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supernoondles · 5 years ago

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2019

The last day of 2019 was also the day I fainted for the first time--a fitting metaphor for the year.

2019 was overall very emotionally taxing. This year was emotionally defined by falling intensely, deeply in love with someone (who is a very private person so I will try to be vague to respect that) and being in a lot of pain because of situations mostly outside of our control. There were a lot of intensely joyous moments, and a lot of intensely sad ones. Throughout it all I wish I had communicated better. I also made some bad decisions with another person I really loved and cared about that resulted in us growing apart. Do I think I grew from the experiences? For sure. Do I wish I could have come upon these realizations through a different course of action? Also yes. Am I fully healed from the experiences? Not really, but I've been getting better.

2019 was also very bad in terms of research. It was the 2nd year of my PhD. After I submitted my rotation project I basically felt stuck in the swamp of my advisors rejecting new project ideas for like literally half a year. This, combined with my high emotional volatility (partially due to starting birth control), made me really sad, unmotivated, and susceptible to self-blame. I definitely had high expectations for myself and became frustrated at my lack of progress and felt a lot of pressure from myself to get my shit together. I also felt incredibly bad after most advisor meetings and not supported by one of them to the point where I had to have a conversation with him about the lack of support (which was very scary)! Things started picking up, though, near the end of the year. I published a paper in collaboration with a former post-doc/now professor elsewhere whom I learned a lot from, and started finally building out another system. I also started mentoring an undergrad who at some point told me I helped him feel like he had something important to say and belong at Stanford for the first time and those words meant a lot to me. I think I'm continuing to refine what I value as research contributions and increasingly think about what it means to build systems that aren't used outside of the lab to satisfy the annual conference publishing cycle. I'm also starting to feel the pressure of doing work that follows a narrative rather than random projects that interest me.

Oh, I guess in terms of "program requirements," I did finish taking required classes, passed qualifying exams, and got a master's degree. But honestly those weren't hard at all nor do I think are externally valued in the larger research community, so I don't really celebrate them as accomplishments beyond surface level.

In 2019 I saw two different therapists. The first one was awful, I think directly influenced some of my bad decisions, and also didn't respect my gender identity??? The second one is a lot better and I'm grateful to see her, even if 90% of our sessions are just talking about my relationship (romantic/advisor) issues, which is something I want to move away from in the future. But I also feel incredibly privileged when relationship issues are the primary stressors in my life--I am grateful I feel equipped to handle other crap, like deadlines, and don't have to worry about my own health.

Those were the main things that have colored this year. We'll now move into the section of this post where I go through my photos to jog my memory of other events.

New years started a tradition of getting dim sum with Jasper, Matthew, and Michelle dear to my heart. My high school friend was also visiting and we all attended a really awesome new year's eve party. I was also going on a lot of dates and having a lot of good sex, which made me really happy, and at the same time crying all the time at work. In February I received probably the best gift anyone has ever given me and saw Panic! at the Disco, which I said in an end of the year group meeting was a good memory of my year (it was, to relive my scene days!). In March I roadtripped both to Marin (which I had never to been before, despite all my years in the bay) and LA for Wondercon; it was nice to both see high school friends and go on a trip with the boo. In April I went on a hike with my office which was probably the start of us all becoming closer (we are the social office in the wing now, which I take pride in! Also we draw a lot of Pokemon which warms my heart). In May I went to CHI in Glasgow and then to Paris afterward, and the entire experience was very weird and bad and also too many flights were canceled and/or missed and I vowed to not return to Europe for a while, but man do I love the noodles at Trois Fois plus de Piment. In June we hosted a double apartment party with my downstairs neighbors (side note: I am really appreciative of the place I live in, for the community, convenience, and large-ass space and will be really sad to be kicked out fall 2020) and I started a friendship important to me. I cat-sat for my advisor (the one who doesn't make me feel bad) twice. I went to Redwood State Park with my family and hosted a summer solstice celebration. Over the summer a friend I met in Paris back in 2017 moved in with me. I had a much needed escape from the bay to Seattle where I was reminded how abundant the world can be. I also went to Tahoe to celebrate my parents' anniversary, and really liked stumbling upon a smaller lake with a cheap boat rental. Then I became FOMO about the highly competitive Bay Area camping and did a last minute walk-in at Redwood Basin in Santa Cruz, which made me realize that I don't actually love camping (but was nice nonetheless). I ate an expensive meal at Commonwealth before they closed. For my birthday we made a friendship quilt and I served my favorite dish of cumin lamb but it was also 90 degrees in my apartment (I felt really bad and bought two fans afterwards). I started buying many cartoon frog plush after being gifted a $3.99 on sale Safeway frog (called Baby!). I went on Tinder dates (one of which was at a quaker yard sale marketed as Harvest Festival where I got a 1970s Kermit puppet for like $2) that largely went nowhere. My high school friend visited and we were both sad about break ups. I did Inktober before I went to New Orleans for a conference on Bourbon St where everything felt like it was coated in a sticky film of alcohol. I almost missed my flight home because I fell asleep in a sculpture garden but I had the most amazing Uber driver who snaked his way through traffic (oh and the flight was delayed by like 3 hours). I went to kind of embarrassing haunted houses and pumpkin patches over Halloween, but also had the most incredible bowl of ramen at Mensho. My whole office dressed up as Zootopia characters which warmed my furry heart. I spent like $120 on a Pokemon shirt. I started playing Arkham Horror and rekindled another friendship important to me. In November went on a road trip to Big Sur because again, I had to escape it all. For Christmas Eve dinner I roasted a duck for the first time (which was delicious). Shortly after I waited in line for 2 hours for a rollercoaster at Great America, which taught me the value of buying a fast pass because at this point in my life that money is worth it, and then waited 2 hours in line at the DMV to get a RealID (I had made an appointment, which was the fast pass).

Okay, now we move to the hobby section!

I got really into sewing in 2019, having received a sewing machine last Christmas. I made a Judy Hopps (which I wore to CrunchyRoll Expo) and Korok cosplay (Fanime), several unsuccessful garments, a crab bean bag, a dice bag, a fanny pack, and put hearts nipples on a jumpsuit.

Shows! I think I went to way fewer shows this year. The ones I can remember are Elephant Gym, Thom Yorke the night before I had an 8am flight, Carly Rae Jepsen over pride weekend (also, she is my #1 artist of the year, which makes a lot of sense given my emotional space), Mitski at Stern Grove, Capitol Hill Bloc Party (which was super lame, except for Lizzo, where I cried), and the National (which was a fucking surreal experience as they played on Stanford's campus, I was the only one within earshot of myself who knew the words to Crybaby Geeks, and then the white catalog moms came up to me after to thank me for singing the song).

I also started playing my own music! I started playing viola again for the first time in 7 years (lol) in both pop-up concerts with the Awesome Orchestra (one in Golden Gate Park, one at the Exploratorium) and a string quartet through my school. Sometimes I am filled with joy and delight. Other times interpersonal tensions run high and also I am very bad at being in tune. It's life.

Media! I really liked Mob Psycho 100 Season 2 and Beastars. I feel like those were the only notable anime I watched this year? I saw the Farewell three times--first in Seattle where I sobbed for like 1 hour after the movie, the second time with my parents, and the third where Awkwafina was present for a Q&A. I thought Parasite was incredible and Promare was OK. I have spent an unfortunately large amount of my time playing Pokemon Masters. I finally beat BOTW and completed my Pokedex in Shield like 2 weeks after getting the game.

Resolutions! In my draft of my 2018 end of year post (which I never polished and posted, sorry), I said my resolutions were 1. come out to my parents 2. draw enough to table at an anime con 3. be disciplined about paper reading and have a doc. I did none of these things!!! However, for 1, I feel like I am well equipped to have this conversation but am waiting for my sibling to do it first out of respect. 2 was just bad. I barely drew this year except for gifts. 3 was okay--I did have a large doc in the beginning of the year when I was looking for ideas, but as time went on I abandoned it (I also stopped reading papers, which I don't think you're supposed to do as a grad student...)

