#-and I ended up with NONE OF THEM!! my hoe run almost went really badly.

[kiivg]

.😳.

[ohhthereuare]

you have (5) new messages. (branjie)

A/N. I'm a mess. I did not expect to love Vanessa Vanjie Mateo so much and I certainly did not expect to devote my life to yet another ship. And yet here we are. Let's pray for the happiness of these two together and individually, and our own sanity. Using she/her pronouns about both of the queens. Enjoy!

Based on the night Miss Vanjie drunkenly posted some angsty and sad posts to her Instagram Story that she deleted seconds later. She also made some phone calls.

You can read it on AO3

***

Brooke’s alarm rang precisely at 7 am and she groaned while reaching out to turn it off. All these years of discipline and waking up at unholy hours before rehearsals and performances did nothing to ease the pain of early mornings. She always kept her phone on silent with no vibrations because God knew she needed those hours of beauty rest to be able to give her all day after day, especially now since her Drag Race career has started and turned everything upside down.

She squinted at her phone in the dark, the curtains blocking some of the rising Sun. She was still getting used to the tons of mentions and notifications across all social media that swarmed her every morning but something was off today. There was more than usual. Like, much more. She scrolled down the Instagram and Twitter alerts to the bottom and saw a couple of missed calls from a name that immediately made her heart beat faster and body wake up despite the previous drowsiness.

You have five new messages.

“Hiiiiiii! We out and about todaaaay and having so much fun! Silk’s here and them girls keep buying me shots. There’s some eye-candy as well but none as cute as your ass. Y’know, you could be here tonight, though I know you can’t, not really. So I thought—Bitch, you try that one more time and Imma--”

There was some rustling, someone who sounded suspiciously like Silky yelling in the background and the phone call ended abruptly. Brooke sat up in her bed, leaning against the headboard and running her hand through her curly mess of morning hair. It wasn’t uncommon for Vanessa to go out and get hammered after the gigs with her fellow sisters. From the heavy bass playing, but not being able to overpower Vanjie’s loud voice, they must have been at a club and Brooke knew the routine so well she had no trouble picturing it now. Sweaty and tired bodies, feet hurting from wearing hooker heels, slumping over the bar to down shots and get back to the dancefloor. Lights catching the ever-present remaining glitter on her cheekbones, chest, and shoulders. All the eyes are on her but she doesn't notice, doesn't care and keeps dancing with her own eyes closed, yelling the lyrics so loud Brooke never knew how she's never lost her voice so far.

You have four new messages.

“You must’ve seen it, yeah, I mean, everybody did. I guess the internet is forever, bitch. Just—don’t—I mean, uh, it’s the alcohol, y’know how it turns me into this emotional messy hoe and I’m too much in my head and fuck—Just—Ignore it, okay? That was—Yeah, shit, it’s gone now. It was nothing. Bye.”

Brooke guessed she must have been referring to the thousands of mentions and tagged pictures that she still hasn’t seen. She just hoped it was nothing too inappropriate although with Miss Vanjie you never knew.

You have three new messages.

“I bet you haven’t even listened—Yeah, it doesn’t matter, you don’t really have to. The thing is, it was, y’know, a part of the game. The game! Yeah! The one we keep playing and making everyone believe it’s for real and shit and it was just another thing. So I deleted that and they think it’s even more real because why would’ve I even do that, right? So it’s all good. We’re good.”

You have two new messages.

Brooke waited for a few seconds and the voice on the other end kept silent. Everything was weirdly silent compared to the music and yelling and stumbling words that filled the previous messages. Just some random rustling and murmurs. Brooke was about to move to the last message when someone spoke up.

“You gonna be fine?”

This time it was Silky. She sounded weirdly gentle and quiet. A long murmur came in response. Vanessa must have accidentally called her from what sounded like the inside of her pocket. Brooke kept listening.

