#-be totally unaware of the fact that they are literally living in a country that nuked half the globe. the USA is not unique in its use of-

[irawhiti]

gonna clarify a few things that i've noticed in the notes instead of replying to everyone individually. i ended up cutting out a fair bit of information to make this post initially since i was focusing on the US history of nuclear imperialism, this was (vaguely) about oppenheimer, but this seems to have confused some people and i'm a bit um, annoyed, at some of the other responses, so:

1. while i was specifically talking about the US here, i should clarify that the entire imperial core has, and still actively continues, to exploit the pacific for nuclear testing and waste sites. this is NOT something that is unique to the united states, it never has been, and i would like it if people didn't act like this is a "dumb american thing" on my post as if american citizens weren't being fucking bombed by their own government. japan has been trying to dump nuclear waste in the pacific for years and is still attempting to gain permission, despite fierce backlash and outrage from pacific islanders. france and england were allied with the US and were testing their own nuclear bombs in the pacific during the US tests.

pikinni specifically has been under colonial rule by germany, japan, spain, and the USA. this is not unique; the entirety of the fucking pacific has been colonised, sold, overthrown, and handed back and forth between global powers for centuries.

it is convenient for the imperial core to designate the pacific as a nuclear waste site, just as it is convenient for the imperial core to shift blame. i would recommend people look more into these topics on their own time since if i were to list every war crime the imperial core has committed against pasifika? i would be writing this post for months.

do NOT make this into a weird little thing about "uniquely horrible/genocidal/ignorant americans" as if americans (almost exclusively native americans and people of colour), weren't subject to the same horrors. as if part of the issue this post is TALKING about is the erasure of the voices affected by nuclear testing. as if the US government was alone in the act of decades-long nuclear genocide.

2. again, this post is focusing on the war crimes the US committed against the pacific as i am a pacific islander and feel comfortable speaking on and am affected by this topic, but while the pacific was ravaged by testing, other regions were absolutely being used for horrific nuclear tests. tests on US soil continued well after the war. england detonated at least 12 nukes on australia, which was quite convenient for them as colonisers as this made a large swatch of Aboriginal land uninhabitable and allowed the racist myth of terra nullius to further take hold. the soviet union conducted at least 715 nuclear tests in various countries and territories during the cold war. i could go on but i know less about these events frankly and i feel like it'd be inappropriate for me to try and act like any kind of authority. so, again, i'm going to recommend people do their own reading here.

a couple much less/tangentially related additions will be under the readmore, mostly just answering a few things that have come up repeatedly in the tags that aren't really the point of this post.

3. this is... obviously tangential, but i saw it mentioned a few times and people seem confused about the history there so: yes, the word "bikini" for swimsuits comes from pikinni, but the clothing has absolutely nothing to do with the atoll, its people, or its culture. pikinni roughly translates to "coconut place/surface" in kajin m̧ajel‌̧ (marshallese) and "bikini" is the german transliteration, given when pikinni was under colonial rule as part of german new guinea. the modern bikini was designed by louis réard, a frenchman (as a reminder: the french were among the countries actively and openly bombing the pacific with the US with nuclear tests). there was no actual connection to the atoll and he named it that because of the nuclear test which had been making headlines.

4. just as unrelated and frankly not something that i'd really want to put on such a serious post lmao, but it was brought up a few times in the tags so... yeah. yes, "bikini bottom" comes from bikini atoll. it obviously goes without saying that a lot of imagery taken from pacific islanders is used in spongebob. there's no actual connection to the atoll in the show, just like the "tiki totems" in the background and stuff like squidward's mo'ai house are just generalised "tropical island" imagery ripped from any cultural context. it's a little sucky sometimes, sure, but it's REALLY not related to the topic at hand and this is on such a different scale that it feels a bit... ehh. to bring these up together.

since it's been brought up i might as well mention that they actually use real footage of the nuclear bombs being dropped on pikinni as Funny Gag explosions in the show. which is uh, extremely fucking tasteless to put it lightly, but i truly Do not think it's worth including shit like "very tasteless imagery is used in a children's show sometimes" in a serious post about fucking... mass nuclear genocide being used as a tool for imperialism lmfao. for the love of god PLEASE don't let your takeaway of this post be that these are somehow on the same or some even remotely similar level here or that i'm comparing them i swear to fucking god. it just got mentioned in the tags a few times so i'm clarifying please god. look me directly in the eyes here.

while everyone's rightfully talking about oppenheimer and its flaws regarding the erasure of japanese and native american voices regarding nuclear testing and detonations, i'd like to bring up the fact that pacific islanders have also been severely impacted by nuclear testing under the pacific proving grounds, a name given by the US to a number of sites in the pacific that were designated for testing nuclear weapons after the second world war, at least 318 of which were dropped on our ancestral homes and people. i would like if more people talked about this.

important sections are bolded for ease of reading. i would appreciate this being reblogged since it's a bit alarming how few people know about this.

--

in 1946, the indigenous peoples of pikinni (the bikini atoll) were forcibly relocated off of their islands so that nuclear tests could be run on the atoll. at least 23 nuclear bombs were detonated on this inhabited island chain, including 20 hydrogen bombs. many pasifika were irreversibly irradiated, all of them were starved during multiple forced relocations, and the island chain is still unsafe to live on despite multiple cleanup attempts. there are several craters visible from space that were left on the atoll from nuclear testing.

the forced relocation was to several different small and previously uninhabited islands over several decades, none of which were able to sustain traditional lifestyles which directly lead to further starvation and loss of culture and identity. there is a reason that pacific islanders choose specific islands to inhabit including access to fresh water, food, shelter, cloth and fibre, climate, etc. and obviously none of these reasons were taken into account during the displacements.

200 pikinni were eventually moved back to the atoll in the 1970s but dangerous levels of strontium-90 were found in drinking water in 1978 and the inhabitants were found to have abnormally high levels of caesium-137 in their bodies.

--

i'm going to put the rest of this post under a readmore to improve the chances of this being reblogged by the general public. i would recommend you read the entirety of the post since it really isn't long and goes into detail about, say, entire islands being fully, utterly destroyed. like, wiped off of the map. without exaggeration, entire islands were disintegrated.

--

as i just mentioned, ānewetak (the eniwetok atoll) was bombed so violently that an entire island, āllokļap, was permanently and completely destroyed. an entire island. it's just GONE. the world's first hydrogen bomb was tested on this island. the crater is visibly larger than any of the islands next to it, more than a mile in diameter and roughly fifteen storeys deep. the hydrogen bomb released roughly 700 times the energy released during the bombing of hiroshima. this would, of course, be later outdone by other hydrogen bombs dropped on the pacific, reaching over 1000 times the energy released.

one attempt to clean up the waste on ānewetak was the construction of a large ~380ft dome, colloquially known as the tomb, on runit island. the island has been essentially turned into a nuclear waste dump where several other islands of ānewetak have moved irradiated soil to and, due to climate change, rising seawater is beginning to seep into the dome, causing nuclear waste to leak out. along with this, if a large typhoon were to hit the dome, there would be a catastrophic failure followed by a leak of nuclear waste into the surrounding land, drinking water, and ocean. the tomb was built haphazardly and quickly to cut costs.

hey, though, there's a plus side! the water in the lagoon and the soil surrounding the tomb is far more radioactive than the currently contained radioactive waste. a typhoon wouldn't cause (much) worse irradiation than the locals and ocean already currently experience, anyway! it's already gone to shit! and who cares, right, the only ""concern"" is that it will just further poison the drinking water of the locals with radioactive materials. this can just be handwaved off as a nonissue, i guess. /s

--

at least 36 bombs were detonated in the general vicinity of kiritimati (christmas island) and johnson atoll. while johnson atoll has seemingly never been inhabited by polynesians, kiritimati was used intermittently by polynesians (and later on, micronesians) for several hundred years. many islands in the pacific were inhabited seasonally and likewise many pacific islanders should be classified as nomadic but it has always been convenient for the goal of white supremacy and imperalism to claim that semi-inhabited areas are completely uninhabited, claimable pieces of terra nullius.

regardless of the current lack of inhabitants on these islands, the nuclear detonations have caused widespread ecological damage to otherwise delicate island ecosystems and have further spread nuclear fallout across the entirety of the pacific ocean.

--

while the marshall islands, micronesia, and the surrounding areas of melanesia and polynesia were (and still are) by far the worst affected by these atrocities, the entirety of the pacific has been irradiated to some extent due to ocean/wind currents freely spreading nuclear fallout through the water and air. all in all, at least 318 nuclear bombs were detonated across the pacific. i say "at least" because these are just the events that have been declassified and frankly? i wouldn't be shocked to find out they didn't stop there.

please don't leave the atomic destruction of the pacific out of this conversation. we've been displaced, irradiated, murdered, poisoned, and otherwise mass exterminated by nuclear testing on purpose and we are still suffering because of it. many of us have radiation poisoning, many of us have no safe ancestral home anymore. i cannot fucking state this enough, ISLANDS WERE DISINTEGRATED INTO NONEXISTENCE.

look, this isn't blaming people for not talking about us or knowing the extent of these issues, but it's... insidiously ironic that i haven't seen a single post that even mentions pacific islanders in a conversation about indigenous voices/voices of colour being ignored when it comes to nuclear tests and the devastation they've caused.

[whoiwanttoday]

Hey guys, it is @wildflagsure birthday today and last night she demanded I make a "really good" post for her for her birthday. She can't help it, she's from Greece but lives in the UK and what I have heard is immigrants there are always coming in and demanding things, it's why as a country they decided to set their economy on fire, because if you make your little island completely unlivable then no one will want to move there. Not that tactic I would have taken but then I try not be a hateful bigot, so who am I to talk? Anyway, besides blaming @wildflagsure for all of England's problems (and like… where was she when they lost the Empire? She can't account for her whereabouts) I do want to celebrate her birthday. By talking about myself. I mean, it is my blog, I tagged her twice, I am not sure how much more giving a person can be. I'll drive literally tens of people to her dead blog. Anyway, my favorite thought about Andi, which I will call her from here out because first I am tired of tagging and second I think it looks cooler with the E not on it but also it's short for Antigone and I can change a T to a D for a friend but I'll be dead and buried before I leave off the apostrophe if you insist on shortening Antigone to Anti'e. Anyway, my favorite thought is when she was doing a small radio show live (and doing it wrong, rather than use the service that paid for the songs rights they just played shit off of spotify because literally no one cared) I used to listen every week cause it was fun to support her but also she likes good music. There was a listener request form and I used to submit requests. I did this for a few reasons. One, I learned on tumblr every single person in the world wants more asks. It is exciting and makes them feel special. Also, by sending multiple requests or messages a show it meant they would seem very popular to other listeners and you know, fake it till you make it, that way everyone else would go, "Wow, these guys must be more famous than I realized. I should tell my friends to listen and also send in requests". And then, obviously, I like to control women and tell them what to do, so it was a real rush to send in a song title and then make her do it. Anyway, there was a time when the person she did it with referred to me as, "Our fan". And that got a snap back of, "Actually, is MY friend". It was very defensive and I appreciated that in part it came from the fact that her cohost was trying to diminish me in a way that person liked to do and Andi was willing to stand up and protect me even though honestly, I didn't care. She did, that mattered. I mean, there was a lot going on there because her cohost was one of those lowkey monsters you meet in your late teens and early 20's who you find compelling because you are too young to know better but also because you are insecure and the fact that they have absolutely no moral center is appealing because it sure must be nice to not be insecure and upset and worried about things all the time. Andi eventually moved on, don't worry. Actually, it's really cool to see that she has matured into just a totally cool as fuck lesbian bad ass. I mean, she was always those things but now she has the confidence and a really cool life that she always was going to have but I bet she was unaware of. Like, she has her own place, she has a hot girlfriend, she eats cool meals, and she can get you any drugs you want. It's pretty cool.

Anyway, today I am posting Georgia Ellenwood because in my experience Andi loves Olympic Athletes. She always goes on that she's glad someone is honoring Zeus properly. Now, sadly, Georgia Ellenwood is not going to the Olympics this year because she is still recovering from an injury. That kind of thing is always sad, athletes only have so many chances but I think she has a good future ahead of her even outside of sports because she is charming and friendly and well… looks like she does. It's not hard to imagine her being successful doing other things. And even if she felt like a good pick today because even if she isn't going to the Olympics I am willing to bet @wildflagsure would be willing to burn down a second island nation to sleep with her. Today I want to fuck Georgia Ellenwood.

[everything-is-crab]

ok i am not an american (though i do live in a western country) and am not a rightwinger either, i'm fairly centrist, and definitely i am anti-interventionist and far more isolationist than the average progressive. 9/11 was an act of US gov against its own citizens to justify further aggressive action abroad with the consequences we both know. the civilians in the twin towers were just as innocent as anyone in the middle east.

progs loooove to say peoples are more similar together than to their governments, and vice versa, and this everyone loves to cite when it benefits them (let me come to your country! i am like you!) however as soon as americans are killed and subjected to police state by their own gov (a fact of 9/11 and its later policy) then it's open season.. i find it inconsistent. in the end, everyone - EVERYONE - even bleeding heart liberals, cares more about those close to them. it's normal, and they are entitled to, as long as they do not denigrate others.

Bro what are you getting mad at? Did I even argue that those people were not innocent? What are you arguing against?

And if you're a centrist then idc. Ik progressives today want more foreign intervention (totally unaware of imperialism), I told you to even the check that survey. And that's why my criticism was and is directed at mainly liberals and leftists. You can leave.

Idgaf about arguing with "centrists" or anyone close to the right wing. I left that a long time ago cause it's a waste of time, as you're proving to be. No offense but our core beliefs differ. I get where you're coming from but you're thinking from an individual pov and I am not individualist (but you are cause you're a centrist and that's why idc about taking this further).

"Everyone cares more about those close to them" ok so in this context, it's nationalism. Caring more for your own people than others. What did I say wrong then in my og post? I just shortened what they do and believe in one word.

"As long as it's not denigrating" that's literally what I said in og post. You should find it inconsistent on how the Internet memeified another country's tragedy as I pointed out in the og post and then expected sympathy for themselves from the same people in return. And in your previous ask too (by providing link to a post where people are saying shit like "they had it coming to them" and yada yada).

So what's your point? I don't think it's worth arguing cause clearly your politics are much different than mine at the core. I care about other minorities. That's why I am anti Hindu nationalist and am with Muslims in other countries as well even though I am a Hindu myself. Do you think the whole GS is just one place and we don't have our own complex relations with each other? If you don't care about others then okay. Good for you

And you clearly are not ready to own up American civilians weren't innocent in supporting the war (do not even lie about that, all of you swallowed propaganda like candies) which killed more people in other countries than Americans killed in 9/11. That's why it's "open season". You were hurt? Fine you have our condolences. You use that to hurt others? You're gonna get shit on for it and don't expect any sympathy after that in return especially when your regrets and apologies aren't sincere.

[dimepdf]

𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄. + 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐍𝐎𝐈𝐑

masterlist. / taglist. / any request? synopsis. you’ve been going behind the orgs back after finding out Homelanders extreme ways, but soon enough you realize why Homelander doesn't have many living enemies.

pairing. black noir x male!reader

word count. 1.3k

genre and warnings. male reader, hurt fic, literally just angst, coping with the final season | — for my totally dead superhero bf

You join The Seven, taking after many young people your age born with superhuman abilities.

Coming from a less wealthy family with an even more depressing past, the moment you moved to the same city as The Seven, it was like a calling was made for your destiny.

The powers that you had once seen as a curse were now being popularized all over the country as a beacon of hope, all thanks to the right marketing and your kick ass public team that gained you numbers.

Not only because you were extremely good looking and the youngest on the team, but also because you were a diversity hire, being the only and first gay male in the entire Seven.

You loved the stardom and the spotlight that becoming a superhero entailed, basking in the light as much as you could. You were honestly one of the very few on the team that actually cared about being "morally correct". Another thing that you sort of didn't really mind was being partnered up with Black Noir. 

After noticing how high your ratings were with any other one of your male team members, you were stuck between choosing The Deep or Noir. 

You forbade yourself from ever being in a room alone with the fish fucker after hearing rumors that he fucked dolphins from A-Train. 

Deciding that Noir was as normal as you could possibly get, your partnership would last you a nice and stable relationship for many years to come.

Stable enough for you two to even be more attached when it came to your personal lives, and by personally, it just meant that you two would be attached at the hip.

The dynamic was seen as adorable; the tall and stoic superhero and his bubbling, clumsy sidekick duo was enough to never stop The Seven from being shown in a better light. 

You two were always on cleanup duty for anything that went back from within the walls of PR, milking the "dark and mystery boyfriend who's an asshole to everyone else but his adorable boyfriend" trope all over the channels of the news and the media would eat it up every time you two stepped foot on camera. 

Of course, behind the media, Noir and you really did manage to fall for each other.

Noir would be pretty open about his attraction towards you, showing no shame when it came to his possessiveness. Which was why his annoyance towards Starlight wasn't hidden the moment PR kicked Deep and made you her back-up partner until they could find a replacement.

You were pretty okay with Starlight during the first meetings that you two had together.

You would always have to apologize for Noir’s harsh behavior towards her, claiming that "he’s just not a people person," with a nervous smile as his arms draped around your waist and yanked you away from her as far as he could possibly get you, like a dog not wanting to share its new toy.

But when he found out about his superpowers not being a "gift from God," Vought made bullshit stories just to cover up the fact that they were creating super-juiced babies in their labs. Noir seemed to cling onto you for comfort. The moment that the news dropped, he rushed to your room in the tower and cried in your arms for hours until you could calm him down.

God forbid the moment Noir found out about Starlight's involvement with Butcher—or at least her involvement with Hughie, unaware that you really were also behind the scenes helping Starlight keep her secret relationship on the down low. 

You were a double spy on the inside after finding out about Homelander’s more violent tendencies to be seen as a hero. It hurt to have to go against your boyfriend and his morals. 

You loved Noir just fucking hated everything negative that The Seven was built on no longer wanting the blood to be on your hands. 

Which was why you had to be faced with the difficult choice of saving Starlight when he had his hands around her throat, choking the life from her. 

Instead of Queen Maeve, you were the one to intervene, stepping in the middle of the fight and trying to calm down Noir. It seemed like he had configured you to choose the side that wasn't his and thought you out to be a traitor. 

The fight escalated to the point where you had no choice but to pull out the big guns and yank back his mask, stuffing an almond joy down his throat with tears in your eyes as you watched him struggle on the ground before running away with Starlight.

It was safe to say that you two have had some hard feelings, the trouble in paradise leading to you removing your chip and fully going undercover to fight on Butcher's side of the silent war happening. You were the advantage they had.

With your superhuman abilities being on their side and knowing The Seven like the back of your hand, you were willing to give anything to help the underground group with their battle, knowing that on the surface they were fighting against the corrupt organization that tied you down once and for all.

While you were off being buddies with the enemies, Homelander was hatching his own plan, intending to eliminate anyone who dared to stand in his way.

The moment that he found out about your territory's response, he broke up with Noir, removing your chip, and voluntarily leaving The Seven.

He felt betrayed and was less than happy. He wanted to make you hurt and wanted to see you crumple for even wasting his time with ideas so silly and pathetic. Homelander couldn't even believe someone as powerful as you could even think to sympathize with normal humans so much.

Homerlander wanted you fucking dead.

But you weren’t there and Noir was sadly the only thing he knew to be close to you. After finding out about Soldier Boy, it was all just too many emotions and voices spinning in his head. Homerland did really see Noir as a friend, which was why he was so hurt when he drove his fist directly into the pit of his stomach and yanked out his intestines with his fingers.

When the news showed about Noir’s death, you just couldn't find words to describe the pit feeling in your stomach. 

