-a-matter-of-fact. Even Petunia, whose usual response to any time Hogwarts came up on the dinner table was a scowl, looked shocked.

"You what?" Her mother asked, looking at her for confirmation.

"They did," Lily told her mother nonchalantly, moving the contents of her plate from one corner to another, "Though they mostly just annoyed it. It got bored and dumped them on the shore and went back inside."

Almost an hour later, she couldn't take it anymore and went outside for fresh air. Surely Isis must have reached James by now? He was in the middle of London, not a cave up in the mountains.

It was 10pm when Sirius joined her outside on the front yard, after relaying some more Hogwarts stories to her mother.

"Maybe Isis is having a hard time finding him," He said softly, sitting down next to her on the grass. She just hummed in response, her heart hammering against her chest.

By 11pm, even Sirius seemed to have ran out of reasons. Isis should have reached James by now. Hell, she would have reached London by now if she had taken the train. And she was a witch. If only she knew where to go IN London. She could have just run around Leicester Square screaming his name like a deranged pelican.

At 11:58pm, a sudden movement caught the corner of her eye and before she knew it, a grey feathered blob landed directly in front of them. Isis looked ecstatic and proud. And as happy as Lily was to see her, her excitement lasted for 2 seconds exactly until she noticed the empty talon.

Her heart sank into her stomach. The answer was staring right in her face.

"Lily, maybe he got stuck-"

"Don't." Her voice was barely above a whisper, and her vision started to blur. Sirius wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and she hid her face in his shoulder. “Don’t."

"I'm sorry."

---

It took a very long time to convince Sirius that she was fine. Or, it took a very long time to tell a convincing lie to Sirius that she was fine. But he finally departed around 1am, with a promise to take her out for ice cream the next day to cheer her up.

She had already planned not to leave her bed for the next 3 days, to sleep as much as she could and to be awake as less as she could help it. But unfortunately, the world seemed adamant to not let her have her way, because despite her plans to be unconscious, but she was still wide awake at 2:30am.

Lily rolled over for the hundredth time, facing the pink wall of her bedroom and closed her eyes. She tried to go to her happy place, back to Hogwarts and its hallways and her friends, when a light tap sounded behind her. At first, she thought she had imagined it, the silence of the night deafening her and playing tricks on her mind. But the tap happened again, and again, and that's when her heart sank and her mind took a much darker turn.

She had heard of the rumours of muggle borns and the news of the 'disappearances', and suddenly, each name she had read in the newspapers flashed at the back of her head as she grabbed her wand, remembering every hex in the books. Tomorrow, she was sure, her name would be added to that never ending list. She slowly pulled the curtain above her desk to peak out at the offending noise.

But there, floating right outside the window in the middle of the night, was a boy holding a lit wand with a goofy grin. A grin she unfortunately knew way too well.

"POTTER!" she whispered angrily, half on instinct, but the sound wouldn't reach him. She put her wand aside and slid the window open.

"Potter! What in Merlin's pants are you doing?" she hissed, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"Can we talk?" he asked, his voice barely audible over the wind.

"You are floating outside my window," she stated, still processing the sight before her.

"Yes, I'm on my broom," he replied nonchalantly.

"You are floating outside my window on a broom," she repeated, her tone incredulous.

"Great observation skills, Evans," he remarked, a hint of a grin tugging at his lips.

"You are FLOATING outside my window IN A MUGGLE NEIGHBOURHOOD on a BROOM.”

"Oh. Yes. That. Uhh," he stuttered, looking around nervously, "Can I come in?"

"Can it not wait till tomorrow?"

"I would highly prefer today.”

"Today, right now? As opposed to today noon at Diagon Alley with butterbeer?"

"Today, right now.”

She sighed impatiently, backing up and gesturing him to come inside. While James was ambling his frame into her very small window, knocking down books and pencil stands as he came inside, alarm bells were ringing in her head.

"SHHH!" She shushed him, and he stopped for a second before continuing to get his other leg inside the window and pas her study table.

Bollocks. He was here. The reality of the situation was settling in now. What did he want to talk about? Did he want to apologise? Tell her thank you, but no thank you?

She glanced down at her worn out blue pyjama set, deciding she didn't care how she looked. Even if it wasn't, she wasn't going to change to be let down. How pathetic would that be?

"Cute room, Evans." He said once he had manoeuvred his broom inside her room and started inspecting everything.

"You better have a very good reason for this, Potter."

He just looked at her bemused, eyebrows raised, reached into his jacket and pulled out a folded piece of parchment.

"Oh, I have a very very good reason, Evans."

"Look-"

"Oh no, here is where I will talk and you will listen." That shut her up real quick.

