#-the embodiments of emotion to be called warriors of the mind but. In my head the song suits them

[graythegreyt]

GUESS WHO LISTENED TO THE ENTIRETY OF EPIC THE MUSICAL LAST NIGHT WHILE WORKING ON MY PHILOSOPHY ESSAY. HAVE A DUUSU AND A FELIX

[cozycottagetarot]

Pick A Pile: How Can You Take Better Care of Yourself?

I did this reading a bit different from my others. It’s mainly based on impressions as I’m only using the images and any text on the cards at face value along with whatever else comes to me. So feedback would be appreciated. Another thing is the piles all have intertwining messages so if you feel drawn to two piles, then by all means I encourage you to check them both out.

Paid Readings (I’ll be updating them again)

Disclaimer: All readings and tarot/blog games are for fun and entertainment purposes only. It is in no way meant to act as or replace professional advice of any kind. You know yourself and what’s going on in your life best so I asks that you trust yourself above all else. Finally please take only what resonates from the reading which may be some of it, all of it, or none at all.

PILE 1

Tarot Cards: 7 of Cups, 8 of Wands, The Sun

Pile 1, the way you can take better care of yourself is by making a decision. With the 7 of Cups I see that you have all these opportunities being presented in front of you but you have no idea which one to go with. I get the impression from the cards that from postponing making a decision or choice, you’re starting to feel the brightness in other areas of your life dim. With the 8 of Wands and The Sun following however, I feel like once you make a decision, results and positive things will happen quickly, bringing you happiness. The Sun has a faint face depicted in it, so I feel like you don’t have to worry too much about unintended consequences. I see this as a sign you are being protected from unintended or unpleasant consequences as a result of your decision. Also, connecting with your inner child may be a way to help you make this decision.

The next cards that came out are: Protection (Call back your power. Cut the cords. Soul retrieval.) Soul Family (Call in your tribe. You don’t have to do it alone.) Anna, Grandmother of Jesus (Seeding the light, laying foundations. Divine plan.) The Ever-Unfolding Rose (Cracked open. It’s happening for you, not to you.)

With these cards I think some of you could be going through a 'dark night of the soul' (read: a very difficult time in your life). You may be feeling like somewhere along the line you’ve lost yourself or your direction as to where you’re heading next in life or what it is you truly desire (any Lucifer fans here because I hear Tom Ellis’s voice in my head haha). You may be asking yourself questions such as 'Why is this the way life is happening? Why me? Who am I even?' But even though it might seem unfair or lacking sense right now, keep in mind that whatever is going on is helping you in some format. Situations within reason of course, using your discernment here is best. It’s truly all about how you tell your story. Another thing is you don’t have to make these decisions on your own. Turn to your family and your friends for help/advice. If necessary, maybe you can seek professional help. If either or those things isn't really an option, you could always try taking some time to nurture yourself and journey inside to help you remember or figure out what’s important to you. When you make that effort to find/listen to yourself outside of the noise of everything else, I think that’s when you’ll find the information necessary to help make your decision.

Remaining Cards: The Hourglass Dolphin (46) — your achievement is only a matter of time. The Three Rhine Maidens (15) — love is a virtue that endure eternally.

The Hourglass Dolphin is all about finding balance between two aspects of your life, typically work and play. Dividing your time and remembering to put EXTRA care into taking care of your basic needs is another thing that’s going to help you find success. I feel like you are in a transitory phase and it really is only a matter of time before whatever darkness that may be clouding your life right now disappears.

The Three Rhine Mermaids talks about a phase in your life coming full circle, and once that happens your hearts desires are going to start materialising in your physical/the 3D.

The North Witch (23) — This card just kind of confirms or reiterates that with patience this dark phase is going to fade.

The Toad Witch (7) —This card talks about gaining wisdom from adversity. Also a secret admirer as well. There were messages of love laced through out the cards but they weren’t clear until now. Similarly, I think this will reflect in your life that after you’ve found stability once things have cleared up, you will find love as well.. or better yet, love will find you. Do keep in mind it might not be super quick… maybe Spring or Summer (depending on when you're reading this).

Self Care Activities Ideas (Homemade deck): Look good; feel good (put effort into looking the way you want), Believe In Yourself, Have a fruit (incorporate more fruits into your diet).

PILE 2

Hello Pile 2. The way for you to take better care of yourself right now is through doing what makes you happy.

Tarot Cards: Ace of Swords, The Sun, The Devil

I actually pulled the Ace of Swords last. Also before I started focusing on your pile while shuffling, the Four of Swords reversed came out.

Thinking of these two cards together, I think you need to pull back and ask yourself if what you’re doing is really the best thing for you. I feel like you guys could be in a really good place right now— at least at face value. The cards have darker backgrounds, except The Sun. I feel like whatever you are doing isn’t really sparking joy inside. Maybe it’s familial or peer pressure related? The life path you’re on right now seems ideal and fulfilling to everyone else, but somehow I feel like deep down inside it doesn’t feel that way. You may feel chained or held back as shown by The Devil. Looking at The Sun and The Devil, they came out together side by side. I feel like this is more family related meaning parents, parental figures or mentors. They may be trying to look out for you by telling you to study a certain topic or take a certain job because it’s safe, when what you truly want to do may be a little bit more risky. So even though you’re playing it safe right now and have things to celebrate, you may not be able to shake the that unsatisfied feeling inside.

The next cards that came out are: Warrior Woman (Have you answered your deepest calling?) Play (Have fun. Celebrate. Don’t be so serious.) Break The Chain (Ancestral patterns. Healing. Rewriting the future.) Transformation (Things are changing at a cellular level. Deep healing.)

All the figures in these cards look like they’re in their power. It makes me think you may be ignoring or avoiding stepping into the energy of your higher self. I kind of had the though fear of backlash pop into my head, and while it is a valid fear, I don’t feel like it’s something you have to worry about a lot. I feel like you need to schedule more time for yourself in general as well. You can’t ‘fight’ for other people all the time, you also have to ‘fight’ for you.

I’m just noticing something about the placement of the cards. Warrior Woman has a sword and is placed right next the the Ace of Swords. Break The Chain is right next to The Devil, and the sun is shining in Transformation and Play, in the same position as the one in The Sun… As I was saying, I feel like you need to just take a moment to connect with yourself. Ask yourself what is it you truly want and begin rewriting your future*.

*This is the part where I let it be known I need people to practice life coaching with so if you’re interested you can message me. 18 years and up only though.

Remaining Cards: The Siren (14) — In the treasure of a day, light is thrown on what could be tomorrow. The Stripped Dolphin (30) Good news, flowing through the ether waves will answer your prayers.

The Siren Is mostly about observation and not forcing connections. The Stripped Dolphin is about good things happening for you, especially by surprise. It’s also about new beginnings in any area of your life. However there’s also a message about not getting caught up in many opportunities, so if you were drawn to pile 1 as well, I see this as a sign to check out the pile as well.

The Silver Moon Witch (2) has a message of being able to see progress by the next full or new moon. However this card advises you to choose carefully when it’s the right time to go with the flow versus ‘swimming’ against the tide. Relating to above, journey inside yourself to figure out if you are taking the right course if action by choosing to stick with the path you’re on versus yelling plot twist and doing something different.

The Full Moon Witch (18) has two sides to it. On one hand you can expect ‘heartfelt’ plans coming to fruition, but on the other hand emotions may be running high and words that aren’t meant may be said. This another one of the moon phases cards, so you may find during the full moon you may have disagreements with your loved ones but once it starts to wane, disagreements may also reach a resolution. I think this relates to the The Silver Moon Witch card as well, so maybe before or during a full moon may not be the best time to bring up anything that may cause a disagreement?

Self Care Activities Ideas (Homemade deck): Journal, Get Creative, Listen To Music (there may be messages in songs for you)

PILE 3

Pile 3, you guys have been giving me hell from the moment I sat down to pull cards for your reading. From focusing and interpreting to editing. Everything was a mess and I’m assuming you a significant part of your life maybe as well? Or your headspace at least.

Aside from my struggles with your reading, based on the cards, I see you need to focus on yourself.

Tarot Cards: The Chariot, The High Priestess, Queen of Wands reversed.

Starting with your Tarot in no particular order, you have The Chariot, The High Priestess and Queen of Wands reversed. The Queen of Wands is my ideal (you) card. When it’s reversed, I see it as a sign [you] are not embodying the energy of your highest self and/or something in your life is out of balance. Both The Chariot and The High Priestess have black and white polarities, so I see it more as you needing to put yourself back into balance. Something may feel hidden from you, though you’re not really sure what and you want to push forward but it’s just not really happening? On the bottom of the deck is the 9 of Swords which notes to fear, depression, anxiety, etc and is needing to release those emotions. Obviously it can be more complex than it sounds, but I’m hoping you get the idea. Brain-dump came to me. Maybe you need to do a brain-dump and survey/assess your ‘kingdom’ so you can flip that Queen of Wands energy around and allow your chariot to race onward. The next cards that came out are:

The Crumbling (What are you clinging on to?) —> Do you need to release anything? Material items, a goal, a belief, way of life, or maybe just the act of trying to have it all together?

Boundaries (Where do you need to establish better boundaries?) —> Do you need better boundaries with yourself? Habits? People? Enviroment? School/Career?

Share Your Voice (Come out of the cave. Persecution. Expression.) It’s time to step into the limelight, because the world is your stage. Maybe you’ve been hanging back and suppressing who you truly are, but now it’s time to step forward into a new role… a you role. You don’t have to go from stand in actor to lead role over night, but do brainstorm and take baby steps daily to get there.

Keepers Of The Earth (You are not alone. Ancient ancestors stand beside you.) Take the meaning as you will, but I see it as a message to look for support in unexpected places. Maybe it’s an online community of people who can relate to you. Maybe it’s a book, article or video. Who knows, it could even be a friend or family member you didn’t think could relate or help you out. Remaining Cards: The Kraken (38) — Your success and happiness lie within you. The Great Sea Monster (37) — To accomplish you dream plan and believe.

The main theme of The Kraken is release. Good fortune/luck will come to you by delving into your subconscious mind to free the conscious. Returning to nature and the things that bring you inner joy. Good fortune coming in small waves which eventually grow into big ones.

The Great Sea Monster is about taking action and again, freeing your conscious mind by looking into your unconscious mind. Also there is more than one way to solve a dilemma, you just have to search the right way. The Immortal Witch (4) — new beginnings are happening for you, and your desires are on their way to you although it might not appear so currently. (Kind of like planting a seed. It’s growing though we can’t see it until it burst through the soil). The Fairy Ring Witch (9) — mental and physical communication. Connecting with or making friends with similar skills or talents. Self Care Activities Ideas (Homemade deck): Tend to yourself, Slow and steady, Get creative, Read a book (maybe a self help book relevant to what you're going through).

[hopeymchope]

Wonder Egg Priority finale thoughts

My Tumblr has a lot of anti-bully content, so it was probably no surprise when I began to watch and enjoy Wonder Egg Project this past spring. The series famously hit production delays that forced them to put out a mid-series recap episode, and that decision in turn forced them to push the final episode until late June. But now that the series (or at least season 1) is out there and complete, I thought I’d talk about how it all shook out in the end as well as the questions it left me sitting with.

For the uninitiated, here’s a bit of the context: Wonder Egg Project deals with four middle-school teen girls who’ve undergone hardships either at home or at school or both. They all lose someone they care about to tragic suicides, and then they discover the titular wonder eggs. They get these eggs from a vending machine and then, when they fall asleep, they enter a dreamworld where these eggs hatch to reveal a young person who recently committed suicide. For that night, it is the duty of the girl who got that egg to fight and defend that suicide victim from monstrous enemies that represent their abusers and oppressors. The girls are told that if they protect enough of these victims over many nights, they will be able to resurrect the specific person they lost to suicide. But of course, if you get injured or killed in the dreamworld, it affects your body in reality as well. 

The squad: Ai, Neiru, Rika, and Momoe.

Obviously, bullying is among the topics most frequently explored here, but we also deal with so many other terrible things that people might experience during childhood and adolescence. Physical, verbal, and sexual abuse are all on the table. Coming to terms with one’s gender identity is raised. It’s a show that manages to tackle a lot of heavy subjects through the lens of what’s essentially magical girl combat. I mean, there are no outfit transformations or any of that stuff, but still.

With THAT out of the way, let me talk about how the series wrapped up.

It’s clear to the viewers that there’s a lot that doesn’t make sense during the show — it’s intentionally very trippy and ethereal at times — and there’s also a lot that raises obvious questions even if you grasp it. Where do the eggs and their connection to the recently deceased come from? How do the psychological traumas of the various egg-children manifest as monsters that can literally kill you? What’s the deal with Acca and Ura-Acca and their freaky dummy bodies? What are they getting out of this whole deal with the eggs and the girls? What do the repeated references to the “temptation of death” mean? How does access to the Egg Garden even work? Is it really possible to resurrect their dead friends? Is Mr. Sawaki a predator or a chill guy or what? Why did Neiru’s sister stab her? And so on. 

The writers could’ve opted to keep things mysterious and hazy and metaphysical for the entire run or they could’ve provided lots of explanations and tried to ground this weird story in some sort of strange logic, but I’m actually pleased that they opted to go down the middle. There are answers for many things, but not for all. And when those answers come, they typically just raise more questions as well as doubts to their validity. 

SPOILERS for the finale/”special episode” below the cut.

So, obviously the answers for Acca and Ura-Acca are centered around Frill. Frill is this interesting fusion between the artificial and the organic; her body can be injured like any regular physical body, but she’s actually an A.I. on the inside. Acca and Ura-Acca are the exact reverse of this — they’re human minds inside of completely artificial bodies. Exactly how Frill started invading girls’ minds to lure them towards suicide is kept incredibly vague, but she serves as the embodiment of the “temptation of death” that was so-often referenced in the show. Frill doesn’t really appreciate life or care about the finality of death, making her a pretty natural foe for the heroes who have spent the entire series learning to appreciate their lives and bemoaning painful losses.

Can you even believe this bitch?

Acca and Ura-Acca also have documents talking about how warriors of Eros need to battle against Thanatos, the embodiment of death, but what’s that all about? We don’t really get into it. Is Frill somehow Thanatos herself? I mean... I guess maybe you could go that route, but I sincerely don’t think that’s meant to be the case. I assume she’s just another player in the game, and she happens to have taken Thanatos’ side in things. Her artificial existence and resentment of her fathers leads her to treat death flippantly. She was programmed to be selfish sometimes, and that selfishness has ultimately manifested itself in the worst possible ways. Intriguingly, we see Acca and Ura-Acca act similarly selfish in how they drive our four heroes to risk their lives just to battle Frill. Acca in particular shows that he’ll risk anyone’s life to get to Frill, who killed both his wife and daughter. But Acca never has to risk his own life. He’s just risking other people. Both sides of the equation are treating human lives like disposable pawns in some kind of war game. 

Y’all are SUPER-SKETCH.

It’s never really clear how these eggs work. We’re told that the Accas created the eggs, and honestly, I could’ve figured as much on my own. But they don’t try to explain how the eggs can contain the souls of suicide victims or how they manifest those people into dreams, and frankly, it’s probably better not to try.

I was really shocked that the girls actually manage to resurrect their dead friends. I was 100% certain that was going to be a scam and the point was going to be about learning to move on and live for the moment and appreciate those bonds while you had them, etc. And there is some of that. Alas, the price of resurrecting those people they care about is that the people in question no longer know them or remember them. That was pretty brutal... having our heroes nearly die over and over in service of people who ultimately will no longer care about them at all. Although they did the impossible and brought someone back to life, they had to lose those people all over again. I suppose this, like much fo the finale, emphasizes that we should appreciate our relationships while they last, because you can lose them for so many reasons. Regardless, I’m not surprised that Momoe just wanted to quit and avoid getting hurt after that. It’s understandable.

There’s a lot of discussion around parallels in the last two episodes. Parallel worlds with alternate versions of the self are raised multiple times, Ai gets an awesome encounter with a parallel version of herself that really brought her emotional journey to a head, and we even have to deal with a doppleganger of Neiru at the end. This leads to the revelation that Neiru looks exactly like her formerly deceased sister... a fact that presumably was part of what drove the sister to attack Neiru in the first place. Given that we’ve already been told that they were both genetically engineered, their identical appearances don’ seem that strange. But then the finale tells us that Neiru’s one dream is “to be human,” and suddenly the characters assume Neiru was an A.I. just like Frill. That... seems like a leap to me. I mean, she was genetically engineered to lead her company and never had a family of her own; no wonder she feels inhuman! So I’m not sure if I should take this at face value.

Neiru real or fake challenge

Another thing that I don’t think we can take at face value is Mr. Sawaki’s explanation of Koito’s death. In episode 12, we meet a parallel version of Ai who actually killed herself. The big boss monster for Ai to fight while protecting Alt-Ai? It’s a dark, abusive version of Sawaki. And our Ai inexplicably assumes this monster was made from her own fears. A very bizarre conclusion to jump to when you remember that every single boss monster has been the abuser of the victim that the girls were defending in that episode. By all available evidence, the Sawaki monster should be a parallel-world Sawaki who is very much exactly the scumbag he appears to be! Notice how Alt-Ai never says a damn word about the Sawaki Monster - never asks who he is or why he’s like this, etc? She’s not even surprised. That just lends further credence to my belief. FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.

So in the finale, when our version of Mr. Sawaki claims (via a VERY awkwardly inserted voiceover) that Koito’s death was an accident after she tried to ruin his reputation because she fell in love with him, why should I believe any of it?! The previous episode introduced me to Abusive Sawaki! Sure, we don’t have any reason to assume our Sawaki is That Dick, but we JUST learned that he’s certainly capable. Furthermore, how could Koito suddenly be the ONLY accidental death among all of the available suicide victims in the dreamworld? She shouldn’t have even appeared there if it was just an accident! Although I’d like to believe that Sawaki was someone who Ai and the girls were jumping to conclusions about based on nothing... but it sure doesn’t look that way from here. And given how the show ends things, I fear we may have a hard time learning anything else about Sawaki. Ai changes schools and runs away, there is zero comment on what happened to Sawaki’s relationship with her mom... he’s just gone now.

As the final episode winds down, we see Rika and Ai fall back into bad habits, as they all treat Neiru just like they treated the girls they tried so hard to save. Rika acts disgusted by a friend and abandons her, treating Neiru the same way she treated Cheimi. When Neiru finally reaches out to Ai and calls her, Ai ignores the call and throws her phone away, thereby ignoring her friend’s needs in the same way she ignored Koito’s when she failed to record the bullying Koito was experiencing. You might even be able to connect Momoe’s choice to walk away for the sake of self-preservation to her decision to reject Haruka and walk away, honestly. And to compound the bad news that the show gives us near the end, we skip forward months to learn that Ai, Rika and Momoe have all drifted apart. Ai is in a new school, but we don’t see her with any new friends. She’s back where she started the show.

The difference, however, is that she doesn’t seem hopeless and lonely. She seems wistful, sure, but she never seems beaten down. She still treasures the friendships she built even if they wind up fading away. So there’s still a message in here about moving on, because even if you lose a person or a connection, it will forever matter.

*insert engine rev-up noises*

In the final moments, we see Ai preparing to run in the exact same pose she used back in episode 1 when she first stood up to the abusers within the dreamworld. This time, she runs to grab her chance to reunite with a dear friend. She takes charge of her own future and her own self-worth, somehow gets back into the Egg Garden (even though Rika wasn’t even allowed to enter after she rescued her specified victim, so uh... how did Ai get back in exactly... ?), and insists she’s going to use the eggs to see Neiru... even though the eggs only let you see the dead up to this point, so uh, that doesn’t really make any sense either. Consistency, motherfucker — DO YOU USE IT?

Amidst all the uncertainty that the finale left us with, at least we can see Ai find herself in a more confident place. She spends much of the series learning to stop running from her problems in the real world. Even after she gains confidence in the battles of her dreams, she struggles to face reality. It’s a huge step when she returns to school. Yet even in the very last episode, she opts to run away to a new school rather than cope with seeing Koito each day. But at last, she decides to take charge of her reality and try to reunite with her new best friend, Neiru. She’s wavered on her path, but ultimately, she’s grown. Although you could simultaneously argue that she’s failing to learn the lesson that rescuing Koito should’ve taught her...

“Ai Ohto is BACK!”

I don’t think any of us expected this finale to be a cliffhanger coming into it.  And unfortunately, we don’t know if there will ever be another season or a movie or anything. Given how people reacted to this finale with such overt hate, I really don’t expect anything more. And I think that would be a goddamn shame. Even with a finale that doesn’t quite stick the landing, I still found it fascinating and engaging. The series is more than worth the trip for the characters, for the themes and topics it explores, and even for the fluid action scenes and music. And this is a series that was made by first-time writers and a first-time director! Yet I’d easily call it one of the best animes from the past couple of years. For total newcomers, that’s a goddamn TRIUMPH.

So I hope we reunite with these girls again. I hope Ai manages to get the band back together, find out exactly what’s going on with Neiru, and face down Frill. Even if they never wind up in some ultimate battle with Thanatos, I don’t know that that’s the point. All of us are in a battle with Thanatos every single day, after all. They just need to show how they’ve all gotten stronger together and truly overcome the “Temptation of Death” by beating back Frill (and her ridiculously powerful dreamworld bug-people) as a unit. 

But maybe that’s too obvious and simplistic of a message for a show like this one. Maybe this complex ending centered on the main protagonist’s self-actualization and the value of fleeing relationships is more in keeping with the melancholy nature of the series. 

... I still really want to see the more obvious happy ending, though. I think they deserve it.

[airashisakura]

Late submission for @fantasysasusaku SasuSaku Fantasy Week Day 6 - Soulmate/ Prophecy/ Reincarnation

Title: Embodiment of his Fate

Pairing: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke

A/N: A mythology from my country had inspired me to write this piece. This was supposed to be posted during the event, but it got unusually long and took a lot of time than I expected. Also this first AU written by me.

FFN AO3

****

Part I

Sasuke — the lone wanderer — didn’t expect again to see the embodiment of his fate in green and pink. Even the gods were sometimes astonished, and Sasuke, the god of catastrophe, felt his world shaking when a pair of tired yet cheerful eyes smiled at him.

“Sakura?” he asked, every syllable carrying disbelief. He bit his tongue as the forbidden name left his mouth, because the Sakura he knew and loved had died long ago.

The owner of shining jade eyes and rosy coloured hair nodded at him. “I’ve been waiting for you, Sasuke.”

Her words echoed more than the thunderstorms he created. He had heard those words before rolling out from a certain pinkette's mouth. He recognised the ‌same words and her loving tone, but only in memories of a time long ago.

Was she the Sakura he knew? Was it an illusion borne out of his longing? Or was she a reincarnation?

****

Sasuke had always been alone — without any roots and attachments. He didn’t know his family or when and where he was born. He grew up in the darkness of the Ryuchi caves, his only companions being snakes. They were neither his friends nor his enemies, but he polished his basic instincts by observing and mimicking them.

Over time, Sasuke became an invincible warrior — one who rivaled Naruto. Over time, he earned the dignity of a God alongside Naruto.

Sasuke’s sole purpose was to destroy the imperfections and illusions, paving the way for beneficial change. His kind of destruction wasn’t arbitrary but constructive. He was thus seen both as good and evil and regarded as one who combines contradictory elements.

Naruto, unlike Sasuke, had a peaceful demeanor — being praised as God of Preservation — and nourished the world and its being. They worked in sync and ran the cycle of life — destroying the life which was futile and restoring a better life from the ashes.

Their ideologies were different, but they created a perfect balance. Naruto thrived on building bonds and made judgments with compassion, always forgiving and guiding misled souls. Sasuke, on the other hand, was more extreme — he always took an eye for an eye and a hand for a hand, but he wasn’t cruel. He wasn’t forgiving like Naruto either, and he claimed that his sense of judgement was always clearer. Sasuke despised Naruto’s philosophy. In his perspective, being enslaved to mere emotions would bring no good to the world.

Sasuke was pure consciousness, completely without pretension, never repetitive, always spontaneous, forever inventive, ceaselessly creative, and passionate about his actions.

One day, when Naruto and Sasuke were settling their arguments with a battle, Kakashi, a wise and mischievous messenger between Gods of Heaven and Kings of Earth, noticed how passionately Sasuke wielded his sword. The more Kakashi saw of Sasuke, the more he was in awe of him. His cunning mind bore a wish. He wanted to see how passionately this man could build bonds.

Kakashi knew Sasuke would be enraged if he approached him. Instead, he plotted a conspiracy. He went to The Creator himself — the one who created the world and appointed the protector and the destroyer. Hagoromo himself was amused by Kakashi’s proposal, but he watched Sasuke and saw the stillness surrounding him — the pain that Sasuke was unable to see himself. Hagoromo took pity and advised Kakashi to go to The Land of Fire.

Konohagakure, the capital of the Land of Fire, was prosperous and mighty, ruled by Queen Tsunade. The queen was strong willed and stubborn and feared no catastrophe. She had always been the one who harshly criticized Sasuke’s way of living and his actions.

Kakashi was a shrewd diplomat and knew he could never succeed in convincing the Queen to do what Hagoromo suggested, so he tricked her. He told her that The Creator himself wanted her beautiful kingdom to prosper more and had decided to present a gift to her. Tsunade was thrilled to know that, and the wise lady was unable to see behind Kakashi’s conspiracy.

