#12F || You have never been loved. [Kadaj]

[nanakithewarrior]

umbral-stigmata-unbound​:

He stared, and stared, and raised a brow and stared a bit more. And then he scoffed. “…A flower? Really? THAT is what you want me to get you?” he questioned, confusion morphing into amusement very rapidly. He chuckled, shaking his head and stepping back, before facing the cell again.

And his tone was, of course, all the more mocking as he felt the need to question the creature further. “Is this a special flower you want me looking for, or just any flower the suits me…? Oh, I do look forward to what argument you wish to make for a green stem with petals.”

He shook his head again, doubt swimming, humor pounding, and yet…curiosity was growing. He really didn’t imagine anything would come of it…but he’d like to see what this creature would try.

“…I’ll do it. I’ll find you a flower. And you promise, you’ll help me see this future you’re so intent about?” he smirked smally, raising a brow.

Inside the cage, Red XIII wasn’t humored nor really baffled at the initial reaction he received. For someone who’d lived all his life in the metal box that was this city, the request had certainly to be unusual.

He just waited and somehow shrugged between his strong shoulders when the young one seemed a little more interested to humor him.

“Any kind you can find. And I promise…” He paused, giving Kadaj a well knowing look. “You will see it before you even return with it.”

              ‘Because the truth is… there is nothing growing out there…’

     ‘… the future of these lands is nothing but wastelands, and the Planet…’

                                    ‘…… is already crying.’

[nanakithewarrior]

umbral-stigmata-unbound​:

He sighed, shaking his head pacing for a moment, before stopping before him once more. He stared him down as he spoke again, offering to share something with him if he brought something first. Once more, he doubted him, and made it clear with the scoff that left him.

“And just what do you want me to bring you?” he asked with a faint laugh, staring him down. “What could possibly convince you to share with me, when you clearly would rather not? I can’t exactly trust you to make my efforts worth it.” he retorts. He didn’t have any plans to retrieve this creature any thing, not only out of spite, but out of understanding that those in charge of him would likely rather interactions beyond conversations not occur. He could get in trouble for bringing him anything.

Yet even so, he waited and listened to whatever it was.

“A flower.” Red XIII said without a bat of the eye. Not recoiling nor letting his fur bristle in response to the taunt and dismissal the teen delivered. He was a prisoner, and here he had nothing to gain nor to lose in making a request of this sort.

From the inside of his cage, even a frustrated boy was entertainment, whether he’d see to the truth, or stay blind in his indoctrinated folly.

“Bring me a flower that you’ve picked outside. Perhaps then you will actually see what future your precious ShinRa is bringing forth.”

[nanakithewarrior]

umbral-stigmata-unbound​:

He was disappointed by the denial, but not surprised in the least, and he scoffed, shaking his head, allowing himself to believe it had been a bluff anyways. “Just as I thought–there’s no point in me listening to your little stories, because that’s all they are.”

He crossed his arms, narrowing his gaze as the creature spoke with such bitter bite about ShinRa, shooting Kadaj himself a sharp look that just made him raise a brow. But he faced him, shaking his head.

“ShinRa may bring change to the world that people aren’t ready for, but they bring growth and chance. Ruin and decay is the way of the past, and ShinRa is the future. It’s your problem if you don’t see the beacon they can be for this world.” he defended, rather calmly. For it is what he believed. That is what ShinRa had done for the world, and continued to do. Yes, some times, war must happen, sometimes changes must happen, but he certainly believed it was all for a newer and brighter day.

This poor boy, he really knew nothing.

Red XIII frowned, pitying him and feeling disdain at the same time. If only this kid had seen what he had… the ruin and decay he spoke of, in the wake of that very company he so blindly defended. What could he possibly understand, when he was so blind?

Maybe trying to get him to see through his eyes was a lost cause. He really had made an attempt purely out of boredom. But then he thought, what would his grandfather say?

He was far from wise as his adoptive father figure, and still, in times of difficulty, he at least made an attempt to see things through his eyes. However complicated and far fetched as that may be.

