#...simply because: 1. transness isn't a monolith and... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago

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Over the years, I've gotten a lot of cis people messaging me about how they should go about dating or courting somebody who's trans, and I always felt like my responses would almost... disappoint them because there isn't this magic secret to dating us.

Cis people, if you want to date us, just date us. We're human beings, we're not wild animals to tame! I promise you can have a healthy relationship with a trans person without needing to feel like the world will end if you mess up.

Trans people who date cis people often want to feel secure in your acceptance of them. You don't have to talk about our transness for hours on end to prove that you accept your loved one. You don't have to put on a display and cabaret about how Much You Accept Us. Just be a person around us, and let us be people, too!

I almost want to disappoint cis people by reminding them of this. Some of the best relationships I've had with cis people have been ones where my transness is acknowledged, sure, but it's acknowledged in the same way that my left-handedness is. It's not a joke to them, it isn't something to be horrified about, but it's also something that they don't objectify me for.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #watching a video about this topic and it just reminded me of this #like there have been plenty of cis people who have come to me for advice and while i appreciate the thoughtfulness (don't get me wrong!)...#...part of me just feels like... they see trans people as needing to be Tamed in some way or Appeased...#...like they see us as people but it's more like they see us as Trans People and not... people...#...and maybe i'm looking too deep into it. maybe i'm jaded but that's sometimes how it can feel with some people...#...like my besties that i talk to fully accepted me...#...though it is funny when they forget i'm... not a trans woman or (with other friends) that i'm... not a cis man #(maybe i just give off ambiguous vibes irl and online because it's happened irl and with my online buddies)#adding once again: i don't think ALL cis people who ask this are doing so in bad faith #cis people i'm glad you are vulnerable about not being sure about how to go about transness...#...however i don't always think it's the best move to go to a stranger about your interest in a trans person in your life...#...simply because: 1. transness isn't a monolith and...#...2. it feels awkward because you aren't going to *them* to have this conversation that will ultimately affect *them*...#...because your relationship with a trans person will likely /not/ affect a trans stranger...

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