A holy fire always burned at the heart of The Land of Fire. This fire was regarded pious because it had been burning since the beginning of civilization. The strongest of rains and harshest of winds were never able to extinguish the holy fire. The high raging flames were Tsunade’s pride and she believed no one, even The Gods themselves could demolish her Kingdom.

As promised, a beautiful adolescent girl emerged from that fire. As the girl descended from the altar, the mere touch of her soles made the earth more fertile, and her smile brought serenity.

People called her The New Goddess, and she was named Sakura. Her beauty was ethereal and her voice sweeter than honey. The shade of her eyes rivaled emerald and her hair was as graceful as cherry blossoms. Her laugh jingled with air as melodious as an angel's song. She possessed a heart brimming with compassion and love that melted even the coldest of hearts.

Tsunade, a fierce and strong tempered woman, developed a motherly instinct towards her. Sakura churned out love from the depths of the heart of the warrior queen. Tsunade found peace in Sakura’s presence and loved doing mundane things with her. Tsunade treated Sakura like her own daughter and doted on her.

As years passed by, Sakura bloomed, and she mastered everything Tsunade had taught her. Tsunade was elated and boasted that she would make her a warrior and queen like herself.

Tsunade didn’t trust many people around Sakura. She considered Sakura a precious entity and kept her hidden from the eyes of the unknown and evil. However, Kakashi was neither unknown nor evil, and thus he met Sakura routinely and helped her with her growing loneliness.

“What does freedom feel like?” she had asked Kakashi one day while her eyes drifted out from her windows, trying to see the boundaries of the Konoha.

Kakashi knew what she was talking about, but he remained silent, finding the best possible way to introduce her to the character for whom he had conspired everything.

“I want to see what’s outside those big gates.”

Sakura looked towards Kakashi, expecting an answer, and added, her voice fading, “And know more people.”

Tsunade had told her that she was destined to be the queen of this land, and so she couldn’t befriend anybody she wanted.

Kakashi silently mocked the situation. A goddess boon for a kingdom, bane for herself.

“Do you want to meet someone who can show you the real essence of freedom?”

Sakura nodded, her green eyes sparkling with eagerness.

Kakashi’s eyes crinkled at her innocence — how prophecy was working in the background, without her knowledge.

“There’s one problem though.” Kakashi rubbed his chin, squinting his eyes.

Sakura gave him a questioning look, and Kakashi said in a hushed, secretive voice, “He doesn’t like meeting anybody.”

“Huh? But why?” Sakura demanded, her voice two octaves higher than Kakashi’s.

Kakashi laughed at her innocence again.

“Oh! Tell me, where can I meet him? And would mother allow me?” she asked hopefully, fidgeting with the laces of her gown.

Kakashi’s relaxed face became serious. However, he knew how to outsmart the legendary Queen herself.

“Well, you have to go to Shikkotsu Forest.”

Sakura looked bewildered, as she had never heard of the place before.

“You don’t know where it is, do you?” Kakashi asked, and Sakura shook her head with a frown.

“Don’t worry. I’ll escort you there.” Kakashi smiled softly to her, but before Sakura could run down to tell Tsunade about her adventure, Kakashi interrupted. “However, don’t tell The Queen that you are going to meet someone. You know right? The Queen doesn’t like that.”

Sakura nodded again, saddened by the fact that she had to lie, but the thrill of the impending adventure washed away her guilt.

Kakashi then convinced Tsunade to follow his plan by pointing out that Katsuyu, the slug from Shikkotsu forest, had always served the Queen and for Sakura to succeed her throne in the future, she must know Katsuyu and Shikkotsu woods. Tsunade was convinced and, although unwillingly, gave her permission.

Dressed in the attire of a warrior and saddled upon a horse, she waved goodbye to her mother and the kingdom. The horse kicked the ground and started running at full speed, and Sakura wondered why she hadn’t thought of exploring outside the high walls of the palace before. She had always thought Konoha was a paradise, but as she crossed mile after mile, she realised the world outside Konoha was much more chaotic and beautiful.

Sometimes they slowed down, and the horses lazily strolled while she and Kakashi chatted. Kakashi would tell her about the magical slug Katsuyu and how she would be going to live in the wilderness. She also learned a little more about the man she was going to meet.

He is the embodiment of stillness and energy both, she had remembered Kakashi saying. His face carried a calm and stoic expression while inside he was chaotic and frightful. He remained still and unmoving when he reflected on his purpose, and yet he moved with a lightning speed when he executed his actions.

His stillness and energy both intrigued Sakura more. She had never felt so lively before, and as she reached closer to Shikkotsu forest, she couldn’t wait more to taste how it felt — how freedom looked like.

Almost a year passed, and Sakura had accepted Shikkotsu woods as her new home. Her silky hair grew longer and unruly, and she tied it up in a messy knot. The dresses she had brought with herself were old and torn, and she learned how to sew them. She spent hours after hours collecting food and grew more petite. What didn’t change was her radiant beauty and the mesmerizing smile that never left her lips.

She remembered her mother’s command clearly:

Learn healing magic from Katsuyu. When you become The Queen, it will benefit the people of the Kingdom.

Sakura never strayed from her routine with Katsuyu, gaining knowledge about the secrets of magical power that the slug possessed.

After that, she spent most of her time sitting on the wooden branches of a tree, looking towards the entrance of the forest. Sometimes she swung her legs in impatience, sometimes disappointment took over, and sometimes she mulled over her decision to leave the kingdom. She had waited for almost two years now and sadness took over her face when she realised the day wasn’t far when her mother would send an army to escort her back.

Although a goddess who could do wonders waited for a man and her destiny.

When Kakashi had informed him that a certain intruder had invaded Shikkostu woods, Sasuke had scoffed when he found a frail lady roaming through the forest.

“What possible harm could she cause?” he’d said.

Kakashi chuckled under his breath.

Unless cold-blooded God knew, she had the capability to destroy his ultimate defense of indifference.

Sasuke became curious and went to Shikkotsu forest to know what a princess was doing there. When he arrived, he found no trace of her and thought she had left. He was about to leave, when he heard a rustling sound behind him. He turned, sighing that the intruder hadn’t left. Before he could say anything, the same fragile lady had already released an arrow from the bow.

He hadn’t expected much, but even less had he expected to meet her in the middle of Shikkotsu forest with blood dripping out from his chest where her arrow had pierced him. A pair of perplexed green eyes pierced his onyx while he struggled to stand straight but failed and stumbled to the ground.

Sakura didn’t realise she had shot the man she had been waiting for instead of some intruder until she took a minute to tally the features that Kakashi had supplied her with. Chiseled jawline, one visible onyx eye and another hidden under his raven locks, a face that was sharp as blade, and an expression hard as rock. The visible anger in his eye and the scowl that marred his face was undeniably attractive.

Sakura rushed towards him, bracing him in her arms. She could feel his ragged breathing tickling on her shoulders as he mumbled, “Sakura?”

Her eyes widened, but before she could brace herself for the next blow, she spoke out, “I’ve been waiting for you, Sasuke.”

She was bewildered, and he was unconscious. She stayed still, contemplating the situation. They were meeting for the first time. They’d never known each other, and they didn't know each other’s name, yet how smoothly their names rolled out of each other tongues.

When Sasuke gained consciousness, he saw a mop of messy pink hair. Although he felt his blood boiling because never in his whole life had he been knocked unconscious, but the presence of the woman whose back he could see pacified him. He didn’t know how, but it did. His throat was dry and his lips felt chapped, and he coughed, notifying his intruder that he was awake.

Sakura turned towards her intruder, getting off from her place where she was crushing and mixing some herbs with a mortar and pestle. She offered him water and apologised for earlier. Sasuke’s sour expression told her that her apology wasn’t accepted. She sighed, berating herself for the mistake. She had shot the man she had been waiting for.

How was she supposed to fix this?

Her fingers trembled as she layered herbs on his wound. She could feel his heart beating, and it felt oddly familiar — like she was well versed with the rhythm.

“How do you know my name?” She broke the silence.

Sasuke gave her a confused look, and then it dawned upon him that he had never met her before. He was speechless, somewhat unable to explain and somewhat lost in her eyes. What was happening to him? Whenever he looked into those deep green abysses, he felt he was losing, and for the first time ever, it felt good.

One day while Sakura was nursing him, she shared with him the prophecy she’d been told, ignoring his gruff and uninterested look. Sasuke walked away from her, stating he had been alone since birth and intended to be that way. He tried to sneak out, but Sakura demanded that he should stay until he was healed. He didn’t want to comply because he never had to anyone, but somehow the concern in her face made him. It felt good — someone worried for him — someone taking care of him.

He later regretted his decision when Sakura became too comfortable with him.

He was on his side trying to get some sleep when Sakura asked him out of nowhere, “What does freedom feel like?”

He glared at her, irritated she had interrupted his sweet sleep.

Next when she was coaxing him to eat something, and Sasuke sat there looking outside at the falling rain without responding to her tantrums, Sakura huffed in anger, “Why don’t you at least talk?”

He couldn’t explain what he had felt when he saw her sleeping face under the moonlight. It felt like anesthesia — lulling his senses — sending him to a deeper state of peacefulness. All the years of fighting, slaying and punishing wrong-doers started to feel futile. He snuck out of the forest that night because he knew he would be destroyed if he stayed with her any longer.

Prophecy was working in the background, and something unexpected happened. He found himself again at Shikkotsu forest with, finding way back to Sakura.

“Welcome back.”

When he found Sakura smiling back at him — smiling for him — he felt he had made the right decision to return

He was fishing for lunch while Sakura sat beside him, gazing at the floating clouds. She asked, breaking the silence, “Does freedom feel like this? Being you and doing all you want.”

He turned towards her, and noticed a wistful smile playing on her lips and offered, “I will show you, if you come with me.”

Every god and demigod was astonished. They have never seen Sasuke, the lone wanderer, indulging in life, bonds, or attachments. Kakashi sipped wine while watching Sasuke fall passionately in love.

The news spread like fire, and it didn’t take much time to reach Tsunade’s ears. She was infuriated and commanded her army to drag Sakura back. Before Sakura could explain the unexplainable bond that had developed between them, Tsunade lashed out at her. She criticized both Sakura’s decision and the man who she had given her heart. Sakura was put under watch, locked up in a room as punishment for her actions.

Perhaps punishing her for the fate that she carried from the day when she was born.

The decision was hers — to be caged and become The Queen or to flee and embrace freedom.

She chose the latter. Chose the path that the prophecy had led her to. Chose the stranger who had tugged the strings of her heart.

In the darkness of night as the horse galloped, Sakura looked back for the last time, and the kingdom disappeared on the horizon with a new life waiting for her.

She had everything, yet she had felt empty. When she abandoned everything, she felt complete.

When Sakura stepped into their new abode, she found piles of snow and chilly winds blowing around. She had spent part of her life under warm sunshine and the royal ceiling. For a princess, it was difficult to adjust, but alongside all adversities, there was unadulterated love — love that had lifted the weight of expectations of royal duties from her shoulders. She felt like home, the feeling Konoha couldn’t give her.

Now she spent her days carelessly. Some days she would rest her head on his shoulder and look at the horizon as far as her eyes would allow. Some days they would travel, disguising themselves as commoners. And at those moments, she took liberty of her newfound freedom — forgetting she was a goddess — and mingled with people of unknown places.

And Sasuke let her be random and spontaneous — like him.

Perhaps this was the freedom she yearned for and had searched all over these years. Sasuke didn’t teach her how to live. Instead, his presence influenced her. She would sit silently and watch with awe when he stayed still and meditated or practiced with his sword.

The one who never knew the meaning of home had made a home at the top of The Three Wolves Mountain. Sasuke, who hadn’t known feelings, started feeling multitudes of emotions. Love and companionship were the words he had despised, but now he could understand why his counterpart, Naruto, bragged about them. Sakura made his existence meaningful, showing him beauty in the things he had often dismissed.

Her presence never became a chain for him, and she never overstepped her boundaries or meddled with Sasuke’s work. He still had a clear view of judgement, with a pinch of compassion that he had learned from her. He hadn’t shed his furious demeanor, but he reconsidered his motives before acting.

Sasuke as the world knew him had untamed passion, which led him to be extreme in behaviour. Sometimes he was an ascetic — abstaining from worldly pleasure. At others he was a hedonist — indulging every bit in marital bliss.

Living with Sakura brought him balance.

****

Part II

“Don’t you understand? You’re the future Queen. You can’t fall in love with someone who has nothing and is a lunatic murderer.”

Tsunade’s blood had been boiling with anger when she learned about the prophecy that had been crafted right under her nose. She had believed that her daughter was innocent, and it was just a filthy trick that Kakashi was playing on her until she had heard Sakura pleading.

“Please let me go.”

Honey-colored eyes filled with anger and hurt glanced towards Sakura.

Sakura spoke again, albeit afraid of Tsunade. After that, Tsunade didn't lock Sakura away. She wanted to test Sakura’s resolve — test her loyalty and love towards her and Konoha.

The next morning she was greeted with the news that the princess had eloped.

If she wanted to, she could have hunted her down, but Tsunade clearly remembered Sakura’s final words from their last conversation.

“I want to live with Sasuke… I don’t want to live here anymore.”

Although she allowed Sakura to become part of Sasuke’s life, she never accepted them, and she could never forget the sting of Sakura’s words. She hated Sasuke more for taking Sakura away from her.

After some years had passed, Tsunade decided to hold a festival in the honor of the good harvest that had sprouted from the Land of Fire. She invited every god and demigod, every lord across the nation, even the commoners and beggars. She wanted to share the happiness that she had lost after she had last seen her daughter. She couldn’t lie to herself that she still loved Sakura dearly, although she had disowned her from her heart and cared less about her whereabouts.

That’s the price Sakura would pay, she thought, because everyone was welcomed, except Sasuke and Sakura.

While Sakura and Sasuke were enjoying their routine of sitting together in silence, Sakura noticed a lot of traffic — the finest of chariots, all the lords, gods and goddesses going somewhere dressed immaculately.

Sasuke noticed she was distracted by the commotion. He knew exactly what was happening and where all of them were going, but he said nothing.

Sakura couldn’t hold back her curiosity and she asked, “What is this? Where is everyone going?”

“It doesn’t matter. We don’t need to go where they are going,” Sasuke replied, ignoring her.

Sakura knew the roads the others traveled led towards her old home. She became more restless, and she asked Sasuke again, “It seems like everyone is going to Konoha. Is something happening there?”

“Don’t bother yourself. We are fine here,” Sasuke replied curtly.

Seeing Sakura disappointed, he finally let out his biggest insecurity, “Are you unhappy here?”

“No, I’m happy here,” Sakura smiled, giving up on her curiosity.

The next day when she saw the same, she didn’t pester Sasuke again. Instead she stopped one of the chariots and asked them, “Where are you all going?”

They replied, “Don’t you know? There’s a big festival in Konoha, and your mother has invited all of us. Are you not coming?”

She felt totally lost when she came to know that she and her husband had not been invited. She felt disgraced and humiliated. She thought it wasn’t fair to her and Sasuke.

She was deeply bothered by this and decided, “I am going to my mother. Why did she do this?”

Sasuke said, “It doesn’t matter to me. Why are you getting worked up? We are fine here. Why should we go to the festival?”

Sakura was so insulted that she wasn’t invited that she didn’t want to listen to anything. Although she knew she had fled from the Kingdom without her mother's permission, she was sure Tsunade still loved her like she loved Tsunade.

She argued, “No, I have to go. There must be some kind of mistake. Maybe the invitation was lost. How can she not invite you and me? I am her daughter.”

Sasuke reasoned, “You left her for me. I don’t see anything unusual in not inviting you.”

Sakura stomped out of their abode infuriated, “My mother isn’t like that. I am sure she wouldn’t do this.”

Sasuke knew there was no point in arguing so he sent his most faithful snake Aoda as escort and pleaded with her not to provoke any incident.

When Sakura reached the huge gates of Konoha, she didn’t find any resistance, but the old familiar people were cold and inhospitable. She ordered Aoda to stay outside, and she walked towards the palace. She was trying to respond to the odd vibes that people were giving her by smiling at everyone while she made her way to her mother. The place and the people seemed to be changed, or was she changed? Perhaps Sasuke was right, but she was too stubborn to accept that. She ignored all the cold glares and mocking tones and went into the palace, still believing that there was some kind of a mistake.

“Mother,” Sakura greeted and bowed when she found Tsunade.

“Mother?” Tsunade spat back. Tsunade was furious. She never thought Sakura would have the audacity to show her face again and to call her mother.

“My daughter died the day when she turned her back on the Kingdom.”

Sakura was on the verge of crying out, because Tsunade made it clear that Sasuke’s words were the truth. She wanted to leave, but she didn’t. She wanted to know why Tsunade had always despised Sasuke. Why he himself, being a God, was not acknowledged by The Queen.

She asked Tsunade, holding back her tears, “How can you not invite Sasuke?”

Tsunade abused Sasuke in every possible way, and she added, “I will never have him step into my Kingdom.”

She could swallow her own pride and could take more insults, but she couldn’t stand more to her mother dishonoring Sasuke. Soon they were in the midst of a heated argument, and every passing moment made it clearer to Sakura that her mother was entirely incapable of appreciating the many excellent qualities that her husband possessed. She was consumed by rage against her mother and loathed her mentality.

The realization then came to her that this abuse was being heaped on Sasuke more only because he had wed her. She was the cause of dishonor to her husband. She was so crestfallen that her love had brought more hatred for Sasuke. Sasuke gave her love, yet she had brought him disgrace.

She was shaking with raw anger, tears welling out of her green eyes. She wanted others to acknowledge Sasuke like she did — pure and gentle behind his facade. She thought with her life she could show that to the world.

She didn’t want to be there, but neither did she want to go back to The Three Wolves Mountain. She walked towards the fire from where she was born. She didn’t want to live a life where her love bore hatred to Sasuke. Calling up a prayer, that in future birth, to be born in a house where Sasuke was respected, Sakura invoked divine powers and burned herself.

If she had to die and take birth again to restore his honor, she would die million times.

When Aoda came back and told him about what had happened in Konoha, Sasuke sat still for a certain period. He felt all the happiness, all the colors that Sakura brought with her fading — he felt his sanity leaving. How could he let Sakura go? How dare she do such a thing?

Sakura had given him love and a home — things that were unknown to him. How dare she leave for such an insignificant reason? She was his pride and honor, and he didn’t need any appreciation from others. How could she have misunderstood that? He didn’t need the pride which took her away from him. Thus he shed his sanity that was straining him to wreak havoc — he became fire. For the first time, he became disillusioned and decided to take revenge on the innocents.

Burning with incomparable rage, he used the mighty powers of his eyes and burned the whole kingdom using Amaterasu. They had provoked her to burn herself, hence he watched everyone and everything that had snatched his wife from him burn.

When the flames inside him and of Amaterasu had subsided, he realised how ungodly he had acted. He let his emotions rule over his actions, but hadn’t he given in to his emotions since he had met Sakura? Maybe he had always despised emotions, because he was afraid he would get drowned in them and could never manage to reach the shore again.

His work was to destroy the elements that couldn't be fixed. He was broken and his emotions were far from repairable. After the throes of romance, death and grief, he decided to destroy the emotions that had been born in him because of Sakura.

He had loved Sakura more than any and would never love after her.

He had allowed himself the luxury once and when it was over, he came out of it and went into an indifferent state again. He went into meditation for many years, deeply upset over the death of his wife, ignoring all his duties.

****

Every destruction acted as a progenitor. Within the barren and burned hectares of the Land of Fire, a small village was born after many years. The village was always covered in spring blossoms, and the people were merry, carefree, and had a profound belief in Gods and their power. They revered Sasuke most, considering him the progenitor of beginning that had given a chance to sow over barren land and produce bountifully. They were hard workers, but humble enough to believe in the grace of Gods.

Sasuke, unaware of the fact, still meditated, grieving for his wife. Still unaware that his beloved had already taken birth again...

Sakura was reborn as a human — the daughter of Kizashi, the leader of Haruno tribe and his wife, Mebuki. This time, Sakura, as she had wished, was born to a family where Sasuke was worshiped ardently.

Sakura, unaware of her past, the prophecy, and the tragedy grew into a beautiful woman. Many lords asked her for marriage, but she always denied them. She always had an innate feeling that someone already had taken her heart, but she didn’t know who.

When Kakashi came to know that the goddess had lost the memories of her previous birth, he appeared in front of her parents. Regretting the path he had taken last time, he confronted her parents about her previous birth, the prophecy, and the fate that linked Sasuke and their daughter.

Kizashi and Mebuki were overwhelmed with joy after knowing this. However, Sakura was skeptical about it and questioned Kakashi.

“Go to Shikkotsu Forest. The answers to all your questions lie there,” Kakashi advised.

Sakura, with her parents’ permission, went to Shikkotsu forest, and as she spent days under the canopy where she had found her freedom once, she learned from Katsuyu to whom her heart belonged.

The moment when she remembered all about her past, she grew restless. At once she left for The Three Wolves Mountain — Sasuke’s home — their home. When she reached there, she found Sasuke lost in meditation.

Years passed, but she waited for Sasuke to open his eyes and to look at her and realize that she was there — as promised.

But Sasuke was deeply lost.

Although a human this time, Sakura was still stubborn.

She sat there in spite of the bitter chilly winds that rattled her bones. She didn’t move an inch to gather food even though her stomach hurt from hunger. She didn’t blink her eyes in spite of how much they threatened to close because of exhaustion.

Perhaps love was invincible — the strongest force that again moved the coldest heart.

Sasuke opened his eyes after many uncountable years. Something that he couldn’t pinpoint had stirred him out of his deep state. He rose in fury. How could anyone dare do that? Wasn’t tricking him once enough?

He swore he would see the death of the person who had disturbed him. He walked outside to see a lady whose head and shoulders were covered with snow, shivering.

His brows knitted in irritation because no one had stepped in The Three Wolves Mountain except Sakura.

The lady straightened herself, feeling his presence. Sasuke wasn’t ready to listen to any of her justifications.

Because no had stepped in their abode except Sakura, and no one would.

****

Although he was elated to see her again, what Sakura has done was unforgivable. Sasuke was bewildered. All these years of abandoning his emotions fell away when he felt a surge of love and hatred, fear and longing, hurt and comfort coursed through him.

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t want to live with regrets and guilt earlier,” Sakura confessed to him, filling up the details of the past.

He realised the diamond mark on her forehead was gone. She was still beautiful and the smile he had longed to see was still graceful. Undoubtedly, she was Sakura, his wife. She was no longer a goddess though. She had sacrificed her divine powers for him.

He was scared to lose her again. He didn’t want to believe in the prophecy that had once taken Sakura away from her, but he listened peacefully to everything.

“This time will be different. Trust me, I'm not leaving you anywhere,” Sakura smiled, and assured Sasuke.

Who was Sasuke to defy her plea? Their love was weaved in the form of prophecy which defied cycles of lifes and deaths. No matter how far they go, they are bound to be together at the end.

[shepherds-of-haven]

Hello! Is there anything you are looking forward to in 2021? Games, movies, books, interactive fiction, whatever comes to mind! Have a wonderful New Years!

Hi there, thank you so much for the fun question! I primarily tend to look forward to games and books, while movies and shows I only hear about through the grapevine! Some of these may not come out in 2021, but I’m very excited for these video games:

Mass Effect Remastered

New Pokemon Snap

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part II

Gotham Knights

Dragon Age 4

Mass Effect 4

Bear and Breakfast

Haven

And for books, I’m looking forward to:

Sidewinders by Robert VS Redick

The Book of Dust (Book 3) by Philip Pullman

This is also a shameless plug, but I’m very excited for my own book to come out this year, July 6th 2021! It’s called We Have Always Been Here and it’s about a psychologist who was raised on a green-apocalyptic Earth; she’s trapped on a spaceship headed to an alien planet while all of her crewmembers start going insane. There are also androids to fall in love with and mysterious visions and political conspiracies!

Finally, if you’re looking for book recommendations, here are some books that I read this year that I really enjoyed:

The City of Brass (The Daevabad Trilogy) by S.A. Chakraborty - an incredible, rich fantasy inspired by Islamic culture about a street-wise thief who accidentally summons a warrior djinn and is whisked away to a secret world full of spirits and magic-users. If you enjoy the dynamic of the Diminished and the Norms in Shepherds, court intrigue and complex political dynamics, and secret bloodlines, you’d probably enjoy this! Also... love triangle... 👀

The Wolf of Oren-Yaro (Chronicles of the Bitch Queen) by K.S. Villoso - a stark fantasy inspired by Asian and Filipino cultures and settings, this series details a warrior-queen of an island nation trying to find her husband in a foreign empire after he walked out on her and her son five years ago. An assassination attempt derails her journey and leaves her alone in a vast nation that doesn’t respect her sovereignty in the least, and conspiracies dog her every step. This is by FAR the angstiest books I’ve personally ever read and I probably won’t be able to read the last book because my heart can’t take it anymore. BUT I’m in love with the characters, the voice of the protagonist, and the general quick-paced prose of the books. If you love amazing characters or tear-jerking emotional drama, this is the series for you!

Serpent and Dove by Shelby Mahurin - Unlike the above books, I haven’t yet read the other books in this series, but it was definitely one of the most memorable books I read this year! Set in a French-inspired world where witches are seen as the country’s greatest threat and the ultimate embodiment of sin, the story follows the perspectives of Louise le Blanc, a witch in hiding who now plies her trade as a common criminal, and Reid Diggory, a devout witch-hunter who serves the Church, as they’re forced by strange circumstances to get married. If you like the “fake marriage but they fall in love”, “enemies to lovers”, and “cop and criminal that he’s pursuing fall in love” tropes, you’ll love this! I really enjoyed the motley crew of friends and characters as well as the main couple, and the romance is definitely sizzling!

