#1 time i had to take a 3 leg journey and they fully cancelled all trains on leg 2 when my foot was half onboard the train for leg 1

[stars-in-my-damn-eyes]

Unfortunately as someone who needs to take trains in england i cannot be a dedicated máv hater and am in fact a máv defender. A máv lover, if you will. Yes in hungary trains are old shit gross unreliablr unpleasant crowded & lame. But they are old shit gross unreliable unpleasant crowded & lame for 2000 huf a journey. In the UK the trains are slightly less old but equally shit gross unrealiable unpelasant crowded & lame & it's for £50 a trip. For 2000 huf the máv ellenőr could beat me up with a stick and i'd still say thank you for your service king i love you. Also máv has a discount for people 18-25 greater than what is offered in the UK and in the UK you have to buy the railcard for £30/yr to access it too.

[thebiasrekkers]

Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC Genre: BTS Mafia!AU Warnings: Graphic Violence, Heavy Language, Angst, Smut, Slow Burn WC: 3,496 Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

AO3 | WP

Chapter 13: Reflection

"But you know, sometimes I really really hate myself. To be honest, quite often, I really hate myself."

Seoul – Hannam; Yongsan District South Korea

When Yoongi got the call, he was on his way to the airport.

Seokjin managed to secure a personal financial advisor for their group so the next step that needed to be taken was to start consolidating their assets. Yoongi was one of the ones responsible for setting up accounts overseas and he wanted to get the business deals taken care of before the end of the week. He’d need a couple of days to adjust to the jetlag and then he would be in and out of office meetings for most of his stay. Americans were capitalists by nature and so they ultimately would try to get the biggest bang for their buck.

Yoongi was out to accomplish the same.

He’d packed his suitcase that morning. His flight was scheduled to depart in the late afternoon, and he would hopefully arrive in California first thing in the morning. He wasn’t planning on staying for more than three or four days, timelines depending. Yoongi wanted to get lunch with Eden before he left.

They’d agreed to be friends, after all.

Friends, he thought bitterly, staring at himself in the mirror as he adjusted the lapels of his gray blazer, who am I kidding?

It was an excuse. It was an excuse for himself.

Reaching out with the olive branch for friendship was his way of being able to stay close to Eden, but keeping her at arm’s length. He could lie to her every chance he could and he’d be a liar still if he didn’t feel a shred of relief when she’d accepted his offer for friendship. But there was a part of him that knew he had to keep the ruse up for as long as possible. The further he kept her from his life, the less entangled in the criminal underground she would get.

He’d been selfish to have maintained the illusion of their relationship for so long.

He sighed. Three years…

How could he have continued to lie to her for three years? It was one thing when they were just starting to get close while he was in the States. He never imagined she would travel all the way to South Korea. Yoongi wasn’t arrogant enough to believe she’d done it for him. He knew of her desire to learn more of her mother’s roots and to walk the same paths and see the same things that her mother had. She’d been an orphan for her entire life, but Eden always cherished that side of her heritage – even going so far as to learn the language and the culture long before he’d ever met her.

It was creeping closer toward mid-morning. He shot Eden a quick text, inquiring whether she had any plans for lunch. It was probably presumptuous of him to think she was just waiting around for him to call or text her. They met up one more time after he’d let a week slip by with no contact. Honestly, Yoongi spent those days contemplating if he’d made the right decision in wanting to maintain a friendship with her. Should he have just cut her out of his life completely and made the choice to stop making excuses to pull her into his orbit?

After waiting for her to respond and getting nothing back, he decided to leave it alone. He’d text her when he arrived State-side and let her know he was out of the country on a business trip. She was used to that, seeing as how he drew up his entrepreneur persona and maintained that guise for all the years he’d known her.

His phone rang and he answered, not bothering to look at the screen to see who was calling. He was already on his way out the door.

“Min Yoongi here.”

“Hyung, we have a problem.”

It was Namjoon.

“What’s wrong?”

Closing the door, he waited for the security lock to beep before he headed down the stone walkway leading out to the expansive front garden. Dragging his rolling suitcase with him, he fished for his keys so he could lock the front gate. Once it was locked, he rounded the corner of the building and headed out toward the street.

“It’s Hyungsoo-nim…”

Yoongi froze.

“What?”

“…uh, I mean, Raelyn Noona.”

He sighed, brushing a hand through his bangs in frustration. “Is Hoseok still having her monitored?”

“Look, Hyung, that’s not really important right now. You know how thorough Hoseok is. He just wants to make sure she’s safe and he always keeps his distance.”

“Whatever.”

“Anyway, that’s not the problem. The problem is that she was seen in Myeongdong today.”

Yoongi was about to take another step when he stopped. “She was seen in Jade Fang territory?” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s not like she doesn’t know how those guys operate. Why would she risk even going there?”

“Well, she was out shopping with a friend. A mixed girl. I think her name is Eden?”

A lump of ice crashed into Yoongi’s gut.

No, he thought, a bead of sweat forming on his brow, how did I miss that?

But the answer was right there. He’d missed it because he always made it a point to keep Eden as far away from his world as possible. Which, in turn, caused him to be kept just as far away from her world and inner circle as well.

“Fuck.”

“Yoongi Hyung? Are you alright?”

“And we can’t send Taehyung to fetch her because he got caught fucking around out there, either.”

He heard Namjoon sigh on the other line.

"No. And I don’t want to risk sending any of the other boys out there. The Jade Fangs are probably itching for any excuse to start a skirmish.”

“God fucking dammit, Taehyung-ah,” he muttered. If he hadn’t blown his damn ability to sleuth around properly, this would have been a cake walk. “What about Jungkook?”

“With his reputation on the streets? They’d see him coming a mile away.”

“I know Seokjin Hyung is in Busan right now. What about Jimin-ah?”

Namjoon sighed again. He wished he’d quit doing that. It wasn’t helping his nerves in the slightest.

“He’s still not back from Jeju. He won’t be arriving until later in the evening.”

“Fine. I’ll go get her.”

“No, you can’t either Hyung. Just like everyone knows about Jungkook, they know about The Lightning Claw too.”

Yoongi hissed, clicking his tongue against the back of his teeth.

“And I can’t go running in there since I have to stay by Hoseok’s side. I’ve already had to convince him three times to stay put.”

This was getting stupid.

But Eden was with her. He knew that she could take care of herself and as long as they didn’t move against them, there would be no reason to stir up trouble. Hoseok wasn’t dating Raelyn anymore and, as a result, she was no longer the Hyungsoo-nim of the Golden Jackals. There would be no reason for them to push at her since she wasn’t tied to them anymore.

Well, at least not in that capacity. He couldn’t control what Taehyung and the others did.

“This is one giant fucking mess.” Yoongi spied the time. He’d have to cancel his flight. “Keep on them. And as soon as Jimin gets back, you let him know what the hell is happening. He’ll at least have an idea of what to do about this since he’s the only one of us who knows how to keep his foot out of his goddamn mouth.”

“Got it. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

“Good.”

He hung up the call and immediately called the airport to cancel his flight. Yoongi dialed a cab and after five minutes, he hopped in and made a beeline for Gangnam. He didn’t know how he was going to manage it, but he had to keep an eye out and make sure that nothing crazy happened. He’d keep his ears to the ground for as long as he could manage it before calling for reinforcements.

Seoul – Cheongdam; Gangnam District South Korea

It was a fifteen-minute cab ride.

It felt like it took a hundred years to get to Eden’s street.

Arriving, he paid the cab driver and immediately made his way up the stairs. Once he reached the top, he fished into his pockets to retrieve his keys. He quickly plucked through them and saw the spare key.

He still had the spare key to Eden’s apartment and while he’d been meaning to give it back to her for some time, it just never came up. She never asked for it back. While he’d never encroached into her privacy, there were times he would swing by when he knew she was at the shop to make sure that she was at least eating properly.

She wasn’t, of course. She was always eating out – the tell-tale signs of Chinese takeout in her mini fridge.

Slipping the key inside, he unlocked the door and dipped inside. Kicking off his shoes, he slid into the spare house slippers and immediately began marching around the small space.

“Eden?” he called.

There was no answer.

The darker part of Yoongi’s mind that often dreamed up the worst scenarios immediately began to panic. His heart jack-hammered against his ribs and while her apartment was small, it felt like it took almost an hour to search. His legs frantically moved from one empty space and then to the other. She was nowhere to be found.

Dashing out of the apartment, he stalked around the rooftop – flinging his arms out to avoid being hit by the laundry she still had hanging out on the line.

She wasn’t there.

Fuck, came his angry thought.

Well, at least she wasn’t there bleeding out on the floor.

Shaking his head, he took a breath and quieted those dark thoughts – smothering toward the shadowy corner of his heart where they belonged. “She’s fine, Min Yoongi. Get it together.”

He tried calling her and texting her. The call went straight to voicemail.

Again, Yoongi attempted to quiet his frantic mind. It’s fine. Her phone just might be dead. You know how she barely keeps the thing fully charged daily. It’s fine.

Yoongi went back inside, deciding that he would wait for her. That was the best course of action to take. Falling onto the couch, he sank into it and felt like the weight of the universe had been thrust upon his shoulders; this being the first break he was able to take all day.

His phone began to ring and he answered before the first buzz got a chance to finish. “Hello?”

“Yoongi Hyung?” It was Jimin. “I just got back to Seoul. Is everything alright? Namjoon Hyung told me to call you as soon as I was able to use my phone again.”

“Are you still at the airport?”

“Yeah. I just picked up my bag.”

“Good. I need you to take a cab to Gangnam immediately. Raelyn was spotted in the Jung District.”

“Heaven help me, are you serious? Was she by herself?”

“No, Eden—” He paused, taking a moment. He could already tell he was about to sound way too familiar. “—her friend, Eden, is with her. At least that’s what was reported to me.”

There was a long pause and Yoongi looked at his phone to make sure the call wasn’t disconnected. “Jimin-ah?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry Hyung. I just got a bunch of texts from Jungkook. He’s bugging me about coming with him to check on someone. Hold on.” There was the distinct sound of street noises being heard. Yoongi heard Jimin hailing a cab and once he finished giving the driver directions, he returned to the line. “This boy. Well, it looks like I’m headed that way anyway, Hyung. Jungkook is up my ass about bothering Eden. If Hyungsoo-nim—I mean, if Raelyn Noona is with her, then I can kill two birds with one stone.”

Yoongi suddenly sat up. “Wait, what?” His eyes narrowed. “You and Jungkook both know Eden?”

“Huh? Well, yeah, Hyung. Jungkook met her a few months back when he brought his bike into her shop to get it looked at.”

“And you?”

“Hyung, I’m a Christian, remember? Eden goes to the same church I do.” He heard Jimin laugh. “Well, when she makes the time to come, anyway.”

He frowned. Had he even known that about her? Yoongi knew that she believed; that she was a believer, but he never remembered her attending church back when they were in the States. And she certainly hadn’t gone to church when they were still together.

But now that he thought about it, he was usually gone and when he wasn’t gone, he was with her and only her. He took her to various places away from prying eyes because he didn’t want to risk anyone recognizing him and tying her to him. The risk was too great; for her and for himself.

Yet she’d somehow managed to entangle herself in their world, regardless.

Yoongi got up and started heading toward the door. It was already dark outside. When had it gotten so late?

He took two steps out of the door, pulling it closed behind him. He locked the door just as the sound of a motorcycle roared to life from down the street. Yoongi moved to the other side of the roof, peering over the edge. Jungkook’s motorcycle could be seen from the other end of the street. He slowed his pace as he hit the wide turns as he peeled into the neighborhood. Yoongi spun on his heels and immediately went to the other end of the roof behind Eden’s apartment, vaulting over the edge and landing on the fire escape.

Descending the stairs, he hit the pavement in time to see a cab pulling up. Jimin stepped out from it but Yoongi remained hidden in the shadows. Part of him wanted to reveal himself to Jimin, feigning ignorance for why he was there. He was simply checking on Raelyn. Nothing more. He didn’t even know this Eden chick.

That was the lie he could have spun if Eden didn’t already know both Jimin and Jungkook.

He watched as Jimin and Jungkook met each other after parking, the two exchanging brief conversation and relaying to the other about the call from Namjoon. If the two of them were there, then that would be fine. He could leave things in their care and call it a night. He still had to fly out to the States tomorrow morning.

I’ll wait until she gets here, he told himself, pulling out his pack of cigarettes from the inside of his jacket pocket, then I’ll go.

He’d barely gotten a few puffs in before another cab pulled up. Yoongi spied that it was Eden with Raelyn in tow. She hefted the drunk woman up, barely able to keep herself upright as well. They’d been drinking a lot, it seemed. Eden managed to pull out a few shopping bags and paid the cab driver. When Jimin and Jungkook made themselves known to Eden, he was about to leave.

That is until he saw Jungkook brushing Eden’s hair behind her ear.

His legs remained rooted to the ground and a flare of heated jealousy exploded across his chest. While Yoongi knew he had no right to feel that way, the emotions pushed to the forefront. He recalled the conversation that he’d had with Jungkook a few days back about the “Stubborn Tiger” he was pursuing – how he’d stolen her number but was still willing to talk to him despite knowing that he was affiliated with the mafia.

And she hadn’t turned him away.

He took a step forward, away from the shadows and into the light. Could things have been different?

Yoongi watched as Jungkook started heading upstairs, only to stop when their eyes met.

“Jungkook-ah,” Eden called, but Jungkook didn’t take his eyes off of him, “what’s the matter?”

“…Yoongi Hyung.”

It was here that Eden’s eyes searched the darkness and when he appeared, he could see the confusion and surprise on her face. He did his best to ignore it, but he knew that his anger was showing all over his face.

“Yoongi,” she said, her eyes shifting to look back at him, “what are you doing here?”

“Go upstairs, Jungkook-ah,” he said, ignoring her question. His mouth felt dry all of a sudden and he knew it wasn’t because of the cigarette perched between his lips.

He watched Jungkook turn to look at Eden and this made his brow twitch. But when he turned to look back at Eden, he could see the wheels turning in her mind. And then that was when he watched her mentally put two and two together.

“Now, Jungkook.”

He waited until Jungkook was out of earshot before he tossed his Zippo lighter to her. She caught it easily. But he knew she wouldn’t light up in front of him. She was about to get angry. Her anger was about to rise to meet at the level of his own.

“You,” she began, her voice seething as her fists began to shake.

“That’s right,” he said, his expression neutral and his tone cold. But he couldn’t hide the throbbing behind his eyes – the way that his eyes seemed to shake with the heavy emotions swirling in his chest. “I’m one of the Golden Jackals.”

He dropped the cigarette from his lips and crushed the ember out with the heel of his shoe.

“Min Yoongi, The Lightning Claw.”

For a moment, nothing else was spoken between them.

And then he watched the tears form in her eyes, shining under the glow of the streetlight.

“You son of a bitch,” she muttered. Yoongi watched her reach into her pocket and she pulled out the switchblade she was always known to carry. “You fucking…SON OF A BITCH!”

Yoongi watched Eden run at him, and just when she was about to strike, he caught her wrist at the last second. Holding her arm high, he squeezed on the pressure point where her wrist was – forcing her to drop the knife. It landed on the ground with a loud clatter and she raged at him, her voice echoing off the brick walls of the residential housing in the area. He watched her left hand curl into a fist and when she tried to land a blow to his face, he blocked it with his forearm and gripped onto her wrist.

“You liar! You goddamn fucking lying sack of shit!” She tried to jerk free, but his grip tightened. “Let me go! LET ME GO!”

He braced most of his weight onto his back leg, spinning her around and forcing her arms up and over her. Once they were crossed in front of her, he held her tightly against him. He wasn’t sure if it was her heart or his own drumming mercilessly against his chest, but he knew that their breaths were coming out in rough huffs simultaneously.

“How could you lie to me? After all these years, you had me believing I was nothing to you!”

Eden shook violently, doing her damnedest to break free of his hold. But he wasn’t letting go.

“I did it because I didn’t want you wrapped up in this shit, Eden!”

She was practically vibrating now. “That wasn’t your choice to make! It was mine, you bastard! It was mine and you took it from me!” Eden tried her best to fight his hold, but he was too strong. He could hear a broken sob escaping her. “You never even let me make the choice for myself, you asshole.”

The sob was what did it and he finally released her. When he did, Eden whirled around and a loud crack issued as her palm connected with his cheek. Tears streamed down her face and he sighed, the pain of the strike nothing compared to the betrayal that was etched so perfectly all over her face.

“Is that why you finally decided to tell me the truth? Because you’ve figured out that I not only know Raelyn Unnie, but Jimin and Jungkook too? Because your little lie was finally going to come back full circle and kick you in the balls?”

Yoongi couldn’t say anything. What could he say? It wasn’t like anything she’d said was a lie.

He watched her angrily swipe at her nose and cheeks. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that, Min Yoongi?”

And without another glance his way, Yoongi watched Eden ascend the stairs. He couldn’t bring himself to go after her. Because what excuse did he have now? What leg did he have left to stand on?

Eden McGee, once again, managed to knock all the fight he had left out of him.

AN: So it's come to my attention that some of you might not know which honorifics I'm using. I've decided to go ahead and start by listing the honorifics in the story in notes so there is no confusion. -- Hyung - what a younger man calls an older man who they are close with or actually blood-related to. -- Noona - what a younger man calls an older woman who they are close with or actually blood-related to. -- Hyung-nim - what younger men call an older man who they are close with and also see as a mentor; can also be a term for rank, as in Hoseok's case. This can also be used in terms of "In-laws" when speaking to the older brother of their wife. -- Hyungsoo-nim - what a younger man calls his older brother's wife. In this case, since Hoseok is the leader of the Golden Jackals, his ex-girlfriend, Raelyn, was once called "Hyungsoo-nim" as a show of respect. -- Unnie - what a younger woman calls an older woman who they are close with or actually blood-related to. -- Name-ssi - a polite way to address someone deemed as an acquaintance or used in the workplace between fellow colleagues. -- Name-ah/ie - an informal way to address someone who is more than just an acquaintance; generally used between close friends and by older siblings to address their younger siblings. These are the ones that I use the most and will be the most prevalent in this fic. I figured I would go ahead and clear up the confusion. Hope this helps. I will update these as I go depending on which ones are used in the story.

[dorkyungsoowrites]

Spontaneous Attraction Ch. 11

Pairings: Kyungsoo x You, Past Chanyeol x You

Genre: Fluff/Angst/Smut | Ambiguous AU

Warnings: Drunk sex, underage drinking

Word Count: 3.2k

Description: Rules were made for a reason. It wasn't always to break them.

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The hand on your thigh squeezed as it inched higher. Plush lips moved against yours lazily. Kyungsoo remained seated next to you on the couch, one arm slung around your shoulders. Pulling you closer subtly.

For the past few weeks Kyungsoo had become more comfortable around you. With the secret out he relaxed into himself. He laughed more, talked more about how his days went, made an effort to eat breakfast with you once a week when Chanyeol stopped coming. You had made up with your old friend, but both of you agreed it was best he only see you in group settings for a while. You learned Kyungsoo wore glasses. The next thing you learned was how hot he looked in said glasses. At your insistence that you loved them he began wearing them more around you. He wasn't afraid of speaking his mind. If his schedules changed he would apologize for canceling a date, and one time to make up for it even taught you how to make pancakes. You're pretty sure there would be a stain on the ceiling forever. One of your favorite things, however, was his quick-forming habit of stealing kisses from you.

The first time it happened he said you looked cute. The next, food was on your lip. His explanations grew weaker and more corny as he kept going. The kisses lasted longer, too. His hands slowly started to wander. He would make your head spin and get you worked up only to pull away when your hands slipped along the same path he had on your body. Almost like he was holding himself back. It was like he was testing you. You said you would wait for him to be ready, but his constant almosts made you want him more.

After having a few drinks with you that night he pecked your lips and told you they looked lonely. You both cracked up and joked about how Junmyeon's humor was rubbing off on him. You were tipsy, but the way his eyes swam as they glared at the movie playing on the tv made you think he had less of a tolerance than you. It wasn't even halfway through the film when he had turned his head and kissed the corner of your mouth. It got your attention so he could capture your lips fully.

That's how you ended up with his hand on your thigh, mouth trailing down your jaw to your neck. His tongue darted out to lick your skin before gently nipping it, making you shiver.

"Movie too boring?" you asked in a teasing tone.

"Restless," he mumbled back roughly. When he continued to suck on the same spot you shoved him away lightly.

"You're going to leave a mark." He huffed, but bent his head to do the same thing just above the collar of your shirt. You let out a shaky breath as you rubbed your thighs together, fingernails digging into your palm. Heat creeped down your body and pooled between your legs. He was going to stop soon, and you didn't think you could keep your composure the rest of the movie when he did. He felt your thighs move to press together tightly and lifted his lips to your ear.

"Are you getting turned on by this?" You didn't need to look to know he was smirking. When you didn't answer he gently bit the shell of your ear. "I know you want to touch me." You felt his eyes on you as he unfurled the fist you made in your lap and set your palm on his thigh. You knew you were blushing. Kyungsoo chuckled darkly after you pulled your hand back. "All this waiting and now you're going to make me work for it?"

"You're just teasing me."

"Don't you want to find out?" The hand on your thigh left to turn your face towards him, capturing your bottom lip with both of his. You whimpered in the back of your throat. You'd imagined pinning him down on your sofa and riding him so many times. The alcohol had you caring less if it was only teasing. In a string of boldness you twisted around and straddled his lap, knees digging in to the cushions on either side of his hips. His hands flew to your waist. Kyungsoo broke apart when you grinded your hips down, feeling his growing arousal. He watched you with hooded eyes. You echoed his words.

"Are you getting turned on by this?" You repeated the action a bit harder and heard him curse under his breath. His fingers slipped under the hem of your shirt, lifting the material. You raised your arms for him to finish removing it, the shirt dropping beside him on the couch carelessly. His dark eyes raked in the newly exposed skin before attaching his lips to your collarbone. His movements were more urgent and slightly clumsy. Being further away from where anyone would see a mark if you wore a shirt you let him bite and suck until a deep purple color bloomed. Seeking friction, you kept grinding down onto his clothed member, earning quiet grunts and heavy sighs. His mouth journeyed to the swell of your breast. You were starting to understand he had a thing for biting and marking. You tangled a hand through the hair on the back of his head. There was more to grip since he'd been growing it out. Just this simple friction of his jeans on your core and kissing wasn't supposed to feel this good, was it? God, you felt high. Every sensation doubled across your body. Your skin tingling with electricity. It was hot and it was too much, and you wanted more. When Kyungsoo seemed satisfied with the second mark his lips dragged up the side of your throat. The timbre of his voice was deeper but tender as he sighed,

"Fuck, I want you so badly." Goosebumps followed his fingertips up your spine, stopping at the clasp on your bra. "Can I?" His question came out slightly slurred. A flashback to a similar situation slapped you with reality. What were you doing? You stopped your hips and put your forehead to his shoulder to mutter,

"Shit." Now you were being the tease. You tore his hands from your torso. He looked at you confused as you stood up and put your shirt back on.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No," you answered gently. "I don't think tonight is a good idea."

"Why?"

"You're drunk."

"It was only a few drinks," he tried to brush off. "I can still make rational decisions. You've seen me when I'm actually drunk."

"Doesn't matter." You were going to stand your ground on this one. "It's--" you sighed. "With the chance of this sounding stupid, it's a rule of mine not to have sex if either me or the other person is inebriated. I'm sorry. I really want to, but I can't." Kyungsoo looked off to the side a minute thoughtfully before nodding.

"Okay." You rejoined on the couch beside him.

"Really?" He nodded. "Thank you."

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable." You glanced when he tugged on his jeans and readjusted how he sat, the bulge in his pants still prevalent. "Eyes on the tv, pervert." Your gaze snapped to his and he chuckled. You blushed and did what he said.

"If you want to pretend you need to use the restroom you can, um, go take care of that."

"Thanks for the offer, but I have better self control than that. You'll learn." His voice was full of promises. The response had your imagination reeling, swallowing thickly. He smiled proudly at your reaction and went back to watching the movie. Teasing bastard. He was making it hard to take the higher ground.

That rule stood firmly in your mind, however. Not surprisingly, it came about because of Chanyeol. Neither of you liked to bring it up. It's not like you remember very many details of the encounter anyway. You were impulsive, dumbass teenagers drunk at a party.

It was at a house party. You think it was a friend of a friend's brother's college graduation or something. Didn't matter what the party was for. All you were told was there would be alcohol and all your other friends would be there too. This was right before you started dating Chanyeol. The bass downstairs was giving you a headache so Chanyeol took you to a bedroom on the second floor. The entire night he had been glaring at any guy that danced with you. At one point someone was refilling your drink and Chanyeol swooped over with one already handy. He steered you off the dancefloor and once you told him your head hurt he lead you upstairs. You had never been so unbalanced in your life, and it didn't help that Chanyeol's uncoordinated limbs were in the way. You both crashed on the large bed and you set your drink somewhere. Probably the floor.

"Why are you acting so protective suddenly?" You had questioned. You were still oblivious to his feelings at that point.

"I've always protected you from creeps."

"He wasn't a creep."

"He shouldn't have been touching you like that," he grumbled, pouting. The room swayed so you moved with it to keep it still. You poked Chanyeol's chest.

"What? Jealous?"

"He just wanted to fuck you and leave you like some cheap whore."

"Maybe that's what I want," you countered. His eyes grew wide. "I'm sick of being a virgin. It's nothing special to me. I just want it over with so guys stop running away."

"Run away?"

"The second I tell a boyfriend I'm a virgin he gets scared I'll fall in love with him or hurt me or some other bullshit. The older I get the worse it is. It's just a nuisance at this point. I want to know what it feels like to have sex." Chanyeol shifted and cupped your face, holding you still. His dark brown eyes pierced yours.

"I won't run." It took your brain several seconds to comprehend anything.

"What?"

"I'll sleep with you." You pushed his hand off and pretended to laugh.

"Ha ha very funny."

"I'm serious, dove" he replied. "I know you better than anyone, and then it won't be with some nameless stranger. It'll be someone who cares about you." You squinted your eyes at him suspiciously. "You said yourself it's not special to you. It'll be tonight only and everything will go back to normal."

"Aren't you a virgin, too?"

"Yeah..."

"Well great," you said sarcastically, throwing your hands up. "You'll never get me off."

"I've watched porn and read books and stuff."

"Because porn is exactly what you should be basing sex off of." You rolled your eyes.

"Say yes and I'll prove it."

"Fine," you agreed without thinking. Chanyeol crushed your lips to his and pushed you down on the bed. He tasted like vodka. Your memory was hazy on the details of how he got your clothes off, but you distinctly remember how the bass of the music downstairs pounded in your chest. His mouth closed around one of your nipples and sucked the same time he slid a finger inside of you. You arched off the sheets and moaned. Chanyeol groaned,

"You're so fucking wet. Do you want me that badly already?" You felt yourself stretch as he added a second finger, pumping in and out of you slowly. It was remarkably different from feeling your own fingers, and you suddenly understood why your other close friend was so obsessed with her boyfriends hands. You gasped sharply when he placed a tentative kitten lick to your clit. You hadn't realized he moved down that far on your body. "You have to talk to me, dove. Does it feel good?"

"Yes," you whined, hips bucking up into his hand. Trying desperately for him to reach something you didn't know. "More, please Chanyeol." You knotted a hand in his long, soft hair and urged his mouth down. He licked again. His tongue was so warm. "Keep doing that." He pressed his tongue harder to you, moved in circles, then sucked. Your breath hitched and you let out a loud moan with his name. "Fuck, don't stop. Chanyeol. Please don't stop." He continued to work you with his mouth and fingers. For some reason it didn't feel weird. It should have been weird the guy you grew up with had his head between your legs. Instead there was this blast of adrenaline and excitement. Like you'd secretly been wishing for this to happen. Like he belonged with you. Finally he twisted his wrist and hit just the right spot, stars bursting behind your eyelids as you came around his long fingers. Chasing air back into your lungs, you had to pull his head up and grab his wrist to stop him. "Too sensitive." Chanyeol licked the juices from his fingers, never breaking from your gaze. He sat back on his knees while you watched him undo his jeans.

"I am so glad I got to taste you first," he growled. "I already proved you wrong."

"Don't get too cocky. I can still find that other guy downstairs."

"You're insufferably stubborn," he griped. You giggled and squirmed on the mattress impatiently. He kicked off his pants and boxers at the same time then gripped the collar of his shirt and threw it behind him. You stared wantonly at his lithe frame. How his collarbones stuck out, skin stretched taut over his naturally lanky figure. The little 'v' in his hips and the trail of hair from his navel leading to his hard and leaking cock. A smile formed on your lips and you found yourself thinking, 'finally.' Chanyeol collapsed forward, catching himself on either side of your head, bouncing once on the springy mattress. "Are you sure you're ready?" he asked. You nodded emphatically. Chanyeol looked down and guided himself to your entrance, going back to watch your face as he pressed forward. You screwed your eyes shut and breathed deeply, focusing on relaxing your muscles. At first it was like a slight pressure, but your hand snapped up to his shoulder once the head was in, the stretching unfamiliar. He halted instantly and kissed your forehead. You took another deep breath before nodding.

"Okay, keep going." Chanyeol inched further into you, and you made it most of the way before there was a slight stinging sensation and you hissed, nails digging into his chest and shoulder. "H-hold on. Hold on. Give me a second."

"Are you okay? Did I not do enough?" Chanyeol whispered urgently. You opened your eyes briefly to see him biting his lips hard. He was doing his best to control himself. Two deep, shaking breaths, and you let up.

"I'm okay. I'm okay I promise." He sheathed himself fully inside of you before releasing a breath it seemed like he was holding. The way he stretched and filled your walls took you a minute to adjust to. Chanyeol kept still so you could, peppering kisses along your neck and face. He waited patiently for you to slip your hands into his hair and say, "go ahead, Chanyeol." His hips went back until he was almost all the way out before rocking carefully in again. Chanyeol groaned and dropped his face into the crook of your neck.

"It feels so fucking good." On the second thrust the uncomfortableness went away and spread pleasure all the way to your toes. It wasn't like anything you'd felt before. It was a very specific pleasure unique to connecting your body with someone elses. "It's such an overused phrase, but goddammit you're so fucking tight, dove. So tight and hot and wet and--" Chanyeol's voice caught in a high-pitched whine as you wrapped your legs around his waist. It drove him deeper. Your nails ran down his back as his hips picked up speed. You did your best to match each of his thrusts. Chanyeol was panting. "Does it feel good for you too, dove?"

"Yes," you answered easily. "You feel so good, Chanyeol. Fuck me. Harder, please." He didn't hesitate to give you what you wanted. You called out. There was a familiar tightness gathering in your abdomen. But it felt like more as Chanyeol reached deep inside you. It was going to be more. A fuller orgasm? More intense? Satisfying? You weren't sure, but you wanted to find out.

"That's it, dove. Scream my name so everyone hears how good I'm fucking you right now." Chanyeol lifted his head. Deep brown ringed large pupils, lips red from chewing on them so much. How anyones eyes could look so innocent while pounding into you was beyond you. You were far past the dillusion of purity at that point. Sweat gathered on his forehead, eyebrows furrowing. "Is this not enough?" Without warning he pulled out from you. You whimpered at the unexpected empty feeling it gave you. He flipped you around so you were on your knees, leaning forward on your forearms as he re-entered you with a low moan. He hit a sweet spot and the coil in you jerked tighter.

"Fuck! Right there!" Chanyeol grabbed your hips with bruising strength while he continuously slammed into that spot over and over again.

"You like this better? Isn't this what you wanted? To be fucked like a whore?" You keened into the mattress, fingers grappling at the sheets. You opened your mouth to warn Chanyeol of your peak, but it hit you harder than you anticipated. You were yelling into the covers, quaking and tensing through the rattling pleasure, mind blank. A string of curses left his mouth, hips stuttering. That empty feeling was back and Chanyeol came with a load groan. The sheets were stained and a void materialized inside of you as you returned to reality. His hands were pulling you back against his chest, mouth awkwardly moving on your neck, but you were lonely. The emptiness was more than the absence of his cock. Not even his burning skin and the alcohol you consumed was warming you. The room continued to wobble, thoughts swimming, limbs heavy. You don't remember how you got home.

The sick, dirty feeling that encompassed you the next morning was something you never wanted to experience again. It wasn't that you didn't enjoy it. You couldn't pinpoint why you felt nauseous. It wasn't hangover nausea, either. Something didn't feel right inside of you for the next few days. Some pocket in your gut opened up whenever you thought about Chanyeol's hands on you. Like he took something. Like he still had it and wouldn't give it back. You were fidgety and spaced out constantly. He didn't speak to you for a week. Avoiding you whenever he could.

