#-killed your entire planet and stabbed your parents when you were like 12. but he doesn’t remember who the fuck you are cause he was havin-

[strawberri-draws]

We call em the nightmare polycule for a reason <3 (the Main characters of me and friends game)

(dots = alternate timeline)

[sofisnow]

A perhaps too long review of Killing Eve 3x07

307 is a gorgeous episode. The stakes were high and Laura Neal delivered in a spectacular way. The episode has the sensations and pace that characterise the show giving all the characters the necessary amount of screentime. No scene felt unnecessary or empty.

I will start talking about Carolyn and Geraldine, because if I start talking about Villaneve now, lorde help me I will never get to these two, I am weak. Mother and daughter are two ends of a spectrum and as much as I want Geraldine to have a more interesting role, it is still interesting to see Carolyn having someone she considers a stranger live in her house and constantly needing attention, conversation. Something we never saw with Kenny, who seemed to understand his mother a little better. This time however, we were able to see Carolyn loosen up and smash everything up in frustration. I do wonder whether Geraldine is going to realise her mother shouldn’t have to change the person she is and rather try to find a different way to communicate with her. I am also glad Carolyn warned her about Konstantin and that he was indeed using her, I was dreading having to see them being physical my stomach was not going to cope with that.

This family drama brings me onto Irina. My sweet murder child. I wonder it must have been Konstantin’s ex-wife who brought her to the detention centre because at first I thought it was Konstantin and it wouldn´t make sense for him to expect getting her out of there. Seeing him being unable to deal with Irina, who’s completely unaware she has done anything wrong makes us wonder what it must have been like when Villanelle was younger and whether we will ever see any of that period, Konstantin´s parenting styles are something to talk about. Back in season 1 Irina and Villanelle were a hilarious duo, but we couldn’t have expected Irina to become someone other than the psycho-killer that she’s become. As I am still unsure what is going to be of Konstantin, I can´t really figure out whether we will see more of Irina in season 4. However, a part of me would like to see some scenes with Irina and Eve, as both of them are starting their ‘Dark!’ paths this season.

Now onto what we have all been waiting for. First of all, this episode has been hilarious, every comment, every facial expression by Jodie and Sandra has been on point. The showrunners really knew what they were doing making Camille Cottin the cretin, manipulative boss she is. Every scene with Villanelle turns your brain into mush and gives you a headache because you can’t stop looking right and left. I am starting to wonder how come the 12 haven’t killed Villanelle yet, they don’t seem to be losing their patience with the amount of jobs she has messed up. One thing we can see consistently through the episode is Villanelle’s well-known coping mechanism she now uses constantly. We rarely see the Villanelle we once knew and we can’t really blame her nobody gives her a break. Her boss telling her she’s a literal monster was blunt and Jodie’s facial expressions during that scene, the amount of pain and rage she displayed was completely heartbreaking. I loved the moment Hélena awkwardly hugged and Villanelle, fighting back the tears grabbed her arm. That moment of weakness we are really not used to seeing, immediately followed by sarcasm and flirtatious comments. Seeing Villanelle like that, especially after the end of 306 really awakens something in the people who care about her the most (that’s us, sorry Eve) and who just want to protect her. Both Hélena and Dasha pressing onto her wound, trying to bring her down and remind her she is weak and she has lost what she once had serves as a visual reminder of what has been going through her head this entire season. From the moment she learned she had a family to knowing they never loved her and that small part of her that hoped she had people who cared about her, Villanelle’s only focus has been her identity crisis. We were expecting a bit more of the cat and mouse game that had been going on for seasons, but we weren’t really expecting for the cat to be so broken that she forgot the mouse would be waiting for her to come back and that they would still be chasing the cat back.

Contrary to what we expected, the scene at the train station where a worried Villanelle sees Eve run after the train and wave back at her is the moment Villanelle remembers that Eve is still there and that Eve wants her, whoever she is. That train scene was beautiful. I cannot believe the twisted and visceral show gave us two psychos who’ve tried to kill each other waving and looking at each other longingly while one of them runs after the train the other one is in. who gave them the right to do that?