“… You really want to know?” He spoke again after a bit, shaking his head to let his fur settle down after bristling. Ochre orbs leveling on the boy once more. “I will tell you, if you can find and bring me one thing.”

[nanakithewarrior]

umbral-stigmata-unbound​:

An aurora? The word almost, almost seemed familiar. But if he’d ever heard it before, it had only been once and fleeting, for it meant nothing to him whatsoever. Nothing until the creature began to speak in great detail of light flickering in the sky, rippling like water, and something within Kadaj, in his mind and his gut ached to see it.

Then the doubt set in. This could be a bluff, a lie to taunt for him for all he didn’t know and all he could not yet know unless…he was allowed. It set an uneasy yearning, and bitterness for his lack of chance to see anything like that. If it was real, out there, waiting, would he ever see it? If not, why?

That is what this creature was forcing him to think; why? He resisted as much as he could, he would throw reason and excuses at what was applicable. But he already feared, that question would stick despite his resistance.

“So….tell me where. The exact place… Maybe I’ll go there soon.” he challenged, as if looking to find a fake or flaw in his words, to uncover the bluff. He wanted to doubt it, to think it was all a lie, it sounded like fantasy. However….if it could be true, perhaps, with information, he really would see it one day.

If he closed his eyes, he almost felt like he could see it, the aurora.

Shining over the canyon like a mantle, comforting him even in the days where he’d felt most lonely. Miserably alone, just like now. But here was not the canyon, and he wouldn’t see the aurora even if he found the skies… and the creature knew, chances were he’d never see it again.

Fear and anger twisted together in his stomach like a painful knot. When the silverette spoke through the glass, his voice was met with a rapid flattening of furry ears against the neck of the specimen.

“I will not.” He said with a low grumble, turning his head over his shoulder to toss a bitter ochre look in his direction. “… I am here exactly so this wretched company would never set foot in those lands again. Everywhere Shinra goes, ruin and decay will follow.”

[nanakithewarrior]

umbral-stigmata-unbound​:

He huffs in minor annoyance when he seemed to refuse to share, curiosity peaked and then denied, but he just crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. “Whatever… Given your refusal, I can only assume that’s all it is; a bluff.” he retorts, gaze narrowing as he watched him move and pace, that fiery tail whipping carelessly. Or was it an act of attitude, aimed towards him? Who could know. He was a strange creature.

Even so, Kadaj watched him pace, noting his stiff movements, and somehow, despite his features not being human, he could almost detect the discomfort. Circling a simple, circular cell….had to be tiring and unfulfilling. But, there was nothing he could do. He had no idea what they were intending for him, so perhaps keeping him in this cell was necessary for the time being. Surely, there was a purpose…

At least, that’s what the likes of Hojo always assured him, when he asked too many questions. The man….unnerved him, and sometimes annoyed him or even scared him, but Kadaj felt…rather conflicted respect and regard for him. Not because he admired all his work, not at all; he admired how his mind kept reaching, to understand, to calculate. And he owed much of who he was, to the man, he made sure Kadaj knew that.

So, surely…he had a purpose, here…? He lowered his gaze, considering…the many creatures he’d seen come and go here, and how often he ever saw them thrive or be used.

“I’m just….hoping to understand. That’s all I’m hoping. But maybe I’m not meant to.” he remarks, but his words are absolutely against his own urges. His words were his fear scream against his own curiosity–because, what if he could look into what this beast was being used for? What if he could help encourage him to work and thrive as necessary, to change his current situation for the better?

Why did he even care?

For a long while in which the silverette did nothing but stare, Nanaki would withstand that treatment with tense attitude. Not quite growling or baring his teeth in his direction, but his pace was restless, and often he abruptly turned to change direction. Clockwise and counter, listening to the click of his claws against the metal floor. They were growing too much, and they hurt. It made him want to chew his paws off.

