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anotherghoul666 · 2 years ago

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🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your fics?

💔 Have any of your fics broken your heart? Bonus: what about someone else's? I'm always in the market for a fic that'll make me cry lol

✅ What's something that appears over and over again in your fics even if you don't mean for it to?

🤩 Who's your favorite character to write?

🧠 (for Rain please)

💞 Who's your comfort character?

🎶 (I know you don't listen to anything while writing, but I'm curious about a song you've had on loop :D)

Thank you so much Fruits!! :D :D I appreciate you taking the time to leave these!

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your fics? I tag what's in the fic as accurately as possible in terms of kinks, sex acts, story types, and potential triggers so people can avoid what they need to. I do like to tag something funny or descriptive to put a bit of personality in my fic's description, tags like "I'm still here to hurt Dew what can I say" or "Dewdrop thinks he's the dom. He's not." XD So potential readers can get a taste for what's inside and my sense of humor :)

💔 Have any of your fics broken your heart? Bonus: what about someone else's? I'm always in the market for a fic that'll make me cry lol Well the one angsty hurtful fic I wrote is Loosened Heart. It didn't break my heart so much as it was super cathartic to write. Like purging an abscess. If I think about it, in my life, I don't think I've ever written a piece that made me cry or broke my heart while I wrote it. I'd need some months of distance with a fic to be able to "live" it and get the emotions from it I intended for the reader to have. I need detachment and a pair of fresh eyes, not my author eyes. As far as a fic rec for something that made me cry, the first one that came to mind is Butterfly Garden by @youhaveahomeinmyheart. If you haven't read this one yet Fruits? Be ready with a box of tissues. I was in PAIN. It DESTROYED ME and I LOVED IT.

✅ What's something that appears over and over again in your fics even if you don't mean for it to? Power dynamics. Though I 100% mean for that to appear. It's the foundation of my work. Playing with power and exchanges and switches is my thing. My sense of humor apparently is a constant in every fic and it gets noticed xD I didn't think so many people were here for my sarcasm and silly jokes, but I'm happy to see it! Lore. Massive amounts of lore that are almost never a part of the outline, but my brain needs an explanation for smut to happen. I'm not one of those authors that can just open on sex or kink already started. I wish I could, I'd write a lot quicker with that skill XD But I guess I'm just too demisexual for that, my characters need *reasons* to play and/or fuck, and that means, for example, 4k words of lore before Aether and Ifrit get together in my current fic xD Is it necessary? Probably not. Do I have a ton of fun writing it? You bet! hahaha I also very much like to describe the first time characters do something. New experiences. Discoveries. Of a kink, of sensations, of themselves, of each other. Doesn't matter, but the element of discovery and experimentation is a common thing I like to write for. Surprise, mental processes, evaluations, "oh. Oh." moments. I love those a ton. If yall pick out shared elements in my writing, let me know! I'm interested to hear it!

🤩 Who's your favorite character to write? It's Dew. It's gotta be Dew. This feral gremlin. Riddled with issues and insecurities. The walking contradiction he is. The abrasive personality as a defense mechanism. The absolute sweetness and care under it all he wouldn't be caught dead showing explicitly. The yearning for attention, for being wanted, the yearning for pain and horrible horrible things to happen to him, the desperation. The impulsivity, the rejection sensitivity, the hypervigilence, the sheer ADHD I write this guy with (I project neurodivergence on some of my characters in various ways, I specifically code Dew with ADHD traits for my ND readers to pick up on). The bad decisions. The self destructive inclinations. The unbearable love he has for his pack and his Papa. The privilege he feels for being a part of this gang of weirdos he constantly torments. He is so layered. So nuanced. So much fun. He flows out of me like the clearest sparkling river from a mountaintop, he's so easy to write. Absolutely painless of a subject, so I may put him through pain as a reward. I adore him and I can't wait to get back to him honestly. Second fav is Swiss. He also flows and writes very easily.

🧠 Pick a character, and I’ll tell you my favorite headcanon for them (for Rain please) Rain is a fucking cryptid my guy, I'm still trying to figure him out even after having written him so much XD Rain very much Does Not Flow and it Not Easy to write. But, there are still a few headcanons I have solidly embedded in my version of our favorite water ghoul. Namely, similarly to how I just mentionned I project ADHD on Dew, I project my own autism on Rain a lot. Rain has hypersensitivity, he has sensory processing difficulties, but he is also a sensory seeker, just, with very specific senses. He is primarily a tactile sensory seeker, he stims on textures a lot. Because the texture is nice and it makes him feel good, or as a response to a stresser, to help him process his emotions and get out of the flood of anxiety, keep focused. He stims by running his fingers on his clothes, his sleeves, his environment, the furniture, his bass a whole lot, his hair, etc. Another key trait I project on him is, Rain learns by imitation. He mirrors people. He mirrors personalities, matches energies, his mask is a reflection of who is in front of him, until he feels safe and comfortable enough to unmask (which he'd mostly do around his pack, in private). He needs to see someone do a thing first to feel like it's normal enough of a thing to do, and then he can do it. He seeks permission to do or say or think things by seeking someone else who does the same. Even if he wants to do something, if he's the only one, he won't do it. He'll assume it's too weird. But if someone else does it first, he'll follow. Enthusiastically. Maybe over-enthusiastically sometimes. You see it on stage the most, when he follows Dew around and imitates his stomps for example, but when he's by himself he's calm and he won't move too much. He can't move by himself, what if he looks weird?; but if Dew's headbagning like a mad man, he can headbang too. Permission seeker. He's the same when he speaks. He'll keep his sentences short and to the point, unless someone asks him a question, opens a door, or otherwise gives him space. He'll then info dump and/or overshare like there's no tomorrow. Because he doesn't know when someone's gonna let him talk next. So he has to get the flood out now.

💞 Who's your comfort character? The entirety of current era Ghost dude. They all bring such a sense of safety and joy to me. I couldn't name just one.

🎶 (I know you don't listen to anything while writing, but I'm curious about a song you've had on loop :D) Just, overall? OK, well, Imma take the space to talk about music for a bit. 1) The Death of Peace Of Mind album by Bad Omens has been on repeat in my ears for about 10 days now. Stellar album from start to finish. It's a damn shame I got on the Bad Omens train on January 1st 2023 cause if I'd listened to that album like, a week before, it would have been on my top albums of 2022 list. Easily in the top 5. Excellent album. Every single song is like it's out of a different genre. These guys are flawless at every music genre they touch. Classic metalcore, heavy deathcore, vibe songs, ambient, synthwave, emo early 2000s music, industrial, goth, trap. It's Atreyu meets Linkin Park meets Bullet for my Valentine meets Post Malone meets The Weeknd meets Whitechapel meets Nine Inch Nails meets Rob Zombie, The Album. You name it, they can do it. And the album as a whole still manages to be coherent and have a throughline??! Masterminds I say. Bucketlist band to see live in 2023. I need it. 2) SLEEP TOKEN. DUDEE. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE. SLEEP FUCKING TOKEN. I slept (haha, get it) on these guys and I hate myself for just finding them now. And by now I mean today. This morning. I heard they released two new tracks last week back to back and they've been making waves in the metal world, so I checked them out. I. FELL IN LOVE. SO FAST. I'm actually still kinda reeling from how obsessed I am with these two songs. Chokehold if you're into less of a heavy vibe, The Summoning for the heavier track. Yo. Fucking. THE LAST MINUTE AND A HALF OF THE SUMMONING. I want to fuck this song. This is some of the absolute sexiest metal I've ever heard. I want to eat these songs, I want to comsume them, I want to melt into them, I want them to enter my molecules and become a part of the biologic material that is my body. I cannot wait for this album to come out. If the rest of it sounds anything like these two songs, I might call album of the year right there.

#asks #Fruits you hit it out of the park with the interesting questions so this is HUGE XD

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brujaluas · 2 years ago

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ALL ABOUT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE - TAROT READING

CHOOSE YOUR FAVORITE FRIDA KAHLO

Disclaimer: Don't blame me for maybe not listening to something you'd like to hear, I just say what the cards show me, english is not my first language so there may be spelling mistakes, I'm sorry

Pile 1

His future is in a very delicate situation, I see who are very flawed as you can see, he presents financial stability, and this shows a good professional position that he conquered and this ended up making people seeing him with so much envy even the people closest to him don't like his success side, I see a stormy side in his life, where he doesn't know what to do, because he has a great bond with his emotional side, he don´t use often your rational side. He's a mature person, doesn't like fights and may be older than you. I can also see that he is very affectionate but doesn't know how to show it very well, he looks like a cold person but is very soft hearted. lots of male energy. He probably has problems at home, doesn't get along with a family member (maybe a male figure) who constantly disapproves of him and is very hard on him. Big problems in sight but it will come out of this and be fine You will meet him when he start to know how to deal with the afflicts now, I see that he is going hand in hand with you and, you will be great partners. you are at the moment, you are getting to know each other when he moves to another city, will meet by chance, but it was fate. Make him see who is true in your life because there is falsehood from all sides around him and don't fall into provocations because before he met you, he was more naive but you instructed him to see things clearly, don't be too jealous and unprotected from envy.

i started this reading and felt a very good smell in the air. wow, he really has a lot to say.

Pile 2

I see that you will meet they in something new, it could be a co-worker, a new college colleague, or a neighbor, a new colleague of your friend, is a person with a free spirit and adventurous, detached , may be younger that you, you feel that this person has not had a troubled term in they life and I feel that have one person in they life that does not accept you, or it may be from the family that is very much against the relationship, can be a ex too. I see that things will develop quickly, you and they will get engaged or live together in months, I would say that in less than a year you guys will live together or getting married, I see misfortunes and immaturity on both sides but they will know how to deal with these adversities because have a lot love each other very much, I see you and they will grow financially together, you are the his adventure partner and I see him becoming more committed to things after meeting you. much, much, much love.

It was a fast read because this person's energy is like "I don't have time for this but I love you, hope to meet you soon, take care and feel my big kiss" hahaha a fun person I would say. They can be earth sign, you can open a business together, this person can be a foreigner and you can also meet they in a trip.

Pile 3

This person knows how to live life in a good way, knows how to be kind to himself and will teach you that. You can be the same age or close age, and that person will be very romantic, you know those fairy tales where a gentleman with a white horse comes to save you? because your person is exactly like that, I see you receiving flowers, being pampered, traveling together and happy with great harmony. He can give you good news, but I feel like he needs to work some area in their lives to evolve together in the relationship, he need to let something go, and you, well I have GREAT advice: be careful with someone in your life, big cruelty coming from that person , it could be someone in your family, learn to defend yourself, know that you need to love yourself and you don't deserve to be treated like trash, you deserve more, end this toxic relationship that you have with or never show this person about your life, if you don't do that, all the beautiful relationship you have with your future spouse will end, I also see him being very protective with you, probably, my little roxinol, have a lot problems in your life too, but now it's time to be happy, love yourself first to love him later, don't worry, your love will wait for you.

#tarotcommunity #divination #tarot reading #free tarot #tarot deck #pick a pile #pick a card reading #pick a card #pac reading #pick a picture #pick a pile reading #tarot cards #tarot reader #intuitive #witchy things

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makeste · 4 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 285: You Looked Like You Needed Saving

Previously on BnHA: Deku was all, “hey guys I’m just gonna fight Tomura one on one and risk my own life rather than risk letting him do the whole Destroying Everything bit again.” Kacchan was all “WAIT NO ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT’S THE EXACT THING I HATE THE MOST” and indignantly launched into his “P.S. I CARE ABOUT DEKU” flashback, which was a revelation in that it proved exactly what Bakugou fans have been saying this whole time, AND YET OUR MINDS WERE STILL BLOWN ANYWAY, BECAUSE HOLY SHIT, HE REALLY WENT AND SAID IT OUT LOUD THOUGH. Anyway, so Deku’s strategy for defeating Tomura is to, you guessed it, break his fucking arms again; and meanwhile a frantic Katsuki is gearing up on the sidelines to do something really awesome and incredibly stupid, probably; and all in all it’s a pretty terrible situation our boys have found themselves in. Terrible for them, but GREAT for me, and I’ve never been so hyped in my life omg.

Today on BnHA: Deku breaks both of his arms like a dozen times over. Like, just pages and pages of arm breaking. Just like in the good old days! Meanwhile Kacchan is all “jesus christ, okay you know what would be a better idea, JUST SETTING HIM ON FIRE AGAIN”, and so he grabs Shouto and Endeavor, and they do a whole Prominence Burn combo thing. The AFO-inside-of-Tomura is all “‘sup it’s me again, but seriously now would be a REALLY good time to let me take over your body”, and so Tomura TOTALLY DOES LET HIM TAKE OVER, WHOOP, and so AFO is all “HELLS YEAH.” And then he STRAIGHT UP STABS MY SON, WHOSE BODY WAS SIMPLY MOVING ON ITS OWN, YOU KNOW, JUST HERO THINGS. Anyway so now Kacchan is fucking dead*, and so if I were AFO I would start putting as much distance as possible between myself and Deku right the fuck now, because boy, IF YOU THOUGHT HE WAS MAD BEFORE? Holy shit. We’re about to see a whole new level aren’t we.

LOL WE’RE OFF TO A GRAND OLD START

Deku’s arms should sue for legal emancipation. I think most of us can agree that they’re probably better off without him. sure they’ll have to buy their own food and stuff, but I think the trade-off is more than fair

oh wow that 100% shit really is something though

too bad it did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! spoiler alert. I don’t even have to scroll to the next page, Deku. we already know

OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS

did Deku really pull off some “three hits in one” bullshit, or is this a mistranslation referring to the fact that Deku’s already hit him twice with his left arm, and so this is now the third 100% hit. kinda hoping for the latter, ngl. either way though, I’m really getting a “Deku’s arms are legitimately done for” vibe from this

ESPECIALLY SINCE:

DEKU YOU SHRUB!!! WAS IT WORTH IT YOU EGG FDKF KKDJ YOU DON’T GET BONUS POINTS FOR BREAKING THEM TWICE

goddammit I’m pretty sure he just Detroit Smashed the last remaining hero brain cell. now they have diddly squat to work with, oh this is bad

...

do you guys remember a few weeks back when I was joking about him breaking the rest of his bones and using Blackwhip to move his shattered body around like a grotesque marionette. do you specifically remember the part where that was a joke

holy shit Deku. it’s like we’re all the way back to square one with you. wasn’t that like the first thing Aizawa taught you, not to break your whole body apart? how are you supposed to fight Tomura if you can’t move?? why didn’t you wait for one of your pals who could hit him with an attack from long range WITHOUT BREAKING EVERY SINGLE BONE IN THEIR BODIES. WHERE DID YOUR BIG HERO BRAIN GO

boy you better pray one of those remaining quirks is a healing factor, or else you’re gonna be on IR for a LONG time. anyway. idk why I’m getting so worked up when I already knew this was going to happen lol. it’s just like Katsuki said; he takes himself out of the equation. it’s worth sacrificing his own body if it means he can take out AFO and prevent Tomura from hurting anyone else again. it’s just that... well. you know that saying about taking calculated risks when you are bad at math?

GUH I REALLY HATE THAT TOMURA IS STILL COMPLETELY FINE KSKWOILWKKJ AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE A LITTLE HURT, WOULD YOU

please ignore all of those worried-sounding thoughts; I think we all know that’s a bunch of bullshit. completely and utterly fine. the only person Deku’s attacks hurt was himself. hip hip hooray

anyway. so now, this!

pretty sure he can’t use Decay or AFO without at least touching SOMETHING, so I’m guessing this is another one of his new quirks. dammit Tomura why are you so fucking invincible

HAHAHA MEANWHILE

if I were you, Deku’s Arms, I would simply detach from his body altogether at this point. cut my losses. mmm

OOF HE HIT HIM WITH THE WHOLE OF TEXAS

spoiler alert: again, it did nothing. SORRY TO KEEP RUINING THE SUSPENSE FOR YOU GUYS. is there a single human being reading this who thought for even for the milliest of seconds that this stood a chance of working though

OH MY GOD

DEKU GET IT TOGETHER YOU’RE STARTING TO LOOK LIKE THE ENIGMA OF AMIGARA FAULT AND I CAN’T STAND THIS ACTUALLY

so Tomura is all “there must be something I can do to stop this fucking kid” and shuffling through his quirk pokedex while he’s tossed around bleeding in the air

hey Tomura I’ll tell you right now that you don’t actually need to do a damn thing except not die for roughly the next thirty seconds or so, and then you’ve got this. the quirk that can stop this kid is called “One for All”, and it just so happens he’s already got you covered bruh

and Katsuki’s realized the same thing, apparently!

SHOUTO YOU’RE NOT EVEN LOOKING?? wow that is some trust right there. focused on cauterizing Gran and Aizawa’s wounds, I guess

MEANWHILE KATSUKI IS PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS. HE FOUND A NEW BRAIN CELL! A WHOLE DAMN CACHE OF FRESH NEW BRAIN CELLS, LOOK AT THIS

THANKS FOR THAT, PROFESSOR

OH SHIT SON ARE WE MOUNTING A COUNTERATTACK?

I like how Endeavor is just SITTING THERE in the background looking all disgruntled. yes, sorry about that sir, this is now Kacchan’s show. he’s in charge now. time for that long-range attack I was complaining about them not doing earlier?? hopefully?? omg

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS IT’S A BAKUROKI TRIPLE COMBO?!?!

ARE YOU GOING TO YEET THEM A LA GANG ORCA?? ALSO OH MY GOD, HE REALLY IS IN CHARGE. FIRST DEKU TOOK OVER FOR TWO MINUTES UNTIL HE BROKE ALL HIS BONES, AND NOW IT’S KACCHAN’S TIME. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU KIDS

LOL SHOUTO’S GETTING IN ON THIS TOO

THIS JUST IN, THE KIDS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE MANGA, ADULTS OF BNHA IN SHAMBLES

WELL MAYBE NEXT TIME DON’T LET AIZAWA GET SHOT THEN, YOU HAT!!!

WOOP OKAY WE FLYING NOW

Kacchan, tired of sitting back watching Deku invent new ways to die, decides to improvise a few of his own. hmmmmmmm

(ETA: HE LEARNED FROM THE BEST ORZ.)

