#...tho i guess that doesn't stop me from just making text posts. i like the context screenshots provide tho

[wild-battlebond]

digimon adventure (sub) blu-ray will arrive at my location next week 😏

[mishellii]

♢ᴘᴇᴛ ɴᴀᴍᴇꜱ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ♢

naruto, sasuke, shikamaru, kiba, shino, neji, iruka & kakashi

a/n: sooo,, i SHOUld be working on my uni essays and on the bf!neji texts BUT this had been sitting in my notes app for a while so i decided to post it ;D (the neji texts will come soon i promise). some are longer, some are shorter for which i apologise,,,,,, please ignore typos, i can't spell & enjoy MWUAH

likes & reblogs appreciated <3

warnings: some NSFW parts! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! :) also not proofread as usual

masterlist

♢ɴᴀʀᴜᴛᴏ ᴜᴢᴜᴍᴀᴋɪ♢

✿oh my baby boy

❀first off: angel. 100%.

✿because u are his angel u feel me

❀he can't go a day without telling u

✿then also just the basic baby

❀but mostly when he wants something from u or he's apologising for dumb stuff he's done

✿puppy eyes and all

❀and also during sexy time

✿it's his most used name for u there

✿fight me on this

❀big on his own self made nicknames for u

✿for instance: u fell down the stairs once?

❀"hey, stairs, how you doin'"

✿and just silly ones like: boo, pookie, apple of my eye

❀he's weird like that c'mon we been knew

♢ꜱᴀꜱᴜᴋᴇ ᴜᴄʜɪʜᴀ♢

✿now this guy is a wild card

❀he'd prefer ur name through & through

✿but he'd slip in a casual babe sometimes which makes ur knees weak obviously

❀because he barely ever calls u that

✿if ur married he'd only call you his wife

❀doesn't even let you answer questions on your own sometimes just so he can hit them with

❀"well, MY WIFE, thinks you suck ass, so.."

✿during sex he can be quiet mean 

❀I DONT THINK in the derogatory way but more in a teasing way

✿"c'mon, sweetheart, look at me."

❀when ur just about to black out??

✿but like i said 

❀not big on pet names but he'll use them more often if he knows u enjoy it <3

♢ꜱʜɪᴋᴀᴍᴀʀᴜ ɴᴀʀᴀ♢

✿pretty

❀just pretty bro.

✿not ALL THE TIME, especially not in public as i don't think he's big on PDA

❀but in the comfort of ur own 4 walls? definitely

✿now don't HATE ME for this but,,,

❀woman. and brat.

✿but only in petty situations, like when ur scolding his lazy ass and he hits u with a "go easy on me, woman, i just woke up."

❀or u've been going on his nerves while he's working

✿,,i'm busy, brat.''

❀in bed tho???

✿love or doll

❀i'm almost CERTAIN.

✿like,, can u imagine?? in his dumb fucking charming voice ???

❀PFFF i'm on my knees 

♢ᴋɪʙᴀ ɪɴᴜᴢᴜᴋᴀ♢

✿now this fucker

❀teasing names through & through

✿ur shorter than him? 

❀"hey, shortie, need help?"

✿ur taller than him?

❀"hey, giant, how's the weather up there?"

✿he's a DICK ok (affectionately ofc)

❀but he can be sweet too i promise

✿he's having fun with calling u bunny during sex or simply baby 

❀also ???? "okay, boss." when he's been annoying u all day and u finally snap at him?

✿he's a menace with nicknames i'm telling u

♢ꜱʜɪɴᴏ ᴀʙᴜʀᴀᴍᴇ♢

✿you probably guessed it and bully me if you'd like but,,,

❀bug or lovebug

✿come oooon he loves his bugs AND he loves you?? it fits PERFECTLY

❀not one to do it infront of other people either but in your private space he just wouldn't stop calling you one of these

✿i also see him using the regular honey but the abbreviation so hun because it's short and sweet and he doesn't like those long ass names

❀apologies if ur name is long LMAO mine is too tho

✿takes the hun into the bedroom but prefers a gentle love while having sex

❀shino's not a sweet talker in my mind, but the pet names make up for it FOSHOU

✿ALSO big brain idea i just had:

❀i think shino can't fully express his emotions verbally so before going on missions he definitely writes u letters and that's where he's blooming

✿''u keep me going everyday, sunshine.''

❀and it doesn't even matter if you have a bubbly personality or not

✿UGH lovesick fr

♢ɴᴇᴊɪ ʜʏᴜɢᴀ♢

❀this pretty princess doesn't even know ur name when ur alone with him 

✿ESPECIALLY when ur texting

❀sweetheart, love & darling

✿he'd make u fall in love over again whenever he calls u one of those i'm just saying

❀because he's always so sincere when he's talking to u it drives me crazy just thinking about it 

✿during sexy time too, he would NEVER

❀& i will die on this hill 

✿NEVER use any degrading names for u

❀ur his baby don't make him do that

✿even when ur fighting, he'd always address u in such a kind way i'm actually going insane

❀"have you had dinner yet, dear?"

✿ sedate me pls

♢ɪʀᴜᴋᴀ ᴜᴍɪɴᴏ♢

✿AAA this guy

❀soo,, like father like son,,, angel

✿u can't change my mind

❀being the kind hearted person he is, it just fits u can't tell me off

✿but i will also say he'd use some funny ones in private because we all know he's just a silly lil guy deep inside

❀i'm thinking toots & peach

✿especially when greeting u !! like ''ey, toots, how's it going?''

❀during sex he will be quiet awkward at the start of ur relationship, settling in angel as he's most familiar with it at first

✿but after some time he'd pull a babydoll or gorgeous on u

❀i mean,,, i'd cry but idk about y'all

✿oVERALL he loves using pet names and wouldn't be opossed to u calling him some sweet ones as well <3

❀call him handsome and he'll go through the roof

♢ᴋᴀᴋᴀꜱʜɪ ʜᴀᴛᴀᴋᴇ♢

✿AHEM

❀so this man,,

✿at the start of ur relationship he's such a shy lil bean so he'll only use your first name

❀but once he's been with you long enough he gets so so comfortable

✿starts of with the regular baby because u are his baby aight.

❀his most frequently used one too i'd say

✿but then he'd go like 

❀"hey, beautiful." "y'alright, sweetheart?"

✿and idk about u but i'd faint

❀HE KNOWS ABOUT HIS AFFECT ON U TOO

✿uses it against u during sex SO OFTEN

❀grunting a "there y'go, darling." into your ear with a sly smirk on his lips 

✿i'm (s)creaming

❀but he's a very private person so don't expect too much of that in public !!