Thank you again for the question!

[saintheartwing]

I've decided to put this up for reference and to help not only myself remember who's who, but clear a few things up for you, dear reader. All part of my “Breaking Dawn” Invader Zim story! From left to right, starting at the top...

DIB Occupation: Student Power: Willpower Further Notes: Dilbert Membrane, little "Dibbun". He's both antagonist and protagonist like Zim in the television series "Invader Zim", and grew up with both a strong interest in the paranormal and the strange, and with a deep desire to protect the people of Earth. Even as a toddler he seemed to have a calling within him to protect the planet and those within it. He is capable of overcoming great fear, and with his strong resolution and imagination, he makes for an excellent green lantern. This brave-hearted youth grew up on "IZ-Prime", the "Base" planet of the Invader Zim youth, the Earth where all other Invader Zim universes are born from. His primary job is usually keeping Zim from experimenting on other people or unleashing some highly strange, oddly stupid and yet fiendishly clever doomsday weapon on the populace. Eventually Dib hit on an idea: Zim had managed to make himself a "friend" in Keef, who had done everything with him...and where was Batman without a Robin? He took in a charge, and recruited that slightly slow, but friendly and impressionable kid Nick whom Zim had stuck a probe in some time back. The two became an excellent team for a time until "The Incident" in which Zim crossed the line...and did something to Nick Dib would never forget...and possibly never forgive. Eventually the years went on and Zim slightly mellowed out, meaning that Dib could relax somewhat...until, that is, all of reality began to fall apart... GAZ Occupation: Student Power: Rage Further Notes: Gazeline Membrane blamed almost everybody when her mother Peggy died in a tragic lab accident. All of it was unfair blame, but she didn't care. She shut herself up in selfish desires and caprice, her rage slowly boiling underneath her like a volcano set to blow at the slightest notice. Interestingly, she began to warm up to Zim. The two had a surprising amount of things in common...the two even went to the dance together. She admits in private he "cleaned up alright". She was blushing heavily as she said this. She didn't, however, approve of what Zim did to Nick, because whilst she doesn't mind the exploitation of the stupid, the outright abuse he leveled was horrifying even to her. She tried to be nice to Nick in the hospital, giving him something of a crush on her. Being a being of revenge, private loss and fury, it's not surprising she bonded with the power of Rage, which had, at one point, been the might of Passion. Heck, she's ALL passion! ZIM Occupation: "Invader", Service Drone/Student Power: Avarice Further Notes: Zerinim, Zimmy-Wimmy, Zimri, etc, etc. You all know him. He's that short, tiny little thing who's determined to take over and/or destroy the Earth. You have to give him points for persistence, he keeps a-tryin', but his level of commitment and competence is "Team Rocket" level. Since he was little, he's been pretty much destroying everything he touches, but this isn't totally his fault. His PAK is defective, his mental processes aren't right. He's slow in some areas of development, but very bright in others, similar to that of an autistic child...obsessive and slightly anti-social behavior included. He's also never admit his deep concern for his beloved companions, mostly because he desperately clings to the inane idea that an Invader needs no one, even though he often relies on others for the "final touch" in his plan. The "incident" that happened with Nick actually struck him with so much guilt...it almost struck as hard as Dib did with that lead pipe after he snuck inside Zim's house and put Zim in a body cast for half a year. Zim's plans became less lethal and more annoying, and he began to appreciate his "friends" a bit more. He views Dib as something of an equal, and in a way, perhaps...more than that. And then...there's Gaz... GIR Occupation: Robot Power: Fear Further Notes: GIR. He's a GARBAGE-INFESTED-ROBOT! Useless as far as most robotic companions go because he's not usually taking things seriously, his head always in the clouds. And the few times he DOES focus don't last long at all. However, with the power of "Fear" flowing through him, the potential to inspire terror and impose HIS kind of order on the world brings out the dark, foul and pitiless cruelty he holds within. GIR has the potential to be even worse than Zim, and the ring focuses his inner psychopathic tendencies. GIR is very childlike...he doesn't always 'get' what he's supposed to do, or understand why things are the way they are. Yet he is also more intelligent and wise than people give him credit for, having access to fundamental truths about the universe he lives in. He understands what kind of world he's in, and has accepted that, and his role as the on-again off-again goofy sociopath. If your really are worried about him, give him something shiny. Or a lollipop. SKOODGE Occupation: Invader Power: Hope Further Notes: Invader Skoodge. No matter what terrible things happened in his life, he's always faced the future. He's remained cheery, helpful, friendly and optimistic, and therefore, it befits him to wear the robes of the Blue, wielder of the light that Hope brings. Skoodge and Zim go way back, and Skoodge considers Zim a dear friend, one of the few people who didn't treat him like a fat, useless lump. As such, he's willing to do almost anything for him, or anybody who treats him with respect and decency. He treats the revelation about the world he lives in with stoic acceptance, and doesn't raise a stink about it. Skoodge is too cool for school, baby. NOTHIN' rattles him. Plus I like this outfit the most. It's so stylish! GRETCHEN Occupation: Student Power: Love Further Notes: Gretchen has always had a huuuuge crush on Dib, admiring him and his work from afar. She eventually figured out the truth about Zim, which helped make Dib open up to her, but nobody really listened to HER either. Mostly because her braces weren't fixed yet...kids can be so cruel. But when wielding the light of Love, she's able to bring out her strongest potential, and become the brave defender that she always was inside, the sort of take-charge, admirable alien-busting girl that Dib would find his ideal. Plus, more importantly, the outfit she's wearing does NOT make her look half-naked. You're welcome. TAK Occupation: Former Invader/Current Patron of Emotion Power: Willpower Further Notes: Tessirak, or Tak, was at one point, a promising Irken training to be an Invader. She rose quickly through the ranks, impressing all of her superior officers (Red especially, he "loves that girl!")...and tragically getting trapped on her training planet when Zim caused a huge power outage in his desire to get a snack. Typical Zim. Tak got a LITTLE bit insane from that and from being forced to be a janitor for several years. She went to Earth to get her revenge and actually befriended Dib somewhat, but ultimately she lost against Zim and his "friends", and was sent out into space. Her old comrade who still had a great gentlemanly (and slightly romantic) concern for her, Darth, had a fellow comrade go pick her up upon hearing of her plight, and she was almost dead...if not for the fact that her Will was keeping her alive, beyond even her PAK, beyond anything else. This strong Will was what transformed her into the Patron of Willpower, and she bonded to Jayd when he arrived to aid her. Tak is very resolute and intelligent, and always follows through on her plans. She's clever as can be, and over time, developed a dear fondness for Dib and her host, Jayd, who views himself as a Knight, with her as his queen to protect. I like the way her design came out quite a lot, truth be told. She's so streamlined and stylish! I was tempted to give her a cape, truth be told. But like the movie "The Incredibles" said...no capes! JAYD Occupation: Medic Power: Willpower Patron: Tak Further Notes: Jayd was and always has been a lucky, lucky guy. He, like the others in Senior's care, found something fascinating about Earth Culture. Unlike the others though, this fascination came from comics. Ideals like justice and morality hit home with him, and he became fascinated by the tales in comics like "Superman", "X-Men" and, his personal favorite...Green Lantern. It could be the result of his programming: after all, he WAS encoded as a medic, helping the sick and injured and helpless is in his "blood". So was it the entity of Willpower, heroism and courage embodied, that he picked..or did it pick HIM? Either explanation makes sense, and that's what I'm leaving it at. Jayd is the heroic Irken that strives to be courageous and noble, the honorable warrior, a flame of chivalry that can't be blown out. The power of Will requires a living being to manifest, and it's representative is always changing based around who has the mightiest will in its presence. It was Tak that gained it, having the ability to overcome great fear, and she, in turn, bonded to Jayd after he was sent to rescue her courtesy of her dear old comrade, Darithil. With her indomitable will and his deep moral code, the two are a good fit. And I really like the wreathe he wears atop his head. It's a nice touch. MAHT Occupation: Service Drone Power: Compassion Patron: Fiyvr Further Notes: Maht's always been used all his life. Be he a tool of a general, being forced to sweep floors at a diner or being stuck bussing drinks, he's never had his own will. But he doesn't totally care. What he DOES care about is being able to be of some help or use to others. He accepts his lot in life because, for the most part, he feels he can do the most good in whatever position he happens to be in. Gaining the sympathetic light of Compassion and becoming wielder of the Indigo Light enabled him to be of even greater assistance to others. Maht, like the others, found a deep liking of Earthling ways. He finds the different races and cultures fascinating, and has a deep personal enjoyment of food from the small blue planet, especially if it's deep fried or contains cheese. Fiyvr, his patron, is from the world of Wahshyd Dawhn, and was a renowned prophet and seer. He's always happy to lend a hand in solving somebody's problems, and to be a shoulder to cry on...even if he's physically short on both accounts. Curse his lack of opposable thumbs! Still, Maht might be pretty much a rug for others to walk all over on, but he's a very HELPFUL rug, and a reliable type...and he'll still try and give the best hug he can when somebody's feelin' down. DITE Occupation: Elite Invader Power: Passion/Rage Patron: Chulainn Further Notes: Dite likes to be seen as strong. She handles fights like a man, handles anger like a man, and fights dirty like a man. All of her inner anger though, stems from personal loss. She loved someone once, many, many years ago, and gave her all for him. But the Empire let him rot. For that...she would never forgive them. And she adopted a gung-ho attitude similar to her beloved's personality. It is grief that fuels the greatest rage, and so Chulainn, who endured great pain in HIS life, naturally bonded to her and others who felt great suffering. He originated on Earth like Psyche and Jourmungdr, and his appearance changed to better fit his new nature. Dite has a deep love of the kind of "gritty and dark" action stories that Earth has. I'm talkin' "Bloodgun" or "Punisher" type stories. She really, REALLY likes making sure people get what they deserve. And get. And get some more. So yeah...she's a bloodthirsty vigilante with a tragic past. Never seen THOSE before! :roll" MIYUKI Occupation: Former Tallest, Current Resisty Leader and Television Personality Power: Hope Patron: Psyche Further Notes: Psyche comes from Earth like Chulainn and Joumungdr, and when Chulainn stood for passion, the two were very close. If one has hope and faith in the future, one should live passionately, living life to its fullest, unafraid. Furthermore, she likes poetry. His poetry. Yeah, weird relationship. Miyuki has had several weird relationships in HER life too. Darithil considers her a mother figure, to Senior, she was the "big sister" type boss, as dear as family, and to Spork she was an annoying wife that he felt he always had to drag around, like she was a nagging ball and chain and he was a prisoner on a chain gang. Of course, his biggest concern was usually whether the camera was getting his good side, whilst she cared more about, y'know, food shortages, the fate of physical defectives and whether or not the Meekrob would nuke her people. She lost almost all hope when Zim's creation, the Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob ate her, and was forced to maintain her consciousness and what little was left of her body by consuming living beings along with Spork. However, she held onto the idea that one day she could return, and bring her people out of darkness. She represents living hope...the hope that one day, the Irken people could be good and noble, if only they had the right person to show them the way...and she sure knows how to dress, woo! Her outfit is my favorite out of all the girls. It's so regal and dignified! FEYR Occupation: Consular (Interrogator) Power: Love Patron: Jourmungdr Further Notes: Most would be surprised that the power of Love is exemplified by a patron that's a giant snake which used to be a Norse monster, and represented by cannibalistic Irkens dressed in vaguely transsexual armor. Well the thing is, their love almost borders on obsession. Love is deep and complicated, and though usually innocent in intent, it has a bad tendency of not realizing that it's lost sight of the rest of the world...and lost its grip on logic. Consulars are all psychics, and their power has been manipulating Irk for generations. They seek to save Irk from "itself", feeling that the idea that "invaders need no one" is inane. If they didn't need anybody or anything, the Tallest wouldn't give them SIRs. Wouldn't give them PAKs. They love their planet and love other alien races, and not merely for dinner, either. They just have a tendency to get...carried away. Feyr is no exception. He wines and dines all he interrogates, and views shrinking and swallowing them as a high honor, keeping them safe forever, embedded in the crystals he generates with his power, safe until the day Irk is ready to accept love, and by extension, the right of other races to live freely. He's charming and sweet, but also very manipulative and cold-hearted when he wants to be. But what else could you expect from a slightly sociopathic cannibal? XEIL Occupation: Communications Officer Power: Intelligence/Fear Patron: Nollij (aka Panyck), co-bonded with Spork Further Notes: Xeil's problem isn't that she's an egotistical, proud, narcissistic bitch. The problem is that it's a front. The problem is that she could be better, and WAS better. She had a personality her own, which befits her station. Most communication officers are good at listening, can "hear beyond". She was no exception... But Xeil lost herself in her job too easily, and forgot how to feel. She was hearing what others said...but she stopped listening. She lost the zest she had for her job. Panyck is much the same. At one point, he was Knowledge made manifest, the pride and joy of his home planet, but he lost himself in HIS job, and became a fascist, a dictator who worshipped fear. He views it as the best way to establish real order, and that not knowing fear is utter insanity. Admittedly, he might have a point. SOME fear is necessary, some caution is always needed in life...but inflicting fear on others needlessly is something he began to enjoy, when once before he sought to instruct others on what was to be feared rather than being the thing feared. However a piece of his true self remains, brought out by Spork, who has had a long time to think about his own rule, and Xeil, who will, with time, remember HER true self...and why she chose to be a communications officer in the first place. PEECH Occupation: Guard Power: Diligence/Avarice Patron: Pyrsist Further Notes: Pyrsist didn't take a new name, but she focused more on getting stuff than getting stuff DONE. Peech's love of Earth culture is centered around things that can best be summed up in a single word...shiny. Shiny shiny shiny! A brand new shiny thing, that's her favorite object in all the world! She keeps most hidden in her backpack/jetpack, but usually you can hear it all jingling. She likes stealing things out of people's pockets and purses and the like, being something of a kleptomaniac. Peech believes in looking regal and elegant and beautiful, and that more jewels equal more happiness. In short, she's a petty, selfish little brat...she and Pyrsist deserve each other. At one point, Pyrsist was a hard-working citizen of Avianos, but that went out the window when she became Mistress of the Orange Light. Peech is also a huge fan of Earth fashion and likes imitating what's "in" on the planet. Were she a guy, she'd have no problem wearing things like dark biker jackets or cowboy hats. She believes full-heartedly in the right to choice, she sees nothing wrong with letting Irkens be free to dress how they want, and is witty enough to debate her point of view well. To Peech, Wiyn was more than a friend growing up. But when Peech tried to give her the love she felt...Wiyn couldn't give it back. Wouldn't give it back. So she sought to fill the void with junk. She went from being a deep, poem-writing romantic to a shallow valley girl. She didn't have to be that way... NICK. E. ODEON Occupation: Student Power: Death Patron: Himself Further Notes: He's a tragedy. He was eager-to-please. He wanted to satisfy the people who showed him attention and support. He wanted to make others happy and bonded instantly to somebody who he felt was "in need of a friend". But then Zim did the unspeakable, and he went from being childlike in heart to being childlike in mind and interests as well. He has problem getting dressed...tying his shoes. That's not his real hair. It's actually a wig. His old hair kinda...rotted off after... ...erm...well, at one point, he was Dib's comrade and friend. His solider. But Dib couldn't help him...and Dib didn't avenge him. He put Zim in a body cast for six months...but "Nick" never was the same. Ultimately, it's sort of unsurpriisng that he ended up being the Black Entity. He doesn't just blame Invader Zim for his pain. He blames the universe he's in for creating Invader Zim the way he is. He blames the people that made Zim ZIM. And he's gonna make them pay for making so flawed a universe. He views Zim and the universe of Invader Zim irredeemably flawed and better off dead because of all the immorality, cruelty and terrible tragedies that it and its alternate universes spawn. The problem is that he fails to see the good that can be found within, because he refuses to see any other part of IZ. In choosing to focus on one part, albeit a large one, of the realm, he ignores all the rest of it and doesn't get a clear enough view. He doesn't fully"get" Zim, even though he says he does. And yes. He is every bit as representative of you-know-what as you think he is. But it's not his fault. He just doesn't know any better. He's just trying to do what he thinks is best. WIYN Occupation: Elite Grunt Power: None, unless you count being a bitch. Patron: None, unless maybe Satan is her secret benefactor... Further Notes: Wiyn is every horrible, cruel, sadistic, by-the-book bitchy jackass that we've met. She will always stick to the rules but only if she thinks they fit her standards. She forces everyone to fit her standards and will blast anybody that doesn't, and instead of reasonable discussion, she prefers cruel words and violence. Wiyn was, at one point, a dearly beloved comrade of Xeil, and then some. But Wiyn refused to open her heart. Instead, it shriveled up. Don't set her up with a boyfriend. She's married to her work! She's proud, narcissistic, vain, ignorant of others feelings and apathetic to the suffering of innocents. In a word, she's evil. She's a constant whiner about what is or isn't "right" for an Irken to do because she looked into the Untempered Schism, seeing all the truths of her universe. As such, she considers herself a "true Irken" and anybody remotely different from her mold, even if they just have an unusual eye color or like wearing, say, a striped outfit, MUST DIE! She's a good representative of the part of the fandom that I hate...the ones that obsess over what's truly "canon" and what's not, and who have no tolerance or compassion for anybody or anything that stretches outside their boundaries. They've got little tolerance for the fandom and refuse to recognize what it brings to Invader Zim. I have no respect for Wiyn or what she represents. I yearn for the day when she will be turned into an AVOCADO. For those of you who get this inside joke...you know who you are. You rock. SENIOR, aka Nick Grey

Occupation: Senior Communications Officer Power: Life Patron: Sude Further Notes: Nick's Irken Form, now given a true name, "Senior". He's the oldest and most experienced communications officer on the Massive, and considers himself the "Safety Net" to those on the ship. He's there for its crew, to lend a helping hand, a pair of arms to lift them up, a shoulder to cry on. He's always been kind-hearted and harmonious, with a deep love of Earth music. It's no surprise the Entity of Life, Sude of the Planet Allforce, bonded to him. Sude's story is much like Senior's. He was happy with his life. He was upstandingly moral, kindhearted and believed in doing good...and he loved, LOVED music, always having a song in his heart. But in refusing to listen to the Force of Fate, he learned that whilst such forces might not dictate what it is we are destined to do, it's not a good idea to not just disregard the words of a force of nature. Sude's devoted to protecting and supporting life, and will spend the rest of his existence forever making up for his failure. Just like Senior, Sude will always be fighting. But Senior is less of an "immortal". He's been saving the many universes in the I-Z realm for years now, and he feels he was never truly given a choice, given an unfair deal. Ultimately though, his desire to do the right thing made him chose to keep up the fight, realizing that one should never put selfish desires above doing good, no matter how seemingly innocent those desires might be. Senior's come a long way, but at last, his true form is revealed. He is a superhero, meant to embody an ideal, an ideal of humanity brought to Irk, a blessed gift that other Irkens can learn from. I guess he was always going to become a superhero one way or another...he was just such a perfect fit. Plus, I really, REALLY like the new outfit he's got now. It looks damn good on him. Now he'll be fighting injustice and cruelty through the IZ-Realm and in style! White goes well with EVERYTHING.

[indurarinks]

