#-ed. and i didnt like how much it was rocking so i got off. and for some reason the cruise employees thought my mom had cancer???

[arielluva]

i wish i could like. replay my dreams or something, bc ill have a dream that is just super off the rails, the plot is changing every second, but when i wake up i have no way of describing it? what do i do with this memory now.

[onlylostphysics]

so the lovely @livelydiver sent me an ask and when I tried to save my answer as a draft it ??? disappeared? was sent privately? literally who knows. Deeply sorry if you get two versions of this <3

my 5 DVD extras (author's commentary and deleted scenes) for elegant and restrained

1. An earlier version of the beginning:

The thing is, between one gut wound and another they haven't really touched in a while. Stede was beginning to worry that maybe Ed had had enough of that side of things, or thought that Stede didn't need any more instruction. [It's not like Ed could have found a different friend to be…. friendly with, is it? They spend all their time together. It's a small ship. It's a miracle Ed isn't sick of him yet.] There was that one night, a few days ago where they'd stayed up drinking as usual and Ed had crashed on the sofa instead of going back to his cabin and Stede had heard him… doing… breathing… He wondered why Ed didnt ask for a hand but, well, they were both supposed to be asleep. Stede had been complaining lightheartedly about the pain in his side every time he breathed that evening, so it made sense that Ed hasn't wanted to bother him. Still. Stede had been rock hard and hadn't dared move. The point is, it's been a while, and Stede is ready for more. Very, very ready. He keeps looking at Ed's arms, his throat, the line where Stede's (Ed's now, he supposes) cravat wraps around his skin.

2. I wrote A LOT of notes trying to figure stuff out for this fic:

Can I include this sculpture:

was Bernini a big deal in 1700s british society? idk Max Mad certainly wasn't but that never stopped Ed from cosplaying him. Would Stede give a fuck about sculpture? only the super life-like dudes.

What is Stede's deal:

stede commits 100% to things. he throws himself in. incredible confidence with zero skills. ed is most into it when stede isn't actually trying, is just being himself. stede likes feeling powerful, and in control (of his life).

trying to figure out when to set this fic:

set after 6, so izzy's gone and they've both been stabbed not too long ago.

set before 7, for neatness? mainly so stede's turn can be just before 8. so ed is in deep, so deep, but he's got one foot out the door because he doesn't know how into him stede is. ed taking happiness where he can. oscillating wildly between opening up his chest for stede to hold him gently and curling up into a spiky ball because this is too. much. and he's in so fucking deep.

he plans this because he still doesn't realise the depth of his feelings. he thinks this will just be fun. he wants stede to fuck him and lo, a plan appears. it's not until he's in the middle of it and stede is, god, the most incredible man he's ever met and literally inside of him and yet still not close enough that ed realises he may have fucked up.

trying to figure out Ed's thoughts:

how does ed's fantasy go. there was a lot less body worship to begin with. more force. in his head stede rips off his (ed's) clothes and bends him over the stool and kicks his legs apart and fingers him so roughly he comes immediately, and then fucks him until he's hard again. the real stede is a different kind of lunatic, and ed is gloriously aware that stede has a weird relationship with violence and he hasn't learnt the pain/pleasure line yet. stede isn't going to throw him around, so ed is going to have to manipulate things in a different direction. he was briefly worried stede was going to cry off entirely, when he went all inward and silent.

trying to decide Stede's feelings about what they're about to do:

how does he feel about buggery? it's what you hang for but he's a pirate. the boys at school probably did it? not often, it's probably the most shameful part. greek morals. it's only bad if you're receiving. stede… wants to try it anyway, because if it's morally bad then gosh it must be fun to make it worth it. stede is oblivious. sex between men is acceptable and fun, but he doesn't recognise love. buggery doesn't mean love, it's just another fun thing to do.

honestly, i feel like he thinks it's not something pirates do because it requires more effort and cleaniness and time and intimacy. so when ed suggests it, stede has a revelation. but it's more like, oh, you guys do that kind of thing too? i thought that was just my lot. not with me, but, you know. a lot of classical literature. even the boys at school were a bit more gunshy about who did that.

is he just like. oh thank god, i thought i was the only one who wanted that.

3. Some little moments that didn't fit:

the sun bright and low behind him, curving around his bare arms like paint like chiffon like a lover's hands. making unexplored waves out of his muscles, highlighting curves, deeping the lines where stede wants to run his tongue. he wants to know if that dip behind ed's shoulder is as hard as it looks, or if the muscle would give way to flesh, if ed would soften in his hands or go tense and waiting.

~

This whole seduction game is frankly marvellous. Stede likes to think he's becoming rather good at taking Ed's lessons and applying them to his own unique style. Perhaps he could play the hostage next time, Stede thinks, and is mildly surprised by the thrill that flashes through him.

~

i should check you for weapons, stede declares. this could be a trick simply to make me drop my guard.

ed's brows draw together.

i'll have to be very thorough. strip you completely, i think.

oh, ed says. yes, definitely. I have so many weapons on me. i bet you can't find them all.

~

stede shuffles close, pulling ed close so he's leaning against stede's chest, and this feels curiously familiar and yet deliciously new; like the first time stede got his hand on ed's cock, when he had no idea of the depths / when he had no idea how good ed could make him feel. how good he could make ed feel.

he wraps a hand around ed's beautifully flushed cock and ed groans, his head falling back on stede's shoulder.

mate, ed breathes. if you keep doing that this isn't going to last long. he turns his head, his mouth close to stede's skin and there's a wet slide that stede feels all down his spine as ed kisses his neck.

~

Nothing to it, Stede thinks. This could be any innocuous stretch of flesh, if he ignores the intimate bits and where Ed's standing to such attention that it curves away and out of sight beneath him.

He doesn't want to. Ignore it, that is. He could quite happily spend the rest of the day studying this new angle now that he has permission to just look, and -- and /touch/ as much as he wants.

What a miracle Ed Teach is. Stede thought he was just disinclined towards amorous activities before he met Ed.

~

the stretch of skin holding the, er, husband necessities,

~

the way being with Ed makes him feel like there's sunlight under his skin; not just warm but alive, easy and comforted and shining and happy.

~

"A very accomplished ravishment," Ed says. "You could probably manage without me, next time."

"Without you?" Stede echoes.

~

"I think we can agree I've perfected my technique with hostages," Stede says.

"Yep," Ed says. "No notes."

~

"Wasn't sure if you wanted to anymore," Ed says, his face turned just enough for Stede to see the curve of his cheekbone and the tip of his lovely nose.

"I always want you to," Stede says.

"Good to know," Ed says

4. This Bit:

Stede looks at his hands, from the sturdy width of his thumb to the thin length of his pinkie. Inside. Right.

Please imagine me holding up my hand with my thumb and pinkie finger extended and trying to imagine how Stede would think about this.

first draft version:

stede pulls a face. looks at his hands. pinkie or thumb, he thinks. smallest or largest. which is more like a cock.

thumb it is, circling ed's hole and then, approaching the entrance and slipping straight in and god oh god heat tight heat. ed clenches, or something, his hips not still and stede's thumb is like. fully all the way in.

more, ed gasps. so, stede has two thumbs. kneads that gorgeous flesh to the side and slides in the second one and he can't really help but pull apart, stretching ed wide as ed fucking shouts.

5. So, this bit:

"You should probably check me for weapons, though," Ed says, his neck long as he studies the floor. "This whole begging for mercy thing could just be a very clever ploy," he says, and his gaze is like a cannonball shot to the stomach when he looks up again.

"Right," Stede says, slowly, still thinking about Ed's mouth. About the time Ed put his lips on Stede's neck, and how it felt like his skin was electrified. About coming at a problem from the side, like a pirate, like an ambush.

I really struggled to get Stede to actually fucking move. Eventually I threw in the dagger, but the first attempt went like:

There's two paces of air between them and Stede closes them in a breath, his hands falling to Ed's leather-clad hips as his mouth hits Ed's and Ed makes the most wonderous noise, like the air has been punched out of him and replaced with champagne.

Oops.

[ohhcalamxty]

hello. its been a while? 5 years actually. what a place this is! what a trip down memory lane of many emotions.

a quick tldr: im 25 now, im engaged and live with my amazing partner and 2 cats. i am ed free (for the most part - i still struggle to love my body sometimes), clean, and i am in therapy! a place i never would have thought id be.

i didnt think id come back here like. ever. but ive been having nightmares of sam recently. its odd isnt it, how the brain works? i havent seen sam in 7 years? since the 2nd june 2018 to be exact, and yet he haunts me. why?

this is an odd correlation but recently i got into taylor swift. her music has been wonderfully cathartic and whilst i never assumed id be one of those girls who screams breakup songs and curses them at my exes....here we are.

TTPD (and most of taylors sad songs) unhealed me, so to speak, or at least awoke something in me. i wouldn't ever proclaim i have had bad relationships. i am always grateful for the time myself and owen spent together, and i am extremely happy with josh (I'd say 2/4 of my relationships being good is pretty huge) but here I am screaming and crying over break up songs at the eras tour and tearing up in the shower because they resonate with a point in my life and put my feelings into words in a way I've never been able to do.

elliot was interesting but i try not to curse his name so much as we were 14 and maybe he didn't mean what he did because he didn't understand consent, or maybe i am naive and too nice - i guess we'll never know because he quite literally dropped off the face of the earth! (Also, minor shoutout for him delaying dumping me because my grandma died! i do appreciate that at least!)

sam however....oh where do I begin with sam!

"Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?"

I think I spent a lot of my teen years reflecting on sam, because well, he fucked me up so much. i mean how emotionally spent must I be to have nightmares of someone who I spent less than 12 months with at the age of 16, and then collided with again for a single night at the age of 19. Clearly we're fucked here.

I cannot find the words to describe you, and I'm unsure what i did to deserve a love like this. You had a girlfriend that you loved and were with for years, and then I (your close friend at the time) got dumped, and you make your move. We hang out a lot, cool, fine, nothing new as we were friends anyway. My mind is hazy on how it started or when we went from friends to whatever we were but it haunts me so much lmao.

The constant talks of i was the one, and that yes I will leave her for you. I fear nobody ever talks about being the other woman because its so odd - it isnt a flex, it isnt cool or sexy. it fucking sucks and it fucked me up but i liked sam so much i believed it. I mean picture this: you're 16, just lost your grandma, heavily depressed, self harming, riddled with an ed and have been dumped but low and behold your best friend tells you he loves you and plays with your hair and holds you. we go on dates and have sleepovers with friends (he still had a gf btw) hes fucked up too but he worries and cares about you more than anyone else, but at the cost of if you try to pull away he hurts himself, and threatens suicide (and believe me he'd do it) - stuck between a rock and a hard place aye.

