#2013-2015 really was the golden age huh

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010: 35 - 31

35. KEiiNO - “Spirit in the sky” Norway 2019

During the preshow I posited that "Spearwhil”  would be the Rasmussen but as it turned out-

I HEAR YOU CALLING ME AT NIGHT

No, Tom NOT NOW!!! I’m in the middle of my sentence. 🙄 Wait your turn Anyway, it turned out that ‘the Rasmussen’ really ought to be called ‘the KEiiNO’. Observe this Michal-esque rise up the scoreboard:

OutSzpak’ing Spzak. 😍 Let’s be honest though, it was-

I HEAR YOU CALLING ME AT NI-

- COMPLETELY DESERVED TOO.  Fred was especially great, who delivered EPIC yoik solo that I am sure won KEiiNO the televote on the spot. 😍

This particularly pleases me because I was worried Tom & Alexandra (who are both very good performers) would take the spotlight away from Fred, but no did the weakest link pre-show turned not only turn out to be the strongest one, but he was arguable the single strongest performer of finale night. SO PROUD OF THEM ANGELS. 😍 Let us all sing along

*cough* I said, “let us all sing along”

... 

(k Tom, now is ur cue)

I HEAR YOU CALLING ME AT NIIIIIGHT

THE NORTHERN LIGHTS ARE DANCING

HÅ LA HEI LOI LÅ

A lot of the criticism from KEiiNO comes from your typical value-seekers who can only enjoy themselves in public if their shallow trash comes coated in a thick layer of novelty gimmicks and Deep Meaning, so they don’t have to admit to others and themselves than they tune in to have fun, like everyone else. There’s nothing wrong with novelty gimmicks & the like, but applying that standard to everything is taking it a tad too far. Sometimes, simplicity is key and that’s exactly what KEiiNO were: unpretentious, highly-addictive EDM adorned with epic yoiking. 😍 

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34. Gianluca - “Tomorrow” Malta 2013

"Tomorrow” is, to use Gianluca’s own words, a curious delight: I always, always, always forget about it. Then I rewatch 2013 as I do at least once per year, and each time it’s like a Céline Dion song IT’S ALL COMING BACK TO ME and I’m in love again. 😍 “Tomorrow” is such a clever twist of the typical love song by telling the story from the THIRD PERSON PERSPECTIVE by an all-knowing narrator. It’s world’s merriest audiobook. 😍

Naturally, this works because Gianluca has TONS of charisma. He’s one of the most magnetic humans ever on a Eurovision Stage? 

It’s hard to believe that he ages like the rest of us, I’d assume he was birthed fully formed and clothed, at age thirteen, in whatever rests at the end of a Neverlandian rainbow. 

“Tomorrow” could’ve so easily been one of those “Annoyingly Positive songs”, but because he’s so relentlessly jolly, Gianluca injects “Tomorrow” with limitless happy energy, enough to melt the polar icecaps. I am happy that I don’t revisit Gianluca between watches, as I do with others, because each time I rediscover him it’s like finding a four-leaf-clover. 🍀

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33. Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov - “Samo shampioni” Bulgaria 2013

IMA LI MLADI? IMA LI LYUDI? TSYALO SELO DOIDE PEITE NE SE BOITE

Let us continue with one of the most glorious trainwrecks EVER in Eurovision. 😍 Of course, this being the GOD-tier the severity of wreckage (aka the Sennek Factor) is even higher than normal. In the case of “Samo shampioni” the messiness began DURING THE PRESELECTIONS. 😍 Okay you may not remember or know this backstory, so allow me to enlighten you:

