#...my grandparent is jealous of me getting top surgery

[georgekirrin]

everyone out here like "ooooh I'm the gateway gay cousin of the family" well I'm the gateway trans grandchild and u can't be cooler than that

[isitgintimeyet]

Just A Friend

Wow. I’m so, so grateful for the lovely response to chapter 1 of this story. I’ve never had so many notes on one of my posts before, so many, many thanks to everyone who took the time to read, like, reblog and comment on it. i do appreciate it

Thanks also to @wickedgoodbooks for the beta

Previous chapter

AO3

Chapter 2: From Scrubs to Sauvignon

Sunlight streaming through the shutters wakes me before the alarm. After the previous seventy two hours with too much alcohol, not enough sleep and shared hotel rooms, last night’s sleep was a solid nine and a half hours and I feel so much better for it.

Trying, for a moment at least, to ignore both the demands of my bladder and my desperate need for caffeine, I gaze up at the ceiling and contemplate the surgery ahead of me. Whilst it’s a comparatively routine procedure for me, I always think about the families — parents, grandparents, siblings. It’s an anxious time for them, never routine, a step into the unknown and they are putting their trust in me to look after their precious child. Their faith in me is something I take very seriously.

I have a ritual I follow every time before theatre. I take a few minutes to close my eyes and let the procedure play inside my head, my hands echoing the images in my brain. I trace the path my scalpel will take on the skin; I position, in mid air, the locations of the clamps; I work with my imaginary mallet and chisel honing the bone, the X-ray images clear in my head.

By the time I’ve finished closing the incision, the demands of my bladder can no longer be ignored. That’s my cue to get out of bed and start my day.

***********

Before I put my scrubs on, I pay a visit to the side room where Robbie, my seven year old patient has spent the night. His parents have already given consent for the operation, but I like to go and do a final check.

Robbie is sitting up in bed, a bit subdued but in good health. His mother is sitting expectantly, nervously playing with the skin around her nails. The foldaway bed has already been put away, but, judging by her red rimmed eyes, I don’t think it got much use. Robbie’s father follows me into the room, two coffees in his hands.

“Sorry, Doctor Claire,” he nods at the coffee. “I didna get ye one. D’ye want one?”

I let the doctor reference pass. As a surgeon, my title is no longer doctor. Officially, I am Miss Beauchamp, but prefer my juvenile patients to call me Claire. Quite a lot of the parents seem to call me Doctor Claire. I suppose they like the reassurance that I am actually a proper doctor.

“No, thanks.” I smile. “Are we all set then?”

They nod nervously.

“Aye,” Robbie’s father agrees. “We need tae get it done.”

“How long will it take?” Robbie’s mother looks directly at me, wanting a definitive answer.

I hesitate. I don’t like to give precise times. If the surgery goes longer then parents start to fear the worst, and that’s not always the case. So I give a vague answer. “‘Till lunchtime… you could always go and sit outside in the little garden, it’s a lovely day.”

His mother looks down at her hands and shakes her head. “No, I want tae be right here …”

She doesn’t finish her sentence, but she doesn’t have to. I know exactly what she’s thinking.

I turn to Robbie, blissfully unaware of his parents’ thoughts. He beckons me to him.

“When I wakes up,” he begins in a stage whisper. “Can I have a treat?”

“What sort of treat did you have in mind?”

“Can I have a MacDonald’s? But no’ a kid’s meal. I’ve never had a Big Mac.”

I glance at his parents who nod at me before I whisper back, “Of course you can, but don’t let nurse Geillis see, will you? She can be ever so naughty. She’ll be trying to steal your chips away, if you’re not careful.”

And with that, I stroke Robbie’s little cheek before saying my goodbyes and head out to get changed.

**********

Robbie’s surgery went to plan, no nasty surprises or tricky complications. I call in to check on Robbie’s parents before they head to recovery. They look totally different to when I saw them this morning. Still worn out of course, I don’t think they’ll sleep properly until their little lad is home with them, but their faces shine with sheer relief. I have warned them about the long road ahead, with many hours of physiotherapy and exercises, but, for today, I’ll let them have their moment of pure happiness. Reality will hit them again soon enough.

As I leave the waiting room, making my farewells, Robbie’s dad thanks me once more. I can tell he’s unsure whether hugging me is appropriate or not, so he settles for a handshake. His wife has no such qualms, wrapping me tightly in a hug, whispering her thanks until her husband reminds her that they need to be with their son. I point the way and head down to the nurses station.

Geillis is sitting there, looking very busy on the computer. I pull up a chair and sit next to her. The screen is filled with images of our weekend in Barcelona.

“What?” She looks at me as if I’ve accused her of something. “I’m on ma lunch, aren’t I?”

“How was your night then?”

Geillis beams from ear to ear— she’s like the cat who got the cream. “Nay bad, nay bad at all. After two nights away, Dougal realises what he’s got wi’ me, and he dinna hesitate tae show me, if ye ken what I mean?”

She winks at a poor medical student, who blushes and busies himself with a set of medical notes.

“Geillis,” I warn. “Behave yourself.”

“Anyway, pet, how was yer evening? Another tryst wi’ Professor Randall?” Her face says it all. Geillis thinks about as much of Frank as he does of her. Literally the only thing they have in common is me, and it’s getting pretty wearing.

“No, I was worn out and— oh, that reminds me.” I fumble in my pocket for my phone as I carry on talking. “I’ve got someone else’s suitcase. I hope they’ve got mine.”

I glance at the screen. Two missed calls and one message. All from the same number. All from the number I called last night, the James-Fraser-isn’t-here-don’t-call-again-ever number. Looks like this James Fraser has a jealous or suspicious wife-partner-girlfriend-housekeeper.

“Catch up later, Geillis, I need to deal with this.”

I rush back to my office to try and sort the suitcase problem out.

The message is brief and to the point.

Hi, Jamie Fraser here. I think I have your case too. Can we arrange a swap? I live in Glasgow. Hopefully you too. Where and when? I’m free after 5 today.

After five will work for me too, I just need to pop home and pick up his case. Now, based on his wardrobe choices and his one message to me, he doesn’t actually seem like an axe murderer or sex pervert, but you can’t really tell, so I think about a public location.

How about the benches by the cafe at Kelvingrove Park? 5:30? Claire Beauchamp

A couple of minutes later his reply appears on my screen.

Fine. See you then.  I’ll be the one wheeling a black Samsonite. JF

**************

It’s another glorious sunny day here in Glasgow. Just ideal for going for a stroll in the park. I do feel a bit conspicuous with a suitcase trailing along behind me — kind of like an upmarket bag lady.

There are no other suitcases around, so I perch on a bench. I fire a quick message to Geillis, just so that she knows where to direct the police if I disappear and then wait. It’s not too bad waiting. The sun is still warm, so I stretch my legs out trying for a tan. With my eyes closed, I lift my face up to soak up the rays. I may get panda eyes with my sunglasses on, but I don’t really care. The warmth is so good and I can feel myself relaxing totally —

“Ahem.”

I am conscious of a shadow across my face. I open my eyes and quickly stand up.

He’s tall. That’s the first thing I notice. A good few inches taller than me, and I’m 5 feet 9. And broad. Broad enough to block my sun. His hair is red, very red and the sun behind him creates a fiery corona around his head.

He’s a Viking. A Viking in a navy blue suit and a crisp white shirt. How many of those white shirts does he own, I wonder?

“Claire Beauchamp, I presume. I recognise the case. That red ribbon on the handle, such a unique idea.”

He smiles, a lopsided half grin and holds out his hand for me to shake. “Jamie Fraser.”

“Claire Beauchamp,” I say somewhat unnecessarily as we shake hands.

He sits down. “So,” he begins politely. “I hope ye havena come far out of yer way.”

I join him on the bench.

“No,” I gesture vaguely to my right. “I live not too far from here. How about you?”

That lopsided grin appears again. “Nah,” he gestures to his left. “No’ too far at all.”

There’s an awkward moment of silence. We are not really here for small talk, but is it too rude to just dive in and do the swap?

“So,” Jamie breaks the silence. “About the cases…”

Apparently it’s not too rude.

“I ken ye have ma case there, on account of ma contact details being in it, but what about this one? How do I ken this is yers? Black Samsonites with wee red ribbons seem to be awfa common ‘round here. As proof, can ye mebbe tell me something that’s in it? Something identifiable?”

And at this, my mind goes blank, what did I pack?

“Er, denim shorts… black flip flops… white vest—”

“Weel, they’re all verra common. Is there anything a wee bit more… unique?”

Is it my imagination or is there a twinkle in his clear blue eyes as he says this? And then I remember exactly what’s in my case and start to blush.

“There may be some hen party bits and pieces in there too. It was my friend’s hen weekend, so I think there may be some, er, stuff from that, you know, er, handcuffs… shot glasses…”

He puts me out of my misery. “Och, that’s fine. It’s yers, right enough. Here ye go.”

And we do the exchange, just like in the spy movies. Except in those, the cases are filled with bank notes and the top secret blueprints for a submarine base, and not white dress shirts and an assortment of shot glasses shaped like penises.

Our phones beep practically simultaneously. I pull mine out of my pocket. Jamie does the same and glances at his phone.

Mine is a text from Frank confirming tonight’s arrangements “I’d better go. Plans for tonight, you know.”

“Snap. Plans here as well.”

“Goodbye then. I’m not sure whose fault it was, the mixup at the airport. So why don’t we both say sorry, or neither of us?” I suggest as I stand up and smooth the creases from my skirt.

“Sounds good tae me. How about neither?” He smiles again. “Ms Claire Beauchamp, nice to meet you.”

“Mr Jamie Fraser, likewise I’m sure.”

And with that we head off, me to the right and Jamie Fraser to the left.

************

Frank had said 7:30, and, sure enough, at 7:28 my intercom buzzes and I let Frank in. He arrives at my door carrying a large bunch of lilies and roses. No, not a bunch, I can’t describe it as a bunch… carrying a large bouquet of lilies and roses, beautifully arranged and hand-tied. Clearly not a supermarket purchase. Nor is the wine he also hands to me. A chilled bottle of my favourite Sauvignon Blanc, only available from quality wine merchants in the city.

Frank can be incredibly thoughtful and generous, and I am suitably grateful. I pop the flowers into the kitchen sink while I try to locate a vase big enough to hold them.  He walks in as I’m scrabbling around on my hands and knees, bum in the air, head buried in the cupboard under the sink.

“So what are we having for dinner?” He asks as he pours the wine. “Are you cooking?”

I emerge victorious, having found the vase wedged between a bottle of sink unblocker and an unused can of spray starch.

“Sorry?”

“Dinner?” He repeats, helping me to my feet.

“I’ve not had a chance to cook. I told you about the suitcase confusion, didn’t I?  Well, I had to get that sorted. I thought we could have something delivered. That’s ok, isn’t it?”

“I’m sure that will be fine, darling. What would you like?”

What would I like? What I would really like would be a huge, great pizza full of carbs and grease and pepperoni and cheese that pulls into strands when you try to take a slice. And to sit on the floor with the pizza box between us watching Netflix and drinking beer.

But, that is clearly a rhetorical question.

“Thai?” Frank doesn’t wait for my answer.

Thai is the only acceptable takeaway in Frank’s eyes, eaten at a table, on proper plates. I nod my agreement. After all, he’s brought me wonderful flowers, and a gorgeous bottle of wine. He deserves to have the choice. And I can have pizza with my friends any time.

“You ring the order through then, while I arrange these beautiful flowers.” I say and kiss his cheek.

And that is our evening sorted - takeaway, a couple of glasses of wine, Newsnight on the television and then to bed for a bit of sex.

So, that’s food, drink, mind and body all sorted. I should go to sleep feeling satisfied with everything. I should… shouldn’t I?

[coreastories]

Corean Awards Night: Was the queen hidden in plain sight?

This year, the Corean Awards Ceremony was held in the winter palace in Pyeongchang 

Usually held in Gwangyeongjeon Palace in Busan, the awards ceremony relocated to the mountains where the queen is currently recuperating from the car crash that shook all our collective knees on November 13

Ahjummas still haven’t recovered and there was talk whether or not the awards ceremony for November 29 would be postponed to a later date

But new invitations have not been issued

The Royal Public Affairs Office announced instead that the media and nominees are cordially invited to the winter palace for the Corean Awards Ceremony, with every change in transport and accommodation for this to be satisfied by the palace 

Who'd complain? 