OKAY WAIT A MINUTE NOW

why does this sound like he’s planning something on his own after the Todorokis have done their part. KACCHAN. EXCUSE ME, KACCHAN

SDLFKJLKJLJ

OKAY HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

IS THIS LEADING WHERE I THINK IT’S LEADING, HOLY --

-- ooOF

I WASN’T FUCKING READY FOR THAT ONE. BAKUBULLYING FROM HIS OWN NOW-REMORSEFUL POV. SHIT. FUCKING FELT THAT. HERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE BUILDING UP TO AN “ALL FOR ONE FOR ALL” REVEAL, AND THEN YOU GO AND PULL THAT INSTEAD, WHAT’S GOING ON

-- HOLD UP WE’RE NOT DONE WITH THIS ONE YET MAYBE!!

“ONE FOR ALL IS”??!? KDSLFJAKLSJLKJLKJL AND THEN INTERRUPTING ME WITH THE CUTE BABIES WATCHING THE ALL MIGHT FOOTAGE, OH MY GOD. I’M JUST WILDLY REACTING TO EVERYTHING THAT’S BEING THROWN AT ME RIGHT NOW LMAO I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS IS LEADING

OOF THE NOTEBOOK

KACCHAN THIS ISN’T EVEN YOUR MEMORY HONEY, GET IT TOGETHER

OH MY GLOB

THIS IS THE MOST NONSENSICAL SEQUENCE OF PANELS RIGHT NOW. I’M SURE THIS IS ALL SHORTLY GOING TO COME TOGETHER IN SOME PROFOUND WAY THAT’S GOING TO KICK MY EMOTIONS SQUARE IN THE BALLS, BUT RIGHT NOW I’M JUST ALL “OOH AHH” LIKE SOME HAPLESS RUBE ALONG FOR THE RIDE. p.s. this chapter still doesn’t have a title!! p.p.s. Horikoshi is a knave

(ETA: HORIKOSHI IS A FUCKING MALFEASANT!!)

I CAN’T TAKE THIS??

PLEASE STOP BUILDING UP TO WHATEVER IT IS YOU’RE BUILDING UP TO AND JUST SAY IT ALREADY, I’M DYING OMG

...and we’re cutting back to the action. godfuckingdammit it’s gonna be one of those chapters where the entire thing is just buildup to some huge reveal on the very last page isn’t it

(ETA: [sounds of screaming heard in the distance])

anyway so this next page is just Deku flying in the air, and Tomura flying through the air, and Endeavor+Katsuki+Shouto flying through the air, and everyone’s flying through the air, and we’re all just flying. TALK TO ME MORE ABOUT THE CURSE OF OFA DAMN IT

OOHHHHHH

guess if it was good enough for Hood, it’s probably their best shot huh. better than whatever the fuck Deku was trying to pull at any rate

OOP

gotta admit, if I didn’t already know full well that Tomura could not possibly die here, I’d have been pretty convinced he was dying here lol

DSFKJL ENDEAVOR BUDDY YOU MIGHT HAVE POSSIBLY OVERDONE IT JUST A BIT

wait... is that Blackwhip...?? or???

OH SHIT

WHAT EVEN IS THIS CHAPTER, COME ON

-- FMMMJAKAKJDJL, UM

TIME TO SCROLL BACK UP TO THAT PANEL OF TOMURA BEING MELTED, AND READ WHAT AFO WAS SAYING A LITTLE MORE CAREFULLY LMAOOOO. LOL. WHOOPS. OH NO KATSUKI WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

AHHHHHHHH

WHAT’S WITH THE NARRATION SQUARE ALL OF A SUDDEN AHHHHHH

oh my fresh and citrusy lord. this is it isn’t it. all of my theories converge at once. Tomura being possessed by AFO; OFA is AFO/Deku has AFO; Katsuki does something stupid and loses his quirk. THE PERFECT STORM. THEORY SINGULARITY

oh my lord oh my god oh my lord oh my god honey what are you doing, honey, no

his body’s moving before he can think. WHAT ARE THESE FLASHBACKS OF ALL HIS DEKU RELATED MEMORIES. BULLYING DEKU, BEING SAVED FROM THE SLUDGE MONSTER, RECONCILING WITH HIM AT GROUND BETA, OH MY GOD. I’M NOT READY. [WRAPS MYSELF IN A BLANKET BURRITO AND SLOWLY SCROLLS DOWN FROM THE SAFETY OF MY COCOON]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HORIKOSHI KOUHEI: [LOADS GUN WITH CHAPTER TITLE AND AIMS DIRECTLY FOR MY HEART]

ME: [SWEATING]

HORIKOSHI: [SMILES, REACHES FOR THE TRIGGER... AND THEN SUCKER PUNCHES ME SQUARE IN THE FACE]

excuse me WHAT. PARDON, THE FUCK. WHY ARE THE FIRST FEW LONE PIANO NOTES OF ADELE’S “SKYFALL” PLAYING. WHAT THE FUCK

excuse me, Horikoshi. excuse me, could I just -- could I get. COULD I JUST GET A WORD WITH YOU FOR A MINUTE. SIR

son of a. ...how am I even supposed to wrap this up. just

sob okay. so let’s just. ...

All for One 100% just took Tomura’s body over. like, he was all “Tomura, you’re fucking dying, just give me your body you muppet”, and Tomura couldn’t really argue on account of he really was dying, and so, YOINK. which is the sound that a body makes when it’s being taken over, I think

All for One then activated his forced activation quirk?? which OF FUCKING COURSE he passed on to Tomura as well. so THAT’S JUST GREAT

Kacchan is seriously the fastest character in the series. the reflexes, the sheer speed necessary to intercept that hit? goddamn

every single one of those BakuDeku flashbacks are now wanted by the FBI for first-degree murder of me

this has nothing to do with Kacchan fucking dying and stuff, but is it just me or were there HUGE “Kacchan as Bakugou’s hero name” vibes earlier on in this chapter with the flashbacks to Deku explaining the meaning behind his own name, HMM

and speaking of, this is the first time we’ve gotten Kacchan narrating in the little box panels, unless I’m completely mistaken somehow. Horikoshi really waited almost 300 whole chapters to do that. and it was worth it. holy shit

fun fact, this moment is something that’s been on my wishlist since chapter 12 lol, you can go back and check the recap if you want. back then I called it a long shot. oh how the times have changed

I DON’T KNOW HOW I’M EVEN SO STUNNED ABOUT THIS, GUYS. this is exactly what I predicted at the end of the last chapter. MY CHILD IS DUMB. THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO IT. HE’S THAT EXACT KIND OF SHOUNEN DUMB. WE’VE KNOWN IT ALL ALONG

oh my god. and now Deku’s gonna go ham, arms or no arms. AND BETS ON WHICH NEW QUIRK HE’S ABOUT TO UNLOCK? because the last time someone so much as insulted Kacchan in his presence, he SPONTANEOUSLY GREW SHADOW TENTACLES OUT OF THE BLUE AND ATTEMPTED TO MURDER THE PERSON. so if this kid has got ANYTHING left up his sleeve, I have to imagine that SEEING HIS PRECIOUS CHILDHOOD FRIEND TAKE A DEADLY ATTACK MEANT FOR HIM is gonna leave him feeling SOME KINDA WAY. I literally have no idea what’s going to happen next but I would not count this angry little broccoli out yet. not as long as he’s still conscious

anyway. so I wonder what’s the world record for continuous screaming, and whether or not I could break said record by doing such nonstop from now until a week from now when I finally get to read the next chapter

...lol apparently the record is only 8 mins and 45 seconds so GOOD NEWS GUYS, WITH THE POWER OF THIS NEW CHAPTER, WE ARE GOING TO MAKE HISTORY. DEEP BREATH. -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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janiedean · 3 years ago

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if you ever wrote that rant about grrm making jon his chosen one deconstruction i'd be very happy to read it 👀

hello anon sorry for the lateness but here we go *deep breath*

sssooo, I had once ranted about it though not mentioning the thing I mentioned in those tags so lemme see if I can find the op and like... cp the main argument and amend it bc it was long, but okay so I found it, original anon asked me: why is Jon considered to be one of the most special characters grrm created? Why is he not the typical hero of fantasy books?, my original answer was here if anyone wants to go there but basically lemme just cp the first part making it shorter and then I'm adding:

first thing, the Typical Post-Tolkien Chosen One With A Shitty Life Before He Finds Out He Is Chosen™ character (I’m saying post-tolkien because every fantasy writer in existence who copies tolkien thinks that lotr went like that and instead it didn’t) usually goes through the following steps: his life sucks up until the beginning of the series, his family generally hates him/her or doesn’t appreciate them or abuses them or anyway doesn’t make their life easier and they’ve never known any different, but *something* never quite worked right and they always knew something was missing in their life, they just didn’t know why. suddenly someone who knows they were Chosen™ shows up and tells them that they’re actually Special because of this this and that and they have a quest to go on to save the world or something. our hero/heroine obviously is finally validated and while their quest is hard and full of hardships and maybe they lose a few friends along the way, finding out that they were Chosen gives their life meaning, they usually find love/friends/everything they didn’t have before until they fulfill the Prophecy™ and live more or less happily ever after, possibly after hooking up with the Person Of Their Dreams with whom they had UST up until the last twenty pages of the book. basically: being Chosen™ in regular fantasy novels is a good thing because suddenly you’re special and all the crap you suffered acquires a new meaning and in the end it made your life better.

jon snow is a complete overhaul of about everything in this sense because

instead of having a family who hates him he has a family who actually mostly loves him, and with ned it’s arguably so much that he risks royal treason by keeping him hidden from his *best friend* - sure, there’s cat and peripherally sansa, but his issues stem from the fact that he feels lesser because he’s a bastard (as far as he knows) and it’s a *class* issue, not a *my family hates me* issue not counting catelyn obv but that's what gives him freudian issues more on that in the emended part later

no one actually knows that he’s Chosen™ - like mel could get there and probably will and someone will put two and two together when his parentage comes out in the open, but he doesn’t have a gandalf or mentor who shows him The Way Towards His Quest

so instead of going from ‘my life sucks but I’m going on a quest which is gonna be a+’ he actively chooses to leave a fairly decent situation (a household he knows, siblings who love him - ned actually hoped he’d become robb’s counselor or right hand man or something from what we can gather) because he feels like he has to prove he’s better than his name and goes to the Crappiest Place In Westeros. like idk if people grasp it, but the wall is basically a prison and at the ripe age of fourteen he decides that it’s totally a good and honorable choice (his only choice actually) to go defend the realm in the freezing cold along with a bunch of criminals/derelicts/rejects of society

at which point he makes friends among said rejects and let’s remember that it’s the point where he actually has to do his first an only privilege when donal noye made him go like hey you were brought up with nobles these ppl are here because they stole bread, and that helps making him more into the person he is rn but like your tyopical fantasy hero who has had a shitty life doesn’t usually have to acknowledge that other people might have had it worse

then he goes on the Quest where he finds his first One True Love, and that’s where it turns even worse because usually the quest is where things start to go right for the Hero™, instead for jon they start to go wronger, because first he has to go undercover which pretty much tests most of his belief/code system, he falls in love with a girl he has to betray, half of his friends and his lord commander die along the way, while he’s off doing his thing winterfell gets taken/burned and robb dies when jon openly stated that he also was going to the wall to defend his family and keep them safe (yeaaah worked out real well), when he goes back to the wall he has to fight the people he lived with for months, the woman he loves dies in his arms and he can’t do anything about it and he’s aware it couldn’t have gone any other way, people put defending the wall on him and then put his loyalty in question, when stannis shows up with a legitimization (which is everything he ever wanted) he refuses because he doesn’t want to accidentally steal his siblings’s inheritance (which was what cat was so worried about hahaha) and actively chooses the crappy defending the realm life all over again. also in all this time his being Chosen™ hasn’t manifested or helped him in any way whatsoever - actually all his honor-moral code related baggage is what moral dilemmas come from that. like, your usual chosen hero™ would always take the right decision and it all turns out good eventually, jon takes the morally right decision and it all turns SOUR eventually

at this point he finally gets elected LC, thanks to his friends also pitching in, which is about the one fantasy hero™ thing that’s happened for now. should be good, yes?

lol no, because he ends up with THAT hellish responsibility at sixteen, since he thinks that he has absolutely to be even better than that now and he has very specific notions about how you should lead and he knows he has to take unpopular decisions/decisions that he doesn’t necessarily like, he ends up either having to send his friends away forreal (sam) or detaching from them (pyp/grenn/the likes) and when as far as he knows he learns that his sister is married to ramsay he can’t do anything about it

never mind that it’s the same situation as when he had to pick the watch or robb in book one - he went there to defend his family and now being there actually prevents him from helping them in person. ops. meanwhile he’s trying to implement a new vision of things which is modern and smart and actually makes sense because why fighting the wildlings when you have ZOMBIES coming. your usual Chosen One™ would get people to approve just because he’s the Chosen One

instead jon gets stabbed to death - okay, that was also because he wanted to go get arya but it was the last straw, people were pissed over the wildlings plan first and foremost

so basically he’s gone through all the Chosen One™ steps but in reverse - he loses his family which did love him instead of finding another one that makes the first pale in comparison, he does find a new one who loves him but has to alienate most of its members for responsibility reasons as a consequence of what should have been the crowning achievement of his life choices (which eventually is NOT one), he falls in love and they don’t drag the UST forever but they never get a chance to be together without small print in between, he chooses the admittedly most masochistic life he could for his family as well and half of them die and he can’t do a thing for the other half, every other mentor-like figure he runs into after ned dies, instead of finding validation he ends up having to isolate himself and on top of everything HE STILL DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW HE’S THE CHOSEN ONE™

so instead of his life going better the more he learns stuff and matures as a person, he gets murdered. by the people he trusts and who were supposed to be his new family. haha?

never mind that when he finds out he’s the Chosen One™ it won’t bring him closure because all he ever wanted was being full stark like his father/siblings and then bam he’s going to find out his father’s actually targaryen and what does that even mean to him?

on top of that being AA will just be a pain because I don’t believe for a second he’s not going to get leftover ptsd and who the hell is gonna help him deal with it? or how is he ever getting over his *brothers* murdering him? and people are going to ask stuff of him all over again and he’s gonna have to go slay a mythical monster and if I know grrm it’s not gonna be fun, pretty or cathartic FOR HIM

on top of that, Chosen Hero™ fulfills the prophecy and gets a realm to rule and everyone lives happily ever after. money is that if jon does get that realm (and I think he is because he has the best claim if he's legitimate and most likely it'll turn out he was on the targ side but ROBB also legitimized him so he has double the legitimization), he’s going to hate every second of it and he’ll take it because a) duty, b) literally no one else is available, and like this guy didn’t want to rule a realm or be a king or anything he just wanted to be a stark, and instead he’s going to have to after all that shit thanks to Magical And Noble Heritage he hadn’t even known he had and probably didn’t even want up to that point because since when jon wanted to be a targ? yeah since never

obviously I hope he manages to be somewhat happy regardless because the alternative is too miserable, but basically being a Chosen Hero™ is what makes jon’s life worse rather than better and the fact that hew went through all the regular self-discovery journey for the fantasy hero list doesn’t mean he’s not flipping that over in his sl. the fact that he stayed a decent person more or less throughout it and that he hasn’t turned into a bitter asshole also doesn’t change the main point XD

tldr: jon snow is not a typical fantasy hero because he deconstructs that trope into tiny little bits same as robb deconstructed the arthurian flawless king hero trope

now ^^^^^ THAT was what I originally wrote for that meta but adding on to what I said in those tags

okay so... there is a certain tendency to also make the chosen one™ special in the sense that he's kind of goals - good looking, rich or set to inherit, gallant, takes the initiative, he's like.. social or anyway immediately makes friends etc and all that jazz which jon... doesn't really fit

like jon is an introvert who immediately makes friends just with outcasts and his siblings also bc he feels like one but he's hardly a social butterfly and charms everyone wherever he walks by

I mean ffs says all that the only person he charmed in that sense is stannis who is the literal only person in charge in the books who is more introvert than him and has worse communication issues and appreciates ppl going straight to the point

on top of that in the book he looks like ned.... and arya looks like ned and ned isn't described as being particularly handsome that was brandon so he's not even like... I mean kit h. is v. pretty and I think he was a good choice for the role and I'll die on the hill that he was born to play that character and he did it well but book!jon doesn't have that kinda pretty face so the concept that he's the HOT alternative to anyone to me is kind of iffy bc he's not

he's shit at social interactions and at PR which is why robb and him would have been a key winning ticket like he has a better idea of the larger picture but robb would have actually made sure ppl didn't turn against them bc he actually was good at that but like he doesn't go around rallying armies in his name does he

the one time he's been with a girl it was ygritte and like he courted her without realizing it and then she had to pursue him and he barely knew wtf to do on top of the fact that they slept with ghost in the middle of them like a sword which..... is.... I mean sleeping with the sword in the middle was a thing to make sure the maiden stayed a maiden and he's the one who is like i CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HER EVEN IF I WANT TO BECAUSE I'M TECHNICALLY SPYING ON THEM like... he's not... gallant-knight coded

never mind that the moment they do the do she basically does everything until he decides to try the oral which I mean... isn't exactly alphadominatingmale out of jon which is not a given with the trope he's supposed to represent like he's not smooth he's not suave he's like WHAT THE FUCK when ygritte tells him he has a pretty face bc most likely no one else told him that and he like... doesn't pursue people like that in general which is also not exactly 100% what that trope usually goes for

we can add that he has a lot of passive-aggressive little shit sarcasm in him that they didn't let him go for in the show but like... usually chosen heroes™ don't think what he thinks about selyse in general

we can also add that he's not automatically above being better than his position like... he doesn't take winterfell bc ygritte is dead but he did think he'd have taken the deal sansa or not if stannis had said he could marry her and not val and if she wasn't dead, he basically went off the rails at the dude he was fighting with thinking about robb telling him that he couldn't be lord of wf because he was a bastard and he's absolutely not in the frame of mind of 'well I was born a bastard who cares it doesn't define me'

he's obsessed to the point of unhealthy with actually being defined by it which is why he was better off with the wildlings aka the only idiots in the realm who don't gaf about that

and that's like... I mean usually if chosen ones™ have parental issues it's like 'you were an orphan and raised by asses who weren't your parents but your parents loved you and you'll find out at some point and you'll be happier for it and make your own family', jon is like... he has the mommy freudian issues of the century bc of how cat treated him, on the other side he's obsessed with living up to ned's/his father's name and he hates that it makes him not-belonging or that he feels like he doesn't even if he does with his siblings, and at the same time when the truth about it comes out he's going to get the cold shower of the century bc like - he's spent all that time thinking BUT DID MY MOTHER WANT ME WHO WAS MY MOTHER and he's going to find out of who it was and how he was born and honestly considering that lyanna most likely did regret running with rhaegar the moment he finds that out and that she died birthing him how is he going to feel? - also he spends his life wanting to live up to his 'father's' name aka ned aka someone known to be honorable to a fault and then it turns out his bio father is... the dude who started that entire rebellion not doing a very honorable thing? - also if jon*erys is a thing idt that he'd take 'I fell in love with my aunt' so nonchalantly as he did in the show tldr: he's never gonna get over his parental issues in a short time and when that particular brick hits him in the face it won't be pretty

like the entire point of jon is that he goes through all the chosenone™ cursus honorum as we'd call it in high school when studying latin but each step that means smth good for the usual chosenone™ to him is something bad, being one is not going to make his life better and throughout the entire thing he does not fit that stereotype when it comes to look, personality, basic traits and familial history and like hell he's going to have the happy ending tied up with the bow - like I think he gets a bittersweet one and eventually goes off with the wildlings bc he belongs there after being jon snow first of his name (bc like hell he's not reclaiming his bastard background at the end of this entire mess I'm eating my hat if he doesn't) after splitting the seven realms and fixing things but that's hardly the neat happy ending the chosenone™ usually gets so that's my two cents