My resolutions this year are phrased as intentions (-(c) Matthew). They span several categories. Relationships: I want to open myself to and actively seek experiences of love, because I miss that. That being said, I will only date someone if 1. they have their life together 2. they love themselves and 3. they challenge me to grow. (I do think you can experience love without dating; the thing I'm after is love in an expansive sense.) Work: I want to do enough work so I don't feel guilty about not doing enough work, and also not berate myself for taking a long time to do things. Hobbies: I want to sew at least one thing a month. Chinese: I want to improve my Chinese, especially pronunciation.

Having written this 20 days into 2020, it's not been so bad so far. But I was also really happy in the beginning of 2019. Here's to no global maxima, a monotonically increasing year!

#noon's shitty end of the year summary posts #lol i never post on here anymore but i got 8 years of summary posts so i gotta maintain the tag u get me

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carndriverrecords · 5 years ago

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First Blog Post 3/20/20

Started CnD Records today. Feels Good.

Working on some diss tracks. Not sure if they see it coming - doesn’t matter either way.

Planning to release Car and Driver first real record this Friday 3/20/20. Driving Test Driver Fest 1.

Self release first record - another 20 tracks next week. Compile top 10 - 15 for first release with other label - thinking Terrible, Kranky, blu ish label or Thrill Jockey. Citrus City a no-go for now. Maybe just keep building CnD records.

Be the middle man - take advantage of opportunities without sacrificing my bands’ (and those I represent) integrity.

Reach sleep destroyer.

Last night at Ted’s - great DJ set. Kidz bop remixes, Fancy. Crowd hated it. Ted disappointed we had to leave but it’s ok with everyone. Tall guy took aux right out of computer, have video. Started dancing - cucked everyone. Everyone thinks they’re the crazy charismatic guy. Am I actually? I think so. Syd thinks so.

CnD Fest 2 , 3 , 4 at Purchase and beyond. Would like to play apartments, Scully’s den in BK (reach out) and Philly, DC etc.

Next voice memo album - 20 - 25 tracks right now. Better than the first. Danny said best album ever.

Working on “My oh Maia Reason Why” video - my favorite video I’ve ever seen. Getting good feedback.

Important to collab with certain SUNY people before I go:

Members of Lip Critic, Dawson, Neal, Gabe.

Send stuff back and forth with Joseph Kress.

Need to write song about not sharing a stage w unstable Car and Driver - cost me 2 gigs. Ok because I had the police interaction that night.

Things have been working out quite well. Syd is keeping me in check. Main priorities are keep the energy going while I can and make sure everyone around me is comfortable with me doing my thing, specifically mom, sofia.

Going to Only Angels tomorrow to collab with Alex.

Tues/Wed in RI with Zach Gorton. Need to see Nick Holcomb, Sofia, Will Orchard if he’s around. Riley in Boston? Would love to.

Visit Dad soon on the way to Richmond, in a few weeks perhaps. Grandma Roberta etc. They have a BBQ place now - I bet it’s great.

Follow up in the morning (3 hours from now) with wedding band, Kevin Daniels, drummer etc.

Film sunrise sessions at Purchase: My Ride’s Here, Splendid Isolation, Keep me in your heart, Studebaker, Cat’s in the Cradle, Everybody that you know. Don’t think twice, Boots of Spanish Leather, Someday my Prince, Teenage Dirtbag, Arthur (Woof Woof), Forget You, Signed Sealed Delivered, Superstition, The Promise, Hold me now (TT), Love on Top, Townes Van Zandt, 1-800 superstar, Evan Wright, Tom Petty, Blinded By the Light, Searching for a Heart, Mag Field’s, Barenaked Ladies, TMBG, Dolly Parton one sided love, Byrds, Beatles, Kinks, Stones, Parquet Courts, T Swift (Red, Way I loved you), Mitski, Sasami, Anything Could Happen, Beach House, He Needs Me, These Days, YLT, Beach Boys, Big Star Take Care, G500/Luna, Felt, Psychic TV, Shelia, BJM, Yellow Sarong, Over and Over, Hazel St, Heatherwood, Helicopter, He Would’ve Laughted, I wanna be your lover, The pump, Good enough (sleep destroyer), Them airs, BH (14, indian summer), help me scrape mucus off my brain), Beach Comber, DO YOUR THING, Icehead, Bobby, 1000 times, WIll Orchard, Bon Iver, MGMT, Tame impala, Instant Crush, etc. Art Vandelay, Quick Canal, Stereolab, Grouper, Broadcast, Animal Collective, Panda Bear, Bachelor Kisses, Cranberries, Cure, Pastels, MBV, I found a reason, pale blue eyes, Deerhoof, Gretel Alex G, Dancing w tears in my eyes, Elvis Costello, No age(things i did), Are ya ok, Maus, Ariel, R Stevie, Aphex Twin, Zomes, Vampire Weekend etc.

Bring Laptop for Beats on some and lyrics for all.

Love life more than ever before. Music feels so good. Want to help, make amends, everything that moondog did. Don’t be homeless much longer.

Not sure if I like throbbing gristle - definitely like Psychic TV.

How savage should diss tracks be? Very? Match the severity of the person’s treatment of me/others. Aka - pretty bad for all except for Auto.

Listened to new Kanye today - 10x better and more influential than death grips.

Realized today that i’ve spent my whole life wishing I was Kanye and now I am Kanye. Feels very good.

Everyone is gifted but internet makes us angst.

I am mostly Camus right now - maybe more Kierkegaard soon. Religion and Terrence Malik. Still need to read books.

Order of Books: The graduate Portrait of the artist Consider Lobster Infinite Jest Pynchon Ulysses (At recommendation of American gamer association)

Syd is incredibly gifted. Want to help her feel comfortable doing art/work here in the chaos but also sort out the chaos for both of ours’ sake. I thrive in it, she tolerates well. Want to move to Riverdale still, maybe East Williamsburg with Backpack Chris. We’ll see about money. Philly perhaps, little too far. Jersey is good location but bad commute. Bad to RI.

Visit RI and Boston Tues - Thurs. Sell Cigarettes at Concerts. Feels right.

Keep smoking for now - quit end of summer perhaps.

Don’t have Corona Virus - glad we are not quarantined. Still be smart. Don’t expose mom regardless. Protect at ALL costs.

Really though, why does Journee hate me? Write new track (Journee into forever nevermore not now not ever (Lou)) or Journee into SJW self righteous moral posturing (way too savage - maybe voice memo outro)

AR Kane album is incredible. Syd loves too. Sample everything.

Crazy - sound better at jazz than ever in my life. Exploring harmony - never practice. Teach free lessons all the time. Love the diminished scale. Might be best jazz guitarist to ever live. Time will tell. Would be cool long term. Prefer singing.

Getting good at piano too.

I’m my favorite lyricist/comedian/actor.

Is maia right, acting isn’t hard? Weird they can’t act.

^Remember to delete^

Don’t share this on Facebook yet.

Why does Journee hate me so much? Just the Louis CK joke?

People who stay home and do nothing hate to see irreverent people doing things.

People like when you’re losing - don’t like to see you win.

^That makes me sound crazy.

F00D outsider might make me famous first.

Need to keep up with legal situation.

Hope mom and dad both live long. Call Syd, get something nice for everyone in family. Get weird jewel cases. Order jewelry from etsy. Post merch on bandcamp.

Finish album art soon. Music videos. Get better at animation etc. Pay Ben for his poster. Actually really good. Maybe album art? Duo album! Record in Wisconsin, release under his name. WIll success be good for Ben? I think so. Still can’t believe Liv told him I wasn’t ok. Wow - good content for lyrics. You truly cannot write this.

How will people react to diss tracks? Extremely negatively. Or no reaction. We shall see. Maybe no real names in the titles...... only on Oh my. 4 names in titles is too many. Don’t release Auto track. Maybe on Voice Memos.