"So, I was sitting in this quaint little restaurant in the middle of muggle London, on a date with this wonderful girl. She's pretty, funny and she loves Quidditch- and guess what?- she supports Puddlemere, I was sold by then and the date had hardly started. She's a splendid conversationalist, did you know? We didn't have any of those awful awkward silences, those are always a deal breaker for me. So we laughed all through the main course-"

"-I'm going to toss you out the window if you've come here to tell me about your new girlfriend-"

"-I swear the manager wanted to throw us out of there-"

"-You have Sirius to discuss the nitty gritties about your dates-"

"-and we were waiting for desert, when I look out the window and to my surprise, I see Isis there."

He looked right in her eyes, and Lily was sure he could see the blush colouring her cheeks despite the low light in the room. Hell, he could have spotted it from a mile away on his broom at this point.

He took a step in her direction, and she instinctively look a step back.

"Yes, Isis with a letter. She singlehandedly unleashed havoc in the restaurant, you should have been there, there was spaghetti flying around and people were slipping on spilled pasta sauce, all for a letter. Clearly, someone asked her to deliver it urgently.”

"Now, you must know how that scared the living daylights out of me, because what could be so important that couldn't till the end of the night? It's a difficult time in our world, you know," James Potter continued babbling animately, his usual self, but Lily's heart was threatening to beat out of her chest, matching James steps, as he continued to step closer to her and she continued to backtrack.

"So, we ran out the restaurant before we were arrested, though what for I still have no idea, but I must be completely pale and speaking gibberish because Emily said she couldn't understand what I said, and frankly neither could I."

"So, with trembling hands, I opened the letter, a million different worse case scenarios playing in my head, and can you guess what it said?" He asked, holding open the parchment and Lily could make out her hasty scrawl.

"Uhh.." Lily's back hit the door to her room and she realised she had nowhere to go now.

"It was from this rather infuriating bird, with bright red hair and a temper to level the entire city of London, who does not lose a single chance to wound my ego, who has spent the last 6 years hating me and my guts, and if that was not enough, for some weird reason I've fancied all that time?"

"Now, I had imagined this particular scenario many times in my head. My personal favorite ending in passionate and wild lovemaking, but never had I imagined this happening on a letter that I thought was the worst news I'll ever receive, when I was on a date with another girl I was about to ask to be my girlfriend. Now do you understand my anger?" James had closed the distance between the two, and Lily could smell broom polish on him. And his cologne. She was pointedly trying not to think about his cologne. She was sure she was hallucinating at this point.

"Well, if you put it that way.."

"..yes?" He put the parchment back into his pocket, and rested his right arm by her head, boxing her in.

"..I might have not have thought this through." She whispered, looking into his hazel eyes, forcing herself to not glance at his lips.

"Of course you didn't," He whispered back.

Lily cleared her throat and looked down, arms folding around her chest defensively. She couldn't look him in the eye while saying this. "Look, James, if you flew all the way here just to say this, you needn't have come. I got your message, loud and clear."

"Message? What message?"

"It's fine, I'm happy for you."

"Happy for me?"

"Yes, I promise I will keep my distance at Hogwarts. She need not worry, neither do you."

"You know, for a brilliant witch, you can be so dense sometimes." Lily's face contorted, taking offence, and ready to spew out some witty come back that would be weirdly accurate, but he put both his hands on either side of her face, and tilted her head up slightly, ensuring their eyes met.

"Lily, why do you think I am here?" There was a tender intensity in his hazel eyes, a silent promise.

Lily's eyes widened, one hand subconsciously coming to rest on his arm, holding it there, holding her.

"I.." She stumbled, staring into his eyes, unable to come up with any response, much less a rational explanation of his presence here.

He waited patiently for Lily to reply, his thumb softly brushing her cheeks.

"You didn't reply." She whispered finally.

"This is something I wanted to tell you in person," he said, nudging her nose with his. "I also had to escort Emily back to her place."

"Out of all the times, this was the one you chose to be a gentleman," Lily replied, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm always a gentleman," he retorted with a playful smirk.

Lily actually snorted. "SURE."

"I could always go back, you know, if I'm not wanted here. I'm sure Emily would love a good night stroll-" James teased, backing away and turning towards the window. But Lily grabbed him and pulled him towards her, his arms instinctively wrapping around her waist.

"Just shut up and kiss me," she whispered, her lips a hair's breadth from his. James grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief and affection. He closed the gap between them, his lips brushing softly against hers at first. The gentle touch sent a shiver down Lily's spine, her heart pounding in her chest. She felt impatient, and deepened the kiss and her heart actually skipped a beat when James responded equally enthusiastically. She forgot that she was in her tiny bedroom, that she was wearing her old battered night suit, that 5 minutes ago she wasn’t sure how her last year at Hogwarts would pass.

