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treesap-blogs · 1 year ago

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GUYS IM BACK! with another review(I know it’s not saturday shhh!), this time of “when the moon was ours”!

Hello, Tumblrians! I’m back. After a couple months. Life happened. Well, to be exact, death happened(rip Dad, 1964-2023)(someone better not use that against me in an online argument), and I was in a terrible space to the point where blogging felt like an obligation and a chore meant to worsen my depression. I’m back, though! I missed being on here more than I’d like to admit. I wish I could say when I’ll start posting consistently, but the truth is that I’ll continue to get busier and my mood fluctuates frequently.

No, it’s not a Saturday or Sunday, but I didn’t feel like waiting for that point! So.

The first book I read after everything kinda unfolded was Blanca & Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore, but I already have my thoughts on that posted on Bookstagram, so I’ll just link my profile instead of regurgitating my thoughts here.(I usually keep things mostly positive there, and share about books I loved and/or others recommended to me!) One thing I did not say in the review, however, was that sometimes the characters had a tendency to say descriptors that were either similar or the same word-for-word in other chapters, which was kinda annoying. There was a specific galaxy? star? metaphor that was used once in Blanca’s POV and another time in Roja’s, which I guess was there for cinematic parallels but just felt repetitive instead of clever. Overall a pretty great book though and I liked the POV distribution(flowed a lot smoother than another McLemore book with multiple POVs, Dark & Deepest Red).

I suppose while on the topic of Anna-Marie, I’ll move on to another book they wrote! I don’t think I’ve reviewed “When The Moon Was Ours” on here, but it was the second book of theirs I’d read, and I loved it! (Even though that was months ago when I did read it.)

“When The Moon Was Ours” is a 2016 novel written by Anna-Marie McLemore, following two third-person perspectives of a trans boy named Sam(ir), and his close friend-slash-lover, Miel. The two of them met when they were both little, and Miel unexpectedly came out of a rusty water well being taken down. Being scared and frightened by this new environment, Sam became Miel’s first companion and someone she first trusted(before being taken into the care of a young woman named Aracely). Both Miel and Sam have been the subjects of their town’s folklore: Miel’s mysterious origin, combined with her ability to generate roses on her wrist, made her rumored to be a witch. Sam, by proxy, has been looped into that. Present day, the three Bonner sisters(I don’t remember their names, but I remember they were nicknamed “Las Gringas Bonitas”) are hoping to take advantage of Miel’s abilities for their own gain, forcing her to make three roses for them(one for each girl) under the assumption their scent will make boys fall in love with them. In order to get Miel under their control, they’re determined to use every possible secret against her, including Samir’s past.

This story was one of a few novels I read in roughly under a day, for a multitude of reasons: I tend to binge-read books with difficult subject matter or harsh events so I don’t have to stick with them much longer, and I also remember being very entranced in the writing. Finishing it wasn’t an obligation, it was something I genuinely wanted to do and I was so wrapped up in Samir and Miel’s story that I read to the very end to see how all the events played out. The prose was beautifully written, and I thought both Miel and Samir’s arcs were engaging. With that said though, it’s a) been a while since I’ve read this book, so I don’t fully know to the extent that prose might have become repetitive, b) Anna-Marie McLemore has a writing style that’s very hit-or-miss, something I’m familiar with as a fan who’s read six of their books by now. Some think it’s lush, others think it’s a little too flowery. But here, I felt that style added to the unconventional, sometimes “fucked up fairytale” feel of their magical realism. (Which I think is an interesting thing to note, considering that McLemore’s written retelling and also takes inspiration from fairy tales from their childhood for their fantasy/magical realism writing!)

Also, just something I noticed: this is one of a few books I’ve read with names for chapters! Very cool. More books should do that.

Spoiler Section from here until the end of the review!! Tread carefully(or avoid entirely), if you do want to read.

To start, Samir being transgender is an integral part of the plot, which is why I mentioned it in my summary: Yes, I could include that one aspect of that is the harassment and bullying Samir faces because of his identity as a trans boy(his deadname is even used as blackmail by the Bonner Sisters). But he is also coming to terms with him being a boy. Samir’s cultural background involves a tradition called “Bacha posh”, in which girls can spend a period of their life presenting and dressing as boys in order to be the breadwinners for their families or to get more opportunities. The girls are still cis in these cases, but being recognized as male gives them more opportunities and freedom, hence why families with no sons do it. There’s a timeframe for this, though: once the girl reaches puberty, she transitions back to living in female gender roles, which is not always easy to do. (For context, Samir is Pakistani, but I understand that bacha posh is an Afghan tradition. I’ll have to go back and reread the author’s note or possibly parts of the book to see if this was addressed..?) (EDIT, 9/29/24!: I’m stupid, Samir is mixed.) Samir volunteered to become a bacha posh for his family after finding out about the practice, and as a result thinks that the reason for his discomfort in “going back” to living as a girl is due to that, not because of being transgender(even though long past the start of puberty, he presented as male).

And while Samir’s arc is a difficult one to read because of the oppression he faces, both as a Pakistani boy and a transgender one, I remember really liking how his gender identity was presented in the narrative. Sure, it may take him a while to realize himself, but his loved ones(such as his mother and Miel) already know him as one. (There was also a moment where another transgender character recognized his internal struggles and tried to connect with him on that! Kinda..sucks that Samir being in denial and it being an emotionally intense climactic moment meant that didn’t really get to go any deeper, though.) His gender dysphoria was also realistically depicted, in my opinion. While I wish there were more opportunities for transgender joy in the narrative, I still think he was good representation in that regard.

Something I liked was that there was also a consistent air of mystery throughout the book. Part of Miel’s strangeness comes from her vaguely-remembered appearance all those years ago, and Aracely’s just as sudden one. Plus, there’s…whatever the hell is going on with the Bonner Sisters. That’s part of what kept me drawn in, but there were some…just as strange magical conclusions to those plots! Which I vibed with in the case of Miel and Aracely because I liked the possible symbolic interpretation(and..I’m not boring, I like weird sometimes), but with the Bonner girls, it felt like there was an attempt to make a meaningful, even beautiful ending for them. I do not think those three deserved that, considering what they subjected Miel and Samir to(emphasis on Miel, because she’s being taken captive by them and all, but it’s equally sucky they decided to use Samir’s deadname as ammo).

I also just had a lot of questions about the Bonner sisters after I read the book?? Like..were they even people, this entire time, or was the magicked away thing just another part of them letting go of the mortal realm and moving on from the pressure put onto them by their family? (So was that also more symbolic?) How are we supposed to feel about them?? Miel is able to connect with the youngest one in the end, and if I’m not remembering incorrectly, kind of has a moment of forgiveness with them..? Again, considering everything they put both Miel and Samir through(like..they were literally in danger), I don’t feel it’s deserved. It feels too pretty of an ending, like they didn’t get enough repercussions for their actions.

Last point I’ll make! I haven’t talked much about Samir and Miel as a pair/romance. While I didn’t mind them being pre-established, and I think they’re compelling as individual characters, I wish their relationship had more time to be fleshed out. Although my first impression of their romance was positive and I rooted for them, my thoughts have kind of shifted since that time period(evident when comparing my Goodreads review to this one, if any of you follow me there)! There was also a miscommunication problem throughout the book, which was, granted, also a huge part of Miel and Aracely’s dynamic, but it was also present in the main romance(to my annoyance). Which ended up bringing my attention to a prevalent cliché in McLemore’s books! It goes something like this:

Some issue in the plot means that two characters cannot be in a relationship together, lest they jeopardize themself and/or their partner. Feminine-presenting character says to masculine-presenting character they cannot be together, but does not elaborate on the true reason why, and just blames it on not having romantic feelings for them. Masculine-presenting character is devastated but reluctantly accepts this breakup. The two spend some time apart or not as a couple, until even with the current circumstances, the feminine-presenting character can’t manage to be without their partner and goes to both apologize and continue the relationship.

Other books I’ve read in which this happens: Dark And Deepest Red(Lala and Alifair), Lakelore(Lore and Bastián, although it’s more emotional stakes than physical, and Lore’s gender expression varies), Wild Beauty(Estrella and Fel). I have Venom & Vow on my TBR, and I hope it does not also go to that trope because I don’t want to have to deal with that conflict again. It's tired, and I don’t know why it’s so prevalent across Anna-Marie McLemore’s books. I mean, I get the stakes, but…deciding the one way to go about things is to just say you don’t love the other person to make them go away? Feels a little unnecessarily devastating.

End of spoiler section!

Hello, to those who didn’t feel like getting spoiled! I’ll summarize my thoughts without going into detail: I didn’t like how the Bonner sisters(the antagonists of the story) were written and resolved, miscommunication was prevalent in this book and kind of annoyed me(additionally agitating, considering a specific kind of miscommunication present in the book is a McLemore trope), and I liked Samir as trans representation.

Although there’s a fair share of flaws within this book, I still liked it and recommended it to some people a while back. But thinking back on a few things, I’ve lowered my rating down from a 4.75 ⭐.

Book rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars. Content/trigger warnings: Child abuse(described), racism, suicide(attempted, on-page), transphobia.

~Paz, signing off!

(Follow me on Bookstagram! I post books I love/like, which I won’t post here so I’m not redundant:

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mixed-theater-faisty-tings · 3 years ago

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Lovin’ Kind

Chapter One

Pairing: Riff x Latina! Summary: Catalina is Valentina’s niece and has grown up in Doc’s which also means around The Jets. She is close friends with Tony but when he goes away after The Egyptian Kings rumble she seeks friendship with the new Puertorriqueños Maria, Anita, and The Sharks. A/N: Hello!! This is my first story on here and it is just for fun. In no way is this a perfect story by a perfect author I am just having fun writing about things I like. So thank you for being here and reading! Enjoy!! Feel free to message me for tags or just to chat or even feedback! Without further ado here is Lovin’ Kind. *Disclaimer*: I will be using language presented in the film (racist slurs) and I will also have profanity when felt necessary.

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Catalina Pov

“ Mija!, has terminado de prepararte para Tony?” (Are you done setting up for Tony?), I hear my Tia Valentina yell at me down the staircase. “Si Tia!”, I yell back patting out the wrinkles in the bed sheets.

After over looking everything one more time I run back up the steps excited to see my best friend again.I have practically grown up at Doc’s, when mi Papa left mi Mama, she thought it best we move to America where my Tia Valentina had found love with a white man named Doc and owned a little drug store in West Side Manhattan. Along with living here came this gang named The Jets and Tony was their leader with Riff as his second however, Tony spent the most time here and we created a friendship while I cleaned up or helped out as much as I could as a child. He was truly my only friend but, when Riff would come around it wasn’t the same, in all honesty I can tolerate Riff but I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. He has been stealing from Valentina since he was six why would I? Anyway, last year The Jets had a rumble with The Egyptian Kings which led Tony to beating a kid nearly to death and that is how he ended up upstate for the last 12 months. But today he comes home finally and I couldn’t be happier, we exchanged few letters while he was away no one knew about them I figured he needed an alliance that wasn’t Jet related.

“He is going to be here any minute. I just hope he hasn’t bumped into any of the others you know”, My tia says wiping down the counter for the fourth time in the last hour.. “It will be okay. He promised he would come here first without any pit stops and he knows we will both murder him if he doesn’t.”, I try bring light. “Aye mija, you always know what to say. Te quiero mi niña”, she places a soft kiss on my head. “Te quiero mucho tia”, I smile. “Guess you started the party without me”, a voice rings from the doorway. “Cállate estupido(shut up stupid)”, I laugh giving him a hug.

Valentina follows and we have our reunion. Tony begins to thank my Tia for allowing him to stay downstairs and for offering him a job. He caught us up on his parole rules, and telling us how he wanted to change and be a better person. He is going to back off from the Jets and the job here is so he can save money we can’t pay him much but, we try for the few chores he and I do around here. “After what happened I don’t want to fight anymore it doesn’t seem worth it. You guys know I don’t hate anyone or anything..I guess it’s just change. Riff and I have gone through so much change since we were kids that when we see something unfamiliar or feel threatened our instinct is to throw a good, hard punch. But I am learning to accept change into my life.”, he explains. “I never really thought you one of those Jets. You aren’t full of hate like the rest of them. They think that because I married a gringo it makes me a gringa and by her being my niece she is also one but neither of us are. We are both puertorriqueña and proud of it. You’re gonna be just fine Tony,”, Valentina always knows what to say. “Let me get you settled downstairs ya giant”, I ruffle up his hair heading towards the door. “Hey now leave the hair out of this.”, he chuckles following me with his few belongings “ No me digas que hacer chico blanco porque te voy a pasear el culo “ (Don’t tell me what to do white boy because I will kick your ass), I laugh racing down the steps.

I show him where he is staying it wasn’t much just a bed in our storage space really but he didn’t mind.

“You know ten years of being friends and I still don’t understand you Catalina”, he says sitting on the bed. “Yeah well ten years of being friends and I will never understand the whole gang thing. I guess we are just a couple of enigmas huh.”, I joke sitting next to him. “I really appreciate ya being there for me while I was away”, he says. “Figured you needed a friend but umm Valentina wants you to start right away. There is an inventory list on the shelves over there just count how much of everything we have and then she will tell you what she needs brought up. I will see you a little later.”, I say. “And where are you going missy?”, he asks. “I am having dinner with some other friends I made while you were away”, I explain standing up and straighten out my dark orange skirt. “That explains why you’re all dressed up. Dressed up to replace me”, he takes notice making a quick joke. “Yeah yeah I’ll see ya later buddy boy”, I mock.

He waves and I head back up to say goodbye to my Tia. She compliments my outfit telling me to be safe. I admire myself one last time in the window adjusting the short sleeves on the tan flower printed shirt. Right as I am heading out the bell of the door rings. “Hola señoritas where’s my buddy boy at”, I hear the voice I loathe more than anything. “Aye Riff you know I don’t want you in my store and you sure as hell can’t see Tony. He needs to steer clear of delinquents like you”, Valentina attempts to shoo him out of the store. “Calm it down old lady you get too rowdy and you may break a hip.”, he walks past her. “Seriously Riff, just leave Tony alone and apologize to my Tia”, I say annoyed. “Ohh is Cat prissy today”, he crosses him arms leaning against the pinball machine. “I am not prissy. I just don’t want you treating my tia like crap. It’s getting real old.”, my voice clear of agitation. “Just tell me where Tony is and I will be out of your hair”, he puts his hands up in surrender. Valentina sighs in defeat and just walks away to organize shelves. I just ignore him and leave the store heading towards my dinner.

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I knock on the door softly and am greeted by a very energetic Anita, with a peppy Maria behind her. The Sharks moved into the neighborhood a little after Tony went upstate it has been nice having other Puertorriqueños around it’s really only ever been mi Tia and I after my mother died. I love Valentina more than anything but, without Tony it was lonely and it wasn’t like The Jets were going to provide me any comfort especially Riff.

“Hola! Como estas?(Hi! How are you?)”, Anita hugs me instantly. “Muy bien, y tu?” (Very good, and you?) I responded embracing the two girls. I look behind them and find Bernardo the leader of The Sharks sitting at the table looking over his boxing schedule. Boxing is how he has made his living while it isn’t ideal he has done really well for himself and Anita has a business she runs in the apartment sewing and hemming articles of clothing for others while most of the other women clean at Gimbels an expensive, fancy shop for the Americanos.

“Thank god you are here Alta, they wouldn’t stop kissing”, Maria laughs. “Alta? I thought your name was Catalina?”, Bernardo chimes in. “My full name is Catalina Altagracia De la Rosa. I hate Catalina because of some old teasing..I like to be called Altagracia or just Alta..”, I explain trying not to think about Riff’s earlier comment. “Oh okay…Anita asi que como lo descubrí. Seis niños y luego podemos llamarlo.” (Anita so I figured it out. Six kids then we can be done), he says causing Maria and I to snicker on our way into her room. “Six kids! Marry a cat”, Anita says turning back towards the stove.

Maria shuts her door and we sit on the bed. It had been a few weeks since we saw each other I have been so busy at Docs and then she picked up some shifts at Gimbels we kept missing the other. “So how is Valentina?”, she asks. “She is good, uh you remember that family friend I told you about well he moved in today.”, I explain carefully not to give too much away the last thing I need is Nardo hearing I share a living vicinity with a former Jet. “That’s nice. Nothing much around here I mean Nardo is trying to set me up with Chino pero, I am just trying to experience New York City que no?”, she let’s out a deep sigh looking out the window. She is the more adventurous one out of the two of us I’ve always just stayed behind the doors of Doc’s too scared to experience life. Bernardo would lock Maria in this apartment if he could just to protect her.