✿a side from a "yes, ma'am" when u tell him not to die on a mission <3

a/n: i hope this doesn't SUCK ahemm,,, and i'll see you beans next time bye bye x

devider by @enchanthings

[lis-likes-fics]

w1sh u were here

Pairings: Hobie Brown x Reader Word Count: 809 words Kink: Sexting Warnings: NSFW, sexting, sending nudes, technically pornography?, swearing, dirty texting... A/N: I lied, I am posting today bc I managed to pull something out of my ass. I hope you enjoyed this short fic bc the hardest thing about this was making all of Hobie's texts. I am a firm believer in Hobie being a terrible texter bc he doesn't commit to one style, and I hate him for it. Enjoy this fluffy smut. <3

hobes: I can’t stop thinking about you, luv.

you: oh yeah? what are you thinking about?

hobes: jus wonderin wut ur wearin 😘

you: your hoodie

hobes: and?

you: nothing.

You sent an image.

hobes: fuck… hobes: You look fuckin amazing in my clothes babe

you: thx bby

hobes: you’d look even better without em tho. Just sayin

you: you tryna get me to send nudes, perv?

hobes: Maybe…😉 hobie: w1sh u were here rn

you: me too

you: what would you do if i was?

hobes: i’d kiss you. a lot. i’d never stop kissing you luv hobes: And, after that, I’d play with your nipples and listen to you start to moan. I’d be so hard for you, sweetheart…

you: yeah?

hobes: yea. id suck on ur tits and feel how wet u were for me.

you: how would you touch me?

hobes: Id put my fingers in your tight pussy, feel you up nice and good, rub at your little clit. hobes: You’d be fucking soaking, I know it. I’d eat you up, darling. hobes: tell me wut u want me to do to u luv

you: everything you said. want you to kiss me, want you to touch me, want your tongue on my tits and your fingers in me.

hobes: want me to eat you up?

you: yes

hobes: I’d make you feel so good. You’d be moaning so loud for me.

you: i wanna ride your face, hobie

hobes: i want you to ride my face

you: guess what?

hobes: wut?

you: i’m touching myself.

hobes: fuck. for me?

you: all for you.

You sent a video. “Fuck, Hobie. Wish you were here…”

hobes: chr1st u sound so pretty when u rub ur cl1t l1ke that

hobes sent a video. “I need your pretty little pussy over here, sweetheart. See what you do to me?”

you: fuck, you’re so hard you: you know what i wanna do?

hobes: Tell me.

you: wanna get on my knees and suck you off.

hobes: yeah?

you: yeah. i wanna feel your hands in my hair when i suck your cock. want you to call me your good girl.

hobes: u r my good girl, babes. ur my best fukn girl.

you: fuck, i’m so wet for you, hobie. wish you were here to touch me. my fingers don’t work as well as yours do…

hobes: Can’t get em far enough? You need my fingers to stretch you out nice and wide?

you: yeah. you: want you to pin me to a wall and fuck me

hobes: fuck youd love that wouldnt you? hobes: I’d pin your hands above your head and kiss you, turn you around and hold onto your beautiful fucking hips. You’d be squirming when I put my cock in you. hobes: Youd be beggin me to fuck you darling and youd be moanin like fuckin crazy for me, Id hold your tits and keep you still while I fucked you from behind and you would scream when you came on my cock. Id just keep fuckin you too hobes: still with me luv?

you: hard to type with one hand

hobes: gonna fucken take you to bed and put your legs on my shoulders. fold you in half while i fucked you babes. you’d be all messy for me.

you: i’m messy for you right now

You sent an image. “Mmm. Ah, I need you, baby. Fuck, m-yeah…”

you: this pussy’s missing you, baby

hobes: this dick’s missing you hobes: I’m gonna cum, sweetheart.

you: me too you: hobie i’m so close.

hobes: will you send me another pic baby?

You sent a video. “Hobie! Hobie, I’m cumming!  Fuck, I miss you so much. Ahhh, fuck!”

hobes sent a video. “Fuck. Mm-mmh, fuck. Yeah. Oh, fuck, yeah! Oh, sweetheart.” hobes sent an image.

you: fuck, hobie

hobes sent a voice message. “I love you, sweetheart. Wish you were here so I could show you how much. You make me so happy and you get me so hard, and I can’t wait to see you soon so I can kiss that pretty face you’ve got. Love you so much, darling.”

You sent a voice message. “I love you, too, baby. I can’t wait to see you either because, when I do, I’m kissing you so hard, you’ll pass out.” You sent a voice message. “Get some sleep… I know you have to  go to 928 tomorrow, and you’ll come see me after. I’ll be waiting for me. I love you.”

hobes: i luv u 2 bby

you: your typing is atrocious.

hobes: Thank you.

you: goodnight, bayb

hobes: “bayb”

you: shut the fuck up.

hobes: make me 😍

you: you make me sick.

hobes: I love you, too. Night.

you: night. go to sleep now.

hobes: no <3

You changed “hobes” to “hobo”.

hobo: :(

Tag yourself here...

[momo-shut-the-fuck-up]

So i ve done the main story in infinity nikki and im gonna stop playin now, before i squeeze the game dry of content and have nothing (new) to do on release.

Time for a lil review/thoughts post

I m not gonna review every single mechanic in the game, simply things that stood out to me or that i wanna talk about. I also wont add more images, i kinda want ppl to see the world for themselves... i ll share more when the game comes out tho.

There s a lot of text under this. Tldr, i like the game i think it's a solid, enjoyable experience with a good gameplay loop, the story isn't for me, and i'll keep playin of course. And u should try it too if ur device wont blow itself up tryin to run it.

Dress up

The bread and butter of Nikki games... it's good as usual. Game doesn't shy away from long skirts or coat tails or complicated ballgowns just cuz nikki can run and jump and dash now and i'm very happy bout that. There's some clipping issues once in a while, but it's nothing major and the clothes we do have in the game are lovely. There s an evolution system for some of the sets, which makes em a diff color.... usually they can evolve once, but i saw Three extra evolutions for one of the UR sets and that scares me. Bcs to evolve them u have to craft the suit again. So u have to pull 4 copies of a suit to max it out..

Combat

Game's definitely succeeding in its quest for being cozy. There's no real stakes, combat isn't difficult in the slightest but i do welcome it- super simple but it's pretty fun regardless. The boss fights were surprisingly creative and fun for what they are, it's just unfortunate that you have to do them more than once or twice (crafting mats)- but they do change what the boss does so it's different depending on what mat u are farming for... and u can claim double or triple or however much stamina u got-le of the mat after u complete it once. So that s rly nice.

Exploration

I actually think it's really really good. Again this isn't a difficult or complicated game, not yet i guess... but with the major goal being "get new clothes" and "take pretty pictures maybe", the open world feels actively engaging to participate in. There's collectibles everywhere, little challenges you can do that are diverse but quick, styling battles, collecting everythin from animals fur to bugs to fish, and allll of this brings u closer to that never ending goal of woo more clothes.

