#15 fucking minutes

[localplaguenurse]

No fucking way okay so funger right

I have been playing for 15 minutes unsaved, got legarde in my party, got loot, had to go get darce because a guard killed my dog

I pause the game super quick because I needed to look at a walkthrough real quick for what to do when I get to mahabre

Unpause, screen is frozen, I press the down button and hear footsteps

The screen is stuck on the fucking pause menu so I literally can't play

[cozylittleartblog]

@staff if you [change] the [design] of the fucking [dashboard] i will kill you

edit. i want it on the actual post that i am not actually making a de-th threat against the staff. that's shitty. the caption quotes the fucking costco hot dog meme, which i originally said in the tags. if any staff member sees this please do Not take it personally

[whereserpentswalk]

I have decided to become a walkablity extremist.

Cars should not be allowed in towns and cities at all. The only places where they should be at all present is in rural areas where any other means of transportation should be impossible.

High speed rail networks should allow for a trip from Mexico city to Montreal in under 24 hours.

All public transportation should be 100% free.

Lawns should not exist.

It doesn't make sense for single family homes to be built in most American cities.

Architecture must be beautiful again.

Every commercial street should have at least one bench.

Public restrooms must be free, common and accessible.

The pigeons are not enemies. The pigeons are freinds.

[ariaste]

swear to god if I read another motherfucking fic where these vampires pause to get the lube I am going to have a fucking mental breakdown and chew holes in the walls. i have had it up to here. this is an intervention. this is a come-to-jesus moment. what are you doing. are you thinking about your choices. why are you making them have sex like they're humans instead of weird fucked-up vampire sex. look into my eyes. can you please consider your worldbuilding choices and make ones that are less excruciatingly boring. look at me. you're being the softest beigest pillow if you make them use human lube. i'm serious. i will die on this hill.

fight me in the comments if you disagree or you feel huffy about this, i don't care. come at me, bro, i own the night.

[6ebe]

When I said Spain were violating child Labour regulations I didn’t think they actually were 😭

[stealingpotatoes]

all the bitches want me. and by bitches i mean bots (there is an infestation help me)

[heavensickness]

ASDFVGBHNJMKLÇŞLKJHGFDSASDFGHJKLŞLKJHGFDSASDFGHJKL

[inkskinned]

"it's so embarrassing you like that popular thing" "oh ew that geeky/strange thing is so cringe lol" "oh it's kind of weird you get excited about that harmless shit"

dude i love how ironic and jaded you are and that's so cool and sexy of you. and i am so so glad to tell you - you won!! we all had a meeting and we decided that you won, and we are writing your name on the inside of a burger king crown. the marker smeared, sorry, but we knew any form of real effort is ugly to you. but anyway. congrats! you are officially the coolest, most ironic, most jaded person in-the-world-right-now. we would throw you a party but you would think it was totally boring - and besides, we're weird so we wouldn't have been coming. we would have brought our love of beetles and of baking and of little canapes. we would have brought our artsy videogames and pages of writing. we would have written a poem with you, our hands covered in ink, and spread out a canvas to dance on, the night so lurid and pink.

but do not worry. we will not throw the party. we will just get you a ringlight and that crown i mentioned. it is a nice crown, except for where one of us dropped it.

the vote was a really hard one because we had so many cool ironic people to pick off the shelves. all of you have hands that rot fruit, how strange is that - you can't look at something without destroying it for other people. you like it when you can squeeze a person into a pinpoint - all us small ones scampering our little feet around our ugly joys. the vote was also a hard one because we kept our voices down because you don't like it when we talk too loud. you were on your phone at the time, talking to people other than us. you are a ghoul of every moment - half in, half out, you resent us for being here without shame or embarrassment.

so good news! we have invented an island for people like you. you get to go there and speak into the air things like if you still like watching harmless twitch streamers in 2023 you're fucking boring. you will say things like liveplay podcasts are fucking ugly and it's kind of awkward they try to make everything gay. on the island we made you, all of your words will have weight. they will form in the air like icicles, large white behemoth letters that will crumple in anvils around your feet. maybe we will send someone there once in a while to sweep, but honestly you might be there for a while, alone, waiting. we are busy being outside looking for mushrooms and flapping our hands and humming. we are busy kicking our little heels while we watch cringey tv. we are busy - sorry! as an apology, we have pre-filled the island with every bland, mediocre, unscented thing we could find. the island has the texture of american cheese. the island has an ocean that never gets angry. the island is perfect for you, trust me. you will be so happy there - as happy as you can be, ironically.

we want to say we are sorry for doing harmless things that you find annoying, childish, or unappealing - but we are not sorry. we thought we could help you, because we don't mind laughing at ourselves, but it turns out you are allergic to color and noise and atmosphere, so this is the best that we can do for now. we are all making a big shirt that says i voted in the ironic monarchy. we got you one that is just a fast fashion buttondown. i am so excited for you and this island and the big life you have won. you have a cool jaded grey life and miles of irony to roam. i love you! be well.

now leave us alone.