So you made a rule never to sleep with someone if either of you were drunk. You couldn't risk the regret. You couldn't risk the emptiness coming back. Chanyeol had been your best friend and it almost broke you. You cared too much about Kyungsoo to take that chance. Instead you let the movie finish, and called a cab to take Kyungsoo home.

[rememberthattime]

Chapter 54. Scotland

“Sing me a song of a lass that is gone

Say, could that lass be Chelsay?

Merry of soul she sailed on a day

Over the sea to Skye”

Those lyrics are from an 1870s song about Scotland’s Prince Charlie fleeing from the British after his failed Jacobite rebellion. ...They’re also from the Outlander theme song, but just ignore that.  

I’m using them because the lyrics are a perfect introduction to Chelsay and I’s Scotland escape following lockdown.

I wrote about the lockdown in the last post, but the past five months have been… uncomfortable. Chelsay and I made it through relatively easily, but months of stay-at-home orders, minimal social activity, and the daily onslaught of terrible news take their toll.

Chelsay and I also hadn’t taken a single day off since we started in London six months ago. Without the chance to travel, we didn’t want to waste our vacation days sitting at home. All of this culminated in a pent-up desire for adventure. To get away from the house, the city, and the news.

Flights and international travel aren’t quite safe yet, but luckily we have Chelsay’s favorite travel destination in our own backyard: Scotland.

One of the only small benefits of lockdown has been the extra time to plan trips. I mentioned in the last post that I booked fully cancelable trips throughout the year, preparing for whenever lockdown measures eased. I knew the Puglia and Lakes District trips in April and May had little chance, but a road trip to Scotland in July MIGHT be possible. I scoured the news throughout lockdown, interpreting every story in the context of possible travel: “Did you see France is opening up in May - good sign. And the UK said they might open restaurants in June...”

Chelsay quickly got tired of my over-analysis, but finally, in June, the Scottish government announced they’d reopen for tourists on July 15. I’d booked the trip back in April, but nailed the start date: July 17. Nostra(vel)damus.

With a flood of confidence and excitement, I used our remaining lockdown time to smooth any potential hurdles throughout the trip. Downloading offline maps, saving every possible location we’d visit, researching the best trails and how to avoid crowds - even trawling Google Street View to find where to park (difficult given how rural Scotland is).

We left a bit later on Friday afternoon than planned, so our six hour Day 1 drive had us crossing the Scottish border around 11 pm. That said, Chelsay downloaded some excellent podcasts to pass the time: Dolly Parton’s America and Serial Season 3.

Day 2 is when the trip really began. And within 5 minutes of arriving at our first destination, Glencoe, the dream of our Scottish escape became reality.

We’d visited Glencoe on our 2016 road trip through Scotland, but I planned the 2020 visit slightly differently. Namely, I accommodated a dog. I found a quieter trail far from the road, but still providing dramatic views of the undulating valley.

Maybe it was freedom from the previous day’s drive, but Indy seemed entirely in his element. He was darting off path, investigating small waterfalls along the trail, and thoroughly enjoying every bit of his border collie homeland.

Chelsay and I were swept up in the setting too. This wasn’t stuffy London – it was nature… Raw nature… Raw nature happening all at once: wind, clouds, sun, and rain all within 10 minutes. These are the elements in Scotland, but it didn’t bother us at all. In fact, it was invigorating. After months of being cooped-up at home, we felt so much freedom just steps into our first walk.

I was also overwhelmed by another emotion: adventure. It’d been so long that I hardly recognized the feeling. You start the day in one place – at home, in your routine.  Then, suddenly, you step out of the car, train, or plane, and you’re transported to a different planet. What happened to your routine? Work, cooking, doing the dishes… all gone. Your attention is completely captured by what’s in front of you: colourful Italian villas, wild Australian outback, open Indian Ocean. Glencoe may only be a few hundred miles from London, but this adventurous feeling took Chelsay & I worlds away.

Now, when I say Scotland took us worlds away, I could have been more precise: it took us specifically to the Wizarding world (of Harry Potter).

This was especially true when visiting Glenfinnan Viaduct. Here, the Jacobite steam train passes through a scenic valley along a viaduct twice a day… But the picturesque backdrop isn’t what makes this experience so popular. It’s the fact that the train & viaduct are portrayed as the Hogwarts Express in Harry Potter. As steam billowed into the air and the locomotive let out a whistle, Chelsay jumped around and triumphantly pumped her fist. Indy had the opposite reaction, running away from the booming train as it chugged by.

After a quick stop at fairy-tale castle Eilean Donan, Chelsay and I wrapped up our long journey from London, finally arriving in Balmaqueen on the northern tip of Skye. This trip was really to celebrate Chelsay’s 30th birthday, so I splurged a bit on a holiday cottage. Immediately upon our arrival, Chelsay and I wished we could move here permanently.

First, the cottage was completely renovated – it’s rare for a place this remote to offer Nespresso, Netflix, and digitally-controlled shower, but the owners had thoughtfully accommodated every modern comfort.  Second, and far more significant, the cottage maximized its stunning scenery. Two reclining chairs faced out through the cottage’s wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling windows. Some of my best memories from this trip are the quiet mornings Chelsay and I spent in these recliners, sipping coffee while staring out at peaceful pastures and the surrounding North Atlantic sea.

We spent the next three days exploring Skye’s wild landscapes. We’d visited Skye in our 2016 Scotland roadtrip, but despite being a relatively small island (two hours from end-to-end), the 2020 itinerary was almost entirely unique. Chelsay & I only repeated one experience from the previous trip: the Quiraing, our favorite hike in the entire world.  

Minutes into the hike, we were reminded of the Quiraing’s desolate beauty. My description from the last Scotland trip is still spot-on:  

“I’ve never seen solid land twist and turn in this way – the blending brown and olive hues, the fact that there were no trees, and the smooth bending earth made land look like waves.

For some reason, there’s something about this desolate sight that I love: just us, empty space, and open sky (Skye, pun?). There are no city sounds or buildings or buses or people, and there are no boundaries. Just boundless expanse.”

Despite repeating many of the same views, this experience was still unique for two reasons:

First, Indy introduced a new dangerous element. In London, we worry about him invading an unsuspecting picnic. At the Quiraing, a wrong turn could lead him off a cliff. He earned our trust by staying nearby for the first 15 minutes, and we figured border collies are smart enough to safely stay on-trail. We let him off-leash and immediately regretted it – he’s an idiot. He started bounding around the bouncy moss and, next thing we knew, he’d jumped off a 12 foot crag. OMG – is he dead!? I was taking a picture at the time so you can see how big of a vertical drop it was... Thank god he popped up like nothing happened! The only reason he didn’t break both legs was because he awkwardly landed on his face and chest. Needless to say, he was back on leash until the path became safer.  

The other difference from our previous visit was the weather. In 2016, Chelsay & I had to have visited on the hottest day in Scottish history (consequently, we packed extra water this time). In 2020, the weather was back to its normal, turbulent self. The hike started with patches of blue sky – Chelsay and I actually took our jackets off during a quick lunch. It was perfectly pleasant, until Chelsay quietly mumbled “Uh oh” under her breath. I turned around to see billows of rain tumbling over a cliff face about half a mile away. An entire ocean of rain. It looked like the dead invading Hard Home in Game of Thrones.

You could tell it was moving fast so as you read, keep in mind, the following sequence of events happened in under 20 seconds. First, I yelled “Initiate protocol!” (as if Chelsay & I had trained for this) and we hastily packed everything, especially hiding our electronics. Chelsay crouched behind a hill to brace from the wind & rain, and god bless him, Indy INSTINCTIVELY darted underneath her! I’ll never forget his terrified little body sprinting over and literally diving into the hillside. He’d seen exactly what I’d seen (the Army of the Dead) and wanted no part of it. The dowsing ambush only lasted 10 minutes, and thanks to our waterproof gear, we survived... though I’ll never forget Indy’s panicked reaction.

There was actually a second memorable weather-induced experience this trip. Although the storm had passed, heavy clouds remained and completely enveloped the peak. The fog line was very unusual though: there was a distinct line between dense fog and unspoilt views, which gave us two entirely unique feelings. At the top, the brooding clouds felt ethereal and mysterious. We couldn’t see more than 50 yards. Meanwhile, the descent ensured we wouldn’t be robbed of the spectacular setting, providing pristine views of the sweeping landscape.

Similar to our 2016 trip to Skye, the Quiraing was the highlight of our time on the island. That isn’t a surprise: as I said earlier, it’s our favorite hike in the world. That said, our other adventures on Skye were similarly invigorating.  

After the Quiraing, we made a brief some at Neist Point, where a lonely lighthouse sits at the edge of a craggily outcrop. Chelsay, Indy, and I looked on as the North Atlantic waves crashed below, seagulls squawking as they swooped toward the water. What makes Neist Point especially unique is its undulating shape: similar to my quote from the Quiraing, I didn’t know solid land could twist & turn this way.  

The next day, we’d embark on our longest hike of the week: Camasunary Bay, a secluded cove only accessible by foot or boat. This hike doesn’t really have a peak, but rather a long journey through open farmland, leading to a secret beach at the base of the Black Cuillin Mountains.

Along the way, Indy met a fellow border collie named Clyde. I’ll first say that it was extremely rare to bump into people in Scotland (which I loved), but when we did, they often had border collies (which I also loved). Indy had only met one other border collie while in London… and its name is ironically Skye! He met at least 10 in just four days on the island.

Anyway, Indy and Clyde played around in an open heath overlooking the quiet bay. Indy again jumped off a ledge from way too high, this time falling into a bush… He really is an idiot, but again managed to avoid injury.

We completed the long walk without further issue, though Chelsay and I were exhausted by the end. After the Quiraing and Camasunary Bay on back-to-back days, we could hardly feel our legs. Our massive Amatriciana dinner that night revived us, and was hands down the best meal all trip.

We moved very slowly the next day – I’d say we didn’t want to overwork Indy’s juvenile joints, but really our >30-year-old knees couldn’t take anymore. We managed one shorter walk: Old Man of Storr. This is actually the most famous attraction on Skye, but Chelsay and I had previously avoided it due to its popularity. Thanks to Covid though, the crowds were scarce, and we pretty much had the trail to ourselves.

The next day, we departed Skye for Scotland’s far north, Assynt, which is somehow more topographically extreme than Skye.  This terrain pushes most Assynt hikes out of Indy’s (our knees’) range, though there was one feasible option: Stac Pollaidh. “Stac Polly” is just a four-mile hike, but its 1,700 foot elevation provides both a healthy challenge and a view that ‘punches above its weight.’

This view is hidden throughout the ascent, but once you reach the top, the scenery is stunning. It’s like nowhere Chelsay and I have been – like a Scottish Monument Valley: lonely monoliths looming over a basin of stony cnocs and boggy lochs. The setting beneath us had the topographical diversity of an entire continent!

We were due to stay in Assynt for a few days, but decided to make a rare mid-trip audible for two reasons:

Our entire Assynt itinerary was hikes, and we were exhausted. It was time to rest.

Our AirBnb was haunted.

In our 50+ trips while abroad, we hardly ever make such drastic mid-trip changes, but we’ve gotten to the age where we want a little relaxation in our vacation… free from ghosts. Thanks to my Booking.com status (and the Covid-induced absence of travel demand), we found a shockingly affordable alternative:  Thainstone House, a country mansion in Aberdeenshire.

Aberdeenshire is in Scotland northeast, just above Inverness. Its known for its pastural setting (and steak), but also its salty sea coastline. It’s a few hours away from Assynt, yet our couple stops en route proved our audible was the right call.

First, we stopped in the small fishing village of Lossiemouth. I don’t remember anything about the town… We were really just visiting for the four-mile long beach, accessible by crossing a short bridge over the surrounding canal.

Well, the bridge was closed, but the canal’s water levels seemed low enough. After getting drenched at the Quiraing, crossing this dry creek wouldn’t be an issue.  

Wrong. The next hour was eventful, so I’ll break it down in bullet form:

First, the creek was slightly deeper in certain places, but Chelsay remained dry in her tall rainboots. My duck boots were too short, so our solution was that I’d jump on Chelsay’s back, and she’d carry me through this short stretch…

This plan lasted two small steps before she dropped me in the river. My feet were soaked, but no worry. We had all our clothes in the car, so I’d just change when we get back.

We arrived at the beach, an immaculate stretch of empty sand and surf. Apparently, no one else ‘braved’ the canal, because Chelsay, Indy, and I had the beach to ourselves. Well, except the dolphins and seals we saw along the shore! The entire setting was gorgeous: wind-swept grass, endless sandy expanse, and clear waters quietly crashing along the shore.

After thoroughly tuckering Indy out, we decided to head back to the car. One problem, the tide had changed, and the dry creek was now a FLOWING RIVER! WHAT!? We hadn’t even considered the tide when we ventured out… It was too shallow to even think about!

…The emptiness of the beach now made a lot more sense.

Already wet (from being dropped earlier), we decided the only way back was through. The below video is from the SAFER portion of our fording experience. Imagine the scene on the deeper side: Chelsay and I. Waist deep in the river. Fully submerged in shame.

This story may sound familiar… In fact, it’s happened to us before. In Scotland. It was Loch Coruisk, and Chelsay & I were forced to ford a river to catch a once-a-day ferry. What is it about us and Scottish rivers…

Back on dry land, Chelsay and I continued our Aberdeenshire tour through three more small towns: Fordyce, a 13th century hamlet where we stopped at the town’s Old Kirk (church) for lunch; followed by Crovie and Pennan, two salty fishing villages with single-row housing along the seafront.  …After the river ordeal earlier, we didn’t stick around to see what high tide was like.

We pulled into Thainstone House around 4 pm on Thursday, and the car didn’t move until Saturday around 10 am. That kind of dormancy is RARE for Chelsay & I. The only other vacation where we didn’t leave our accommodation for 36 straight hours was Fiji… where the entire island was our accommodation.

The grounds of Thainstone served as an ‘island’ of sorts for Chelsay & I. There was no reason to leave because the manor met every need: elegant dining, dog-friendly trails, cozy rooms, soothing lounges, and plenty of wine & scotch to occupy our leisure time. Chelsay thinks the staff even tailored to our Americanness: they kept playing Chris Stapleton whenever we were in a room alone.

We were sad to leave on Saturday. Not only had we appreciated the slower pace, but we also knew the next two days required driving 11 hours on our way back to London. That said, we had a few noteworthy stops.

First, a brief visit to Castle Fraser, where we stopped for coffee, scones, and walk. This short break was a reminder of the perks of living in Europe: even road trip stopovers included a fairy-tale castle.

We also stopped in St. Andrews, a small, charming college town north of Edinburgh. Over the next few hours, we walked the campus grounds (regarded as one of the best universities in the world and alma mater to Prince William, the future King); took in St. Andrews cathedral (built in the 12th century); and walked the St. Andrews golf grounds (known as ‘home of golf’ and site of the first round in the 15th century). Indy wasn’t impressed – he pooped on the Old Course.

And that was it. That was our trip. We just had one overnight stop in Peebles, Scotland before arriving back home in London…

Well, except… This stop turned out to be the highlight of our entire trip. I’ve genuinely rushed through the last 3,000 words to finally get to this part.

Chelsay & I had an entire castle to ourselves!  

Backing up: I’d initially reserved different accommodation in Peebles, but the owner had accidently double booked. They were very apologetic, and offered an alternative: the ‘Queen Mary suite’ in Neidpath Castle.

I had no idea what she was talking about… I checked the website: a 13th century castle that has hosted Mary, Queen of Scots, her son King James, and poet William Wordsworth. …Yeah, I’ll take the castle!  

Despite this anticipation, our stay still exceeded my expectations. When booking, I thought we’d only be staying in the ‘Queen Mary suite’: a bedroom with accompanying lounge. There were probably other guest rooms though, right?  

Wrong. We pulled up, the owner gave us the keys to the entire castle, and wished us a great stay.

We immediately began running up and down spiral staircases, through corridors, past dungeons, into dining halls, and around the castle’s chapel. We were like little kids. The only other time our hotel had elicited this reaction was in the Maldives (and two days earlier at the country manor… and four days before that at the Skye cottage…).

The castle is so large that we actually lost one another multiple times. One time, Chelsay & I were together but had no idea where Indy had gone… I whistled, but we didn’t hear anything. No movement. We started to worry that maybe he’d gotten hurt or stuck somewhere. We whistled again, but still nothing.  

Suddenly, a *scraaaaaaaaatttcch* came from behind a door.

Chelsay yelped, assuming it was a ghost. Maybe the same one from that Airbnb in Assynt.

We carefully opened the door *creeeeeek*, only to find Indy staring up at us with his mouth wide open. He was having just as much fun exploring the castle.

It had to have been at least two hours before we finally settled down, cozying next to the fire with a bottle of wine. We reminisced on what a spectacular trip it had been, scrolling through the photos to remind ourselves of all the jaw-dropping landscapes we’d visited.

We couldn’t believe some of the scenery… We had just visited these places… We were in the pictures… Yet the settings didn’t seem real.  Glencoe, Skye, that train Chelsay loved, Stac Polly, the river in Lossiemouth…

Scotland’s rugged beauty seems unbelievable in normal circumstances, but the past week felt like even more of a dream given the preceding months. After nearly half a year in lockdown, our Scottish escape was a reminder of how effortlessly adventure awaits while abroad.  

[justbeingbrookee]

I JUST WANT TO DO IT PT.11

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10]

Can also read on AO3

Word count: 14,579 

So, I have realised I can't even trust myself to give a spoiler to a story because I change my mind a lot. This is the FINAL chapter of the story. It is the longest chapter I have ever done. I had a lot of fun writing this, I hope you enjoy.

Warning: Graphic sexual content.

----------------------------------------------------

[The next morning]

The sun rises from left side of your bed every morning. Most days it doesn’t mean much to you, most days it’s just a sign that sleep is over and it’s time to get up for work. But today you are awake just before it rises past your or should you say Jimin’s window. The birds chirping woke you up but you just laid there listening to their little voices from afar and to Jimin’s breathing up close.

He still has his arms wrapped around your waist. Gentle yet protectively they lay placed on your body. So you stay like that watching the light slowly hit the curtains and the brightness filling up the whole room in its entirety. Signifying a new brighter beginning.

“Hm, are you awake?” Jimin speaks in a husky morning voice. Stretching his hands above his head.

“Yeah,” you say hurriedly feeling your face to see if you have anything between your eyes or at the edges of your mouth before turning around and facing him. Fuck, he still looks so good even in the morning. What kind of sorcery is this?

“Your hair is messy,” you reach up and put your fingers through his silky smooth hair. Okay, let’s be honest you have wanted to do that since you saw him again and ah, his hair even feels soft in the morning. How is this even fair?

As you’re about to complain about his perfect hair, Jimin grabs your wrist and pulls your hand to his lips.

Let’s not lie, your stomach does a couple of flips and you stare at him from under your eyelashes as you watch his succulent lips go down and brush against your skin.

“Oh, what brought this on?” You somehow manage to say under his trance.

“I just wanted to kiss what is mine,” he says in that deep sexy morning voice that you are just NOW fully starting to appreciate. His doing this on purpose isn’t he is, this cannot be normal morning everyday Jimin, can it?

But before you can even think about it, Jimin pulls you into him and kisses you on the cheek and then down to your neck whilst his hands clumsily fumble all over your body.

And you let him, you let his hands roam over your chest and down your stomach whilst his tongue flicks on your neck and his lips leave plush kisses. You feel his legs pressed against you and hear the heaviness in his breathing. ‘Ah, now this is a good morning,’ you think to yourself enjoying this way too much.

You are so deep in your own little world that it doesn’t even register where Jimin’s hands have landed, the sensation suddenly feels so familiar and natural that when his hands slide under your panties and he squeezes your ass the only thing you feel is pleasure and desire. Desire to have him and be devoured by him right here and right now but then alarm bells start ringing in your head.

This isn’t right…Yes, of course you want Jimin but not yet…you’re not ready to go there again…just yet.

So you take a deep breath before grabbing a hold of Jimin’s hands still on your ass and slightly shifting away from him. He stops in his tracks and looks up at you.

“Can we wait, Jimin, I’m just not ready yet,” you move his hands and as you place them back on his body you spot his soldier strong at attention. That gives you so much more joy and pleasure than you would ever admit to anyone and the corners of your mouth twitch up in amusement.

“We said a fresh start, to me that means we haven’t kissed, hugged or even had our first date yet and you already want to get some,” you shake your head at him playfully.

Jimin suddenly bursts out laughing. His angelic laughter fills the whole room and your heart. You had missed it so much.

“You really are something else, I tell you,” he says when he finally stops laughing.

“What about the cuddling and spending a night at my place, which stage is that?” He gives you a cheeky grin as if he has just proven you wrong.

“Ah, technically we made up last night so that doesn’t count and the cuddling or spooning was all you so….oh, I just remembered what you said last night if I crossed over to your section of the bed but look what happened, how are you going to be punished.” You look up and down his body trying to figure out what to do to him and then on impulse you reach your hands out and pinch his nipples.

“Ahh,” he screams covering and rubbing his chest.

And you almost fall of the bed laughing. “I’m sorry Jimin,” you apologise not really sorry and cover your hand over your mouth to try and quieten your laugh.

“Oh, okay I will get you back, come here,” he leans closer to you and drags you back into his embrace. You can’t stop giggling and screaming at the same time as you pretend to fight his hold on you whilst secretly enjoying his touch.

“You play too much __, but I understand what you are saying, I can wait for you as long you want,” he whispers in your left ear before nibbling on it and subsequently sending a tingle down your spine and red hot heat between your legs. The unfairness of it all.

“Thank you,” a little whimper comes out of you as he carries on.

And then says “I just have one condition, I want us to live together here. I can’t bear to be apart from you anymore.” His voice is serious yet full of nervousness. You turn around and stare deep into his hazel eyes. And you see the earnestness they convey.

Moving in together, living with a man, full time…24/7. You move your eyes to the left and to the right…You don’t have much time to think about this.

You love Jimin, but you love your own space…so living with someone will mean from morning to night...365 days in a year you will see them. You gulp and scratch the back of your neck….Aish, this is a big deal you’re going to have to share everything…

“It’s okay, if it’s too soon, I just missed you in the time we were apart and I can wait,” Jimin’s lukewarm eyes and smile melt all your worries away.

“Let’s do it, I will move in with you but,” you put your index finger up and attempt to give him a serious look.

“But?” he bites his bottom lip.

“I’m not getting rid of my apartment. Just in case you annoy me and I need a place to stay.”

“That sounds fair, or if you annoy me and I kick you out,” he grins.

“You wouldn’t dare, Park Jimin,” you shout his name and punch him on his shoulder.

“You are right, you scare me,” he pretends to shake in fear.

“You better be scared,” you giggle at his silliness.

“Let’s seal this new agreement with a kiss,” he puckers his lips out and closes his eyes.

“Ew, no, what level of cheesiness is this Jimin,” you make a face and fold your arms over your chest.

He opens one of his eyes “No kiss no deal,” he says and you slowly lean in, resigned that this is the guy you fell in love with. But as you do your phone starts to ring. So you quickly give Jimin a peck on the lips before turning over and answering it.

 “Hello,” you answer. It turns out to be the manager of your firm, you had left him in charge whilst you came here to deal with everything. It surprisingly feels like a life time ago.

“Have you seen the news, check the financial times now?” He says sounding alarmed.

“What am I looking for?” You reply putting him on speaker phone and minimising the call screen to open the financial times app. “Just check, you will know when you see it, it’s on the front page.”

When the app finally loads and you read the heading of the main story you gasp. Shocked!

“You see it, you see it right?” he asks too excited.

“Calm down, hold on let me read it first?”

You blink a few times not believing your eyes but it’s there in black and white.

‘CEO fired and under investigation for illegal bribery and the running of blacklisting scheme of employees’

“How? Why?”

“An undercover reporter broke the news, he has receipts, statements, video and voice recordings and emails confirming everything. I don’t see how his going to get away with this.”

“Wow and I had a meeting today at that company.”

“I wouldn’t go if I was you, I heard that there’s press all over the building. People are coming out that have been blacklisted and there’s already talk of lawsuits.”

You try to absorb everything that is going on, the company you called your second home at one point in your life is now like this, you will always be grateful for the opportunity they gave you but a part of you is relieved you got out when you did and even though it was a hard journey you have somehow landed on your feet and you’re doing pretty well for yourself.

Your screen starts flashing and you already recognise the number.

“Let me call you back, their calling me right now.”

“Okay, okay, bye.”

You answer the other phone and a female voice speaks. You find out she is Hoseok’s secretary and long story short she wants to cancel the appointment you had with him today and you inform her that it’s okay and politely end the call.

“Ohmygosh,” you scream and shake your head. “Ahh, is this life,” you kick the covers off your legs and turn to a puzzled Jimin before jumping on top of him and placing both your hands on his cheeks and leaving tender kisses on his forehead down to his nose and finally on his lips multiple times.

“You’re this happy,” he just looks at you stunned. But you don’t care, you just nod your head and grin like a giddy girl.

Then a realisation occurs, “where’s the TV remote?”

You turn it ON, to the business channel and find Hoseok on there giving a speech. You move closer to the television and listen intently to what his saying, most of it is just waffle but then the important part comes…

“As of now, I have been appointed the temporary CEO of the firm and we will cooperate with the authorities fully regarding all the allegations”

Your mouth hangs open, Hoseok is now the CEO, wow. To be honest you are not mad at him, he worked his way up honestly and if they can survive this. The company will be in better hands with Hoseok as their CEO.

---------------------

 [The domestic side of a relationship]

When Jimin had first suggested moving in together, you had been very apprehensive about it, you like your space and being in that environment where you can just be yourself and not pretend or try to hide little imperfections. But after a few weeks of living with Jimin you now realise the importance of actually living together with the person you love. Because in order to move on in your relationship it’s important to know if you are compatible enough to live together and let’s just say living with Jimin has been a very….interesting and entertaining experience.

“Jimin, I’m so full,” you rub your belly and stretch your body. You are laying on the fluffy white carpet in the living room floor and Jimin is there next to you. The one good thing is at least now you have some sort of cooking routine going on. You cook some days and Jimin the others.

“Aish, Jimin you tricked me?” You shuffle your body around and now your heads are touching but your bodies are facing the opposite direction.

“How so?”

“You literally only know how to cook one meal really well, you’re as shitty of a cook as me, how is that going to work.”

He starts giggling and you can feel his head shaking. So you crane your head back and look at the ceiling and the beautiful patterns above it.

“I never lied I just offered the best of my skills at the beginning, do you want us to take some cooking lessons?”

You internally swear at him, you know his not serious but two can play that game.

“Yeah, we should and it’s really romantic and….” You pause before finishing your sentence. You were about to make a joke ‘and the chef will be a tall built guy and you know what they say about chefs’ but you decide to backtrack and not mention it instead you say…

“you will have flour on your face and you will wrap your arms around me as you put on my apron, ah, let’s do, let’s sign up now,” you clap your hands in an attempt to sell your lie.

“I preferred it when you told me to fuck off, your jokes are lame,” he turns his body to the side and you shuffle yours around until you are facing him before pouting, making little sounds with your mouth closed and shaking your shoulders up and down. “But I w-a-n-n-a go,” you pucker your lips some more and try to make a sad face as you move even closer to him and snuggle up to his shoulder.

“When did you learn that move….please and I say this because I love you never do that again.”

And you burst out into a fit a laughter. “You are a piece of shit, you know that Jimin.”

He wraps his arms around you tightly and then whispers “A piece of shit, you can’t live without.”

You roll your eyes in pure amusement.

[Wings]

As more time went on one thing you are grateful to your sister for is the Zumba DVD’s you tried one day when you were bored at her place. And surprisingly the DVD’s where not that bad and you liked the salsa feel of everything. Just moving your body to the music, even if you are not that great at it and letting go of everything for an hour is very therapeutic and freeing.

Which is why when you moved back to the city you bought your own Zumba DVD’s and now you regularly use them to work out in Jimin’s or better yet both your living room.

So, on one faithful day after finishing a tough and intense workout you turn on the stereo and play the wings album so when the first track comes on <boy meets evil> you begin the cool down stretches. It’s a good thing you have on your black Nike leggings and a matching black sports bra on because it gives you the freedom to be as flexible as you want without any constricts.

With your legs spread in opposite directions you lean in and feel the stretch on your inner thighs but as you are coming back up you hear the front door opening and you open one of your eyes to find Jimin entering the living room.

“Do you want me to go to the bedroom?” He quietly whispers pointing at the bedroom.

Aw, honestly, living together with Jimin you had expected to have no privacy and to be thoroughly annoyed at having someone in your space but Jimin is so considerate when it comes to you having your me time when you are  working out, reading a book or whatever you’re doing to relax. And it’s also nice to spend time with someone, to get to know each other’s thoughts and worries.

“No, its okay, I’m almost finished, just stretching now,” you say stretching your neck.

Jimin comes over and sits on the couch that you pushed back so that you had plenty of room to workout.

Then the next song comes on <blood, sweat and tears> a naughty idea creeps up into your head.

“Jimin are you ready for round 2?”

“Round 2?” he asks giving you a confused look.

“Round 2 of my dancing.”

His face instantly drops “What did we say about that?” he says with a wtf not this shit again face.

But you ignore him and when the first words come out from the stereo….

♫ nae pi ttam nunmul ♫

 You feel the music and begin to dance, you move your hands over your head and attempt to copy the dance moves you have seen many times in the music video. The music takes over you and you flap around the living room, even copying the move when they grab their belt and move their hips from side to side.

♫ Peaches and cream, Sweeter than sweet, Chocolate cheeks ♫

You sing this part to Jimin as you try to be sensual all of a sudden. He just leans back into the sofa, silent and watches you successfully making a fool out of yourself.

♫ wonhae manhi manhi manhi yah ♫

You carry on dancing, even putting your hands up and jumping when the manhi mahni part comes up. You see the corners of Jimin’s mouth twitch up and almost lose focus. You opt to ignore him and raise your hands even higher and jump harder when the manhi manhi part is repeated.

♫ Kiss me on the lips lips ♫

You lip sing those words to Jimin and place your two fingers on your lips and bite your bottom lip when you send the air kisses his way. Before collapsing onto the floor on your knees and flipping your hair around in an extremely exaggerated manner (Oh gosh, why am I doing this again). You then look up at Jimin and his now leaning forward on the sofa with his hands clasped together watching you.

You hear the best part coming and you raise yourself up and quickly dash for the jacket on the side and just place it over your shoulders without putting your arms in. When you hear your favourite part you shake your shoulder’s back and the jacket falls off. You raise your head all seductively like before sliding to the left, to the right and back to the left again. Then you smile at Jimin because you know you nailed it. He just licks his lips and indicates with his finger for you to come towards him.

To which you do happily. You walk towards him and sit on his lap.

“Kiss me on the lips lip,” he mouths grabbing your chin delicately and moving your face down towards him. And he does kiss you on the lips, soft and tenderly his lips prey on yours. Knowing exactly where to land and when to move, you kiss him back. Adrenaline still in your veins, sweat dripping down your neck. You close your eyes and engross yourself in this tender kiss.

[Dirty fun]

You know what they say, time flies when you’re in love. Do they say that? Anyways, a lot has happened in these past months, you have met Jimin’s family and even though you were very nervous it went better than you expected. He has a younger brother who is mischievous but kind hearted. His mother is beautiful and very youthful, she welcomed you with open arms. The highlight was seeing Jimin and his father, they are very close and it explains why Jimin always loves to tell you stories about him.

Today you and Jimin went to visit your sister and Yoongi, which was an interesting experience. Of course when your sister found out about you and Jimin being back together she wasn’t too thrilled but after some time she adjusted to it and when she met Jimin in person she completely fell in love with him. Yoongi, likes him as well you can tell but of course he had to test Jimin to see if he was really serious about you.

Overall, it was a good day except when you and Jimin decided to go for a walk and you both ended up falling onto the muddy ground and getting both your clothes muddy. What made it even worse was that the water wasn’t working at your sister’s house so you couldn’t even wash up and had to travel back home in dirty muddy clothes.

“I’m going in the shower first,” you had said entering the apartment.

“No, let me, you take forever in there, I will only be 5 minutes,” Jimin says already unbuttoning his shirt.

He does have a point, for some reason his showers are only 15 minutes but you spend more than half an hour in there.

“Okay, but be quick, I don’t like feeling this dirty,” you say sitting on the floor and watching him walk towards the bathroom.

You get your phone out and go on his twitter since you are bored. Jimin sure loves to take selfies and little cute videos of himself. Their even a few pictures and videos of you on his page. Some you look surprised because you were not ready for the pictures and other times they are just pictures of you two together doing something boring like cooking or sitting on your laptop stressing over work.

After about 20 minutes of scrolling down Jimin’s page you start to wonder why he hasn’t come out yet. You wait for a few more minutes but then you decide that you can’t wait any longer. He has a separate bathtub and a shower in there. If his still using the shower you will just go into the bathtub.