“Chino is a great guy i’m sure everything would be just fine no? New York isn’t all it is cranked out to be. The city is kicking us all out of our homes to make room for some Performing Arts Center and we have two gangs wanting territory that is being taken anyway.”, I explain. “I never said Chino wasn’t great. It is just I barely got here and my brother has Anita, his boxing he created a life here while I took care of Papi back home. I want it to be my turn to build a life maybe go to school we could take classes together you know. Bernardo es mas terco que una mula (Bernardo is more stubborn than a mule).” She fiddles with her skirt. “María, estoy seguro de que podríamos resolver algo. Si yo también tomo las clases, tal vez tu hermano y mi tía estarían más abiertos a la idea porque nos tendríamos el uno al otro. (Maria i am sure we could figure something out. If I take the classes too maybe your brother and my aunt would be more open to the idea because we would have each other). Pero let’s hope they don’t make a Shark walk us everyday.”, I say trying to lighten the mood. “Sounds like a great idea! Only a month left till classes start right?”, she asks, I nod. We start planning how to ask if we could do this. We are both 18 but between her brother and my tia it can be hard to convince them of what we think is right for ourselves.

“Chicas! Hora de comer (girls time to eat)”, Anita shouts. We both head out of the room and over to the table. “So there is going to be a dance next week at the school. Some type of social thing I guess. I could alter you girls some dresses if you’d like?”, Anita offers joining us at the table. “Really Anita you’d do that?”, I ask. “Mi hermana is going nowhere near that dance”, Bernardo says sternly. “Nardo por favor! I want to experience New York it would be my first time and what if Alta is there that’s not fair.”, Maria defends. “Come on bebe she will be safe with us and this could be a chance to set her up with Chino as her date.”, Anita tries to calm the conversation. “Fine but only if Chino goes. Maybe Junior will go with Altagracia no?’, he suggests. “That would be nice.”, Anita says. Maria and I exchange a look but figure it is our only chance at going and hesitantly agree with their set up. “Perfecto! I will go to the market tomorrow and get the things I need and you two will be surprised.”, Anita smiles.

We eat dinner in silence with a little small talk here and there either catching up or talking about Nardos next fight. I try to avoid talking about the Jets around them in an attempt to keep peace between everyone. As long as either gang doesn’t do anything stupid we should we perfectly fine.

“ Gracias por la cena estaba delicioso. Podría ayudar a limpiar?( Thanks for dinner, it was delicious. Can I help clean up)”, I ask wiping the corners of my lips of any left over food. “Si, if you and Maria want to wash dishes. Let’s not forget we need to practice our english.”, Anita says.

We gather the plates and begin dish duty. Maria became my best friend after Tony had gone upstate. She just moved her not too long before Anita introduced us. Anita comes by Doc’s to talk to my Tia sometimes and she brought Maria by one day since we were the same age they figured we would be good friends. It was nice to be around other Puerto Ricans and especially girls while I may have grown up with the Jets I never ran with them nor played into their tricks.

“I am excited for this dance! Just one week and we will be experiencing life wont we?”, Maria says. “I hope so.”, I smile at her. Once we finish cleaning up I decide it was getting late and say my goodbyes to head back to Doc’s. I leave the building, the cold air of New York City hitting my face instantly. I always loved walking in the streets at night it was the perfect temperature and all I could hear was the subtle clicks of my heel on the pavement. The stars were bright tonight and before I knew it I was back at the store my Tia ready to close up for the night. ————————————————————————————

“Hola Tia!”, I exclaim. “Hola mija how was Anitas?”, she asks. “It was good we had some Pasteles con arroz.”, I bring her into an embrace. “Sounds delicioso”, she smiles. “You go lay down I will close up and sweep.”, I smile. “Are you sure?”, she asks.

I nod. “Go get some rest okay.”. “Hasta mañana. Te quiero mucho Alta.”, She kisses my cheek and heads off. Just as I am about to lock the doors Riff emerges from Tony’s corners seemly upset. I watch his motions as he hastily runs his fingers through his hair and paces in a circle.

“Take a picture it will last longer.”, he clearly notices my gaze. “Whatever. Riff please get out so I can close up for the night.”, I say pointing at the door.

He comes close to me near the counter with his hand on his hip and smirk across his face. “Make me kitty cat.”, he says and I cringe at the name. “I’ve told you my name is Catalina you imbecile.”, I try to move away from him but his hand shoots at my waist keeping me in place. “I know you’re name but, I think cat is way better. Besides, you can’t insult me if I don’t know what it means. So where’s the warden?”, he says. “She went to bed. I told her i’d take care of the store.”, I say avoiding looking at him. His hand leaves my waist and reaches behind me. Our chests collide, his face coming a little too close to mine, my breath subtly quickening. He pulls away with a Milkway in his hand. “Five cents now.”, I demand. “Add it to my tab won’t ya doll.”, he says taking a bite of the candy bar. “You can’t keep stealing from here!”, I shout. “Fine then add it to Tony’s tab employee discount right.”, he says smugly. “Just get out Riff I can’t with you anymore.”, I sigh and face the counter. “As you wish. Here you can have my other half.” He says leaving the half eaten candy on the table before walking out of the store.

I lock up the doors and stare at the candy. Why is he so annoying? I’ve only ever tolerated him and I barely know the other Jets names. Tony always thought it better I not be involved with the gang much and frankly I was thought so too. However, the Jets took every chance they could to tease me as a Puerto Rican but nowhere near their new lows of causing mayhem with the Sharks.

“Hey what you still doing up here?’, I hear Tony say coming upstairs. “Just closing up and cleaning a bit leaves less to do in the morning. Riff just left.”, I toss the candy bar in the trash. “Yeah he was bugging me about some Jet business.”, he leans against the pinball machine Riff was leaning on just hours before. “They want their leader back..Riff tried to be you and step up but sometimes he loses control of them.”, I admit. “I know I know but I told ya I don’t wanna go back to that life.”. “How did that go over with your boy?”. “Not well he was pretty mad when he was leaving.” “Noticed that too.” “I just wish he could understand.”. “You can’t force him to.”

“He’s been there for me nearly my whole life. It’s been Tony and Riff but now we are in two different spots. However, he did mention some dance they are having I guess the Jet’s are going.”, he says causing me to jump. “The Jet’s are going to the dance next week!?”, I half ask and half panic. “Yeah why?’, he is clearly confused. “No reason just didn’t realize that the dance was for everyone thought it was just Puerto Ricans going.” I say wiping the counter. “Porto ricans? So you’re going?”, he asks. I nod and decide to admit it to him, “ Yes while you were gone I made friends with some of the Shark girls and they invited me to go and are setting me up with a Shark.”. “Do they know you are also involved with the Jets.”, he gives me stern look as if he was my big brother. “First of all I am not ‘involved’ with the Jets okay and second of all no they don’t know about you or that I am friends with you. They know I have encounters with the guys because I work here but that is it.”, I explain. “Just be careful okay I might be fine with this but there ain’t no guarantee the Jets will be.”, he sighs. “I am Puerto rican that doesn’t change because I grew up with Doc or anything like that.”, I say. “I know I just mean-“

I cut him off, “I know what you meant by it Tony but, I am tired of this. I am no gringa I am proudly puertorriqueña so I will spend time with my people and my friends if the Jets have something to say about it then I will handle it. The Sharks are harmless they don’t want to hurt anyone just like the Jets they want a home.”, I say before leaving Tony alone.

Why is it all so complicated? And why did I agree to go this dance with Junior? Why did Riff get so close to me like that? I am too tired to figure this all out right now.

@whisperofsong @theforgottenmcrmy @belenchies @riffheartsgraziella @dellaspinstales

#mike faist #wss 2021 #wss riff #riff #riff west side story #west side story #west side story 2021 #wss #riff x oc #west side story riff #mike faist riff #riff x latina

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xwing-baby · 4 years ago

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Impulse: Informant (Javier Peña x Reader)

Summary: Top of your class, the DEA have sent you to Colombia to be the poster child for their new ‘placement program’. You’re thrown in at the deep end into the drug war. With Agent Peña as your mentor, what could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: Nothing much! Flirting, mentions of voyeurism(?), drinking, hangovers.

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: Bit more background this week, not that exciting but some fun moments with Javi and Steve. Alternative title: Meeting your killer and flirting with the boss ENJOY

<-- Previous Chapter // MasterList // Next Chapter -->

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Two months passed quickly and you were settled in well. You were comfortable in your job; you, Javi and Steve made a great team and you were learning a lot from the both of them. You tried to avoid interacting with Carrillo directly where possible, he was still as icy about you as your first meeting. You met Steve’s wife, Connie, and became fast friends with her. She had become one of your closest friends, and a welcome break from the machismo that radiated from your two teammates.

You had even managed to make a few friends outside of work. You met María Parreño at the cafe you visited nearly everyday for lunch. What started out as a little wave, now was lunch together nearly everyday, and the occasional shopping trip at the weekend. María was a sweet girl, funny and very sly when she wanted to be.

You were careful, giving a fake name and lying about your job. You could never be too careful in Colombia. Plus, with how rich her family were you wouldn’t be surprised if you crossed paths with one of them during your investigation into Escobar’s dealings. So, Maria knew you as Isabela Serrano, you worked in the American embassy on the phones. You had lived in the USA for ten years, hence the accent, and moved back to Medellin after your abuela died. María didn’t take much convincing.

You enjoyed her company. It was a lot nicer to have a conversation about books you’d both been reading over nice food, than trying to eat over photos of blood crime scenes. Plus, the coffee here didn’t taste like soap.

“Isabela, can I tell you something,” María turned to you, set her cutlery down and looked over at you seriously.. Puzzled, you put down your drink and smiled.

“Of course, you can tell me anything,”

“Diego got a new job,”

Diego was María’s boyfriend. Her father’s mechanic. A total cliché, her father had forbidden them to date but she did it anyway just to piss him off. You didn’t know much about Diego, you’d only met him once or twice in passing when he came to pick his girlfriend up from a shopping trip.

“You’re saying that like it's something scandalous,” You laughed nervously, “What? Has he become a stripper?”

“He’s working for Escobar,” She whispered.

“What?” You nearly choked your coffee in shock. You set it down on the table carefully and leant in a little to listen to her, not believing what she said. It was not an impossible thing, lots of people worked for him in lots of different capacities. You hadn’t expected it so close to home.

“I know! That’s what I said!” She said, “He came home the other night saying he got this new job doing something for Pablo! I said Pablo who, I know lots of Pablo’s. The man just looked at me like I was an idiot! Pablo fucking Escobar!”

“What does he do?” You asked, you had to know how dangerous this could be for you. Or how helpful this could be, you thought. Being close to someone close to Escobar could be invaluable.

“Escobar?” Maria asked.

“No! What does Diego do for him?”

“I don’t know,” She shrugged, “He said something to do with cars,” You relaxed a little at that. Escobar’s mechanic was not a very useful lead.

You glanced down at your watch and sighed. Your hour was up. Just as you had got to something useful!

“Shoot I’m sorry María I’ve got to head back to work,” You drank down the last of your coffee quickly and stood up. “But you’ll keep me updated with this Escobar business right? It’s just all so exciting!” You put down your share of the bill on the table and threw on your jacket.

“Of course!” María smiled, “One of Diego’s friends is having a party! You should come!”

“I’ll be there,” You nodded, “Same time Saturday?”

“See you then!”

Before you left the café you bought two coffees to go for Murphy and Pena as a way of apology for being late back. You had promised to be out less than an hour as Pena had important things he needed to go over with you and Murphy. By the time you got back, he had already started explaining the new information to Murphy in a conference room.

“Then we have-,” Javi was speaking as you walked in carrying coffee for the two men. You instantly recognised the face in the photograph and interrupted him.

“Diego Castillo,” You said. The two men turned to you, confused. Unfazed you passed them the cups and sat down next to Murphy on the end of the table.

“How’d you know that?” Steve asked.

“I know him. Or rather his girlfriend,”

“What?” Steve nearly choked on his drink at your confession.

“I didn’t think I had to tell y’all everything I do in my spare time,” You laughed.

“Hanging out with Narcos would have good to tell us,”

“He’s not a Narco, he fixes Escobar’s cars! He’s not anyone important. It’s chill,” You waved him off. He was being ridiculous, ”Besides I’m friends with his girlfriend who has no idea what’s going on. I’ve met him maybe twice” You explained, “María’s a sweetheart, we talk about romance novels and go shopping!”

“Castillo doesn’t fix the cars. He runs the whole road operation,” Javier said. Your jaw dropped.

“Well shit,”

“Anything else you wanna share?” Steve asked.

“I don’t know but Monday I might,” You sipped on your coffee before continuing, “I got invited to a party, I was going anyway but-.”

“No, no you can’t go now we know who he is,” He exclaimed.

“This could be invaluable!”

“You’re not allowed to have an informant,”

“It’s not an informant if I am the one with the info!” You argued.

“Javi? Gunna chime in at any point?” Steve turned to his partner, desperate for some help as you had already spiralled far enough on this idea. You turned to Javi with a determined look.

“They don't know my name, they don’t know where I work,” You explained rapidly, “I know what I am doing, just trust me, please?”

“Fine,” Javier broke easily. The idea made sense.

“What the fuck! Javi she-,”

“She’s right. Neither of us is going to ever get that close and she’s new here, people don’t know her and you said you gave them a fake name?” Pena explained, you nodded, “Technically she won’t be breaking any rules if she’s the one feeding us information directly,”

“If anyone finds out-“

“No one will find out, it stays between us, in this room,” Javier said gravely, “I trust you Y/n,”

You smiled and nodded, a sense of pride washing over you. Steve muttered and grumbled under his breath but he didn’t outwardly complain so the decision was made. You were going to feed information you found out through Maria to the DEA, going undercover. Nobody had ever mentioned no undercover work, the idea of sending a rookie into that kind of situation was insane, but you wouldn’t be technically breaking any rules.

The party was a bust. There was nothing of interest apart from the attendee’s themselves. Everybody was civil, there was no talk of business- as explicitly called for by the hosts, and apart from one fight between two guys over a soccer match there really was nothing to report. You spent the evening with Maria and her friends, drinking and dancing. Having a good time.

They were decent enough people if you ignored the way they all got their wealth. A little hard to relate too at times- you didn’t have a private jet or a house with a huge pool but Maria’s friends were surprisingly friendly and once the jokes about being a gringa were out the way they seemed to like you.

There was no information but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a well worth evening. You had their trust now. That would be invaluable moving forward.

It was payday. Everyone you worked with was going out for the evening to let loose. You were with a large group of people from the office. Some you recognised, some you didn’t but either way you were having a great time chatting to people. The alcohol was cheap, the music was great and the company was perfect. Nobody here complained that their dad wouldn’t let them import Italian handbags anymore or that their pool wasn’t big enough. You felt much more at home here, amongst peers and friends.

After a few hours of chatting to people, you retreated to a table with Javier and Steve. Eventually even Steve left, leaving just you and Javi alone. You were drunk, no other word for it. Your eyes were heavy, a grin plastered on your face and you swayed in your seat to the music listening to Javi talk.

You rested your hand on your head and watched Javier for a moment. He looked very handsome, as he did nearly every day. He wore a blue jean jacket, his shirt was unbuttoned at the top showing off his tan skin. You watched as he smoked a cigarette, watching girls at the bar. A pang of jealousy hit your chest, you wondered if you weren’t sitting here as his rookie if you would catch his attention. Before you could think, you asked the question aloud.

“If I was just a random girl in the bar, would you hit on me?” You asked, sipping your drink.

“I’m not answering that!” Javier laughed, “I know you,”

“I’m hot! Why wouldn’t you?” You exclaimed, “Hot girls not your type?”

“You’re not my type,” Javier corrected you. You gasped dramatically.

“I’m taking offence to that! Your type is anything that breathes,”

“You think so little of me,” He shook his head solemnly.

“Baby I’ve known you for months now. You don’t have a type!”

“Baby?” Javi smirked at you.

“Shut up I’m drunk,” You dismissed him.

“Well what if I ask the same question to you?”

“Would I hit on me? Absolutely!” You exclaimed.

“No! Would you hit on me?”

“Nah,” You shook your head and screwed up your nose.

“Liar!”

“Am not!”

“Come on don’t pretend like you wouldn’t,” He said, “You’d be all over me,” The energy shifted as he looked at you. Immediate eye contact, his dark eyes looked you over quickly drawing you into him. He leant forward slightly as he readjusted himself on the chair and brushed his bottom lip with his thumb drawing your attention to them. Your breath hitched, lips parted and your eyes flickered to his lips. Was he going to kiss you? Suddenly he broke the eye contact and laughed, settling back in his chair. “See! You would,”

Dazed you shook your head and cleared your throat. Javi smiled smugly.“No, No! That's not fair! You being smoother than fucking peanut butter doesn’t mean I would hit on you if I saw you! You’re old and grumpy looking, I like my men young and energetic,”

“So I heard,” He said as he tipped his drink into his mouth.

“Hey! That’s gross,” You exclaimed when you finally realised what he meant.

“Goes both ways, Baby, if you can hear me I can hear you,”

“So you listen to me fuck?” You countered. Javi choked on his drink.

“N-no I-,” Javi stuttered ands tumbled over his words, blushing slightly

“You do! Dirty bastard!” You exclaimed. “Do you get off to it?” You asked, quieter now leaning in closer to him. Javi didn’t reply, taking a gulp of beer and breaking your eye contact. You laughed again, “Javier Peña speechless! Wow! Pretty sure I can retire now and I’d be happy,”

“I’m getting another drink,” He grumbled, getting up from the table.