Okay, so *initially* BNT selected Elitsa & Stoyan and for some reason decided to hold an NF: They introduced: first a terrible rapbomination, second a boring ethnoballad (think Iriao + percussion) and then pulled out an experimental fusion of ethnic bagpipes, polyphonic singing and dubstep, which Elitsa openly pointed as her favourite. 😍 Obviously, the audience had to choose for the latter? NOPE The audience chose the iriao-esque ballad 😍 and in one of the most hilariously open displays of riggage, LESS THAN A DAY AFTER THE NF (and after Elitsa allegedly threw a huge backstage temper tantrum threatening to withdraw LMFAO), BNT produced a statement that was all like “well. we can’t send “Kismet”. 🤓 You see... it has come under our attention that... the songwriter from Argentina (lmao) can’t agree to the copyright terms we demanded of him 🤓but that’s fine because it means we can send “SAMO SHAMPIONI” instead 😊‘ <3333333333333333333333456789 who the fuck is Christer Björkman, fucking NOBODY that’s who. And of course, once “Samo Shampioni” finally got to Malmö it was an utter disaster. 😍 I say "disaster” in the best meaning of the word though. I LOVE when countries showcase their musical traditions, but Elitsa and Stoyan do it so aggressively, BLASTING the unassuming viewer with loud af bagpipe noises, following it up with a menuet of polyphony, a clarion of “AAAAAAAAAAAA-YUUUU” and a finale of dubstep and mayumaniacal percussion. “Samo Sampioni” was loud, abrasive, a clamour of ethnic noise but by the same token such a catchy, infectuous, delightful fucking BOP. No surprise it got jurypwned but it was well worth the effort. 😍

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32. Nadav Guedj - “Golden boy” Israel 2015

Welcome to the Dicedrome, ladies and gentlemen: Introducing the man who put Israel back on the map after four straight NQs. But Nadav is more than just a Hebrew Tom Dice. 

For starters, “Golden boy” is also the first time we were ever subjected to Doron Medalie (and also Imri Ziv but lol Imri), who is at his BEST here (apart from that moment when he brusquely shoved Cesár out of the way as if he were Krisse Salminen lmfao 😍): “Golden boy” has everything I could want in an uptempo party song: Drama, catchy rhythm, limitless fun, chanting, dancing and an absolutely ridiculous premise: sixteen year old boy gets wasted after fruitlessly flirting with all sorts of femfolk on his first night out. Yes, THIS

is sixteen years old. 😍 But what I mostly love about “Golden boy” is the humour. Intentional humour is really hard to get right and “Golden boy” NAILS it for me. From self-deprecating one-liners, to that choreography to b-roll material like the sound effect of beer being pourn as Nadav gets further into the song, to of course the epic finale of “THREE MINUTES! BYE :selfie”. 😍

A wild ride which, as serendipity demands, is topped off by Nadav kicking off a strong Israeli streak that indeed ENDS up with Israel winning the contest (with a worse Doron composition :-/) and him showing us around in Tel Aviv. Funny how life works sometimes, huh? 

OKAY GOTTA GO  THREE PARAGRAPHS BYEBYE

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31. Jessy Matador - “Allez ola olé” France 2010

Did you know “Matador” is Eurospeak for “SLAYER”?  😉

Speaking of EPIC party songs, I was looking “Allez Ola Olé” up for my usual ranking purposes and this song.. is one of the most successful Eurovision songs EVER? I am not surprised, because “Allez olla olé” OWNS, but at the same time random 12th placers becoming massive off-season hits <3

(yes I am aware it’s because it was the French “Waka Waka” but that’s even more hilar, actually. What on earth is it doing in Eurovision <3)

Anyway, “Allez ola olé” definitely DESERVES all praise it can get. ETERNAL THORN IN THE SIDE OF THE EUROVISION ELITISTS <3 it is of course the anti-Proud, being all rhythm and no story, literally having no purpose other than making people dance (which I LOVE doing to “Allez Ola Olé”... within the confines of my bedroom, with the curtains closed because I have the dancing skills of drunk JarJar Binks) and honestly, what a spectacle. 😍

It features, in order of ascending awesomeness, male twerking (gender equality <3)

witty references to sex (which I don’t mind here because it’s clearly consentual, and therefore, healthy, ICKOLAS)

“Je sens le truc monter/..😏 ALLEEEEZ 😱”. 

DAM BA DAM BA DAM BA DAM DAM

A fucking HAKA????? (btw, the female backing doing a salute is also lowkey great <3)

Actually, TWO HAKA’S????