However even if a challenge doesnt give you a blueprint, it's still just. Really Nice to exist in this world. It's very whimsical, as expected of Lilith, and the world has a combination of realism and cartoon artstyle that is just soso appealing to me. It's genuinely how i would've imagined miraland to look in 3d. Shame it's not the same miraland we know..

Story

Hmm... silly is one word i could use for it. Cute also. The story isn't doin anythin bad per se, and i did start skippin dialogue near the end w the pieceys because i want to keep at least Some part of the story for the game's release... but i get the gist of it, and it s just not my thing.

It feels like a story made for children, and it definitely would get a G rating. Easy and simple to follow, there's moments of tension or sadness sure but with the antagonist bein a literal babie lookin cutey fairy with a grown man's voice, or the creatures that i'm interacting with are a bunch of. Fuckin weird lookin big eyed balls of fabric that look closer to plushies than somethin Alive... it's all so silly and dramatic sometimes i can t help but cringe.

Part of it is a me problem, if u just open ur heart and free urself from the cringe the story is fine. It's just a little too kiddy for me and i so desperately hope it won't stay like this forever. My prayers might be answered though, there's a whole war beyond the borders and we have refugees around... shit's lookin bad for Umbrosa.

Other things i noticed that i liked:

The effect on nikki's skin when it's raining, she actually has water dripping down her face... its so cool

Momo capes are actually kinda neat ngl. Especially cuz the fucker follows u around everywhere, at least i can bedazzle him

Npc models look really good im a fan. They do suffer from "everyone is very beautiful" syndrome, which makes some of the npc villains look/sound ridiculous, but they have kid-teen-adult-elderly versions of models (i never see teen models in these games! Its cool!) And some body variation. The grandmas look so lovely i cry

The dark skin tone is really dark, and it looks quite nice and natural.

The lighting engine in this game is just rly good in general. God bless UE5

The edges of the map where there s forest, which u obv cant go thru, the forest is made to be darker, thicker.... i m a huge fan of this idk y. It's not just *invisible wall in front of an open field* nopee cant go there lets explore that area later tee hee. And it looks good to boot.

Camera function is p robust, has more options for changin brightness/saturation/contrast etc which i feel Shining Nikki lacks.

Some of the creature designs are so good man i looove themm <3.... the pieces are awful tho. Ok creature design is a hit and miss sometimes but the stray hatty? Peak. All the weirdy fashionable animals? Peak.

Bein able to quick switch thru ur saved sets while in the overworld is real neat

Oke that was it. Bye

[dirty-bosmer]

From the edgy oc asks, for Nim <3

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

13. If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

Sneaking this one in during work hours, heeheee. Thank you for the ask <3

What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

Oooh, I got asked this one a month ago, and I still think about those alternate endings a lot. I have two:

1) Nim joins Mathieu in destroying the Dark Brotherhood, Lucien dies at Applewatch (she joins in the effort LOL it's✨cathartic✨), kills the rest of the Black Hand, and gets her happy ending with Lorise and Raminus and a happy family :)

2) Nim decides to be Listener, moves to Bravil, has a full blown affair with Arquen. Lucien still goes crazy because the power has been completely shifted and he can no longer control her. After a year or so, she gets extremely bored tho and fucks off to the Shivering Isles with no warning, leaving everything in shambles :)

I have some really stupid modern AU texts between Lucien and Nim that I've thought about posting before. I might draw them eventually. We'll see...

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

Honestly, idk XD I think it depends on the context that we met in. If we were drunk in a bar bathroom or university roommates, I think we'd be really good friends. We'd go to parties together, study together, probably would have made each other's college lives feel less lonely by just... being alone together, if that makes sense. Doing our own things but knowing someone else is there when we need them, which is how the relationship with some of my closest friends are. We're all pretty introverted until we're not lol.

But if we met while she was elbow deep in her Dark Brotherhood shit, I'd be like girl you are stressing me out!! There are some rancid vibes wafting off of you and I am trying to write my thesis! I have my own neuroses and cannot handle another person's self-destruction right now!! Also I have a really hard time sitting idle and shutting my mouth if I know my friends are doing dumb shit/fucking around with trash people. I'd tell her to get her shit together and I don't think she'd like hearing it 😔

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

Probably her resilience. Despite how painful her life has been, it's never broken her spirit or stopped her from scrabbling toward happiness. She goes through a lot of traumatic stuff over the course of her life and the events of the fic, but I never wanted it to strip her of hope. In fact she's kind of delusionally optimistic that things will somehow work out in the end despite her inability to stop making terrible choices lol, and I guess I respect that even though she knows she's doing awful things, it doesn't stop her from helping out those she can.

[pumpkinhcad]

FIVE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MUSE &. MUN.

We love pyrotechnics!! Well, I guess you could call it "pyrotechnics." I love fireworks and spend a couple hundred bucks in fireworks for the New Years every year (the guy that owns that shop knows me super well already because of it). Pump loves setting stuff on fire and probably loves explosions as well (this is likely not a good thing lol).

We're frequent customers at the shops we visit. I guess we're animals of habit? Or maybe Pump doesn't know any better since he's a little kid and what else is he going to do but to go bother Kevin lol. I personally just like going to the same bars/cafés because I'm more comfortable with what I'm familiarized with so the employees/bartenders know me already.

We both have a relative we used to be super close to but have distanced ourselves from because of the passage of time. For Pump it's his older sister Susie, for me it's my closest, yet older cousin on my dad's side. We were just super close during childhood and loved the same exact things. We've gotten older and obviously have different jobs and relationships going on now so we ain't as close outside of texting or the occasional family reunion anymore. I imagine that's how things are for Pump and Susie now that they stopped trick-or-treating together.

We both live surrounded by nature and love it! Pump lives in a town surrounded by woodland while I live in between a canal and a river. I don't go out of my way to explore those areas for the thrills of it but they're nice to walk by during the summer. Also who doesn't like seeing ducks and other local fauna?

We're practically like our dads!! Ever since he was a baby, Pump was pretty much like his father in terms of mannerisms and habits (just look at the one photo of when he was born, both of them were sleeping and drooling). Meanwhile, my mom always says everything related to my personality (and bad habits) comes from my dad lol. Can't blame the man tho', when I was younger he spent a long period as a stay-at-home dad and it shows.

FIVE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MUSE &. MUN.

Pump knows one of his grandfathers, while I've only known my grandmothers. Technically, I should have been able to meet my maternal grandfather because I was born when he was still alive, but he left us while I was a baby so. I'm going to guess Pump never knew his paternal grandmother either, considering Grandpa was living with them already by the time he was born.