You enter the bathroom to find Jimin not in the shower as you expected but relaxed in the bathtub full of bubbles.

“Really Jimin, what are you doing in there?” You cross your arms and shake your head.

He opens his eyes and turns to look at you.

“I’m sorry __, I forgot to tell you, after my shower I just felt like having a bath to unwind.”

You call bullshit but you feel too stuffy to care so you remove your clothing one by one not looking at Jimin. It’s only when you are about to remove your bra that you realise you haven’t been fully naked in front Jimin in…more than a year. For a second you contemplate putting your clothes back on and going to your apartment to take a shower but it seems like a lot of effort and his seen it all before anyways.

So you remove everything and quickly hop into the shower. When the warm water hits your naked body. You let out a pleasurable sigh, you have never felt this much joy when taking a shower before. You ignore Jimin who is across from you and just let the water run down your body and clean all the dirt from your skin. You clean your body with soap and a towel and rinse off all the mud until you feel like a new person.

“Feels good doesn’t it,” Jimin says leaning on the edge of the tub whilst his eyes scan your body. You take a big towel and wrap it around your body and walk towards him.

“Did you enjoy the show?” You say sitting on the base of the white bathtub.

He just smiles.

“I’m done now, I will leave you to enjoy your bath.”

He slowly moves his wet hand out of the water and places it over yours. You look down at your hands and notice how they fit together perfectly. You almost squeal but just about manage to compose yourself (why does he still have this effect on me).

“Join me for a bit, please?” He asks, at first you try to avoid his eyes because you know if you meet them, it’s game over but then you feel a light squeeze on your hand and a feathery caress on your skin from his thumb and you know it’s already over.

You stand up, suddenly shy and drop the towel. Then you place one foot into the bubbles and then another before sliding down and feeling the warmth of the water on your body. You sit down comfortably facing Jimin.

“Nice isn’t it,”

“I guess,” you say still shy.

“Can I ask you something?”

You look up at Jimin for the first time.

“Go for it.”

“What do you think about us living together?”

“Honestly?” You ask not really knowing what else to say to that question.

“Honestly…and we can call this honesty hour, anything you say stays here,” he sits up slightly.

You think about it for a few seconds, a lot of thoughts go through your head.

“It’s different living with a guy, when we first moved in together I had these dreams of us living like this forever, having children and getting married,” you pause and look at him. They tell you not to mention having children or marriage when dating. Apparently, that scares guys away. But Jimin doesn’t look fazed by it.

“And now,” he adds to your unfinished sentence.

“And now, I realise how delusional I was. I see married people with children and it looks easy and sometimes I’m like yes, I want that too but living with you I realised that it’s a journey and that you don’t wake up one day and have all that but instead you should take it a day at a time. Get to know the person’s fears and learn to compromise. I know that sounds weird…”

“No, I understand what you mean and I appreciate you telling me that.”

“And you, what has it been like living with me?” You ask Jimin but as soon as you ask him you wish to take it back.

“I love it, you nag a lot but I love it still. I think I’m infatuated with every single thing about you, your smile, the way you laugh. Your lips, eyes, thighs, even your voice. I am sick and you are my medicine.”

You place your hand over your face and let out a little laugh. “Here, I thought I would get a serious answer.”

“I am being serious,” he pouts and blows some bubbles your way.

The bubbles don’t reach you but you get a handful of bubbles and blow them towards his direction.

“Oh, did you decide if you’re going to apply for the position as the head concept artist?” The question suddenly occurs in your mind.

And Jimin’s smile disappears. “I don’t know if I’m qualified enough for that, they want someone with a college degree, I just feel as though, this is as far as I can go.”

Your heart almost breaks.

“Forget about the qualifications, do you think you can do the job?”

He looks down “I know I’m perfect for the job….but I’m scared and I just feel as though maybe I made mistakes in the past and that maybe I should have gotten a degree then I would be confident enough to apply,” he speaks quickly in a low voice.

And now your hearts broken. You don’t like hearing Jimin doubt himself especially when you know how talented he is.

You slide over to Jimin’s side of the bathtub until there is nothing between you but a few bubbles.

“Look at me Jimin?” You speak. He slowly lifts his head up and then your eyes meet. His eyes give him away, he wants this but his afraid. You know that feeling so well.

“I know you Park Jimin, YOU are better than all those people with all those fancy degrees. I’m guessing a head concept artist will have to manage the team, can the team even function without you?”

He slowly shakes his head.

“Exactly, my degree also involved business management aspects, do you know what that involved, doing business reports and presentations. You have been doing all that for many years. I say if you want it just apply, the only thing you will lose is your time.”

A big smile forms on his face. “You’re right, I’m going to do it.”

“Yeah,” you grin back at him before sneakily leaning in to give him a kiss. When you try to move back a strong pair of arms wrap around you, holding you close.

“You can’t just do that and expect me to let you go.”

“Do you know how wrong that sounds?”

“It only sounds wrong to your dirty mind.”

“I love you Jimin,” you announce proudly. You wish you had more hours in the day so you could show him how much you love him and how much you want to please him. This man is all you need in the world.

Today, you will show him.

So you place both your hands over his cheeks and take in this beauty with your eyes. The crinkles in his eyes, the beautiful shape of his nose, his lips that are calling for you now. You leave your eyes open and kiss him. You watch as his face awakens when your lips touch his. You take in his taste as his lips move along with yours and your body heats up. You want to taste all of him. So you kiss him once more before slowly lowering your mouth from his succulent lips down to the curve of his neck.

“__, are you okay?” He tries to joke but his voice breaks when your lips start to trail downwards across his shoulders. You continue to kiss him all the way down to his firm defined chest.

“Jimin….” You start to say but lose focus when your hands roam up his body and your lips begin to suck his left nipple. (What is possessing you to do this?) His body tenses up, you can feel it beneath your touch. Your mouth moves to his right nipple and you hear a little whimper escape his mouth. That turns you on even more. Pleasing Jimin is your only mission. You want him to cry your name, to beg for more…ah.

You stop abruptly, crazed with lust and take a moment to look at Jimin’s confused composure.

“Jimin…can I….please you,” you breathe not breaking the intense eye contact. He just nods not trusting his voice again and you slide your hand under the water…………

And you feel it, all of Jimin is in your hand. This is something unexpected, you never thought you would miss the feeling of Jimin being between the clasp of your hand.

You look up at him and bite your bottom lip. “Oh my, how I have missed this,” you motion your hand up and down his long shaft.

“Now, you realise that…ah,” he breathes deeply when you begin to smoothly rub your thumb over his tip. You feel him grow slightly between your hand. That only gets you more excited. But you want to see him….play with him…..lick him. (what has gotten into you?)

“Jimin, I wanna taste you,” your heartbeat speeds up and you reach in for a kiss. He grabs a hold of your hair and brings you closer into his embrace. You kiss passionately in the tub as you taste the sweetness of his mouth and the desperation of his tongue as it twirls around yours. You are both lost, all rational thoughts gone out the window. You want each other, you more so want to please Jimin, to have him beg for more. So you move your hand back down and Jimin freezes.

He places his hands on the sides of the bathtub and lifts himself up until his seated on the surface. You look up at him confused and then the side of his mouth twitches up and you look down to view the full glory of his throbbing pink penis.

“Ohh, Jimin,” you giggle. Utterly and uncontrollably horny now.

“I haven’t been the only thing, that has missed you,” he glares at you with fire in his eyes.

You bite your bottom lip and take a big gulp. It’s been so long since you last saw something so beautiful. You place your hand back on him and rotate your hand around him slowly at first and then faster.

“I never realised how beautiful a cock can be until now, Jimin,” you slowly lower your head and lick the tip of him.

“Oh,” Jimin breathes and that turns you on even more. You lick him and let your mouth have your way with him, you lower your mouth onto his long thick dick and just let it take over you. You go up and down, at first slowly, sucking him in.

“Ah, yeah, __,” Jimin moans. And then quickly with such an agency. Then you go down again but this time you don’t stop when you feel him scrape your throat, instead you carry on, feeling him deeper in your mouth. Your eyes well up and you carry on wanting to please him. “Ah, fuckkk,” he moans and that’s when you slowly come back up for air.

“You like that Jimin,” you mouth as you look up to find a very aroused Jimin panting and grinning. He reaches down and places his hand on the side of your face.

“So fucking good, __,” he says in a hoarse voice which causes a tingle between your legs. You are so horny at this point that you are even tempted to just hop on his dick and ride him until tomorrow.

And as if Jimin can hear your thoughts his moves his hands lower onto your breasts and begins to play with them.

“So soft…” he whispers before grabbing you by the arms and lifting you up. You move without any thoughts as he plays with your nipples so intently. Your eyes roll back as you enjoy the wetness of his mouth on your breasts. He devours your hard nipples with his wet mouth and you forget what your name was.

“mHmm,” you moan. Letting the pleasure take over you. You are meant to be pleasing him, you remember so you return your hand back to his manhood and begin to give him a sensual massage.

“I want to try something,” you lean back away from him and reluctantly Jimin listens so he leans back and rests his hands on the surface.

You cover your breasts with your hands and move closer to him. Then you lean down and place your breasts over his penis. You move them up and down covering him. You go slowly at first before picking up the pace. Jimin lets out a little moan and then tilts his head back. His enjoying it, you can even feel him throbbing between your breasts. You carry on moving up and down and then you decide you miss the taste of him again.

“Ahh, __ when did you learn to do this shit, oh fuck,” Jimin lets out when your mouth returns to him. You are too unwound now, all control you had gone. So you suck him in with much more force, only remembering to keep your mouth away from him. His hand lowers to your side, to gently move your hair away from your face but you don’t even notice it as your mouth goes lower into him and sucks him in.

“Oh shit, I’m about…..” and he explodes in your mouth. You watch him as he comes down from his release, his chest moving up and down, sweat dripping down his temple. Eyes on you and then you swallow.

You have never swallowed before, you didn’t think you would do it now but something just compelled you to try.

“You have a sweet taste,” you say truthfully. Maybe that means he eats a lot of good food, you don’t know but at this moment as you stare at Jimin watching you astonished at what you just did, you couldn’t be any happier.

[A secret]

Dear Diary,

I have a secret I have been keeping from Jimin, it’s not anything major but I think his starting to suspect me and I don’t know exactly how to tell him.

You hear the doorbell ring and you already know who it is so you hide your diary under your bed and take a deep breath ready to face him.

“I thought you’d be here,” Jimin says entering your old apartment. It looks a lot emptier now.

“I just wanted to get something, I have not been gone that long,” you say lying.

“What are you looking for, maybe I can help you,” he walks in looking at the empty living room then he sees a light in your bedroom and starts walking towards it.

Shit, you left the laptop on.

You rush towards the bedroom, slip in front of him, jump on the bed and slam the laptop shut. (Well fuck, if he didn’t suspect something was up before, he sure as hell is going to think so now.)

You sit up on the bed and force an innocent smile.

“__, is there something you’re hiding from me?” he asks looking more hurt than anything else.

You get up and try to put your hand on his shoulder but he shrugs it off. Maybe you should just tell him… “Jimin I….it’s…..(you can’t do it) nothing,” you lower your head too ashamed to face him.

“I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt __ and not to jump to any conclusions but every now and again you sneak down here for hours on end and you won’t even tell me why, am I asking for too much?”

“no, it’s just…I can’t say.”

“I have told you everything about me….I have shown you everything, I have no secrets from you __,”

Your heart sinks, you want to tell him, but you just don’t know how to.

“I know and please trust me Jimin, it’s nothing.”

“How can I trust you if you won’t tell me why you disappear down here for so long, is there another guy?”

When he says those words, you feel as though a knife has just been placed in your heart. Yes, you were stupid in the past and you regret it every single day but you had thought, you and Jimin’s relationship had moved past that.

“Are you seriously asking me that,” you fume, unable to control your anger. The guilt you had thought was gone building up.

“What else am I supposed to think, it’s not like it hasn’t happened in the past,” as soon as Jimin says it, he wishes he could take it back.

“Ha, that’s a fucking low blow Jimin, GET OUT,” you shout furious now.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” Jimin says.

“I SAID GET OUT,” you begin to push him out of the apartment, unable to control your anger now. And he just looks at you lost, but he listens to you and walks towards the entrance.

“Can we talk about it,” he attempts once more.

“No, I don’t feel like talking, I will stay here for now.” You slam the door and head to your bedroom and slam the door in there before collapsing onto the floor.

‘Fuck,’ you shout before wrapping your arms around your legs and closing your eyes to think. What just happened, how did that even escalate to this point? You breathe in a few times and try to think everything over clearly. Maybe you should have just told him the truth. But does that excuse him asking if you’re cheating? You know you are not, but maybe to Jimin that thought will always be in the back of his mind because of the past. You never speak about it, it’s always awkward when something related to cheating appears on a TV show you are watching or when a celebrities is caught cheating. It’s just something you both try to avoid. Like the big elephant in the room that is always with you both.

But you have had enough of it now, if he doesn’t trust you yet and still questions your faithfulness even to this day then fuck him, you will stay here for now. You were smart to keep this apartment. You agree with yourself and get up from the floor, go to the bed and switch on your laptop.

When everything loads up you end up on the webpage you were on before. The very one that caused you to jump on this bed and slam the laptop shut. Which resulted in this whole argument.

You press play on the video. Suddenly there’s a bitter taste in your mouth. You only wanted to watch a bl drama in peace. Addicted (Heroin) is such a good drama and you just cannot explain how watching two Chinese guys falling in love is so entertaining to you.

That is your secret, lame isn’t it? Oh, one of the guys is being carried and you forget what you were thinking about. You find yourself, giggling and entranced in the show that the hours go by and when you finally reach the end it is so late that you decide just to sleep without having dinner.

The next morning you feel weird, empty even. You check your phone to find no messages. You had expected Jimin to at least text you but nothing. You get ready and luckily you find a few work clothes still in your apartment.

……………

Work is work but today it seems extra tiresome, people are annoying you more easily and your patience is rather thin.

You check your phone again and nothing from Jimin. This only fuels your annoyance of him and the whole situation.

So you decide to tackle the most tedious work that you have been avoiding, you get the files out of the drawers and begin to work. Soon the time begins to fly and before you know it, it is already 8pm. You look out of your office to find only one other person left.

You decide maybe it’s time to go back home.

………………..

Soon you find yourself walking up the stairs towards Jimin’s apartment but now you are tired, angry and hungry. Plus, annoyed that he didn’t even text you once this whole fucking day. The only thing that can save him from your wrath is a miracle.

You open the door and find Jimin sitting in front of the television watching the news.

“You are seriously watching the news and you didn’t even check to see if I was alive or not,” ohh you are fuming today. All the anger you had managed to store up all day long is about to come out now.

Jimin just stares at you then checks his phone. “I see zero messages from you,” he says unfazed.

“Are you serious?”

He stands up and walks towards you. “Why are you so mad, I should be the one angry, are you ready to have a calm conversation now,” he crosses his hands over his chest.

“How can I have a calm conversation when I know you don’t trust me. Do you think I cheat on your every time I’m not with you, did I cheat on you today?”

“Only you can answer that.”

Ohhh, that boils your anger. You reach your hand up about to slap Jimin but his too fast and his hand grabs your wrist. He forces you back until your back slams onto the door and traps you there with both his arms.

“What are you doing?” You push him and he moves aside. You walk away backwards but then you trip on something and land on the floor. Embarrassed now, you freeze not sure what to do?

Jimin comes down towards you and his about to touch you but you smack his hand away.

“Don’t touch me,” you try to move back but he grabs your hips and moves you closer to him.

“If it’s not true, answer my question,” Jimin hovers over you. Without thinking, you reach your hand out again and slap Jimin on the face. This time your hand connects. He grunts and chokes you. You fight him back, with all your power and roll over.

Now you sit on top of Jimin’s body and begin to hit his chest. He instantly grabs your arms and lifts his body up.

“Let go off me,” you shout. But he doesn’t say anything instead he moves your body back onto the floor and his hovers over yours.

Your anger is uncontrollable now, you just want to hit him. You glare at him for a second as he hovers over you, his hands still placing yours in a grid lock and then he does something you never expected.

He leans down and kisses you. With such force and determination that you are taken aback. You feel his lips press onto yours and you don’t move, you try to fight back, to say something but then the hate you had, the anger you were just feeling quickly disappears and you wonder why you were so mad at Jimin in the first place.

And you do the only thing feasible, you begin to kiss him back. His hold on your arms suddenly gone, you wrap your hands around his neck and move your lips in rhythm with his. You feel his wet plump lips move against yours and you melt.

He slowly begins to raise himself with you in his arms and you follow his lead.

“I trust you, completely __, I trust you more than anyone else in this world, forgive me for doubting you,” he passionately kisses you again. A tingle goes down your spine as you take in his apology, his sincere voice and his lips.

You break from the kiss and say “I’m sorry for being a dick, when I snuck off to my apartment I was secretly watching bl dramas?”

A confused face appears. “What’s bl?”

“Boys love,” you say lowering your head. It is silent for a few seconds and then Jimin begins to laugh. You look up at him and his laughing so hard, his head tilted back and his hand is covering his face.

“Is that all, why did you feel the need to hide that?” He finally asks.

You just shrug your shoulders. (Why did you feel you had to hide that?)

“I don’t know,” is all you manage to say.

“Come here, you silly billy,” you snuggle into him as his hands wrap around you.

And just like that, your secret is revealed and the crazy thing is Jimin doesn’t give a shit.

“But seriously, I’m sorry Jimin, it’s just we never talk about anything related to that situation.”

“I know, I trust you completely but it’s just….I try to forget that ever happened.”

You lean back and look up at him.

“I thought that that would be better but it’s not working for me Jimin, it happened and it will always be a part of our past.”

“I know, it bothers me as well.”

“We should change that. Do you know how many cheating jokes I have passed up,” you try to make light of this heavy conversation.

Surprisingly it makes Jimin laugh a little.

“You always know how to make me laugh __,” he leans in and kisses your forehead softly. You close your eyes and feel the touch of his lips. “I did miss your cheating jokes, for some reason that’s your speciality.”

“Oii,” you push him back and start laughing.

“So which jokes didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, how am I supposed to remember them now, oh, wait so do you remember that time we were….”

The funny thing is, you and Jimin’s relationship isn’t perfect. You argue and quickly make up. You have disagreements and sometimes he bores the shit out of you and probably vice versa. There are times when he locks himself upstairs on the roof just painting and you miss him but you respect that that is his time. I think that’s what a relationship is, isn’t it. A fucking rollercoaster ride.

[Jungkook]

“I’m pregnant,” your sister screams over the phone.

“Aw, Congratulations, you and Yoongi really are on it.”

“Shh, we are just like any other regular married couple.”

“hehe, I’m joking, I’m happy for you guys.”

Then there’s silence on the other line.

“Listen to me, I had forgotten about…you know what happened…”

Ah, it dawns on you then, what she means. It’s been a long time since you had the miscarriage and it’s true what they say, you never forget what happened and no matter how much time passes it will always be a part of you.

“It’s fine, honestly, I’m happy for you and Yoongi. I don’t want you to feel guilty about being excited about this baby.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, so how far gone are you now?”

“13 weeks, I’m in the second trimester.”

“Oh, have you had any symptoms?”

“Have I….” And she begins to tell you every single detail about the pregnancy. You listen and make fun of her whenever possible. There’s going to be a new addition in your family and because of that you decide to go shopping and buy the little one a present.

It’s the afternoon and you have already checked out a good number of baby shops but you just haven’t found anything yet. Then you spot an inflatable football, you stop in front of it and stare. For some reason, you can’t quite put your mind to it. Something draws you to this football, so without much thought you decide to purchase it.

And as you’re walking out of the shop you bump into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you apologise.

“__, is that you?” You hear a velvety voice and look up.

“Jungkook,” you mouth stunned. Wow, you want to say, he has more muscles but his still lean. He looks good, hm.

“How have you been, it’s been too long…Can I get you a coffee?”

Woah, your brain is going into overdrive trying to compute whatever this situation is? A part of you wants to say no thanks Jungkook, I can’t but he didn’t do anything wrong and you owe him this much. So you agree and go across the street at the coffee shop together with him.

“You haven’t changed, you know that. Well maybe a little, you look happier,” he says leaning in on the table.

You just smile at him.

“You look good yourself and congratulations on your company going public,” you were reluctant to say that last sentence.

That makes him smile. “Oh, so you have been keeping tabs on me.”

“Jungkook you are all over the news, your company went public on the stock exchange markets and in a few days you become a billionaire. As an accountant if I didn’t know that, I wouldn’t be very good at my job.”

“hmm, true, it still hasn’t sunk in yet.”

“What? That you’re a billionaire now.”

“Yeah, and that I lost you,” he places his hand over yours and you look down at both your hands.

This feels like one of those moments in films when time stops and the next decision the person makes will change their life forever.

………….

“I’m flattered Jungkook but…me and Jimin worked it out and we are together now,” you say sliding your hand under the table.

He just nods his head a few times.

“I understand but you can’t blame a guy for trying one last time.”

You give him an awkward smile then the table becomes silent. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to this, you didn’t want to hurt him again.

“I saw you coming out of the baby shop, are you…” he leaves the sentence hanging.

“Oh, no, it’s my sister, she’s pregnant,” you say reaching inside the bag for the football and showing it to him.

“It looks exactly like the one I got for our (he chokes up)…I’m sorry.”

It hits you then why you were so compelled to buy this football, it looked like the one Jungkook had gotten for your baby. When you had lost the baby you had been such a mess that it took until you were back at your sisters to call him and tell him. To be honest you don’t know how he had taken the news, he had listened as you said what happened and that was it. You had tried to call him a few times but you could never reach each other. One thing you feel shitty about is not telling Jungkook in person.

“I’m sorry Jungkook, I should have told you what happened in person.”

“Don’t worry about it __, it’s in the past now.”

And for some reason you believe him or you want to believe him. You talk for a few more minutes about lighter subjects and then as you are leaving the café Jungkook says.

“Don’t be a stranger now.”

“I won’t, good luck with everything Jungkook.”

“You too __” he says before he turns away and starts walking the opposite way. He doesn’t turn around once but just carries on walking away. You watch him getting smaller and you already know that this will be the last time you will see him. It feels like you are finally closing that chapter in your life.

[Fifty shades of Jimin]

In your heart and mind you are now finally ready to do it with Jimin. How he has waited this long is beyond you but it makes you love him even more that he has. And what better day to do it than today.

Jimin is going to be presenting and demonstrating the new game to the world. He took a chance and applied for the head concept artist job and he got it. That also meant he had a raise in his salary which is good because he spoilt you a little bit or at least he tried to but the concept of someone else buying something for you when you have your own money is still new but you are getting better at accepting gifts from him.

“Let me help you Jimin,” you walk towards Jimin with nothing on but a matching baby pink bra and panties and help him to finish buttoning the few remaining buttons on his shirt.

“Today, is a big day, I don’t want you to have to do anything,” you grab his favourite tie and put it around his neck.

“I’m proud of baby, you did it,” you finish with his tie and bend over to get the small box containing a new pair of cufflinks.

“I got these for you, it’s always been a dream to buy these,” you say putting the yellow diamond cufflinks on him.

“You have such weird dreams,” he lifts you up onto the dresser.

“Thank you, for being my rock,” he stares deep into your eyes and caresses your cheek with his hand before his thumb presses up to your lips.

“What would you say, if I said I wanted us to be together forever,” he says and you try to look for a hint of a joke on his face.

“I would say forever is only for teenagers,” when you say the words you instantly see his face changing.

“We don’t know what the future holds to promise each other forever but I will say, right now, I love you more than anything else in the world and I can’t see myself spending my days with anyone else.”

“Basically, you’re saying forever.”

“Yes!”

“But in a more poetic way.”

“Yes!”

“Is it to late to take back my forever?”

“You fucking shit,” you push Jimin and giggle.

“Let me put on my dress,” you hop off the dresser and grab your dark blue dress or the black and yellow dress.

“Which one do you prefer?” You ask showing Jimin both the dresses.

He tilts his head to the side. “The yellow one, it brings out the colours of your eyes,” you look at the dresses again, not trusting his opinion but in the end you choose the black and yellow dress and as you are zipping your dress up you turn to Jimin.

“Can you help me out please,” you ask pointing at the dress.

“Sure,” he comes over and helps to zip up the dress. “You look stunning, __,” he twirls you around before planting a quick peck on your lips. You blush.

Then brush his lips with your finger once, removing your red lipstick.

You finish getting ready together, it’s fun. You can tell Jimin is a little nervous about going on stage but you do everything you can to help him relax and get comfortable.

------------------

When you arrive at the conference, you and Jimin are instantly separated. He has to go backstage and prepare everything and you are left in the waiting area with the other guests. Luckily you meet one of Jimin’s friends that you met before and you end up talking whilst you wait to take your seat.

When you do finally find your seat and the lights go down. Jimin appears in front of everyone at first introducing himself and then he begins to talk about the game.

You have heard him give this speech a million times already but there’s something about watching him there on the stage with such confidence and charisma that leaves you in awe. It’s as if he changes and becomes someone else when his in front of an audience. Commanding their attention and drawing them in not only with his enchanting voice but also with his eyes.

You watch in amazement at this person who stole your heart and you try to imprint this moment in your mind. Taking a million mental pictures, so it lasts forever.

When Jimin finishes the demonstration, the best part begins and people start to ask him questions. He answers all of them perfectly. Even though you are not a serious gamer, after that presentation you would consider playing it.

“How was it?” Jimin asks when you finally see him.

“Ah, you were amazing, you killed it,” you almost scream whilst giving him a big hug.

“You’re not lying?”

“You know me, if you were awful I would tell you, even I want to buy the game.”

“I’m happy, I feel such a rush,” he moves out of the hug and holds your hand.

“Do you mind going somewhere with me?” He asks.

You look around the hallway, most people have already left the place, you waited a while whilst Jimin greeted and made introductions with a few heavy weights the gaming industry.

“Okay, where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise,” he winks at you so perfectly.

“See, I knew you could wink,” you bump him on his shoulder as you walk hand in hand. Watching Jimin like that today has stirred something in you that was already about to burst. You turn at him and your eyes gravitate towards his shirt without a tie now and three buttons undone.

‘Fuck, I hope wherever his taking me is private because I don’t think I can control myself much longer,’ you think as you walk towards his car.

----------------

“Nice to see you again, Mr Park Jimin,” the doorman says as you enter the 10 storey building. You bite the tip of your finger and stare at Jimin as he greets the well-dressed man.

You don’t know what’s come over you but there’s something different about Jimin today, the way his acting, the way he keeps looking at you, you can’t quite put a finger on it just yet but you know you will figure it out soon, Jimin can’t keep a secret to save his life.

“__, let’s go up I want to show you something,” he slides his fingers in between yours and a shiver goes down your spine. Even after starting a fresh and still going strong for 9 months the feeling of Jimin’s soft hand weaved into yours still gives you butterflies.

You get in the empty elevator and turn towards him so you can get a better look.

“What are you up to Jimin,” you whisper slowly tracing your fingers down his blushed cheek across to his oh so kissable lips that he parts and your finger slides in.

His wet tongue flicks at your finger a few times and you let out a quiet moan which only results in making him laugh.

You ignore him and remove your now wet finger from the grasp of his teeth and move south past his chin gripping his neck with one hand. To which he throws his head back and rolls his eyes.

Your finger trails downwards feeling every inch of his exposed skin from the parting caused by the three buttons undone on his white shirt.

“These three little buttons have caused me a lot of pain,” you lean in and smell the arousing fragrance coming from him before placing your red lips on his collarbone.

You can’t help yourself, he looks so good today in that white shirt. Even his matching black trousers and belt are tempting you so much. But then a mischievous thought occurs and you remove your lips and take a step away.

You play with the loose strands of your hair that are in an updo and pretend to straighten your long thin spaghetti strapped black and yellow dress.

“Ah, why did you stop?” he groans returning his head back down and practically giving you dagger eyes.

You just shrug your shoulders. You love to tease Jimin, it just gets him all worked up plus it’s hilarious.

“__, you’re going to regret this,” his says wrapping his arms around you and snuggling his head on your neck.

The elevator door suddenly opens.

“To the left,” Jimin says with his hands still wrapped around your waist.

“Where exactly are you taking me?” you ask following his directions.

“I wanted to show you an investment of mine, the old tenants moved out and we just had it renovated,” as he says the last word he trips on something and you can’t help but laugh at him.

“You are such a klutz,” you say.

“You have such a chortle laugh,” he crosses his arms.

“What is a chortle laugh Jimin,” you try to change your laugh.

“Now it sounds like a windshield cleaner.”

“Liar, my laugh is cute,” you try to pinch his sides but he steps away.

“Riight,” he mocks finally opening the door at the end of the corridor.

He steps in first and when you follow after your mouth almost drops to the floor. The space in the living room alone could fill your whole apartment. Of course the first thing you notice is the massive flat screen TV, then the white expensive looking sofa’s around it. There is glass everywhere, even the doors are made of glass. The chandelier lights up the room beautifully you note.

“This is yours?” You ask still in awe.

He grabs your hand again leading you further into the room. You notice the large table on the side. A person could host a dinner party of 16 people or more on that thing. But then your eyes are drawn in by the grand black piano. Enchanted you walk towards it and feel its smooth texture.

“Do you play?” you ask as Jimin sits down on the piano and presses the same key a few times.

“A little bit, come sit down,” he moves over and then starts playing the notes to something that sounds like 'Tomorrow' by BTS. You haven’t played the piano in a long time but it must be like riding a bike. Once you learn, you never fully forget.

“I know this song,” you watch the lightness of his feathery fingers move along the keys and listen as each note takes form and makes a beautiful melody. But you can tell that it’s still missing something.

You close your eyes and listen to the flow of the music and when you find an opening you press a key on the piano and open your eyes again. Jimin is smiling at you whilst still playing. You look down at your fingers and try to remember the feel of the song. Then you hit the keys and try your best to play along with Jimin. At first it is almost out of tune, as his going too fast and you, too slow but when you stop trying to make the song sound like the original the magic truly begins.

You start to draw from Jimin’s last note, completing where he left off and he begins to add to your melody, bridging the gap between you and forming a connection not only with the song but with each other. You feel the intensity each time he presses the key that meets yours. In this unexpected form you play as one. Creating this beautiful melody together you turn to him when you feel the song coming to an end. He in turn turns to you and in those few seconds as your careless fingers play the piano. You experience something more than ecstasy but a feeling similar to floating together into a blissful happiness.

“Wow,” you say but as soon as the last syllable leaves your mouth Jimin’s lips are on yours. Hard, with much force. Hungry yearning for that connection again you kiss him back just as hard. As you feel his hands come to life beneath your skin. His smooth hands caress your back as he brings you closer to him. Before quickly finding their place on your breasts. In a rush he squeezes your breasts through your dress and momentarily you freeze, taken aback.

“I want you __, right here, right now,” he grunts. Slamming the top of the piano shut and lifting you up effortlessly on top of it.

You make a little sound, shocked at the beast that has become Jimin.

“Fuck you look so good __”Jimin pants coming for your face again placing his lips on yours for a long time before moving away and giving you another seductive look. You try to say something, anything that could make him know how much he is turning you on right now but then he lifts your arm and begins to pull the zip at the side of the dress down.

You gladly wiggle out of the dress and unhook your bra but then it dawns on you that you are sitting on this grand piano in nothing but a pair of panties.

“Jimin I should probably get off….” you curl your toes as Jimin begins to kiss your leg, slowly trailing kisses upwards to your inner thigh. You gasp and arch your back. His lips feel so explosive against your skin.

Your desire for him is growing, any modesty you were trying to preserve is slowly disappearing. You feel his lips closing in on your sweet spot and the desire for his mouth grows. He kisses the edge of your sex once before moving north towards your belly button.

“You fucking tease Jimin,” you breath about to lose it.

“I told you you’ll regret it,” he hovers over your body and licks you all the way up to your bare breast. You arch your back even higher and let out a whimper. His tongue playing a beautiful flicking tune with your left nipple whilst he strums his hand on your right breast. It’s all too much, your senses go into overdrive and pleasure overcomes you.

“Fuck Jimin,” your sex heats up and you try to close your legs. But Jimin notices and lets out a small laugh.

“Is something the matter __” he mocks clearly entertained by your suffering and reaches up to your face.

“Open your eyes __” he commands. You do as you’re told and you see his piercing eyes on you. He slides his hand down your body until he reaches your sweet sensual spot. “Ah,” you moan when you feel his warm touch.

You quiver under his touch still not used to this amazing feeling. He licks his lips as he watches you pant up and down as his hand plays a beautiful melody with your clit.

You grip his arm when it becomes too much but that only results in making everything worse. He removes his hand from beneath your panties before grabbing them on the sides, sliding them off your legs and dropping them on the floor.