“Tequila please, Baby!” You called after him.

—

You woke up with the worst hangover you had ever felt. Before you really opened your eyes you darted to the bathroom to throw up. You groaned into the toilet bowl, annoyed at yourself more than anything that you had gotten so drunk. You didn’t remember coming home, didn’t remember leaving the bar. The last thing you remembered was sitting with Javi drinking tequila like it was water. The memory made you gag again, how did he ever get you to drink tequila?

You padded into your tiny kitchen to get a glass of water, and start your usual fix all hangover cure. Salted chips and Coca Cola. The sugar and salt combination would do wonders and had saved you multiple times after a heavy night before training back home. You found a bag of chips in the cupboard but no cola. In fact, your fridge was practically empty, bar an old jar of salsa that you were pretty sure had been sitting there since before you arrived in Colombia. The idea of having to go out to the shop made you want to cry. You rested your head on the fridge door and groaned as another pulse shot through your skull. Then you had an idea, the Murphy’s would probably have some!

You could tolerate seeing other humans at least for a few minutes. So you pulled a pair of shorts on and a vaguely clean t-shirt, took your keys and went across the hall to your favourite couple. The hallway was bright as sunlight streamed through the open window, you winced and shielded your eyes. You knocked twice on the door, the established knock for friends, and took deep breaths as you tried to not give into the need to throw up again. After a moment, Connie opened the door, a wide grin on her face when she saw your fragile state.

“Good night?” She teased you. You frowned and pouted at her.

“Remind me never to go out with Javi alone ever again, I can’t remember leaving that bar,” You groaned. “Do you have any pain killers? And some cola,”

“Cola?”

“Yeah. Cola and salted chips, the best hangover cure. Got the chips but no cola and the idea of going outside today makes me want to off myself,”

“Come on in I’ll see what I’ve got. The boys are in there,” She let you into the apartment and disappeared into the kitchen. Javi and Steve sat on the couch watching TV in the living room, the noise made you wince.

“Afternoon Rookie,” Steve greeted you smugly. You grimaced and leant on the arm of the couch next to him.

“What's the score?” You asked, watching the soccer match on screen for a few moments.

“3-3,” Steve answered.

“I’ve got Pepsi, that's okay?” Connie called from the kitchen.

“Yeah! Anything’s fine,” You called back.

“Can’t you go buy yourself cola instead of stealing mine?” Steve complained.

“Your wife said I could have it Murphy, suck it up,” You shove his shoulder weakly, “Besides, I’m pretty sure if I step into direct sunlight I’ll burn to ash. I’m taking your cola and retreating to my bed,”

“What did you two even get up to after I left?”

“Ask him, I cannot remember,” you laughed.

Javi looked up briefly, took a drag of his cigarette and shrugged. He looked as rough as you felt. Neither of you had come out particularly well.

“Here you go sweetheart,” Connie returned to the living room with a bottle of Pepsi in her hand and a small box of painkillers.

“You’re a star Connie what would I do without you,” You stood up from the couch and took the items from your friend. “Later boys,”

“See ya Monday Rookie!” Steve called after you.

Next Chapter -->

oop Rookie and Javi flirting?!? Could never. Also coming next week this ish is getting a whole lot angstier again. I can never keep things nice for long haha

Tagging: @beskar-tano @buckysbeloved @beskarbabs @all-hallows-evie @harrys-stan @themidnightsun-12 @wille-zarr @danniburgh @itsaisopodkillmepls @urbankaite2 @whataloadofmalarkey @ahsofka @yeetus-my-feetus @sara-alonso @lesbianlena @xiao-lusi @all-good-things-have-an-ending @eternallyvenus @ajeff855 @mayangel19 @1950schick

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guessimwritingficsagain · 4 years ago

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Delightful, chapter One (Javier Pena x reader)

Paring : Javier Peña x reader

Warnings : none

Author's note : I wanted to write an 'ennemies to lovers' with Frankie but he's so soft that didn't work so here we are.

------

It’s not that you hated Javier Peña (Jesus, you wondered how many women thought that very same sentence everyday).

You had met him one busy night during your first week on the job. He’d been polite, had even introduced himself and explained :

‘I’m a regular, might as well know me by name.’

He’d even asked for yours. But the moment your co-worker Carla had stepped behind the counter he had completely switched and had reduced her to a giggling mess in two minutes flat. She’d been putting a brave fight, though, she’d explained to you later. He’d been hitting on her for weeks but she’d resisted, afraid it would be a one night thing.

She had been wrong about that, because when she had finally given in, it had become a regular thing.

She had been wrong about that but had never stopped to ask herself if he’d wanted more than sex. When she’d asked him, though, she hadn’t liked the answer, not one bit. Except he hadn’t stopped coming in, even bringing some friends with him, some blonde dude who looked really American and a woman - his wife, probably.

Try moving on when the guy you wanted to get serious with keeps showing you at your workplace.

So, Carla, yeah, she’d lost ten pounds, taken the day shift, and taken to call you at three in the morning to cry (you guessed she didn’t have that many friends because you certainly weren’t friends with her but she called you anyway).

Which left you to work with Diego, and you couldn’t stand Diego.

So, maybe, you hated Javier Peña a tiny bit.

And there he was, sitting on a barstool, nursing his second whiskey. The place was mostly empty, so you couldn’t avoid noticing how he kept frowning at the liquid like there was something wrong with it. You didn’t ask, though. You always kept your interactions polite and to the point.

After a while, you felt yourself distracted by the music, your actions more a force of habit, automatisms without any real thoughts behind them. You were brought back to the present, though, when Peña asked Diego how Carla was. And Diego being Diego, answered, loud enough for you to wince :

‘Ah. Fucking awful, if you ask me. Got fucked up by some dude. Poor girl looks like shit, now. Shame because she’s fine and I’d fix her broken heart, if you know what I mean.’

Peña had the decency to look a bit remorseful but Diego, oh, Diego kept going :

‘I offered, once, but she looked down on me. Now, though ? I bet she regrets…’

You slapped him with a tablecloth and got real close into his personal space.

‘I swear if you finish that sentence I’m gonna make sure whatever’s down there can never get up again. You’re a pig, Diego. You talk that big talk but you probably can do shit in bed so stop. I don’t need to hear it.’

‘Cállate, gringa. That stick up your ass must be a real pain.’

And Peña, brave, nice, chivalrous Peña, had to speak up, of course :

‘The lady has a point. Carla was nice. Shit, she is nice. I wanted to check on her, I don’t need to hear you gloat because she wouldn’t let you get some. Use your fucking right hand if you need to, but I don’t need to hear that shit.’

Diego’s face lost all previous friendliness when he turned back to Peña.

‘Whatever, man. But you know, stepping in for the lady won’t get you to score with her.’

He stopped himself there, but you could tell that whatever was on the tip of his tongue would have been really unpleasant to hear. Diego left the counter and went to do whatever. You didn’t care.

You should have stepped away and gone back to whatever it was you were doing before but Peña was looking at you and you had to deal with stuff like that on a daily basis because Diego only ever talked about women and fucking them good and you had enough. So instead of choosing the smart option, you leaned in, hands on the counter, shoulders square, and explained :

‘I can handle myself. I don’t need you to do that, especially considering you’re the one that fucked Carla all up.’

‘Listen, I’m sorry about that…’

‘I’m not the one you should be saying that to.’

‘I don’t need to talk to her. There’s nothing to say. It was a misunderstanding.’

He looked frustrated now. And if he were somebody else - anybody else besides Diego - you’d stop giving him crap, because you got it. Sometimes, people get into things, get into sex and don’t stop thinking about the other’s expectations. The fact that Peña never took her to a fucking restaurant or shit should have been a warning in itself but he could have made himself clear from the very beginning. Could have said it was all about making his dick wet.

But he didn’t, and now you were stuck with Diego and annoying phone calls in the middle of the night. And you felt bad feeling that way about Carla, but you clearly hadn’t had time to really connect and you weren’t a free shrink.

‘If you got nothing to say to her, then don’t come around asking about her.’ You spat.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, a tiny little voice mentioned that you were being a tiny bit unfair but it was a fleeting thought that you shoved right back where it belonged : in your trashcan of denial.

Peña downed his drink, then, and got up, slapping money on the counter and said, all sarcasm but, you found, no real bite behind it :

‘Thanks for a delightful evening, my lady.’

You watched him walk away. Yeah, it wasn’t that you hated him.

———

You could see the appeal, you admitted to yourself one evening when Peña was there, sitting down with Connie and her husband and another woman.

You hadn’t gotten the other man’s name but Connie had come to you, one night, more than slightly buzzed and had chatted your ear off as you were making the drinks. You’d found her endearing so you’d asked for her name.

There was no doubt that woman was getting into Peña’s bed and you hoped she wouldn’t end up like Carla, calling someone at three in the morning to sob about him. You hoped he’d taken his lesson and was straight with the women he had encounters with.

You could see the appeal, the moustache and the too-tight jeans, and the way he slightly touched her shoulder, the way he gave her all of his attention, the way he laughed, eyes crinkled and that fucking dimple.

It was a slow night, okay ? It was a slow night and you were bored.

‘Take a picture, it’ll last longer.’

You turned to see Emil smiling at you, and you playfully swatted his arm. He was a new addition to the team - and a welcome one, at that. Turned out that Diego had gotten into the habit of fucking women in the restroom and you had the privilege to catch him, once. What would have been a traumatizing experience became much more because your boss hadn’t caught the fact that you were going to the restroom and was following you to tell you something. So you’d seen Diego into action (and that was never going in the trashcan of denial, no matter how hard you tried to shove it in there), but your boss, Ricardo, had seen too.

So, no more Diego.

You were delighted.

Even more so when Ricardo had asked you to be part of the recruiting process. You had been surprised, at first, but he’d said :

‘I have three daughters, and I have two women who work for me, I don’t need men like Diego around.’

Very progressive, all in all. But you were glad.

Back to the moment, away from the image of Diego slamming into a woman (she had been faking, you knew, and telling him that right before he left had been awesome), you quipped back :

‘I don’t even like him, trust me, I’m just bored.’

And that was only partially false. You were bored, but not liking Peña was more of a force of habit than a real thing, now. Carla had found out she was pregnant - not his - so she had quit and, well, let’s just say you didn’t get angsty phone calls in the middle of the night anymore.

Peña walked right to the counter, then, and Emil, with what you’d just said, went to get the order but Peña was looking right at you and talking to you so you went with it. As you were handing the beers, you couldn’t help but ask :

‘She knows you’re gonna fuck her into oblivion but nothing more, right ?’

His eyebrows shot up, and the smirk on his face told you you’d just said the wrong thing.

‘That confident in my abilities, heh ?’

You shook your head and deflected :

‘You know why I said that.’

He put the booze down, at that, and actually sat at the counter.

‘How’s the baby ?’

You jumped in surprise, at that, because you didn’t know he knew and you’d never thought he would care. He picked up on that, too, because he scoffed :

‘Come on, I know you think I’m an asshole but Carla was good. She was nice. I keep tabs, that’s my job.’

‘Your job ?’ You couldn’t help but ask.

He played with one of the beers, then, thumb brushing one of the bottles up and down. You looked away, not liking one bit what was happening in your belly.

‘That’s a story for another time. When you like me, or at least tolerate me. I’ll get you there.’

He got up and walked away and you remembered

You hated Javier Peña.

It didn’t sound quite genuine anymore, and you were fooling no one, given the look Emil shot your way after that, but you held onto that anyway.

———

Your parents had never approved of you moving to Colombia because your Spanish is good, sweetheart, you don’t need to do that, you don’t need to make it perfect but you needed out so you’d gone anyway.

Now, though, sitting in a room in the DEA quarters, shaking, you weren’t so sure about your life choices.

You’d been getting home when you’d seen, turning a corner, a man pointing a gun at another, on his knees. You’d backed off immediately, you stupid brain not smart enough to get you to run away. You hadn’t seen anything, but you’d heard. And that had gotten you to the DEA.

You’d been stupid, really, because you’d heard the gunshot, you’d heard a car driving away but instead of taking a detour or something, you’d looked. And the man lying there with his brain all over the pavement was not going in the trashcan of denial anytime soon.

So, you were shaking, and the door opened and you flinched and then you saw

Javier fucking Peña

‘I guess that answers that question about your job, then.’ You joked, but he didn’t bite.

He kneeled right in front of you instead, hands everywhere, and that was comforting, but the flow of questions was a bit overwhelming too.

Did they see you ? Is there a chance they saw you ? Are you hurt ? Want some water ? Murphy, give me some fucking water right now !

You tried telling him you were fine (you weren’t) but he kept fussing.

They brought you some water, you answered some questions, and at the end, the very end, when it was just Peña and you, he spat :

‘I can’t believe you go home every night on foot. Don’t do that. Stop. I swear if I have to come get you every night …’

‘I’ll be fine. It’s fine. I’ll get someone.’

You were lying : you lived stupidly close to the bar, so it didn’t make sense to drive there. And even with what had happened, it still didn’t make sense to do it. So you lied.

Then you got a few days off, doctor’s orders, and when you came back to work, that first night, as you were ready to head back home on foot as always, Javier Peña was waiting outside the bar. Before you could say anything, before you could find a way out, he declared :

‘Get in the car. I’m taking you home.’

Chapter two

#Javier Pena #Javier Peña x reader #Javier Pena x you #narcos #delightful

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keepondreamingx · 2 years ago

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Tag Game

Tagged by; @popchoc

Favourite colour: It honestly changes every hour, i’m appreciative of a lot of colours. What mostly returns to me is velvet red and like dark green ( #002020)

Currently reading: The last wish - Andrzej Sapkowski (yes, still. I hyperfocus or it will take me ages. No in betweens).

Last song: Cage the elephant - ain’t no rest for the wicked

Last series: The sandman (just finished)

Last movie: Top Gun Maverick (watched it twice in the cinema and am going to again). I can’t stop hyping about it either, it’s really fucking good, trust me. (and I don’t even remember the first one that well because I didn’t like it that much but this one dfsagjhgadsj). And if you’ve seen it and just-- want some cool facts (or haven't watched and want some... cool facts) Watch this; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUXF-qXVIMY&t=223s. Just... the acting is good, the cinematics are nice, the music is made by Hans Zimmer so--- great, pretty people to look at (Like both Jennifer and Tom are getting older and are still so fucking hot, I don’t understand. I want to age like that), and I sat on the edge of my seat, even the second time in when I knew what was happening. Okay, i’m rambling, sorry.

Currently working on: Staying sane.

Tagging: @sofi-la-gringa, @lb0210, @turayodeluna

#Tag thing #thanks for the tag!

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ordinaryschmuck · 4 years ago

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My Favorite Moments from It All Started with a Jacket (Chapters 1-10)

Now that I have written ten chapters of It All Started with a Jacket (how the hell are y’all still reading it), I thought I comemorate the occasion by sharing my favorite moments from each chapter. More specifically, every moment that was the most fun for me to write. This can range from moments that made me laugh at my own dumb jokes, or moments that I felt proud of for how well they turned out. Either way, this list is gonna be long. Like, rrrreeeaaallllllyyy lllooonnng. So you might want to strap in before clicking ‘Keep reading.’

Chapter 1

Amity and the car horn

"Oh no, you don't!" Luz sprinted over to Amity's car, to which her rival had already gotten in, and locked the doors. Just as Amity started the engine, Luz was already there, beating her hand against the window.

"If you think I'm too afraid to break a car window, you've got another thing--"

HOOONK!

"...You've got another--"

HOOOOOONK!

"You've got--"

Amity raised her hand above the car horn again with her eyebrow raised and her grin amused. She was essentially challenging Luz to finish that sentence.

"..."

"...You'vegotanotherthingcoming--"

HOOOOOOOOOONK!

"THAT TEARS IT!"

Amity sniffing Luz’s jacket (the main reason why I wrote this in the first place)

Amity set the hanger back where she found it and slowly lifted Luz's jacket up to her face. For a while, she did nothing, choosing instead to just stare at it. And then, she briefly took a small sniff.

'Well, that was a mistake,' was all she could think as intoxicating smells of pinecones and lemons started overtaking her senses. Almost immediately, Amity grabbed the jacket with both hands and shoved her face into it, inhaling more of the scent. After letting out a euphoric sigh, Amity looked at it again, shrugged, and put it back on.

Amity’s apology

"I said that I'm sorry." Amity continued, "Not just for the jacket, but for everything. The insults, the name-calling, and especially the fighting. I'm sorry for all of it."

"...Are you dying?"

"Wha--No!" now Amity turned to face Luz, "Why is that the first thing that came to your mind?"

"I don't know, man," Luz shrugged, "This just seems like some sort of final repentance type of shit. Like when Tom needed Jerry to sign him off to take the escalator to heaven."

"Who the hell is Tom and Jerry?"

"The greatest comic duo of all time, that's who!" Luz genuinely seemed insulted that Amity didn't know, to which she rolled her eyes in response.

Luz’s reaction

Luz opened the door and was about to leave. But then:

"I saw the bi flag."