But he was here. It felt impossible, but he was here and he was kissing her, and by Merlin, it felt more glorious than she could ever have imagined. James's hands slid up her back, pulling her closer, while Lily's fingers tangled in his hair, those black locks that she had dreamed of running her fingers through.

When they finally broke apart, both breathless, their foreheads resting against each other. Lily's cheeks were flushed, and James’s grin had softened into a tender smile.

"I’m getting this letter framed.” He murmured into her lips and Lily chuckled.

"I'm going to buy Isis the whole store."

#jily fic #jily fanfics #jily fanfiction #writingontheclouds #how you get the girl #chapter 4

6 notes · View notes

gwenvivu · 1 month ago

Text

November 22, 2024 @ 9:07am

bà ngoại yếu lắm rồi. nghe kể lại thì đã bắt đầu mê sảng, thấy những người xa lạ nào đó. ko thể tự ngồi dậy được nữa.

dẫu biết sinh ra là sẽ chết đi, nhưng ai cũng sợ. mình nghĩ nỗi sợ đến phần lớn là việc phải xa những người thân yêu. những người ở lại thì lại càng sợ, vì ko muốn xa người thân yêu kia của mình.

họ kêu mẹ phải đi check chụp lại. bố thì phải tận qua tháng 1 mới check được.

cuối năm. hối hả, gấp rút.

November 29, 2024 at 1:21am

trằn trọc. ko ngủ được. cứ lật qua lật lại. nhiều thứ lởn vởn trong đầu. hại người hại sức khoẻ ghê. có quá nhiều thứ trong đầu mình, linh tinh..

December 1, 2024 @ 10:04am

điều mình trì hoãn ko làm nay đã trở thành nỗi sợ, và có khi nào sẽ trở thành sự hối tiếc ko. dự định sẽ hỏi có lịch để bố có thể đi check được sớm hơn trong năm 2024 ko, nhưng đã trì hoãn rồi quên rồi ko làm.

ung thư trực tràng. bố đọc được bài báo và đang bắt đầu lo lắng rằng mình có thể bị căn bệnh này.

mình cũng lo. biết là cũng ko làm gì được nhưng mà cứ lo và trong đầu vẽ ra đủ mọi cảnh sẽ xảy ra. hệ thống y tế khó khăn access, cái câu hỏi bị bệnh gì cứ lởn vởn trong đầu vì ko thể lấy hẹn được sớm hơn, ko biết làm cách nào..

nhưng thôi, thứ 2 này mình bắt đầu đt gọi hỏi.

thứ 3, 12/3/2024 @10:39pm

bà ngoại nằm luôn từ t7, cn tuần trước, mở mắt rồi nhắm mắt, ko còn tỉnh táo nói chuyện nữa, mệt mỏi và chỉ muốn nhắm mắt nằm ngủ. lông mày lúc nào cũng chau lại. đút nước là càng nhăn thín lại hơn giữa đôi lông mày. tất nhiên là cũng bỏ ko còn muốn ăn nữa rồi. thấy buồn quá, biết thì biết mà buồn vẫn buồn.

bố thì hôm qua mình đt lên vp bác sĩ hỏi y tá tới lui một hồi thì hôm nay có đt lại cho bố mà bố lại ko ừ lấy hẹn luôn. mai lại gọi lại bên đó tiếp. mai cũng tính gọi thêm bên bác sĩ gia đình xem push up lịch hẹn của bố được ko.

thứ 7, ngày 7 tháng 12, 2024 @7:16am

sáng 8:00 kém thứ 4, mình vẫn còn đang lăn lộn vì nửa chừng còn muốn ngủ nướng và vẫn đang suy nghĩ có nên tập yoga rồi mới qua mẹ hay ko (vì trưa đó mẹ mình có hẹn đi chụp lại ngực bên trái), thì thấy mẹ Đ đt qua.

đầu mình ko khỏi thoáng qua về điều tồi tệ nhất đã xảy ra.

bà ngoại mất.

tức tốc vùng dậy và chuẩn bị đi.

thấy ngoại nằm yên đó. hết phập phồng hơi thở. sức sống tắt lịm. rồi cảnh người ta đưa bà ngoại đi lên nhà quàn...

rồi sau mình về chở mẹ đi bv. H thì lo funeral arrangement cùng nhà. T2 thì thăm viếng; t3 chôn.

mình t6 vẫn làm việc vì đúng lúc team cũng nghỉ lia chia.

life goes on.

mình lạc quan suy nghĩ là bà mất mà con cháu đủ bên cạnh tận lúc những năm tháng cuối đời. chỉ thương bà bị mấy cơn đau hành hạ ko thoải mái lúc cuối đời đó. ngoại ko bệnh này sẽ sống thật lâu, thật lâu lắm..

mẹ sắp tới thì sinh thiết, bố thì sẽ đi test thêm colon và bao tử.

cầu mình đủ bình tĩnh và sức khoẻ để vượt qua nhiều điều.