When the boy spoke again, Nanaki stopped at the opposed end of the cage, his back facing the silverette. But his ears swiveled backwards betrayed the fact that he was not ignoring him or his words. He sounded oddly… soft, almost dejected. Had he hit some kind of sensitive string in his heart?

“…Have you ever seen an aurora?” He asked after a pause had intercurred between them. He didn’t look back, but the level of his voice made it clear that he was talking back to the youth out of the cage.

“At night, in places where the Lifestream’s flow is strong and undisturbed, on occasion you can see it. Great waves of light flickering and waving through the sky, rippling like water, stretching so far your eye cannot see their end. It makes you feel small, and still, safe. Like someone is watching over you, and making sure you are warm and covered.”

It was the first thing he thought he could share. One of the things he missed the most from home.

“…I do not need a window to know you’d never see the aurora in this place.”

[nanakithewarrior]

umbral-stigmata-unbound​:

The young man was perhaps too willfully stubborn, not willing to consider his critical words for very long. He just let him talk, deciding not to think too much on his statements, his views, his warnings. Except…. Well, except for that last part. He knew there were many lands, towns, cultures, people, places out there beyond Midgar, beyond ShinRa, beyond the labs. And he had seen nothing of it. Nothing real, at least.

And so that is what burned his curiosity then, eyeing the red creature intently, biting his tongue for moments longer, before finally, speaking, unable to resist.

“….And just what all am I missing out on? Since you seem to know so much, why don’t you tell me?” he quirks his head, clearly trying to challenge him to share without being too obvious about it. Or so he thought.

This young one wasn’t even listening, was he? The beast caught on quick, and a low, rumbling sigh of disappointment vibrated behind closed jaws. Almost a growl. The piercing ochre gaze scanned the thin form before him with mild frustration.

“Even if I told you, would that really satisfy you? Or are you just hoping to catch me in a bluff?”

Scoffing through his nose, he turned to pace in the cage again, tail whipping a slap against the wall, bright sparks leaving a smokey-coloured mark on the barrier and nothing more. It was an activity that was slowly but surely taking a toll in his mind, to walk in circles in there. But as harmful as it could be, it was the only way to ease the pain caused by the stiffness of extended captivity which pulled at every joint and muscle.

In his time there, he had seen many subjects succumbing to the end of either fates. To just give up and lie down until sores opened and festered, killing them by infection.. or to turn to complete madness, going berserk against the cage until they either opened their skulls striking at it, or were put down by the researchers out of annoyance.

Red would have neither be his end, if he could prevent it. But the effort was nothing short of walking on a tight rope, with risk to fall on either side. A precarious and torturous balance that Hojo seemed to take delight in observing.

[nanakithewarrior]

umbral-stigmata-unbound​:

He could hear the bite in his words, and his gaze narrowed, but though his mouth twitched with an attempt of immediate snark, he thought through the question, to try and give his honest thoughts and beliefs, beliefs that he’d been raised to trust in.

He straightens up. “Many minds involved in this company, who consider their many assets, and calculate how their potential and gifts can be used to serve the company, and the public at large. I don’t know every figure, beyond knowing they’re usually Director’s within ShinRa, or just a rank below.” With that explanation given, his gaze shifts away.

“But, as I’m sure you’d imply, I may be wrong, and may misunderstand. But it’s what I know, and what I trust.” he finishes.

“What you trust…”

He muttered to himself, head tilted as he watched the man through the glass. With curiosity, but also some condescending pity. It was clear that to this animal, the boy looked just as pitiful as any other subject in the laboratory.

“I trust that thing up there to give me food when I do what I’m told.” He said then, lifting his ochre gaze to a sealed lid that stood atop of the cage. “But I’m not so blind as to believe that is all there is for me to follow.”

Rear legs pushed up his body first, back tilting and arching downwards while every muscle stretched, head sinking down and yawning while dull claws emerged at the extremity of his front paws. Red XIII groaned at the painful pop of stiff joints, mourning the lack of movement the segregation had forced upon him.

With that done, he paced up to the perimeter of the cage, and lifted his head to meet that reptilian gaze past the crystal.