After Amity spoke, Luz froze in her place. One foot was out the door, and her face was already turned away from Amity's, so she couldn't gauge an expression. So Amity took her chance to go on.

"It's hidden in a spot a person could barely notice, so there's no way that it came with the flag already sewn it," she explained, "Even if you bought the jacket from someone else, you could have easily torn it out. I've seen you done worse. But you kept it in, which makes me think that maybe...That maybe you're bisexual."

Luz didn't say anything.

She didn't do anything.

Instead, she stayed frozen in place, and Amity still couldn't tell what was going on in the human's mind at the moment. Not that she ever could. Eventually, Luz slowly and stiffly sat back in the passenger seat and slammed the car door shut. Her eyes were tight shut, and breathing was ragged, and Amity thought Luz was seething. But then Amity recognized what Luz was doing. She had done the same thing many times when forced to talk with her mother.

Luz was forcing herself not to cry.

Luz’s rant

"...Did you not tell anybody?" was all Amity could ask.

"...I told Willow," Luz confessed, "She has gay dads, so I thought: 'Hey, she gets it.' Other than that, nobody else knows. Except for you."

"Not even your mom?"

"Especially not her! She's super religious! If I came out to her, then I might as well pack a suitcase and get ready to live on the streets!"

"Why?"

"Because humans are not like witches," Luz looked back at Amity, clapping her hands for emphasis, "For humans, what matters in life is the color of your skin, the people you like, and the gender you're given at birth. Go against any of that, and you're screwed!"

"That's awful."

"That's life!" Luz stated, her eyes glistening, "And I had to put up with that bullshit for all of it! I had to deal with dumb gringas in the locker room who might think that I was a pervert just because I liked girls. I had to deal with pretending to be interested in one gender and hide a part of myself that people think I should be ashamed of! I had to deal with the fear that the one person I trust the most might throw me to the curb because of something that shouldn't even matter!"

Luz paused to wipe tears that had leaked out from her eyes.

"I had to deal with all of that," she went on, "Because that's just what humans are like. I wish we were like witches. I really do. But we're not, and the sad part is, we might never will."

Chapter 2

Luz is a prick

Luz kicked a discarded beer can down the sidewalk. Only to just as quickly picking it up and ditching it in a recycling bin that someone left out on the curb for trash day. Luz may be a rebel, but she isn't a lazy prick.

"And what the hell does me being bi have anything to do with it?"

"Bi what?"

Luz stopped both her walk and her ramblings after hearing that voice. Looking to her left, Luz saw a woman carrying her groceries to her house. That woman is Mrs. Kranstien, a white, middle-aged gossip who's part of Luz's mom's church group. Also known as the last person Luz wanted to find out that she's bisexual.

"Uh, bilingual," Luz brushed it off, seeming like she isn't panicking right now. Which she is. "Significa que hablo dos idiomas. What else could I mean?"

"Well, you don't have to be so rude about it," Mrs. Kranstien harrumphed, "It is not becoming of a young lady."

"Y no tienes que meter la nariz donde no pertenece," Luz shrugged, "Pero, ¿quién soy yo para juzgar?"

"...What does that mean?"

"It means you're absolutely right, and I am so sorry for being so rude," Luz turned on her heel and kept walking, "Adios, gringa!"

"Is 'gringa' a compliment!" Mrs. Kranstien called out as Luz walked away.

"Sure is! Make sure to say it to your friends when you have the chance!"

Ok, maybe she is a little bit of a prick.

Luz’s indecision

"Should I do this?"

Luz gently rubbed the blade of the knife.

"...Yeah. Yeah, I definitely should."

She lowered the blade over a thread sewn in but stopped a tenth of a millimeter away from it.

"But it's not even noticeable."

Luz raised the knife away.

"Although Blight did notice it."

And lowered it back down again.

"But that's because she was wearing it. It's not like mom could ever wear this."

"But what if it's laundry day and she takes the jacket without you knowing?"

"I mean, that could happen, but she would have to actively search for it."

"Is that really worth the risk, though?"

Luz started twirling the knife in her fingers at this point. The bi flag still remained intact, with not a single thread being taken out. Most days, Luz would barely notice it, and she's the one who always wears her jacket. Now, more than ever, the bright colors of the flag seemed incredibly noticeable.

"No," Luz shook her head, "It's not worth the risk."

She lowered the knife again and even got the blade under a thread. But before she could do anything remotely similar to removing the string, she hesitated. Again.

"...But it's also who I am," Luz sighed, pocketing her knife and putting the jacket back on.

"It's a part of me," Luz lightly beat the back of her head against the wall, "Taking it off isn't going to change anything, and it especially won't make me any less bi."

Chapter 3

Nerds being nerds

Amity nearly spat out her slushie.

"You read The Good Witch Azura?" Luz rolled her eyes at the question.

"Alright, listen," she started, "Before you make fun of me for it, you should know--"

"I love Azura."

"--It's not the cutesy kids' book that people think...it...is..." Luz looked shocked as she faced Amity's wide grin, "What did you just say?"

"It was my favorite book series growing up," Amity explained, "It still is, today."

"...No shit."

"Yeah! In fact, when I was nine, I wished I could have been just like Azura herself."

"Same!" Luz's smile became just as wide, "The grand adventures? The ability to just get along with everybody she meets? That was the shit for when I just a little tater tot."

"For me, it was how powerful her magic is," Amity confessed, "I could only dream of being as talented as she is."

Chapter 4

Snowball fight

And that's when something cold hit her in the back of the head.

Turning around to find the culprit, Amity saw none other than Luz hiding her laughter behind a hand.

"Did you just do what I think you did?!" Amity asked incredulously.

"Hey, we may be cool now...but I'm gonna take a shot when I see it. Alright?"

Amity glared at that, drawing a spell circle soon after. At the circle's completion, two dozen snowballs began to rise in the air around them, and Luz's face became pale to the sight.

"...On second thought," Luz nervously smiled as she raised her hands in surrender, "Parlay?"

"..."

Amity pointed her finger at Luz, and all of the snowballs immediately knocked the human onto her back.

"I don't think so," Amity quipped, walking over and offering a hand to her friend.

“Drug” deal

"Is that a bad thing?"

"...Eh, probably not," Luz shrugged, "I got the goods in my backpack, by the way. You want me to give it to you now, or wait until after school?"

"t sounds like you have drugs in your backpack with the way you said that."

"Who says that I don't?"

Amity let out a light laugh. Luz didn't even seem shocked anymore.

"I'll wait until after school," Amity said when they got to the double doors, "The last thing I need is the wrong person to find out that I like...you know what."

"Got it," Luz nodded only to then lean closer to whisper, "I'll see then for the transfer. And if you get caught, I was never there."

"Ok, now I got to ask: Are you actually planning to give me drugs after school."

"Of course not!"

Luz winked.

"Drugs are bad, especially for our age."

She winked again.

"I wouldn't ever dream of doing something so vile."

And again.

"...I hate you."

"What else is new?"

"Just give me the book after school, doofus!" Amity said between chuckles.

"Yes. Of course. 'The book.'"

Luz winked for the fourth time, and Amity just pulled the human's beanie over her face in response. The two then laughed as they went their separate ways.

Amity’s jealousy

"Hey, is it ok if I ask you a favor?"

"Depends," Luz blew into her hands for extra warmth, "What's the favor?"

"Well...Skara invited me to a party she's throwing next Friday. And I was wondering if you could come with me."

"Which one is Skara again," Luz asked, "I know she's one of Boscha's lackeys, but I can't remember. Is she the tall and skinny one, the small and cute one, or the hot yet nerdy looking one?"

If she wasn't wearing gloves right now, Amity would wager that her knuckles went white with how tightly her hands gripped the steering wheel.

"You think Cat is hot?"

"Eh. Objectively, yeah," Luz shrugged, "Also, I didn't know her name was Cat. Should probably make a note of that."

"She also has a boyfriend," Amity said a little too quick, "And she's straight as a board. So go ahead and...unnote that. Just take that note and...throw it in a river somewhere."

"...Ok? Weirdo."

"Anyways, Skara is the short and--" Amity steeled herself before saying, "Cute one."

Luz helping Skara

She eventually found herself in a hall that led to bedrooms, only to see Skara sprinting around and picking up discarded beer cans and red solo cups and tossing them into a trash bag. She then opened a random door, squeaked, and slammed it shut, leaning against it while pressing her palms into her eyes.

"Why do that in my parents' bedroom!?" she cried to no one in particular.

Usually, Luz wouldn't give a shit about any of Boscha's lackeys. And yet, something compelled her to walk over.

"Are they making out or doing something worse," she asked, which caused Skara to look up in surprise.

"...What...What are you doing here?"

"Don't question it," Luz nodded to the door, "In there. Are they just making out?"

"...Yes, but it's still--"

Luz pounded on the door, making Skara jump.

"Hey!" she shouted, "That's not your bed, assholes! If you want privacy, then go to the back of your car like decent human beings!"

"We're not humans!"

"Not the point!"

For a while, nothing happened. Then finally, two boys walked out of the room, hand in hand with their clothes ruffled, and started shuffling their way down the hall. Skara just stood where she was, not knowing what to say or do.

"Hey," Luz snapped her fingers to get Skara's attention, "If a person starts acting like a prick, be an even bigger prick. Someone's going to eventually back down, so don't let it be you. They'll get the point, then. Oh, and by the way..."

She pulled the photo out of her jacket's pocket and tossed it to Skara, who then fumbled with the thing before catching it.

"Someone tried to steal that," Luz told her, "I don't know where it belongs so, there you go."

Luz then began to head in the direction of the stairs.

"Thank you."

The broken tone of voice made Luz freeze for a second, turning over her shoulder to see Skara looking at the human, her eyes full of gratitude and amazement.

"...Don't mention it," was all Luz said before walking down the hall to find the stairs.

Literally, everything that Drunk Amity does. But here’s the top five:

#5-Snuggle time

"I hate my life," Luz muttered, shuffling over. She pulled the covers up and slowly got into the bed. But once she did, Amity didn't waste a second wrapping her entire body around Luz's. Like a koala bear, clinging to a tree.

"...Do you mind?" Luz's voice cracked.

"What? I'm sleeping on my side."

"Yeah, but I'd prefer it if you slept on a side that wouldn't result in me getting puked on."

"But how will we snuggle?"

"Oh my god," Luz sighed, "You're not gonna back down from this, are you?"

"Mm-mm."

"...tell you what. If you flip onto your other side, I'll--I can't believe I'm saying this--I'll...spoon...you."

Amity gasped, her eyes practically glittering with stars as she looked up at Luz.

"That's even better," she whispered, untangling herself from Luz's body so she can flip onto her other side, already getting into a position to receive comfort. Luz, slowly and reluctantly, turned over to wrap an arm around Amity, pressing their bodies together.

'This is probably punishment for...every shitty thing I've done in my life," she thought to herself.

#4-Drink it!

"Drink it!"

"No!"

"Drink it."

"No!"

"Drink it!"

"Noooo!" Amity flopped face down onto her pillow as if she was a five-year-old. The bunny-print pajamas that Luz changed her into didn't help, either (it was the minor victories). With one hand, Luz started messaging her temple out of annoyance, while the other hand gripped tight onto a glass of water.

"Amity, if you're gonna lay down like a baby, then lay on your side," she explained, "If you face down, or up, then you'll just drown in your own vomit. And is that how you wanna go out?"

Amity flipped onto her side with a harrumph.

"That's what I thought," Luz held the glass up to Amity again, "Now drink this water."

"I don't wanna," the witch wined, "It doesn't have flavor. It's boring. Give something less boring."

#3-Amity’s love for Emira

"Who are you talking to?"

"Your sister."

"Oh! Hey, Luz," Amity started tapping Luz on the shoulder, "Luz, Luz, Luz, Luz--"

"What?"

"Tell her--Listen--Tell...Emira that she is the worst...and that I don't like her. It's an--Look--It's an inside joke between us. She'll understand it when you tell her."

"...Will do."

"Oh! And Luz,"

"What?" This time, Luz was starting to get aggravated.

"Emira--Don't tell her this part--But Emira is, like, the most important person to me. And Ed too. Sometimes. Because they've both always been there for me when our parents are being bigger dicks than they are. I just don't--Hey--I don't tell them that because then they'll make fun of me for it. So don't-- Shh! Don't tell her."

"...You got all that, right?" Luz asked into the scroll.

"Sure did. What the hell did she drink?"

#2-Tossing cookies

Amity's face suddenly paled. Luz couldn't figure what was wrong at first, at least until she saw Amity lurch.

"Oh, shit," Luz then guided Amity over to the nearest potted plant, "Shit shit shit shit--"

Once at the plant, Amity bent over and...lost her lunch.

"...Are you o--"

And then her breakfast.

"...Are--"

And finally tossed one last cookie for good measure.

"...You good?"

"Yeah," Amity looked up at her victim, which was already starting to wilt, "...This my mom's favorite plant..."

She then slapped it.

"Fuck you, plant!"

And #1...

The good news is that Luz finally found her.

The bad news is that Amity was standing on top of a table as everyone stared at her.

"I am the lesbian queen of the universe!" she shouted, "Y'all can bow down and kiss my ass!"

"Get it, girl!"

"You bet I'll get it, whoever you are! Seriously, who said that?" she called back, turning in a circle to find the source of the voice. However, because of Amity's drunken state, she soon tripped on her own feet and fell off the table. Luckily, Luz was quick to realize that wearing heels and being drunk was a bad combination, so she had already run over to the table, ready to catch Amity.

The green-haired witch landed in Luz's arms, bridal princess style. Luz then set her down, but Amity still wrapped her arms around the human's neck.

"You're my hero," Amity said wistfully.

"Yeah, I'm a real knight in shining--" But Luz didn't get a chance to finish her snarky remark. Because Amity leaned in to plant a wet, sloppy kiss onto Luz's cheek. This caused the human to go still and red-faced, her brain ceasing to function as Amity pulled away with a Mwah!

And on the topic of kisses

Luz remained still for a minute or two, ultimately thinking 'screw it,' and kissed Amity's cheek. It was about a millisecond, maybe even half of that, but it did not stop Luz's face from heating up.

"There. Happy now?"

"Nope," Amity faced Luz with a drunken smile, "Because now it's my turn."

"Wait, no- Mmph!" But it was too late. Because the second after Amity spoke, she leaned in to kiss Luz's cheek, giving Luz no time to even turn her head. Which resulted in Amity giving Luz another wet and sloppy kiss, not on her cheek, but right on her lips.

And perhaps it was just as long as Luz's kiss. Probably even a second longer. But for her, it felt as though time had come to a standstill as Amity's lips were pressed against Luz's. But regardless, Luz didn't pull away. She didn't even shove Amity off, despite having every reason to. In fact, when Amity finally pulled away from the kiss, Luz had this strange desire buried deep within her brain, yet she was still aware of it.

Because despite how weird it would be and how Amity's breath will absolutely taste awful, Luz felt a strange desire to kiss her friend again.

Chapter 6

The morning after

Curious, Amity looked over her shoulder to see the culprit.

'Oh, it's just Luz," she thought, slowly turning back over.

...

Amity's eyes popped open.

She whipped her head back to look over her shoulder, which was a mistake because the sudden rush made her hangover say, 'screw you,' and leave Amity with a ton of pain. Once it slowly wore off (or, at least, became a bit more bearable), Amity got a good look at the person behind her. And what she saw both warmed her heart, as well as stopped it.

Luz. Sleeping in Amity's bed. Pressed up against the witch and peacefully smiling as she dreamed.

This left a myriad of thoughts in Amity's head.

'Luz is in my bed.'

'Luz is in my bed, and she's spooning me.'

'...I need to wake her.'

But just as she was about to wake her friend, Luz, in her sleep, then shuffled herself further against Amity. Her sleepy smile had grown wider.

'...And I am dead. I am dead, have ascended the stars, and this now my life for eternity.'

Huge misunderstanding

Luz remained still, glancing between Amity's eyes and her lips. Ultimately, she closed the distance between them and kissed her.

And kissed her again.

And again.

It felt so amazing, with each kiss sending a wave of euphoric energy through Luz's body. It was everything she didn't know she wanted.

"Luz?" Amity gasped.

"Hm?"

"Are you awake right now?"

"Mm-hm," Luz mumbled as she continued to kiss Amity's sweet, soft, hairy--

'Hairy?'

***

Luz peaked open her eyes, and instead of seeing Amity's face, all she saw was bright green. Remembering where she was, Luz's eyes became wide once she took in the fact of what she just did.

"mmBAAAAAAAH!" Luz shrieked, pushing herself to the other end of the bed. Unfortunately, she pushed a little too far and ended up falling off the bed entirely, face-planting onto the floor.

Luz’s hairball

It was Luz's turn to get up as she walked over to the pile of her clothes on the desk.

"Just let me change first and--" She coughed, "--And I--"

Suddenly Luz was coughing severely, her face going red from lack of air.

"Luz?"

"What's wrong?!"

While coughing, Luz pointed at her throat.

"She's choking!" Viney deduced, "Hang on, I got this!"