Seeing his picture up there and how Vought was already planning a funeral for his death, you instantly knew it was another bullshit coverup for one of the Homelander's explosive temper tantrums. 

You were devastated, a shell of the hero that you once were. You once had a bubbling and always joking personality that declined to the point where even Butcher was starting to show concern for you.

Hughie tries to actively cheer you up. Hughie keeps his distance, partly feeling at fault for Noir’s death. He’s quiet around you like the words "I’m sorry for your loss" are trapped in his throat, refusing to leave his mouth.

"Y/n?" Frenchie mutters, his accent thick as he tries to shake your shoulder out to break you from the silent trance. Butcher snatches the TV remote and switches it to another channel before cursing under his breath that the program just switched to another news station, mourning the loss of Noir.

"For fuck's sake, just let the kid grieve." Butcher grumbled as he looked over at your frozen state. His eyes were glued to the screen despite being turned off. All you could see was your reflection staring back at you. You felt so confused. Your hands shook, your jaw clenched.

When you start crying, you don’t even realize it. It takes you a minute to fully realize that you are full on sobbing as Kimko slowly engulfs you in a hug, her head resting on your shoulder in comfort as you dunk your head and release all your emotions that all just snaps like a high tension rubber band.

From that moment forward, you were going to fucking kill Homelander. 

🔖 ....

tap here to be added to taglist.

[donnerpartyofone]

c) Something pretty weird and bad happened to me a long time ago that I never told anyone about except one person who I thought would specifically understand, and then that person terminated the relationship really bizarrely within a year or so. I cannot honestly say that THAT was the main reason they ditched me, it seemed that there was a lot going on with them that I was totally unaware of until it was too late--but it was really hard not to say to myself, "I told my secret and the person who heard it ran away from me, just like I always feared." I still plan to tell some sort of serious mental health professional some day, but finding the right person has been really hard.

49. "where I want to be right now" -- actually I live in my favorite neighborhood ever at the moment, so I'm doing pretty good in that sense. But I do have extremely vivid fantasies about living in the woods somewhere. I think the cottagecore discourse is kind of misguided for the most part, because I think a lot of it is truly fantasy-based and that the people who enjoy that are conscious of this. Definitely there are tradwife influencers who perpetuate the obviously stupid idea that the cottagecore fantasy is both achievable and easy, and certainly there exist people who have enough money to quit their jobs and try to be homesteaders...but as far as Tumblr is concerned I think there's a fair number of us who know that we could never handle subsistence farming, AND we know that the idea of pure, untouched wilderness is a racist manifest destiny myth. We're not drooling over images of wild gardens and firelit forest dwellings because we literally think that there is virgin country out there aching to be penetrated by chronically online white kids. We're fantasizing about an escape from a world where every fucking surface is a screaming billboard and the air is poison and our environments are dangerously crowded and/or removed from needed resources by miles of highway. It's just a dream. Tumblr has a big problem with assuming that every single post is a) a statement of literal fact and b) a full-throated political endorsement of whatever is in the picture.

16 and 49!

Man I had no idea this would get so much traffic! But maybe this will be a good way to weed out followers, anyone who doesn't want an inordinate amount of detail about ~me~ should probably get out of here anyway.

16. When I read the question "did you ever want to tell someone something but didn't," for some reason I immediately think of things I told people when I shouldn't have! a) During our late teens/early 20s a friend of mine had this girlfriend he was obsessed with; I mean I think they were just having a lot of sex, but at the time that probably felt meaningful. She dissolved the relationship abruptly in a really rude and mysterious way that broke his heart, and later I found out that she had cheated on him. I thought he should know this--like he should know the truth about his own relationship, and he should know who she really was, and he should be prepared to reject her if she came crawling back. And I was his friend, how could I keep that from him? But I told him and he looked at me in horror and said that he didn't need to know that. I was totally baffled by that reaction, but I guess I just don't have the same emotional register as other people. b) I was drugged at a party by some psycho and barely escaped because other people intervened, but everyone just thought I was out of control drunk. It took me a while to get the nerve to tell a couple of my friends the truth, but I knew I would feel bad if he did it to someone else. Everyone pretended to care to my face, but later I found out that the friends of the psycho told everyone that I cried rape for attention, and everybody just went on thinking that I couldn't handle my liquor (aka 2 beers). I guess if I didn't tell then I would always wonder what happened if I had, but the message I got was definitely that I should never have told anyone.

EDIT: posted by accident! Update forthcoming.

[nonstoplover]

happily ending catastrophies ~ Fred Weasley

summary: Fred is accidentally (and fortunately) at the right place in the right time, and is able to save a muggle girl's life.

pairing: Fred Weasley x muggle (female) reader

words: 5K

meaning of: (y/h/c) means 'your hair colour'

(kinda) warnings: (1) this plays after the war and Fred lives, because i refuse to accept anything else; (2) i'm not from the UK so excuse the possible mistakes i made about the underground; (3) also there are a couple time jumps, i didn't want to drag it for too long and had quite a few ideas i wanted to write

a/n: this was an idea born whilst i was studying for this year's most difficult exam at uni lol but i thought it was worth giving a shot so here it goes xx

my masterlist

(y/n) wakes up to the sweet scent of some kind of flower filling up her nose and lungs. Despite the panging in her head she cracks her eyes open to find the source, though as soon as she takes in the totally unfamiliar room around her, the flower immediately gets forgotten.

What the hell?

She frowns, pushing her upper body up on her elbows to get a better look around. She has never seen this room ever before. Or has she? Suddenly she's not so sure as a foggy memory appears in her mind. Her glance travels across the cardboard boxes beside the wall on the floor, piled high on top of each other, then a desk, a wardrobe, arriving to the bedside table that has a lamp and several strange things - looking like some foreign country's small candies in colourful wrapping - on the wooden surface.

Sitting up fully she tries to move her legs to place them on the floor, but finds that it's much harder than it usually is - than it should be. All her attention turn to her legs now and the weird feeling that surrounds her left leg she hasn't noticed before. Carefully she lifts the covers that wrapped her body in a warm embrace to see what's wrong with her leg. A gasp leaves her lungs right away as her eyes fall on the cast wrapped around it from her knees straight to her toes.

In that exact moment the door slowly opens and her eyes snap towards the entering figure - a flaming red haired young man - whilst her fingers scramble to get the blanket back on her lower body, hiding the lack of clothing she's wearing as she's in nothing else but her underwear.

"Ah, you're awake! How are you?" He asks when his eyes connect with hers and slightly widen.

And his voice brings back everything. Literally everything to her mind about how she got here, all the memories flashing by in front of her inner eyes.

- - - - - - - flashback - - - - - - -

Friday the 13th. The day of misfortune and disasters. (y/n) huffs as she makes her way down the street towards the underground station to go back to her apartment. Now she knows this fact from experience.

She woke up a bit late that morning and didn't have time to drink her usual morning coffee in the comfort of her home, so she had to wait until her first break at work to drink one. When she just finished brewing a cup for herself in the small kitchen at her work, the handle of her favourite mug she kept in there broke and the now handle-less mug full of the brown beverage fell to the ground and shattered to a thousand tiny pieces, and if it wasn't already bad enough, the coffee splashed on her white shirt, colouring it light brown and leaving a wet stain behind all across her chest.

After that she managed to get through the day quite normally, right until 3pm, when her boss called her in to his office.

"The company is facing a hard time," his voice still echoes inside her head, making her shiver in sadness and anger. "I'm sorry, (y/n), the performance you showed us in the past two years was truly great, but you gotta understand that I have to decrease the number of employees. And that unfortunately includes you. I'm sorry."

If the way she worked was actually 'truly great', then why do they fire her and not someone else?

Well, probably her boss told the exact same thing to everyone he kicked out today, she thinks, but it doesn't help at all - it doesn't get her her job back.

So half an hour ago she packed everything in a box and set off to go back home, mentally raging about the cursed day. She has never believed in any superstition like this, but today she's changed her mind. Maybe all these things are true.

And that's when the next string of catastrophies starts.

As she's moving along the pavement next to the tracks at the station, the heel of her shoe breaks and she stumbles, her box flying away from her grip, all the contents of it scattering all over the ground. (y/n) tries gaining her balance back, taking a couple steps back, but the pavement disappears from under her feet as she reaches the edge, completely unaware of it.

She falls back, down to the tracks, and an impossible pain shoots up from her left leg as she lands, the air totally knocked out from her lungs. As she tries catching her breath, her hands move to lay flat on the ground so she can push herself up, but the world around her seems like it's spinning and she feels too weak to move a single muscle in her body.

Everything decelerates into slow motion and she glances around to see what she could do when something bright catch her eyes. A shiny warm yellow circle in the distance, getting slightly bigger and bigger with every second. She observes it carefully, thinking about how pretty it looks as she wonders what it might be. It only takes a second or two for her mind to catch up and suddenly she's more than aware that a train comes towards her and she's not capable to do anything to stop the collision from happening.

Friday the 13th.

Out of nowhere she feels a presence next to her, and just as she turns her head that way to see what's going on and her eyes fall on locks of bright red hair and a freckled face, the man has already grabbed her arm and with a fierce pull hoisted her up to a standing position. It feels like her arm is ripped out from her body, for a moment even the unstoppable hurting from her leg fades out to give space for the one in her upper body and she gasps before everything goes black.

- - - - - - - end of flashback - - - - - - -

The following events go by as a dozen of blurry pictures (y/n) can't make out in her mind and she blinks a couple times to get back to the present, to reality. She focuses on the redhead again, the last person she clearly remembers seeing.

"Where am I?" Her voice comes out hoarse and quiet and she clears her throat, waiting for his answer, knowing how she behaves quite rude completely ignoring his question, but she just can't help it.

She hasn't a clue where they could be, she's never seen a place like this in her entire life. It's obvious it's not a hospital. And after what happened it's just as obvious that she needs hospital treatment.

"The Burrow," he replies with a small smile playing on his lips.

And though she thought his answer would help clear some of the fog inside her head, it only confuses her more. Fred bites back the chuckle that threatens to burst from him seeing her cute frowning expression and waits for her to ask again, knowing it'll soon happen.

"The what?" The girl speaks up again, her voice now much clearer.

"My family home."

The confusion still stays on her face, and Fred truly can't blame her for it - who wouldn't be distraught after waking up in a stranger's home? Still, seeing the same expression he first ever saw on her face brings him back to the Tube station in London.

- - - - - - - Fred's flashback - - - - - - -

He's rushing down the stairs to catch the apparently soon arriving underground train, cursing his twin brother under his breath for winning the bet that resulted in the usage of any and every magical thing being forbidden for Fred for this whole week. Now he has to run errands adjusting to the timetables of muggle public transport and he's running out of time. Everything takes so much more time in the muggle world, and in the past few days he's grown to appreciate being born into the world of magic more than ever.

Arriving next to the tracks he catches sight of a dozen or so people there and relief fills his body. So the train hasn't left yet. He slows down to a walking pace and tries to catch his breath, and that's when he notices something weird about the people, something he has never seen in the past days when he used the Tube. They're all moving closer to each other, slowly making a tight circle, all of them looking in the same direction, as if something was on the tracks.

Curiosity rises in Fred and he makes his way to the edge of the crowd, standing on his toes to tower over it and glance down. His eyes immediately fall on a young woman lying there, one of her legs twisted in an abnormal way. She's looking to the side, towards the tunnel from where the train should arrive any minute now. Her expression displays confusion and slight fear, but her breathtaking beauty is still obvious, and it makes his heart skip a beat. His eyes slowly turn to where she's looking and he can see the light that swiftly grows brighter and brighter inside the usually dark tunnel, but his mind can't comprehend what he sees as all his thoughts are still only about the gorgeous woman lying there.

"The train's coming!" Somebody in the crowd shouts and that's what wakes Fred from his daze. His head snaps back and forth from the tunnel to the girl a couple times, so fast it's a miracle his neck doesn't break.

His body moves before he can fully think about his actions and suddenly he's pushing people away to make a path for himself in the crowd and he jumps down to the tracks. He hears a couple gasps from behind him, even a couple voices trying to inform him again and again that the train is actually soon there, but he doesn't care. All he focuses on is the task in front of him.

Squatting down he grabs one of the woman's arms and drapes it around his shoulder, standing up again as fast as he can, pulling her with him a bit harsher than he intended. She lets out a gasp in obvious pain, but he knows there's no time to be more gentle. Both of his arms move around her, one around her shoulder blades and one around the backs of her thighs to lift her up bridal style as he knows one of her legs is broken and she can't stand on it. And he's thankful for his own speed and thoughtful actions as he feels her body go limp as she faints.

The head-splittingly loud sound of a horn fills the air just as he turns around, signalling that they were noticed by the people on the train. As he takes the first few steps back towards the pavement he glances up, seeing two or three men already there bending down with their arms stretching in his direction. Fred quickens his pace as much as he's able to and practically throws the woman in the waiting hands, helping them pull her up by pushing her body from under, the screeching of brakes, iron on iron being the only sound that can be heard.

He stays on the tracks until he's completely sure that she's safe, than he grabs the edge of the pavement and swiftly pushes himself up, crawling on the cold surface until his legs are lying there as well. He feels a breeze moving against his back as the train arrives to the station, but he doesn't care about it, neither the cheering that erupts from the people around him, celebrating his heroic act, not even the burning feeling in his muscles from being strained. He just pushes himself up and stumbles to the woman, falling back down on his knees to be able to get a better look of her.

From up close he can see how she's even younger than he has thought, probably close to his age. She's obviously falling in and out of unconsciousness every other second. The word 'ambulance' enters his ears from the people around them, and he finds himself with a new task ahead of him. Somehow he has to get the girl away from this place and back to the shop so he can take her to the Burrow. Muggle hospital treatment isn't enough now, the wizarding world offered much better methods of healing. His mother will know what to do.

- - - - - - - end of Fred's flashback - - - - - - -

"And why am I here?" (y/n) continues asking.

"You broke your leg."

"Yeah, I figured, but shouldn't I be in a hospital then?" She tilts her head, raising an eyebrow.

"This is better than a muggle hospital," the young man shrugs.

"Mu... a what?"

"Ah, sorry. Slipped out," he let out a small chuckle, scratching the back of his neck in slight embarrassment.

Here comes the moment he dreaded. When he has to explain the existence of magic and the wizarding world to a completely clueless person and trying to do that without making a complete fool out of himself in front of the angel-like girl when she won't believe him - which he's sure she'll do.

"Wait, who are you? I don't even know your name," she speaks up again. "And how could I truly thank you for saving my life if I don't know even that?"

"There's no need to thank me," Fred protests.

"Of course there is!" (y/n) squeals as loudly as her weakened state allows. "Not everyone would jump down to the tracks when there's a train coming to save a complete stranger."

"Yeah, well, true," he mumbles, thinking back to how nobody did anything for her, anger filling his veins. Then he clears his throat, shaking his head to get rid of the negative thoughts and to focus on the girl again. "I'm Fred. Fred Weasley."

"Thank you for all you did, Fred. I'm (y/n) (y/l/n)," she sticks her hand out and a smile makes it's way to Fred face, matching the one on hers as he steps closer to shake her hand.

- - - - - - - 2 months later - - - - - - -

"I'm absolutely fine, Freddie, stop acting like I'm made of porcelain. I'm totally able to walk down the stairs on my own two feet," (y/n)'s giggling voice fills the air on the second floor of the Burrow when the redhead gently pulled her arm around his neck as he's done so many times in the past weeks.

"Alright, alright, I get it," Fred puts his hands up in surrender, backing away as laughter erupts from his throat and he turns his head away to hide the blush forming on his cheeks from the nickname she used.

Unfortunately he only gets completely face to face with his smirking twin brother who winks his way before pushing past him, a knowing chuckle sounding from him as he rushes downstairs, past (y/n), who follows him right away, only a bit slower, with Fred's careful, watching eyes trained on her back.

"See? I told you," the girl glances back at him over her shoulder after arriving downstairs, not stopping on her way to the dining table, only to stumble in a shoe someone left in the way. Fred immediately reaches out to grab her elbow and stop her from falling. From the strength of his attentive pull on her arm, instead of flying to the ground she crashes into his chest.

"I don't know, I'm not so sure," he teases, looking down with a smirk playing on his lips.

(y/n) moves her head up to connect her eyes with his, and Fred glances around her face, taking in the pink colour of her skin on her cheeks caused by the embarrassment of almost falling, then as his eyes reach the sight of her lips, he suddenly becomes almost too aware of how close the two of them actually are, and the breath hitches in his throat.

"Come on, kids, dinner's gonna get cold!" Molly's voice breaks the moment they shared and (y/n) regains balance, then gently pushing the boy away she turns around and limps the rest of the way to the dining table.

All of the Weasleys are already sitting there, watching the two of them appear in sight, and (y/n) has to bite back a giggle, still not used to the seemingly infinite number of redheads, all smiling wide and sweet at her. George pulls the chair she has always sat on ever since she was able to get downstairs out for her, offering a helping hand knowing that it's harder to sit down with only one properly working leg. Fred reaches out for her other arm just as she makes contact with George's hand, and the two of them don't let go until she's stopped moving.

She glances back and forth between the two boys sitting on either side of her, rolling her eyes at how overly protective both of them behave, when she's already told them hundreds of times that she's able to get by on her own.

The meal is delicious and the company is entertaining, just like it has always been since (y/n) stepped foot into the Burrow. Conversation flows without a hitch, only the occasional laughter breaking it for a second or two, and the (y/h/c) girl finds it hard to think about the inevitable - the moment that's coming fast, the moment when she has to leave these people and go back to her normal life. The Weasleys has become like a second family for her, and she fears that if she walks out that door, she'll never see them again. They're living a different life, in a completely different world. Their paths most likely will never cross again. She tries to brush off the sad thoughts, knowing that she'll have all the time to mope and grieve when she's back in her (ordinary and plain) flat on her own.

As she's helping Molly clean the dishes after the family finishes dinner, (y/n) pauses for a moment to glance at the redhaired woman. "Thank you for letting me stay here and for taking such good care of me."

"Oh, sweetie, you're more than welcome. It's our pleasure to have you here."

"That's true," Ginny chimes in with a joyful grin on her face as she places another dirty plate in front of her mother. "Your presence brightened up our boring lives."

"Boring?" (y/n) lets a loud laugh escape her throat. "Your lives are nothing even close to boring. Everything around here is breathtaking and spectacular."

"Is it though?"

"Try living my life for a week or so, and you'll know what boring really means," she shakes her head, the different memories and thoughts swiftly filling her mind as she turns around to lean the small of her back against the counter top, her eyes instantly connecting with Fred's, who's still sitting at the table, shamelessly watching her with searching eyes.

"I still can't believe there's a whole world of wizards and witches that we have absolutely no clue about. It makes me wonder how many things are there that's hidden from us. And it makes me scared how clueless we all are in the muggle world."

(y/n)'s only able to stand the intensity of his gaze for a couple seconds before she has to turn her head away, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks and heat them up. She swallows, only hoping that it stays unnoticed by the boy, but when she finally dares to glance back for the shortest of moments, she catches sight of a small smirk playing on his lips and she knows that nothing has gone unnoticed by him. Clearing her throat she tries to find something else to say, speaking the first words that come to her mind.

The newly learned word still rolls uncertainly from her tongue, not sure if she says it correctly, but when her restlessly moving eyes accidentally catch Fred's again, she sees a new kind of glint sparkling in his eyes, and it's enough to let her know that she used it correctly.

"It's not your fault," Ginny places a hand probably destined to be reassuring on the older girl's shoulder. "We're just too good at hiding it."

The two of them share a laugh, and unbeknownst to (y/n), it turns the shape of Fred's eyes into something that very much resembles a heart. His own heart flutters at the sound, the temperature of the room suddenly feeling too hot for him to bear, and he abruptly kicks his chair back, standing up and swiftly moving out of the house to get some fresh air and somehow try to cool the fire that's burning inside of his chest.