This song may not have relevant meaning but my weave flew all the way to French Polynesia. “Allez, ola, olé” is nothing less than fucking AWESOME. 

In this update, we pay our final respects to Norway, Malta and France: Read more about them below:

NORWAY

I don’t feel like this chart reflects my true feelings on Norway, because I like them a LOT more than what their average implies. They’re largely just dragged down by a few bad entries in the first half of the decade. Norway in the second half of this decade has shown a lot of promise and they are on my list of countries that I expect to win in the upcoming decade. 

MALTA

Malta are a very average Eurovision country imo. As you can see, they very often select songs that are not worth giving a fuck about, but conversely the few times that they do, they’re usually excellent happy-go-lucky gems. I could see them winning if they find that rare 1-in-50 entry (by one of their jesc winners preferably), but only if they keep internally selecting their entrant because lmao MES(s)C <3

FRANCE

This is a really good chart for France and roughly what I expected. Not my favourite country but solidly upper tier. France really have reinvented themselves post 2016 and are reaping the rewards with generally higher results. I hope it gets topped off with another win soon. They deserve it. 

[buddaimond]

Robert Pattinson’s Favourite Movies: 15 Titles the Actor Wants You to See *as of June 2018

1. One flew over the cuckoo's nest (1975)

“A lot of that kind of ‘putting your middle finger up to the world’ attitude — not that I really have that, but…I used to be so timid, and that was one of those films that [helped me break out], by pretending to be Randle,” Pattinson told Rotten Tomatoes.

2. Breathless (1961)

Like many film lovers before him, Pattinson cites Jean-Luc Godard’s “Breathless” as the movie that got him fascinated by the director and the French New Wave. The actor calls the movie “one of the best [representations] of the relationship between women and men.”

3. The exorcist (1973)

Most people love “The Exorcist” because of its scares, but Pattinson names it one of his favorite movies of all time for one reason: Linda Blair. “[I choose] ‘The Exorcist’ because I love Linda Blair,” Pattinson told Rotten Tomatoes. “She’s my ideal woman.”

4. Julia (2008)

Erick Zonca’s crime thriller stars Tilda Swinton as an alcoholic who becomes entangled in a plan to kidnap one of her fellow A.A. member’s son from his wealthy grandfather. Pattinson refers to Swinton’s work as “one of the great performances” and lamets the fact the movie is “kind of criminally underseen.”

5. Headhunters (2012)

Before breaking out in the U.S. with “The Imitation Game,” Morten Tyldum directed Nikolaj Coster-Waldau in the action thriller “Headhunters.” “It’s an insane chase movie that goes very, very, very dark,” Pattinson told Rotten Tomatoes. “I love it when a story, when you really break down someone’s essence, and that is their fatal flaw. It’s just so simple.”

6. The devils (1971)

Ken Russell’s controversial “The Devils” is one of Pattinson’s favorite movies to revisit. “I love his movies,” Pattinson said of the director. “A lot of [his films are] performance-based; all these directors get these incredible performances. Oliver Reed in ‘The Devils’ is unreal. That could literally play now and it would still be subversive.”

7. The beat that my heart skipped (2005)

Pattinson holds Romain Duris’ performance in Jacques Audiard’s “The Beat That My Heart Skipped” in high regard. “Watching his performance was kind of like, ‘That is a performance which I would love to get anywhere close to,'” Pattinson said about watching the movie as a teenager.

8. Arizona Dream (1993)

Emir Kusturica’s “Arizona Dream” features the pairing of Johnny Depp and Vincent Gallo, and Pattinson said he couldn’t get enough of watching their chemistry. “It was also another early influence,” Pattinson told Rotten Tomatoes. “I love Gallo’s performance when he’s talking about how all the greatest actors have New York accents, and he’s demonstrating to Johnny Depp’s character how to order drinks as a true New Yorker. It’s funny.”

9. Pierrot le Fou (1965)

Pattinson envies Jean-Paul Belmondo for being the coolest actor who ever lived. In addition to “Breathless,” the actor names Belmondo and Godard’s “Pierrot le Fou” as one of his favorites. “He’s cooler than Bogart!” Pattinson said.