She ran over and went behind Luz. Placing the thumb side of her fist over the human's abdomen and placing a hand over said fist, Viney began performing the Heimlich maneuver. After a few thrusts, Luz finally coughed out what was obstructing her throat. Once she could breathe again, she got a look at what nearly killed her. Only to see a clump of wet, green hair on the floor.

"...Is that--"

"Anyways, I'm gonna go ahead and change!" Luz squeaked quickly, grabbing her clothes off the desk and dashing into the closet. Viney and Emira looked over at Amity, who, red as a tomato, pulled the covers over her head.

Amity explaining why she likes Luz...which goes on for a good chunk of the chapter and it would be ludicrous for me to paste it onto here. But trust me. It’s a great moment

Chapter 7

Pastor Benson’s sermon and Luz’s prayor

"I think I can speak for all of us when I say that the world is constantly changing," Pastor Benson began his sermon. "For every day, new lifestyles and ways of loving others are introduced and integrated into our society. Just the other day, I was given a chance to experience this first hand."

That caught Luz's interest for a moment.

"You see, my nephew gathered the whole family, everybody that he trusted, and did something none of us could have ever expected. He told us all that he was a homosexual."

Immediately everybody started murmuring with each other. And Luz had to admit, she was more than curious to see where Benson was going with this.

"I know, I know," he silenced the crowd, "I was surprised too. And as he continued, both he and his boyfriend, which was another shock to find out, started telling us all about what it means to be what they are. They explained what they considered the basics, answered questions, and soon enough, Micheal's parents stood up to give him a hug, and everyone else took turns letting him know that he is loved."

Now Luz was really interested.

"Later, I took Micheal aside so I can have a heart to heart with him," Pastor Benson pressed on, "I said to him that he is my nephew and that I will always love him. And no matter what, God will love him too, like all of his children."

For the first time in her life, Luz hung onto every word that a pastor said.

"But sin is still a sin, and I said that it's not too late to save his soul."

'There it is,' Luz thought, slumping into her seat and hoping that her mom didn't notice her reaction. Pastor Benson continued his sermon, but Luz mentally checked out, not caring about what he has to say next. It didn't matter if Benson told the secrets to the universe or the meaning of life. Because of what he said, Luz tuned him out for the next few minutes, stirring in a pissed-off mood she genuinely tried to keep out of church.

"--Now, I would ask you all to join me in prayer before we bring this congregation to a close," Luz heard Pastor Benson say fifteen minutes later. Everyone then simultaneously lowered their heads to pray, with Luz right along with them.

'Dear God,' she prayed, 'If you could be so kind, could you send down an angel or your son or something to tell all these homophobes that being gay isn't a sin. And the only reason why people think that's true is that some dickhead mistranslated a line somewhere. A translation, by the way, that was meant to tell people that pedophilia is awful. Something that some of your own pastors should learn from time to time.

'Because if you could send someone down to get the record straight, I, and many others, would really appreciate it...also sorry for swearing while during prayer. That wasn't cool of me. Bless my mom, and praise be to you.'

Camila and Claire

"If you ask me, that was crossing way over the line."

Camila looked over to her friend Claire, who stood with her as they waited in line at a makeshift buffet table to grab breakfast.

"Are you talking about Pastor Benson or his nephew?" Camila couldn't help but ask.

"Oh, absolutely, it's Benson," Claire whispered so as not to draw attention amongst the chatter, "I mean, here you have a kid who was in a safe space and just wanted to be accepted, only to have your uncle basically say you're going to hell. The man might as well have punched poor Micheal in the gut."

"Aye, I am so happy that you said that," Camila grabbed two plates for herself and Luz, who sat at a table for them. "I understand that he's a person of the lord, but that's taking belief a little too far. I believe in God, and I love him with my whole heart, but I would never say anything like that to Luz. If she was gay, that is."

"I'm right there with you," Claire nodded as she piled food onto her own two plates, "I have five kids. Two of them moved out with relationships of their own. But if my other three ever come to me and say that they're gay, then the last thing I'd do is make them feel ashamed of it."

"Right? I always make it clear to Luz that she can tell me anything. Especially if it's something like that."

Mrs. Kranstien calling Camila a gringa

"As I said, keep an eye on her. For both of your sakes," the gossiper said as she turned to walk in her own direction, "Adios, gringa."

Camila did a double-take.

'Did she just...No,' she shook her head, 'No. She couldn't have.'

Amity’s reaction

"...So we're just going to be spending some time waiting...alone...in a big house with nobody else around?"

"...Basically, yeah," Luz shrugged, "See you then. Oh! By the way, and I know it goes without saying, but try to do something that hides those ears. Because the last thing I need to do is explain why my new friend looks like an elf from Lord of the Rings."

With that, Luz hung up, leaving Amity to sit still as a statue at her desk. Eventually, she slowly dragged her diary over, picked up a pencil, and began to calmly write.

So Luz, literally right now, just asked me to come over to hang out at her house, completely unsupervised, as we wait to have dinner with her mom. Current mood: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Chapter 8

Boscha’s rage

"You little jackass!"

Luz turned away from her locker to see Boscha stomping over. It was the end of the school day, and Luz was already beyond stressed about having Amity over to her house. The last thing that anyone needs, least of all her, is to deal with Boscha's bullshit.

"Little?" Luz said with an annoyed tilt to her head. "Bitch, I am absolutely taller than you!"

"Not the point!" Boscha yelled once she finally got up to Luz, "Because here's the thing: You draw on my face, I'll be annoyed. You rip my scroll in half, I'll be pissed off. But make people think I have a crush on FUCKING, Matt!? That is something I should kill you for!"

"...I didn't draw on your face."

"YOU--" But Boscha stopped herself to take a deep, calming breath before looking back at Luz with murder in her eyes, "That slimy, greasy, weasely little weasel has been hitting on me ALL DAY! And it's all because of you posting on social media that I like him. I mean, what the FUCK did I do to deserve that?!"

"...Do you really want me to answer that?"

Misunderstanding

"Hey."

Hesitantly, Amity glanced over at Luz again. Who had put her full attention into the girl in front of her.

"Do you wanna make out?"

"WHAT?!"

Luz jumped at Amity's screech.

"...I said, ‘do you want take out?’" she repeated, lifting up her phone, "My mom just said she's going to be a while and isn't in a cooking mood. So she wants to know if you're cool if she picks up some chimichurri sandwiches on the way home."

"Oh. Oh! Yeah, that's fine," Amity could feel her face grow hotter by the second.

"Ok?" Luz texted a reply to her mom, "...What did you think I said, anyway?"

"..."

"It must have been something bad to make you react as if I called you the c-word."

"...So this movie is interesting!" Suddenly, all Amity's attention went to the tee-vee, "My favorite character would have to be that, uh, that girl with the...dyed hair and...giant hammer--What did you say this movie is called again?"

Luz opened her mouth to say something, but a small ping! from her phone distracted her for a bit.

"My mom wants to know if you have any allergies," she said.

"I do not."

"Got it," Luz sent her reply, "Now, as for what you thought I said--"

"Table it for later."

'So I can have time to think of a proper excuse.'

"...Alright."

Luz went back to watching the movie for another minute, looked at her wrist for some reason, and then stared right back at Amity.

"It's now later."

"Luz--"

"Look, if it's something embarrassing, don't worry about it," Luz waved off her friend's concern, "Your brain just misinterpreted what I said. It's no big deal. I'm just wondering what you thought I asked that got you all hot and bothered."

'She called me hot--FOCUS!'

"You really won't judge?" Amity asked for clarification.

"Can't be any more embarrassing than what I did on Saturday."

'I guess that's true.'

"Well," Amity nervously fiddled with the hem of her dress, "I thought that...that you asked if...I wanted to...make...out..."

She glanced over, and, sure enough, a blush was beginning to form on Luz's cheeks.

"...Oh," the human said.

"But it's like you said!" Amity quickly exclaimed, "My brain just misinterpreted the words! It's not like you would ever ask me to do that, right?"

"...Of course not."

"...You hesitated?"

"Hm?"

"I said that you would never ask me to do that, and you hesitated when saying no. Why did you hesitate?"

"I didn't hesitate."

"Yes, you did."

"Pretty sure I didn't."

"Well, I'm definitely sure that you did."

"Well, if I did, then that's because, um..."

"...Because, um, what?"

"..."

"...So this movie, huh?" Luz looked back at the screen, "It's, uh, Scott Pilgrim, by the way. Just to answer your question...from earlier...about what movie this is..."

And thus came the thickest, most awkward silence between them. Understandably enough, Luz now had no problems with sitting as far away from Amity as possible.

"...How long until your mom gets home, again?"

"Should be another two hours."

"Damn it."

"Yeah."

Baby pictures

"Actually, I do have a photo of that day in an album somewhere," Camila added, "I could go find it and prove to you how innocent Luz was."

Now Luz's face went pale as Amity's brightened with glee.

"No, she doesn't!"

"Yes, I do!"

The poor human glared at the rich girl.

"No. You don't."

"Yes. I do."

"Right then," Camila finished her sandwich and got out of her seat, "You two sit tight. I'm going to go find that album."

Once her mother was out of the room, Luz scooched over to Amity with murder in her eyes.

"I would like to point out that you still owe me, like, five more favors from what happened last Friday," she whispered-growled, "So I would like to cash in one of them for you to not look at my baby pictures."

"And I would like to point out that you saw me at my lowest last Friday," Amity said with a smarmy smile, "Which means I'm at least owed some middle ground."

"...I hate you."

"Sure you do."

Gravity Falls reference

'There's that weird feeling again,' she thought as a tingling sensation formed throughout her gut. It wasn't the first time that day when Luz felt this.

She felt it when seeing Amity's human ears, when Amity admitted that she always wanted to be friendly, and especially when Amity thought Luz wanted to make out.

'...Wait...do I--'

Luz shook her head.

"No, no, no no no," she said to herself, "There's no way. There's just no way! I'm sure this is just some...indirect way of Boscha's words getting to your brain."

Luz turned around to go back inside.

"By tomorrow, you'll laugh about how ridiculous a thought like that is."

At Midnight.

Ever since turning in at nine, Luz could not for the life of her go to sleep.

Why?

Because her head was filled with nothing but thoughts of golden eyes, wild green hair, and a smirk that became all the more attractive, the more she thought about it.

"...Goddammit."

Chapter 9

Skara’s advice

"In that case, as her best friend, I have to tell that she will destroy you."

"Whatever."

"And as her best friend, I probably shouldn't tell you to go for any of her weak spots."

"..." Luz shared a curious look with Gus and Willow, who shrugged. "What weak spots?"

"Well, as her best friend, I shouldn't tell you that Boscha suffered a lot of injuries from playing grudgby," Skara explained, "Like the fact that her right arm hasn't healed right and she prefers punching with her left. Or the fact that she's still recovering from breaking her left leg and that if you kick the back of it hard enough, she'll crumble."

"...It's too bad that you didn't say any of that," Luz played along, "Because that would all be incredibly useful. And I would have to ask why you would tell me that in the first place."

"Hypothetically speaking, if I did tell you all of that--which I didn't--it would probably be because I'm still a little mad that she destroyed my house for the sake of getting Amity back. And that I'm just as sick as you are that Boscha wastes so much time trying to win back a girl that is clearly not interested."

"In that case, I really hate that you didn't tell me any of that stuff. Because then I would have thanked you for the advice."

"And I would have said, 'You're welcome,'" Skara looked left, right, and hugged Luz for a fraction of a second to then scamper off to who knows where.

The first hit

"Uh-huh...I don't know what that means, so here's a question: What happens when I break that oath?"

"Oh, trust me, you won't break it. Now, are you ready to eat dirt, human?"

"Born ready," Luz said, regaining her confidence, "In fact, you can have the first punch."

Boscha raised an eyebrow.

"Really? You sure you want that?"

"Of course. That is unless you're too scared of breaking a nail--"

SMACK!

The entire stadium went 'Ooooh,' due to Boscha sucker-punching Luz so hard that the human immediately went down and into the dirt. Needless to say, Luz was very much awake now.

"JESUS CHRIST!" She shouted as she slowly stood up, nursing the now bruising cheek that Boscha hit. "What the shit do they feed you rich girls?! Also, what happened to no hitting the face?! That was my face! You said no hitting the face!"

"Oh, no, I meant my face," Boscha reiterated, "My face is off-limits. Yours is free real estate."

Adrenaline rush

While Boscha was distracted by that, Luz looked over at her own friends.

Willow scowled with her fists clenched, looking like she was about ready to jump in to kick Boscha's ass for Luz.

Gus was cheering for Luz to get up. At least, she thinks that's what he was doing. A sudden ringing in Luz's ear currently made it hard to decipher what anybody was saying if they weren't close enough.

And then there was Amity, who held Luz's jacket tight to her heart, eyes wide and complexion pale.

That's when it hit Luz: If she loses, she'll be forced by some magic bullshit to never see Amity again. All these weeks of getting close and building...whatever the hell their relationship is building towards would have been for nothing. Worse yet, Amity will be left with Boscha, who would treat the green-haired witch with as much dignity and respect as Boscha treats her friends.

It was the mix of fear and anger from that thought that gave Luz just enough adrenaline she needed to turn towards Boscha and kicked her hard in the left leg.

Goodnight

"Cool. Hey, mom?"

"Yes, mija?"

"If a person asks you to have lunch with them, just the two of you, what would you think that means?"

"I assume that means a person wants to date you."

"Cool. Anyways, I'm gonna go to bed now. Goodnight."

"You’re what?"

THWUMP!

Startled by the noise, Camila turned around to see that Luz had fallen face-first onto the living room floor.

"...Luz?"

"Hm?" Luz mumbled.

"Are you ok?"

"Mm-hm."

Chapter 10

Earmuffs

"Hi, Luz! Question: Me being a male cheerleader. Yay or nay?"

"I think it's absolutely a 'yay,' but we can talk about that later," Luz said as she sat down, "For right now: Earmuffs."

"Aw, what?" Gus whined, "C'mon!"

"No complaining. Earmuffs."

"But I'm younger than you two by two years. I can totally handle grown-up talk."

"Earmuffs!"

Gus groaned, reluctantly covering his ears, closing his eyes, and humming to himself to further block out any noise.

Assumptions

"I don't give a shit that you're dating her." Willow said plainly.

"You see--Wha-wha-wha-wha-What? What? I'm sorry, what? Just...Fucking what?!" Luz exclaimed, completely caught off guard.

"Hey, don't get me wrong," Willow continued, "I would much rather see you date almost anybody else in this school. But if--for whatever reason--Amity is the person you really want to be with, I won't say anything about it. The heart wants what the heart wants. Who am I to judge?"

"...We're not dating."

Willow blinked.

"You're not?"

"No."

"...You're not?!"

Spray Bottle

Then suddenly, bits of water started spritzing onto her face. Looking over, Amity saw that it was because Viney was using a spray bottle on her.

"Bad," she said between spritzes, "Bad Blight."

"What the hell?!" Amity hissed, "Why do you even have that?!"

"I take Beast Keeping," Viney explained as she pocketed her spray bottle, "It comes in handy, so I just keep it on me at all times. Now, back to your dumbassery..."

"Hey, try to look at this from my point of view, alright?" the younger witch growled, "You never had to deal with Luz and her dumb smirk or her...cute round ears and those...those gorgeous brown eyes that are so warm and soft and make you feel all ooey-gooey like a warm chocolate cookie and--"

Viney started spritzing Amity again.

"GAH! Sorry," Amity said, snapping out of it.

And that’s about it. Thank you all so much for reading this story for this long, and a very special thank you to @drabbles-of-writing for letting me write this story in the first place. Now if you don’t excuse me, I’ve got school shit to work on.

#the owl house #beta lumity #it all started with a jacket #cw: swearing

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gamergirl929 · 4 years ago

Text

The First Cap (USWNT x Reader)

Anonymous Request: Can we get young baby reader in her first cap please?

The flesh of your cheeks was blood red, your heart nearly slamming out of your chest and your eyes wide.

Your very first cap.

You were about to get your VERY. FIRST. CAP.

And you were absolutely terrified.

“Kid, you look like you’re about to puke.” Ashlyn pats your back and you nod.

“I might.”

Kelley makes her way over, ruffling your hair.

“We were all nervous during our first cap, just go out there and do your best.” She grins and you nod, swallowing hard.

“Do my best. Do my best.” You nod to yourself, mumbling the mantra over and over again.

Alex watches you with a smile, remembering what her first cap was like.

She walks up behind you, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you back against her chest.

“I was scared during my first cap too, just go out there and show them what you do best.”

Alex settles her chin on the top of your head and you sigh, snuggling back into her.

“What if I trip and fall or something?” You pout and Alex giggles.

“Just do a backwards somersault like Sonnett did and give everyone a thumbs up.” Lindsey snickers, a gasp sounding from across the locker room.

“Also, don’t pull a Kelley and completely whiff the ball.” Tobin snorts.

Kelley makes her way across the locker room, wrapping her arms around Emily.

“Why are they picking on us dad?” She pouts as Kelley runs a hand down her back.