Pump actually was taught how to do a handstand. Pretty sure I should have learned to do that on my PE classes at his age, but we got swimming lessons instead. Also I have zero balance and I might die if I try doing a handstand now lol, my kid's too powerful.

I hate most bugs!! Pump probably unironically loves looking for spiders and roaches around his house while I might die if I see either in my room. Makes me wonder if he'd like the mouse infestation my house had several years ago.

I'm a rather squeamish person, while Pump is unfazed by most things. I don't even like most spooky content my kid probably consumes, I'm just a zombie comedy kind of person. Meanwhile, Pump sees dead bodies and the like and it's like another Thursday (which should be a tad worrisome, me thinks).

Unironically I think my kid could beat me in a fight lol. Pump has always given me the impression that he is cartoonishly strong. Not just because he can carry Skid around with ease (kid's a twig, it ain't surprising), but also because him and Skid can already carry a box of several pounds of candy with ease. They can even run with the thing! That kid is going to be A MENACE when he grows up. In no time he's going to be able to lift his sister, I just see it.

TAGGED BY: Nobody!! This is simply my daily scheduled About Post. TAGGING: You, since you read this and I'd love to get to know you better.

[agendratum]

okay so i just spent a really long time looking though all my old notebooks in order to find my notes on coming up with names for my dragon age characters, because i thought that remembering the logic i used for them might help me come up with a rook's name that would be more natural for my world state. and in the process i discovered several things:

a. it is NOT easy to find something specific like that in my notebooks. i kind of remembered how the page where the names were written on looked (i was wrong), but i didn't remember the exact year. and for context i have been leading some kind of a diary/journal since literally the day i learnt how to write. and i still have all of them. yes, after high school diaries mostly transformed into bullet journals, and after i dropped out those transformed into notebooks for anything and everything with no system other than dates, but i never stopped actually having a notebook. which is also where most of my creative drafts are

b. i very rarely wrote years on my notebooks. dates always. years - FOR SOME REASON NOT

c. i have two places where i keep my journals, apparently. and i didn't sort them chronologically very well

d. there are A LOT of notes on some creative ideas i had in the past that i have no idea what they mean now at all. what if i was cooking back then......

this is where i slowly started to find my da notes, thank god. read more to spare your dashes, but by god i'm noting my discoveries down

so first of all i discovered, which is something i forgot about, that i was trying to come up with a full name for ruth, my warden. because at some point i thought that ruth, the name i originally came up with, didn't sound very elven, so it had to be a nickname for an actual full name

well, i didn't exactly come up with ruth. i guess it wasn't long after i read fried green tomatoes, and when the game asked me for a name, i probably looked back at my bookshelf, thought, HEY the old time lesbians book! and named my warden after one of them lesbians from the book

so my notes on her full name are....

first of all, i looked at this and was like, what was the fucking reference. i had no idea. didn't feel like some dragon age inspired elven language, but i filed this for later research, cause i still haven't found others' names

second of all, i don't know how i feel about this "final" full name. not surprised i forgot i even had this thought process. but let's just say this is non canon. and besides, considering she's trans, that would make even more sense that her name is just ruth. that is her name that she chose and it doesn't matter much if she had any other names before that. that is all left behind, if not in her clan's memory, than in that cursed mirror

moving on i found the pages where i was making my hawke's name

so i just, while writing this, realised what happened. i think back then i was still mad you can only play as a human in da2 (listen i was yet to find out da2 is one of the best games ever made) so i was trying to headcanon my hawke as a half elf and make him a name that would reference his "elven" name. i don't think it makes any sense, there is not a single elf in amell's family (who i learnt a lot about today, while scrolling da wiki again). but yeah, his elven name was tariam? and that in human was tarjei

i will decree this also non canon. he's just tarjei, it's fine.

then i found the notes on my first, now also non canon, inquisitor, lavellan, who things didn't work out with

i do think corriro is a fun name tho, i'm happy with it

but once again, i used the same mysterious reference for elven names. what the fuck is this. anyway, i tried googling what i might have looked for back then, and i think i found exactly that. it was a pikabu (russian reddit basically) post from 10 years ago with a guide on how to make elven names, where op gave a link to their source, which was a post from 2010 made on one of them text roleplaying forums that i used to love so much (i mean i never rped on this one specifically but still the nostalgia)

links for my personal peace of mind:

pikabu post - https://pikabu.ru/story/yelfiyskie_imena_mozhet_komu_interesno_budet_1690760

rp forum - http://elfs.f-rpg.me/viewtopic.php?id=6

still no actual source given to what elven language this all is referencing. tolkien maybe?? idk, but not dragon age's elven that is for sure

and then i found one little note from january 2019, when my canon inquisitor, kehaar, was born, that just listed all my canon names again: ruth, tarjei, kehaar. with no notes on how kehaar's name was made. thanks me

overall, idk if this will help me come up with rook's name. especially since rook would be growing up in rivain, not in ferelden, and not with dalish elves. BUT fun journey

i need to sort my belongings oh my god

[sequesteredschizo]

cw // suicidal ideation & self harm 

thought too much about where I should post these words @ and where to do it if I did

Decided on here, both to challenge myself to be honest about how I'm doing and as a small private testament to myself, esp considering I can't guarantee I'll remember any of this later if I don't 

A few months ago I decided I was supposed to kill myself on April 26th 2024. I think something about doing that nullified certain anxieties of mine at times, for better and for worse. I thought the worst thing I could do that would ruin everyone I cared about was already going to happen, so I was able to loosen my grip somewhat on the people-pleasing and the social anxiety and the agoraphobia- maybe a sort of subconscious 'if something doesn't change, i will be dying. So I might as well try while I'm still around.' I've been callous and I've been unstable, but I also took risks (or, actions I that felt like risks to me) that landed me with more life-affirming results than I could have ever anticipated.

I sent texts I thought were annoying and stupid to people I wished I talked to more, I tried to eat like a well-adjusted adult person, I was honest with my dad about how hellish my disability was making my life for the first time. Etc etc. Anything to connect, anything to survive. I didn't care anymore. it felt like the end of the world. To everyone else it probably seemed like I was finally re-entering society, if anyone thought much of it at all (unlikely, imo.) At one point, I hurt myself worse than I ever had before, and without really meaning to, haven't done it since. It feels now like a microcosm of the bigger picture, just by coincidence. Doing better wasn't necessarily my intention, but it was a consequence of thinking I was fucking it all up one last time. Might as well throw all the chips in.

Last weekend I attended a wedding out-of-state for a relative I hadn't seen in years knowing id meet countless new faces and I didn't even freak out. And I was terrified, and I didn't want to go there and I didn't want to stay here but I did it anyways. Turns out I don't think I've ever felt so loved and welcomed and appreciated in my life. The people I reached out to on a whim, because what was the worst that could happen? Some of them actually respond back, fucking shocker. My dad is trying to stop pretending I don't exist. I'm a little less malnourished. So those are all good developments.