“The purpose of ShinRa, and what calling it might bestow upon you, is just a speck of dust before the Planet. There is much that you’re missing out past this large cage of metal and smoke you call home.”

[nanakithewarrior]

umbral-stigmata-unbound​:

Curiosity, and perhaps a tinge of sympathy and and pity, filled his thoughts and considerations as he listened, as such interactions seemed rather pitiful, for any creature–to be denied food until you perform, basically.

Of course, that sympathy and pity was shoved aside as the creatures last remark brought back that boiling annoyance, and his brows twisted angrily as he stared down at him, ready to deny him vehemently, to prove him wrong. For just a moment he considered that such an effort may not be worth it, for why should he have to prove himself to a caged beast?

But, in the end, the annoyance drove him.

“I don’t do tricks. I train and serve. I’m not some curiosity they like to toy with, I am a purpose they are guiding.” he snarled, before wincing at having given in to the snide remark. He sighed, shaking his head.

Calming himself, he tried to seek a different subject, a different point to focus on, not allowing this creature to try and manipulate his emotions again. “…Perhaps they are trying to understand you, to see what purpose you can provide… If you were anything less than important to some degree, surely, you wouldn’t still be breathing.”

The beast’s sides shook into a loud shuff, whiskers trembling over Red’s mouth flaps while a scoff erupted, so shark it sounded nearly like a bark. Truly, this young man knew how to give him a good laugh.. although in all the wrong ways.

“And who decides what ‘purpose’ means here?” He asked, rising his head to stare directly at the silver-haired boy. “You?”

There was bite to that question, making it almost rhetorical. Yet, not quite. He was interested in hearing the other’s answer. Just to see how warped his logic was. How tight those shackles were on his mind.

Because a purpose given by others was just like being told what to do. And isn’t that exactly the definition of performing a trick?

[nanakithewarrior]

umbral-stigmata-unbound​:

He grit his teeth, trying to figure out what to say, the snarking comebacks burning on his tongue, before he just hissed and shook his head, and finally stormed off to leave the insufferable creature to his sitting in his cage. Like he’d expressed to him, he had more important things to do! He had no reason to stay around here, wasting his breath.

So he committed to his lessons, working on materia handling, which got a bit boring, as it seemed a bit too easy for him. But he knew they must test his capabilities, his endurance, and his rapid shifting between materia. Then there was the sparring, today with rather sturdy, dual batons. He and his trainers were learning that he faired surprisingly well with dual weapons, and every new weapon, for him, was one to prove himself with and conquer. He moved swiftly, twirling and attack, swiping and making impact with his opponents weak points, until his opponent was on his knees. Kadaj brought down the batons, just above the other males head, with a fierce defiant grunt, but he stopped just short of impact, before stepped back and standing at attention.

Suffice to so, he was thriving, just as he intended to. Mild praise was received, and a great deal of expectations were offered afterwards. They were expecting him to face off against greater foes. And he would, even if the excitement to prove himself wasn’t as strong as usual–moreso he found himself…wondering if any proof would ever been enough.

But he left such thoughts behind. He would not let some lab creature get into his head. What did Kadaj’s life even matter to the creature? Had he only spoken to him, out of boredom? He was likely just using him as a toy, as entertainment in his dreary life, nothing more…

That assumption didn’t keep Kadaj from returning of course, as he did his rounds. He’d made sure to wash up, just to test and see if the creatures comment was a taunt or an actual request. He paced his way over, considering the creature, pacing it’s cage, before finally speaking. “Do you speak to anyone else here, hmm…?”

Red’s nose twitched and scrunched up way before the light tap of quick and frustrated leather boots reached his ears. That sick smell was still there, it seemed. He’d run into many things that had a naturally foul odor in his life, particularly for his sensitive olfact. But this was different.. it wasn’t exactly revolting in its purest sense, more like…

Something every bit of his instinct screamed he should get away from.