Exclusively televised by the the Corean Broadcasting Service, this humble reporter didn’t really have to do much but enjoy being there

Gyeoulgungjeon, literally “winter palace,” was completed in 1926, a royal gift for the current king’s great grandparents on their wedding. It served as a recovery hospital during World War II. 

Security protocol doesn’t allow me to post photos of the palace, and you’ll find no aerial shots of it anywhere. For international readers who haven’t seen the televised broadcast, you can look at the Pillnitz palaces in Dresden so you have an idea of what Gyeoulgungjeon looks like, nestled in the snow-covered slopes of Pyeongchang. 

Gyeoulgungjeon has the same Baroque style, though more gracefully situated in the mountains, with a charming rustic landscaping to match the scenery rather than Versailles-formality

The Corean Awards Ceremony was both luxurious and casual. It was black tie, and almost all the men were in tuxes, but the king himself wore a simple black suit and tie rather than any of his grander uniforms and coats. 

We were seated in round tables with glittering candelabra. The banquet hall left plenty of space for camaraderie, and people were on their feet, switching tables, and mingling in a friendly atmosphere. It was an evening among colleagues and the best people in the fields honored in the Corean Awards, but there were no huge egos walking around. It was delightful. 

We were served delicious makgeolli, which I’ve been told was made right there in the winter palace. Aside from the sumptuous Corean and continental buffet, I also had a whole year’s serving of carbs in irresistible hotteok and bindaetteok. Gods. 

The new Corean Laureate in Medicine: Chae Song-Eun Seonsaengnim

We’ve mentioned before that more than half of the nominees were under 50. Many of them won. Every Corean Award winner was decided by the most renowned in their respective fields around the world. 

Go here for our coverage of the Corean Awards Winners 

Dr Chae Song-eun, the queen’s OB, won the Corean Award in Medicine for her pioneering work in in-utero surgery. The award was presented by Dr. Fouad M. Abbas, one of the top doctors of the world specializing in oncology and obstetrics-- one of the judges of Corean Award in Medicine, and among the special guests that night. 

In her speech, Dr Chae announced the prize money of 2 billion won is going to Daesang Medical Group, to support international surgery missions to countries and patients in need.   

DMG has the queen as patroness, and is headed by Dr Chae’s husband, CorGen Chief of General Surgery, Dr Lee Sok-jun. 

Dr Lee Sok-jun: “I’m very proud of her. But then she always amazes me every day. This is nothing new.”

Congratulations, Dr Chae! On your Corean Award and your husband! 

Confirmed: The Prime Minister has been staying in the winter palace

Rumors have been circulating, of course, because the PM is supposed to be in Seoul but she  hasn’t been there. She wasn’t in Cheongwadae either. 

We can now confirm: The PM has been working from the winter palace for the past week.

This too-close tie between the palace and the government has drawn some raised eyebrows from the international press (and some local dissidents from the Jinsun Party, but no one listens to the parties). Within the kingdom, however, it’s just an accepted and beloved fact that the queen and the prime minister are friends. 

They work together to the benefit of the kingdom, and these two are always in lists of the most powerful, most admired women of the world. 

The PM worked closely with the king and queen at the palace. It seems Their Majesties are tying up loose ends for the year and for the next, with the PM expected to take over some diplomatic duties until well into July next year. 

While we weren’t able to get a comment from Her Excellency, we did see her power walking in one of the palace’s service halls in her half-tux, half-tartan skirt outfit. Hmm. Not crazy about it, but not too bad either. 

After flashing that mischievous grin like the proverbial cat with the canary, she was both friendly and curt, and we didn’t press her. She did tell us she was leaving after the Ceremony.  

I would love to be a bug on the wall for the past week. I want to know the dynamics between those three! 

Speaking of three…

The royal love triangle was together again-- although one party wasn’t aware of it

Part of the fun and anticipation of the Corean Awards was seeing Gong Shin and his blatant crush on the queen. 

My assistant was shaking too much when she took the photo for this to turn out any good, and we’ve enhanced it as much as we could.

We met him on the way to Pyeongchang, and the Corean star was all smiles, saying he was looking forward to the evening with Their Majesties, and he was really glad the queen was well. 

I was quite sad for him that night. 

Before the sun went down, we were treated to the sight of the king arriving amid the Royal Guard. 

No queen until evening fell and the lamps lit up the palace. Shortly before the ceremony started, it was announced the queen was not attending. 

You’ve all seen this photo of Gong Shin with a flute of champagne in what looks like a dressing room in Gyeoulgungjeon. His expression does look a little forlorn.

Ahjummas are speculating it’s because he was disappointed about not seeing the queen. 

Now we have these low quality photos of the king, in a different room, in a different suit, with a different expression, looking rather amused and gleeful. And we know very few people who can make the king look so happy. 

The same ahjummas awww-ing over Gong Shin awww-ed over this, and speculate that the queen had entered that opulent room, or maybe the king had been told something good?  

The king seemed in good spirits during the evening. We have this breathtaking photo from the Royal Public Affairs Office, of the king now in the suit and tie he’d worn that evening. 

I feel like we've published the same photo before, but it's not the king's fault he looks the same bright eyed happy king he always does, is it. 

And along with that photograph, we received one other: 

Her Majesty the Queen, Corean Awards Ceremony, Gyeoulgungjeon

The label is succinct as always. So it looks like the queen did attend the Awards! We don’t know how they’ve managed to hide the queen, but the palace can be terrifyingly efficient like that. I’m just glad to see her even in this photograph. 

And of course it’s her right to watch without being obligated to present an award or be there for the guests. It’s Her Majesty’s prerogative. And perhaps Gong Shin is smiling at the discovery that the queen saw him present the award for the Corean Award in Film, yes?   

The Royal Public Affairs Office assures us the queen continues to mend. She will still be in a sling for another 2 to 4 weeks, and she has started therapy. I’m sure the queen is snug and absolutely getting the royal treatment-- pun intended. 

Now if only the Royal Public Affairs Office could add something to their labels to elucidate why the queen was hidden away, hmm? 

Ahjummas have weighed in on this, and said it was perhaps the old tradition of keeping the expecting mom away from the public as she goes past the first trimester, to protect her from jealous bad spirits. 

After that car crash, I can get behind that!

Stay safe, Your Majesty!  Stay tuned, dear reader. 

------------ With thanks to @ms-interpretation​ for the screenshot of the king and the Royal Guard. :)   If I added a watermark on a photo, it means I did some hard work on it that ate time, so the conceit of adding a watermark. Argh. Lol.

[cloveroctobers]

CHELSEA ELLE HODGSON —

IG info/Bio: @/chelseaaahodecor | 109k followers | hi babes! welcome to my life lovelies, please get comfy with this Prosecco im serving thru this screen! xx here’s my site if you need some light in ur life: ichelseahdgsondesigns.com 🏝💕

24 (25) years

From Buckinghamshire, England

Comes from a wealthy family

her father’s side of the family founded, “Hodgson investments” their company is built off of financial services

Her papo (grandfather) was arrested on tax invasion & served some time for doing so

Her father, Alistair now manages the company but under a different name

Her mother’s side of the family comes from old money...something about horses?

Her mother, Connie holds many events and seems to make $ from them but Chelsea isn’t quite sure what the woman does or if it’s fully legal

The family is all about protecting their image & if you don’t cut it, there will be repercussions

Feels a little like dynasty (I’ve only seen 2-3 episodes & never finished but get the point?) , maybe that’s why Chelsea & her sister enjoy watching it so much

Parents forsure held courtship events or either went to courtship events with their children (even Albie) & found suitors in hopes of marrying their daughters off (& finding Albie a new wife, only on Mrs. Hodgson’s part— mr. Hodgson seems nicer/easy-going)

Has older twin sibs: Albie-Crispin & Dolly-Georgiana

Often referred to as “the triplet” in the press

Well-known in their city

They’re all called by their first & middle name in their family household even tho their parents do not have middle names

Has a love/hate relationship with albie, he is selfish & has proven to do anything to drag others down to make himself look better

He’s a lawyer & has been married to his wife for about 7 years

Mrs. Hodgson, Dolly, & Chelsea all agree they do not like her but Chelsea puts on a smile whenever her sister-in-law is around while Mrs. Hodgson makes it known that she dislikes the woman, she thinks she’s beneath her son since her family does not make nearly enough $ put together between her & Mr. Hodgson

Dolly has a bf who’s a dental hygentist that she’s been dating for about 3 years but they’re both cheating on each other, she doesn’t think she’ll ever be married

She’s in office management

Chelsea fell in love with interior decorating from the moment she played with doll houses. Her grandparents made sure to send her the biggest doll houses they could find every Christmas. She’s always been in love with rearranging and picking certain items and best putting them into a space that works

She shit at drawing (she’ll leave that to the Architects) but she knows her furniture & patterns quite well

Has asked a few architects out on dates, some she worked with or stumbled across, only one seemed like it could have truly worked...I imagine him to look a bit like Henry Cavill with light facial hair (told you I’m a sucker for it, & Chelsea probably can tolerate just a bit not too much)

Yet Chelsea always has a wondering eye, she gets curious quite often which makes you wonder, is she really ready for love? To fully commit? One day she will be

It’s a competitive field and when she’s ready to battle she will but there are moments when she gets let down & has to pick herself up again

Has ADHD, goes to therapy for it & hates taking her meds. She’d rather stick to therapy sessions since it’s always nice to talk to someone

When she was younger she probably stole a friend or two’s bf & would definitely get mad if they did it back to her but they somehow still end up being friends in the end? Yikes

Hung out with the popular kids, was always at the parties making sure everyone was having a good time. Filling up the cups, directing where furniture should be moved, where the kegs should go, how many people should be there, etc...She doesn’t seem like the stuck up type like her mother but she is privileged & doesn’t realize it as much

Was a cheerleader & ran track, quit track to commit full-time to cheerleading since that kept her in shape enough

Dated here & there, had one bf where they would scream at each other and wouldn’t allow the other to leave or would be upset that the other didn’t come after them...yeah one of those couples

Broke up with her goth bf because he didn’t tell her he wasn’t coming to school for about a week; he had the stomach flu

Canon: Took a computer course in high school & in uni & found out she was at the top of her class for typing the fastest, she now loves the sound of her short pink ombré nails on the keys

Canon: Wanted to be a show jumper due to her mother’s side of the family & their history with horses

Goes to the stables every now & then, there’s one horse there that she’s absolutely in love with & loves to ride. Her father always offered to buy it for her but it’s not a animal she wants to own

Canon: loves finger foods + will get full off them at events quickly. She also doesn’t mind the tiny portions of food at expensive ass restaurants, it’s just enough for her

Takes hair supplements. Probably had long hair growing up that she always kept up in a bun or ponytail but decided to start chopping her hair off & getting layers & highlights which damaged her hair

Approves of plastic surgery

Is part of the itty bitty titty community & got a lift for them

Gets lip fillers for her bottom lip but isn’t a fan of needles + overlines her top lip

loves going to the dermatologist, the spa for facials & whatever else she’s willing to try & finding new skincare to buy

Tans & loves tropical hot summers

Buys an overload of bikinis even in the winter

Hates the rain, it messes with her mood

Loves a good lipstick & lipgloss combo, nudes & pinks are her to go to’s

Fav color is pink

Got herself a guinea pig after the show & named her “bubbly” after her baby in the villa

I feel like she would eventually get a tiny dog too

Has her own flat, that’s quite far from all of her family. She loves her dysfunctional problematic family but Chelsea likes her space from them too

Since buckinghamshire’s culture is more of a Middle Ages style, Chelsea made sure her home wouldn’t hold much of that style inside. It needed to be lively! Her family home was filled with dark wood & she can’t stand that

She loves going to the markets tho. She always seems to leave with something & either finds herself not liking it months later and ends up selling whatever item caught her interest

Her family tends to pop in whenever they want, especially her mother

Canon: talks about cat cafe’s when she’s drunk, says its her version of the chocolate factory + she’s the dancing drunk