10. Ivan's XTC (2002)

Bernard Rose’s “ivan’s xtc.” is an adaptation of Leo Tolstoy’s novella “The Death of Ivan Ilyich” that went largely unnoticed at the box office, but Pattinson says it’s one of his favorites. “It’s amazing,” Pattinson said. “Danny Huston should have gotten nominated for an Oscar for it. It’s about an agent in Hollywood, and it’s kind of a dumb movie before Huston comes in, and then literally is the best example of one performance elevating a movie.”

11. First name: Carmen (1983)

Pattinson’s love of Jean-Luc Godard continues with “First Name: Carmen,” which won the Golden Lion at the 1983 Venice Film Festival. “Halfway through, it turns into the most heartbreaking, serious thing that you’ve ever seen — out of nowhere!” Pattinson told Rotten Tomatoes. “You’re suddenly so attached to these characters.”

12. Le souffle (2001)

“It’s a fucking amazing movie,” Pattinson said of Damien Odoul’s coming-of-age movie. “I think it’s kind of quite related to ‘Good Time’ as well. It’s just incredibly, beautifully shot.”

13. Corky Romano (2001)

The Chris Kattan–starring “Corky Romano” was a notorious box-office flop, but that hasn’t stopped Pattinson from loving it all these years. “Literally, that’s one of the only films I’ve pissed my pants at,” Pattinson said. “Like, I actually pissed my pants.”

14. White Material (2009)

One of the reasons Pattinson jumped at the chance to star in Claire Denis’ upcoming science-fiction movie “High-Life” is because he’s long admired her movies. He told the LA Times the Isabelle Huppert–starring “White Material” inspired him as an actor. “I love a lot of Claire Denis’ stuff,” he explained. “I can’t think of a better word than ‘singular.'”

15. The lovers on the bridge (1991)

Leos Carax is another foreign director Pattinson credits as inspiring him as an actor. The actor picked “The Lovers on the Bridge” as his favorite Carax title when speaking to the LA Times. “I like a lot of English-language movies from the ’70s, which everybody likes, but among more recent films, for some reason, a lot of French movies,” he said. “They’re more operatic. They’re not afraid to be emotionally operatic. I like that.”

Photo by Richard Gianorio (23.06.2018)

Rob’s favourite movies list updated every year :

Robert Pattinson’s Five Favorite Films with Rotten Tomatoes (Aug.2017)

Deep Breath, Damien Odoul, 2001

Arizona Dream, Emir Kusturica, 1993

Julia, Erick Zonka, 2009

The Beat That My Heart Skipped, Jacques Audiard, 2005

Headhunters, Morten Tyldum, 2012

Ryan Fujitani (from Rotten Tomatoes): Just for the fun of it, I want to tell you what you picked last time. In 2008, you picked One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, The Exorcist, the Godard film Prénom Carmen, Corky Romano, and then you picked Ivans XTC, the Danny Huston film.

Robert Pattinson: I mean, to be honest, that’s probably still pretty close to what my five favorite films would be. I was just watching Corky Romano again. [laughs]

RF: And actually, when you talked about Godard last time, you also mentioned Arizona Dream, and you specifically talked about ordering drinks the way Vincent Gallo does as well. It’s clearly something that stuck with you.

Pattinson: [laughs] That’s how little I’ve developed in 10 years. I’m exactly the same.

Rob’s favourite five shared with Le Cinema Club during Cannes (May 2017)

Jimmy P. , Arnaud Desplechin, 2013

Embrace of the Serpent, Ciro Guerra, 2015

Vengeance Is Mine, Shōhei Imamura, 1979

Days of Being Wild, Wong Kar-wai, 1990

Come and See, Elem Klimov, 1985

Photo by Richard Gianorio (23.06.2018)

From the article (published on 22.06.2018), the compiled list of 15 movies Rob recommends, 10 were previously mentioned to Rotten Tomatoes, and these 5 are new ones, and I am going to include my guess on these new additions:

