#1000% sure of these horrifically painful answers

[misswoozi]

that one same game of consequences lyrics, but now with the angstiest ships /t1da

"Loving you was dumb, dark and cheap"

"Loving you will still take shots at me"

"Found loving you was sunshine, but then it poured"

"And I lost so much more than my senses"

"'Cause loving you had consequences"

okay let's get HURT

loving you was dumb, dark and cheap — Johnny/Kun

loving you will still take shots at me — Sowon/Yuju

found loving you was sunshine, but then it poured — Jeongyeon/Sana

and I lost so much more than my senses — Xiumin/Luhan

cause loving you had consequences — Jihyo/Nayeon

[max1461]

So, many people take for granted that there has been a huge increase in the prevalence of egalitarian and pacifistic ideals over the last few centuries. I don't actually know if this is true. It certainly looks true on shorter timescales, e.g. the world seems to me more egalitarian today than it was 1000 years ago, but I'm really not sure how we'd evaluate it on longer timescales. Are we more egalitarian on average than 20,000 years ago? I have no idea. I think it's clear from the archeological evidence, though, that society is much less violent than it was 20,000 ago, so at least that gain can be sort of confidently claimed.

And the question, then, is... why? My first pass at an answer would be technology; because of technology we live lives less governed by fear an want, and thus can afford to be kinder to one another. We have material security that we once lacked, and in light of this security, fiercely guarding what little we have is less necessary. Or something in that vicinity. But I think there's also possibly another effect, that of mass trauma. I believe @tanadrin suggested this in a post somewhere. If you're living in a world where 4/5 of your siblings died in childhood, where people around you are constantly at risk of death by a simply infection or the common cold, where the majority of your own children will likely die... I think that's likely to really mess you up, by modern standards. Make you far less sensitive to death and suffering—because, you know, you have to be.

Anyway, I think this is reflected in the way many historical texts talk so cavalierly about death and killing. To me, and to I think a lot of people today, losing someone we care about is unimaginably painful. But if you listen to the way death is talked about in e.g. the Norse sagas, it's discussed as a practical inconvenience, a financial burden, an affront to the ego. But a tragedy? Almost never. Because, I suspect, you can't consider something a tragedy if it's happened to you time and time again, and also to everyone you know and everyone you've every heard about forever. At that points, it's just life.

I have two points here. One is that this is a parable against falling into the naturalistic fallacy. There are many struggles that we today consider "just a part of life", that people are reflexively dismissive of trying to alleviate with technology. But for most of human history, this same thing could be said of massive child mortality. Now that we have the benefit, at least in the developed world, or not having to deal with that, we can recognize it for the horrific tragedy that it was. We can recognize it for the horribly traumatic thing that it was, this thing that filled everyone's life with needless suffering for centuries upon centuries. When medical technology allows us to e.g. prevent natural aging, I am nearly certain we will look back on it the same way. We will wonder "how did they all get by, knowing they had so little time on Earth, knowing the approximate age of their own death?" And the answer will be twofold: "they just did" and "they really didn't".

The other point is that this all suggests against the narrative that suffering makes one virtuous. I think the reality, as hard a pill as it may be to swallow, is nearly the opposite: comfort and luxury make people more virtuous. The greatest source of hate and anger in the world, I strongly suspect, is fear, and being free from fear allows one to be free from hate and anger in a way that the fearful are going to have a far harder time doing. As far as it goes, through the various ups and downs in my own life, this has been my experience to a tee. I think @balioc suggested something like this somewhere, and while I think they went a bit too far (I have definitely received some benefits to virtue from the harder times in my life, namely a strongly increased desire to ameliorate similar conditions for others), I think the gist of their idea ("struggle often makes you a worse person") is pretty accurate. It's not always true, but it certainly seems to be true a fair amount of the time.

I suspect that the idea that luxury corrupts is mostly a selection effect: that is, in a harshly competitive society, the people most able to win luxury for themselves are likely to be the most ruthless. So it appears that the luxury is causing the evil, when in reality the causality is exactly opposite. At least, that would be my guess.

Overall this paints a rather grim picture of the human experience. Suffering makes us less kind, most of us are condemned to suffering, and those most likely to escape it are those who were least kind to begin with. And I'd really like to hear from anyone who's had a different experience, who feels they're a better person for the hardships in their life, because that has really not been mine.

I don't know where I'm going with this. A dose of pessimism to cut the usual utopian-optimism of this blog. I suppose I think these features of the human condition are fundamentally escapable, and that's cause to feel good. But in order to escape our problems we first have to understand them, so, here's been one attempt to do that.

[canmom]

Animation Night 91 - Heike Monogatari

Hi friends, it’s Thursday! You know what that means. Unless you followed me just this week in which case hi, welcome, let me move this stack of cels - yes, it’s that night where I show animation on Twitch!

One of the very first people we covered on Animation Night was Naoko Yamada - KyoAni’s star director, renowned for her subtle, beautiful direction taking after the language of live action film. (c.f. Animation Night 13, Animation Night 51). She first caught attention on K-On!, where her storyboards stood out for their clever perspective and extraordinary care in portraying gesture and body language; she soon rose to lead the incredible character animation talent of one of the most beloved animation studios in the world, resulting in incredibly affecting stories like A Silent Voice and elegantly painful ones like Liz and the Blue Bird. At the same time, she played a large role in teaching her fellow animators the art, and generally it seemed that you could say, “Naoko Yamada’s in her KyoAni, all is right with the world”.