Now onto Eve. Oh, Eve. Eve is my favourite person on the planet. She is tired of working on the case on her own, knowing the people she is working with either don’t know enough, don’t understand or don’t want to risk enough. Eve has not been able to stop thinking about Villanelle since the minute she saw her, and as much as she wants revenge for what happened to Niko, she is done fooling herself into thinking she does not want her. It is not that he doesn’t care that people notice, but perhaps she doesn’t know what is happening. One of the reasons why I love her character so much is because she is so impulsive. She acts one way and immediately regrets doing that. She stabbed Villanelle and immediately said sorry. She broke the window in the bus stop and screamed after doing so. She threw the cake over the roof and instantly tried to grab it back. So perhaps she doesn’t know that she looks like a crazy person trying to find a serial killer but she is just going for it. Sandra Oh is a genius and the way she portrays Eve’s determination, her ruthlessness and bluntness is incredible. Eve doesn’t have a proper plan, but she is 100% sure Villanelle is the answer. Carolyn’s comment regarding how heroes don’t get the girl was a great foreshadow the rise of the villain we have been waiting for. Eve is not the hero some people might have thought she was in season 1 and with Villanelle being unable to kill, the possibilities of Eve taking the lead in the finale/season4 are really exciting.

I really just want to mention the way Eve pronounces Villanelle and the amount of times she has said her name this episode, and thank Laura neal for that. Another thing worth mentioning is the parallel of Eve saying she left a man to die to chase after a psychopath referring to Hugo and doing the exact same thing TWICE in one day. Three times if we count pushing the American guy out of the car as soon as she got the information she needed. I do wonder what Eve’s first full kill is going to be like, I was really hoping to see Dasha die and I wonder how she’s going to die next week, or even whether she will have a role in season 4. However, the lack of hesitation she displayed stepping on Dasha, staring at her in the eyes and smiling at the sounds of bones cracking. It was visceral and thrilling. What would have happened if she had not heard the sirens and more importantly, what will happen when there are no sirens and she gets so finish what she started?

I could probably talk about Eve’s scene with Dasha for five straight hours but this is already too long. Eve has had one hell of a week. She’s almost lost her ex-husband, who’s done with her for good. She’s travelled to Barcelona and back in a day to find Villanelle, She’s done with her co-workers telling her to stop looking for her, she’s jumped in a dumpster and travelled all across the country and back and she still hasn’t seen Villanelle. And suddenly, as she was giving up and heading back to London there she was. This is one of the softest Villaneve moments we’ve had. I am surprised they didn’t play Clairo or Shura. They weren’t scared or angry, they weren’t leaving each other. This was a surprised Villanelle saying hello to the only person she has left, saying sorry I missed you I didn’t know you were looking for me. This was a relieved Eve. Not angry or frustrated that she missed her by a few seconds, but calm and just happy to see Villanelle. She was saying sorry I missed you, I’ve missed you.

I will stop talking now, I just want to say that I really enjoyed this episode as I’m sure you did too. I can’t wait to read more theories and please tell me what you think is going to happen next episode. How soon are they going to meet after the phone call? Who is going to arrive to the ballroom first, Eve or Leanne?

[therealsubobscura]

Manhunt

Tonight I’m drinking Limoncello and watching Manhunt, so it’s entirely possible I won’t do this great episode justice- by getting trashed halfway through on high octane lemon syrup. I’d like to think that Leslie Nielson is looking on with approval tho.

~SO we start with a maximum security prison in Canada, which can’t be that great because this guy just basically drives right out.

~Buck! Frobisher is a beloved due South institution. This serious incarnation of him is pretty wonderful. Tho he’s known for Airplane and Naked Gun, Leslie started acting life in The Poseidon Adventure and Forbidden  Planet.

~I like how the War of 1812 was definitely the British until Canadians have an attack of their inferiority complex. 

~Frobisher’s daughter who we never hear from again. But evidence for Fraser liking blondes.

~Ray Vecchio’s silk shirt is life.

~Theft of a kitty is a verrah important violent crime, Louis.

~”He probably doesn’t know who to trust. It’s never an easy question.”

~This desk clerk has a pet pigeon. Must be a desk clerk thing.

~I like how Frobisher has some fire to him. “I’m Buck Frobisher you little pissant.” He reminds me, I think intentionally, of an older Ray Kowalski. Vecchio’s mostly a smoother operator, but RayK and Buck don’t mind if they piss you off. As in RayK was later modeled after Buck.

~Geiger killed like 8 cops. Stabbed Frobisher in the leg with a hunting knife, rather suicidally. whoops 12.