"And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts - Memories feel like weapons"

Less than a year of back and forth, misery and stringing along. I can't remember how or why it ended but I know it took a lot of attempts of pulling away (and him pulling me back) to get away. A lot of bits are hazy but I can assume it must have been around the time when I met owen? There are old screenshots on here of sam talking to me and they make me feel unwell (not an exaggeration) - his words (even after it all ended) and how he tried to act like he cared makes me feel like a pit inside (even now). I do however find it funny that my posts from 2015 and 2016 about him claiming hes ruined my life don't seem that dramatic now that im 25 and having nightmares about him.

"Oh, God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind - I regret you all the time"

I think I would have been ok if this was it. I don't think I would be grieving my past self, my girlhood, my naivety if this was all - i very much had support through my other relationships to help the sam trauma which i do appreciate. But it doesnt end here does it? Nah thats too easy.

"Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden"

2nd June 2018: Me and Josh had briefly split up. It was Karlies birthday and we went out in HTC (dire) and I guess because Hinckley is a tiny place and everyone goes to the same places we ran into a lot of people (some good some bad) - including Sam.

Ima be honest idk where he came from or who he was out with but there he was, buying me drinks, talking to me, I dont remember much but I can assume I was happy. I do however remember him leading me away, telling me we're heading to the next bar because that's where everyone else was going but we actually were heading in the complete opposite direction haha. god knows where we were going but on the walk we sat on a bench, i cried, i told him off, told him he ruined my life, he told me he'd missed me so much, he held me, i cried more, i hated him and then we just rinsed and repeated as he pootled me up castle street to wherever he was taking me. My friend rang me, I told them I was with sam, people came running (guess they all know hes bad news) and they (including josh, who was my ex at the time and ig technically hated me) beefed him until he left and that was that. I haven't seen him since - i still dont know where he was taking me or what his plan was. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I didnt answer the phone, sometimes I wish I hadn't and that maybe I deserved whatever would happen. Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion, being dramatic, but the trauma of the emotions that 16 year old me feels is still there. It haunts me.

"Don't call me "kid", Don't call me "baby" Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me"

So here we are. I guess I'm bringing this up at therapy in a few weeks because these feelings won't disappear (and Honestly I'm not sure why they reappeared other than being repressed emotions). I wonder though, has this affected you as much as it as me? Do you feel bad about what you did? Are you suffering? Do you think about me? Do you feel bad that you had such control over me or did you enjoy it? Claiming you've lost sleep over me and that you want to protect and help me? Was any of it true I wonder.

"And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?"

I suppose I'll never know, but I can only hope that memories of me haunt you as much as they haunt me. I hope you get everything you deserve, and I hope I can heal. My skin is no longer the skin you touched, I no longer physically feel you, and I hope one day my memories of you will be hazy and faded, and I don't need to jump at ghosts anymore.

And my therapist wonders why I really dislike men huh.

[leftussilent]

This might be a stupid question, but how does Taylor access the pool at her RI place? It seems like it's walled off from the house, is there an underground tunnel or does she have to jump down that wall or something? Same thing with her and TH kissing on those rocks, how did they get there? Did they have to clamber down and up the rocks between the ocean and her house, and why are there no pap pictures of *that*? lol

omg an underground tunnel would be SO fun! much like ed sheeran has. love it.

but sadly no tunnel, at least that I know of.. lol

just a boring set of stairs leading from the patio to the pool. and yes it looks like they have to walk down the grass. not a big deal tbh i know its a big place but it doesn't look that far imo. see pics below.

and to answer your rocks question, while im not sure where exactly on the RI beach those photos were taken, if you look closely at the fence of taylors property line on the rocks, you can see they have made a set of stairs leading from the pool, to the gates she has in the fence. we also pics of Taylor and her friends climbing the rocks on the 4th pics.

so yes they would have probably climbed down the rocks or gone down the public beach access path directly next to the house to get to the rocks. because i havent seen the full set of pictures from that day, but the ones i have seen, they do look like they are on the beach so maybe the went from the rocks to the beach and who knows if they went back up the rocks or back up the beach access path (you can see the beach path in between taylors house and next door neighbours house in the photo above)

as for the paps, considering the pics we got that day, them climbing down the rocks, MUCH less interesting. and they probably didnt take pictures of that, they weren't the images they were hired to take. they did their job and they left lol

[roseworth]

pls tell us more about fitzmom! i want to know her like you do 💛

i am SO glad u asked 🥰 strap in i wrote so much more than i thought i would

(disclaimer these are obviously all headcanons bc fitzmom has no canon personality so every hc i have for her comes from the love in my heart)

so first of all i like the name Celeste for her, i’ve heard a lot of different names for her but i use celeste (mostly because of the word “celestial” bc,,, moon lol)

some quick little things about her before i get into A Lot:

-she’s very sarcastic/snarky (like eugene 😌) but not because she’s a mean person, just bc she thinks it’s funny. she’s very confident and determined (stubborn) because if she knows what she wants, she’s not going to let anyone get in her way. this can often become a fault because she unintentionally steps on others or ignores their wishes if she thinks she’s right.

-she also wants to get along with everybody, and she’s a little rapunzel-ish in the way that if she doesnt get along with someone she’s Stresses Out and needs to make them like her

-also she’s bi. no reason other than that there’s no way i can look at her and think “straight woman”

i’m gonna put the rest of this under a cut bc it got,,, a lot longer than i expected sorry 😳 i just care very deeply about her

she wasn’t born into royalty. she grew up in the Dark Kingdom and lived there for years, but she was just a normal person for most of her life. her dad left when she was young so she was raised by her mom. when she was in her early 20s, her mom died and that was what pushed her to leave the dark kingdom for a bit. for the next few years she journeyed around the world and visited other kingdoms just to see what it was like, but the dark kingdom was always her home. she was in her late 20s when she came back to the dk

when she came back home, she expected to just settle back into a normal life, but she ended up meeting a dude that just happened to be the king. she didn’t even realize that he was the king at first bc she didnt bother paying much attention to what the royalty was up to. but one day someone says “so i saw you’ve been spending a lot of time with the king ;)” and she just says “haha what? that’s not the king that’s just ed.” and they have to tell her that he’s actually the king. when she asks why he never told her, he just said that he assumed she knew and didn’t care (and he was right, she didn’t care, but she at least would’ve liked to know 😔)

the two of them get closer. she thinks that he’s the weirdest person she’s ever met (in a good way) and he gets all flustered around her whenever she smiles. nerd.

she also cares a lot about the kingdom. it’s her home and she grew up with lots of the people in it, so she wants to protect all the citizens even before she becomes queen. she also is used to the Moonstone causing problems and wants to find a way to stop it just as much as anyone. she reads a lot about the history of the Moonstone and the different research that’s been conducted on it to see if there’s a connection she can find or a way to stop it. she doesn’t find anything, but she doesn’t like giving up.

edmund proposes to her, ofc she says yes bc she loves that nerd and wants to spend her life with him. technically there are rules against royalty marrying commoners but a) he’s the king so he does what he wants, b) she knows what she wants and won’t take no for an answer, and c) she knows almost the entire kingdom and everyone loves her so no one cares that they’re breaking one dumb rule

she tries to bond with the brotherhood and she soon finds out that they’re all just as weird as edmund and she LOVES it. she bonds with quirin and hector pretty much instantly. when she finds out quirin knows a little bit about farming (he farms as a hobby on the side. what a loser) she asks him to teach her everything bc she loves nature and likes to learn how to grow things. since she’s traveled a lot, she can connect with hector since he has random animals that he’s just kind of collected from places he’s been. he has a rhino that he just… brought home one day. she thinks that’s the coolest thing ever

but she has a bit of trouble making friends with adira since adiras really closed off and likes to keep herself distant. that doesn’t stop celeste from trying. she offers to help with adiras training. even though adira is stronger than her, she assumes she could hold her own for long enough in a sparring match. it doesn’t go well, so she tries a different tactic.

they end up comparing research on the Moonstone, and adira tells her about her Sundrop theory. they go on a little quest to see if they can find anything about the Sundrop. they don’t find anything, but after adventuring together for days, they finally feel Connected to each other. adiras never had a girl friend since most of the people she spends time with are the brotherhood. so she thinks it’s nice that she has someone that is willing to spar with her and go searching for long lost magical artifacts #justgirlythings

celeste always wanted a big family. she has so much love to give to everyone and she just always imagined having children. when she first got pregnant she was ECSTATIC. she found a way to mention it in every conversation she had, no matter who it was with

but as it got closer to her delivery date, she was starting to get scared. she didn’t want to screw it up, and she wanted her kid to feel happy and loved all the time. she felt like it was so much pressure to have this kid that she had to raise to be happy and okay and make sure that the child was ready for the world. then she started stressing out over every little choice she made as if getting the wrong crib meant the world was going to explode

edmund talked to her about it and assured her that they were in this TOGETHER and no matter what happened, they would love their child. sometimes things were out of their hands, but they would make sure that that child had all the love in the world :’) that reassured her a bit, and she tried to work on letting go of control.

but then the Moonstone started getting worse than usual. now she not only wanted to protect her kingdom, but make the best life for her kid. it started up about a month before she gave birth, and she was getting nervous about what was going to happen.

after she gave birth to a lovely little boy, she kept an eye on the Moonstone. it was only getting worse, and she didn’t want her son to have to deal with it. she tried to stay away from it but she couldn’t ignore it.

when her son is about a month old, she tries to destroy the Moonstone. it doesn’t work. it shoots up a rock and kills her.

edmund is with her in her last moments. she knows she’s about to die and she feels like she failed. she couldn’t save her kingdom or her son. she tries to apologize to her husband because she was dying and she didn’t even get to destroy the moonstone. she just wanted to keep everyone safe and she failed. edmund promises her that he will make sure everyone is safe. that makes her feel better

she tells him that she loves him. she asks him to keep their son protected and happy. then she dies in his arms.

her death impacted everyone in and out of the kingdom. people everywhere were mourning the loss of the queen of the dark kingdom.