Track List: Good God Bed Head Rosa Reprise Oh My House Pop 1 skydive Pop 2 APhex GVO Pay 4 Take some Cherish Stars in F Are ya ok too bright Honeys Get to work Everybody That You Know Frost Bit BPC NYC New Age Heimet Helmet Deadbeat dads watermill for slitting bars romantic song david byrne Cinema study in cinema Brain ego Cherry doc marten Can’t liv w/o Venmo groceries Oh you like? Dancin DJ blues We are the State Farm robots Danny dorito is a dirty devito My funny valentine Zoomer blues The thing abt genres Blss Like minds ft dawson Lil toucha jazz Introducing car and driver The holy moment empire Ethics 101 - gma in the street Otto is sad I don’t know what it means! Operatic mellismatic Car and driver fest will be a success! Car and driver fest was a bust again! Cipha’s comedy corner Ryder Be gone evil atonal spirits!

Unreleased mental breakdown compilation ep:

I like all music! I’m a stupid pos Electric micro bike Get off your phone! John frusc Nice song Lap steel for 2 My masseuse advice Bed head wash sq Punchie John Maus yoyo interview Diminished kinda thing

Build the NYC scene, w Blu ish, Evan, 1 800, sweet joseph, Comics Club, Dawson, Sloppy Jane, Wheatus,

See Jack Fortin in NYC soon. Either my event or his.

Things are still good. Syd will be a great filmmaker. WIll maybe will end up with a dancer or a filmmaker - Probably not a musician. WIll have many loves.

Things are good right now - hope they stay that way.

Feel like Ezra Keonig - hopefully someone reads this one day and agrees. Different time in history and the internet - hope this is less cringe than Ezra’s blog , probably not. Ezra, if you’re reading this, sorry. See ya at Bernie’s rally.

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paulsolorzano · 6 years ago

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12.31.18

Last day of the year. I’ll be working like an asshole. I need to innovate my way out of this.

How long have I been saying that?

I found some old goal sheets going through stuff yesterday:

“Piano virtuoso” - I don’t even have a keyboard in the house to mess with. Haven’t played on anything since I was in Alaska.

“Published writer” - ain’t done shit with that. Although I do love writing and of course it’s always on the list. Been working on lyrics one line at a time haha

So, it got me depressed to look at these things. But goddamn if it doesn’t have me inspired also.

I hate being one of those ‘new year new me’ people but I just want to use the new year as a springboard to gain some momentum on what I already have going.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Sufjan Stevens - come on feel the Illinoise

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Coffee

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.30.18

The pen has ahold of me. Before work, after work, and sometimes during work toward the end of the evening. I reckon I’m a certified weed head currently.

What i did toward the business today:

Worked on the spam solicitation

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Worked on the spam solicitation

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fugazi - 13 songs

Kate Bush - the sensual world

Roots Manuva - slime and reason

Ozma - spending time on the borderline

Aloha - little windows cut right through

Small black - best blues

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

“Singing is the same as talking; it’s just moving your voice up and down” - Tina Turner from STK

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.29.18

Bagged up some more random figs. I should get a booth going somewhere at this point. I have all these little lunchboxes filled with random shit I’ve accumulated. I’ll have to get little stickers for pricing.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Pentimento - s/t

Hot rod circuit - sorry about tomorrow

Hot rod circuit - if I knew what I knew then

Schatzi - death of the alphabet

Roots Manuva - run come save me

Roots Manuva - awfully deep

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“If you sniff magic marker, your mind grows darker” - Schatzi

“Waiting for pain to not be a constant” - Jeff Rosenstock

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.28.18

Bagged up some older Dragon Ball Z figs. Chilling at the space.

Officially done 30lbs according to the scale this morning. 185 down from 215. All Keto diet. 180 will be here soon. And then... the 170s? Shit I don’t wanna get ahead of myself. Let’s get to 180 first.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Tiny moving parts - this couch is long & full of friendship

Mitski - puberty 2

Hum - downward is heavenward

Sunny day real estate - diary

The Beatles - abbey road (just the b side)

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Dunkin donuts coffee

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“When you’re old you’re just bummed that you’ll never be happy enough” - Jeff Rosenstock

“I spent a long time down in the basement, instead of rolling with the riffraff” - PUP

“Crack baby you don’t know what you want

But you know that you had it once

And you know that you want it back” - Mitski

“The way your headstone shines, I only wish that it was mine” - HUM

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.27.18

I’ve got some pain in my neck for the last two or probably three days. Probably from sleeping in a weird bed for the last few nights, maybe the stress from seeing Saul again (whether I relapse it or not?), and also from Axxxxx ending things again due to my past transgressions (this time involving her cousin; remind me to tell you the story)

I’ve been sleeping in weird beds for quite some time now.

When will I feel at ease?

When will I feel at home?

My brother and Saul have their homes. They’ve had that base for years. I’ve always been moving, albeit in Orlando, every couple of years.

I’ve had a storage space in the same building since January 2012. So this place is basically my home haha. Also all my shit is here. So yes.

My life in a cube.

—-

Smoked flower before leaving the house today. Been on the pen the last few hours at my storage space.

—-

I’m craving pizza. I haven’t really had a craving since I’ve started this diet, I think I’m just getting bored with eating the same shit. So it might be time to start improvising.

I haven’t really had a taste for the green drinks either. Also I haven’t been to Walmart, and something keeps keeping me from going there.

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Falling in reverse - the drug in me is you

The Beatles - let it be

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

National skyline - live letter for the disenchantmented

Antarctigo Vespucci - love in the time of email

Weezer - make believe

Gungrave ost

Trigun ost second donut happy pack

Margot & the nuclear so and so’s - the dust of retreat

Kanye west - the life of Pablo

Neutral milk hotel - in the aeroplane over the sea

Mitski - puberty 2

Mitski - Be the cowboy

Watching:

Star Wars episode VI

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

Aleppin Sane from a goddam fye for 11.fucking99 after discount! Wat!

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I just wanna kiss your lips; the ones between your hips” - falling in reverse

“I got so tired of discussing my future, I started avoiding the people I love” Jeff Rosenstock

“My heart’s not yours just because you need it” - Antarctigo Vespucci

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.26.18

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Notable places visited:

Saul’s house day 2. I stayed Christmas Eve night and Christmas Day night there. First time I’ve been back there since I moved out there

Listening to:

Macross 82-99

Aloha

21 savage

Reggie and the full effect

The pixies

Jeff Rosenstock

Hiromi

Wednesday Campanella

The never ending

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

La Granja, with Saul Mayela and Danielito. First time I’d been there. It was pretty tasty. I wish I weren’t on a diet as I had to pass up rice and beans and maduros and yucca. I actually had a couple bites of the yucca but nothing crazy.

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

M.a.s.k action figures off eBay

Packages received:

Hello kitty loot crate

Robotech action figure

Buffy the vampire slayer ReAction figures: Spike, Buffy Summers

The Terminator ReAction figure: T-800

Assorted Kenner Ghostbusters action figures

Jermaine Rogers Choices vinyl toy

Assorted Keith P Rein prints from his Patreon

eBay obsessions:

Action figures, Kenner and Star Wars

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.25.18

Long fucking double at work (STK for reminder purposes)

Highlights:

shitty amateur tables

A lady at my table cried because she was like the fifth wheel with family members. Crying about being 38 and single. And naturally I offered my services and got her phone number so we are probably gonna link up before she leaves

—-

Also, once again Axxxxx hates me. It sucks because things were going really nicely. She found out that I was messaging her cousin Naomi. She found this out from her cousin Naomi. I’ll go into more detail later

To discuss still:

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“My body’s built for bad behavior” Reggie and the full effect

“You smell bullshit from twenty paces” Reggie and the full effect

“She was everything, and now everything’s gone” Reggie and the full effect

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

11.24.18

To discuss still:

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Wednesday Campenella - Galapagos

Van Halen - jump, from 1984

Aloha - little windows cut right through

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

Wheat grass juice powder

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.23.18

I may have to listen to Jimmy Eat World clarity because of today’s date. Also, Travis Schmeisser’s bday is today.

—

Spent some time at the space. Took pics of the rest of the records I found at the vinyl garage sale at BAMF

Been trying to hang with my girl Genesis the whole weekend. She was gonna stay last night but didn’t. Tonite is also supposed to happen, but now I’m gonna meet up with Axxxxx as, she always takes precedence haha. And she’ll be done early because she has to wake up early.

And Genesis is flaky, but she seems to want to.