(y/n)'s eyes follow him, an eyebrow raised in question, deep in her thoughts right until the door closes shut again behind the boy. The sudden noise brings her back to the present and she shakes her head to get rid of the things running around in her head.

"Anyway, I gotta go upstairs and pack. I really have to go back home now," she sighs, pushing her body away from the counter.

"I'll come help you," Ginny immediately offers, hurrying after her.

Two and a half hours and a heart wrenching goodbye later (y/n) and Fred come to a stop outside her apartment's door, both of them feeling a previously never felt sadness fill their hearts.

All (y/n) can think of is flashing images of the flaming red haired boy. The way he sat at the edge of the bed she was lying in, telling her everything about the wizarding world. The way he lifted her up so effortlessly as if she weighed nothing to bring her downstairs when she was unable to walk in the first weeks. The way he walked her around the house and the garden, showing her everything and explaining things to her, adjusting to her extremely slow pace without a word. The way he showed her multiple of the products he and his twin brother sell in their shop, sometimes only speaking of their effects, other times even showing her, not caring with the fact it caused something inconvenient for himself as long as he made her laugh - which she did so many times and so hard that it made her sides hurt. The clothes he let her have when winter set in and her own became too thin to keep her warm, and the way the material smelled like him. The lingering touches of his calloused fingertips against the skin of her cheeks when he thought she was fast asleep - when in fact she was completely awake, fighting back the urge to press her face further into his touch.

In the meantime all Fred can think of is flashing images of the gorgeous muggle girl. The genuine curiosity that sparkled in her eyes whenever he told her about the world he's living in, the endless amount of questions she's asked him about anything and everything, the pure interest she showed from the first time he told her about the existence of magic. The way she bonded with each and every member of the Weasley family, finding a common thing with all of them and eventually making them all grow fond of her. The way she told him all about the muggle world and her own life, sharing all the details with him without hesitation - trusting him right away. The way his name rolled from her tongue - even more when she called him Freddie. The bubbling, loud laughter that erupted from her throat when he told her about the shop and all the pranks George and him did back in Hogwarts or when he showed her the products they now sell in the shop, the laugh that always made his heart skip a beat, the laugh he couldn't help but adore along with the fact that she seemingly didn't care the slightest bit how loud she is or how funny her laughter might sound. The way she looked in his clothes, always taking his breath away, making him wish nothing more in the rest of his life than to see that very sight every day as long as he lived - and possibly even after that.

"Well, thanks for getting me home," (y/n) points at the door behind her back as she looks up into his mesmerizing eyes. "And for jumping down in front of a train for me. And for letting me into your family home. And for taking care of me."

"It was the least I could do," Fred smiles sheepishly, his mind spinning, trying to come up with something to say that would keep the girl in his life.

"Bye, Freddie," she hesitates for a moment, then decides it doesn't matter anymore and leans in, pressing a soft kiss on his left cheek.

Fred's eyes flutter closed, heart bursting with the sudden feeling of love from both her lips touching his skin and the oh so loved nickname. He freezes, unable to think anything else than eight very important letters.

The girl moves back, fiddling with her keys to find the correct one, pushing it in the slot and turning it, gently shoving the door until it's wide open. She steps in, her eyes taking in the furniture and decoration she once loved but now finds unbelievably plain and mundane. A sigh escapes her lungs and she turns around to close the door - and wave once more the boy.

Fred still stands in the exact same spot, obviously not moving even the slightest bit since she backed away from him. (y/n) raises her hand to wiggle goodbye with her fingers at him whilst moving to close the door with the other hand, already feeling the tears blur her vision as she tries to take in the sight of him as best as she can to be able to remember him forever.

"Wait!" Fred exclaims, placing a palm flat against the wooden material to stop it before it fully closes.

This time (y/n)'s the one to freeze, hand pausing high in the air and she even holds back the breath in her lungs as she waits for him to continue.

"Can we meet again?"

Her eyes widen in surprise. She always thought that he'd never want to see her again. That he'd be happy to finally get rid of her and be able to continue his life as before. He wants to meet with her again?

"I... y-yes, of course," she stutters, heart stammering inside her ribcage so wild and loud, she's almost sure he can hear it.

The extremely wide smile that splits his face in two hearing her answer makes it impossible for her not to mirror it, her own lips curving on their own accord. Fred, feeling the previous nervous shyness evaporate from his body and the always present confidence fill his vein up again, takes a step closer to her, then another until he's right beside the door, gently pushing it wider open again. (y/n)'s hand on the door handle inside goes limp, and she lets it fall down to hang loose beside her body as Fred steps inside.

When he's so close that she can feel the breath coming from his nose reach the skin of her face, his lips open again to let out a whisper. "Can I kiss you?"

The already abnormal rhythm her heart beats in gets even more uneven, and her head moves in a nod as she breathes out the word 'yes'. Fred's eyes sparkle up even more, and his hands slowly start moving up, one reaching out to gently caress her cheek whilst the other wraps around the small of her back. Slowly, extremely slowly he leans down, pausing for a second just before their lips could touch, and as a wave of impatience rushes through the girl, she raises her head and presses her lips against his.

Fred lets out a muffled chuckle at her eagerness before tilting his head and snaking his arm further around her torso to pull her flush against his own body, his hand that's resting on her cheeks moving slightly further back until his fingers completely disappear in her (y/h/c) locks, his lips moving passionately against hers.

She completely melts into his touch, feeling like she's floating in the air, as if she's only dreaming. But when they both run out of oxygen and pull away to fill their lungs again, their foreheads pressing against each other in search of support and their eyes connecting without problem, looking deep into his beautiful brown orbs (y/n) grows sure right away that it's truly reality, not just a dream.

"I love you," he breathes in-between his quiet pants, but it's enough to make (y/n) totally dizzy as a love-struck grin spreads across her face.

And in that very moment they both know that their story is just starting.

.::the end::.

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[hetalia-reacts]

Hi, I'm new to the hetalia fandom. And I was wondering can you do soft platonic Yandere Allies and/ or Axis that just discovered a new colony ( I recently just watched Kolkol's video about how countries are born as babies ). So what is the Allies going to do when they find the new baby ( their a tiny newborn btw ) country peacefully sleeping in a pretty flower field. And when the new country wakes up, they start squealing happily and star reaching out to them with a cute gummy smile. Now the countries has new baby sister.

I like this idea~ Also welcome to the fandom! I’m an old fan back from the dead for season 7 ^^

America

Alfred was kind of lost at first when he saw a literal baby laying in a field of flowers

I mean even as a yandere he would never do something like leave a child to die

This is about when he realizes that maybe the kid wasn’t actually a human child, but the new colony he’s heard about

It’s 100% likely that Alfred has never seen a baby country before, not a newborn and not a chibi one either

The closest he’s seen to a baby country was probably Sealand

Alfred was about to pick up the kid and pawn them off to someone else because he’s got important things to do, but they opened their eyes and looked right at him

And then the kid smiled?? Reaching out for him??

You could literally hear his psyche snap

Alfred decides then and there that no one would be getting a hold of this kid other than him

He really changes more than he ever has when he has his yandere moments

Alfred become exactly what this kid needs, a responsible big brother that protects and teaches them, and by god does he do his job

This child will never know sadness, yes even if Alfred is a yandere and has his more violent moments where he basically barricades the child inside he could never truly hurt them

No one will ever lay a hand on them without facing the consequences

I also suspect that because this child is well, a baby, and will never be a love interest to him, Alfred will allow the child to leave and be somewhat free once they get older and can care for themselves

His condition though is that they have to call him and visit him every so often and tell him everything, even about the guy that bumped into them without apologizing 2 weeks ago

Canada

Matthew is very confused at first

I mean what kind of monster leaves a defenseless newborn out in a field of flowers?

It’s only when he sees the child does he realize they aren’t human but in fact the new colony that was near Canada

He never planned to not raise this child, I mean it was near him and he’d be damned if he was letting Alfred care for this baby instead

However, the baby finally opened its eyes and immediately started smiling and laughing at him, even trying to grab onto him

Matthew kind of gets a dark aura around him, if anyone were to have seen him at this moment they probably wouldn’t even recognize him

It’s at this moment he decides to be this baby’s big brother forever, to protect them, to keep them away from war and everything else that could hurt them even at his own expense

Matthew doesn’t change much, he’s already very responsible and he knows the basic baby care

But his attitude is different around others now

Unlike Alfred who would keep the baby away from others Matthew will at the very least show them to those he trusts, so France or Cuba, maybe even England too

He wouldn’t hesitate to snatch them up or even yell at whoever is holding them too long or making them cry

Matthew won’t let the child go far once they grow up

They may not have to live with him, but they aren’t going to leave for their country by themselves or live in a completely different province than him

He just has to protect the baby, even when they aren’t a baby anymore,

he will even lose his polite Canadian facade to protect them

England

This isn’t Arthur’s first rodeo

he knows from the moment he sees the baby in the flowers what happened and what it means

And what it means is that he’s a big brother again

Already without even getting close to the baby does he decide to kill anyone who would dare hurt them or take them away

But when he does get closer and they wake up giggling and reaching for him

Oh boy is he all the more smitten and determined now

The baby will likely never see anyone other than him or ever even learn about anyone other than him and themselves

Arthur is afraid they’ll choose someone over him and leave him all alone again

so he just refuses to tell them anything other than the edited version of British history and the baby’s history

He will fight and destroy anyone who comes to see the baby or tries to tell him he’s acting insane

He just doesn’t buy it, this is normal big brother behavior, it’s his duty to protect and shield them from the world

As stated before the baby will likely know nothing other than him when they grow up, they won’t be allowed to leave either

He’ll make up any excuse to keep them inside

Kind of like a Tangled situation where he tells scary stories of the outside to make them fear ever leaving his house or its perimeters

France

Just like Arthur, he knew the second he saw the child that it was no ordinary human baby

Francis was going to take care of them regardless of what or who the baby was

He was content and already falling in love with the baby while it was peacefully sleeping

But then they opened their eyes and squealed in happiness at seeing him!!

Francis’ yandere side becomes more apparent after this point

He’s also one of the few who would raise the baby to call him papa or dad, while he likes being big brother he feels it’s different in this situation since he’s going to raise them from their newborn state

The baby will only see people Francis approves of, people he knows won’t steal the baby away from him or convince him he wasn’t stable enough to raise them

So Canada, Monaco, and Seychelles

England will never even know of the child, Francis can’t trust that he won’t try and fight him for the baby

He will tell the baby everything, the child will grow up knowing the world, but Francis twists some things to boost himself and his history up so that his child will always hold him in high regards

The baby will never lift a finger growing up, Francis will do everything for them

Clothes, accessories, decor, entertainment, food, pets, anything the child asked for would be placed at their feet

That’s kind of Francis’ plot to keep the child with him forever

They won’t want to leave and live on their own if they don’t know how to do anything without him

But he would let them leave if they really wanted to, they would have to live close by though

He needs to come and visit them as often as he wants and possibly figure out who he needs to get rid of if his baby ever gets hurt

Russia

While I don’t think Ivan has had any experience seeing or raising a newborn nation he knows what the baby is

He’s concerned though, this child is a new colony more than likely near his home, so it must be freezing out here for the little thing

He feels for it, his yandere side is angry and protective for the small baby, how could Mother Nature just birth them in such a cold and unforgiving place

He plans to keep the baby after holding them, he becomes attached just like that, I mean they were so cute sleeping like that totally unaware of everything

Ah but then they open their eyes and reach out for him, laughing and happy to see him

His crueler side agrees that anyone and everyone must suffer if they attempt to steal his little sunshine away

Even Belarus won’t scare him anymore when it comes to his new little sibling

Since Russia is known to not have friends no one will be seeing the baby, and Belarus might catch a glimpse but will otherwise not be allowed to ever interact with them

Lithuania might be the only one allowed to ever see the baby actually, Ivan likes him the most and if he were to come over he would allow Lithuania the honor of meeting and even holding you

He just better be careful

Ivan will protect them from everyone, even his own sisters

The baby won’t grow up knowing anything about the world other than it is cruel and unforgiving to people like them

Ivan will make sure that the child depends on him and him alone as a provider and protector

He won’t let them leave his house, the baby, the colony, their people, it’s his, and he promises to take good care of them

Everyone who gets close to the child will ultimately disappear if they seem to begin liking them more than Ivan, and no one is allowed to be a big brother or even sister other than himself

China

Yao of course knows a baby country when he sees one

This was the perfect spot, after all, a nice flowery field with no human town or village nearby

Perfect for nurturing a newborn country and also incredibly unlikely that it was a living human newborn

When he gets close enough to see them fully his yandere possessive side is already going crazy, he wants to protect them and be their big brother more than he wants to breathe

And it doesn’t help any when they finally wake up from sleeping and excitedly reach for him

Yao feels so loved at that moment

He decides only a few will see the new baby, Japan, Vietnam, and maybe South Korea

These are people that probably won’t do much to stop him from raising and being possessive over the baby

Japan and Vietnam surely won’t start a war to stop him and he won’t mind any rude comments they may make towards him since he will just cut them off from his life and South Korea wants his approval so if anything he’d support Yao’s decision

The baby will grow up sheltered, only hearing the good things about China and Chinese history

he will teach them very little about other Asian cultures and probably nothing of Western cultures

The only exception was if their culture was considered Western, then he would teach only their western culture to them that approved of

The baby was also never going to get the option to leave

Yao will raise them so they can be strong when he isn’t there but he won’t raise them to be completely independent

Surprisingly though, he would let them live on their own, even in their own country, when the time comes, but they will never truly be free

they will always be a part of China and he will make sure of it

Germany

Ludwig is also very clueless as to what the baby is

I mean, obviously a baby, but it’s strange how someone left them here considering it was quite a ways away from the nearest town and this baby didn’t look old enough to be more than a few days old

He will eventually realize that they were a colony that popped up near Germany

This is where his possessiveness starts, they were his colony in his mind and he was going to be their big brother

Ludwig gets really hooked however when they open their eyes from sleeping and make such cute happy noises he can’t help but become scarily possessive and protective over them

No one but a few of the other Germanic countries will see the child

Prussia is a given, though Ludwig is not afraid to threaten, reprimand, or cut him off for anything dangerous or harmful he may do to the baby

And Austria and Hungary will see his new sibling, though he will be keeping a close eye on Hungary as she is the biggest threat to taking them away from him

The baby will grow up cared for and knowledgeable but will follow a strict way of life

They aren’t to mock him or others, they must exercise and train, they must study history and learn about the past both their own and others, Ludwig values intelligence and strength and wishes them onto his sibling

He will not tolerate anyone messing with them however, even if they become strong or stronger than him he will always protect them in the long run since he doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty for revenge

Ludwig would let the child leave when they got older, out of everyone he is the least possessive when they grow up

His yandere tendencies seem to have only been strongly attached to baby them and while he would certainly destroy anyone who messed with them, he isn’t as possessive as he used to be, just protective now

Italy

Feliciano knows what that little baby in the flower field is

I mean, he was once one and Grandpa Rome often told him about when he found him and his older brother

He wasn’t sure if he could raise the baby though

He knows he isn’t super strong, not the best role model sometimes too, so he planned to see if someone like Austria or Spain would want to raise them

That all changed when they opened their eyes and immediately reached out for him in happiness

His more possessive yandere self couldn’t help but get immediately enamored by their charm

Since Feliciano got attached and he’s yandere, he becomes stingy with the baby

No one gets to see them, not Austria, Hungary, especially not Germany, Japan, or even Romano would be allowed to see the baby

Feliciano feels like they would outshine him, if he allowed the baby to look at them and see how much more capable they were he knew they wouldn’t stay with him

Because while he could and will kill for the child, he can’t fight fairly or intimidate anyone like the others could

He would teach them everything about Italy though! And of course their own culture too

But he would leave out everything else and always avoid teaching them about anyone else

The child would also be spoiled, Feliciano is similar to Francis in that aspect

He just wants them to be happy and to rely on him

They probably would never get to leave his house though, he really is stingy and really good at manipulating them into staying

Feliciano just really wants to be depended on for as long as he can get them too

Japan

Kiku knew what this child was

I mean, they obviously weren’t a human as they surely would’ve died at this point or even be crying hysterically for help

He had no plans to raise them, yandere or not, he’s still not the fondest of touch and them being a child didn’t help as they would not understand the concept of personal space or not wanting to be touched

So he was about ready to phone China or even Germany for help

But before he could do anything the baby woke up, smiling and cooing at him as if they were waiting for him and loved him already

You can hear his last shred of non-yandere sanity and rationality snap

He immediately becomes protective of them

They would be his little colony, he would take care of them and their people and he would make sure there was never any problems

No one would see them and they would never be allowed to make human friends either

He would isolate them from everyone, even to the point where he ruins his own progress of coming out of his shell just so they can isolate themselves together

He will make sure the child comes to know the world as a lovely and beautiful place, but one that they should never see without him

His sibling becomes spoiled, but unlike Italy and France, the child isn’t going to be waited on or just simply given everything

They will be spoiled by everything they could ever want but it’s only if they behave

No mentioning leaving or visiting places unless he brought it up and they must be respectful

Kiku will not be the big brother or someone who doesn’t know at the very least basic manners and respect

The child won’t be leaving when they grow up either, if anything Kiku would’ve successfully discouraged them from wanting to be social and molded them into basically a mini him

Romano

Lovino unlike Feliciano probably did not ever get told how he came to be or what a newborn colony/country looks like

So he definitely thinks someone just left a human baby in some flowers

Eventually, it will click that hey, a new colony appeared, a baby in a flower patch far away from any humans but relatively close to Southern Italy, ah it’s a baby country

Lovino most definitely won’t want the baby at first, he’s got some...other...priorities and some issues

He wants to call Spain asap and get the kid somewhere relatively safe

But as he’s walking away with the kid it opens its eyes and reaches out for him happily squealing

Any rationality Lovino may have had is gone now, everything his yandere side craves, love, affection, dependency, it’s all this child could give him by being his little sibling

As seen, he wants to be praised by his brother so this baby is like his second chance, his saving grace to be successful and a hero in someone’s eyes

Because of this the child will never meet anyone, he can’t afford for them to meet Feliciano or Spain because he knows deep down they would certainly like them more than him

Lovino will teach them about Southern Italy, about their culture, and maybe even about some Northern Italian and Spanish culture and traditions but under the guise that it was actually his

He won’t want this child to know anything but him and his house, no friends, no family other than him, he would make the child a recluse

He’s not necessarily the nicest sometimes, he’s prone to aggravate easily and he hates when they mention outside or seeing other people so sometimes he can come off as a little mean

But he always apologizes to them and makes it up to them since he wants them to be happy and to love him

The child won’t be allowed to be independent and leave, Lovino really will do anything to keep them together because he really doesn’t want to lose them or their love

Prussia

Gilbert is old let’s face it, he knows a newborn country when he sees one

I mean he’s likely helped raise a lot of Germanic countries and states before so this is nothing new

He obviously wants to be the baby’s new older brother, he doesn’t need any more convincing or thinking on that matter

It’s just when the baby did wake up and start squealing and reaching out for him, Gilbert realizes this won’t be the same as raising Germany

He can instantly feel the deep connection, the deep need to protect and shelter them for the rest of time

The possessiveness to not let anyone see the baby or take their attention away from him is immense

So that’s what he does

He stops relying on Germany, moves out, and forbids anyone and everyone from ever entering or coming to his home

He can't afford for this child to meet anyone else, he knows he’s no one’s favorite in the end and they would pick someone else

He knows this baby would choose Germany, Austria, or Hungary over him in a heartbeat so he won’t give them the chance

He teaches the child about Prussian history only, he wants his new sibling to be raised on his same values and culture

He wants them to feel a kinship with him and him alone

He will also isolate them from everyone since no one is coming and he would never let them anyways

he puts his own mind at ease by telling them scary stories about war, wars like he’s been in so that they will never have the urge to go out and think he is undefeatable and strong

Prussia, along with Russia, is another very big one that would very much destroy even another country if they tried to mess with his new sibling and/or steal them away

[yonojono]

The Imitation Game, now a social dilemma

The Imitation Game is another name for the Turing Test created by Alan Turing in 1950. It is a test of a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behaviour equal to or indistinguishable from that of humans. With advanced technology, we have seen that almost anything can be hacked into and stolen while the victims are left unaware of the situation that has undergone inside their devices. If data is not being hacked into, chances are that the companies of the applications that they use on a regular basis, are stealing data and not for anything good. The Netflix Documentary “The Social Dilemma” which is a play on the title of the movie “The Social Network” which just so happens to be the biopic movie of this guy that you may have heard of called Mark Zuckerberg and how he creates this platform that you may have also heard of called Facebook. The documentary starts off with a touch of irony and a pinch of salt as a bunch of employees who worked or still work at a lot of the big shot companies like Facebook, Google, Twitter, Pinterest, Youtube, Instagram and Snapchat speak about circumstances that they faced at their respective companies. They had ethical concerns and were campaigning for ethical designs but at the same time, these are the very people that take advantage of the users’ psychology and work to keep them on their platforms for as long as possible such that it has become a battlefield for them to see who can hold the users’ attention the longest. This is quite concerning because of how fast technology is changing and becoming better by the day such that at this rate, people can might as well live inside a small box and look at screens of social media platforms all around them, day in and day out. 