the mardi gras conundrum

( 9. ) “Acheron?” Beyond mere passing curiosity, it was the urgency supporting Bonnie’s need to understand the man sitting behind the wheel of his ridiculously expensive car that scalded her tongue. He was ever evasive, enigmatic and rarely straightforward where his past was concerned. But none of it quelled her demand to search for the truth. She didn’t seek it for personal gain either, she only sought to soothe the battle-weary hearts of her hunters. During the long weeks of bonding with each one of them, Bonnie convinced herself their inner peace was too valuable to be overlooked. Neither was the sharing type yet she was determined to help them heal wounds inflicted centuries ago, in a time innocence still characterised their human lives. And only the deepest betrayal could taint it. Riding in comfortable silence, Bonnie suspected the indecipherable Dark Hunter would resort to the infamous technique called feigned indifference where he pretended not to hear her while she would be forced into accepting his choice for silence. Stoic, and his features impassive, Acheron Parthenopaeus held all the charisma in the universe with full lips pressed against one another into a thin line. His gaze seemed focused on the road but behind that wall of opacity from his shades, Bonnie couldn’t be certain. And if her senses were correct, then he was, most definitely, eyeing her with the stealth of a predator. She felt the burn of his gaze on her. “Back at the comp��“ He sighed. As if the weight of the world had been dropped on his shoulders. “You want to know.” He interrupted her train of thought. “About the... incident from earlier.” The wilderness that rolled naturally from the contained storm of his voice offered her familiar security. A balm to her soul, she would never grow weary of it. It was almost as if he could read her innermost thoughts. And though she knew Dark Hunters possessed different gifts, Acheron seemed to be the rarity to that rule. The odd one out. Kyrian once told her he was the first one to be created. And she figured that was why he shared similar abilities to those of his brethren. Perhaps Kyrian and him were even more alike than her initial evaluation, conducted on the spot, back in Sanctuary when she first met Ash. Their personalities, however, differed significatively. “I—I probably can’t imagine...” she started but her words lost their direction when Acheron steered the Porsche into a new destination. No longer on their way toward the Garden District, it wouldn’t be long until Bonnie recognised St. Louis Cemetery’s aged iron gates. The car came to a stop near its old entrance. And without another word, he vacated the cramped space to welcome the fresh air of February. At first, Bonnie didn’t dare moving. She was paralysed in fear, mostly. The waters in which she swam were dangerous and treacherous, she knew of the promise navigating through the past and what it could potentially entail for the one taking a peek, even if brief, into that old chest of memories. She sensed barely contained pain, and worlds of sorrow and unrestrained grief. Outside, Acheron sat on the hood of his car. Alone. His chin slightly raised, it was obvious his gaze was lost to the skies already painted with the light tones of dawn. The night had come fast but the sun showed signs of similar elation for its return. It was now or never, she thought. As she opened the door on her side, left the car and took a seat next to him, Bonnie registered no movement from the embodiment of enigma himself. His shoulders slumped, his gaze finally sought refuge in wide-open doorway to her soul —those forest green eyes he had gotten lost in on multiple occasions before. But Bonnie wasn’t having any of it by allowing him to hide behind the comfort of his ever present shades. Hesitantly, and watching him from beneath curtains of thick lashes, her fingers took possession of his sunglasses as she slowly stripped his eyes naked. She knew what to expect but the gasp of appreciation still escaped. Liquid mercury swam quietly in his eyes as he watched her disarming him. Bonnie was the first and only one to accomplish that since his rebirth. And while he said nothing, a furious tic thrummed visibly along his jaw. She expected the momentary peak of anxiety after the bold exposure of him. A small grin stretching her lips, Bonnie folded his sunglasses and slid them inside her jeans pocket. For the time being, she was holding them hostage. Despite her calm facade, her heart suddenly became a professional gymnast as it did flips back and forth like there was no tomorrow. “It’s okay, Ash. If you prefer to keep your story to yourself,” she interrupted their silence at last. Besides panic and desperation, she was hit with a fathomless wave of grief the likes of which the young witch had never drowned in before. The raw intensity of these emotions flooring her, she was left breathless for several heartbeats. “I just... I hate seeing the torment of your past shadowing the light in your eyes.” Staggering from the onslaught of emotions, tears prickled her eyes. “You’ve been so hurt. I can sense it. I can.” Her chest rose and fell repeatedly. “You still bleed from your wounds. The past still holds you prisoner. And I don’t even know for how long! I can’t imagine the damage that’s caused on your soul.” Disturbed, Bonnie quickly wiped away the disgraceful tears that managed to escape her defences. The gates were now wide open. Beside her, her companion chose immediate silence. Frozen by the prejudice of his past, he walked trough the wastelands of memories without realising her fingers interlocked with his as she slid her palm on top of his massive hand. An earthquake-like tremor shook the whole of him. “It’s eleven thousand years.” He stated matter-of-factly. Surprise and shock registered on her face. It couldn’t be, her meagre knowledge of history told her it wasn’t possible. Yet, the exhaustion etched on his features spoke a whole different tale. “How is tha—?” She started. “That history lesson is too long and complex for tonight.” His gaze wandered to where their fingers stood united, Bonnie’s index finger stroking his knuckles. “And Bonnie? I’m soulless. All Dark Hunters are.” Promptly rolling her eyes, she smacked him on the arm. Like a masochist, he smiled down at her. “Ow.” Acheron massaged his arm, successfully allowing them both a reprieve from the growing tension. “That ought to teach you not to smart-mouth me! You know what I meant. It may not inhabit your body, Ash, but it’s still yours. Still bleeds. I can see it, you know?” The soft, tangent urgency to secure his understanding clung to the breaths expelled. Since the moment she had been brought into their lives, Bonnie had been silently collecting data, studying and gathering every ounce of information about her warriors. Acheron and Kyrian, in particular, as both had been the ones she had spent the most time with. After careful analysis of her research, she was fairly confident Ash loathed the thought of having someone at his back. He even recoiled with the exaggerated proximity of another. With that thought in mind, and wanting to test her theory, Bonnie leaned closer. Purposely invading his personal space. Even though it was minimal and discreet, he drew back. Inside her chest, the thin walls of her beating heart cracked. The desolation mirrored in those pools of mercury laying waste to the fields of her weeping soul. ───Just how much misery has he been put through? Persisting, she tried again. “Back at the Mikaelson’s, before Klaus showed up, you…” With her insides twisting in oceans of anxiety, she lifted her gaze to his face. The urge to see him impossible to bypass. He was now peering right through her. “I know.” Serene but resigned, the direction of his gaze shifted so that he was staring at the horizon whilst pushing closed fists into the pockets of his worn-out leather coat. Soon, the first timid rays of sunshine broke free. Tearing the darkness apart. Had she been sharing this moment with Kyrian, they’d be on their phrenetic way home. As a norm, Dark Hunters were banished from sunlight, yet their leader stood as exception to that rule. Nothing about Acheron Parthenopaeus was ordinary. After several minutes spent in absolute silence, and with a defeated sigh, she rose from the hood of the car and handed him his shades, certain he had murdered the topic and buried its corpse. Her hands tied, Bonnie decided to respect his deafening silence and privacy. “Come on. Let’s face King Stubborn. I can almost hear his tirade from here.” It was her way of letting him know of her decision. “It was my nephew.” Halfway through her march to her side of the car, Bonnie froze. Her curls bounced back and forth with the abrupt movement of her head as she looked back at him. She almost doubted she heard him when he didn’t elaborate. His tone had been so low as well, as if afraid of the damage the words would deliver. Hesitantly, she approached him again. ─── Was Acheron Parthenopaeus finally allowing her to take a peek into the fortress of solitude of his soul? The sunglasses still caged between his fingers, calloused by countless battles, Bonnie found herself peering deeply into the oceans of mercury of his eyes. Saying nothing, the petite woman simply reached for his hand, securing it between her fingers as she gave him a nod of encouragement. “He was murdered while I lay in a drunken stupor in the room next door. His death and my sister’s, his mother, are on me, Bon. Their blood still stains my hands.” Without pretending she was privy to all the details of that tragic night, Bonnie shook her head vehemently. “It wasn’t your fault, Ash. You would probably be killed too if you had gone into their room… And besides, something tells me you weren’t drunk because you felt like partying. You’re not that type. You were drowning. Weren’t you?” She lowered her chin while her thumb and index finger secured his. Turning his head her way, she then forced him to look back at her. “Weren’t you?” Again, she asked. “That’s no excuse, Bonnie.” Rising from his spot on the car hood, the Dark-Hunter swiftly made his way to his side of the car. “I let them die.” With a sense of finality, he tucked himself behind the wheel of his Porsche. But Bonnie couldn’t disregard the raw vulnerability drenching his words. The agony exuding enough to rob the air inside her lungs. Enough to inject her with a weakness capable of driving her to her knees. Leaning over the passenger’s seat, Acheron opened the door to welcome her inside. And without another word, she took her place beside him. A stirring of magic began tickling her senses then, like a foreshadowing of sorts. In the cramped space, Acheron touched her arm in the midst of shifting gears as he brought the engine to life. Taken by surprise, Bonnie gasped loudly. Not by the touch itself but the sudden flashes of ancient memories taking her brain hostage, without an ounce of mercy. Lying in a pool of his own blood, Acheron Parthenopaeus struggled to rise from the slippery floor of the grand palace. Lost to his anger and bloodlust, his attacker, a male figure of pure perfection with a golden aura, sank his knife into Acheron’s heart before slicing him open up to his navel like a hunted animal being gutted by a barbarous predator. The brutality of the scene alone successfully stealing the remaining air flowing through her lungs. “You died that night, too.” She stated in a whisper, haunted by the violence still burning behind her eyelids. This time around, he didn’t elaborate. But he watched her, from the corner of his eye with a strange light reflected on his gaze. The assertiveness supporting her revelation pushing him to put his every available resource to use, he was soon faced with a growing mystery Acheron couldn’t quite figure out yet. Still petrified by the sudden revelation on both parties, the pair rode in a rather strained silence for the remaining journey. At Kyrian’s antebellum mansion’s gate, the young witch finally dared a peek at the man sitting beside her. “Ash—“, she started only to be interrupted by him. “You don’t have to apologise, Bonnie.” He paused as if weighing the impact of his following words. “I wanted you to know. For some reason.” The air of mild astonishment clung to him furiously before quietly leaving her to her own thoughts as he braved the path toward the main entrance of Kyrian’s exuberant manor with regal superiority that bled from every pore without an ounce of vanity exuded. “One day, Ash. One day, you will tell me every secret you’ve buried deep in your soul. Then, I’ll set you free.” With that whispered vow, Bonnie vacated the car to follow him and, finally, confront her latest source of woe. Their gazes locked instantly as she stepped through the door. The cold morning’s timid breeze blowing, dragged her curls behind her shoulders as her fingers made haste to shield Kyrian from the invading sunlight. Even in darkness, the ancient Prince’s blonde curls glistened like an aura of mortal divinity. Incapable of staying unaffected, her heart quickened at the sight. And though his stance prevailed rigid and unfaltering, Kyrian stood silent. Almost defeated, and at a loss for words. In return, Bonnie’s demeanour evolved through different discharges of emotions as her thoughts raced through her mind. Neither willing to break the silence of discomfort. Drowning in conflict, she entertained their staring contest for a little longer just so she gave herself the time to examine the source of all her current heartache. Convinced her stubborn Dark-Hunter had recovered from most of the damage done to him the previous night, she finally mustered the courage to reveal her intentions of returning to Mystic Falls for a few days. “You look better already. That’s a relief.” Pause. Fidgeting fingers found temporary shelter in her jacket’s pockets. Then she cleared her throat. “Ash is taking me home for a couple of days.” ─── There. It’s done. Best to just blurt it out and take them both out of this misery. Unsure he had heard it right, he sought Acheron for clarification. Or any indication of the meaning behind her words. As the sole witness to their exchange, characterised by tension and uneasiness, Ash chose not to elaborate. Leaving that pleasant task to her. “I’m gonna find Nick. There’s something I need to discuss with him.” And just like that, he vanished toward the kitchen. Betrayal spoiled Kyrian’s patrician features. As a member of the male community, he had hoped his boss would join forces with him in solidarity. To dilute the growing tension building between him and Bonnie. But no, the old bastard slipped through the cracks at the first chance. “Why?” Defeated, he couldn’t even hide his dismay. It took him several heartbeats of aching silence to finally tear it apart. In his head, Kyrian had already demanded her all the answers but none were brought into the light. Only that broken whisper seemed to matter. “You know why.” She murmured back, without wasting a heartbeat. Though Bonnie wouldn’t admit it out loud, her poor bruised heart cracked even further. Pain oozed from it like poison as it continued to pump blood unknowingly of the destruction caused. Suddenly lightheaded, and with weakened knees, she sought swift support from the nearby sofa just to avoid worlds of embarrassment. His rejection had been enough. It stung like a viper’s attack and now she bled. She just wanted to bleed alone for a couple of days before raising her chin and throwing her misfortune over her shoulders as if nothing had transpired.

Guilt-ridden, at least he had the decency of showcasing remorse by fixing his stare anywhere but her eyes. “I’m going upstairs to pack. Can you, please, tell Acheron I’ll be ready in a few minutes?” Sighing in extreme desolation, she left him alone to his thoughts. The whole packing process didn’t take her even twenty minutes, she had been taken to New Orleans against her will after all. A bittersweet smile tugged at the ends of her lips as the memory of the first encounter with Kyrian invaded her thoughts like a Trojan’s horse. She nearly laughed reminiscing on their first exchange of words and how much he had feared her even though he had been the one kidnapping her. Instead, a choked sob escaped. Life had to have a grudge against her, she pondered. All her efforts to turn things around when nothing went right could never hold the walls that sustained any form of happiness. It took her a minute of sitting on the bed that had been hers for several weeks to pull herself together. Her emotions ran haywire and she was having some trouble taking their reigns. Once certain she wouldn’t break as easily in front of him, Bonnie grabbed the bag with her clothes. But as she was leaving her room, she felt the urge to leave a memento that would remind him of her. Aware of his instant appreciation for relics, Bonnie decided to gift him with one of her grandmother’s old necklaces, a witch’s talisman. Her favourite and most powerful. Hoping he would find it after her departure, Bonnie made her way downstairs to find both Kyrian and Acheron waiting for her in a silence that felt strange, thick with tension. “I’m ready to go.” She announced bravely while focusing her attention on the straps of her bag, avoiding Kyrian’s burning gaze. Sensing the unresolved tension between them, Acheron gave Kyrian a meaningful stare with a message only privy to them both before getting up and making his exit. “I’ll wait outside for you, Bonnie. Whenever you’re ready.” Emphasising that last sentence, Ash conveyed his belief the two of them should trade some parting words before her temporary departure. In silence, she nodded and waited until Acheron was outside. “I don’t want you to go, Bonnie.” Kyrian’s delivery almost like a plea took the young witch by surprise. She had expected to be one breaking the silence. “I can’t stay and pretend nothing happen. I’m not like that, Kyrian.” The anguish in her voice becoming more solid with each word. “If I’m coming back here to fight against this enemy alongside you then I need time to put my priorities in order.” Unable to withstand the sound of heartache in her voice, her fallen Prince closed the gap between them and took her face with both hands. Admiring the beauty of her strength, Kyrian closed his eyes for a few heartbeats as he cursed his very existence. For the first time in over two thousand years of solitude and misery, his heart awakened from a long death. But they could never be, regardless of his feelings toward her. That would be a direct insult to his vow and the goddess he served. Resting his forehead on hers, temptation bit him hard as they stood on the verge of goodbye. ─── I love you, Bonnie. The words never came. Instead, he breathed in her perfume. “At least let me be the one to take you home...” With tears prickling her eyes, she attempted her escape but he wouldn’t let her. Kyrian remained frozen as if willing to extend their moment. “I can’t. If I allow it, I’ll just delay the inevitable. Better to just rip it off and hope for the best.” Inside, every wall crumbled to the ground. There was shards of glass everywhere. She was a wreck, bleeding and the ruins of what could be would become unfinished dreams. “I should go now, Kyrian.” Fighting off a sobbing session, she rubbed her eyes to dry unspent tears. After all, nothing would change even if she cried. Opposite from her, an ancient warrior stood deep in thought. Tormented by visions of a future he never meant to have or share with another, Kyrian remembered the tragedy of his human days, mostly marked by the betrayal that had murdered him. An inner voice had once convinced him he was not worthy of love but looking down at her, the infamous “what if” tormented him aggressively. Saying nothing, her Prince pressed his lips to her forehead and closed his eyes to savour the bittersweet moment as he committed into memory every piece of her. “Be safe.” The softness of his whisper practically snuffed out Bonnie’s remaining strength as her knees buckled. With a tenderness that rivalled even her grandmother’s, Kyrian caressed her face one last time as if afraid he might not see her again. He was determined to make her departure the hardest one yet. Only by Bonnie’s perseverance did she manage to break them apart. “I will.” Finally turning around to leave, their fingers crossed paths in intimate touch and his self control flew out the window. Awakening from self-inflicted slumber, Kyrian closed his fingers around hers and pulled her back, drawing her into his body by surprise. He, then, stole her breath with a searing kiss, full of longing and unspoken promises her warrior vowed not to disclose in fear of what might befall her were he to defy the goddess he served. Bewildered, Bonnie gaped at him. Giving her half a smile, he knew he had to let her go but his fingers refused the separation by caressing her face while his midnight eyes dove deep into her soul. “You shouldn’t have done this.” The words came barely above a whisper as she enforced their physical distance by taking his hands hostage. “Goodbye, Kyrian.” Barely holding on, with the grip on her emotions fading with each heartbeat, she made a hasty retreat. The front door slammed, effectively shutting another chapter of her life as the weakened walls guarding her heart crumbled. She couldn’t breathe through the onslaught of heartache and agony. ─── Was this what she was destined for? Her gut-wrenching sobs, though quiet, didn’t go unnoticed by Acheron who waited for her by his Porsche. Rather unsure on how to approach her as Bonnie’s heart bled without restraint, he took calculated steps in her direction in hopes that she would note his presence. And she finally did. “I’m ready.” The strain she put on to have her voice sound remotely even through the remains of her shattered heart reinforced Acheron’s respect for her. Perturbed by her breakdown, the ever observant but quiet Dark Hunter offered her a modicum of solace by drawing her trembling frame into his chest, surrounding her with his strength through an unusual embrace. Massive hands stroked her hair with inimitable softness. “You’re an extraordinary woman, Bonnie Bennett.” The admiration reflected on his lilt administered a sense of temporary serenity. “Just remember it is not an obligation to be strong 24/7. Sometimes we have to drown before we can return to shore.” Struggling for words, she merely nodded. “Alright, then. Shall we go?” As if pulling a rabbit out of a magician’s hat, Ash offered her his hand. “We aren’t taking your car?” She asked, perplexed. Tearing a rift in her skies of grief, Acheron Parthenopaeus conjured a disarming smile she felt particularly victimised by. “No. Not this time. Have you ever traveled through the time-space continuum, also commonly known as teleportation?” Openly gaping at him, she then glanced at his exposed palm, the tears making it a near impossible feat. A stirring of excitement unleashed a few wild butterflies in her stomach as her fingers touched Acheron’s calloused hand. “Should I be afraid? How does it work?” Like any other creature, she grew hesitant just as treaded these unknown waters. “For me, it’s like breathing. Do you trust me?” Assuming an almost defensive posture as if expecting the worst, he stared at her intently from behind his trusted sunglasses. Waves of relief rolled off of him when she nodded. “You know that I do.” His fingers had barely taken possession of hers when he dipped his head to whisper in her ear, “You can open your eyes now, Bonnie. You’re home.” She did. One glance around them confirmed his claim. In fact, he even brought them to her grandmother’s unkept porch, once again proving her his powers far exceeded those of his brethren. Apart from the light discomfort in her stomach, she felt fairly confident on her competence to teleport. “It was easier than I expected…” She mumbled as realisation gutted her. She was back. Back in Mystic Falls, her so-called cursed birthplace.

[lutrain2020]

Meet the Creator!

Introducing: Aprici / Soybean or Lili!

Commission:  I don't do commissions because I don't have a way to transfer payment, but I do take requests.

Social Media: AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Japo_Chan23

Tell us a little bit about you!

My name is Lili, but online I typically go by soybean or Aprici. My favorite color is blue/pink and I really enjoy playing video games and writing. Despite how long I've been writing, I've always dreamed of being a psychologist or therapist, so once I graduate high school I'm going to have a double major in psychology and social services. I might keep writing when I get older, but it would be more as a pass time than anything.

Is there someone who inspires you and your writing?

Barry Lyga and Neal Shusterman, for sure. They are both phenomenal writers and I want my style of writing to be similar to theirs because it just makes everything fit so well. Lyga, in his I Hunt Killers trilogy, was able to capture suspense perfectly and had very good pacing, and Shusterman was able to tell a great story with diverse and well thought out characters. I aspire to be able to write things that are well paced and have fully thought out characters one day. Lyga and Shusterman were the main reasons why I started writing again after I dropped it for a few years.  

What got you into writing?

I was looking at fanart of Gravity Falls on Deviantart and I found this one fanfiction and it just seemed really interesting so I read it. It then led me to fanfiction.net and then I decided that "why don't I wrote my own fanfiction?". So I did, and this was when I was in 5th grade so it was REALLY bad haha, but I ended up reading a lot in middle school and got a better grasp on storytelling and overall just how to write. I was writing constantly during middle school, and I got better once I entered high school.

What's your favorite part of the writing process?

Oh boy, I don't really have a writing process, so I just lack any outline whatsoever.  Sometimes I just get struck with some idea to write a story and then I'd go and do a livewrite immediately without a plan in mind. It makes me happy when I just start writing and then I don't stop. I like the ideas I get out of nowhere and then having the ability to execute that ability it just my favorite.

What's your least favorite part of the writing process?

I absolutely HATE editing and just rereading everything. When I think about what I'm going to write I end up losing the inspiration to actually write what I wanted, or if I do write it it just lacks the emotion or detail that I had originally wanted. It just doesn't work with me if I write something that I actually thought out. In the fanfiction I'm writing right now, "Pick Your Poison, Love" I was originally gonna just have it be like five chapters, but on the third chapter I was like, "hey, how interesting would it be if I just killed a character and made a murder mystery of sorts and then that's how the characters become closer?". I hate making a plan or thinking about what should come next. It ruins my flow, so whenever I decide to make a plan or something, everything I write ends up losing the love that I have for what I was writing because it just doesn't turn out like how I expected.

Whats your favorite type of scene to write?

I looooove writing characters bonding. It comes easily to me. I also love writing scenes of just detailing the world around you or the actions a character is doing. It just comes easily for me.

What's the hardest for you to write?

Fight scenes, anything super extreme, and adult content. I just struggled with writing the simple details that come with it. It's hard for me to write because if you miss one detail everything falls apart and it doesn't turn out well whatsoever. I'm very inexperienced in these areas because I just lack the detail in writing it out. It just comes out bad and bland.

What's your favorite genre to write?

I like to write a general hurt/comfort kind of thing, or something modern/realistic. I like the balance between fluff and angst. I never really enjoyed writing full on angst because I just lack the motivation to write someone getting hurt and then just not having support, and sometimes fluff is hard to write as well if it's just too much, you know? I just want to write something the embodies both elements of angst and fluff.

What fandoms do you enjoy writing for?

Right now I've mainly been writing for Legend of Zelda, hence why I'm doing this train. I used to write for a multitude of others fandom that I soon dropped. I've only wrote for Legend of Zelda right now, but I enjoy writing Twilight the most. He's just simple and I like writing him with Midna.Twilight Princess was one of my first Zelda games, so once I replayed it I just fell in love with the character again. The Linked Universe fandom is also really sweet and I love talking to everyone in the discord! I really appreciate everyone there because they all have so many ideas and they're all so creative, and I love just hearing what other people have to say about it. I used to write for Marvel a lot (specifically some Spiderman stuff), but I haven't recently, but I really like writing Peter Parker because it just came easily to me. Peter's a nerd who went through a lot of grief, and after my grandmother died I projected a lot onto him and wrote a lot of stuff relating to him and Gwen Stacy or Harry Osborn because it just came easily to me.

What's the work you are most proud of?

I wrote this fanfiction recently called Sunkissed (https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318283) and I ADORE it. I love it so much, it was fluff, but it wasn't too much, and I added some humor to it as well. It was just all the boys having fun and acting like a family and it just made me happy to write because the scene at the end where they're all playing in the river is literally just how I act with my friends sometimes. I just like this piece a lot because it just gives me a warm feeling. I'm also super proud of called It's Complicated (https://archiveofourown.org/works/14798700) which is based on Peter Parker trying to make amends with Harry Osborn. I really like it because I feel like this was the one time I was able to really capture who these characters are and it just had a good balance of emotions that these two had over everything that happened between them.

Is there a specific scene you are particularly proud of?

There's this one scene in Pick Your Poison, Love when Midna and Twilight are about to go and meet Dead Hand that I'm fond/proud of because it just seemed like, such a Midna thing to do. Cause Twilight fell from a ladder and instead of catching him she just let him fall. They just met so I tried to make her act more like how she did when you first meet her in Twilight Princess. Also I'm proud of the opening scene I had for Secret Agent W, when they all met Wolfie for the first time. I really enjoy that scene and I find it funny, even though I wasn't really intending there to be too many in your face jokes, you know?

Is there something you had to work through that forced you to grow as a writer?

I had to go through some things in real life relating to my family and my relationships, but going through everything made me grow as a person, which then impacted my writing as well. Growing as a writer was hard because a bunch of my super old works were REALLY bad, but it was just the act of writing them continually that helped me grow as a writer. I know what I was writing was bad, but I did it anyways because I liked it. I became a better writer when I got older because of how often I was writing.

Do you have any fics inspired by real life stories?

I wrote this one story that was just making a bunch of metaphors, but I just included this one scene I was asking this guy, Rick, if Italy was pretty when he went there and when he said it was beautiful and I was almost in tears haha. I include a lot of moments from my life. In Sunkissed, at the end when Warriors and Twilight are throwing Wind back and forth towards the other, that was what my brother and my dad did to me when we were in Florida! We were in a pool at night and they were just chucking me back and forth! It a memory I'm really fond of. There might be a bunch of references here and there in any of my stories that have happened in my life, but I can't think of any off the top of my head, and I have like 45 works posted on my ao3, so I don't really want to go check, haha.

Where do you post your finished works?

https://archiveofourown.org/users/Japo_Chan23

[the-omni-princess]

Toys and Flowers

Author: @the-omni-princess

Summary: Insecurities and some badly written jokes can hurt, especially when they come from family. (Intrusive thoughts TW)

Pairing: Bucky x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.2K (It got away from me whoops)

Prompt:

“I am not a toy you can play with when you’re bored or lonely or horny. I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me.” - Scandal

Warnings: Angst, Insecure reader, language, intrusive thoughts, unintentionally negative comments, Avengers kinda acting like dicks but they didn’t realize it, also a splash of anxiety, a happy ending I promise, Fluff

A/N:

A little bit of self-fulfillment whoops. Still new at this so please tell me what you think.

This sorta thing comes from my own experience with these thoughts, so I’m sorry if it doesn’t quite fit someone else’s. Anyway, if you’re having negative thoughts, like our dear reader, please go speak to someone. I made this way more angsty than I originally intended.

Prompt is bolded.

Written for @sunmoonandbucky

and their #1.5kconstellationswritingchallenge :D

[Read on Ao3!]

-------------

You were fed up. This had been going on for too long, going around and around in circles for too long. Jokes you could deal with. Insecurities brought to the forefront, teasing, crude one-liners, snide comments. When they came from strangers or from people you never necessarily liked you could deal with them. But when they came from the people you considered family? They hurt, and they hurt severely. Every comment, every glance, every joke sent a searing pain down your chest.

You knew it was most likely in good fun, after all, the Avengers were known to always toss quips at each other. They called Sam and Clint Birdie, teased Steve and Bucky about being old, and there was always some form of ribbing against Vision when he didn’t understand a meme despite being the literal embodiment of the internet. Yet despite all that, every joke that was aimed at you hurt you more than you care to admit.

Thwack. Thump. Every hit of your fists against the punching bag did little to help the anger in your chest, the anxiety, the hurt. Fighting back tears, you tried to block out the voices in your head reminding you of every joke you heard the others say as you kept hitting the bag. You thought you were overreacting, but then another jest meant to just be a poke in the ribs felt like a knife made of fire being pushed into your heart.

Sweat rolled down your back, it prickled at your neck, and you weren’t sure if the wetness on your cheeks was tears or sweat anymore. Sniffling, you paused, wiping your hot face with a towel, and downed half of your remaining water bottle. You sighed, fanning yourself with the towel, not that it helped the sweat clinging to your grey t-shirt or your gym shorts very well.

More comments swirled in your head, anxiety that you weren’t good enough to be an avenger started to creep back into your head, so you tossed the bottle and towel back to the ground and resumed punching. The comments were bad, but they were manageable. At least you thought so. Until a certain super-soldier, who you most definitely had a crush on, started to join in. You were happy he was starting to open up, but when his teasing started to join Sam’s the pain in your chest grew, along with the wall you built around yourself.

Burying yourself in paperwork, reports, and training, you did everything you could to not be in the Compound’s living room when you knew everyone else was there. You even tended to your outhouse garden more often than usual. Those thoughts are what brought you here, to the gym, to punch the shit out of a punching bag for the third time that day, instead of upstairs eating dinner with the rest of the team. It was too late to be out in the garden, your fairy lights you recently bought not fully installed yet, you were weeks ahead of paperwork, and there hadn’t been a new mission to report recently so your last hope was the gym.

Natasha was the first to notice your absences after you repeatedly started to miss dinners with the team and refused to say anything to her about it. “Has anyone seen Y/N today?” She suddenly questioned in the middle of dinner that Friday night, another dinner you were spending in the gym. Eyes all looked towards the redhead, as they started to realize you weren’t there again.

Tony was the first to speak up, sipping away at his drink “Passed by her on the way here, said she was heading to the gym.”

Steve was the next person to speak, hands fiddling with his fork, “But I saw her this morning at the gym, it was really early, and she seemed to tire herself out, why would she go back there so soon?”

Wanda then spoke up, “Her mind has been clouded recently, she blocks me out mentally, but she is blocking us all out as well.”

Sam gave her a confused look, unaware of what was the problem, “Why would she do that?”

“Because you idiots keep making fun of her,” Natasha snapped. She had seen the way you closed yourself off from a conversation the second a joke landed a low blow in your self-esteem. An off comment that maybe the new gal needed more training after she missed a shot during a mission. A quip about something new you were trying. Natasha noticed that not every joke had sent you spiraling, that most you were used to, and some truly were funny enough that you didn’t care, but she also noticed how close you had been to tears as you quickly excused yourself to your room after Bucky teased you the day prior.

Wanda looked up from her plate towards Natasha, the gears in her head practically visible as she connected the dots. “The boys’ comments and jokes about her fuel her anxiety!” She suddenly declared, and the room quickly silenced.

Sam’s eyebrows lifted, almost comically, “But she knows we are just having fun, right? We don’t mean any of it seriously, after all we make fun of the Olsen Twins for their age all the time, and Tinman for being slow.”

“Doesn’t mean the comments don’t hurt,” Bucky put his head in his hands, his own mind quickly filling in the blanks, finally noticing that the emotions in your face as you shuffled out of meetings and movie nights after a joke was betrayal and pain. He was quite acquainted with what pain looked like, and still he managed to miss it in you, though in hindsight he saw it now. The light leaving your eyes as Tony aimed a joke at you, your responding smile never reaching your eyes, your laugh sounding almost fake and forced before you practically sprinted towards your room muttering some excuse about being behind on mission reports.