“Okay, Imma leave you here, bitch. You sure you gonna be fine?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

There was a sound of someone turning a key and doors opening. Heavy steps thudding in the silence. Suddenly a loud yelp, a few curses muttered under breath and things cluttering against the floor. More rustling. A heavy sigh.

“Ah shit.”

You have one new message.

“Uhm, hi B.”

Brooke pressed the cellphone so hard against her ear she might as well try to put it directly into her brain. People were wrong when they said Vanessa Vanjie Mateo had only one volume. Sure, when everyone was watching, whether she was in or out of drag, her voice was so loud and obnoxious she could wake the dead to make them join her party. Brooke never minded. She loved hearing her like that. All that pure nonsense she was spitting on the daily that she made up as she went. But there was another side to her that the Canadian queen only discovered as she got to know her better, as they got closer. Only then, when it was just the two of them in their quiet corner during Untucked, limbs tangled in the backseat of the van or snuggled on the sofa after a long day of entertaining interviews and gigs, Vanessa was someone else entirely. She was soft and gentle, her voice low and raspy like a cat purring, reserved only for her closest’s one to hear.

“It’s been… A mess. Yeah. I’ve been a mess. Sorry about that. I don’t know why I did that. I mean, I do. I just forgot I guess. That’s it’s not just us now. It’s everybody watching. Like it’s their fucking business. Like they know what’s going on. But they don’t know shit.”

Brooke heard a soft rustling of sheets and she imagined Vanessa settling her small frame into a nest made of out blankets and comforters. She knew the telephone must have been placed at the other side of the bed, on the pillow, the way they would talk on FaceTime to indulge themselves in the illusion that the other person was lying beside them and not so far away. The other queen’s voice was barely above a raspy whisper, the words slurring together a little bit from the alcohol and exhaustion. She took a shaky breath and Brooke closed her eyes as her heart actually hurt in her chest.

“It’s hard, y’know? I mean, of course, you know, that's why we agreed on this shit show but… I miss you. And watching all that every week, how we were, I mean fuckwe should’ve never given that up. And this thing between us, I can’t—I just miss you. Yeah. It’s hard. Being together is hard like that but being apart and knowing we’re not—It’s the worst. I wanna be with you, B. I don’t care if I’m stuck here and you’re in fucking Canada and shit. I—”

Her voice gradually started getting quieter and quieter and Brooke thought she had fallen asleep with the phone on.

“Our song. I kept listening to our song. It’s what got me. Damn these fucking love songs. Ne-yo was right, bitch. Am sick of this shit. I just miss you so much, it’s all I can think ‘bout.”

Brooke could hear her breathing slowing down. She imagined those long eyelashes fluttering shut and lips parting before sleep took hold of her. She had often watched Vanessa in those moments as she laid on the Canadian queen’s chest, head tucked in the nook of Brooke’s neck, small limbs wrapped so tightly around her as if she had been scared otherwise Brooke would have gotten up and left. In a way that’s what happened.

“Love you, B.”

The words were breathed out, they almost got lost in the rustling of sheets, cars driving by outside and the deafening sound of Brooke’s heart hammering in her chest. And yet she heard them. And there was nothing she wanted more but to say them back. Right now. In person.

She had a show to do tonight, then a plane to catch later that, no matter what she desperately wanted, didn’t fly to LA. Vanessa would probably be nursing her hangover at home all day before putting on her wig, stunning makeup to cover the events from the night before and taking the stage like everything was fine. They were forced to get on with their separate lives.

Brooke grabbed her phone and jumped out of bed, already opening the cheapest airlines website and going through her schedule in her head. The words stayed engraved into her memory, burning her throat and filling her chest with how badly she wanted to say them back. Soon she would. There was only one thing she needed to do first. She clicked on the contact info and chose FaceTime. She didn’t have to wait long.

“Hi, Papi.”