everyone in the brotherhood became more closed off after that. after her death, quirin swore to not get any more loved ones involved in the Moonstone if he could avoid it. he knows how dangerous it is and won’t lose anyone else he cares about to it. hector acts like he doesnt care as much as he does and tries to cover up the issue with anger. he knows that she was looking for the Sundrop with adira, and he wonders if that research is what made the Moonstone angry. he decides that if moonstone=bad and sundrop=moonstone, then sundrop=bad. adira is also extremely hurt, because she barely takes her walls down to form connections with people. so then one of the only times she allows herself to get close to someone, she ends up getting hurt. so she puts her walls back up and refuses to make more close relationships out of fear that it will hurt more when she loses them.

so basically no one is dealing with their loss in a healthy way

edmund is definitely not dealing with it well. he loved her with all his heart and doesn’t know how to go on without her. he realized that his son was in danger the longer he stayed in the dark kingdom, and so were the rest of the citizens. so he literally pushes everyone away and makes them leave. he doesn’t want his son to be constantly weighed down by the threat of the Moonstone, and he wanted to keep everyone safe the way he should’ve done for her. so he sends everyone away and pretty much spends the next 25 years wallowing in guilt. he never got the chance to process the grief because everyone was sent away so abruptly. in the empty castle, at first he to her every day and over time he just naturally starts voicing all of his thoughts to fill the silence

anyways years and years later, after the series, eugene wants to learn more about his mom but no one likes talking about her (bc no one ever bothered processing their grief so they just ignore it now) so he goes through old dk files and records by himself and tries to find anything about her. he finds the pages and pages of research she did about the moonstone but can’t really find much about who she was as a person

eventually he asks adira about the research they did together to try to learn more about her. adira tells him about their time researching together, and eventually tells him about her. adira says that ever since the forest of no return, she had her suspicions that eugene was Horace just because he reminded her SO MUCH of celeste that she wondered if they were related.

eugene is happy to know that he’s so much like his mom, since he spent his entire life imagining what she was like without knowing who she was. eventually he gets his dad to talk about her, and edmund realized he felt better about it when he could tell stories about the happy parts of their life together instead of replaying her death over and over in his head

okay i think that’s all i have for now i’m sorry i wrote so much i just Love this character whose personality i completely made up

[lunavadash-creates]

Have I ever told you that you are the sweetest cupcake ever?❤️ It’s impossible to not smile at your posts! I sincerely thank you for all your sympathy towards me! My heart just melts! It’s so rare to find such a pure and kind soul like you. Please, don’t change. Ever.

You made me worried a bit with your last paragraph - maybe I am oversensitive, but I am really worried. It breaks my heart honestly, I feel like you belittle yourself. Babe, you are wonderful! I am not saying this just for you to feel better, but because you REALLY are. Think for a moment about things you’ve already achieved! Darling, you graduated! It’s really something. It is even more something when you study two different majors at the same time and study in language school at weekends. It’s real hardcore! I am proud of you. SO FREAKING MUCH! You did so well and you did so much! Please, be aware of it. You are incredibly talented and creative. YOU are hard working, not me. And you know what? Please, have a proper rest. Don’t overwork yourself anymore. You have to have some space just for you. You have to rest and regain your balance. Don’t think about writing as your duty. I know you feel responsible for all requests you have. But they really won’t run away or disappear. They all will be waiting to be written when you rest. Don’t pressure yourself, I beg you. You know I love your writing. We all here love it. But we love you even more. Taking a break it’s not bad. It’s necessary. When you rest you will be able to concentrate, you will have a fresh mind and new ideas. Just remember that you are a priority.

Speaking of your visit to Prague. OMG, THIS ASTRONOMICAL CLOCK!! I envy you soooooo much! I wish I could see it by myself someday! Thank you so much for the photo! And geez, you are the very first person admitting that museums are wonderful! No one amongst my friends likes them and it hurts so much, because I couldn’t go to the Uffizi museum and Palazzo Vecchio in Florence. I would love to go to any museum with you then! Museum of sex toys sounds really interesting, mostly because it’s not about modern toys. Like, I would never thought that people could have such rich sex life! I heard that in Amsterdam and Paris there are similar museums. But! I bet you would love icelandic museum of punk. Ohh, I am pretty sure you would enjoy it! It’s really small, because well..Its former public toilet. Buuuut, if you like non-obvious museums this is definitely for you. Whale museum was also pretty good. Or I enjoyed it just because I love whales. I was also in a museum of teddy bears in Seoul and it was the cutest museum I have ever been in! Tell me more about that vegan restaurant! What good did you eat? I am not vege myself, but I avoid eating meat on a daily basis so it’s easy to make me excited with such things!

I am not sure if I am better. I mean, I changed my mind about being able to sleep all day. I am not able to sleep at all at the moment. I am tired and my eyelids are so heavy, but sleep never comes. I guess insomnia hits again, it's a never-ending circle. But I am concerned about your leg! I guess you had spoken with doctor since you got xray and usg. Did they say anything? Any ideas of what it could possibly be? It has to be something serious if you have problems with walking! How did you manage to go sightseeing in Prague? Babe, please, take care of yourself! And what does “health problem AGAIN” mean?! Have you had such a problem before?? It scares me like.. we just started adulthood? My friend sneezed and it made him lay in bed for 6 days not being able to move. Literally.

Yeah, I was in South Korea, but please, do not perceive me as your role model. Gods, it would be a terrible decision, really. But, I would love to share some stories with you if you want! I know it's a popular destination these days because of kpop. I used to listen to it, but I think a few years ago kpop was better? More interesting? Now I’m more into khh, but I think I can’t say that I’m into it anymore.

Talking about music! I discovered two new songs and I bet you know them already, but for me it was huge woah woah woah! First of it - Sabaton. Thay covered Metallica’s For Whom The Bell Tolls and they did it so good! Secondly - The Heart Asks Pleasure First. They basically made their own song based on one of my favourite piano songs. Oh my.. it’s sooo good!

And still talking about music! I just wanted to say that I also love our Wombo edits! That one with Ezio singing Stressed out was perfect! Mr Auditore looked very believably singing it. I liked the one with Edward and Haytham. I don’t know the song but it had such a christmas vibe! It made me think of Edward and Shay singing Last Christmas or some other shitty Christmas song together. Why them? No idea. I love Altair, but your latest headcanons could make me love them even more.

And! I just wanted to tell you that you inspired me to take japanese lessons on Duolingo. I am aware that such app won’t help me with learning such a language, but at least I can tell you that katakana sucks. Gods, I hate it so much. Hiragana is so pleasurable to learn. And I know katakana is visually similar, but it is a no no from me. I have learnt some basic kanji signs. And I just admire you so much more.

I hope you will have wonderful and peaceful week, Babe! Once again, please take care of yourself. Remember to have proper rest, sleep at least 8 hours and drink water! I hope your leg will be better soon!

🔪

Hey Knifey! I finally have the right mind set to respond to this ask!

So first of all thank you. You always make me blush with your kind words and I have no idea how to react! I want to squeaze you in a hug and give you all the sweets in the world!

As for the rest. You see i have always worked to hard on studying, so hard it actually burned out everything inside so now all i want to do i nothing! But i cant, i really want to go back to spending my free time in more creative way!

Omg Knifey! Finally i met a museum lover! And gods i want to visit them all! And you know? That Icelandinc museum sounds like such a goal, i want to go there 🥺 and Seoul museum of teddy bears?! I want to go there!

Honestly I love all museums and generally history. I enjoy visiting ruins of castles and villages, going to museums of everything! Art, machines, objects! There are always so many things and so many different ways to find the inspiration! And I always take so many photos for 'future references'. Some time ago i was in a gardens which showed different time of gardens of the world and there was this amazing exhibition of demons from Slavic mithology. That was so awesome! As well as Japanese garden!

In began restaurant i have this fried soy bites in some sweet-spicy sauce. So tasty! Im trying to recreate this recipe but so far its 1:0 for the soy :/

As for my leg. Its swollen AF bht i just... Put on my shoe and pretended it didnt exist. I can walk in good shoes but still im worried. As for that little again... I generally have some weird health issues. I had 5 surgeries for different stuff (spine, tumor, nose) so like... Generally i am healthy... Or at least i was until thst damned foot decided to show off. Its been 4 weeks and im still looking for a solution, running different tests and all. Hopefully they will figure out whag is going on.

Yes TELL ME ALL THE STORIES ABOUT KOREA.! I love stories, tell me everything!

Tbh i never listen ed to k-pop. I guess its just nkt my type of music but I enjoy some Japanese and Chinese songs (one i like is Arrogant by Xiao Zhang). I know songs you sent me and gods they are amazing! I love sabaton, rock/metal im general but I listen to all kind of music. Like Italian soundtrack from Winx, music from burlesque, Dragonforce, shanties. If there are k-pop songs you like you can always send then to me! Ill gladly listen to them all!

Im glad you like those wombos i guess i should make more! 😂😂

And gods. Katakana. 4 years of learning Japanese and I still need katakana board to remember those signs! And tbh i feel like Japanese duolingo has some mistakes ;/ but for Japanese i used lingodeer app and it was nice!

Knifey Im very sorry you have troubles sleeping. Is there something you can do to make it easier for you? Maybe you can take some melatonin pills? Maybe you are stressed? Can you maybe contact doctor, maybe they can help? I dont want anything bad to happen to you! Please take care of yourself? Pretty please?

Love you so much Knifey, you are such a sunshine and I just want you to be happy and healthy!

[hhuta]

Hi I just wanted to say you're the reason I watched Mozart l'opera rock? Uh I have no idea who you are i think I probably followed you by accident or idk maybe Tumblr fucked up but for MONTHS now I have been seeing salieri on my dash I log in and it's like BOOM florent!! So out of boredom I watched it the other day and now I'm utterly obsessed it is on my mind constantly like. The songs are bangers. I want to (fondly) bully salieri. And Mozart.... Oh my god Mozart. I can't think about him without descending into utter incoherence like I've been so utterly charmed by him I don't know what to do with it I sent a picture of him to my friend like 'this is what Mozart looks like' and they were like 'nice jacket. Got gender envy now' and I realised... That it! It's the gender of it all. The ugly purple coat. The shitty hair that I am now in love with. Like I love him as a character but also I just really really wanna look like mikelangelo. anyway. Uh thank you for posting about mor so much that I got into it I am incapable of thinking about anything else now and I am looping lbqfm religiously it is 2am I am sor tired oh my god but if I don't disrupt my sleep schedule to focus on mor I will die

thats perhaps the best ask i ever goOOOOTTTTTTTT SO MANY COMPLIMENTS THERE AND ALSO RELATABLE THINGS I WILL COMMENT ON EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE.

