#-- Or sometimes instead of that urge I just feel sad or mild anger + ''>:p fine!! Meanie ass/fuckhead... 🙄'' + once in a while mild

[whatego]

Also wtffff pay attention to me :(((

.. The (not too long lasting) urge to ghost people just because they don't give me much attention or/and don't respond to me right away, plus projecting my insecurities onto them/fearing their possible hidden judgments - is Real.

[fiercelyliterate]

it would appear that every time I see kara and mon-el do something “romantic,” I have to write the version of it with lena instead. here is more of that thing I was writing, and this takes place after the end of last night’s episode, I guess, except I don’t remember what order things happened in. so anyway, yes. enjoy

“Call you after work,” Kara says, leaving her with a kiss, as she rushes out the door.

And Lena believes her—why wouldn’t she? Even if Supergirl stuff ends up getting in the way, Kara will still eventually call her. But then the whole day passes. And another whole day passes. At first she is angry, because anger is easier to deal with than the sick worry that starts gnawing at her gut. Has Kara thought better of getting involved with her? Has something happened to Supergirl? But no. If something happened to Supergirl, it would be all over the news.

And so, trapped between anger at being blown off and worry that she’s losing Kara before anything really begins, her pride won’t let her send one little text to check in.

On the third day, she cannot take it anymore, and as soon as she can reasonably expect her to be home, she storms over to Kara’s apartment, vibrating between fury and terror. She raps hard on the door and waits, not sure what to hope for but unable to stand the uncertainty.

The knock on the door jolts Kara part of the way out of her fugue of depression. She can’t make herself get up, and she can’t really imagine who it could be. Alex had left her alone at the DEO, and hopefully Mon-El is smart enough not to come here now. But then again…when had he ever been smart? 
 Resigned, she calls, “It’s unlocked,” and the door slowly opens.

“Kara?” an unexpected voice asks, and Kara jumps to her feet in a flash.

Lena. She’s forgotten all about Lena, and everything now feels ten times worse. “Hi,” she says, abashed, trying for a normal smile. She can see that Lena is irritated, but as soon as she takes in Kara’s tear-streaked face and rumpled clothes, her whole face softens.

“What’s wrong?” Lena asks, all her anger disappearing at the sight of Kara looking so lost and so upset. 

Kara wraps her arms around her own waist and shakes her head, not knowing where to even begin. “You don’t have to tell me,” Lena says gently, but she tugs carefully on Kara’s arms, easing them apart, and sliding herself between them.

Her own arms encircle Kara, holding her as tightly as she can, and Kara would love to collapse into Lena’s arms, but Lena is only human, so she keeps herself apart. Still, there is undeniable comfort in her embrace. “I never called,” Kara realizes. “I’m sorry.”



“Shh, you can make it up to me later,” Lena assures her, a hint of playfulness in her tone, and Kara smiles weakly. 



Lena guides them to the couch and manages to settle with Kara’s head in her lap. Finally, Kara relaxes, breathing deeply as Lena takes off her glasses. Soon, Lena’s fingers are moving softly through her hair, and it feels like this is all Kara will ever need.

After a while, she can tell Lena wants to ask for explanations, but is biting her tongue. And Kara doesn’t want to keep things from her, but how can she even begin to tell her how Lena’s mother has destroyed her father? 



“I wanted to keep you separate from Supergirl,” she mumbles, and Lena laughs, but not unkindly. 



“Oh, sweetheart,” she says, charmed a little by Kara’s apparent naiveté, and Kara’s heart flutters at the endearment. “You can’t keep the Luthors apart from the Supers.”



Kara laughs ruefully. “I know. I know. I just… You—this—us… It was like a miracle.” 
 “A miracle?” 


“That…we connected so easily. That you made me feel wanted.” 
 “Oh. Kara…” Lena is touched, but speechless. Even though she feels the exact same way. 

 “Cadmus—my fath—Jeremiah… He got out.”


“What? But that’s wonderful,” Lena says, before she can stop herself. Because it’s clearly not wonderful. Kara wouldn’t be curled into a ball of absolute sadness on her couch if getting Jeremiah back had been a good thing. 

“I wanted it to be,” she says softly, and the tears come again. 
Not knowing what else to do, Lena continues stroking Kara’s hair as she cries. And a renewed hatred for Lillian Luthor grows in her chest.

Eventually, Kara cries herself out, and she sits up, suddenly embarrassed. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to deal with me like this,” she murmurs, rubbing her face. 
 “Hey. Even before…this, we were friends, weren’t we?” Lena asks, and Kara nods, smiling a little. “So this is what friends do, right?”


“Yes,” Kara agrees.

“But we are…more than friends, aren’t we?” Lena asks hesitantly, cursing herself for being so needy. 