12/10/2024, thứ 3 lúc 4:33pm

mới ngủ dậy. nghe trời làm mưa to thật to, và thấy thật buồn. nghe tiếng mưa to mà nhớ ngoại quá đỗi.

hôm nay là ngày chôn cất ngoại.

bà ngoại này là bà ngoại của H nhà mình, mình kêu theo heo là bà ngoại luôn, nên rốt cuộc mình đang có 2 bà ngoại. một bà ngoại ở bên này, một bà ngoại ở vn.

mình gặp bà lần đầu vào tháng 8 năm 2015, sau khi H dẫn mình và 2 người bạn gì đó đi roadtrip về. sau này nghe H kể lại, nghe ngoại nhắc mình là "con nhỏ trắng trắng," "đi về nó còn ôm ngoại nữa." ngẫm lại mình ngây thơ ghê há; giờ càng lớn làm cái gì cũng suy nghĩ thiệt nhiều cái đã rồi thành ra hổng dám làm gì luôn.

rồi bà ngoại của H cũng trở thành bà ngoại của mình nhiều hơn từ lúc bọn mình "âm thầm" cưới nhau, làm giấy tờ với nhau năm 2019.

vậy là 8 năm mấy ko dài ko ngắn biết ngoại trôi qua trong chớp mắt... bề trên kêu bà đi rồi, ko thể nào kéo dài thêm được gì thời gian với bà nữa dù có muốn đến thế nào..

hôm qua nghe bé em của H nói "con tạ ơn chúa đã giữ hết những đau đớn của ngoại rồi".. nghe mà thấy tim mình nhói lên.

tự dặn dò mình thôi hãy cứ cố gắng hết sức khi còn sống với nhau, để khi mình hay bất cứ ai đó biết mình đều ko phải hối tiếc.

hạt mưa nhỏ lại. nghe trời mưa lâm râm.

12/13/2024, Friday at 7:13am

từ lúc đổi giờ và trời vào đông, khó dậy sớm hơn hẳn. vì trời tối, vì trời lạnh. thêm nữa mình vẫn cứ tính xấu hay thức khuya. một năm lại trôi qua, và lại thức khuya. nếu mình ko chịu thay đổi thì chẳng có thứ gì thay đổi cả. mình muốn gì?

muốn dậy sớm thì phải ngủ sớm. muốn ngủ sớm thì phải kết thúc mọi việc sớm để có bed prep mà còn ngủ sớm.

vẫn chưa có cảm giác là ngoại mất. nếu suy nghĩ của mình ko thêm một lớp nhớ về những moment lúc thấy ngoại ko còn thở nữa, mình vẫn nghĩ là ngoại còn sống và đang đi chơi đâu đó. hoặc cuối tuần vẫn qua gặp được.

ngoại mất được hơn 1 tuần rồi.

0 notes

gesau-it · 2 years ago

Photo

Anche piccoli gruppi della Divina Misericordia possono salvare milioni. Pregare per tutti coloro che sono in peccato mortale è ora una priorità. http://messaggidivinamisericordia.blogspot.com/2019/12/anche-piccoli-gruppi-della-divina.html ºººººººººººººº — █ █ February 01, 2023 at 02:39PM

#importante

0 notes

sangklp · 5 years ago

Photo

@eli_enis *swirls tweet in mouth* i think i’m getting light notes of origami angel subtweet in this one? https://www.youtube.com/c/lifesang

#November 21 #2019 at 12:39PM

0 notes

xolovejessie4181 · 5 years ago

Photo

[INSTAGRAM STORY VIDEO] tiffanyyoungofficial: #magneticmoontour 🎈 https://t.co/X2VVHmKLQJ https://t.co/sePJ0vUTJt by tiffanyyoungofficial

#tiffany #tiffany hwang #instagram #fanystagram #tiffanyyoungofficial #November 07 #2019 at 12:39PM

0 notes

dopingconsomme · 5 years ago

Photo

【MMDモデル配布あり】ReimU：RE https://t.co/9P9qMPsYb1 #sm35652419 #ニコニコ動画ひえーどう動いてどっから見てもド美少女じゃん pic.twitter.com/VZ7DU40ftU