 However, it is important to address this issue in countries apart from the US as the social dilemma focuses mainly on the audience from the US. It shows a parallel storyline where siblings in a family are struggling to disconnect their personal, offline lives from the virtual one. In countries like India, China, South Korea, Japan and many other eastern and third world countries, there is a huge cultural difference as opposed to the west. Especially when it comes to children doing well at studies, it is quite common for eastern parents to be authoritarian and do whatever they have to do so that they do not have any distractions around them and focus on studying. Having said this, it does not mean that the west does not have the concept of strict parenting or that the east does not know how to go easy on their kids, but the fact is that an Indian parent spends on helping their kids with homework is 12 hours per week whereas an American parent spends 6.2 hours per week on an average. Most of the Generation Z Indians did not have access to technology and social media as the concept of mobile phones and touchscreens did not arrive in India until much later than it did in the US. Albeit there may be some people that do get carried away in the world of virtuality, a lot of the people still know how to draw the line between social media and reality because they have a lot more to be worried about in real life than on social media. Blame it on the education system or on the strict parenting, children are still worried about scoring well even in their preliminaries, let alone their board examinations. We see them studying day and night to make this happen and most of them do not get to have mobile phones until much later in their lives, beyond an impressionable age. We only see the negative side of the coin when it comes to these things but if the coin could be bothered being flipped over, maybe there is a positive side to it after all. It is very probable that people do not get influenced as easily as the document portrays it and that maybe there’s a slight exaggeration about how people believe everything that they see on the internet. 

 But the fact that big tech conglomerates have been taking advantage of people who use their platforms and have been influencing people in the worst ways possible is not moral. We see terrorists and crime insinuators being bred at homes because of the propaganda that these companies have been feeding them. A lot of lives have been impacted because of this and it is about time that they take responsibility for what they have been doing and for what? A few measly bucks. An example for this is the Cambridge Analytica data scandal. In 2018, the world was shaken when they found out that Facebook and a political data analysis firm called the Cambridge Analytica were the perpetrators of a massive data breach. They obtained and used the data of millions of users without their consent to their advantage. Hundreds of thousands of users had signed up for a survey called “this is your digital life” which they might have thought, sounded harmless, at the time. But Facebook allowed the survey to take all the data that the users had entered and played the psychology card to get people to vote for the politician, Donald Trump. His institute paid Facebook to get the data of users regarding their political preferences. As shown in the documentary, users are shown as puppets being controlled by imaginary people literally behind the screen and are shown only what the companies want them to see. AI has advanced to a level that can show human-like behaviour and knows what humans want to see and uses methods to show it and more to them. But the big tech conglomerates exhibits behaviour similar to that of a child having newly discovered a toy that it constantly solely wants to play with and shows no interest in absolutely anything else. Unfortunately, the toy is the actions they take that can affect emotions, behaviours and actions of the user in real time, which they monetize and exploit. This is not just limited to people who can possibly do no harm, it has an impact on deranged people who end other people’s lives for their extremist causes. It does not just bring people closer and make the world smaller, it may possibly end them as well. 

 With COVID-19 plaguing the world, forcing people to be indoors and isolate themselves, it took a toll on their mental health. Without technology and social media, people would not have been able to get any work done from home or would not have been able to stay connected to their loved ones. It is easy to lose sight of the fact that social media has done a lot of good and was intended to connect people from different parts of the world for each other’s benefit. It was not created with malicious intent and none of the creators thought of how it could have a totally different face to it than what they imagined. People decide that their self-worth revolves around something as inconsequential as the amount of likes and views that they get on social media. They make careers out of being an influencer and millions of people all around the world struggle to achieve the façade of perfection that is displayed on screen. It has insinuated to put down a lot of the viewers’ selfconfidence and self-esteem which in turn affects their mental health.

 People are having their freedom and right to decide taken away and they don’t realise it. However, with the help of the documentaries like “the social dilemma” and “the great hack”, they are finally aware of how deep the problem goes and just how serious of an effect it can have on people’s lives. Social media is not just seen as a tool that brings people closer to each other anymore. It is seen as a destructive weapon that could cause a lot of damage to a community, instigate hate crimes, terrorise people and ruin mental health. It would be impossible to lead lives without social media in this day and age because it causes a great deal of good and a great deal of harm at the same time which is why it is about time that we, as users, become more mindful and aware about giving our time and energy to the platforms and if we actually need to use it as much as we do now. We need to reflect on ourselves and think about what we say on social media as it can leave an impact on other people as well. Now that we know the adverse effects that it can have, we need to spend more time with real people than we do online. We can very often forget that everyone displays a persona on screen and that it is not a true reflection of a person. There is a lot more to life than a mere screen on a device. Humans should strive to become a real life indicator of the Turing test and identify what is real and what is imitation

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: [alright so she’s gonna get there super early so the first question is do we want any kind of interaction with his poor mother first or do we save that for later]

Edie: [In my head it’s literally early enough that she could still be asleep but also if it’s the week ‘cos summer, she COULD be going to work, unless she does a moomin and takes it off, so I’m easy with either]

Liam: [yeah I was thinking like it’s technically day 5 but it’s early enough of an arrival you could call it day 4 because we’re extra, so she probably would be asleep but equally, she could’ve woken up early to say happy bday and all that before she has to go to work because I feel like she’d wanna take the day off but he’d be essentially like nah don’t I’ll see you later 1. Because Edie is coming and 2. Because fuck birthdays anyway even before we knew that was a thing that’d be happening]

Liam: [maybe it’s like she was gonna go in and wake him up but surprise we’re already up and chilling in our dead sister’s room and surprise x2 Edie is already here hello]

Edie: [your poor mother, so shooketh, so not prepared for this, at least Edie will be being polite to you because we wanna make a good first impression and we’re not a dick but we are still weird and here at like the arse crack of dawn so hi]

Liam: [at least for our plot purposes she’ll be too caught unawares to spoil the bday secret because up til now his phone wouldn’t be popping off too hard as it’s early and normal people are asleep]

Edie: [can we just take a moment to think about the fact this is the first time actually meeting each other]

Liam: [it blows my mind when I do think about it, honestly, I need to know all about her lewk please because we know how excited you’d be about this gal]

Edie: [I will have to find one because yes, you’ve gotta do your most to be cute]

Liam: [I care very much what colour your hair is and how hard you’re serving even though I know damn well all you’ve done so far is sit on his sister’s floor and talk and talk and TALK because not an exaggeration at all to say he wants to know everything about her, that’s his intense brand]

Liam: [but also what time does the sun come up in late August? Would that be too early to say she arrived before then so they can watch it together like they did the comet]

Edie: [we know we’d show up whenever, try and stop us famalam, so yes that’s definitely a thing we can say happens, I hope you live near-ish though or what time are you setting off from yours hen]

Liam: [ngl if she showed up at 3 or 4am I wouldn’t be surprised and he wouldn’t mind so fill your boots kids, we can totally say he lives close because that isn’t something we’ve given an Ali kid before and like I can see his parents being like the country air and peace and quiet etc will totally help our dying child, as if this is victorian times or whatever]

Edie: [tbf cities are grubby i’m sorrrrrrrrryyy anyway, love that for you, you can live on a busy bit of the countryside, a nice cul-de-sac mayhaps, at least you won’t get murdered lurking in the dark]

Liam: [get on zoopla and find us a cute gaff boo]

Edie: [heheheheh, okay so we know how we’re starting our day, what’s next]

Liam: [I think we’ve just gotta run this and see what pops up as we’re pondering cos y’all are wild could be anything going on, bye to his mum go get ready for work and then go gal you can do some bday cliches when you get back at like 4, Edie’ll know by then, so once his mum has swiftly excited just 👀 because even if you’ve got no feelings it’s super cute that she wants to make a good impression]

Edie: [just smiley blush like what, not commenting on his ma yet ‘cos she didn’t have time to really make an impression so we don’t need to do that ‘can’t have her changing her mind about loving the idea already’]

Liam: [get a bit closer to her so you can look at her even more intensely because she’s being even cuter with her lil blush and smile moment and this was such a good idea thank god ‘don’t change yours either’]

Edie: [just shaking our head hardcore ‘cos can’t speak suddenly]

Liam: [‘she’s not Lexie levels but still off putting, I know’ soz to his poor mum for vaguely giving a shit haha]

Edie: [‘you’ve not met mine’ like probably has on the low but shh the point is we know what all mums are like, in one way or another, ‘yet’ very much implying we cannot be put off tah]

Liam: [‘can I?’ has only just met you and wants to meet your mum, what boy in what universe would ever want that 🚩]

Edie: [my boo says run she says no, nod as enthusiastically purely ‘cos he wants to and we will not be saying no to anything]

Liam: [get even closer to her obvs because she just keeps being adorable with her enthusiasm and he’s obvs about it, just gonna be 👀 a mm away from her face in a sec]

Edie: [at least you can gently pull on the necklace he should be wearing ‘cos sent in the post]

Liam: [and you can kiss better wherever she got hers from even though it’s gonna be healed by now like she made you do at the time]

Edie: [genuinely wasn’t trying to be that bitch but I just googled where heals fastest when cut ‘cos that bitch and he didn’t want pain and bloody drama so and it literally said the mouth LMAO soz Liam I don’t make the rules-]

Liam: [soz not soz that you’re having your first kiss then lads]

Edie: [it’s kinda sweet that you aren’t like, actually kissing, if you know what I mean, like it’s about something else]

Liam: [it’s very pure and very your energy as a couple]

Edie: [you’ll be dying girl but that’s a moment]

Liam: [he genuinely would ask her if she/that was okay because we know she’s not had a boyfriend before because Rio would not stop hammering that point home]

Edie: [we’re so obviously more than okay but likewise not trying to be like OTT and put pressure on him because we’ve been told what Lexie was like, just smile and nod]

Liam: [pull her to her feet and to your room because we’ve not been in there yet but y’all are gonna find this robot dog]

Edie: [get to go through all his childhood things lowkey love that for yous just asking all the questions]

Liam: [and we’re definitely giving it to you which is another moment because he loved it]

Edie: [we’ve gotta pimp that pup up somehow, which is within your wheelhouse deffo ‘what’s he called?’]

Liam: [‘Chip’ and a face like yeah I know I was a kid byeee]

Edie: [just loving on it like a real dog, ‘I fucked with the beast’ ‘cos of course you did lmao]

Liam: [he’s as amused as I was when I read that because of course she did is right, clearly gonna put that film on for her]

Edie: [love that childlike energy for you too, definitely raiding for the good snacks even though it’s so early because why not sugar rush]

Liam: [same because we all know he didn’t get a chill childhood, at least there would be great snacks in because it being his bday and his mum hoping she can rock a birthday tea vibe on the low]

Edie: [sneaky bday energy, god bless, just find out what each others faves are]

Liam: [taking so many cute pics and vids during all this, be jealous everyone]

Edie: [I do have cute bed ones so have a duvet day until the notifs come in]

Liam: [gives him a reason for his phone to be blowing up but that’s not why we’re doing it, he’s just obsessed with the bae’s happiness]

Edie: [I can send them to you if you like]

Liam: [please do]

Edie: [at least you can take his phone under the assumption of taking a picture of him because he’s taken loads of you]

Liam: [and he’s not gonna stop you because he’s not stupid enough to have anything incriminating about stalking your sister on there and obvs isn’t thinking about it being his bday]

Edie: [awkward when you don’t wanna be like oh it’s your birthday but you can’t not be like that because then you’d be acting weird, just pull up whoever’s said happy bday latest like hey but soft]

Liam: [such a genuine shrug like oh yeah that idc]

Edie: [‘why didn’t you tell me?’ but without the 🥺 tone, genuine asking]

Liam: [‘I didn’t want you to know’ true but then you realise how it sounds so ‘it’s pressure on you and it don’t matter to me’]

Edie: [when there is nothing you can say to that but ‘fair enough’ because it is and we’re not gonna force it into a Big Thing ™ ‘we’re still having fun though’ because y’all are that’s facts]

Liam: [‘I can’t remember a birthday this about me’ because we can’t say he’s never had a fun bday ever but he’s never been the centre of attention ‘it is enough, and fun, having you here’]

Edie: [‘that is pressure… without anyone else taking any of the focus at all’ ‘cos we have plenty of siblings so we know what he’s saying, nothing is entirely about you when there’s other kids to still care about, make the robo dog kiss his cheek ‘it can be as fun as you like, and we can stay in all day, or go out too, it’s all up to you’]

Liam: [kiss her on the cheek thank you boy because she’s being a babe]

Edie: [🥰 look as we get up ‘what’s your favourite breakfast?’ like let’s go make that happen]

Liam: [I’m gonna say his fave is a full english/irish because when does anyone ever have the time or energy for all that faff so we can make you feel special here boy]

Edie: [giving you 2 options like we can make it here for you and that could include a shop dash to get all the bits which would be cute OR we can go to a cafe and get it and dine and dash which would also be cute]

Liam: [under duress I am voting for dine and dash because it feels very them and we’ll have loads of time to be domestic when they’re squatting in the holiday cottage etc]

Edie: [then let’s ride lads, the greasiest spoon we can find please]

Liam: [forever a mood]

Edie: [have a cute handhold as you walk, also enjoy the height difference imagine]

Liam: [don’t even I can’t fathom how tall he is, it’s crazy]

Edie: [love that you’re taller than our dad, taller than Buster, flex on ‘em babe you got that reach, it’s very much that picture of ariana and pete ‘cos that’s about y’alls heights lol]

Liam: [not to be that bitch but you would feel so safe and protected like I do get it]

Edie: [and I’m sorry but if you’re even a slightly curvier gal you can’t be with a small lad you feel like you’ll break them lmao]

Liam: [so many gals salty as hell at you rn Edie so soz]

Edie: [you love to see it, don’t get too close or we will fuck you up hens]

Liam: [I’m trying to think if there’s anything else cool they could do while they’re out cos I wanna keep the vibe chill but]

Edie: [we could go to the beach today, or we could find another thing for the ‘main event’ without being like this is what you’re doing for your bday highkey, perhaps something typical childhood birthday like bowling or laser tag that kind of energy]

Liam: [sadly you’re too much a giant to sneak into soft play]

Edie: [yes they usually have an age limit of 10-12 if memory serves and there’s no believing that lmao, although we could force the twins to go at a later date and go in with them]

Liam: [we’ll definitely give you another chance to go]

Edie: [okay so getting a bouncy castle to just put up and then we’re also having jelly and ice cream]

Liam: [green jelly is the best so you can pop off with 👽]

Edie: [i’m gonna try to find vibes deffo]

Liam: [actually love that you’ve gone from hanging out in his house to hanging out in a field and it’s the best birthday he’s had probably ever]

Liam: [kinda wanna let y’all have your first kiss on the bouncy castle but kinda have had that ruined for us by skins]

Edie: [#reclaimit and like, as much as y’all just having a good ass time getting to know each other, the casual tension still]

Liam: [it’s very much NOT a platonic good time and we all know it]

Edie: [we are not here to deny what’s here tah]

Liam: [only question is how far we’re taking it because y’all could hook up on it but you could also not]

Edie: [hmm, on the one hand, we absolutely would ‘cos wanna but on the other, I can see y’all making a slightly bigger thing out of it without you know, lighting candles lol, but you get me]

Liam: [same actually because you’re very romantic]

Edie: [right? Like it’ll deffo be in your way still but it’s your first time both of yas so you can make a thing of it if you bloody well like]

Liam: [and no shade to anyone because I’m not saying they should but not enough of our ships do make it a thing™️ because they just carried away by their feels and hormones lol, he has that degree of restraint, albeit for a sad reason so you might as well use it]

Edie: [no wonder you get so caught up in this babe, casual fairytale]

Liam: [me too gurl, me too, casually too invested in this doomed couple nbd]

Edie: [so sad, soz guys we’re rude]

Liam: [anything else cute we wanna do before your mum gets back and makes you do the cliche bday cake moment and you can get the bae to blow out your candles with you because have all the wishes my love]

Edie: [I think this gives us a good framework for how it’s gonna go, lots of cuteness, doing the least but making it the most]

Liam: [thank god it’s still summer so nobody can force you back home because you’ll both be gutted]

Edie: [fight us fam we clearly aren’t going anywhere, I like to think you got something for his mum whilst out even though it’s probably a bottle of wine neither of you can buy so bit cheeky but still cute]

Liam: [that’s adorable af, his mum can’t be mad we know she knows him and his sister did a lot worse, even if she doesn’t know it all but what does make me laugh is that she’d blatantly not let Edie stay the night because of how obvs underage she is and it’s like oh hun we’ve had many many opportunities to hook up all day but sure]

Edie: [love when parents draw that line, like this is why teens hook up in cars and anywhere else they can, also tis possible in daylight but god bless you for trying hun]

Liam: [so many parents do and there’s literally so many worse things he could be doing and in Liam’s case has done but pop off]

Edie: [oh when this baby is announced lmao sozzzzzzz]

Liam: [she’s gonna be UPSET, but in the now you can walk her home and that’s always cute af]

Edie: [so gentlemanly, also gonna bring you in impromptu to meet Ali like hello mother]

Liam: [the levels he’d just wanna stay because technically not breaking the rules to be over at the cali gaff but contrary to what I just said about baby Libi he doesn’t actually wanna upset his mum so he wouldn’t]

Edie: [we’ll let you be good today, of all days, let me post my ting and know the last pic is like now in a miss you already way]

Liam: [I’m cackling imagining Grace appearing like the extra child she is]

Edie: [curtain-twitching like a baby nosy hoe, I lol]

Liam: [thank god Lexie isn’t really crazy or you’d have to look out for her being at the window too]

Edie: [we ain’t afraid of you it’s definitely the other way round rn]

Liam: [hilarious considering how pure you’ve been all day]

Edie: tell me when you get home

Liam: I don’t want to get home

Edie: If you go somewhere I have to come

Liam: I know 😇 I promise

Liam: I’ll come back for you when it’s a new day

Edie: I’m not wishing this one away, I didn’t

Edie: I don’t want it to end

Liam: me either, but no spoilers or the wish will glitch and we won’t get what we did ask for

