#100% nocturnal baybee

[assarivanguard]

fuck you *transes your tav* because I am Who I Am

and you're so Fucking Real for that. we stan a consistent woman

okay so a while back you reblogged a post, this one to be exact, which lit a small fire under me

kohara is a little bit of expression about my Gender Woes, but (cult)ure shock was obviously not directly about kohara, so this fic is

originally i wasn't going to touch this entire topic with a 10ft pole because of the nature of how kohara would choose to present -- she thinks of herself as a woman, but Not Like This. she's gnc, but due to the nature of how she (and i) want to change our bodies, i didn't want to deal with the whole fetishizing chaser allegations, nor tread on other people's experiences of being transgender, and other bullshit i do Not have the energy for. especially with the accursed f*ta kink thing

it especially doesn't help that a huge chunk of this is smut, like i'm writing pure fucking filth. (but if i got the body i wanted, i'd be so fucking ecstastic it'd roll right over into confidently horny, lbr.)

but seeing that post i just. got the confidence to go for it -- it's my character, it's the story i want to tell, yeah her gender doesn't 100% make sense or fit into a neat box but that's kohara baybee!

it helps that nocturne is a great anologue as she is "traditionally" transgender and she's being Very Supportive of her big butch gf for the fic

as a bonus, have the opening paragraphs (not yet edited as i'm still writing):

It didn't start as a realisation. A sudden epiphany of something being wrong, and knowing exactly how to fix it. None of the sort. It was gradual, a slowly increasing feeling of wrongness, so gradual it'd sooner kill her in her sleep than be detected. Kohara knew she was incredibly butch, found comfort in her skin when dressed more masculine. She was born a woman -- but had never felt truly a woman. Not in this form she currently had. She supposes she really never had time to think about herself like that in detail. Becoming orphaned by Sharrans, becoming an ordained Selûnite cleric, travelling the Sword Coast, defeating the Absolute… it was only now, enjoying her cottage life with two beautiful girlfriends and more animals than a druid grove, that Kohara began to feel off. Maybe she always felt off.

[faerynova]

I HAVE COMPLETELY FINISHED SKETCHING ALL THE ART FOR WHEELCHAIR AU

NOW ANY PROGRESS I MAKE ON IT WILL BE THE FINAL INKS INSTEAD WAFFLING ON WHAT TO DRAW NEXT

LETS GOOOOO

[spacedadpicard]

Asks: 52, 53, 54, 55, 57, 71, 76, 79, 89, 98, 99, (100, only if you want) :)

52: Have you ever kissed a picture?

i can’t remember a specific instance, but i am positive the answer to this is yes.

53:  Have you ever slept in until 3?

oh god. yep. and later. lockdown, baybee! i am basically nocturnal right now. it’s kind of embarrassing.

54: Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?

oh yes. i feel like.. i always miss people. especially right now, with lockdown going on. i still talk to all of my friends, but it’s not the same as meeting up with them. i miss hanging out in coffee shops, or going around for tea, or getting together for d&d.

55: Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

i have! it’s good to just stop for a while.

57:  Have you ever played dress up?

hmm.. not really? nothing comes to mind anyway.

71:  Have you ever been lost?

metaphorically, i’m always lost. [looks out the window dramatically]

literally, yes. numerous times. but the time i instantly thought of was when i was on holiday in venice. i was travelling with a couple of friends, but tensions were high, and i needed to just get away for a bit, so i decided to explore the city on my own. 

after spending a day roaming around and exploring, i realised i should probably be heading back. only my phone was nearly dead, so i didn’t want to use google maps, and i could not for the life of me remember which way i’d come from. but thankfully, asking around, i managed to find a couple of people who could point me towards the train station.

my feet were killing me. and THEN it started raining. so i stepped into a little bar on the way for a sit down and an aperol spritz, before i continued on my way to the station. at the time, it was all pretty stressful, but i made it back okay. and, retrospectively--well. there are worse places to be lost than venice.

76:  Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?

oh, many a time. haven’t we all? i have terrible impulse control. that’s where i fall down.

79:  Have you ever kissed in the rain?

yes. it was spring and his garden was full of bluebells. it was lovely. i wrote a poem about it, because i’m a sappy fool.

89:  Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?

not really! watching scary things with other people sometimes makes me more scared. i think because if the other person is apprehensive i pick up on it, hahaha.

98: Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?

yes sdkfbsdkfsd. so embarrassing.

99: Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

oh, yes. or at least, met virtually.

100: Give us one thing about you that no one knows.

hmm. that’s a good question. i’m struggling to think of anything, i’m a pretty open book.. ummm. hm. back in high school i had feelings for one of my friends at the time (this part isn’t a secret) and i privately wrote them a song. like, just an instrumental piece for the piano. i don’t think i ever told anyone it was for them.