—-

Hung out with Axxxxx fur a good chunk of time. We went to our usual rounds: goodwill, Walmart, Ross, DD, Plato’s closet. We had some good laughs and she even touched me when joking. She hasn’t really been like that since we started hanging again.

I wonder what it means. Is she opening back up to me? Shall we continue down this road?

She wants to go to Disney on Wednesday or Thursday when I’m off. I’m down always to spend some time with her.

To discuss still:

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jimmy Eat World - Clarity

The pixies - surfer Rosa

Frank n dank - 48 hours

Aloha - little windows cut right through

Watching:

DaThings1 YouTube poops

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

Ghostbusters Kenner vintage action figures

Star Wars Power if the force (potf) card backs

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“What comes easy never stays” - your new aesthetic by Jimmy Eat World

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.22.18

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Notable places visited:

BAMF - my toy store that I recently discovered; went there today because they were having a vinyl record garage sale.

Listening to:

Sense Field - Tonite and Forever

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

PUP - the dream Is over

Deadmau5 - random album title

NOFX - punk in drublic

Pocahontas soundtrack

Giorgio Moroder - metropolis soundtrack

Aloha - little windows cut right through

Bjork - telegram

Slow dancing society - my blue heaven

Watching:

DaThings1 YouTube poops

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

Vinyl record find from BAMF vinyl garage sale

J Dilla / Frank n dank - 48 hours instrumentals

Piebald - accidental gentleman

Piebald - all eyes all ears all the time

Beatles - white album early 70s apple press

Giorgio Moroder - Metropolis soundtrack

An assortment of toys including a broken Nakanari Spiki

Ghostbusters vintage Kenner figures

Vintage Robotech Macross figure

Star Wars hologram Darth Vader figure

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“What I love most about rivers is, you can’t step in the same river twice, the waters always changing always flowing” - just around the river bend from Pocahontas

“Cause i’m a weed connoisseur, smoke the weed du jour, you might yak up a lung if the weed is pure” - Frank n Dank

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.21.18

Traffic. Fuck the traffic.

I turned in the Altima today. I’m going to use Tina Watkins’ car until she comes back from out of town. Which will be Jan 2 I believe. I miss the car. It was nice. Pretty much made it my own for the time I had it. Probably like two months.

Work was slow.

This Walmart is damn full of people. They actually have multiple lanes open. This is at 12 am mind you.

To discuss still:

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.20.18

The rental car has been draining my funds; Tina Watkins is out of town for a couple weeks and left her car, so I just worked out a deal with her to use the car until then.

Your boy needs to get a vehicle. I’m planning on getting one with my income tax return for sure.

—-

“The death of Santiago”

My uncle died today. Saul’s brother.

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.19.18

Waiting in line at my P.O. Box post office. Apparently I have a windfall of packages being held back there. Which isn’t too uncommon but it says there’s something too big for the box. Which everything is too big for the box, that’s why they have the lockers.

This is amateur month at the postal service for sure. Christmas and the holidays and all that. People packing things while they’re IN LINE. Shit is blasphemy haha. People grabbing random tape and using it putting it back.

I have to pee. Should’ve gone before getting in this line.

Work later. I’ve had a few days off and I don’t particularly want to get back in the groove, but your boy needs monies.

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Hobo Johnson - the rise of hobo Johnson

Some Stevie wonder / Beethoven mashup YouTube vid Frank sent me

Alton Ellis & the flames - mr. soul of Jamaica

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.18.18

My sister sent me a snap asking when I was coming to Bradenton for Christmas. I have to respond.

She’s going through a divorce. Well she’s at the end of it. She’s ok, so no worries. She didn’t want to get married in the first place.

I just texted her ex husband Ryan. I’ve always liked the kid.

Long story short the divorce is probably gonna work out for my mother in terms of her health because now the three grandchildren won’t be there half the week.

Ryan wrote back. He’s ok, and appreciative I wrote. Well good.

—

So, once again the universe works in interesting ways. I decided to take the scenic route to my space from my P.O. Box; I wanted to drive by where the old studio apartment I used to live (c. 2004) in was. It’s since become a 4 unit rental property. But I wanted to drive by it for the nostalgia.

So I get to where it is, and one house over, on the corner house, I see the Sushi and Seoul on a Roll sushi truck parked in the driveway.

This truck is own by one Alfred Ruiz, also known to me and Aaron Tobin as our ex best friend and one time bandmate.

A rush of blood came over me. Perpetuated by the fact that as I drove by, Al himself walked out of the house and popped into the truck, presumable with some provisions in tow under his arm.

I drove on by.

Halfway up the road I said to myself, fuck it, I’m going to go back and say hey to him. So I threw the Altima in reverse and rolled back.

The was still in the truck so I honked twice and came the popped out.

I’ll say that he and I haven’t spoken in years. Properly anyway.

So I basically made my peace with him. I’ll have to tell you the backstory at some point. I’ll add it to the list.

I told him if the ever wanted to open a dialog that I as open to it.

I know I really shocked the shit out of him showing up randomly.

Sorry to have sprung that on him but damn, to randomly drive by a place, and then for a landmark (the food truck) to say hey, here’s your boy occupying the same space you have earlier in time, and further, for him to be walking out as I was drying by… I had to stop. I felt compelled.

—

And I spoke to Aaron Tobin today. He hit me up on the phone earlier and we chatted, but the got interrupted by a phone call. I called back but no answer. I told him I was just gonna come over if the kept acting like this, and I did.

Showed up to the house and he was just getting out of the shower. I chatted with his mom for awhile, let her know I’m thinking about cutting my hair, and i’ll have to get back to her on a day I’m free.

So we went on our normal rounds: Starbucks, and Walmart. I was messaging with Axxxxx all the while, and it was at this point that she took the time to mention that I drink too much coffee. I can easily confirm that, especially the last two days where I havent been eating much of anything until the later hours in the day, and as sci have been feeling the effects of too much caffeine on an empty stomach. it just gives me an all over general icky feeling.

So Tobin. he’s been seeing a girl, as it turns out. Now he mentioned this a few weeks back, that he was going on a date with someone. This is still the same someone. Ashley is her name.

Story here is that it seems to have been little hot and heavy between them, which I can support this for him because its been a hot minute since he’s had some nice chemistry with a girl.

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Hard Girls - floating now

Jay Z - 4:44

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Macross new action figure from GameStop. Togo. Was with me

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“What’s the point of having a voice when it gets sick inside your throat?” - Jeff Rosenstock

“I’m a Dutch landscape painter painting pictures of the hillside in the eighteenth century where I was wishing I was living so I wouldn’t have to face all of the things I’m trying to ruin” - Katie Ellen

Quote of the day:

“Heyy hope the grind isn’t brutal. Hope the workers aren’t annoying or dramatic. Hope you’re not in the truck. And I hope that they started allowing headphones so you can tune out the world while you’re there” - me

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.17.18

To discuss still:

Rachel getting a divorce

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

The world is a beautiful place & I am no longer afraid to die - harmlessness

American Football - lp2

Lifted bells - minor tantrums

Blue oyster cult - Spectres

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Born as a data mine for targeted marketing, and no one will listen up until you become a hashtag or a meme” - Jeff Rosenstock

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.16.18

Interesting day. Currently at a Christmas get together at this girl I’ve been mentioning Sxxxxxxxx house.

—

Before that I was with Axxxxx. She hit me up today while she was at work and wanted to hang afterward. She was initially going to get food with her friends from work or some other, but she ended up linking up with me directly after work to get food. She doesn’t have to put on a game face she said, or something along that line.

She and I chatted. We met at a steak and shake off Semoran and then went to a Chinese buffet which was horrible, we both agreed on that.

We chatted and smoked in my car afterward. She doesn’t know what to make of her feelings. I can respect that. We have a history and while she says she currently hates me, we seem to be getting along when we do meet up.

—-

5:30 am and driving home from Winter Garden to Altamonte Springs. I ended up getting Starbucks because it was so damn late/early that they’re open. Made it all the way home from Winter Garden, late as shit.

6:40 am and I have FFXIV up and running.

Also Tina is gone as of today, out of town to Ohio until a couple weeks go by.

To discuss still:

Rachel getting a divorce

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Notable places visited:

Sxxxxxxxx house for a Christmas get together.