“From what I’ve been noticing, not all the teasing seemed to affect her, but perhaps you were being a bit harsh on her when you said she needed more training after that mission last week Sam, or the comment about shirt yesterday Bucky,” Clint finally spoke up, having quietly observing everything from his spot on the windowsill couch.

“I was trying to compliment that shirt!” Bucky tried to defend, only to have Natasha snicker.

“’That’s an interesting choice’ is not a compliment,” Natasha glared at him, making him groan as he realized he had been acting like an ass towards you this entire time. “You know this all explains a lot, especially how she looked like she was seconds away from crying when Buckaroo here made some joke at her.” The man in question looked up, equal parts confused and upset. He had made you cry? Why would some joke, one that Sam had already said that didn’t elicit a response, get such a negative one when it came from him? Natasha snickered again, this time because Bucky looked like a kicked puppy. “You haven’t noticed oldie? Poor girl has had a crush on you practically since the moment she met you two years ago.” His heart stopped, then promptly dropped down into his stomach. He was making the girl he liked miserable and he didn’t even know it.

“You didn’t notice Bucky?” Wanda expressed almost remorse as she saw clouds of regret swirling in his head. “The extra cookies she hides away specifically for you, the coffee always ready for you in the morning, the small blushes when you look at her, the smile that lights up her face the second you actually compliment her?” The redhead was listing off the reasons he started to fall for you. The sweet girl, way too good for the world, for him, and the fiercest warrior out on a mission. You had missed that shot because Bucky’s cover would have been blown if your aim had been true. You had taken metaphorical bullets for him multiple times, always the first to defend him whenever someone came after him, especially whenever Ross or some Hydra goon started to monologue him on his past.

Shoving himself from the table, Bucky quickly stood, “I have to go fix this,” he muttered, mostly to himself, already rushing to the gym to find you.

“She’s stubborn, it’s not going to be that easy Bucky!” Steve tried calling out to his best friend, well aware of how Bucky felt about you. His comment fell on deaf ears and Bucky sprinted to the gym where you were still trying to lose yourself to your moves.

Jaws clenched, you kept swinging at the bag in front of you. You were tiring out, your exhausted mind probably catching up with your fatigued body. The gym door behind you swung open, making you jump, wide eyes locking onto a frantic looking Bucky. He looked disheveled, and you noticed his erratic breaths as if he ran here.

Suddenly hyper-aware of your own dishevelment, your body sweaty and tired from working out, you tried to make yourself smaller; quickly turning back to the bag, you swung at it again with new found energy. “What’s up, Buck?”

You could practically feel his eyes burning holes into the back of your head. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was soft, and, dare you to say it, pained. Your hands fell from the punching stance you had them up in, turning to face him with a puzzled look.

“Whatcha mean Bucky? What didn’t I tell you?”

“The intrusive thoughts Y/N… how much my comment about your shirt actually hurt you, really how many of the comments or jokes I made towards you hurt you.” Your body froze, completely caught off guard by him cornering you.

Feeling a bit petty and standoffish, you mustered your best death glare, though it no doubt probably did nothing towards the ex-assassin, “Why would I tell you?” Swiftly turning to grab your discarded water bottle and towel you muttered under your breath, “Why would I tell any of you?”

“Because we’re your family Y/N/N” he responded softly. Damn super soldier hearing. Chancing a glance towards him, you could see his hunched shoulders, his hands fidgeting with the end of his shirt.

His anxious body behavior only fueled you on, suddenly wanting to get out of this conversation as fast as possible yet wanting to confirm every negative thought in your head, you practically snarled at him. “Family don’t hurt each other… they shouldn’t hurt each other.” You whispered the last part, unexpectedly frozen where you stood.

You couldn’t look up at his face, fully aware he probably had some cute puppy dog look aimed your way. You couldn’t stand those looks, you knew your resolve would melt instantly if you looked towards them. His silence somehow hurt more than you thought it would. Your body finally getting with the idea of running from this, you turned away again, heading towards the door.

“Doll…” Bucky started, clearly, about to go on some tangent, you stopped him.

“No doll Bucky. I’m used to the comments… strangers, co-workers even, definitely kids when I was younger… I just thought they would stop eventually, along with these thoughts in my head, guess that was naive of me to think that.”

“Y/N please don’t do this, please, just let me explain. Fuck I didn’t mean those comments like that, Y/N, I tried to say it as a compliment. God, I really like you, and I’m terrible at speaking whenever you come around, and I didn’t mean it like the way it came out doll,” You didn’t hear him move, you just abruptly felt his hand around your wrist.

Pulling it back towards your body as if his touch burned you, you spun on your heels to face him. Rash and hotheaded as always, your words came out like venom aimed straight towards the man in front of you, “I am not a toy you can play with when you’re bored or lonely or horny. I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me.” You were too quick with your harsh words to realize the full weight of his words, only reacting blindly to the hatred your mind had been building towards yourself and lashing it out towards Bucky. He looked as if he had been slapped in the face by your words. The truth was, you did like the pet names, especially from him, especially when they were on the back end of his praise for you when training or after a particularly good mission. However, your need for a punching bag or the need for these thoughts to not be focused on you for once, made you throw them at the one person in this entire compound you wanted to hurt the least.

You scrambled towards the door, trying to bite back your tears and keep your resolve. You didn’t look back as you rushed towards your room, knowing that if you took one look at the heartbroken man you left standing at the gym, you would sob at his feet. You shut the door behind you promptly sliding to the floor in your room, your back against the door. “FRIDAY, don’t let anyone in. For anything.” You called out, knowing the AI would catch it.

“Are you sure Ms. Y/L/N? My sensors are indicating your elevated heart rate and erratic breathing, it is recommended for me to contact Mr. Stark or the Med Bay.” The AI dutifully replied, making you cry out. You put your head in your hands, feeling the wetness of your cheeks, making you realize you were already crying. When did that happen?

“No! Please FRIDAY, please don’t let an-anyone in… Please. I don’t want them to see me like this.” Your speech slurred faintly, sniffling as you tried to get a hold of yourself. You just felt weak, too drained to shower or eat or even pull yourself from the floor you currently were residing. As your thoughts finally slowed you exhaled shakily, the anxiety and intrusive thoughts gone, leaving a blank mind except for a startling realization to what Bucky said before you snapped. “God, I really like you.”

You weren’t sure when you had fallen asleep, but considering the light hitting your eyes from the window, you figured it must have been a while ago. You shuffled to get comfortable in the sheets around you, desperate for a few more minutes of the nothingness of sleep. Wait… when did you go to bed? Hadn’t you fallen asleep on the floor? You sat up quickly, ignoring the burn in your eyes at the sudden light change as you surveyed the room. “FRIDAY? How did I get to bed last night?” You asked carefully, truthfully scared of the answer.

“Mr. Stark used his override code to enter your room shortly after you fell asleep. Sergeant Barnes put you in bed before returning to his own quarters.”

Groaning as you got out of bed, you realized you were still in your work-out clothes from the previous night, at least Bucky didn’t try to change you last night. Well, why would he? Your mind started to think as you headed for the bathroom to shower, suddenly grateful you woke up in your bed instead of on the floor. You suddenly froze, halfway to the bathroom door as you remembered one small detail of last night: “God, I really like you.”

Pushing away from the thoughts in your head, you quickly showered and got dressed. Going through routines helped the thoughts in your head from swirling around so much. You walked into the kitchen, grabbing a cereal bowl as you ignored how quiet it suddenly got when you walked in. Pouring all the necessary (and frankly colorful) ingredients and sitting down, you paused, spoon halfway to your mouth as you noticed most of the Avengers staring at you. “What?” You said it defensively, the simple word carrying a small amount of venom behind it.

Sam spoke up first, eyes locking with yours, “Y/N I’m sorry- no, no interrupting, eat your breakfast and let me say it, no running away Y/N/N” he spoke carefully, gentle yet clearly concerned. You gave him a wary look before starting to eat your cereal. Sam took that as an invitation to speak again. “I’m sorry, no, well yes, but we are all sorry. We didn’t realize the jokes we said were hurting you, and we hope you can forgive us and open up to us again. Y/N/N we miss seeing you around here. Your family but you’re avoiding us, we didn’t even realize what we said was causing you pain and behalf of all of us, even though most of it was my jokes, we are all sorry for making you feel like you weren’t a valuable part of this family.” You winced, hearing the guilt in his voice, conscious everyone was probably looking towards you as you stared at your cereal. “Because you are a valuable member of this family Y/N, and we miss seeing you happy.” That was the nail in the coffin, the tears that were bubbling in your eyes suddenly, but thankfully quietly, spilling down your face.

Sniffling, you looked up at Sam and the rest of the team, your view starting to get a bit blurry as tears clouded your vision. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys,” your eyes making a point of looking at Bucky. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night, hair mussed, his hand most likely running through it several times throughout the night. You quickly looked away before your resolve to finish your thoughts crumbled. “I thought I could just get past the thoughts, the words, the jokes, I was probably just hoping it would go away… thanks for being there, I know I can be kind of a mess, I’m not always perfect, but I’ll try to actually talk through these thoughts, and… feelings.” A few heads nodded, the tension dissolving in the room.

“Now, with the messy stuff outta the way, when you finish your breakfast, someone is requesting your presence at your garden kid,” You looked up at Tony, confused as you tried wiping your tears, happy you were talking through things for once instead of being rash. He shook his head, “No details coming out of me kid, just relaying the message.” He was quick to leave the room.

Your face must have looked perplexed still because Steve spoke up as he headed out as well, “Just trust us Y/N/N, you have a surprise waiting for you down there,” Steve knew how much you adored the greenhouse garden you had practically begged Tony to help you install when you became an Avenger. It had been the only thing you have ever asked of him, your small piece of comfort. Tending new flowers and growing herbs became a habit when you were younger, a positive way to keep yourself distracted from the thoughts in your head and the worries of the outside world.

The kitchen was now relatively empty, leaving a certain redheaded Russian alone with you. Natasha walked over, kissing your head motherly, “I’m always here to talk Malen'kiy,” she spoke softly, hugging you gently from the side. You rested your head against her, a faint smile on your face, your first real smile in a while.

“I know, thanks, Nat. I promise I’ll actually talk to you next time,” your voice was just as soft as you looked up adoringly at your practically adoptive sister. Nat had always been the one to know you the best. She knew you had these thoughts, always the clever one, but she didn’t realize they had become this bad.

“Now, hurry up and go to that garden you love before I have to kick your butt and drag you there myself,” You chuckled, smiling up at her as she playfully nudged your arm towards the door. Something was definitely going on. Three Avengers in cahoots to send you to your garden? Suspicious. You walked a little faster than usual down to your garden, wondering what was such a big deal that everyone really wanted you to go there.

The door’s open. That weird, I always close it. You thought as you approached the greenhouse. Walking inside you were flabbergasted, it looked completely different, in a totally good way. The weeds you had missed the other day were already uprooted, the floor swept, the fairy lights you had been dying to put up were already up and on. But what surprised you most were the new flowers that had lined the formerly empty new section you weren’t quite sure what to put there.

It was right beside the bench you used to read when you wanted to be alone after rough missions and no matter what plant you could think of, nothing ever felt right being put there. It would be the scent that would surround while you read, the light perfect there for reading, so you wanted something nice but none of your choices stuck. You already had those type of flowers, or it just felt wrong next to the bench, but the arrangement of flowers currently there now? They were perfect. Purple violets, purple lilacs, yellow daisies, red carnations, and hydrangeas.

Caught up in the new additions to your garden, you didn’t notice Bucky sitting on the bench beside the flowers at first. You knew the meaning of these new additions, but you weren’t quite sure what to say. “Did you do all of this?” you kept your voice low, eyes locking onto the sheepish blue eyes in front of you. Dark circles surrounded those beautiful eyes you tried so hard not to think about. He nodded slowly, a hopeful look in his eyes as he motioned for you to join him on the bench. “Last night… I couldn’t sleep… so I decided to do what you said I should do.”

“Which was?” you prompted, still a bit wary that this was some big joke against you.

“Earn you…” his eyes locked onto yours before he continued. “Y/N, I’m sorry for all the things I said, I know Sam did a big ‘forgive all’ sorta’ apology but I wanted to say I’m sorry personally. Y/N… I’m sorry, dreadfully, absolutely, completely, and utterly sorry.” He was biting his lower lip, anxiously fidgeting with the rings on his fingers as he waited for your response with bated breath.

You gulped faintly at the implications of what he was saying and one key phrase he had said last night was replaying in your head. “God, I really like you” Your eyes fell from his gaze, looking towards the flowers, did he even know what this all meant?

“Bucky, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt, and I accept your apology about, well everything I guess. And thanks for fixing up the place,” you found the courage to say your thoughts, still locked onto the flowers. “Did you really not get any sleep just to do all of this for me?”

“Yes.” He said it quickly, with conviction, and when your attention snapped back to him, you noticed how nervous he seemed. Nodding faintly, you sat on the bench beside him, just out of his reach, he would have to scoot over to be near you.

You leaned against the arm of the bench, bent towards the new flowers. “They’re perfect by the way. I could never find a good combination of scents and colors for this spot, but you managed to do it beautifully.” You heard Bucky shuffle behind you, most likely still fidgeting, his metal fingers bumping against the metal of the rings on his right hand.

“Steve may have mentioned how he overheard you upset you were that you couldn’t figure out what to put there,” apprehensively he added, “Do you really like them?”

At that, you turned back towards him, grinning brightly at him. “They absolutely perfect Bucky.” You spoke with the same conviction he spoke earlier. Still gathering the nerve, you looked back towards the flowers, already enveloped by their scent, calming you as you spoke. “Do you know what each flower means?” Your voice was soft again, hopeful. That it wasn’t some accident he chose these specific flowers.

“Yes.” He answered simply. You turned towards him, his blue eyes, nervousness, and hopefulness evident in them.

“Then tell me,” you smiled warmly, feeling your cheeks warm up as he smiled back at you.

“Why do I have a feeling you already know?”

“Because I do… it’s just… some flowers can have multiple meanings, I want to know what you meant by each one.” You knew you were most definitely blushing at the moment, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care as he moved closer, thigh now pressed against your own. He started to point out each flower and he explained.

“Purple violets mean that the giver’s thoughts were, and I’m quoting the website here darling, ‘were occupied with love’ to the person they are giving it too,” you giggled, smiling up at him as he continued with a bit more confidence. “Purple lilacs symbolize the first emotions of love, yellow daisies mean anything from youthful beauty to loyal love to new beginnings, I was honestly aiming for all three, as they remind me of you.” You noticed how Bucky was now blushing, eyes turned to focus on the flowers, nervousness flooding him again. “Red carnations mean love, pride, and admiration, and finally the hydrangeas symbolize heartfelt emotions, but I like their second meaning more.” He paused, biting his lip again before continuing,

“That they can be used to express gratitude for being understood… Y/N, you’re amazing. You’re always kind, you’re never quick to judge but you're quick to protect, you’re fierce, whether it’s beating up bad guys or defending one of us. What I’m saying,” he finally looked back up at you, “I like you a lot Y/N. You showed me kindness and welcomed me here at the compound before I could even remember what either of those words meant anymore. You’re hot-headed, rash, too stubborn for your own good, quick to jump into a fight, you and Steve have that in common. But you’re also quick-witted, ambitious, and God I’m rambling, again aren’t I? I just… I wanted to show you some of the beauty you show me every time you walk through the door without even trying.” You couldn’t stop smiling as Bucky spoke, somewhere along the line you two had started holding hands and you most definitely weren’t letting go anytime soon. “I’ve fallen in love with you without you even trying doll.” He froze, realizing the pet name rolled so easily off his tongue, the same one that had upset you the night before.

You released one of his hands, gently placing it to cusp his jaw, “Bucky, I think I have some of my own confessions to make” your voice was soft, and it surprised you that you even could speak. Here was the man of your literal dreams confessing his love for you in the garden you had built from the ground up. “Before you panic, I actually like the pet names, I just… last night I was really wound up, and I lashed out at you, I’m sorry Buck...” He visibly softened at your words, elated he could go back to calling you that, but he still stared at your intertwined hand. “I really like you to…” his eyes shot up from to meet yours.

“Really?” If anyone knew that the formidable Winter Soldier had practically whimpered out that word, you knew Sam would never let Bucky live it down. You just smiled, standing and gently tugged him into the garden. You had a second bench, hidden amongst the thick foliage of the surrounding trees and vines. The bench was at the edge of a hidden circle opening, the circle was lined with rock and shells, the center filled with soft blankets and fluffy pillows. This was your favorite place to nap, the quiet secluded heart of the garden just hidden in the darkness, and away from the exit. Bucky hadn’t been the first to enter the garden, but he was the first you were willingly showing this part of it. It was your, or well our now you guessed, little secret. Fairy lights, these installed by you as the first batch you received, surrounded the circle.

You sat towards the edge of the circle, just a bit off from the bench, motioned him to join you on the fluffy pillows you sat on. He hesitantly sat beside you, close but cautious, unsure of what you were doing but trusting you completely. “Do you know why this small area is my favorite spot but is the one area of the entire garden I don’t let anyone into?” You asked softly, gently holding his soft yet calloused hands in your lap. He shook his head, intrigued but staying silent. You pointed towards the bush in front of you, small blue forget-me-nots dotting the bush. “They remind me of you.” You confided, looking towards him. His eyes gazed back towards you, full of admiration, awe, and, dare you to say, love. “There’s the obvious memory joke in there, but that’s not why they remind me of you. They symbolize a love brimming with memories, and every time I look at them I remember the hundreds of times your eyes look at me with such awe, like you can’t believe I’m real. No one’s ever looked at me like that before. Their color reminds me of your eyes, those ocean eyes I could get lost in if I’m not paying attention, the eyes I’m searching for during those boring briefs before meetings. They also symbolize how I don’t want you to forget about me one day.” You saw the emotions flash in those very eyes you could fall into as you spoke.

Bucky gently moved closer, his hands now cradling your jaw as he spoke. “I could never forget about you doll.” His words pushed you forward almost subconsciously, finally daring to get closer to the man you could see yourself falling in love with. Every second went by painfully slow as the two of you grew closer, until Bucky’s lips met with yours. You hummed happily, his thumbs rubbing soft circles against your cheeks as you finally kissed. Your hands found themselves at the nape of his neck, gently tugging at his hair as he deepened the kiss. You pulled away finally, suddenly very aware about the burning need in your lungs to breathe. Bucky, ever the super soldier, was the first to recover, grinning as he tried to catch his breath. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since forever.”

You laughed at that, biting your bottom lip, noticing how kiss swollen Bucky’s lips were. “Stop being cheesy and kiss me again Bucky, matte’ of fact, never stop kissing me,” You said softly, pulling him back for more. He smiled against your lips as you both finally felt content, surrounded by flowers and fairy lights.

[theoi-crow]

hey there!! i work with hermes and apollo (mostly hermes), but lately i've been feeling this,,, emotional pull?? towards ares. i haven't noticed any physical signs, but part of me has just become super interested in him lately. he seems rad, but i'm,, anxious,, to work with him. i know he's far more than his stereotypes, but i'm nervous about upsetting him or not being tough enough for him or saying 'hey i'll work with you' and then backing out. long story short, i am Spooked

Hi!

I completely understand being spooked because Ares is purposefully scary since he's the embodiment of protection.

Not only is he the god of War, he's also the god of courage, civil order, fighting social injustice, and a body guard. He's the enbodiment of rage and is designed to look intimidating in order to keep others from harming you.

Because I want to answer to the best of my ability I'm going to grab this phrase from your ask: "but i'm nervous about upsetting him or not being tough enough for him or saying 'hey i'll work with you' and then backing out." So I can better reply. But before I do that, I would like to give a bit more information on Ares.

The media has been very insistent on portraying Ares as akin to Christianity's Satan because in every portrayel he is the "evil" that the "good" must overcome. For example: Wonder Woman (2017)

but the world isn't morally black and white, light vs dark, good vs evil etc. It's complex as well as the gods and there are unfair laws that protect guns amid school shooting, rapists, racists, mysoginy, those against the LGBT community, etc.

This is where Ares steps in. He encourages revolutions, fighting unjust laws, he is always angry because the world is messed up and he's furious on behalf of his children.

In his myths: he loved Sparta because they treated the women more fairly than most of the Greek World, he taught the Amazons how to defend themselves because he wanted them to have a safe space away from the sexism everyone else was facing. He kills his daughter's rapist who happened to be the son of Poseidon. Poseidon even took him to court. In some myths the judgement is in his favor, but in others, he is sent to Tartarus. But he never regrets it because his daughter was wronged and this is how actual Ares is.

Not only does he protect his followers but he helps with trauma because a lot of problems people face cause trauma. Ares also helps those who have problems getting along with their parents especially if they are being abused.

He won't just protect you, he will teach you how to value and defend yourself.

--------------------

"...but i'm nervous about upsetting him..."

Ares may seem like a very scary god but he's very careful not to scare or yell at his followers especially those who have experienced trauma. (However, He can be this way to followers who WANT him to do that because they prefer the boot camp version of Ares) the most he will be is disappointed but will pat you on the back tell you to dust your shoulders off and try again.

He is always giving me or quoting inspirational quotes:

Ares is only agressive towards those who are being unfair to you. Those who are trying to take advantage of you.

He's a survivor so he'll teach you how to get out of a very dangerous situation as safely as possible. He's close with Eris (Chaos) which means he knows how to manuver chaos and get you out safely, especially with emergencies.

"...or not being tough enough for him..."

Ares likes helping his followers grow tougher. He doesn't expect you to be "tough enough" for him and will even say that a lot of followers are what people would have originally label as "weaklings" because he goes for those who are being treated unfairly, being bullied, abused, innocent children living in a dangerous environment (this is how I first met Ares), etc.

He grabs those who are lost or treated like doormats and teaches them to value and defend themselves, even if it means having to defend themselves against self-hatred. To quote @thepastelpriestess :"Every battle is valid in the eyes of Ares." (LINK)

"...or saying 'hey i'll work with you' and then backing out."

Consent means so much to Ares so if you say you'll work with him and then change your mind, he'll understand and I'm not just saying this because I like him as a god but I've experienced it myself.

I met Ares in the rainy kinderground playground when I was five. I grew up in a gang warzone filled with so many dry by shootings and kidnappings that even at the age of five, I wondered if I was next when he showed up. He told me my ancestors knew him as Mars and I called him my imaginary friend.

Because my parents were very religious and my school was underfunded, I didn't learn anything about the Greek Gods until I was 12 so anything referencing Ancient Greece went over my head all while I wondered why this "Roman soldier" looked weird ( There are a lot of Romans in the Catholic religion but I had never seen a Greek Soldier because I was too busy with Bible studies and trying to survive)

When I was 12, I started studying Wicca (I'm not Wiccan but in the 90s, it was the only witchy thing one could study) when I came across the Greek Pantheon. That's when I learned about Ares. The book I was reading made him seem like such a horrible god that I told him I never wanted to see him again.

That was 15+ years ago.

I didn't talk to him for 15+ years even though he kept defending me without my knowing. Aphrodite was the one who encouraged me to work with Ares again and it was so easy. I wrote about our reconciliation here if you're curious: (LINK)

Ares not only accepted me back but he knew I was an afraid young girl with very limited information because the love for Ares is a lot more recent and not a lot of people realize that. He works hard to protect his followers and he has a soft spot for those who try.

Ares will be okay if you change your mind because that's part of his respect for consent. He won't mind that you're not "tough enough" for him because his job is to make you're tough enough for yourself. Ares wants to work with you because he wants to turn you into the type of warrior you want protecting you or wish to be.

But only if you are 100% comfortable with it. For now, I suggest you follow other Ares devotees and talk to Ares in passing. You don't have to be a devotee or even a follower just yet but say something to him or thank him for something you feel he's causing. And do as much research as you can about him: (LINK)

I hope this helps!

May Ares grant you the strength to be courages and the heart to tame your inner demons.

[theaetherhealerffxiv]

Redemption p4

Chapters Master Post

Ao3 link

—-

Rating: PG17 for safety

Parings: Wol x Emet-Selch

Summary:

Its over, the winner gets to write the next chapter of the story. So why, pray tell, wont the Warrior of Light let him die?

Chapter Summary:

Awaking back in the Crystarium Hades finds himself bed ridden and at the mercy of the Warrior of Light. 

Word count: 5918

The air around him was scorching, the blistering heat upon his skin caused a flush to gently spread across his cheeks, which remained hidden under his mask. His mask was red like the scene before him; falling stars came at high speeds from the sky and pelted the ground with such force that it destroyed whole buildings. In the place of stone, flames licked the very ground melting the various architecture around it; the vegetation so lovingly planted went up like a parched valley of grass during a lightning storm. Then there was the monsters, born from the fear of the people roamed the streets as well, preying on the fallen members of society that could not outrun their fears. On top of the destruction the screams of terror and the littering of his fellows bodies accented the piece like a grim painting. Yet, Hades stood above it all in an ivory tower relatively unscaithed by the termination. He was displaced from the chaos that he desperately wished to quench. At the moment he could turn upon his heel and gather with his fellows, to begin the summoning and attempt to rewrite the laws of their precious star. 