... christ this was long *raises hands*

#jon snow #tagging for the lulz i guess #janie writes meta #ch: jon snow #long post for ts #tldr jon snow is a kurt cobain stan in disguise in westeros and chosenones™ aren't nirvana stan coded #and i'm dying on this hill xD

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milkypompon · 4 years ago

Text

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟙 | 𝔻𝕣𝕚𝕗𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕋𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℕ𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 Zuko x Reader

𝔼𝕩𝕥𝕣𝕒 ℍ𝕠𝕥 𝕊𝕚𝕗𝕦 ℍ𝕠𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕟

ℤ𝕦𝕜𝕠 𝕩 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

< ℙℝ𝔼𝕍𝕀𝕆𝕌𝕊 || ℕ𝔼𝕏𝕋 >

𝕄𝔸𝕊𝕋𝔼ℝ𝕃𝕀𝕊𝕋 𝕆𝔽 𝕋ℍ𝕀𝕊 𝔹𝕆𝕆𝕂

𝕀𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖 | Aang and Y/N are siblings who share powers, but Y/N was hidden from the Four Nation’s eyes to avoid the possibility of their separation. Then, Zuko meets the flamboyant and flirtatious Y/N for the first time at the Western Air Temple where he attempts to join the tight-knit Gaang.

𝔸𝕦𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕣'𝕤 ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖 | Do I regret titling this fic “Extra Hot Sifu Hotman”? ABSOLUTELY… Not. Anyways, enjoy part 2 because some people requested for it! (Don’t tell anyone this, but I was gonna write it even if no one wanted it. That’s just the power of a writer.)

In this chapter, we encounter more interactions with Sokka and Y/N! As well as a small slice of Aang and Y/N’s life back in the Southern Air Temple a hundered years ago.

𝔼ℕ𝕁𝕆𝕐

The crescent moon dimly lit each of the rooms at the Western Air Temple. There was nothing special about the bedrooms, Y/N and Aang were used to the minimalistic architecture of their home, so this was nothing new. Only a musty bed pushed along the concrete wall with a blanket that frayed on the edges could be seen.

Despite the thick layer of dust that coated the room, Sokka slept soundly in bed. He faced the wall, arm bent and tucked underneath his head to act as a makeshift pillow. Every so often, a creak of the bed’s wooden frame could be heard from the hallways, as he shifted.

“Sokka… are you sleeping?” Y/N knelt onto their knees and breathed on Sokka’s neck. He was a heavy sleeper, only ever reacting if he was in real danger. His body knew, Y/N knew this too, so they licked their index finger and probed Sokka’s ear.

Sokka squealed like a runt, “Ahh-”

“Shut the fuck up! You’ll wake up the dead Air Nomads,” Y/N hissed and clasped Sokka’s mouth with their hand.

He licked their hand without hesitation.

“Okay, I’m not even gonna act disgusted for myself because you don’t even know where this hand has been,” Y/N quipped, wiping it on his cheek.

“What are you doing here at an UNGODLY HOUR, not to mention, violating and probing my virgin ear,” Sokka spat, but keeping his voice low.

“Oh sorry, that was your first time getting Wet-Willied? Well, I’m honored to be your first, babe,” Y/N rolled their eyes.

Sokka slowly sat up, planting his feet on the ground. He swiveled his neck in circles to relieve it from knots and aches. Patting the spot next to him, Y/N sat on the creaking bed.

“But, seriously, what’s going on?” There was a genuine look of concern in his eyes, one that never failed to cause Y/N to blush slightly. Since the siblings released Aang and Y/N from the iceberg, Sokka and Y/N developed an unusual bond that curated overtime thanks to cheap jokes and being the duo who was the comic-relief of the team.

“Thank goodness it’s nighttime,” Y/N thought to themself shyly.

Y/N craned their neck down, their hands on their lap with thumbs dwindling around. “I… uh, couldn’t sleep? Despite everything going on, shouldn’t I be thankful that we finally have the time to drop dead and shut our eyes?” There was obviously something more, but for now they just needed help to at least take a nap.

Sokka offered them a small smile, “I’ll bet you my boomerang that you’re not the only one who visited a friend in the middle of the night.” He took their hand and together, they walked down the hallway.

Just as Sokka implied, the flickering light of a warm fire danced near the snuggling bodies of Aang and Katara. Toph slept, mouth agape, with her head leaning back against the fluff of Appa. Her hand laid on Momo’s head that rested on her leg. Momo’s ear twitched as the pair neared the almost laughable sight. Even when there were decent bedrooms not too far away, they always managed to sleep like this. But there was one person who preferred to be secluded away from the rest of them…

Sokka released Y/N’s hand and walked towards two sleeping mattresses that sat a few feet apart (which the Gaang probably set up for them). He motioned for them to lay back and take as much shut eye as they could before the sun rose up to another dreadful, anxiety-filled day.

Y/N sauntered and plopped their back onto the mattress with an arm slung over their eyes to cover the bright orange and yellow flames. The fire vaguely reminded them of the new pair of eyes they met just this morning. They couldn’t quite put their finger on it, but there was a deep, hole that one couldn’t simply climb out of if you looked into it for too long.

Was it emptiness? Longing? Regret?

There wasn’t a single person in this fractured family that hadn’t felt those feelings at least once. Y/N sure as hell knew these emotions all too well, maybe even beyond them, but for once they were dumbfounded for what the supposed “evil Prince of the Fire Nation” felt.

Maybe Zuko felt all three?

“Zuko regrets his past doings because he knew he would feel emptiness if he succeeded in capturing the Avatar, well now Avatars… Now he longs for what we have…” Y/N came to a profound realization. They made a mental note to give themself a high five tomorrow morning for using all three words.

It was an unspoken truth that each of them felt empty without the presence of another friend, whether they were wide awake or fast asleep. Y/N too needed the assurance of someone being able to pull them back if they were about to do something heroic, bluntly said, downright stupid.

Decades ago, the monks repeated to Y/N and Aang more than to any of the other Air Nomads to detach oneself from worldly desires and relations, even the familial ones. At night, when Monk Gyatso would visit the siblings he’d dismiss the other monks’ lectures.

He’d whisper, “You two were created by bones of a warrior’s fire, the heart of mother nature, the clear eyes of the ocean.” Monk Gyatso paused and leaned into the faces of the children, “And most importantly… the mind of a reckless Air Nomad!” The three giggled quietly.

A small smile emerged from Y/N’s mouth as they reminisced on their last memory of the siblings’ father-like figure before the pair escaped out of anger as they were threatened to be taken away from him, due to Avatar duties.

𝔼𝕟𝕕𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕖 | Thank you for all the positive comments on the last chapter! Please take it easy one me bc this is my first time writing a series, or what I’d like to call, a book! Let me know how I’m doing and how to make the characters feel more lively!!

【ℝ𝔼ℚ𝕌𝔼𝕊𝕋 𝕋𝕆 𝔹𝔼 𝕆ℕ �� 𝕋𝔸𝔾𝕃𝕀𝕊𝕋 𝕋ℍℝ𝕌 𝕄𝕐 𝕀ℕ𝔹𝕆𝕏】

(If you don’t see yourself, please message me again! I’m sorry, I’m new to the whole fanfic writing + Tumblr stuff hahaha!)

@haylaansmi @lizzyumi @ruinedlies @anime-simp @akariblue @uber-scooter @celamoon @rhodeisland101 @flloooooopppa @mackandcheese24 @samschaoticblogs @ilovespideyyy @kisskissshutmydoor @og-disaster-bi @emogril @vlovers-world @samsmultifandomblogs @plutaars @kinismanditory @shephard17895 @eridanuswave @iguessthefloorislava @a-hopeless-fan @mybnkjj @mahleeyuh @elammd

#zuko x reader #zuko #zuko imagines #sokka x reader #sokka #sokka imagines #atla #atla imagines #avatar #avatar imagines

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argylemnwrites · 3 years ago

Note

1, 4, 15, 17 for fanfic asks! xoxo

Thank you so much for the ask!

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

Because this year has both dragged on forever and passed in the blink of an eye, I actually had to scan through my archive to remember what I wrote this year, haha! I had a few pieces I was deciding between, but I think Facts, Fibs, and Futures, a Mal x MC fic, is probably my favorite... at least for the moment.

4. total number of words you wrote this year

Only including published stuff because some of my WIPs are more than 12 months old. I'm gonna have to do some math here:

Fight or Flight - 40,046 words

Why Are We Still Waiting? - 38,093 words

Three ICWAM universe one shots - 7,570 words

Four OH one shots - 7,464 words

Three (connected) ROD one shots - 5,606 words

One Blades one shot - 3,337 words

One canon TRR one shot - 2,566 words

One TF series one shot - 2,320 words

One MOTY one shot - 2,240 words

That's a total of 109,242 words, which is less than I would have liked, but not bad considering boards, work stresses, etc.

17. fics you’ll continue next year

Fight or Flight, Why Are We Still Waiting?, some ICWAM one shots I have in the works, and my first OH series with a working title of Sessions

15. something you learned this year

Alright, I'm gonna probably get wordy here, so this is as good a spot as any for a read more cut (hence the order flip of the questions)

I think I've learned how to detach in healthier ways. You know that I felt lost in this fandom for a very long time, and it's not that now I feel this complete sense of belonging or anything. Basically very little has changed on that front. But the emotional waves are a lot less dramatic, and I overall feel calmer. I can more objectively and consistently see the positives and negatives of my type of existence here, instead of being swept along on an emotional roller coaster. Painful moments that would have sent me spiraling in the past I am able to acknowledge and move past.

I wish I had a better ability to articulate the why and how of this change, but then again, I don't know if I am the type who would ever be comfortable going into details about any emotional revelations, hahaha. But it has been something I definitely learned how to work through and process better. And I've continued to take steps forward, in that a few times I thought I had found my most stable "at peace" feeling about my role/place here, I found a new perspective or outlook that left me even calmer. It's reassuring, that continued progress, because it helps me weather negative emotions even better, knowing that I will likely be able to look back on those moments from an even more at peace place.

I know that was a lot of words to say not very much, but I hope you (and anyone curious enough to click to keep reading) knows enough of me to understand the vibes I'm trying to convey here.

#asked and answered

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hoe-imaginess · 4 years ago

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replies

I lost a bunch of replies from a few weeks ago, sorry!! I think when my inbox gets too full, Tumblr likes to delete my stuff

@hikaru-mikazuki

thank you!!!! Fatherhood is a tricky thing for Hawks, but it works out after a little angst <3

@mariamatuni

hello!!! yeah Tumblr messes up sometimes :/

I’m doing alright. Still dealing with finding the right meds/dosage for my sleeping issues, and I’m social distancing still because of other health reasons. So being indoors this long is really taking its toll, understandably, lmao. I’m just trying to find ways to stay active and productive! Whether it’s reading, writing, cooking, doing crafts, etc. Thank you for asking! <3

THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY THANK YOUUU! I’m really on my Dabi shit these days and I really hope the Dabi content is good. (the roommate fic was updated in case you haven’t seen!!!! it was one of my favorite fics to write tbh)

srsly though thank you so much!!

Thank you so much!!!! Honestly, he seems like he would appreciate a casual approach, rather than his crush coming up to him and being romantic/flirty from the get-go. Even if he has feelings for them, a direct approach like that will really throw him for a loop

He thinks it’s SO improper of her tbh. Very ‘un-ladylike’

Yes I definitely think Madara’s insecurities can show up in a relationship, especially when he really cares about his s/o.

Hello! I can’t remember if I’ve answered this already so sorry if I have—I don’t think Madara or any Uchiha would force the termination, but I think they would make life hard for mother and the baby, and the mother knows this, so she would (based on the way I wrote the MC in the fic) do it herself. And the uchiha would probably expect her to

I actually don’t have a tik tok but I’ve heard of the thirst community on there lmao ESPECIALLY for those two

Omg thanks so much AHHHH!! I love writing Dabi so much, I hope to have more for him out soon

THIS MAKES ME HAPPY AH! I’m glad you liked them!!!

I change my mind so much about what Hawks would be into because I can see him being really open, but at the same time, really firm about what he wants. I definitely think he’s open about sexual relationships, but personal, intimate relationships with a romantic partner definitely need to be treated more carefully

Thanks so much!!!! Hope you’re doing well too!

I honestly have a small draft in my docs about a reverse situation where reader is the one suffering from the aphro. quick and Dabi has to help her out buttttt idk if that’s technically a sequel?? Who knows. Would be pretty interesting though... lots of people have mentioned it, so I’m definitely thinking about it

I think he can be sadistic but I don’t think he’s a fuckboy at all. At least not in the sense that he’s a womainizer? Like, at least the way I write him (or try to) is that sex is far from the first thing on his mind, but he’ll indulge it when he sees the opportunity. I think there’s a bit more room for him to be *sexually active* in AUs? Like, an ABO fic, for example

And as for why that interpretation exists... idk! Can’t stop horny fans from being horny ya feel lol

I haven’t written anything for mm in a longgggg time! I only played the basic routes before they added more to it a few years ago

THANK YOU!!!

<3 this message gave me serotonin

I.... tbh it’s not my cup of tea!!!! Something about it just makes me feel weird sksksksk. A friend bought me a subscription so I could check out the patreon page, but it wasn’t really for me. Maybe I’ll try to get into it again at some point!

!!! Thank you!!!

I definitely feel like that’s a big madara thing!!( Dabi.... it depends lol)

GOOD!!!! We love our Hot Topic King

I guarantee you people have poked fun at him before because of that and he tries to laugh through it like hahaha :D yeah super funny guys :D but on the inside he’s -.-

I’m so glad!!!! This makes me very happy, I hope I can continue to put out good stuff for you <3 tysm

Thank you!!!

I can tell you rn Tobirama would walk in then walk right back out sksksk

I 100% agree with this. I’m not sure if he’s a virgin, but for the sake of writing the smut people ask for, I feel he’d be... someone who enjoys sex as an outlet for stress (and sometimes anger). But it’s literally one of the last things on his mind. When he’s in the moment, sure, he’s focused on it. But he’s not constantly thinking about sex, or seeking sex, or anything similair to that

Thank you for this <3

I think if it’s really intense he purposely detaches some of the feathers he knows will get in the way—otherwise yeah his wings totally twitch and stretch and shake when the sex is BOMB

I can definitely see that!

I’m really into Dabi rn to an unfathomable degree... I can’t escape. I’m definitely into BNHA right now but I’m still working on Naruto projects, and a few other fandoms

why of course (;

Thank you so much!!!!!!

I honestly wonder about this like... when I write Dabi smut... do I include the Pube Issue??? Let’s just pretend it doesn’t exist

Thank you so much <3

I think he would appreciate it at first, but after a while he would start feeling sort of... inadequate? Basically, like he’s not stepping up like he should. But at the same time, he still has his hero work, so it’s difficult for him to take initiative and be like “Nah, you know what? I’m ready for fatherhood”

I do have one I need to put out soon! It’s just sitting in my drafts. I really need to work on it

I’m really into the idea that Hawks still has bird-like instincts so him/his family having the SHINY THING?? fixation is.... so funny to me. But that would definitely make sense!

LMAOOOOO hell nope. couldn’t be me. sorry pre-design Hawks

He would definitely see where she’s coming from, and honestly, might be a little relieved to hear it, AT FIRST. But then the guilt would come to him, and like what happened in the fic, he’d probably come around and convince her to make it work

GOOD!

IT REALLY IS! I always think about this tbh

Yeah y/n really out here having fun isn’t she!!!

For the canon AU fics I write, yes definitely! I really don’t think I could exclude hero work and keep the fic loyal to the culture of hero society. It gives a lot to their character, but honestly, it creates more room for angst. Which I love <3

Not really! I mean, we see so little of them that most of the way I see/write them is really just me digging deeper to see what fits. Sometimes I’ll rewatch a scene from the show and think of something new, but otherwise, most of the characterization really just stems from the little bits we see of them. I take it and run with it lol

HONESTLY you’re absolutely not wrong

#replies #i have more i'll answer soon i'm sorry ahhh i have so many

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nct-bliss · 4 years ago

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NCT Female Subunit AU

BLISS x NCT DREAM

Just after a collab dance performance between the two units, Jiwoo passes out backstage. Haechan isn’t too happy about his best friend’s irresponsibility.

We’re off to an angsty start hahaha.

“Where’s the pin for this outfit?!”

“Can we go over the choreo one more time please?”

“Hell no Yunhee. You better be kidding.”

“Should we test our mics again?”

A groan. “Do I really have to pick up Kayo and spin her?”

“Yes. Yes Jisung, you do.”

A hundred thousand words of chaos swirled around Jiwoo’s mind as she leaned over the vanity, looking into the mirror. Her members, both the girls and boys, were scattered around the room, doing last-minute preparations.