[survivornavarino]

Episode #11: I’m Gonna Beat Your Ass In Massachusetts Bitch -Julia

ok im rlly high and i accidentally joined this tirbal drama call and now im in too deep to leave and im crying julia is crackdt

Woo we love plans working out last minute

So I was just made out to be this terrible person and almost got eliminated, and I remembered how terrifying that is to have people upset with you. I don't think I'm gonna try villainy anymore (what just happened wasn't my fault btw even tho I was trying villainy I had nothing to do with this) it's hard to be a villain when you like everyone so I'm gonna stick to my hero stuff

Tesoro Tribe Call

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nq_3DCxuV3g&feature=youtu.be

Daaaammmnn Matt deserved better..... AND SO DID I WHAT THE FUCK https://i.imgur.com/sSWMk6p.gif How am I not supposed to feel some type of way when I get bamboozled by AAAAALLLL these people? 7 DIFFERENT PEOPLE LIED TO ME yet I'm not on the bottom! Gee thanks I can really tell with all this deceit in the air. Like the only person who would've had probable reason to lie is Heather because we don't even talk. The other 6?? I talked to within 2 hours of the vote aka when all this fuckery was going down so that means they actively lied, actively kept me out, and actively don't trust me. Fucking up my game and my villain edit?? Unacceptable- I worked HARD for both of them but now I gotta pop off just to stay alive... like fuck https://media.giphy.com/media/yKibNueqBiqU8/giphy.gif And is Jake serious right now? The amount of dirt I have on him could bury him in a second but he's gonna blindside me, the person with the power to make or break his game. Eddie and I gave him the world and he just flipped like THAT? Inch resting. And the Drew thing isn't even relevant because Jake got a heads up, did actually have a working relationship with Drew, was indeed down for that alliance that didn't come to fruition, AND actually snitched about the Drew vote to Drew so take a fucking seat. It doesn't matter that I wanted him in the dark because I knew he would snitch and spoiler alert: HE DID #noregrets. This would only be the same if I found out about the Matt vote and blew it all up to Matt, yet I didn't and somehow Jake is no different than me. Save it- the difference between us is I actually treat you like an ally and you treat me like a fucking number. But I am somehow supposed to trust Jake when all I do is give Jake more chances to prove he's reliable and trustworthy and he flops. There shouldn't be multiple instances both from this game and Crossroads of you being a shitty ally- that's ugly and well all know it. Jake enjoys screwing me like the selfish manipulator he is and he cost himself real allies over people who throw his name out all day everyday. I can't wait for him to read all this back, know who really had his back, and just how badly he played himself BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT ALLIES DO!!! AND THE FACT THAT YOU KEEP DOING PULLING THIS SHIT MEANS YOURE NOT REALLY WITH ME AND IF YOU KNOW I COULD EXPOSE YOUR ASS WHY ARE YOU TESTING ME?!?! Big mistake https://media.giphy.com/media/ynxEIAfEyXjzO/giphy.gif https://media0.giphy.com/media/11LARa1r9DA4mI/200.gif And Julia really cut me deep because I thought her of all people would actually be honest with me out of respect. She's essentially saying she doesn't trust me with the Matt vote and that's why I got left out yet it's not what it looks like and I shouldn't be mad. But did we or did we not call earlier so we could "talk everything through?" You left a lot out sis, just so you know. MY FAVORITE PART is me and Rebecka calling her out on call as the Mo source but since she got the vote to be Matt and kiss-and-made-up with Mo, it's all good in the hood. Ummm NO IT'S NOT ALL GOOD and fuck this "do you guys have any more questions?" Get that condescending bullshit out of here- how we a pre-made Final 2 and you running blindsides on me? Keep it- Heather can have your allegiance I don't want it. I can't believe I gave these Crossroads snakes a fair shot and this is how they repay me- by making me look like boo boo the fool. That's ok though: Jake, Julia, Heather, Shoib- they all walking into jury next just watch also I recant from before- I love Eddie and he's the only person I actually ride with (besides Rebecka and lowkey Mitch). Like yes he's probably a bad influence and has Dr. Brenner tendencies but at least he's loyal. Everyone else will flip for anyone and anything and I'm like where is your self-respect. All I know is once I get power it's over for these hoes cause they just made enemies with the baddest player out here so let the games begin https://78.media.tumblr.com/e89499d0128508de7390015ff96fcbbf/tumblr_odd64ysiZI1snzc37o1_250.gif