Edie: 😶

Edie: and we’ve got to follow the rules or you’ll turn into a 🎃 tonight

Liam: a massive me sized 🎃 do you think or one you could carry round

Edie: I could live in a you sized 🎃 but I’m not sure how comfortable that would be for you

Edie: but what if I dropped you if you were normal sized 😭

Liam: I’ve seen you on a bouncy castle, you’re not clumsy

Edie: despite your best attempts to floor me

Liam: you gave as good

Edie: yeah

Edie: I hope so

Liam: there was no cracking under the pressure

Edie: then you’ll have me back

Edie: and kiss me again

Liam: we can go back for as long as it stays up, then I’ll kiss you somewhere else

Edie: please

Edie: and you felt it

Edie: the kiss, it was more than nothing

Liam: I wouldn't have done it if it was nothing, how I know you feel is important and I'm not gonna hurt you

Edie: I know

Edie: I trust you

Edie: I’m just being annoying trying to make you say it

Liam: you couldn’t annoy me if you was trying, I’m on too big of a high from meeting you

Edie: I had the best day

Liam: I’ve gotta say thanks for today, meaning tomorrow’ll have an edge on it for being all about what you wanna do instead of me getting older

Edie: you don’t

Edie: it was mutual

Edie: you even let me help you blow out your candles

Liam: if I didn’t it’s 🎂 wasted you gave me the best 🎁 by being there, right before you were I still thought you might not show

Edie: a tiny part of me wasn’t sure

Edie: what if it messed everything we’d built up

Edie: but it didn’t

Liam: yeah, that was on my mind too, I’m either too much or not enough when I can’t moderate it how I do online, faker than my 🦎🧠 has got me used to acting, and found out for it sooner

Liam: but it wasn’t like that today

Edie: it’s easier when you can code the best response

Edie: put whatever skin on it works best in that moment

Edie: but this was better than anything I’ve made or seen in cyberspace so far

Liam: your fave 🤖 is a compliment I'll take any time, like

Edie: don’t tell Chip

Liam: he’s got more to rub in my face, he got to stay, I wouldn’t start it

Edie: [pic of him tucked up casually]

Edie: bit smug, tbh

Liam: in the world we just woke him up from I could be 💔😭 he’ll have to try harder now

Edie: [a pic of him up on her titties like mr steal yo gurl]

Edie: 😱😱

Edie: I’m gonna need to train him

Liam: I remember him as naughtier than me

Edie: checks out

Edie: you’re very 😇

Liam: if it was up to him you’d be sleeping on the bouncy castle together, however many rules it breaks

Edie: I think it’d be cosy

Edie: tomorrow though, we can have a nap

Liam: waiting until my ma falls asleep and I can sneak out, it’d be tomorrow

Edie: it’s not breaking the rules, if you’re sure

Edie: you can leave a note for when she wakes up

Liam: if you are, we’re doing what you want

Edie: obviously I want to

Liam: have to keep you up half the night first

Edie: you’d already done that without trying

Edie: but I’m not turning down more

Liam: me or the beast 😏

Edie: I’m not saying you’re covered in brown fur

Edie: but you are that big so

Edie: little column A little column B 😏

Liam: I’ll check the coat cupboard, might get me closer to ticking both boxes for you

Edie: 😂

Edie: you tick every box, you don’t need to kidnap my dad to make that happen

Liam: don’t be so quick to say no to something I know you’d like

Edie: 😍 okay, only if we see him on the way

Edie: tomorrow ain’t about him

Liam: 🎼

Liam: I should’ve got you to sing something other than happy birthday, lock my ma in as part of your fan club

Edie: karaoke night 👩‍🎤👨‍🎤

Liam: she’d have your arm off, to take you up on the idea and to take the 🎤 off you for her turn

Edie: I’ll bring the machine and plenty of 90s bops

Liam: what would your first pick be

Edie: 🤔

Edie: I’d have to pick My Heart Will Go On to win your ma over, obviously

Edie: assuming she’s not fuming I’ve stolen it

Liam: too 😤 at the ending as if everyone don’t know the boat sinks and loads of people die

Liam: go for the Whitney song, the film’s got a lower body count

Edie: just poor Whit IRL

Edie: 😎 he’s no beast but

Liam: you don’t want no posh 🤴 sort over a handworking lad who keeps coming through for you, I keep saying you’re smart

Edie: makes my motives sound a bit evil

Edie: nothing but true ❤️ works remember

Liam: but you wouldn’t fall in love with someone you’ve got nothing in common with, there’d be no connection

Edie: true

Liam: I’d never call out your motives as evil, even a bit

Edie: you can if I am ever 👻👺🧙‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧛‍♀️👹💀 to you

Liam: that’s more far fetched than you and 🤴

Edie: who did you have a crush on as a kid

Liam: 🧚

Edie: Good choice

Liam: - as many points off as deserved for Lexie and I’ve still got proven good taste

Edie: I get it

Edie: I can see the appeal

Liam: being able to fly is enough of one

Edie: She looks like she might 🎯 a bitch for you but she’s the Wendy really

Liam: there's no appeal to Lex and no need to try and find it

Edie: 🏹🏹🏹💘

Edie: She’s 💀 to us

Liam: and soon to the rest of her mates including your sister

Edie: I hadn’t thought about her all day

Edie: Or anyone else

Edie: just you

Liam: you don't have to think about her ever again

Edie: I won’t show up and 😭 at her ⚰️🪦 when we bury her

Edie: We’ve got plans

Liam: I only mentioned her at all as a - bc you're such a massive + but I probably should've said that without her name being dropped in

Edie: nah, not even mentioning her is gonna affect how +++ this all is

Liam: it makes me seem like I've got her on my mind though and I don't want you to think I do

Edie: you can tell me what really is then

Edie: even if that’s tinkerbell

Edie: or that fry-up still

Liam: you are, and when my ma is gonna go the fuck to bed so I can kiss you again

Edie: I can feel the 👻 of you, your lips touching mine and where your hands were and where I wanted them to be next

Edie: it’s making me wish I were 🧚 so I could find a drowsiness potion to give her or just sprinkle some pixie dust on you so you could fly in my window right now

Edie: weren’t my 🎂 wish though, no spoilers ever 🤐

Edie: I could kiss you all night

Edie: And all day

Edie: But I have got other things we can do, even though it’s my day tomorrow, can’t be that selfish

Liam: not kissing all day or all night if that’s what you’ve decided but long enough for my hands to go where you wanted them next, yeah? i’d say it’d more be selfish if you didn’t share the complete thought with me

Edie: You don’t know exactly what I want?

Edie: It felt like you knew to me

Liam: it sounds better if I say I don’t and get it right instead of saying I do and getting it wrong

Edie: You haven’t got any of this wrong, trust me

Liam: honestly didn’t feel like I had but my instincts ain’t as easy to trust as you are

Edie: I promise I’ll tell you if you ever do

Edie: but you aren’t going to

Liam: that’s the connection I was going on about before, useful for the beginning, middle and the happy ending

Edie: You’re better than any lad in any film

Liam: you’re all I wanna see on film

Edie: bring a 📹

Liam: look for the ⏺️ light flashing in your window

Edie: like a 🌠

Liam: and ⏰ which won’t trigger 🚨 before we can get you out

Edie: I have had previous experience sneaking out, even if not to meet boys

Edie: that bit, I can do

Liam: there’s shit you can’t do, don’t believe that bit for a sec

Edie: 😏 you know

Edie: as my sister tried to make me sound like a total child

Liam: she knows you different to me, you’re a separate person to her than how you exist when we’re together

Edie: yeah

Edie: that’s how she likes to keep us, still about 7 in her head

Liam: my sister went the other way, she wasn’t waiting round for me to grow up when she could tell me to hurry up and do x z or z thing with her

Edie: it’s cool, that she didn’t treat you like an incapable kid

Edie: better, anyway, right?

Liam: but sometimes I wish she’d let me be one, it don’t matter, you can’t turn round like not today I wanna go to the park with my mates, not with lads I already knew were gonna be gone long before her, not to do fuck all instead of a crazy scheme

Edie: being ‘grown’ is only fun if it’s how you wanna do it, that’s definitely the main draw of not being a kid, doing exactly what you want and when

Edie: less shine if it isn’t your scheme

Liam: I think it’d be 🌟✨ to be looked after, but I get it’d fade for me if I had a sister like yours

Edie: you already charmed her, she’ll extend the courtesy to you now too I bet

Liam: it’s too late for me to start living like that

Edie: not if you want it

Edie: we can do it

Liam: I ain’t had a family in so long, I dunno if I could do it

Edie: we don’t need mine

Edie: we can have our own

Liam: can we

Edie: yes

Edie: and we can do anything and everything you missed out on

Liam: what happens if nothing changes and I’m stuck as a 🤖

Edie: if that happens then a baby won’t

Liam: and you’ll have to leave

Edie: no

Liam: I’m not taking no for an answer or asking anyone to love me if I can’t love them back

Edie: I can do it

Liam: your ++++ can’t make up for such a massive - in me

Edie: don’t give in yet

Edie: we have nothing but time

Liam: I’m saying it before I give in to you and believe we can do this

Edie: okay

Edie: I am listening

Liam: I’m not dying, I don’t get to be as selfish as my sister and I wanna care more than my parents

Edie: I love that about you

Edie: not enough people give a shit about anyone who isn’t themselves

Edie: or act like they’re a saint if the list includes the person they’re fucking too

Liam: we can’t do things just to try and force me to feel, even though I want to

Edie: it’s up to you

Edie: all of it

Edie: I don’t want to force you to do anything

Liam: it’s not, it’s equally up to you

Edie: Kinda

Edie: but I already feel things for you

Liam: I’m not gonna let your feelings force you to do anything same as you’re not gonna let what I don’t do it for me

Edie: I won’t let this fail

Liam: me either

Edie: does 16 feel any different

Liam: only bc of how I celebrated it

Edie: well I like that 🥰

Edie: I’m getting you a gift, just give me time

Liam: you’ve given me loads of 🎁🎁

Edie: nothing I could tie up with a bow

Liam: you could do a 🎀 in your hair before you come out, but it probably won’t help with your sister thinking you’re a kid still

Edie: 🤞 she shouldn’t be seeing me

Liam: or the 📹 footage of you 👧🏼

Edie: not for her 👀

Edie: or anyone else’s if we decide

Liam: if they’ve not had their fix of you today that’s their 💔

Edie: I’m for you

Liam: I’m buzzing not to be afraid of that, maybe normal is overrated this time

Edie: maybe it’s just scary

Liam: you’re not

Edie: 👺

Liam: you’re ��� people are scared of it but it’s not about you, it’s a them thing

Edie: I could cry

Edie: again

Edie: I’ll burn it all down

Liam: you’ve been crying

Edie: only happy crying

Liam: you nearly did force a fear response there for a sec

Edie: I didn’t mean to baby

Liam: I know, it was a me thing too

Edie: how’d it feel though, as it nearly happened

Liam: I was about to leave and make sure you were alright, I forgot about happy crying

Edie: 🚨🚨🚨

Edie: I can’t remember the last time I felt that, actually

Liam: it’s the kind of day for it, I can’t remember spending this much time with someone and thinking it wasn’t enough

Edie: Me either

Edie: I usually zone out after a sentence or two

Edie: it’s enough to know we have nothing worth discussing

Edie: sounds fake, how hard I’ve gone here, but I never care enough

Liam: it’d sound fake how hard I relate to not giving a fuck about anyone or anything in years before this

Edie: people reckon it’d be freeing, not relating, not being connected to anyone else

Edie: and I guess it is

Edie: but it’s boring before it’s anything else

Liam: and I’d come across as certifiably crazy if I tried to explain what walking round as me with everyone else seeming so unreal was like

Edie: people are idiots

Edie: they wouldn’t take the time to get it

Edie: just take it as a 🔫 admission or some shit

Liam: they’d only take the time to feel bad for me, I’m down for no more of that as long as I live

Edie: fuck that shit

Liam: yeah

Edie: when school starts, we’re gonna fuck shit up

Edie: without a 🔫

Liam: we should go in the night before

Edie: dedicated 😍

Liam: not saying I’ve got my ear to my ma’s door at the minute bc that’d be weird but I am, yeah

Edie: if you want something to listen to

Edie: [a song that’s clearly about today]

Liam: if you wanna hear a review I’m gonna need longer than it clearly took you to write that

Liam: I seriously don’t know what to say

Edie: it’d sound pretentious to say I think in lyrics but there’s always a tune in my head so

Edie: when you’re as inspiring as you are

Liam: when I can finally get out of here I know exactly what to do, putting words to my reaction to you being everything you are can wait

Edie: I’ll do my best to wait

Edie: but that sounds 🥴

Liam: I’m not waiting, I’ll make sure she don’t hear me go

Edie: I believe in you 😶

Liam: [obvs do that and show up to her window because we all know you can and it wouldn’t take you very long]

Edie: [question is are you ground floor music room or your room and Billie better be asleep lmao]

Liam: [how do you want it boo cos both are moods]

Edie: [I say go for your room so you have to climb and you have to control your excitement ‘til you too are out of the window]

Liam: [soz that he is gonna kiss you literally immediately though like as he’s coming through the window so you really are gonna have to control your excitement gal and also your volume]

Edie: [good luck with that sweetie, love this for you two]

Liam: [just fully making out rn nbd]

Edie: [sorry we must literally]

Liam: [do leave before you wake Billie up though lads]

Edie: [you gotta because we do not have that much chill to get any further than this]

Liam: [it’s been an overwhelming af day we’ll allow the lack of chill and get you away from the fam]

Edie: [run babies run, we’re so 😍]

Liam: [get back to the bouncy castle because y’all are 10000% those bitches who would legit kiss for hours just for the joy of it]

Edie: [you’ll be dying but in the best way]

Liam: [like who else is gonna be fully savouring this bit for what it is and how it feels in its own right, we know it’s you]

Edie: [you’ve been feeling fuck all, you deserve it, we will be putting across as much]

Liam: [and she’s never felt like this before either so we don’t need to be rushing anything rn or ever]

Edie: [exactly, ugh, so cute, you definitely brought a blanket before you ran]

Liam: [the adorable snuggles you can have bye]

Edie: [‘this was the best day ever’ so sincerely]

Liam: [just nod because we very much agree to a speechless level]

Edie: [sing to him IRL but not in a cringe way lol, a chill one]

Liam: [that is everything though]

Edie: [just that happy soz]

Liam: [not at all soz]

Edie: [what a time, deffo think one of you should get in a bit of trouble for being out right now, even if they can’t find you ‘til they do, like either his mum or someone in cali gaff wakes up like hello?]

Liam: [maybe his mum because it do be her rule and she do be extra rn in terms of her emotions and realistically even if Billie did wake up she’s not gonna dob you in]

Edie: [seems legit, how would he wanna deal, ‘cos his phone can be blowing up as soon as she realises]

Liam: [sadly he’s probably gonna have to go back because he’s not ever a fuck you mum kinda bitch, unlike 99% of the other characters lol, but he’d be leaving it as long as he could]

Edie: [we understand even if this back and forth is a trip, the bouncy castle was nearby so you’re fine]

Liam: [it would be very obvious at least that he does NOT want to go, so he’s not just messing you about intentionally gal]

Edie: [whatever we might be thinking, we know it’s not that energy like you’re not a fuckboy tah everyone]

Liam: [when your mum is overprotective as hell but you’re still gonna die soz hun]

Edie: [it’s very rude to everyone you included hun]

Liam: [and you can’t even talk to the bae cos she’s gonna be popping off at you for ages]

Edie: [we can skip but I’ll just do some immediate afters from her first]

Edie: sorry sorry sorry

Edie: hope you don’t get in so much shit we can’t meet up later

Edie: just tell me when you can

Liam: I won’t, I’ll talk her round, don’t worry

Liam: when she lets me talk

Edie: does she hate me

Liam: I didn’t tell her I was with you, she’s only 😡 at me

Edie: what did you say that she believed

Liam: my mates were 🥺 bc I’d been with you all day

Edie: fair play, boys are clingy like that

Liam: she’s have an unhappy cry and we’ll move past it

Edie: should I have told you no?

Liam: you didn’t know she was gonna find out, I should’ve

Edie: I didn’t want to, I didn’t want you to want to either

Edie: but I feel bad if I make her cry

Liam: it isn’t really about me not being here, it’s about my sister not, this is what she gets like every year

Edie: yeah, of course

Edie: it’s not about us

Edie: be nice if there was something we could do now but I know that’s probably not the case either

Liam: she’ll feel better after she’s shouted at me

Edie: 🔇

Liam: [a gap while that’s going on, such fun I’m sure]

Liam: it’s sorted

Edie: you okay?

Liam: if you can’t hurt me, she ain’t gonna

Edie: are you tired though

Edie: as it’s my day, I can make you have a nap, if you need it

Liam: you’re gonna make me 😴 when there’s 0 limits on what we could do

Liam: serious

Edie: if that’s a challenge to make you 😴 with everything we’re GONNA do

Edie: then challenge accepted

Liam: how much of a challenge are you gonna make it for me to find out what that everything is

Edie: as much of a challenge to be fun

Edie: can’t have you getting bored as well as 😴

Liam: it’ll be a fun challenge too proving I’m not tired or bored

Edie: well, when we can go out again at more sociable hours

Edie: you can start with this [clue] to come find me and prove it

Liam: ok but until then [so many pictures of people with their eyes crossed out from whatever his mum has to read and deface or like their entire photo album tbh because MISS YOU SO SO MUCH] you can have this

Edie: we need a 🏠 of our own

Edie: missing you is so

Edie: intense

Liam: I'll start hunting for a not too trashed empty round and about we can stay in until the holiday cottages clear out

Edie: how’d you guess

Edie: I told you I’d stay busy

Edie: you still have to find me so not a total fail on my behalf

Liam: I didn't, I promise, we must just think really alike and want the same things

Liam: when did you even do this

Edie: sitting still is not a speciality

Edie: and i’ve got a lapel mic so I could record and 🚴‍♀️

Edie: clearly need a go-pro for streaming purposes but you would’ve been 😱 to see that sudden POV change

Liam: I ain't scratched the surface of what you're capable of, have I

Edie: 🤔

Edie: keep going and find out, I reckon

Liam: 😏

Edie: [selfie like 😁]

Liam: I dunno how I'm gonna get used to looking at your 😁 face all the time when we live together, something else to find out

Edie: I could get a 🤡 mask

Liam: we both know the smile underneath is more deadly to me

Edie: you’re deadly and you could kill me

Edie: but I promised

Liam: and you’d never break a promise to me

Edie: never ever

Edie: you’ve got the blood to prove it

Liam: when can I solve the first clue

Edie: is your mum going to work today?