— 射手座の日 (@sagittarius72) September 7, 2019

source:tweet

#Twitter

#Twitter #dctweet #September 08 #2019 at 12:39PM

0 notes

food-log-life · 6 years ago

Photo

日替り弁当🍱#昼食

#Food #June 18 #2019 at 12:39PM

0 notes

bilderserien · 6 years ago

Photo

Ein Dorf wird ausgelöscht: Das SS-Massaker von Oradour http://bit.ly/2WvCHj3

#n-tv.de - Bilderserien June 10 #2019 at 12:39PM

0 notes

kodittomat · 6 years ago

Photo

Roni Suomenajokoira Roni

#January 29 #2019 at 12:39PM

0 notes

kc-travels-west · 6 years ago

Text

W A L L D R U G

#thursday may 30 2019 #12:29pm - 1:39pm #wall drug store #south dakota

2 notes · View notes

timextoxhajima · 4 years ago

Note

hi dana.. if it’s possible can i request some angsty wangsty based on niki la la lost you with eric🥺 and ughh i really love your writing like crazyyyyy

♥ title: la la lost you in april [also part of @sunlightwoo ‘s 12 Months I Loved You collaboration project]

♥ member: tbz eric

♥ genre: f2l, ex! eric x fem! reader, model! eric [SFW!]

♥ warnings: swearing, some mentions of sex [like, once i think]

♥ wc: 3.4k

♥ a/n: sis when i first heard the song I absolutely loved how you used 'angsty wangsty' so I hope this one does it for you the way you imagined it <3 [fyi i wrote it in like, a camcorder recording audio format which is something i’m trying out so please hmu on whether it’s difficult to read/understand!]

[REC: APRIL 2, 2019 - 6:39PM] SOLO LOG #1

Are you seeing this? This is the most beautiful sunset I’ve seen. I gotta get a shot of this-

Hey! Hey! I could help you take a picture with the sunset if you want to!

Oh! Would- Would you? That’d be great!

Of course!

...

Here. Is it alright?

Yeah, yeah, it’s cool! Thank you so much!

Are you recording something? Is it a- Are you vlogging? Are you a vlogger?

Yeah, no... I’m actually on a solo trip for a bit.

Oh, where are you from?

Just the next state.

Ah! You’re taking a break off... life then? I assume? Sorry if that came out weird.

No! No no! It’s alright! Yeah, I just needed a short break from... y’know, school and everything. My semester ended pretty early on so I took the chance to come out here and... see some new sights, meet some new people.

I get that. Well, for a start, what’s your name?

Oh, I’m y/n. Nice to meet you! And you?

I’m Eric.

[REC: APRIL 4, 2019 - 10:34PM] SOLO LOG #2

It is the 4th of April, 2019. I know, I know, I’m meant to do a daily vlog for all the 50 days I’m here but... it’s been... wow. Um... so I met Eric, the first day I touched down. The beach is just, about a 10 minute walk down and the sunsets are absolutely gorgeous. But uh... call me a fool and say that I’m living in the clouds but- what are the chances?

He’s funny, he’s such a great person to be around with y’know? Never a moment of like, awkwardness or stress and my God, look at me talking about a boy like that, though I met him 2 days ago.

...

Um, he’s a freelance model. For those freelance shoots by UNIQLO or Target or something and he complains about the pay sometimes, but he looks good infront of a camera, so he’s... actually the one who won at life, really.

I’m not seeing him soon because he’s got a shoot out of town and he’ll be back next week. But I did get his number and he’s been texting me since.

...

Wouldn’t it be funny if we end up together and then I have this whackass of a reel to show him? Jesus... I need to stop getting ahead of myself here. Freakin’ living in the clouds, aren’t I?

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and see if I can get my weird projector shit up and working. See you.

[REC: APRIL 7, 2019 - 5:14AM] SOLO LOG #3

It is... 5am... uh, April 7th- and I was just binging FRIENDS through the night, waiting for the sunrise before I get some shut eye and then... Eric just asked me out. Oh my God! Um, he’s coming back this Thursday and I’ll go see him at the airport before we go get dinner.

It was really funny ‘cause he had to wake up early for a shoot today and so his day has just begun but mine’s coming to an end and I just- I’m rambling so much, it’s kinda- it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

I think I’m too happy to sleep right now so I’m just gonna text him some more before the sun rises- oh! He replied!

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and finish up this last episode before sleeping. Hopeful I can sleep. Bye!

[REC: APRIL 11, 2019 - 4:28PM] SOLO LOG #4

I am on my way out right now to go meet Eric at the airport, and I’m... it’d be an understatement to say that I’m excited. I know I’ve only known him for like, 2 days before he left but... I miss him. Is that possible? Missing someone despite knowing them for 2 days?

Anyway, I gotta go. Don’t wanna be late to see him.

[REC: APRIL 13, 2019 - 10:23AM] SOLO LOG #5

Oh! Is that what you had-

Yeah! It’s the same camera!

