#...i got tumblr sexymen

[the-real-list-of-ominous-threats]

TUMBLR SEXYMAN BEAM

YOU NOW WANT TO FUCK A MURDERER AND/OR A TRIANGLE OR ORB

[biblically-accurate-dca]

these are all kind of Bad but this was the best of the bunch so i am posting it :p

i've been trying to draw vanessa more... she is so important to me... sun is here too i guess

[annqer]

goth bf vincent

he is def a depeche mode enjoyer

[mossed-rocks]

Can you tell who my favorite is 💀

[skrunksthatwunk]

"i have a midterm tomorrow", a diagram for idiot dumb stupid idiots. seeking peer review

[mintaikk]

Analyzing Tumblr Sexymen so people can explain their "HEAR ME OUT" characters with less potential judgment, Hornet from Hollow Knight Addition!

Part 1, Prev, Next

[asterclaw]

i should redesign Dream i should redesign them all

technically speaking, i’ve already redesigned ink so

oh ye, n happy bday underfell yeeeey-

[knizuu]

Dear toyhouse user, oml??/SILLY

[witch-among-stars]

I love this so much!

[morganoffairies]

a story:

[shsl-supreme-simp]

Roxy runs the Shadey version of tumblr

I somehow misread that as Roxy runs Tumblr and I was like yknow what hell yeah I do

[atwas-meme-ing]

I think we've been fighting the anti ai battle wrong. Instead of refusing to use it, maybe we should all get together and create a whole bunch of sexyman fanart and force feed it into the ai programs. Flood it so full of Oncelers and skelebros and whoever else that no one ever gets a normal picture again. Someone repeatedly requests pic of a super-happy kitty and they get at least one glowing blue eye and a creepy grin every single time.

[dionysia-does-stories]

The Human Chapter 2

Cringetober 2023, Day 25: Gijinka

On AO3

Rating T - 560 words - Nightvale - Cecil & Tumblr

Summary: A human anthropomorphism of Tumblr breaks into the studio to take a picture of Cecil for the nude Tumblr Sexyman Calendar.

Story:

Dear listeners I am bring you an update on my new title as Tumblr Sexy-man. I am once again joined in the studio by the being that I previously identified as the human. They have explained to me that the human is not an entirely accurate description.

I apologized profusely for my assumptions. My own aunt is not a human but also not-not a human. She is a secret other thing that defies all explanation and description. Despite the fact this has been her known state of being for many, many, many years it is still often the source of annual holiday fights in my family.

We annually celebrate the coming of celestial darkness and the dead visiting from the other world with a large family gathering.  And the spirit of my great-great-great-grandfather insists that my aunt can’t both not be human and not-not human.

Which is just like such a bummer. Let it go man. Identity is an ever evolving concept you don’t have to anthropomorphize everything. We could be eating our marshmallow crusted ham-product in peace. But no. We have to have this same arbitrary conversation about what the exact nature of being is. UGH….

But then again, Great^3 Grandfather also keeps insisting that mountains are real and he passes through them every time he travels from the Otherworld back to our World. So, he’s crazy.

Anyway, the “human” (they said it was fine as long as you pronounce the parenthesis) is actually the personification of a webbed site. I clarified if they meant webbed like the toes of a frog. They said, “yes”. Then proceeded to tell me facts about frogs. Several facts were urban myths or were deliberately made up. At one point there was a video of frogs in party hats celebrating one frog’s birthday. Then there was a link that claimed to be the frog’s birthday present but was actually a link to Rick Astley singing “Never Gonna Give You Up. They then showed me a comic summarizing all the other things they showed me.

What’s this? Oh, It’s beautiful! I have good news, they have given me an advance copy of the Sexyman Calendar. Which is just wow. Really nice. There are other men in it though. Which I didn’t realize would happen. Can this still be a gift for Carlos? Can I rip out the months that don’t feature me? What has February ever done for Carlos? Nothing.

There is a small squishy skeleton, who is even more nude then I am in my pictures. After all, I am still wearing my skin. He was apparently the runner-up. Which, I mean, I get it.

There’s a very skinny man with green gloves. Why do the gloves go up his arms so far? That is all he’s wearing though. He seems like he would talk a lot at parties. Like you would keep hinting that it was time for you to circulate around the room. But he would keep talking. He would just keep talking.

I think December is my favorite month. It’s one of the last photos the “human” took during my shoot. We had started to get very experimental. It’s just my socks hung on the mantle and stuffed to bursting with wheat stalks. I really think that says it all, listeners.

[ellytraoflight]

Good game scar voters! Saw so many people sinking time into voting for their little guy and I have massive respect for the hustle. Y'all won this fight and I bow down to thine might o7

[sexymancouldabeen]

Tumblr Sexyman, a title bestowed unto only the (un)lucky few.  Oncler, sans, Bill Cipher, Reigen, Komaeda, dear god wheatley somehow, i think maybe prussia, that spider from hotel dusk or whatever, there are a good handful to keep track of.

However, to counter balance that, there are hundreds if not thousands of characters that, with different circumstances, could have become Tumblr Sexymen, but fortunately evaded such infamy.

UNTIL TODAY!

May I present to you, the TUMBLR SEXYMAN-COULDABEEN TOURNAMENT!

32 Competitors that could have totally been Tumblr sexymen, whether they match the tropes or simply have the vibes, but never got the chance. Some, due to another character stealing their spotlight, others, from a franchise obscure enough that nobody noticed or they didn’t get reach outside of their own fandom, and others, simply nobody realized their true potential. Who will win and earn the ultimate title of the ultimate sexyman couldabeen?

(I would love to say the winner gets to legally be considered a tumblr sexyman for real but i sadly do not have that authority.)

Voting starts on Wednesday!