~”That was when your father and I thought we were immortal. Boy were we wrong.”

~This vendetta of Geiger’s is a bit...crazy?

~Them hopping on to the horses and then hailing a cab is the best.

~They’re not going to stay in the car Ray.

~This poor bartender is just trying to make a living okay?

~Buck pulls a Fraser better than Fraser does. That’s also the best.

~”Keep your bingo doppers where I can see them.” Also said by parents of toddlers. Ask me how I know.

~I think it sucks that desk pigeon man gets murdered.

~Fraser is not so great at pipe dueling. Which came out dirtier than I intended. Then gets stabbed in the leg.

~Fraser is not invincible. He just persists in thinking he is.

~I know this is a super serious scene, but Paul Gross spread eagle and acting doped up on painkillers is kind of guh.

~Lots of allusions to how being behind a desk is the worst ever...when Fraser is already stuck behind a desk. His consulate job is slow death.

~I love this wallet anecdote. I lost my father a few years ago, and this reminds me so much of how we sometimes get to know our parents better after they’re dead. And sometimes there are mysteries that will always stay mysteries because they’re not around to ask anymore. 

~Hahahahaha, hailing the cab again. 

~Fraser licks something again. Seriously, it really is gross.

~Thank you Ray Vecchio for being a voice of reason.

~Canoe in the sewer! With Mounties.

~This whole vendetta is still crazy.

~Honestly I think that stab wound was just a scratch with all this running and climbing and conoeing. 

~Fraser is still a BAMF at hand to hand. He finally remembers he’s stabbed though.

~I’m pretty sure they’ll have to kill Geiger by putting him a pool of molten metal. 

~Yes! Off on the horses! Because they’re Mounties!

I’m honestly not sure what the point of this was. Face up to insane cop killers to retain your honor? A friend in need is a friend indeed? But it had Buck, and the actor who played Geiger was suitably menacing, the humor is starting to come into its own. And spread-eagled slightly!whumped Fraser. I like it a lot. 

[bibliophileiz]

Things about Supernatural’s last episode

Isn’t it weird how every other b*cklemming episode, we’re like, “It’s not as bad as their last one.” Ringing endorsements all around.

In all honesty, it’s really not a bad episode. I did have to watch it twice to know wtf was going on with the Shidim because I found Asmodeus so hammy and uninteresting that I stopped listening during his dialogue though.

Spoilers under the cut:

Let’s start with Asmodeus: What a letdown after seven seasons of Crowley, who was interesting, sympathetic, clever (when not written by you-know-who), well-developed and played by an exceptional actor. I already said this once, but it would be just like these particular writers to screw up Crowley so much that Mark Sheppard quits and then replace him with Tropey McTroperson.

I rolled my eyes just at Asmodeus’ introduction – nice to know he has access to a smoke machine to make his entrance more dramatic. Remember when Cas made the roof rattle and the lights pop as he strode into the barn the first time we saw him? What about Rafael, who took down power in the eastern seaboard? What about Crowley, who kissed a dude then told the heroes he didn’t care for Lucifer and gave them the Colt. What about Billie, who sang a spiritual about death as she reaped souls?

Then Asmodeus turns out to be scarred, have an outrageous good ole boy Southern accent (that is fake as fuck – my job is to talk to Southerners, and none of them sound like that), wear a stupid white suit, and immediately choke to death a bunch of demons because the “hobbies” Ramiel referenced must have included watching Darth Vader’s scenes in Star Wars over and over. His dialogue is nothing I didn’t hear from Jafar the first time I saw Aladdin, and his evil plan is to become the manipulative adviser to the ruler of Hell. We just won villain stereotype bingo, and we’re only in the first scene of the episode.

It was also a letdown after Azazel, Ramiel, and Dagon … who by the way never shapeshifted. Weren’t they always in vessels? It wouldn’t be the first time this show has retrofitted its own mythology (*coughing all over the angels in Season 9*)

Do I just shrug it off and say these writers are terrible at writing villains and always have been? Not sure I can blame them entirely … if Asmodeus is going to become as big a deal this season as I think, there has to be more than just b*cklemming contributing to the character. It’s a bummer because if this was just a one-episode villain like Ramiel had been, I’d have found it hysterical. Yes, Jack, smite Big Daddy demon on your third day of existence, it’ll be hilarious! But I’m not sure I can take an entire season of this guy, especially if the only other big-time villain we get is Michael.