Always down for a girls night out, girls trip & girls sleepovers

Probably goes to bed early around 10pm or earlier m if she’s not out having the time of her life, which makes her regret her choices the next morning

All her closest friends back home are a group of girls

Hangs out with Priya, Marisol, & Hope from the villa whereas the rest she’ll mostly communicate with them through socials or gatherings

Will host gatherings & expect them ALL to show up

Is dramatic when things don’t go her way

Loses focus more than gets bored in relationships? She’ll find other things or people to occupy her time which she doesn’t realize can be hurtful to others

When she does realize she hurts someone, she immediately wants to fix it

Canon: Is a blabbermouth. Cannot hold a secret for shit, also cannot tell a lie. Her body language gives it away first if she doesn’t spill it

Retail therapy is the best therapy if she doesn’t have a office appointment

Any spice girl song will be her karaoke song, she is always baby spice

Loves her Prosecco (me too sis!) & keeps plenty bottles in her wine fridge. She originally wanted a space with a wine cellar but got creeped out at the thought since it’s just her & bubbly living in the home

Has high cell phone bills, the girl loves a good chat

Cannot cook no matter how hard she tries. She’s been to cooking classes with an ex, watched videos, order from those food delivery sites to prepare food & it just never turns out well

Will spend hours in furniture stores, she’s had to be escorted out pass closing hours by security guards before & manage to make friends out of them. They all know who she is in majority of the stores she enters

Throws a party every time her following goes up. There’s never not a reason to throw one

Was upset that Carl unfollowed her once and figured Hannah made him do it. Which wasn’t true, Hannah was sure of herself now & doesn’t feel the need to be jealous, the man could follow whoever he wanted—she knew he barely stayed on IG in the first place. He thought it was too shallow

So when Chelsea called him one night sobbing he was utterly confused, he didn’t understand why a follow meant so much

He reluctantly followed her back

Thrilled to know Elijah, Lucas, & Carl all keep up with her. Oh & the rest of the boys ofc!

Chats with Jakub! They also hang out. They’re a bit of a odd pairing but they get along well, he’s basically another big brother to her but she actually likes him—

Afraid of the dark, keeps fairy lights lit throughout the night in her bedroom, keeps scent infused night lights in her hallways

Believes in feng shui

I feel like her voice is soft like jennifer Tilly’s?

Idk what her sun sign is? Is she a sag far as daydreaming cause she does that. I KNOW she has Leo in her chart, she’s dramatic, warm, likes to be admired & appreciated. Sun sign I need help? Maybe she’s a Sagittarius sun? + Leo moon + libra rising

Has a collection of celeb gossip magazines that she keeps on a stand next to her pink velvet chair beside her bow window

I think she will be the first islander that gets pregnant tbh & it’s by an architect (the guy I mentioned/envisioned that’s been waiting on her to realize he can give her the love she needs or prove he can balance her out) or firefighter or someone “manly” she wouldn’t end up with a islander I don’t think

she has a girl & names her, “adore”

Canon: Still wants 5 kids but we’ll see how that goes & if it’ll change, it’s been a bit difficult not drinking Prosecco but she’s got a lovely baby out of it

Crushes? Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Alfred Enoch, Alex Pettyfer, Joe Cole, Gregg Sulkin, Frank Dillane, Charlie Rowe, & Hero Fiennes Tiffin

Can listen to anything that’s got a good beat. But we all know she’s a pop & folk genre lover. She listens to: Astrid S, Maty Noyes, Cher Lloyd, Bebe Rexha, Allie X, Poppy, POST MALONE, etc.

Anthem? Gabrielle Aplin — Until the sun comes up

[purplesurveys]

752

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No, my girlfriend is super laidback and in fact she’s always the one encouraging me to go out and try new stuff with other people.

Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? No but that doesn’t sound like a very nice thing to do either.

How many true heartbreaks have you had in your lifetime? In a romantic sense, once. I’ve had my heart crushed in other ways as well, like when a loved one dies.

Who last grabbed your ass? It’s definitely Gab but I don’t remember when that was. It’s been a while.

Have you ever cut yourself? Yeah man, I was big on that from 2016-2017. If I remember correctly I had a short lapse last year too, which is disappointing.

Do you get a 'Good Morning' text from someone every day? Not everyday but often enough. I like them; I do feel like I need greetings like those more so these days since I haven’t gotten to see anyone other than my family for two months now.

Do you have any gay family members? I honestly think I do but my family is so secretive about everything, from family drama to who has a terminal illness to sexual orientation. I will probably be the first one to publicly come out, if everything goes right in the new few months.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? I got it from one of the independent clothing stores in Feliz. They sold all these really cute tiny halter tops for only ₱80 each ($1.60)?!?!?! which was wild so I went ahead and got like four, and one of them is what I’m wearing at the moment. I’m so desperate to be outside, or at least, feel like I’m outside, so I’ve taken to wearing the clothes I’d wear in public right at home loooool.

Do any of your friends dislike each other? Yes lmao it’s hilarious. Andrew (who’s part of the newer wave of members in our org) has never been able to win over my OG org friends – Jo, Kate, Aya – so it gets super awkward when both ~generations~ get together in org parties. Since I’m everyone’s friend I always have to divide my time between groups or tables so that I get to spend time with everyone :(

Who is your last missed call from? It was from Angela’s mom, who called on the morning of my birthday to greet me. I feel bad about missing the call but you have to know that I hate getting calls from anyone other than Gabie, so when I woke up to my phone ringing I just rolled over to the other side and let the call pass. I did thank her profusely once I was properly up though.

Do you feel like everything is falling apart around you? This was me last night. As a journalism major, I felt very helpless seeing ABS-CBN get off the air at 7:47 PM and even more helpless when I saw so many people rejoicing over their shutdown, with absolutely no regard for the 11,000 employees who have just lost their jobs. Times have been hard enough in the country because of the government’s poor response to the virus, and now one of our biggest sources of news and information has also been silenced. It was enough to make me shut down last night and I just couldn’t do anything, couldn’t think properly, couldn’t even talk to my girlfriend.

Was your first kiss romantic? I’ve always thought it had been more awkward, but when we got to talking about it in the past my girlfriend apparently found it very romantic and sweet.

Do you miss any of your ex's right now? No ex.

Have you ever overdosed on anything? I have not.

What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? Look two questions above.

Who was the last person to text you before you went to bed? No one texted me before bed but I did get a text upon waking up this morning; it was Andrew. I’m guessing they saw that I deactivated all my social media last night because they texted their concern for me and told me they were gonna be there for me if I needed anyone to talk to.

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? One.

Do you know anybody whose last name is a color? Answered this in a survey but yeah, Maroon and Black.

What are you most likely to go to jail for? Ooh I dunno, I’m honestly such a goody two shoes skskksks. Does answering back to the police count? That’s the legit worst thing I imagine myself doing.

Where was your last kiss? Near my car. I was leaving Gabie’s place and she walked me to my car, and I gave her a kiss before I left.

Who was your date to Prom? My cousin. I didn’t give a shit about prom during my junior year since I was super infatuated with Gabie then, I was already seeing her, and I still had no guy friends, but because prom in my school was mandatory attendance I just pulled my favorite cousin to be with me that night.

Do you still talk to your first love? Yeah, I’m still with her to this day.

Whose wedding did you go to first? I honestly don’t remember since I was gotten as flower girl so many times as a toddler. I do have photos of being a flower girl when I was 3 and at least, that’s the oldest-documented wedding I was in. I don’t know whose it was, but it must have been a very distant relative since I only went with my paternal grandparents and absolutely no one else from my family, not even my parents lol.

When is the last time you went to the beach? Nasugbu, August 2019.

Do you ever feel like life is going by too fast? For sure. April was a fucking blur.

Are you ashamed of anyone you've dated in the past? No but my friends have always made me feel like not dating Mike was a bullet dodged. I dunno what to think of it though as I barely knew/know him.

What about anyone you've been friends with? Mostly no, since former friends were important to me at some point and to be ashamed of them is to throw away the good times we did have, but I do prefer to dissociate myself from Athenna. Her behavior has turned so rotten in college and she badmouthed Angela and made her miserable for a very long time; it’s like I have no clue who she is now. Apparently people in her school also think she’s a fucking weirdo, so that has just made me all the more confused about what’s happened to her through the years.

Have you ever made out with someone in a pool? In the sea, yes. Not in a pool since there’s always kids around.

What are you doing this weekend? Same thing I’ve been doing the last 51 days I guess: have late breakfast, take several surveys, maybe take a nap, continue my Spanish lessons, play with my dog, take more surveys, maybe meet some progress on my thesis if I feel mentally capable to work on it.

Who’s the last person that slept over your house? I think it was Gabie. I’m really the only family member that brings over someone at our place for the night haha, and it’s usually Gabie.

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? Yes.

Have you ever kissed someone with a tongue ring? No but this did remind me of when I used to have a big crush on CM Punk, who used to have a lip ring hahahahahaha.

Is it hard for you to get over a lover? As a demi, I imagine it would be very hard as it would also be losing a best friend.

Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex? I wouldn’t say that. I have a couple of close friends though.

Was your mom ever a stripper? No.

Do you regret any of the relationships you were in? A little bit. I wish my first relationship with Gabie ended months sooner than it actually did. The last few months of it were just us beating around the bush and physically avoiding it each other in school; it was a huge waste of time.

Have you ever tried making someone jealous? Yes, that’s what I did when we ^ finally broke up. By the time we broke up I had long accepted that the relationship wasn’t working and I was already doing a little fine, and I was well enough to do stuff to make her see that she was missing out. It’s high school pettiness so I’ve forgiven myself for it lol.

Would you ever get a boob job? I’ve definitely thought about it but idk. I’ll have to be rich enough to want to allot money for plastic surgery because it’s not very essential for me.

Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? Because of her.

Who is the last person you flirted with? Just my girlfriend.

Whos the most racist person you know? Probably my mom. She has said some eyeroll-worthy stuff about the Chinese throughout the lockdown and I remember she initially had a negative reaction to my cousin Joelle when she introduced us to her black fiancé. I do know she’s a bit scared of me because I wouldn’t hesitate to call her out on her racism, so thankfully her statements have lessened over the years.

Do people ever compliment your eyes? Not really. It’s not a strong suit.

Have you ever lied to your boyfriend/girlfriend? Eh, just about small stuff like lying about not being hungry.

When is the last time you saw one of your ex's? Gabie was my ex at one point I guess? I last saw her March 7th.

Who was the last person you hung out with? Also Gabie. She was the last non-family member I saw before the whole world fell apart, basically lol.

Which one of your ex's do you hate the most?

Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? No. I never understood why it’s a big deal for a lot of couples and I’d genuinely like to hear a good reason why. We don’t watch porn together but Gab and I would definitely watch some on our own time and it hasn’t affected our relationship or sex life at all.

Out of everyone you kissed, give me the initials of the best kisser? I’ve only kissed one person and she kisses amazingly, so GAD.

Do you regret a lot of things you did in the past? No. Just some small stuff here and there.

How many people have you kissed this year? One.

How many people has your best friend had sex with? One.

How long have you known the last person you kissed? I have technically known her since 2002, but we didn’t know each other and become friends until 2011.

Do you think one of your friends is a slut? No. One of my former acquaintances was and I’m so not saying that in a judgy way lmao she can fuck whoever she wants whenever she wants, but I don’t really talk to her anymore + she’s no longer single.

When is your birthday? April 21st.

[huhnerhexen]

all for the other ask set!

I just took my painkillers, so I'm really high and I'm sorry if this makes no sense, I'm trying my best...