FIRST OF ALL ,,, i need to say right away that i think i know who u are kldjals if u are the person who recently reblogged a place je passe gifset from me then. ur tags gave u away dlkasjdkls i had no choice but to connect the dots !! why did u go on anon lets be friends !!! 

so if u are that person then i think u followed me bc of vixx ldajlkDLKSJ leo is friends with the guy who played salieri in south korea btw u have to know that. ill use that as propaganda to get starlights into mor.

also cannot believe u put up with me talking about mor for mONTHS and not only u didnt unfollow u then went to watch it!!!!!!! im really touched!!!!!!! seriously!!!!!!!!!

"now I have been seeing salieri on my dash I log in and it's like BOOM florent!!" dlksjkljlkLDKS DONT CALL ME OUT LIKE THAT 🚶‍♂️I KNOW THATS REALLY ALL I POST ABOUT BUT STILL 🚶‍♂️

the songs really ARE bangers and fondly bullying salieri is all i do too !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur so in love with mozart tho ldkajslkd tHATS REALLY CUTE that was me before. the. second act begun. and my attention went to. someone else. but also "The ugly purple coat. The shitty hair that I am now in love with" u jUST HAD TO END HIM LIKE THAT??????? "ur clothes and hair are ugly and thats why i love u <3333" dlkajslkjlkjLKDLKSKL

u wanting to look like him is so valid tho i bet if u dm-ed mikelangelo he would tell u where he buys his clothes and how he does his makeup im really not kidding right now

and omg you're so welcome 😭😭😭 being loud on main finally payed off... im so happy and honoured that u decided to check out the musical bc of me saying incoherent things about salieri !!!!!!! 

and i cannot stress enough how much "I am incapable of thinking about anything else now and I am looping lbqfm religiously it is 2am I am sor tired oh my god but if I don't disrupt my sleep schedule to focus on mor I will die" is literally me ... im not kidding .. rn is less worse but i used to listen to lbqfm on repeat at 2am too everyday ...... i listened to it more than 100 times in 4 months.......... i replaced that with songs from la legende du roi arthur after i watched it but still i always go back to mor when its very late at night 😭

anyways the sentence "Hi I just wanted to say you're the reason I watched Mozart l'opera rock?" alone was the best thing i could have read . question mark and all. thank u sooooo much for sending this it made my whole monthhhhhhh 😭💕💞💗💗🤧

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 6-10

back at it again with the white vans

episode 6: the alchemy exam

alrighty then

um mustang calling edward “ed” is EXTREMELY offputting

ohhhhhhh noooooo not shou tucker

FUCK

im wholly unprepared

them all being in central instead of east is low key jarring like my brain isnt computing it

alexander’s intro is basically the same 

nina bbyyyyy girl u deserved so much better

ed is such a fucking nerd...chemistry club modern au confirmed

god the more tucker talks the more i wanna beat his face in

al pretending to eat by tossing a potato in his armor i-

aww theyre playing in the snow theyre so pure

wonder how long thatll last

“bigger brother” and “little big brother” and ed doesnt even get mad

ed’s birthday party????????

A MELON? ED YOURE SO RUDE

so 03 had ed’s bday instead of elicia’s...CAUSE THEY GOT ELICIA IN THE WOMB

“it’s here!” “the tea?” “the baby!” hughes is a fuck head

ok so now they’re having elicia replace rush valley baby arc

this was winry’s time to shine in fmab i miss her 

if winry isnt here who is gonna birth this baby

oh my god they just realized ed can use alchemy without a circle

no wonder he’s been using circles this whole time

SO ELICIA JUST POPPED OUT????? WHAT

STUFF ALEXANDER IN THE ARMOR AND PRETEND YOURE A TALKING DOG???

“i dont think thats very funny” NO ALPHONSE IT IS NOT

THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THAT ONE I SWEAR TO GOD IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

damn bradley what up homie

im so thrown off by the way theyre doing the exam omg

seriously what the hell is fuhrer bradley’s purpose right now is he even the fuhrer in this i feel like they wouldve mentioned it

oh lord ed is about to impress everyone with his clappy hands

ok so next episode is nina FUCK

episode 7: night of the chimera’s cry

havoc babeeee

im gonna marry him my himbo king

also can RIZA DO SOMETHING PLZ

“huhhhhhhhh nina” ew tucker that was weirdly gross

wonder why

cant do it cant do it

do we think jean kirstein was modeled after jean havoc slightly looks wise

was that purposeful 

ill have to google 

serial killer who only targets women?  it cant be scar...scar drinks respect women juice

barry or slicer bros maybe? um ok

why did we start with liore if they were just gonna hop right back into the past for a huge chunk of episodes idk

assessment day??? oh noodles

AL WHY DID YOU TELL TUCKER TO MAKE ANOTHER TALKING CHIMERA ALPHONSE NO

THE NOISE I EMITTED IM GONNA TAKE A LAP

im gonna FUCKING SCREAM

ed r u writing to winry??? that’s a bit out of character for u good sir

no tucker put that baby down

im gonna fucking SCREAM

aww he burned nina’s picture thats not sus at all

SHESKA!!!!!

wait does the ironblood alchemist know what tucker did to his wife? thats kinda the vibe im getting

SCARRRRRRRR

looking like a pirate too damn

his voice sounds different is that j michael tatum 

apparently not it was dameon clarke in 03 ya learn something new everyday 

ew elicia has a lot of hair for a FUCKING NEWBORN

ed really is such a cynic very suspicious of everyone as he should be really

basque grand knowS SOMETHING

oh jesus oh fuck oh god please do not TOUCH THAT BABY

ed and al snuck back in to the house well u know what its for the best

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

im gonna cry again please god no

FUCKING DIE SHIT HOLE

she’s hurting? oh my god

my sweet angel

ew his eyes!!!!!!! 

tucker is such a fucking failure...like look at the chimera squad and greed’s theatre troupe being the way they are. ugh it really hits how fucking unfair it is 

ed was really about to split them? boy you know better

where is nina going...im hurting

ed really tried to save her in this one

SCAR KILLS NINA IN THE STREETS???????? SIR

thats different

oh snap 

oh FUCK

SCAR WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER BODY LIKE THAT

THE WAY SHE WAS ARRANGED ON THE WALL THAT WAS FUCKED UP

AND THEY FOUND HER LIKE THAT???? AT LEAST IN BROTHERHOOD THEY DIDNT HVE TO SEE HER CORPSE ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

that was fucked.

episode 8: the philosopher’s stone

can yall get ed and al away from nina’s fucking MURAL 

get out of the car mustang

finally jesus christ

roy mustang talking about healthy coping mechanisms dont make me laugh but alright baby boy go off i guess?

im curious about who this goddamn serial killer is though lets turn to that plot thread

r u kidding me

mustang is making ed and al take over tucker’s research?? thats actually wildly messed up

oh tucker was straight executed that’s a choice i guess

tucker and the philosopher’s stone sounds inaccurate but ok

ed please stop being mean to your brother

03 mustang has got me reaching for a fucking baseball bat on GOD

scar and edward having this conversation right now i literally cannot

WINRY yes bitch

BRADLEY WHAT IN TARNATION

JESUS LORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDD

alphonse shut your mouthhhhhhhhhhh

im so confused what is bradley up to

“alchemists are not cold blooded murderers?”

i mean

kimblee would beg to differ for one

whos this creepy lady 

her voice sounds familiar

barry’s food shop?

the killer is barry ok got it

IS BARRY DISGUISED AS A WOMAN

I KNEW THAT WAS JERRY JEWELL’S VOICE

WELL I KNEW IT SOUNDED FAMILIAR AT LEAST

WINRY GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TRUCk

has PINAKO TAUGHT YOU NOTHING

ok so i VASTLY prefer suit of armor original manga canon barry

this is such an odd plot what in fuck

um OW the meat cleaver

im so confused this fucking plotline

oh hey alphonse nice of you to show up!

is barry still gonna become a suit of armor later on

it makes NO SENSE to introduce him otherwise 

everytime i see 03 mustang i wanna beat his ass HONESTLY

literally i will shove my foot up his ass

fullmetal here we go

ed thinks he’s so punk rock 

oh great scar’s seen the watch

episode 9: be thou for the people

ed you simp buying winry all this stuff my edwin heart is ascending

SIMP SIMP SIMP

“mr. elric”?? you mean MAJOR ELRIC

to be fair though fuck the military

YOUSWELL??? oh LORD

im gonna need to read a full chronology of this show

 alphonse continues to be a precious angel 

where’s my boy yoki!!!!!

edward you idiot don’t go flaunting your money

woof woof ed

al looks so offended by ed saying they just met

whereas in brotherhood didnt he totally throw ed under the bus??? 

a choice to be sure

ah there he is hello yoki

who’s the chick

shes a lesbian

yoki makes me miss my baby girl mei chang

mei where r u

WAS THIS MILITARY DUDE REALLY ABOUT TO CUT DOWN A CHILD??? oh my god

hawkeye getting a promotion yes bby girl

jesus theyre transferring them to east now OKKKKKAY thats not how it happened it the book but ill take it....just doing it the opposite way i guess

who is lyra who is she

cute some military bribery 

umm lyra what the fuck did you do

lyra is a homunculus im callin it now

they definitely invented/changed up some homunculi in fact im certain they did and shes one of em. gotta be

i feel like 03 wrote ed as much more insensitive towards others than he really is...just a vibe im getting

i know he was faking for the townspeople’s sake but i still get this vibe from other instances 

i mean i cant say its not “canon” because its 03 canon

anyways what a show off

i cant believe theyre going to east...fuery and breda better be there

ok finally some answers on their ages....ed got his license at 12 like normal and nina and youswell were when he was 12...liore was 15, 

if they didnt flash the ages on the screen id be lost honestly

at least we’re back up to “present day”

episode 10: the phantom thief

ed saying he doesnt wanna see mustang

same

03 mustang is activating my fight or flight and im choosing fight

ed cheating at cards totally checks out

um who the fuck is this woman

what is she wearing

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THAT CUTOUT MAAM HOW DO YOUR C**CHY LIPS NOT POKE OUT

idk but this is fem!hisoka

“hey shouldnt we talk first” after getting handcuffed??? christ almighty these innuendos

siren??????? siren is probably also a “fake” homunculus

ugh

ok so the nurse is siren

ya aint slick girly

alphonse control your crush

I REFUSE!!!! ALMEI RIGHTS

why is al’s hair so brown in this flashback anywayssss

oh its spelled psiren ope

like she’s literally a batman villain...

oh my god...............the tiddy grab. my son would never

my son is respectful

is this her homunculus tat or just a random alchemy tat

the added plotlines and original content continue to confuse and astound me every single time....

ok but if psiren really was doing this for the hospital she wouldnt be so flashy about it. like thats how you get caught sweet cheeks

girly stop flirting with this child on god im gonna fucking kick you

now shes a nun????????????????