Listening to:

National Skyline - love letters for the disenchanted

Hum - downwards heavenward

Eagle Scout - new hands

Black belt Eagle Scout - mother of my children

Kanye west - the life of Pablo

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Vintage star wars figures:

Leia

Logray

Teebo

ReAction Buffy the vampire slayer toys

Breaking bad Walter white figure

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.15.18

Finally got down to 189 lbs! This is a milestone getting down into the 180s. Brilliant. Nice progress son.

—-

Remind me to tell you about what Sxxxxxxxx wants to do with her remains.

Cremated

Ashes imbued into art to be viewed by people on lsd/shrooms etc

To discuss still:

Rachel getting a divorce

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I’m like a magnet pulling the storm,

Where can I move when it always finds me?” - Jeff Rosenstock

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.14.18

Randomly encountered Sxxxxxxxx from work over in my current hood, Altamonte. She was at some Christmas party as a plus one. She was having a great time as indicated by her snaps, until she wasn’t.

And then she called me.

Her tears spilled into my lap through her phone. She went in to her woes.

To be continued mañana. Your boy is falling asleep.

Remind me to tell you about the dope sick lady and Sxxxxxxxx dying wishes.

To discuss still:

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Action figures

Lyric of the day:

“Hope is a scheme” - Jeff Rosenstock

“As much as I definitely enjoy solitudes, I wouldn’t perhaps mind spending a little time with you” - Bjork

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.13.18

So Axxxxx messaged me earlier in the afternoon, chatting about this and that. She had been crying and hysterical about the loss of our child (refer to the Alaska diary)

Long story short we are now meeting for a late lunch at her behest. Again I don’t know what to expect. She says she hates me but I feel like she says it to try and remind herself that she does. But I don’t think she has it in her heart to harbor such feelings, not on any permanent basis.

I mean listen, the last time she wrote me and we met, she said she was tired of having the hate.

—

So we hung out for a good seven hours.

To discuss still:

Rachel getting a divorce

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“ I haven’t felt quite like myself, for months on end, I spend more nights on the floor than in my own bed. And I never see my family or friends anymore, and I write more apologies than metaphors” - PUP

“You know I’ve never been good at anything, except for fucking Up and ruining everything” - PUP

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.12.18

Met with frank yesterday. Always a good chat. He is coming around finally to the idea of getting me caught up with music. Also we are going to work on him getting more success with Tokyo Elvis. Meaning, were gonna work on the marketing aspect etc.

—

On a wild goose chase to get weed for Tina and Gxxxxx. And some for myself because why not I guess. Even tho I like wax and oil.

So the short story on my mother have g a heart attack is that it was very mild. She thought that she was having pain related to a gallbladder issue she was having.

I don’t want to say that our sister Jessica was a contributing factor to our mothers deteriorating health but, it’s got to be.

My mother worries about my sister because she’s burned all bridges and lives on the streets mostly.

—-

I need to get back on grinding. The somm course took up my time and energy this past month. I was a little anxious but overcame.

Now I need to focus

—

I think your body knows when you like someone when your dick gets hard while you’re on the phone with em.

Befriended a kid at a smoke shop, whilst buying a grinder. It came up that I worked at STK and the was like, ‘you must know Yaqeen’ and I just had a smile come over me.

That mofo knows everyone.

To discuss still:

Mother had a heart attack

Rachel getting a divorce

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Getting back into FFXIV

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

American Football - LP3 pre release track

American Football - LP2

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

PUP - PUP

ALL - problematic

Voodoo glow skulls - symbolic

Tash Sultana - notion

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV baby

Purchases:

An ounce of weed for $180, to be divided up amongst me and Tina and Gxxxxx

A legit pink grinder that Axxxxx would be proud and jealous of

Good Fuck pre order (a Tim Kinsella project)

Robotech Macross loose figure

Nightmare before Christmas pumpkin king figure

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I live in a two way mirror, I am backwards, you are forward” - birthmark

“And I dreamt of you in Montreal, in places I’ve never been before” - PUP

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.11.18

To discuss still:

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

American Football LP3 records and tape and shirt

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Name one genius that ain’t crazy” - Kanye

“Steve Jobs mixed with Steve Austin” - Kanye

“Crazy were the words that scribbled out your mouth” - coheed and Cambria

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.10.18

Coffee. Traffic. Dying to get my weight down in the 180’s. Old woman liberally using the word ‘fuck’ in my storage space.

—

This guy at the outback bar said said to the woman bartender ‘whenever you get a dull moment I’ll take the check’; I enjoyed that phrase.

—

Just chipped off part of what I believe (and hope) is my back right bottom wood tooth. Around 7:15 pm at the Outback Steakhouse by the Orlando airport. Eating a wedge salad. Must’ve been a piece of bacon.

—

And the night continues to get interesting. Just hung with Gxxxxx for a bit... and I must say it was an interesting turn of events.

How about the bullet points:

She’s done with her husband (honestly the short story is she done been done)

She wants to bang me

We are going to meet tomorrow

I was bringing her some weed earlier tonite and she comes out and grabs me and kisses me on the mouth. We go to the car (my rented Nissan Altima) and chat. She catches me up on the whole thing. The short story here is that right before she got cancer (she’s done with it now, all healed up) she was on her way out of the relationship anyway. She told me that as it was happening.

She is apparently really fucking into me. Now she and I have always had more than just friendship between us. And it’s pretty much been understood that we were going to bang at some point.

That being said it’s going on ten years.

This is going to be interesting how this plays out. She wants to steal me away from Tina as a roommate, which I am on board with.

To discuss still:

Mother had a heart attack

Rachel getting a divorce

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Chris Farren - can’t die

Small brown bike - fell & found

Small brown bike - the river bed

Kanye West - the life of Pablo

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

Wheat grass juice powder

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Ribeye from outback steakhouse. Lots of meat this week haha. Wedge salad extra crumbles and dressing.

Clear American ice cherry lemonade

Playing:

Purchases:

ReAction toys:

Predator

Terminator 2 John Connor

Terminator 2 t-800

Terminator 2 t-1000

Firefly: Zoe, Jayne, kaylee

Firefly Washburn

Robotech Dana sterling action figure

Edward Scissorhands weird Japanese figure, Hobby Base Yellow Submarine toy company

Charles Band’s puppet master ‘blade’ toy. Another weird company called Full Moon collectibles

Also, I didn’t really ‘purchase’ it, but I got a iPhone XR on lease with option to buy. Upgradable any time I want. Got the red one.

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Action figures

Lyric of the day:

“ you are the ocean, I am the sea; what drowns in you will float in me” Small Brown Bike

“I know there’s bitches you wish you could unfollow,

I know there’s niggas you wish you could unswallow” - Kanye

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

12.09.18

Starbucks. Ribeyes. Storage space. Habits.

Sorting through the space a little. I need to make some room for the giant Game Cube display my brother is bringing up

To discuss still:

Mother had a heart attack

Rachel getting a divorce

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Gwen Stefani - love angel music baby

Jeff Rosenstock - I look like shit

My chill mix

Fake problems - real ghosts caught on tape

Antarctigo Vespucci - soulmate stuff

Antarctigo Vespucci - love in the time of email

Kanye west - life of Pablo

Kanye west - graduation

Watching:

Somm on Netflix

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

Wheat grass juice powder

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Outback ribeye and wedge salad and green beans

Playing:

Purchases:

Final Fantasy crystal chronicles, Japanese version for Game Cube

Squid head - vintage Star Wars

Packages received:

No post on Sunday

But I opened these:

