#- ; Hope he's ready for her to fucking explode into a stormcloud

[hxzelwallflower]

This is the most consent she will ever give a stranger . Do it .  She’s tired of these clouds building around her feathers- DO IT . NO BALLS . 

Do it . She's already cried once today what's the harm in doing it again ?

[we-are-only-halfway-home93]

Beautiful Trauma 2- Love Me Again- [Billy Hargrove x OC]

Summary: Billy and Valerie talk but it doesn’t go well. Billy lashes out after school. 

Characters: Billy Hargrove x OC, Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler, Nancy Wheeler x Jonathan Byers, Max Mayfield, Lucas Sinclair, Mike Wheeler, Dustin Henderson, Will Byers, Eleven, Joyce Byers, Jim Hopper 

Warnings: Child abuse, underage sex, underage drinking, implied cheating, step-sibling incest, step-sibling relationship, violence, language 

Word Count: 3394

Ch. 1

“Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to.”

~ E. Lockhart

There were not enough words in the English Language to describe the kind of week that Valerie had had. First, they moved to some podunk town in the middle of nowhere. Then, she’s rudely ignored by the one person that she thought she could count on. Lastly, she had yet to make a genuine friend in Hawkins.

She thought she had something with Nancy but the girl had been hard to keep track of. They had three classes together and Nancy seemed to make an effort before class started but anytime they were in the hallway, Nancy seemed distracted. Either by her boyfriend or something else, Valerie wasn’t sure. 

Billy had made it a point to pretty much ignore her outside of going to and from school and familial interaction around the house. Max was really her only saving grace and she was so damn angry. She was angry at their mom for marrying Neil, angry at Neil for moving them out there, angry at Billy for being a jackass. Just angry. It was hard to be around all that anger constantly.

Valerie looked up when she heard Billy’s music crank on. It was Thursday night and she wouldn’t be surprised if he already had plans. 

Billy was attractive and she wasn’t blind. She knew how girls looked at him. Hell, that was how she first looked at him the first time she saw him in California. He truly was a specimen shaped by the clever hands of whatever deity pulled the strings of life. It was as if he’d been carefully crafted with the very thought in mind to draw the eye up his frame from bottom to top and back again. He was beautiful and she didn’t blame any girl, or guy, who thought so.

It would be easy for him to make friends and find a date, regardless of how she felt about it. 

She released a long-suffering sigh and heaved herself off her bed and down the hall. His door was open and dense with smoke. She wrinkled her nose and waved her hand in front of her face, leaning against the door. 

He saw her but didn’t say anything, turning to his mirror and fingering his curls. He met her eyes in the mirror and Valerie almost cried at the brief glimpse of sadness she saw before his mask fell back into place. 

“What?” He snapped. She shrugged and shook her head. “Nothing. I heard your music and thought I’d come see what you were up to.” He flicked his eyes to hers and she could tell that he didn’t believe her. “You always were a bad liar, Val.” She stiffened at the familiar nickname but didn’t say anything. 

“Yeah, well, we all have our weaknesses.” He snorted and straightened, turning his cologne bottle over onto his wrists.

She watched him work and knew, in the back of her mind, that this was what he did when he got ready for a date. The scent of his cologne was familiar and Billy was just pretty enough to know it and care. 

She told herself to leave it alone, to not worry about it but, in the end, she just couldn’t help herself. 

“Hot date?” It sounded weak to her own ears and she grimaced. Billy stopped and stood up slowly. She couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t bear to see the pity or anger, whatever it was, that was in his eyes. 

She did it anyway.

His face was blank but his eyes were expressive. They always were. His poker face could make the pros jealous but his eyes gave him away. They were pools of emotion, whirling around like stormclouds over an ocean. Waves crashing violently against each other, fighting one over the other, higher and higher until the surface broke and chaos exploded against the horizon.

She closed her eyes against the raging storm and turned her face away.

“Don’t.” His whisper was harsh between them.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and straightened her spine.

She was Valerie fucking Mayfield. She knew Billy better than anyone and she knew how to deal with his moods. 

She was the one who broke through the surface of his anger in California. She was the one who pushed back when he lashed out at her attempts to get closer to him. She was the one who made the first move. She was the one who patched him up when his dad got rough. She made the first move. She was the girl he loved, no matter how much he tried to ignore it. She would not be cowed by his insecurities and anger. 

“What? All I asked was if you had a date.” She retorted. Her voice was just as sharp as Billy’s and he caught it. 

He narrowed his eyes at her and jerked his closet open. “You know what, Mayfield. We discussed this months ago.” He tugged on his leather jacket and adjusted the collar. She felt a fire well up in her chest when he used her last name. They hadn’t done that since before they were dating. 

“I know exactly what we discussed, Hargrove. All I asked was if you had a date. No where in there did I say anything about us having been an us nor did I make some snide remark about how hard up the girls in this town must be for some new dick if you already have a date after being in this backwater town for,” She looked mockingly down at her bare wrist as if she was checking the time. “Five fucking days. You sure do work fast, Hargrove.”

If steam could come out of his ears, it would. 

She wasn’t wrong about his eyes displaying his emotions so easily. He was enraged. His eyes were ablaze with an anger she hadn’t seen since Neil had announced their move. Billy had gotten a bloody lip for his troubles that night. 