She smoothed down her already-straightened hair and fixed her gaze on her reflection. There wasn’t a single flaw in her makeup. Her outfit was pretty modest by idol-standards, and still very pretty. Her feet adorned boots as opposed to heels. Everything was as perfect as it could be.

So why did she feel so shitty?

Her stomach felt light yet heavy at the same time, like a pit was buried deep inside it. Her entire body felt like it could crumble any second, at any touch or movement. Her head was killing her, it hurt so much.

It’s probably just last-minute anxiety, Jiwoo assured herself.

She forced herself to straighten up, absentmindedly adjusting her left earpiece once more. Then she whirled around, ignoring the pounding sensation at her temple as best as she could.

“Are you guys ready?” She asked, unsure if it was even her own voice she was hearing.

“Yes,” Kayo and Chenle chorused before shooting each other glares. “Stop copying me,” they repeated together again before yelling at each other.

Jiwoo focused her attention on the member closest to her. “How long again?”

“We’re going on in two minutes,” Jeno told her, pausing before frowning slightly. “You okay?”

Jiwoo laughed lightly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just nervous for some reason.”

“You’re shaking a little...”

“I promise I’m fine, Jeno. I’m just not used to having only choreography to memorize.”

“If you say so.” He sounded unconvinced, and Jiwoo couldn’t blame him. She could faintly hear the tremor in her own voice.

“One more minute!” The manager called, and the group made their way closer to the stage.

Jiwoo felt her head spin under the bright lights and constant noise of bustling activity. She held onto Lian who was walking in front of her, gently keeping a hand on her shoulders. Partly for physical support, partly so she could talk to her in a closer distance.

“You remember everything?” Jiwoo whispered.

“Yeah,” Lian answered, probably rolling her eyes. “Do you?”

“I remember. But if I die halfway, don’t be surprised. I feel like shit.”

Lian turned to face her, worry reflected in her watery eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Head is killing me. I just feel awful.”

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?!” She whisper-yelled. “You shouldn’t be on stage right now.”

“I’ll be fine. It’s just a 3 minute choreography. As soon as we’re done, I’ll probably just crash on the couch in the dressing room. I didn’t want us to re-plan the whole thing.”

“Okay...” Lian still sounded worried.

Finally, it was time. Jiwoo pushed herself up and let go of Lian to make her way across stage. It was dark and the lights were only going to come on once they were all in position. She felt a comforting squeeze of her shoulder as Jaemin walked past her, and she flashed him a small smile.

Showtime, Jiwoo thought, leaning down to crouch in her beginning position. She replayed the choreography in her mind a couple times, just to get her attention off the dull thud in her head.

She raised her head as soon as the lights flashed, giving an alluring smile to the camera.

Five minutes later, both units were walking backstage again, everyone feeling half-thrilled and half-tired.

“Did you guys hear those fanchants?” Minji exclaimed, detaching her earpiece. “That was crazy!”

“Right?” Renjun laughed.

Aria smirked. “Okay, but did anyone notice how loud it got when Jisung had to pick up Kayo?”

Jeno and Chenle burst out laughing while the two mentioned just looked away in embarrassment. “I did notice!” Yunhee cackled. “I was trying so hard not to laugh in the middle of dancing.”

“Oh, I didn’t even hide my laughing,” Donghyuck chimed in. “I’m pretty sure the cameras saw me.”

“Ugh, you guys are the worst,” Jisung groaned.

Kayo rolled her eyes. “Literally neither of us wanted it. But someone just had to bring up the idea to the choreographer.”

She narrowed her gaze at Minji, who just smiled innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

They all talked some more and laughed, able to relax now that all their performances for the day were done.

Jiwoo was the only quiet one, walking slowly compared to the others. Her legs felt like they were tied down by an anchor. Her stomach turned and felt even worse than before. She lagged behind the group, the only destination on her mind being a couch or just anywhere to lie down.

She could make out Lian’s face turning around to ask her something. Jiwoo opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. Instead her mind felt cloudy and she couldn’t think of anything. Dark spots filled her vision and she shut her eyes before falling down onto her knees.

“Jiwoo!”

“Yah, what the hell!”

“What happened?”

“Jiwoo what’s wrong?!”

“Can someone get a water bottle?”

A pair of hands gently laid her down, so her head was resting on someone’s lap instead. Someone else adjusted the position of her legs.

Jiwoo’s vision was still dark but she could hear everyone around her. The sounds of voices and footsteps felt drowned out, as if she was underwater, or in a tunnel.

A voice that sounded like Jaemin’s spoke. “Does anyone know what’s wrong? Jiwoo never mentioned she was sick.” He sounded really upset.

A soft tone replied. “She told me she wasn’t feeling well just when we were walking on stage.” Jiwoo recognized it as Lian’s, and she sounded on the verge of crying now.

“I could tell something was off earlier too, but she told me she was just nervous,” Jeno added, distress evident in his words.

“Dammit, Jiwoo.” That was definitely Aria.

Jiwoo’s eyes fluttered open after a few more seconds, her head still hurting. Her vision was mostly clear, just blurry around the edges as she blinked up at her members.

The first thing she saw was Minji’s face. So that was whose lap she was laying on. The second was Jaemin, leaning over closely. And the third was Donghyuck...

Who looked both extremely terrified and angry at the same time. Jiwoo internally swallowed at the scolding he would surely give her once she was fully conscious.

“Jiwoo! Can you hear us?” Minji asked, gently pushing a hair strand out of her face.

“Yeah,” Jiwoo replied softly, her voice barely above a whisper. She had a naturally raspy tone, but it seemed almost intensified now.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” Jeno asked.

“Six.”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “She fainted, it’s not a concussion.”

“It doesn’t hurt to check!”

“Here,” Chenle popped up in her vision, holding a water bottle. “Drink some of this.”

Jiwoo sat up a bit, lifting her head from Minji’s lap to instead sit in front of the older girl. She took the bottle with a small smile before lifting it to her lips. Jaemin helped her steady her grip by placing his hand on top of hers.

The cool water felt extremely refreshing as it flowed down her throat. It cooled her instantly, and alleviated some of the pain in her head. Her vision cleared completely at this point too.

“Are you feeling better?” Jisung asked tentatively, hovering like he was ready to spring up and get something for her at any moment.

Jiwoo smiled at him. “Yes, I am now.”

“Good,” Kayo said sweetly, before she glared sharply at Jiwoo. “Now I can say this: what is wrong with you?!”

“The whole day went by and you didn’t say anything until we literally stepped on the stage, and only to Lian!” Renjun snapped.

“Okay, before we get into any of that, let’s figure out what’s actually wrong with her,” Jeno sighed. “Are you sick? Burning up?”

Chenle placed his palm on her forehead. “No, she feels fine.”

“Did you not eat anything all day?” There was an odd note to Jaemin’s voice, as if he was seriously not wanting to hear an answer to that.

“I mean, I ate no differently than I do on our usual performance days.”

“So barely anything, then.” Yunhee sighed.

“Guys, I don’t think it was food,” Jiwoo assured them. “I think I just had a really bad headache, and all the stuff I did today didn’t help it at all.”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense. I’m sure a five-hour long rehearsal, both in the studio and on stage before, totally helped you feel better,” Aria said dryly.

“I’m sorry guys.” Jiwoo curled up a bit more with a frown. “I’m so used to shrugging off stuff just to get work done, and I didn’t want to mess up our schedule in anyway.”

Lian poked her. “You’re forgiven. Just don’t do it ever again,” She sniffed.

Jeno let out a deep breath. “You almost gave us all heart attacks.”

“I’m sorry.”

Chenle stretched. “Well, now that Jiwoo is taken care of, let’s go eat.” He shot Jiwoo a look. “And you have to eat at least two plates.”

“I can’t eat that much!”

“Too bad.”

They all stood up, and Jiwoo lifted herself away from Minji with ease. Well, for two seconds before her legs felt shaky again. Almost instantly, a hand wrapped around her waist and she looked up to see Donghyuck.

He tightened his hold and pulled her close to his side. “Yah, you can’t just get up and walk like nothing happened after all that, you idiot,” He scolded.

Jiwoo blinked as her head hit against his chest gently. “Thanks, Hyuck.”

They lingered behind the group as Jiwoo walked slower than usual, so she didn’t feel dizzy again, and Donghyuck supported her weight.

“That was so stupid,” He spoke, his gaze fixed frontwards so she couldn’t see his face.

Jiwoo winced at the edge in his tone. “I know, I’m sorry I freaked you out-”

“No, Jiwoo. You should be sorry for putting yourself at risk like that,” He snapped. “You never take care of yourself.”

“Work is more important,” she argued quietly. “We’ve been planning and practicing this for weeks, no way was I gonna ruin it.”

“It’s not just about that,” He sighed, the sharpness in his tone subsiding. “You’ve always done this, even as a trainee. You put everyone and everything above yourself, and it scares me.”

Jiwoo’s eyes widened slightly before she looked down, memories of trying to support her very hectic and poor household in New York resurfacing in her mind. “I know...it’s a really bad habit that I’m used to.”

Donghyuck stopped and ruffled her hair, facing her with a more calm expression. “Just please promise me you won’t do this again.”

“I promise I’ll try my best.”

“Hurry up, you two!” Kayo yelled from the area where the table of food was. “Or Yunhee is gonna eat all the dumplings!”

Jiwoo and Donghyuck exchanged a fond look before hobbling towards everyone. “Okay, okay! Save us some!”

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hunbomb · 5 years ago

Text

finally | lee jeno

word count: 1.9k

genre/warnings: fluff, a bit of angst, reader is a bit younger than jeno (three years) !!! just for literary purposes!!!!!!!! also this isnt proofread rofl

authors note: wait,,, y’all hear sumn??? me posting for the first time in three years???? lmfaooo yes im back guys but probs not consistently,,,, oop. since i don’t have school for three weeks i might as well just write?? lmao idk i haven’t written in so long but anyway im still on my nct shit so why not write for my boi jeno? who is STILL the loml? also this is like fully my first non-bulleted scenario hahaha. this is HEAVILY inspired by a fic on deviantart for eren jaeger!

summary: as your 18th birthday is coming up, you realize there is no better time to confess your long-held feelings for a certain someone.

“You’re not 18 yet, it’s illegal, you know.” His expression was serious, contrasting the infamous eye smile usually seen on his perfectly sculpted face. Your lips tightened to a line in determination as you stared at him, eager to at least get some sort of response to your wild confession.

It was dumb, you realize. Going for your neighbour, who you’ve been in love with for as long as you could remember. At first, everyone (including you) just thought it was the type of crush that little girls have on like 20-year old celebrities. However, a three year age gap is really nothing compared to that, and you knew it wasn’t something small when you would see him take out the garbage for his family, or when he would play basketball on the streets with his friends. When he left for university three years ago, you heart crushed, your longtime dream seemed to be over. But he always comes back for the summer, and you realized this summer, there was a chance at anything happening between you two, so you went for it.

“We could be very careful! Plus, I’m turning eighteen this year!” You underlined with a strong gaze. You weren’t going to cry, hell no. Or, at least you weren’t planning on it, not unless you hear him say he doesn’t love you directly. And from what you remember, he hasn’t yet.

“That won’t work. Plus, all my friends know you’re younger than me we couldn’t even keep it some sort of secret, or something like that.” He shook his head, but you seemed to have perked up at what he said.

“Wait, you talk about me to your friends?” A smile was starting to find its way onto your face as you saw the boy before you get a little flustered. You’ve never met his friends, so how would they know who you are?

“Uh, no.” He seemed to have gotten a bit flustered at your statement, now unable to look you in the eyes, finding his shoes a bit more… fascinating. This indirect confirmation was enough to make you smile wider.

You laugh inwardly at his highschool-like-antics. His sudden nervousness bringing out some unknown confidence. “You know, you were the one who told me not to be scared to saying what I think.”

“I said it because I didn’t think you would confess to me.” He justified, making you take a deep breath of disappointment. Well, this was it. This was pretty much the end of everything. And as much as you’d like to never see his face again, Jeno was your neighbour, and it was the summer, so seeing him would be inevitable.

“So, is this a rejection?” Your voice came out smoothly, unlike the nerves taking over your insides. Jeno’s eyes narrowed briefly as he crossed his arms over his chest and watched your expression. He couldn’t tell you how cute you looked as you stood before him, or how your eyes sparkled and made the stars dull in comparison.

“I don’t know. Do you want it to be?” He questioned. Your eyes widened and you faced him, craning your neck upwards so fast a pop was almost heard. The disappointment you felt slowly disappearing as you looked up with bright eyes to your neighbour.

“No!”

"Then? You tell me what it is." His lips curled upwards and he would never know how much you'd wanted to kiss him back then. You took a breath, tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear and stared into his eyes, forming the proper sentence.

The proper sentence. Not too bold, but not too shy. Not too like you, but not too un-like you. Not too detached, but not too clingy. The perfect proper sentence.

“When I turn eighteen, I’ll come and confess to you again.” Not the most perfect sentence, but you were running on emotions, not logic right now. Words were flying off your tongue so fast you wouldn’t even dare to stop them. You looked to the side, trying to avoid his gaze, but your eyes betrayed you and flickered back to him. His expectant yet knowing smile widened, his eyes turning into small crescents. And that was all it took before you, once again, lost control over your words. “And you’ll tell me you love me too!” You almost choked on the words as they left your mouth, making Jeno’s smile turn into a chuckle.

“That’s pretty bold.” He stated, his eye smile shining like a pile of diamonds. Then his hand went through his hair, fingers going through his soft black hair as you dreamt of yours doing so may times.

“You do promise me you’ll say it, right?” Your gaze was penetrating and your lips were pulled back in anticipation. What you were expecting was a nod, or some sort of verbal confirmation. What you got, was neither of those two things.

Jeno’s lips curled up again, his eyes disappearing. “We’ll see.”

Once again, a breath of disappointment left your lips and you sighed in defeat. If he was this adamant on not telling you his answer, he might as well have said no already, instead of continuing to string you along. God, why was this man so annoying, yet so perfect at the same time?

“Promise me!” You partially whined, because of how he seemed to be avoiding everything His hand reached out to ruffle your hair but you pushed it away and stared up at him expectantly. What you wanted was a promise, and he knew he had to give you one, because that would probably be the only thing keeping him from chickening out at your next confession.

“Fine. I promise I will give you a definite answer next time. I’m not promising what the answer will be, however.” Despite Jeno thinking his words would upset you further, they didn’t (he suspected because you already knew he liked you, considering he hasn’t formally rejected you yet).

“Then expect me to be back soon!” You joked, grinning so widely it was like he told you he loved you instead.

Jeno nodded slowly, his chest erupting into butterflies at the fact that you returned the feelings he’s had for quite some time, as he watched you leave his house.

“You can come in, you know,” Jeno says as he steps to the side, letting you enter his house. You leaned on his staircase as he did the same against his wall, and although you were confident, there was still a small part of you hesitating. You'd practiced this enough times to know you'd memorized perfectly each and every word you wanted to say, but the mirror never once gave you an answer that could identify with the one Lee Jeno would give you in just a few seconds.

“I’m eighteen now…” You started. Your voice was steady and you tried to look as confident as you could. He stepped forward, coming off the wall and making his way towards you, stopping just in front, as close as he had stood exactly three months prior during your first confession. His gaze was firm as well, but there was something along the edges of his calm features that told you this time may not go as smoothly.

“I know.” He stated casually, not addressing any sort of implication behind those two words, leaving you to dry like a fish out of water.

“So I’m not underage anymore.” You added, crossing your arms in front of your chest as you kept an eye on the male to decided to play dumb, even though he knew exactly where the conversation was going. Jeno nodded thoughtfully and his head was tilted innocently to the side, but his eyes were carefully tracing your every feature and how it reacted to his words. He wanted to test how long you'd draw this out for, but that didn't really matter since the real test here regarded his own restraint and how long it would hold.

“One of the things that comes with it, yes.” He drew out with a smile, making you take a deep breath and stare determinedly at him. And for a moment, Jeno felt like he was back in his thirteen-year-old self babysitting you and your ten-year-old self asked for a snack. This time though, you were eighteen and he was twenty-one, and the snack you wanted was him.

“So--”

“So?” He cut you off, watching your expression gradually turn more and more impatient with every minute that passes by. He was just as desperate for you to get the point as you were, and he wanted to see you reach it.

Your features contorted in mild anger before you took hold of your feelings and calmed down a bit. Only a bit. Your eyebrows were furrowed and your mouth was pouting stubbornly. God, it was so adorable he couldn't help narrowing his eyes at you softly. You looked like such a kid yet at the same time had matured considerably over the years.

“So be with me!”

It left your mouth abruptly, reminding you of how you lost control over your words during your first confession. Jeno softly smiled in response. “That’s not what I promised.”

Your flustered face, and now downcast eyes were enough to remind him not to chicken out last minute. He stepped closer to you, the space between you both getting smaller and smaller. Big, warm hands engulfed yours and you lifted your face to see his. His eyes had transformed into small crescents once again as he stared longingly into yours.

“Before you think this is going where you may think it’s going, let me speak,” he stated, “when you were younger, I never really thought of you that way. You were six, and I was nine. You definitely weren’t in my thoughts at all.”

You grimaced at that.

“But, as time passed, and we grew up, you grew on me. Soon, I started to want to hang out with you, and I would make sure to play basketball when I knew you were back from school so you could see me as you were walking home.” He smiled sheepishly.

“At first I thought it was because I just liked your presence, but when I left for university, and saw your face, I fully registered that I was in love with you. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t come back every summer. You know I only come back for you, right?”

With that, your heart leaped out of your chest, like a firework ready to explode. A smile started to make its way onto your face as you stared at the boy you have loved for so long.

He loves you back.

He continued, “you made me wait a lot you know. It was hard for me to look at you and not kiss you. Especially after your first confession. God, you have no clue what you did to me.”

You leaned up and pressed your lips to his, sighing in satisfaction as he brought his hands to your face and kissed you back. When you pulled away, he brought your face back in and kissed you again, more passionately, trying to convey what he’s been feeling into the kiss.

“I love you so much,” he said between kisses.

“I love you too.”

Finally.

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1159

survey by -egocentricity-

Describe the last time you...