Except... that isn’t true anymore. KyoAni is still recovering from the horrific arson attack of 2019 and will never be the same as it once was, and in that context, late last year we got the surprise news that Yamada had left KyoAni to direct a show at Science! Saru, the studio founded by Masaaki Yuasa (Animation Night 12, Animation Night 28). Naturally this set everyone in the sphere who pay attention to such things pretty abuzz - you might read kVin’s article from the time, in which he was eager to see how Yamada’s style would work at the famously experimental studio... but also criticised the management of Science Saru, whose staff were in a tunnel of overwork trying to keep up with far too many projects. (Tragic, since they were once a pretty bold experiment in running studio better).

But all the same, the show got made. And, by all accounts, it was fantastic. So, in keeping with the new program of ‘watch an entire cour of anime in one night’, tonight... we’re going to check it out! (Why the marathon approach? I think it’s a good fit, but more on that anon...)

What’s the deal with this one, then? Well, Heike Monogatari (The Heike Story) is a famous Japanese epic dating back to the end of the Heian period (794-1185). If you don’t have an interest in Japanese history for some reason, you may know the Heian period from a certain meme...

As this implies, it’s known for being a peaceful era in which poetry was a big deal. A huge amount of literature comes from this time, much of the Japanese-language portion written by women because the men were more likely to speak Chinese.

Going back to the time I wrote a gigantic animation night post about the rise of the samurai class, it was also a period of population decline, in which the former criminals who had defended the Imperial court against a series of rebellions were awarded with power and status, and they became the earliest form of military houses and tax-collecting landlords who fought through horse archery. This became further cemented after famines in the 1000s, which the government answered by formalising the feudal tax-collecting estates, becoming the first samurai in the familiar sense.

Among these various noble houses in the imperial court, the most powerful were the Taira, Fujiwara, Tachibana and the Minamoto. For most of the Heian period, fighting would involve fairly ritualised skirmishes, in which small groups of riders or individuals would be sure to announce their pedigree before getting to it... but this came to a bloody end in the 1180s, with a five year civil war between the Taira (平) and the Minamoto (源) clans. This is the subject of the Heike story - Heike (平家) is a compound word which therefore means it takes on’yomi, but simply means ‘Taira family’.

The Heike story does not have just one author, but rather is an oral tradition first carried by mostly-blind, biwa-playing travelling performers known as biwa hōshi who would perform it in a ritual way which established their own presence in Japanese society. As such, there is not just one version of it, but there is a predominant version of it compiled by the blind monk Kakuichi in 1371. As you can probably imagine for a national epic, it’s a huge sprawling story, and its precise interpretation is a matter of debate. Wikipedia names two major readings:

At one level, the Tale is an account of martial heroism – of courage, cruelty, power, glory, sacrifice and sorrow.[4] Those who emphasise this aspect of the story point to its glorification of the heroic spirit, its avoidance of the realistic brutality and squalor of war, and its aestheticisation of death:[5] a classic instance of the latter is the comparison of the drowned samurai in the final battle to a maple-leaf brocade upon the waves.[6]

Others, while still accepting the importance of the military episodes and of heroic figures like Yoshitsune, would emphasise instead the Tale’s immersion in Buddhist thought, and its themes of duty, Dharma, and fate.[7]  Announced at the very beginning is the Buddhist law of transience and impermanence,[8]  specifically in the form of the fleeting nature of fortune, an analog of sic transit gloria mundi. The theme of impermanence (mujō) is captured in the famous opening passage: [click through to read it]

It sounds like a work that would be nigh impossible to adapt - but around this time, Masaaki Yuasa is directing another period piece about a musician in ‘darling of everyone lucky enough to see it at a festival’ Inu-Oh. That’s the context for this collaboration. Still, it’s a hefty task.

Yamada’s approach was to make the emotional core of the story an orphaned girl called Biwa, after the instrument she plays and clearly a synecdoche of the biwa hōshi. Her adaptation is self-reflective about the act of retelling and the meanings imparted, with itself as a case in point, as Matteo Watzky relates in a great deal of depth here...

(...) In the hands of Yamada and writer Reiko Yoshida, however, the tale is humanized in a new and important way; namely, in the sense that it is first and foremost a story about “real people”. Remarkably, there are no true villains: even the mythically evil Kiyomori – the head of the Heike and the primary instigator of the conflict – is presented as a deeply imperfect human being. More broadly, while the members of the cast are generally defined by traditional virtues and vices, the show is at pains to depict them as living people in their own right. To that end, emperors and servants alike exist in an unvarnished state, irreducibly unique in their personalities and mannerisms, defined equally by their solemnity and silliness, their cruelty and compassion, their fearfulness and foolishness.

Suffice to say, this sense of dramatic realism cannot be conflated with a false claim to historical reality. Indeed, the very first episode foregrounds the self-evidently artificial and anti-illusory nature of animation by having one of the “real people” ironize over their own existence as an animated character: “Those outside our clan are not real people,” says the hand-drawn image of a person whose very words is an artistic construct. This overt subversion of immersion – which discloses the anime’s (ir)reality as animation by dispelling its claim to naive realism, is an open demonstration of Heike Monogatari’s commitment to the truth of animation as a creative construct. At the same time, the fact that the medium of animation enables the creation of real images, including (un)realistic images of (un)real people, enables it to critically engage in, reflect on and intervene in reality. By capturing the inherently imperfect reality of human coexistence, Heike Monogatari eschews naive idealism in favor of a decidedly anti-humanistic view of political history. In other words, it harbors no illusions to the inevitable rise of an enlightened humanity. Furthermore, the feminist perspective that always permeates Yamada’s work is notably complexified by the politics of the setting, with the prominent threat of (sexual) violence a constant factor and women’s resistance to the ruling patriarchy generally reduced to active forms of passivity, i.e. the deliberately ambiguous act of “exiting society” through either religious seclusion or suicide.