Bamboozled- a memoir 

Ok so last vote I felt like having a little fun since there was no drama and that's boring. Mo came to me and asked me what happened with the Ben vote and I told him that someone told me about a 5 person faves alliance so I panicked and voted out Ben. So the part where I heard about the 5 fave alliance is true BUT I heard it from Jake. I told Mo that Eddie told me about it and I also told Mo that Julia is the one who leaked it to Eddie. So then the vote is between Julia and Mo because Mo starts going around and throwing Julia and Eddie under the bus. Julia gets online and is PISSED OFF, she starts gunning for Mo. Eddie was sitting pretty since he was safe from vote off despite me telling Mo that Eddie leaked to me. Then Julia and Mo make up and turn the vote to Matt and he ends up going home. Out of all the 3 names spread last round none of them were fans names. Now this round we have Eddie and Julia murdering each other and I am just sitting pretty, this is perfection. Eddie and Julia will go for each other til death do them part. This will come back to bite me soon but for now imma enjoy it.

I love Julia but, LOVE BE SAVING MY ASS RN. HER FIGHTING EDDIE IS AMAZING. SORRY HUN

I’m so over this drama, I’m sure somebody else explained what went down in their confessionals but now there was a huge fight between Eddie and Julia. A pineapple gown with glitter on it, bitch? Girl I just can’t take this, it’s too much, gimme my pocketbook I’m leaving.

These kids think I'm floating, that's it I have had it. Time to crank it up a notch

Ok so last vote I felt like having a little fun since there was no drama and that's boring. Mo came to me and asked me what happened with the Ben vote and I told him that someone told me about a 5 person faves alliance so I panicked and voted out Ben. So the part where I heard about the 5 fave alliance is true BUT I heard it from Jake. I told Mo that Eddie told me about it and I also told Mo that Julia is the one who leaked it to Eddie. So then the vote is between Julia and Mo because Mo starts going around and throwing Julia and Eddie under the bus. Julia gets online and is PISSED OFF, she starts gunning for Mo. Eddie was sitting pretty since he was safe from vote off despite me telling Mo that Eddie leaked to me. Then Julia and Mo make up and turn the vote to Matt and he ends up going home. Out of all the 3 names spread last round none of them were fans names. Now this round we have Eddie and Julia murdering each other and I am just sitting pretty, this is perfection. Eddie and Julia will go for each other til death do them part. This will come back to bite me soon but for now imma enjoy it.

i just love to start drama

so julia called me after the mo vote explaining that the whole eddie vs julia fight started with jake shit talking eddie. now i got them on call and hopefully they can work things through because i want them both to target eddie over each other so WOOOO let's see what happens. love you amanda lynn