Went swimming: It was in Nasugbu with Angela, Sofie, and Gab nearly a couple of years ago. We wanted to go to a nearby beach before the semester started, so we planned the trip at the last minute and literally just right after we enrolled for our classes.

Went on a date: It was at BGC at this nice, romantic French restaurant. Then as we headed back to the car we spotted a jazz bar that had a live band performing, so we took a detour there to have drinks and nachos.

Were hurt by someone you love: My mom says a lot of hurtful things all the time I’ve stopped keeping track of them and letting them affect me too much, but I’m sure she’s done it recently.

Did something nice for yourself: I got myself a night lamp to improve the ambience in my room and make it feel even more homey. The lamp I had before it was just something I borrowed from my parents and it had white light, so it didn’t feel the most calming. The one I have right now emits this soft yellow shade that makes me feel infinitely more relaxed.

Did something nice for someone else: I ordered KFC at like 1 AM last Wednesday because I was feeling hungry and there was nothing at home that could meet my cravings, and aside from getting orders for my parents I also got a Zinger for my delivery driver as a way to thank him and lift his spirits for working that late into the night.

Were injured: I always sport some sort of scratch or gash somewhere on my body these days from playing with Cooper. This morning I got a new wound on one of my knuckles since he was pulling on his leash way too hard when I was walking him.

Went to the hospital: I had to take blood and urine tests last May to figure out what was wrong with me since I had been sick for a week by that point. That was also during the peak of the pandemic, so there was a lot of anxiety about me catching Covid. It turned out to be a UTI, and even though that technically sucks the whole family was relieved it wasn’t Covid.

Understood something that previously confused you: I had my dad explain to me how buying and bidding for houses works. Hahaha I am sooooo not equipped to be a fully-functioning adult.

Faked sick to get out of going to class: I don’t think I ever did this. If I had wanted to skip class, I just skipped it.

Hung out with your friends: I went to Perfy’s with 7 friends shortly before it shut down for good as a result of the pandemic. We had some beer and bar chow, and to be completely frank it felt quite nice to have that one night where things felt normal again, as ignorant as it was. We vaped until we were dizzy and some of them smoked too much that the smell ended up clinging to me and my clothes, but luckily I got home when my whole family was already in their rooms so no one was able to smell me.

Met someone new: There’s this girl who recently got onboarded to one of our client brands and we started working with her about a week or two ago. She’s honestly been a bit over the place, but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt because she’s fairly new at a particularly hectic time in her workplace. My first impression of her was that she gave such a strong UP vibe so I looked her up on Facebook, and it turns out we went to the same college and the same high school.

Did something that you were afraid to do: A couple of months ago I had a one-on-one video call organized by the CEO of my employer so that she could get to know me better. She was super nice and listened attentively to my answers to all her questions, but it was easy to tell she wanted to see what I could bring to the table and how well I could mesh with the team especially since I’ve never met her and everyone else in person, so I made sure my social game was maxed out for those 15 minutes haha.

Did something you promised you would never do: I vaped literally half an hour ago. I never expected to form a habit out of it especially after being vehemently against any form of smoking for most of my life. Not particularly proud of it but then again I’m here for a good time and not a long time lmao.

Regretted something: Lazada had this huge app-wide sale last week and their Hydro Flasks were like ₱600 cheaper, but I didn’t buy it because I was feeling stingy that day haha. Now the products are back to their normal price and they’ll probably never get to be that cheap again :( There’s another sale happening tomorrow but the discounts aren’t as big, but I’ll probably place an order this time.

Went shopping: I went to H&M last January to get Andi a late Christmas present. I asked Leigh what they would appreciate as a gift, and she told me they’d wanted to start experimenting with feminine clothes so I got them a nice black skirt and this really elegant dress (that I honestly wanted for myself). I heard they cried once they opened the paper bag, and making people cry with the gifts you get them will always be one of the best feelings ever haha.

Asked someone out/were asked out: Idk, it was 5 years ago and nothing I want to remember anymore.

Broke up with someone: I’ve never broken up with someone.

Had someone break up with you: It was terrible and the stuff of all my nightmares combined, and it happened in the middle of an already-shitty month to boot so I had little hope for myself to come out of it alive. I had everything planned and ironed out and all that was left was for me to leave.

It’s been 7 months and I’ve never felt emotionally and mentally better and healthier.

Were heartbroken: I follow this animal rescue NGO on Facebook and they regularly post about dogs who’ve lived through awful situations and need urgent care and forever homes to live in. Fortunately the page has a wide reach and regularly gets support, and I try to donate to their bank account as often as I can.

You were angry with someone: Haven’t directed my anger towards anyone in a while.

You felt "in love" with someone: It was during the time I was still reeling over the breakup and was caught in an endless loop of still being in love with them and forcing myself to finally detach.

You wanted something unrealistic: I was at the rooftop this morning and I could feel the temperature getting warmer every hour, and when I finally couldn’t tolerate the heat and was forced to go back indoors I felt super annoyed because all I want is to live somewhere with a chilly climate all-year round hahaha UGH

You made someone angry: It was when I spilled a tiny drop of soup onto the dining table and my mom had a complete meltdown about it. After 89457843957 years of her getting mad at First World Problems I wasn’t intimidated by her anymore, but it still irked me at how something so little can piss her off so I just decided not to speak a word for the rest of the night.

You made someone's day: I hope I made my delivery driver’s night when I got him his burger as a surprise. I hold so much respect and appreciation for them considering they’ve been working very hard to get people’s goods to their doorsteps in the midst of a global pandemic.

Tried something new: When I bought my lamp it was the first time I got something to decorate my room. I usually spend all my money on food, so that was a nice change to try out.

Tried your best: I always try my best at work and to make each day more improved than the last.

Didn't try at all: A couple of nights ago I asked my dad to light up my scented candle and he challenged me to try lighting up a matchstick by myself for once. I was all primed and ready to go, but backed out at the last second :(( I told him there was a big chance I could freak out, drop the lit matchstick. and set something in the dining room (where we were) on fire, and that’s when he gave up and just lit it up himself hahaha

Got nothing for your efforts: I’d gladly refer you to my big waste of a 6-year relationship.

Had a serious talk with someone: I always have deep conversations with Andi and they’ve been about various topics over the last few months.

Told someone how you really feel: It was when Bea scheduled a quick one-on-one catch-up call with me to check up on how I was doing with work and if I was doing okay with the everyday craziness of it all. But I didn’t say anything grave; I just told her I honestly like the work we do and that it’s nice that it keeps me excited everyday, so there’s little to complain about.

Hid what you felt from someone: One of my co-workers, Denise, is honestly a little challenging to work with. I always have to pick up after her and remind her of stuff we need to do together, and even Bea has let a few comments slide between us about how difficult she can be. But considering I’m a lot newer than her and we’ve never met each other I’ve stayed quiet for now.

Took something that didn't belong to you: I got the matchbox from my parents’ room to ask one of them to light up the aforementioned scented candle I have.

Borrowed something from someone: I borrowed one of my sister’s cords the other evening to charge my vape pen.

Lost a game: This was when my orgmates and I played a couple Jeopardy games over Zoom about a month ago and I lost to Robin.

Won a game: Not sure, I don’t really play a lot of games.

Told someone you love him/her: Jo, after she shared that she tested positive for Covid.

Went on vacation: It’s been a year and a half and the world has changed a lot since then, but my family and I went to Tagaytay and Cavite for a quick weekend getaway; it was Tagaytay on Saturday then we drove to another hotel in Cavite the next day. We played Heads Up, ate Jelly Belly jellybeans, had a lot of nice food, took some walks, but then I also had to work on a Powerpoint in between because I had a presentation that was due that Monday lol.

Went on a roadtrip: Last January we drove to Tagaytay (again) for my dad’s 50th birthday. Before heading to our accommodation we had brunch at La Creperie where we happened to be seated beside Larry Gadon – bleck – and his wife. Then we headed to the condo unit where we stayed the night at, ordered a samgyupsal set, and I watched GMM’s Let’s Talk About That into the night until I fell asleep.

Flew on a plane: That would be over two years ago and it was during our vacation to Bicol. That also marks the last time I ever spoke a word to my brother, because on our way home my family got into a heated argument and he ended up slapping me in the face. I don’t tolerate physical acts of violence, and especially not from someone younger than me, so I was more than glad to cut ties with him moving forward.

Were annoyed with a family member: My mom is politically incorrect 24/7, and it grinds my gears 24/7.

Took something too far: Idk, maybe cutting off ties with Gab. A part of me wanted to reconnect at some point, once I’ve healed; but I’ve reached a point in my life where that doesn’t seem so necessary anymore. Life just works funnily sometimes, I guess. I haven’t completely cut her off; we’re still mutuals on Twitter (though she also never uses it so it barely counts), and also still Facebook friends (though I’ve unfollowed her and I’ve also blacklisted her from seeing my posts – thank god for that feature), so now it’s really just a matter of pressing some buttons and finally disconnecting for good.

Gave up too soon: I wanted to learn riding a bike during the early days of the pandemic last year, but I gave up after like two days of being unsuccessful.

Listened to a band you had not heard before: I started exploring some of BTS’ music earlier this week after weeks of just knowing Dynamite.

Judged someone: Some of the bloggers that I regularly correspond with for work, and who’ve recently added me on Facebook, have opinions I don’t necessarily agree with.

Asked a "stupid question": I ask a lot of newbie questions at work that maybe some people would consider dumb, but I’d rather get answers to do my work correctly than take guesses and end up doing the wrong thing.

Got "a stupid answer": Not sure.

Took a picture of something/someone: I recently took a photo of my work desk setup so I could show off my new pretty lamp, hahaha.

Told a lie: I told my mom my Hydro Flask is still with Angela and that I should be getting it soon, but I really lost it a few years ago and would have to buy a new one.

Told the truth: Idk I tell the truth all the time.

#survey #surveys

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inknose · 4 years ago

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mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

#mdzs readthru #this obviously has many spoilers

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sireneia · 5 years ago

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@knightlydumbass sent: 🎰I THINK I HAVE BARELY ENOUGH MUSES FOR THIS... // rng ships / interactions. honestly i don’t know why i pretend like i haven’t been writing all these as platonic first

for complete transparency, for this one i rigged them on ur part just to showcase all your muses but i still randomized mine akhskhgr i also randomized mine after i wrote your muses’ names down so as to avoid just picking pairs i’d like to talk about

1. Reyson & Rowan

You know, the nice thing about Rowan is while I theoretically can put him in Heroes verse to interact with anyone, I can also just as easily literally throw him into any FE world without much of any explanation either or vice versa LMAO so I could have Rowan visit Tellius or maybe Reyson can chill in the unfortunate rubble that is Aytolis

Rowan, though he now has an interest in other realms, has little to no idea about what Tellius is and so would be surprised to know of a world where there’s all these shapeshifting animals! While Rowan has issues with people who are royalty but can’t fight due to his own issues with his father, I think he’d easily be able to look past it with Reyson considering how much Reyson himself wishes he could participate and fight. Rowan could see that anger! That determination! That’s what matters more to Rowan than actual physical capability -- the drive to fight, and while maybe Reyson might not be too fond of Rowan, Rowan could easily be swayed into vibing well with him.

The power of the herons’ singing and their ability to purify the soul would be of particular interest to him though. It might actually get Rowan to dial himself down since it’d probably make him wonder if Reyson had been there with him during his own adventure, if Reyson could’ve potentially saved Rowan’s own friend from possession. He wouldn’t ask to turn back time or anything, but I think Reyson might be one of the only characters in FE with the potential to make Rowan more contemplative and even mournful to an extent.

2. Sara & Raigh

hahaha so. Raigh canonically is strangely okay with girls with long purplish-silver hair that happen to Know Everything About You so he’d probably be alright with Sara, though he might struggle with the idea of seeing himself as an equal to her with the fact she can read as childish at times with how she works to her own whims as opposed to others. That could lead to him being exasperated but he still wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone either.

If he sees her as overly childish, then that opens up him to be even more willing to be kind on her considering how he can’t bring himself to be anything but kind to those he sees as troubled children. Beyond that though, I think Raigh would be interested in her bloodline which could get to a no-go territory, but still! She may be a healer, but she’s associated with the darkness! It’s notable darkness even! Raigh at his heart is also a researcher and would love to know more about any darkness he can. He has a reason to be interested in spending time with her from the get-go as a result.

3. Eldigan & Febail

Hm, this becomes an interesting question of how much does Eldigan know first and foremost. Edain is childhood friends with Sigurd, so would Eldigan know her well by extension and thus maybe know of Brigid even if not her present self? Would Eldigan recognize Yewfelle ( i don’t like assuming everyone knows what the holy weapons look like in-game considering how clueless patty and febail seemed at balmung and yewfelle but i think it’s probably reasonable to assume a majorblood would know akhshgr ) and not even need to know Brigid at all to understand what Febail is? Or would Febail just seem like another companion of Ares that Eldigan would be meeting in Askr?

If they meet with no information at all, I think Febail would more than anything read to Eldigan as a really bad example of the common people getting screwed over by those that rule over them; here’s someone who had to resort to a job he probably shouldn’t have had to because there was basically no way to financially support a bunch of the future generation of Jugdral suddenly with the Empire’s executions. It’s not the kind of Jugdral Eldigan would’ve wanted, and I don’t know if his ideal heart would like to hear Febail’s story consequently.

If Eldigan has an idea though, I think he could be a source of helping Febail at least... somewhat prepare for his future and what being a duke would entail. Febail at no time really understands in-game what he’s getting himself into, even when he’s told he’s Brigid’s son, and so Eldigan might be the wake-up call he needs.

Regardless of the previous two ifs, there’s always the potential of Febail giving yet another viewpoint on what Ares has been doing and what he’s like, though of course he’s a lot less helpful of a source than Lene would be lmao

4. Ares & Dew

I have all these Jugdrali muses who live in / are relevant during the time period Ares is and yet RNG chooses Dew, huh. The One (1) that isn’t. Close with an FE4 muse yet so far ok.jpeg

With the interaction we had with Eldigan and Dew already, I think the idea of Ares having inherited alongside Mystletainn the sword Dew gave Eldigan and Dew recognizing it could be wild hahaha especially if it’s like. Wow. This Sword Either Went Entirely Unused Or You Took Really Good Care Of It, Huh considering I doubt Eldigan would’ve done anything with it. //:

There’s also the potential of Dew being alive in Gen 2 and them meeting quite literally that way, though ofc they can just meet up in Heroes verse with Dew being a ghost like all the other gen 1 units. This is basically a role-reversal of the Eldigan and Febail pitch I had where now Dew is able to tell Ares more about the time period where his father was living, maybe clear up some unanswered questions, but from the perspective of someone who is a bit more detached than, say, Lachesis or Sigurd who would have their biases or might be troubling in their own ways to approach due to heavier consequences should the conversation go wrong. But with Dew, those consequences don’t exist. After all, who cares much about a thief from Verdane and upsetting him?

There’s also the strange barely mentioned ties between Verdane and Agustria post-game that could make a conversation between them based upon the countries they belong to in a way, or I guess if we really wanted to go there, there’s always the fact that Dew is one of Aunt Lachy’s predestineds. God, wild uncle possibilities for Ares going from Beo to Dew to the only reasonable man of Naoise.

5. Yuri & Clive

I still know next to nothing about the Ashen Wolves but from what information I’ve been given (whether it be canon or just people feeding me hcs in a way that seemed like canon to me), I’m not so sure I think these two would be on very good terms. It sounds like to me Yuri might have an issue with Clive as a knight based on Yuri’s own experiences and ideals, but I also cannot get a good read on Yuri at all with how some people say him and also you telling me he’s not very receptive to Crimson Flower as a route, throwing me a big curveball in my attempt to understand his motivations or principles LMAO

I think Clive’s always an interesting comparison point for a lot of FE characters with his views on duty, class systems, merit and what people ought to be recognized, affection, etc. and it sounds to me like Yuri has strong opinions himself! Even if i don’t know them

Maybe Clive’s thoughts on accepting those shunned by his peers because they too might have the potential to shine could be received well but all the other parts aren’t. Who Knows. I don’t know why I tried talking my way through this when I know absolute jack maskhgr i am So Sorry

#// i can't believe i have not one but two muses who would not be creeped out by sara's all-seeing ways LMAO #knightlydumbass #+. / ooc.#+. / inbox.#long post ---

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crimsonxrogue · 5 years ago

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( Casey Deidrick, 31, cismale, he/him ) Did anyone else just see BLAKE FAUST ? I hear for the FAUST family they can be a bit VOLATILE & DETACHED. But I also heard they can be LOYAL & CHARMING. If you dare I hear they frequent THE DEN in their spare time when they aren’t being a CRIMSON. Tread carefully or else you might be next on their list !

Hey hey people! I’m Claire (she/her, GMT+1), returning to the group just to bring you this mess of a human being, so if anyone wants to plot with him - feel free to drop a like and I’ll pop into your DMs or you just pop straight into mine!

BASIC STATS

➤ NAME: Blake Nathaniel Faust ➤ AGE: 31 ➤ DOB: June 3rd ➤ BORN: Chicago, Ilinois ➤ HEIGHT: 6′5′’ ➤ SIBLINGS: brother (missing) ➤ MBTI: ESTP-T ➤ ORIENTATION: bisexual ➤ OCCUPATION: crimson, car thief/dealer (car tuning) ➤ EDUCATION: physics B.S., M.D. ➤ TATTOOS: intricate tattoo that covers most of his back, with various imagery intertwined such as thorny roses, serpents, wings etc. with the quote ‘death before dishonor’ flanked by the imagery (it can be seen just a little above his collar because it stretches to his neck), on his chest there’s one that is meant to imitate scratch marks from a large animal ➤ SCARS: a lot of smaller silvery scars that are the result of shrapnel from the IED that got him discharged, an old bullet wound just below his collarbone, a few old scars from wounds imparted by knives, small burn marks on his stomach from a cattle prod ➤ AESTHETICS: bloodied knuckles and the cracked, worn leather of an old punching bag, smell of fire and gasoline, sharp lines of an old muscle car, features hidden beneath a motorcycle helmet, dark leather and a lingering scent of cigarettes, old, worn military boots, glimpses of the tattoo snaking up his neck, the silvery glint of rings, a dark solitary figure in an empty church, a beat up zippo and the scent of blood, notes scattered across a worn napkin, never to be played again, black Stratocaster in the corner of a bare room, knives and sniper rifles, a crumpled box of Marlboros, sly smirks and black shirts, music playing over the roar of a V8, the soft green hue of a home brimming with plants, a raven sitting on top of a Mustang, garage full of shiny cars caught in the middle of creation, knuckles never quite healed ➤ VICES: tobacco, alcohol, sex, drugs (preferably morphine), fighting ➤ PETS: yes, a dog of unknown origin with grey-coloured fur and pale eyes called Ace, so Blake’s best guess is that there’s some husky in him, a raven that refuses to leave called Muninn, a few cats that are not really permanent residents they just come and go because he probably rescued and fed them at some point

QUICK RUNDOWN:

Listen, this shit got long so here’s a quick rundown of Blake so you don’t have to waste time unless you want to hahaha

Faust Cousin, has been involved/aware of the gang since forever.