“They were becoming such a hassle,” he moans gripping your thighs tight and spreading your legs apart. His eyes never leave your face when he lowers his head between your legs.

“Oh myy umhh….” You weep as his tongue finally makes contact with your sex, you want to tilt your head back but his intense eyes still have a hold on you. So you watch as his tongue grazes your sweet spot too many times that you lose count. He sucks your juices in, then he leans back and places a finger in. Your body quivers and takes in this wonderful feeling before his mouth returns to your sex and begins to ravage you again.

“Oh, yes…I can feel it…I’m about to” you bite your bottom lip and spasm as you feel the build-up coming up. The speed of his tongue quickens and the control of your body declines.

…..

Then he stops.

Everything, his tongue on your sex, his hands on your breasts.

It takes you a few seconds to fully realise what he has done. Why your body is now in this limbo state of needing a serious good release but being denied it.

“AHH, JIMIN WHY?” You scream. Tears almost coming out.

Then he bursts into a fit of laughter, literally the whole room is filled with the sound of his cute little laugh. You cross your legs in agony and lean your head on your hand and just watch as his cheeks rise up and his body moves back and forth in his laughter.

For a moment you forget your pending frustrations and just watch his cinnamon roll. You also accept that this time he got you good.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says after getting his composure back. You sit up and cross your arms under your chest. He stands in-between your legs and pouts his lips. You turn your head away from him pretending to be mad.

“I won’t do it again,” he reaches down and kisses your neck. You let out an annoyed sigh.

“I still haven’t shown you the surprise yet,” he whispers and your head snaps towards his direction.

“What is it?” you ask curiously and trying to act cute. You put your arms around his neck and weave your fingers through his soft hair as he always does.

“Come,” he grins and lifts you up off the piano. You shriek at the sudden movement but then you wrap your legs and arms tightly around him as he leads you to an unknown room.

………

“Close your eyes __,” he whispers when you reach the door.

You listen and close your eyes. Then you hear the door creak and feel Jimin’s body move forward.

“You can open them now,” he says and your heart starts beating fast. You hate and love surprises. You slowly open your eyes.

And you let out an overwhelmed gasp. Your eyes widen as you scan the entire room.

The first thing that hits you is the white bed because it is the biggest thing in the room but then your eyes zero in on the paintings on the wall, all around the room.

Their all paintings of you. One when you are sleeping with your hair all messy but your face calm and peaceful. Every line and stroke drawn with such detail. The next painting you are in, you’re in your workout clothes, your legs are crossed and you are stretching your arms. Here you look calm and focused. He even got the sweat coming down your body in the painting but it looks as if you are glistening.

The colours, the way their mixed in together, it screams perfection. Your eyes are in heaven right now. You let go of Jimin and place your feet on the floor so you can get a better look.

Their a dozen paintings in here, all of you.

“How? When did you get the time,” you say moving closer to another painting of you hunched over your laptop with a stressed look on your face. The way he defines your features, your nose, lips and eyes. It’s flawless.

“Oh my gosh,” you place your hand over your mouth when you see the last painting. You are wearing a white t-shirt, the sun rays are on your hair and you have the biggest smile plastered on your face as you bite an apple. On this painting it’s not just that he got your features accurate but it’s how brilliantly he captured your emotions. You can even remember that day. It was the first day you had woken up early and you had managed to catch Jimin before he left for work.

He had said something stupid as per usual and it had made you laugh.

You look at Jimin then and practically march towards him. Grab his cheeks between your hands and gently pull him close enough to your face that your noses are touching.

“I love the paintings, you are….” You pause getting emotional. You didn’t think such a gesture would affect you so much that you are choking up like this. “Kiss me Jimin,” you whisper with your mouth a few inches from his.

His lips touch yours with ease. Your kiss is wild and uncontrolled. His tongue is in your mouth and you suck it in. Hungry for him, all of him. He lifts you up gently amidst the kiss and leads you to the bed. You lay down onto the bed already naked and watch as he takes off his clothes in a hurry. You wish you could have done that for him but that would have slowed him down and right now you are craving him too much.

Now this perfect man hovers over you naked as sin, you lean in just to feel his body, the firm biceps, the smoothness of his skin. Let the devouring begin you think when you kiss him on the shoulder whilst he sucks on your exposed neck.

Before he leans you back onto the bed and you oblige whilst watching his hands trail down from your lips down to the bridge of your breasts, past your belly button and onto your exposed sweet spot.

You gasp when he hand grazes your pussy.

“I want to make you cum so many times that you will beg me to stop,” he whispers before lowering his mouth on the softness of your breast.

You hold your breath and take in the sensations as Jimin sucks and bites your hard nipples whilst his hands does unspeakable things to your sex. “Oh shit!” you moan. Trying to control yourself.

You feel his mouth leave your breasts and gravitate south. You open your eyes and see Jimin kiss your inner thigh gently.

“Jimin, can we try something?” You stop him. He looks up and you see that his eyes are ready to devour you.

You move your body until its facing the opposite direction of Jimin. And once again you meet Jimin’s beautiful pink penis. It’s already up at attention, which makes you blush. That doesn’t stop you from playing with it, delicately and softly your hand rotate around Jimin.

“Ohh,” you moan. Caught off guard when Jimin’s tongue licks your sex. You had forgotten momentarily that your bodies were facing the opposite directions. So you are facing Jimin’s manhood he is now facing your… “ahh,” you feel his tongue on your clit and your gasp. Why he is so good with his tongue. You moan once more before regaining your focus and flicking your tongue on his tip. Oh, you love tasting him. You soon become hungry for more and your mouth is soon covering his manhood. You wet it with the entirety of your mouth.

“__, whatever you’re doing down there, fuck,” he says in a raspy voice. You please each other simultaneously for a few minutes. Before Jimin grabs you up from under him in a haste and shouts.

“I can’t wait much longer __, I need to feel you.” And feel you, he does. He rubs his cock at your entrance and you watch him intently as the craving your body has for him reaches an all time high.

His teasing you now, he rubs his manhood once more on your entrance and you feel a shiver go down your spine. You are about to shout at him to fucking put his cock inside of you but the only sound that escapes you is a loud pleasurable moan when he finally enters you and your body happily welcoming him back.

The ecstasy you feel in that moment when you become one is unexplainable. He reaches down to kiss you as his dick goes deeper into your body and you moan once more.

He slowly moves out and you moan again and then he moves himself back inside…..he starts off slow, teasing you or himself and then his thrusts become faster, harder…..wilder….All your brain knows how to correspond is to moan and wrap your arms around him.

Then he pulls out of you and lays himself next to you. You follow his body…Unsure what his doing. His hands direct you and you gravitate on top of Jimin facing away from him and lower yourself back onto his dick. It feels so good, so familiar. You wiggle around on top off him.

“Ah fuck, __, you’re such a tease,” he groans holding your hips now. An amused smile appears on your face, you would love to tease him some more but you are too turned on.

So, you do the only thing you can, you ride him into oblivion. You ride up and down feeling his dick deep in you, you are enjoying yourself. You love taking control, setting the pace but then Jimin hands start to wonder and one hand starts playing with your hard nipple, pinching and flicking it and the other moves down to your clit and starts to rub it in a such a vigorous way that body starts to spasm.

This is too much, you whimper. Everything is too much…..”Does that feel good __,” he asks mischievously knowing good and well how much what his doing to you right now is affecting you. His sexy voice doesn’t even help.

He unexpectedly flips you over on the bed. And now his on top of you and you are facing the bed. His still inside you and just by the way his fucking you, you can tell his about to lose it. You slightly lift your bottom up to meet his thrust and he stops for a second, surprised!

You take advantage of that and lean back even more until you are on all fours. That’s when you feel him moving inside of you again. His motions are so in sync with your body that he hits the spot that literally makes your mind go blank. “Oh shit, Jimin…..you found it….” You moan feeling a new sensation every time he thrusts inside of you. Again and again and….

“___, I’m about…” he moans thrusting inside you again.

“A few more seconds Jimin,” you somehow manage to say. “Ah, fuck,” he groans pumping into you hard and fast and then his hand moves under you and reaches for your sweet spot again. You hold your breath as he begins to play with your clit whilst hitting your sensitive spot with his dick.

“I…..love…you,” he moans and he thrusts into you once more before he explodes inside of you and you reach your orgasm.

Your sex tingles excitedly as you feel the pleasure of the climax. You drop onto the bed exhausted and bury your face in the blankets. You hear Jimin collapse next to you.

When you finally recover your senses you turn your head to Jimin.

“What kind of a sex wizard are you?”

“I’m not a sex wizard, just a simple man who has been patiently waiting for the woman he loves.”

You bury your head in the blankets shy again and then you feel a liquid sort of substance between your legs. You move your hand down to feel it and then you smack Jimin.

“You really cumed inside of me.”

“I’m sorry,” he pouts and makes that cute puppy face.

You get up and heard to the bathroom to clean yourself up. If you hadn’t gone on the pill and both of you hadn’t been tested and had come back all clean you might have been angry but you are smarter now.

You heard back into the bedroom and look at the paintings again.

“You really went all out to get laid,” you laugh hopping back onto the bed.

“I had to make use of all make my cards,” he pulls you into him.

“And I still don’t think I have used them all up just yet,” he leans in ready for round two.

You would like to say that you put up a fight but in all honesty you didn’t. You let Jimin fuck you again and as a result it was a VERY entertaining night.

-------------------

The sound of a bang wakes up the morning. Your body feels sore but surprisingly you are happy as can be. When you open your eyes a wide smile crosses your face. Everything that happened last night replays itself in your mind and you wish to just lay there and relive it all. It was that incredible.

You turn over expecting to see Jimin still asleep on the other side of the bed but it’s empty. You conclude that the sound that woke you up was probably Jimin leaving to get something.

Still tired you force yourself to get out of bed and freshen up in the morning. You need breakfast, you are ravished.

With your eyes half opened you enter the bathroom and spot an unopened toothbrush. You use that to brush your teeth as your eyes open and close. After that you splash water on your face a few times. That does the trick to wake you up. You then look at the mirror ready to sort out your messy hair.

That’s when you see it.

The ring on the fourth finger on the left hand. The diamond is so big it almost blinds you, okay I don’t know why I’m joking at a moment like this. But THERE IS A DIAMOND RING ON YOUR LEFT HAND. On the finger that's supposed to be reserved for a person’s engagement and wedding ring.

“JIMIN,” you shout his name too frazzled to even try and understand the meaning of this.

“Jimin,” you walk out of the bedroom and down the hallway until you are met with red rose petals on the floor. What the!

Mouth open you slowly follow their trail until you see Jimin standing there beautiful as ever surrounded by red rose petals shaped as a heart.

For the first time, you are lost for words, you are just full of emotions and shock.

So you just watch Jimin walk towards you. His eyes welling up as well. You can sense that he is nervous.

“Did you sleep well?” he asks in a shaky voice holding your hand and rubbing the finger with the ring on it.

You just scrunch your nose, tears filling up.

“You mean the world to me __, every moment I spend with is the happiest moment of my life. I didn’t know this type of love existed until I met you,” he pauses and then goes down on one knee.

Ohh, this is really happening..

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to be your protector, your lover, your friend and your confidant. Will you marry me?” He asks the question you have heard a million times on the television but you never in a million years imagined it would be said to you. It’s not the fact that the question is being asked its the journey, the bond between two people that has been built and ultimately lead both of you to this moment.

There’s only one answer in your heart.

“Yes! Jimin, yes, I will marry you,” you finally find your voice and as soon as Jimin hears those words he gets up on his feet and gives you the tightest hug.

“Yes…so you want to be my wife,” he leans back and looks at you, eyes full of emotions.

And a happy tear finally escapes your eye and rolls down your cheek and you nod in agreement.

“I want to be your wife, Park Jimin,” you answer overjoyed.

If you could capture a single moment in your life it would be this moment right here. When you are utterly and blissfully happy. Happy for the time you have spent together and also happy for the years you will have together in the future. To think you were just a girl who moved to the city for a job, you really had no idea what lay ahead of you.

Even now, as you celebrate the new beginnings with Jimin, the future is still a mystery but you are excited go through it as long as you have Jimin with you.

[THE END]

^

^

^

[Your 88th birthday]

“Stay still __, I’m almost done,” Jimin peaks from the canvas and looks over at his muse once again.

You are 88 years old now, my how time flies. You have lived a long and fulfilling life, you have had four children. Three boys and a girl. Who knew Jimin would want a big family. You watched them in their diapers crawling to saying goodbye as they left for university and now you are already a grandmother. You watch now as two of your children take over and successfully run the accounting firm you started many years ago.

“You get slower as the years go by Jimin,” you shout at him.

“And you get snappier,” he responds. You let out a laugh. Very much grateful for all the decades you have spent together with Jimin. You have really watched each other grow old. Watched as the grey hairs appeared, your bodies changed and your minds became wiser.

“There done,” he announces. You slowly get up from your chair and walk over to where he stands.

Then you see the painting he made and it still warms your heart just as it did when you were younger. Maybe more so now because each stroke is made more meaningful because of the time you have spent together.

“You have always known how to capture my heart Park Jimin,” you say at last.

 [THE END FOR REAL NOW]

--------------------------

I'm crying, I can't believe I have finished this story. From where it started and the reason why I started to write this story to the development of y/n, Jimin and Jungkook and everything that has happened. I can't believe it has come to an end. I honestly, had a lot of fun writing this and I can't believe it took almost a year to finish the story.

From the bottom of my heart thank you everyone who took they're time to read the story. Since for me it is the first fanfic I wrote and it ended up being this long. It's crazy to me in a sense when I think that someone's going to read the words that I have written and exciting when you guys leave a like as I know that you are enjoying it.

[memsmedic1]

A different part of Asia 05/29/17-07/01/17

Back in February, just after the Iraqi army and coalition forces had liberated eastern Mosul from ISIS and initiated the West Mosul offensive, I had contacted the Academy of Emergency Medicine (AEM), a Slovakian NGO, and requested information on what was required to volunteer with their organization. I sent in the required documents, but not a peep did I hear back from them afterwards, so I figured that it was a no go- plus I am so busy with M-EMS that I didn't think I would be able to volunteer with them even if I was accepted. So I was completely taken by surprise when on Thursday the 25th, on our second to last day of EMR training in Myawaddy I received an email from AEM stating that not only had I finally been checked and approved, but that if I was available there was currently an urgent need for medics to treat escaping civilians as well as the soldiers fighting ISIS. The only problem was that I knew I wouldn't be able to take that much time off on such short notice so I didn't even get my hopes up. However, the month of June was when we had planned to teach a large EMR course up in northern Myanmar, and because of multiple setbacks in that area we were forced to cancel. So now we actually did have an entire month where we weren't scheduled for anything major. When I mentioned the opportunity at our post-training team meeting on Friday, Myanmar EMS was excited about the prospect and volunteered to sponsor my time to make the mission happen pending finalization of a couple of scheduling issues with the AREMT. So now I was excited! I spent an agonizing weekend not knowing what I was going to do, but finally Sunday night we received the confirmation that assured I would be able to go! Monday the 29th I purchased my ticket and started getting packed. Tuesday morning though I woke up and found an email canceling my ticket with no explanation so I had to quickly go through the entire ticket finding process again and was able to find a replacement that wasn't too expensive and only pushed my flight back by one day. (Which is amazing because for some reason there aren't too many flights headed to Iraq!) Thursday, June 1st I woke up super early to make it to the airport on time for my flight. Some of my team were traveling to Thailand to take care some banking business (Myanmar's banking system is Byzantine) and show our school property to a potential buyer so it worked out perfectly for them to drop me off at the airport on their way. The first leg of the journey went from Yangon out over the Bay of Bengal, straight across India, and over the Persian Gulf to Doha, Qatar. The airport sits right on the water and the end of the runway is actually a seawall so I felt like we had taken a wrong turn and were on final approach to Saint Martin before we actually landed and I could finally see that we were in the middle of a sandstorm that was partially obscuring my view of the skyscrapers and sand dunes! Inside the airport everything was extremely plush and lavish, there's an entire mall inside with every exclusive retailer in the world seeming to have a storefront. There's Mercedes, Ducati, and Lamborghini showroom models for sale and raffle scattered around, and if you're interested you can buy gold bars or coins in any of the jewelry stores! After a 3 1/2 hour layover, I boarded another almost empty flight that flew me northwest over the Persian Gulf towards Mosul and ISIS. The destination for this flight is Erbil, the capital city of Iraqi Kurdistan, a fully autonomous region in northern Iraq about 90 km from the city of Mosul and a major staging ground of the Battle for Mosul that has been underway now for the better part of a year. At first after crossing into Iraq the terrain was flat, bone dry, and arid desert, but the farther north we flew the more rugged and mountainous it became. Eventually I started to see trees on the higher hills and finally we started flying over snow covered mountains! Shortly after leaving the mountains behind we began to prepare for landing. Instead of beginning our descent a couple hundred miles away from our destination, we remained at nearly cruising altitude until we flew over Erbil. Then the pilot flew in a figure eight pattern while dropping us down towards the runway. We descended so fast that I felt like I was training for a trip to the space station while nearly levitating under my seatbelt! In the airport I went through customs and then took a shuttle to the civilian meeting point where I was picked up by Oliver and Sven, who run AEM operations in Iraq. After introductions they took me to their main base in Erbil. This is in what used to be a very nice mansion but it's been neglected for a while now and is surrounded by mostly abandoned and run down compounds. After we got there I was introduced to Monir, another paramedic who had arrived last night. Oliver gave us an orientation talk and then we went to the market to buy whatever gear we didn't already have with us. By this time it was 0130 for me with time change so I went to bed. In the morning we loaded up and met with Pete and Walter from Global Response Management to form a convoy on the 90 km drive to Mosul in Nineveh province. I was even allowed to drive one of the Toyota hiluxes in the convoy! After leaving Erbil we drove northwest through the desert passing countless checkpoints and places in the road where at some time either a large dirt berm had been across it and recently bulldozed through or where the road had been mined and the craters filled in with dirt. The closer we got to Mosul the more damage there was. Houses completely riddled with holes, burned out, or with blast damage. Finally ahead of us we could see the smoke over the city and as we stopped at the last checkpoint before crossing the floating bridge over the Tigris River we could hear the fighting. After arriving in western Mosul we stopped along the side of the road as refugees flowed by going in the opposite direction, a Predator drone circled overhead, and one of ISIS' Dushka heavy machine guns intermittently barked out strings of epithets a half mile to our left. We had stopped in this prime location for our mandatory security briefing:...Don't talk to the jihadi's...don't get shot or exploded...Don't run outside and wave at unidentified drones...If there's a problem run in that direction... Etc. Afterwards we struck off towards the Iraqi Special Operations Forces (ISOF) forward operating base 1 and 3, which were combined after they sustained too many losses to operate separately. They are stationed in a couple large abandoned houses just west of the Old City. Along the way we had to drive within 700 meters of ISIS around the outskirts of ISIS controlled Old City. Here we dropped off a truck full of supplies as well as Monir to help reinforce two paramedics and several Iraqi medics who are already staffing this trauma stabilization point (TSP) co-located with ISOF. As the name implies, a TSP is located as close to the fighting as is safe and is where front line injuries come for stabilization so they can survive the trip to various field hospitals located several kilometers farther away from the front where they will receive additional stabilization or definitive care. Then we continued on to ISOF 2's FOB where Walter and I would initially be stationed with a team of several Iraqi medics and two Americans, Chris and James, at a second TSP that AEM is staffing. ISOF 2 is based in an old mosque just southwest of the Old City and had been an ISIS stronghold up until less then 2 months ago when this block was liberated. ISOF are US trained, urban warfare specialists who are engaging ISIS in close quarters, sometimes in hand to hand combat as they work in cooperation with the Iraqi army and the various militias and coalition forces to liberate the maze of alleyways and neighborhoods of Mosul's Old City inch by bloody inch. The challenge that makes this so difficult is that the streets of the Old City are so old that they are too narrow for tanks, Humvees, or even pickup trucks so all the fighting must be carried out via drone or other air strikes or dismounted, on foot. Also, ISIS refuses to let civilians leave the war zone and tries to shoot anyone who does, currently holding approximately 180,000 civilians (6/2) as hostages for their own enjoyment and as human shields, preventing coalition forces from simply razing the entire area to the ground. We threw our gear into the library aka bunk room and started introducing ourselves to the ISOF medics who were there at the moment. Before we even finished this our first patient came screeching up to the front gate in the back of a Humvee. An old man had been attempting to flee the Old City with his family when he was spotted by a sniper and was shot in the flank which also fractured his pelvis. We quickly stabilized him as much as possible and then called up one of the ambulances donated by the WHO and staffed by local volunteers to transport him to the hospital. It is amazing how all the civilians here in the neighborhood around the TSP and in all the liberated areas, many of whom escaped from the Old City only within the last week or two, are attempting to pick up their life where it was interrupted by ISIS. While many houses have been completely destroyed and thousands of homeless people are making their way to relatives homes or the IDP camps, even more are staying behind to begin the daunting task of rebuilding their lives and city. Some people are opening up their market stands and other businesses again, others are repairing damaged buildings and plastering over bullet holes, and city employees are repairing water, power, and sanitation infrastructure and clearing away as much of the rubble as possible. There are IED's camouflaged everywhere in the liberated areas, as well as unexploded ordnance, broken glass, disabled vehicles, and craters in the roads either from air strikes or IED's. Many roads are still barricaded on purpose to deter ISIS from driving their never ending supply of VBIED's (vehicle-borne improvised explosive devices) past the siege of Iraqi and coalition forces and into the liberated areas of the city. At first our patient volume was fairly low with just a few soldiers per day and the majority being civilians. The most common civilian problem was symptoms resulting from observing Ramadan which is from May 26 through June 24 this year- dizziness, weakness, tiredness, syncope, and kidney failure from not eating or drinking all day and then eating loads of salt and sugar at night. During the day the temperature rises to 115-119 degrees Fahrenheit and everybody is chronically dehydrated. Next most common problem is injuries resulting from exploding IED's- burns, shrapnel, head injuries, soft tissue injuries, "danglies", and amputations. Anywhere ISIS occupied for any length of time (all of Mosul) is infested with ingeniously disguised explosives. Candy bars, coke cans, toys, microwaves, refrigerators, faucet handles, livestock (we saw both a chicken bomb and a donkey bomb), doorknobs, and pressure plates under the tile floor running to a claymore built into the wall and plastered over are just a few of the items ISIS rigs to explode when families try to return home. Every day the sounds of the fighting echo in the background of everything we do. The sharp ringing and cracking of small arms fire that occasionally sends a bullet ricocheting off the wall of the mosque, deep heavy whumping of coalition air strikes and ISIS mortars, brrrrrrrrrrrping of A-10 Warthogs strafing insurgent positions, and the chest resonating kaboom of the occasional VBIED that would cause the curtains to jerk and the doors to shake and send up a massive fireball into the dusty sky became so normal that we hardly noticed them any more. After 10 days of working at ISOF 2 being on call 24/7 Walter and I took our truck and convoyed with Oliver and Sven back to Erbil to rest for a couple days and bring back supplies for the TSP's. In addition to sleeping and washing clothes we enjoyed exploring the city of Erbil which happens to hold the distinction of being the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world! You could probably say that we were all pretty exhausted and happy for a respite from the constantly "switched on" mode of the front but occasionally it went too far. One day while we were back in Erbil a huge shipment of medical supplies arrived at the airport for us and Oliver and Sven went to pick it up with one of the trucks and a cargo van. Unfortunately it was stuck in customs and wasn't accessible that day so they came back home. After getting back they realized that they had both ridden back in the truck and forgot the van at the airport! That very next day Monir, who had come back a day after me from the other TSP for a quick break also, went to get food from a great little restaurant close by and not only could he not find the shop, but when he walked back to where he thought the truck was parked it was gone! After frantically searching for it everywhere without success he got a taxi back to the house and told Oliver. Oliver and Sven took the keys and went to do a quick drive-by before calling the police and found the truck sitting nicely parked and locked within sight of the restaurant! After the break when we returned to Mosul Walter and I were assigned to staff ISOF 1 and 3 along with Monir, a paramedic named Anthony who was the team leader and a nurse named Steve, because two paramedics from Australia had arrived to volunteer for a while and were placed at ISOF 2. The Australians were very friendly and fun to hang out with. They were super health oriented and tried to work out on the roof of the mosque two or 3 times per day. It was extra funny because after just 2 days they both got violently sick from the food or water or both and had to go back to Erbil for a while to recover! Working at ISOF 1 and 3 came with a couple perks. For one, the ISOF medics here weren't as incompetent and tried to be proactive when treating patients. For another, there's a kitchen and a cook here so food doesn't have to come from ISOF headquarters! Only downside is that we have to keep our heads down behind the low wall on the flat roof because ISIS snipers have a clear line of sight to this position. On Wednesday the 14th ISIS rushed the front line and launched a counterattack with 7 VBIED's and approximately 100 men. At least 23 ISIS (aka Daesh) were confirmed killed and the rest were pushed back into the Old City. Casualties were plentiful and were divided up over several TSP's. On Sunday the 18th the Iraqi army and coalition forces officially announced a new assault on the Old City after almost a week of fighting at a standstill. This lull had occurred because one of the regiments of the 9th division had become bogged down while clearing their assigned section of the the Old City and everyone else had to stop their advance and wait for them to catch up again. Because there are so many players assisting in the Battle for Mosul, there are huge variances in training and proficiency and effective communications between everyone is sometimes lacking. Now that everyone is back in place the Iraqi army is confident that this is the "final chapter" in the Battle for Mosul that has been dragging on for almost a year. On the 22nd we woke up to discover that during the night the 844 year old Great Mosque of al-Nuri, from which Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi had announced Islamic State's so called caliphate on July 4, 2014, had been blown up by retreating jihadists. 😥 The Great Mosque is where the world-famous 148 foot tall leaning al-Hadba (the hunchback) minaret had been before it was also destroyed. Our TSP had been close enough to this piece of history that we could clearly see the black flag of ISIS flying at its peak. As the coalition continued gaining back ground from Daesh our TSP's at ISOF's forward operating bases started getting farther and farther away from the front line, which meant that anyone injured in the fighting had a longer way to come to reach medical care. So one day Oliver, Sven, and I went to find a new building to use as a stabilization point. After driving down the main road a little over a mile we found a water purification facility with a walled compound that would work great for us once it was de-mined. Unfortunately, the very next day it received several direct hits from a 120mm mortar and was completely destroyed. We then made contact with the 16th division of the Iraqi army who had a small first aid station set up in a carpentry shop a couple hundred yards further back from the water plant. They had three army medics working around the clock treating dozens of soldiers and over 150 civilians per day with almost no supplies. When Oliver asked Major Ahmed if we could bring in some medics and supplies to work with them the Major almost started crying. So starting the next day AEM started staffing medics at 16th division including myself, being sure to keep some volunteers at ISOF 2 and ISOF 1 and 3 to maintain coverage. Although some civilians just can't take it anymore and try to escape before the army recaptures their house or street most wait because one of the things ISIS enjoys the most is shooting men, women, and children in the back as they try to escape. Those who are liberated or make it to the Iraqi lines and searched and questioned and then walk down the road right past our TSP on their way to a family members home or an IDP camp. If they were shot or wounded by an IED on their way out of the Old City we would treat them and send them to the hospital via ambulance. There were also many patients with old injuries that we would assess and clean, and we treated hundreds of patients with life threatening dehydration. When the civilians were uninjured, we would simply greet them as they walked by, celebrating with them if they were happy and consoling them if they were sad. And there was always work to do assisting other humanitarian agencies in passing out food and water to the starving, malnourished children and their families. If the TSP was relatively quiet we would sometimes go and pick up loads of elderly, sick, or injured civilians in our ambulances or the large open freight trucks that the UN funded NGO 'Muslim Aid' uses to haul in food and water for the refugees passing our TSP and haul away dead bodies. This helps take some of the load off the Iraqi army who have evacuated hundreds of the injured on their armored Humvees either sitting or lying on stretchers tied to the hood. On the 23rd our position was overrun with overzealous reporters who had found out about our TSP and all the refugees fleeing down our road as the army pushed in opening escape routes and were trying to get stories. We banned them from the critical patient side of the carpentry shop and kept on working as best we could. After an hour and a half however, we began coming under mortar fire and all the journalists quickly started leaving. The army intelligence officers who worked with us at the TSP sniffing out disguised Daesh and their families discovered that one of the reporters had been hosting a live news broadcast and ISIS had used it to work out our location. Those reporters won't be coming back. They quickly called in coalition air support to locate the source of the offending projectiles and after several air strikes that were close enough to set off car alarms and rattle all the metal doors up and down the street everything was back to normal. Across the Tigris in east Mosul, which has been a liberated and semi- functional city for the past 5 months, three suicide bombers blew themselves up in a residential neighborhood in retaliation for the increased pressure they are feeling from the offensive, killing 5 and injuring 19 others. The next day on the 24th Major Ahmed received intel that we had a suicide bomber of our very own who had made his way through the army lines disguised as a cripple and was targeting our TSP. We quickly shut everything down and went to evacuate when Monir realized that he had lost the truck keys! We waited for several tense minutes until Pete arrived from ISOF 1 and 3 and we all piled into the back of his truck and called it a day! A total of 5 suicide bombers infiltrated the city that day and later that night we were woken up to care for some of their handiwork. On the evening of the 25th I was just relaxing after a suspiciously quiet day when I started hearing shouting and extra shooting and then convoy after convoy of Humvees, MRAPS, and M1 Abrams tanks screaming past the TSP away from the direction of the Old City. When I went up to the roof and looked around the entire city to the Southwest of our position was nothing but smoke and fire and shooting. It turns out several dozen Daesh had slipped past the Iraqi army's siege around the Old City through a series of "rat holes" (holes punched through the walls of interconnected houses as well as subterranean tunnels) and launched a massive surprise counterattack after popping up just on the the other side of ISOF 1 and 3 where I had been working that day. They lit houses and cars on fire and then began fighting their way back towards the Old City and us attacking Iraqi and coalition positions from behind. For a couple hours we were within line of sight of the new front line and I could see ISIS muzzle flashes and angry red tracers cracking through the air past the TSP. As you can imagine we were busy that night as panicking civilians tried to evacuate and fled in all directions without rhyme or reason, some fleeing east toward the Old City and some west towards the new offensive with cows and flocks of sheep and goats all mixed in. After the army got organized and started pushing back the offensive quickly crumbled and by midnight victory was declared although there was a thorough house to house mop-up in the morning. The last 3 jihadis involved in the counterattack who weren't killed barricaded themselves in a house holding a family of 14 hostage. After an 18 hour standoff 2 ISOF snipers were able to get in position to shoot two of them and the third was overpowered by his hostages. Before the army could move in the family opened the front door and tripped a claymore placed by the 3 Daesh to deter an attack on their position. Five family members were rushed to our TSP in critical condition and after doing what we could to stabilize them they were transferred to Mosul General. On June 29th, my last day in Mosul, the Iraqi army recaptured the destroyed Great Mosque where the iconic leaning al-Hadba minaret had once stood. This was met with great happiness by Iraqi army and citizens alike as a symbolic victory over ISIS in Mosul. That afternoon I had to tell all the medics and soldiers I'd lived and worked with for the past month goodbye, then I left Mosul and drove back to Erbil to clean up and pack so I would be ready to leave the next morning. In Erbil also I had to say goodbye to many friends that I had met and spent time with over the last month. Afterwards Sven dropped me off at the airport and after barely catching my flight I flew back to Doha, Qatar, and then on to Yangon, Myanmar arriving at six o'clock in the morning on July 1st. Volunteering in Mosul for this month was an amazing experience, making lifelong friends and memories. Even though there were so many sickening and twisted things happening while I was here I was able to help a little and make a difference for a lot of people and I am hoping to come back again sometime!

[sundayeveningthoughts]

To Infinity and Beyond

Sunday Evening Thoughts

January 6, 2019

Dear Paul and Rachel,

                                          To Infinity and Beyond

                            In the beginning was the word... John 1: 1:1

       Modern Christian theologians (and ancient ones too I might add!) refer to the Gospel of John as the story of the Cosmological Christ. I think one fun way describe John’s introductory pronouncement “In the beginning…” is how Buzz Lightyear is remembered, “To infinity and beyond!”

       Thus, with Christmas come and gone, these are my observations of our trip to India for Tommy and Monica’s wedding ... to infinity and beyond! 

1. I’ve never been to South Asia, so with some intimidation (mainly fear of stomach disorders), I begin our journey to India. You must be flexible with international travel. Before we even left two months ago, our return flight was canceled. No biggie, just stay another day. But not all folks have that type of flexibility in their schedules as your Mom and I do. Folks working minimum wage jobs are fired for less. The day of departure our departing flight was canceled and rebooked six hours earlier. That wouldn’t work, but at the end of that first day, it all worked out. We got a new flight to London, refunded for the extra leg-room seat I purchased, in addition Mom and Paul got extra leg-room seats for free.