Speaking of Michael: Ok, if I’m going to get a showdown between the two most powerful archangels ever, I want it to be more than just … a fistfight. It needs to be at least as impressive as Castiel’s introduction in Season 4. I know the show’s special effects budget is limited, but how threatening are your villains really when Dean gets into more impressive brawls like every single episode? Let me see their wings! Let me see them try to smite each other! Let me hear them break glass and make stars go out!!

Jack is a muffin and I love him a lot: Jack was just as good in this episode as he was in the last one. I don’t know where they found Alexander Calvert but I think he was put on earth to play this role. In his first episode, he walks this fine balance between manacing and charmingly innocent. In this episode, the charming innocence is still there, but it’s slowly being clouded by this fear of his power and what it could do if he misuses it – even by accident, as we saw when he tried to free the Shidim. He’s kind of like Cas in that he wants to do the right thing and be heroic like Sam and Dean but isn’t really equipped with the decision-making skills he needs to know when he’s about to make things worse.

The scene between him and Sam in the alley is exceptional. Jared Padalecki nailed it. I loved Sam telling Jack he loved him – that’s not exactly what he said, obviously, but by equating himself with Jack’s parents with the “Your mom thought you were worth it and so did Cas and so do I” line, he basically says that. That’s why I’m much more on board with Sam becoming a parent figure for Jack than Dean. (Also because Dean always gets to be a father figure and Sam never does, but I digress.) It just goes to show b*cklemming can pull off good emotional scenes when they actually put in effort. I’m thinking specifically the two scenes in “All in the Family” when Dean is asking Chuck why he left and the scene right after when Lucifer tells Amara she may defeat God but she will never be him.  

The great Song of Solomon debate: So there’s a thing when you grow up in Sunday School where teachers tell you to open the Bible to the book of Psalms. It’s a big deal when you’re five, because it’s usually the first book in the Bible you can find on purpose – it’s right smack in the middle. But it’s close to Proverbs and Song of Solomon, so while you’re trying to find Pslams, you might first hit one of those other two. (You might also hit Ecclisiastes, but it’s like … two pages long, so probably not.)

All this is to just say I don’t think we should be reading too much into the fact Jack opened to Song of Solomon. Yes, it’s the sexy bit, but it’s also the bit little kids find when they just open the Bible to the middle, which is honestly how I took that scene. If you’re not flipping to a particular spot you’re just opening the Bible to look around like Jack was doing, you have a decent chance of landing on that book.

Also, when the camera pans back, it looks like he’s gone to the beginning to read Genesis.

I don’t know how to take the ending scene: There’s a scene in the first episode of Firefly that’s a lot like this one. If you’re not familiar with that show, it chronicles the adventures of a crew of space smugglers who are hiding fugitives on board their ship. In the scene, the captain, Mal Reynolds, tells one of the fugitives he can stay on board the ship and be their doctor. The fugitive, whose name is Simon, is skeptical because up until this point, Mal thought the fugitives were a danger to the rest of the crew (sound familiar?) and was either going to turn them over to the authorities or maroon them on a hostile planet. Simon asks Mal, “How do I know you won’t just kill me in my sleep?”

Mal says one of my favorite things ever said in a scene on TV: “You don’t know me, son, so I’m only going to say this once. If I ever kill you, you’ll know it, you’ll be facing me, and you’ll be armed.”

What Dean said to Jack kind of reminds me of that, even though the contexts of the two scenes are different. If you need killing, I’m going to make sure these are the circumstances in which it happens. It’s almost noble. There’s this understanding and respect both for killing and the person you’re killing. It’s kind of like Ned Stark says: “A leader who hides behind executioners soon forgets what death is.”

That said … Dean’s anger is misdirected in such a profound way I’m not sure we can put him in the same class as Mal Reynolds or Ned Stark, at least in this scene. He spends the entire episode going out of his way to find things wrong with Jack so that his promise comes across much more as a threat than a comfort to a kid who is terrified of his own abilities.