(here’s a swordfight to assure you that it’s not all the sort of thing you can only say in long paragraphs :p ... ok now, skipping forward a bit)

Given this, the anime can be seen to use Biwa’s art of storytelling as a self-reflective vehicle for its own cinematic mediation of the tale. Of course, there is a problem with this: Biwa is not a real historical figure, past or present. In fact, as a “real person”, she is but an image of animation itself. But does this fact signal that she cannot tell the truth, or that her story cannot be a true part of history? Surely not. For Biwa’s story to be false, it would have to paint a false picture of reality. But, as noted, there is nothing deceptive about Heike Monogatari’s reconstruction of its source material. Rather, the show takes inspiration from history, what is known of the original tale and its tellers, in order to spin a mythopoetic yarn about these very things. It recreates history by transforming it into a story – but it also uses that story to show how history itself is created through storytelling. In other words, what Heike Monogatari shows us is not factually true, but the self-evident nature of that fact itself reveals a great deal about the construction, transmission and reception of historical truth.

This approach - making it very much Naoko Yamada’s take on the Heike Monogatari - seems to have paid off handsomely, and I’ve generally seen it receive nothing but praise.

On top of that, it’s also just... incredibly beautiful to look at - a nice demonstration that digital compositing is not in fact the devil and can be put to pretty good effect if you know what you’re doing. The pale blue palette that suffuses it suitably brings to mind scrolls from the Heian period, the character designs are readable and varied with the right balance of complexity to support expressive animation... inevitably, people compare it to KyoAni, and say something like “well the guys at science saru are not quite on that level of godliness but they’re pretty damn good” which honestly feels a little unfair, because they really are damn good. And, of course, the backgrounds lovely, full of beautiful palaces and falling snow cherry blossoms that might inspire you to write a poem.

So, why the marathon approach? Well because of various circumstances intervening I haven’t gotten around to watching this all the way through yet... but also the complexity of the story and all the characters and moving parts strikes me as something that would benefit from being seen in one go, with memories fresh.

So, as such, please join me around 7pm UK time (maybe a little later if circumstances intervene, i’ll post when it starts) to witness, along with Biwa, the tragic fall of the arrogant Heike... and all things are impermanent, so don’t miss it! see you then at twitch.tv/canmom

[hood-ex]

Dude, I love reading everybody's fan works, but I myself cannot write for my life. I have so many ideas but it just seems impossible to actually put any of them on paper past a couple of notes. Do you have any tips for getting any stories done, even if it's just a really short one? (Also, Happy New Year!!)

Happy New Year! 

Sure, yeah! I’ll list a few tips for ya! 

If you haven’t written a lot/at all then consider starting off with either a drabble (100 words) or a one-shot (typically 1000+ words). The action here is supposed to be fast. You won’t have to worry about super descriptive details and things like that. You can just get out the main points of the story. 

I’ll give you an example of something I’ve written that’s only about 200 words or so. This fic is very short but it still manages to tell a story because it follows a very basic plot structure. 

The paragraph that builds up to the action is very short, and this paragraph is the entire exposition of the story. It introduces the main character (Dick), and it tells us what Dick is doing. This sets the scene so the reader can now picture Dick sitting on a couch with his pizza.

The rising action is Dick describing the pizza he got, and the reader getting a sense that something about the pizza is wrong based on the way Dick freezes at the sight of it. 

The climax is Dick realizing he ordered the wrong pizza. He got Damian’s pizza order, and this is where the reader realizes that Damian is dead.

The falling action is Dick putting the pizza away in the fridge next to all his other untouched meals. This is the effect from the climax, and it lets the reader know that Dick is still grieving over Damian. 

The resolution is Dick going to the shower to cry. The fact that Dick is going to the shower to cry tells the reader something about his character and gives him a little more depth. 

Notice how I stick to the very basics. There is no long, descriptive introduction that builds up the scene like you might see in other stories that start off by describing the gray clouds, the pouring rain, all the Gotham residents bundled away in their homes, etc. There are no lengthy descriptions about what Dick’s apartment looks like or what he’s initially feeling. Nope. It’s just Dick sitting on his couch to eat his pizza because he’s hungry. Super basic, right?

This is kind of what I mean when I say that sometimes I just jump into a scene and write. It’s the same as starting a story with dialogue rather than a descriptive paragraph. Dialogue immediately throws you into a character’s conversation, and dialogue is much easier and faster to write than wordy paragraphs. 

This fic of mine is an example of a story that is essentially just dialogue. Sure, there are a few descriptive sentences here and there to help the reader visualize the scene better, but most of the action is the dialogue. And we can apply the same basic plot structure to this story as well. 

Exposition: The Titans are in the car. Dick is tired. 

Rising Action: The Titans think Dick is going to fall asleep during the movie they’re going to watch. Dick says he’ll be fine, and he asks what movie they’re going to watch. 

Climax: Gar complains about the movie Kory picked for them to watch. Vic suggests watching another chick flick. Gar is not happy about it. 

Falling Action: Dick confuses Dinah with Diana. Donna gives him shit for it. 

Resolution: Gar thinks Dick is adorable and asks if he can be like this more often. Dick says something to make Vic and Donna laugh, and then Dick finally falls asleep. 

The plot structure is something we learn in school that we usually associate with novel length stories, but you can see in my examples that the plot structure can also be used for very short fics. Personally, the rising action and falling action are things that I don’t really plan out. They kind of just occur naturally when I’m writing. The exposition, climax, and resolution are usually the things that stick out in my mind the most (and it’s totally normal to just picture one or two of the three before you start writing). 