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

- yes, but they're not the most important thing. I can look past appearance, but if you're ugly on the inside it'll never work

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

- theyre worth it every time! Even if they fail, you learn a lot about yourself and they change you for the better

3. Are you a virgin?

- no

4. Are you in a relationship?

- no, my partner of about three years and I broke up a month ago

5. Are you in love?

- I'm in love with myself, which is more than I can say when I was in that relationship

6. Are you single this year?

- yes

7. Can you commit to one person?

- yes; I'm like a penguin... I mate for life

8. Describe your crush

- that's easy, I don't have one

9. Describe your perfect mate

- soft and sweet, generous, respectful of my boundaries, openly communicative, like my grandpa!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- no

11. Do you ever want to get married?

- yes

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

- in time and with an apology, of course

13. Do you get jealous easily?

- I used to, but I've done a lot of work since then and I don't anymore

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

- other than myself? no

15. Do you have any piercings?

- I have a nose ring, my septum pierced, 3 earrings in my right ear, and two in my left

16. Do you have any tattoos?

- 11; a bumble bee, a cat drinking wine, my rat's footprint, my grandma's signature, a sloth, the pisces constellation, the aurora borealis constellation, squirrel nutkin, my grandpa's signature, Snufkin and Moomin, and a lavender sprig

17. Do you like kissing in public?

- a quick peck doesn't bother me, but keep your tongue in your own mouth

There is no 18 or 19 in this series of questions??

20. Do you shower everyday?

- I've been bathing more than showering lately, but I do wash everyday

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

- I don't, but that's none of my business anyways

22. Do you think someone is thinking of you right now?

- no, I don't think so

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

- obviously, I did that for 3 years. I don't cheat, it's wrong and it fucks people up

24. Do you think you'll be married in five years?

- maybe? I haven't given it much thought tbh

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

- no

26. Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?

- yes, and then they did

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

- no

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

- not that I am aware of

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

- no, I would never

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

- I've had plastic surgery twice; once in the ninth grade to fix me jaw, and two days ago I had top surgery

31. Have you ever cried over a guy or girl?

- yes, and what a waste of time that was

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

- no

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

- yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

- no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

-yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

- yes

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

- yes

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

- yes

39. Have you ever waved someone you couldn't have?

- yes

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

- yes

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

- yes

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

- depends on the person, but awhile, I really like kissing

43. How long was your longest relationship?

- almost 3 years

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

- I've had 6 partners

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

- I can say with 100% certainty that I have no idea; I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

- I don't know, sex isn't something I count

47. How old are you?

- 21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

- I'd ask them why, people love to talk about their crushes, I'd also encourage them to go after it. Just because I like someone doesn't make them mine

49. If you have a partner, what is your favourite thing about them?

- I don't have a partner

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with am apology and presents, would you accept?

- no, not yet. I'm not at a place to forgive Kai yet. I'm still working through and breaking down what they did to me

51. Is there someone you would do absolutely anything for?

- yea, my grandma

52. Is there anyone you've given up on? Why?

- I gave up on my dad's dad, Lane; he's just a genuinely awful guy and every time I've tried to extend an olive branch it's come back to bite me in the ass. He can be angry and miserable alone, I don't have room for that shit in my life.

53. Is there someone mad because you're seeing/talking to the person that you are?

- no, the people in my life are incredibly supportive of me in all my endeavors and decisions

54. Is there something you will never forget?

- what a classmate and friend wrote to my mom once when she was compiling a big note full of all the reasons people care about me. "There's nothing they could ever do that would be bad". Those words have been etched onto my heart for 6 years

55. Share a relationship story

- I'll tell you about my grandparents, and how they were made for each other. My grandpa worked for CBC and so did my grandma, but they worked in separate buildings, and one night my grandma's friend says "Elaine, come out for drinks with me and some of the guys" and my grandma really doesn't want to, but she's a polite lady so she does anyways. She winds up sitting next to my grandpa, and they don't say much to each other but his friends keep bugging him and making jokes about how he needs to "get home to his wife" (he isn't married, but he fancies my grandma and his friends are just trying to make him work harder for her). They wind up leaving at the same time, and they walk home together because they lived a couple buildings away from one another. My grandpa assures my grandma that he isn't married, he tells her he's going home to Red Jacket, Saskatchewan for Christmas, but could he give her a call when he comes home? She says yes; and a year later they were married. They've been madly in love with each other ever since.

56. State 8 facts about your body.

- I have 8 less teeth than the average adult; my eyes are two different shapes; when I learned to walk it was with a slight limp so now I always have one; when my body is really low on estrogen I get incredibly clumsy; I have 2 holes in my jaw from where a surgical plate was removed; I'm deathly allergic to peanuts; my limbs are so long, my fingertips almost reach down to my knees; I have a small groove in my head from wearing headgear when I was a child.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

- you always went on and on about how I deserved better, and you're wrong. It's not that I deserved better, you just didn't deserve me.

I have so much pity for you, because you have to live the rest of your life knowing what Ostin did to your mom, you did much the same to me. You acted the same as the man who makes you so sick. You're disgusting for what you did, and I hope you regret it everyday of your life.

58. What are 5 ways to win your heart?

- listen openly to me, tell me things that happened to you during your day, sending me songs or poems or little trinkets that remind you of me, laugh at my jokes, vocalize your feelings about me

59. What do you look like?

This is me and my roommate's cat, Anaan!

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

- two years, he was 15 I was 17 and as soon as I learned how smol he was I couldn't get past it...

61. What's the first thing you notice in someone?

- their mouth, I lip-read so someone's lips and teeth is the first thing my eyes go to

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do to/for you?

- oh gee I don't even know? Maybe take off my clothes for me, but like really slowly?

63. What is your definition of "having sex"?

- anything that gets the job done, y'know? wets the whistle

64. What is your definition of cheating?

- being physically intimate with a party outside of the pre-established exclusive relationship

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

- tease me until I want to kill you, and then fuck me until I can't remember my own name

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

- I don't have one. I did improv in highschool and doing any sort of "acting on the spot" makes me astral project back to that cringey time

67. What is your idea of a perfect date?

- one where it doesn't matter what you're doing, you never want it to end because you can never have enough time with the person you're with

68. What is your sexual orientation?

- queer!

69. What turns you off?

- people who are mean to animals

70. What turns you on?

- climate justice

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

- that will stay between me and the lord, thanks

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

- none, if you can form words or sentences, one of us isn't doing our job right

73. What's something sweet you'd like someone to do for you?

- bring me flowers! No one has ever brought me flowers before

74. What's the most superficial characteristic you look for?

- probably wardrobe

75. What's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?

- my sister moved in with me to take care of me while I recover from my mastectomy. I didn't even have to ask, she offered to do it

76. What's the sweetest thing you've done for someone?

My roommate and I had mice and squirrels living in the basement of our old house, and they ate and destroyed all of her old baby books and photo albums; so this year for Christmas I took all the pictures I had of us, and a bunch of pictures she had posted on her social media, and I made her a new photo book to preserve the memories she made these last few years.

77. What's your opinion on age differences in relationships?

- the older you get, the less age difference really matters, my roommate is 41 and her partner is turning 61 this year. I think so long as both parties are of legal age and consenting, do what you want. That being said, it gets iffy if the older party knew the younger person when they were a child; ie. Leonardo DiCaprio and his most recent girlfriend.

78. What's your dirtiest secret?

- I don't have one? I'm literally an open book... You can ask me anything

79. When was the last time you felt jealous?

- when an 8 year old girl came into the shop and told me her grandpa was taking her shopping for her birthday.

80. When was the last time you told someone that you loved them?

- on Wednesday, when I was saying goodbye to my grandma at the hospital (that sounds like a downer, she's fine, she had a knee operation and I went to visit her after work)

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

- LP, Ezra Miller, Joji, my ex boyfriend (they're mad cute, but they're ugly on the inside), Chris Fleming

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

- my mom, after she drove me home from the hospital and helped me get inside

83. Who was your first kiss with?

- a boy named Rhys, in the ninth grade. We were each other's beards before we even knew it

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

- a lot of different reasons; we kept fighting, they had no time for me, they wouldn't communicate with me, I had trouble trusting them, they sexually assaulted me and were hella manipulative, they forgot I existed a lot, there were a lot of red flags that we ignored until it blew up in our faces.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the internet?

- sure, I don't see why not!

Thanks for asking! Sorry it took so long to answer, I had to stop and nap a few times in between questions...

[prettyfunkyunorganized]

Sugar Daddy Hanzo part 12

Hi everyone! I’ll keep it brief because I’m very tired and very done, lol. Super stressed from school, so forgive my absence. I have along ass chapter for you though! Always feels good to write what I want. Sorry if my chapters have been off or slow recently, btw. My mind is just shot from juggling graduate school. Your ongoing support means everything to me, I want you to know that. 

Anywho, 3,070 words today! Enjoy. I also put a break halfway through since it’s so long.

The last surgery came and went just like any other, leaving you waking up with Hanzo on one side of your bed while your grandparents sat on the other. You smiled at the flowers perched on your side table. They were long stems covered with tiny yellow flowers you had called ‘pixie dust’ growing up. Here in the city, you never saw these dainty little plants, but back home they were everywhere. When you were smaller, you and your grandparents would run your fingers along the stem to pull off as many flowers as you could, then make a wish as you blew all the little petals into the air. Just seeing the vase full of your childhood favorite was enough to make you smile ear to ear.

“Good morning, or rather, evening,” Hanzo said as he noticed you were awake, setting his book aside.

“Hey,” you responded groggily.

“There’s my pumpkin,” your Nana chirped out, squeezing your hand. Your grandfather snorted in his sleep, but didn’t wake up.

“He could sleep through a plane crash,” you giggled.

“At least he remembered his neck pillow this time. Last time we traveled, he forgot it, and the chiropractor nearly lost his mind,” Nana chuckled. “But enough about him, how are you, my strong girl?”

“I’m fine,” you shrugged, “sore again, but I feel like I can take a deep breath now, so that’s nice.”

“I will go find a doctor,” Hanzo offered, heading to the door. Your Nana watched him leave then turned back to you excitedly the moment he was gone.

“Tell. Me. Everything,” she demanded giddily.

You grinned. Of course, you weren’t going to tell her everything, hell you couldn’t even tell her half of it, but you knew the old gossip wouldn’t let you rest until she had at least a few details.

“Alright, Nana,” you laughed, “I’ll tell you some of the good stuff. I met him at this fancy party a while ago, and we kinda got together. Trouble of it is, he sorta, um, dumped my friend to be with me instead.”

“Oh,” she said, lowering her voice as if every word you said was a precious secret, “well that’s complicated.”

“It was Lori. You remember Lori, right? The one who I was always covering for at work and driving home after benders?”

Nana’s face went sour. “Yes, yes. I remember you telling me about her. Never understood why you liked her in the first place.”

“Well, she helped me out when I first got to the company. Now I realize she was just using me, but still, that’s how it happened. We haven’t really spoken since I started going with Hanzo, though. That is, until she shot me.”

“She’s the one who shot you,” your grandmother reeled.

“Yeah,” you sighed, rubbing a sore spot on your chest, “that was her.”

“Good grief! What a jealous bitch!” You smirked at her swearing. As a kid, you had learned all your naughty words from grandma.

“I still can’t believe she went this far,” you groaned. “Hope they find her.”

“Oh they did,” your Nana said, “Hanzo said she’s been incarcerated and is going to be locked up for a very long time. Now that I think about it, he sounded very confident of that . . .”

“He probably made sure of it,” you murmured quietly.

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing,” you said trying to put on a sweet smile. Nana didn’t need to know you were dating the sort of man who would throw money around and bribe officials to make sure you were safe. But you knew he absolutely would.

“Well, in any case, he seems like a nice man, if not a little quiet and scary at times.”

“You think he’s scary,” you laughed. He was, but it was different to hear your grandmother say it.

“Do you not?! He’s so grave looking with that angular face of his! And so somber! There was a rather unpleasant nurse in here a while ago who made a remark about ‘only stupid people get shot,’ and before your Grandad could start barking, Mr. Shimada there gave the fellow the most powerful look! Stopped the man dead and made him lose two shades of color in his face. Gave me the shivers, too.”

“He can be like that,” you admitted with a smile, “but he means well.”

“I get that impression,” your grandmother smiled. “He seems quite taken with you.”

“He is,” you nodded, “and I’m very lucky.”

“Not half as lucky as he is,” she said with a wink. “Although, I do wish he would open up a little. We’ve been sitting here for hours but he didn’t say much.”

“Gana-nana, opening up is absolutely not his strong suit.”

“Oh, but it’s just me! I’m a sweet old lady! Who wouldn’t feel okay opening up to me?”

“Someone who has a very complicated relationship with his own family,” you clarified.

“I see,” your Nana said, glancing at the door behind her. “He looks like the type of fella with some baggage. You just keep your priorities straight, alright? You are your first priority, and you don’t have to fix anyone.”