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME THE ENERGY AND STRENGTH TO GET THROUGH ANOTHER DAY IN THIS GAME WITH JAKE AND JULIA I AM FUCKING EXHAUSTED!!! ALL THEY DO IS LIE, TIPTOE AROUND TORCHING MY GAME, AND SPREAD FUCKING CHAOS AROUND CAMP AND I HATE IT. I'm at work? Julia and Jake are stirring the pot. I'm on my lunch break? Julia and and Jake are stirring the pot. I'm out with my family and using my 8% of phone battery to do a mastermind challenge for Atomic? Too bad because Julia and Jake are stirring the pot. I tried to take a fucking nap today and you know what happened? IT GOT INTERRUPTED BY EDDIE CALLING ME TO TELL ME THAT YEP YOU GUESSED IT: JULIA AND JAKE ARE STILL STIRRING THE POT. CAN I FUCKING BREATHE AND OPT OUT OF THESE JULIA AND JAKE NOTIFICATIONS THAT I NEVER ASKED FOR??!? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST https://78.media.tumblr.com/2ff5849875cf45c8711b1b55220c4adb/tumblr_inline_oqvdwiJ7vP1qmpins_540.gif FUN FACT: SNAKES SLEEP BUT YOU CAN'T TELL BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE EYELIDS! WHY DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR??? OH RIGHT! BECAUSE THERE ARE SNAKES IN THIS GAME WHO LOOK LIKE THEY'RE ASLEEP CAUSE THEY AINT RESPONDING TO ME BUT DON'T WORRY! THEY'RE AWAKE THEY'RE JUST ON CALL IN PMS STILL SERVING FRESH TEA AT 2:04 IN THE MORNING ON A FUCKING WEEKDAY SO MY PARANOID ALLY WONT GO TO BED AND APPARENTLY THAT MEANS NEITHER CAN I AND IM SICK OF IT DAMMIT https://media1.tenor.com/images/9ce8330ea91f82d27ef3ceefbb69f277/tenor.gif?itemid=5307285

ok this is for julia post game. listen BITCH. i only leaked what you said to eddie twice (i think) well two major times so stop thinking that i’m a snake who leaked everything you said like YOU did to me with Ned in Crossroads. i told eddie you told me about your alliance with Rebecka/Matt but that wasn’t to put a target on you, Eddie did that by coming up with the idea to tell Matt you leaked it. Also I told Eddie that you said he was a snake in games and fucked over his friends because I wanted to know the truth. So yeah. I recorded a video confessional that i’ll post soon.

ok so i pulled out my macbook and im sittin here like xoxo gossip beckka.  so heres the gossip!!!!!!!: a. i have no fucking clue how i won touchy subjects and im thankful for immunity but now it makes me look like i know what the fuck is going on in the game and i DONT i really really DONT!!!! much spook very scare. b. i missed a lot of the drama this round. like really im so confusion.  i accidentally answered the call the other night right after tribal and then had to stay but i was too high so i said see ya later pals!! and went to sleep.  Then yesterday at work the main chat was blowing up and i didnt have the energy, patience, or phone battery to keep up with it.  Now this morning im in my alliance chat with eddie and autumn and theyre like referencing "what happened last night" and im like fuck i went to bed at 9:30 right after cash show like FUCK why am i always high or sleeping???? i should talk to my therapist about that tbh.   c. eddie comes to us with this mastermind plan that we need to get out not jake, not julia, but SHOIB.  what has shoib done? where are these numbers coming from?  how is that not going to come back to haunt us next round? d. ive goat a bad feeling about tonight.  instant tribal? fuck.  i was prepared for it to be a physical endurance comp when amanda asked if we'd all be around with a computer bc i know i can probably win that but its not on cam so FUCK ME RIGHT????? e. im rlly tired f. when i get voted out and put in jury im going to respond purely in cortana suggestions for a day or so and not tell anyone and see if anyone notices g. ok thats it for now tata, cya later alligator, hasta la pasta & all that jazzy stuff bye!!! xoxo gossip beckka

update 5 mins later: eddies heart is telling him he cant vote jake. autumn and i rlly picked the wrong ally huh 

also i miss matt double also i wish heather left instead of ben 

Update: 5 hours before tribal and Jake rlly be coming to me spilling cold dollar store tea with a broken tea bag and there's just gross, cold,  loose leaves floating around 

I just wanna win man, send em all home.