It also doesn’t help that it’s his response to a suicide attempt – if that’s how we’re supposed to take what Jack did. On the one hand, Jack’s already pulled an angel blade out of his chest, so he knows he’s reasonably immune to most if not all weapons, so he probably knows normal blades aren’t going to kill him. On the other hand, stabbing himself multiple times like that speaks to a desperation and hopelessness that I don’t think you’re going to find in curious experimentation.

I really do like Donatello: I find it amusing that at the end of Season 12, Andrew Dabb opens up this portal to another world, setting the stage to where beloved characters long dead might return, and everyone was like, “Eileen! Charlie! Bobby! Kevin!” and other assorted characters b*cklemming has killed. (I guess they didn’t kill Bobby, but you know what I mean.) And in their first episode, they’re like, “lol, we’re not bringing back Charlie or Eileen, we killed those mutherfuckers, but here, have Donatello.”

That said, Donatello might be like … my second favorite thing b*cklemming’s ever done. I think he’s kind of goofy and Keith Szarabajka does a great job playing him. I did get frustrated with the number of times he referenced being an atheist in his first episode (I’m watching it now and he says it at least four times.) He didn’t do that in this episode, which I was strangely disappointed by, if for no other reason than it made my “Take a shot every time Donatello references being an atheist” post kind of dumb.

Also, Keith Szarabajka did a better job playing Asmodeus than Jeffrey Vincent Parise, as did the actress playing the bartender, though that could just be because neither of them put on the atrocious accent.

Other things: Thing 1: The “make hell great again” joke was only marginally funny the first time and not funny at all the second time. I swear I saw the actor pause and mentally gear himself up to say it. Poor guy.

Thing 2: Donatello: “That’s not Donatello!” Asmodeus-disguised-as-Donatello: (pointing at Donatello) “No, that’s not Donatello!” Me: “That’s not good TV!” B*cklemming: (pointing at Robert Berens’ episodes) “No, that’s not good TV!”

Thing 3: Dean was so fucking hot it was distracting.

Thing 4: Dean got two good fight scenes in a row, between the fight with Miriam last week and the fight with the demon this week. Also, did anyone notice, he had his legs wrapped about the demon’s head and then the demon threw him on the bed? I’m just saying.

Thing 5: All that aside, Dean was a giant super bitch this episode, even to Sam.

Thing 6: “What would Mr. Rogers do?” Guys, I love Donatello even if he is the Jar Jar Binks of this series.

Thing 7: “What are you doing here?” “That’s the question we all must ask, isn’t it?” “What are you doing in Wyoming?”

Thing 8: Jack is so proud of himself for walking through the door. It’s like last week when he was pleased he understood prepositions well enough to explain to Clark that he was on a chair on the floor on the planet Earth.

[amazingviralinfo]

The film and TV industries go to extreme lengths to protect the details of their stories, from shoving NDAs up everyone's ass to literally locking scenes inside vaults. So it's hilarious when their biggest plot twists are revealed not by master hackers or corporate spies, but by random jackasses making off-the-cuff jokes. But how often could that happen? All the time, it turns out ...

WARNING: This is an article about plot twists. Expect some!

6

Fans Joke About Hodor, Spoil A Major Game Of Thrones Twist Years In Advance

There have been a lot of shocking twists throughout the course of Game Of Thrones; from the Red Wedding stabbings, to Jon Snow getting stabbed a bunch of times, to the stabbing of- You know what, they're mostly stabbings. One twist no one could have seen coming (because the books haven't even gotten to that part yet) had to do with Hodor, the loveable manservant who serves as young Bran Stark's personal piggyback service.

HBO Apparently, the people in Westeros are too busy sword-fighting and getting naked to invent the goddamn wheelchair.

But why is his name Hodor? Did he have annoying, Gwyneth Paltrow-esque celebrity parents? The answer is far more complicated. Basically, Bran's time-travelling melted poor Hodor's brain -- as his future self is being commanded to "hold the door" to block a horde of White Walkers, his past self starts muttering "Hold the door" over and over, eventually morphing into "Hodor" (a transition that caused headaches for the show's international translators). So, people just started calling him that.

HBO

HBO If the same rule applied to 12-year-old boys in this universe, there'd probably be a hell of a lot more kids named "Boobs Pokemon."