“I don’t know son.”

You giggle, your nervousness fading away at your teammates teasing.

You lean further back into Alex.

Maybe you didn’t need to be so afraid after all?

***

The second you were in the tunnel your fear came back, tenfold, so much so that Mapi Leon gives you a pat on the back on her way by.

“Espirar pequeño gringa (Breathe little American).”

You swallow hard, nodding, even though you have absolutely no idea what she said, the Spanish player ruffing your hair as she takes her place in line.

“Laying the moves on Mapi, Y/N?” Emily teases, but when she gets no response she leans forward, your face pale.

“Tobin, I think Y/N is about to pass out.”

Tobin makes her way over, moving to stand in front of you, her hands on your shoulders.

“Kid, you have to breathe.” She gives your shoulders a squeeze and you take a deep breath, the woman grinning.

“Good, good." She eyes you for a second before Emily snorts. “That means also inhaling.”

You inhale, Emily and Tobin nodding.

“There you go.”

A pair of arms again slip around you from behind, though this time, they don’t belong to Alex, they belong to Christen.

“You’re going to do great Y/N.” She whispers. “You’re an amazing mid-fielder, and the world gets to see that. Show them what an amazing player you are.”

You close your eyes, leaning back against her, your eyes fluttering shut.

“You can do this Y/N, we believe in you.” Christen whispers and smile, not even realizing that your teammates have moved from their places in line, rallying around you.

Alyssa ruffles your hair and you open your eyes, looking up at the goalie who gives you a grin.

“Trust me, I get how it feels, but you’re a great mid-fielder, Y/N... One of the best, if you weren’t you wouldn’t be here.”

Alyssa opens her arms and you slip from Christen’s arms to move into Alyssa’s, the goalie ducking down to press a kiss to the top of your head.

“I remember how it felt coming onto the field after Hope Solo left, I had BIG shoes to fill, but now, I’m Alyssa Naeher, USWNT goalie and World Cup winner...” Alyssa cups your cheeks with her gloved hands.

“Show everyone what we in the NWSL already know, and that’s how talented you are.”

Alyssa kneels down, kissing your forehead and you grin, the pep talks from the goalie giving you the strength you need, to go out on the field and do your best.

“Thanks Uncle.” You grin and the goalie beams, giving you another tight squeeze.

“Anytime Y/N.”

Alyssa takes her place back in line and you grin, sighing when you feel multiple bodies around you, the remainder of your teammates surrounding you, grins on their faces.

“Ready?” Tobin asks and you nod, grinning, your eyes darting from smiling face to smiling face.

“Ready?”

***

The fear is still there, the roaring crowd much louder than the crowds at NWSL games, but the pep talks from your teammates keep bouncing around in your head, willing you to go on, and you do.

You were making mistakes, you knew that, but one look at the sidelines, a smile and a thumbs up from your USWNT teammates makes you take a deep breath, your eyes fluttering shut.

“I can do this. I can do this.”

The ball is suddenly at your feet and you nod.

“I can do this.”

***

You definitely HAD done it, going the full 90 minutes and playing a remarkable game for someone who’d just gotten their first cap.

You’d assisted on two goals, doing a number of moves that had impressed Tobin Heath, the woman always complimenting your skill when she was close enough.

Your first cap and you’d done amazing, a number of assists and some passes that had people talking, your fancy foot work discussed on a number of highlight reels, of course you wouldn’t find that out until after the game.

By the final whistle you were exhausted, of course, who wouldn’t be after playing 90 minutes in this heat?

You were also elated.

“Buen trabajo pequeña gringa (Good job little American).” Mapi Leon pats your back, surprising you with a hug before she ruffles your hair.

“Excuse me, Y/N? May we get a word?” A reporter motions to the area where the commentators can ask questions and you take a deep breath, nodding.

Your teammates watch as you slip a headset on, talking adamantly with who they suspect is Julie Foudy.

Kelley sniffles, wiping a tear from her cheek, the others around her in a similar state.

“Our baby’s growing up so fast.” Alex whispers, the others nodding, unaware that you’d ended the interview and are now running to them, leaping into Alyssa’s arms, the goalie hugging you tightly.

“We’re so proud of you.” She whispers, spinning you around in a circle before relinquishing her hold, the others, gathering around you, linking arms, pulling you into a group hug.

“I couldn’t have done this without you guys.”

Christen shakes her head.

“You could’ve you just had to realize that you have the power to do it.”

You sniffle, leaning against all of them, beaming as tears fill your eyes.

“I love you guys so much.”

“We all love you too.”

#uswnt #uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine

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tinyboxxtink · 4 years ago

Text

“My Fairy Abogado” *Part 6*

Fair warning, this chapter starts fluffy/sexy and takes a hard left turn, idk a “trigger” word for that. 😐 Tag List

@wanniiieeee

@dumauier

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@objection-argumentative

@word-scribbless

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 7

Your parents shower wasn’t that big, after all it was the Barrio. It was almost like cramming two people in a bathroom stall.

“Maybe this wasn’t a great idea,” You winced as Rafael’s elbow nearly missed your eye.

“Well, maybe we can’t go for round two, but I can still pamper you hermosa,” He lathered shampoo in his hands and began massaging your scalp. It was like he had magic fingers, the way they moved all around your head, hitting pleasure spots you were unaware you even had.

“Mmmmm,” You purred. The head massage with the warm water, all of your stress just melted away. You weren’t thinking of the kids, or the restaurant, or even the Diablos. It was just you and Rafael, here in this moment.

“Now rinse,” Rafael instructed, and you obliged. As the water cascaded over your face, he began massaging your shoulders with soft kisses mixed in.

“You’re killin me smalls,” You groaned with a laugh.

There was zero way you were having sex in this shower without someone breaking something. Still, it was too enticing. You turned to face him, lathering shampoo in your own hands and rubbing it into his hair gently, pulling him in to kiss you as you did so. Pretty soon you could feel his erection against your naked thigh.

“How’s your upper body strength?” You asked devilishly.

“It’s...adequate,” Rafael saw the wheels turning in your head.

“Well then I better work fast,” You grabbed him into a hard kiss and jumped into his arms, pushing him inside you.

“Mmmph!” He knew what was coming, but it still took him aback as he tried to distribute your weight in his arms without slipping and killing you both. However once he got a rhythm going, the feeling was intoxicating. He bounced you up and down while you had your legs tightly wrapped around him like a tree.

“Are you almost there baby? I really oversold myself here,” He grunted, making you giggle.

“Aw honey, is the arthritis kicking in?” You teased him, pulling on his hair as you bounced.

“Ha ha,” He couldn’t even come with a witty comeback, he was at capacity all around.

“Alright alright, let mama help,” You balanced on him with one hand, as your other reached down and went inside you, between his ball sack and your clit. You started rubbing it around as hard as you could, encouraging completion from the both of you. You must have done a hell of a job, because one moment you heard you both moaning in pleasure, and the next you were waking up on the floor of the shower, Rafael still inside you.

“Fucking Christ! What happened?” You couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdness of this whole thing.

“Shit, fuck are you ok Y/N?” Rafael pulled out of you and frantically searched your body for injuries.

“Yeah...I think I bumped my head,”

“Yeah I um...we both...and I dropped you,” He turned bright red, making you laugh harder.

“It’s not that funny,” He grumbled, helping you to your feet.

“Aww, baby I know, I know,” You giggled as you rinsed the suds that were all over him.

“Are you sure you’re ok? That was a pretty hard thump on the head,” He searched your eyes for dilation, making sure you didn’t have a concussion.

“Trust me, my hard head can handle a lot,” You assured him.

“Okay, good. Now no more shenanigans, I can’t end up in the hospital over sexcapades,” He chuckled as he finished cleaning himself.

“Oh yeah, what would the people say?!” You feigned shock.

“They’d say that’s still pretty tame to some of the other government officials' dirty deeds,” He chuckled as you rinsed off and went to grab some towels off the rack.

“Oooh scandalous,” You giggled, turning off the water and handing him one of the towels. You both dried yourselves off, then stopped to look at your reflections in the mirror.

“Well, this is one image I never expected to see in this mirror,” You smirked, reaching and ruffling Rafael’s hair. As you turned to face him you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Yeah this is a whole 180 from kicking me out of your place,” He smirked.

“I didn’t kick you out! You were already outside!”

“Semantics,” He rolled his eyes as he walked over to his clothes and began to put them on.

“So you really, never thought--?” You perched yourself at the foot of the bed, still wrapped in your towel.

“In the middle of you screaming at me? No, I can’t say that it did,” He chuckled.

“I’m really sorry about that,”

“Don’t be,” He kissed your forehead. “It’s far behind us,” You smiled and pecked him on the lips.

“Speaking of,” He glanced at his phone. “I am FAR BEHIND schedule, I better go. I still have to go home and get into abogado mode,” He chuckled as he grabbed his leather jacket and walked out of the room into the hall. You trailed behind in your towel, down the stairs and to the back door where he paused and held you for a moment.

“I hate to say it, but next time you see me…”

“You’ll be abogado Rafael Barba, not Rafa,” you finished with a sad smile; you rolled the R as he did the night before.

“Yeah…” He played with your hands in his, looking sadly at the floor.

“Well it’s good we got that out of our systems then,” You half smiled, making his head jerk up.

“....Seriously?” He asked with so much hurt in his voice.

“I was feeling you out, guapo,” You pushed his shoulder playfully as he let out a sigh of relief.

“But seriously, that’s gonna have to last us for a while,” You stroked his cheek. “I can’t have the kids thinking…”

“I know,” he put a hand over yours on his face. “I can’t have people talking either,”

“But as SOON as my parents are home--” You batted your eyes.

“Oh it’s on, mi amor,” He pulled you in for another kiss, you smiled into his lips.

“Alright, well have Mr. Barba call me later, yeah?” You chuckled as he mounted his bike.

“He will definitely be in touch, Miss Y/N,” He winked before driving out of the alley way and down the street.

You leaned against the doorway, drinking in the whole night/morning. You were so lost in happiness, you didn’t notice the shadow figure emerging from down the alley.

“Hola, Y/N,” Diego’s voice startled you so bad you almost dropped your towel.

“D-Diego,” You whispered, unsure what to do.

“I knew it, the abogado wanted him some nice chicano ass, those boring gringa Barbies ain’t shit,” He chuckled.

“That’s NOT--”

“No you know what it’s not? It’s not okay for you to disrespect me like this,” He shook his head.

“Ay, mami. I tried to be nice, I really did. I gave you a nice warning and everything,” He put hand to your cheek but you jerked it away.

“You leave us alone, Diego,” You summoned all the courage you had to stand up against him.

“Ohhhh, kitty’s got claws now!” He laughed harder. “That’s cute,”

“Rafael already put one of you away, he could finish the job,” You got way too cocky for your own good. Diego got in your face, his hands almost around your throat.

“Or I could finish him, puta!” He growled.

“Rafa thinks he’s chico grande because he climbed up out of here, and yet look at this, he’s still slumming it,” He nodded at you with an evil smirk. “I think he needs to be reminded who still runs this place,”

And that was it. You didn’t remember anything else until you heard Mari screaming at you.

“Y/N!!!! Oh my God… Y/N!!! Are you ok? Please wake up, please wake up…” She was shaking you. It took you a moment to return to consciousness, but as your brain started to wake up, so did the pain.

“Ow…” You muttered. Mari let out a breath of relief as she threw her hands around your neck and pulled you up.

“What the fuck happened?!”

“Diego…” You muttered, still not quite able to form full sentences.

“Diego? Why would Diego beat the shit out of you?”

“Rafa…” You mumbled back, walking over to the mirror of your backroom. Your hair was disheveled, gravel all tangled in it. Your face was black and blue, your lip was bleeding. You removed your towel to asses the damage to your body. Black and blue bruises were forming on your rib cage. It was obvious once Diego had punched you out he literally kicked the shit out of you.

“Jesus Christ...we should get you to a hospital,” Mari came up behind you with tears in her eyes as she saw just how badly you were hurt.

“No!” You spun around to face her. “That is the LAST thing we need to do,” You hobbled up your stairs.

“Seriously, Y/N? Look at you, you can barely walk!”

“I’m fine,” You walked back into your parent’s bedroom, Mari trailed right behind you. You winced in pain as you sat on the bed. You looked over to the spot where you and Rafael had just been together hours before; how did it go from that to this?

“Wow, it looks like you had sex in here....” Mari trailed off, looking at you. “OH MY GOD,”

“Can you not yell, please?” You held your ear in pain.

“That’s why Diego came after you! Rafael was here, wasn’t he?” Mari was starting to get angry.

“Maybe…”

“Oh that son of a bitch,” Mari started pacing angrily. “I can’t believe he let him do that shit to you!”

“He didn’t,” You winced more as you tried getting dressed. “He left, and then Diego jumped me,”

“Where’s your phone? That pendejo is getting a piece of my mind--” Mari started going for your phone on the dresser.

“NO,” You grabbed it before she could. “If you call Rafa, he’ll just come right back down here and he can’t deal with all of...this,” You gestured to your bruised body. “He has a job, he doesn’t have time to worry about me,”

“He did this to you!”

“I did this to myself, Mari,” You sighed. “He came over last night and I should’ve told him to leave-- but I didn’t,” Tears stung your eyes as you spoke.

“And now the universe is severely punishing me for it,” You threw your hands up. “I should’ve known not to fly close to the sun-- I got burned,”

“And then some,” Mari looked at you sadly. “Well, obviously you can’t see him again,”

“Obviously,” You sighed, doing your best to keep a brave face. “Can you...Would you go downstairs and open for me? I need a minute,”

“Absolutely babe, you take as long as you need,” Mari nodded and gave you a hug as she left and closed the door behind her.

As soon as she was gone, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You collapsed onto the bed in sobs; pathetic, loud, carnal sobs.

How could it end like this?

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafa #rafael #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #my fairy abogado #angst #warning

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sandstonesunspear · 6 years ago

Text

Familia

Summary: In which Maggie is a combination of me and my mother and gets to do all the things that we didn’t.

Thanks to @avidreaderffn for checking my Spanish bc I’m rusty, @bathtimefunduck for talking some sense into me, and @syllabicacronyms and @georgiew2304 for doing an initial read.

AO3

The call came on a Monday. Maggie was at work, arms deep in paperwork and open cases when her phone went off.

“Detective Sawyer,” she said, pen still scratching away on her latest evidence report.

“Margarita?”

Maggie blinked. “Tía?” She and her aunt called each other on the regular, but never while Maggie was at work. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s your mother.” There was a heavy sigh on the other end that made her stomach drop. “She’s asking for you.”

“For me? Why?” Maggie hadn’t spoken to her mother in years. Not since...not since that ill-fated Valentine’s day that ended with Oscar Rodas kicking his only daughter out of the house. Her mother had said nothing, done nothing, as her husband shouted at their daughter to pack a single suitcase and get out.

“She’s not doing well.”

Maggie got up. She ignored the curious look her partner shot her way and made her way to the precinct locker room.

“What do you mean she’s not doing well?” she demanded.

“She’s in stage IV kidney failure, Maggie. The doctors are doing transfusions—”

“Why not dialysis?

“Mija.” Her aunt’s voice was gentle, like it had been the night she picked Maggie up off the side of the road all those years ago. “They can’t. In her condition, it’s just not feasible anymore. She needs you here now.”

“I…” A part of her wanted to say no. Why should she go and be there for her mother when her mother hadn’t been there for her?

“Maggie.”

Maggie sighed. “Tía, can I call you back? I just, I need a bit.” She needed a bit and more.

“Okay. Just, let me know soon, all right, mija?”

“Of course.”

Maggie hung up before her aunt could say anything else. She put her head in her hands. The universe had a sick sense of humour, she decided. She had waited for years to get a call regarding her mother and now she had. Only it wasn’t the kind of call she wanted.

She pulled up her texts.

Hypo lifespan S4 kidney fail w/o dialysis/transplant, she texted Alex.

She watched the little grey bubble pop up. Then, V short. Days most likely. Why?

Adrian asked, she lied. School project or something.

Her phone buzzed to reveal a thumbs up emoji pop up on screen. It made her lips twitch into a small smile. Her wife was such a dork sometimes.

She set her phone aside and closed her eyes.

Fact: her mother had done nothing to stop her father from kicking her out of the house all those years ago.

Fact: her mother was now dying and needed her there. Now.

Maggie could say no. She could refuse to go back and instead resolve herself to staying in National City while her mother died alone by claiming to have the moral high ground. No one would blame her. No one but Maggie herself. At the end of the day, she knew that there was no moral high ground for something like this and saying no certainly wouldn’t place her on one. Saying no wouldn’t make a statement, it would just make her the daughter who refused her dying mother’s last request. And that just wasn’t who she was.

Maggie’s phone buzzed. She glanced down to see a text from Lucy.

Your aunt called me.

Maggie wanted to be annoyed by that piece of information. But she knew her aunt was only trying to help.

I can get us all a flight for the first thing in the morning, if that’s ok w/ you.

Trust Lucy to be on top of everything when no one else was.