What are you vlogging for, actually? Like-

Nothing, really. It’s just for my own usage-

Wait, you didn’t like set that up last night while we-

Oh, God, no! Who do you think I am?

I don’t know, I mean, we’ve known each other for... is it two weeks-

Just under two weeks-

Jeez-

I know, I know, oh my God.

...

I don’t regret it though. Yeah, like- I don’t really go down to the beach that often in the first place and it just- it just so happened that you were there that day and I saw you struggling with this old thing-

I was not struggling!

Yeah you were!

I wasn’t-

I’m kidding! Gosh, you’re so cute.

...

Are you gonna have the camera recording while this carries on?

I forgot it was on-

One day we’re gonna accidentally make a sex tape-

Eric!

[REC: APRIL 17, 2019 - 1:15AM] SOLO LOG #6

-ould you pass me the hot water?

Mm? What?

The kettle over on the counter. Careful, it’s hot. Yeah, thanks.

Do you need help with-

It’s just instant noodles, sweet. Doubt I need a diploma for this. You’re recording again?

Yeah, does it bother you?

No, no, ‘course not. Though that means I can’t really do whatever I want to now.

What does that mea-

...

I can... still taste that bit of milk tea you had just now-

Could you tell it’s zero sugar?

I don’t think that matters, it’s still sweet and not great for your health to have that so much.

Aw, and yet you’re the one who suggested noodles at this timing, yeah?

You were hungry too!

...

Here, it’s done. Help me get the bowls?

Did you even wash these?

Yeah, I did. If you don’t trust me, you can run them under the water for a bit.

Mhm. Here.

If it’s not enough, we can call for Macs.

Y’know, I’ve never had Macs past midnight back at home.

What? Really? Well, when you get back in May, would you try?

Yeah, why not? Maybe I’ll do that when I’m back in school.

...

What date is it today?

April... hold on, um, 17. Careful, that’s hot.

...

When are you leaving again?

May 22.

Are you planning on coming back anytime soon after?

I don’t know. I have school to worry about and the only other time I can come back’s probably during winter break in November.

...

I won’t be around in November.

Mm? Why not?

I’m moving.

To where?

I’m not sure yet, but I need to move depending on whether I get it and where the shoot’s at.

Shoot? It’s a big project, huh?

Yeah, it’s- it’s a pretty big deal.

...

I’ll- Let me just go and...

[REC: APRIL 20, 2019 - 7:49PM] SOLO LOG #7

-idn’t have to!

No, c’mon! It’s such a great time to get this on camera! Come on, tell us what just happened!

Well, I just scored a huge model contract with Calvin Klein - in Manhattan.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m so fucking proud of you, oh my God! Can you believe it-

No, fuck off, I can’t either!

Oh! Calvin Klein!

...

I swear, you’re an angel sent to me-

Fuck off!

I’m serious! it’s so timely- I just can’t- I’m just so happy to have met you.

...

Well, you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen. Eric Sohn is a new model for Calvin Klein - Manhattan.

[REC: APRIL 21, 2019 - 12:40PM] SOLO LOG #8

It is 12.40pm... April 21st, 2019. I’m finally back in my apartment after crashing at Eric’s for the last... 10 days? I think it was 10 days. My clothes were running out and I didn’t want to hike up his water bills so I just came back and- y’know did my own laundry.

...

Well, it’s- it’s been an absolute dream. The last thing I expected to... have, or meet? Here, is Eric. Um, but I know I’m probably going to regret this. Especially when May 22 comes. Uh... this is... it’s real bad. I mean, we’re great, y’know? But... it’s bad, because I know it’ll hurt. Like a bitch. When my time here is up, and I gotta go back to my reality, and Eric’s gotta stick to his.

We haven’t really talked about it. May. I don’t think he wants to, and I don’t think I want to either. 50 days is too short. Either that, or I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone to the beach that day, in that hour.

...

I just wish we had more time. I wish 24 hours were... maybe about 100 seconds more per minute. Does that make sense? 160 seconds per minute. Then again, I don’t think that’d solve my problem. I’ll still be on a ticking... time bomb.

...

I know I shouldn’t say this. I know I can’t. I know I can’t afford to. But... I... I love him. I love Eric. With every... bit of me. It’s so... disgustingly cliché, but I feel so... comfortable with him. There’s really nothing we’d fight about, and even if we disagreed on something, we’d play it off like a debate, then forget about it the next day.

...

I love him. I do. And I’m going to regret this later. Without a doubt.

...

[REC: APRIL 27, 2019 - 2:02AM] SOLO LOG #9

-ou can see the stars?

I don’t know, that’s why I’m trying, sweet.

...

Can you see them?