2. Seeing old friends in Frome, Somerset, England, a quaint old English town, was a delightful week break during travels. Frome had their yearly Christmas Tree Lighting with the youth and old folks singing many familiar Christmas Carols. Mom was in heaven with all the old English surroundings, especially our little Hobbit cottage, although I did hit my head not once or twice, but five times! (Damn, I’m a slow learner!) You must be flexible?

3. Thinking we had our India Visas all worked out many weeks ago, we were informed in London’s Heathrow International Airport as we checked-in that was not exactly correct. Still... we solved it — bending, but not breaking.

4. Writing this part in the air on our way to Chennai, India, I am thinking about your little brother Tommy, and his new bride, Monica. I couldn’t be more delighted than to have her as a daughter-in-law! As is typical in much of Hindu thinking, she fully incorporates every aspect of Tommy’s life and cultural background into every aspect of hers. Really, that is the best of description of Jesuit Christian theology — full enculturation. In other words, broadening the gospel of love and peace, not limiting it to simply a Western philosophy of dos-and-don’ts. A little historical note: the Jesuit’s got smacked by the Vatican in the 16th and 17th C for their enculturation of Hindu thinking into their philosophy in India, Buddhism in Korea, and Native American Animist thinking in South America (c.f. the movie The Mission with Robert DeNiro), but if you dig a bit deeper, you discover the Franciscans were jealous and had the pope’s ear. Broad thinking from the Jesuits! 

5. Sitting at the table after dinner with seven others our first night in India, I noticed all of the women refolded their napkins and placed it neatly next to their plates, none of the four men did. Is this natural? Sexist? Or just one of those odd statistical coincidences? What’s the phrase, “correlation not causation?”

6. When a young Bellhop Attendant, a full step below in the hierarchy of Bellhops, asked me for the nth time today, “How are you feeling?” in a clear effort to be nice and friendly, as he had been instructed in his Bellhop Attendant Training Program, I returned the same exact question to him, “How are YOU feeling today?” He was flummoxed, and didn’t know how to answer. Interesting!

7. The tradition of the washing of the feet is as easily understood in India as Israel. It’s very soothing after any excursion! And we had it done twice in India: Once by Tommy and Monica during a puja — a pre-wedding cleansing of the bride and sometimes groom, and again by Tommy only during the wedding. During the wedding it was more detailed: water rinsing, followed by a coconut milk rinsing, then uncultured yogurt, then a dash of ash, and lastly a touch of turmeric. Must keep those puppies smelling good! Sorry, bad joke.

8. The wedding ritual was fascinating and beautiful! So different from any Western wedding experience I’ve seen. First, it lasted three hours — obviously much longer than any Catholic wedding Mass, Protestant wedding service, or civil wedding. The wedding feast lasted another hour plus, with perfect South India cuisine, followed by an hour cocktail party, followed by two hours of dance music, then dinner, and more dancing. Whoo... I was bushed! Yet thrilled to get to know so many new, great Indian guys and gals. 

(Here is a cool video of the wedding and reception compliments of Young Gi Kim, a friend of Tommy and Monica’s)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KnuF_0LGKCpIOFOIDYF7gMIPR_kdfd20/view

9. A hundred feet is a hundred miles. The day after the four-day wedding weekend we returned to center city Chennai and a new hotel — The Raintree. Very classy, modern, and definitely first class — greatly appreciated for the choice. If you can keep a secret, after a quiet, delightful dinner of just Mom and me, and a wonderful $50-bottle of Indian Cabernet-Shiraz from Sula Vineyards to celebrate the wedding and relax, Mom headed off to bed and I went for a stroll. Walking less than a hundred feet, I turned left and walked another hundred feet into a totally different world. Whole families living in 10 x 10 feet clapboarded houses with ten to twelve people, no plumbing, no electricity, and I’d bet no easily accessible toilets. Old people sleeping on the floor, with several little kids sleeping on the small sofa. I bought what I thought was a sealed bag of jalebi (sweet, deep-fried, light pretzels), but it turned out to be very hot-n-spicy potato rings. I gave them away to an old woman begging. Shhh, don’t tell your mom or Monica’s mom I even walked in this neighborhood!

10.   I dreamt about that neighborhood last night (I’m writing this the next day (Dec 11th). I woke up angry that these conditions even exist. The disparity of wealth in the world is obvious in those alleys. Why the disparity? Were my dreams telling me to make an offering to Lakshmi for them — the Goddess of Prosperity and Wealth? Or should I take some of my immense wealth (and everybody receiving this S.E.T. is comparatively immensely wealthy) and give it to Mother Teresa’s group in Kolkata, India The Missionaries of Charity? Or should I give it to your sister’s NGO employer Catholic Relief Services for her work with the displaced Rohingya in Bangladesh? One thing for certain, it is unJust (not a typo)!

11.   Over the years in almost every city I’ve visited, I have tried to jog in it. And center city Chennai was no different. Getting up early several days after the wedding, I joined in a line of dozens of folks I saw running early in the morning. (Note: it’s impossible to run after 8 a.m. — traffic.) I ran to a small park named Panagal Park that had a half dozen well-used, sweaty, pieces of industrial exercise equipment. I used them all and ran back to our hotel, showered, then headed to the airport for our North India tour of Agra, Jaipur, and Delhi.

12.   The flight was almost unremarkable, except for the sneezing, coughing, and typically cheap airline food. About halfway through the flight my stomach whispered:

Stomach: “Yo dude, what have you been doing?”

Brain: “What do you mean? I ate some different, spicy foods, ran in some air pollution on rough roads dodging a few piles of poop — both animal and human, and worked out on sweaty exercise equipment used by tens of thousands people daily. What’s wrong with that? Besides, it’s none of your business!”

Stomach: “Ok man, if you say so, but I’ve been hired to do my job, and I’ve got to start. Watch out!”

Brain: “Oh no, I better get in the lavatory line, pronto. Whew, made it!”

Five minutes pass...

Stomach: “Get back in line, now!”

Seven minutes pass…

Stomach: “Yep, line.”

This continues for three days, and includes no food, touring all over New Delhi (Old City Market), Agra (Taj Mahal), and Jaipur (wools and silks). As I write this section it is Day Five of our North India tour, Dec 15th, and I am 95% better! When I mentioned the need for flexibility in international travel at the beginning of this S.E.T., I forgot this aspect of flexibility. But, “All is good!” Clem Burns.

13.   We are heading to the airport at the completion of our 8-day North India tour. Here are a few uninspirational generalizations: Old City Delhi is crazy busy. Think Times Square squared! But I found Indians are very kind and patient when necessary, as Mom’s foot got stuck on a sharp wired-mesh grate while crossing the street. For a nanosecond, the whole city of Delhi stopped and several bystanders offered assistance. Very kind!

14.   Hinduism is as non-monolithic, as Judaism, Christianity, or Islam. Just as Jews today do not all believe the same tenets — nor in Jesus’ time (just read the four Gospels critically to see that); nor Christians today as exemplified by the theology of Rev. Robert Jeffries at Dallas Baptist Church and Jim Wallis of the Sojourners Community (or ever... remember the philosophical fight between Jesuits and Franciscans over what is means to be a Christian in India in 16th and 17th C (see John O’Malley, S.J. The History of the Jesuits from Ignatius to the Present); nor Muslims in head-coverings philosophy and dress, where it would be an apostasy if you did not wear the full burka in parts of central Pakistan and Afghanistan, but some American Muslim women certainly wear bikinis when on vacation at Nags Head in July (or ever... think of the conflict between Sunni and Shia starting shortly after Mohammad’s death and continuing until today); nor Hindus who, while they have a huge heart for acceptance, some still see some practices as preferable to others. My point is that not all Hindus believe the same, just as Jews, Christians, and Muslims to not either.

15.   India has the sixth largest GNP in the world, but not per capita, a better measurement in my opinion. But I believe India will be a major economic force within a generation. They simply need to control their population growth, which is soon to become the most populated country in the world. Young people in India are becoming more and more educated, especially women. This means they are more in tune with their reproductive health (read birth control). Of course like conservative Catholics and Protestants, rural conservative Hindus also think birth control is wrong for religious reasons; but unlike most conservative Catholics who eventually ignore the prohibition (about 92% and I think it’s actually higher), uneducated Hindu women continue to bear children. Give India a generation, and they will be a very strong economic power.

16.   We’ve visited numerous Hindu temples thus far: some beautiful and new like Swaminarayan Akshardham, with it’s exquisite carvings like the Il Duomo Di Milano in Milan, Italy, but the old Sikh temple in the heart of Old City Delhi that had three priests singing and playing their traditional instruments was nice. I found the singing quite refreshing — much like the Taize’ Prayer Service that Mom and I attend monthly at Christ and St. Luke’s Episcopal Church in Norfolk. Very relaxing!

17.   We returned to Chennai three days ago for a much needed rest-and-relaxation respite. These recent days have been unremarkable except for my journey into the illicit markets. Oh wait, I better explain! We were invited to Raj’s (my son’s new father-in-law) home for dinner one night, so I thought some fresh-cut flowers for his wife Tara and a nice bottle of wine would be appropriate. Having seen many well-stocked wine stores in Delhi, I figured surely Chennai would have them too. Wrong! Chennai does not sell alcohol —  prohibited or just customary I am not sure. Nevertheless, already having a beer at Raj’s house one evening I knew wine must be out there. I step outside our hotel and question an “auto” driver (an auto is a small three wheeled cab that seats two people and the driver, and only goes about 15 mph) where to get local flowers and wine. (FYI: out of a million auto drivers in Chennai, I get the same one I’ll call Guido, with whom I had had a less than stellar experience earlier in the day.)

Guido: “I know where fresh flowers are.” And mentioned he could solve my dilemma.

       We drive several kilometers to a roadside flower vendor friend of Guido’s, but she is only selling jasmine flowers on a string, typically used for ceremonial purposes, and not what I wanted.

A friendly young woman customer was standing at our flower stall.

Friendly woman: “Fresh cut flowers are right around the corner only 20 meters away.”

Guido grunts: “Ugg,” clearly angry at the woman.

       And it was exactly what I wanted — fresh, beautiful yellow and red aromatic roses. Although the vendor did complain about me negotiating, “Damn Americans,” he mumbled in Tamil.

       Next Guido calls Uncle Sal for some wine, but he’s not around, so he takes me down to a cellar of small stores, one of which is selling cheap, gold-plated jewelry, and introduces me to Sonny the Jeweler.

Guido: “Sit here, and I’ll go find you some wine,” Guido insists, as he heads back up to daylight.

Sonny the Jeweler: “Where you from?” Sonny inquires, as he videotapes our conversation on his cell phone.

Me: “America,” I answer, “near Washington, D.C.”

Sonny the Jeweler: “American has Trump,” he remarks, as if it’s a sexually transmitted disease.

Sonny the Jeweler: “You like Trump?” clearly baiting me.

Me: “Not so much,” I respond. “You like Moti?” (The current Indian Prime Minister and a bit of a Hindu Nationalist.)

Sonny the Jeweler: “No,” Sonny laughs, “kind of like Trump.”

We make small talk for another 15 minutes, and I change the topic to wine and liquor.

Guido suddenly returns: “Uncle Vinny has wine, but it’s a 30-minute auto ride. We need to go quickly!”

Immediately my street antennas go up, “Careful Tommy,” I’m thinking.

Me: “Better not Guido,” I casually said, “My family is waiting for me back at the hotel. They’ve been texting.”

Disappointed, Guido gets ready to take off, but remembers,

Guido: “How about homemade vodka and after-dinner liquor?”

Sonny and I had already chatted about local homemade liquors brewed in the neighborhood.

Me: “Why not,” I reason, “You only live once. Let’s go for it!” But only spoke, “Ok.”

Guido: “You sit here in the auto, and give me 1,000 rupees,” Guido remarked, “They will charge you more.” But quickly said, “Better give me 1,500.”

Long story short, Guido returns — with change, and later that night all of the men, and Misha, drank the homemade liquor, and it fact it was wonderful! (FYI: A bottle of local vodka and homemade liquor ended only costing about 1,000 rupees — about 12 bucks U.S.)

18. Go West young man, go West! The sign in the lobby of our motel in Tiruvannamalai in western India says, “Silence is also conversation.” I like that! We are in phase four or five (I’ve lost count) of our journey “to infinity and beyond.” I confess that next to the wedding, this is the part of the journey I am most excited. Why? Raj is from a small village about 10 miles from here named Pudur. Tiruvannamalai is also famous for a large Hindu temple built around 800 CE and dedicated to Shiva. For many Westerners, it is also famous because this is where Sri Ramana settled. He is a well-known yogi in both Great Britain and America. We visited both the temple (with political connections and walked to the front of the two thousand people line) and the Sri Ramana Ashram where Sri Ramana lived. Tomorrow is a full moon, and the Tiruvannamalai temple has a tradition of tens of thousands of people visiting the temple on the full moon in November and December and walking a 14 km trek around a sacred mountain — Arunachala — on which the temple is located and named. We opted for just the temple visit... and delicious, sweet coffee from a small street shop a block away. There is a pleasant, peaceful pawl in this town.

19. Raj told us that when he was a kid his father journeyed from their village, Pudur, into town every four months to sell their excess crops — mainly rice, peanuts, and tobacco. He left in the early evening in his bull-led cart so that he could arrive early the next morning in Tiruvannamalai. Amazing!

20. Pudur is everything I hoped! I admit I am a sucker for the life of yesteryear — but only in a romantic sense, not objectively. Small farm life in India in the late 50’s was not an easy life. Having to sit under a Eucalyptus tree in 112 degrees to study Calculus is not easy, as Raj did for many years when it was too hot at that time of day to work his father’s one-and-a-half acre farm. Yep, you read that correct, his dad’s farm was one-and-a-half acres. My yard is almost an acre! I could describe Raj’s childhood experiences, but perhaps its best to let your imagination run... and you’re close.

21. About ten years ago Mom, Marie, and I participated in the Festival of the Holy Cross in Forza d’Agro in Sicily. In Sicily we simply jumped-in as they marched throughout the little town, stopping every two hundred yards to recite prayers in Latin that no one understood except for me. Tonight is the full moon festival, and according to Wikipedia an estimated 1,000,000 people march in Tiruvannamalai in honor of Shiva. Raj and I walked only 1 km before we stopped by one of the many street vendors. This guy was grinding fresh sugar cane, pouring the remains a few times through filters before serving us the sweet, pure-sugar drink — 15 rupees (about 20-cents). It was a cool, new experience participating in “the million man march.”

22. We returned to Chennai for only a couple of days before we flew to the mountains of India in the Southwest for several days. The highlight of the mountain excursion for me was a tour of a small tea factory 200 yards from our home. Delighted to give us a detailed tour of how fresh tea is processed, the factory supervisor and several of the workers stopped at the end, and we all shared cups of delicious and refreshing lemon tea. Honestly, I’ve never had such a refreshing cup of tea. Quick impression: those dudes and dudettes work their butts off!

23. Heading home... beyond infinity. It’s been a wonderful five weeks, but like most good experiences, they come to an end. Final impression: India is fun and exiting! But remembering the purpose of this trip — Tommy and Monica’s wedding, I am delighted she is part of our family. As I spoke at the wedding, “Monica is bright, beautiful, and balanced.” ... or as I botched the phrase speaking in Tamil, the local language in South India, “Monika romba budhisaali pen, alazzhu-allagu pen, & romba thelivana pen.”

     Have a good week...

     Love,

     Dad

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THE SAGA OF ELIJAH AND GERTRUD: PARALLEL LIVES CHAPTER 4B-2:APART AND TOGETHER I DID IT! I REALLY DID IT!! CH.4 IS COMPLETE! AS ALWAYS, COMMENT  AND ENJOY!!!!!!

“Here we are, kids” The landlord let them in to their new apartment. Elijah was glad the guy was in front of him, for the newspaper ad for this place stretched the truth way too much and Elijah’s smile faded way too fast. The whole apartment was basically one room and not too overly big a room in the first place. The ad had implied that this place came fully finished, but aside from the supplies for the tiny kitchen, the only furniture that Elijah saw, was a single lamp, a lounge chair, a small black & white TV set that was perched rather unsafely on top a step stool. A pair of mismatched lawn chairs and one of those big wooden spools they used to store industry cables turned up served as a makeshift dining set. That was it. In fact, Elijah didn’t even see a major piece of furniture.

“Uh, where’s the bed?” He asked the landlord.

“Right behind the curtain. It’s a Murphy bed. When you want to sleep, just move the chair out of the way and bring it down. In the morning, it goes right back up again.”

Elijah silently nodded. He was wondering what double curtains would be doing in the middle of a wall. He supposed it was some of the storage space the ad boasted about but no. So far, the only closet Elijah had found was the small closet opposite the door.

“Well, I’ve got to go.” The landlord announced, “Your extra keys are on the counter in the kitchen. Goodnight.”

Elijah waited until the door closed before he exploded. “Goodnight! As if he doesn’t know that he’s royally ripping us off!  Gertrud, I don’t mean to be a snob, darling, but I think we should go right back downstairs and demand our money back. We can’t live here! You have to make sure the front door is shut just to find the bathroom! In fact, name me 1 good thing about this place.”

Gertrud who had been arranging their bags in the corner, straightened. “I can name 2, Liebchen. The landlord didn’t ask to see a marriage license and this apartment was available sight unseen.”

“Of course it was available sight unseen! For what idiot would come see this place and knowingly return to buy it?” Elijah raged, “This is way too small. We could never keep a baby in here.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing he or she is not showing up tonight.” Gertrud said sensibly before she walked over to Elijah and took his hands in hers. “All that really matters right now is that we’re together, right?   It’s been an extraordinary long and stressful day, darling, and all I want to is sleep.   Could you please move that chair so we can pull down the bed?”

Elijah had always been a sucker for Gertrud’s prefect blue eyes. He honestly thought that Gertrud could talk him into starting World War 3 if she really wanted to. So, he moved the lounge chair and pushed it up against the wall, next to the lamp. Then he and Gertrud bought down the Murphy bed together or at least, they tried to. It seemed that t he bed was simply too long for the room. The end of it seemed to be struck in the wall between the living room and the kitchen. Elijah went to the edge and tried to push it down by hand. It wouldn’t budge. Elijah got down on his hand and knees to have a closer look. It was shocking to him that the bed was a good 4 or 5 inches off the ground.

“This is just too much! As if the small place wasn’t enough, now they expect us to sleep in an uneven bed? I think we should leave. What do you think, Gertrud? Gertrud? Gertrud!”

Worried when his love didn’t answer, Elijah got up. What he saw drained all his anger and left his heart overflowing with love. For there, on her side of the bed and still fully dressed, Gertrud laid, already fast asleep. It was little wonder, considering the very long and busy day Gertrud had just finished telling him about. They had both been rudely awaken at  6 AM when a nurse came into his room and kicked Gertrud out. Gertrud then walked all the way across town, to the apartment building where he and Gertrud lived with   different roommates under the ruse that they were cousins. When she got there, Gertrud couldn’t say she was altogether surprised to discover that her roommate, Erica, had thrown all of her and Elijah’s things into the gutter. Sitting on the curb, Gertrud patiently sorted out all of their  things. Folding the clothes and placing them and other belongings in their proper suitcases while putting all her jewelry and other finery in her purse. Gertrud went to the Gotham train station to rent a locker where she put the bags for the day with only enough time for her to rush off to start her 9:00 AM shift at Queenie’s hair salon on time. Armed with a phonebook, Gertrud used her lunch and other breaks to call the many; many pawn shops in the huge city, trying to figure out which one would give her the most bang for her buck. She went to the one that sounded the most promising right after getting off work at 3. She augured with the owner a bit. In the end, Gertrud left with less money than she had hoped for but still a fair amount to get the young couple started. With zero time to spare, Gertrud hopped a bus to get to her second job at a bar and grill. Again, all her free time was spent on the phone. This time, Gertrud was house hunting. Searching for apartment with low rent, would allow she and Elijah could live together in the same unit and was move in ready. A tall order, she knew, but at the last possible second, she has found one that sounded perfect. At 8, Gertrud returned to hospital to get Elijah. It happened to be hospital policy that heart patients only be released into the custody of family members so Elijah had to wait all day for his ‘cousin’ Gertrud to show up. When Elijah heard of this policy, he was shocked but very soon, his shock turned to fury. First, a completely unneeded overnight stay and now, this! In Elijah’s opinion, he had wasted an entire day! He was forced to cancel a double shift he was due to work today and leave the entire running around to Gertrud. By 8:30, he was a free man and he and Gertrud went to the train station to collect their bags. It was dark before they found their new building and stepped into the landlord’s office. Add all that on top of her 24/7 job of growing their baby inside of her and it was no wonder why the woman was already asleep!

“Maybe living here won’t be so bad.” Elijah said to himself as he turned on the lamp. Besides, Gertrud was right. All that mattered right now was that they were together. Since there was no other way around the bed, Elijah walked passed the dinning area and through the kitchen, coming out the other side. There, he searched through the bags until he found his nightclothes and one of Gertrud’s nightgowns. He threw the PJs on the bed. Then, because it was easiest, Elijah took off Gertrud’s shoes and stockings first then gently turned her onto her back. Taking her nightgown, Elijah knelt down and he rolled up the nightgown by the neck hole and laid it in his lap. Next, he unfastened the buttons on the front of her dress. Gertrud gave a small moan of protest when Elijah took hold of her forearms and gently raised her up into a sitting position.

“Elijah?” she questioned, without opening her eyes. “What are you doing?”

I’m practicing, darling. Dressing and undressing for when the baby comes.” Elijah smiled at his own answer.

“Oh…okay.” Amazingly, while she still sitting up, Gertrud’s head dipped slightly to the side and she was asleep once more.

It took a bit of tricky moving on his part, but somehow Elijah managed to get Gertrud’s arms out of her dress, got the nightgown over her head and her arms into the correct sleeves. As he did so, Elijah wondered why was it that sometimes it’s more intimate to dress a woman for bed then to undress her. Gertrud was still in his arms when Elijah un-tucked the bed and pulled the blanket back as far as he could before he gently laid her down and rested her head upon the pillow. He then lifted up her rear to slip the dress off of her legs and pulled down the rest of the gown and pulled the blankets back further before he put down her legs and covered her with the blankets. After getting up, Elijah quickly got into his own nightclothes, folded his own day clothes along with Gertrud’s dress and left it on the baggage.

“Goodnight, my love.” Elijah whispered and kissed her cheek as he switched off the main light and journeyed back to his side of the bed. After spending all day doing nothing but waiting in or around a hospital bed, Elijah wasn’t exactly tired at the moment. So, he turned on the black and white TV set as he passed that way, turning off the lamp and relaxed in bed. He watched it on mute, of course, as so not to disturb Gertrud. An hour later, Gertrud rolled over in her sleep and snuggled close to Elijah’s side while he placed an arm around her and rubbed her back. After 2 hours, Elijah’s eyes began to droop and he cursed the fates that his new TV didn’t come with a remote control. After many attempts, Elijah finally got up and turned the television off. Returning to bed, Elijah realized he hadn’t cuddled up to Gertrud like this in ages. Elijah smiled; maybe this rat hole had really good hidden benefits after all.

 It was only 3 nights later, when Elijah came home from working a triple shift. From the moment he opened the front door, he knew something was off. There were certainly signs of life in the apartment.  All the lights were on as was the TV.  Her history books were also all open and on the table, complete with a pad filled with notes and a pen that lay nearby. There was only one problem however; there was no sign of Gertrud.

So, Elijah called out to her. “Gertrud?”

“In here, Lib” the last word was lost to sounds of vomiting and chocking.

Worried now, Elijah quickly pocketed his keys, shut the front door and turned to look in the bathroom. There he saw Gertrud kneeing before the toilet, holding her hair off to one side. Elijah wetted a facecloth and knelt by Gertrud, giving her the cloth and rubbing her back.

“Morning sickness again? Poor Gertrud, I though you outgrew this when you finished your first trimester.”

“Oh, I know.” Gertrud agreed. “But just made a very sudden and a very unwelcome return.”

Gertrud waited a few minutes to make sure she was truly finished then she wiped her mouth again just she sat back and laid her head on Elijah’s shoulder. “Do you think this could be related to the cramps?”

She of course, was referring to the fierce cramps she had the night before. At the time, Gertrud had panicked badly, fearing that she was in the middle of a miscarriage. It was Elijah who calmed her down when he showed her a passage in the pregnancy book that stated that cramps were normal in a pregnancy. Gertrud still wanted to call 911, but Elijah convinced her to wait a bit. Sure enough, the cramps were gone within an hour.

“My poor Gertrud.” Elijah repeated. “This pregnancy been tough on you.”

“It’s alright.” She smiled. “It all fades into nothing when I think of how much I want this baby, our baby.”

Elijah grinned. “Me too.”

They cuddled a bit in silence. Meanwhile, the TV continued to play on in the next room.

“Breaking news this hour, as an apartment fire explodes in downtown Gotham tonight. Police do not suspect foul play. The building located on 58th street and 6 ave.- “ Elijah tensed as Gertrud gasped loudly.

Elijah was the first to recover his voice. “58&6th? That’s”

“The Martin’s building.” Gertrud finished for him.

Quickly, they both got off the bathroom floor and dashed into the other room. They were shell-shocked to see an apartment building engulfed in flames on the screen. A building they lived in only 5 days before.

The reporter went on. “The fire seemed to have started on the 9th floor.”

Elijah’s heart leapt into his throat. “Oh, Gertrud!”

“It’s even worst than seems, dearest. I fear the fire didn’t only start on my floor, but in my apartment, if not even in my room.”

Elijah was beside himself. “What?! How can you tell?”

Gertrud went closer and pointed her finger to the screen. “Look, notice how the window that’s busted up the most was the 5th one on the left? Well, the 5th window on the 9th floor was my bedroom window.”

Elijah listened to the rest of the report before taking Gertrud into his arms. “Well, at least no one was hurt.”

“Yeah,” She agreed with him but Elijah could still feel her shaking.

 There were only 3 windows in the whole apartment and in a desperate attempt to find some cool, fresh air; Elijah had already tried 2 of them. He opened the third and was disappointed to find the same stale, hot air that came out of the other two. How was he supposed to know that such a rainy spring would turn into one of the hottest summers on record? Giving up on air, Elijah returned to the table, took a long swing of his lemonade and went back to work on the dress. Despite all the odds and doubts, he and Gertrud had lived in the tiny apartment for the last 2 months. It about a week after the fire,  in the middle of the night that Gertrud sat straight up in bed. It was her sharp gasp that awoke Elijah. When he asked what was wrong and she answered that it was the baby, Elijah leapt out of bed, threw on some clothes and was halfway out the door to use the payphone in the lobby, to call 911, when Gertrud called him back to bed. She then took his hand and placed it on her exposed belly so Elijah could feel what she was feeling; their baby was moving for the first time. Elijah laughed in wonder. Soon, he and Gertrud’s excited glances turned romantic and he kissed her.  As Gertrud tried to lay back and bring him with her, Elijah heard a cracking sound that he didn’t trust. Still, his passion for Gertrud was stronger than any rotting bed. So, Elijah made a little area on the floor, complete with blankets and pillows, before gently bringing Gertrud down to him and made love to her there. In the afterglow they lay side by side as Elijah absent-mindedly stroked Gertrud’s stomach and expressed a desire to see her with a big belly. It was like his wish came true right on cue. For mere days later, Gertrud’s pregnancy curves blossomed and grew a little more pronounced everyday. Gertrud had a slight worry that her new shape would not be to Elijah’s liking but Elijah found himself more attracted to Gertrud then ever before. He couldn’t keep his hands off of her and made love to her every chance he got.   Yet it was more than just sexual. Gertrud had accused him of being addicted to her bump. She was joking, of course, but Elijah wasn’t quite sure there wasn’t a ring of truth to it. No matter what they were doing, talking, reading, watching TV or lounging in bed, Elijah’s hand always seemed super glued to Gertrud’s mid-section. Elijah’s new favorite thing to do was to wait until the baby was active and kicking, then poke with a finger where the tiny foot had just been and wait for a reaction, which he almost always got. Elijah had stroked, rubbed, kissed, poked, sung, read talked and once tried to look into Gertrud’s stomach by her belly button, much to the soon-to-be mother’s laughter and delighted. Elijah had even developed the habit of falling asleep with his arms around Gertrud’s waist and his hands on her tummy. No matter how busy life got, Elijah and Gertrud always made it to their monthly appointments at the free clinic and both were always thrilled to hear that the baby had a clean bill of health. Recently, someone had asked if the couple wanted to know their baby’s gender. It was Elijah who had flatly refused. Later on, Elijah explained that demanding a son would be what a rich man would do, what his father would do. He was already completely in love with this baby, and as long as it was healthy, Elijah couldn’t care less whether it was a boy or a girl. Extremely touched by his explanation, Gertrud agreed to wait until the birth to discover the sex. Things were great between them but as in every life, a little rain must fall. The bleak point came about a month ago, when Elijah lost his job. It came as a shock, to say the least. Except for the stupid stay in the hospital, Elijah had not even miss one single day of work, never refused any overtime or did anything wrong.  Elijah had been furious to discover the real reason for his termination. The manager’s newly married nephew needed a job and thus, Elijah was let go.  It just wasn’t fair, as Elijah himself was about to be married and had a baby on the way.  He must have told Gertrud all this with an attitude because she snapped back that she had been supporting herself since she was 15. This sparked the first real fight between them. Elijah called himself a loser and accused her of being with him only for the baby sake while Gertrud yelled back that she had no insurance that he wouldn’t soon tire of the ‘poor life’ and return to his parents. When Elijah did finally realized that they were having an argument, he burst out loud laughing while Gertrud gave him a look of bewilderment. Elijah then told her, he was glad they had a fight, it made them more of a couple, somehow, not 2 kids playing house. Elijah then took Gertrud in his arms and kissed any left over anger right out of her. After some lovemaking, they had a calm discussion. Due to their very similar mindsets, Elijah and Gerturd didn’t fight very often but common sense told them they were bound to disagree from time to time. They soon resolved to become one of those couple that never went to bed angry. As they kissed on it, the bed broke off its hitches; they had forgotten to make love on the floor! In the upcoming days, Elijah tried hard to find a new job, but like everything else in Gotham City, the job market was harsh and unforgiving. The newspaper office said he was too old to be a delivery boy, the temp agency only felt comfortable hiring women, and so on and so on. Elijah finally got a job running a newsstand. However, he worked only on Sundays and the hours were crazy. It was not at all usual for Elijah to leave for work before Gertrud even awoke and return after she was in bed. Elijah tried hard to convince his boss to let him work more than once a week but because the owner of the stand was an immigrant who needed the income just as much and didn’t work Sunday because he promised his wife, it was in vain. Still, Elijah knew that working 1 day a week wouldn’t cut it. Their pawnshop money hadn’t lasted long and soon they were back living from paycheck to paycheck. Therefore, it wasn’t a surprise when Gertrud announced that she had changed her hours at the restaurant from part-time, 4 to 8 pm to full-time 4 pm to 12 am. Although, he expected it, Elijah didn’t like it. As her pregnancy advanced, Elijah felt Gertrud should be slowing down not taking even more onto her plate. But, money was stretched so thin; he knew he couldn’t say anything. She wanted to hide it from him, but Elijah knew that after working 2 full-time jobs all day, everyday, Gertrud often came home tired as a dog yet she never, ever complained. How could he not love her all the more for it? As Gertrud worked outside the home, Elijah figured the least he could do was work inside the home. In additional to taking Gertrud’s suggestion of taking in sewing from people in the building for extra money, he also made sure the apartment was kept clean, did the laundry, the food shopping and whatever else needed to be done. Although he was no cook, he always made sure Gertrud had something to eat by the time she came home. One day, as Elijah was dragging the now worthless Murphy mattress to the dumpster behind the building, he bumped into a neighbor. They got to chatting, and Elijah soon discovered that the man had a second, almost like new second mattress to spare and he was willing to part with it, for say, a TV set? Elijah readily agreed to this deal. He barley used the television and he knew Gertrud had no time to bother with it. Besides, they needed a place to sleep far more than they needed a TV. It was while he was in the other apartment, helping to move the mattress, that Elijah spotted them, a balloon curtain made out of white silk. Elijah knew instantly that it the perfect material to make Gertrud’s wedding dress! He paid the man 10 dollars cash for it. Recreating the material into a dress without the aid of a sewing machine seemingly took forever. Elijah still wanted to keep the wedding dress a semi-secret so he only worked on it when he was home alone which unfortunately was a lot lately. With one final cut, Elijah realized he was finally finished. Elijah made a face; it was a fine dress he supposed but it was just so plain looking. How Elijah wished he could pretty it up with pearls, some lace or something, but he and Gertrud had made a pact that unless it was for food or bills, they would save every penny they earned for a new place to live or their fore coming baby. Besides, Elijah felt bad enough not telling Gertrud about the 10 bucks he spent. The opening and closing of the front door shook Elijah out of his thoughts and he glanced up at the clock.