Please, Maggie typed back.

Days. Her mother had days. She had to get there sooner rather than later. She just had to.

By the time Maggie got home, she felt like she had gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. Everything in her body was starting to ache and her head was pounding. She didn’t know if was from stress, the grief that was slowly starting to seep through, or some combination of both.

She found herself pulled into a hug almost as soon as the door shut behind her. She stiffened for half a second before melting into Lucy’s embrace. She pressed her face to Lucy’s shoulder and took a deep breath, savouring the hints of cinnamon, jasmine and rose that made up Lucy’s perfume. It was a welcome distraction from the throbbing migraine building just behind her eye.

After a few moments of just enjoying Lucy’s presence, Maggie pulled away. She looked around the apartment.

“Where’s Alex?” She asked.

“Grabbing dinner from that place on 32nd.” Lucy looked her over. “Are you okay?”

Yes. No. Maybe. Maggie didn't know.

She shrugged. “I guess. It just...I wasn’t expecting this.” She sighed. “I feel kinda guilty, to be honest.”

Lucy frowned. “Guilty? For what?”

Maggie shrugged again. “For…” She trailed off. “For feeling sad, for grieving. I don’t really have that right, you know?”

“Don’t have a…Mags, no, you absolutely have a right to feel the way that do right now,” Lucy said.

“I haven’t spoken to my mom in almost 20 years, Luce,” Maggie said. “We weren’t, aren’t, close.”

They had stopped being close the moment she walked through the door to find her father ranting about how he wouldn’t have a child living in sin under his roof.

Lucy brushed a thumb against Maggie’s cheek. The touch was gentle, but Maggie was still so overwhelmed by everything that it made her flinch ever so slightly.

“She was still your family, Maggie. Just because you and her haven’t spoken doesn’t mean that she stopped being your mom.”

Maggie bit her lip.

Lucy sighed. “People arguing over who had the ‘right’ to mourn my mom tore my family apart for years,” she said. “You’re allowed to grieve over what was and what could have been.”

“There’s no use in wondering about what might’ve been Lucy,” Maggie tried, only to fall silent at the look Lucy gave her.

“For something like this, there is.”

Before Maggie could say anything to that, the door opened behind them. Both of them turned to see Alex stumbling through the doorway with multiple bags of takeaway in hand. Those bags were carefully placed on the ground as soon as she caught sight of her lovers.

Maggie let Alex pull her into a hug. She pressed her face against Alex’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

“I don’t…” Know what to do. How to react. How I’m supposed to feel.

She felt Alex press her lips against her air just as Lucy came up from behind to join in the hug.

“We’re right here,” she heard Alex murmur into her hair. “We’ve got you.”

Maggie clenched Alex’s top. She couldn’t stop the sob that rose to her throat. She pressed her face even harder against Alex’s shoulder and started to cry.

The bags of takeaway were forgotten as the Alex and Lucy worked to comfort Maggie.

Maggie couldn’t stop her leg from bouncing during the drive to the hospital. The three hour flight to Omaha had done little to lessen her nerves.

There was a yelp from up front as Alex cut off another driver and floored it.

And Alex driving was certainly doing little to help that either.

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you too buddy!” Alex groused, flipping the bird at the horn blaring behind them.

“God, this is almost worse than Kandahar,” Maggie heard Lucy mutter up front. She didn’t miss the death grip Lucy had on the overhead handle.

“Your wife is certainly a...spirited driver,” her aunt said quietly.

For the first time in days, Maggie’s lips twitched into something resembling a smile. “There’s a reason Lucy turned so white when Alex offered to drive, tía.”

“I just thought that was a gringa thing.”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “Lucy’s only half gringa, tía.”

“Still a gringa.”

“Tía.”

“I’m joking mija,” her aunt said. Her grip tightened suddenly as Alex sped the car up even further. “Does your wife realise that it’s a two hour drive from the airport to Blue Springs?”

Maggie caught Alex’s glance through the rearview mirror. She smiled. She knew what Alex was trying to do.

“Something tells me that she knows, but she doesn’t really care what the GPS says.”

Alex pulled into a parking spot with a neatness that clashed with the recklessness of the overall drive itself.

“We’re here!” She announced.

There was a brief moment of stunned silence that was broken by Lucy throwing the car door open. Maggie winced at the sound of their girlfriend retching her guts out. She shook her head and followed Lucy out of the car, leaving her aunt alone with Alex.

She found Lucy behind the car with a hand braced against the trunk. She rubbed Lucy’s back as she coughed.

“When we get back to National City,” Lucy wheezed. “Remind me to look up whoever did Alex’s driving test and sue them for daring to give her a license.”

Maggie chuckled and kissed the side of her head. “Yes, dear.”

“Hey, my driving’s not that bad,” Alex said, coming up behind the both of them. “I got us here, didn’t I?”

Maggie and Lucy exchanged looks. Alex’s driving had gotten them to the hospital and under two hours to boot, but Maggie wasn’t too keen on repeating the whole experience. From Lucy’s grimace, Maggie was willing to bet that Lucy shared her sentiments.

“I’m driving back,” was all Lucy said in a tone that refused to be argued against.

Alex huffed.

Maggie turned to her attention away from her lovers to eye the hospital. It had always been an imposing building in her youth. Now, knowing what she would likely face inside, it was even more so.

Lucy’s hand slipped into hers. Alex’s joined it in the opposite hand a moment later.

“We’re right here, Mags.”

Maggie let out a shaky breath. “Right.”

She held both Alex and Lucy’s hands in a deathgrip as the three of them plus her aunt made their way inside.

The woman in the bed was so different from the woman in her memories. Maggie remembered a woman with perfectly coiffed hair, a regal air, a bit of Mexican snark peppering words every so often.

The woman in the bed had none of that. She was a mess of tubes and wires. The oxygen mask on her face fogged with shallow breaths. It made Maggie want to cry. She settled for swallowing back the lump in her throat instead.

“We’ll leave you alone for a bit,” Alex whispered.

Maggie panicked. “You’re leaving?!”

“Shh…” Alex soothed. “I’m staying, I’ll just be out here in the hall.”

“And Lucy?” Maggie looked to their girlfriend.

“I’m headed to the funeral home,” Lucy said.

“Luce--”

Lucy shook her head. “You need to focus on your mom right now, Maggie,” she said. “If I go and start the arrangements now, it’s one less thing for you to worry about.”

It took Maggie a moment to realise that they were playing to their strengths. Lucy’s legal and administrative knowledge were useless in a medical setting while Alex’s medical background could do nothing for her when attempting to make funeral arrangements.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Trust Lucy to be the logical one when her lovers felt like the world was crashing down around them.

Lucy kissed her cheek. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

She walked off with Maggie’s aunt in tow, leaving Maggie and Alex standing alone in the hallway.

Maggie took a deep breath. “Is she gonna know I’m in the room with her?” she asked quietly.

Alex nodded. “Yeah. I checked her chart, she’s still aware and…mostly there,” she finished awkwardly.

“Mostly.”

“She’ll know it’s you, Mags,” Alex said.

Maggie said nothing. She walked into the room and took a seat next to her mother’s bedside. She carefully took an IV-laden hand in hers.

“Mami?” she whispered.

To her relief, her mother’s eyes fluttered open. They were foggy from a combination of pain and the various drugs being administered.

A hiss of the oxygen mask. “Margarita?”

Her voice was so weak, it broke Maggie’s heart. She never thought her mother could ever sound like that.

“Yeah mami, it’s me,” she said. “Estoy aquí.”

“Lupita?”

Maggie knew what her mother was asking. “Ella está con mi, mi amiga.” A part of Maggie hated herself for hiding. “Ella dijo que necesito un abogado y mi amiga es una abogado.”

That part wasn’t a complete lie. Lucy was a lawyer.

“Claro.” Maggie noticed her mother’s eyes drift to the doorway. She followed her line of sight to see Alex.

“Y ella? Quién es ella?”

Maggie swallowed. She absently rubbed her wedding ring. “Ella es mi compañera,” she eventually said.

“Compañera como una amiga o…como una esposa?”

Esposa. Wife. The word came so easily from her mother’s lips that at first, Maggie thought she had misheard her. The expectant look her mother aimed her way, though, made it clear that she hadn’t.

She licked her lips. “Um, como una esposa,” she admitted. “Ella es mi esposa. Se llama Alex.”

Maggie felt her heart start to pound against her ribs as soon as the words left her lips. What if her mother said something rude about Alex? What if what her mother said was an echo of what Oscar Rodas had screamed at her all those years ago on a Valentine’s Day night? What if what if what if--

A movement of a thumb across the back of her hand snapped Maggie from her internal panic. She glanced at her mother’s face. There was no judgement, only eyes that were clearing with curiosity.

Maggie saw her mouth open with a question, but before it could be asked, the squeak of rubber against linoleum caught the attention of both of them. Maggie looked over to see a man in a white coat walk in. He wasn’t Dr. Karkouli.

“Who are you?” she asked.

He didn’t look up from the chart in his hands. “Jason Hendrix, haematologist on this case,” he said. “And you are?”

“The daughter.” Maggie couldn’t keep the clipped tone out of her voice.

Hendrix nodded. “Right, so are you aware that your mother here has myelodysplastic anemia?”

Yes, she knew. Her aunt had given her the entire run down on the way to the hospital. Her mother on the other hand…

“Myelo…que es esto, Margarita?” her mother asked.

Maggie’s jaw tightened. “Nothing, mami.”

Her tía had specifically asked her sister’s care team to not tell her about her condition. Sometimes, ignorance was bliss and sometimes, it could make the difference that gave a patient days instead of hours.

Hendrix continued like he hadn’t heard Maggie. From the way his face was still buried in the chart, she knew it was likely.

“It’s a type of blood cancer--”

Maggie had heard enough. “All right, you’re done!” she snapped.

Before he could say another word, she shoved him out of the room. Blood pounded in her ears. She didn’t stop moving him until his back slammed into the wall.

Maggie wanted to rail against the haematologist, wanted to scream at him, wanted to strangle him and punt him through a wall. Her tía had made one request and this, this pendejo hadn’t followed it.

Alex stepped forward. “Who the fuck taught you your bedside manner?” she demanded. “I want the name of your supervising physician right now because you are no longer on this case.”

Hendrix sputtered. “That’s not your call to make Miss—”

Maggie took a sick satisfaction at the startled yelp he let out the second Alex’s hand fisted his scrub top and dragged him close.

“It’s Doctor,” Alex all but snarled. Her voice was like ice. “Doctor Danvers, and it absolutely is my call because my wife and her family requested that you not inform the patient of her condition, a simple, reasonable request given her status, and you elected to ignore it.”

“I, I…”

“That’s enough, Hendrix,” a voice interrupted.

Maggie looked past the rapidly paling haematologist to see the Dr. Karkouli coming up. He had a deep frown etched into his face that wasn’t aimed at Alex, but rather the hapless man in her grip. It told her that he had heard everything.

“Doctor Danvers, if you could please release my colleague.”

Alex did just that.

Hendrix turned to Karkouli. “Doctor Karkouli, this…”

“I said that’s enough.” Karkouli’s voice was equally as icy as Alex’s. “You’ve done enough. As of this moment, you’re off this case. We will discuss your bedside manner or rather lack thereof later.”

Maggie almost wanted Hendrix to protest further, to say something and so that he would get ripped to shreds. But the rest of her just wanted him to shut up. Karkouli was right, Hendrix had done enough. If he opened his mouth again, she was liable to punch him before either Karkouli or Alex could cut him down.

She watched his mouth open, only to click shut.

“Yes, Doctor,” he said, shooting Alex a dark look. He flinched at the one she returned him. He promptly turned on his heel and stalked off.

Karkouli sighed. “Doctor Danvers, Maggie, I apologise on behalf of my colleague,” he said. “He will be disciplined.”

“Good,” Maggie grumbled. “Now, my mom. I know she’s not in the best place right now, but what he said, it’s not gonna…”

She trailed off when she noticed Karkouli’s smile turn sad.

“I’m afraid that your mother’s condition was already extremely fragile. With what Hendrix said, there’s a very good chance that her condition will worsen.”

“Can’t you go in there and tell her that he was wrong? That he read the wrong chart or something or—” Maggie couldn’t stop the pleading note her voice took.

“Maggie,” Alex interrupted gently. “It doesn’t work that way, babe.”

Maggie bit her lip. Whoever came up with the phrase, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me was a fucking liar.

She took a deep breath. “Can I go in and talk to my mom?” she asked. “Maybe she didn’t believe him, maybe…”

Karkouli tipped his head. “Of course. While you’re in there, there are a few things I’d like to discuss with your wife, physician to physician, provided I have your permission.”

“Go ahead. She’ll probably understand it all better than I can,” Maggie said. She gave Alex a weak smile before stepping into her mother’s room, leaving the two to talk.

If she thought her mother had looked weak when she had arrived just hours earlier, it was nothing compared to the woman she saw now. It was obvious that the information Hendrix had revealed had had an effect on her mother.

Maggie sat in the chair next to the bed and took her mother’s hand in hers. “Hey, mami,” she whispered.

“Margarita…” It came out as a wheeze.

“Yeah, I’m right here, mami,” she said.

A heavy breath. “Tengo cosas que necesito decirte porque el haematologist dijo…”

No. She wasn’t going to do this. Not now.

“Mami, está bien,” Maggie tried to reassure her. “Él se equivocó. Puedes ganarle a esto, yo sé que puedes. Todo lo que tienes…”

She felt like a child again, pleading for her parents to fix the world’s latest evil because she thought they could do anything. Maria Rodas had certainly seemed the person who could fix anything, right any wrong, fight the hardest of fights and come up on top.

“Margarita.” Despite the overall weakness in her mother’s tone, there was still enough sharpness to make Maggie’s jaw click shut. “Suficiente. No puedo y no quiero.”

The exhaustion in her voice made Maggie stop cold. Everything finally clicked into place.

Tu mamá dijo que ella nunca iba a volver a su casa, her aunt had told her quietly on the way to the hospital. Maggie hadn’t wanted to believe it. Her mother was such a strong woman. To think that she was resigned to never returning home, to dying elsewhere, it just didn’t compute.

But now it did. Her mother was tired. Her kidneys were failing. Her liver was nothing more than a scarred hunk of flesh. And now she knew she had a cancer they couldn’t treat because her body was just too far gone.

It wasn’t fair. Maria Rodas was a strong woman. She deserved more than this, deserved a better death than this. She should have been at home with years ahead of her. But the universe had already decided she would get none of that. She was in a hospital bed with hours ahead of her and she was going to die here.

“Okay.” Maggie let out a shaky breath. “Okay, mami. No tienes que pelear.” She reached up and brushed her fingers against her mother’s curls. She ignored the way her heart cracked at the sight of her mother’s eyes fluttering shut at the gentle touch.

“Estoy muy cansada, Margarita…”

“Sí mamí, yo sé.”

“Tu esposa.” Maggie felt her heart leap once more at the word. Esposa. “La mujer de antes, la pelirroja, ella te hace feliz?”

“Sí, mami.” Both Lucy and Alex made her feel happier than she ever thought she could be. Not that she would tell her mother that, even with the woman on her deathbed.

A small, weak nod. “Bueno.” Her head lolled back against the pillow. “Te amo, mijita. Siempre.”

Maggie bit back a sob. She hadn’t heard those words from her mother in years. Hearing them now felt like a gut punch, a reminder of everything that still needed to be said but would likely stay unsaid.

“Te amo también.” Maggie didn’t miss the way her mother’s lips twitched upwards into something that resembled a faint, pleased smile just before her eyes slipped shut. There was a soft breath, then an almost inaudible groan. Her hand slackened in Maggie’s grip.

“Mami?” She tightened her grip on her mother’s hand, as if trying to provoke a response.

Nothing.

Maggie let out a shuddering breath. This time, she couldn’t stop the sob from coming through. She stood and pressed her forehead against her mother’s as she started to cry.

Te amo. Te amo. Vuelve por favor. Tengo cosas que necesito decirte. Quiero decirte más sobre mi esposa y nuestra novia. Quiero decirte sobre mi vida y más. Vuelve por favor. Por favor.

The door hissed open behind her. A hand gently placed itself on her shoulder.

“Maggie, sweetheart.” Alex’s voice was soft. “C’mere.”

She let herself be pulled into Alex’s arms. She tucked her face into her wife’s shoulder to try and muffle the sound of her tears. She felt Alex start to rub small circles on her upper back. The gentle motion made her cry even harder.

#maggie sawyer #supergirl #my writing #director sanvers

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just-a-catcher-in-the-rye · 5 years ago

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First Day of School

I want to stay honest in this blog, and that means telling the good along with the bad. Two days ago I started to feel homesick. The sadness is something that comes and goes. My language skills have gotten a lot better though. I have dealt with the homesickness really well. I haven’t been staying in my room and becoming anti-social or given up on learning Portuguese. The sadness is actually encouraging me because a lot of the homesickness is actually about loneliness and not being able to communicate my feelings and learning Portuguese is the only way I know how to fix it. I have also been making an effort to find my support system. I have two people locally that I feel able to talk to. One is my older cousin, but she is family so I feel that I can’t share some things with her. My other person is a friend, but he’s about to go on exchange in the United States so I only have him locally until 8 August. There is another outbound to Brazil that I feel comfortable talking to. I also just started talking to a German girl that will be in my district, and I think that we’ll hopefully be able to lean on each other. The last person is somebody who I never imagined being in my support system. He is finishing his own exchange year in the United States and then will go back to Sao Paulo. I think soon I’ll have more people to trust with my emotions because I had my first day of school today and made LOTS of friends.