I feel like I reached up into an empty sky with the very last dregs of energy I had and by some miracle, just enough of the universe reached back. I don't and didnt want to scar and endanger my struggling loved ones because I couldn't be strong enough to deal with myself. It had to be my last option, after truly trying everything I could. I didn't even do much, and I didn't expect it to work. I didn't expect my favorite band to be dropping new shit on my due date. I didn't know that I would really honestly from the bottom of my heart not want to leave this fucked up horrible beautiful tragic world behind. 

I know there's always going to be a part of me that expects me to commit. it's always been easier for me to hurt myself than help myself. I've written a lot of suicide notes throughout my life. This is the first time I've ever done the opposite, I guess? This is supposed to be my promise to me that I want to live. I need to. Its really hard to admit that to myself. I'm pretty sure I can do it tho.

I think (and almost hope) that the handful of you who follow this stupid little blog wont read this, but I posted it here because theres too many people everywhere else. It's directed at myself anyway.

a distant yell into a cacophonous void, in hopes that typing it will act as a metaphysical vehicle for manifesting it in the collective subconscious:

TRANS PEOPLE DONT KILL YOURSELF!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[strawberry-nugget]

Oddly specific bnha headcanons

Characters: Deku, Bakugo, Kirishima, Kaminari, Jirou, All Might, Endeavor, Hawks, Dabi

A/N: I'm finally back from my mini hiatus and I finally finished a part of my never ending cursed head canons and I also hit a new milestone so I feel like you all deserve this attempt of mine at comedy for the love I've been getting...I'm also sorry, this is a wild ride, and as you're reading you might wonder why did I make these? And the answer is, simply, because I can 😭, no lol though true... I'm soft so if these made you laugh and you leave an LMAO comment I'll think about it forever uwu. I've talked about most of these with my dear friend @aichiin, who is an amazing artist whom should support in all platforms uwu bye

Warnings: some of this content is NSFW, 18+, so if you're under 18 DO NOT INTERACT

Disclaimer: everyone is at least of 18 years of age

• I can't explain why, and we've seen Endeavor texting shoto in canon but... I feel like probably his texts look like this: …..shoto why aren't you Answering your phone… 

….tell fuyumi to make you soba… . 

… ……are you still friends with that rude boy from school.. 

…I don't want any take out dont get any for me tell natsuo that I'm sorry and try to ask him if he's changed his mind about forgiving me.… 

• All might opens a Facebook account a month before the beloved class graduates as his way to keep on touch with everyone after they're off to fight crime and lives his life as the ultimate Facebook mom and thinks he's texting people but apparently posting on your Facebook wall isn't texting. He has probably made a thousand posts asking midoriya how it works until people just, they just, accept it, I guess, there's nothing else they can do. He uses the Facebook mom tulip emoji and writes in all cap. Give him credit for being so sweet tho. 

And probably it goes like this: "💞🥰🌷🤣WHAT AN AMAZING SUNDAY. GOOD MORNING YOUNG MIDORIYA HOW HAVE YOU BEEN" Ofc he will not hesitate to use all these emojis unironically, in fact, he doesn't know that is the ironic use of an emoji, leave him alone

(Comments on the post most probably go like this: Bakugo: I EXIST TOO YOU OLD HAG, FUCK YOU DEKU, I DIDN'T BRING YOU TO THIS WORLD BUT I SURE WILL TAKE YOU OUT. MOTHERFUCKER. 

Denki: mister al mght do we have english tomorrow ? 

Momo: @denki, no but we have literature, hello mister all might sir, have a nice day too

All might: YOUNG BAKUGO PLEASE WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE 🤣 YOUNG KAMINARI, AS YOUNG YAOYOROZU SAID YOU HAVE LITERATURE AFTER MY CLASS📜 HAVE A BEAUTIFUL EVENING YOUNG YAOYOROZU🌷

• I'm sorry for this but.... Midoriya, Denki and Kirishima probably lick their finger after they absolutely drill it in their noses but here's the deal

Midoriya inspects what he fished out like thoroughly, Denki dissociates while staring at it, and Kirishima does so straight out of his nose

• Someone told Shoto that Saiki K is based on true events and he genuinely believes it and tries to find Saiki K, claiming that he is the answer to all of his problems. Is very subtle about it tho.

• I think that in part one of these atrocious head canons we established that Keigo would willingly put effort to find the clit, right? Listen he probably asks what's the concept of the clit, like why is it outside and not inside- wait you have another spot inside, yeah? He's is so confused and for what? Won't stop for it mid sex but he searches reproduction organ anatomy later on on google because he brought some questions in his brain that need answers. On the clit. You heard me right.

• Dabi looks like he once had a break up that was so rough that he opened a Twitter just to drag the other person down. For once, I won't go into detail and will let your imaginations run wild. 

• I have to do a a cursed one for Bakugo right? Well yeah uhm, he probably was caught flexing his muscles in the mirror during vacation, totally naked too, by one of his friends in his group and screamed in a high pitched voice and picked up that little hotel room fridge to cover himself up and chased them around the hotel room until he just crushed the poor item. To the floor? Because he tried to use it as a cover up and it just slipped... It's even worse if the friend was a potential s/o. He'll scream like one of the screaming/simping TikTok sounds.

• Bakugo also really hates chairs. Idk why I have this headcanon, but I know it in my heart that this man, as an adult, only has those round weird- ish IKEA stools around the kitchen table that's all. No more chairs. Nothing.

• this is too self indulgent but Kirishima and Deku look like the people who, while washing forks, spoons etc they create whole stories about them and treat them like characters, and others would just look at them so confused as to why it takes 16 minutes to wash off a spoon and why are they also crying but you wouldn't understand. This spoon is Cinderella. Back off and let. them. finish. their. stories.

• I feel like Jirou has phases where she only wants to wear black but then she sees a nice pair of jeans and buys it, and then buys some more and then she gets mad about having blue jeans and she dyes them, but then she grows out of that phase for a few months and she tries to find ways to make the fabric paint fade away

• I also think that she, after spending a little time with Momo, spends money on a lot of clothes, and it's not like Momo buys too many clothes, but Jirou always wants to upgrade her wardrobe and ends up feeling lost on what she wants to wear

• Denki and Kirishima turn into the same person a little more every single time they hang out together. You'll listen to Denki say 'manly' all the time and Kirishima starts trying to find leather jackets that look cool on him, and just adopts Dennis speaking habits.