2. Breathless (1961) - Research with Kristen’s role as Jean Seberg

6. The Devils (1971) - Research for his role in The Lighthouse, or just admire the director

12. Le souffle (2001) - Research for Good Time

14. White Material (2009) - Research for High Life

15. The Lovers on The Bridge (1991) - Very french, Juliette Binoche, interesting director, need I say more?

Another interesting note, his other old favourite Pierrot le Fou (1965)  whose main actor Jean-Paul Belmondo (Rob: “He’s cooler than Bogart!”) is the co-lead of Jean Seberg in Breathless (1961). AND Breathless’ director Jean-Luc Godard also directed Pierrot le Fou (1965) and First name: Carmen (1983) on his list  . Rob has admired Godard for a very long time  (LA Time). Small web of connections huh?

[sounds-offire]

Good Bookings, Missed Opportunities, Possible Future Endeavors and Great Non-Scripts : Professional Sports

Soooooo we are here on the back of a historical Superbowl in which The New England Patriots have won their 5th championship since 2002 and Tom Brady has the most rings of any quarterback in history. Along the way, the Atlanta Falcons were dominant for 3 quarters going up by 25 points only to lose as Brady and Co. scored 31 unanswered points to win in the very first overtime in Superbowl history. 

History making game? Absolutely. 

Rigged? Scripted? Planned? Booked?.... perhaps.... 

Many circumstances appear to be booked in the world of sports ( of which we will discuss today ) and other situations just feel.... I dunno... normal. Unfortunately, those are the games that get forgotten. Obviously most of these are championship moments but then there are also moments that are great and likely arent scripted. Now , ultimately who’s to say? Maybe life really does work itself out in ways that are absolutely amazing feel good, historical moments... but then there are other times where its like.... cmon’ man! This list will compile various circumstances in which if scripting in sports happens at all the example will be consider likely to heavily scripted, a great non script, or a missed booking opportunity to make a great script. 

1. 2011 NBA Finals ( Dallas Mavericks Def. Miami Heat ) :  Likely Scripted

The 2011 season was the year that Lebron James went into infamy. After nearly 7 years being considered one of the greatest NBA players of his time, and still never receiving championship gold, King James took his talents from his home at Cleveland to create a supposed Basketball superpower with the Miami Heat in 2011. Upon doing so, America collectively lost its minds and ostracized him for basically doing everything he could to get a ring, save for just staying with Cleveland and slugging it out with them until the age of Ohio 2015/2016.

( OH Dont worry...we’re getting to that !! ) 

That would’ve taken him 10 years, but apparently L-Jeezey wasn’t trying to wait that long. Enter the ardor of America and the largest 3 point shooter in the world, Dirk Nowitski. Ironic that the nations savior from the supposedly elitist Lebron James , was a man from Germany. And as punishment for drawing heat onto the heat, ( see what I did there ) losing in game 6 though being heavily favored. The fact that Lebron was the main character of the league that year, but was a decided heel or badguy, the end of the season shouldn’t end with him winning the championship until America could get their collective minds around getting together to support their “ King.” 

2. Cubs vs Indians - World Series 2016 - Non-scripted Greatness

The Age of Ohio would end on a somewhat sour note, with the Chicago Cubs finally ending their 108 year championship drought, defeating the Indians away at Progressive Stadium. The story would end sweetly for the away team, but don’t forget that the Indians became the most loveable losers of the year just making the World Series and taking it to a game 7 , after the Cleveland Cavs won the NBA championship and the Ohio State Buckeyes won the CFP National Title the year prior. I would’ve called scripted had the Indians Won, but in this case, since the Brown and Blue Jackets didn’t join them in playoff contention, I’ll leave the scripting to Lebron and them....Speaking of which.

3. 2016 Cleveland Cavs vs Golden State Warriors NBA Finals - Likely Scripted

Just look at this face...

I just can’t take it. One year prior, and one Kyree Irvin short, Steph Curry made convincing work of the Cavs in the NBA finals 2015 to become World Champions. One year later, and the Cavs appear primed to take same L against an even better Golden State Team and even better shooting Steph Curry, only to come back from a 3-1 deficit - the first ever in NBA Finals History ( Obviously ) to win the Title 4-3 in game 7. He left to get a ring in Miami and looked like this...