Shes a fucking troll i hate her

im going to kick alphonse into the sun 

oh great now shes a teacher

wow shes a savior. the savior of amestrian venice. greatttttt

ed looking exactly like this emoji on this gondola rn 🧍‍♀️

STOP FLIRTING WITH THE CHILD 

GOD THIS IS SO BATMAN VILLAIN ESQUE

alphonse plzzzzzzzzzz she aint your girl

ok so probably not the last we see of this ding dong con artist

ok so its starting to get muddy. im scared the 03 stans are gonna come after me like i do like it and im having fun watching it but some of the plot and characterization choices are just....odd??? idk i gotta keep going though!! im sorry i just stan arakawa and her work in all her glory!!!

[tootyfrootycasbooty]

how do u think u are inspired by punk subculture and others like ska and alternatives... like i find it very cool and see u talk in ur blog, wanted to know more... do u have any recomendations? like films, books... anyway thanks have a nice day u r lovely!!

WOW big question with a big answer under the cut. lovely lovely elizabeth just did an interview w me for Berlin Art Link and i discuss punk & subculture & fandom in the context of my art practice and dissertation there!

 my dad brought me up on the music very young, little babby me in the car singing along to the clash and the specials....it’s always just been a part of how i see myself, and i struggled w it a lot more when i was younger, it didn’t exactly mesh with being a black preteen/teen in one of the Whitest parts of the country. i think it will always be an influence i carry with me thru fashion and music tastes, and it’s been really nice in the last 2 years to kind of rediscover that part of myself bc i stopped acknowledging it for a big long time. 

i am the most annoying defender of ska because The Internet has reduced this entire genre down to like...shitty third and fourth wave american ska which is ???? not even something i’ve ever really associated as ska, it’s so far removed. ska is a jamaican genre and it’s the precursor to rocksteady and reggae, and there’s a really interesting relationship between different subcultures in postwar britain who kind of transcend anti-black racism of the time to find common ground in black-british culture. a lot of that comes from ska - punk and skinhead culture have both been hugely whitewashed or misremembered by their more commercialised/infamous versions in the media, despite there being so much variance & nuance at the time, and when both were early in their incarnations they centred around ska and reggae. read: don letts, beautiful dreadhead brother/dj to the punks. my white dad introduced me to reggae bc he was punk, while my jamaican mum could not give a shit about it!! anyway i know more about 2-tone/second wave ska than the first bc i was obsessed w Ghost Town by the specials as a kid, and while writing my dissertation i realised how fantastic it is that was i was drawn to a genre that specifically marries black and white culture in britain through music, very audibly and visually too, and it’s just....overtly political while being outrageously fun....it’s very honest and timeless and now more than ever, it feels relevant. imo, ska was often hopeful/joyful (even if the lyrics weren’t necessarily) while punk was nihilistic. i think it’s also worth saying that british and american punk have very different histories and offshoots, even tho they happened at the same time and had many crossovers.

my recommendations, whew ok!

books: black by design - pauline black (AMAZING biography by singer of the selector, mixed race and adopted, i gasped so many times bc so many parts of this book reflected my exact feelings of discovering my own blackness, even tho our child & adolescent years were like...4-5 decades apart); lipstick kisses - greil marcus (very dense but mostly very interesting, altho it does go wildly off topic sometimes. comparing 20th century social history to medieval religious history etc. it’s wild. if u want an academic read about this is IT, the way he links the letterist & situationist international to punk is just *chefs kiss*....also in general v good commentary on how mass homogenous culture combined w a loss of true freedom via capitalism, eventually creates civil unrest like may 68 and punk.) and england’s dreaming - jon savage (the go-to history of punk, basically starting with malcolm mcclaren’s childhood and how his art school background combined w may 68 led to him & vivienne very consciously creating a stylised movement, but it rly covers a lot more than that)

more academic texts on punk: subculture, the meaning of style - dick hebdige (aka the very same bastard of I Love Dick); punk rock, so what - ed. roger sabin (this is a fantastic collection of essays on dif topics that u may not ever consider in relation to punk, but the ones on race, women, and commodity are fab...so good for solidifying the concept that punk existed beyond the sex pistols and was much more interesting than them too); i havent actually read any ska specific academic texts but i wld be interested to! also dayglo! the poly styrene story for my fave black punk leading lady

films & tv: this is england (of course...how i could i not...i implore u to watch the film and then each series bc the journey is spectacular & effortlessly shows how transient and changeable these subcultures could be as music and fashion and social circumstances change); farming by adewale akinnuoye-agbaje (big trigger warning for violent racism & internalised racism, so harrowing & worthwhile tho, i dont think it deserved the shoddy reviews it got...it rly undid me); dance craze by joe massot (2-tone documentary); sex & drugs & rock n roll (ian dury is great is often left out of punk conversations but he’s a big part of my childhood and stiff records was v influential to punk & post-punk)

just general good films abt subculture: northern soul (ive been going to northern soul nights since moving to london and the history is so interesting and i wish i could go back in time and BOOGIE my god it seems incredible....also see fiorucci made me hardcore, a video art piece by mark leckey); 24 hour party people; quadrophenia; the football factory (fun fact, my dad became a punk bc he didnt like football & was tired of being beaten up by footie fans lmao); velvet goldmine.

[dimpledpran]

me beginning to read ur response; are we the same person? lol completely feel the homebody/fic reading/picky eater, that sounds like a nice time tbh hehe...ahh yes that's good, im the same way i will listen to a bit of everything! but oh i used to love 1D, and ed sheeran is p good too, honestly i only ever heard his first two albums lmao then the next one i kinda didn't vibe too much w it lmao oops. LITTLE MIX THEY ARE MY ABSOLUTE FAVE! god, did u see the jesy news? how we holdin up? (1/?)

oh that is so exciting! what kind of dancing? (continues to read and realizes u answered this as u went lmao srry) oof i admire anyone that has rhythm in their bones cause lord knows i can't dance to save my life lmao but wow wow ok that sounds really really cool! i hope u can go back to dancing&such if u really enjoy it! sounds really cool tbh SINGING IS ALWAYS GREAT NO MATTER THE TALENT YOLO lmao don't let anyone stop u from ever singing lol. sounds like uve done some good ol tv watching (2/?)

oh man ice cream is well deserved and received on any day good or bad but ahhh yes pls a good ol fic can always be a good mood lift :')) i love this we've got quite a few shared interests and such its p cool considering we are the same age!! well im 26 still but i turn 27 in feb lol so but skdlfjs seems like u really loveeee food that is great! and aww the mom food comment, ok same here. u have really good taste in food! u know ive never had indian food! i wanna try some! (3/?)

i can't seem to find any other asks we have shared? i could have sworn i had sent a couple other ones? and u answered? i sha;; go thrpugh your blog since its not in the tag ok! don't wanna leave something un-replied too heh (4??/?) << i think

found it! i knew it! us 'adults' have such busy schedules huh lol i hope you've been resting better these days and not staying up TOO late lol do let me know when ur ss thing happens! wanna hear all abt it heh but anyways lovely i hope ur doing well! taking care of urself and having a nice time! stay safe and i will be back soon!!(5/5)

Hiya love! I shall once again leave my response below the cut. :)

Hahah yay! Glad to know I am not alone in that! 🙈

Used to listen to 1D? Not anymore? I’m offended on their behalf. Just joking. Who are your fave artists?Ed’s first two albums are amazing, the recent one is more pop, but there are a few beautiful songs! YESS! OMG LM ARE SO UNDERRATED AND IT IS DEPRESSING! yeah, I saw the news. I am upset, but I also really am happy that she finally can focus on herself. The industry is too messed up and I hope she gets to where she wants to be mentally and emotionally. She really deserves the best! How are you coping with that?

I have a friend who has no sense of rhythm, is stiff as a rock. We ended up being partners when we learnt Salsa in school, and she chose to be the “lead” and i was to follow her. It was not an easy ride, but in the end we got a B for the exam. So i believe that if she can get a B, anyone can dance! Just gotta keep trying! 💪 HAHAHAH IKR! it is always fun to just belt out and have bathroom concerts! My neighbours should be honoured to listen to me! 😂😂Hahah yeah. the TV watching is what lead me to creating this blog, so no complaints. 

Awww that’s so cool! We are of similar age and have so much in common! Yeah, I am a bit of a paradox. Like I am very picky with food, but I also really love food. haha.  Yess! Mum food is always the best! OMG you should try Indian food!! It depends on if you like more sweet or spicy or sour stuff, but there is pretty much something for everyone in Indian cuisine! Where are you from btw? I dont think I asked this before. (I am sorry if i alr did, and this is a repeat qn)

Oh god! I am so sorry!! I didnt realise that I misspelt the tag, so it was mzdsnetcc instead of mdzsnetcc.. I am sorry that you had to scroll through and find it. But I have rectified it, and I will make sure i spell it correctly henceforth. 

Definitely have been resting better! Thank you! Yeah, working life is more hectic, but i honestly will take this over schooling again. I am so glad to be done with studying. My office SS is finally happening tmr! I can tell you about it next time on how it goes! Thank you for your lovely message! I hope you are having a great week! I believe you have tmr off, so I hope you enjoy your break! Hope you get to do something fun! Take care and stay safe! 🥰🥰

[starkeyboy]

breastfeeding ° ed

I don’t see imagines about the main focusing of breastfeeding. So I wrote about it :) and no, I’m not a mother, I’m just proud to be a women that will have children one day.

“Which one do you think y/n would like?” Ethan said as he was looking over at all the beautiful flowers. Grayson was beside him while their camera man was filming them. They were both making a video about appreciating moms for Mother’s Day, even though it was nearly a month ago, they just feel like they didn’t exaggerate it enough.

The first part of the video was them buying stuff for their mom but the second half was all about you. You gave Ethan the best gift in his life and he wants to show that off to the world. You and Ethan don’t really show off your daughter a lot because you guys like being private about your own little family. So he was going all out for this one chance.