[satanfemme]

im Intrigued about how your day has gone now

assuming this is wrt my last text post (hdfbghfdghfg):

my blood smell is unfortunately not very interesting, my compulsive skin picking has just been acting up lately and a stress flair today made it WAY worse so just... I've got lots of open wounds, scabs, dried blood, and etc on my person at the moment. and the scent can build up lol. no shame in that though -- even if it's not ideal, it's just the physical reality of my body sometimes! so hopefully this only adds to the neurodivergent gothic charm I'm bringing into my workplace.

as for why I was covered in baby food tho!!!!! ohohohohohoh this one's actually a really good story, I'm glad u asked >:3c !! so I currently work with shelter dogs, most of whom have behavioral and/or medical concerns, which they're being treated for. (if ur squeamish about veterinary care or dog surgery, that's ur sign to stop reading btw).

we've currently got this brown papillon named Phineas who is ONLY three (3) years old!!!!! his fur is long and a bit unkempt, but silky too. and he's got massive buggy eyes that look a bit off to the sides, and he's very very small and cute. but unfortunately, when he first arrived last week, his lower jaw wasn't functional. I don't have any idea how it got to be that way, but basically it hung down loosely from his top jaw at a 90 degree angle, and he had no control over it; he couldn't move his lower jaw in any way nor close it nor eat with it. and naturally, his pink tongue danged out a good few inches as well, since he didn't have anything to hold it in place.

because of this, he can only eat wet dog food that's been mixed with water and mashed up into a soup. or....... he can eat baby food. >:3c I think you can already see where we're going here?

about two days ago or so, he had his lower jaw amputated. obviously, this means he's been extra moody, probably in some discomfort, emotional frustration and/or distress. but it also means he's got a massive cone compared to how tiny his body is, a completely new mouth shape (less of a hole now, believe it or not. the skin where his bottom jaw would've been has now been partially brought together), and ofc he's constantly on a LOT of painkillers which make him a lil drowsy and loopy at all times lol.

as u could probably guess, he wasn't a very neat eater to begin with; he'd basically lick up his mush paste with his long tongue -- aiming for his open mouth hole -- but in the process splash some of it onto his face and the floor as well. just a few streaks of meat water and/or baby food in his hair, nbd.

but, for all the aforementioned reasons, surgery recovery has made eating much harder for him. he doesn't even want to eat half the time, then when he does, he struggles to get it both around his cone while also into his mouth. he'd been giving up after only a few licks -- if any at all.

then TODAY!! I cracked the fucking code! I figured out how to get him to eat!!!! I've discovered the ideal bowl shape/size, the right mixture of slop to put in there, the whole deal. it's exciting! this is, like, my job at the most impactful! and -- now to finally answer ur question of why I was covered in baby food today -- as part of this process I:

hand-mixed baby food with pâté and water. I don't use spoons to mix cause I don't like washing them lol.

I hand-scooped this slop out and into a different (better) bowl once I realized the first one didn't work

I sat down on the floor with Phineas and his food

and I encouraged him to eat it. so, once he did, I was even in the splash zone.

that little boy's got a baby food biohazard range of a good few feet! watch out lol!!! 🥺 I love him.

& to make matters even messier: shortly after this whole ordeal, I had to hand feed a similar mush to Dahlia the beagle cause she's sick with a cough rn and will literally refuse to so much as look at her food unless someone (ie: me) is hand feeding pâté to her one finger-scoop at a time. having a sick beagle lick pâté off ur fingers is a formative experience btw, genuinely, I do recommend it. I love her too -- and she loves me 🥺

[arcanawildcard]

Maybe it's been posted before. But would love to see if you could do a jealous Ann. Doesn't matter the girl that she's jealous over Akira. Just love how you write her internal thought process in your stories. It's very much how I imagine Ann to be

taking requests here! (be prepared for a wait tho orz) 

read on ao3

The girl was… cute. Ann could give her that. Maybe not model cute—(what happened to ‘just about anyone can be a model if they work hard enough’? a voice that could have been Carmen or could have been Shiho snarked in the back of her mind)—but cute.

Big brown eyes and a pert mouth to go with gyaru-bronzed skin and way too many accessories (seriously, who’d told her that was a good idea?), a high-pitched titter and too many teeth in her smile to qualify as attractive, and her thighs could really use some toning if she was going to show them off that much, but her brown hair was workable if she wanted to put work into it—

Ugh.

She sounded like Mika right now.

Not that there was anything wrong with Mika—(you have an admirable capacity for forgiveness, but there are plenty of things wrong with Mika, said a voice in the back of her head that was definitely Carmen)—but this was one way that she seriously didn’t want to emulate a sharky businesswoman with a hypercritical eye for anything and everything female in her vicinity.

But.

That titter was over something really dumb Akira had said, and that brown hair was being twirled around her finger as she batted her fake eyelashes at him and posed like a— like a—

…Posed like she like-liked him.

The girl was throwing out every signal in the book that she was interested and available, and all those signals were aimed right at Akira.

That was bound to happen at some point, right? She’d just been taking for granted that the whole school hated him (god, what a thing to take for granted; she was the worst), but he really was incredibly cute if you took the time to look past the creepy glasses shine thing, and he had a gorgeous voice when he took the time to speak up, and she’d never forget that first day when he chased her, an almost complete stranger in the middle of a breakdown, down and made her tell him what was wrong.

So now someone had realized what a hidden treasure he was, and Ann…

—Well, for definitions of realized. Did this girl really care about him, or did she just think he was hot?

Ann’s money was on the second.

(And, shamefully, that thought was a comfort. What kind of person was she to feel better about someone not loving one of her closest friends like he deserved?)

And Ann didn’t know how to deal with that. Didn’t know how to deal with one single first year gyaru making eyes at her best friend.

Ann’s best friend. Ann’s.

She didn’t even know why this was something that had to be ‘dealt with’! Akira was finally getting the recognition he should have had all along, and Ann should be—happy. Relieved. Giggly.

She should think this was cute.

It really wasn’t cute.

She felt sick to her stomach, sad and irritated for no good reason, and the girl’s titter was turning into a full-blown laugh and Akira was almost smiling and—

Ann stood up, leaving her lunch half-eaten on her desk, and left by the far door.

—|—|—|—|—

Her name was Anri. It was spelled with the same kanji as Ann’s name.

This was the first, only, and weirdest time she’d ever wanted to tell someone to change their name—and maybe switch schools or flee the country while they were at it.

It wasn’t fair. She knew it wasn’t fair. Anri hadn’t done a single thing wrong except smile at Akira just a little too wide, and yet whenever Ann thought about her for too long, her hands started itching for her whip, half-hating herself for hoping she was interrupting something when she texted Akira reminders about the Metaverse, praying that he’d give her something to hit.

She’d gotten too used to violence. That was the main problem here.