“I know, Nana, I know,” you chuckled. “You taught me that well when I was younger.”

“No grandbaby of mine is going to get roped into micromanaging a man like I did in my first marriage,” she said firmly.

“I’m doing my best,” you promised her.

A moment later, Hanzo and a doctor came in, prompting your Nana to smack your Grandad awake.  The doctor greeted you with a smile before launching into a summary of your progress. “Everything looks good so far. The tissue melded together quite nicely, your lung function is getting more normal, and you seem to be in good spirits.”

“Yeah,” you agreed, “I’m still sore and tired, but I feel like I’m getting there. Or maybe I’m just getting used to it.”

“Either way,” the doctor said, tucking her tablet under her arm, “I can’t see any reason you can’t go home now.”

“Really,” you grandmother asked worriedly, “so soon?”

“Yes. She’s been a model patient, and we have follow-up appointments scheduled, too, so I’m confident she’ll be fine. Should you need anything though, you can always give me a ring.”

“I’m not protesting,” you said taking the woman’s card from her outstretched hand. “Get me out of here!”

Your Grandad laughed. “You’ve hated hospitals since the day you popped out. Have I ever told you that story about the day your parents took you home?”

“Yes,” you groaned, “only a thousand times. ‘The minute yer momma stepped out of the sliding doors you clammed up and just looked around. Were quiet as a peep the whole way home.’”

You caught Hanzo smiling at your reenactment and wondered if you would ever hear stories about his childhood. Genji would probably happily spill the beans for you.

“Well if that’s the case,” the doctor continued, “hopefully you’ll feel better once you get some fresh air. However, once our pain medicine wears off, you might be feeling a little wiped out, so I recommend having someone at least come to check on you every once in a while if not stay with you a few days.”

“Maybe I should stay then,” Nana said, turning to her husband.

“You have to go? So soon,” you asked, your heart sinking a little.

“Rodriquez passed away last week. His memorial is the day after tomorrow,” your Grandad explained heavily. The name was familiar since he and your grandfather had been friends for decades.

“That’s awful,” you said shaking your head, “but you should both go to the memorial. I’ll be okay. The gals and Hanzo can look after me.”

“Oh, I don’t want to bother them,” your grandmother said with a wave of her hand. “I can stay.”

“It would not be a bother at all,” Hanzo finally piped up, “I had already planned on staying with your granddaughter should she need me.”

“Yeah, don’t take away my chance to make Mr. Fancy Pants here play nursemaid,” you joked, grinning at Hanzo.

“Well,” your grandmother hesitated, “it would be nice to be there for Rodriquez’s husband if he needs me. That dear man hasn’t been without his sweetheart for over seventy years . . .”

“Yes, go take care of him,” you insisted, “I’ll be just fine.” That, and you would rather spend your lazy days watching Hanzo’s handsome form take care of you instead of watching your Grandad rearrange your kitchen ‘the right way.’

“You just make sure those lady friends of your come over too,” Grandad said warningly. “I like that feisty one, and I want to make sure someone is scrutinizing this man of yours with a critical eye.”

“Marvin if you don’t cool it I’m never making you my signature alfredo sauce again,” your Nana snapped.

“Alright, alright,” the old man said, putting his hands up in surrender.

“Don’t worry, Grandad, Nicole is already on the job, isn’t she, Hanzo,” you smirked.

“She seems quite determined to find every possible fault in me,” Hanzo admitted.

“Good,” you grandfather muttered.

“Why don’t I go get a nurse to get you ready to go,” the doctor – who had been watching the spat with an amused smile – said before ducking out.

Not long after, you were bundled up in a pair of sweats and ready to finally go home. It was late in the day now, and you couldn’t help but notice you grandmother’s yawns.

“Nana, Grandad, did you get a hotel room,” you asked.

“Yes, but we can see you off to your apartment first. We’re fine,” the old woman replied.

“Speak for yourself,” Grandad said with a stretch, “I’m beat. Let this suit-wearing galoot take her home since he’s so keen on proving himself a good guy. We can come over in the morning and make the girl breakfast before we head out.”

“She’s out grandbaby Marvin! How are you not more concerned by all this?”

“Because I know just how tough our grandgirl is,” he said patting your arm. “We helped raise a hell of a young woman, and I know she’ll be okay.”

“Thanks, Grandad,” you said leaning over to kiss the top of his head. “And thanks for being a worry wort Nana, but I’m okay. All I want to do is sleep in my own bed, so you guys go hit the hay, too.”

“Oh alright,” she relented, “but you let me know if you need anything.”

“Yes ma’am,” you nodded, taking a step to Hanzo’s side.

“I have my car waiting,” he said offering his arm to you. You held his elbow and waved to your family.

“If you would rather be with them,” Hanzo began, “I will not be offended in the least.”

“No, no,” you said firmly. “I love them to bits, I do, but when I’m hurt or sick Nana starts hovering and makes it hard to relax. Grandad starts cooking way too much and destroys the whole house in the process. No, what I need tonight is quiet and you.”

“I am happy to oblige,” he said with a thin smile, opening the car door for you.

It felt like an excruciatingly long ride home, so the moment you were in the door you couldn’t help but scream, “Thank. Fucking. God!”

“You hatred of hospitals is . . . remarkable,” Hanzo said with a chuckle, locking the door behind him.

“Most things about me are remarkable though, aren’t they,” you grinned, leaning in to kiss him. This was the first time you had been able to properly put your arms around him since the two of you reconnected, and it felt fantastic. You buried your face in his chest and breathed in deeply. He always smelled clean and fresh, but now there was a tiny hint of antiseptic smell lingering on him, too. Fucking hospitals.

Hanzo kept his arms around your waist and smiled down at you. “Remarkable seems the most perfect way to describe you,” he agreed.

“It’s nice to be with you like this again,” you said softly. “I knew I missed being next to you, but I hadn’t realized just how much I’d missed it.”

“I know precisely what you mean,” he hummed gracing his hand up and down your back. You shivered.

“How long did the docs say I had to stay away from ‘strenuous activity,’” you asked leadingly, kissing the sensitive spot under his jawbone.

“Two weeks so you may properly heal,” he replied, “and I will be counting down every hour.” His hands gravitated to your ass as he left a trail of kisses from your ear to shoulder.

“Don’t tease me,” you laughed, pulling away from him.

“Forgive me,” he said with a glint in his eye, “it is still my favorite way to pass the time.”

You turned toward your kitchen and ruffled your hair. “I don’t suppose I could convince you to grill me a cheese while I take a quick shower instead?”

“Of course I will,” he nodded, making his way to your fridge, “but be careful not to get your injuries too wet. I have had plenty of experience with the waterproof coating they put on bullet wounds these days. It is only waterproof to a degree.”

“Have you been shot before,” you asked from the bathroom doorway.

“You have seen my scars before,” he said with an air of apathy, “you know how extensive they are.”

“That’s true,” you said thinking over the first time you saw him with his clothes off, “guess I didn’t recognize any of them as a healed bullet hole.”

“I am glad you have not had much experience in that,” he said pulling a pan from a cupboard. You couldn’t help but admire his toned butt.

“Here I thought all your scars came from sexual exploits gone wrong,” you laughed.

“I must admit, a few of them are,” he shrugged.

“Oh I’ve got to hear about that,” you demanded before heading to wash the grime off of you.

By the time you were feeling clean and mostly normal again, the pain medication was wearing off, leaving your aches much more noticeable. You flopped onto the couch in your pjs and sighed, rubbing your stitches. Hanzo brought a plate to you a moment later and sat.

“Thanks, Hanzo,” you said blinking your tired eyes.

“Are you feeling worse now,” he asked, his arm resting on the back of the couch behind your head. You nodded. “What can I do?”

“Nothing,” you said simply, “I think I just need to sleep in my own bed. And the warm, cheesy goodness helps, too.”

He smiled wide. “I’m glad my sandwich preparation skills are still adequate. I do not cook as much as I used to.”

“You used to?”

“Yes, after I . . .  broke away from my family, I lived alone for a number of years on very little means, and so I had to learn to cook. You should have seen my first attempts. They were some of my most undeniable failures.” He grimaced as if he could still taste something burnt in his mouth.

“You’re so dedicated, though, I bet you did all the research and all the practice and figured out how to ace all your favorite meals,” you said worming a little closer to him.

He let out a loud laugh, “You certainly know my tendencies.”

“Will you make me something fancy someday,” you asked, taking another bite, “I’ll return the favor.”

“Anything you like,” he promised in a low tone, weaving his fingers into your hair. The sensation put you even more at ease, and your lids grew heavy.

“Hanzo?”

“Yes?”

“Will you stay here with me tonight? I know we can’t have any fun or anything but I – I’d . . . ”

“If you want me to stay I will,” he said with a small kiss to your forehead. “Anything you need, I am here.”

“Thank you,” you said placing your hand over your chest. “I just – it’s hard to feel safe and strong after what happened. I try my best to a confident woman and take care of myself, but after Lori . . . I just want someone close by. As much as I hated being stuck in that white room with an IV in my arm, at least there was a nurse call button and staff looking out for me all the time.”

“You will never be alone if you do not want to be so long as I am alive,” Hanzo sad firmly. “I could not be there when you were hurt, but I will do all I can to keep you safe from now on.”

You giggled, “You are a formidable guy. I’d be scared to fuck with someone I knew you cared about.”

“And I pity anyone who dares antagonize you once you recover. I have no doubt you will come out of this stronger than ever. It is just who you are, and one of the things I most adore about you.”

“You’re so good to me,” you smiled, kissing his arm.

“I will try to be deserving of you.”

“I know, and I will be, too. But no more trying tonight. I’m exhausted and I need some sleep. ASAP,” you groaned.

“Do you have fresh sheets for your bed,” Hanzo asked, standing.

“Yeah, in the top of the closet, but I don’t know if they really need to be changed yet.”

“Nonsense,” Hanzo said with a small frown, “few things feel better than fresh sheets. Finish eating, and I will make up your bed.”

“Thanks, my considerate man,” you beamed.

After a few moments of spacing out, you heard Hanzo call out to you.

“May I ask you for a favor,” he asked.

“Um, sure,” you hesitated.

“Remind me to but you decent sheets,” he said, a displeased lilt in his voice.

“Are you judging my bedding,” you laughed.

“Yes, my beauty, yes I am.”

“Fancy pants,” you chuckled under your breath. Despite Hanzo’s insistence that your sheets, pillowcases, and mattress all needed to be replaced, he still crawled into bed with you, letting you snuggle up as much as you wanted. With him pressed against you, the feeling of safety settled into your bones and allowed you to drift peacefully off to sleep.

@collinssie @watch-your-grammer @zarcake-writes @yesthisisbae @eebbapanda1@deercapitate @missbumblina@skyrina@justjaaaay@thewetbones@skyelentnight @ilovebva @punk-dork @cbrokeherboobs@sobanoodledragon@sydniesamm@honeyburger@knightofsexyness @queenoflabyrinths@speakingishard@iknowimcutethanks @ninevast @ivymarquis @sydniesamm@barbie-the-centrist @tumblertrash@angle0fthegourd@shaybae1997 @lillypet95 @rusty-potato @tt-nikithakppr @honeydew-do-you @kitties-and-unicorns @spookymf @seachelle-the-tideborn 

** please let me know if you would like to be tagged or removed from the tags in future updates and sorry if I missed anyone, I feel like tumblr is deleting my shit**

[femnet]

I am very skinny. I am the type of skinny where I can eat whatever I want and not gain a pound, which really ISN’T a good thing…trust me… My arms are lanky and bony and I have that Taylor-Swift curse where when I dance I always look like a waving-arms-inflatable-tube-man. When I was in third grade, one of my classmates asked me if I was anorexic. I didn’t even know what that word meant. She clarified later that she meant it as a compliment. When I was in high school, a coach stopped me in the hallway while I was taking photos for journalism and yelled at me in front of everyone that if she didn’t see me eating at lunch that she would send me to the Principals office and call my parents. This was not a concerned-teacher conversation. She literally got in my face and yelled at me. 