Devil boy by Iconoclast

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

0 notes

mmakehappy · 7 years ago

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2017

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? i’ll try to do this chronologically again: so at the beginning of january one of my best friends left to study abroad in rome which was sad and i missed her a lot. i saw rory scovel do stand up. i took an animation class which was fun for the first few weeks until i failed it lmao. actually my classes from jan to march did not go so well tbh but whatever i made it through. my sister came to visit me the weekend before st paddys day which was super fun and then we saw panic which was soooooooo fuckin rad i love them still wow! i went home for spring break and visited a local winery w my dad which was a lot of fun and then a week later uhhh me and @carrot-gallery became gfs!!! and my whole frickin life changed bc i love her so much wow!! but then a week after that i turned 22 and spent my birthday alone! which i tried to pretend didnt make me sad but by the end of the day i was very sad about it and thats when my sweet gf called me to sing happy birthday and i sobbed on my couch and ill never forget that!!! so okay then spring quarter classes started and i was a part of depaul’s visiting artist series which was super cool... i met a lot of new awesome people (both at depaul and the industry ppl that were our guests!) and made some great friends in that class! i was a house manager and camera op which was super fun. i went to a screening of my fave professor’s short film which was also rad. i saw a ghost story at the chicago critics film festival, which was amazing. i saw idiocracy in 35mm and then mike judge did a q&a! the very next day i was house manager for depaul’s student film festival at the music box! i saw chris gethard do a live recording of beautiful/anonymous and then also do some standup, that was awesome. i saw day wave live!!! amazing! i spent an entire dystopian day dealing with megabus. that was hell! i sat at an outdoor amphitheater and even tho i couldnt really see him i got to listen to seu jorge sing david bowie covers and life was magical for a few hours. my sisters came up to visit me and we saw aladdin the musical and had our minds blown, it was soooo fun! i went to the chicago pride parade for the very first time but i went by myself and at one point i was sitting on the curb just crying! not a high point but still memorable. i won a ticket to an advanced screening of the big sick where kumail & emily were there to do a q&a after the movie.... had a fuckin blast OBVIOUSLY and then saw the movie 9 other times in various theatres. i also made it into a commercial FOR the movie i just loved it that much lmao! i moved into a new (and my current) apartment! lorde released melodrama and fucking murdered me in my own home. otherwise i had a pretty uneventful but anxiety filled summer bc of financial aid stuff so that really sucked. i saw good time w taylor and the safdie brothers were there to do a q&a and they were such interesting guys i could listen to them talk for hours honestly. my mom and sisters came up to visit me and we took our mom to her very first cubs game which was sooo so much fun and they won that day too!! it was awesome and we had a great time :) watched the eclipse (or tried to anyway!!) fall quarter classes started and i honestly kicked ass at them, i got on the deans list (i almost typed honor roll lmao i mean its basically the same) i hung out with ari again which was cool!! we went to the aquarium! me and taylor saw beach fossils which was honestly the most buckwild concert ive ever been to i think, it was good shit. i got jobs at AMC (which i have since quit lmao) and starbucks and left my job at the paint place which was bittersweet! me and taylor saw mbmbam live!!! so fun!! and we watched trolls that night and goofed on it so hard!! i went home for thanksgiving and found out my big sister is gonna have a baby this year!! :D i saw mike birbiglia do stand up! which was soooo incredible of course (except i felt bad bc my mom was supposed to come w me but she couldnt go! so i brought taylor lol) UMMMMM MY DAM GIRLFRIEND CAME TO CHICAGO TO VISIT ME AND STAYED FOR A WHOLE DANG WEEK AND IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER SHE MAKES ME SO HAPPY WE HAD SO MUCH FUN AND I MISS HAVING HER RIGHT NEXT TO ME EVERY SINGLE GOSH DANG DAY <3 ;_____; and that was my year!!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? last year i said id like to read at least one book each month and watch at least 100 movies - i did neither! im keeping the movie resolution though bc cmon 100 movies should be EASY for a film major wtf am i doing!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no but it will happen in 2018!

4. Did anyone close to you die? not a person but we had to put down my sweet doggo, flash :(

5. What countries did you visit? still none :/

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? More confidence that I actually deserve to be in college and that I can do this shit and I’m awesome <– that was my answer from last year and the year before but yeah. same. also money.

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? ummm march 25 when me and gf became gfs and also dec 17 when she came to visit :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? putting myself out there by doing VAS/Premiere, getting on the deans list for the first time since freshman year and then also getting a new job

9. What was your biggest failure? this summer i didnt do shit besides wallow and cry and it sucked!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? nope

11. What was the best thing you bought? every movie ticket and the bras i bought for natalie ;-)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? natalie’s because she’s amazing and works so hard!!!! and she can always cheer me up and im so in love w her

13. Whose behavior made you appalled? mine bc i could never just get my shit together and do my homework when i was supposed to :) < thats from last year but lmfao same!

14. Where did most of your money go? RENT, movie/event tix, food, in that order

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? THE BIG SICK, the new season of sv, p much all of the events that i listed in the first question lol

16. What song will always remind you of 2017? umm honestly probably any song from melodrama

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? I’m a. happier, b. probably thinner? or maybe the same idk, and c. definitely DEFINITELY poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? read and write and watch movies and write and read about movies

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spending money and also being bitter about everything for no reason <– last year and the year before that AGAIN and also same!

20. How did you spend Christmas? working at AMC which i hated every second of :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2016? yes with my amazing girlfriend @carrot-gallery

22. What was your favorite TV program? silicon valley, AMERICAN VANDAL, the good place, great british bake off

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? nah just politicians who like. actively want me to die lol

24. What was the best book you read? bitch,

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? mitski like why the fuck did i sleep on her..... tbh thats about it bc i still listen to the same music i did 10 years ago

26. What did you want and get? I wanted a steadier/better paying job and i have it!

27. What did you want and not get? idk i wanted to be financially stable on my own and i still dont have that

28. What was your favorite film of this year? ugh i hate this question! ok in no order: THE BIG SICK, GOOD TIME, A GHOST STORY, GET OUT, THE FLORIDA PROJECT

29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? uhhh having my sweet girlfriend by my side each and every day

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? sometimes chic, always sweaty

31. What kept you sane? Sydney, my best friend in the entire world. (This was my answer from last year and the year before that and the year before that AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT but it still holds true) also everyone in the sv discord chat still AND natalie of course of course

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? kumail nanjiani duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, taika waititi, and martin starr always and probably more but i legit cant think of anyone rn lol

33. What political issue stirred you the most? yikes all of it. all of the issues (this was from last year but same lmao)

34. Who did you miss? i miss my dogs and my family and my girlfriend 35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. You can set goals for yourself and talk about it all you want but it’s nothing until you actually start working towards it and doing something about it. <– answer from last year and the year before that and the year before that, still true!! imma keep that. also idk just like, there are good days and super bad days and ive survived all of them so its just a reminder to myself that ill be okay.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. These days will all seem better in time Waiting on that hindsight

#2017 #personal #sorry that my answer to the first question is SO LONG but i did a lot this year!#and its fun to recap anyway #also this has been sitting in my drafts for a week lol so here ya go

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bolachasgratis · 6 years ago

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Vodafone Paredes de Coura 2019: our top picks

Vodafone Paredes de Coura 2018. Photo by Hugo Lima.

Another summer, another missed opportunity to have a vacation somewhere because there’s nowhere else we’d rather be other than at our little paradise of Paredes de Coura, in northwestern Portugal. The festival runs from the 14th to the 17th of August, but, like always, the fun begins way earlier than that, with four fun-packed, free entrance days with concerts and DJ sets right in the center of the small Minho village.

While you are here, grab our printable festival schedule: PDF or XLS format. You might have to download the Gotham font to make the editable Excel file work properly. And scroll down to the end of this post for our special playlist, featuring a selection of 30 songs from artists playing in this year’s edition of the festival.

Our highlight from the O Festival Sobe à Vila segment, running from the 10th to the 13th, has to be the mythical Parkinsons (Tuesday, 13, 23:30). The Portuguese punk rockers from Coimbra who made a name for themselves in London will set the village on fire (figuratively; this country has had enough forest fires, no thanks).

During the days of the festival, next to the camping area and the small river that runs through it, the Jazz na Relva stage will be pretty active before festivities start in the main stage, with free yoga lessons, book readings, debates and a few (mostly) acoustic shows. Our pick for this year is the newcomer Mathilda, moniker of singer-songwriter Mafalda Costa (Thursday, 15, 15:00). She will be presenting some of the delicate folk songs from her forthcoming debut album, Changing Colours, out September 10th, along with label mate Diogo Alves Pinto (Gobi Bear). Too bad we won’t be there because the people demand eurodance and so we have to work, but you should.