Yet he at the same time did not want to be apart of it. Instead Hades wanted to be down among the dead and dying to search for his beloved and his most trusted friend. To wrap her up in his arms and protect her from the beasts and destruction. Clenching his fist he took in a shaking breath, what was the nature of a plan that consisted of giving the planet a will? It was abstract at best - of course he believed it was their best attempt at saving their home, but gazing upon the destruction he could not help but feel that it futile. Hades would rather throw it all away to hold her again; what if she died? What if their magicks succeeded but she died? Could he live with himself if he lost the one that was most precious to him?  As he pondered his greatest fears a meteor fell dangerously close to his perch, throwing dirt and scorch marks upon his mask and black robe. 

He could leave - he could leave right at that moment. He could forsake the convocation and go to her side. Surely they could summon this will without him; each where powerful in their own right. Hades lifted his head, deciding he would not participate, he would sneak out while they conversed in the room beyond the one he hid away in.

“Ah, this was where you were hiding Emet-selch.” Hades felt shock course through his body like a sickness as he heard his title come from behind him, the voice which spoke it was rough and irritated. He had been spotted, he could no longer flee. Quickly masking as much anger as he could Hades turned to gaze at Lahabrea, whose exposed mouth was turned downward into a harsh grimace that bore wrinkles into the sides of his lips. “Pray tell, why are you out here? We need you for the summoning.” 

Feeling his brows bunch together in a deep frown Hades returned to look out at the carnage. He could push past Lahabrea, run outside, look for her. Hades reached into the pocket of his robe, in it a small pouch with a wristband made of his aether. He had been fully prepared to propose to her tomorrow.  He did not care enough currently to summon this great being. Hades understood that it was the best bet for the survival of their people, but he just did not care. He could not muster enough emotion to care about it. Instead his entire being was focused on the bloody painting before him. His lips parting as he breathed out her name, a prayer to the Underworld to not call her soul to rest. Clutching the band his gaze was captured by the destruction. A hand suddenly was slapped against his shoulder with such force Hades turned his head to glare with as much venom as he could muster to the person he knew was behind him. 

“Emet-Selch,” Now Lahabrea’s voice was low and deadly. Hades leered at him as he continued, his hand digging further into the golden eyed man’s robes. “There is little time for you to be staring at the destruction before you, I care not of your reasons to be doing such an act but we need you to hurry and come so that we can - “

Hades's eyes narrowed, a smirk of pure rage twitching at the sides of his lips. He did not care, he wanted to be with his precious people. “Save the star, write the laws anew.” Hades recited the lines without passion. How many times had he heard them? He had believed in them up until this very moment when faced with the destruction that the termination had wrought upon their home. Shrugging off Lahabrea’s hand he bowed his head, knowing he was caught between a rock and wall. He was a trapped animal; if he forsook his comrades and they succeeded, they would do everything in their power to alienate him. Hades knew if this was the case he would not be able to propose to her, or even show his face in the streets of Amaurot. Shutting his eyes he took a step forward, away from his peer. If they did not succeed, he would have abandoned his love in her time of need. Which was the better punishment? Saving the world and possibly sacrificing the only thing he truly lived for, or forsaking his future if the convocation was successful? Biting the inside of his cheek he struggled with his thoughts; he believed in the plan, even with the dread growing in the pit of his belly. It was illogical, but possible. In his mind, he could see her smiling and telling him to go, succeed, save their home. 

To come back home to her arms. 

His hand was still in his pocket and he clutched the bag one last time before walking forward with purpose to the room in which the convocation stood whispering to one another. Hades knew Lahabrea was behind him and he chose to ignore it as he took his place in the circle. Once settled into his place Hades took stock of the atmosphere and surroundings. It was the same as always - a tall dark room with chairs that had been pushed back against the wall. The table had been moved as well and in its place a crystal had been placed. Frowning at it Hades turned to look at Elidibus, who smiled at him. It was not a warm smile, or one that created an illusion of understanding and sympathy. It was cold and judging, Elidibus knew Hades was struggling and was judging his actions. Glaring at the white robed man Hades turned away, he would not be judged by the likes of that man. 

Reaching up Hades adjusted his mask absentmindedly. Realizing he still felt the heat from the window - in fact he was burning up, sweat dripping from the corners of his hairline. Taking a steadying breath Hades attempted to quell the heat, knowing it was likely futile. 

“As our final two members grace our presence, we can now properly begin the incantation.” Elidibus’ voice caused Hades to look back up, the man had his arms outstretched that same smile spread across his face. “I pray that you, my peers, will focus your various magicks upon me. I shall become the conduit for those who have chosen to give their lives for this as well. I shall set the spell in motion so that we may create a being that embodies our planets will.” Leaning his head back Elidibus took in a deep breath, and if it was possible to spread his arms out further. The various souls that had been floating around the room spilled into the man. Hades grimace; the creation power that those souls held was emmese. Could Elidibus truly contain such a power? “Come! We shall write this terrible wrong and save our people!” The white robed man tilted his head back down and smiled, indicating that the rest of those present copied his movements. 

Hades lifted his hands to mimic Elidibus’, but as he did so he felt a sting, as if something was sinking its claws deep into his flesh. It was not in one place of his body either, it happened several times over his entire form. He frowned, this was unusual for creation magic - it could drain you but it rarely caused such physical sensations. Regardless, Hades closed his eyes to briefly think of his loved ones, of Hythlodaeus who surely would ask how this went on the morrow, and of her. Of how he would propose to her, place the band upon her wrist and kiss her. Then, Hades released the thoughts before they were pulled into the spell causing it to be altered. Opening his eyes he allowed himself to be swept up with thoughts of creating a will for the planet. He focused all of these thoughts upon Elidibus, along with his magics, channeling all that he had to the white robed man to use freely. 

Everything happened quickly, there was a great overflow of magic that came from Elidibus and spread warping the very room itself and obscuring Hades vision as it encased him in a cocoon of darkness. It confused and drew Hades’ curiosity as it spiraled around his arms like vines drawing taunt enough to shape out various body parts from his cloak. Then, the vines changed they grew heavy and became chain-like. Hades jerked back in shock, trying to pull away from the magics but finding himself rooted firmly to his spot. The darkness began to recede and the golden eyed man noticed that the other members of the convocation had similar chains around them. Throwing his gaze towards Elidibus, who had the most chains out of all of them, smiling wickedly in a triumphant fashion. Shaking his head Hades followed the other man's gaze towards the middle of their circle, to where the crystal had been. There, purple crystals had grown out and around a figure that had not been standing there before. Relaxing his hands to his sides because of the weight of the aetheric chains Hades felt his stomach drop. 

They had succeeded, but something was off. The creation was dark, a shadow robed in aether, it had the aura of peace and purpose but something felt twisted. Within its hands it held the other end of the chains that had captured the convocation members. It lifted its head and carefully looked around the room, before straightening its back.  Hades felt its voice before he heard it, like something deep in his chest moving and worming its way into the core of his being, changing him. Lifting a hand to his chest he frowned, a thought of doubt drifting across his mind before suddenly it was gone. All doubt about the being before him was gone.

Then, it spoke physically. Its voice booming around the room.

“I am Zodiark.”  It said. “I shall save those who live upon me.”

----

Hades awoke with a start, his eyes flying open and with a gasp he clutched at the blankets that covered him as a hot pain laced through his chest, as if it were attempting chasing away something. His face scrunched into a tight grimace as he attempted to catch his breath.  Only for a coughing seizure to tear through his chest as the pain subsided, raising a hand he grasped at his breast. Hades eyes darting around the darkened room, where was he? After his coughing subsided the man cast his mind back to the last thing he remembered - that he had been holding onto Swath as they flew towards the Crystarium. Once they had reached a cruising altitude his memory abruptly failed him and faded to an unfamiliar darkness. As realization of what had happened dawned upon him, he cursed low under his breath. Of course his foul luck would lead him to passing out against the hero. Struggling with an unfamiliar and weak body, Hades managed to prop himself up on his elbows. In the dim light see that his chest had been expertly bandaged, while clearly already blooming with his bodily fluids. He could see that it was done by the hands of an expert. Had his hero been the one to do such? Was she capable of such ministrations? Taking a deep breath he decided to ask her when she came into the room, then moved his attention away from his thoughts to the room around him.

Turning his head he saw a basin resting on the side table, with a dirty cloth stained with blue aether and blood similar to the colors that stained his chest, but duller. Curious now, Hades shifted to lean on one arm as he lifted his other to find it too had various small bandages covering the cuts that had dotted his skin. Raising his eyebrows and taking a second to marvel at the craftsmanship he exhaled sharply, leaning to lay upon his back once more. Then, with his raised hand he reached up to press the palm to his forehead. Feeling a lump begin to grow within the pit of his stomach, Hades was frustrated, mostly at himself. He had passed out while they had flown to their next destination. He could only imagine the trouble he had caused Swath; he was clearly in her room. While he had not watched her as she had rested, but he had allowed himself time to become familiar with the various objects that decorated her abode. As he gazed at the room another frown graced his features. Why was he so concerned with causing trouble to her? She wanted to use him to live, was this not what she wanted? His hand tightened his fingers gripping his disheveled hair pulling it taunt. Using each other, that was the deal right? Then why did it make his heart heavy when he thought of her face, strained and exhausted? 

An unbidden frustrated moan slipped from his lips. 

Hades was a fool, he realized this with sudden clarity. His heart was heavy because he cared, he cared about her emotions, cared about her. He had hours ago felt his heart begin to fall for the Viera, why was he denying it now? Why was he trying to cling to his nonchalant temperament that he had while he was tempered? 

No, his personality had not even been that, it had been disconnected from the world around him. He had been but a ghostly participant. Now he had been thrust back into the realm of the living and he was feeling things he no longer understood. Letting out a groan he tore his hand away from him and let it drop to his side. Realizing this made him think about the emotions he had felt looking at Eulmore, was it regret? Had he felt regret because his actions? And what about when he was trying to be useful to Swath by opening that portal? Had it been determination? 

Shutting his eyes for a moment he attempted to sort through the various emotions that swirled in his breast. It was overwhelming, and while he should sort through them and rediscover himself it was not the appropriate time to be dealing with his new found freedom. Shifting he opened his eyes and sighed. It was useless to try to conjure these feelings in a futile attempt to understand. His mind was still a swirling mess but, as usual he had to attempt to set aside these thoughts and focus on other more pressing matters. Swath could still come back at any moment and she did not need to deal with a bed ridden Ascian that was attempting to recall exactly what certain emotions felt like. That was not a disaster that she needed to help him sort through, and the Ascian had a feeling that if he allowed himself to wallow in these thoughts she would.

 Instead he gazed around the room with a frustrated and strained smile on his lips. As he released those twisting thoughts and allowed his mind to drift back to the dream he had right before waking up. In an attempt of a distraction for his wandering mind.

As Hades recalled the various parts of the dream he realized that, no, it had not been a dream. He now frowned, his brow furrowing deeply; it had been a memory of the destruction of Amaurot and the creation of Zodiark. Hades had not been plagued by that dream since Elidibus had awoken him. The memory had once been fuel that had stoked the fire within his chest, but now it only caused a knot of indescribable emotion to form in the pit of his belly. It twisted violently and uncomfortably as he thought about the chains of the primal, chains he had honestly forgotten about initially. Until Swath had destroyed them. Had it been because Zodiark was truly a primal? With the ability to alter one's will?  Sighing Hades pushed the unpleasant thoughts away to the best of his ability, he knew once again it was not the best time to be wallowing in the various tragedies and mistakes of his past, nor the possibilities of what Zodiark was. Those thoughts were for another time. Laying back upon the pillow he groaned as pain shot through his breast, taking in a breath he shut his eyes only for a moment before he heard the door at the foot of the bed open.

“Thank yah, I’m fine though, please continue the celebration without me!” Swaths voice was strained with false excitement, clearly intent on getting whomever was bothering her to leave her alone. Hades shifted as she spoke, leaning on his elbows again as he caught a glimpse of her white hair and ears through the divider. The rest of her was obscured by the wood design and the darkness of the room. He frowned, as her ears folded back, clearly the individual was trying to coerce her to return to the festivities. “Nay,” She said again her voice now low. “I’h must check on mah guest, did yeh forget that he is unwell?” There was a low apology and then a sigh from the Viera. “Aye, I’h know, thank yah again. Please go enjoy tha party.” With that she closed the door and let go of a breath that Hades had not realized she had been holding in. 

From his place on the bed he watched as she pressed her forehead against the door, her shoulders drooping. Raising his eyebrows he tilted his head a little, his hair falling in the way of his view. After a moment of watching her Hades cleared his throat. “Attempting to escape the festivities held in your honor hero?” He watched with a twang of joy as he saw her ears straighten and a smile spread across her weary face as she turned to gaze at him through the divider. 

“Yah are awake,” She moved with surprising swiftness as she hurried to his side. Hades’ golden eyes followed her as the feeling of joy spreading from his belly to the rest of his body warming him. His brows turned down into a gentle expression as she reached the side of the bed and collapsed to her knees. “How are yah feelin?” Swaths hand reached out and pressed against his forehead, and momentarily he shut his eyes reveling in the feeling of her touch. He was growing accustomed to it, and honestly beginning to crave it. She rested her hand there for only a moment before shifting and gently thumbing over his third eye, another more familiar sensation jolted through Hades as he struggled to stay on one arm as he lifted his right hand to seize her hand in an attempt to make her stop her movements.

As he gently moved her hand away from his third eye he smiled his signature lopsided smile at her. “I am doing much better thanks to the many ministrations you performed upon me.” He nodded towards the soiled bowl. Moving her hand away from his grasp she gingerly pressed down on various parts of his chest. 

“Aye, was nothin really,” There was a blush on her cheeks which once again caused that sensation to run through him like lightning. It was also accompanied by several familiar emotions, but he was truly only able to partially understand them. He felt joy, he felt his heart leap towards her; falling for her , although the sensation was different than what he remembered. Hades moved his arm back in position so that both supported him, as he continued to watch her frown down at the blooming blue that appeared after her hand left a certain area of his chest. It did not hurt him beyond a small sting, but as she lifted her hand away she reached behind her and grabbed the rag. “Yah are still leakin aether.” She sighed and shifted so that she was looking at him. The rag poised in her hands expectantly, her hands hovering over his chest waiting. 

Hades sighed, and laid back on the back letting his arms stretch out in mock defeat. “Yes, go ahead Swath, do what you need to do.” With that she quickly set about unwrapping his chest, it was a little awkward at the angle he was at but every time he attempted to move and help her a firm hand pressed him back into the bed. He was growing increasingly amused by her actions, as he watched her he could feel the stinging with each strip of bandage removed. So in an attempt to distract himself from the incoming pain Hades focused on the face of the Warrior of Light; her brow furrowed in concentration she seemed oblivious to the world around her. He knew that was a farce though. Any slight movement done by his form would immediately be silenced by a firm hand. Swaths hair was tied back at the moment as she worked over him, it had been so when she came into the room as well. Her one golden eye darted around as she finished unwrapping the bandages. 

Hades shifted a little and Swath allowed him to do so, before placing a hand on his shoulder once more looking at him seriously. “This is gunna hurt.” 

He opened his mouth to protest but she did not wait, grabbing the damp cloth she opened it and laid it down over the faintly glowing wound on his chest. Hades frowned, she lied, it had not hurt. It stung a little that was for sure - his thoughts were cut short as he watched her hand, seemingly mimic the soft aura of his chest, press down on the towel. 

Then pain burned through him like a wildfire. It started from her hand which splayed stiffly against his stomach and then simultaneously went to his toes and his head. Everything hurt, it reminded him of her trying to pull his soul back from the afterlife. Hades felt his hands tense up in the sheets and through the pain realized that Swath was holding onto one of his hands - the one closest to her. As quickly as the fire started it was staunched as her hand was lifted away from his body. Gasping Hades fell limp upon the bed, gulping the cool air like a lifeline. 

“Pray tell hero, was that necessary?” He leered at her his voice exceptionally weak, but her response to him was just a shrug. Which caused him to continue glaring at her weary eye. 

“Aye, twas. I’h need tah infuse yah with aether till yah stabilize.” Her face told him she wished to say more, to say that if she did not he would die. Rolling his eyes he looked toward the ceiling and heaved a long sigh which caused his body to radiate dull pain. A murmur then came from her lips. “Though yah seem pretty stable right now.”

“Do as you wish Swath,” Hades murmured. The pit in his stomach was back and he knew he could no longer fight her, nor did he wish too. His life was hers, only hers. “I do believe at this moment in time you know more about the situation than I, as much as I loathe to admit.” Letting his body relax he closed his eyes, sleep would not come easy. The pain was still present, a soft throbbing in the core of his stomach. There was also the fact that she was in the room with him, and while her presence did relax him it also cause that storm of emotions to stir in his breast. Opening his eyes he shifted his head to look at her, Swath had moved to sit by his head on the floor. She had covered her blind eye once again with an eye-patch, but what truly made Hades wish to recoil was the fact she was so close to him. Though his body refused to move, and instead he just blinked a few times in her direction. She smiled and reached up brushing away his dark brown hair that slipped to obscure his face. 

“I’h do, sadly. I’h wish I didn't. Awfully similar tah some wounds I’ve had in the past.” Swath shrugged and Hades opened his mouth to protest and respond with a question, but instead found her continuing. “But yah are a captive audience. I’h figure since yah are up we should have that talk.” 

Hades snapped his jaw shut, ah yes the talk about his past and the future. The future he hoped to have by her side. “Yes, I consented to being interrogated about this,” Hades murmured, Swath turning to gaze at him again her face solemn. Raising a weary hand he waved it briefly before letting it fall limply back at his side. “Ask away hero, I will answer truthfully, as I always have.”

She beamed, it was a melancholy filled smile. “I know,” Swath turned to gaze at the other side of the room chewing on her lip briefly. “Hades, yah where Solus correct?”

He frowned, what sort of question was this? He plainly said when they first met that he had been Solus zos Galvus and countless others, but sighing he humored her. “Yes, I was Solus.”

“Do yah remember a small village in the Garlean mountains?” As the words slipped from her mouth he felt his heart clench as she tilted her head away from him. “Small village that worshiped a Primal like entity. Quiet, peaceful, only did trade with otha towns once ah blue moon.” Hades watched as her body became rigid and her ears flattened. Her hand, which had been resting on the bed side fell away and fell limply in her lap. “Tha town was mah home. I’h was raised there. It was destroyed, by Emporer Solus’ word.” 

Hades turned away, “By Zodiark,” He murmured shifting lifting his heavy hand to his face. This was regret, this was sorrow, this was fear; these emotions in his breast that threatened to suffocate him. He remembered that order, he remembered hearing about that small village of possible primal worshipers in his lands. Hades remembered being something similar to gleeful, he would sow more destruction, he had thought, and hasten the rejoining. He had sent some of his best men to that village to destroy it. Hades had not known that inadvertently he would created the Warrior of Light, that he had created the woman that sat next to him. Part of him was happy he did such, because he had been saved by her hand, but it was easily eclipsed by the regret. He had taken everything from her. 

“I’h was also nearly killed by those men yah sent.” Hades flinched as she spoke up again. “I’h, I’h dont ask for an apology Hades. I’h just wanted tah know if yah did send them.” Her voice was soft, broken. It was not all she wanted to talk about, this much was clear, but it was the most prominent thing on her mind. 

He took in a deep breath. “Yes, I did send those men. I intended to wipe out the entire village, for the local villages to begin to think I was losing my mind and hasten the fear in those lands.” Hades laughed bitterly. “The quicker the rejoining the better after all.”

“I’h see,” Swaths voice petered out to nothing and silence fell over the two of them. It persisted for a long time, until Hades lifted his hand from his face and saw a blur of white and grayish blue suddenly eclipse what little light was in the room. “Hades,” Swath was over him her hands on either side of his face, hers awfully close to his. “Yah life is mine,” Her one uncovered eye staring with heat into his own pools of gold. “I’h choose yah, the one who took my family from me, to be mine.” 

Once again silence fell over the room, Hades lifted his heavy hand to wrap around her arm. He did not do so in such a way that he threatened to throw her off of him, no, he did not have the strength for that. What he did have the strength for was to hold her there. To hold her above him and not let go. 

“I will not die unless you say, I will not leave the Crystarium without your word, I am yours to command Swath,” Hades said evenly, watching as her eye widened clearly not expecting his proclamation. To him, it made sense, they were using each other, at least up to this point that had been the deal. The deal was different now. “My life, Swath, is yours. I will ask for nothing in return.” After all he had no right to ask such things, she was a hero and he washed up villain. Hades did not know if he would ever have the power he once did because of Swath acting like a cap upon him, but in truth he did not care. His life was hers, it had been the moment he opened his eyes returning from death by her hands. Swath had given him a second chance at life, a second chance to live. He had to live with everything wrong he had done yes, and he had done terrible wrongs to the one person he was coming to care deeply for. He could not atone for that. Hades squeezed her arm with what power he had in his muscles and willed his message to get across. He was a Ascian, but from this point on he was her Ascian. Not Zodiarks, not Elidibus’, hers. 

“Give me, give me some of yah aether to seal the deal.” Swaths voice shook as she asked this, the command caused him to raise his eyebrows. 

“Excuse me hero, you wish for what?” Hades shifted as she got off of him sitting at the side of the bed, hanging only one leg off of it still crowding him as he struggled to sit up. His body was heavy and did not obey his commands properly, but after he got halfway up and was about to slip backwards her hands where there holding him up. Again, she was close to close. They had been this close only hours before, but her request was something increasingly intimate. 

“Aether, mine is already in yah,” She lifted a hand away and gently jabbed his chest, a section that was not wounded. “Its only fair yah know.” 

“I do not think you understand what you ask.” Hades muttered leaning his head away from her, while trying to keep his thundering heart in check. This was panic right? This feeling that caused him to wish for the energy to flee from the room. Of course he had no such energy and was sufficiently trapped by Swaths form. She let her hand graze his chest back to his shoulder.

“I’h do, yeah it could hurt meh but I’h need tah know yah are serious. Its like ah bindin spell.” Swath frowned at him, her expression still intense. Hades took in in a steadying breath, she wanted this. 

It was different from using her as a conduit for his magics; his aether just passed through her harmlessly, but to mix them.  He frowned, looking inward, feeling his own aether. Hades earlier had recognized that his soul was fundamentally the same yet something was different, was it his aether? After a moment he saw it, around his darkly colored soul was surrounded by a slight golden glow. Her aether, a bit of her soul. Hades swallowed, looking at her - she had mixed their aether. Against his wishes a blush traveled from his neck to his cheeks. Causing the Viera to lean back surprised. Hades could tell she was about to ask but he shook his head, if this is what she wanted he would do it. “Yes, yes alright hero if this is the assurance you wish for I will give you some of my aether.”  He watched as she relaxed, although her expression was still one of confusion. “Do not regret this.” Hades muttered, advice for the both of them as he shifted to press his hand against her chest.  Then with a slight frown took in a deep breath and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers. 

His third eye pressed uncomfortably against her skin but he ignored it, he focused on her form her hands that held him and his hand on her chest. Releasing his deep breath he reached for the familiar route he took when he used her as a conduit, but instead of allowing his aether to pass by her he pushed it outward around her, into her. She gasped and he ignored it, pushing further, feeling no resistance. Then there was a snap and he pulled his head back, taking in a steadying breath. 

By Zodiark he was now painfully aware of her, moving his body away to the best of his ability he felt her hands release him. Hades did not look at her face as he pressed his back against the headboard of the bed, but once he was settled he looked back up and saw that she was crying. He recoiled looking at her with disgusted shock, why was she crying? Why would she cry after asking something so intimate of him? He was about to open his mouth to rebuke her, and remind her that he had said that she should not regret asking such a thing. Instead his words died on his lips as she raised her hand to her cheek, seemingly equally surprised as he. 

“Was tha their wish too?”

“Whose wish hero?” Hades asked as he leaned forward, the panic returning. “Whose wish?” The Ascians mind raced, he had not shown her anything through that bond had he? Then it dawned on him, the dreaded ‘Crystal mothers’ blessing, the echo. “What did you see Swath,” He reached out to her, her wide eyes causing his breaths to come quick. “Swath who did you see.” 

[ffxiv-ariavitali]

#8: Confrontation

5.2 spoiler warning - highly recommend doing Eden’s Verse before reading unless you don’t care! :)

-

Aria’s eyes were wide at the question. She knew that it would come up; after all, restoring the Empty through the method of channeling elements via her memory of primals … there was no avoiding it. It wasn’t like there was another primal monopolizing eternal ice that she could conjure up.

Yet, when Ryne asked what Shiva was like, Aria couldn’t help but go dizzy at the thought.

She knew that Thancred was watching her carefully. Knew that Urianger was growing concerned with the way her face had contorted. Memories of a northern frontier, of an amphitheatre of cold blue. Of a woman with long silken hair and the taste of her stew in the sacred land of the dragons.

Aria’s thoughts began to wander. Wander to the night in which the heretics breached the gates and stormed Foundation. She remembered returning with her dear friends only to come across another - a knight that allowed her the safety and warmth of his home and hearth.

Her two dear friends. Her two greatest losses.

At this, Aria couldn’t hold back the sadness flowing from her eyes. While still wide, she couldn’t bear but look away from the small girl with strawberry blonde hair. Couldn’t bear but allow herself to fully bathe in the emotions that thrusted themselves before her - even though she had done much and more to try to come to terms with the fact.

That is why, when Thancred calls out her name with such a forlorn tone, the gates to all her control snapped open and she had fallen to her knees in such weakness. All but Gaia had rushed towards the warrior to ensure that she was alright, but none of them were insensitive to her state of mind. They knew what it was like to lose and they hadn’t doubted the emotion behind her words.