That's a pretty intricate twist, but a few people actually predicted this outcome. How the hell? By doing what we do for a living: making dumb-ass pop culture jokes. Way back in 2008, before the TV show even started, a fan of the books posted this on a message board:

Not all commenters were receptive to the idea:

This poster wasn't the only fan to randomly stumble onto this bad pun, either. Writer Michael A. Ventrella blogged in 2014 about an encounter with GOT creator George R.R. Martin at a convention, where Martin mentioned an interest in being an elevator operator. When Ventrella ran into him again, this happened:

So a terrible pun that people balked at actually became one of the most poignant moments in the show. What we're saying is maybe now's the time for HBO's gritty Bazooka Joe reboot.

5

Darth Vader's Actor Randomly Guessed He Was Luke's Father

David Prowse was the guy who acted inside of the original Darth Vader suit, and who will one day be wiped from all historical records and replaced with Hayden Christensen. We've talked before about how he publicly spoiled the twist of The Empire Strikes Back years before the movie came out, during a 1978 appearance at Berkeley:

That's not all. He also blabbed to Little Shoppe Of Horrors magazine that same year:

But here's the weird thing: He shouldn't have been able to spoil this, because he didn't know. No one did. This was back around the same time Leigh Brackett was writing the early drafts of Empire, which included scenes where Luke's dad is a decidedly non-evil ghost:

And Vader even refers to Luke's dad in their final confrontation:

A recent documentary focusing on Prowse delves into this mystery, but somehow Prowse doesn't remember blowing the twist. The director literally has to pull up the old newspaper clipping on an iPad and show Prowse that he totally ruined the ending for people. In fact, because the line "I am your father" wasn't even recorded on set, Prowse recalls being surprised by the reveal at the premiere.

The documentarians also interview Gary Kurtz, the producer of A New Hope and Empire, who claims it was just an amazingly lucky guess. So either Prowse's random bullshitting stumbled upon one of the biggest moments in movie history, or George Lucas was pulling story ideas from magazine interviews given by his non-speaking supporting cast.

Similarly soothsaying the future of the franchise was a 1982 Mad Magazine bit about Lucas' Star Wars plans. It was just a bunch of ridiculous jokes -- and in a testament to just how silly the series got, some actually came pretty close to reality. For starters, they predicted 50 percent of Episode II's title:

And that Episode III would feature the Wookiees fighting the Empire:

One prediction jokingly states that Darth Vader is Han Solo's father, which is crazy. It also says that Vader will turn out to be C3PO's dad which is ... no, wait, that's exactly what fucking happened.

Another throwaway joke says that Luke's real father is "The Force" -- which sounds stupid as all hell, until you realize that "The Force" is actually his grandfather. Then it sounds stupider.

4

Someone Wrote An Erotic Novella About Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston (Before They Actually Dated)

We're switching it up to talk about a real-life twist: the announcement in 2016 that pop-star Taylor Swift was dating actor Tom Hiddleston. You know, the guy who has played Loki so many times he apparently just started wearing the costume in everyday life.

While that bit of news may have caught you off guard, it wouldn't have if you'd read Wildest Dreams -- a 58,000-word piece of erotic fan fiction by online author Jennifer Stanley. Stanley's story imagined a (sexy) world in which Hiddleston and Swift were a couple back in 2014. Before they even met.

That's a pretty random guess. Other than the fact that they often have the same haircut, what do these two celebs have in common? Loki's not even the Marvel villain you'd expect a music superstar to end up with -- young Magneto's handsome as hell, not to mention that pruny hunk Thanos and his blinged-out Michael Jackson glove.

Furthering the theory that Stanley is a god and our entire universe exists only as the backdrop for a sex-filled internet story, she predicted that Hiddleston and Swift would meet at the Met Gala, and, yup, that's what happened. She explains that she guessed that by doing good old-fashioned research and finding out which type of event they'd both be likely to attend -- because how will anyone masturbate to this if it isn't completely realistic?

Of course, a lot of the book is just straight-up celebrity doing it. (If a mustachioed Tom Hanks showed up delivering a pizza it wouldn't feel out of place.) And when Stanley first saw the pictures of the couple at the Met Gala, her first thought was: "Oh my god, what have I done?" Presumably her second thought was "I should never have bought that typewriter at Stephen King's garage sale."

3

Kevin Smith Called Tim Burton's Planet Of The Apes Ending Years Earlier

We all remember Tim Burton's remake of the classic Planet Of The Apes, the one that scrapped the classic Statue Of Liberty twist, ending instead with the apes and humans putting aside their petty differences to chill out at a suburban mall's Sears Portrait Studio.