Yeah, maybe if I just turn this ISO- Oh! I can kinda see the North Star-

Oh! Yeah, you can! It’s really feint though.

Right.

It’s okay, we can just lay it down here-

On the grass? Will your camera be fine?

Yeah, yeah, or else you can just put in on top of my bag- here.

...

Here, can you see me? Am I in frame?

Yeah, you’re in frame.

Okay, great. Now get over here!

...

I can taste the smoothie you had just now.

Too sweet?

A little.

...

Oh my God! Put me down! Oh- not there! It’s ticklish- AHHHHH!

...

y/n, I have something to tell you.

Mm? What is it?

...

Hello? Earth to Eric?

I... I love you. So much... and I can’t bear to see you go in May.

Oh, Eric...

No, I- I don’t want you to stay- or even think about it, ‘cause, you have your priorities and I have mine y’know...

Mhm.

I just... I just wished we had more time.

I do too. I really do.

...

Eric?

Hm?

I love you too.

...

[REC: MAY 1, 2019 - 4:23AM] SOLO LOG #10

1st May. 4...30? Am? I believe. Um, Eric’s sound asleep in his bed and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to do a log.

...

I have... 3 weeks left. 4 weeks have gone past just like that, and I don’t know what to think about it. I came for a 50-day retreat. No stress, just myself and peace and quiet and tranquility and yet-

...

I- I don’t know if I can do this.

...

[REC: MAY 7, 2019 - 3:58PM] SOLO LOG #11

So, Eric’s in shoot right now and I’m on the way into the studio with some donuts and coffee to surprise him. I called his manager and asked if it was okay so- I’m pretty psyched to see his workspace.

...

Hi, I’m y/n, I’m here to visit Eric?

Ah, okay! Hold on, let me just get you signed in with the pass-

Count me in!

You sure? This Saturday at the prep-party?

Yeah- Oh!

Eric!

y/n! What are you doing here?

I wanted to surprise you. Am I... interrupting anything?

Oh, not at all!

You must be y/n! Eric’s told me so much about you!

Did he? And you are...?

I’m Chelsea! I’ve been attached to the same Calvin Klein contract he recently got, so you could say we’re colleagues!

Well, nice to meet you! Oh, right, these donuts and coffee are meant for you guys actually!

Oh! You’re too kind! Eric, you’re such a lucky man.

I know, she’s just... everything.

Anyway, thank you so much for these. I’ll bring them back down to the studio for the crew to share. But Eric’s pretty much done for the day actually, so you guys can leave if you want to!

Are you sure? Don’t you need help downstairs with the equipment?

No, no! It’s fine, there’re more than enough people downstairs. Go have your date, and maybe you can bring her along with you for the prep-party this weekend!

What’s the prep-party... preparing for?

Oh, you’re so adorable! It’s a prep-party for the end-of-May shoot we’re gonna have. it’s a collab with DAZED so it’s a pretty big project.

You never told me you were involved in a collab with DAZED.

I was gonna tell you today.

He has been pretty busy recently, maybe slipped his mind. Anyway, thank you so much for the donuts and I’ll hope to see you at the pier this Saturday, mm?

Yeah, sure. Thanks Chels.

No problem! It was so nice to meet you, y/n, I’ll see you Saturday!

Okay, bye!

Bye, Chelsea! It was nice to meet you!

Bye!

...

Sweet, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?

I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought you said you’d end pretty late?

The filming was cut short because the shots were better than expected so we ended early.

Oh, I wanted to film you while you were at work.

You have that on?

Yeah- why?

No, just wondering.

Are you uncomfortable?

No, no, it’s just... I really didn’t expect you to come to the studio.

...

[REC: MAY 11, 2019 - 11:12PM] SOLO LOG #12

It’s 11:12pm, 11th May, 2019. 11 days to departure.

...

I... saw... Chelsea and Eric... um, out by the garage-

...

Well, I guess... it looked like they were just... having a really good talk. Or something.

...

I left. I couldn’t watch it. So, I left without telling Eric. I did tell his boss that I wasn’t feeling well and I had to leave first.

...

I guess this is the part where I regret it, isn’t it? Um... I don’t know... how... I’m gonna explain this to him when I see him again. Which is supposed to be- um- the rest of the night. I was supposed to go back to his place with him and I’ll stay for the weekend before I come back to pack my things, so-

...

y/n, are you home?

...

shit.

y/n, I know you’re home. I heard you talking. Open the door, I need to talk to you.

...

[REC: MAY 12, 2019 - 2:00AM] SOLO LOG #13

...

I look like shit, don’t I? God, my eyes hurt like a bitch.

...

I don’t think I need to say what just happened for you to guess what just happened, right? This... says it all.