“Uhh, well her favorite color is pastel pink, right?” Grayson asked as he stepped closer to look at them. Ethan nodded and picked out a beautiful set of light pink roses, just how you like them. He smiled and walked off to the candy aisle, picking up your favorite candy immediately.

Ethan sat the bags in the back seat where your daughters car seat sat. Ethan smiled at the thought of seeing his little bundle when he gets home, ready to snuggle her and kiss her all over. But he’s mostly ready to see you. He feels like he doesn’t show it enough, show that your the most valuable thing in his life, other than his precious daughter, but you gave him that gift, hoping to give him more in the future. Everyday you get up in the morning, give your daughter her medicine, sometimes give her a bath and most importantly, breastfeed her. He’s amazed everyday of how you can do it. Sometimes you have to skip out on breastfeeding if your sick but that has only happened once.

Ethan looked at the road ahead of him as Grayson spoke to the camera, Ethan would talk but all he wants is to see his two favorite girls, one of them being his little princess and the other his gorgeous queen.

Once he stopped the car and turned the engine off he quickly grabbed the bags and sprinted in, hearing Graysons loud laughs. He entered the house and peered around the corner and saw you breastfeeding your daughter. You looked up and smiled at him.

Ethan set the bag down, knowing Grayson will get it and walked over to you. He sat down, kissed you softly and peered down into your cover up and saw his precious baby. You were used to him watching her with awe when it came to you breastfeeding. Sometimes you would do it outside, so she can feel the warm sun while drinking the milk. And sometimes in the living room, obviously. You would like to breastfeed in your shared bedroom but the sun set just looked too nice for you to not come in the living room.

“You guys filming?” You asked as you lifted up one hand, pulling his face up to you. Ethan smiled at you and put a hand on the baby. He eventually nodded and went back down, still looking with awe. Sometimes he would comb her hair back as she had tons of it, being both of you guys had some thick hair.

You looked up seeing their camera guy filming y’all, but you didnt tell him to stop or protest against it. You were proud to be a mom and being proud is showing that off. You were proud to show that you are a mom and that you are giving your baby food by breastfeeding, and Ethan surely agrees.

“I think she’s done, E. Wanna burp her?” You asked and Ethan immediately sat up and nodded. You made sure she was done and thankfully she was, and slowly pulled her out from the cover up with Ethan’s help. Once your shirt was back on and you were free from flashing the camera, you lifted the cover and set it on the arm of the couch. Ethan was now stood, rocking the baby and trying to burp her. You smiled softly, seeing the caring dad.

“I’m gonna go take a bath, I love you,” you stood up. He looked at you and smiled caringly. He kissed you and whispered in your ear.

“I put some bath oil under the sink just for you, use them tonight, I’ll be in there soon.” You smiled at him and kissed his lips again and headed off.

Ethan heard his daughter burp and quickly removed the rag and wiped her face on the clean side. He kissed her cheeks gently as he layed her in his arms. He then started to walk to Graysons room to see if he could take over for a little bit.

“Hey, gray?” Ethan asked, stepping into his brothers room. Grayson looked up and smiled seeing his niece.

“What’s up?”

“You think you can take over for a little bit, I’m gonna go relax in the bath with y/n?” He said as he walked closer to him. He already knew Graysons answer, as Grayson loves being with her.

Grayson swiftly nodded and gently took her from Ethan’s arm. He cooed down at the baby cutely as her eyes opened and closed softly. “Ya, I got her,” he said looking at Ethan. Ethan smiled at him and leaned down to kiss his princesses forehead.

“Mommy and I will be back, I promise,” he promised as he backed away from them and went straight to yalls bathroom.

He stepped through and saw you with your eyes closed and bubbles around you, the smell of lavender filling his nose. He walked over and it was like you could sense him. He saw your eyes open and you smile at him.

“Think I can slip in,” he said as she nodded, sitting up and moving forward. Ethan slipped off his shirt and shedded his pants and boxers. He made sure to take his socks off and immediately slip in. As he was behind you, knees up and your back now against his chest, he felt serene with you.

His hands layed on your skin as you played with his fingers. He kissed your neck gently as you rolled your head to the side for more access. You guys weren’t going to have sex but this was his way of showing you love when you are enable of having it.

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispered as he toyed with your ear. You smiled and turned your face to look at him. He looked back down at you and could never take his smile off his face.

“Why so?” You asked as your hand came up to brush his hair out of the way. He only leaned down to kiss you softly, ready for his speech.

“For being a wonderful mom. I didn’t ask you to be this good and I’m so fucking happy you are. I feel bad in the morning when you’re the one getting up for her when I should. You need the rest, not me,” he said as his hands ran over your thighs. You had tears in your eyes as you kissed his jaw.

“Ethan you’re a wonderful dad, just so you know. Some dads in this world don’t appreciate women or mothers as much as you do. The only dads I see that do, is yours and I know you learned it from him. I’m so happy your the father of our precious daughter because I don’t think I would want anyone else looking at our daughter with awe while I’m breastfeeding.” He let out a small laugh as she layed her head on his shoulder.

“I’m just amazed at it, that’s all,” he said as he cupped one of your boobs. You only laughed and looked back up to him.

“I love you Ethan dolan,” you said with adoration. He hummed at you and kissed you gently.

“I love you too y/n dolan.”

This is personally my favorite imagine I just wrote.

Give me feedback please! I love seeing them!

[tfw-no-tennis]

hxh RESUME

back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps 

ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll

i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh

exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls 

also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting 

leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family 

illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to

the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy 

hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch 

the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK 

AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH 

ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact 

EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS. 

no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought) 

ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks

gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!

i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi) 

hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd

dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho

an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol

so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh 

gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute 

so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok

im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father 

gon is so precious ;_; 

WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???

why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint 

ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways 

idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent 

the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm 

gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him

ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS

i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st

ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo

ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo

i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense

i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood 

gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite. 

those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless

that bigass buster sword....sir please 

ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol

the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill 

also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk

this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee 

i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing 

the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo 

ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good 

also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :( 

as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes 

maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls 

god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope 

anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force 

like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua 

but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow. 

and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky 

and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death 

i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny 

training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!

and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out

i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....

oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that 

also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face 

this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn

killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....

back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????

 i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol 

oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good

when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii 

oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh 

i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic 

also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN????????? 

im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao

i do think its rlly nen this time tho

anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly 

i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....

also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven 

i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)

thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla

[publicschool-n-genzthings]

The bad or even worse things I've experienced throughout my school years + thing that really pissed me off:

Headstart:

-a kid once fucking SHAT on my playing blocks

-someone stole my milk during breakfast

-same kid from the first part vomited everywhere causing learning to be disrupted

-had a mental breakdown when one of the assistants visited my home and started crying

-got bitten twice on the bus on the way home from headstart

Kindergarten:

-got harassed on my first day of school

-got stabbed in the thigh with a really sharp pencil, pencil lead broke off inside my thigh and the nurse was not able to get it out due to how far it was in my thigh, for some reason I got really sick a few days after that.

Girl that did that to me brought that up to me in 9th grade and she apparently thought shit was funny, even to this day (spoiler alert, shannon, that shit wasn't fucking funny)

-during my first fire drill i tripped out the door and skidded knee first across the concrete, that took a large chunk out of my knee, i could see some bone, and i was bleeding alot and also saw some of my skin on the concrete along with lots of blood, had to be carried to the nurse, but the teacher carrying me decided to bitch about having to carry me because i couldnt walk there by myself due to the literal AGONY i was in

1st grade:

-got stabbed on the bus a few times

-teachers attempted to put me in special ed due to not wanting to speak

-teacher humiliated me in front of everyone because I forged my grandmother's signature on some dumb reading passage, that i didnt even need because I was a much higher reading skill than most others

-teacher humiliated me by threatening to call my grandmother even though my grandmother would've lost her job if caught on her phone if she wasnt on break, teacher said she basically didnt give a shit

-teacher yelled at and humiliated me in class because I leaned back in my chair and fell on my head, she made me change my card to red while other people were still literally doing the same thing I got in trouble for

3rd grade:

-i decided to be fucking stupid and jump on the merry go round that the gym teacher got spinning really fast, i had good reflexes so I was able to grab onto a bar quick and get on, then per request, i decided to jump, gravity was about to yeet me so i grabbed onto the bar but my legs couldnt reach the ground on time, so I was just basically flying at this point. My brain i need to let go of the bar i was tightly holding onto, and then i pretty much just yeeted myself a couple of feet then started skidding across the playground rocks which left many marks the assistant in charge of me just breifly looked up and asked if i was ok, my internal answer, "no, im bleeding from everywhere, send help", my verbal answer "yes"

4th grade:

-developed a crush for straight girl who looked cute in glasses

-teacher decided to throw a party and we brought our own food, beverages, and snacks, we all brought alot of food. Teacher says we can get however much food as we want, i go back for some more of a certain food i was fond of, teacher SLAPS my hand and tells me to stop being greedy, and tells me to get chips intead, despite the fact everyone else has been up there much more than i have, my ex friend, a white kid, unlike me, decided she'd go get some actual food for me, she's about to give the food to me when the teacher yells at her saying if she's not gonna eat herself then thow it away....

5th grade:

-my depression kicks in along with also being super stressed because the teacher keeps harassing me and making fun of me for not being good at math instead of helping me, the counselor had to teach it to me for me to understand

-came out to ex friend, she said "ew" and also that "i better not kiss her" as if anyone would WANT to kiss her in the first place

-ex friend told ex friend 2, even though I asked her not to tell anyone, though ex friend 2 was very supportive of me

-ex friend forced/bullied me into admitting my feeling to my crush, me knowing the outcome, told my ex friend that the crush was straight and she would just reject me, ex friend made me do it anyway

-crush outs me to everyone, and everyone starts harassing me including her, which hurt me a lot and made me feel even worse about myself

-i asked my ex friend if i should kill myself, and she says yes, and to invite her to my funeral, because she "wants to see a dead body", i kept this noted, and planned to go through with it during the late evening by overdosing, i stopped myself before it was too late though, and never mentioned this to anyone

-went through the rest of the year battling with myself and others, and cutting myself

6th grade:

-people forgot about the fact they were attacking me, until this now ex crush brought it up again in gym class

-girl that i didn't like tried to play friend with me, despite constantly making fun of me for liking anime

-new crush is friends with my harassers and layghs at jokes made me, though i guess she actually did care about how i feel, but it sucks I'd do anything for her but she was always the bystander when watching people harass and make jokes about me

7th grade:

-slapped someone on the throught for not leaving me alone, then she punched me, and i told the teacher, girl lied to principal and teacher by saying i choked her and fake sobbing, people believed her, then either distanced themselves from me or harassing me

8th grade:

-same old harassment

-got a rock thrown at the back of my head by some fuckboy, and his asshole friend pretended to stand up for me before laughing about it

9th grade:

-im a loner, nobody messes with me for the most part, they just pretend im not there

10th grade:

-people think im gonna shoot up the school because they know i get bullied

-got dragged into some stupid drama multiple times involving the one friend i have

-dude once said he would punch me if i wasn't a girl...