The main programme starts Wednesday. Our highlight for the first night is, of course, our beloved Julia Jacklin (Vodafone stage, 19:40), who performs for the first time for her Portuguese fans (and we’re delighted to say there are quite a few of us). The Australian indie-rock-ish songwriter will bring her band over to present her sophomore album, Crushing, along with selections off her gorgeous debut Don’t Let the Kids Win. Granted, most people will be there for the National (Vodafone, 00:45) - returning to the festival fourteen years after their first time - but we know people are going to react to Julia Jackson the same way they did last year with Big Thief while waiting for Arcade Fire. Later that night, the Congolese collective KOKOKO! (Vodafone.fm stage, 02:25) will shake things up with their instruments made out of rewired and up-cycled materials found in the streets of Kinshasa.

On Thursday, the first full day of the festival, a couple of old favourites take the stage again: Car Seat Headrest (Vodafone, 21:10) return to where they last played two years ago, and New Order (Vodafone, 22:50) play their only second show in the country after debuting fourteen years ago at the Super Bock Super Rock festival. Debuting this year for Portuguese audiences are Khruangbin (Vodafone, 18:15), Alvvays (Vodafone, 19:50), Stella Donnelly (Vodafone.fm, 19:05) and Boy Pablo (Vodafone.fm, 20:30). The first have just released an album consisting of reworked dub versions of their second album Con Todo el Mundo and finally reach the country after successful tours in Europe and elsewhere. We first saw them opening for Father John Misty in his 2016 European tour and Dutch audiences loved them so much they played over ten shows in the country over the past three years. It might be the beginning of a similar love affair between the Paredes de Coura festival goers and the Texan trio who merges Thai funk, surf rock, classic soul and psychedelia. Alvvays are one of the most sought after indie pop bands of the past few years, especially after releasing their earworm-packed second album Antisocialites. Covering up for Julien Baker’s last minute absence is the Australian Stella Donnelly, fresh off the release of her debut record Beware of the Dogs. Sorry, Julien, but we think the lineup just got stronger. Last but not least, the announcement of Boy Pablo was highly celebrated by fans of the festival. The Norwegian jangle-ish pop band fronted by a boy named Pablo takes the smaller stage at dinner time, in a day that is much more than just a big warm up to the New Order gig.

Friday will probably the best festival day in recent history. Father John Misty (Vodafone, 00:45) returns to the festival as a headliner four years after a fantastic show, and he’s not alone. His producer and collaborator Jonathan Wilson, (Vodafone, 19:25) pivotal musician in the LA recording scene, plays his first show in the country, some ten years after we’ve turned fanboys when discovering Frankie Ray in some obscure guitar forum (can someone reissue this, please?). Returning after a lukewarm show at the Alive festival back in 2008 are Spiritualized (Vodafone, 22:50). The distorted guitars of the English giants are much more suited for the natural amphitheatre of Paredes de Coura, and judging from a recent show, we’re in for a treat. Just don’t forget the light show. EDIT: How the fuck did we forget they played NOS Primavera Sound twice while writing this article? At the Vodafone.FM stage, and after a supposedly memorable show last year in Guimarães, Black Midi (20:30) present our top guitar album of the year, Schlagenheim. The young, enigmatic London band are our current bet for “band that will eventually replace Shellac of North America in our hearts if they ever stop playing” and we’re too goddamn excited to see them present their debut.

Saturday is the more relaxed and least guitar-heavy day of the festival. Our top Portuguese pick for this year’s festival is Sensible Soccers (Vodafone.fm, 20:40). It’s been a privilege to follow their career, from their humble beginnings as a home recording, netlabel act eight years ago, to their status as one of the most interesting bands coming out of Portugal at the dawn of the third decade of the 21st century. After a few lineup changes, guitars are now a thing in the past, and the bass/synths/percussion trio is now aiming for space. A few months ago, the prospect of seeing Mitski (Vodafone, 19:35) live wasn’t as urgent as it seems to be now. In the eve of a (hopefully not long) hiatus, this is the last chance in a while to see the songs of Be the Cowboy, Bury Me at Makeout Creek and Puberty 2 live on stage. In a day where Suede, Freddie Gibbs & Madlib and Patti Smith might draw the biggest crowds (and need no introduction), our top pick for the day is Kamaal Williams (Vodafone.fm, 22:20) representing the burgeoning London forward-thinking jazz scene. The Black Focus Records label owner is back after only a few months, having performed in Cascais last April, and his blend of experimental electronica and cosmic contemporary jazz is the perfect counterpoint in a festival still largely dominated by - more often than not great, mind you - indie rock music. And we’re already counting the hours.

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jenksy · 6 years ago

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Best of 2018 a.k.a. Give me your tired, your poor, your female solo artists and frontwomen

I usually seem to find an accidental theme in my listening habits over the course of a calendar year. In what may best be described as a precarious couple of years for women's rights in the United States (and, of course, much of the world), female musicians have certainly been making their voices heard. Art tends to reflect the political climate of the day, and the "Me Too" movement that began toward the end of 2017 made its way into music studios in 2018. Whether it's as subtle as a punch in the face with lyrics, like Courtney Barnett ("I wanna walk through the park in the dark/ Men are scared that women will laugh at them/ I wanna walk through the park in the dark/ Women are scared that men will kill them" - "Nameless, Faceless") or simply the fact that more women are writing and recording their own music, it's clear that current events have laid the groundwork for a feminist revolution in entertainment, and while this might not be surprising, as the arts obviously tend to swing left, we can only hope this trend continues into other areas of society. Clearly, my accidental theme for 2018 was Female Singer/Songwriters & Bands. By my count, 33 of my Top 50 albums were written and recorded by female solo artists or bands with women in them. But before I get to the list, I'm starting with what has become one of my favourite traditions of the last few years- Calling out an album that I had high expectations for but which completely disappointed me. The Most Disappointing Album of 2018 Jack White - Boarding House Reach I love Jack White, from the White Stripes to the Raconteurs to his solo work... but this album was not good. Pick a genre, dude. I usually include some of my favourite EPs, etc. at the beginning of my list, but there were so many this year that I gave them their own post. Click here if you missed it. Top 50 50. I'm With Her - See You Around "Game To Lose" 49. Alkaline Trio - Is This Thing Cursed? "Blackbird" 48. Poli��a and s t a r g a z e - Music for the Long Emergency "Fake Like" 47. Eels - The Deconstruction "Today Is The Day" 46. We Hate You Please Die - Kids Are Lo-Fi "Melancholic Rain" 45. Rainbow Kitten Surprise - How to: Friend, Love, Freefall "Mission to Mars" 44. The Voidz - Virtue "All Wordz Are Made Up" 43. The Magic Numbers - Outsiders "Sing Me A Rebel Song" 42. St. Paul & The Broken Bones - Young Sick Camellia "Apollo" 41. The Fratellis - In Your Own Sweet Time "Starcrossed Losers" 40. Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears- The Difference Between Me and You "Culture Vulture" 39. The Midnight - Kids "America 2" 38. Miss World - Keeping Up With Miss World "Diet Coke Head" 37. Middle Kids - Lost Friends "Please" 36. The Joy Formidable - Aaarth "Cicada (Land On Your Back)" 35. Our Girl - Stranger Today "Being Around" 34. Sunflower Bean - Twentytwo in Blue "I Was A Fool" 33. Thunderpussy - Thunderpussy "Speed Queen" 32. Gaz Coombes - World's Strongest Man "Wounded Egos" 31. Gunship - Dark All Day "Dark All Day" 30. Caroline Rose - Loner "Soul No. 5" 29. Franz Ferdinand - Always Ascending "Huck and Jim" 28. Skating Polly - The Make it All Show "Long Ride" 27. Albert Hammond Jr. - Francis Trouble "Harder, Harder, Harder" 26. Lake Street Dive - Free Yourself Up "Doesn't Even Matter Now" 25. Kurt Vile - Bottle It In "Bassackwards" 24. Parker Millsap - Other Arrangements "Other Arrangements" 23. Liza Anne - Fine But Dying "Panic Attack" 22. Wye Oak - The Louder I Call, The Faster it Runs "It Was Not Natural" 21. Arctic Monkeys - Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino "Four Out of Five" 20. Death Cab for Cutie - Thank You for Today "I Dreamt We Spoke Again" "Summer Years" 19. Beach House - 7 "Black Car" "Dark Spring" 18. U.S. Girls - In a Poem Unlimited "Pearly Gates" "M.A.H." 17. Anna Burch - Quit the Curse "Asking 4 a Friend" "With You Every Day" 16. Lucy Dacus - Historian "Night Shift" "Yours & Mine" 15. Superorganism - Superorganism NPR Tiny Desk Concert: "The Prawn Song," "Night Time," and "Something for Your M.I.N.D." 14. Dream Wife - Dream Wife "Let's Make Out" "Fire" 13. Now, Now - Saved "Drive" "SGL" 12. Gregory Alan Isakov - Evening Machines "San Luis" "Dark, Dark, Dark" 11. Soccer Mommy - Clean "Your Dog" "Wildflowers" 10. Mitski - Be the Cowboy "Lonesome Love" "Me and My Husband" 9. CHVRCHES - Love is Dead "Graffiti" "Graves" 8. Tancred - Nightstand "Reviews" "Something Else" 7. Snail Mail - Lush "Pristine" "Heat Wave" 6. Courtney Barnett - Tell Me How You Really Feel "Nameless, Faceless" "Need A Little Time" 5. The Beths - Future Me Hates Me "Little Death" "Not Running" "Happy Unhappy" 4. Slothrust - The Pact "Double Down" "Birthday Cake" "For Robin" 3. Metric - Art of Doubt "Now or Never Now" "Underline the Black" "Risk" 2. Tash Sultana - Flow State "Cigarettes" "Seven" "Mystik" 1. Screaming Females - All at Once "I'll Make You Sorry" "Soft Domination" "Step Outside"