“I … do not know what Shiva was like,” Aria answered, her lips trembling as she tried her damnedest to form coherent sentences. “I do not know the woman that captured Hrasvaelgr’s heart more than a millennia ago.”

Thancred furrowed his brows. “Aria, that’s not what she-”

“I know!’ the woman exclaimed with far more derangement that he had ever seen in her. “I know that! And I know that I cannot allow such things to control me! I know what I said to you, to Ryne, and Twelve forfend that Hades calls me a hypocrite!”

This surprises the company enough to kill any retort or words of encouragement before it passes their lips. Instead, they allow the warrior to spill her passions long locked within her heart into the open, knowing that this was a trial she needed to face on its own.

“I … do not know what Shiva was like,” Aria tried again. “Whenever I think of Shiva … I remember the woman looking for forgiveness for her sins. Of the man that gave his everything for my sake when everyone thought he was simply waxing lyrical. They were both beautiful, heroic and more the embodiment of hope than I will ever be.”

Ryne’s expression fell at the sight of her role model acting in such a way and she knew she couldn’t leave it like this. There had to be something that she could do and she had an idea of what, but first, she needed to give back to the woman that had given so much of herself to save her and the entire world.

So, the small girl took her delicate hands and reached out for Aria’s. It captured the hero’s attention and soon, amethyst eyes met with crystal blue and the two chosen by the Light levelled their gazes with one another. The young girl offered her a small smile and Aria could feel warmth emanating from a child with one of the largest hearts she had ever seen.

“I can’t ever hope to know how much you’re hurting,” Ryne spoke with such kindness that reminded the Scions of their previous Antecedent. “But I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone. So, even though this is hard for you, I want to face it with you. Together.”

Aria’s eyes widened at Ryne’s resolution and the sight of it broke her away from the pit of despair she was beginning to spiral into. Her gaze wandered towards Urianger, to Thancred, and she found they they, too, were smiling at her with such reassurances that made her feel so full and not at all as lonely as she thought she would be.

With this, the hero sniffled and smiled, pulling Ryne into a gentle hug while she patted her head. The child gasped and stiffened within the embrace, but returned it all the same, wondering if such a sensation was what a sister’s love was like - if not a mother’s.

“Thank you, Ryne, for reminding me,” Aria whispered.

Ryne smiled. “Y-You’re welcome.”

Facing such challenges was hard. Aria, of all people, knew this. Harder yet was to ask for help when you’re so used to the world turning to you for your support. Sometimes, reminders of the obvious are welcome and needed; admonition that you’re not alone.

Then all you need to do is take their hand.

[vividlytalentless]

The Yielding.

When I first decided to write, I wrote solely with the use of my mind. I spent restless hours, strenuously choosing each word, trying to perfect so hard, that I always ended up with a white page instead. I reached the point where I wondered why am I even doing this? A true writer would never be this burdened.

Now I stand corrected, almost all writers struggle to write sometimes. However, I wasn't writing properly, look writing isn't just about enlightening, sharing ideas or raising debates. Writing itself is a primitive sacred craft, an art made for empathy, to convey the emotions of one heart to another. Thus I've learned to bleed what my broken soul has failed to utter, I've let blank pages absorb my sentiments, encapsulating them for my small circle to read.

So maybe now when I can truly write with my soul and mind, I'll be able to speak with the never-existing you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've never felt that it's my right to choose your name, however, a day might come when my heart gets a human form; a day when I'm obliged to name you, I'll then call you Athena. After the Greek goddess of strategic war, wisdom and poetry, a goddess born wearing a battle armor, Just as the one your graceful soul will have on; you'll learn as tomorrows passes by that life can't wait to break you down, but I'm certain that you, my sweet little angel, you'll be born beautifully prepared.

I promise that I'll always be your Mediterranean, cause no Alexandrian is really ever lost by the sea. As Mays fade into Junes, I'll be by your side, watching with pride, as your baby steps grow into the choices that'll form who you truly are. I'll help you forge a spirit so irregular, that the world could never fit you in its mold. When your heart is so heavy it could form a black hole, sucking all the expressions on the tip of your tongue, I'll bring you my very first fountain pen, and show you how it's done.

If the time arrives, when you come to me with those winsome wide eyes, that just can't get enough of the world asking me, daddy where's Atlantis? I'll take this question as a symbol of acceptance, an allowance to reach out for your psyche, grabbing it closer to mine.

Baby, I'll tell you, your father spent years exploring minds, learning how to perfectly accept and understand. Trust me I'll always be a judge-free zone, forever ready to hear and love whatever thoughts you throw at me. I'll come knocking on your door, showing you that no mood late-night talks can't improve; we'll watch the stars, talking about philosophy and poetry, discussing our existential crises and dilemmas.

I'll teach you everything I've learned about life and humans.

This world is like a bag of sour candy, its bitterness is just an emphasis on the sweetness underneath, so don't you ever fear grabbing a handful. Listen every story in life come in threes, a beginning, a middle and an end, and your story will be a bestseller. Just promise me that you'll never run away from the endings, cause everything that'll pass by no matter how painful it is, is an experience worth living; endings are the water to your soil, ensuring you embark on growing with wisdom and strength.

Sweetheart never stop observing the world, watch caterpillars turn into butterflies, learn that the periphery of a phase, is far away from your demise.

Also keep in mind that solitude is a sweet poison, a toxic desire lurking in every tainted system. You should know that we humans are social creatures, we're most comfortable connected, sharing genuine strong emotions and stories.

Always cherish the holy miracle of true friendship, I'll be honest not all friendships will last forever, and losing friends are the worst type of heartbreaks. However, there's nothing time and ice-cream won't heal. Live your life wearing this big mellow heart on your sleeves, unshackle your soul from your overthinking brain, take risks and don't ever feel afraid from falling in love with people's minds.

My young Amazonian, I know that you'll be born a warrior, a superheroine trying to fix everyone's world. Believe me, I know how hard it is to watch the hearts you care for aching, but there's pain that your hugs just can't fix; sometimes no matter what you do, you cant catch all the pain you want to mend, and you'll only end up with grievous wounds exactly like the ones on my chest.

Yet I know that nothing I'm going to say, will ever stop you from doing what feels right, so here are a few tips. The secret of gaining trust is for you to actually trust first, but never EVER give anyone leverage, it's foolish to assume that all mangos are sweet. Also, don't be wasteful with your words, repetition murders the resolution in your voice, all your heartening will morph into disheartening; think of one's heart as a bucket of water, each word is a drop till it's completely full, and from there each extra word is just a meaningless spill.

My perfect storm, listen to me no matter what they'll tell you our religion is, says or enforce, don't believe it, our religion states nothing against humanity. Following our religion exclusively means that we are a work in progress towards the greater good, and that should forever be your only conviction.

Don't you ever blindly trust what you're told, at no time ever accept that ignorance is a blessing. Wander to the deepest parts of your mind, craft your ideologies, form your own identity. Become your intellect's epitome, weaponize the way you think, love and accept the person hiding at the very back of your mind.

Yet take care, our brain is too smart for our own good. Going through life with chronic overthinking only paves the road to desolation; sometimes all you need is to just lose inhibition, letting your heart get carried away, for the tip of your tongue to taste some of the sweetness of life.

So always approach your thoughts with a big sturdy heart, and that's exactly where you should place your soul, on the fine borderline between your heart and mind. Not detained and tormented by your thoughts, neither fragile and irrational under your emotions command. Your soul should be the intertwining of your feelings and thoughts, creating the heavenly relative being that is you!

My youthful goddess of wisdom, If the time comes when you're here, and you're nothing like my words, nothing like how my mind personified you; even if our hugs screamed disparity, each glimpse of you would still fill my tongue with endearments. No matter who you'll turn out to be, you'll always dwell in the deepest parts of my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~

To the purest soul that'll never to exist.

Our society is a parasitic blight that feeds on idiocy; grows on corruption; breeds indifference and defies simple peculiarities.

It'll savagely deny your orientation, identity and ideologies, in the name of its own false religion. It has mastered the art of deception for so long now, It'll herd us like a flock of sheep, carving each one of us into the embodiment of ignorance.

Yet, most importantly our society is also a tainted he, an irrational spoiled male that fear equality, repudiating your rights in the challenge of life. He'll claim possession over your own virginity, he'll cut and modify your very own body, as if ruination is his birthright. He'll harras the life out of the one organ system different body, that your soul didn't even choose to live in. Crimes committed against you, will simply be absolved, cause your screams just weren't loud enough.