When I was walking to my classroom I felt like I was going to throw up because I was super nervous. It was super awkward at first because a bunch of people in the class were talking about me but not to me. I was talking to my sister and her friend, and I kept hearing my name in hushed tones. Then my sister pointed out that they were talking about us. Throughout the day some people looked at me a lot which I understand because I’m American, and people in Brazil are super interested with the United States. During the first class the teacher starts talking to me in the middle of the lesson (in English thank goodness). That’s when God was like JK. You’re not actually you here, and suddenly gave me confidence. I was funny and made people laugh, and it was because I meant to and not because I’m a gringa. Then my teacher asked me what I thought about Trump in front of everyone. I’m not supposed to give my opinion on politics as a Rotary exchange student so I just say hmmm… and look at him like “you should probably just move on because that’s all you’re getting out of me.” He moved on and the awkward moment was over. Overall my school day was amazing, but now I’m super tired, and I need to nap.

I had my second day of school and it was good, but that same teacher asked me about Trump again in front of the class. I didn’t reply again, but tomorrow I’m going to say (in Portuguese) “depends who you ask” and if he says something like “but what do you think” I am going to say “I think that it’s not a good idea to talk about politics in a country I’ve only been in for 11 days.”

*Side notes

I feel bad because I don’t hang out with my sister at school. We are just very different, and we have different goals for ourselves right now. Before I went to school my worry was that she would abandon me for friends, but now my worry is that she may feel abandoned. Which I would understand, but it’s hard because she doesn’t hang out with many people and I found my group.

I think that the group I’m hanging out with is the popular people. It feels weird to me, but it’s nice.

There is a saying that “if there are two or more Brazilians in a room then it’s a party.” I am happy to confirm that this is true.

Circles just kinda form around me in school. My first experience was on my first day when I was in PE class I was standing and talking with a few people, and then more and more people came to talk. While we were talking I backed up and realized that there were people behind me also. That’s when I realized that I was the only person in the center of a circle of my peers. They had literally made a circle around me! It was super strange for me.

My Netflix changed once I got to Brazil. It now has different options for what to watch, and everything has a Brazilian Portuguese option. Super helpful for learning a language.

Two of my friends said that they were going to make me all kinds of pastels for me. Pastels are my favorite food so far. There is something called pastel de chocolate that is very similar to the chocolate turnovers that Arby's used to have.

My Portuguese is progressing much faster than I thought it would.

My Rotary had a stand set up outside a supermarket and gave free tests for Hepatitis C

Picnic at the park with my host sister and our cousins

My friend, my host sister, and me

My town has a vegan restaurant! There are also no chain food places in Joaçaba.

Exchange student meme

Present from my host sister (she just went on exchange in Taiwan for a year)

Where I think I'm at in the exchange journey.

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chimsuga · 6 years ago

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Untitled Intro

I had this stuck in my head at work today so I decided to write out the set up kinda. Let me know if you think this is worth continuing (and how if you have any ideas or any ships you think goes)

Matthew Holt had gone missing. it was big news in their city since the Holts were one of three families that started the Garrison corporation.

Now, Matt along with his sister Pidge had a squad with the children of the other families. Hunk, Shiro, and they were as thick as thieves, and after Keith was adopted into Shiro’s family, they hardly remembered a time that Keith wasn’t part of the fam.

Now, that Matt had gone missing they didn’t know what to do, their parents kept telling them to let the authorities handle it but it had been over two weeks that he had gone missing, so now efforts were made to recover the body.

Although, Pidge knew their heart that Matt was alive, and refused to accept the search for his body. That was when they decided that it was time to for them to take matters into their own hands.

Pidge had managed to hack into Matt’s phone to see that he was meeting someone under the name Marco a couple of days before he disappeared. Pidge didn’t know who this person was, considering their small friend circle they were surprised to find someone else their brother was talking to.

A few weeks later, Pidge had managed to convince Hunk, Shiro, and Keith to go to a random person’s house to whom they believed was this Marco. (Pidge had begun a correspondence with Marco finding out that he was a low-level drug dealer to which worried Pidge to no end.)

They drove into the shady part of town, to turn into a driveway with a white gate. (they came in a G Wagon, which in hindsight was probably a mistake).

“Are you sure he’s expecting us?” Hunk asked in a scared tone. Until a boy knocked on Hunk’s window, to which he jumped up and screamed.

Shiro rolled down the window (“SHIRO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING”)

“Can I help you?” the tan blue eyed boy asked. Pidge leaned over a terrified Hunk, “yeah, we’re looking for Marco???”

“ah,” the boy sighed, “I’ll go get him”

A few moments later the gate was pushed open by the boy and they were waved in. They parked inside their concrete backyard. (“alright, guys, we stick together” “okay dad” “stop calling me that!”)

The crew was greeted by an older version of the boy that greeted them before, they assumed he was Marco. Although, the boy was sitting on the short stairway into the backdoor of the house.

“Pidge, right? What can I do you for?” He smiled, charmingly. “I’m looking for my brother, Matthew Holt.”

“the rich kid from the Garrison? What the hell was I supposed to know about that guy?”

“Well, you met up with him a few days before his disappearance.”

“Listen, all I do is sell drugs to the prissy rich kids from the private schools on the other side of the track. I don’t know much about this Matt guy other than what I read in the paper, now either you buy my shit or get out.” Marco threatened.

(Keith couldn’t help but notice the intenseness in the other boy's eyes as he stared at the group.)

“You’re lying!” “Pidge, I think its time to go…” “NO! He knows something about my brother, and he is GOING to tell me!”

Pidge surprised everyone when they pulled out a gun on Marco, to which he raised his hands (seemingly mockingly). (“Pidge, what the fuck?!” “Where did you even get that?” “oh, no…” )

“You're holding it wrong.” A voice spoke up, they all turned to look at the boy on the steps.

“Lance—“

“You shouldn’t put your finger on the trigger, until your ready shoot. And prolly wanna take the safety off if you actually intend to shoot my brother.”

“Should you really be helping me?” Pidge asked condescendingly.

“Hmm…prolly not…” “Lance, que estas deciendo a esta gringa loca?”(what are you saying to this crazy white girl?) “But I also know that you won’t shoot him, even if you did you’d miss with the way your shaking like a leaf and…” Lance paused, before pulling out his own gun and pointing straight at Pidge. “I’d kill you and your friends before you even had the chance.”

“I’d drop it now, if I were you, slowly and kick it over.” Lance said. Pidge did as she was told. Lance sighed as he rose from the steps, still aiming the gun at them, walking over and picking up the gun and giving it to his brother.

“Now that we have that mess squared away. Tell me what you know and I’ll tell you what I know.” Lance finally stopped aiming the gun at them.

“Why should we trust you? You just threatened to kill us!” Keith spoke up.

“Because I just might be able to help you find Matthew Holt. I’m willing to do what the police doesn’t.” Lance grinned with unknown knowledge, “Besides, this just got way more interesting.”

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pisati · 6 years ago

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I did write some comments on your post, but that was an initial reaction after one read-through, and of course it was a lot to take in. I went to my guitar lesson, ate a little bit, dicked around for a bit, and read it through again. what’s on my mind is too much for character-limited replies so I figured I’d just write a post.

if you’re serious that the amount of stuff you told me is maybe 10% of all the things her parents did, then... holy shit, dude. it’s hard to imagine anyone growing up with that and not being completely brainwashed. I feel for her daughter too. hopefully once she gets her degree and gets a job she can get away from that bullshit. most people, I think, are reasonably paranoid about the possible threats that come from strangers on the internet, but that’s just extreme. the scottish mafia??? is that even a thing?? I’ve never even. heard of that, lmao. jesus.

I want to say when the internet was in its infancy, a lot of scammers saw it as an opportunity. that’s where the whole Nigerian prince thing and all that came about. first rule of the internet was not to trust anyone. no personal information, to anyone, ever. the thing is, the internet has changed drastically since then. social media has revolutionized the way everyday people use the internet, and very, very many everyday people use it. the chances you’re likely to run into a normal person just like yourself vs. a scam artist today are much, much higher than they were even a decade ago. some people don’t want to accept that things have changed. I mentioned my Brazilian friends on your post; my mom was pretty nervous at first when I told her about them. I met them just before I graduated high school, so I was 17. I actually was on Omegle (which was WAY worse than tumblr or twitter???) and I talked to a kid named Matia. he was a few years younger than me but his english was very good and he was a cool kid. we followed each other on twitter, and then his friends saw and a bunch of them followed me, asking him “quem é essa gringa matia??”-- who’s this foreign girl? they’d talk to me in english about music and ask me what it was like in the US; they were fascinated. they affectionately nicknamed me ‘gringa’; in Brazil it doesn’t have the same negative connotations as it can in Spanish-speaking countries; it literally means ‘foreginer’. I learned Portuguese inadvertently just from reading all the tweets they posted. they’d mess with me and tweet in slang and typo-ed Portuguese so I couldn’t google translate it, but when I learned enough Portuguese and read back on their old tweets, I had a good laugh because it was all stuff like “lol let’s mess with her so she can’t translate it, that’ll be so funny!” and they knew I’d get all frustrated because I didn’t know what it said, lol. like, just pure, innocent interactions between strangers on the internet. I had a ton of fun with it. and Portuguese even ended up being my best language, because I learned it not only in natural, informal contexts (rather than “hello, how are you?”), but I learned it through drunken slang and intentional typos and a whole assload of cursing, lmao.

I was nervous to tell my mom about it; I knew how she’d react. there was no way to tell her about all the jokes and conversations and how all of it was harmless. how I just knew they were real people like me (they were all around my age too). she didn’t want me to study abroad there, when I brought it up, or at least... if I did, she’d rather I’d have picked somewhere in Europe instead. I told her I’d skyped with my friend David, and once I even mailed him a package with an old shirt of mine (because I’d tweeted about how I had this IUP shirt and once I transferred I knew I wasn’t gonna wear it anymore, but I didn’t want to donate it; he said he wanted it and I was like well if you’re serious lol). I skyped another friend Guilherme once because he said he could help with an assignment I had for researching the grammar of non-native speakers of english, or something like that. she warmed up after a while. I think she realized that, hey, most normal people are also on the internet now. and there’s normal people in other countries, lol. but like. people in that generation are from a different era of information-sharing. it’s a totally different perspective. and if you’re the kind of person who worries entirely too much... well, you’ve seen what can happen.

you said it in your other post too (which, first of all, I’m really proud of you for opening up, as painful as I’m sure all this is, and second of all, I’m honored that you’re comfortable enough to share with me)... the thing about sounding ‘weak’ and ‘pathetic’. and... maybe it does feel like that. but given the circumstances? I think reacting like that is perfectly normal. I’m sure you know, but this kind of situation, all the things that happened... none of that is normal. you had a perfectly normal reaction to seriously abnormal events. it’s only natural to want to know why. when you love someone so much and think they love you too, and have your whole perception of the world turned on its head... it’s absolutely devastating. you don’t want to let it go. what else is there? you didn’t picture it vanishing so suddenly, and you feel like that’s it.

I just want you to know, I don’t see weak or pathetic. I see someone very much like myself. who genuinely cares and feels so intensely and deeply and is sometimes even afraid of being too much. a lot of people don’t understand that we have pure intentions. they don’t understand how we feel because they don’t have that depth.

anyway, I understand a little better how you feel about it. a lot of it wasn’t her fault; she pretty much had a gun to her head. or, multiple, depending how you want to look at it. she grew up with that bullshit. you said it wasn’t even the first time something like that happened to her. it’s really, really hard to defend yourself or stand up for yourself when that’s what you know. when that’s your family, who is supporting you and your daughter, and threatens to kick you out if you follow your own will. she was playing a losing game. it made me a little sad to read how hard you tried to make it work, when clearly you were being pushed away, but I understand, man. I’ve done the same thing. you want so badly to make it work, you feel like there’s always a way you can. the most devastating part of it all is realizing you can’t. and it can’t be fixed.

the thing that puzzles me, though, and please tell me if I cross a line here. I really don’t want to. I respect your feelings and I understand that your relationship with her lasted a long time; there’s so much packed into that time. I’ve told you a lot of the shitty parts of my relationship with A, and you’ve wondered why I didn’t kick him to the curb; I didn’t tell you about all the good parts there were too. I know how complicated and difficult those things can be. despite how much they hurt you, how they did it, how much more pain you were in because of what they did than anything you could ever do to them... you still care about them. a lot.

I just... I guess I’m not 100% clear on the purpose she serves in your life at this point. of course you care about her. it’s only natural to, when they’re your best friend. you know so much about them and they know so much about you and you’ve shared so many good things and you just enjoy them as a person. god, I even remember writing some sappy poem or blog post or something about how, even after everything, A could have stabbed me in the gut and I would have apologized for getting my blood on him. but he also did more damage to me than anyone ever has. I realized this past summer (that’s a story for another time) with such sudden, horrible clarity that I burst out sobbing while I was driving home on the highway; what he did was irredeemable. there was nothing he could do to fix it. I had done everything I knew how to do to even stay his friend, and I finally told myself that it was either I continue to pursue this and make myself miserable and make him miserable (because he was allowed to have feelings for whoever he wanted; me getting upset over every new one would hurt him too), or I could just. let go. finally. and that was not a decision I ever wanted to face. I put it off for so long. I told myself there could always be a way to fix it. but it always came down to him putting in the effort. he was my best friend. he knew me better than anyone. a lot of the things you said about M, I’ve said about A. I’ve never been able to be that close to anyone before; he’d seen much more of me than I was comfortable showing anyone else. I didn’t know if I’d be able to be that close to anyone else. making the decision to let go of the one person I was that close to was the hardest thing I had to do this past year, right up there with having to talk to the team from the cremation place not 15 minutes after learning my dad was dead and watching them take him away in a body bag.

anyway, I guess what I’m getting at is... you can still love her, and still care deeply about her, but also keep her in the past. this is just my conjecture, given that I don’t know anything about your relationship now, but it seems to me like trying to keep her in your life is not beneficial to either of you. I know you said you don’t keep people around based on the purpose they serve in your life, and that’s a good philosophy to have, for sure. I’m not arguing that at all. but I think there’s a lesson to take from Marie Kondo here (ha); when something has served its purpose in your life, you should understand when it’s time to let it go. thank it for all it brought to you, all it did for you, of course; there’s apparently a lot of Shinto traditional beliefs that influenced her organization philosophy that would be really interesting to read about. but anyway I don’t think it just applies to the physical clutter we all accumulate in our homes. we weigh ourselves down with all the things we keep. especially those that don’t ~spark joy~, lol. if she’s really as brisk with you as you say... do you think she would be bothered if you disappeared as well?

I know it’s never just that easy. I made that decision, and then later I learned that A had a whole clusterfuck of mental illnesses that he wasn’t even aware he had. it was bad. worse than he thought. but once he finally got into therapy and started journaling his moods, it became more obvious. he realized a lot of how he treated me came from that. when he told me, I felt just a tiny bit of my resolve crumble. how could I drop him like that, when he was clearly struggling and needed something stable? even just a good friend, who was patient and understanding, like I’ve always tried to be? I’m not the only friend he has, of course. he has plenty of people around. I don’t have to go back to trying so hard if I don’t want to, but I also felt like I couldn’t just abandon him. I realized it wasn’t entirely his fault. he still did what he did knowingly, he still knew how it hurt me, but it still wasn’t entirely his fault. I know you’ve seen that in M as well. it’s so complicated, I know.

I’m not trying to convince you of anything. maybe just trying to get you to think about it another way. you’ve got a lot of pain that you’ve buried and try your hardest not to deal with. I’ve done it too. get to it when we get to it, except we hope we never have to. but it makes healing so hard when we don’t address it and subsequently deal with it. I wonder if you think it’s possible to heal the way you hope to and also keep her in your life. I’m sure in some way it is, but I wonder how you picture that possible future. I’m still trying to work that out for myself, with my situation.

anyway, I really do appreciate you taking the time to help me understand your demons better. and... if it means anything, I don’t see you as broken. even if that’s how you feel. I mean, shit. all of that is enough to break anyone. I’ve never even been in a relationship, let alone had one that got to the marriage-talk, engagement-ring, wedding-dress, baby-name point. for someone that feels as intensely as we do, no less... I can only imagine. I see how the innocence, so to speak, was ripped from your hands. I understand how you feel changed by it. I see the darkness in you that I’ve seen in myself, but I see the light there too. you need to feel safe so that light has time to heal and grow again.

#and like sorry for talking about myself and my experiences so much LOL #just trying to use examples to illustrate my line of thinking

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