Thats was his FIRST... in 2016 it was his 3rd. Cleveland didn’t mean nearly so much in 2012 and 2013 huh? I call scripting....and bad cry acting...

4. Brett Farve does it for his dad - 2003 - Non Scripted Greatness

As far as scripting goes, I don’t think its in good taste to really do this.... its also the 2003 Oakland Raiders. No offense, but they weren’t great back then...

So one day after his father’s death via stroke or possible heart attack, Brett Farve makes the gutsy decision to lead his 9-5 playoff hunting Packers into Raider nation and puts on a clinic. 4 Touchdown passes for 399 yards later, and Mr. Cheese himself became his own version of a game of EA Sport’s Madden NFL. But he didn’t do it alone. 

“I talked to the receivers before the game and told them ‘Anything he throws, we catch,” said Packers wideout Donald Driver. “I don’t care what it is — behind us, over our head, if we have to get on a ladder or jump on a guy’s shoulder, we’re going to catch the ball.”

With determination and support like that under these circumstances, a legend like Brett Farve couldn’t really lose.

5. New Orleans Saints vs. Chicago Bears 2007 NFC Championship- Missed Booking Opportunity 

So in favor of Tony Dungy vs Lovey Smith in the Superbowl ( which doesn’t bother me mind you...) The New Orleans Saints would get an Espy award for one of the Greatest Moments in Sports as they defeat the then undefeated Atlanta Falcons in the Superdome for the first time since the devestating Hurricane Katrina. They would then go on to lose the NFC championship game against the Chicago Bears, destroying the possibility to call for a good story for Burbon St. How awesome would it have been for the city that dealt with one of the worst natural disasters this country would collectively face in years, to come back and become World Champions the very next season when the Superdome would be reopened. 

6. Possible Future Endeavors

Looking for a good story? Here are some possibilities for the upcoming sports season:

-Draft Deshawn Watson to the Cleveland Browns , they make it to the Playoffs but lose to the Dallas Cowboy who go on to their first Superbowl since the 90s.

- Rematch for the World Series where the Indians win in game 5

- Oklahoma City Thunder Defeats the Golden State Warriors to go to the Finals where they defeat a shocking Miami Heat resurgence. 

[pinelife3]

Montezuma 2EEE

This is MF DOOM on the Jake One track 'Get 'Er Done':

Make no mistake son, it's Jake One, he makes beats well like I likes my steaks done with sauteed onions and hella worcestershire, a gush of beer to wash it down.

First of all, whew that internal rhyme! Worcestershire//gush of beer. Yes! I feel like only MF DOOM can do this shit. I read a really interesting write up on MF DOOM from Ta-Nehisi Coates recently. Coates seems like the nicest guy ever - he's so smart but also completely unpretentious. He writes for Marvel and The New Yorker and seems to easily move between those worlds. (I was in a comic book shop today and feeling kind of out of place but the bald, bearded goth guy behind the counter was super nice, and declared the book I put on the counter an “awesome read” and then he recommended some other stuff to me as well. This is a wildly irrelevant anecdote - was just thinking about comics.) Anyway, Coates talks about DOOM, but also his own experience as a hip hop fan:

I kept the assembled works of Wu-Tang Clan on repeat and stewed, convinced that somewhere around 1998 hip-hop had run out of things to say. I was not alone. Disaffected music fans began to refer to the halcyon days of the eighties and nineties—when every rapper had a d.j., and label owners didn’t vamp in videos, confusing themselves with artists—as “the Golden Era.”

We were the kind of fundamentalists that haunt every genre of popular music. By the end of the nineties, we had started seeking a sound that offered something other than guns, girls, and drugs. Some of us found neo-soul. Others got lost in our parents’ jazz records. And still others were radicalized and turned to U2 and Björk.