“20 after 12, right on time as usual darling.” Elijah expected a witty comeback or at least, a greeting. When nothing but silence followed, he started second-guessing. Maybe Gertrud wasn’t home yet; maybe that noise he heard wasn’t his door but something out in the hallway. Elijah looked up and there, by the door, indeed was Gertrud. She seemed out of it and because the main light was on, Elijah saw that her eyes were red and puffy, as if she had recently been crying.

“My love? Is something wrong?”

It was as if his voice jolted her out of her daze. For she ran to him and knelt before his chair. “Marry me, Elijah. Please marry me!”

Elijah blinked. “Of course my love.”

“Really?” Her smile was one of disbelief. “You will.”

“Of course.” Elijah repeated. “We’ll marry as soon as my name change comes into effect.”

That is when Gertrud’s smile faded. It was clear that she and Elijah weren’t on the same page. “That name change could still take weeks, if not months to go through. It won’t do. Marry me now, Elijah, tonight!”

Elijah was stunned. “Tonight? Darling, you know as much as I do than I cannot marry anyone yet. Not with my father’s ban still in effect.”

Gertrud shook her head as she rose to her feet. “Surely, your father can’t know everyone on earth. I mean, his ban can’t be in place all over the planet. We could move, Elijah, go to Europe, maybe even go back to Germany.”

“Sweetheart, we’ve discussed this,” Elijah said gently. “We don’t have the money to make such a major move. Besides, why would you want to? You’ll going to take citizenship test in 3 days and you’ve worked so hard for it already.”

“I don’t care!” Gertrud shrieked. “I don’t care about name changes or citizenship tests. All that matters to me is you and our baby. I can’t lose this child, Elijah. I just can’t!”

“Why would you? Every doctor we’ve seen says you’re completely healthy.”

“Oh, Elijah, you just don’t understand.” Then Gertrud burst into tears.

Elijah got up and took his sobbing beloved into his arms. “You’re right, I don’t understand,” he admitted gently. “But I want to. I can’t hear you if you cry so. Go into the bathroom and try to calm down. Slash some water on your face or better yet, go take a nice, cold shower to wash some of the summer stickiness off of you.”

Gertrud said nothing but turned and headed for the bathroom.  As soon as she was out of view, there was a knock at the door. Elijah answered it and it turned out to be a woman he had never seen before.

“Excuse me,” said the woman. “I thought I saw Gertrud Kapelput come in here.  Does she live here? I really need to talk to her.”

“Yes, she lives here.” Elijah nodded. “She’s taking a shower right now but she’s be out in a minute. Would you like to come in?”

“Thanks.” The stranger sailed past Elijah into the apartment. ”This place is a complete dump!” The stranger mumbled this but it was still louder enough that Elijah could hear her. “She doesn’t even a bed, just a mattress on the floor. Gertrud is insane if she thinks she can raise a baby here.”

Before Elijah could ask her who she was, she   beat him to it.

“And who are you? The boyfriend?”

“No. I’m Gertrud’s fiancée.” How Elijah hated referring to himself like that! He knew that in every way that mattered, he already was Gertrud’s husband.

Before another word could be spoken, footsteps were heard in the hall.

“Well, Elijah, when you’re right, you’re right. That shower did me a world of good.” Gertrud was toweling off her wet hair but as soon as she saw the stranger, her eyes grew dark, her smile turned into a deep frown and she froze on the spot.

“You!” Gertrud hissed. “What the hell are you doing here? You followed me home? Are you stalking me now? Are you some kind of psycho?”

Elijah had never seen Gertrud explode like that. Still, he knew his beloved wouldn’t go off without good reason, making him wonder even more whom he let into the house.

“It’s your lucky day, Gertrud. I talked the Keans into giving you another chance.” Said the woman.

“But I don’t want another chance!” Gertrud objected. “My answer for them and for you is the same one I told you then, NO!!!!”

“Oh come on, I know you need the money, especially after seeing this place.”

“That’s none of your concern!” Gertrud snapped.

“What money?” Elijah heard himself ask in a gentle voice.

The stranger’s eyes widened. “You didn’t tell him? What’s the matter? Are you afraid your boyfriend will be more sensible and take the deal?”

That did it. “Elijah,” Gertud said through clenched teeth. “This is Carrie Stone. She’s a co-worker and she spent most of tonight’s shift trying to convince me to sell our child.”

“What?” At first, Elijah was sure he misheard but once he thought back to Gertrud’s earlier behavior, then the true horror dawned on him.

“How dare you!” Elijah took a step forward and wrapped a protective arm around Gertrud’s waist. “How dare you come in to our home and threaten to take our baby.”

“Hold on,” Carrie insisted. “I didn’t even tell you how much the Keans are willing to pay.”

“Was it a penny?” Elijah asked angrily. “For if it was, it was a penny too much! Now, get out of here, before I call the police.”

“The police?”

“Yes!  For the last time I checked, selling babies were illegal!”

To the surprise of both Gertrud and Elijah, Carrie laughed at them. “What are you two, children? The police won’t care about this. The GCPD is so messed up they spend more of their time covering their own asses. In fact, this whole damn city is corrupt!”

“That doesn’t mean we have to go down with it!” Elijabh mumbled as he let go of Gertrud and moved to open the door. “Now get out!”

“If you accept the offer, you could see how the other half lives.” Carrie tried again.

“I’ve seen how the other half lives,” Elijah countered. “It’s not so great!”

“Fine!” Carrie exploded and headed for the exit. “Enjoy spending the rest of your life as a bartender!”

Elijah slammed the door behind her, locked it and looked back at Gertrud. “Darling, I’m sorry.”

“What on earth for?”

“When she said she need to talk to you, I assumed it was for a shift change or something innocent like that.” Elijah picked up the skirt from the table and helped Gertrud step into it.

With a gentle smile upon her face, Gertrud shook her head. “There is no way you could have possibly known what she truly wanted. Believe me, Liebchen, there is nothing to be sorry for.” Gertrud had played model for Elijah so many times that she didn’t even question it anymore. She just tried to stand still as he made his alterations.

“That’s why you can home pleading about getting married tonight.” Elijah guessed correctly.

“Yes” she admitted softly. “Forgive me for saying this but it’s easier to take a baby away from a single mother than a married couple.”

“Oh, I know” he agreed. “That’s why first thing tomorrow, I’m going down to city hall and see what I can do to speed up this name change. However, I don’t want you to panic if we don’t see results right away. No one will ever take our baby away from you. They’ll have to kill me first!” Finished with the skirt, Elijah put the top on her.

“Please don’t say that!” Gertrud pleaded. “I can’t lose this baby but I can’t lose you either.”

After a soft chuckle, Elijah gave her a peck on the cheek. “It’s only an expression.” He whispered. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re never going to lose me. I hate to admit this but Carrie was right about one thing. This is no place for a child. Maybe if I had a 2nd job”

“Don’t!” Gertrud ordered firmly. “I will not allow that woman to waltz in here and let you second guess yourself. You’re doing the best you can. We both are!”

“Is this the part of the conversation where you say you have all the faith in the world in me?”

Elijah was joking but Gertrud was deadly serious.

“Completely! And I have faith in us, as a couple, as a team even more!”

“There’s just one thing I don’t understand. She wished me well bartending. I’m not a bartender.”

“That’s another reason why I dislike Carrie” Gertrud grumbled. “She has a big mouth.”

“Meaning?” Elijah prompted.

“Oh, all right!” she sighed. “Remember I told you about a cook at work, Sam, and how his catering business has a gig this Saturday? A gig I said I would serve at.”

Elijah nodded. How could he forget? They had argued about it. Gertrud wanted to work a side job on her first night off in weeks. It was Elijah’s opinion that for a woman in her 7th month of pregnancy, Gertrud didn’t rest enough.

“One of the bartender came down with the flu at the last minute.” Gertrud continued. “They wanted me to ask you to fill in but I wasn’t going to.”

“Why not?” he wondered.

“Elijah, this is a black tie event at the Gotham Museum of Art. We’ll be serving the rich. Your crowd and you’re bound to run into someone you know.

Elijah laughed. “Darling, I don’t have a crowd. I’ll be happy to take a paying job even if it’s just one night. A paycheck is a paycheck. As for running into someone I know, I don’t care. All I care about you, our baby and how wonderful you look in this dress.” Finally finished, he spun her around so she could see herself in the floor length mirror that hung in the kitchen, 10 feet away.

“What am I looking at?”

“Your wedding dress, madam.” Elijah said with pride.

“My wedding dress? But you changed the design. Wasn’t it a one piece?”

“It was,” he confirmed. “Then I started thinking. We don’t know when we’ll get married, but when the big day finally comes, it will be easier just to let out the skirt.”

“Elijah, you’re a genius!” Gertrud declared before kissing him with glee.

  As a blue blood, Elijah had attended many of these social functions over the years and they never failed to bore him to death. Now, Elijah was learning that he could be just as bored working at one of these events. As he was tending bar, Elijah didn’t bump into as many people he knew as he thought he would and the people at the party that he did know seemed very surprise, shocked even to realized that he not only serving but was in Gotham City at all. Apparently, his father had spun a tall tale of him being abroad in Europe for several months, studying foreign fashion or some such nonsense. Those who stuck around to learn the truth from Elijah walked away looking more confused than ever. It was just well, Elijah had nothing to hide or be ashamed of. of, so why not tell the truth? If his father got caught up in his own lies, that was his problem. Elijah tried not to be bitter but he had been in a foul mood almost all week. Ever since the people at city hall had told him that his name change would not be valid for at least another month. The only good news to come in that week had belonged to Gertrud. She had finally got the chance to take her citizenship test and she was feeling pretty good about the fore coming results. Anyway, it was the middle of the party and Elijah was behind the bar, working, with his back to the people, when he heard an all too familiar, all too annoying voice.

“Well, well, well. How the mighty have fallen.”

Elijah rolled his eyes. Great, this was the 2nd most dreaded voice Elijah didn’t want to hear tonight. The first would be his father, who along with his mother was thankfully absent.

Turning around, Elijah put a fake smile on his face. “Hello, Constance.”

“Your poor parents have been worried sick for 5 months and here I find you, slumming with the help.”

It didn’t take long for Elijah’s smile to fade. “I’m not slumming with anyone, Constance. I am the help. Now, do you have a drink order?”

She studied him for a moment before replying. “White wine.”

While he went to get the bottle, Constance continued speaking. “So, are you and that maid girl still together?”

Elijah tightened his grip on the bottle, wishing it were Constance’s neck. “If you are referring to Gertrud, who was a cook, then, yes, we are still together and doing quite well.” He gave her glass, hoping she would go away, no such   luck.

Constance raised her eyebrow. “No ring, I see. It’s been months. If you truly serious a bout this woman, you would have married her by now.”

Elijah sighed as he put the wine bottle away; he turned to look Constance straight in the eye. “Why do I get the feeling that you know why I’m   not married at very moment?”

Constance only smiled.

“It doesn’t matter,” Elijah continued. “I’ve found a way around my father’s ban.”

“Really? Like what?”

“As if I would tell you!” Elijah sneered. “You’re probably anxious to report every word of this conversation to my parents!”

“Well I think we know how the maid feels about you. She’s perfectly happy to let you work yourself in a early grave while she’s at home eating bonbons.”

The idea was so absurd, Elijah laughed. “You couldn’t be more wrong. Gertrud works harder than I do. She’s a server here tonight.  In fact, she’s right behind you.” ”Really?” Constance couldn’t turn fast enough, but frowned when she saw 3 female servers in the nearby crowd. “Which one?”

“My Gertrud is the drop dead gorgeous blonde whose face and body would make any Greek goddess seethed with jealousy. She also had a kindness, humor and character that no amount of money could buy.”

“The blonde?” Constance repeated, “but she pregnant!”

“Nothing gets past you.” Elijah mocked before sidestepping to aid another customer. It was after that customer left that Elijah realized, almost gratefully, that he was out gin. Elijah was desperate to end this pointless conversation and since Constance wasn’t moving, the idea of carrying a box of empty bottles to the kitchen and returning with a fresh supply seemed like the perfect excuse. As Elijah prepared the box, Constance uttered her most shocking line yet.

“Are you really going to throw your life away for someone who cheated on you?”

Elijah blinked. “Whoever said Gertrud cheated on me?”

Constance gave him a look of pity. “Oh come now Elijah, look at her or better yet, look at the size of her! And we all know you couldn’t have fathered that child.”

“How do we all know that?” Elijah demanded, wishing she would get to the damn point already.

“The fact that you’re sterile.”

Elijah’s jaw dropped. “How the hell did you know that?”

“Your parents told me.” Constance shrugged. “They figured I had a right to know, seeing how we were about to be married.’

“We were never about to be married, Constance! Our parents made up a romance for us and then forgot to tell me about it.” Elijah picked up the box and made his out of the bar.

“Don’t   be mad at me, I’m just stating the facts.”

Elijah spun around on his heel. “I’ll give the facts. There is not a doubt in my mind that’s my baby. Why? Time. As in every time my parents wondered why their dinner is late, Gertrud was in my arms. Every time my father wondered why I wasn’t in the sewing room, I was with her. Every night, when she wasn’t in my bed, making mad, passionate love to me, I was in her bed, making mad, passionate love to her!”

This last statement seemed to shocked Constance into silence so Elijah turned, smiled and continued to the kitchen.

Elijah had to go all the way down into the kitchen basement to collect a new case of gin. By the time he made it back upstairs, two women burst in

“Oh, look at it!” The first one said, referring to her shinning green dress. “It’s ruined! What is it with men? Are their feet so heavy they have to stomp on everything?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll fix it. somehow.” The second one spoke.

He didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but Elijah was struck in the corner so he saw everything. He saw the tall brunette who fussed over her dress, which had a tare so large it exposed almost her entire backside. He also saw that friend, while trying to be comforting, had no idea how to fix it but maybe, Elijah could.

Not exactly sure how to make his presence known to the 2 ladies, Elijah cleared his throat. “Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt-“

“Yes, excuse you!” snapped the friend.

“Jane! Don’t be rude!” The woman in the torn dress scolded.

“Kate, I’ve seen this guy out there. He’s only a bartender.”

“I may be only a bartender tonight” Elijah said, losing control. “But I was raised to be a tailor and what I was going to say is I can help you.”

“Can you please fix my dress, sir?” Kate asked kindly.

Elijah nodded. “I believe so. You see, I believe that your train is just long enough that if cut it at the right angle, no one will miss it and I could use the material to fashion a bow large enough to cover the…exposed area. I can’t promise you that you’ll be walking any Paris runaways but it should get you home. That is, if you want my help.”

“Oh yes, please!” was Kate’s plea.

Elijah tried to move, but Jane watched him. “Watch yourself buddy! She’s dating the mayor’s son.”

“Well, I’m engaged to the woman of my dreams, so maybe you should ask your friend to watch it.”

Kate chuckled as Jane frowned. “Jane, why don’t you go back to the party and I’ll come find you when we’re finished?” Kate suggested.

Jane took one final dirty look at before heading to the door. As Elijah moved closer, he reached into his jacket pocket and took out a mini sewing kit.

Seeing this, Kate smiled. “You really are a tailor, aren’t you?”

Elijah returned her smile and nodded. “Just stay still a moment. Cutting the train should just take a moment, miss-“

“Oh, do call me Kate.” She insisted. “And I do feel like I must apologize for my friend’s bad behavior. Jane’s from old family money. She’s been to a million of these things, I afraid they just make her bored and cranky.”

“And you’re not? From family money, I mean.”

Kate bit her lip and shook her head. “Afraid not. Daddy just got elected to the bench and Mom just joined the DA’s office. This is my first black tie event ever which is why I nearly had a heart attack when I heard my dress rip. Thank goodness you were around to help, Mr. Um”

“My name’s Elijah” he said getting up. A scrap of cloth that had been her train in his hand. “Look, I’m done with the cutting and I don’t have to stand up to make this into a bow so why don’t we sit down?”

It may have appeared to be a mere suggestion but Kate saw it for what it truly was. As the dress was now, her whole butt was on display for the whole world to see. By offering her a chair to sit on, it was meant to lessen her embarrassment and Elijah had asked in such a gentlemanly way that Kate couldn’t help but be charmed. Kate nodded and they both sat at the pushed off to side table. At this moment, the kitchen was oddly quiet and deserted. They sat in silence for a few moments until Kate found something to break the ice.

“So, do all the bartenders in this city wait around kitchens hoping to rescue damsels in distress?”

Elijah laughed at that. “I don’t know about that, seeing how tonight is my first and possibly last night as a bartender. I have no idea what I doing.”

“Then why are you here?”

Elijah shrugged. “I go where the pay is. Aside from the hot, little newsstand I spend all day Sunday in, this is my first night of employment in more than 5 weeks.  The job market is pretty rough right now. It’s a bad time to be unemployed.”

“I see. And this poor job market, does it affect your fiancée?” Kate had no idea what she was doing; what Jane had said before was true, she did have a boyfriend but she suddenly found herself wishing that Elijah had fibbed about his engagement for Jane’s sake.

Elijah on the other hand, genuinely had no idea that his new acquaintance had any romantic interest in him. “Gertrud?” he answered. “Heavens no! She works all the time. I swear that woman is a force of nature! She works all day, every day at 2 different jobs and I’ve never, ever heard one word of complaint. Tonight was supposed to be her night off but instead of taking a well-deserved break, she signs up to help a friend because she knew we needed the money. Add to that Gerturd is dealing with some nasty side effects due to her advanced pregnancy. I don’t know how Gertrud does it all. Of course, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars that such a warm, beautiful, intelligent, wonderful woman chose me.”

Kate could not believe it. Not the fact that he was unavailable, she could get past that. No, it was the fact that Elijah gushed when he spoke about Gertrud, actually gushed! As far as Kate knew, no lover of hers, past or present, had ever gushed over her. It was still worrisome to see that Elijah was unemployed, especially after learning there was a baby on the way. Kate wished there was something she could do. Then she saw something that gave her a great idea.

“Could you please pass me the phone book? It’s on your side of the table.

“Sure.” Elijah looked up from his work and slid the book over to her.

“Thanks.”  It took Kate no time at all to look up what she was searching. After reaching for a nearby napkin, she took out a pen from her evening bag and wrote down the information. 20 minutes later, using the fridge’s steel door as mirror, Kate stood, admiring Elijah’s handiwork.

“Like it?” He asked.

“Like it? I love it! It’s like a whole new dress!” And it was, unless they had been staring at her since she arrived at the museum, no one would ever guess that this wasn’t the dress’s original design. She turned to him. “You really do have a talent for this.”

Before Elijah could reply, the kitchen door swung open and one of the night’s employers, whose name Elijah could not remember at the moment, came closer. He did not look happy.

“Elijah? What happened to you? You said you were on a gin run and be right back. That was a half hour ago.”

“Excuse me sir, but I’m afraid this is all my fault.” Kate instantly jumped in. “You see, Elijah was on his way out when I came in. I had a dress mishap and Elijah was kind enough to help. I just need another moment to thank him properly.”

The employer studied Kate before showing Elijah his palm. “5 minutes.” He said and left.

Then Kate dug in her bag and put three bills into Elijah’s hand. “Here, 30 dollars for 30 minutes of your time. It’s only fair.”

“Oh no, I can’t take this.” Elijah protested. “I was only too happy to help.”

“Yes, you can.” Kate said firmly. “Payment for a job very well done. And I also want you to have this” she passed him the napkin she wrote upon. “Ask for Joe Lawson, he’s a old friend of the family. He was telling my parents the other day how he was getting on in years and he needed a right hand. I think you two will be a great team. Thanks again.”

Once Kate left, Elijah unfolded the napkin. There it was, in bright blue ink, a telephone number and right above the number, a name. Not a name of a person but of a business; JOE’S SEW SHOP.

 When he told her about it on the walk home, Gertrud was thrilled to hear about Elijah’s new job prospect. Not only was this a chance at long term employment but it was a tailor’s job! Making clothes was Elijah’s true passion and although he would never admit it, Gertrud knew he would never truly be happy at any other trade. Elijah cautioned her not to get her hopes up. Just because she had gotten her job at Queenie’s in a similar fashion, didn’t make him a shoe-in. Gertrud grew quiet but wore a all knowing smile, for she knew no self-respecting tailor, would dare turn Elijah away, he was just too talented. The couple got home a little past 1 AM. As both were dead tired, they went straight to bed. Elijah dragged himself out of bed at 5:30 to ready himself for the shift at the newsstand that started in an hour. He kissed a still sleeping Gertrud and was off. By midnight, he somehow dragged himself home and plopped into bed. The next thing Elijah was aware of, he smelled coffee. He opened his eyes to see that it was morning and a smiling Gertrud was holding the mug under his nose.

“I’m off to work,” Gertrud announced. “I thought you might want this.”

He sat up and took the cup. “Thank you, Gertrud.”

“You’ve been working on very little sleep for the past 2 days, Liebchen. Promise me you’ll take it easy today.”

He promised and kissed her goodbye. When Gertrud had gone, Elijah slumped down and causally sipped his coffee. When he had drained the mug, he placed on the floor and went back to sleep. It wasn’t until later, on that Monday afternoon, after Elijah had showered and dressed, that he did indeed call the number he had been given. Joe Lawson himself answered after the 2nd ring. They chatted for a short while and after Elijah got the address, the two men set up a meeting. The next afternoon, Elijah was delighted to learn that Joe’s Sew Shop was only a block away from Queenie’s salon. Right before opening the door, Elijah noticed that there was an apartment for rent sign in the window. Hm, he would have to look into that. When Elijah entered, he found himself in a short, narrow hallway. Before him, he saw 2 staircases, one leading downstairs and the other upstairs. Off to the right side was a glass door. Painted on it, in big white letters, was Joe’s Sew Shop. Elijah went in. The first thing he saw was 2 men.

“Oh I don’t know,” the 1st man, who was obviously a customer, moaned. “I just can’t decide between the navy blue and the black,” he said, switching blazers. “And there’s both too big.”

“As I’ll told you before sir, I would be happy to cuff either one for you.” It was clear that the vendor was getting weary.

“I just don’t know” the customer moaned again. “If only I had a 2nd opinion.”

Well, here was a golden opportunity! Elijah cleared his throat. “Excuse me, gentlemen, I don’t mean to pry, but I couldn’t help overhearing and if I were you, I would go with the black.”

The customer’s eyebrow arched. “Really?”

“Oh, yes” Elijah continued and came closer to adjust the jacket personally. “While it is true that the sleeves on both jackets are a little long for you, I’ve noticed that the navy hugs you in some unflattering areas while the black drapes off you beautifully.”

“But isn’t blue more in fashion this year?”

“Maybe so, but a black dinner jacket is a classic and a classic never goes out of style.”

They talked a little more but ultimately, the man brought the black jacket. Elijah waited patiently waited for the vendor to ring him up. Then the vendor rejoined him. ”That was quite impressible, young man. I have been trying to make him choose for an hour. Have we met before? You look familiar.”

Elijah shook his head. “I don’t think so. Anyway, can you tell me where I can find Joe Lawson? I have an appointment.”

The other man smiled. “You’re looking at him.” Joe Lawson was a kind, grandfatherly type.  Kind of like Santa, except without the beard or weight problem. Instead of red velvet, Joe wore a business suit, minus the jacket and with rolled up sleeves. A thin pair of glasses and a measuring tape draped around his neck completed the look.

Elijah shot out his hand for a shake. “My name is Elijah Cobblepot. We spoke yesterday, on the phone.” ”Oh, yes.” Joe said and took his hand. “Come round back with me, to my office. I can hear the bell from there if anyone comes in.”

Elijah nodded and moments later, slid into a chair before Joe’s desk.

“My first question is a simple one.” Suddenly, Joe’s voice was cold and hard, quite the transformation from the warm and friendly tone he had used just moments earlier. “Why would a Van Dahl want to work for me?”

Shocked, Elijah’s eyes widened. “You know who I am?”

“Remember how I said you looked familiar? Well, I just placed you, from the society pages. Not to   mention that your father has tried to buy every private and me tailor in Gotham out at least a dozen times. So, if he thinks he can outsmart me by sending his son undercover with a fake name, you can tell him to forget it!”

Hearing about Frederick’s behavior didn’t shock him at all.  Elijah looked the other man straight in the eye and told the truth. “I understand you being suspicious sir and if I were in shoes, I would be too. But I swear, I hadn’t seen or spoken to my father in over 5 months and quite frankly, I don’t care if I ever see him again. As for Cobblepot, that is my real name or at least, it will be in a few weeks time.”

That was the entire introduction Elijah needed to tell Joe everything; how he fallen in love with Gertrud, the heartbreaking betrayal he felt when his parents forced him to choose. How he had gone after Gertrud after she had been fired, the cruel marriage ban, the name change, the couple’s rough first months in the city and how Elijah was desperate to find a good, steady job to help ease the strain off of his pregnant beloved.

“All I ask, Mr. Lawson” Elijah concluded at the end of his story, “is that you give me a chance to prove myself as me, not judge me for being Frederick Van Dahl’s son.”

At first, Joe did nothing but sit back in his chair. Something dark and angry twinkled in his eyes but it was gone so quickly, Elijah barely noticed it was there.

“That’s quite a story.” Joe said at last. “And I feel the need to apologize to you for basically accusing you of being a spy.”

Elijah shook his head. “Not at all. Like I said before, I understand completely.”

“Yes,” Joe said slowly. “I don’t know why, maybe it’s your sincere tone, but I feel like I already can trust you.”

“Sounds like a promising start.”

“Indeed.”  Joe gave a small smile and then was all business. “Mr. Van-Cobblepot, I afraid any job I could give you wouldn’t be exciting for a young man like yourself. Buying walk-in customers are few and far between. Most of my business comes from repairs and special orders.”

“That’s fine.” Elijah assured him. “You said you were impressed by how I handled that customer, well, if I may say so, I’m a much better tailor than a salesman.”

They chatted a little more before Joe said he would think it over and call in a few days. Elijah was about to exit the office when he turned back, suddenly remembering.

“I noticed a for rent sign in your window as I came in. Can you tell me where is this apartment and could I possibly take a look?”

Joe nodded. “Sure. It’s right upstairs and I don’t see why not.”

“Oh, thank you, Mr. Lawson.”

“Do me a favor?” Joe asked as he got up and headed to the key holder behind his desk. “Enough of this Mr. Lawson staff. I’m not a very formal guy. Call me Joe, everyone does.”

“Only if you call me Elijah.”

“Deal.” Joe led the way out of the office.

They left the store and Joe flipped the sign to close for good measure. “The apartment is right up here.” Joe pointed to the staircase that was going up.

“I noticed the staircases when I first came in.” Elijah mentioned casually. “Do you mind if I ask what’s downstairs? Storage?”

Joe shook his head. “Nah, I keep all my storage in the back room of the shop. Down there is another apartment, mine to be exact.”

“So,” Elijah said slowly, thoughtfully. He wanted to be clear without assuming anything. “If I get this job, there’s a chance we could be neighbors as well as co-workers?”

Joe wore a teasing smile. “Maybe. Anything’s possible.” Joe opened the door to the upper apartment and both men went inside. “Here we are. I know it’s small-“

“Small? This place is a palace compared to the shoebox I currently live in!” Elijah was going overboard but it was a nice place. The first thing Elijah noticed was how much natural light flooded the place due to the 2 big windows on the fore wall. Joe explained that he kept some of his old furniture up here that he and Gertrud could keep or change whatever they wanted. That explained why there was already a couch on the

floating wooden floors. There was also a chest of drawer safely under a TV. Elijah looked around to see that the dinning set included a real table and 4  (4!) proper chairs. The kitchen was done in blue and white tile. It also had an island and lots of counter and cabinet space. On the other side was a door and when Elijah opened it, he was delighted to find a bed and a beautiful handcrafted white painted wardrobe. In the corner, was another big but narrow picture window and below that was a built-in bench with a padded top   to sit upon. Joe showed Elijah how to lift the top for even more storage. Besides   that was the door to the bathroom. It was a full bath complete with a tub, something his current apartment didn’t have. Elijah knew he really liked the place when he found himself mentally arranging baby furniture around the bedroom.

“Elijah?”

That bought him out of his daydreams and Elijah noticed that Joe stood in the doorway.

“What I said before about needing a few days to think about it then I’ll be in touch? Forget it, I don’t need time to think. The job, the apartment, they’re both yours if you want them.”

Elijah was floored, to say the least. “Really?”

“Yes. What do you say?”

“Well, the job of course! I mean, yes, I mean, when do I start? I mean, I accept! As for the apartment, I really like it, but I can’t give you an answer either way until Gertrud sees it.”

Joe smiled. “I see.”

 Elijah starting working with Joe the very next day. As it was just a block away from Queenie’s, Gertrud came by on her lunch break to look at the apartment. She and Joe didn’t meet that day because he had run out to go to the bank. Gertrud liked the apartment as must as Elijah did and they immediately put in an offer. The offer seemed to be accepted just as quickly, which surprised Elijah until he learnt that it was Joe who owned the entire building.  Luck seemed to be with the young couple, as it was almost a new month and therefore a perfect time to move. All it took was a simple, quick conversation with their current landlord for Gertrud and Elijah to discover that they could move out as fast as they moved in. So, it was on Saturday, one mere week after Elijah first heard about Joe Lawton and his shop that he and Gertrud moved into that upstairs apartment and it was on that moving day that Gertrud and Joe finally met.

“So, you’re Gertrud! Elijah speaks of you so much I feel as if I already know you.”

Joe charmed her by lifting her hand to his mouth and kissing it. “Likewise.” Gertrud smiled.

“Expect Elijah forgot to tell me of your beauty.”

Elijah came in behind Gertrud. “Flatter her all you want, old man, but she’s mine!”

“Elijah!” Gertrud exclaimed, shocked and appalled. How could he speak to his new boss like that? However, when Elijah locked eyes with Joe, both men burst out laughing. The very notion of a jealous riff between them was absurd. It was uncanny how fast a friendship formed between Joe and Elijah. How they were able to tease and joke with one another after a mere 4 days.

“Gertrud,” Joe called, refocusing, “I wonder if you could do me a favor?”

“If I can.”

“As a lifelong bachelor, it’s hard for me to get a home cooked meal” Joe explained. “Elijah tells me you’re an excellent cook so I was wondering if one of these nights I could impose and invite myself to dinner.”

Gertrud smiled. “That very easily can be arranged.

Later on, that night, when they were alone, Gertrud wrapped her arms around Elijah’s neck. “Do you have any idea how proud I am of you?” She asked. “In the span of just 1 week, you managed to get yourself a good job and found us a decent place to live.”

Elijah grinned. “Who knew I was capable of such greatness?”

“I knew,” she whispered, “I’ve always known.” His lips were on hers as Gertrud heard and felt the back of

her dress being zipped down. “Um…what are you doing?”

“Call me paranoid, darling, but I’ll be damned if I’m moving into another place with a bed I can’t make love to you on” Elijah chuckled and gently ushered her into the bedroom. Hours later, around 3 AM, Elijah shut off the bathroom light and strode, naked, to the bed where Gertrud lay, tangled up in the sheet and only half asleep. He soon lay beside her and rubbed her back.

“Happy, my angel?”

Her reply matched perfectly with her smile.” Completely.”

“We gave this bed quite a workout and not a peep. Plus, we have enough room for the baby’s things. Do you know what that means?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “We’re home.”

 Over the next few days, Elijah and Gertrud settled into and were quite content in their new home. Joe was quick to cash in on his dinner invite, and between the good food, laughter and sparkling conversation, all had a great time. So much so, that they decided to do it again and again.  Joe was fast becoming more than a boss, more than a friend even, he was becoming part of the family and a constant figure at their dinner table. One night, Joe, fearing he had imposed too much, didn’t come up, so Elijah and Gertrud simply picked up their plates, traveled to Joe’s downstairs apartment and had the meal there. It was at one such dinner upstairs, that Joe sat back, slipping his coffee while watching the others work in the kitchen. The young couple was clearly in love, sharing in jokes and glances, stealing kisses. They always seemed happy, even now doing something as simple as the dishes.

Elijah caught Joe staring. “Something the matter, Joe? You look like you want to say something.”

“No.” Joe shook his head. “Not really. Expect Elijah, because of the way you met, do you feel superior to Gertrud?” There, he had finally said it but the moment the question reached his own ears, Joe turned red and wished he could take it back, “I’m sorry, Gertrud, I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Nonsense” Gertrud dismissed as she slowly lowered her pregnant frame in a chair. “It’s a perfectly valid question. One I’m asked myself dozens of times.”