As a beginner, filling out the plot structure with the few notes you have will help you turn your notes into full sentences and dialogue. Let’s test this out just by filling in the plot structure starting with very little information.  

For example, let’s say I want to write a fic and all the notes I have for it consists of:

Jason (as Red Hood) is crying

Dick (as Nightwing) comforts him

Alright, well now I need to build a scene around those two notes. So now let me fill in some information for the plot structure. When I’m filling it out, I want to keep things like the characters and setting in mind. 

What I end up with is: 

Exposition: Dick and Jason are being held as prisoners on an alien planet. Dick and Jason are in a cell together. The cell is small and cold. They don’t know why they’ve been taken in as prisoners. They can’t understand the alien’s language. All they have is each other to rely on. Dick is keeping watch while Jason leans against him, asleep. 

Rising Action: Guards come to Dick and Jason’s cell. They are really fucking big. Way bigger than humans. Jason wakes up, startled and disoriented. He sits up. The guards start speaking. Dick has no idea what they’re saying. He tenses in anticipation.

Climax: All hell breaks loose. The guards make a grab for Jason. Jason defends himself. Dick attacks the guards to protect Jason. The small cell makes it hard to fight. The guards crowd Jason and harshly restrain him, making Jason cry out. Dick tries to free Jason. One guard uses a device to shock Dick in the head. This causes Dick to have a seizure. Dick can hear Jason going ballistic. Jason’s screaming for him and cussing at the guards. But then Jason’s voice gets further away, and Dick is left to ride out the seizure on his own. 

Falling Action: Dick’s seizure passes. His head is foggy, he’s got a horrific headache, and his body feels sore. The more time passes, the more tired Dick feels. He’s in and out of sleep, his anxiety for Jason’s safety keeping him from sleeping fully. At some point, the guards return with Jason slumped between them. He’s still conscious. The guards dump Jason on the ground. Once they leave, Dick crawls to him. He starts to ask what happened, having a vague idea that torture was involved based on Jason’s demeanor. He stops after noticing that there are tears on Jason’s cheeks. Jason looks away and his shoulders are shaking. 

Resolution: Jason hisses through his teeth when Dick tries to gently sit Jason up against the wall. Jason mumbles that he’s too sore for sitting and he just wants to lie down. Jason uses Dick’s thigh as a pillow and curls up into himself. His shoulders are still shaking, and Dick hears him sniffle. Dick tries to comfort him by rubbing small circles into Jason’s back. Jason lets out a shaky breath and falls quiet. Dick keeps doing it until he starts to nod off, completely drained from the seizure. They both fall asleep in pain, but with the knowledge that at least they’re together. 

Okay so see how I was able to flesh out the two original notes into something more in-depth that turned into actual sentences? That’s something you can do with the notes for your stories. Put all your ideas for each part of the scene into quick, short sentences. 

Filling in the plot structure like this helps you flesh out those brief notes into an actual scene that you can build off of. And if you look at what I wrote, you’ll notice that there are sentences I came up with that I can actually use in the story when I’m writing it.

Does that make sense? Basically what I’m saying is just come up with short sentences to describe each part of the plot structure. These short sentences will form the bigger picture of your story. Then you want to use those sentences you wrote to help you build the beginning, middle, and end of your story. 

I think that part of what makes writing a story so hard is simply just starting the scene. For me, it’s usually always the hardest part. You can make it easier for yourself by jumping into a more action filled part of a scene or by starting the story off with dialogue. For example, if I want to start off the Dick and Jason prisoner story then I can be like:

“You made my arm fall asleep,” Dick mutters under his breath. 

Jason, who’s currently treating Dick’s right side like a damn body pillow, answers with a soft snore. Between the cold floor of the prison cell and Jason’s body weight slowly crushing him, the snoring is just the cherry on top of this whole shitty situation.

The dialogue allows me to introduce the characters and the setting. Just from the first line, I know that Dick is in this story, he’s uncomfortable, and someone else is with him because he said the word “you.” This gives me the perfect chance to introduce Jason as the person Dick is with. It also gives me the chance to explain the setting by letting the reader know that Dick and Jason are in a cell. Now are prison cells usually pleasant? No. So I made sure to mention that the cell is cold. Now the reader knows Dick is uncomfortable, cold, and he’s stuck in a terrible situation. 

And the story just keeps building and building from there. 

Tbh, a big part of this is just having the will to start writing. You just have to make yourself type something even if it’s shit. And it’s totally fine to play around with sentences! Just try it out by writing maybe three sentences. Don’t like it? Erase. Tackle the scene from a different angle. Change the dialogue. Start the story from a different location or with different characters. Don’t like it? Erase.

Keep practicing. You’ll eventually come up with something that’ll just click in your brain, and before you know it, you’ll have typed a paragraph of two. And your brain and your hands will work together, and you won’t have to think so hard about what you’re writing. Your hands will just go once you’re in a groove.

But yeah, dude, that’s all I got for you right now! I hope that was somewhat helpful to you! Lemme know if you have any other questions!  

[highways-are-liminal-spaces]

Wow, your photos are absolutely stunning, wonderful job! Could I ask what shutter speed, aperture, and ISO settings you use with your longer lens in normal natural light. For example, the 400mm fully zoomed in. I just got my first telephoto (Nikkor 200-500) and getting the settings right is a pain.

Thank you so much!

As for your question, it’s pretty hard to answer that since “normal, natural light” is so variable. For wildlife photography, I tend to go for the highest shutter speed possible, with a pretty low ISO and the aperture automatic (i.e. shutter priority, or the “tv” setting). So for example, most of those bears, which were taken in the midday sun, were taken at 1/1000, ISO 400, and then aperture ranging from f 7.1- f 16.

