#..hey this post just made me realise im actually aromantic

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hey, hey. at the end-ish of december last year, i sent you an ask, super long and quite incoherent, while i was questioning my sexuality. you replied with quite a long post, some links, and advice to look into the mirror and try on the label 'aromantic'. it's been months. i've been thinking it a while, asked lots of friends what crushes feel like, read lots of stories about people on the aro spectrum, and... i'm aro. i'm aroace. i'm not sure what my feelings are on it - i mean, i'm so glad (1)

that i have a label that i feel like FITS, and memes and tiktoks and tumblr posts that i see and actually feel like i relate to, but i still feel so, so isolated and awful whenever people continually bring up 'love' and it's not a love i can feel - but i just wanted to say... thanks, thank you, thank you SO much. i don't think i would've ever figured it out on my own - and that picture, of me without having sent through that ask, saddens me. i called myself pan, but i never really related to those experiences - and that took me a long time to realise. meanwhile, i was sad, worried, confused, always critical of romance in media, and i told my parents i never wanted to get married/date. they told me they didn't want to at my age and it would come would time. i just- thanks, aryan. i'm just another teen but you've really helped me somuch. thanks for doing what you do - you're so selfless and caring, like the types in the hist 📚

Hi there my friend!!

Ahhh yeah I remember your ask!!

Holy shit, I’m so happy for you my friend!! Aromanticism and asexuality are awesome and the aspec community is awesome. I spent a brief time there when I used to identify as ace and it was so warm and welcoming and friendly and cheery and fighting for acceptance. You’ve got an awesome community full of others like you and allies like me who’ll support you all the way. 

Ahh I know what you mean!! I felt the same way when I realised I was trans, like finally, a community, finally, somewhere where I’m not alone, somewhere where I relate to stuff.

I’m sorry, anon, I’ve heard a lot of aros talk about how isolating being aro can be. I just want you to know that you are wonderful and whole just as you are, and not being able to feel romantic love doesn’t matter. You’re an awesome person and you have worth. Remember that. No matter what, you have worth. 

I’m so so glad I could help you—that’s why I do what I do. Being openly queer is shitty sometimes and having a queer blog online makes me the target of harassment, but I love y’all. So so much. 

It was the queer community that saved me, that showed me I wasn’t broken and I wasn’t alone and there was a name for what I was feeling, the queer community took me in and I made some of the best friends of my life and I felt safe and heard and understood.

So I pay it forward. No kid should grow up feeling broken or not understood. No one should feel ashamed of who they are. And if I can help just a few people understand that there’s a name for who they are, if I can help just one person figure out who they are, that’s what it’s all about. Paying it forward.

We all ponder on those images of alternate selves who were never as fortunate as we were—but remember, my friend, you are here. You are who you are and you figured it out and you *know* you are aroace. So while it’s natural to grieve for the other you who never figured it out, be happy you know who you are, and this is the life you’re living.

Again, I’m so so glad I could help you, and this message warmed my heart. I’m so glad I could help someone figure out who they are.

Afsfafsfd as I said earlier, I’m paying it forward. Y’all deserve to know who you are and be accepted and understood and I’m doing my part. I want queer kids to grow up safe and heard and accepted, because I couldnt.

Im guessing you got cut off at the end here, but again, I’m so so happy for you and Im so glad I could help you. I hope the sun is shining where you are, my friend! Have a wonderful day!!

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

Hey ! :D

So i noticed a lot of people seem to be coming to you for help and decided to also ask

So a while ago i figured out i was Bisexual and Aromantic and was pretty happy for a while . Then i started questioning my gender

See the thing is im afab but i don't really care about my pronouns or anything and i found the label Cassgender from one of your posts actually which i guess it does describe me?

But also i keep getting these thoughts that are like "what would it like to be masculine" "binding you should try that" and i thought "oh yeah all people have these thoughts wondering about if they were the opposite gender" but Apparently they dont??

And stuff like that at the same time though ive been looking into gender labels and watched a ton of videos and obviously things like transmasc and stuff came up a lot so i dont know if theyre just there because of the videos influence and im just tryna be special ya know?

Idk anyway i hope you have a good day/night and all your help is appreciated !! :D

Heya anon!

And yeah, my asks are always open if you wanna talk or have gender/sexuality questions!! Sometimes if I’m busy or have too much schoolwork I’ll turn off asks, but otherwise I’m always happy to help out!

First off, I’m so glad you figured out your sexuality my dude!! That’s awesome, I’m so happy for you!!

Btw if you wanna read up more on the cassgender label, here is the wiki page for cassgender and it has some cassgender related micro labels as well, and here’s the definition!

Cassgender is a gender identity where one feels that their gender is unimportant or where one is indifferent to the idea of gender. Cassgender is different from a lack of gender, as a cassgender individual might have a gender but not feel that it's an important part of their identity.

Another similar identity is gender apathetic!

Gender apathetic is when a person really doesn't identify nor care about any particular gender. They are fine passing off as whatever and do not have an opinion towards their own gender. This is different than agender in that they may have a gender, but it's unimportant whether they have one or not, let alone what the gender is itself. 

About the opposite gender thing, pretty much the only exception I’ve seen to that is cis girls wishing they were boys so they could have male privilege, but if it’s not because of social privilege, then yeah, I don’t think most people would have any strong desire to be another gender. 

And tbh it depends on what you mean by masculine? Like gnc girls and butch women can dress masculine and still be women—but if you’re talking about having a male body, then ye that doesn’t sound very cis lmao

But yeah, a lot of the thoughts you’re having do sound similar to what a lot of transmascs have talked about thinking, like I always wished I was a guy and wanted to bind when I still thought I was cis, and you wanting to bind sounds like it could be a sign of physical dysphoria

Tbh, I doubt it’s because of the influence of the videos! If you’re transmasc, it’s probably that the videos helped you realise it rather than they made you transmasc! 

Like, the internet didn’t make me trans, it helped me realise I was trans. I would’ve been trans either way, it just helped me realise it quicker, so that may be what’s happening with the videos!

And if you feel cassgender fits you, you can identify as a trans cassgender guy, or cassgender transmasc, whatever you feel fits you!

I hope you have a wonderful day/night, anon, and I wish you luck on your gender journey! I hope I could help, lmk if you have any more questions!