Sexists exist throughout my gender's history, and they still do, causing nothing but pain and agony; like an anaconda holding its prey, they'll squeeze the youth out of the virtuous souls.

~~~~~~~~~~

To the never-existing you.

As long as I can remember, I was a two-headed coin that'll never balance on its side. Gray was the abomination my eyes were never able to see. Genuineness was always my primary emotion. I've always lived in the certitude of the edges, no almosts no maybes, go hard or go home.

I also learned to love living this way, a being that loathes intermediates. Yet something as majestic as you are, is a might, an if, a beautiful wavering thought afar from absolute.

They say:

" " فاقد الشيء لا يعطيه

Maybe in a physical world this saying is correct, however, on the psychological level, I believe it's quite the opposite. For so long now I had a fatherly soul in me, a psyche well recognized and experienced by everyone I've loved.

But going through life, I've grown distant from this spirit. I became a perfect blend of failures that I'm too weak to endure, my mind became a horrid mess, I'm a wretched lunatic embodying lucidity. I've grown inwards, my hands can only form fists, I can't shake hands through life anymore. I've accepted frustration, it turned into anger, then I foolishly revered anger; now my soul is on fire, my heart morphed into a furnace, fueled by fury, forging impulsiveness.

My sweet never-will-be-born daughter, my legs just can't walk the road leading to you anymore. I might just be covered by the society's dust, a tarnished male denying your opportunity to live. However, I surely know that what I became, isn't good enough for you; my heart is now an atheist, incapable of worshipping the goddess you are.

I'm well aware that I'm still young, but right now you're so far away from approaching certainty.

My yielding fatherly soul.

[muses-darling]

A Seduction of the Darkside - A Star Wars AU - CH.1 Alderaan

Arrogance, the downfall of the righteous, Jedi were no different, one by one blinded by it, one by one they fell. They lacked ambition, they lacked vision, and with the guidance of the Emperor, the Sith had swept over the lighted worlds of the Republic swallowing them in the darkness. Heated battles waged over planets, lasers firing from turrets, troops marching to assault, as the Republic attempted to rear their defenses up slow, lazy with bureaucracy and all other trappings that helped to lay it low. Still they put up a decent fight yet one by one each world would fall in a fiery blaze if they had too. The Sith Empire was on the rise, and their numbers grew day by day as more and more were claimed to the dark side. It was the will of the force, for the light to at long last yield to the darkness and be snuffed out. 

Perperations over the last three hundred years were coming to fruition. All that time spent lying in the shadows hungry, patience learned with time growing in power, waiting for the moment their revenge would be at hand. Overseeing it, transferring life, much like their emperor from one vessel to another. The best laid plans were the ones over seen by their maker. Ignis was more than willing to wait, more than willing to seek out all that would bring about the fall of their weakened enemies. The Jedi would never see it coming, and when they did it would be only after the route to victory was assured.

Harrower Class Dreadnoughts entered the space above the tranquil planet of Alderaan. A creamy green of an orb centered in the viewport, a lovely sight, only to be made more so when it burned. Darth Ignis turned, fingers waving sending out the force bringing the comm on, the Sith Emperor sat looking pleased, “My Emperor.” Darth Ignis knelt down if only because he had yet to find a way to over throw the man.

“Lord Ignis, destroy what you must, leave what you can, supplies are needed in winning a war, and this planet is lush. Destroy the Republic’s foothold and bring about a victory. Take prisoners, especially promising Jedi.” The Emperor commanded, before the connection terminated.

“It will be done my Emperor,” Darth Ignis asseverated while rising, crimson eyes pivoting to where the planet, already receiving bombardment. “Ready my ship, I will see to this personally.”

______________________________________________________________

Waves of grass on his home planet of Alderaan waved in the gentle wind as Kit meditated on the force. In the force he could sense the impending darkness keeping his mind on the peace that surrounded him. “I am one with the force, the force is one with me. There is no emotion; there is peace, there is no ignorance; there is knowledge, there is no passion, there is serenity, there is no death; there is the Force.” He fell silent as he became aware of the encroaching numbers, repeating the code as a mantra; a lightsaber lay ready for when he needed it. Let them come...

Sith imperial troopers, warriors, inquisitors, and the like marched on him and the town beyond. If they thought him alone well they were in for a surprise. They had done well in cloaking themselves in the force but not well enough. The hum of lightsabers, a fear tried to rise in his belly. There is no emotion! His nerves steadied with the words of the code- There is only peace- A crack of a fallen branch under foot- there is no ignorance- closer and closer rocks came loose colliding with each other as they were kicked up in the footfall- There is knowledge. His hand moved slowly extending outward as he did so with the force. There is no passion, there is serenity. Rising with the blade in a swift motion, viridescent eyes same color of the blade taking in his surroundings.

“You will die today Jedi.” An assassin purred behind him.

There is no death, there is the force! His lightsaber was a cue, Republic troops came from where they had been deployed between the Sith and Kit cutting them off. 

“Jedi Scum!” An Inquisitor bit out, his final words as Kit brought his hand up the lightsaber flying forward and through the target as Kit leaped into the air twisting and landing his lightsaber to his hand. Igniting his other blade as he brought it out and down through another enemy. The Emerald of the Order was what they called him and he certainly lived up to the name. Blades crackled with energy as they met. Kit used the force to push one of them away from himself as he wheeled a blur of motion. Safeguarding the innocents required he put them to the blade. Ordinarily he would have found a least confrontational manner. However when necessary he found himself able to contend with aggressive negotiations.

________________________________________________________________

Azure peaceful skies choked with smoke turned red with flames that burned brightly through the forests, valleys, and towns. Fire was something that Ignis felt embodied the Darkside well. The Code of the Sith was just as opposite of the Jedi, his lightsaber crackled red, it sliced through them down the middle, Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Flames lit him in a beautiful and grotesque way causing fear in his enemy’s eyes some turned and fled only to be cut down by blaster fire. Through passion, I gain strength. He reached out through the force bringing the fire up in a swirl and at the enemies watching them reduce to ash. Through strength, I gain power. Feeding on their fear gave him clarity to see them his lightsaber through them cutting them like wheat in a field. Through power, I gain victory. Lopping the head off of one of the Trooper Captains. Through victory, my chains are broken. There had been a time where he had been held back by the code the Jedi, the lies they told themselves enslaved to an impossible philosophy. The Force shall free me. Their ways had allowed him an illusion of safety once shattered with the loss of Persephone. The man known then as Jedi Master Hades fell to the darkside consumed in the need for vengeance. That had been long ago... Republic troops crumpled under the might of his army. 

One Republic trooper stood before him holding his blaster out at him, brave one, foolish one, now dead....

Darth Ignis perceived him try to fire only for the force to break the man’s arm, relishing the scream as the man’s mind caught up to the knowledge of his impending doom. The blaster went off sealing his life while Ignis pressing onward passed him. 

________________________________________________________________

Kit’s blades twirled as he sent blaster lasers back at those who shot at him. The air was becoming too hot and thick, flames licked away at the growth coming near. Blades met others, it was in the way they met that told him this was someone not to underestimate.

The Adversary’s face was partially covered with a breathing apparatus scarlet-yellow, hate filled eyes scorched into Kit’s evergreen ones. Savage blows forcing Kit back the dark Jedi clearly drew on the force to augment himself. “Hello pretty Jedi-”

Kit smiled, “Aw darling, shame the same can’t be said about you.” Reaching out with the force he tried to hit the man with a rock, barely missing him.

“Please you didn’t think I would fall for that?” The Sith chuckled. “Certainly not after I’ve seen you use it on another.” He caught the rock using the force to shatter it, the sharp pieces hurtling at Kit blocking with lightsabers destroying all, but one shard slicing his arm. 

Kit gasped with pain his lightsaber locking with the man’s blade narrowly blocking him, stumbling back. 

“You fight well, but see that you fight a master.” The Sith jeered at him, “while you are only a mere knight.” 

Kit reached back with the force stopping his fall as the Sith neared him keeping him from truly finding any real balance. Kit closed his eyes breathing in, Peace, Knowledge, and Serenity. Letting his blades drop using the force to sweep them at the legs moving away from the Sith.

The Sith used the force to push hurtling over Kit and landing behind him. 

Kit turned, lightsabers flying up to meet the Sith’s his hands finding purchase on the hilts. He shut them off feeling the Sith slam into him as Kit used the force to fall backward softly into the tall grass controling his landing, using the hit of his landing to send up a powerful blast.

The Sith was sent flying into a tree hard enough to make him drop his lightsaber. Kit spun rising up, lightsabers arcing around him soaring to the Sith. “Yield.”

“Funny I could ask you to do the same thing.” A voice said from behind him. 

A man clearly a Dark Lord of the Sith nearing him Kit moved a lightsaber to be between each opponent. 

Releasing from the tree the other Sith brought up a lightsaber cutting through the hilt of one lightsaber hovering it at Kit’s throat.

“Darth Vesania, we have a rare opportunity before us, I think he will be of more use to us alive than dead.” The newly arrived Sith Lord spoke.

Darth Vesania clearly sounded bored, “I would prefer him dead, his goodness in the Force makes me sick, Lord Ignis.”

“Then leave and find other’s to kill.” Darth Ignis dismissed him, bringing Kit’s remaining lightsaber into his hand. “This one will live today at least.” 

Kit watched the other leave as more surrounded him looking to the one who had intervened, “If you think I will be your willing prisoner, think again. I will give myself to the force before I surrender.”

“Oh that I don’t doubt but it would be such a waste of a pretty face.” Darth Ignis smiled to him beneath the hood. “Even more of such skill. There are not many who have stood up to Darth Vesania and lived, in fact I think you may be the only one who has.” The voice was regal and clearly used to giving commands. “I have no desire in seeing a flower like you burn, now be a good Jedi and choose the peaceful option. Surrender Just like your precious Republic did this day.”

Live to fight again, his mind offered up as wisdom. Perhaps this was the Forces’ will? To take this Path it wasn’t a clear path and he had no certainty. Uncertainty could lead to fear, to the darkside. There is no emotion; there is peace, there is no ignorance; there is knowledge, there is no passion, there is serenity, there is no death; there is the Force. In the voice of his Master Gabriel the code came to mind again. The Republic had lost Alderaan his homeworld, just like Kit himself as he felt the force repelling manacles lock around his wrists.

[aamccarthy]

Lucifer and Thomas - The Primum Mobile

Wattpad Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/186855778-lucifer-and-thomas

Artwork Master List

Chapter 1 - 10 Master List

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

“So, you boys are back at school on Monday. Are you excited?” Alice cleared the empty plate that was in front of Lucifer.

“Yeah! I hope Luce is in the same class as me.” Thomas grinned, smiling at the black haired boy opposite him.

“We’ll see.” Lucifer had a coy smile on his face. He had observed this ‘school’ before on one of his trips up to the Earthen plane but hadn’t experienced it. He wasn’t looking forward to school per say, but rather meeting these ‘bullies’ that tormented Thomas’ memories.

Lucifer had returned a few days ago, announcing that he would attend school with the young Thomas. Leviathan had been unsure about it, mentioning that there was something strange about the boy and that he had the ability to see through a Glamour. Much to Leviathan’s annoyance, Lucifer had simply shrugged and said he wasn’t surprised and that they should just observe, and one way to do that was to watch him both day and night, and that involved attending school. Leviathan personally felt it was all too convenient and that his older brother was simply bored of his time as Satan to which Lucifer had no reply.

Having no inkling as to what was involved in the school process, Lucifer had left the logistics of setting up things such as enrollment to one of his Lieutenants, Oliver. Unlike his siblings, the Generals who fell from the First Sphere, the Lieutenants were Fallen who had been cast from the Third Sphere. Oliver had originally lived amongst the humans as a Guardian Angel, but was punished when he killed a human.

Picking up the cup of orange juice before him, he took a sip, wondering vaguely what had caused Oliver to kill another human, but like all his subjects, he respected their past.

“Did your Father get you enrolled in time?” Alice sat down opposite Lucifer, brushing away her brown hair from her eyes as she tucked it behind her ear.

“No, my Uncle Oliver sorted it out for me.” The half-truth slid out easily enough, no need to bother about details.

“Hmmmm?” Thomas’ eyes were locked on Lucifer, unblinking and staring at him. Raising an eyebrow in question, he closed his eyes and took another sip of drink nonchalantly, trying to avoid the brown-eyed stare.  

Stretching out on Thomas’ bed, Lucifer stifled a yawn as he rolled over on his side, closing his eyes. “Are you really going to take a nap?” Thomas looked at him, aghast.

“Maybe. I’m pretty tired actually.” He responded in a murmur. He had been up at night assisting Berith with destroying the Summon Circles. Despite Berith’s efforts with his Cataclysm the other day, the numbers were back to normal.

“Why did you lie earlier?” Thomas sat crossed legged on the bed, his chin in palm as he stared at Lucifer.

Flicking his golden eyes over to the young boy he asked, “What do you mean?”

“Oliver. He’s not actually your Uncle, is he?”

A perturbed emotion flicked across Lucifer’s face, but he quickly hid it. Sitting up, he looked at the seemingly normal human child. “You’re a strange one.” He mirrored Thomas’ posture, “How did you know?”

The boy shrugged in response, leaning against the wall. He fiddled with his hands, fidgeting slightly under Lucifer’s unwavering gaze. “I dunno. I can just tell.”

“You shouldn’t point out things like that to other humans. They’re narrow minded and scared individuals who wouldn’t hesitate to cut you down if you call them out on their lies.” His gaze held Thomas on the spot, “Humans live and breathe in their lies. It’s their nature.”

Thomas stared down at his hands then looked up, “Are you mad?”

“No,” he reached over and flicked the boy in the head, “You can speak openly with me.” Frowning, Thomas rubbed at his forehead in annoyance but looked up when Lucifer spoke again, “Leviathan mentioned that he’s my brother, right?”

“Yeah. And that other guy.”

“What else did he tell you?”

“Is it true that you have seven brothers and a sister?” Thomas eyes lit up as he leaned forward, “I don’t have any brothers or sisters. What are they like?”

“Trustworthy.” He mused, a smile on his face. “The eight of them together form the Generals of Hell; including myself we each rule over the Nine Circles of Hell.”

“Mum says that God was mean to humans, and when the Angels stood up for them, he threw them into Hell.”

“That’s an interesting view your mother has.” Lucifer leaned forward in interest, “Where did she hear that?”

“Grandfather? I think.” Thomas looked up in thought, “Is it true? Are you all angels?”

“Not all of us, no.”

“How many angels are there?”

Thinking for a moment, he replied, “About 66’600 were cast out originally, but there are now more. The important ones are my Generals, who descended from the First Sphere, then I have three Lords who assist me with guarding over the Lakes of Hell, five Captains who descended from the Second Sphere and three Lieutenants who descended from the Third Sphere. The other half of Hell is comprised of demons who are ruled over by the Royals.”

“So is Oliver an Angel too?”

Ah. This boy was a smart one, Lucifer thought to himself. “Yes, he’s one of my Lieutenants.”

“Is he coming to school too?”

“No. Only I will be going.” Lucifer smiled as a sinister smile crept across his face, “I’m interested in meeting these kids who keep tormenting you.”

“You’re lying again.” Thomas threw a pillow at Lucifer’s face in annoyance.

SMACK

Lucifer blinked, momentarily confused. Did… Did that child just throw a pillow at him?

“Luce! Levi is here!” Alice’s voice carried up the stairs as she called out.

“Coming!” Thomas called back, getting up off the bed and running off. Lucifer followed after him, a small smile on his face.

Astaroth surveyed the scene around her, stretching out her wings. She felt uncomfortable in the male form, and tsked in annoyance as she scratched at her masculine arm. A frown passed across her face and Asmodeus reached out, touching her shoulder. “How are you fairing?”

“I don’t like it.” She wrinkled her nose up in disgust. The scene around her felt too bright, too beautiful, too… perfect. A light blue sky stretched over them, the warmth of the sun fell across their skin, green grass tickled the soles of their feet and the sounds of laughter and chatter swirled around them as angels flitted from place to place, smiling and full of laughter. It was a severe contrast to the Circles of Hell and it set Astaroth on edge.

She looked around at all the angels around them, noticing that her Father’s bias for creating males hadn’t changed over the past several thousand years. There were scarcely any female angels at all. Though she hated taking on a male form, it was for the best. She would stand out less this way.

“Come on.” She gestured to her brother as she took flight. “Let’s go to the Hall of Records.” Asmodeus wordlessly followed her as they flew towards the sky, where six golden arches hovered.

“Do you recall where it was?”

“Soneilion said that it still exists within the Ninth Sphere, the Primum Mobile.” Astaroth looked over each of the archways, atop of them were carved roman numerals, numbering from three through to nine. Looking up at the archway labeled nine, she passed through the golden gate, closing her eyes as the light around her got brighter.

The scene around them changed and she was presented with a large, ancient city. Raised at the centre atop a hill, was large red brick castle with white and golden flags fluttering in the wind. Encased around the castle was a ring of water, followed by a ring of buildings. This pattern continued four more times, creating a total of five rings of water and five rings of buildings.

“I see that they still continue to split people by hierarchy.” Asmodeus murmured as they descended.

Landing upon the ground, the pair of them folded up their wings and proceeded into the city. “Do you remember this city, Astaroth?”

Looking up at her name, she closed her eyes, “The Primum Mobile is the Ninth Sphere, the City of Mortals, and within it, each of God’s Creations from the mortal world exists. The five rings correlate to a different Sphere of Heaven. The innermost ring and the ring of the Knowledge of the Wise links back to the Fourth Sphere. The second ring, protects that knowledge and is home to the Warriors of the Fifth Sphere. The third ring is home to the past Rulers who are welcomed within the Sixth Sphere. The fourth ring is for the Contemplatives, souls who embody Temperance, those welcomed within the Seventh Sphere. And the final ring are those of Faith, Hope and Love - in the Eighth Sphere. Mortals are not to pass through the rings, same as travelling between the Spheres. All must remain where Father intended them to be.”

“I’m surprised you remember after all these years.”

“Of course I remember Father’s discrimination.” She opened her eyes, glaring. “It was one of the reasons I rebelled in the first place.”

Asmodeus smiled and leaned forward, whispering in her ear, “Temper, sister dear. I can feel your malice leaking out within your Essence.”

Astaroth stepped back and took a deep breath, “Apologies, brother. Come, let’s make haste. I resent spending time in this realm.”

Moving through the city was uneventful. As both Asmodeus and Astaroth were Angels, the humans that guarded each of the gates between the rings allowed them to pass, bowing to them in turn.

“I hate this worship.” Astaroth hissed in annoyance as another human bowed to the pair of them. “There should be no need.”

“Calm.” Asmodeus warned as they ascended up the stairs to the Hall of Records.

An male Angel with long walnut coloured hair, tied at the back, greeted them at the entrance. He bowed in greeting, “Welcome to the Hall of Records. Please state your rank.”

“We are from the Third Sphere, Archangels.” Asmodeus stepped forward and replied.

“Those of the third Sphere may only access the records on the first floor.” He stepped back and three white balls hovered in mid air. “To prove your rank, you must pass your Essence through this one here.” He indicated to the third ball that hovered, the smallest of the three.

Astaroth glanced at her brother in question, the records used to be open to all Angels. What had changed?

Asmodeus took a step forward and placed his hand upon the ball, concentrating as it began to glow gold. “You pass. Your companion, please.” The angel gestured to Astaroth and she took a step forward, frowning. How was she to do this? She had an incredible amount of Essence and had never had to temper her power before. Squinting slightly, she poked at the ball and it immediately glowed gold. She quickly retracted her hand, breathing a sigh of relief. “Pass. You may both enter.”

The pair took a step forward, pushing open the door and stepping into a large library.

‘I’m surprised you held back. You could have easily controlled him with the power of your Throne.’ Asmodeus looked down at Astaroth as he projected his thoughts. Astaroth, despite being a Fallen, was an still Angel of Thrones. Thrones were so named after the Throne Wheel that hovered at their backs and with this wheel, they had the ability to turn the wheels of fate and control Angels from the Second and Third Sphere.

‘There was no need. It was a simple task.’ She stalked off towards the shelves at the back, ‘There should be records of the Empyrean in here, let’s find them and leave quickly.’

Asmodeus nodded and turned in the opposite direction to begin his search. It would be faster for them to search separately.

Astaroth turned back and watched as Asmodeus disappeared between the shelves before she walked up and down the rows of bookcases, looking at the collection of scrolls and dusty books. There were a number of other Angels also around her, either lounging on the chairs reading, or sitting at the table taking notes and studying. She remembered before she was cast out, how she used to come to this place to study and read about Heaven here.

“Are you new?” Blinking, she turned and saw a male angel with very short, ginger blonde hair. He was wearing a chainmail top and a plated skirt. At his back was a sphere. Her eyes narrowed, he was an Angel of Powers, a Heavenly Warrior, one of those from the Second Sphere.

She feigned a look of ignorance and tilted her head in confusion. “I’m a little lost, actually.”

The man smiled at her, “What are you looking for? Come, I’ll help you.”

“Ah, all is well. It is best if I learn how to navigate the Hall of Records myself. I cannot expect you to help me or I will never learn.” She forced a smile and turned to leave.

“It is no trouble to me. Let me know your woes, I can assist. I may be a Power, but first and foremost I am an avid Scholar.” The man placed a fist on his chest proudly, smiling.

“Camael!” A burly man stepped forward, clasping the other on the back. Astaroth’s eyes widened as she saw four tawny coloured wings from the man’s back; feathers spread across the man’s chest, his face was that of a lion and he stood upon two coven oxen feet. A Cherub. She needed to get away. While she could easily overthrow an Angel of Powers, she had no hope against a Cherub.  

“I must apologise, I am in a rush. I bid you well.” She quickly turned and walked away.

“Ah, no need, no need.” The Cherub replied, waving his hand. “I just came over to greet Camael.”

Astaroth stood with her back to both males, and shook her head in reply. “I have urgent business, I will take my leave.” She went to take another step, but then Camael called out to her.

“Don’t mind Gabriel, come. Let me know what you are looking for.”

She froze at the name. Gabriel. He was supposed to be an Archangel, how is he now a Cherub? She turned, looking at the lion-faced man behind her.

“I don’t recognise you.” Gabriel narrowed his eyes as he stroked his chin.

“I am merely an Archangel of little consequence. I thank you, Camael, for your concern. But I am well.” She turned and took a step forward but then Gabriel raised his arm.

“Wait.” She stopped, glancing up at him. “There is something amiss with you.” His eyes narrowed in suspicion, “Identify yourself!”

Astaroth gritted her teeth then raised her arm causing Camael to raise his spear in return. He went to throw his spear but stopped when a beryl-coloured wheel emerged and it began to spin.

“Kneel.” She hissed. Camael’s eyes went blank and he immediately dropped to the floor, head pressed against the tiles, the other Angels in the library also followed suit, however Gabriel remained standing.  

“You’re a Throne. It is forbidden to use Glamour within the Spheres.” His face snarled, “How dare you dishonour the Primum Mobile.” He reached out with a hand and clenched it into a fist.

Astaroth gasped as she felt a strong power gripping her being, it was like being caught in the teeth of a beast. She fell to her knees and the illusion holding her male form shattered, falling to the ground like pieces of glass.

Gabriel’s golden eyes surveyed the figure before him, it was a woman with a pair of beryl-coloured wings. Her Throne, the wooden wheel behind the figure hovered in place, all of its eyes were focused on Gabriel. She stood up, brushing her green and black hair behind her ears. His eyes narrowed. “Who are you? There is no female Throne. The All Mighty Creator never made one.”

“It seems you are mistaken about Father.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened. There were only nine angels that had called the All Mighty Creator, Father. And those nine had been cast from Heaven. “Who are you?” He asked again, snarling.

The woman before him stood, spreading out her wings at their full length, “I am the Prince of Thrones, Ruler of the First Circle of Hell. Astaroth.”

Continue to Chapter 13

[becomestorm]

REN SEMBLANCE HC COMPILATION: EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION / EMPATHY.

the old semblance masterpost was written here over one year ago.

SECTIONS.

EMPATHY ( DEFINITION + SUB POWERS. )

BASELINE ( EXACTLY WHAT REN’S SEMBLANCE CAN DO. )

ORIGINS ( THE CONDITIONS + TRIGGER TO WHY REN’S SEMBLANCE IS EMPATHY / EMOTIONAL SHROUD. )

PERCEPTION OF THEIR SEMBLANCE ( REN’S OPINION, THEIR RULES CONCERNING THE USE, THE EFFECT IT HAS ON OTHERS. )

ABILITIES ( POWERS, AND SUB TRAITS AS A RESULT OF THEIR SEMBLANCE. )

NEGATIVE EFFECTS ( HINDRANCE OF EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT, MENTAL ILLNESSES, PSYCHOLOGICAL FEARS AS A RESULT EXTENDED USE. )

EMPATHY.

some general information on empathy according to the superhero wiki. empathy is the power to fully interpret and replicate the emotions, moods, and temperaments of others. sub power is emotional manipulation. it is also called empathic perception. the user of such a power can fully interpret and replicate the emotions, moods, and temperaments of others without reading apparent symptoms, allowing them to understand introverts or discover emotions one is actually hiding from another. they can attack someone in a personal and emotional way since they know exactly what emotion is flowing through themselves and can use this knowledge to play against them. some users may learn to read emotional imprints left into environment or objects. usually over time, an empath’s power grows to the point that they can manipulate emotions on others, and possibly use them to empower themselves. the user may learn to extend their power over a vast number of sentient beings.

ren has been seen ( and i headcanon / speculate is capable of ) some of these sub-empath abilities; ecological empathy, the ability to  sense the overall well-being and conditions of one’s immediate environment and natural setting stemming from a psychic sensitivity to nature. animal & plant empathy. emotion detection, the ability to sense emotions in one’s vicinity ( this was seen in volume four concerning tyrian’s bloodlust. this ability naturally heightens ren’s perception of other people in one area. ) empathic echoes, the ability to emotionally receive and send glimpses of memories or mental imagery associated with certain emotional states be they current or past ( there are some places and beings, eg. spirits or ghosts, that have constant emotional residue due to major events happening in that location ( eg. shion village. ) users are able to tap onto the emotional imprints and re-experience those residual memories. empathic inundation, the ability to overwhelm a victim with a flood of emotions and / or feelings ( this is basically the opposite of what ren uses it for now. ) empathic combat, ( i know this one sounds a bit stupid but — ) the ability to sense an opponent’s emotional / instinctual state in order to predict their attacks, and respond accordingly.

BASELINE.

ren’s semblance’s primary use is to mask negative emotions, which aids heavily in avoiding detection by grimm. it is not a combat oriented semblance, but it is a survival semblance. while not much use against human opponents, it renders them invisible to grimm. i headcanon that ren, with their capabilities as of volume four, can shroud at least four people on their own for a limited amount of time. their semblance looks like a pink shroud, and after that the user’s form is visibly desaturated.

i headcanon that ren’s semblance is “bleeding.” due to the trauma ren experienced immediately after it was unlocked, and how they exhausted their body for extremely long periods afterwards in order to keep it running at maximum output, their semblance has never actually turned off and remains “passive” at all times, slowly depleting their aura over time and explaining ren’s constant fatigue. although, their semblance can still be “focused” in specific scenarios ( combat. )

ORIGIN.

“ a common philosophy is that a warrior’s semblance is a part of who they are. some say your personality and character can define your semblance, while some claim that it’s the other way around. of course, there are still many that don’t see a connection at all. ” — ren, volume five, chapter four.

there has been talk of semblances coming to you, specifically and perfectly, in the moment you need it. nora’s came to her because she was struck by lightning, and she needed to endure it. jaune’s came to him because one of his friends was dying, and he needed to save her. ren’s came to them because they needed to remain calm and think clearly in the few moments when it would be the hardest thing they would ever have to do. ren falls into the category of people who have changed because of their semblance. even though ren’s personality is a result of their semblance ( due to the bleeding effects that have steadily altered their personality over the years ) the reason their semblance came to be the way it is was primarly due to what li and an did prior to their deaths. an was attempting to calm ren down. she was trying to assure ren that it would be alright, she believed that grimm would not find them if they remained calm. she did all this despite how scared she was herself. and li, even knowing that their peaceful life had come to an end, that his wife was dead, that he was dying too from his previous injury, he still calmly pushed all of that aside in order to get ren to relative safety. he remained level - headed, refused to allow his panic and fear to settle in and kept moving forward, only giving in at the end to begin ren’s hatred of martyrs. the embodiment of this strength and bravery was passed onto ren in the form of their semblance. ren’s ability is the amalgamation of their regret. “ why couldn’t i be more like my father ? ” / “ maybe if i had this ability back then, i could have saved mother. ” it’s a testament to their promise to protect them, and although it has hurt them in the past, it gives ren the ability to save so many other people and prevent the tragedies that befell them ( seen in volume six, episode one. )

prior to kuroyuri, ren was raised just outside it in the lie compound where they lived with extensive family. the lie family was a very proud and noble heritage, high class and incredibly wealthy. it was filled with huntsman and huntresses, entrepreneurs, ceo’s, doctors, lawyers, scientists, politicians, all very influential figures in an incredibly competitive environment. ren, with their soft heart and fragile personality, needed to adapt in order to gain some semblance of affection from their family, that of whom already ostracised them because of their birth circumstances. in order to compete in an environment like this one ren needed to “reflect” what other people wanted to see in them. this is where the emotional manipulation aspect of their semblance rises.

ren would be a very different person if not for their semblance. i see ren, someone who is isolative in personality and awkward when it comes to social interaction, having a power that makes them empathic and basically capable of cheating at any social interaction ( and still refusing to use it based on their morals and other people’s privacy ) as completely oxymoronic, and it is one of my favourite things about them.

cut for length.

PERCEPTION OF THIER SEMBLANCE.

ren is very capable of reading someone’s emotions down to the degree of it, and by association make educated guesses on what they might be thinking. it is possible that seeing this, despite their conversion to statistics in their mind, just makes human beings more confusing. they are completely aware that reading someone, and manipulating their emotions is a huge invasion of privacy and a violation of something very sacred ( the human will ) and so attempt to keep the ability strictly for combat and rescue situations only. ren has been used as a numbing agent, as well as an emotional manipulator before ( in order to make people feel happy, euphoric ) by those willing to take advantage of a young orphaned child, so they never tell anyone what their semblance is unless they absolutely have to. ( and it just doesn’t go over well most of the time. what if you told someone ; “ oh hey, i have the ability to overwrite your will and manipulate what you’re feeling. ” yeah, it’s not a great icebreaker. )

empathy could theoretically give them an edge in every social scenario they wouldn’t know how to navigate otherwise. it’s incredibly rare of ren to hesitate, or stutter. most of the time it’s attributed to the fact that ren rarely speaks and they take time to compose what they’re going to say. when addressed it’s clear they know what to say, when to say it, how to say it, and that doesn’t only come from observing their environment and the people around them, but from understanding a subtle vibe in their environment.

because ren’s semblance “bleeds” others have noted to feel a calming presence around them.

in pro hunter verse, ren’s semblance is used more for manipulation, than shrouding. their management of their mental illnesses have greatly improved. their control over their bleeding semblance has strengthened greatly, and they are in a better place psychologically speaking. just like ren’s semblance initially morphed their personality into the ability’s most frequent use, to negate negative emotions, it has now been altered so that people are more susceptible to ren’s suggestion, whether ren is attempting to manipulate them or not. this comes in handy considering ren is not only sent on grimm hunting missions, but also those associated with tracking down criminals and acquiring intel and the like. ren’s presence, and their mood, is simply infectious and this makes others more susceptible to giving them the information they want.

ABILITIES.

although ren’s main use of their semblance is to shroud and negate the negative emotions of themselves and other people, they will eventually be able to manipulate their psychological states in the opposite way too, as in, make someone feel more of a specific emotion.

because ren is capable of getting a very good read of their opponents and adversaries, it is possible to tell when someone is lying to them. this is only applicable if they’re focusing their semblance however, otherwise they just have a very strong sixth sense that something isn’t right. ( i understand that this is a form of godmodding, so the outcome of a situation changes depending on circumstance. if you’re someone that ren trusts, and you lie to them ? they’ll believe you. if you’re someone that’s ren’s acquaintance, then they will doubt you. if you’re an enemy, then ren will doubt you even if you’re telling the truth. )

ren has the ability to numb physical pain. their empathic powers rely mostly on the manipulation neurological signals in the brain, and since physical pain and emotional pain are closely linked, they have some power over this domain too. however, ren can only trick your pain receptors into thinking you feel no pain. you still have the wound, and ren’s semblance can not heal any damage.

ren’s sensory perception and sixth sense is phenomenal, not only because they’re a naturally alert person, but because of having a subtle psychic connection to their surrounding environment ( including flora, fauna, and empathic echoes. ) they can sense when other life forms are around them, and also what they’re feeling ( like nora, having a slight emotional breakdown prior to the vytal match / like tyrian, in regards to his bloodlust when tracking down ruby. ) their empathic echoes allow them to sense feelings and emotions left behind in an environment, like a haunting ( dead and dying villagers left behind in villages like shion, and oniyuri. )

ren can shield three to four people with their semblance on their own, including themselves, but not for very long and it does take up immense strain depending on how strong the negative emotions are.

ren’s semblance and their negating of emotions hides people from grimm, but i headcanon that in future verses ( or boosted by jaune’s semblance in a different way, through potency and not the affected area ) they are capable of increasing the physical desaturation aspect of their semblance to not only become invisible to grimm, but to people as well.

NEGATIVE EFFECTS.

ren has never been able to turn their semblance off completely, except when they have been drained of aura. following the events of kuroyuri, the trauma as a result of losing both parents and their home rendered ren unable to handle the shock unless their semblance was on. the only time that ren remained a functional person in front of nora was when their semblance was running at max capacity, so for a while all she knew was this calm, collected, facade of a person. because the use of their semblance would use up their aura, ren was subject to dizzy fainting spells throughout the entirety of their childhood. this was how they learned to better work on their aura consumption.

ren suffers from claustrophobia, as a result of being able to feel the mood of the people around them, if there is too much tension or panic within one area and ren is not concentrating hard enough they will start to absorb that panic like a mental sponge. ren also suffers from a fear of suffocation and when they feel like they cannot escape then those fears tend to coincide, making them feel trapped and inducing panic attacks until the ‘apathy’ part of their semblance triggers.

ren fears that enough influence from their semblance will allow them to develop a psychopathic nature, especially when going into very long states of shock, and periods in which their semblance robs them of all emotions. ren has exhibited these traits before, whether intentional or not, in an attempt to survive : a lack of guilt, a lack of empathy, callousness, their continuous strides to avoid developing deep emotional attachments to others ; how their childhood conditioned them to prioritise narcissism, superficial charm, as well as exhibiting traits like frequent dishonesty, manipulativeness, and in states of high distress, reckless, risk - taking behaviour. ren’s early childhood ( prior to kuroyuri, and not by their parents ) exposed them to abuse of the verbal and physical kind, where adults would judge and ridicule while cousins crossed the line between play - fighting and actual fighting ( a lot of them were growing up to be huntsman and huntresses, so the abuse wasn’t always intentional. ) the separation from a lack of parental involvement both prior to kuroyuri and afterwards has increased the chances of this kind of condition developing.

because of ren’s earlier point of a common belief being “ we are the way we are, because of our semblance ” and ren’s semblance continuously leaking / bleeding, they are unaware how much of their personality is themselves, and how much of them is their semblance. on top of that, considering the world they world ren was born into ( high society, image first, a need to keep up appearances in a rough and competitive environment prior to kuroyuri ) ren was continuously, and subtly changing their outward personality appearance in order to better suit the attitudes of those around them. they became what they needed to in order to be loved, and after kuroyuri, ren became what they needed to in order to survive, which mentally fucked with their head. ren showed a reflection of who the other person wanted to see and this, in addition to suppressing their emotional responses the majority of their life, severely stunted ren’s emotional growth. 

speaking of emotional growth, because of ren’s semblance and the way it functions, the five points of ren’s emotional intelligence have been skewed, altered, and stunted. while they do seem competent on the outside, the basis of their thoughts have very shaky foundations and could change at a moment’s notice due to ren overthinking things.

firstly, self awareness ( “ recognising internal feelings, ” ) ren’s is abysmal. they absolutely hate to reflect on how an emotion is affecting them. this often leads to them bottling the emotions up into a molotov cocktail. they believe that ruminating, combined with their capacity for self reflection have a great capability to make them spiral into doubt, anxiety, and further depression. ren is so aware of other people. they can read other people better than they can themselves, and it shows with how insightful they are with their own observations, but never the analysis on themselves.

how they manage emotions ( “ finding ways to handle emotions that are appropriate for the situation.” ) ren’s initial method to managing emotions was to reflect what people thought would be the best version of them, this severely stunted their personality development, and has led to the immediate response to shut down their emotions instead of sorting through them. it’s incredibly unhealthy. they don’t talk about their problems, choosing to repress them instead. ruby and jaune still aren’t aware of why destroying the nuckelavee was so important to them because they just don’t talk.

handling motivation ( “ using self - control to channel emotions towards a goal. ” ) ren actually isn’t as goal oriented as one would assume ? they put up the facade of being put together but it’s more complicated than that. ren’s sense of being able to break down tasks is good in theory, but not in execution. on top of that, since they have bad self analysis habits, they’re not good at pinpointing specific goals for themselves. “ attaining a hunter’s license ” has been a main one for a while because it’s vague. it’s so vague and ren can clamber towards that goal easily but they had no qualms abandoning that goal in order to help their friends chase cinder down. ren functions on emotion and instinct, more than a sense of logic when it comes down to what is most important. they will break their own, careful and meticulously built rules at a moment.

empathy ( “ understanding the emotional perspective of other people. ” ) oh wow. so going up to a previous point ? that ren believes some people are the way they are because of their semblances ? ren absolutely believes that they would be a completely different person if it weren’t for their semblance. surprisingly enough, their empathy semblance and it’s capability for apathy - induced shut downs has been the most detrimental part of ren’s emotional growth. they are now both afraid of expressing, and experiencing emotions strong enough to make them question their own wants and desires. they believe that emotions, when applicable to themselves and sometimes others, is weakness. the fact that ren is proud of how all of their friends are progressing and sees their development is because ren doesn’t pay any attention to their own. ren experiences empathy to the point of it being painful, which is one of the reasons their semblance triggers when ren goes into times of increased emotional distress. ( that it didn’t trigger during the nuckelavee fight was because they wanted to feel all the anger it had caused them over the years. )

handling relationships ( “ using personal information and information about others to handle social relationships and to develop interpersonal skills. ” ) i could count on one hand how many people have seen ren cry. honestly ? even when i was shipping with multiple people, some of them never saw ren cry. ren’s crippling anxiety when it comes to letting other people close enough to hurt them has become immense, and as they grow older, that part of their personality becomes more prevalent, as they will eventually stop going on team missions and proceed with huntsman work on their own. they become harder to contact, and besides anyone the occasional text message, it becomes hard to determine whether they’re still alive or not. they have isolative personality traits to the point where they are afraid of becoming too important to someone else. one of the reasons that ren remains dense and oblivious to nora’s affections is because they cannot actually fathom someone liking them romantically. ren tends to dissociate themselves from a situation, they can’t believe that they are actually forming real relationships and instead choose to observe it as if they were a third party. nora scares them. they have always needed each other, and she took care of them when they couldn’t, but they keep a distance from her in hopes that if they leave she will be fine without them. it’s the same for anyone ren becomes close to. it’s like there’s a mental escape hatch in their brain, ready to leave at a moment’s notice. despite that, they can’t help but become closer to people. ren’s namesake means “love of humanity” and despite the fact that they are reclusive by nurture, ren will always be drawn to the relations that they can make with other people, no matter how small. they love people.

the capability of ren doing something dark when all of their empathy has been turned off is immensely scary to them, more than any of the repercussions of an action. they are afraid of who they could become. ren has a good grasp of what is socially accepted, and what is morally right despite their constant questioning of philosophies, but a lot of that goes out the window during their episodes of dissociation. although the light use of their semblance can remove fear, and force them to keep moving on despite their hardships, the heavy use of it completely rids ren of emotion and with that comes their ability to sympathise and empathise with other people. when their semblance gets to the point of overcoming pain, then there is no consequence to what they do, and it’s just frightening to them, what that kind of state induces. ren could theoretically turn off their emotions, and commit atrocities, they could steal, commit acts of violence, malice, malevolence, murder, without thinking of any of the consequences and that scares them. ren would also be capable of shoving their will onto someone else, even subtlety. if a situation where psychopathy like that were to happen, they wouldn’t know whether ren is lacking in controlling their emotions, or whether it’s their semblance taking over. they struggle to tell whether they are actually a good person or not, or whether they are subtly convincing other people they are.

in times of extreme emotional distress, ren’s semblance will trigger on its own. this allows them to go into a calm state but if it happens outside of combat, the results can be disastrous. their emotions completely shut down, and they are left a lifeless shell. this is especially frightening because if ren’s been crying or in pain prior to the trigger, then they’re still crying and in pain, they’ve just lost all capability of expressing this. their body which is supposed to be protecting them, but it in fact tricks them into functioning despite whatever wound they’re carrying. it catches up to them when they regain their senses. when ren loses their ability to feel emotions, then physical sensation comes next. it shuts off the pain receptors in their brain but the damage doesn’t heal. they hate using their semblance outside of combat because they know it’s a crutch, and not working through and processing your emotions is an extremely damaging process.

i have a headcanon here detailing why ren knows sign language, and they have always been a child that bordered on being selectively mute, but after kuroyuri ren suffered from traumatic mutism. post kuroyuri, if ren did not have their semblance running, then they found difficulty in functioning and communicating properly without becoming scared, skittish, or a hollow shell. this isn’t actually a negative because their semblance saved them in this instance, but it’s still quite heartbreaking. ren refrained from talking and could only really communicate with hand gestures ( that of which nora supposedly didn’t know at the time. ) they spoke a grand total of eighty words in the year after kuroyuri fell.

another headcanon here details the origin of ren’s scars. ( mentions of self harm and suicide in that post and ahead. ) a small amount of ren’s scars are from self harm, although, they’re not entirely from feeling suicidal. because ren has suffered from bouts of dissociation due to their semblance, and because these bouts of dissociation not only numb their mind, but - if severe - tend to numb their pain receptors as well, ren has found that one of the only manual ways to end these bouts of dissociation is to physically harm themselves. the scars remain because ren’s semblance - induced apathy relies on aura, and once they’re gone, then ren has no instant healing factor, and the scars are left behind.