#143am

[hieranarchy]

Day 10

Went to bed around 1040pm, woke up around 143am, 6am, and then 750am. Did walking meditation plus still meditation so maybe my mind didn’t really need too much sleep. Less dreams than the day before so that’s good.

Now all i need to do is to train myself to not panick if i wake up at 2am on a workday.

[entjxistp-blog]

I have always been alone.  That’s what’s weird to me.

Night after night, I sit on the top bunk in some room with my back against a wall...  12:30 AM, 1:00 AM, 3:00 AM - I’m just sifting through time.  No concern for tomorrow, lost or broken sense of identity.

My existence is supposed to be lonely, right?

A couple years ago, he played bass-heavy jazz music for me, louder than I would ever have dared.  Fingering his small black gauges - well, he was significantly older than me, but I still felt a tremor in my spine at that soft look in his mocha eyes.  He, who was a minuscule piece of my life, connected me to the music in a strange way.  I felt focused, not lost.  Grounded and clear, but not...strong.

Just alive.

That lesson, with practice, became habit.  When she was throwing up in the cafeteria, I was outside, flexing and un-flexing my hands in my pockets with my earbuds cutting me off from the cruelty.  I mean, for every test and examination, there was Chopin, K.Flay, the Beatles.  Classics, nobodies.  Man, Mikky Ekko somehow crawled into my head during the entire PSAT so that even my pencil scratches came with a chorus.  I listen to anything that fills out my identity, putting down my current self into a series of rhythms, melodies, and lyrics.

...and yet I’m still alone.

That’s what’s weird.  Your face is music, the only companion I have ever known.  I know that metaphor has been well-used by poets, but they never consumed music - rely on music like a drug - the same way I do.  Who else would know how my hands shake, fumbling to untie my earbuds in a panic, hiding in a bathroom stall to play just thirty seconds of Eric Bellinger or The Black Angels before I have a mental breakdown?  The way I lie on the floor under a cold shower to Coeur De Pirate and Thievery Corporation is a secret to the public - because I need to be alone to crumple.

I’m too tired.  You would never understand, even if I could slash open my soul and write these words with my blood.  Your expressions have time to them, your movements have cadence, your voice is a sonata.  Every time I go back home to my childhood piano, I sit there and stare at the friendly keys, trying to reassemble your existence into the music I hear when you look at me.

Is there a sound for companionship?

Your eyes flitting curiously across my face and the curve of your lips...  Your beauty expands beyond my creative capabilities, and the intense steel, perception, and intrigue behind your sweet smile are percussions, low strings, or some sort of electric guitar - without any arrangement.  How you care, how you suffer - you are noise, a symphony as powerful as Dvorak and as clear as your strange alternative rock.

I don’t know...

Maybe I’m wrong...

I think the sound of companionship may just be your laughter after all.

[darksouls2yuri]

"this afternoon" says girlmaybe who only has concepts of if its dark its still the previous night and midnight does not exist (it is 143am i am up reading uhhhh. confidential material)

maybe theyll be more articles out tmr i mean we did just vote this afternoon. grins hopefully

[mercuriallycooperative]

MimiKatarina

[archersmight]

“BUH!!” 

A flash of lightning, accompanied by a crash of thunder that was almost deafening, woke Claude from where he had fallen asleep in the library. 

[fordanoia]

Pros:

the mcdonalds closed 2 hours ago and the wifi has kept going regardless

Cons:

i need to pee and the mcdonalds closed 2 hours ago

[yi-ssa]

Im missing everyone at this hour whats with me

[itsherday-blog1]

#droppinsoon #tonight #143am #onlyonyoutube #youtubespecial #youtube #youtubeviews #texas #hiphopmusic #mixtapelive #mixtapemusic #eastsidemusic #sanantonio #fortworth #dallas #austin #cali #newyork #ct #pa #la #shottv #hypertexas #tidal #undergroundstreetmusic #BossCandyMagazine #unitedsoundz #swollent #welloffforever #kayethetruth #cajokai #wxlffilmz #ewolfdaone #dcartists101

[thehealingbaddie1]

Almost 9 months in my celibacy journey. I’m horny as hell. I believe I’m just craving intimacy realllll baddd. I want to cuddle up with my baby dad real bad and fuck him ctfu no datsss toxic for the soulll. I’m stronger than that, I know I am. I know I won’t crack. I masturbated and I feel better. But it made me sad all day how sexual frustrated & lonely I was. I just imagine being hugged from the back like a bear. A warm embrace. With love. I won’t have sex with my baby dad bc I want to have sex with someone who wants to be with me. My celibacy journey is not a statement I am making with him, it’s a lifestyle. My life is telling all men you can not fuck me unless you commit to me and only me! 143am

[hotboxintoxins]

it’s 143am

my class starts at 730am

I can’t sleep despite being exhausted and I hate this shit

[runalongloves]

It’s all triggers.

It all hits different.

It’s literally physical.

143am

My heart still burns, I can feel/fuel the flicker 💛

[ididthisforme]

Why do I let everyone in, When everyone shuts me out?

143am

[thelovedones]

actually scratch that last ask! faces for regulus and for ted tonks? i’m ,,, undecided.

✧ ░ .·° I HAD TO CHECK MY PULSE after receiving this ask because i was 99% sure i died from excitement after reading it ?????? anyway, i digress —— for regulus, i would love to see NICO MIRALLEGRO, liam aiken ( who i am currently making some gif icons of from scratch ! ), jake bugg, thomas hayes, tyler young, or maybe douglas booth ? as for the muggleborn prince ted tonks, i would cry over kim junmyeon, kim jisoo, kim taehyung ( don’t @ me i’ve got a VISION of him ok ! ), tom webb, nam joohyuk, gregg sulkin, alberto rosende & froy gutierrez ! 

[patience-inthemaking]

143am. I just want to talk to you...

[attraper-un-poisson-chat]

@notbatmanyet: RT @jbbrown5280: Heavy snow near C470 & Quebec. 143am. #COwx #Colorado #Denver https://t.co/ZB9DTs7ja1

from http://twitter.com/notbatmanyet via IFTTT

[visakanv]

0679 – I'm not here for accolades; I'm here to write

0679 – I’m not here for accolades; I’m here to write

Some of my earliest word vomits were written without any sort of planning or prompt whatsoever. I just got into a text editor and started writing. It’s 143am right now, and I’m feeling a little bit bummed out and upset with myself that I haven’t been writing word vomits in a while. And so I feel like it might be somewhat fun to… recreate the starting conditions? I remember I actually had an app…