Not to be picky, but I feel like Wu-Tang talks about guns, girls and drugs plenty. But they also talk about the Shaolin, martial arts and poverty and I guess that's the difference. Anyway, I never knew why DOOM wore the mask, but he says:

I wanted to get onstage and orate, without people thinking about the normal things people think about. Like girls being like, ‘Oh, he’s sexy,’ or ‘I don’t want him, he’s ugly,’ and then other dudes sizing you up. A visual always brings a first impression. But if there’s going to be a first impression I might as well use it to control the story. So why not do something like throw a mask on?

Huh. This other musician I like, Brock Berrigan (he makes really nice beats -you should check him out), always wears a chicken head mask - possibly for reasons similar to DOOM's. For me, that reasoning doesn't check out though, because aren't people obsessed with unmasking? I guess if nothing else it creates an iconic image around your act without that having to literally be your face the way it is with most other artists. ANYWAY, I guess lyrics don't need to be technically amazing like DOOM's to be entertaining - this dude Open Mike Eagle has some good lines. From his track "Ziggy Starfish (Anxiety Raps)":

I log into my Twitter page And start bending over like Gollum This dumb cred is like crack rock And I never seem to hit bottom

Sweet Gollum reference - I had to look this one up. The "bending over" kind of threw me: I thought he was maybe saying something about hoes on social media but then why would he be bending over? Then I thought maybe he was saying he was gay and hoeing on social media himself but it still seems weird to invoke Gollum in that context, right? I like Gollum as much as the next person (i.e. a lot), but I would not be super keen to draw comparisons between his appearance and my own (although we do share the same sickly pallor and blue eyes - plus, I too have spent many years living in a cave). According to Rap Genius (and the line's context - I am truly an idiot for not getting it sooner. Maybe I just wanted it to be something sexual to do with Gollum) he's just saying that he's addicted to Twitter and the praise/attention it affords him, similar to how Gollum is addicted to the ring (and crouching).

From age 18 - 21 I was super into Fleet Foxes (I think they hold up. They're pretty irresistible, right?). They have this song "Montezuma" which finishes like this:

Oh man what I used to be Montezuma to Tripoli Oh man oh my oh me

I guess I'm an idiot because when he sings "Montezuma to Tripoli" I always heard "Montezuma 2 Triple E" and imagined it stylised like this: Montezuma 2EEE. Tripoli obviously makes more sense but it never even occurred to me that he was saying that. I thought he was referring to something mysterious and abstract. (Writing it out like EEE makes it look like a bra cup size. I don't know if they do triple cup sizes (they do!). Even doubles make no sense to me. Okay, so I've quickly Googled it. If you're curious: it turns out that a double or triple letter cup size indicates that the boob being cupped sits somewhere between two cup sizes - so a DDD breast is bigger than a DD breast which is bigger than a D breast, and all of them are smaller than E. That's what this website says anyway. But this whole framework really falls down with the AA cup, because a AA is smaller than an A. It should at least be consistent. I've been wearing bras for years (big shot coming through) and am only now learning about all of this. To be honest, I am incredibly guesstimate-y with my bra shopping: band size is pretty consistent but cup size swings wildly across the alphabet. Should probably get fitted but I feel awkward being fondled by a shop assistant. Plus, it's not like I walk into a bra shop and immediately think that the shop attendants have great breasts - why should I take their advice?) 

Montezuma 2EEE: I imagined some weird website which was techy and totally opaque to me, but also somehow involved Aztec emperors. I kind of want to make a weird, pointless website ("isn't that what this blog is, Kath?") because I have pinelife.net and nothing is happening there - I post all my Pinelife blog posts there too (which I know is a real waste of effort - my time is worth nothing so I don't mind wasting that) but I kind of prefer Wordpress' text editor to Tumblr's so it has that advantage. I found this really weird website (please please check it out) a while ago via the House of Leaves subreddit and found it so intriguing and exciting. I don't know why, but I had this insane rush of adrenaline while I was exploring the website. It was cool. Maybe I should make a weird, labyrinthine, pointless website of my own: it'll have shitty navigation, the font and background will be the same colour, possibly other things will be wrong with it too. It'd be something to do anyway. Maybe instead of making a book object I could make a website object - is that a thing? This might be a good way to waste some (more) of my time anyway. I do kind of want to make something. I’ve been bored with blogging for a while. Or, I don’t know - I enjoy doing it and looking back on my old posts (out of the vault: remember this one about cynicism and church? I was so proud of that. Weirdly, my favourite post from last year is this stupid one about pizza which was really low effort) but I don’t know if there’s anything I’ve written in the last year that I’m that proud of. The year went really fast and I feel like I’ve change a bit (or maybe a lot, I’m not sure). 