happy to be immune bc the chances that we're going to rocks I'll put at like 70% hehe 

i literally don’t even know how to process what the fuck is happening shit changed every 2 seconds i’m so confused ok so basically i helped flip the vote on matt last round because julia started to think that mo was being used and i knew that matt might have the idol bc eddie told me he probably did so i did that but left eddie and autumn out of the vote obv eddie was wicked mad and started going off on in the main chat and julia suspected that i leaked stuff to him based on what he was saying last night trixie called me and told me that julia was saying that i was a snake so we all called her and she said that eddie threw me under the bus to her and was leaking everything i told him about julia so i admitted it i was upset so i basically confronted eddie and he told me that he never leaked anything to julia and that she actually exposed me etc so i got pissed the fuck off and told eddie autumn rebecka trixie shoib that i wanted julia out julia gets home and immediately confronts me so i know someone leaked and trixie told me she was pretty sure that autumn or rebecka leaked and i don’t think trixie wanted me and julia against each other so we called our chat and i got julia to admit that autumn was leaking stuff to her and telling her that i wanted to vote julia out and that autumn wanted me out and autumn said that all the boys wantrd her out so now i’m fuckign freaking OUT BECAUSE AUTUMN IS A SNAKE AND PLAYING ALL SIDES AND JOW IT SEEMS THAT PPL WANT AUTUMN IUT I OFJT KNOW WHAT THE FICKNTO DO JM LITERALKY FREAKJNG OUT OMG FJQJSJDNSNSBS WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPNING THIS GAME IS LITERALLY CRAZY

I am very upset rn. I have had the hardest time just trying to survive this merge because everyone is againts me. I first have jake throwing me under the bus to eddie. FOR WHAT JAKE. i am still furious about it because he legit had NO right to do me like that. Like NONE. So ive been calling him back and forth but there is apparently a bigger snake in the game. Hi autumn! She wants to lie and say the boys all want me gone. She only did that to ensure heather and i were left out of the vote. How fucking low of her. I deadass opened up to her and Eddie, and I get done like this. Its a Shame truly. Anyways, i have to now worry about surviving yet AGAIN, and to get autumn voted out.

Im at work and i think autumn will officially be out of season! 

My mood is Julia and Heather selling me out on International Women's Day as the Julia leak to be with power snake Jake and ugly ass Shoib but doing it in front of Eddie, who told me immediately, so not only am I staying but one of these antifeminist hoes is getting rocked out. Can we talk about that I KNOW Heather and Julia are full of shit so how has no one thought that maybe I forced all this?? Like they wanna clock me for playing the middle but the gag is I'm about to chop the tribe in half and there will be no middle as of 9 PM EST. Me still surviving the strategic mess I accidentally created? More likely that you think- legends never die. I was scared about tribal, sure! And then I remembered who I am so I'm  excited for this messy ass 5-5 vote and why wouldn't I be? I now have 4 strong allies in the other faves, Mitch is turning on Shoib, Eddie is going against Jake, I found the right people who can keep a secret and have my back, and a line is being drawn in the sand tonight. Jake and Julia ain't going to rocks over no damn Shoib and I surely will call their bluff. The snakes are working hard but I'm working harder https://78.media.tumblr.com/4d981ac983bcb46cbba1ef0358d4b27d/tumblr_oq0f7ahXLt1qb87xmo5_r1_250.gif I can't believe Jake and Julia have the audacity to make an enemy out of me THIS EARLY. They thinking about Crossroads when they need to studying All Stars and Himalayas cause Crossroads was the exception in my org career not the rule. I'd like to politely remind everyone that my brand is flipping votes, poisoning jury, forcing ties, and getting shit done. So the way I see it is I'm just getting started- I have enough votes to stay by forcing a power play and I'm blowing this whole tribe up. I cannot wait for Jake and Julia to see who they're dealing with and shut the fuck up for the first time all week. And don't let me win immunity cause it's REALLY a wrap. Timing is everything in this game and I simply don't believe tonight is my time. It is time to take the trash out though and I got my gloves on and my Lysol ready https://78.media.tumblr.com/f28b1221360a1842c17d4a5af90fe6ec/tumblr_op2o8k2P9u1slyfzno1_250.gif

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt_dZVzZUXc&feature=youtu.be

SHIT WERE AT TRIBAL AND I FORGOT THIS KSNFLSDNFSDKF WERE GOING TO ROCKS I HAVE BURGERS AAAAAAa