His father was killed when Blake was 14 and it was he who found him dead and couldn’t save his life. Which is partly why he eventually went to medical school.

He focused heavily on the gang and developing his skills and dealing with anger/guilt through his teenage years, also with a mom that was kind of withering away with his father gone.

When he was 18 his brother disappeared, mom kinda went off the rails, Blake got into a car crash.

He dealt with his issues by focusing on the gang and school but also racing and fighting in the Den and shit like that. Like he was good at what he did and he could separate work vs. private life but tbh work and the gang was all he had and he was a kid with issues making bad/dangerous decisions.

Eventually joined the army as a marine corpsman because he wanted to do his job as an MD, but didn’t want to do it within the corrupt system. And also because his dad served a stint in the army and he thought discipline might do him some good to regain full control again.

Fell in love, guy died during an IED explosion, Blake spent like 45 minutes doing CPR until they dragged him away. He’s got issues from that.

Got an honorable discharge and came back to Chicago to focus once again on the Fausts cause that’s his lifeline and he doesn’t know what he would do without them.

Eventually opened up an illegal car shop for like specific customization and tuning because working on projects calms him, and he likes cars and it seemed like a good thing to waste his time on.

Still races, still fights, but he’s using that stuff as an outlet to keep himself under control. Still can’t figure out who killed his father, and why his brother is gone so he’s got issues with that.

Also takes care of Nick’s (that friend he fell in love with) wife and kid cause he promised that to him once. Visits his mom regularly in the home where she’s situated. 90% of the time if you can’t find him anywhere - he’s in The Den.

HISTORY

Born in Chicago into the Faust family, younger of the two sons of Jacob Faust and cousin to the Faust siblings - he was nudged into the game early on, and never really doubted the gang’s vital role in his future life or his desire to be a part of it, despite his mother’s concerns.

His father was killed when Blake was 14 and it was Blake who found him brutally beaten and bleeding from a gunshot wound, minutes before his mother walked in (despite his best effort to keep her from seeing the scene). He tried to keep him alive while the ambulance arrived, but failed - something he’s never forgiven himself for. Despite being surrounded by family, Blake would from then on find that he was missing a key piece in his life - the father figure, his mentor.

It would change him profoundly and derail his life in some key ways - he would never forgive himself for the fight he had with his father just hours before, for not being there, for not doing enough, and for the never-ending search to find out just who did that to his father, and why.

His mother, in the years to follow would start to whither away, like a flower kept a bit too long out of the daylight. It was an irreparable downward spiral that Blake couldn’t stop, which left him feeling inadequate and with a sense that he would just never be enough. These days she’s nearly catatonic, lost in her stupor of grief and medicine that was supposed to help but lost its effect years ago, spending her days in a home.

His teenage years were spent focused on the gang and honing his skills, the sole source of catharsis for him as he tried to work through his anger and guilt. He decided to go the pre-med route, and though it might have sounded shocking, it stemmed from some decision he made long ago as he watched his father die, useless in that scenario. He never wanted to feel that powerless and lost again.

He was 18 when his older brother disappeared - leaving behind only another set of questions that Blake was supposed to answer. It was the week their mother finally lost it, the week Blake wrapped his shiny black BMW around a tree, the week Blake considered the lowest point in his life. He doesn’t like to remember this part of his life, though the nightmares still plague him, just like the ones about his father.

A medical degree in hand, he could not see himself working in the system - it seemed at odds with what his real life entailed, and Blake always worked better under pressure, untethered by the rules and protocols. In other words - in combat. He joined the army on a whim - because his father had done this when he was young, because it felt like he was losing touch, the vices, the anger, the recklessness eating away at him, because it was a way for that hands-on approach to his job that he wanted so badly. And because he was good with a gun.

But there was heartbreak there too - even if it saved him from himself, it left him wounded in different ways. He fell in love with a comrade - a forbidden, impossible feeling that would fester over time and culminate in Nick’s death. The refusal of them both to shoot at children would end in an IED explosion even as their commander screamed at them both, and Nick would take the brunt of the blast, leaving Blake wounded but capable enough of preforming CPR for far too long, until he had to be forcefully dragged away from Nick’s body.

He would be honorably discharged after that, and returned home. Different. Changed. For better or worse is a question that still hangs unanswered.

He would immerse himself into the gang once again - feeling like that is the only thing that matters these days, using it as a lifeline while he tries to figure out how to not feel so empty. It’s all he’s good at after all, right?

HEADCANONS:

Since his mother was placed in a home years ago, Blake makes sure she’s given all the best care, and visits her every Wednesday and Saturday like clockwork, with her favourite flowers in hand, new painting supplies and whatever book he’s reading to her that month. It hurts him to see her so indifferent, so empty where once she was full of life, but he still visits without mistake out of some misplaced hope, and a sense of love and loyalty.

While it was his father who taught him how to fight and handle his knives, it was actually his mother who taught him all she knew about firearms. She actually used to be one of the Crimsons, just like Blake is these days.

While they were overseas, Nick actually made Blake promise to take care of Nick’s wife and kid if anything ever happened to him. Despite Blake’s feelings for Nick and his awareness that nothing could ever come of those feelings - he agreed to it, and never doubted his determination to keep up that promise. He makes sure they are well taken care of, and tries to keep them both from the more gritty aspects of this city - to give them a chance at a normal life.

Considering his current refusal to work in his actual field, Blake has taken something he loved since childhood and turned it into a profitable hobby, on the side when there’s no assignments. He used his connections to tap into the underground world of cars, and what was once him tinkering with cars until he got bored and sold them, now turned into him buying cars off the black market and customizing them until they’re exotic enough to attract customers, or perfected enough to fit what the client has ordered. He doesn’t really have to do this, he just likes to do it. There’s something methodical and predictable about the engines and the bits and pieces that calms his mind whenever he needs to think, or has a sleepless night. Plus, he just likes cars.

Which means he also likes street racing. It’s something he picked up early on, and hasn’t given up ever since. He just likes the feeling of his hand on the gearshift and his foot on the gas pedal, and the thrill and danger of it all. Sometimes, it’s even better if motorcycles are involved, though he spends most of his time behind the wheel of a car.

Has a thing for collecting stray animals. It started when he was a kid, his mother had allowed it and taught him how to take care of them if they were wounded, and he just never grew out of it. Ace and Muninn have taken up permanent residence in his house, but there’s other animals that sort of come and go.

He’s got an old silver zippo with engravings from the army such as “As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil for I am the evilest son of a bitch.“ and dates and initials of his fallen comrades. He loves that beat up piece of trash though, and you’ll never see him without it.

His absolute favourite car in his collection is an old-timer, and not just any old-timer, but a raven black ‘69 Boss 428 Mustang. That thing was expensive as hell and really hard to find, but Blake wanted it in mint condition and takes care of that thing like his life depends on it. Sure he’ll push it to its limits, but otherwise he takes better care of that stupid car than himself.

He loves music - it’s his outlet. You can sometimes see him jotting down notes on a napkin when he’s sitting in a diner at 4AM - it calms him to write these things down, helps get the music out of his head. When he can’t sleep, he’ll play his Stratocaster until he’s able to pass out, even if just for a few hours.

Probably the weirdest quirk of his, is his penchant for faith. His mother was religious, and she sort of instilled that in him at a young age. He must have lost his faith a thousand times over the years, but he always ends up coming back. No doubt in his mind God doesn’t want anything to do with his messed-up ass, but he likes this concept that there’s something out there, even if it’s not for him. Then at least for the good people in his live that he loves. It sort of brings him peace, and if he can’t be found at his usual joints around town - he’s no doubt sitting in a dark, empty church, head bowed down, seeking solace. He’s never going to admit it though, unless you catch him in the act.

Also plants, his house is filled with those? Idk, he’s so bad at taking care of himself and is probably in a complete organ failure, but the plats and the animals - they’re thriving like he’s been studying vet medicine and botany all his life. Really his entire house paints a very different picture of him than his style does - there’s skylights and windows, glass walls looking into the small garden that sits in the middle, wood and green and knick-knacks everywhere.

You are most likely to find him in The Den, though he visits all the other usual joints too. His knuckles are always beat up, to some degree. He loves fighting, just for the sake of another hit of adrenaline, and because it makes him feel somewhat alive. When he’s not doing that, he’s probably taking his frustrations out on an old, worn-out punching bag he’s had since forever, or jogging around the city at strange hours of the night.

PERSONALITY:

+ loyal, intelligent, charming, cool-headed, meticulous - volatile, vindictive, detached, callous, angry

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

The Friends - Someone please put up with him? He can be funny, sometimes. In a dry, dark sort of way. Like someone has to be there to explain to him breakfast isn’t cereals in a bowl of vodka. I mean he’ll probably sarcasm his way out of it, but at least someone tried… I’m kidding he’s not that bad - it’s just that it takes time to reach him unless you’ve known him for some time, then he’s just loyal to the bone and you can actually reach him from time to time. This can be both new and old, spanning from a few months all the way back to his childhood tbh.

The Exes - And by exes I mean hookups, or real exes who got sick of him being a mess, or they were too much of a mess together, or someone ill-informed tried to save this jackass from himself. Anything works honestly, it can be angsty or a tragicomedy, I’m there for it all, I want to hurt him real bad.

The Friend’s Wife - She’s the wife of his brother-in-arms and army best friend that died during an explosion. I think their relationship was shaky at first, considering Blake’s feelings for her husband - but Blake can see why Nick loved her so much. Blake once promised Nick that if anything ever happened to him, Blake would take care of her and the kid, and he’s not big on breaking promises. He’ll probably care for them until the day he dies, whether or not she likes it. He adores the kid though, revels at her innocence and the way she’s delighted at everything, she also represents the only memory he has of Nick. None of this is set in stone though, we can always discuss the details!

The one he hates - This will sound ridiculous, but it’s someone he’s been involved with at some point in his life (leaving this flexible) They butted heads a lot, hated each other even, but I feel like they also got addicted to each other because at least it made Blake feel something, even if it was irritation. They are far too similar for their own good, and they feed off each other’s troubles. It’s a bit selfish on both sides, and definitely unhealthy, but I’m super interested in exploring that because lbr Blake can’t make a good decision for the life of him. This could be either old or fresh, angsty/tragic I’m up for anything, and we can develop/discuss it further!!

Also everything else - someone to race with, maybe a client, ex-comrades from he army (I would love those!!), someone from med school etc. etc. If you’ve got an idea or want to discuss any of the above, feel free to shoot me a message! I’m super duper excited about plotting with him and I’m always here to explain if anything up there was unclear, don’t be afraid to reach out!

I will add more when I come up with stuff that’s better than whatever this is hahaha

#crimson.intro #tw: automobile crash

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mokkoriness · 5 years ago

Text

ROCK AND READ BAND 003 A9 Interview

Something will awaken in these "beautiful beasts"?! Let's take another look at A9's origins before their 15th year anniversary!

There will be an "important announcement" 10 days after this magazine is released, on August 10 at Hibiya Open-Air Concert Hall. As we look forward to the live show, let's take a look at their 15-year history. The members were frank and open about everything, such as unknown backstories that some members learned about for the first time from before the band formed, discord during the period they were classified as neo Visual-kei, and setbacks at their International Forum Hall A show, which became a turning point for them. That they can be so honest here is surely because they are in a better place now.

A9, who are celebrating their 15th year anniversary this year, first released the 15TH ANNIVERSARY BEST ALBUMS "Kachou no Chou" and "Fuugetsu no Shi", re-recordings of songs chosen by the members, on April 24th. This was something that was kind of expected. The issue is then what came after that.

Show: Yes (laughs). Many things.

Yes. On the first day on the tour on May 4th, you made some very interesting announcements. The tour that you are currently on now (interview took place in mid-June) in conjunction with those albums, "BEST OF A9 TOUR ALIVERSARY" had "A9 LAST ONE MAN TOUR" added to the tour title. Also, the tour final, which will take place on August 10th at Hibiya Open-Air Concert Hall, "BEST OF A9 TOUR ALIVERSARY FINAL A9 15TH ANNIVERSARY" also had "A9 LAST ONEMAN" added to the title. On this day, the band will make an "important announcement". On top of that, the live at Hibiya will be your last one man live, but it was announced that at the A9 festival live, "Beautiful Beast Fest.", to take place afterwards on August 24th, for some reason, even though it's A9's festival live, they will be the opening act. Although you are welcoming your 15th year anniversary, we don't know if A9 is in a celebratory mood or not (laughs). Today, while asking about a general outline of these last 15 years, I would also like to ask about the true meaning of these interesting announcements.

All: Sure.

In what aspects do you feel that this is your 15th anniversary year?

Nao: That my stiff shoulders won't go away. I'm joking (laughs). It would be that just looking at the number of songs we have, we have over 100 songs! Personally, it doesn't feel like we have that many songs. But we already have over 100 songs. That's amazing.

Show: We have about 120 songs.

Nao: The fact that the number of songs we have are in the triple digits actually makes it feel like we have been doing this for 15 years. Though saying we have been doing this for 15 years, we have always been doing this, so I don't actually feel the gravity of that. But taking the time to think about it, 15 years is quite some time. It's very long.

It's the length of time it would take for a newborn baby to reach third year in middle school. 15 years.

Nao: That's right. When fans tell me "I first started listening to you when I was in elementary school", it makes me think "Are you serious?!". When I think that those fans who were elementary school students back then are now adults and are full-fledged members of society, it really is a long period of time. It makes me actually feel just how long 15 years is.

Saga: I don't really get that feeling if you tell me a newborn baby would be in third year in middle school, but if I were to compare that length of time to a prison sentence, I do think "That's real long" (laughs).

It was just an example, but still (laughs).

Saga: Mine was a bad example, but putting it in terms of prison sentences makes it feel long.

Tora: That's true!

Saga: Just try imagining "A9 in prison for 15 years". It would make you think that we weren't able to be out in the free world for quite a long time.

Tora: Gahahaha.

On the other side of the fence.

Saga: Right. Don't bands have an element that is detached from the real world, by nature? Although I do think we have to match our feeling to society, when you've been in a band this long, this feeling starts to disalign with that of society, and become different. Lately I've been getting this feeling that when you're not in the free world and on the other side of the fence for 15 years, "Even if we were to go out into the free world now, it would be impossible to live a normal life". I feel that I can no longer live a normal life. In our 15th year anniversary, I get this kind of feeling that even from now on, I'll be living like a lifetime gambler.

Tora: I might not even feel that we are in our 15th year at all. Because our band has had more events than I thought it would.

What do you mean by events?

Tora: We left our management company, and there were many other troubles and accidents (laughs).

And in actuality, you yourself had a big accident (emergency operation due to myocardial infarction) last year.

Tora: Since there were many things that happened, I feel like we were able to do this for 15 years without getting bored.

Hiroto: For me, I feel it at those moments when I get dejavu. Actually having experienced the moment in the past, recently, there's been plenty of times where I was like "I've felt this feeling in this situation before". I get that feeling when I'm with the members, and I've been getting it quite a lot at lives too. Right now, we're on tour for the best of album, and there have been many times where I felt "I don't quite remember it clearly since it was such a long time ago, but I've felt this feeling before". That is where I actually feel that we are in our 15th year.

Show: You might feel that quite a lot recently since we were on tour for "Kachou no Chou", the best of album that covers our early years. Now, we've started touring for "Fuugetsu no Shi", the best of album that covers our years as "Alice Nine". For each tour, we travelled across half of Japan. As for the way we built the setlist for the tours, we say that this particular block is for "Alpha1", and this block is for "VANDALIZE2", and we play 3 - 4 songs from the albums without any talk breaks in between. What I think when we do that kind of tour is...... Hehehe, the ladies in front of us go back to being "young girls". That is what I feel, looking out from the stage. "VANDALIZE" is the last album we released under KING RECORDS, and that was already 10 years ago. When we play songs from "VANDALIZE", those 25-year old ladies go back to being 15 years old. Although we probably can't compare ourselves to the "magic" that happens with bands such as BUCK-TICK, even for bands with a history such as ours, that kind of magic happens too. I really do feel that music transcends time.

In that way, it was a really good thing to have made these best of albums.

Show: That's right. The best of album itself was a project which started without any motivations like "If we released this, then our old fans will come back".

If I remember correctly, the best of albums were made with the goal of the current version of yourselves facing your older songs and drawing out the good qualities of the songs to complete them.

Show: That's right. But when we did that, many fans who we've not seen in a while came to see our live shows. I think that as a project, it was a good that we did that. Re-arranging over 20 songs at once, half-way through it seemed like Saga was going to work himself to death, and I did wonder if he would be okay. Honestly, I was worried about whether or not we would produce the results that corresponded to the efforts put into it, but we are currently on tour feeling that it was a good that we did this, so I'm relieved. Looking at the fans' faces during the live show and thinking that music really does transcend time, through the setlist that is packed with several albums of songs, I feel twice the weight of 15 years.

So, could you please tell us once again the details of how A9 was formed 15 years ago?

Show: If we were to give a proper explanation--

Saga: It's a band formed with members with really bad reputations.

Nao: (Looking at Saga) You didn't have a bad reputation, though?

Saga: Yeah, I didn't.

Nao: Neither did I.

Show & Saga: You did, you did!

Nao: What?! I'm sure I didn't~ (laughs).

Show: To be completely honest, Hiroto, Nao, and myself were invited to be in another band. When I asked Nao "So, are we gonna be in this band?", he was like "Nope, not me".