“Yes,” Kara says instantly, and she pulls Lena into her arms. Lena lets herself be cuddled, tucking her head under Kara’s chin.

She relaxes finally, and even though there are clearly rough roads to travel ahead, that gnawing worry has subsided. “Can I do anything for you? Have you eaten?” Lena asks, and Kara gently kisses her forehead.

 “Stay with me tonight?” is all she asks for, and it is the easiest request Lena has ever granted.

But Lena is sure she hasn’t eaten, so when Kara drops into a doze, she carefully gets up and orders Chinese food. She stands by the couch and watches Kara sleep fitfully, and her heart cracks. She needs—no, really, she wants—to know what could have happened, but she knows better than to push. Hopefully, she can resist the urge to demand to know what’s wrong and let Kara tell her in her own time.

The buzzer rings sometime later, and Kara starts up from the couch, but Lena leans down to kiss her, and heads to retrieve the food. “What’s that?” Kara asks groggily. 
 “Dinner,” Lena replies, setting a bag on the coffee table. 



“Oh, I can’t eat,” Kara protests, but Lena shakes her head.



“You have to,” she insists, and Kara weakly gives in. 


Lena fixes her a plate, heaped high, and isn’t even surprised when Kara finishes it all before she’s sat down with her own. “Told you,” she says, piling more lo mein onto the other girl’s empty plate. “Thank you,” Kara says, and Lena kisses her temple.

Kara soon eats everything that Lena doesn’t and then curls back into a ball on the couch. Lena quietly cleans up the empty takeout cartons and then pulls Kara into her lap again. “A girl could fall in love with you,” Kara murmurs, and Lena flushes, unable to come up with anything to say.

“Well. If I had known all it would take was copious amounts of Chinese food, I would have tried that months ago,” she tries, hoping it’s not out of line to tease Kara right now. 
 Fortunately, Kara laughs, and Lena revels in the sound. “I almost wish you had,” she says wistfully, and Lena’s heart breaks further.

Kara senses that she’s gotten a bit too melancholy, so she turns her face up to Lena with a smile. “Don’t worry. I still would have been too thick to pick up on it.” 
 Lena laughs and strokes Kara’s hair. “I don’t think I was quite as obvious as you seem to be remembering,” she replies, and she is rewarded with a warm chuckle from Kara.

“No, probably not,” she agrees, and they lapse into comfortable silence for a while.

Eventually, they unfold from their nest on the couch, and Kara offers Lena a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and points her toward the bathroom. While she waits, her phone buzzes a couple of times, and she doesn’t want to check it—she wants to stay in this untouched bubble with Lena—but she’s still Supergirl.

To her mild surprise, it’s Alex.

I’m so sorry. 
You are my family.

A strangled sob escapes her, as she realizes it’s this, not Jeremiah, that’s been eating away at her the most. The fear that she’s damaged her relationship with her sister.

I love you. Always, she sends back.

Love you. Are you alone? 
 Kara frowns, realizing she also hasn’t told anyone about what’s happening with Lena. It’s new, sure, but also… Everyone is still wary of her, and Kara grinds her teeth in frustration.

With a friend. Not Mon-El, don’t worry.

Mystery friend??? Can’t wait to hear about this. ;)

Don’t hold your breath. :P 
You with Maggie?

Yeah. I’m good. 
 Good. Get some sleep.



You too, Supergirl.

“Everything okay?” Lena asks, stepping out of the bathroom. “I thought I heard…” You start to sob, she can’t make herself say out loud.



“Oh, yeah, yeah. Alex was just checking in.” She holds her phone up, feels slightly silly, and lets it drop. 
 Lena only smiles. “Bathroom’s yours.”

So Kara gets up and gets ready for bed. She brushes her teeth probably too long, lost in thoughts about her family, about Lena, about what the hell she and the DEO are going to have to do now. 

“Kara?” she hears Lena call eventually, and there is worry in her voice, so she shakes herself, spits out the toothpaste, and quickly finishes her ablutions.

“Sorry. Too much to think about,” she says, returning to her bedroom, where Lena is perched somewhat awkwardly on the edge of the bed. “You okay?” 
 “Which side is yours?” Lena asks, suddenly shy, and Kara could almost cry at how sweet that is. 



“I…kind of just sleep in a big tangle in the middle,” she says sheepishly, and Lena laughs. 



“Well, then come get tangled with me,” Lena says, and Kara lets herself be pulled into bed.

It takes a minute for them to settle, but finally Lena gives in and lets Kara spoon her, reaching down to pull the blankets over them both. “Thank you,” Kara says.

“Anytime,” Lena replies lightly, but she turns in Kara’s arms and kisses her tenderly. “I’ll be here when you wake up,” she promises, and Kara nods and closes her eyes.

It’s all Lena can do to stop herself from adding, “I love you.”