Elijah came up behind Gertrud and kissed her cheek. “Such a valid question deserves a valid answer, which is no, of course not. I’ve never felt superior to Gertrud or to anyone else for that matter. I don’t know who taught me to be humble, it certainly wasn’t my parents, but I do know that I’ve never felt I was better than anyone else just because my parents had money. Besides, I always believed that I was the lucky one when this goddess chose me.” Elijah was seated now so he reached for Gertrud’s hand and squeezed it tight. ”Likewise,” Gertrud agreed. “I’ ve always felt that I had Elijah’s respect, if I didn’t have that I don’t know if I could have fallen as hard as I did for him.”

“The two of you are amazing! I mean” The words died on his tongue and his eyes watered as Joe rose from the table. Gertrud and Elijah had both never seen him so somber.

“Blue blooded and blue collar romances are as old as time itself” Joe tried again. “Yet, for some reason, it never ends the same way twice. You see, I was born a butler’s son. During my whole childhood it was just kind of understood that I would follow Dad into service. Anyway, I was barely 19 when the old man my father worked for died and another family hired him. That’s where I met Miranda, the boss’s daughter and the prettiest creature I’d ever met. It wasn’t long before I was head over heels in love. We were involved for 7 months before fate intervened and we were caught. Then, what Miranda did to me, oh it still makes my blood boil.”

“She chose her parents over you.” Elijah guessed.

“No. It was much, much worse than that.”

“What could be worse?”

“She denied me and our relationship, completely. I couldn’t believe it. I was ready to marry this woman. I would gladly walk though fire for her and she was pretending that she barely knew my name. She made me look like a crazy, obsessed stalker, a madman, in front of her parents.”

“Didn’t you confront her?” Gertrud asked.

Joe nodded. “I found her in her bedroom, burning all the love letters I’d written her. She told me, very bluntly, that I meant nothing to her. That the relationship I so cherished, was only a distraction to her. A fun little fling she had before she got down to serious business of finding a husband of the correct breeding. She was so cold, so cruel.” Joe sighed.

Elijah, meanwhile, had his arms. “She sounds cruel. She sounds like a selfish, spoiled brat who expects to be handed the world on a silver plate. She sounds like a lot of people I know. A great deal too many! What’s the family’s name? Perhaps I know them.”

Joe shook his head and smiled slightly. “Doubtful. You see, all this happened very far away from here. Thankfully, my own parents, such wonderful people, believed me and knew that I couldn’t face Miranda so they gave me over half of their hard-earned savings so that I could move. That’s how I ended up in Gotham. For years, I worked for a dry cleaner and I discovered I had natural gift for sewing. When the dry cleaner retired, he allowed me to buy the building and I turned it into Joe’s Sew Shop.”

“That Miranda woman never deserved you.” Elijah stated.

“You never knew her.”

“No but I know you. You’re beloved in this community. Not one of our customer has a bad word to say about you and I think you mean the most to Gertrud and me.”

“That’s right” Gertrud agreed. “In the 6 months we’ve been in the city, no one has done more for us than you have and perhaps one day, you meet a woman who can see what a great guy you are.”

Joe grinned. “Thanks guys and for what an old man’s opinion is worth, I’m damn proud of both of you. How hard you fight just to be together is a thing of beauty.”

“It’s worth a lot.” Elijah told him.

“A whole lot.” Gertrud added.

Joe left shortly after and Elijah and Gertrud cleaned the coffee cups and other dishes before readying for bed in a comfortable silence. As Elijah exited the bathroom, he saw Gertrud sitting on the side of bed, holding her stomach. “Is the baby active tonight?”

Gertrud smiled at him. “Kicking up a storm.”

Elijah came round to Gertrud knelt and placed a hand on her bump. “Now see here, young man or young lady, it’s considered impolite to kick your mother.”

Gertrud laughed loudly. “Elijah!”

“You’re doing wonderfully, my love” He assured her as he rose. “1 more month, just 1 more. Would you like a backrub?”

“Yes, please.”

Elijah climbed up on the bed and got behind Gertrud who seemed to purr with pleasure as soon as he touched her back. “I really wasn’t expecting what Joe told us tonight.” Elijah said. “It was quite shocking. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had denied knowing me.”

Gertrud smiled. “I know it’s been 6 months darling, but you must remember that you were the heir, you could of deny me.”

“Never! Besides I was the one who was too much in love.”

“Do you doubt that I love you?!” There was tension and strain in her voice.

“Not at all” Elijah assured her, getting back on his side of the bed. “It’s just a fact that no matter how much you love me, I love you more.”

Gertrud opened her mouth and quickly closed it again. Did she really want to start a fight about who loved whom more? “I don’t know about that.” She said simply and then let the whole thing drop. Gertrud lay down, waited for Elijah to turn off the lamp and gather her in his arms before she spoke again. “Elijah?”

“Hm?”

“Do you think we’ll make a good marriage…when the time comes?”

“No, we’ll make a great marriage…when the time comes. When the damn name change comes in.,” he grumbled.

“Now how did I know you would bring that up?”

Elijah chuckled in the dark. “Hush now.”

 The following Thursday was August 16th and it began like any other day. Joe had his breakfast and then when upstairs to unlock the front and store doors. Then he picked up the mail from the mailbox.  He shifted through the bills and other things, uninterested until he saw something that stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Elijah!” Joe yelled. “Elijah!” He took off like a shot, climbing the stairs to the upper apartment 2 at a time. He was so excited that he forgot to knock, letting himself in the young couple’s home, something he would never normally do.   Inside, Elijah was just finishing off a cup of coffee while Gertrud readied herself to leave for work.

“Elijah, this letter just came for you” Joe explained. “It’s from the city and it looks official! Gertrud, this is yours.” He handed her a second piece of mail.

Suddenly, Elijah’s last interest in the world was coffee. “From the city? Official? It could be my name change.” He ran across the room to rip opened the letter. “It is! I’m now legally Elijah Cobblepot! Gertrud, we can be married, now!” Gertrud, who was   been silently staring at her own letter, now turned her eyes to the man she loved. “Well, Elijah, it looks like you’re going to marry a US citizen.”

Elijah swore he could feel his heart stop. “Your citizenship test?”

Gertrud smiled as the tears of joy began. “I passed.”

Overwhelmed by happiness, the couple kissed and hugged. Both wore huge smiles as Joe offered his congratulations. The threesome all talking excitedly as they bounced down the stairs. The last thing Gertrud heard as she left the building that morning was Joe’s delighted answer to be Elijah’s best man. Gertrud got another happy surprise that day as Elijah and Joe showed up at Queenie’s just at the start of her lunch break. They soon convince her to go downtown to get the license and then Joe would treat them to lunch. Once they arrived at city hall, Elijah went stiff beside her and Gertrud knew why. Elijah was afraid of something going wrong, if they were served by the same clerk as before or if someone recognized him, then the name change would be nothing but a big waste of time. But everything went smoothly. They were in and out in 10 minutes. Later, at lunch, Elijah surprised Gertrud by telling her that he had already arranged most of the wedding plans and just needed to finalized a couple of details.

 2 days later, in the early evening hours of Saturday, August 18th, Gertrud Kapelput could be seen rushing home after her usual night shift. She opened the main door and then felt though her purse her keys and when she found them, let herself in her apartment. She was about to toss her bag and keys on the small table when she noticed a plastic container with a flower within. Curious, Gertrud lifted the container and opened it. She soon discovered that the flower was a white lily with a lace band on the back making it a wrist corsage. Only then did she noticed the note:

 I know, I know, we agreed that we had no money for wedding flowers, (or anything else for that matter) but I figured that 1 couldn’t hurt. Just don’t ask me how much it cost. See you at the altar.

 I love you,

Your future legal husband.

 Gertrud pressed the note to her heart. She bit down on her smile and released a squeal of glee. It seemed to be her millionth one today. She just could barely believe it, after all this time, all this waiting, she and Elijah would finally, at long last, be married tonight! When Gertrud checked her watch and it read 8:17, she frowned; Elijah had told her that he had booked the  minister for a 10:00 o’clock ceremony and to beat city traffic, Joe was picking her up at 9:30, which gave her a little over a hour to get ready. No time for daydreaming.  After putting down the flower, Gertrud walked directly into the bedroom. She intended to go straight into the bathroom until she saw a patch of white in the corner of her eye. Gertrud turned her head to see her wedding dress laid out on the bed, waiting for her. She couldn’t help smiling. Elijah had complained that the dress   was so plain but Gertrud adored the garment. The mere fact that Elijah had lovingly designed and made this dress just for her to wear on the day she was to wed him meant everything to her and its lack of pearls or lace could not demean its value in her eyes. It was only then that Gertrud realized it; she hadn’t put the dress on the bed before she left for work this morning. Elijah insisted on sticking with tradition of the groom not seeing the bride before the ceremony, so he slept down at Joe’s last night. He must’ve sneaked back up here after she had gone to deliver the lily and lay out the dress. Grunting, she shook her head. Okay, no more distractions! Gertrud marched straight into the bathroom and turned on the tap to begin filling the tub. She knew she had no time for a bath even a quick one but she had to. Despite it being her wedding day, Gertrud had still worked both jobs today. Plus, the city’s ongoing record breaking heat wave showed no signs of stopping, making her feel all sticky. Gertrud supposed she could just take a shower but being almost 9 months pregnant and being on her feet all day, Gertrud feared her back might snap in half if she didn’t get off them for a brief time.   The lukewarm soak felt amazing but Gertrud allowed herself only 10 minutes then she toweled off, carefully put on her dress, placed 2 peal studs in her ears, combed her hair and set it in a bun. She then reached under the sink and pulled out a bag. Gertrud had brought a dozen or so white paper roses cheap from a craft woman at a flea market about 2 weeks ago. Now she set about decorating her hair with them. Gertrud was only half done when she heard a knock at the front door. She looked up to a small clock. 9:30, Joe was right on time.

“Come in!” she called as she raced to meet him in the hallway, stopping briefly to collect her shoes. Gertrud saw Joe just as he was closing the door. Under his arm, he had a long blue box.

Gertrud greeted him with a kiss on the check. “Hello, Joe. I just need a minute to finish my hair.”

“Actually, I was wishing you weren’t ready yet. Here.��� He held out the box to her. He helped her opened it and Gertrud grasp as she beheld yards of tulle.  With an approving nod from Joe, Gertrud took out and unfolded it. It was a wedding veil and what a veil! It was fragile, pure white and letters and flowers were hand-stitched all over it. It may have been too long for St. Alan’s small hall but Gertrud didn’t care. It was too beautiful not to be worn.

“Joe, it’s simply breathtaking! Thank you. Where did you find it?”

“Well, the tulle was imported from Japan and I made the rest.”

“Made it? How? Hand stitching takes hours and hours and there’s so much of it. How could you possibly do all this in the 3 weeks we known each other?”

“Well, I must confess, I had a head start. On that day that I first met Elijah, I felt so touched by his story that I started work on the veil that very day, you and I haven’t even met yet, and I just finished my last stitch about 10 minutes ago.”

Extremely touched, Gertrud came forward and gave Joe a big hug. “Thank you so much. It really is perfect. I know that Elijah sees you as the father he wishes he had and that’s why he picked you for his best man and I was wondering if you would pull double duty and do me the honor of walking me down the aisle?”

Now it was Joe’s turn to be touched. “The honor would be all mine, Gertrud. Elijah told me how you lost both your parents when you were young.”

Gertrud nodded, and then something caught her eye. “What’s that?” She pulled the veil closer to study it and found a tiny sapphire on top a rose. There were no other jewels in sight.

“It’s your something blue. Elijah said how your dress was new and your earrings old but you couldn’t find something blue so I just added it on.” Joe explained.

“I still have nothing borrowed.”

Joe shook his head. “Not so, Elijah borrowed my old tux.”

Gertrud smiled. “You two have thought of everything.”

“Enough chit chat. We have a wedding to get you ready for.”

Together, they went back into the bathroom. When Gertrud finished putting the roses in her hair, Joe helped her put the veil in place. They were practically out the door when Gertrud suddenly remembered her lily corsage. As she slipped it on, she couldn’t but notice the time.

“Oh no, we’re going to be late!”

“Don’t worry,” Joe assured her, “it’s not like Elijah can get married without you.”

In spite of herself, Gertrud laughed. “You mean, you don’t think he’ll marry the 10:15?”

Joe laughed back. “No, but he’s been so hyper today that we might find him running laps around the church.”

 The next surprise came in the cab.

“Downtown please.” Joe told the driver.

Gertrud looked up sharply. “Downtown? But St. Alan’s hall is in the market district.”

Joe shrugged. “These are the directions Elijah gave me. You’ll have to take it up with him.”

Gertrud said nothing, just sat back wondering what surprise Elijah had for her this time.  Finally, the taxi stopped and Joe helped her out. Gertrud’s eyes widened as she beheld the massive structure.

“Elijah and I are to be married here?” She breathed in wonder. “It’s a palace!”

“No, it’s not a palace.” Joe corrected her. “It’s a cathedral, Gotham cathedral to be exact. The head minister is a old friend of mine.”

Smiling, Gertrud cocked her head. “It seems that everyone in this city is a old friend of yours.”

“So it may seem” Joe chuckled good-naturedly. “Are you ready to go in?”

“I’m standing here in the most beautiful wedding gown and veil, both were made with so much love it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I’m about to be married to the man I love more than anything in the most glorious building I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Somehow, ‘ready’ just doesn’t cut it.”

Joe chuckled again as he took Gertrud’s elbow and led her inside.

Gertrud waited in the small front hall with Joe went inside to tell everyone of his or her arrival. He was back within seconds.

“They’re ready when we are.” Organ music of Here Comes the Bride began to play just as Joe adjusted the front of Gertrud’s veil that fell just above her swollen belly. Joe offered her his arm and she took it. The doors opened and they began their walk up the aisle. Gertrud was so excited that she’d never know how she retained the self-control not to run up the aisle. As they neared the front, Gertrud was surprised yet delighted to see Ben Jackson and Alan Reed were seated in the front row. Both were employee of the Van Dahls as well as 2 of Elijah’s oldest and most loyal friends. Gertrud turned her head and saw Elijah. He looked so handsome in Joe’s old tux it took Gertrud’s breath away. Just as Elijah sprang to life the moment he saw his bride. Elija

h and Gertrud were facing each other when Joe withdrew his arm, kissed her check, shook his hand and went to sit down. For a moment, all the couple could do was stare at one another until the golden silence was broken.

“Good evening.” Greeted the minister.

“Good evening.” Echoed the small company.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and this company to unite this man, Elijah James Cobblepot, and this woman, Gertrud Angelina Kapelput, in holy wedlock. Should anyone know of just cause why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

For one insane, crazy, second, Elijah was afraid that his father would storm in and demanded this wedding come to a stop. Of course, he was just being paranoid. The minister waited his standard 10 seconds, and when nothing happened, he went on.

“The bride and groom have chosen to express their love in their own words. Elijah?”

“Funny, we had all this time to get everything nice and perfect, but now the moment’s finally here and I can barely remember what I was going to say. I will say this; the other day I had a rather disturbing thought, what if you’re not real? I first saw you, after all, when I was on my sick bed, nursing a very high fever. I couldn’t dream up a better soul mate for myself if I tried. Beautiful, smart, funny and loves me not my parent’s millions. Well, if I am dreaming, I hope I never, ever wake up. Both directly and indirectly, you have made me a stronger man, a better man just by supporting me, believing in me. Marriage is sacred because love is sacred and how I love you Gertrud! I love you in every way it’s possible for one person to love another. Our first few months in the city were less than ideal, but I believe it has made us stronger as a couple and for that, I say, God bless it. As for the future, who knows what will happen? But, as long as I with you, my beloved, I can’t wait.”

“Gertrud, your vows.”

“Elijah, I must say that was simply beautiful. It’s funny that you should mention dreams. To me, you are not a dream but a dream maker. I suppose it is the wish of every orphan to desire a new family. A mother and father, who would love, support and are there for me, no matter what. I wanted it so much that night after night I would really fall asleep and dream of it. By age 16, those dreams shifted slightly. Instead of dreaming of my 2 adoring parents, I assumed the role of wife and mother. It used to driving me insane, for as hard as I tried to remember, my husband remained faceless and unknown. But now, there’s a person on earth that can convince me that I wasn’t dreaming of you all these years. Tonight, you make me a wife and within a month because of you, I will be a mother. You’ve fulfilled my dreams without even trying and for that alone I will love you forever. Elijah, you are a fine, gentle man with a huge heart. The money is actually the least interesting thing about you. Only a complete fool would love you for your family’s fortunate.”

“Will you please join hands?” The minister asked and the couple obeyed.

Do you, Elijah, take this woman, Gertrud, as your lawful wedded wife? Do you promise to love, honor and cherish her? For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health and keep thee only onto her until death do you part?”

Elijah smiled at his bride. “I do.”

“Do you, Gertrud, take this man, Elijah, as your lawful wedded husband? Do you promise to love, honor and cherish him? For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health and keep thee only onto him until death do you part?”

Gertrud nodded excitedly. “I do.”

“May I have the rings please?”

Gertrud looked down, as Elijah turned red in the face. “We have no rings,” he explained, embarrassed. “We have no way of paying for them.”

The minister, however, kept his cool. “It’s a mere formality.” He dismissed. “Not important. What is important is by exchanging vows and by the power invested in me, I now declared you husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Elijah, you may kiss the bride.”

With great care, Elijah lifted the veil up and away from Gertrud’s face.  As if to steady himself, he put each hand on Gertrud’s shoulders, leaned in at long last, and kissed her. The sounds of clapping seemed very far away as the couple clung to each other during the kiss and when it over, they hugged.

“We’re married! Legal and everything!” Elijah whispered in her ear during the hug. “We did it!”

“We sure did!” Gertrud whispered back.

  They went back in 2 cabs. Elijah and Gertrud in one and Joe, Jackson and Alan took the other. They arrived to discover that Joe had set up a little wedding reception in the back of the shop. The reception, much like the wedding itself, cost little but meant so much. They drank cheap wine from plastic cups and feasted on a $20 cake from a nearby bakery. Sounds of Only You and Le Vie En Rose and other love songs filled the air due to the tape deck. For over 2 hours, they ate, drank and danced. Both Elijah and Gertrud were shocked yet completely delighted and grateful to learn that it was Joe who contracted Jackson and Alan to let them know about the wedding. During the toasts, Alan joked that there were easier way to avoid dating him than marrying Elijah. Everyone laughed at that. A good time was had by all. Ever the good host, Elijah walked Jackson and Alan to the corner and waited with them until they caught a cab. When Elijah went up to the apartment, he found Gertrud in the kitchen, decked out in a short summer nightgown, smearing peanut butter on a piece of bread.

She looked up, caught, embarrassed. “It’s shameful, I know. Considering we just had cake but I just can’t kill these cravings.”

Elijah smiled, shook his head and came forward. “There’s no shame at all in eating for two. Why don’t you go to bed? I’ll finish up here and bring the bread in to you.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I’m almost done here anyway.”

“My sweet darling, since you got up this morning, you have endured a day shift and a night shift at 2 different jobs, a wedding and a reception, all on your feet, I have little doubt. Now, if you don’t want to rest for yourself, do it for our child.”

“All right.” Gertrud chuckled and then kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t be long. You’ve a big day too.” Then she left. Elijah was putting away the bread when he got a wonderful idea.

A minute later, Elijah entered their bedroom and handed the plate to Gertrud, who was sitting up in bed. “Here you are.” As his wife ate, Elijah watched her, lying across the bed, prompted up by his arm.

“Hit the spot?” He asked Gertrud when she was done and took back the plate.

“Yes” she admitted, rather sheepishly. “Yes, it did.”

Elijah placed the empty plate on the floor and turned back to his beloved. “I have something for you.”

“Oh, Elijah, no!” Gertrud protested. “The lily was a nice gesture, it really was, but we already agreed. No buying gifts for each other!”

“Oh, I can assure you I spent no money on this. Do you remember when someone said you can’t have a wedding without a ring?” They both knew that Elijah was quoting himself from their 1st wedding under the oak tree nearly 3 years before.

“I seem to remember a little birdie told me that once.” Replied Gertrud.

“Well, tada!” Elijah pulled out from the twist tie from the bag of bread, knotted it and put it on Gertrud’s bare finger.

Before the happy tears flowed, his wife shook her head. “It’s not fair. I have 2 wedding rings before you’ll

have your first.”

“I’ve thought of that!” Elijah announced proudly as he produced a second twist tie.

Gertrud got on her knees, took the little yellow strip from Elijah, knotted it and slid it on to his finger. “I love you, Mr. Cobblepot.” She whispered.

“And I love you, Mrs. Cobblepot” he whispered before he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply.

  The next day was Sunday, or as Elijah and Gertrud termed  ‘their one-day honeymoon’. Both their employers had given them the same thing. It was something Elijah hadn’t had in weeks, Gertrud in months; an entire day off. It didn’t take the couple long to agree on spending the day in bed. They woke up slowly, lazily and spent their first morning as husband and wife making love. After a light lunch, they went right back to it. In the mid-afternoon, Elijah came out of the bathroom to discover that Gertrud had fallen asleep. The pair was just about to have sex again but Elijah was glad his wife was taking a nap. Tomorrow would make it an exact month to her due date and Gertrud still worked too hard, in Elijah’s opinion. He bought the light blanket up over her bare shoulders and bent to kiss her brow, before he continued to the kitchen to see what he could make for dinner. Some time later, Gertrud awoke and after they ate and cleaned up the dishes, the newlyweds had settled on the couch in the living room to take up their endless debate about baby names. By 7, the debate had been put off again as they resumed their lovemaking. At 11, Gertrud let out a yawn as Elijah set the clock’s alarm. Today’s day off had been badly needed but tomorrow, it was back to work and back to the real world.

The rest of August gave way to September just as Gotham’s record-breaking summer heat wave drew to a close. As the nights grew cooler, the residents of Joe’s Sew Shop were struck with baby fever. With no name changes, citizenship tests or when they would get married left to worry about, Elijah and Gertrud could at last, focus on their upcoming bundle of joy. As they began shopping for baby things, they found that their months of hard earned savings really came in handy. They could afford all the basics. Including the big items, like a crib, a changing table and a stroller. Also the little things like diapers, bottles and other supplies. Even Joe got into the action, he gave the Cobblepots an old rocking chair of his after he had repaired and repainted the chair white. Gertrud could not help but smile in approval as she watched her husband put her old teddy bear, Oscar into the new crib. On September 18, Gertrud and Elijah celebrated their first month of marriage. September 19 was Gertrud’s last day of work before the baby came. On September 20th, Gertrud’s due date came…and went. If Gertrud was anxious about her baby being late, Elijah was beside himself. He watched Gertrud like a hawk. One night as Gertrud got out of bed, Elijah leapt to his feet. Gertrud calmed him with a kiss and explained she needed to use the bathroom and would be right back. On another day, the had just finished lunch and Elijah was clearing the dishes. As he stood over the sink, he heard a yelp that made him lose control over the dishes.

“Ow!”

Gertrud got up and ran to him. “Darling, are you alright? You’re hurt!” She studied the scar on his palm.

“It’s nothing.”  He dismissed. “Gertrud, why did you yell? Are you in labor?”

She nodded nervously. “I-I think so.”

[reikisessions]

How Changing My Words Changed My Life for the Better

“Our words create our world.” ~Rich Litvin

I remember when I was about seven years old, shouting spitefully at my mum, ‘’I wish you were dead, I hate you!” Her jaw dropped in disbelief, and I knew my words had hurt her, which made my young heart heavy.

I remember being fourteen years old asking my first crush, “H-h-hey, do you fancy going to the cinema with me this weekend? To my surprise, she said yes, which taught me there’s never any harm in asking for what you want.

Later this year, I’ll be standing proudly next to my beautiful almost-wife saying the words, “I do.” With those two simple little words, I’ll convey my love and commitment to her.

Words are powerful.

They have the potential to hurt and destroy and to enhance and create.

Since embracing this truth a few years ago, I’ve become more mindful of the words I use. That is, the words I speak and the words I think.

Here are four ways I’ve changed my words and as a result changed my life.

1. Swapping “I’ll try” for “I can, and I will.”

Back when I felt stuck in life, I was always trying.

Trying to lose weight.

Trying to get out of debt.

Trying to get my life back together.

It struck me that, in all the areas of my life I was trying to change, I wasn’t having much success.

I then looked at an area of my life I felt fulfilled in: my social life.

Partying all weekend every weekend was the perfect escapism I needed.

Drinking and partying masked my anxiety, making me forget about my money woes temporarily, and gave me the self-confidence I lacked when sober.

Interestingly, when friends asked me if I would be out at the weekend, I never replied, “I’ll try and make it.”

No! It was always, “I’ll be there! See you in the club, the first round is on me!”

Upon recognizing this pattern, I made a new rule for myself: to swap “I’ll try” with “I can or “I will.”

To no surprise, I started seeing improvements in my life. By saying “I can, and I will,” I somehow felt stronger and in control of my destiny.

My confidence grew too. I used to say to my gym buddy, “I’ll try to get to the gym on Thursday,” only to cancel last minute (having never really intended to go), and then beat myself up for it.

Thinking in terms of “I can/I will” gently forced me to be more decisive. I would then say “I will see you there” or “I will let you know by Tuesday.” If Tuesday came around and another commitment was more of a priority, I could communicate this clearly and without feeling bad for cancelling last minute. Switching from “try” to “can/will” caused me to ask, “What do I want to be committed to?”

The word “try” does still have a place in my vocabulary. I can call a restaurant on a Friday afternoon to try to get a reservation for the evening.

My rule is simple: I’ll never try to do something that’s in my full control.

It’s possible I could call the restaurant and they’re fully booked. The outcome is not in my control.

For anything that is in my control—exercising, writing, waking up early—I now use “I can” or “I will.”

2. Ask better questions.

Why am I so stuck?

When my anxiety, debt, and drinking were at their worst and I finally felt it was time for a change, this question stuck in my head for several days.

The answers I got were less than helpful…

Because you’re a loser.

Because you’ve got no discipline.

Because life is hard.

After several days of soul-searching and fed up with my lousy answers, ironically, a better question came to me: What if I’m asking myself the wrong question?

I closed my eyes and asked my mind to give me a better one.

What can I do today to move forward a little?

For the next few months, this became my question of choice. And each day, I moved forward just a little more, focusing on progress over perfection and solutions rather than the problem.

As Tony Robbins says, “Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”

3. Saying “I get to” instead of “I have to.”

Two years ago, I was on a Skype call with a good friend from Canada.

We connect every now and again and share what we’ve been working on, and it’s always very high-energy and inspiring!

He shared with me the idea of “I have to” vs “I get to.”

“Anytime you wish to feel grateful, change your ‘I have to’ statements into ‘I get to’,” he said.

Like many new ideas I hear, it sounded good at the time but, to be honest, I soon forgot about it.

A few days passed and I was leaving the house to go meet a student. At the time, I was teaching English to non-native speakers, and every Monday evening I would travel across town to where this guy lived.

It was quite a hot day and leaving the house, I wasn’t looking forward to the sixty-minute walk. I became aware of the dialogue in my mind…

“Urgh, I have to walk across town to go teach English.”

Suddenly, the conversation with my friend came flooding back to me, so I decided to change my train of thought.

“I get to walk across town to go and teach English.”

Wow, gratitude hit me hard and in a way I’d never felt before.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt gratitude for my legs, for the fact that I’m fit and healthy enough to walk!

Not only that, I felt gratitude for my student, who I got to spend time with each week so I could help him improve his English—a privilege I had overlooked before.

It’s always important to me to honor how I feel, meaning if I am feeling tired or unmotivated that’s okay. Often, though, changing my “have to” statements to “I get to” is the switch I need to change my perspective and my mood.

4. Swapping the punisher for the cheerleader

Perhaps the biggest change I’ve made is shifting my internal voice from a punisher to a cheerleader.

Like a lot of people, I was painfully strict with myself and overly critical.

I’d speak to myself harshly whenever I failed.

When I felt weak I’d judge myself for feeling that way.

I would beat myself up for always beating myself up!

Self-compassion was at the heart of making this switch. Speaking to myself in a gentler, more supportive tone. Less dictator and more supportive grandparent.

With some practice, I began to respond to failure with words of encouragement.

When I felt weak, I’d offer myself understanding and empathy.

If I beat myself up, I’d forgive myself and move on.

I read somewhere that as important as what we say to ourselves inside our heads is how we speak to ourselves, the tone of voice we use. The author encouraged me to imagine the most understanding, compassionate, and gentle voice imaginable and talk to myself in this voice.

This has been a real game-changer.

Louise Hay said, “You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

I’ve been amazed by what’s happened. Since approving of myself, I’ve relied less on approval from others, which has been liberating, and I’ve given myself full permission to live how I want to live, since approving of myself also means approving of my wants and choices.

—

Part of me wishes I had realized the power of my words long before I did.

Part of me knows I discovered that our words create our world at exactly the right time I was supposed to.

No matter what age we are or where we are on our journey, I believe, it’s never too late to change our words—and change our world.

About

Will Aylward

Will helps people around the world to feel more confident, calm, and fulfilled, without them having to fake it. He is the author of Becoming Unstuck: Your Step by Step Guide to Taking Charge of Your Life. Learn more at willaylward.com

[torentialtribute]

Lewis Hamilton issues stark warning after qualifying farce at the Italian Grand Prix

Lewis Hamilton warned a nervous Formula 1 community that risks another worrying accident unless it is legislative against the farce that destroyed Saturday's qualification for the Italian Grand Prix.

After the death of Formula 2 driver Anthoine Hubert in Belgium last week, Charles Leclerc took advantage of the jockey who was going behind him to take himself an instant Ferrari favorite from going through a pole for the partisans in Monza.

The Monegasque was not even under pressure in the final seconds of the session because he was only a driver, Carlos Sainz of McLaren, crossed the line before the checkered flag was waved. The time of Leclerc since his first round remained undisputed.

Charles Leclerc took pole position for Ferrari for Sunday's Italian Grand Prix

The rest of the field was caught when they pushed out of position to get a slipstream from the car in front. They are woven and diced – sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. The sand ran out and their chance to make another flying round was gone.

"Junior class," said Mercedes main team Toto Wolff. "Everyone looked like idiots."

So the qualification ended with Lewis Hamilton who shared the first row with Leclerc. Valtteri Bottas, in the other Mercedes, finished third. Painfully Sebastian Vettel was only the fourth best, losing again to his ascendant teammate Leclerc.

But the most important point made by Hamilton was with regard to slipstreaming. A false movement in this game of cat and mouse could have increased in one car that drives over another.

"The out-lap was dangerous for all of us," said the world champion. "It is a risky business. Only when someone crashes will they change it. Improvements are needed for safety and spectators.

"It was an anti-climax that we had not come to from the last round. It didn't look good for Formula 1. & # 39;

The elbows occurred despite a warning at the drivers' briefing by Michael Masi, the racing director, that offenders would be punished. Partly, he said, because the couple, also visible in Spa, looked stupid on TV. The deeper background was the fatal accident of the Frenchman Hubert and the alarming medical bulletin about Juan Manuel Correa, the American who was involved eight days ago in the terrible collapse in the corner of Eau Rouge: a statement revealed that he is in an induced coma .

Correa .20 is in a critical but stable state with acute respiratory syndrome in a London hospital. He also broke his legs and suffered spinal cord damage in the 160 mph crash.

"Juan Manuel is currently in an intensive care unit specializing in respiratory injuries," his family said. "We are convinced that our son will surprise us as he always does with his great fighting will and strength and will fully recover."

Leclerc, a friend of Hubert from his youth when he went karting, took his fourth career a week after his first victory in Belgium, the day after the death. The guard changes at Ferrari with Vettel, who pays £ 36 million a year, increasingly unable to take the bacon home.

The fast Monza circuit – the Temple of Speed ​​- fits the home team's car and they will be sure to partly compensate for a gloomy season of evaporated hope by being here in nine years to achieve a first victory.

It is too little, too late for the championship – Hamilton is very clear and does not have to win today to maintain an advantage that will definitely show him his sixth title long before the season ends in Abu Dhabi in December.

Max Verstappen, third in the rankings, starts at the back of the start after an engine upgrade. The Dutchman has 87 points on adrift and was again sick in qualifying while he was constantly trying to make a fast lap. He lost power and had to cancel his journey.

The two Williams cars stood above him at the foot of the & # 39; s, with British rookie George Russell once again making his teammate Robert Kubica better. But there is little to cheer back in their garage.

Lando Norris, the other English boy, qualified 14th for McLaren, but a motorcycle penalty means he will start from the natural step alongside Verstappen.