-someone once punched me in the shoulder for no reason as i was walking by

-got called the n word for the second time in my life + told to pick some cotton

-really had to stop myself from punching every single whitey in the face that was wearing maga hats

11th grade:

-homophobic maga white cishet girl with a mom who apparently has breast and butt transplants wont stop saying stupid shit that makes me want to both deck her

-in between 9th and 11th grade things started getting worse for me again and i started hurting myself in more ways than just physical, im very unstable, but i dont want help, i think i can handle things on my own if i just let out some real emotion within me every now and then instead of just joking about my pains

[awfullybigwardrobe44]

Little Prince Caspian (movie) things

Here is my stream of consciousness from rewatching Prince Caspian. IDK if anyone will take the time to read through this lol but here it issss

-Queen Prunarismia, upon delivering and being handed her newborn baby, immediately checks with eagerness (and anxiety?) to see if it’s a boy.

-Susan sits by herself at school. She prefers to be left alone.

-the look of fear on Lucy’s face, and disappointment in Susan ‘s, when Peter is fighting.

-Peter’s desperate look at them when he sees them and realizes they must be disappointed.

-“Act your age” -Security guard to Peter

-it’s weird for me because Ed and Lu changed so much between movies. Ed’s voice obviously got deeper, but Lucy’s did too. She seems SO much older.

-Lucy falling in the water on the beach was probably Georgie falling in real life let’s be honest

-the Cair ruins are SO PRETTY.

-Pevensies running barefoot through the castle ruins

-OK BUT MIRAZ’S BABY IS REALLY CUTE

-I loooooove the Spanish accents.

-“Abducted....... by NARNIANS.”

-the Telmarines calling Narnians “fairy tales” ohhhhhh the irony

-Ok but? Peter does this thing with his head when he’s looking at his statue in the treasure room? He almost shakes his head? As if to say “I can’t believe that was me” or “why am I not like that now”???

-Ed turning away to laugh when Peter includes “The Magnificent”

-Ed’s smile when Peter tells the DLF that Ed will fight him

-the little embroideries on Caspian’s night shirt :)

-parallel between Badger believing Caspian is going to save them and Beaver believing the Pevensies were going to save them

-Pevensies in the history textbooks

-Abcient professor, having studied the Pevensies his whole life, suddenly has an arrow from QUEEN SUSAN in his OFFICE??? (Miraz stabs it in his book)

-his smile. The look in his eyes. The HOPE. The TRIUMPH. The SMIRK.

-that shot. The one looking up into the sky from the water. With the sun and the boat. And the music.

-I love how Lucy and Susan’s hair get frizzy when they’re on the water in the boat. Like? Same. Yet they still look like angels

-Lucy just wants to talk to the friendly Bear!!!

-Peter brandishing his sword and hugging Lucy with the other arm

-the way the Narnian theme turns minor as it shows the steep cliff drop off

-Lucy’s smile when she sees Aslan.

-Lucy trying not to cry after seeing Aslan and Edmund looking all compassionate

-the little lights in the trees during the council meeting in the woods with Caspian

-I REALLY LOVE CASPIAN’S ACCENT WHY DIDNT THEY KEEP IT

-How did no one see the Pevensies hidden behind the log? Susan’s red arrows stick out like a sore thumb

-Parallel between trebuchets at Beruna and the leftover ones at Cair that Ed notices

-The gorge is so prettyyyyyy

-Susan and Lucy’s late night girl-talk about Aslan. I love it. Susan deferring to Lucy as the expert on Aslan...

-The way Lucy’s little head whips around when she hear’s Aslan’s growl

-I have always loved the parallel between Lucy’s expression in LWW when she sees the Dryad and when she sees one in PC- same expression of wonder

-The way the whole dream scene happens in semi-slow motion- exactly like a dream

-”Dear one.”

-”Certainly Lu. Whatever you like.” -direct book quote

-One of the fauns looks like Martin Freeman and it’s throwing me off

-Why did they feel they needed to make Peter angry and prideful... the looks he and Caspian exchange... why can’t my smols just play nice

-Caspian and Peter walking ahead and talking strategy

-Lucy walking with Reep

-BABY CENTAUR alskd;jf;klsjdkl cute

-in that famous scene where the Pevensies walk forward and Caspian stays behind during the centaur salute- Peter and Susan step forward first, then Edmund and Lucy

-UMMMMM?????? I think Susan is crying when they see the Stone Table in the How????????? Feels?????

-When they see the Stone Table I love that it’s Susan and Lucy in the center, staring at it just as they did so many years ago when Aslan rose again...

-Caspian’s look of dejection when he realizes that Peter is High King and he has to call the shots (I still hate that he and Peter’s relationship is like that but good acting on Ben’s part)

-When Peter asks Glenstorm for help, Glenstorm shares a look with Caspian.

-Edmund getting dropped at the castle first... because he has a torch!

-Parallel between Pevensies flying in by gryffin and WWII bombers...

-the muted trumpet/bugle theme for Reep and his mice!

-Susan taking Caspian’s side against Peter when Caspian wants to go find his professor <3

-when the guard accidentally turns the torch on and it shines in his face. Same, dude. Same.

-Edmund canonically calls Peter “Pete.”

-Oh. my. goodness. “Exactly WHO are you doing this for, Peter?” when in the first movie, it was “For Narnia, and for Aslan.” Really shows the error he’s made. He really has given up hope on Aslan. (Again, not saying that I like this change to his character AT ALL but this was a cool way to show it if they HAD to go in that direction...)

-THEN he says “For Narnia.” (but not for Aslan...)

-The Minotaur holding up the gate :’(

-The smile in Edmund’s eyes before he falls backward onto the gryffin

-Peter crying as he see’s what he’s done with the Narnians getting trapped and Susan crying too I can’t

-Lucy. Sitting on the stone table, all alone. While the others are fighting. Holding her healing cordial, wishing she could be there helping. And the significance of her being “near” Aslan when she’s lonely and sad waiting for the others to get back.

-When the Telmarine lords are pledging their troops to Miraz as he’s getting crowned one of them says “Etinsmoor” which sounds a lot like the castle from Hamlet I think??? lol.

-Miraz’s sick cape flip as he walks up to the throne

-parallel between the Stone Table music from LWW and the summoning of the witch music in PC

-ok the Hag is seriously creepy

-The witch’s ice and the witch herself appear in the big archway where Aslan appeared in LWW. Nice parallel. Like she’s coming between them and Aslan...

-You can see Caspian’s breath when the ice appears

-Lucy using her dagger and being ruthless 

-The witch telling Peter he “can’t do this alone” YEAH BUD YOU CAN’T WHICH IS WHY YOU NEED ASLAN NOT HER???

-Edmund breaking the ice. Yeaaaaaah buddy character development

-The shot of the Aslan statue in the background

-Susan’s look of disappointment at Peter and Caspian

-After all this time I think Caspian is still wearing his nightshirt....

-Is... Is Peter looking up at the Aslan statue with tears in his eyes?

-Parallel between Lucy’s “Susan! you’d better come quickly!” and Edmund’s “Pete... you’d better come quickly.”

-UMM Miraz is riding a WHITE HORSE and the horse’s HELMET HAS A UNICORN HORN UMM IS HE TRYING TO BE PETER

-I’m sorry but Edmund walking towards the Telmarine camp carrying a plant as a peace offering

-Susan is NOT impressed with Caspian’s behavior. Giving him the cold shoulder. 

-Susan. Facing the Telmarines. Alone. The director said they had horsemen ride at Anna full-force and she never flinched. 

-Susan’s little smile as she swings up onto the horse with Caspian.... (I’m not a hardcore Suspian shipper but awww)

-Edmund resetting Peter’s arm

-Caspian. with tears in his eyes as he chooses not to kill. 

-Miraz dies with Susan’s arrow stuck in him- like the arrow he took to the Professor’s office earlier- “superstitions”

-This time during battle it’s the Telmarines dropping rocks and not the Narnians like in LWW

-I can’t ever watch Susan pull an arrow out of her quiver without thinking of that blooper lol

-Edmund with a crossbow yeeeeaaahhh

-Peter says “Lucy” and Susan reads his lips from that far off and shakes her head

-and THEN when the trees come in, Peter’s cry is FINALLY “For Aslan!”

-Lucy pulls out her dagger and then makes this EXPRESSION like COME AT ME Y’ALL 

-Aslan and Lucy just look at each other

-the symbolism between the Telmarines trying to control the Narnians or deny their existence and their building the bridge across the river- and then Aslan unleashes the RIVER DUDE and Narnia fights back

-Meeting Aslan, Susan looks afraid to meet his eyes

-The little bit of a growl/sternness in Aslan’s voice when he’s talking to Reep who is being a touch prideful

-When Reep is giving all the reasons he needs a tail, Lucy looks to Aslan and smiles and Aslan looks to Lucy and smiles. All these looks really show that thing the book says that “Lucy understands some of his moods” or something- she knows him best

-”Where is this dear little friend you’ve told me so much about”- Did Lucy tell Aslan about him on the way to Beruna? 

-Lucy still has waves in her hair in the parade scene and I’ve always wondered why but maybe it’s still from her braids from the beginning of her movie?

-Fireworks at the castle again- for a very different reason

-The look between Aslan and Susan. 

-I think you can hear Aslan say “world” to Susan and Peter- like “your world”?

-Susan’s shy little smile as she looks back to her family after KISSING CASPIAN

-maybe i’m just imagining it but I’ve always thought that Aslan was mouthing “bye” to Lucy at the very end when she looks back to him

-I LOVE that they show the transition from Narnia to the platform from Lucy’s perspective. 

[oat-gets-t]

Day 1 / First day

Getting the first shot stung a little because my nurse wanted my mom to do it and she was nervous and shaking, even though we had to do a very similar thing for my diabetic dog. It didnt really hurt beyond that, though. I think she was afraid of hurting me because she pulled out a little early and a small drop of testosterone was brought to the surface.