[horreurscopes]

this is my brother and i need a shovel to love him (prints)

[dumplingsjinson]

Character A separates from Character B to take a breather from the kiss, only to laugh in surprise when Character B starts pulling them on top of them.

"What are you doing?" they question, straddling Character B; feels Character B pressing against them. They blink, swallowing heavily; it doesn't take much for them to understand what that means, as they cautiously grind their hips down against Character B's, testing the waters.

Character B's hands sneak up their torso, hands cupping their clothed breasts, massaging them gently as Character A lets out soft little sighs and breathy moans, hips quickening with speed; ducking down to bury their face on Character B's neck every now and again out of embarrassment and to muffle the noises they were making.

"Wait, wait, wait," Character B breathes out, holding onto Character A's hips to stop them from moving. Character A sits up, looking down at them, heart skipping a beat at the way Character B stares up at them with hooded eyes. "We shouldn't be too loud, yeah? How about we go somewhere else?"

[th3e-m4ng0]

[crimeronan]

STORYTIME TO UNBURDEN MY DEMONS. I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THIS SO IT'S TIME FOR THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ONLINE TO HEAR IT:

when i was 14 years old and in eighth grade, i got cast in the importance of being earnest as cecily, a main character who is 18. this was a mainstage show, so the rest of the cast were adults. it was an insanely huge honor and i was extremely proud of making the cut!! there was just one problem-

cecily shares a single very boring kiss with her love interest.

and my scene partner was 24.

PREEMPTIVELY, i Promise this is not going anywhere horrifying. my mom supervised all of the rehearsals and i was honestly excited to kiss an older man because i have problems. my scene partner had excellent boundaries and was very respectful. none of this was traumatic; if the environment had been toxic, i would've dropped out.

HOWEVER. my scene partner was VISCERALLY uncomfortable with kissing a 14-year-old. as pretty much any chill 24-year-old man would be.

so. i got it into my head that he'd be less uncomfortable if he was kissing a high schooler than a middle schooler. (this distinction seems very prominent when you're in eighth grade and much less prominent when you are 24.)

so when the other cast members asked me what grade i was in. i told them i was a freshman in high school.

.....and one of the other cast had worked at my district's high school before.

so i had to, um. continually make up information about my classes and classmates and teachers.

for months.

.......and i got away with it.

...............until.

the cast party.

at which point my mom casually mentioned that i'd been cast as a lead in my middle school's show for that year.

and so the former teacher was like, "oh, you're dropping down from high school to do it??"

and my mom, so blankly, unaware that she was about to Ruin My Entire Shit Forever, was like, ".....no??? kitkat's in middle school??"

and he went, ".......oh!"

DEAD FUCKING SILENCE.

FROM EVERYONE.

DEAD SILENCE REIGNED.

NO ONE SAID A WORD.

IF ANY OF YOU THINK YOU'VE EVER BEEN EMBARRASSED-

[hell0mega]

just heard the news and here's my hot take. 90 minutes is an entire feature film. you can do A LOT in 90 minutes. obviously the rest of the series has a very specific, slow, build-up type of pacing, but season 3 was always going to be more bombastic and high stakes. season 2 was arguably stretched out, even if almost every scene and detail mattered to the characters, but for s3 it almost sounds like they took Neil's scripts and edited it down so it would be tighter. and that's good, i think.

I've described season 2 as having "more of a Gaiman stink" on it, where he "couldn't help himself but to add lore" where he didn't need to (looking at you, nazi zombies). and maybe they are taking all that shit out and it's just going to be a movie to wrap up their story. maybe there are questions that will be left unanswered, but not everything has an answer, or needs one. but again, most theatrical movies, which have no preamble for setup, establish a whole world and an entire story in 90 minutes. it won't be paced the same, but I'm realistically optimistic that it will address plenty of things.

[rowebug]

the live action ninjago movie but its just two guys playing with the character minifigures

[inkskinned]

it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.

yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.

it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.

how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.

chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?

how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.

"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.

i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.

[maudiemoods]

"I need that old man" noooooooo you need to get to class on time