I know this might seem like a stupid problem to have, because I know that society, as a whole, has a very bad problem shaming and making fun of people who are a pound over what is considered the “ideal” weight. But I think there is struggles on both sides of the spectrum. My weight has been a constant stress in my life. Not just my weight, all my life, I’ve struggled to build up any semblance of confidence in my appearance. When I look in the mirror I struggle to find things that I like about my self. When I was little, I remember thinking I can’t wait until I’m older and have boobs but I’ve stayed very flat chested. I look in the mirror and sigh, “I look like a twelve year old boy.” And my husband rolls his eyes and glares at me in the background.

I know that this doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to many people, but for someone who already didn’t think they were very attractive, its a raw point. Friends and family teased me about it throughout my childhood, including my parents. My dad’s childhood nickname for my sister was “Skeeter” in reference to her “mosquito bite size chest” though, surprisingly, it was my father who defended me when my step-mom once told me a dress I was wearing just “accentuated what you don’t have.” It seemed like anytime I tried on the clothes or swimsuits I wanted to wear they fell…well…flat (bu-dum-tsss). While at my grandparents house, anytime I try to pep myself up in the mirror by turning this way and that and giving myself compliments like, “These pants make my butt look gooooood…” my Aunt will laugh at me loudly and say “Yeah right, what butt?” Her tone seeming to ridicule my attempt at self complimenting.

  Almost anytime my sister and I are together, we joke about plastic surgery for our noses (we both have large noses) and our boobs. As the years have gone on, my sister’s words seem less and less like a joke and sound more like a plan. My husband asked me one night if I would ever really get a boob job. He said that he loved me the way I was, but that since it was my body he would support me if I said I wanted to. I’ve always supported a persons choice to take their appearance into their own hands if it makes them feel better. I don’t believe that very many women wear make up or cute clothing to impress men, I think we do it because we want to impress ourselves. I told him, its true, if we were rich I would probably do it in a heartbeat, but that, otherwise, I couldn’t bring myself to spend so much money on body modification when we have so many other things that we need.

With my issues regarding my weight, chest size, and shape, you can imagine what bra shopping is like. It seems like bra companies cater to a very specific size group. If you fall above or below that, good luck. Listening to my super flat friends and my super busty friends talk about bra shopping is almost the exact same. Anytime I would go shopping, it was always “which push up bra will push what little I have up the most and not make me look like a thirteen year old girl with a bunch of tissues.” Unfortunately, the shape of my chest doesn’t lend itself to push ups very much and the amount of cup gap I always see when I look down just makes me feel even flatter than I am. 

My husband was definitely team throw-out-the-push-ups, but I was resistant at first. I attached what little confidence I had to these bras, and when he told me that I should go bra-less entirely or just wear bralettes, I thought that would just make me feel even worse because then I’d be even more shapeless. But in the back of my mind, I thought about it. 

I was always jealous of characters in movies and tv shows who didn’t have big boobs but never seemed to care. The sisters in Charmed went bra-less without shame, and if it got a little nipple-y who the fuck cared? They just looked even better! I was a firm supporter in free the nipple, so why couldn’t I bring myself to be as free as they were? 

Slowly, I started trying to building up my confidence. I bought low cut shirts and dresses and forced myself to ditch the bras every once in a while for a sexy date night look. But still, anytime I went to bra shop, I’d come home feeling depressed and self conscious. 

One day I realized that the push up bras that I thought would make me feel more confident were doing the opposite. I’d bought them for years in an almost fake-it-till-you-make-it mindset. Instead of appreciating my body, I was trying to force it to look the way I thought it needed to and the bras served as a constant reminder of that. 

So I decided to ditch the push up bras for a week and then write about it for the blog. I felt like there had to be other girls out there who felt the same way I did. So, I went to Victoria’s Secret and got the no-padding, lace bras that I had always admired but thought I would never be able to wear. When I tried them on in the dressing room, for the first time, my boobs filled the bra I was wearing. I was even able to put on a C-cup with no gaping. I had never felt so self-confident after bra shopping! 

I wore them for a week and every day I felt confident and sexy. My boobs looked bigger to me than they had even in the push ups, I got more in touch with the natural shape of my body and learned to appreciate it. The tops that I loved but always struggled to wear because they were constantly letting my bra show, I could wear without a worry. If the lace of my bra showed I just shrugged it off. It looked cute anyway.

On top of that, I was more comfortable. My back didn’t ache so much throughout the day and when I took my bra off at night, I didn’t have bright red indentions in my skin. I also felt empowered. I was embracing myself and flashing the middle finger to that “perfect size” beauty standard, which always feels good. After the week was over, I did end up getting my basic push up bra back out, but even then only for a day or two every now and then. I definitely didn’t feel as dependent on them.

I think that’s exactly what my push-up preference was, a dependency. When your self confidence is lacking, it might feel easier to find something to fill the empty space and hide behind, but it’s just a placeholder for your self esteem. It’s like that cliche plot line that is in every kids show ever. Where one of the characters is told that a certain token is the key to their skill or power, and then they lose said token and have to learn that their skill or power was within them ~~all along~~. 

I went into the experiment thinking “I want to do this for a week and then throw out all of my padded bras and go strictly unpadded from now on.” That isn’t what happened, but I think I did rid myself of the feeling that I needed a push up bra to look good. 

I think it’s a good experiment for anyone to try. If you feel like your self-confidence hinges on a single thing, or a single few things, and not on you, then maybe try cutting those objects out for a few days or a week. Take time to love yourself and your body, because we are all beautiful. And you might just learn that you don’t really need anything else.

[myso-calledlibraryy]

The Absolutely True Diary of  a Part-Time Indian

This book is GOOD. Not just well written, but GOOD. All the emotions of high school perfectly encapsulated into one novel that also tackles some bigger issues that go beyond puberty. 

The author Sherman Alexie is a Native American man who grew up on the Spokane Indian Reservation and now lives off the reservation in Seattle Washington. 

((beautiful heart shaped earrings made by a Spokane Indian from the Spokane reservation, gifted to me by my grandparents who visited the area in 2005. very unimportant information but cool !!! ))

He was born with a condition called hydrocephalus, which is just a bunch of extra fluid around your brain, but requires extensive brain surgeries. This led to Alexie having many health problems in his young age, and a self proclaimed “freak” because of the effect this had on his appearance. He lived on the reservation with five siblings and his mother and father. Both his mother and father were alcoholics, which is pretty much the norm for adults on the reservation. At 14, Alexie left the “rez” for the local white high school which made him stand out even more at home and at the new school. After high school he attended college with the hopes of being a pediatrician. After repeatedly fainting in his human anatomy class, a poetry class hooked Alexie to writing. 

Now this all seems incredibly boring (which it should not because the author is so important to the book, obviously) BUT Diary of a Part-Time Indian, is all about these issues Alexie faced. While it is not completely nonfiction, the book is essentially a memoir based on the time of Alexie’s life when he switched to the all white high school. During this year the main character, Junior, faces the tough loss of his dog in the very beginning and the tragic loss of his sister towards the end. In between this time Junior is dealing with the struggles of being bullied due to his appearance caused by the hydrocephalus. On top of all the loss and the bullies, Junior has a lot of normal high school problems that evoke emotions everyone can relate to. And on top of all of this is the central issue of racism, which Alexie addresses beautifully. While half joking but being very serious, this novel shuts down all stereotypes and lets us into the life of a young Indian boy living on a reservation. 

From the very beginning this book had me CRYING, and I do not mean a few little tears. Junior’s dog dies within the first like five minutes of reading and I was like okay I am going to be in for a ride. Not only does the dog die but the poor guy goes out Old Yeller style, which is just an image that has traumatized me since I was 5. So obviously I am already in pain, but as the mature reader I am I saw this as symbolism and allowed myself to move forward. Symbolism of the loss of his childhood?? Or maybe just me trying to pretend like this kid’s dad did not just SHOOT his dog. 

Now that the dog is dead I am sad and searching for something in this book that can make me happy again.

In walks, Rowdy. 

Not only is Rowdy Junior’s best friend, but he is also a ~bad boy~ which I kind of have a thing for, sue me! The big tough guy being friends with the little loser and it’s not even out of pity? bingo, I am HOOKED. 

Rowdy and Junior get into quite the fight when Junior decides to go to Reardan. Rowdy is pissed his best friend is about to leave him, but he is also definitely a little jealous. Rowdy doesn’t really want to go to school with Junior but he has some resentment towards the fact that Junior is moving on. After Junior’s school beats the rez school in a basketball game, it seems like the two are never going to mend things. 

THANKFULLY the character development of Rowdy is exceptional. He realizes just because Junior is moving on from the rez it doesn’t mean Junior is going to move on from him. Boys putting aside their manliness and understanding that they love each other so much and just want what’s best for each other is ~magical~. Like seriously literary genius I have no idea why but it just does something to a person’s heart. 

So to wrap that one up, Rowdy is my main character because I 100% would’ve had a crippling crush on him in high school. 

While I am crushing on Rowdy, Junior get’s himself a little white girlfriend, who’s not his girlfriend but is basically his girlfriend while not being his girlfriend at all; what a weird thing we are all way too used to. Her name is Penelope and I literally hate that so much. He is completely enamored by her because a girl has never even looked at him before, and she is just one of those. Like one of those girls who is obviously going to date the new boy so then everyone will talk about her and she is just so worried about not being what everyone thinks she is even though that is exactly what is. Disclaimer; I definitely would have hated Penelope in high school and she definitely would have bullied me. 

Penelope was the only character in the whole book that put a bad taste in my mouth... but in a good way? She had visible character development after Junior helps her with her bulimia, but she is still a bitch and does not love Junior the way he deserves to be loved. 

The other two main girls in Junior’s life are his sister and grandmother. Grandmothers are automatically my favorite character because my grandmother is my best friend and an angel. Junior loves his grandmother this much too and he makes it very obvious. His sister, he more so pities because she is way too old to still be living in her parents basement. But he loves her nonetheless and she is definitely one of the biggest influences for Junior’s switch to the new school. Mary had plans to go to school and fulfill her dreams but she ended up in a rut like all the other Indian’s and Junior wanted to be better than her. 

To make Junior’s life a literal living hell, even more so than it already was, both of these women die within his first year at the new school. Oh and to make matters even worse the grandmother gets hit by a drunk driver and the sister gets so drunk she passes out and burns alive in her home. If you thought I was sad about the dog, boy let me tell ya I was not well. 

Alcohol takes a serious tole on the lives in Indian communities. This is not a stereotype this is a real life thing. Most people on the rez are alcoholics, and most of them die because of it. Junior has to deal with this for his whole life and so does everyone else. 

Having dealt with alcoholism in my family my whole life this really struck a cord for me. Poor Junior was literally going through every one of my worst nightmares all at once and I just wanted to give him a hug. But while I was feeling this way, I selfishly just wanted my Rowdy to be the one to come in and save the day. (yes he is my Rowdy I do not make the rules here)

For once in my life my selfishness was actually not selfish at all because this is exactly what happened. 

Rowdy doesn’t make some big gesture or anything like that, but the boys become best friends again and that is all that matters. After wrapping up his first year at Reardan, Junior is down on life in general but feeling good about the switch he made. The only thing that would make it 100% better would be Rowdy. And thank GOD the two are able to be teenage boys and put their difference behind them after a little one on one bball. 

Not only do Rowdy and Junior become friends again, but Rowdy delivers a speech that is like no other. Rowdy low key professes his love to Junior (in a friend way) and it so inspiring. Rowdy admits that he doesn’t want Junior to forget him but that he wants nothing more than for Junior to leave the rez. Rowdy wants Junior to be the best, because that’s what he knows he can be. 

Again, I cried over two boys showing their love for each other but this is something we never get to see and it is special. And this is the ending so in reality I would have been crying no matter what. 

So yes again this book is like REALLY sad, but not in a bad way that makes you want to put it down. In a way that makes you truly think and keeps you hooked to the content of the book. 

And it is also so HAPPY. Obviously we know that Alexie became a big time author but just looking at it as Junior we know that everything is going to work out for him. 

I spent hours trying to perfectly describe how this book made me feel until it hit. It made me feeling EVERYTHING. 

That feeling when you’re a freshman in high school and the senior boy you have a crush on makes eye contact with you and suddenly you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing but it doesn’t matter because he LOOKED at you. 