I didn't notice any real changes until the car ride home. It was about 1.5 hrs from Lebanon (hospital) to Nashua. The entire car ride home my dick was hard as hell. It wasn't your normal horny Rolf, it was more,,, physical? There was more of an urge to do something about it. I was euphoric about the shot, so I was able to jack off when I got home, but man my dick is still hard as rock.

The second thing I noticed on T was an increased appetite. We had eaten pizza and usually I have a controlled appetite, but I was still hungry after that. Hopefully the fat rearrangement helps with my ed too, I'll be able to use the food for good. It's been 14 hours since my shot and I've eaten a whole French loaf and 3 gallons of Arizona Arnold Palmer tea.

The third thing I noticed was sweat. A LOT of sweat. I woke up and my whole sweater was damp. I guess I can't sleep in four layers anymore? Which will suck but like, I'm still euphoric over everything else going on for the dysphoria to hurt much. My sheets were literally wet, so I'll run a fan at night too

The last thing I've noticed so far is my throat almost feeling dry, but sounding sick. I know I'm not sick, it's a different feel. I don't know how exactly to describe it. The lower bit near my tonsils is tight, but the top of my throat feels almost like it isn't there. It feels good, but I don't know if that's from it actually feeling good or from me knowing that my voice is gonna drop. I'll do daily updates of my voice pitch, but I haven't done one on T yet.

Here's my vocal pitch pre-t:

Last minute edit: i was with my friends and they wanted me to do my high pitched hentai voice bUT I CANT DO IT. MY VOICE GETS TOO RASPY

[letmeletmetrashyourlove]

Indiana

Summary: One argument leads to another. Billy betrays his childhood sweetheart’s trust. 

Authors Note: Written with the song Konstantine by Something Corporate in mind. 

REQUESTS OPEN

PART TWO

I like song requests like this one, I can just kinda write as it comes to me instead of trying to go off a promt.

FEEDBACK ALWAYS APPRECIATED, ESPECIALLY IF YOU DIDNT LIKE IT. I always strive to make my work better (seriously, you can roast me if you want to )

I swallowed my pride as I shoved my hands into my pockets. Billy and I argued when he told me he was moving to Indiana. I made accusations that it was because of him getting into trouble at school. A switch in him just flipped when he discovered his parent's split. He had never been a particularly sociable guy, always explicit and abrasive. But he diverted from carrying it inside to taking out on other people. I couldn’t even count on all my fingers how many quarrels he had gotten into at school in the past year. One kid bumped into him in the hallway and he lost it, knocking the poor boy to the ground and breaking his nose. It was some kind of blessing that the principal hadn't expelled him yet. Or maybe it was the fact that his father came in and berated the principal every time there was trouble. His new stepsister and I met only a handful of times. She was sweet, and honestly, hilarious. Billy didn’t see her in the same light that I did. He regarded her as a pest, somewhat to blame for the separation.

Despite all that happened, we were childhood friends that grew into something more. I always had his back, and he always had mine. Whether or not we stayed together, I needed to apologize for what I said.

I tiptoed up the steps, peering in through the window. There was Billy, on the couch with another girl. His pants were discarded, and she straddled his lap.

Everything we’d gone through together flashed through my mind as I neglected to avert my eyes.

I rang the doorbell, causing them both to jump. I presented myself in the window, throwing them the middle finger before taking off back towards my car. Yelling burst from inside the house until Billy stumbled out, still struggling to pull his jeans on over his legs.

     “Y/N, wait!” He called.

    “No.” I growled, whirling around to face him  “No.”

I backed away from Billy as he approached me with his arms open. Neither of us knew what to say.

    “Y/N.” He uttered, tears springing into his eyes.

    “No. No, no. No, no, no, no, no.” I repeated, my brain not able to come up with anything more substantial. I placed one hand over my mouth as the tears sprang out onto my cheeks.

    “That wasn’t what you thought it was.” He insisted, reaching out for my hand.

    “No! Don’t- Don’t fucking touch me.” I cried, swatting his hand away and turning on my heels, sprinting away from him.

    “Y/N!?” He screamed after me, following me close behind.

My mind reeled, flying back to all those nights we had spent on my couch with him sobbing into my shoulder about his father beating him senseless. Cleaning him up after fights. Laughing while watching movies. Playing boring ass board games that always ended in us making out. Attempting to do group projects that always ended in us arguing. Falling asleep on each other after a long day. Our blissfully oblivious innocence had suddenly been ripped out from underneath me like a rug, sending me into a freefall.

Was any of that even real? Was he pulling the same shit on other girls? Was I not enough for him? Was I his first choice or was I further down the list?

He caught my wrist, pulling me back toward him. I pushed off his chest, trying not to show the tears that were streaming down my face.

    “Let go of me!” I exclaimed, straining against his grip. He never once laid a hand on me in a way I wouldn’t want. He feared turning into his father, but that fear had either gone, or was buried deep under his emotional trauma.  

    “Please, please, don’t go.” He pleaded, “Please, you’re the love of my life.”

    “Fuck you.” I spat through gritted teeth, yanking my wrist out of his grip as I pulled my keys from my bag and got into my car.

I laid on the horn as I threw the car into reverse, speeding off down the road. The headlights turned into starbursts as the tears flew from my eyes. I frantically wiped them away as I blew through at least one stop sign on the way home.

I couldn’t cry anymore. Exhaustion was beginning to sweep over me just as there was a knock at my door. I knew exactly who it was, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to ignore it. But my body moved without my mind’s permission, dragging me to the front door. I glanced through the frosted window, seeing the outline of a figure dressed in denim.

    “Why are you even here? What else do you want from me?” I shouted at him through the door.

    “I came here to ask you to go to Indiana with me!”  

I yanked the door open, so hard I was afraid I would pull it right off its hinges. Go to Indiana? He can’t possibly expect me to drop everything and go with him. Especially not after tonight.

    “Go to Indiana with you!? I just caught you about to fuck some other girl!” I screamed, tears that I thought were depleted returning to my eyes.

To be honest, before I saw him with her, I would have considered it. So what if I was 17, I could finish my senior year, go to Purdue and study god knows what. Do what our parents did, marry our high school sweethearts and start a life there. Sure, it seemed far off, but I could think that far ahead with him. He had been such a constant, I couldn’t imagine him not remaining in my life.

    “I can’t go without you…” He admitted, rocking back and forth on his heels. He had yet to look me in the eyes.

    “You know how much shit I put up with for you?” I snarled, “How many times I wanted to leave?”

I flashed back to some drunk asshole at a party who stumbled up to me and spilled his drink on my top. I was annoyed, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. Billy, though, he thought differently. The next thing I knew the kid was pinned on the floor as Billy wailed on his face. The only reason he stopped was because the cops came.

    “I know, I know-” He began.

I didn’t care to let him elaborate. Nothing he could say would make me change my mind. Nothing he could say could make me forgive him. And there damn well wasn’t a thing he could say to convince me to go with him.

    “I thought maybe you being such a jackass was because of your dad. You were sweet to me, so what did it matter, right? It’s okay that you beat people up for the hell of it. It’s okay that you drink yourself into a coma a couple of times a week. Because you loved me, right? All I needed was somebody that loved me.” I scoffed, my tears of sadness turning into tears of anger. Not at him, but at myself for not realizing this would happen sooner or later.

    “Loved, you? I still love you!” He asserted.

    “Really? Love is sticking your dick in the first new thing that walks by?”

    “Babe-” 

    “No. Don’t you fucking dare call me that, not right now.” I shrieked, loud enough for the neighbors to hear. I thanked God that my parents were out of town.

    “You got so mad at me when I told you about Indiana… You said you were done… I thought you meant we were done.” He defended, restlessly twisting his ring around his finger.

    “You fucking tell me that I’m the love of your life, yet the second we break up, you’ve moved on with somebody else!?”

    “It’s not like that!”

    “No, of course, it’s not! It’s never ‘like that’” I sneered, “That’s totally not the go-to of every cheater on the fucking planet.”  

    “It wasn’t about her! I don’t give a damn about her!” He roared, “I thought we were done. I needed somebody to run to. I couldn’t fucking deal with losing you!”

    “No. No. That’s not a good enough reason.” I argued, “You didn’t see me doing the same damn thing. Jesus Christ, Billy! We had this for years since we were kids. And you didn’t even take a second to mourn that.”

    “Baby-”

    “Leave,” I uttered.

    “Please don’t do this.”

    “You know, as bad as you just hurt me, you’re the only person I want to talk to right now.” I whimpered.

He dipped his head, avoiding my gaze as he brought his hands up to wipe his tears. His whole body was trembling, having to use all of his strength not to completely lose it.

    “Please. Just go.” I begged.

    “I’m sorry.”

10/15/84 4:36 am: I’m leaving tomorrow… Uh… the van is all packed up and we’re driving out there. You… won’t be able to call me for a few days… I know that…. You probably don’t want to talk to me anyway. But…. Just know…. I love you. Please… answer next time I call. I love you. I’ll… talk to you later. Or maybe I’ll talk to your answering machine later, who knows.

10/17/84: 4:22 pm: Hey… It’s me… again. We’re in Colorado. About halfway there. It’s beautiful here. The mountains are gorgeous. There’s snow, too. I know how much you love snow. Remember when we went skiing that one year, and I ate shit going down the hill? You laughed your ass off until you realized I was hurt.  I wish you were here too. Maybe if I hadn’t been such a dick, you would be.

10/19/84 8:49 pm: Hey, Y/N. It would be nice to hear your voice. We just got into town… This place is a shithole. Everybody here is boring as hell. There isn’t a single girl here who even compares to you. I got assigned some book that I know you really like. I don’t see how, it’s the most boring thing I’ve ever read. Maybe you could tell me why you love it so much? Maybe you could call me back.

11/01/84 2:36 am: It’s me. I know I haven’t called in a while, but I’m drunk as hell. I just beat my keg record. Not that you would care, you always thought beer was disgusting. I thought things here might be looking up. But… Dad… He’s been… it’s gotten worse. I really need to talk to you.

It was maybe the dozenth message I had listened to over the past month. Each one sounded more desperate than the last.

One last time, I swallowed my pride, dialing my phone. I waited through the rings on the other end.

“What?” A gruff voice replied, blowing what I assume was a puff of smoke.

“Billy?” I asked.

He took a deep breath,

“Y/N?”