Then again, I’ll often end up doing much lower light photography and have to bump the ISO up much higher than I’m happy with. Unless I’m actually willing to accept a ton of noise for ~artistic~ reasons or because I just really care about documentation, I have a pretty hard cap set for myself at ISO 1000. The same goes for shutter speed down to 1/250, unless I have something to use as a tripod. I know the rule of thumb for image stabilizer is theoretically down to 1/100, but I’ve never been satisfied with the quality below 1/250.

Mostly my advice is just to play around with it a lot until you feel comfortable. Make sure to check your photos in the field, and to check the histogram not just the look of the photos. That’s actually my #1 piece of advice, your ability to judge the light on a screen in the field is never as good as you think it is. Get used to what the histogram is telling you and listen to it! It’s saved me from a series of horrifically under-exposed photos that I thought were fine multiple times, and I can’t stress enough how useful it is to keep checking.

Hope this helps, and congratulations on your first telephoto!!

[morallygreyprompts]

Hello I love your writing can I get one where Hero and Villain have been together a while when Hero's friends kidnap and torture Villain to the point of heavy whump bc information, and Hero is the one to find them, and then one of Hero's friends walks in for the 'daily session', and Hero finds out about everything (bonus if their first clue that this isn't just 'oh we captured them after they were left beaten and bloody' is Villain being absolutely terrified of Hero's teammate when they walk in)

Ask 142

(1000 word post so I’ll put a keep reading) Thank you, and thanks for the speedy reply when I messaged you about this post. I do hope you like it!

Worried no longer cut it. Hero knew something was wrong when Villain didn’t show themselves after a week. They knew something had happened, but there was no evidence to say what. They hoped their friend would be able to help them find a clue.

They found Friend wrapping their knuckles in the infirmary. Hero frowned and said, “You okay?” Friend startled, “Fine,” they bleated. ”I gave way better than I got. Was just a backstreet thug.” “Oh,” Hero answered. “[Friend], I came to ask you something… Have you seen [Villain] this week?”

“I think I heard they had a job out of town but I’m not entirely sure,” Friend replied, looking more at their battered hands than Hero.

No. There was no other job. Villain would have told Hero that. They told each other everything like that to keep them safe. Hero wasn’t very keen on the way Friend refused to even look at them and worse, they couldn’t shake the feeling they were lying to them.

“Did something happen to you?” Hero asked. They were about to add they looked twitchy but bit their tongue and kept their words back. “Just still pumped after that fight. I’ve told you, everything is fine, good even.”

Hero nodded and left them be. No, everything was not fine, and they were determined to get to the bottom of it.

Hero’s worry turned to terror as they realised Friend kept sneaking off on their own. It made no sense to them. The sneaking, their fidgety manner- were they in trouble and too afraid or proud to admit it? There was one way to find out. They followed them the next night when they crept away from the base.

Some run down secluded house an hour out of the city was not the kind of place they expected them to go. Hero was careful as they watched them unlock the door and head inside. Hero felt the best way to get in without being seen would be through the basement. The window was just big enough for them to be able to squeeze through. Hero was quick to prize the old seal away and pull the wooden frame away from the stone.

As soon as they moved it, they heard heavy whimpers and the shuffling of metal. It was too dark to see the source of the noise, but Hero was sure the noise was human. They climbed inside and waited in the thick dark. The sound of shuffling metal increased and Hero was sure someone was scampering away from them. Were they in chains? “Please,” someone wheezed. “P..please… no more… I. I. c… I can’t… [Friend]...”

Hero froze. Was that Villain’s voice!?

Hero stepped toward the noise, “[Villain]?” they whispered. “Is that you?” “Yes,” they croaked. “W...who?”

“Shh,” Hero said gently. “You sound in a bad way. It’s me, it’s [Hero].”

Villain whimpered in fear. “Please… not you too...”

Hero was about to question them on it, but then the light came on. Villain yelped and Hero was able to see the terror in their face. Hero wasn’t sure how it had come on, but that was not their concern. Villain was tucked as far into the corner as their wrists, shackled to the floor, would allow. Their face was almost unrecognisable with dark bruises and painful swelling. Blood was dried across their face in several places.

Hero’s eyes grew wide and they tried to rush down to help them, but Villain shied away. Hero stopped, quickly realising just how bad this situation was. They crouched down close to them. “I’m here to help you, [Villain]. I want to take you home, you’re safe now… Please let me come closer so I can help.”

Hero could see tears breaking past their defences, but the droplets of water were barely able to cut through the blood and grime on their cheeks. They nodded as best they could, moved forward to relieve the pain in their wrists. Hero moved their shirt with great care to reveal cuts, festering blisters, and horrific whip marks. Hero had to look away before they could see anything else. They felt sick. When Villain tensed in their gentle grip, Hero could barely prepare for when Villain threw themselves back again.

“No,” they moaned, “No, please...”

“[Hero]?!” Friend exclaimed. Hero turned sharply to see Friend at the doorway, holding a bat.

“What is this?” Hero growled. “I could ask you the same! I just caught wind of where they were and came to save them. I picked up the bat in case I got jumped. I must have heard you- what have you been doing to them?!”

Villain whimpered, and Hero stood up, facing away from Villain. Without realising, they outstretched their arms to shield Villain. “No. This was not me. You know that. I watched you unlock that door. This… this has been you. Why would you do this?!”

“I.inf.. Info,” Villain barely managed. Friend sneered at them, and Villain curled up even more.

“You’ve tortured them for information...” The words tasted vile as they left Hero’s mouth. “You… I trusted you!” Hero clenched their fists and was far too ready to let fly. “It wasn’t just them, [Hero],” Friend2 spoke up as they plodded down their stairs. Hero glanced behind them to see Villain hiding their head as best they could, shaking uncontrollably.