That feeling of eating lunch alone at a table because no one wants to be your friend. 

That feeling of being left behind while you sit home and watch everyone succeed without you. 

That feeling of just pure loneliness where your thoughts are so loud but at the same time is everything is quiet. 

That feeling of grief that actually feels like a piece of your body went on with that person and you don’t know if you’ll ever be able to get it back.

That feeling of your first heartbreak.

That feeling of a friend break up is a lot worse than a boy break up. 

The whole novel is just one emotion after the next, but so many stick with you after. 

If I had to rate this book I would give it a “makes you cry in the best way, while also making you laugh”...the emotions a novel can evoke are so important to me, and The Diary of a Part-Time Indian gave me all the feels. 

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In addition to all of these things Part-Time Indian was able to tackle the issue of racism in a way that is a little new. Having it come from the point of view of a child, with the intention of a YA audience, you do have to write things in a less serious way. Alexie was able to do this without ever actually “dumbing” anything down. It is so absolutely important for this to be a conversation in YA novels because this is a conversation that has to become real. We cannot be afraid to read books that involve racism because it needs to be talked about on all levels, especially with young people. 

[alwaysbemymaybe-phff]

Chapter 13

The Stars and The Sun

It is a sunny day in San Diego when Bella arrived at the airport.

 People are bustling around the airport; some are in a hurry to catch their flights, some are saying goodbyes to their loved ones, some are sitting in the waiting area reading books or browsing through their phones- and lots more. Bella walked through the airport with her sunglasses on ready to get out of it. There was never any good memory with this airport for her.

As a kid, she had travelled through the US multiple times. Her grandparents, from the mothers’ side, migrated to the US before Bella was born so Bella’s family visited constantly. But, San Francisco International Airport was her least favorite among all the other airports in the US. No, it’s not about the location or anything discriminative but it was because whenever she goes to San Diego, she knows that she’s about to know much more about her condition. The next morning, she walked 15 minutes to Doctor West’s clinic. Doctor Arthur West is Bella’s father’s good friend. Doctor West is a bit older than Gerard and is the latter’s mentor since medical school; which is why Bella’s father believes that Bella is in a much more capable hands.

 “Doctor Isabella Clarke.” Doctor Arthur West greeted shaking hands with Bella. “It’s been a while.”

 Bella smiled and nodded, “I was busy.”

 Doctor West smiled and led Bella towards the bed where he did an EKG on her- all the while extremely quiet up until he will ask Bella to breathe in or out deeply. After that, he sat Bella down on his office to talk about her results. “You have to be honest with me, Bella.” He started reading the chart intently still- his eyes not looking at Bella.

 Bella can feel the seriousness of his voice and she became more nervous on her seat. She sifted uncomfortably before saying a meek, “Sure.”

 “Did you have any changes in your lifestyle?” He asked finally looking at Bella. “Did you start exercising, running, or anything?”

 “No, not really. I just started working for my parents two months ago.”

 The cardiologist nodded before asking, “Any overwhelming emotions plaguing you recently?”

 And this time, Bella bit her bottom lip not able to answer. It’s just that I’m in love with someone who I can never be with- so yeah, that plagues me quite a lot, doc. She thought but remained quiet afraid that she might say anything she shouldn’t.

 Doctor West placed the cardiogram on top of the table neatly before saying, “I’m going to be honest. I’m not going to beat around the bush.” Bella can only nod back as she, herself, looked at the cardiogram briefly before looking at Doctor West as well. “Your condition is getting worse.”

 “Worse?” Bella asked almost whispering. Although she had felt it, it’s still hard for her to accept it. “Am I going to die soon?”

 There was no emotion from Doctor West for Bella to read. “Possibly.” He finally said after a few seconds of silence. “We’re both doctors. There’s no point for me to tell you otherwise.” He explained and Bella nodded. “There’s still prevention though.”

 Bella knew what’s coming, “Please..” she whispered shaking her head slowly.

 “I’m sorry but we have to consider it to clear out your left artery and if that doesn’t work then we consider a transplant.”  He said and his voice is comforting- almost.

 But still, Bella knew what can happen if she agrees. “If I go through surgery, how much chance do I have?”

 “At this stage? 40 percent..”

 “I still want to live.” She said her voice cracking at the end. As much as her mind tells her that she won’t reach 30, she still couldn’t grasp death. She still couldn’t accept it. Both remained quiet for a few minutes as Bella tried to recompose herself.

 “40 percent is still a huge chance of surviving, Bella.” Doctor West finally said to break the silence. “All that matters is that you tried- we tried- for your parents’ sake.” He said and Bella nodded. “You don’t need to do it now but please, consider it soon.”

 Harry had his face buried on Meghan’s neck; her moans resonated within his bedroom walls as their tryst became more aggressive. It was more of a vent for Harry. Sex is his form of ventilation. He hadn’t heard from Bella ever since he left the hospital and it frustrates him to no end that he couldn’t contact her without having to fight with Meghan.

 Maybe she saw the tabloids and figured to just fuck you off. He thought and suddenly, he stopped- well, he felt his member soften at the thought of that. Groaning, he rolled off of Meghan who tried to stop him. “What’s wrong?” she asked and Harry can already hint the annoyance in her voice. “I’m leaving in an hour, Harry.”

 “I don’t feel well.” He reasoned out forcing an apologetic smile at Meghan who gave a sigh and dropped beside him. “I suddenly felt dizzy.”

 What must she be doing right now? He thought staring at the ceiling and picturing Bella’s face in his mind. Is she feeling well? “I’m going to get ready then.” He heard Meghan say from beside him and he still didn’t move an inch. Did she see the tabloids or the news? I mean, I kissed her then she’ll see that. I don’t think she’ll like it. He thought still troubled. Will she still talk to me?

 Harry drove Meghan to the airport and because he couldn’t be seen out and about, both said their goodbyes in the car and kissed each other. It just feels so different. He sighed after Meghan had finally disappeared inside the airport doors. It’s not the same. And as if by instinct, he dialed Bella’s number as he drove his way back Kensington only for his call to go straight to voicemail. I thought she got out a few days ago? Then he dialed Bella’s clinic number to ask for her once again.

 “Oh, she made a three day trip to the US.” Her assistant explained when Harry asked if Bella is still admitted in the hospital. “She’ll be back tomorrow evening.”

 Why didn’t she tell me? He asked himself suddenly feeling disappointed that Bella didn’t even bother telling him that she’s leaving. Why would she tell you? You’re not her boyfriend. The other part of him scoffed and at that, his feet seemed to press on the gas harder.

 After her appointment with Doctor West, Bella went over to a coffee shop near her hotel to meet up with Doctor Mike who was coincidentally taking a trip around San Diego. “Well, look at you, trouble.” He greeted Bella and they briefly hugged. “It’s such a coincidence that you’re here as well.”

 “I know. Such a small world.” Bella agreed taking the seat in front of Doctor Mike. “So, how’s Sentebale?”

 “Boring without you.” Mike answered taking the menu from the waitress. “How’s jolly ole’ England?”

 Bella shrugged, “Gloomy as ever.” She answered and Mike smiled. “I haven’t been in England for a week ever since I left Sentebale.”

 “Oh yes!” Mike said suddenly remembering. “How was Thailand?” he asked making Bella laugh and shake her head at him.

 “It was fun and.. memorable.”

 “Did you meet any guys?”

 “Mike!” Bella complained blushing and Mike laughed.

 Harry lay on his bed playing with his phone. It’s terribly boring for him when he couldn’t find anyone to talk to- Troy is useless with conversation, Kate and Wills are both busy redecorating, and his friends are all busy with their respective partners. And so, he sighed pressing random apps on his phone when his thumb finally landed on Instagram. Does Bella have any social media? He asked himself but he stopped before he can type in Bella’s name on the search bar. Nah. I don’t think she’s into social media. The prince liked some pictures Meghan posted before liking pictures from people he knows until suddenly, he noticed a picture Doctor Mike had just posted. He felt his hands go cold and he sat up reading the caption.

To the prettiest, most down to earth, and wittiest doctor:

It was nice seeing and talking to you here in San Diego! It was such a coincidence that we were at the same place at the same time! It was fun talking and catching up! I hope we do it more often.. And please, smile like this more. It suits you. See you soon, Doctor!  #IsabellaClarke #DreamDoctor

 As if blinded by rage, Harry suddenly threw his phone across the room- breathing heavily. She’s with him?! His mind raged and he punched the pillow beside him feeling so angry and jealous. She was sick just a few days ago and now she’s frolicking in San fucking Diego with Doctor Mike?! He fumed staring at his ceiling once again. Fuck this.

 Bella got back to her hotel after her and Mike walked around a bit in San Diego and she sat be the window to look at the view. Your condition is getting worse. Doctor West’s words echoed inside her head. I told you before that an excess of everything is bad for you, even feelings.

 The doctor sighed biting her lip. Feeling too much can kill me. She thought leaning her forehead on the window. I think I should just keep away from Harry.. To protect me and him.. But she felt her heart clench the more she thinks that she shouldn’t keep in touch with Harry. I can’t stay away from him anymore.. It was an endless debate inside her head. Ever since she met Harry, her mind had been in chaos. Either she’s confused or she’s frustrated or ecstatic.

 Feeling helpless, Bella started focusing on her reflection on the window thinking about how everything might be different if she wasn’t dying.

AN: So guys! Just a quick question, how’s this story going? Feedback is much appreciated. Thank you all. :)

[shoeshineyboy]

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If I can post this first time it’ll be a miracle (also I’ll answer in a read more)

1 - How are you?Not too bad. Pissed off because I’ve been waiting for someone to fix the radiators, but happy because I have a Bowie night tonight!2 - Post a picture of yourself.I’ll reblog a selfie at the end of this because I can’t figure out how to add a picture lmao3 - Do you ever wish you were someone else?Yeah but no one in particular, just... not me?4 - What is your entire name?Elizabeth Mary R___________5 - How old are you?206 - Age you get mistaken for:Either 15 or 23 there’s no in-between??7 - Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:My sun sign is Virgo and I think the actual descriptions fit, just not all the bullshit tumblr ones which say all I do is tidy up and study because I literally do neither of those things and I’m the least visibly organised person on earth8 - What did you do on your last birthday?I went shopping with Alex, had a couple of drinks in the pub, chilled out listening to music and went for a meal at Cafe Rouge... I think we went out after but I can’t remember :L9 - What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?I’d like to be able to perfect back&chest rolls with my hula hoop!10 - What is your hair color?It’s currently half way between brown and blonde I guess?11 - Have you ever dyed your hair?So many times haha, it’s technically dyed now...12 - What is your eye color?Brown13 - If you could change your eye color, would you?Eh, maybe? Would be nice to have lighter eyes so they stand out, they’re so dark tbh they look tiny14 - Do you wear contacts/glasses?I should do but I don’t15 - Your opinion about your body and how confortable you are with it:I’m not keen on it at all. It sticks out in all the wrong places and my back is too long. Idk I deal with it, but if I could have a different one I totally would16 - Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body?I have considered it, I’ve like briefly considered lip fillers a couple of times but idk they usually look awful, when I’m older I’ll probably get various tucks but nothing is calling out to me?17 - Say 8 facts about your body:1. I have perfect vision, but my left eye is irregularly shaped, meaning light can’t enter the pupil properly2. I’m a UK 6-8 dress size3. I have long fingers I guess?4. I look a lot taller than I actually am (that counts, right)5. Actually yeah I’m 5′56. I’ve never had surgery or broken a bone7. But I have fractured my skull once (or some kind of head injury)8. I’m fairly flexible18 - Do you have any tattoos?Just one, need to book another one soon19 - Do you have any piercings?4 - lobe piercing in each ear, nose ring, helix piercings20 - Left or right handed?Right handed21 - What’s your sexual orientation???????22 - Do you drink?Yeah23 - Do you smoke?Not anymore!24 - Do you have any pets?Sadly not25 - Where do you work?I don’t at the moment, used to work at Starbucks though26 - Something you are working on right now:Passing my first year of uni :L27 - Do you have any “rules” about food?I’m vegetarian, and I try not to eat much that is preprepared as there’s a lot of salt; also I’m a small portion person, mostly :L28 - Where are you from?Bath, UK29 - What would you say is your best quality?Uhh that I’m funny, I guess?30 - What do you think you’re really good at?Uhhhhh... writing dialogue?31 - What do you think you’re really bad at?Sports32 - What talent do you wish you’d been born with?I wish I could’ve been a really good singer? Like one of those people who naturally have a beautiful voice?33 - Are you a bad person?Probably, depends who you ask34 - Are you nice to everyone?I am at first, but I’ve become a lot less tolerant of people’s shit since I first went to uni?35 - Say 3 facts about your personality:1. I’m one of those people who’s v quiet until I get to know someone2. I’m very insecure3. I’m usually up for doing stuff, and I usually stick to any plans I make36 - Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?Haha yeah37 - What is your ideal bed? Why?Any comfortable bed is good, though I love the raised ones that you get in nice hotels because I feel important :L Must be a soft mattress tbh38 - Do wake up cranky?Apparently!39 - Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?I have them on the bed, yeah c:40 - What do you think about the most?Alex and hoop routines lmao41 - Share 2 habits:Nail biting (ew) and always having a coffee in lectures :L42 - What you want to be when you “get older”?Well-travelled and comfortable43 - What are your career goals?Some kind of Early Years specialist, I guess?44 - What is your ideal career?Idk, really... I’ve never really known what I’ve wanted to do?45 - Is your life anything like it was two years ago?Not really, 2 years ago I was at college, hoping to study Politics at Exeter. I was still with Alex which is pretty much the only thing which hasn’t changed46 - Do you replay things that have happened in your head?Aaaaaaall the time47 - Have you ever had an imaginary friend?Nope