Montezuma2eee.com is available. Hmmm. I already have pinelife.net. Is it greedy to want another domain? I doubt Montezuma2eee is going anywhere (but I’d feel like quite the fool if someone did take it from me - I can’t really be the first to think it’s 2EEE - it literally sounds exactly like it). Anyway, I should play around on pinelife.net for a bit before making the $0.99 commitment to a new domain. 

Urgh. I’m an idiot. I nuked pinelife.net and all of the images I’ve uploaded to Wordpress there are gone and I’m lazy and never bothered to upload them to stupid tumblr, I just copied them and now they’re gone. I hate myself. Why didn’t I think for like half a second before deleting everything? Plus, there must be a better way to delete Wordpress beyond FTPing in and trawling through all my folders and deleting anything with a wp prefix. What happens if I just delete everything, like all the folders, and just start from scratch? I’ve forgotten how all this works. (This blog post is a real, rambling steam of consciousness. If I had any editorial credibility I would not publish this thing.)

Hey, talking about me trying to be creative: I was just hunting around my writing folder (basically untouched since 2015) and found this monstrosity I made to mourn the demise of Google Reader (wtf is/was wrong with me?). Jesus I have no memory of making this. Troublingly, I feel very pleased with this thing and its weirdness (obviously if I was genuinely embarrassed I wouldn’t share it here). This would have been 2013.

Also, I won’t post this, but I found an old poem I wrote (lame) in 2012 for uni which is all bullet points and features the word “pre-cum” in the first line. 22 year old me: why?

More? This is the start to a novel I was writing when I was 22/23:

Sirens by the swamp. The river doesn’t move in the summer heat: green carpet of scum across the surface. Two police cruisers are parked on the grass, another blocks the footpath. An officer unfurls yellow tape.

In a local 7/11 the Slurpee machine releases its hold on life and a stickiness of Cola flavoured low calorie slush spills forth. Potato salad is left to putrefy at a hundred backyard barbeques. In a thousand shitty sedans the steering wheel is too hot to hold. In a million armpits sweat prickles through dark hair to find cool air.

The body is partially submerged in the swamp. Obscured by slime and dark water, her hair is tangled in water grass, an eel nuzzles her cheek. From the waist down she is naked, seething with ants and flies. There is a tattoo of a dragon on her hip. If there was a lot of blood it’s now vanished into the mud. Someone has performed a riverside hysterectomy: it was not tidily done.

Sirens by the swamp. Five girls stand in the shade under the bridge: jutting hips, bare feet, iPhones, string bikinis, denim shorts. One pops gum as a police officer asks her preliminary questions. Another discretely photographs the crime scene with her phone. Their families are not expecting them for lunch. It’s Werribee and it’s Christmas day.

****

ppl made a new word for wh@ happened. they said th@ she had been uncunted. 2 b fair it was pretty bad nd even sum of tha sirens said they thought a line had been crossd. dead girl wasn’t even from werribee. actually th@s probably why she was dumb enough 2 go down by tha river

the thing th@ made me haha was th@ channel 10 made such a big deal about her being found by tha sirens b/c theyre young girls and tha news ppl tried to make out like its not a safe town 4 girls nd like girls shouldnt go out alone nd they tried to use tha sirens as an eg of young women in peril. but it was like oh man have u got it wrong. those river girls are bad

honestly werribee is fine so long as ur not fool enouf 2 go down by tha river. th@ is the ao for sirens nd eeeeevery1 nos not to go their less they want they dick sucked nd there future ruined. haha 4 real the news crews + police r lucky they didnt get uncunted 2