“You give me the keys to their chains. You get out of this house, and you never come back to the base… Or I swear to God, I will kill you.”

“No,” Friend2 said flatly. “We need this information from them. All you have to do is draw it out of them and they’re free to go. They’ve brought this upon themselves.”

“I don’t care if they plan to kill the Queen!” Hero screamed at them. Villain flinched badly and moaned again from the movement. Hero didn’t back down just yet. “This is disgusting! Now give me those keys- Now!”

Friend raised the bat. “Not without that information.”

Hero’s hands moved from a protective shield to a fighting stance. “Then you go through me.”

5000 Follower Giveaway here, Entries close 25th July 2019 Prize is 2-3K words editing and me helping you with anything you’re stuck on with your whole piece or just a good old talk about your story. It’s a prize draw, not a competition so don’t worry. 

[mybeautifuldecay]

Private Tutor. Chapter Five: Birds Out Of A Cage.

This one definitely broke my 500-1000 word chapter limit but it was needed.

As well as dedicating this fic, as always, to @gotham-ruaidh I have to say a very special thanks to @suhailauniverse who really got my head out of the sand with this chapter. I doubt it would be finished without her assistance. You’re a gem Suh and I love you lots. 

Chapter One. Chapter Two. Chapter Three. Chapter Four. 

Winter had passed them by in a whirlwind. Claire had been away over the Christmas break, Frank had taken her back to Oxford to spend the holiday with his family and when she had returned in early January, Jamie had noticed a dip in her mood. But now, well into April, Claire had finally perked up again.

“I think we should go somewhere new today. What do ye say?”

Brushing her new fringe out of her eyes, Claire looked over at Jamie and nodded. “That sounds really nice, especially on such a lovely day,” she said, a small glance over to the window confirming that the sun was indeed still shining outside. “Where were you thinking?”

“Would ye consider a wander down the Clyde? We could find a nice pub and have some lunch outside and then come back to study some more?”

“I like that idea a lot.” She replied, already packing her belongings back into her bag before she’d even finished speaking. “But only if you let me get us lunch. After all, you’re paying tuition fees and then giving me all of this knowledge for free, which is incredibly kind of you.”

“Ach, ye dinna need to thank me. I like our afternoons together, they keep me sane and up to date on everything I need to remember as well. I’m not a completely selfless creature.”

“I highly doubt that.” Claire returned, glancing across at him as she pulled her cardigan on and stood.

They walked the short journey to the river in a companionable silence, their hands knocking against one another as they walked. A nice breeze drifted alongside them as they passed beside the casino and down towards the Hydro and the science museum. Being late afternoon midweek there weren’t many other people milling about which made the trip even more enjoyable.

“Have ye ever been around the science museum?” Jamie asked to break the silence.

“Once. For a gala.” She replied, immediately ending his line of questioning.

It was clear she meant she’d been here with her husband and Jamie had done a very good job of distracting her from his existence. Their library time was free time. There, Claire wasn’t married to Frank and he was free to create, in his own imagination, a life outside of The MItchell where she wasn’t tied to an arsehole.

As the mast of the distinct ship moored near to the Hydro appeared to their left, Claire swallowed and tapped her fingers nervously against her leather bag.

“I wanted to explain why I was so quiet after I came back from Oxford,” she said quietly, “but I never found the right time really.”

Jamie remained silent, his head turning so that he could catch a glimpse of the side of Claire’s face as they walked onwards. He sensed this wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation but he didn’t want to say anything that might stop her from talking to him.

“The subject of children came up again, with Frank and I.” She said finally, her heart racing as she spoke. “It’s his parents. They always have to stick their noses in, it’s a pain in the arse. We’ve tried before and nothing. I asked him to get tested, but he refuses. So I did it myself one week when he was away on a field trip like he is at the moment.”

“Ach, so that’s why yer about so much these days.” Jamie replied with a smile in his tone. “What does he do, yer husband?”

“He’s a professor. I didn’t tell you because I thought you might have encountered him up at the university and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what you might have to say.” Claire sighed.

Eddies gusted around them as they walked in the direction of the nearest pub. A sorrowful silence fell over them as Jamie waited for Claire to continue.

“He’s away this week. Some sort of residential for final year BSc students he said. I can’t  recall where he went the last time, but I couldn’t deal with the not knowing anymore and I took myself to the doctor to get tested. It isn’t me, I’m alright...in that department, but Frank’s too bloody proud to have the test done himself. So we endure the ridiculous dance with his parents over when we’re going to give them grandchildren.”

“So you spent Christmas pretending everything was alright when it clearly wasn't?” Jamie surmised efficiently.

“Something like that yes.” Claire replied her mind replaying the nights she and Frank had spent in his childhood bedroom. The perfunctory sex that she hadn’t wanted but he had. To keep up the pretense that they were still trying to get pregnant when they weren’t. Here in Glasgow, Frank barely touched her, she had her own room and he would only share her bed on certain nights. That’s how she liked it. Their marriage was no longer one of love but of convenience.

“He didn’t hurt ye did he, Claire?” Jamie asked when the lull in conversation between them became heavy.

“Oh, no…” Claire answered quickly, “I’m sorry,” she backtracked, instantly feeling guilty for Jamie’s assumptions, “I shouldn’t be putting all of this nonsense onto you like this.”

“Dinna be so daft, Claire. I’m yer friend, aren’t I? That’s what I’m here for - for you to offload onto - anytime.”

Sitting on a bench outside in the beer garden, Claire smiled shyly as Jamie passed her the drinks and food menu.