Liam: unless she pulls a sickie

Edie: whenever she’s up for the day, you can go

Edie: even if she’s not mad at me, I don’t want her to be mad at you

Liam: if I leave then, you’ve gotta go sleep for a while now

Edie: I don’t know if I can

Edie: my 🧠 & 💗 are vibrating, that’s what it feels like

Liam: yeah, meaning the comedown is gonna hurt when it does catch up to you and I don’t want you to

Edie: I’ll sleep with you

Liam: my nightmares’ll wake you up

Edie: then I can protect you

Liam: not from what’s already happened

Edie: but from getting stuck there

Liam: seeing me like that is gonna be

Liam: you won’t like it

Edie: I know but I can’t help if I don’t see it

Edie: all of it

Liam: alright, I did say it was a good thing you don’t close your eyes to what everyone else does

Edie: [👀 pic always]

Edie: If you go to sleep, I’ll feel it and I will too

Edie: then I can come find you

Liam: I’ll do it if you sing to me again

Edie: [call so you can do that and both have some sleep]

Liam: [love that for you, keep being adorable forever please lads]

Edie: [so that was my main vibe for today ‘cos she did say she’d look, it should be crappy though and not the one that you find that you actually love straight away so you don’t need to stay here, but you can spend the day there]

Liam: [and you can have fun fucking it up at the end cos you’re not gonna stay]

Edie: [exactly, a more genuine squat vibe this time, so you can get all the creepy shots and footage, as well as just causing some genuine carnage]

Liam: [I’ll see if one of the million pics I have of him holding a camera has the right energy and send it to you]

Edie: [woopwoop, likewise, a more 😈 day but definitely still cute]

Liam: [can’t not be cute ever]

Edie: [tried to fight it but we can’t]

[jamr0ck83]

The Blatant Caucasity of It All

Do me a favor.  The next time someone tries to tell you that racism is a problem that is relegated to only certain areas of the country and that they’re mostly below the Mason-Dixon Line, point them in the direction of this post.  You would think a largely Democrat state like New Jersey would be chock-full of progressive people with progressive ideas and would patently reject anything that looks like even covert racism.  But if you think that, you would be wrong.  I spent most of my life in Jersey, and any black person who has spent any degree of time living in the state can tell you that racism is alive and well there.  I think there’s an incorrect notion, particularly among the white population, that any instances of bigotry and oppression are few and far between.  And those people are living in a bubble of denial, and they need to branch out.  Ask any black person in Jersey, and they can quickly tell you which cities and towns black people would be crazy to move to because it is so clear that we are not wanted there.  They can tell you which towns not to drive through, because the police will be quick to pull you over when you have literally done nothing anybody else on the road isn’t doing as they zoom past you while you’re stopped.  And they can tell you that a middle-class black neighborhood in any city or town will always have houses which are valued lower than a comparable white neighborhood in the same city or town.  To put it quite simply, it’s really bad, and what’s worse is that white people don’t want to talk about it.  What’s more, they get angry if you try to bring it up.  And if you need proof of that, check out almost any article on NJ.com, and you will see the vitriol that spews so freely from people who are so unashamed that they post comments under their REAL NAMES.  Any article is an opportunity to bash black people, and those comments are often rewarded with a string of likes and agreeing sentiments.  It’s disgusting and the reason why I stopped going to the site even before I moved out of the state.  But for the sake of the edification for those who might have been unaware, take a look at just a few of the racist comments that were posted in response to an article detailing the impact of covid-19 in NJ’s largest city.   And tell me if you notice a theme. (Hint: You should notice a theme.)

And upon seeing this, I began to get an eerie sense of déjà vu, like “Where have I heard these sentiments before??  They sound so familiar!”  And then it totally hit me.  Click on the link below to check out a short clip taken from the documentary series Eyes On The Prize which chronicles the Civil Rights Movement.  Keep in mind that the news footage shown is from 1955.

Clip from Awakenings 1954-1956

Everyone who keeps hurling insults at “the media” for dividing us when it comes to issues of race, this is what you sound like.  Ver-friggin-batim.  Y’all act like oppression against black folks is only something one can witness “in the media”.  And you know what that tells me?  It tells me that many of you don’t live near black people, don’t befriend black people, and your kids don’t have any black friends, either which, incidentally, are all symptoms of these issues of race that we are trying to address.  But by all means, keep yelling nonsensically at “the media” for racial division.  Cuz that’s totally gonna help.  And then you can retreat back to your white bubble of a neighborhood, of which you’ve probably not once stopped to think about why no black people live there.  I’ll give you a hint: It’s not because none of us can afford it.

My overarching point is that, if America is ever going to successfully tackle its egregious history of racism and how the systems by which it currently runs are still reinforcing that racism, we ALL need to acknowledge there’s a problem.  And white folks, if black folks are telling you that it’s a problem, then it’s a problem, and it is NEVER your place to tell us we are delusional just because you claim to have never seen it yourself.  Because you have seen it; you just didn’t know what it was or how to parcel out what about the situation reeks of racism.  And that’s not terribly surprising because, since it doesn’t directly bother you, why would you feel compelled to notice?  And I don’t say that to insult you but rather to point out that you don’t get to argue, insist, and invalidate the black experience by denying racism is a real thing, because you don’t know how to identify it.  So, maybe be a little more willing to listen to those who DO KNOW and not dismiss what is being said because it’s not what you want to hear.  Because at the end of the day, the very fact that you are insisting racism isn’t a pervasive issue that needs to be addressed and are doing so by presenting the same exact arguments that were used to say the same exact thing over 60 years ago (arguments that didn’t stand to reason even then) means that it’s a problem, and petulantly complaining that you don’t want to hear about it will not solve it.  Ever.

[justtheendoftheday]

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

“They’re coming to get you, Barbra.”

When the bodies of the recently deceased begin coming back to life to try and kill and eat the living, a group of strangers take refuge inside an empty rural home.

—————————————

Fright: 1.7 / 5  Barbras

For me the most unsettling moments of fright are near the beginning when the attacks first start occurring. Sure, packs of the undead banging on your door is a creepy idea, but the potential for some stranger to suddenly attack you is just so much more real.

I feel like this was probably a very frightening movie when it came out, but time has dulled its blade a bit. For devotees of the genre Night of the Living Dead probably doesn’t even cause a blip on their fear radar. But for less desensitized viewers I think it probably walks a nice line between being spooky enough to creep you out a little, but tame and dated enough that it won’t keep you up all night.

It’s easy to look back on this one and not remember any big scares. But that’s probably just because the movie isn’t really into big scares. It prefers to charge the atmosphere of a scene with spooky tension. Who will live? Who will die? What’s going to happen next?

Gore: 2.3 / 5 Butcher Counter Scraps

This one is tough to measure. Old school gore gore rarely measures up to modern standards, and the whole movie is in black & white (which always makes things seem a little less visceral to me). So by modern zombie movie standards this one is pretty tame.

On one hand there certainly is a bit of gore, but on the other hand it is generally used to suggest that something rather gruesome occurred instead of actually showing it happening.

For instance, they never show anyone getting bit or pulled apart or anything like that. But they do imply that such things have happened and then show the ghouls eating “human flesh.” Yet it’s pretty obvious to an adult viewer that the actors are just creepily munching on a prop arm or some meaty bit acquired from a butcher shop.

There’s also a couple of quick shots of a slightly decomposed skull.

For the most part the only gruesome things you actually see being done to people are things like getting shot or stabbed.

Jump Scares: Very few

There are a couple of potential startle moments, but they are a bit tame by today’s standards. I didn’t notice any really aggressive jump scares to speak of.

Review:

Night of the Living Dead is a film that goes beyond the confines of its spooky premise to work as a powerful metaphor for its time. While its depiction of women is unfortunately quite bland, the way it deals with race is incredibly interesting. It’s a movie that delights in creating tension more so than going for aggressive scares. While certainly tame compared to modern zombie films, it remains a really fun movie that establishes the heart of a Romero-style zombie movie: a group of survivors who are forced to question whether the real terror is being alone outside with the zombies or inside together with the other survivors.

Thoughts:

Ah, Night of the Living Dead, one of those cinematic classics that everyone has at least heard of even if they’ve never seen.

Is it just me or is anyone else always wary of “classics?” So many of them turn out to be quite boring, or dated, or—worst of all—problematic. And sure, they might have made a big impact on the field, but that doesn’t mean they’re inherently great art, especially decades down the line.

And yet sometimes you’ll watch a so-called Classic and you totally get it.

Oh! Yes, this is why everyone keeps talking about this one.

One of my favorite things about the Horror genre is that so much of it is built up from a foundation of independent works and passion projects. And so much about what makes this movie a classic is because it was made by a bunch of film nerds who just wanted to make a movie. The only limitation placed on them was the scope of their imagination and the confines of their budget.

And that is exactly what allowed it to work outside the usual studio box and synthesize something new.

Here is a movie that has lots of gore (unusual for the time), was shot in black and white (also quite unusual for the time), and it cast a handsome black man as the main character and definitive hero of the movie (very unusual for the time).

Now keep in mind that movie was made in late 1960s America! A time where institutionalized racism was clashing against the force of a powerfully determined and ever-growing civil rights movement. To see a black man being portrayed as the hero—let alone one who heroically fights against white bodies—was almost unheard of in the cinematic pop-culture of the time.

Romero has said that his script hadn’t called for a black man to be cast in the role of Ben, but Duane Jones was chosen for the role simply because his audition had been the best. And while it’s easy to believe that Duane Jones aced that audition (because he’s friggin’ phenomenal in this movie), it’s hard to imagine that they would have even considered casting a white dude in the role. If they had gone that route it would have fundamentally changed the nature of the story (which is just a nice way of saying that it would have ruined everything).

But luckily for us the creators were open-minded enough to cast the role without race in mind. And because of that Night of the Living Dead was able to (inadvertently) tap into the energy of its time. It’s charged with this backlash against American racism. Ben is literally surrounded by white people that want him dead. They either want to ignore his humanity and simply consume him, like the hordes of ghouls do, or they want him dead for threatening the status quo (like Mr. Cooper does inside the house). And in spite of everything he still sticks his neck out to protect the people around him.

In spite of how well it’s held up over the years, for a modern audience one part hasn’t aged especially well: its depictions of women. Now don’t get me wrong, it never goes for the overt sexism that many horror movies manage to. And yet its female characters still manage to be the most bland characters in the film.

The lack of depth is on full display in their depiction of the film leading lady: Barbra. She starts out well enough, but for the vast, vast majority of the movie she is reduced to a hollow character. She is near catatonic most of the time and even when she’s lucid she tends to just ramble on, only partially aware of reality.

If that wasn’t bad enough there are only 3 other women in the movie and their characters almost never step outside the frameworks of The Wife, The Girlfriend, and The Daughter. All the female characters seem to exist only to add depth to the male characters who are the actual movers and shakers of the movie.

(Although in her defense I will say that Mrs. Cooper’s occasional scathing remark to her idiot husband are highly enjoyable.)

The first time I saw this film was in high school and I had heard it hyped up so much that I ended up thinking it was all a bit silly when I first saw it. While I’m sure it was more shocking to see during its time, by today’s standards it is a rather quiet movie. But when I ended up giving it another try, I found that the quietness is one of my favorite things about it.

One of the little details I love is how they use cricket sounds throughout the movie. In spite of all the horror and death we witness, nature continues unabated. It’s as if to say the world doesn’t care about these people’s situation. That little sound that evokes quiet peaceful summer nights is twisted here and it adds this brilliant extra layer of creepiness.

One of the things I’ve always loved about Romero’s zombie movies is that they are always focused on the survivors, not the zombies. The ghouls are slow and stumbling, their only real threat is if they catch you unaware or you let them overpower you with their numbers. The real source of danger is always shown to be the people you’re locked up with.

After all, in these modern times what is more frightening: the masses pounding on your gates or the people you find yourself locked in with?

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Content warnings: I didn’t notice anything particularly triggering in this one, but let me know if I missed something!

After-credits Scene?: None.

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Directed by: George A. Romero

Written by: John Russo & George Romero

Country of Origin: USA

Language: English

Setting: Butler County, Pennsylvania, USA

Sequel: Dawn of the Dead (1978)

If you liked this you might also like: Dawn of the Dead (1978), Day of the Dead (1985), The Last Man on Earth (1964), Shaun of the Dead (2004)

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Context Corner:

Night of the Living Dead may be the great grand-daddy of the modern zombie movie, but many might not know that plenty of zombie movies existed long before it was ever made. The first zombie movie being the 1932 film White Zombie starring Bela Lugosi as an evil witch doctor named Murder Legendre [100% serious. That really was his name].

However, these original zombie movies were very different things from what we consider zombies today. These pre-NotLD films were generally based around second-hand ideas of zombies as seen in Haitian folklore (and misattributed to the religion of voodoo). They featured dead bodies that were reanimated as mindless tools of their master or living people put into a zombie-like trance, not autonomous creatures on the hunt for living flesh.

The closest precursor to Romero’s vision of zombies was seen in the fantastic film The Last Man on Earth, a 1964 picture starring Vincent Price and based on the novel I Am Legend by Richard Matheson. There a plague sweeps across the country and the infected dead return to life as a type of vampire-esque zombies.

Fun Fact: In spite of its influence on the zombie genre the word “zombie” is never used in Night of the Living Dead. The undead are referred to only as “ghouls.”

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“So long as this situation remains, government spokesmen warn that dead bodies will continue to be transformed into the flesh-eating ghouls. All persons who die during this crisis, from whatever cause, will come back to life to seek human victims.”

[humansofhds]

Eliot Davenport, MTS '18

“Recently, I have realized that, at the bottom of everything, I came to the study of South Asian religion and Indian philosophy because I couldn’t imagine not reading Sanskrit every day.”

Eliot graduated in 2018 from the MTS program at HDS and is currently applying to PhD programs in South Asian and Religious Studies departments, where she will continue to study Sanskrit and Indian philosophy.

Leaving the Bubble

I am Texan, through and through. I was born and raised in Fort Worth. Same house, same school, same all-the-things for my whole childhood. Religion tied into my life in an early way. When my mom found out she was going to have kids, she thought, “What was important to me when I was small? The Church!” So she immediately started attending again, and my sister and I were raised in the Episcopal Church. My mom worked as the secretary to the rector, so we ended up going to the church school for K-12. It was sort of a bubble of a life.

For most of my life, I wanted to be a priest. Whenever anybody asked me what I wanted to do I would say, “I want to be an Episcopal priest,” and they’d be like “Great, except that you’re a lady.” Turns out that I totally could have, but my diocese was very not progressive. It was stagnant. I didn’t know that women could be clergy until I went off to college and I had already changed my plan at that point. I was good at math and I thought I’d just be an engineer, so I moved to College Station and earned my bachelors of science in civil and ocean/coastal engineering at Texas A&M.

Once I found out about female clergy I called my parents and I was like “what the heck, I could have done this!” They suggested that I put a pin in it and try out the engineering thing. So I did—I worked as an engineer in Austin for about five years. But I still always thought I wanted to go to seminary. About a year into the formal discernment process in the Episcopal Diocese of Texas, I thought, “Wait, that’s not what I want after all. Turns out I want to study Sanskrit.” And everybody said, “Excuse me, what?” That’s how I ended up coming to Massachusetts in a nutshell.

Serendipitous Encounters

When I moved to Austin to begin my first real job after graduating from Texas A&M, I realized that engineering had taken up my whole life. I just felt like I didn’t have much of a personality outside of my education and career. So I started to do a bunch of stuff, thinking that year that I would do literally anything that came my way hoping that something would catch me and hold tight. One day somebody said that I should go to a yoga class. I initially thought, “No thanks,’ but something changed and I walked into one, some free class somewhere, and it just stuck. It became my thing.

A couple of years later I started yoga teacher training and was introduced to Sanskrit. From the moment we started learning proper syllable pronunciation, I was hooked. I realized that if I intended to be a yoga teacher who said the names of poses in Sanskrit and spoke with any sense of authority about anything related to the Yoga Sutras, then I better be able to read them as a primary source and not just as an English translation. So, at the suggestion of Professor Clooney, I applied to the University of Texas to try my hand at first-year Sanskrit, and three years later here I am applying for PhD programs.

I started practicing yoga in 2012. I became one of those people who practiced multiple times a day, then I started teaching, and then I quit my full-time engineering job all-together. Then I came here (HDS), and it disappeared from my life. I didn’t grieve the loss of this thing that I had loved; it was just that it's time sort of ended for me. I still do it from time to time, and I’ve started doing it more since graduating. Although yoga is the thing that introduced me to Sanskrit, my relationship to yoga is different now. For me it is physical. I don’t buy into the way that people are trying to package a spiritual experience and a bodily experience all at once. After coming to HDS, I separated the philosophy, the language, and then finally the actual physical practice, so when I do it now I do it just to feel good in my body.

I usually don’t get a lot of good reactions when I tell people this story. Overall there seems to be a sense that this undeniably modern avenue into the world of studying religion, South Asia, and Sanskrit somehow indicates an inability to take it seriously. People have mixed reactions to the idea that the billion dollar, stretchy-pants yoga boom could lead somebody into the academic study of religion, but it did for me and I hope others are lucky enough to let it do the same for them.

Learning Curve

Engineering school never felt right. I never really meshed with that culture. Honestly, even when I thought I was going to be a priest, that didn’t feel quite right either. And then I walked into that first class of beginner Sanskrit at UT and I was like “Oh! I found the thing, and it’s not a place, or a particular career; it’s this other new thing that I’m so glad I ran into.” It was a beautiful accident. And I’m thankful for it, every day.

Because my first year at HDS was also my first year in the humanities, my time here was like a compressed undergraduate education. There was a huge learning curve. I mean, my first paper in my life that was longer than three pages was my first paper here at HDS. So, I had to give myself time and space to properly develop an idea of what I wanted to do. Even now I can say more easily what I don’t want to do than what I do want to do, whether it’s in regard to a simple term paper or a future book. My dearest friend back in Austin teases me that I went from wanting to do everything in all the libraries in all over the world to wanting to do something in all of the libraries on one continent, and now I’m trying to shrink it down to one country, one city, and perhaps a single library.

Recently, I have realized that, at the bottom of everything, I came to the study of South Asian religion and Indian philosophy because I couldn’t imagine not reading Sanskrit every day. This whole world didn’t initially open up to me through English translations of Sanskrit texts or even from the mouths of my professors. I became familiar with some of India’s epic narratives and philosophical works simply by reading them in the language in which they were meant to be heard and read. In fact, it was only after my second full year of language study that I was finally asked to think critically about them from a non-language-based perspective. This perhaps odd way of doing things, learning the language before knowing what my academic questions might be, has certainly affected the way I study. I’ve finally zeroed in on the thing I love reading the most: Indian philosophy. In particular I’m interested in epistemology, philosophy of language, theories of sensory experience, and the efficacy of sound as a source of knowledge. I’m interested in not just what these philosophers had to say, but also the intricacies of how they chose to say it. What do they have to say about language and how, in turn, do they utilize language to do so? For a lot of people, it probably sounds like the most boring thing in the world. But this is what’s captured my imagination, so I am just going with it.

Hidden Motivations

In my last semester, I took a class with Professor Hallisey about Buddhism and modern fiction. In this course, it was incredible to me how we were all presented with the same paper prompts and every single one of us wrote on distinctly different topics for each. When we were asked “What is the author of this novel asking us to reflect on?” each of us zeroed in on such fascinating and differing topics that it made me wonder if we’d even read the same book.

In the final paper for that class, the basic question was: Why read fiction at all? I started thinking about how fiction forces us not only to look into the minds of different authors, but also to dive deep into our own brains to see what we’re reflecting on. Fiction is a conduit for us to live other lives and see what in those lives is important to us. I wrote about grief and loss for one assignment and about the human tendency to self-deceive for another. As I wrote the final, I thought back and self-psychoanalyzed a bit, realizing that those topics are things that are always present in my mind. I was totally unaware of this while I was reading the novels and writing the individual papers. All this to say that this class changed the way I want to approach the works of certain Indian philosophers. In addition to looking at what they were trying to convey through their arguments, I want to analyze the ways in which they were attempting to convey it in order to gain insight into their world. Perhaps this insight may be able to add to our own experience in unexpected ways.

What is it that I think I’m going to discover there? I don’t know. But I want to get into their brains and I want to know why they chose to talk about the things they chose to talk about. Who were they? What was important to them? What motivated them to write these difficult, intense, complicated things? The engineering side of my brain wants to break down the structure of the texts, the specific sentences, words, and letters. But I also want to put the puzzle pieces together of what they were thinking about on the surface to see what they may have been thinking about below it. Hopefully it leads me somewhere I can’t quite yet imagine.