Nao: Gahahahaha. You're making me out to be the bad guy (laughs).

Show: Before that, Saga and Nao--

Nao: That was at Rokumeikan3, right?

Saga: Right.

Nao: I barged into the place and suddenly said to Saga "Be in my band", and exchanged contact info with him.

Saga: Even though I was still in another band.

Nao: At the time, I thought my life was in a dangerous spot, so I had no time to care about others around me.

Since your band had already disbanded at the time, you were desperate.

Nao: Yes. It was just at the time where the internet was getting more widespread, and after looking at many bands on the internet, I thought "Him. He's good".

Saga: So I was chosen in the same way people choose prostitutes from a webpage (laughs). By Nao.

Show: That's an awful analogy (laughs).

Nao: So when I saw him play live at Rokumeikan, he was exactly as I thought he would be like, so I spared no time to go and convince him to start a band with me.

Show & Hiroto & Tora: Ahh~.

Show: Even though we've been together for 15 years, it's my first time hearing about it in such detail.

Nao: I was in a really dangerous spot back then.

Saga: It was unheard of. He tried to headhunt me even though the other band members were standing right in front of us.

Nao: Hahaha. That is crazy.

Saga: It was that bravery of Nao, who had tried to headhunt me in that situation, that won me over.

Show: Amazing!!

Hiroto: That is amazing.

Saga: It left a strong impression on me.

Show: That's a nice story. It really is my first time hearing that he charged into Rokumeikan.

Hiroto: I've only heard the story from the point in time when these two (Nao and Saga) were together and other other two (Show and Tora) were together. So this is my first time hearing this.

Despite it being your 15th year, you finally discovered the truth!

Hiroto: That's right.

Saga: But I had my own circumstances, and it had only been about half a year since I joined that band. So when Nao came upon me at that time, I said "It's definitely too early to quit". On top of that, I had been added to the band after they formed, so I kept thinking over it quite a lot. I mean, what kind of person would it make me, to quit at that time? But under the pressure of Nao's energy, I thought about joining his band.

Nao: Umm, you might have forgotten, but at that time, Saga had said to me, "I'm in the process of joining another band, and we already have the members finalized".

Saga: Huh? Really? I was invited to join quite a lot of bands.

Nao: That's right.

You were really popular.

Saga: Yes. I was at peak popularity. As a bassist, I'm just right.

Show: Ever since back then, Saga was a bassist that could make a band not doing so well have a "big break", simply because "the bassist is good-looking".

Amazing!!

Hiroto: What do you mean "just right"? You stood out like no one's business. When you looked at the flyers, all you could look at was him. And that "him" was Saga.

Saga: It certainly is true that I was popular among band members. Even though I'm not that social.

You received invitations from everywhere to join their band.

Saga: Right. But even among all that, Nao had left an especially strong impression on me, like "This guy is crazy".

Nao: So with the band Saga was invited to join, the members actually were in the middle of joining a management company.

Saga: That's right.

Show: Were you at the stage where they would treat you to BBQ meat from Jojoen4?

Saga: Right, that's right! I ate BBQ meat and they treated me well. At that time, I had already pulled Nao into this new band.

Nao: And so I was also treated to BBQ meat from Jojoen.

Hiroto: How cunning of him (laughs).

Nao: Yeah! Gahahaha!

Saga: At that time, Show & Tora had contacted Nao about starting a new band.

Show: That's right. I called Nao at about 10 in the morning. What I remember Nao saying to me at the time was just this one phrase: "I'm strict, you know?".

Nao: Puhahahahaha!

Show: His enthusiasm was at another level. Even at that time, Nao said "We're already old men compared to the young kids, so we can't keep starting new bands. My next band will be my last band". It really felt like he was on the edge of a cliff.

Saga: Right. Hearing that about Nao, I also got infected with that feeling, and even I started to get this "Oh crap" feeling. There was no other way about it, and we thought we better make a decision. So we spoke openly to the management company that treated us to BBQ meat, right? If I remember correctly, Nao contacted them.

Nao: Right. When I told them, "To be honest, it's impossible to go in the same direction with these members and be serious about this, so we quit", they were really kind and listened to us, and said "It is what it is". Because of that, Saga and I were able to form a band with Show and Tora.

Hiroto: By the way, I received an invitation to join the band of the president of that company.

Show & Tora: Oh?

Hiroto: But this was after I had met the other four, so I was also honest and said, "There's another band that I want to be in", and they understood, and said to me "Do your best".

Show: Wow. So after myself, Tora, Nao, and Saga got together, the four of us made an assault on the disbandment live of Hiroto's band.

Saga: We sure did.

Hiroto: I think the live the four of you came to was before the disbandment live? Because the band that these two (Nao and Saga) were in also played at the disbandment live.

Nao: Really?

Hiroto: "Really?", he says (laughs).

Show: Even his own memories are getting fuzzy.

Nao: I don't remember.

Saga: Right! It was the band in the management company that treated us to BBQ meat. We were serious about the band, so we played live shows and put in the effort. But Nao was pissed off all the time. To the point I felt sorry for the other members.

Nao: Even though I joined the band later, I had the most complaints. It was after putting in the effort that I had spoke to the company about it being impossible to continue working with these members.

I see. Hearing these stories, it feels like it was Nao's passion and seriousness that led the way to the formation of A9.

Saga: I think it is correct to say that Nao's passion formed the band.

Show: When we joined PS Company, I had even said to the manager at the time "I don't want to stand out, so can you write on Wikipedia that the "Nao formed the band"?".

Really?

Show: Yes. I'm serious. The manager had said to me that being a vocalist is a huge mental strain, so I shouldn't be the leader. So I discussed it with Nao, and ever since joining the company, Nao had taken on the role of leader.

Hiroto & Saga: Oh~.

Nao: All I remember is that the company president said to me "NaoNao, you be the leader".

But to think that it was for the sake of reducing the mental strain on Show.

Nao: What about the mental strain on me (laughs)?

Well, now that you mention it (laughs).

Show: So until the band formed, Nao had been pressing forward and had a lot of enthusiasm, but right after we formed the band, Nao had kind of deflated.

Nao: Nahahahahaha.

Show: He wouldn't show up to rehearsals or would show up late. He did a complete 180 from his serious self.

Saga: There were even times when he didn't show up for interviews.

I can't even imagine it, seeing how he is today.

Show: I know, right? But he went through such times.

Tora: I even answered some interview questions for Nao.

Show: Yeah, you did.

Tora: I randomly wrote answers, like "Q: What is your ideal type of girl? A: Yumi Adachi".

Nao: Ahahahahahahaha!

Show: On top of that, when we were deciding on our band name, only Nao had already gone home. So we had no choice but to decide between the four of us at the restaurant.

Hiroto: It was at a fast-food restaurant. We wrote down band name ideas on the napkins and folded them so you couldn't see the name. Then we opened them one by one, and one of the names was "アリス九5".

Oh. By the way, what were the other potential band names?

Show: "ROSSO", "KORN", and "Ms. Anita".

Tora: Gahahahaha! I remember that.

Show: There were already bands called "ROSSO" and "KORN", and "Ms. Anita" was the name of a foreigner who was in the news headlines at the time, so the only band name that we could use was "アリス九".

Is that so? To go back a little bit, when the five of you got together, for you, Nao, did you get the feeling that this was something you could pour your soul into, as your last band?

Nao: I thought that with these members, we could do something, and I could bet my life on this. I thought it was something I could get serious about.

So what was the reason behind you wanting to join PS Company?

Show: From around our third live show, we suddenly got more people coming to see us. Nao was already a famous bandman, Saga was already famous and more people will show up with just him being in the band, and myself and Tora were also famous, in many ways (laughs). So in the 2 - 3 months after starting the band, one of Hiroto's acquaintances was handling all the calls. For tickets and such. But they said they couldn't sleep because their phone wouldn't stop ringing. So we were at the limit of doing things on our own.

Nao: There were also some livehouses you couldn't rent out if you weren't a corporation. We thought that we couldn't go beyond this, so we started talking about joining a management company.

Hiroto: So we thought if we were going to join a company now, it would be PS Company.

Show: With Nao's connections, we got ourselves a black and white page in SHOXX6 that introduced our band. the GazettE's manager at the time saw it and apparently talked about it in PS Company, like "These kids are going to make it big". So we handed a proposal that outlined the band and a demo tape to the underling of that manager.

So you kind of made presentation material for the band?

Show: That's right. About a month after that, the company president listened to it and contacted us. They apparently decided that if we came late, they wouldn't let us join. At the time, the president told us that because we showed up on time, we were able to join the company.

Hiroto: We went to go meet them at around 11 at night. All of us.

Show: The meeting ended at around 5 in the morning, and after that, we went to one of the member’s houses...... Now that we've come this far, we have to tell the truth (laughs). If we don't, it will be inconsistent.

Saga: To give the true story, we had actually played at a PS Company event once before meeting them. At the time, we were kind of dropping hints to them that we wanted to join the company. If I remember correctly, we also handed them some presentation material directly. At the time, they had told us "Now is not a good time".

Hiroto: Oh yeah! For about a month after that, we really didn't hear anything from them.

Saga: Just when we were about to give up, they contacted us.

Was that around the time when the GazettE had joined PS Company and they were going full steam ahead?

Hiroto: They were. It was also right after MIYAVI and Kagrra, made their major debut.

Saga: People have always said that we were a band that PS Company made. People around us often said to us things like "You're a band that PS Company made just by bringing together good-looking people, right?".

People did say that (laughs).

Saga: That's not the case at all.

Show: It's just as you have read in this interview.

Saga: It's a band that Nao had formed.

So where did the band concept of "blending of Japanese and Western style", which アリス九號. had at the time, come from?

Show: The management company had said to us "Come up with a catchphrase about what your band is about", so it's only just something that was added on.

Hiroto: At the time we joined PS Company, all the bands had a catchphrase that was kind of like a subtitle for them.

Show: It was a phrase added to our name because of the company rule.

Saga: Did we have that subtitle attached to our name?

Hiroto: No. We refused to have it. Right from the beginning, we never did what we were told.

Even though in PS Company, you look most like the honour students, but you actually weren't.

Hiroto: Yeah. We didn't add anything ourselves, because we were like "We can only come up with lame phrases!".

You refused to add a subtitle, but you listened to the company when they told you to put a period at the end of the band name.

Show: That was instructions given to us after the fengshui of the band's name was examined.

Hiroto: As we joined PS Company, they said to us "The number of strokes in your band name isn't good. There's one stroke missing, so change your band name".

Show: So I said "Then I'll just add a dot on the end", and we became "アリス九號.".

At first, your name was "アリス九", right?

Show: Yes. When I was writing down our band's name at Takadanobaba AREA7, the staff there said, "Oh, it's like Sakamoto Kyu (坂本九)". I also thought that "アリス九" didn't have much of an impact, so I just added a "號" to the end. Because it seemed like a strong word. Even I was quite proud of myself, to know such an old word like "號".

Now that you think about it, in 2004, when the band had formed, you had already changed your name twice, from "アリス九" to "アリス九號" to "アリス九號.".

All: Oh!

So in your 5th year, you changed your name from "アリス九號." to "Alice Nine". What were your activities like in the time since joining the company and changing your band name to an English stylisation?

Nao: The feeling was different from what it is now. At the time, just by being able to film music videos and being able to record in a proper studio made me think "Wow, we're like pros. It really feels like we're doing music". I was glad.

Were there any dramatic changes since joining the company?

Tora: At the time, there were lots of magazines, and we pretty much appeared in all of them and more.

"All of them and more"? It was that many?

Hiroto: We even appeared in extra editions of magazines.

Show: We appeared in loads of magazines.

Hiroto: Around our third year, whenever we released an album or single, we would be in all the magazines in the music magazine section at bookstores. On top of that, we were also in idol magazines that other bands weren't in.

You were!

Tora: So the toughest thing was that for about 20 days of the month, we would be doing photoshoots for magazines. Since we also had to go on tour with that kind of schedule, the toughest thing was not having the time for band practice, the most important thing. The band was still not a cohesive one, and from such an early stage, where it wasn't as though we had a song that was killing the charts, we were already rushing forward into that kind of thing. So at any rate, we did photoshoots, to the point where I didn't know if we were a band or models.

Show: Just around our third year, the term "Neo Visual-kei" was coined. The NHK music show "MUSIC JAPAN" held a "Neo Visual-kei Midsummer Party", and that was suddenly the trend at the time. We thought that we had to secure a spot there. It was that kind of time. I think that is also why we were appearing a lot in media. So the phrase "Neo Visual-kei" was coined, and when people wondered "So which bands are Neo Visual-kei?", it was our seniors Plastic Tree and MUCC. But don't you get the feeling that if kids like us were to actually go in there to compete with them, we would get roasted? So that was the trend at the time, and for better or for worse, we were there at around the same time. In the world of entertainment, there are limitations to the things that someone can make by themselves. HYDE had once said to me "The world needs trends too". I think that truly amazing people can read the trends of the time and get on board with that. But for us, we went ahead recklessly, and before we knew it, we found ourselves in that trend.

Without you even knowing it.

Show: Right. To begin with, when we started our band, it was at the time where "Visual-kei" was losing its popularity. So I didn't even imagine that we would be appearing on TV or playing at Nippon Budokan8. It's just that at that time, this was the trend.

Along with the birth of the phrase "Neo Visual-kei", things were stirring up in the world and in the music scene.

Show: Yes. BAROQUE was an early adapter, and bands such as ourselves, SID, the GazettE, and NIGHTMARE were being labelled as "Neo Visual-kei". That era ended fantastically with Golden Bomber. I think they were able to bring a close to the era because they are the real deal, and not just copying our seniors.

I see. Even among the "Neo Visual-kei" bands, was it the company that thought to set you apart from the rest by really putting it out there that in terms of looks, you were like an "idol band" or "princes"?

Show: There was not even a single time where the company could properly control us.

Saga: We had good looks. Compared to other bands. So even if we didn't put it out there, it just appeared that we did. That's all it was. Maybe the company or record label wanted to put our looks at the forefront, but it's not as though we purposely did that kind of thing. So that it appeared that way was only natural.

Show: So from then on, we just owned it, like "Yeah, that's right". For example, it had taken us 14 years to be able to use the "prince" thing of our own volition.

Until at your 14th anniversary live, "ALICE IN CASTLE -Princes from the Stars and the Castle of the Moon", where the five of you played the part of princes.

Show: Yes, that's right.

Nao: But for me, back then, hearing people calling us a good-looking band made me think "Oh, so I'm good-looking too?". It made me so happy I was smirking all the time.

Show: Even back then, Nao was famous for being the good-looking drummer of Fatima. Apart from YOSHIKI, who is in a whole other dimension, there weren't really any other star drummers.

Even if you didn't voluntarily use it to your advantage, between yourselves, were you at least a little bit aware from the beginning that the band was full of good-looking people?

Show: Isn't that something we all instinctively felt? In Saga's previous band, he was so much more cooler than the other members. Even with Tora, when I first saw him, there were only fans on the stage left side, where Tora was. At the time, he was working up the crowd by hopping from side to side though. I was confused by that.

Even though he was cool, you didn't understand the point of doing that.

Tora: Nahahahaha.

Show: But I thought "Wow" (laughs). Hiroto being Hiroto, he was a guitarist that stood even further in front of the vocalist and stood out.

Saga: Even though the vocalist was singing, he would be shouting in an excessively loud voice "Let's go!", and be making gestures.

Wahahaha. So what did you think when you first saw Show?

Tora: He was cool. I remember him singing from a really low position. He was pretty much singing from the ground. I thought "What's with that guy?".

Nao: Really?

Show: I've never talked about this before, but I liked FANATIC♢CRISIS' RYUJI The most. He would spread out his legs really far and play from a low position. So I sang with that kind of style in mind.

Saga: I want to see that. Him singing from really close to the ground.

Tora: But when it's like that, it's Visual-kei but also not Visual-kei. I felt something with Show that I had never felt before, and I thought he was really cool.

Saga: The first impression I got from Show was "his face doesn't match his voice". From his face, I thought he was the cute type, but when I heard his voice, he wasn't like that at all. Since his voice was deep and dark, I thought it was interesting.

Show: I think what Saga and Tora saw was when I was in my very first band. Up until then, I had never been in a Visual-kei band before, let alone seen one play before. I had look at the "looking for members" section in "Rockin f (technical music magazine)", and applied to be in a SlipKnot copyband. That was a band where they said to me "All you have to do is go nuts. Don't worry about the singing"...... Are we even going to be able to talk about our 15th year at this pace?

Tora: That's because you just took us back in time again (laughs).

I do want to ask about those times again. When the five of you came together, what ideas did you have about the kind of musical direction you would take?

Saga: I get the feeling that we didn't do what everyone else at the time was doing. That's why from the very beginning, we had a lot of songs that emphasized the singing.

Tora: I might have even talked about it.

Hiroto: So he took the lead and went to go sell his 7-string guitar. And instead, he went and bought a Clapton model guitar and said "We should play the kind of music you can play with this guitar".

Nao: Wow.

Tora: I thought that this wasn't the kind of band that needed a 7-string guitar.

When did you think that?

Tora: When it was time to stand on stage, everyone was shining brightly. It was at that time. At first, I thought it would be better for me to watch things from the back, so when we formed the band, I used to stand where Saga stands now. My personality is not the type to want to put myself out there, so my approach was "I'll just stand back here, and all of you can go to the front". So when I watched the band from that position, I thought that we didn't need a 7-string guitar. It would be better for us to do upbeat songs.

Is that so? So let's move on from when the band formed. During the band's 5th year, why did you change the band stylization from "アリス九號." to the English stylization "Alice Nine"?

Show: We had intended to change the band stylization to "Alice Nine" in 2005, but at the time, the company was against it. So in 2009, we were finally about to get our way. That's all.

What were activities like after you changed the stylization to "Alice Nine"? You also played at Nippon Budokan for the very first time in 2011.

Show: To be honest, we were not able to play at Budokan when the band was at peak popularity. Our peak popularity was around our 4th year. After that, when we left KING RECORDS, which we had been signed to since the beginning, we took a break and lost many fans. I want to let everyone know that you shouldn't take a break, if possible (laughs). Since 2007, having been dragged to the center stage as a Neo Visual-kei band, we were led by the nose by the adults and changed record labels twice. We even reached the decision to leave our management company, and we suffered quite a lot of hardships.