Actually, Burton added his own bizarre twist to the movie. After returning to Earth, Marky Mark is shocked to discover that the Lincoln Memorial statue is an ape -- which is a way more dramatic way of revealing this than if Wahlberg simply found a penny on the ground, or rented a DVD of the Daniel Ape Lewis biopic.

It was a startling, utterly unpredictable twist ... unless you were a Kevin Smith fan. A few years earlier, Smith (who, as a reminder, didn't do drugs at this time) released a Jay And Silent Bob comic that riffed on Planet Of The Apes, and there is a strikingly similar image:

At first, Smith seemed to accuse Burton of plagiarism, saying "I think I got robbed and I'm talking with my lawyers about possibly suing." Then, later, he claimed he was only joking -- either because he genuinely was, or because he soon realized no one should want to take credit for that monkey turd of an ending. Burton defensively claimed that he wasn't an avid reader of Jay And Silent Bob comics, and that "anybody that knows me knows I do not read comic books." He's gonna flip his shit when he finds out where Batman came from.

2

A Random Comedy Sketch Calls The Insane Direction Lost Was Going

Back when Lost was on TV, a good chunk of the internet consisted of just people trying to figure out where the show was going. Amid all that rampant speculation, one sketch troupe actually got one key detail right, but in the most random way possible. The internet comedy group Olde English had a sketch that made the rounds back in 2007 about how ridiculous the Lost writers' room must have been. They're just frantically coming up with ideas like polar bears, four-toed statues, and, say, how about a magic turtle?

The ideas get more and more ludicrous, and that's the joke. However, in throwing out the craziest possible suggestions, they actually anticipated a real storyline. Look at the cue cards on the back wall:

See how two of the cards are about Locke?

They read "Locke Dies" and "Locke Becomes a Zombie" -- which sounded completely ludicrous. Come on, not even this show would go as far as to kill a fan-favorite character and then bring him back to life as some sort of evil force, bent on destruction. Right?

Around the same time this sketch came out, on the Season 3 finale, we saw Jack moping over someone's casket in a funeral parlor. Because this show was infuriating, it took them a whole year to show us who was in the freaking casket: it was fan-favorite Locke! Gasp!

Locke then promptly comes back to life, but with a grumpier, more murder-y attitude. It turns out his dead body had actually been reanimated/possessed by the Smoke Monster -- as in, an evil force, bent on destruction. Maybe if we examine the magic numbers some more, that whole all-powerful top-hatted turtle theory will pan out too.

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Austin Powers Had The Exact Same Twist As Spectre, 13 Years Earlier

Spectre is that James Bond movie that works way better if you assume it mostly takes place inside the inane imaginings of 007's lobotomized brain. Otherwise, eh. The movie is packed with twists that don't really add much to Bond's mystique. For instance, there was the reveal that the head of the evil organization Spectre, Franz Oberhauser, was actually ... Ernst Blofeld, who was the head of Spectre in every other James Bond movie! Wait, how was this a twist? The movie was literally called Spectre. That's like trying to make it a surprise that Jim Morrison is a character in The Doors.

Anyway, early in the movie, we see a photo of Bond with his adoptive dad, and another kid whose face has been burned off:

Then, towards the end, Blofeld reveals that it was his father who took Bond in. He was the little boy in the photo ...

... which makes Bond and Blofeld brothers! Bond didn't remember this because, again, martinis.

While that's certainly a shocking development, if you got the sense that it was strangely familiar, you weren't alone. Over a decade earlier, the Bond parody Austin Powers In Goldmember had an extremely similar third-act twist. It ends with Powers' father admitting that Dr. Evil (the blatant Blofeld ripoff character) was actually Austin's brother.

The plot twist actually works better in Goldmember, probably because Michael Caine and Beyonce are there, while the Bond producers apparently wouldn't pony up the cash. Also, Goldmember was just going for a silly ending, not trying to predict where the Bond franchise was actually headed. Still, we can't wait for the sequel where Bond finds out his other brothers are Shrek and the Love Guru.

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For more twists we all should've seen coming, check out The 5 Most Ridiculous Ways Studios Spoiled Their Own Movies and 6 Movie Characters Whose Names Spoiled Huge Plot Twists.

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