Elton John

I played the piano competitively for a long time. I started really young because The Lion King was my favorite movie. I remember walking out of the film and being like, “Mom—that music! Who wrote it?” And she told me “Elton John!” I said “I’m going to marry Elton John.” She replied by saying, “Do you want to play the piano?” Soon after that I started to play and still do just for fun. Elton John came here last fall when he was awarded the Harvard Foundation’s Peter J. Gomes Humanitarian, and I finally had the chance to see him in person after 25 years. It was amazing.

Interview and photos by Anaïs Garvanian

[bymaribel]

Was there a song in your lifetime that no matter where you were as soon as it played it triggered a response of joy or better yet, the need to dance? What song was that for you? Has a song ever changed your life or the trajectory of it? This one did for me.

I grew up in the era of Rock-en-Español. There were many great bands and songs we danced and enjoyed back in the late 90s early 2000's. I still listen to Rock-En-Español from time to time but this morning as I was heading out to buy coffee my bluetooth connected my phone to the car music outlet and out of what felt no where the sound of drums began to thunder literally waking me into a state of joy. Up until that moment it was a very quiet beautiful morning with the birds chirping and early enough that most were still asleep or in bed as I drove down the road. Although my eyes could see the road ahead of me with with the shopping center in sight the sound of those drums pulled me out of that car and I found myself in the dark surrounded by strangers. It was January of the year 2000. I was shot back in time as if I was really there. The music was loud and echoing through my body as I found myself tapping the back shoulder of a stranger with the intention to dance. At that moment I didn't care who it was. It could've been my grandfather or a troll or the devil himself. I didn't care. I needed to go and dance to this song. The stranger turned around and I don't remember his face all I remember was asking boldly if he wanted to dance with me. I don't remember what he said and I don't know if I could've heard him as the music was so loud. All I know is that moment changed everything. I just didn't know it yet. I was standing in the lively Night club situated in the heart of Bogotá Colombia. I'm not Colombian. But I was insane. It was 1999 and there I was again my heart thumping following the beat of the drums to MATADOR, by the band Los Fabulosos Cadillacs. The drum beat hits a ryrhem that is a call to war. It's mixed with the unique sound and lyric, gypsy octaves and melodic rap. Very unique. I love it still.

I had gone to this night club in Bogotá that night almost by force. I didn't want to go. I had traveled to Colombia when the world was supposed to end due to 1999 turning into 2000. Apparently all the computers of the world were supposed to crash. I was on a plane flying out to Colombia the night those computers were supposed to end it all for humanity. I figured if it's all going to end anyway why not travel alone to one most dangerous cities in the world? What could go wrong? I jest of course. I was really headed out there to be with my ex who I was still very much in love with. It was a very hard break up. He hadn't seen his family in over five years or so. A couple of his family members called me and convinced me I should go out there. Although his family was very sweet and accommodating I should not have gone. Toward the end of my short visit he had taken off with his friends for days and I never saw him again for the remainder of my stay.

He hadn't seen his friends in years so I can understand that now. In retrospect I don't think he really invited me but was more pressured into it by his family to have them meet me. His sister in law was insistent that I go out and checkout the night scene. Reluctantly I fixed myself up and went out with his sister-in-law and some of his family members to a local night club. I don't drink so I was not sitting with their group long as they got their drinking party going. Instead I stood by the side of the dance floor and watched. Colombians are amazing dancers. That night something amazing happened. I didn't know it then, but I was about to get swept away. I was about to finally have closure on a long painful relationship. Ironically it would be in the presence of the very people rallying for my ex and I to mend things out.

Matador! Matador! The brave stranger and I started to dance and that's when I finally remember seeing his face. Dear heavenly god. He was gorgeous. In fact had I seen his face first I don't believe I would have had the guts to ask. But as fate would have it, I had a false sense of security until I saw him face to face. Afterwards we kept chatting and the family started to notice I had made a new friend. I was approached by my ex's brother-in-law and told it was time to go. My new friend had asked me for my phone number but I explained to him that I was not from the country but I would happily take his. I don't think he believed me. Regardless he took a napkin wrote his name and some numbers on the back. I also learned that Colombia doesn't have seven digits for their phone numbers. Instead it's a strange combination of some sort so I too thought I was being punked. Bogotá is also famous for kidnappings and cons. I had just revealed that I am an American and basically put a target on my head according to the siblings out there.

Upon returning to my ex family's home most of his siblings were pretty quiet. The sister-in-law came to my room and excitedly asked me what was his name. Jose Ruiz read the napkin. "Are you gonna call him?!"

"I don't have a phone."

"Use mine."

My heart was racing. I felt conflicted. What am I doing? I'm here trying to mend things and get back with my womanizing ex. He was not around. But I declined. I waited for the ex to show up but it was going on day three and still nothing. My plane tickets were set and I would be leaving in 2 days. I felt an urgency to call Jose. What was the point? I'm leaving in 2 days? Then again, I'm leaving in 2 days, I had nothing to lose. A day later,

"can I borrow your phone?"

"Omg, yes!"

He could not believe I called. He told me he thought I was using a creative line to make him go away. Who says I don't have a phone number in this day and age?! We laughed and I told him tomorrow was my last day in Bogota flying out to Los Angeles. I was still in school and classes started at UCLA in a matter of days. So we agreed to meet at a little hole in the wall which was lots of them out there with mom and pop restaurants for lunch. This would be the first time we would actually see each other in daylight. Now for those of you who are unaware of what a club scene is compared to a day scene well to put it lightly you could be two totally different people especially if you had been drinking ( I had not but I think he had). He asked where I was staying, what area in Bogota? I had no clue! I felt so ignorant. I honestly don't remember how I got there because I didn't know the area and I certainly didn't have transportation. Someone took me. I just can't remember now.

There he was. Just as gorgeous if not more than the night we met. We chatted for a bit. We drank a soda. It's all a blur. We exchanged information. All I know is that shortly after I was on a plane on an 11 hour flight home holding a picture of this young man in my hands. Thin built, Full lips, black short but slightly wavy hair. Thick black eye brows. Long eyelashes that decorated the softest frosty light mint green eyes you would ever see. I stared at that photo all throughout my 11 hour flight. I had turned a page. I was not upset that my ex had once again abondend me. In fact I was grateful. I knew deep inside that nothing would really come from this beautiful new encounter. But a new sense of hope where a heartbroken obsession once dominated had softly lifted and I felt free. I felt hope. I felt alive again.

we wrote to eachother for a year or so. We would chat by phone from time to time. I traveled back to Bogota alone twice and met Jose's beautiful family. It was an amazing time. One time he called me at midnight and sang to me with live music in the background as he was so very drunk. We both knew this too would end. But we tried to keep it going until we just could do so no longer.

As far as my ex goes, he was hurt about the situation but it was more of a realization that I was finally over him. He hated and loved my obsession and heartbreak over him. But it was finally really over.

Matador! Matador! That song was the trigger that night. The irony of it all.

[imagine-wannaone]

Park Jihoon Soulmate AU

Okay so this wasn’t requested but all the other boys had a soulmate au and I just didn’t like that Jihoon was the only one without one?? It’s a little short and stuff but here we go! (I think Sunday is now my upload day)

• Your soulmate key isnt exactly helpful, • At all, • But it’s more of a sentimental thing, • You would be frustrated about its uselessness but you’re a firm believer in fate being fate and the time will come when you meet your soulmate, • So while a clue, any clue, would have been nice, you where chill, • Because on your wrist glowed a timer, recording how long you’d lived on earth,  Years, Months, Days, Hours, Minutes, Seconds, until it would stop when you met your soulmate, • Which is damn exciting because it could be AnYmoMEnT, • But then whenever you meet someone new you always check your wrist because what if it stops and you don’t notice? • A damn tragedy ™ • So you also have a habit of holding your wrist because you can feel it ticking down and it’s reassuring to know you haven’t missed them yet, • Some people looked down on your soulmate sign, thinking it was useless or ugly, which is frustrating, • And some people pity you, especially when their signs are obvious, which is slightly irritating but, like I said, you chill AF so yanno, ya don’t mind as much, • So your school is the practice place of the town’s orchestra, which you just so happen to have a place in, • You make up half of you orchestras flutes, because the flute is pretty and sounds pretty and that’s just how you roll, • But although you’re in the orchestra, you haven’t actually met everyone yet? • Just sorta turn up, play and talk to the other flute, Jaehwan, and occasionally the other woodwinds around you, • And because the strings look scary okay, • They just look so elegant and their elbows could break a jaw when they’re playing fast and sometimes they s c r e e c h  at a pitch to rattle your brain, • And coming from someone who sits next to piccolo’s, that’s high, • Although the piccolo player in the orchestra is adorable and their control is 10/10 so it sounds godly, • But you still notice everything that goes on in the orchestra, • Like when two of the French horns fell out and it was a complete battle between the two on who could play louder and better and smooth for a week until the conductor nearly had a mental break down,

• (Okay maybe the whole orchestra noticed that), • And how whenever one of the cello’s have a break they stare dreamily at one I the clarinets, • Like how there’s a new violin, • But boy, how could you not notice him, • His timing is perfect to the exact second, • Because having a ticking clock on your wrist really helps with keeping time, • How his arms move as if he’s one with the music and and how his face switches between at total peace and an intense concentration, • Your heart aches to talk to him, to praise him, to duet with him, • Because you swear you can hear his violin over the others, • But tbh it could be the 3 other violin’s playing exactly the same piece, • But your STUBBORN and IT IS his violin, • But you have no idea how to approach him? • Because your orchestra doesn’t really mingle, and he’s a string and your a woodwind, • Jaehwan, one of your best friends, labeled it as the modern Romeo and Juliet because this is just as dramatic okay, • You just have to get him to notice you, • I mean you killed a solo the other day so he must have seen you but whether he’s noticed you is totally different, • So when your school starts talking about their annual summer show auditions,it’s like the light has been shown to you, • You know the boy is from your school, he sometimes shows up to practice in uniform as it’s straight after school, • And you know he’s in the class opposite yours, because Jaehwan has leads everywhere, • How does he get all his info? What’s a lie and what’s real? He’s a mystery, really, • So when you slide open Jihoons’ classrooms door you’re on edge™ • This is the dude you’ve literally dreamed of having a duet with, so if he rejects you now you might as well just sell your flute and move to the country to become a recluse, • You scan the classroom, it’s lunch so only half full, students sleeping or chatting or desperately cramming because you never know when the next surprise test will pop up, • (Always prepared), • But you spot  Jihoon • (Jaehwan also provided you with his name like the great best friend he is), • Luckily for you he isn’t asleep, but sat On a desk talking to Woojin, who you know from the one year you decide to try badminton and needed a partner, • You take a deep breath and make your way over, Woojins friendly presence calming you slightly, • It may seem like you’re making a mountain out of a molehill but something about Jihoon daunts you a little, probably because he’s a string player, • Woojin sees you first, smiling widely in greeting and at that moment you want to get down and thank him on your knees, • “Hey, y/n, how ya doing? Got another new Hobby in mind? I was thinking, what about figure skating?” Woojins teasing makes your cheeks redden but your mouth curve into the smile, • “Really? I was thinking we could take up horse riding. But I’m, uh, here to talk to Jihoon,” • Jihoons eyes land on you, but where you expected to feel more nervous you suddenly feel more at home, as if you’d known Jihoon all of you life, • “Hey Y/n, first flute, right? You always stand out when we all play together,” • Jihoon’s kind words warm your heart as well as your cheeks, • “Ah, that’s the thing. Your playing is beautiful, so I was wondering if you’d like to do a duet for the summer show?” • You imagined you’d feel jumpy or anxious, but the shy smile that spreads in Jihoon’s face is peaceful and the enthusiastic shine in his eye is reassuring, • “Oh thank god, I was just trying to figure out whether you’d say yes if I asked you,” • “I’d be stupid not to say yes to you,” • And damn if u two ain’t hitting it off straight away, • You swap phone numbers, which makes your stomach twist and heart flip, • But as you turn to walk away, a warm hand quickly reaches out carefully wrapping around your wrist and sending a shock Through your arm and up to your head, • You turn around, totally shocked because like???? What’s up???? • But Jihoon stays silent, another shy smile on his face, he simply holds your own wrist up for you to see, • Your numbers glow unchanging on your wrist, there’s no longer a ticking in your blood, • The complete sense of peace you felt when you first met eyes with Jihoon makes total sense, • And you feel a little stupid you didn’t notice your constant beat had disappeared, • As if it wasn’t already clear enough, Jihoon slowly holds his wrist up next to yours, his numbers also stopped, • It’s overwhelming - You always had a feeling of being on edge, tense, although it felt completely normal, • But now you feel at home, at ease, at peace, the old feeling now seeming terrible, Jihoon looks calmer than you’ve ever seen him and looking at Jihoon’s timer he had to deal with a few extra month than you, • But you can’t quite believe it, and neither can Jihoon, that the person that is destined for you was just a few seats away, working his own magic with a violin as you worked your own with a flute, both of you unaware, • Although not totally unaware, your trust in fate well placed, as the fact you were always drawn to him, his music always standing out, now makes sense, • “Right in front of me, y/n, a few rows away,” • You pull each other forward, wrapped in each others embraces, grins splitting your faces, • Honestly, the hug is just to make sure it’s all real, • So the two of you completely sweep the floor at the summer show, • It’s difficult learning timing all over again without the ticking flowing through your blood, but the two of you manage together to find your own new rhythm, • And omg has a duet ever been more heartfelt ever? You basically combine to make one badass note making machine,

• Julliard? You laugh in the face of Julliard, • You’re always tracing the numbers on the others wrist, • Like ‘wow, it took us this long to find each other,’ and you cherish every single second after that, • Because you spent that long apart, gotta make up for lost time, • And then you’re always playing together, making up new pieces to express what words can’t, • And there’s really nothing more intimate than watching someone perform something that was made only and especially for you,

[glittergummicandypeach]

How a Stars and Stripes Hijab on ‘Rupaul’s Drag Race’ Reveals America’s Troubling Relationship to Gender, Ethnicity and ‘That’ Religion | Religion Dispatches

Honestly, we blame ourselves.

We should have known that releasing an episode of Keeping It 101 (A Killjoy’s Introduction to Religion Podcast) about religion and RuPaul this past Wednesday meant we were in for some goopery when the next episode of Rupaul’s Drag Race aired two days later.

But how could we have known season 12 contender Jackie Cox would bring a freaking STARS AND STRIPES CAFTAN AND HIJAB to the ball? We. Were. Gagged. 

That said: if we had known Ms. Cox would be featuring this garment on tonight, we could’ve clocked Jeff Goldblum’s Islamophobic response from clear across the club. We would’ve told you that women who dress like Cox to express modesty are immediately racialized as Muslim, forced to defend Islam against accusations that it is uniquely hostile toward women and queer people, and especially vulnerable to violence.

The Persian Princess of Drag

Cox has made much of her Iranian heritage, dubbing herself “the Persian Princess of Drag” and tearfully thanking Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for her advocacy work on behalf of immigrants like Cox’s mother, an American citizen born in Iran. But so far this season—as we literally just said!—Cox has claimed her Iranian-ness solely in racial and cultural terms. Even when commending AOC for “working in Congress in solidarity with Congresswoman Tlaib and Congresswoman Omar,” the first two Muslim women elected to serve in Congress, Cox never said the words ‘Islam’ or ‘Muslim’.

L to R: Jaida Essence Hall, the now-disgraced Sherry Pie, and Heidi entreat viewers to vote in the November 2020 presidential election while Jackie Cox waves from the top of the runway. See? Subtle. (Screengrab from episode 12)

We assumed that Cox or the producers or both had decided to frame Cox’s story explicitly in terms of racism and immigration, which fit neatly into season 12’s pronounced emphasis on urging viewers toward increased political engagement. (In drag’s grand tradition of understated subtlety, every episode now ends with the remaining queens prancing down the runway waving huge “REGISTER TO VOTE” signs. Image left.)

As religious studies scholars, we were thirsty for more explicit engagement with Cox’s religio-racial heritage. But we allowed that the show’s glossing of anti-Iranian hostility as racism was still important political work: though classified as white, Iranians in the United States (religious or otherwise) often face anti-Muslim hostility, which is related—but not reducible—to American white supremacy.¹ American whiteness is fragile, contested, and—especially for folks associated with Islam—contingent on good behavior. On episode 7, Jackie Cox wept while outing herself as the child of an immigrant from a Muslim-majority country and claiming “this part of [her] heritage that [she] hid for so long.” We were prepared to leave our analysis of Ms. Cox at that: viewers might suspect their Persian Princess had a relationship with Islam, but the show left Jackie’s religious commitments (or lack thereof) safely tucked out of sight.

But then SOMETHING HAPPENED, America. 

Salaam RuPaul Joon

Episode 9, “Choices,” had contestants facing off in a debate to become America’s first drag president.² The pinnacle of every episode is the queen’s final runway looks; this week’s theme was “Stars and Stripes Forever.”³ And heeeeeere’s Jackie:

She’s giving us “a beautiful, [red and white] striped, flowing caftan” and “a midnight blue hijab that is outlined in fifty silver stars.” She’s insisting “you can be Middle Eastern, you can be Muslim, and you can still be American.”

In the immortal words of Latrice Royale: she said THAT.

As Jackie Cox swanned down the runway trailing her patriotic caftan behind her, guest judge, dinosaur Zaddy, and Woody Allen defender Jeff Goldblum let out an “oooooh” or a “nooooo.” Either way, it was clear Cox’s look evoked a strong response from Goldblum. Camera held tight on his face for reactions; Goldblum seemed fixated and (to our trained killjoy eye) bordering on disgust. 

A smiling Cox faced the judges with a cheery “salaam RuPaul joon!” Veteran judge Carson Kressley called her outfit “beautiful and touching” and said it “makes a political statement;”4 guest judge Rachel Bloom celebrated that Cox’s “simple outfit…says so much” about what “America really is.”5 This presentation primes the viewer to see Cox’s eleganza as boundary-pushing and indicative of something essential about Jackie Cox as a performer.

If you watched the show or you study religion or you exist on the internet, you already know what happened next. 

“Are you religious, may I ask?” Goldblum inquired, because OF COURSE HE DID, eyebrows raised above thick black nerd glasses, elbow propped on the judges’ table, supporting a face slouched casually against his hand. Cox replied that she’s not religious and insisted that the importance of her outfit lies in “the visibility religious minorities need to have in this country.” 

“Isn’t this an interesting wrinkle, though,” Goldblum continued, waving his hands around his face with pre-COVID abandon. “Is there something in that religion that is anti-homosexuality and anti-woman? Does that complicate the issue?” (emphasis added, and Reader: feel free to pause and hit the shade rattle button if you need to). “I’m just raising it and thinking out loud and maybe being stupid. What do you think?” he concluded.

We’re so glad you asked us that, Jeff Goldblum. Here’s what we think:

Seeing a hijab-wearing woman and dribbling half-baked, anti-Muslim talking points from out the mouth atop your admittedly striking and grizzled jawline does not make us think you’re interesting, Jeff Goldblum. It makes us think you haven’t done your homework.

Islamophobia is Not an “Interesting Wrinkle”

Here’s the T: religion has always been messy on Drag Race—which makes sense, since religion is messy in general. Keeping It 101, like Marie Kondo, loves mess, so you know we had to get into this gig. Whether it means to or not, Drag Race has always given us characters with complicated relationships to religion: Monique Heart’s devout Christianity despite undergoing conversion therapy; Valentina claiming la Virgen de Guadalupe as her drag mother; debates about whose religiously-inspired garments are culturally appropriate and whose are appropriation. 

Religion should be messy on Drag Race, we’ve argued, because religion is what people do, and people are some messy bitches. Lived religious experience changes as people change; rarely are people just one thing or one thing all the time or one thing throughout their whole lives. Jackie Cox has been bringing the complexity of her Iranian identity to us every week. But despite Cox asserting her Iranian-ness in terms of culture, national origin, and ethnicity, the judges read her “Stars and Stripes Forever” outfit exclusively and explicitly as religious. 

