#13 YR OLD ME IS GAGGED RN

[the-beacons-of-minas-tirith]

BRO?

BRO????!!!!

[pinkspiraling]

i’m still ranting about my mom i’m sorry i’m having a bad day lmao

when i was 13 i got in trouble for making a friend online (wow ik lock me up /s) and like when i got in trouble i got IN TROUBLE like it was always a huge ordeal where everyone else in the house went to their rooms (scared shitless cause if one of us got in trouble sometimes they’d try to make it a wipeout where everyone would get in trouble for something??? that’s wack) and the one in trouble was scolded and questioned until we were crying and asking for forgiveness (like even as 16 yr olds we were sobbing and begging ew it hurts to think about) and then we’d be kind of shunned for a few days. anyways after that (when i was 13) i remember feeling like i almost lost my mom, like ig i felt i almost lost all her love, so i started randomly giving her hugs all the time bc i was scared she wasn’t going to hug me back so i was checking to make sure she still loved me if she hugged me back or eventually i could tell how loving she was feeling based on how tight she’d hug back (sometimes barely, yuck) now i’ve unintentionally made her think that i want hugs from her but when i’m mad and she hugs me or plays with my hair or some shit it makes me wanna gag and pull away. anyways there’s a fun story time cause i forgot that happened but her random hug reminded me

and ik other people experience a lot worse :( but there was just so much fear, being completely shamed and rejected from the family felt like a very real possibility bc it happened to my oldest sister and we all had to watch :/ damn i don’t wanna see my mom for a long time but she’s in the same damn house rn