] Kimi Raikkonen, Ferrari & # 39; s last world champion in 2007, rode his Alfa Romeo in Parabolica but climbed out unscathed. The session was interrupted for 11 minutes. By that time, Leclerc had already delivered what turned out to be the decisive round. Cue de farce.

The Ferrari driver start next to Mercedes & # 39; Lewis Hamilton on the first row of the grid

Valtteri Bottas became third for Mercedes to complete the top three

Ferrari & # 39; s world champion from 1979 Jody Scheckter hands over Leclerc his pole pos ition award

The pole position shootout, however, turns out to be a mess, with drivers on track who want to lose slipstream benefits of following another car

As a result, cars accumulated in the last seconds prior to the last round of runs

But all bar Carlos Sainz (front) and Leclerc failed to pass the fini sh line before the lights turned red to last qualification round to start

ITALIAN GP QUALIFICATION TIMES

1 Leclerc (Mon) Ferrari 1: 19,307

2 Hamilton (Gbr) Mercedes 1: 19,346

3 Bottas (Fin) Mercedes 1: 19,354

4 Vettel (Ger) Ferrari 1: 19.457

5 Ricciardo (Aus) Renault 1: 19.839

6 Hulkenberg (Ger) Renault 1 : 20,049

7 Sainz (Spa) McLaren 1: 20.455

8 Albon (Tha) Red Bull 1: 20.021

9 Stroll (Can) Racing Point 1: 20.498

Raikkonen (Fin) A. Romeo 1: 20,515

]

11 Giovinazzi (Ita) Alfa Romeo 1: 20,517

12 Magnussen (Den) Haas 1: 20,615

13 Kvyat (Russian) Toro Rosso 1: 20,630

14 Norris (Gbr) McLaren 1: 21,068

15 Gas ly (Fra) Toro Rosso 1: 21,125

1 6 Grosjean (Fra) Haas 1: 20,784

17 Perez (Mex) Racing Point 1: 21,291

18 Russell (Gbr) Williams 1: 21,800

19 Kubica (Pol ) Williams 1: 22,356

Verstappen (Hol) Red Bull No Time

Kimi Raikkonen had previously stopped the last session after running

Ferrari fans We were pleased to see that Leclerc claimed pole position for the Italian Grand Prix

The Williams striker of Robert Kubica follow gravel runs during qualification

[19459107]

The late summer sun bathed Monza for the qualifying session

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[superblyjovialtheorist-blog]

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How does the insurance company find out about moving violations?

My understanding is that when you get a moving violation (e.g, a speeding ticket), the police or the courts or whoever will notify your insurance company. When your insurance company finds out and finds out about the points that are now on your license, they raise your insurance premium. However, a friend tells me that he's received several speeding tickets, that his insurance company has never found out (meaning no one is notifying his insurance company), and that his premium has therefore never gone up. How is that possible?""

Why do people hate Obamacare so much?

Because of this law, a lot of people are now able to get affordable health insurance. I'm one of those people. I can buy my epilepsy medication at an affordable price. Why do Republicans want to rip this away from me and go back to the way things were before? By the way, I was on my parents insurance before, but I moved out because I needed to be a man and get out on my own. Because of Obamacare, that is much more affordable now for me. Health care was a disaster before this law. What will Republicans do if they repeal Obamacare?""

Insurance (california)?

I'm an international student who goes to college in Iowa. I have a college insurance and I guess it convers most of meetings with doctors. Now, I'm taking 3 months-summer session at University of California. I think I 've heard some stuff that I need to have Californian insurance to stay here. What is this? Is it wrong? Plus, my wisdom teeth is coming out recently. It starts to hurt. Does insurance in America covers dental work?""

What's the best type of life insurance to buy?

Is term better than cash value? or vice versa?

How much would a job delivering pizzas affect my car insurance premiums?

I drive a 1997 Geo Metro. I have no accidents or moving violations on my record. I have been driving since August 2005. I am 25 years old. My October bill was $91.17.

""A car hit our car, but doesn't have insurance.?""

I have liability on that specific car, and comprehensive coverage from AAA on another of my cars. Could I use the comprehensive insurance on my other car, instead of the liability? Also, if not is there any program in California to help us with the loss.""

""I'm a 20 year old girl who has just passed my driving test,whats the best small car for insurance,as I dont kn

The car will be roughly 5 or 6 years old it goes by insurance band levels WHICH i AM LOST WITH

Progressive auto insurance problem !?

I need an opinion on what should i do in this case. 3 weeks ago , as I was driving home , on the freeway , from the truck in front of me fell big peace of ice and hit my car from underneath. Less than 1 minute later i noticed blue smoke behind , luckily there was and exit with gas station right there. By the time i pulled up to the gas station car was barely moving. After staying parked for 20 min , it leaked oil and tranny fluid . I called towing , had them pick the car up , called progressive made the claim. All of that happened in WI near Milwaukee , before i used to leave in Chicago , so I never dealt with progressive from WI. After couple days adjuster came out and gave shop 1100$ to start the repairs , shop diagnosed everything and came to a conclusion that its the transmission leaking because of the damage inside. Adjuster was extremely slow to give shop any kind of approvals to do anything , So after 3 weeks they finally allowed them to take transmission apart , another adjuster came out took pictures , then shop owner want around , called me and said that he will call me next day. Next day shop owner calls me asking if I heard anything from progressive ? I call that guy back , but he went on vacation. Call my first adjuster , she says that the guy who went on vacation concluded that it wasn't related to impact , so they wont pay for anything and I owe 500 for taking down transmission. I called shop owner right away asking if its possible , not being related to impact , he says of course not , otherwise your car wouldn't break after impact. He also said some technical explanation what caused it to break , i just don't know what. he also said that no one ever called him and asked him what was the cause if that. I dealt with progressive in Chicago twice , when i lived there , and i had greatest experience ever , but it seems that in Milwaukee , they are playing games , making me pay , and not taking responsibilities. I figured somebody might know what should I do in this case , I just want them to do what they should do , especially when Im paying 200$ a month.""

Where is the best place to get insurance for my scooter?

i know that scooter insurance runs around 120 a year but all the quotes i keep getting from places like Allstate and progressive are more like 1167 a year. Where is the best place to get comprehensive insurance for my scooter.

What are health insurance claims?

im confused and dont know what health insurance claims are..i need to know its for school i need to know what is it, what is it used for and why...please and thank you!! :)""

Medical insurance makes a difference?

Why is it that when you go the hospital and you dont have medical insurance you are looked down upon even though you do get the medical services required for proper treatment? But when you have medical insurance its like youre treated in your own way with approbation.

Who has the cheapest car insurance in maryland?

Who has the cheapest car insurance in maryland?

How much cost an insurance car in North Carolina?

How much cost an insurance car in North Carolina?

How much does it cost to run your car per month?

Including tax, insurance, petrol etc. What car do you drive? And how many miles do you do a week? Just trying to work out what kind of figures I'd be looking at.""

Am I too young to have life insurance?

The reason why I am asking this question is because some people have told me that I am too young to have life insurance. I am 22 years old getting ready to get married next month and my fiance and I have a 18 month old. I also work full-time making a comfortable salary and I am also in school part-time. I am the breadwinner because my fiance is in medical school. I am looking to save for the long run and cut expenses where I can. I currently have a 401-k where my employer matches me 6%. I currently pay 50 a month for a 400k policy and also have a policy through my employer which is free. I was told that 50 a month for my life insurance is a good price because of my age and could be higher if I smoked and were older. I just need some advice guys

How can I change my insurance plan in Covered California?

I enrolled in Covered California last December. I just realized that I am not happy with my Kaiser plan. How can I upgrade it? I tried to call but I waited on hold for more than an hour and when I was finally able to speak with a representative, she hung up on me. I plan to stay with Covered California but I want to change/upgrade my plan without being kicked out of the system. I am worried because it is only 4 days to the end of open enrollment.""

Car Insurance Help!!!?

k my problem is my parents wont put me under there insurance or let me use theres so i have to get my own car insurance got some quotes and all of them want to charge me 400 to 500 dollars a month its crazy. can you guys help i was researching on how to insure my own car couldnt find anything how can i do that or how can i start my own insurance company so i dont hav to pay these money hungry bastards

Cheap insurance in northern ireland?

I am a 21 year old driver with 3 years no claims bonus and my insurance is still a fortune!!! is there any dealers out there that is a bit better on it??

Age for car insurance?

I have heard that you cannot get your own car insurance policy untill you are 18. Is this true for new york state?

Frametown West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26623

Frametown West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26623

Parents' health insurance?

If you take a semester off from college, how long do you have until your parents' insurance doesn't cover you anymore?""

What are the requirements for car in surance in the usa states?

I would like to know what kind of car insurance do you need to have in every state.

Do you have to buy auto insurance as a condition of OWNING a car? or DRIVING a car?

If you own an RV and you live in it but you don't drive it.....does the auto insurance mandate apply to you?

Look! Auto Insurance?

Has anyone heard of Look! Auto Insurance based in Michigan? Are they a legit agency? http://www.look-insurance.com/home.nxg

Help in family health insurance in Indiana?

I have a family of 4, My wife and I make about $20,000 a year. Right now, we have to pay $350 a month for health insurance. We already applied for HIP insurance, but it've been 2 years, and they have no positive answers for us. I feel $350 a month is too expensive for us right now, this insurance only pay for us when we have to pay over $10000 at a hospital. For example, if we have to pay $14000 for health, we pay $10000 and they pay $4000 ; anything under $10000, they won't pay. Please help us with our situation, Are there any other options out there. Thank you very much""

Know any good insurance companies that will insure a home under renovation that we're living in?

We bought a foreclosure that needs a fair amount of work. We made it habitable and then moved in so we can work on one room at a time. What insurance company would be able to insure this home without raking us over the coals, even though the home may not be considered complete ?""

Motorcycle insurance?

Anyone know where I can get cheap bike Insurance I'm looking for basic coverage on a 650cc Yamaha Maixm I just got my licence in May. I live in Ontario Canada.

Can I still own a car but without insurance?

I'm moving out, my car insurance is at 361.00$ a month now and I wont be able to afford rent and that. Is there anyway to either not have any insurance at all or just some sort of just minimal coverage?""

How much do you pay per month for your car insurance and gas?

How much do you pay per month for your car insurance and gas?

Lowering my car insurance premium by putting my car under my roommate's policy?

I'm 20 years old and I own a car. I pay a lot for my own insurance. But I live with a 25 year-old roommate. Is there anyway I can lower my insurance premium by putting my car under his insurance policy because we live together in the same household. What do I need to do? We don't have the same insurance company and does that mean I have to terminate my current insurance and switch to his company? Or a lot more need to be done? I have no clue. This means big savings for me so please help. Thank you!

Where to Get Free Auto Insurance Quotes online?

I live in California USA. I heard from peoples that its best to have Car insurance Online Quotes free from some trusted online Car Insurance Service. Anyone please help me in getting online cheap motor insurance Quotes for my Car. Regards

""For teens, how much do you pay for your insurance car?""

Without your parents, if you live in New York, Westchester, how much would you pay for your car insurance? Let's say that the car is a Honda Civic 2001 THanks!""

About health insurance....?

If u have 2 health insurances, whatever your primary doesn't cover, your secondary will? My primary insurance sucks, but then i have the Unions insurance as secondary.""

Insurance for a Range Rover Sport?

I'm turning 16 in about two years, and i was thinking about getting a 2010-2012 RR Sport Supercharged. I was wondering how much it would cost for me to get insured. Do you have a range of what it would be around? My parents are already letting me practice driving and stuff. The car would be around $30,000-$45,000. My family is in the upper-middle class. So we're not all that rich. I will be working by that time and paying the car off.""

Where can i get a Tb test in NYC with no insurance?

can i just go to any hospital and pay to get it done?

Motorcycle insurance?

Anyone know where I can get cheap bike Insurance I'm looking for basic coverage on a 650cc Yamaha Maixm I just got my licence in May. I live in Ontario Canada.

Insurance for a rental car?

Is your own insurance enough to cover a rental car or should you purchase the supplemental insurance offered by car rental companies?

MINI One for first car? Insurance?

Desperately want a mini for my first car but they're quite expensive - especially insurance! Was wondering the approx cost of insurance on a mini one for a 17 year old after passing, I haven't passed yet so can't get a quote :/ Also, are 2003-4 reg minis more prone to problems & break downs? Loads of people I know have minis so can't be that bad? Or their just wealthy haha""

How much is insurance on a Chevy Camaro?

I'm 20, ill be on the car by myself.the camaro is a 1998, and in great condition.""

Is there any insurance company that accepts sr22 insurance required cdl driver who need just bobtail insurance?

I have sr22 restriction on my cdl. And just bought my truck. Its really hard to find Bobtail insurance some ppl call it non trucking liability insurance because of my driving record or sr22 (I guess its samething). Is there any insurance company or agency out there who might accept?

How much would my little sister's car insurance be?

Can anybody give me an estimate of what insurance on a Chevy Cavalier would be for an 18 year old girl who lives in Colorado? My little sis is in a tight spot cuz my parents aren't helping her with paying for a car or insurance, but she's saved up enough to buy a car and just got a job, and is asking me to help her with insurance which I'm going to try to do, thus the question above. The problem is awhile back she got a ticket for I think it was either wreckless driving or careless driving. She's matured a lot now and all but I know the insurance companies look into things like that. Please help me with an estimate if you can. Thanks.""

How much does insurance cost?

in california? my mother is on a stupid hmo, i was wonderingif i paid for a better insurance if it would get better.""

Question about car insurance?

a friend of mine parked his car in another friends shed.The car was an 18 yrs old golf.The problem is that the car went on fire and took shed and all.When the owner of the shed checked his insurance he had it under insured.My question is though should the car insurance cover the building of the shed and its contents?The grand total would be 23000 euro.The shed and contents were only insured for 3000euro and the car was only insured for 800euro?

What is the cheapest car insurance company in orlando?

What is the cheapest car insurance company in orlando?

Auto insurance: Found Wawanesa cheaper than Mercury?

Anyone in California find that Wawanesa is much cheaper than Mercury. For our two infiniti family the rates for 1 year was WaWa-$1150 vs Mercury ($1,650) What gives here?? Why the big disparity?""

Frametown West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26623

Frametown West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26623

Whats a good car from the year 1996 to 2002 for a 16 year old boy so that the insurance is cheaper?

Whats a good car from the year 1996 to 2002 for a 16 year old boy so that the insurance is cheaper?

How much would insurance cost for me if I have a Classic Camaro and I am a 16 year old male with State Farm?

I am thinking about getting a classic car. Probably a Camaro (year 1990 and lower). I have State Farm, and I am a 16 year old male. Anyone have a clue about how much insurance would cost? Thank you.""

Massachusetts Health insurance?

Massachusetts Health insurance? I am in fifties and currently living in California. Due to the California high cost of medical insurance, My wife and I are thinking of moving to Massachusetts state, get a small home there and retire there eventually. The reason that we are thinking about is that we overheard Massachusetts have a much lower health insurance cost ($50/month ?). Please advise us if you are currently living in Massachusetts state or other states that have less expensive health care insurance and housing cost. You advise is greatly appreciated. Jo""

What is the best way to market homeowners insurance in Florida?

I m a relatively new property and casualty insurance agent in Florida. There is a perceived homeowners insurance crisis in Florida. Many of the big boys (ie Allstate, State Farm, Nationwide) are not writing any new business, policies are being nonrenewed, and if you're lucky enough to not get dropped, premiums are going up by more than 30% a year. Because of this, the average consumer thinks there's no alternative but pay what your Allstate, State Farm, or Nationwide agent gets you, which is usually a high rate with Citizens (the state run insurance company of last resort). However there ARE several small companies writing policies in Florida with great rates, but the captive agent of the big boys can't write them so people don't really know. I honestly haven't had a single lead who I couldn't save hundreds, maybe more than a thousand dollars a year. But I just don't know how to get the word out. Any ideas?""

Cheap Cars to Insure for 17 year olds?

Hi, I am 17 was was wondering if anyone knows of any cheap cars to insure that they could recommend. Cheers Kieran.. (P.s., if that's OK maybe you could roughly say how much your insurance was or approx how much it would be?)""

How much did you pay for car insurance as a new driver?

....yes......

Will my car insurance premiums increase?

I just got pulled over for the second time in a 7 month period and was given a citation for turning right on no turn on red . Will my car insurance payments go up? How long does it usually take for the insurance company to find out about the citation?

Do I still have to pay car insurance if....?

This is probably a really stupid question, but I'm sixteen, so please just answer... I've had my permit since last September. I've practiced, but my parents won't let me get my license because they can't afford the car insurance. We only have one car anyway. Well, say I were to register a motor vehicle, such as a 50cc moped, which only requires a basic license to use. Would I still have to pay car insurance for my family car if I don't drive it, AND a moped? Or can I stick to paying the motor bike insurance instead? I'm sorry, it's such a stupid question, but I don't know much more about car insurance other than the fact that we can't afford it. Thank you. (:""

Insurance companies that insure homes?

Do not have change&a was wondering insurance companies that will insure my home in Alabama

Anyone know any good insurance?

Does anyone happen to know of any good insurance companies that may help pay for some of the initial tests for infertility?

Why the heck do I have to legally own car insurance? It is unconstitutional!! I should have the right not to..?

buy car insurance if I don't want to. That should be repealed.

Auto Insurance Experts: How much will I be penalized for lapsed insurance due to non-payment (I'm unemployed)?

I have been without insurance for nearly a month now. I have been unemployed for 5 months, but I will start a new job next week! Yay! Since I will start working soon, I will be able to afford to pay again. My car will also be paid off next month. I plan to go with a new company. (I do not have loyalty to the current company.) I used to have a well-known national company for years. When I first lapsed six months ago, my long-time company DOUBLED my monthly premium. I went for a low-budget, local company. Will the new company force me to pay for the time I did not have insurance? Or will I face a penalty? Will they charge me a higher rate? **Believe me, I know that I am taking a terrible risk driving around without insurance. I know that it is illegal...but I have been unemployed for 5 months, and have used the little money I had to pay rent, utilities, my car, groceries for me and 3 kids. I just had no other choice... I just want to be prepared for fees, higher rates, penalties, etc. Can you please give me some advice and suggestions on how to get myself back on track? Thanks.""

""Heres another crock of feces, about car insurance!?""

Apparently I didnt get the lowest rate because I didnt open an account or have a loan before age 25. What the F? does that have to do with the ability to drive a car? Also not because of no history of car loans or leases. Once again, What the F? does that have to do with the ability to drive a car? Also not because I have 2 accounts in good standing. I need more? or less? Once again, What the F? does that have to do with the ability to drive a car? Your company has never paid one dime to me or because of me. YET YOU BASE YOUR PREMIUMS ON NON RELATED ISSUES! F?ING BITE ME, WHAT A BUNCH OF SCAM ARTISTS! No wonder people commit insurance fraud. Because insurance companys F? you all the time. Another good one, recoupment fee. If you get money you have to pay it back. What was the purpose of the insurance in the first place? Now I know why we need billions of gallons of oil so much. Vaseline is a by product.""

Which car has the cheapest insurance?

Audi A4 (Sedan) Audi A6 (Sedan) BMW 3-Series (Sedan) BMW 3-Series (Coupe) BMW 3-Series (Convertible) BMW 5-Series (Sedan) BMW M5 (Sedan) Cadillac CTS Lexus IS Lexus GS Mercedes-Benz C-Class Mercedes-Benz CLK-Class Mercedes-Benz SLK-Class Mercedes-Benz E-Class Mercedes-Benz S-Class These are cars I want to get but my dad said that he wants me to pay for insurance and gas. I want something with the cheapest insurance BUT ALSO on this list.

Car insurance for young driver?

I was wandering if I bought insurance for a car that I own on a provisional, drove it about on the provisional for a bit, then passed my test and told the insurance company that I had done so, would it shoot up to the 5,000/6,000 quotes I've been getting or would it not rise as high because I was with them on a provisional? also any general tips on knocking down the price, it's just ridiculous, it's for a 5 door fiat punto! thanks in advance :)""

What are some safe ways to invest other than whole life insurance?

I understand now that term life insurance is the way to go, and then open up a Roth IRA. We are going to meet with our financial adviser and I would like to do more research, hence ...show more""

What is the price of a mini copper and its insurance?

just wondering what the price of a mini copper is to buy and the cheapest insurance? Details would be helpful Thankx

Is a life insurance that terms at age 95 a good one?

I just reviewed my life insurance and saw that it termed at age 95..I'm not sure if that is good or bad...please help!

Buying auto insurance?

Can two brother's buy auto insurance regardless of if they live together or not?

Aurora Auto Insurance?

Where can I get auto insurance in Aurora? What do you recommend? I bought a car recently and I'd like to find a cheap way to insure it.

How much will insurance cost on a 1973 Dodge Challenger?

I am looking to buy one and its going to be under my parents name so I was just wondering if anyone can give me an estimate. Thanks!

Will the car insurance company pay for the damage or fix my car?

Ok I got into an accident with this lady today and it was all her fault. so my question is, is her insurance company going to pay me money to get a new car, or will they just fix it. the damage pretty bad, the engine makes some weird noises whenever i turn it on/off. what are some tips for not getting ripped off by the company? btw my car is 02 Honda accord. Thanks in advance""

16 year old male car insurance?

Im going to be 16 soon, and my uncle said that I could use his 1968 Corvette. However, I found out about the insurance. My friend said it would be several thousand dollars a month, and I don't believe him. So, what would be the cost of my car insurance(an estimate)? Thank you for your time!""

How much would insurance cost for a silverado?

new one 2010 im 18

Car insurance for a japanese import?

I am looking for car insurance for a japanese import car and I am trying to find companies which will deal with imports and are cheap. I am only 18 so I know that the insurance will be pretty expensive but if anyone has had any experience with imports at this age and can tell me some companies to try that would be great. The car I am looking at is a Mazda mx-3 1.5i . If anyone knows how to get cheap insurance for this I would like to hear from you. It would be cheaper if I was a named driver and could earn no claims discount but I don't know if any of the companies who do that accept imports. Any help or advice anyone could give me would be very much appreciated. Thanks

Frametown West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26623

Frametown West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26623

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/have-you-seen-alternative-proposed-democrat-health-mandate-alvarez/"

[ashwinkumar1989]

Since when I have found train journeys “dreary” or “forgettable” ? Well, this one by 11044 MDU-LTT express was a notable exception. It is a weekly train with oodles of slack at quite a few points in its schedule:

5 hours 35 mins for a distance of 132 km (at an average speed of 23.64 kmph) between CGL and RU

45 mins for a distance of 28 km (at an average speed of 37.33 kmph) between GY and GTL

4 hours 10 mins for a distance of 107 km (at an average speed of 25.68 kmph) between Raichur and Wadi

I am not counting the slack right towards end of the destination; as it is present in nearly all trains. However, adding up all the slack I’ve mentioned; it comes to 10.5 hours for a paltry distance of 267 km – at a measly average speed of 25.42 kmph; something that would put even a passenger train stopping at every station to shame. Considering that the train takes 35 hours 45 mins to cover an overall distance of 1694 km (at an average speed of 47.38 kmph) between MDU and LTT, you can imagine the scope of speeding up it has – IMHO at least 4 hours can easily be shaved off the schedule; this is after taking into account the slack necessary for overcoming delays likely to be encountered in the single sections in between GR and DD (and the one between CGL and AJJ) that the train has to traverse. Besides, the train has a total of 24 stops; which is not a lot for such a huge distance.

Anyway, I am talking too much 😛 . However, you can now understand why a journey by this train would be dreary even for a hardcore railfan 😛 . Especially when it is in Sleeper Class and in the month of May. As it is, I was already tired; after the travel of the last one day or so – which involved a more than 9 hours overnight AC Semi-Sleeper bus journey from Chennai to Karaikudi, the travel between Karaikudi and Devakottai (to meet the mother of my best friend); and another bus journey (2.5 hours) from Karaikudi to Trichy. After an early dinner at a Cafe near TPJ, it was time to board 11044 on the night of 5th May – in order to reach Mumbai on the early morning of Monday 7th; so that I could then report to office at 9 am like any other day! The plinthed steam engine near the station was a sight for sore eyes on a sultry summer night.

The station building was neat and simple, with a host of vehicles at the exit.

16187 KIK-ERS “Tea Garden” express was standing on Platform 1 (the same platform on which 11044 was expected to arrive later) behind an EMD.  12605 MS-KKDI Pallavan express was expected to arrive on PF5 at 21 10, 10 mins late. At 20 10 (the scheduled time of departure for 16187), the LP sounded many intermittent blasts of the HT horn. 2 mins later, an LT horn was sounded and the train finally departed. RPM WAP7i 30482 was standing in the far right. 56830 RMM-TPJ passenger arrived behind GOC WDG3A 13283. 16231 MV-MYS express chugged hard into PF2 behind ED WDM3D 11295. Then 11044 came with KYN WDP4D 40234 on PF1. My coach S7 was of a 2013 make, with plug points in all bays, bio toilets as well as mirrors in the main bays. I soon slept after brushing my teeth; though I would wake up quite a few times during the course of the stuffy night.

I didn’t really need the bedsheet I had brought (the weather being so sultry); moreover I had to try quite a few different positions in order to sleep comfortably in my SUB – which didn’t allow my to stretch my legs fully, given my height. Lesson for me: never book Side Berth in Sleeper Class henceforth (unless it is a daytime journey)! Also, the AJJ maintenance block (https://www.irctchelp.in/2016/01/all-special-train-blocks-updates-2016.html) had affected this train too – we were diverted via VM-Tiruvannamalai-KPD-Melpakkam-AJJ bypass-RU! I could sense that we were stopped for quite a few crossings in the single line section between VM and KPD – in the middle of the night. I woke up around 07 55; to find our coach quite crowded – predictably, with many unreserved passengers. I had a tough time trying to find my sandals around all the luggage placed; ended up cursing a lot before I eventually found them in the adjacent side bay – apparently they had been placed there accidentally by the OBHS staff.

Anyway, this was an early indicator as to how the rest of the journey would pan out – more on that later! I washed my face and brushed my teeth. The sidebay had to be shared with two people instead of one (as mentioned earlier, due to the prevalence of unreserved passengers in the coach); it was just as well that I had a trackside emergency window seat – though I resisted the temptation to push the blood red bars up 😛 . It seemed our coach had a flat wheel at the front. We passed through greenery with  lot of plantains, mountains in the distant right, a lot of buildings, huts and cottages, and a highway across us; before pulling into Razampeta at 08 22, 14 mins late. So it seemed the route diversion had not affected us a great deal! Well, slack does have a few benefits after all :P. After a halt of 2 mins, we overtook 57274 TPTY-UBL passenger standing there behind GY WDM3D 11338.

Meanwhile, more repercussions were slowly coming out from the AJJ fiasco. My grandmother’s sister was to travel in 12028 MAS-SBC Shatabdi the previous day – she had reached MAS at 16 30, an hour before the train’s departure. Then she had to wait for  about 4 hours in the AC waiting room – the train ultimately being rescheduled by 5 hours; before heading into a queue which turned out to be complete chaos – as there were hundreds of people (along with her) in line to cancel their tickets (for various other trains)! To top it all, the staff rudely told my grand-aunt that only I could cancel the ticket; since I had booked it! There was also no point in going ahead with the  trip since the train would then reach SBC at a very odd hour. Thus she had called me the previous night regarding this affair; at that time I was unfortunately lying on my SUB!

Only that morning (after doing my usual routine) I saw my grand-aunt’s messages and then tried to log into the IRCTC website through my mobile data; it took a lot of time as the network was weak. I could not cancel the ticket (since the journey date had already passed), but somehow managed to file a TDR under the reason “Train late by more than 3 hours and passenger not travelled”. Coming back to the journey, we crossed a BOXN freight from which twin WDG4s (Trailing – 12145 of UBL) were detached. We then overtook a BOXN rake with VSKP WAG9H 31986 at Yerraguntla through the loopline. There was a PSR of 30 kmph for the UP loop. Then there were huge mounds of stone and granite waste, big pits and some stagnant water. We also crossed a light WAG9; and then  overtook a twin WAG5 hauled BOXN freight, as well as a WDG4 hauled freight; at MPS, at Kalamalla.

There was a factory with towering chimneys and 5 tall cooling towers (similar to that of RTPS) in the distant right. The freight action continued unabated as another BOXN rake hauled by twin WDG4s crossed. An electrified line joined us on the right. We overtook yet another BOXN freight on that line led by twin maroon brown AJJ WAG5s 23537 and 23274; as it entered Muddanaru. Then there was a small bridge followed by huts and cottages, and a highway across us under construction. There was also the usual scenery in the form of bushes and shrubs, a hill in the distant right; and Neem, Peepal and Palm trees. The huge windmills on the hill stood out amongst the otherwise drab scenery. Then there was an LC with many vehicles, and a road gave us company briefly on the right. There were a lot of buildings, huts and cottages, a church, a water tank, a temple, and a small bridge; before Mangapatnam.

From here, the region seemed to become more a bit more fertile; as seen by the rows of tiny trees, coconut trees; and a lake and a rain-fed pond in the distant right. However, this was immediately contrasted with some thorny plants as well as bushes and shrubs. There were gangmen at work on the right track, before we reached Kondapuram for our first watering halt; which lasted 11 mins. Then there was a TSR of 90 kmph, followed by 4 water tanks and an industrial unit. We crossed the bridge over the dry Chitravathi river (wonder how the water at the station is sourced, if the river is dry? :O ), followed by green watered fields and coconut and palm trees. There were more rows of small coconut trees as well as a shepherd leading a flock of cattle at Regadipalli. This was followed by another highway across us under construction and some quarrying work; with excavators and bulldozers. Also small cottages were being built.

There were small cottages, a temple and some firewood stacked up at Vanganur. We crossed an express behind a WAP4. Then there was another bridge over a dry river, followed by trees and an LC. There were big factories at Challavaripalli as well as a mall bridge. An electrified line from the factories joined at the station. There were a lot of settlements in the distant right, a church, more stone waste, a rather run-down HMP Co. Ltd unit and a highway across us; before we entered Tadipatri. There were buffaloes on a platform being constructed in the right. We accelerated through the mainline to pass the station without stopping. Then there was arid land; which was why I was surprised to see a brown deer with tall horns! :O There was yet another freight at Komali, followed by two small bridges (again!) and another road giving us company for a while. We also crossed another express before the bridge over the (not surprisingly 😛 ) dry Pennar river. We had an unscheduled halt of a minute at Juturu, where a shepherd was leading goats and sheep to graze. There was also an electrified line branching off to the right.

There was another electrified line (bypassing the station) which came from the right.

I would dearly love to know more about these lines! Meanwhile our EMD beast smoked up as we accelerated out of the station. There was a girder bridge, followed by bushes and shrubs, more stone waste, another highway across us; and (again!) mountains in the distant right. I saw the Lions Club of Rayalacheruvu, which looked impressive. After Jakkalacheruvu (where there was a track-level platform) the landscape became less arid again; with coconut groves, palm trees; and goats and lambs grazing. The approach to GY was signalled by a BPCL Plant, a Prohibited Area nearby, ballast stacked up along with a bulldozer at work on the left; and a lady shepherding buffaloes with a man in tow. We crossed twin WDG3As (trailing – 13067 of GY) before arriving at the junction ay 11 54, 11 mins late. At this point, I am sorry to stop; since it has become exhausting to write this much already! 😛 Fear not, you may not have to wait long for Part 2. Happy reading till then!

Technical Terms

EMD – Electromotive Diesel (and a modern class of diesel engines)

LP – Loco Pilot

HT – High Tone

LT – Low Tone

OBHS – Onboard Housekeeping Services

TDR – Ticket Deposit Receipt (for getting refund when ticket cannot be cancelled)

PSR – Permanent Speed Restriction

TSR – Temporary Speed Restriction

MPS – Maximum Permissible Speed

LC – Level Crossing

Station Codes

MDU – Madurai

LTT – Lokmanya Tilak Terminus (or just Kurla Terminus)

CGL – Chengalpattu

RU – Renigunta

GY – Gooty

GTL – Guntakal

GR – Gulbarga

DD – Daund

AJJ – Arakkonam

TPJ – Trichy Junction

KIK – Karaikal

ERS – Ernakulam Junction

KKDI – Karaikudi

MS – Chennai Egmore

RPM – Royapuram

RMM – Rameshwaram

GOC – Golden Rock (Ponmalai)

MV – Mayiladuthurai

MYS – Mysore

ED – Erode

KYN – Kalyan

VM – Villupuram

KPD – Katpadi

TPTY – Tirupati

UBL – Hubli

MAS – Chennai Central

SBC – Bangalore City

VSKP – Visakhapatnam

RTPS – Raichur Thermal Power Station

A long, dreary and forgettable journey – Part 1 Since when I have found train journeys "dreary" or "forgettable" ? Well, this one by 11044 MDU-LTT express…