...

Fuck.

...

I shouldn’t have come here. How did- How did my retreat turn out- turn out like this?

...

This is- This is too much. Too much in too short... of a time.

...

I don’t think... I don’t think I can do it. Not anymore.

...

[REC: MAY 19, 2019 - 9:59AM] SOLO LOG #14

It’s May 19th, 2019, almost 10am. I just came back from a morning walk by the beach just to... reminisce a little before I leave on Wednesday.

...

I... haven’t seen Eric since the prep-party. I blocked him and I told him not to come over, though I think he has, like, a few times. I thought I heard someone come up to my door, but he never knocked.

...

So, this is how it ends, huh? A 50-day romance cut short like that. Into about, 40?

...

It’s crazy to think that I had... the experience of a whole relationship in 40 days. I definitely did not sign up for that when I booked this 50-day retreat.

...

It was fun while it lasted, though. It was. I don’t think I’d find anybody else like Eric, and I guess it just sucks that it had to end like that. Things happen, right? That aren’t... in our control.

...

[REC: MAY 21, 2019 - 8:07PM] SOLO LOG #15

May 21st. About 8pm. I leave in about 15 hours.

...

All my stuff’s packed. Definitely more things to bring home than I brought here. Half of these things were bought by Eric and given to me. I’m... actually not sure if I should bring them back.

...

I don’t- I just don’t think I’d have the heart to throw them away.

...

Nor look at them when I’m home.

...

Should I even bring this camera home? Maybe I should wipe your memory before I bring you home, hmm?

...

It feels like a dream, doesn’t it? Everything that’s happened. It feels like a fever dream. Maybe when I’m finally home, I’d wake up and it’d be the day I come here.

...

Maybe.

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 10:03AM] SOLO LOG #16

-ny more luggage?

Nope.

Alright then, I think you’re all set. You still have about an hour’s time before the gates are open so you can get a cup of coffee or something, yeah?

Okay, thank you!

Have a nice flight ma’am.

Thanks.

...

Good evening ma’am, can I check your boarding pass?

Yeah, sure.

...

Okay, you’re good to go. Have a safe flight.

Thank you!

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 11:34AM] SOLO LOG #17

It is about 11.30am and I’m on the flight, and here’s the view outside. Sky’s pretty clear and this thing says that the weather’s great so, it should be a smooth flight without turbulence.

...

This is it. This is really it.

...

Um-

Hi, ma’am, I’m gonna need you to keep your camcorder.

Oh! Yeah, sure, sure, sorry!

[REC: APRIL 2, 2020 - 12:48AM] ERIC LOG #1

Wow, this is... weird. How did you do this last year?

...

Um, hi. y/n. If you’re watching this then I’ve somehow managed to get this synced into your camera by some weird... bluetooth, iCloud shit that Felix helped me figure out.

...

It’s been a year. And... I just thought you should... see this, or hear me out, at least. I know we didn’t end on the best terms... and I’m sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for being unreasonable for something that was... suspicious. I should’ve understood.

...

I should’ve been there. To see you off. And I’m sorry I didn’t. I... was scared, that I wouldn’t be able to let you go if I went to send you off. I was a coward. I still am.

...

But I do want you to know that... those 50 days were the best days of my life. Albeit it ended horribly, but nothing could... nothing- nothing will ever replace what happened last April.

...

I said I love you and... I still do. Every day I think about you and your smile and your voice and- and I cry to sleep... worrying that I’d forget how you sound like, or how you laugh and how... how you smell like. My bed smelt like you even after you left.

...

I just- I love you. And I miss you. And I’d do anything to go back to what we had. I’d do anything to get- to get you back.

...

I’m sorry.

...

the clip comes to an automatic stop. the white triangle slapped onto the screen, begging you to play it again. you look up from the screen, watching the famous calvin klein ad that hasn’t stopped playing in the last month.

he hasn’t changed one bit. not his hair, not his smile, not his voice.

it’s a bittersweet pot of memory stashed in the back of your head when the memories flood back. looking back down at the camera, you count back the days - it was synced just last night.

the pile of tissues by your thighs are carelessly huddled into the bin next to your feet, mentally berating yourself for going through the memory instead of formatting it.

you stand, fingers shutting the screen back onto its body with a soft click. the tv blacks out when you press the red button on its remote.

you’re halfway into your kitchen when there’s a knock at your door, and you immediately gasp, blinking rapidly.

“oh, it’s my fucking projector!”

rushing to the door, you don’t hesitate to get the door open.

and yet, like the heavens were providing you with all the light to stop you from doubting yourself, your lungs empty themselves like vacuums.

your heart stops.

your breathing stops.

“eric... what are you doing here?”

224 notes · View notes