#...perhaps it comes from this idea that because trans people often have to fight tooth and nail...
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i know this isnt usually what ppl send u but i look up to u and i love the way u see transness, im sure u can help. basically i got top surgery 4 months ago and im extremely unhappy with my results. not the surgeons fault, he warned me getting keyhole might require revisions, and im getting them in november, but i cant help feeling like ive failed my transition. i still have so much chest dysphoria. how to cope until november? it's unbearable, its all i think about; that i still have, u know...
Continued ask:
First of all, I feel the need to emphasize that this isn't your fault. You haven't failed at anything. It is okay not to be satisfied with your results right now, especially with a surgery that needs revisions. You are entirely allowed to seek those revisions, and while it's nice that other people think the results look fine, that doesn't outweigh that your opinion about your chest and how it looks is most important. You are not selfish or unreasonable to acknowledge this. I just really, really feel the need to say this because I worry that so many trans people are afraid to admit when they aren't totally satisfied with surgery because it takes a lot of effort and they want to show the "appropriately amount of happiness." This idea, however, isn't right and isn't fair. You are allowed to feel however you feel about your results; other people's opinions aren't a factor in that.
I will also state that I haven't had surgery yet, but I definitely would encourage you to build trust in yourself to express this. It's great that you have admitted how you think about the results. That's a big deal! I think, though, that it can be important to build trust in yourself to be able to be happy and satisfied. There may come a point where, after revisions, you are happy, and that's something I also noticed in your ask. I just think it can be helpful to internalize that hopefulness because it empowers you to know that this isn't permanent.
I also hope that you have a support network that is affirming and will listen. It's nice to be told that others think your chest is fine, and I'm sure they are completely genuine and mean it, but I think it's missing the point. It isn't about having a "cis chest" or a "good-looking chest," it's about having a chest that makes you happy. If you're able, I'd definitely make that clear if you haven't (no judgments if you haven't)
This is a tumultuous time, I'm sure. You deserve to be able to express the full range of your emotions however works best for you. But not for one second do I wish you feel that you have failed. There is nothing you failed at. Transition will always be a unique experience, for the better and worse. I just wish you peace along your journey. You are the most important part of your transition. Your body, your voice, your spirit all matter so immensely, no matter where you are in this part of transition. If there is nothing tangible I can do to help you with this, then I simply want to remind you of just how utterly you matter. I'm glad you were able to open up about this. It's so incredibly vulnerable and scary to admit, even though there is nothing bad about what you feel.
#ask#anon#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#described images#image description in alt#i'm genuinely sorry if this isn't helpful - it can be such a tough position to be in#but i think it might be helpful to be able to reclaim your ability to seek out surgery and revision and whatnot#and what i mean by that is being able to know that you can seek out revision without 'failing transness'#you have failed at nothing because there was nothing *to* fail#and i get why you feel that way... i've felt it too about my own transition. but i think...#...perhaps it comes from this idea that because trans people often have to fight tooth and nail...#...that we should be happy with whatever scraps we get...#...but that's not right or fair! you're a PERSON you deserve to LIVE. you deserve more than the bare minimum...#...you deserve peace and comfort and happiness and everything beautiful in this world because *you live in it*!#and i genuinely from the bottom of my heart hope that all that is coming your way. i hope that revisions bring you comfort and i hope...#...that the time between now and then is calm and peaceful#and i hope you are able to voice exactly what revisions you need to your team and i hope they *hear* you#because that's what you deserve: to be heard. to be seen and to be seen properly#anon i really admire your courage and your perseverance (genuine)
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