“Thank you, Jamie, truly. I don’t think I’ve ever really had a proper friend. It’s difficult to know what I should talk about, and what I should keep to myself.”

“Aye, I ken that well, lass. Yer like a bird set free of her gilded cage, aye? It’s easy to be brave and offload yer troubles when you’ve always had the luxury of doing so wi’out fear. But I’m glad ye consider me your confidant. You don’t ever have to tell me anything ye dinna want to, you know. But I willna break yer trust. Whatever you tell me I’ll keep to myself.” He said, thinking about Claire’s earlier comment about Frank’s whereabouts this week. He was glad that she had some time by herself but he knew a couple of third year history majors and he was fairly confident that there was no field trip. Interested piqued by the fact, Jamie stored that little tidbit away to think about later.

"And what about you?" She asked suddenly, pulling him out of his reverie. He'd wanted nothing more in that moment than to erase that look of faux bravado on her face. To reach across the divide between them and take her hand in his.

"Och, I havena much happening as ye," he said sheepishly. But if a moment was what she needed, a moment of honesty, then a moment is what he'd give her. “No’ so much now I’m settled. But I ken what it feels like to be trapped by yer duties.” He continued, thinking of Lallybroch, his home, for the first time in a long while.

Claire saw the shadow of something altogether not pleasant pass across Jamie’s face before he returned the easy smile he seemed to wear consistently. He seemed adept at keeping his feelings and emotions well hidden, as opposed to her. Frank always told her she had a glass face, one easily readable by those around her, and it had always irked her.

“I had an older brother, Claire. His name was Willie. He was my idol. He was the one who was supposed to take over our family business. He was all ready to do it, too. But he was diagnosed with leukemia just before his eighteenth birthday. I was thirteen at the time. Jenny, my elder sister was fifteen and Rabbie only five. We sat with him through the chemotherapy - that’s where I got my first taste of hospital life,” he went on to say, the interest alive even though the sorrow of the reason for him finding himself amidst the doctors and nurses was plain to see, “I dinna think I’ve cried so much before or since. Watching him battle on like that for months on end.”

“Christ, Jamie, that must have been horrific.”

“Aye, it was,” he said sadly, “three years of his life where he should have been learning the business, living as a young man and going out wi’ lassies and such. But instead he was chained to a hospital bed being pumped full of poison.”

“I can’t imagine that.” Claire replied. Having no siblings herself, she had no prior knowledge of what it might be like to have a close relative battle with such an unstoppable illness.

“I watched him die. I’ve never felt so distraught in all my life. I was sixteen when he finally lost his battle with cancer. We’d all just celebrated his twenty-first birthday but his body couldn’t take it anymore.”

“And then it was just a given that you’d take on the business?” Claire asked as she wiped away the tears that had gathered in her eyes.

“Aye, well, no’ straight away but when I got to eighteen, my da sat me down and told me it’s what he had planned. He and mam had settled it in the will that Lallybroch and the farm should come to me and for a time I tried to be that person. I wanted to make Willie proud of me, ye ken?”

She nodded, the ache to reach out and touch him, hug him, overwhelming her - but she kept her hands to herself for the moment.

“Suffice to say it didna last long.”

“How did you break the news to your family?” Claire questioned, her woes about her own situation dissipating as she focused solely on Jamie and his history.

“I just sat them all down together one night. I’d fashed about it for months. Waking up at silly times to milk the cows and move all of the animals around wi’ this horrible weight on my shoulders, bearing down on me until I just couldna take it anymore. Mam cried. Jenny - weel if ye ever meet her ye’ll ken the make up of the lass - didna say much at all. My da, he understood, but it took him a while to actually accept my choice. I’d been in Glasgow for two months studying when he came to see me. He broke down. I think he thought it was his fault as he’d pushed the farm on me wi’out really asking whether it was something I truly wanted.”

“It sounds like you have a lovely family, Jamie, even if they’re a little presumptuous at times. It makes me miss my parents.”

“What happened to them?” Jamie asked quietly.

“Maybe another day, yes? It’s still hard for me to talk about...but I want to tell you.”

“Dinna fash,” Jamie said his pinkie finger tapping gently against Claire's, “I’m here for ye anytime, Claire. Yes?”

“Yes.” She returned, drawing her bottom lip into her mouth as her cheeks pinked and she smiled softly. “And the same applies to you. Friends?” Claire said holding out her hand as she winked cheekily.

“Friends.” Jamie accepted, taking her hand and squeezing it softly.

[markettakers]

Market Outlook | May 30, 2017

Market Outlook | May 30, 2017

“Business has only two functions - marketing and innovation.” Milan Kundera

Stumped & Stunned

The professional crowd is somewhat stunned, while feeling a bit stumped and humbled by ongoing market performance. Not many money managers successfully predicted a sustainable period of low yields, low volatility and higher stocks. When looking back, the big trends seem obvious in hindsight, but hardly clear at all when reflecting and sifting through the collective predictions of yesteryears. Surely, innovative areas, such as NASDAQ based stocks, e-commerce and biotech, are being selectively rewarded. Heading into the holiday weekend, Google and Amazon are racing to get to $1000 per share. This in itself captures the post-2008 period of efficiency and the mass distribution of daily utilized technology. As simplistic as it may be, owners of these two stocks alone could have produced fruitful results. At the end of the day, the fervor for innovation and a complete game changing nature of disruptive technology is one of the reasons NASDAQ is elevating.