As RuPaul’s longtime co-host Michelle Visage would say: meh.

Look, we’re not surprised. Americans know disturbingly little about pious fashion, which has led to some truly tragic and dehumanizing feature items on nonwestern modesty practices. Most Americans still seem unaware that how people cover their bodies has far more to do with where they are than whether they belong to a particular religious community (though students always nod when we explain that folks going out on the town in New York City dress differently than in, say, Tuscaloosa). Folks who wrinkle their noses at Muslim modest fashion seldom express the same concerns about conservative Christian women in long skirts and long-sleeved blouses. We know how you do, America. We work on racialization and religious intolerance.

As we discussed on our “Religion Is Not Done with You” episode, we also know that Muslim-coded people don’t get to opt out of Islam: “Arab-looking” folks, folks with “Muslim-sounding” names, Sikhs in turbans, folks who dress in “Muslim garb,” all get read as Muslim. Identifying as atheist doesn’t get anyone who can be read as Muslim out of “totally random” TSA pat downs. This is how we racialize Islam, distilling a billion-person millenium-old global religion into one (terrifying, not-American) thing.

So yeah, when Jeff Goldblum looks at Jackie Cox in a hijab and says “that religion,” of course we know what he means. Goldblum doesn’t say “Islam”—in fact, no one says Islam or Muslim for the rest of the episode. No one has to. With this question-cum-critique, Islam became what was happening On Tonight, and Goldblum became every white dude in any audience or classroom who doesn’t think he’s racist, who doesn’t realize he’s part of the problem, and who definitely didn’t do the reading. 

That Religion

Goldblum’s use of that here—making Islam “that religion,” unnamed and unsafe for women and queer people—belies the disgust we clocked on his face as Cox brought modest fashion to the runway. He’s asking (though it’s really more of a comment than a question) whether the religion he projects onto Cox’s queer, feminine-presenting body hates her queer, feminine-presenting self; hates all women and queers. 

Goldblum is asking Cox if Islam hates her, the beautiful queen standing before him, who chose to wear this clothing to represent herself and her communities. Goldblum begs the question of Islam-as-oppressive, as though expecting Cox to thank him for liberating her with his tired, basic question. 

Dinosaur Zaddy, WYD? Why are you proving our point by assuming folks who look like Muslims must be religious—immediately racializing and pigeon-holing literal billions of people? Why would you assume you already know everything you need to know about Islam? 

Oh, right. Because you’re American, and America is that girl. We knew she was. 

Cox, to her credit, ignored the bigotry and argued for complexity: “I’m not [religious],” she told Goldblum. “I have my own misgivings about how LGBT people are treated in the Middle East, and at the same time, I am one. But…when the Muslim ban happened, it really destroyed a lot of my faith in this country, and it really hurt my family.” (Jeff Goldblum, open-mouthed, nodded along as Cox spoke.) “I’m here, and I deserve to be in America as much as anyone else.” 

In a challenge meant to celebrate American inclusivity, Cox had to share her personal trauma and champion religious freedom (very American of her, no?) so as not to have to defend a religion of 1.9 billion people (Islam), a nation-state of 82 million (Iran), and an immigrant community already under siege. 

Goldblum’s comments are dangerous. Characterizing Islam as inherently anti-LGBTQ, anti-women, anti-anything, really, falsely collapses the complexity of Islam and Muslims into a conservative anti-American monolith—while letting America off the hook for the very real damage it’s doing to women, LGBTQ people, immigrants, and Muslims every day, and with increased urgency during our nation’s public health crisis. 

We the People

Standing on the stage in front of the judges, Cox—like so many women who cover—found the complexity of her identity reduced to the fabric on her head. Despite not being religious, Drag Race stripped her complicated performance down to its proximity to Islam. It might be too much to expect a campy televised game show to give us realness about religion, except that historically, that’s exactly what Drag Race has done. 

Shepard Fairey’s “We the People Are Greater than Fear.”

RuPaul loves a reference, but no one on that judges panel seemed to get that Cox’s caftan and hijab were inspired by Shepard Fairey’s “WE THE PEOPLE are greater than fear,” part of a poster series created in response to the 2016 election [image left].  

Many people carried this image during nation-wide Women’s Marches in January 2017 to protest the 45th president’s inauguration. The poster inspired praise (for including a modest Muslim woman as a symbol of American patriotism) and criticism (for implying Muslims need to support American militarism and imperialism to be “truly” American). 

Not all Muslim women feel liberated by the image Cox is referencing; as Muslim fashion blogger Hoda Katebi says, “Know that Muslims are tired of having to ‘prove’ they are American [and] know that one does not need to be American to deserve respect, humanity, dignity, equality, rights and freedom from hate and bigotry. An over-emphasis on being American as a prerequisite of deserving respect is harmful for immigrants and refugees.” 

How a woman (or a man dressed as one) engages with religion (or not) is not something you can tell by looking at her. Muslim women are more than what they put (or not) on their heads. Looking at a woman who covers and assuming she’s an observant Muslim contributes to the racialization of Muslims—the fear that Muslims are too different, too dangerous, to be allowed to be fully American. Asking a female-presenting person who covers her head with a hijab whether Islam hates women or queers implies that the woman needs saving, that she hasn’t chosen to dress herself in a way she knows makes her a more likely target for hate speech and violence. Assuming Islam hates Muslim women or queer Muslims is some white nonsense: Islam hates nothing; all religions are made up of people. 

Assuming a Muslim woman or a queer Muslim must be especially at risk because of their religious belonging collapses a long, complex history of gender relations in Islam into a soundbite that makes the internet yell at you, Jeff Goldblum. It ignores that many religions, including Islam, can and do contribute to both the empowerment and the oppression of women. Because religion is what people do, DinoZaddy, and history has shown us that people oppress women. 

When you look at a woman who covers her head and assume you know everything worth knowing about her, Jeff Goldblum, you make an ass out of you. And us, as it turns out, for releasing our hot take on RuPaul and religion too early to yell about this on the air. Better luck next season, we guess. 

In the meantime: salaam, Khanoom Jackie Cox joon. Thank you for not turning your pious fashion runway moment into a reveal. We stan.

1 Check out the Islamophobia Is Racism syllabus and especially Neda Maghbouleh’s excellent Limits of Whiteness (Stanford 2017) for more on this religio-racial tension.

2 Again. Season 4 episode 9, “Frock the Vote,” featured precisely this format — but that was before the show hit basic cable and expanded its mainstream viewership.  This is probably for the best, as Chad Michaels’ “LadyPimp” platform has not aged well. And PhiPhi O’Hara’s calling Black queens “the help” didn’t play well even then.

3 Personally, we would have gone with “Amer-I-Can!” but we’re still waiting for our recruiting call from the show’s producers.

4 Speaking of political statements: don’t even get us started on Carson telling Widow that she came off as an angry Black woman, or on the fact that the lipsync for your life literally pitted a Black queen against a hijabi queen while declaring the white queen in ACTUAL IMPERIAL GARB  safe. We cannot even.

5 Bloom called America “a nation of immigrants,” which obviously obscures the genocidal violence perpetrated against the Indigenous peoples of what is now the United States and against those forcibly removed and enslaved to become the bedrock of this country’s economy.

This content was originally published here.

[tap-dat-agent]

Who Knew? 4/? (Merlahad) - A Roxy Aside

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

A/N: Not necessarily vital to read if you wanna skip it (no Merlahad/Eggsy interactions in this)…just wanted to give Roxy some much deserved attention. Also, her not being dead is a great thing Vaughn & Co. should consider.

Part 4

Everything hurt.

The bedposts had held steady, as she knew they would, but the destruction beneath her had heaped a bit more than just a few scrapes and bruises. Already she struggled to breathe in the suffocating fallout. Only the fact that she could feel every ache in her body kept her hopeful that the damage was very minimal and that somehow, in some way, she’d get out of this mess alive.

Roxy passed out.

When she came to, it was morning. She could see sunlight refracting off dust and smoke. It appeared her room had been split into two, by the destruction, tipping her bed ever so slightly to reveal the debris of Kingsman’s country house training facility. The structure had been compromised beyond salvaging, with only a few crumbles of its former self still standing. The sight triggered a series of mental regressions wherein missiles threatened to take out all of Kingsman. Despite the agonizing pain, the agent known as Lancelot forced her body up from the confines of what might have literally been her deathbed and moved to free herself from the rubble pile.

“Fuck,” she hissed, her hands clawing weakly at stone and mortar, the infrastructure of what had become her home away from home too solid and heavy to push out of the way. That didn’t stop her from trying, of course, she was insanely stubborn that way. She hadn’t ranked highest in her year and graduated with top marks for sitting on her arse and waiting for things to happen, no…the rubble simply wouldn’t budge.

Roxy collapsed into a tight sprawl, subduing the urge to hyperventilate. The damage was all-encompassing, in her hair, up her nostrils, and beneath her fingernails. The heat of the explosion had singed the room’s materials into nothingness, leaving only the clothes on her back and…and her glasses!

Roxy reached over her shoulder, wincing form the pain of it, as she searched the dim and small space for where she’d felt her glasses fall. She’d held onto them steadfast, in the skirmish to take cover, knowing even in the face of certain death that her eyewear would be worth even more than her life in the event of Kingsman’s total annihilation. She finally found them, somewhere above her, head and quickly put them on, releasing a pained exhale to find that the equipment still worked. The lenses were pretty scratched up but, with the slightest nudge to the bridge of the frames, they fired up a reboot display of systems detail and basic Kingsman clearance information.

Kingsman glasses were military-grade, meant to last, equipped with every tech utility and augmented virtual interface a spy would need to be the best eyes and ears on the field. The day Merlin had fitted her with a pair was the day she’d truly become a Kingsman.

Roxy’s heart seized to imagine that man might now be dead.

It troubled her to think any of her colleagues were now similarly inconvenienced or, worse, possibly scattered in bloody bits among the wreckage of a missile attack.

Roxy touched the sides of her glasses to reopen communication channels and received no return signal.

“Hello?” she said, the word escaping in a raspy breath, the reality of having a stronghold estate collapse on you sounding as apparent as it felt. “This is Agent Lancelot. Does anyone copy?”

The readout continued to search for a signal but received none.

“Agent Lancelot reporting. For the love of fuck, please, tell me someone receives me.”

“…Message received, Lancelot.”

Roxy jostled her addled mind to pin a face to the voice on the other end of her eyewear’s mic piece.

“Percy?”

“Agent Percival reporting.”

“You’re alive.”

“Trust, I’m as shocked as you,” Percival said, a smile of relief in his voice. “Hang on a moment—I’m establishing visual.”

Roxy waited, all she could do, the frightening helplessness of her predicament at last setting in during Percival’s brief absence.

“Ah, there we are,” Percival said, popping up in a window screen, a reflection of his disheveled state appearing before a dingy-looking mirror. “Can you see me?”

“Yes,” Roxy said, smiling tearfully, the relief of seeing her mentor’s very-much aliveness washing over her. “Where are you?”

“I can’t say,” Percival said, the uncertainty of his own declaration evident in his eyes. “Are you alright?”

“I think so,” Roxy said, looking down at what she could see of her person. “I followed protocol, got under the bed, and activated the frame-seal. I think the mechanism’s broken now. I can see the room around me. Perce, it’s gone. I saw the incoming missiles. I’m still here, at—”

“Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know,” Percival interrupted. “In fact, I shouldn’t even be talking to you right now.”

“What, why not?”

“The doomsday protocol,” Percival sighed. “It went into effect the instant headquarters went down. In the event of such a catastrophe, we must assume no one is to be trusted. All communications are to cease before convening at the safe point.”

“Right, of course.”

“Lancelot, if you’re where I think you are, it’s best to find the groundsman.”

“What?”

“I have to go—I’m still on assignment,” Percival frowned, eyeing his surroundings. “Find the groundsman, Roxy.”

Percival, seemingly her last vestige of hope for escaping her would-be tomb, signed off without warning. Roxy worked to memorize his surroundings, the nastiest lavatory she’d ever seen, and it wasn’t enough. He could be in any part of the world, on a mission of nondescript importance, and it would still matter more than coming to her rescue. That was the job. She could already hear Merlin, with his hardened Scottish cadence, drilling into her the importance of the mission and how it would always outweigh their safety and the lives of their colleagues.  

Her heart sunk to think that that man, above all others, might no longer be among them. After all his dedication, having lost those that were clearly dear to him, to have been robbed the opportunity to go out on his own terms seemed an offense to all that he was. Fighters didn’t deserve to go out unawares. Fighters deserved to go out fighting.

“God damn it, Eggsy,” Roxy sighed, staring up at the metal under of the bed. “You better still be alive.” She never imagined him going out on his arse either, munching down on a plate of meatballs and lingonberries no less. If Percy managed to escape unscathed then perhaps there was hope for the likes of Galahad and Merlin.

Roxy’d be damned to go out without a fight. After a deep breath and a reassessment of the situation, she realized she had a key tool in her possession. Her glasses seemed to function at full capacity, no worse for wear, and so she touched the sides of the frames again and troubled through the eyewear’s many functions. Roxy prayed that what she sought after might actually work when she found the dropdown option wedged between face-mapping and infrared vision.

Two red beams shot out from the corners of her glasses and started breaking through the metal bed frame on first contact. Roxy took the eyewear off to turn away from the slight sparking as the combined laser points created a perfect square cut-out above her.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Roxy chided, sneaking glances at her work, her having to laser her way out of the collapsed wreckage of a missile attack on a secret service agency base a fact of life she couldn’t quite square away. Yet there she was, buried alive, cutting her way through a mechanically-reinforced bed.

Also, she was a fucking spy.

The slab of metal cut out dropped down at about three stones. Roxy caught it before it could crush her already compromised frame and pushed back against it with all the strength she could muster. The wood had already splintered, the mattress itself scorched beyond recognition, so when the metal slab finally fell through there was nothing left but her and the sweet air of freedom.

“Ugh!” she gasped, chugging down relatively breathable oxygen like her life depended on it…because it did. “Oh my god…!”

Roxy, aching, injured, quite put off, annoyed, angry, confused, and afraid, used what was left of her energy reserves to attempt climbing out from under her own would-be tomb, pushing and tossing away rubble ranging from the size of small pebbles to jagged blocks the size of her head.

“Oi!” called a voice from above the wreckage. Roxy looked up, noticing the nearly ten-meter drop from ground level for the first time, to find a sizable man sporting a healthy beard and a casual disposition staring down at her. “Are you still livin’?”

Roxy stared up at him, beside herself in astonishment.

“Wait right there!”

The man strolled off, and Roxy did what anyone stuck in a 10-meter deep, country house-sized hole would do: sat her arse in wait.

The man that pulled her from the newly-made chasm of structural integrity and decimated top-secret information was the groundsman, Balyn, who’d been canvassing the area since the previous night. He wore black gloves and a navy-blue herding jacket. Roxy thought she might have seen the man here and there, maintaining the property, but she kept to limping behind him as he led her to some onsite cabin all the same, just in case the very man that had rescued her had ulterior motives, like say, participated in the destruction of Kingsman.

“Welcome to Avalon,” Balyn said, pulling open the large sliding door of a cobble fixture that looked neglected and unassuming on the outside but inside marveled with the kind of high-tech displays that not even the tailor shop could parallel. It was small, true, but looked to be a more condensed version of the control room and weapons annexes of the Kingsman training facility. “Please, come in. Wipe ya feet on the carpet and try not to die on my watch.”

Roxy had no intention of dying just yet.

“Back already, Balyn?” carried the questioning voice of a women from behind a wall divide. She appeared quickly thereafter dressed in plaids, brown boots, and a deerstalker. A figured redhead with pastel skin and more breasts than Roxy would have known what to do with if it had been her appeared. Seriously, she imagined the woman suffered from chronic back ache. In her hands she carried a high-caliber hunting rifle which appeared to have a few tricks of its own up its sleeves. “Well, bloody cock.”

“I should hope not,” Balyn huffed, assessing a cascade of monitors projecting various camera feeds and mapped locations. “Quite fond of the knob.”

“You are a knob,” the women declared, staring Roxy up and down. “You Lancelot, yeah?”

“How did you—”

“We’ve got you on the scanner, see?” the woman explained, tilting her head towards the monitor set-up. “We picked up the glasses’ signal and couldn’t believe our fucking luck could we, Balyn?”

“Thought everyone dead.”

“Name’s Balan,” the woman said. “Balyn and Balan. That’s not too confusing, now, is it?”

From Arthurian legend, Roxy thought, but she wasn’t prepared to accept the common thread of naming as any proof just yet.

“Who are you?” she asked though, from the make of their setup, she could make a few intelligent guesses as to who they might have been and who they might have worked for.

“Obvious,” Balan ruffled, leaning her gun up against the divide. “We’re Kingsman.”

“I’m sorry, but, what?” Roxy looked between the pair, frowning from behind the film of debris and dust caking her face. “What do you know of Kingsman?”

“Questions later,” Balan said, approaching, and Roxy concisely but carefully considered the many ways in which she could overpower Balyn and Balan, if it turned out they meant her harm. “We’re not gonna attack if that’s what you figure.”

“That’s what she figures,” Balyn chimed in, never once taking his eyes off the monitors at his post. “Like a wounded animal ready to pounce.”

“Let’s get you cleaned up and checked for any internals,” Balan took Roxy by the arm and led her to an automatic sliding door that opened up before a descending staircase, “then you can ask all the questions you like. If you think they don’t hold, you’re welcomed to try and kill us. Emphasis on the “try”.”

From then on it was surrealism within surrealism. Roxy had just gotten to feeling seamless in her double life, as both only daughter to an old family with investments in textiles and mobile parts and international spy working independently from Queen and country, before an unknown threat leveled a building on top of her. Now the likes of two people she was admittedly unfamiliar with, who claimed an affiliation with Kingsman, had rescued her from the rubble pile and fashioned her wounds.

“Who do you report to?” Roxy asked, sometime later, as Balan patched her up. The other woman had already treated her to a full suite wash room and a set of new clothes stored in one of the numerous underground rooms situated beneath the cabin post. “If you’re Kingsman, why don’t you attend roundtable debriefings?”

“Eyes and ears aren’t obligated,” Balyn said, his voice projecting from the speaker systems installed in the corners of the room.

“We see everything, we hear everything, and we answer only to Arthur,” Balan answered, finishing her work. “You’re good to recover. You can rest up, as room and board is yours. Now that we have you here, however, we can’t let you out of our sight. It’s the doomsday protocol.”

“Percival mentioned the doomsday protocol,” Roxy said, in earnest. “He’s alive.”

“We know,” Balyn’s voice rang true. “Listened to the relay through access on your eyewear.”

“Can’t say the same of anyone else,” Balyn said, a learned indifference about the shrug of her shoulders. “We received the same incoming warning as you did. After that, silence.”

“Couldn’t pick up on Percival’s location,” Balyn revealed. “The explosion must’a muddled the systems.”

“No signal from the tailor shop, either.”

“No,” Roxy exhaled, her hands clutching onto the edge of a surprisingly comfy bed, and her heart sunk. Her worst fears were coming true. In the pit of destruction, she could pretend to be of one and a few onsite staff harmed by the attack. Now that she was safe and seemingly secure, the reality that others just might not be as lucky was beginning to settle beneath her freshly-washed skin. “Percy survived.”

“The only other it appears,” Balan said, recognizing the devastation coming over Roxy. “I’m sorry about your mates. They were good agents.”

Eggsy, Roxy thought, remembering the last message he sent her.

‘ur da best’

“Best agent or best friend?”

‘both ;)’

“What can we do?”

“Well…” Balyn hummed over the intercom. “Until we sauce out who’s friend or foe, we do nothin’.”

“We just sit here?”

Balan shrugged again. “We wait.”