In terms of public image, it doesn't seem like you are a band that had quite a lot of hardships, though.

Nao: That's certainly true. That's how people tend to think of us. Although I do think it's because when we debuted, we rushed straight ahead without any struggles.

Show: Maybe so. For me, even though I'm a vocalist, I was actually better at things other than singing. Although I think the members accepted me because of the way I carried myself on stage, to be completely honest, I was at the level where I needed to become a professional singer. I was a strategist and a designer, but as a musician, when you looked underneath the surface, I had no self-confidence whatsoever. I had lost the power to express things. Also as a band, the adults had started saying things to us like "Write that kind of song" or "Write this kind of song", or "Get a composer to write you a hit". At the time, Saga had said "No, we'll write it ourselves", and the songs he wrote while giving a big "fuck you" to the adults was "JEWELS" and "RAINBOWS". It was from then that this feeling was born that we're not just pretty faces, and that to a certain extent, we had a kind of spirit as a rock band. But still, singing was very difficult for me. Unless you're a person that has liked singing from a young age, and keeps listening to your own voice, critiquing yourself saying "If I did this, I'll be able to sing better", and do it for a long time, you shouldn't become a professional singer. Because singing really is difficult.

But that said, since quitting the company, you've made leaps and bounds as a vocalist.

Show: Now I know how to practice, but back then, I didn't even know how to practice, and I think my singing was plain awful (awkward smile). But what's amazing about the members is that they never once said to me "It's because of your awful signing that we never made it big".

Wow. That's a nice story. I get the feeling that's another reason why the band was able to keep on doing this for 15 years.

Nao: I don't really compliment people, but I think that Show's voice is one of a kind, and the best. I thought that from the beginning.

Hiroto: I thought the same when the band had formed. Even if there are things like technique and pitch, you cannot change the voice itself.

You must be happy to hear that, Show.

Show: All of the members are wonderful people. I think that that's another reason why the band was able to continue. However, one thing I will mention is that after our first time playing at International Forum Hall A, all Nao had said to me was "Show, let's do our best, okay?" (laughs).

Nao: I didn't mean it like that~! I didn't mean just you, but as a band, we should do our best.

Nao was crying backstage after the show was over. What was behind those tears?

Nao: Up until then, we were doing things without any reservation, and I thought that we were perhaps too flippant about it. Those were tears of me reflecting on ourselves, that we should have put more effort into it.

Show: Forum Hall A painfully lays it bare. The upper floors were pitch black. At the time, only about 2700 people had come to see us (the hall fits 5000 people). Seeing that would want to make anyone want to cry.

Nao: It was simply frustrating.

Tora: I have poor eyesight, so I didn't realize it at all.

Nao: Gahahaha!

Hiroto: I thought that the scene in front of us was reality, and accepted that reality. I thought that this was the result of everything we had done up until then.

Saga: From the beginning, I thought there was no way we would fill up the hall. Despite that, truth be told, we were about to play there for two consecutive days. Looking at it objectively, I thought the people around us were acting strange. I thought "Is filling up the hall such an easy feat?". In time, the two consecutive shows was changed to just one show. It was then that things had stopped for me. The vigour we had since forming the band stopped and we came back to reality. It was there that I felt the sense of danger, that we were in a bad spot.

I see. So how did the band recover from that?

Saga: I thought that all we could do is write proper songs, that we had to draw out the charm of our band more. I saw the reality that we could not get any more fans just by having pretty faces. Even with practice, it's not quite what Show was talking about, but without knowing if what we were doing was right or wrong, we kept practicing. The lesson we took from Forum Hall A was that with practice, it was something that had to be done seriously. That's why I wasn't sad that we didn't fill out the entire hall. It was more like "Well, of course not". It was around here. I was the one to wake up from that dream first. My eyes were wide open.

So that was the fork in the road where Alice Nine awoke as a rock band.

Saga: That's right.

Nao: Because of that exprience, from then on, I practiced like crazy. I was in the studio so often to the point you wondered if I lived in the studio. So I think that empty Forum Hall provided the band with good motivation.

After that, when the band was welcoming its 10th year anniversary, you graduated from your management company and started to do things on your own.

Saga: We were indebted to the company, but when we considered our life from that point onwards, we were no longer able to leave everything to them. When looking at our future, we thought that we had to do this ourselves.

Show: Because we thought that humans don't grow and don't have a future if they don't take on risks. That company had taken good care of us, as if we were family. After leaving, it made me think once again that they are a good company, but at the time, we chose to take on the risks. That we can do activities like this now is the socially correct thing, I think.

After graduating from the company, you changed the band name from "Alice Nine" to "A9", and restarted activities. What do you think about that now?

Show: We didn't want to fight with our previous company, so we proceeded logically and changed our name to "A9". Even now, I think that we made the right choice.

Where did the name "A9" come from?

Saga: The phrase "A9" was already there before we even became A9. I don't remember who said it though.

Hiroto: At first, that's what our Chinese fans called us.

Nao: Oh.

Hiroto: So when it came to changing our band name, we didn't want to change it to something that was competely unrelated, so we settled on "A9".

Even after becoming A9 and going independent, you were faced with many difficulties.

Show: If we were to go into detail about that, it would take another 3 hours (laughs). We had a lot of hardships, but now we are at our best. I also feel very grateful that the media will still cover us, like right now. Because this is a chance for us to present ourselves to the people who watch us from a distance, like "A9 is Alice Nine, right? They're still around?". Since going independent, we had met L'Arc~en~Ciel's Ken, and regarding what we could contribute to society, we started to think again about what our strengths were. From the dilemma that we felt about being called "princes" or an "idol band" when we debuted, we accepted the fact, and we started to think about how we could use this to make people happy, and what we could offer to add flair to the audience's experience. Those are the kind of activities we are doing now.

Among those activities, you showed us many surprising performances, such as going back to your roots of a blending of Eastern and Western styles, setting aside your instruments on stage to dance, and even trying out acting. I get the feeling that through this, it has revitalized the image of the band amongst fans.

Show: There was that. Also, we want to play at event lives, but I think that we became a band where it was difficult for others to invite us to play with them. Since we know what our strengths are and we are using it. That is why we decided to host an event ourselves for our 15th year anniversary. If you are reading this and want to see what we are like, I ask that you do come see us.

The A9 that knows what its strengths are now, and is using it.

Show: Yes, because as a Visual-kei band that was around in the 2000s, we can now do our activities properly considering how we can make the audience happy. Be it at Hibiya or Studio Coast9, I would like for them to come see us.

I think that wanting to make the audience happy is connected to that slogan the band had since the beginning, of "the customer is king". Where did this complete approach of "fans first" come from?

Show: It's not as though we want to flatter them (the fans). I think the true essence of Visual-kei is "entertainment". In a different format to the Visual-kei that YOSHIKI had invented, if our generation were to reinterpret Visual-kei and give it a definition, it would be for us to get to the venue much earlier than normal rock bands to do our makeup and to create and wear non-normal outfits to express a world view for the sake of the audience. By doing so, I think that the attitude of entertaining the audience as a part of show business is an element of Visual-kei that allows it to also compete on the world stage. I think that is perhaps the conclusion we reached after these 15 years.

Finally, let me ask about what is on our minds the most. You added the interesting title of "A9 LAST ONEMAN" to the tour that leads to your show at Hibiya. What is the meaning behind that?

Show: I think that you can pretty much guess what that means from the mood of this interview, where there isn't a single indication that we're going to disband (laughs).

1 Album released in November 2007 under the band name アリス九號. 2 Album released in January 2009 under the band name アリス九號. 3 A livehouse in Meguro, Tokyo. It is known as one of the "holy places" for Visual-kei bands. 4 A relatively expensive bbq meat franchise. 5 Literally translates to "Alice Nine", but stylistically different to the actual band name "アリス九號." 6 A Japanese Visual-kei magazine (no longer in publication). 7 A livehouse in Takadanobaba, Tokyo. It is another "holy place" for Visual-kei bands, and being able to play here is like a milestone for bands. 8 A large indoor arena in Chiyoda, Tokyo. 9 A large concert venue in Shinkiba, Tokyo.

#A9 #Alice Nine #alice nine translation #アリス九號.#rock and read band #A9translation

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bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

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So it took interest rates that were like WE OWN UR SOUL NOW U FOOL HAHA TWILL BE OURS FOREVER, but joke’s on them lol like I never use that thing anyway. But I got the personal loan for $10K in the end after like a month of searching but who knew that obsessively raising my credit score for a year by like....occasionally chilling all night in an IHOP rather than use a credit card too much on a room would like....pay off with a credit score that actually is useful to me in a way that means I don’t even care right now that hahaha credit scores are just pointless imaginary numbers that really only exist because capitalism’s a dick?

Look I’m allowed to be a hypocrite for three weeks let me have this, I promise I’ll go back to ranting about people selling their souls for the sake of strings of binary code on a computer screen, like just cuz I wasn’t using mine doesn’t mean other ppl don’t want theirs.

Because oh yeah so I was like gimme the loan plz and they were like ugh fine and I somehow got my credit card companies to raise my limits because I’ve had them for over a year now and I honestly couldn’t even tell you how I convinced them to do that like did I haggle did I beg did I put out, who knows, it’s been a very long and strange and sleep deprived month and that’s on top of a long, strange, sleep-deprives two years. Point is between raising my limits on those two, the loan of DOOM and getting a CareCredit card with the remaining credit left to me or before the latter realized I’d just massively dinged my credit cuz the raised limits and loan hadn’t been reported yet, I came up with the $12400. Like again most of that is in the form of imaginary money that I’ll probably spend years paying out of future paychecks so if anyone wants to go ahead and put The Revolution on the books for like, say October, that would actually really work for me. I’d even be all pumped and full of rest and vigor and extra fightey and like, you know how fightey I usually am to begin with I’m just saying....

So now I am literally just waiting for my loan check to clear in my bank account cuz my doctor doesn’t accept checks. Second it does, probably Monday, I’ll go down to my doctors office, pay the $6200 upfront and finish the insurance paperwork for them to submit the claim for the insurance company’s part of it, and they can officially schedule my surgery, possibly in as little as three weeks??!!

Which is absolutely surreal to me, like after literal years of treading water and setbacks and everything dragging out endlessly and he’ll even just yesterday, it’s utterly bizarre finishing my stuff at my bank and doctor’s this morning and hearing how matter of fact they all are about how quickly things could happen now and like. Finally be over. Or like, start lol in the sense of holy shit I could actually maybe have an actual life again.

They can’t confirm a date until my first payment is processed, only then does she officially put me on the books at Cedar Sinai when they can get me into an open OR, but it hopefully could be the 20th. She’s already got another surgery scheduled for that day and an OR booked for it with potential slots before and after it but I can’t count on the 20th as a given just yet. Could still be one, two or even three weeks after that before they actually fit me in, so I’m trying not to set my thoughts and hopes too much on that three weeks from now appointment but that’s easier said than done. LOL.

But whenever it’s actually set for, I go in the day of, pay the second half of the payment, and the surgery takes a few hours but they send me home the same day. My high school friend from San Diego hopefully is going to be able to take enough time off to look out for me while I recover, we’ve been tentatively planning for that for most of a year but couldn’t guarantee anything with her work until we had actual dates which I mean we still don’t technically have. But my jaw will be wired shut for ten days so there’s no way I can manage on my own, esp the way I’ve been getting by day-to-day, and I’ll be on a liquid diet and having to drink everything through a special straw and stuff and completely unable to talk the whole time and oh yeah also apparently in agonizing pain that I’ve been extensively warned could put anything I’ve experienced thus far to shame, so I’m really REALLY looking forward to that part lol. Currently pondering the viability of just knocking myself unconscious every day. We’ll see how it goes.

But after that I go back in ten days later and they unwire my jaw, check that everything looks okay and I’m healing the way I’m supposed to, and I have two weeks of physical therapy and....that’s it. It’s over. I’m just. I’m just leaving that right there for now because I honestly don’t even know what to do with that thought after all this time, it’s. Like I can’t quite wrap my head around it and even really picture how that works. Idk my brain just fizzes out and it’s like wait, are you sure, that doesn’t sound right.

But like I made them go over it multiple times to make sure I wasn’t missing anything or understanding it wrong or whatever, like my doctor was this combination of kinda amused but also exasperated when I finally stopped asking to go over it all again. LOL look I just really really really needed to be sure there wasn’t something else involved that like I was supposed to already know or have been told by someone else, I don’t know okay? Anyone who’s been following me the last couple years knows that this isn’t how this sort of things go, they’re supposed to get my hopes up and then tell me they have no clue what’s wrong or send me off to someone else or tell me oh yeah you also need another thirty thousand and an MRI and some headgear that’s like made of platinum, but we just thought you already knew that. LOL.

But. I mean. Yeah. That’s it. I checked. A lot. Theoretically though unless there’s some new bizarre development in which case I will most likely detach my spirit from my body and evolve into my ultimate great rage power Digimon form, AreYouFreakingKiddingMeMon, and go like, fight god or the physical embodiment of the universe or whatever like I keep threatening....like, that really is what’s left. And then it’s all over. My jaw should by all accounts be restored to its full functionality from before all this. No more pain, no more eternal headache, no vertigo, blind-outs, no problems eating any particular food or swallowing or 45 degree slope to my lower jaw, none of the shit that’s been my day to day existence for well. Years. LOL.

Yeah. Really don’t know what to do with that yet. I just. Can’t. Haha.

Anyway, as I’ve said before, I literally couldn’t have made it to this point without the support of people here, both emotionally and financially. I hate to ask it because you’ve helped so much already, but I’m definitely going to have to ask for your help a little longer, there’s just no way around it. I am completely wiped and tbh overwhelmed so I’m probably going to try and sleep the rest of the day - I was pretty much up all night, unable to sleep while I waited to hear back on all this.

Then when my head’s fully processing things again and not friztzing our because I’ve forgotten how to process good news, lol, I’ll probably be putting together a post asking for your help paying my insurance premiums one last time, and on Monday or once I get the official set in stone date for my surgery I’ll be doing another, basically begging you guys to help keep me afloat the hopefully no more than three weeks til then.

I really really hate having to do that when I know you all have helped and given so much already, and it’ll literally be nothing more than my basic expenses of motel room and food, I don’t need anything beyond that, but I truly don’t see anyway around it. I exhausted every possible avenue available for me to try with my credit in order to get this loan and raise my limits enough, and I milked every cent I could out of those. There’s just no more money to be pulled out of any of that, it took everything I had to get what I needed for the surgery. And I’m afraid of the very real possibility that if I don’t ask for this help because of pride or because of how much I’ve asked for already, I’ll end up using one of my credit cards to pay for my room and such and end up stuck without enough money at hand to cover the second half payment on my day of surgery and I truly literally can not afford that. I have no idea what will happen with my insurance if I have to reschedule, how long it would take to reschedule, etc.

And the other side of this is there’s really not a whole lot left I can do for work at the moment. I’ve finished off all my existing projects except for one last cover and they already paid for it in advance. I honestly don’t know that I could take on new jobs if it ends up with my surgery on the 20th in just three weeks. Searching for more jobs and clients has become more and more time consuming these past months as is, and the simple truth is I couldn’t in good conscience or in honesty guarantee any new clients that I could finish their job in that time frame. Not with my present state physically and mentally and the uncertainty of my day to day expenses and stress about potential complications hanging over my head and not, truthfully, mixing all that well with my pre-existing mental health conditions lol. And yeah, if I can’t guarantee getting any new projects done in three weeks, I can’t afford to take them on for any potential client’s sake, not to mention the sake of my professional reputation, which I will really need to be, y’know, intact, in order to rebuild my life basically from the ground up, once my previous physicality and quality of life comes back after my surgery and recovery (knock on wood). With at least two or three weeks of recovery after the surgery even assuming it goes well and has no other complications, that’s way too much time to leave clients hanging and not be available to address any needs, concerns, revisions, etc. Especially if they’re not returning clients but brand new ones.

So yeah, as much as I would love to not have to ask for any more help than I already have and have been given, I sincerely just don’t see any alternatives that don’t jeopardize or risk wasting all the help I’ve already been given. You know I am fully aware of just how much that is and what its cost some of you, and I already could never repay you for this, not even in terms of just the money itself, but the fact that I know some of you have given at your own very real expense, sending me money that you really could have used yourself, that wasn’t any kind of surplus. I am already beyond grateful and humbled and overwhelmed how many of you have stepped forward to help me in ways that even though I’m older than many of you, I honestly have no precedent for, in ways and to an extent I’ve never received help or support from family. So I just needed to say that again, because I have not asked for any of this lightly, and I don’t now either. Really, really thank you. I’m not exaggerating or being dramatic or hyperbolic or silly for a change, when I say you guys most likely saved my life. Its simple fact. Hell, I was genuinely hours away from sleeping outside freezing my ass off in December, that first time I posted asking for help and you guys came through for me. So, yeah. I will never ever forget this, and never ever be able to give back as much as I’ve been given these past few months, though I will always do my best to pay it forward.

I’m going to go ahead and leave my paypal link here anyway, though I’ll be making those two additional posts tomorrow and next week, as I said. Aiming to keep them shorter than this, well, shorter than any of my posts, really, as shorter posts really just get more traction and I’ll need that. I can always link to the longer explanations of my situation for those wanting to know more.

Again, thank you all more than I can figure out how to put into words. I’m finally. Fuck. LOL. Sorry, I’m being very umm, sentimental over here but like its your fault I’m overwhelmed lol, like omg you guys, you can’t just throw love and affection and support at a guy with so much childhood traaaaaaaaauma, his brain doesn’t know how to handle it, look, you broke him. Are you happy? You broke his brain machine.

Okay cool, we’re back to inanity and obnoxious humor as an overcompensating self-defense mechanism, whew, everything’s normal, everyone can relax. LOL. Anyway, I’m gonna shut up now and go try and get some rest. Just know that I’m doing so feeling way more....hopeful? Optimistic? Faith-in-humanity-and-goodwill-and-community-ey? Than I have in years.

....the fact that I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now is called probably tells you all you need to know about me, huh? LMFAO God I’m so messed up lol. But whatever. Still alive and kicking. So. Y’know. There’s always that.

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

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