Amidst the premium pricing that’s rewarding to  disruptive  companies, the broad average indexes (i.e. S&P 500) have elevated in value, mostly driven by a lack of alternatives for yield and, of course, the unnatural and very low interest rates. The chatter of the S&P 500 index at a record high is a snapshot of averages, after all, and it shapes the sentiment of casual observers, but there's more to decipher. Averages do not tell a full story, sentiment deals with a mixture of emotions, and the paradoxical nuances are lost in big headline chatter. There is no question that NASDAQ and the S&P 500 index in tandem benefit greatly from Central Bank policies. Similarly, it’s hard to dismiss the bubble-like climate in real estate and stocks that was created by a wave of unnatural low rates and failure to address impactful policy changes by elected officials. The reckless leadership and the shameless willingness to confront the truth of the Federal Reserve is stunning.

Rapid Changes

Even if the broad averages signal record highs, old business models are getting "killed" as bankruptcy is becoming a familiar theme.  Any observer of the retail sector is seeing this.  The on-line model is causing a mass change, forcing recognizable brands to be near obsolete.

 "Nine retailers have filed [for bankruptcy] in just the first three months of 2017, according to data provided exclusively to CNBC from AlixPartners consulting firm. That equals the number for all of 2016. It also puts the industry on pace for the highest number of such filings since 2009, when 18 retailers resorted to that action." (CNBC, March 31, 2017)

Traditional areas in Financial Services are facing same pressure from FinTech (innovative and efficient solutions) and a demanding tech savvy consumer is changing the landscape. Meanwhile, fees charged by financial institutions are coming down significantly. For fund managers, the shrinking fees feels like a lack of confidence. In recent years, the glorification attributed to hedge fund managers as "money makers" has calm down and failed to impress. The obsession with passive strategies via ETFs have gained traction and mass appeal, but passive strategies do seem golden in a smooth-sailing market without major turbulence. Banks are rushing to readjust their business models and exiting non-core businesses. Some Hedge Fund magic is gone and the shift towards machines and computer generated trades is popular, and, possibly, the "desperate" near-term solution to unimpressive returns by so-called professionals. Perhaps, the scarcest quality is the admission of failure by most money managers.

While broad indexes roar and inflation talks dissipate, one cannot help but realize the real economy is not healthy. Treasury Yields are quietly sinking below 2.5%, and rate-hike chatter has waned to a near deafening silence. With the ongoing horrific theatrics of politics, it's fair to say, the establishment has failed badly, the Central Bank cannot create wealth for a majority of America and stocks do not measure the average American’s well-being, as touted so often. Perhaps, that’s why some prominent multi-decade managers (i.e. Paul Singer, Seth Klarman) are warning of added risk that’s dismissed by the market.

At the same time, Emerging Market debts have been mysterious and less understood. Moody’s downgrade of China appeared like a long-overdue event. The catalysts for turbulence are plenty, including the overly suppressed volatility and sudden realization of a weak economy.  Timing the market has proven nearly impossible, but enough warnings have been heard.

The Grand Search

Fear is talked about a lot in relation to the current chaotic market response; and factors that stimulate fear circulate too often, but the grand panic has not been felt, yet. From Congressional gridlock to sensational partisan rifts to overheating segments in credit markets, there is talk of fear. That is quite customary.  From the auto loan bubble to student loans to pending disasters somewhere to possible shifts away from numbing ultra-low rate environment, there’s looming chaos that awaits. From debt piling in China to credibility issues with Western Central Banks, there’s more to truth to decipher.  

Some participants are asking: Why bother timing the penultimate top and waiting for cracks to foreshadow a script that's been seen before. From Bitcoin's explosion to NASDAQ's uproar, what's justified or not is still a question worth uncovering, as the answer seems illusive yet again. Others are sitting out, waiting for distress opportunities to emerge and not risking Capital to overpay for high-flying stocks or demonstrate some bravado by betting against the status-quo and Fed-led uptrend.

Article Quotes:

"Even Fifth Avenue retail doesn’t seem to be immune from the crunch. In April, Ralph Lauren said it would shutter its Polo flagship location as part of a cost-cutting spree to strengthen the business. Vacancy rates on Fifth Avenue between 42nd and 49th streets reached a high of 31 percent last year. And eight of the 11 Manhattan retail neighborhoods tracked by Cushman & Wakefield saw availability rates climb between 0.6 and 8.2 percent. Major Fifth Avenue landlords such as Joseph Sitt’s Thor Equities are also feeling the pain. There’s been speculation that vacancies are putting pressure on the company’s bottom line." (The Real Deal, May 17, 2017)

“China buys U.S. debt for the same reasons other countries buy U.S. debt, with two caveats. The crippling 1997 Asian Financial Crisis prompted Asian economies, including China, to build up foreign exchange reserves as a safety net. More specifically, China holds large exchange reserves, which were built up over time due in part to persistent surpluses in the current account, to inhibit cash inflows from trade and investment from destabilizing the domestic economy. China’s large U.S. Treasury holdings say as much about U.S. power in the global economy as any particularity of the Chinese economy. Broadly speaking, U.S. debt is an in-demand asset. It is safe and convenient. As the world’s reserve currency, the U.S. dollar is extensively used in international transactions. Trade goods are priced in dollars and due to its high demand, the dollar can easily be cashed in. Furthermore, the U.S. government has never defaulted on its debt.” (CSIS, May 2017)

Dear Readers:

The positions and strategies discussed on MarketTakers are offered for entertainment purposes only, and they are in no way intended to serve as personal investing advice. Readers should not make any investment decisions without first conducting their own, thorough due diligence. Readers should assume that the editor holds a position in any securities discussed, recommended or panned. While the information provided is obtained from sources believed to be reliable, its accuracy or completeness cannot be guaranteed, nor can this publication be, in any Publish Post, considered liable for the future investment performance of any securities or strategies discussed.