(It wasn’t the main problem at all. She just couldn’t manage to put a pin in what was. This irrational hatred of Akira’s new friend wasn’t doing anyone any favors, so why was it still here?)

Her dislike wasn’t even mutual. Anri was perfectly happy to nod to her in the hallways, greeting her with an easy hey there, Takamaki-senpai! each time.

Ann wished she wouldn’t. There was only so much guilt she could take here.

It was about two weeks into this that Anri failed to acknowledge her presence—something Ann would have been relieved about (if Anri didn’t notice her, then she was under no obligation to notice Anri) if Anri wasn’t blushing and grinning and she couldn’t hear Ryuji talking with someone (Akira) up the next flight of stairs.

“Told you she liked ya, dude.”

Ann froze halfway to the next stairwell.

If Akira replied, it was too quiet for her to hear, and Ryuji went on, “So? You gonna ask her out?”

She caught the fainted wisp of a neutral hum, and her stomach clenched. He had to know. He had to. She couldn’t live in suspense like this.

Dryly, lower, Ryuji added, “You know this is the closest you’re ever gonna get to dating Ann.”

…What?

Her veins turned to fire and ice and electricity all at once, stomach twisting hard—

“Ha.”

It was a humorless kind of noise, an acknowledgement of the joke, an agreement by way of not being a disagreement, and Ann wanted to charge up there and demand answers, wanted to throw something, wanted to be sick—

Just… what?

Closest he’d get to dating—

Well, it wasn’t… wrong, exactly, but why would that even come into the equation—

Closest he’s ever get to dating Ann.

Because Anri liked him and Ann… didn’t…

But Akira— why would Akira even care?

Akira… cared.

Ryuji wouldn’t have made that joke and Akira wouldn’t have responded like that if he didn’t care.

You know this is the closest you’re ever gonna get to dating Ann.

Ha.

Ann turned on her heel and headed back down the stairs. There was no way she could face him in class right now. Skipping hadn’t been on her to-do list, but it was now.

—|—|—|—|—

She was getting water at approximately 2:15 A.M. when three things abruptly occurred to her.

First: if anyone else had been in this mess and told her that they felt the way she did about it, the first thing out of her mouth would have been, oh, you’re in love with him.

Second: she’d been assuming that this thing she was feeling now was somehow fundamentally different from what it would be for anyone else.

Third: it wasn’t.

—|—|—|—|—

Going to school with that particular revelation spinning through her head was pretty wild.

How long—how long—had she been keeping her from thinking about him like that? Now that the floodgates were open, she couldn’t escape it.

All those cut-off thoughts about the shape of his mouth were completing themselves. All those banished fantasies of being in his arms were sitting implacably at the forefront of her mind. All those nights of laughing at herself for getting off thinking about him—and how she’d never let herself imagine kissing him through it—came crashing back.

She spent the entire first half of the day burying her burning face in her notes, unable to escape the knowledge that he was right behind her, just there while she couldn’t stop thinking about kissing him and touching him and… doing things with him, and oh geez, this was way too awkward.

She wanted, she wanted, she wanted so much. Wanted him. Everything he could give over to her, she wanted it.

(Whatever she could give in return was his already, wasn’t it.)

Lunch came, and with it came Anri. forever decorated, forever cheerful, forever getting way too close to someone Ann hadn’t realized she wanted almost since she met him.

“He-yo,” she singsonged as she slapped her hands down on the edge of Akira’s desk. “Guess who jus’ scored two tix to the aquarium! Wan’ come with?”

The requisite beat passed while Akira thought about it, then he said, “Sounds like fun.”

Anri squealed

Ann stared blankly down at her lunch, finally, finally, finally having a name for that emotion making unhappy knots out of her gut.

Jealousy.

She was so jealous she wanted to die.

Or make something else die. Either would work.

“So Saturday’s good, right? Swee-eet!”

“Heh.”

“Hey, Takamaki-san!” Anri leaned over into Ann’s peripheral vision. “…You okay?”

Ann found it in herself to nod.

“…’Kay.” Then, much chirpier, “See you Saturday, sweetcake!”

Once she left, silence reigned for a long moment.

Surprisingly enough, it was Akira that broke it.

“…Let’s go to the roof.”

Sensing the incoming interrogation but unable to find her voice, Ann just nodded again.

—|—|—|—|— 

They stood by the fence overlooking the school, Akira waiting in silence for her to start.

She had no idea how to start.

“You’re upset,” he eventually prompted.

She nodded.

“What’s wrong?”

She curled her fingers in the wire mesh and said, “Are… are you really dating her because— because she’s the closest you’ll get to… dating—” She swallowed against the tight lump in her throat. “—dating me?”

“…Ah.”

Ann waited.

“You heard that.”

“Uh-huh.” Agh, why did her voice come out so small?

“Ryuji’s an idiot.” But you didn’t disagree. “I’m not dating her.” You agreed to go out with her just the two of you, though. “You’re different people.”

…And yet.

“Mm…” Why were there tears stinging her eyes? “I don’t… want you to go out with… with a replacement for me.”

“That would be pretty awkward,” he agreed cautiously. She could feel his stare boring into the side of her head. “She’s not a replacement.”

It was close enough to a defense of Anri that tears coalesced in the corners of her eyes, and Akira inhaled a sharp breath.

“I don’t… I don’t…”

She didn’t have the first clue how to finish that sentence, but it didn’t matter; Akira took one step away from the fence, two steps towards her, pulled her close and wrapped her in a tight hug.

“…Ann?”

“I love you,” she ended up confessing to his shoulder, and Akira froze. “Really, really love you. And if you really wanna go out with her, that… would really, really suck.”

He let out a quiet, half-stunned laugh.

“I don’t know what to do with this,” she said, which might be the real crux of the problem now. “I just… wanted you to know.”

“…Oh.”

The silence was back for a total of two seconds, and then Ann’s face started to burn with a vengeance, a high-pitched whine forcing its way out of her throat.

“…I can’t believe i said that,” she half whimpered, half groaned. “Who just says that? So. Embarrassing…” She buried her face into his shoulder and let out a mortified whine.

“Said… you love me,” he checked, amused and almost breathless.

That was even more embarrassing to hear repeated back to her. And why did he need to check anyway? Didn’t he believe her?

She jerked back look him in the eye and—oh geez that was so close so close so close—blurted, “W-well I do! I really do! I won’t take that back! Not ever! I-I love you!”

“You love me,” he repeated, even more amused and definitely teasing, this asshole…!

“I do!” she snapped.

Her declaration rang between them for one single second, and then something something flashed in his eyes and his lips were on hers, his glasses digging weirdly into her nose one hand coming up to cup the back of her head and—

It wasn’t anything like what she was expecting.

It didn’t taste like sugar, but it sang through her mind like it. She wasn’t seeing fireworks, but her blood was crackling like they were inside her. Everything everywhere was pressure and sultry heat and need that was sated just as fast as it grew and grew and grew.