It was only by his human-like intellect which allowed him to overcome impulse with rationality – and well, the cage – that Red maintained self-control and didn’t react with hostility to the silverette’s presence, save for an unvoluntary bristle of the fur at the top of his spine where the darker strands of his mane started.

“If I do, it’s not ‘cause I want to.” He replied with a backward flick of his ears, the flame at the tip of his tail tapping lazily on the floor. “People here like to make demands before offering food. ‘Say this’, ‘say that’, ‘Can you count to twenty?’, ‘Solve this problem, now’. Always wanting more out of me, it’s so shameless.”

He huffed with full lungs, before rising his head to tilt it in question at the other subject past the transparent wall of the cage.

“I hope the tricks you were asked to do were more interesting than mine.”

[nanakithewarrior]

umbral-stigmata-unbound​:

He stared at the creature, gaze narrowing more and more until it was an absolute glare. He shouldn’t be letting the words of a beast in a cell get to him, he should be far away by now if this was the reaction he would allow himself to have. But even so, he was still standing here, staring down the red beast with the bright eye.

“You think so? You think I’m a greater prisoner than you…?” he questioned, believing he understood so clearly. He huffed a laugh. “And what are you here for? To be studied, to be prodded at, nothing more… And I have a future laid ahead, to shape however by power and mind and strength guide me to do so. I need only to try, and I carve my future. I am the young pride of this department. You? You’re just….ingredients…” he retorted, the last remark coming out in a snarl as something in his head ached.

His emotions and his words were souring so much, and for what? Save for taunting implications and beliefs that are easily ignored, this beast had done nothing. Kadaj knew that the attitude he was currently displayed was one of weakness, but even so, his feet barely drew him away from where he stood.

“Your words are not worth my time. I have training to prepare for…”

The snicker coming from under Red XIII’s whiskers was guttural and deep, with a purr to it that made his sides vibrate. He was still young enough to find a little delight in getting under other people’s skin, and his grandpa wasn’t anywhere near to reprimand him for it.

“Go ahead, then. Enjoy your play-fighting and sweating.” He said with a short flick of his tail. His head adjusted further on the paws, finding a comfortable angle to go back to sleep while on the arch of his back, hair bristled and relaxed back down with a shudder.

“Wash thoroughly when you’re done. Maybe then that horrible smell will become bearable, too. This barrier only seems to work so much.”

[nanakithewarrior]

onewinged-tragedy​:

He didn’t enjoy the cocky tone, as if this creature believed he knew so well of him when he could not. It was aggravating, and he narrowed his gaze at the beast, arms crossed over his chest. “I’ve had many acquaintances.” he retorted. It wasn’t a lie, though he wouldn’t admit it wasn’t what the creature was asking for. He spoke of many fellow subjects he trained alongside, before he moved beyond their skillset. And then there would be new ones.

“You’re bored and invasive, is what you are… I don’t need friends. A fool who needs friends is a fool who cannot stand on his own. Why do you think you’re in a cell, and not me as well?” he countered, believing he’d made a valid point, completely ignorant of the various ways once could be trapped beyond just some simply cell.

“Bored, definitely. Invasive… maybe a little bit.”

The beast’s tail tapped occasionally against the cold floor of the cage. The flame didn’t burn as vivid as it once was. The life in captivity was affecting Nanaki, and not just because of a poor diet and experiments.

“But you’ve got it backwards.” He said with just the faintest rocking left and right of his head on the back of his paw rather than actually giving it a shake. “I am in here exactly because I have friends. Prisoners who have no one to return to… those are the ones who don’t need to be chained.”

[nanakithewarrior]

onewinged-tragedy​:

His head was pounding. These episodes were toying with his head, leaving it aching and pounding, and twisted his mind up a bit. His desperation for mother, his willingness to give everything, a feeling of his life being on the line, and disdain for others around him.

He was supposed to be reporting these things to Hojo, but…something had him hesitating. He winced, not really liking what was going on with him, and feeling like it was unnecessary. Professor Hojo spoke as if it was necessary, as if he was the only one that could help whatever the project was, that he was important, and he wanted to believe it, but should he be feeling this way, if it was so important? Should he really be action this way?

