#-ships my ilmater cleric with abdirak shamelessly-

[syrips]

religion ramble below, not trauma/negative stuff, just a random reflection on something i noticed, with a mix of a dnd thing i love

kinda long. tl;dr at the bottom

so, i dont consider myself religious but i consider myself spiritual, i like to read religious, philosophical, sentimental texts/art. i like to enjoy the potential meaning, lesson, and purpose behind them; and, regardless of what i do/dont believe, it makes me feel a personal, human connection with people, in the past, present, and future, that will read/see the same things i did. and, just maybe, they will connect or experience it in a similar way that i did. but, even if they didnt, especially if they didnt, it just reminds us of how unique each of us are

but anyways, the above was just for context. the main thing i wanted to talk about was related to dnd, the deity ilmater. i know fictional deities are based/similar to religious figures irl, (so im not viewing ilmater as a 'real' religious figure,) but there's something that deeply connects me spiritually to the entire concept of ilmater and the fictional religion.

the act of wanting to take away people's burdens, the act of wanting to ease their pain and suffering, even at the point of lying to them to ease their pain. even at the point of sacrificing yourself for the sake of others, no matter how evil, cruel, wicked, irredeemable they are. if anything, it is especially because of how evil, cruel, wicked they are, that you wish to take away their pain. to ease their pain, no matter how cruel they are. no matter how intentional their evil deeds are. and yet, i cant help but be in awe of that level of spirituality. (i know ilmater has limits, but i think i would seek peace for everyone, even if it is a pipe dream.) it soothes my irl heart and, even if i were to be hurt from it, it feels nice to be at such a level of peace and kindness.

obviously though, the irl world is too complex for such a 'simple' plan of easing everyone's suffering instantly like that. but still, it's nice to dream, or try, with the things that i could control. maybe i cant help someone undo something toxic, but i could help take an animal/insect out of my home and place them back in their own home. i could clean up litter without minding how or why the previous people left it there. i could thank the cashier and wish them a nice day. i could smile at everyone, greet everyone, treat them kind. not because of who they may potentially be, but because of who i know i am

but, i dont know, back to the dnd thing. im surprised at how 'small' / 'mortal' ilmater seems to be seen compared to other deities (in the fictional world). and yet, it feels even more niche and personal to me because of that. ilmater's entire concept (as well as their stereotyped followers) feel like they are the 'doormat', the 'pushover', the 'weak', the 'pathetic', the 'ignorant', the 'naive'. etc. but what's wrong with being the pathetic, weak, naive? what's wrong with seeing the best in people, even if - especially if - they don't even see that in themselves? what's wrong with having rose colored glasses, and tending to them as if they were the roses i see them as? what if i'm okay with getting pricked by their intentional thorns, with the chance to help them just to grow a little bit?

obviously, for my own health and the health of others though, i cant do that safely irl. i can't let a dangerous person roam freely in anothers' safe place. but, i can wish and direct them to how they can take accountability for themselves, to wish them to rehabilitate safely into society. to wish for them to smile, laugh, and feel peace, by doing actions that harm no one, not even consequently themselves. to love them from afar, not excusing their behaviors, but bringing awareness to their actions, to help them become better people, if even, by just a little

ok i rambled far enough to not remember the point of this post, goodbye hehe

tl,dr - gonna self insert SO hard in my ilmater PCs