The wire mesh dug into her back through her clothes and into her scalp through nothing, only adding into the overload of sensation as he pressed her into it with his entire body, a knee between her trembling legs and a hand crumpling her thin jacket as it roamed up her side, and if she was going to turn into an electrified puddle on the spot, then no one could blame her.

For all that she was trying not to make too much noise, he seemed to be having a similar problem—subsonic groans and tight sighs making her knees even weaker, the perfect counterpoint to the little gasps she couldn’t restrain and the clicky noises of tongues and lips and mouths.

It was deep and wet and hot and even Akira looked kind of stunned when they drew apart.

“Eep!”

That… had not come from either of them.

Ann glanced over Akira’s shoulder and found Anri standing at the door to the stairwell with a very strange expression on her face.

“A-A-Akira-senpai! I, ah, one o’ my friends said ya could be found on the roof, an’ um! Hey, let’s jus’ f-forget about the aquarium, yeah?” Her voice cracked pathetically on the last word, and she abruptly turned on her heel. “Y-yeah.”

“…Yeah,” Akira echoed dumbly, glazed out and confused.

Anri slammed the door behind her so hard it rattled on its hinges.

Ann felt distinctly less guilty that she should have.

He slowly turned to look at her, befuddled frown deepening at her squirmy grin. “You look happy.”

She giggled sheepishly. She did feel a little guilty—just not enough, you know? “That means you’re just mine, right?”

She could feel the response through his whole body, he was still so close, his every muscle relaxing a little.

“Always,” he promised fervently, then kissed her before she could finish beaming over it.

—|—|—|—|—

It was a pretty satisfying long while before they discovered that Anri had locked the door on them.

[camy-swann]

✨third post✨

So, mental health check and relationship check

I am still numb

And depressed

But

I have a relatively happy mood and approach

(when I am not sad and crying, ofc)

So

On his birthday I sent him a long long text saying how I love him and miss him and wishing him happy birthday, he thanked me and cause he was exhausted he said he'll reply later

(he never got to do that)

Also, we've been chatting on and off and I had to go and put my file into uni, so I can secure my place there and asked him for some advice regarding student accommodation, as his brother is still in uni, he replied and we talked, I called him out of habit "beloved" and he called me "baby" and I cried out of happinesses, than he called me his "beloved" and I was almost melting, but then he ignored me out of the blue for three days and I asked the pendulum and it said that he lost his phone, and guess what? He lost his fuckin phone

We than talked daily, and even if we didn't call eachother any cute petnames, (tho he called me "sweety" and "cutie pie" a couple of times) but we talked just as if nothing happened and we were back together for good

Until yesterday, when he had to go to a nearby (relatively) city for work and he said that he would go home for the weekend

He messaged my bff telling her that he wants them to meet (not implying that he wants me to come along even tho that was his real reason for asking, cause he knows that my parents wouldn't let me out if I wasn't with her or had an important reason)

She flipped out cause he asked like a jerk and was a complete asshole in this whole situation

(she had 100% rights to do that)

Then, he explained to me the situation, I didn't know what to say, I was confused, he wanted to play pubg and let me think and than I said "not now" and he replied that he will stay and I was stunned and said that I am confused but grateful that he did that and he said that "I listen to only one person" (in the sense "I obey only one person") and I asked in disbelief "and that's me? I did not expect that" and he said that "no one should expect anything from me" that shit confused the hell out of me and when I asked him he said that he was confused too and that he will leave to play his game, I asked him about his feelings (he left me in unseen)

About two hours later I messaged him that he should go to sleep (he was going to work early) and he told me very rudely that he wants to put a stop to anything we had (friendship or more), that he doesn't want to give me false hopes, and that he's mean and a total asshole, and I shouldn't try anymore as he's not good for me and he hurts me

Hurt, I replied that he is relatively right, that I am sorry for pushing him and hoping that it isn't a full stop, in respect for what we had together

He just said "goodnight!" and disconnected

I replied "goodnight" and he left me in unseen for about 18 hours

...

Yeah

I'm okay

Relatively

I cried

I danced

I cursed

I put makeup on and took pictures

I try to survive

I'm relatively alright

Cause it wasn't a breakup

It was worse :)))

And i didn't expect it to feel this intense

But i know his feelings, and heart and himself

Because I loved him (still do, that shit ain't easy to get over)

Anyway, the tarot cards and pendulum said that I shouldn't get 100% over him

Cause he won't do that

He will try and (hopefully) succeed in becoming a better version of himself ( for me, cause he loves me) and he will apologize to my bff and then try to make things better between us

(he thinks I will get over him)

(if the pendulum is right , and it usually is, he was a jerk to me so that I can move on and stop being hurt by him, he doesn't regret it, as he thinks he's doing me a good deed [and he actually is, bless his heart, poor child], although he's suffering and missing me and loving me with all his heart and he tries to be a better man and wants to be a better man for me)

But he won't try anything until we can see eachother face to face, cause we can't do a long distance relationship any more, as our feelings are so fucked up cause we grew attached to eachother immensely

So until October at least that's it

That was love

"and our love is gone,

Blue flower, blue flower "

-M. Eminescu

:))

I'm mentally ill 😂

It's okay

[abnormal-angel]

Do you think every time Norman (and DK) aren't active on social media means they are together right then? I don't know if Norman was online today I don't follow him anymore so I can't see his liking activity but neither him nor DK posted as of yet. Coincidence or more? Would like to hear what others think. I hope it doesn't mean anything tho 🤢

Seems to me that everytime dk and her people post some new rumor and they capitalize on it nr goes quiet. She seems to mostly follow what he does “publically” although what she says when she is under one of her troll account couls be anyone’s guess. I think she is ALWAYS on social media maybe just not under her official one. Half those comments asking if she was w nr are probably just her asking and then logging in to another account to answer and “confirm” whatever b.s. she is spinning that day. I think she doesnt take a day off hell she is probably texting on her phone every time norman is inside of her tbh she doesnt seem like she can go a second without that attention. Norman seems to go quiet like oh shit here we go again have to be quiet and then Norman gets attacked for her b.s.

And btw can people stop hating on norman? I see this a majorly emotionally abusive relationship/clusterfuck he is in. Switch the genders and view it from that lens. If a man was treating a woman the way dk is treating nr people would be up in arms. The man is being preyed on whether he was in on it complicitly at first or not I just can’t help but feel it got away from him and she is controlling him more than anything else. Again my opinion but spreading hate to norman only makes him cling to her and this mistake harder. Please realize he is a victim in this and victim blaming is never cool. Again my opinion and there is no norman hate allowed here. (tangent for other asks and people on here) thanks anon!