48 - Say 10 facts about your room:1. I share it with Alex2. We sleep on a mattress on the floor3. There’s clothes all over the floor4. It’s where the PS4 lives5. It’s either too hot or too cold, there’s no in between6. There’s two lava lamps7. It’s where I usually hang out8. It’s literally always messy9. We have clothes rails instead of wardrobes10. The posters look great49 - Do you have any phobias?Driving past lorries, heights, distorted-horrific human forms (think Babadook)50 - Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?Yeah, one was crap and the other was nice but useless51 - Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?Peanuts, shellfish and pollen52 - Ever broken any bones?Nope53 - Ever come close to death?Yeah, I was in a car accident when I was 6. Police were amazed my mum and I survived...54 - Things you like and dislike about yourself:LIKE:My sense of humourMy sense of styleHow I can hula hoopMy music tasteThe fact that I can cook idkHow far I’ve come from secondary schoolDISLIKE:How I overreact to everythingThat I get jealous v easilyThe fact that said jealousy leads to panic/cruel commentsThat I can’t motivate myselfHow nervous I am around people55 - A random fact about yourself:I’ve never been to Amsterdam56 - What are three things most people don’t know about you?1. I actually really enjoy crap club music2. I am terrified of rollercoasters3. I’m not keen on cornflakes57 - An unknown fact about your life:I’ve never met either of my biological grandparents58 - Share something about yourself others might think is weird:I find skin-tight jeans really uncomfortable sorry59 - Five weird things that you like:1. Pineapple on pizza (apparently everyone hates this)2. Hideous jumpers3. Really loud cats4. Weird coloured lipstick5. Vodka mixed with wine60 - Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this?I do, message me off anon & I’ll decide61 - Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?Loads62 - Describe yourself in one word/sentence:”You’re a bitch, but it’s funny and is the reason why I love you” - Alex63 - A quote you try to live by:”Each one of us is a brain, an athlete, a princess, a basket case and a criminal”64 - A famous person you’ve been compared to:I’ve been told I look like Anna Kendrick?65 - Weird things you do when you’re alone:I dance around the house, that’s about as far as it goes..66 - Something you do without realising:Pick at the skin of my fingers67 - 5 things you want to change:1. Brexit2. Trump3. Literally all the horrible things going on4. My facial features5. How difficult it is to get nice veggie food when on holiday68 - Someone you’d like to be for a day and why:Idk really?69 - Leave me a compliment:U sure are a nice anon

70 - What is your favorite thing to do?Hula hoop!71 - What’s your favorite color?Orange, purple and silver72 - What’s your favorite band/singer?Pink Floyd!73 - What’s your favorite movie?What’s Eating Gilbert Grape74 - What are your favorite books?The Night Circus (Erin Morgenstern), the Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath), the Chronicles of Chrestomanci (series; Diana Wynne Jones), the Hogfather (Terry Pratchett), Maskerade (Terry Pratchett)75 - What is your favorite quote and why?”Come sleep on the beach, keep within my reach, I just wanna die with you near, I’m feeling so high with you here” - from ‘Sea and Sand’ by the Who, because I have so many memories associated with this song76 - What is your favorite word?Soufflé; it looks like it should be pronounced “soo -full”, but it isn’t!77 - What is your least favorite word?Moist. Ew.78 - What is your favorite type of food?Roast potatoes?79 - You favorite ice cream?Ben & Jerrys Phish Food80 - What’s your favorite animal?Dogs & cats81 - Dogs or cats?I love them both!82 - Describe your favourite texture:Crushed velvet 83 - What is your favorite flower?Roses (bc I’m cliche)84 - What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex?My favourite is sandalwood incense, but on guys it’s whatever the CK cologne Alex wears is85 - What is your favorite season?Summer!86 - What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?Cambodia, Australia, Thailand, Peru, Japan87 - What are four things you can’t live without and why?Alex - because he’s my biggest supporterHula hooping - it’s the one thing guaranteed to make me happyMy phone - because it’s how I communicate with all my friends, who live miles awayThe beach - because looking at the sea puts things into perspective

88 - Which mythological creature are you most like? Why?Probably a nymph; I hide away but would be around for people I trust89 - What’s your favorite television show?Call the Midwife... or Big Brother at the moment lmao90 - Favorite place to shop at?All About Aud in Brighton 91 - Say 2 facts about your favorite things:They all improve my life in some wayThere’s no specific type of thing I love, there’s so many that contribute

92 - Say 4 facts about your parents:1. They met at the University of Bath in January 19842. They dated for 8 years before they were married3. My dad is an engineer and my mum is a pharmacist4. They originally wanted 4 children but I somehow put them off :L93 - Are you more like your mom or your dad?I’m a mixture of both, but probably slightly more like my dad?94 - Do you have any siblings?Nope!95 - Say 9 facts about your family:1. Both of my biological grandmothers died before I was born2. I’m not blood-related to any of my cousins3. I’m the oldest cousin by 7 years4. They’re very ‘traditional’ in their views5. I’m the only vegetarian6. My uncle and I are the only ones who are tattooed7. My maternal grandmother was at one point one of the fastest runners in Wales8. My great-grandmother lived until she was 999. One of my aunts lived in India for 10 years96 - What’s your relationship like with your family?Great with my parents, aunts and uncles, not so good with my grandparents lmao97 - Say 7 facts about your childhood:1. I was born in Radstock, Bath, but moved to my parents’ current home in 19992. My favourite school year was Year 13. I was really, really into snakes at one point4. My best friend’s name was Jennie5. My first ‘boyfriend’ in primary school was named Christopher; 15 years on and we still hang out, he drives me into town sometimes6. My favourite toy was a stuffed duck7. I didn’t go on a plane until I was 698 - The best and the worst childhood memories:Best: my 5th? birthday party; we had a piñata shaped like a worm, but my parents hadn’t realised you had to make a weak spot, so it took 20 minutes to open it (aka my dad pulled it down & everyone stood on it)Worst: the car accident99 - Say 6 facts about your home town:1. It was built by the Anglo Saxons and fortified to keep the Romans out2. It used to be a major city lmao (back in the bronze age)3. Its population is about 50004. There’s three churches5. And at least six pubs6. The highwayman William Pier lived & was killed there, but no one knows where his grave is since it’s unmarked100 - Are you going out of town soon?I’m going to London on Saturday!101 - Where would you like to live?Bristol, one day!102 - What would your dream house be like?Preferably like 4/5 bedroom townhouse (because I want 3 kids and a guest room lmao), but it’d be very ‘me’ in terms of decoration, with like fairy lights and wall hangings and super colourful things!103 - Where would you go on your dream vacation?Probably travelling, just to go everywhere!104 - Where you want to be right now?I’m quite happy here at the moment 105 - Top three places to visit:That I’ve been to?1. Vienna2. Amalfi Coast3. Berlin

106 - Would you ever smile at a stranger?Sometimes!107 - Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?I really don’t care :L108 - Who is someone you never tire of?Alex, Frankie and Callum109 - Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?See above!110 - Who is your most loyal friend?Callum111 - Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?Callum, Adam Gabe probably?112 - If your best friend died, what would you do?Be absolutely distraught?!113 - Something you’ve lied about.Uhh idk specifically?114 - Have you ever felt replaced?Dude my boyfriend can talk to someone else at the bar and I’ll worry that I’m useless lmao115 - Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s):1. I met them all through completely different circumstances; I don’t think they know each other2. We’re close because we enjoy something different, be it fashion, music, whatever3. They’re people I can just carry on with like nothing happened when we meet up4. They all live much too far away5. If I have a party for my 21st I’m having it in Gloucestershire so it’s close for everyone so I can see them all

116 - The last person you hugged?Alex lmao117 - Story of your first kiss?My actual first kiss, I don’t remember because I was drunk lmao, but the first one I remember was nice and sweet and he was so nervous, he actually asked me - thought it was cute at the time, is probably, actually really cringey haha118 - Do you like kissing in public?Don’t mind it but not too much :L119 - Have you ever kissed someone older than you?Haha yeah120 - You have a preference for boys or girls?Eh121 - Is the male or female body closest to perfection?All bodies are perfect!122 - 5 things that irritate you about the same sex/opposite sex.I’m assuming this is based on relationships so I’ll go for cis men:1. Aversion to showering (both guys I dated properly would go a long time without showering lmao)2. Mansplaining (shut up)3. The fact they get praised for cooking/cleaning/whatever while I’m expected to do it4. The fact they get promoted quicker5. Hitting on me123 - Do you believe in love at first sight?Nope. Lust, yes124 - Do you believe in soul mates?Yeah, but I believe you can have multiple soul mates and they can be platonic, too125 - What is your idea of the perfect date?A nice walk, followed by a meal somewhere fun - nothing too fancy!126 - Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend:The one I already have! A shy, long-haired guy who loves classic rock and plays an instrument haha :L127 - What is the first thing you noticed in someone?I generally notice hair first because I’m awful and shallow haha128 - Are looks important in a relationship?At the start, yeah, but people get more attractive the more you find them to be a decent person...129 - What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?Long hair on guys haha130 - What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?Eugh.... as long as both are over 18 I guess it’s okay? People over like 21 dating people younger than 18 comes off as a bit weird131 - Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?I’d consider it132 - Five guys/girls whom you find attractive:1. Alex2. Syd Barrett3. Stevie Nicks4. Kate Bush5. Noel Fielding133 - Do you have a crush on anyone?Alex haha134 - A description of the girl/boy you like:He’s 5′7, has long brown hair and blue eyes, he’s cute and chubby and plays guitar. He likes talking to people but is really shy to do so, he lacks confidence which is sad but also people really do like him! He’s very sweet and soft and warm and I love him 135 - Say 1 fact about the person your like:His favourite film is the Lord of the Rings trilogy because he sees them all as one story136 - If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?”What the actual fuck” and then I’d cry137 - When was the last time you told someone you loved them?Just now!138 - Do you think someone has feelings for you?I hope so :L139 - Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?Ehh, maybe?140 - Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?Whoooooo hasn’t :L141 - Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?Yeah, I think a lot of people have142 - Anyone you’re giving up on?Uhh, all the people I liked before I was with Alex haha143 - Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?Yup!144 - Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?They didn’t hate him but they took a while to warm to him145 - Have you ever liked one of your best friends?Yeah146 - Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?I think so? Lmao147 - Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?Probably like all of my friends haha148 - Is there someone you will never forget?Probably149 - Say five ways to win your heart:1. Actually listen to what I say2. Take me nice places3. Write me a song or a poem or something4. Be genuine and kind to me5. Help me out when I’m in one of my stupid sad phases150 - What turns you on?Being a musician, nice cologne/perfume, good hair, being a genuinely decent human :L