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holdencaulflied · 7 years ago

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a while ago (like two years!!) i was tagged in a “describe ur top 9 formative albums” and i’m supposed to be studying for psych but i’m bored so this is as good of a time as any to talk abt music i guess

these aren’t supposed to be my favorite albums altho a few of them could fit in that category as well- it’s more the albums that i grew with and that helped me define myself at various points throughout my life

don’t panic // all time low- this album bridged me from 5th to 6th grade, and also from elementary to middle school. it was the beginning of me moving past radio hits/what my parents played in the car to finding music that was solely my preference and while i look back at this phase with embarrassment now, listening to lots of punk rock probably helped me branch out and have varied taste in music like i do today. also backseat serenade still goes hard and it’s my guilty pleasure song

marry me // st.vincent- my first foray into alternative/indie music, and also to st.vincent, who still releases amazing albums to this day. but honestly this was the soundtrack to my 7th grade year, when i was moving past the fall out boy/atl/panic! at the disco stage. paris is burning is one of the first songs i remember crying about. i listened to this album so much it’s like almost sacred now like i don’t listen to it as much bc i don’t wanna ruin the opinions i have on it by finding flaws i just want it to be a defining part of my life

pure heroine // lorde- my comfort food of albums. this came out when i was in 8th grade and it perfectly encapsulated everything about growing up and being unsure of yourself yet feeling like you knew everything. i still play this album a lot because it has stayed consistently relatable and i can appreciate the lyrics so much more now. ribs, the love club, and buzzcut season are the holy trinity of lorde songs. also lorde was my first every live concert and that is smth rlly special that i will remember forever bc literally my favorite thing is experiencing music u love live. lyrics like “we’re slipping off the course we prepared” and “my heart jumps around when i’m alluded to” stuck with me SO MUCH and this whole album really raised my standards in that i began listening more to lyrics instead of just songs i thought sounded cool

modern vampires of the city // vampire weekend- 8th or 9th grade?? definitely at the beginning of high school, but super formative because this is when i really began digging deep into spotify and finding artists and music that people wouldn’t just recommend to me. i really started seeing music as more of just a hobby to smth constant. songs like unbelievers and step and obvious bicycle were stuff i would always tell ppl to listen to- especially this was before vampire weekend became super popular it felt like i had like my own little personal album. vampire weekend in general also led to my love for indie rock/pop which has consistently been my most listened to genre since 9th grade, and although i’ve definitely changed my overall music taste from vw, there’s a lot of forever good songs on this album.

transatlanticism // death cab for cutie- holy shit this album is one of the saddest things i’ve ever listened to, and that is including high violet by the national. i probably listened to this album of my own accord the first time in 9th grade because before that my dad used to play it in the car and i wouldn’t really pay attention. but then i listened to title and registration (which is one of the first songs i remember sobbing my eyes to) and was like dad holy fuck this song is incredible. and this album is so important to me because while my dad and i disagree on a lot death cab is a common love that i think just brought us closer together. its a whole ass masterpiece like expo’86 is SO SAD yet i smile every time it comes on, and most of the lyrics aren’t obscure and twisty like a lot of other bands i listen to, yet i feel like they always pack the hardest punch

bankrupt! // phoenix- this album isn’t as formative as it is an eye-opener. it was one of the first times i began to realize music could be just as political and make points just as effectively as any op-ed, sometimes even more so. i think i listened to it sometime in 10th grade, and the line “lost ur mind on a cruise ship, bartending crucial lies” made a bigger point abt capitalism and poverty than most article i’d read. also the songs are just fucking catchy and the production is pretty great. oblique city, sos in bel air, and chloroform are some of my all time favorite songs. also the transition from drakkar noir into chloroform is like incredible and i freak out every time i hear it.

bury me at makeout creek // mitski- mitski is a force of nature in the form of guitars and words. her new album puberty 2 is amazing but i feel like this is the album that i really related to end of sophomore going into junior year. mitski is like a weird mix of straight up electric guitar and rock like remo drive and also soft-spoken indie like moses sumney and it’s great. last words of a shooting star is my favorite song off this album and the part where she is like “i’m glad my room is at least neat so when i’m gone i’ll be remembered kindly” is so!! like u don’t think abt life in terms like that but the fact that a lot of the time you’re only remembered by other’s perceptions of you is fucking sobering.

i’m not your man // marika hackman- ok i’ve loved marika hackman ever since i heard her cover of i follow rivers by lykke li and this album!! holy shit!! it’s so versatile but also so honest and heartfelt and somehow brutally witty at parts. i listened to it probably when it first came out, which was like either end of junior year or summer before senior year and i’m definitely at a part of life where i need constant new music- like ppl are like manasa is my personal shazam bc i never can stick to one genre or artist and i can pick song recs out of thin air so the fact that i listened to this album for like three months straight is a sign of how incredibly good it is.on a more personal note i came to terms with my bisexuality around the end of junior year, and to hear marika hackman unapologetically refer to running away with girls/falling in love with girls was so relatable at the time. it still is. i love gina’s world, round we go, and violet with all my heart. yeah the lyrics are confusing and often obscure and it is often a hard album to listen to because there are virtually no catchy hooks or choruses that grab onto you but it’s incredibly written and means so much to me.

landmark // hippo campus- AND finally, the album that has been on repeat for the past few months. i’ve always loved hippo campus from the first EP they released back in like 2014, but this is the first full album that they put out and jesus christ did it deliver and give me everything i ever wanted! my two favorite songs by them (warm glow and the halocline) aren’t even on this album but it’s still so perfect! the first time i listened to it all the way through was transcendental. sun veins into way it goes is seamless and perfectly executed. and some of these songs are so so so meaningful and sad and others are just upbeat and fun but then you listen to the lyrics and it’s like oh shit wow there’s so much i didn’t catch. i love this album and this band with all my heart i’ve seen them live twice (50% of their concert funds go to planned parenthood) and it was incredible. the way jake luppen says “solipsistic overtones” in western kids is amazing. the whole of buttercup is great the first time i heard “holy hell i can tell that you hate me, dying moon keep me up keep me waiting” i died a little. way it goes i could talk about forever with lyrics like “degenerate, counter-culture crying socialist, hip-to-lazed crazed abstractionist” like oh my god the genius it took to rhyme that stuff. also the whole of poems and epitaph is amazing and makes me cry. i love this album the most

#this is long #but i'm so bored and i rlly like music

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