#-resurfacing. probably cuz i just turned 22 and am focusing on passage of time and whatever may have you

[sampoststuff]

Talking about my own experiences to explain why OP you are TA, even though/if you were being well meaning. TW for grooming, will put under a read more

Rarely do I add onto posts in the main reblogs but I was groomed at 16 (groomer was 20, or so he claimed, I never found out otherwise but idc at this point). We only knew each other online and he hadn't tried to ask me out or flirt with me until like, half a year or so(?) after we met. In general talking to him as friends, I personally felt was fine, as I had irl friends from my brother who ranged from 19-20.

He only asked me out fully twice, but he would still make flirtatious comments, and he would also say things like "you're smart/observant for your age" if I offered advice or talked about some of my life plans I had at the time. I also feel like I would comfort him a lot more than I should've. Obviously we all go through our struggles but I feel like I had to be more cheery than what I was, given whatever I was going through. Regardless we'd chat constantly and I was still excited to have him as my friend, chatting on Discord and gaming.

The first time he asked me out, I didnt give him a direct answer, and the next day he was like "oh this girl I know wants to date me actually so you can disregard what i said", and the second time he asked me out was when i was 18, and I basically gave him an indecisive answer, but internally I did play around with the idea of dating him. The next day, he said something to the effect of us needing to stop talking to one another. I was confused because otherwise we were fine as friends. After sending a message explaining how I'd give him some space and that I'd still be there for him if he needed me, he said "I literally dont want to be friends with you, and for the record I have a girlfriend." He blocked me and I'm left crying as I'm heading to work. At this time, it was summer, getting into fall, and for a while I was struggling with seasonal depression. This basically sends me into a bad headspace and I finally realized that I needed to get on antidepressants. We don't talk to for like, 4-5 months, until he finally messages me again. I do end up talking to him but it's at this point I'm completely devoided of any real positive feelings from him. I told him about what I've been doing recently and how I got on antidepressants and then he makes a comment how he "didnt believe that I needed to be on antidepressants". I really shouldve blocked him by this point, but I think I was still just used to being reliant on him as a friend/almost partner, but we casually talk for a week or two. The tipping point was when he learned I had a job and then over the course of a few days was like "I dont have any money to buy my friends anything." So i felt like I had to give him money, so I did. My mom found out about me giving money to him (and she knew about this guy anyway, as I first told her that I met him online through gaming and basically updated her on everything, she kept a watchful eye and ear out, don't worry), and she gave me a reality check and said I needed to confront him about what was going on, about why he was flakey and if he was honest about things like his age or certain struggles he was going through (she found his facebook and yeah, that's normally an invasion of privacy but I think it was warranted). And basically just to cut him out of my life since I was 18, about to turn 19 (and I never flirted with him, mainly just complimented him, and I never sent him anything like nudes and neither did he). I had one last conversation with him but my memory just really blocks it out, it was over a discord call. I never really got closure from talking to him but I dont plan on ever reaching out to him again (plus he blocked me afterward, loser).

I'm 22 now, and I get that OP you're 17, and are coming from a place of concern, and I would say that concerns/awareness of groomers are (rightfully) being taught more to the younger generation. But I want to stress that while a 7 year gap can be weird, this doesnt seem like the case of grooming, especially since they did not meet when W was a minor. Like many commenters are saying, they are in similar stages of their life where they both align, socially and goal wise. There is the case of adolescence stopping/brain finishing development when you're 25 but honestly? I could easily meet and date a 27 year old now, Hell, I couldve probably met a 27 year old when I was 20. It really depends on the circumstances on when they met and how they met. This is just my perspective though.

And like, you can be friends or know people that are considerably older than you. Jobs and college are literally like this. And 7 years is not old. You wouldnt call the 7 year age gap between a 40 year old with a 47 year old weird.

I also think that you're not giving her enough credit and are babying her (while you yourself are 17. Sure you are closer in years and are offering a friend perspective but you're also talking about grooming, which is mostly centered around a minor and adult, or when it involves someone with a clearly stronger power imbalance, like a boss with their employee). I do get her struggle in bring social recluse/isolated, as I'm on the autism spectrum, which does make things harder like picking up on social cues and have had period in live life where I kept to myself socially because putting in the effort to mask more was draining (and wouldnt you know it, makes it "easier" to be groomed), but it's not impossible, and it gets easier to manage. I mean, she managed to get into that friend group you mentioned, which is great for her! And I hope she does come back fo the meetups or otherwise keeps in touch with them in some way.

I apologize for the rant (and I do consider my experience to be 'lucky' almost, because it couldve been worse), and in the end it's not my business, but really wanted to express that her dating a 27 year old at 20 is okay. She met her partner in a good environment at a good time. You should reach out an apologize and talk it out.

AITA for disapproving of my best friend's relationship? (CW for grooming)

Context: about a year ago I (17, transmasc) joined a local group for queer teenagers to hang out and do stuff together (we meet once a week at the library). The group consists of roughly 10 people and I usually get along with all of them, but my closest friend in the group is W (20, transfem). I would say she's my best friend in general, and I think she'd say the same for me. I'm still in high school and W goes to the community college here.

A few weeks ago, myself, W, and another friend from the group, J (18, cis guy) were over at my place. After a while W said she had some news for us - she'd gotten into a relationship! W used to be (and still is) very socially isolated. She didn't have any friends to speak of before joining the group, not even online, so for her to find a romantic partner was super exciting and I was honestly really proud of her. I obviously wanted to hear more about it, so I asked her to elaborate and this is where things go off the rails.

She said that her new girlfriend (let's call her L) was also trans, and that she was 27. She said they'd met in college and started spending more and more time together. She told us she'd honestly just expected to be friends, but over the winter break L officially asked her out, she was elated, and since then they'd been spending basically all their free time together. immediately alarm bells started ringing in my head - I asked her if I'd heard it right, that L is 27, and W responded yeah, and she knows it's a little strange, but she doesn't mind, so whatever.

I tried to calmly tell her that a 7 year age gap is way too much and that it's not a safe relationship to be in. She immediately got defensive, saying she's an adult and she can do what she wants, etc etc. I said I don't care if she's technically an adult, that's still fucking creepy! I asked J, who had been keeping quiet the whole time, to back me up, but all he did was give me that "I don't know, it's not my place to say anything" bullshit. I was genuinely shocked, I thought he would have supported me but he just… waffled. We had all gotten pretty heated, and at this point W had stood up and started shuffling over to the door. She started in saying I was overreacting over nothing, that they'd been together for not even two weeks, and she didn't need my permission to have this relationship. She said she thought she could trust me, she only told me because she thought I'd be happy for her, on and on, and then she walked out.

It's been a few weeks since then, and she hasn't shown up to the group at the library. I've been too scared to text her because she's clearly pissed off at me. I recognize that I wasn't very good at keeping my composure, and I definitely could have been kinder about it, but I was just scared for my friend. It would be worrying if anyone had gotten into a relationship with that much of an age gap - but she has essentially 0 social skills, and hasn't been in a relationship before, so I'm terrified that she's being taken advantage of because of her inexperience.

What are these acronyms?