He crossed his arms, dressed in his 2nd class uniform, and looking around, before sighing and looking back to the creature. “…My response was harsh, but…it doesn’t change anything. What you speak of its your experience, not mine… Why…does it matter to you?” he found himself asking.

He didn’t apologize. He didn’t want to acknowledge an outburst that barely felt like him, and apologizing would do so.

“Does it have to matter to me, for me to ask?” His head lifted gently from the floor, tilting a little in the boy’s direction, And in his own way, maybe Nanaki was smirking a little through his eyes at the silver-haired one’s confusion.

“You just look like you haven’t had many friends growing up.” He added then, a little too matter-of-fact maybe. He wasn’t exactly the most considerate when it came to words. A skill his grandfather often urged him to improve, in fact. “Am I right?”

[nanakithewarrior]

onewinged-tragedy​:

He had been succeeding in ignoring the beasts like the simple creature he believed him to be, or tried to, but that smooth and sure voice, and the gently spoken yet sharply worded question had him snapping his head in the red ones direction.

“Tch!” was his only answer at first. This creature, he didn’t deserve an answer, not in the least, and he did not intend to give him one. But the question did cause his mind to swim for an answer anyways.

Because, truthfully…he didn’t entirely understand what love felt like. Unless love was…the devotion, the commitment, the sacrifice he gave, all of it, to Mother.

Was that love? If it was….was it not supposed to feel like…more? His gaze narrowed on the red one once more, slit pupils like thing lines between his eyelids.

“And just what do you, a beast within his kin by his side, expect to tell me about love, whether I’ve felt it or not? Forgive me if I can’t imagine you have much to offer.” he scoffed, the harsh response and the cruel laugh to finish hiding his own conflicted head and heart and the state the red creatures question had left him in.

From inside the cage he was held in, Nanaki… or so called “Subject Red XIII” now… observed the boy with a mix of distrust and, to some degree, pity.

He hadn’t been long in here since his capture. A month or so, barely enough to get over the shock of his new surroundings. Enough time to get familiar with the sensation of cold metal floor beneath his feet, the many unfamiliar noises of whirring machines coming from everywhere. The complete absence of nature. It was as though he’d been torn away from the Planet entirely.

In this alienating place, he did what he could to find relief by observing and interacting with what little resembled life in this place. The scientists and guards were met with avoidance and distrust, hostility slowly bubbling inside his heart, possibly enough to overcome his cowardice. It was only to the other ‘subjects’ that he would grant some conversation.. or attempts to do so. Most of them were not so keen on language.

All but this one. The four-legged creature had observed him come and go in the laboratory, seemingly granted a degree of freedom that Nanaki could not. But he was not a real human being, that much he could tell. If the scent wasn’t enough of a clue –. and it was – his reptile-like eyes all but confirmed it.

Their exchanges had been short and often ending as soon as they started, usually with some snappy retort from the two-legged one. He looked a little unstable as far as emotions went. There was something stirring inside him. Something dangerous, that Nanaki didn’t wish to trigger.

But he felt that magnetic attraction that came when crossing gazes with someone of a similar life stage. Turbulent teenagers seemed to have a particularly stronger scent than normal, be it because of all of the hormones– or poor hygiene. He wasn’t one to pry. And so, he still spoke.

The last thing he’d said had perhaps hit a little too close to home for the silver-haired, if his reaction was anything to go by.

“You don’t need to be with kin to be loved.” He corrected him, muzzle resting over crossed paws, a pair of half-lidded ochre eyes looking up at the slim figure past the bars of metal that divided them. “When I was born, I was entirely dependant on my caretaker. Cubs like me are born blind, deaf, and unable to control body temperature. Left on their own, they wouldn’t even know when to eat, or release, or sleep. I would have died, were it not for someone who looked after me for weeks and weeks until my eyes finally opened. That is love. Unconditional care, without anything to gain in return. Even at your own expense and risk, at times.”