#2018 was a fun year yah i kept drawing her over and over

[pekodayz]

i miss HER.

[sophiadwiratna]

I felt like talking to you today. I haven’t spoken to you for months now. Not that I still think of you now and then. News flash, I finally got over you. I stopped cry over you. I stopped thinking of you. But I felt like talking to you today because something reminded me of you, most importantly reminded of how strong I am. Besides, you know how much I love telling stories.

As I continue spend my days in my room, I now believe that boredom really makes you do crazy things. I started with my camera rolls because this damn phone has nothing to do but remind me that I have zero storage left. I don’t know how this stupid technology works, as I recall I have 256 GB, I assumed it can handle thousands of shits, but turned out it didn’t. Don’t tell me to go to settings to check the details out of curiosity, I didn’t have the energy.

Don’t lecture me about photos hoarder and said “makanya dihapusin!!!”, you know I’m just a lazy ass bitch, I don’t even close my tabs after opened them, and you even found the photos of my exes from ages ago when we were still together lol. Again, I said this thing as truth and truth only, the reason I never delete my exes photos simply because I’m lazy, not that I still linger over them. In fact, all the photos from the moment I bought this phone are still there hahahaha. That’s just how lazy I am.

But today I need to delete some shit, because after upgraded my phone to 256 gb, ternyata limit Iphone, stuck di 512gb, copo lah. Sebulan juga itu penuh kubuat.. Yah sebenarnya I can’t afford it juga, that’s the real problem here, do u see my issue now? Wkwkwk

So I wanna change my ways of life. gak mau jadi hoarder lagi.. Pelan-pelan aku yakin bisa hidup kyk org jepang yg serba minimalis wkwkwk canda. I started with scrolling my camera rolls to the very first photo in my phone. 1 out of 22,617 photos lol just fuckin shoot me now. I deleted it one by one. From screenshots Online Shop, to screenshots chat gossip, all those stupid ass selfies (I really love myself wkwk), food photos, and more food photos. And memories with my friends, my lovely family, until I reached to my ex photos, that bring me stomachache I was like “ew anjing ini yg ternyata buat awak jd selingkuhan for 6 months”, I deleted right away, and onto the photos of my next ex, who write my name in the damn sand, still my respond was “kalau di pikir-pikir alay juga monyet ini” , and deleted.

I was having so much fun pitying my “gampang jatuh cinta” traits and got fooled every time. How I moved on right away, and now I have couple of exes lined up, regretting the shit they’ve done, and wish me to start over with them? Tolonglah harga diri dan self love-ku lebih tinggi dari Kanye West.

Anyways, I finally got to 2018 archives. Our year when we started this, as we called them, rollercoaster remember? Lol. First photo was your drawing of me and a novel, your first birthday gift to me. U wonder what my respond was ya? “Aw, pernah sweet juga ternyata si bodat sebelum busted” sorry lol, No man can’t control what’s inside their head right? I deleted the photos one by one. But this time I didn’t go “ew” or curse on someone. Trust me. You were my first long-term relationship partner, Van.. You were my first boy best friend. I could never hate my used to be bestfriend, you know how much I value friendship and family bonding.

I deleted one by one. The photos of your love letter (btw I kept 2 photos of this letter as memory), to ugly selfies you took silently on my phone, to our first picture holding hands, and thousands of selfies of you during our Long Distance moments, to endless screenshots of your face when we did facetime, to our first, second and third holiday, videos of you did some stupid shit I told you to, like making dumb faces, riding a ferris wheel, and dance like clowns (kenapa mau sih, tolol juga lau) and pictures of you sleeping (nah kalau ini aku went “ew” because turned out I took pictures of you diam-diam when you weren’t looking many times). DELETED ALL karna udah terlalu cheesy HAHAHAHA.

But btw, I didn’t delete photos of Dira, that kid is something lol imma keep her with me and the shit we did together in our imagination wkwkwk. Call me a kid I know.

Kalau aku disuruh hapus all these memories 5 bulan sebelum ini, you bet I cried like a fuckin idiot, dan mataku sampe bengkak kyk habis di tumbok org, but today, aku sama sekali nggak nangis. Bahkan aku senyum (not in a crazy way of me saying “i was out to avenge my last’s defeat” with evil laugh ya). I smiled with teary eyes, “aku bisa ternyata get through this, and letting you go”. And I have no regret, I have loved you enough Van. 2 years was enough for me, I no longer wish if only we have more time. I’ve had enough memory and lesson from you. Let that memory be my treasure now. I will cherish them.

And I forgive you, Van. I hold no grudges. I’m finally setting us free. I no longer feel pain whenever something/someone strike me into thinking of you. I really do. Say hi to me if we ever cross path again, I won’t bite lol. Just don’t expect me to be friend with you because I don’t do friendship with my exes, you know the grand rule lol.

We’re good now. And this will be my last story told. Have a great life, Ivan!

Ps : I attached 2 of your letters that I choose to keep because it helped me through my lows. As a token of remembrance, I hope you don’t mind..