“You know what, Mayfield.” He took slow measured steps towards her. “I do have a hot date. Her name’s Kimberly. She’s got dark hair, brown eyes and a tight little ass that you could bounce a quarter off.” He mimed flipping a coin, standing a hairsbreadth away from Valerie. 

She could feel the heat rising up in her face and hot tears of frustration and anger and pain welling up in her eyes. Her hands were shaking and her chest was heaving as she took in great lungfuls of air. 

“You’re a son of a bitch.” She couldn’t bring herself to speak any louder than a whisper but Billy heard her. She could by the tightening around his eyes and the clenching of his jaw.

She knew that he was trying to hurt her and she told herself not to let it get to her but she loved him. It was hard to not take what he said personally. It was hard to let it roll off her back. Everything he was doing, everything he was saying, was coming from a place of pain and sorrow but that didn’t give him the right to hurt her like he was.

“That may be, but you and I both know that I haven’t gotten laid in months so I’ve hit a bit of a dry spell.” 

She always told herself she would never hit him. He got enough from his dad and he didn’t need it from her but now he was just being cruel. 

She didn’t even think about it before it happened. It was over in less than a second and her hand tingled after.

Billy twisted his head back to the front, his cheek pink. He swiveled his jaw around and clicked his tongue. He glared at her from under his brow and sneered. “Get out.”

She couldn’t move fast enough.

She heard the door slam behind her as she fell onto her bed face first. She willed the tears back into her eyes and her throat was tight with the effort. She sniffed loudly and turned when she felt a body sit on the edge of the bed. It was Max.

Her little sister looked pensive and Valerie was sure she’d heard them arguing.

She sat up and tried to discreetly wipe underneath her eyes but she didn’t think she’d done a very good job. 

She gave her sister a smile that felt forced and settled her hands in her lap. “What’s up, kid?” Max tried to smile but failed and instead turned to fully face Valerie.

“Are you okay?” Valerie shrugged in what she hoped was a nonchalant way. “I’m fine. Why wouldn't I be?” Her voice held a false sense of happiness that sounded hollow to her own ears.

She let Max scan her face for several seconds. “I heard you and Billy arguing. He sounded mad.” Valerie rolled her eyes and leaned back against her pillows.

Max was not aware of the inner workings of their family. She didn’t know the extent of Valerie and Billy’s relationship. She knew that the two of them knew each other before their parents got married but she was not aware of how deep their relationship went. 

Max was also unaware that Neil liked to use Billy as a punching bag from time to time. 

Valerie had known since they got together in California and she was fairly certain that she was the only person who knew. She took it upon herself early in their relationship to fix him up. She would clean up the blood on his face and hands and she would bandage the deeper cuts on his face. She iced his bruises and wrapped his knuckles. 

After their parents got married, Valerie suspected that her mother knew about the abuse as well. She didn’t have proof but the way that Susan would eye the bruises on Billy’s face with equal looks of shame and pity made Valerie suspect that she knew that Neil hit his son. Once Valerie knew that her mother knew Billy was in pain, she developed a deep resentment towards her mother that really only got worse.

Not only did Susan know about the violence but she married the man. It was one thing to find out that your boyfriend abuses his son but then to accept his marriage proposal after the fact was a whole new level of desperation. Or maybe Susan was just lonely. Either way, Valerie lost all respect for her mother the moment she realized that Susan knew Billy was being abused. 

Billy and Valerie had an unspoken agreement that Max would never know. She was too young and knowing about the abuse would shatter her perception of the world so they had made it a point after the wedding to keep Max away from the knowledge of Neil’s violence. 

“He’s fine. I’m fine. Tell me about school today.” Max continued to look unsure but Valerie sat up and gently prodded her sister in speaking. Max finally relented and rolled her eyes. 

“Fine. Science class was stupid. I guess we’re learning about the brain but we covered that first quarter in California so,” She shrugged and picked absently at the bedspread. 

Valerie glanced up when she heard the front door slam. Max continued. “I don’t think this town gets new kids very often because there were four boys who spent all of recess spying on me.” Valerie smiled and nudged her little sister with her toes. “Maybe they think you’re cute.” She wiggled her eyebrows and Max laughed.

It always made Valerie feel good when she could make her sister laugh. “Ew! They don’t think I’m cute. I’m just interesting to figure out. I’m from California. They’ve probably never met anyone who’s not from this stupid town.” Max looked down at the ground between her feet, swinging her legs side to side. 

Valerie sighed softly and pushed her sister's hair back behind her ear. “Hey,” Max looked up. “Do you want to get some ice cream and see what’s on TV? Maybe there’s a monster movie we can find.”

Max’s smile was hesitant but she nodded and hopped off the bed, leading Valerie out of the room and to the kitchen.

~*~

Valerie released a long breath and pressed her forehead against her locker. The final bell had just rung, releasing them for the weekend. Tina’s Halloween party was tonight and Valerie wasn’t sure if she was going to go. She knew Billy would be there and didn’t know if she wanted to deal with him.

He had come home late from his date last night and spent nearly an hour in the shower. Valerie had leaned against her door frame as soon as she heard the shower shut off. When he came out the pain that Valerie felt nearly bent her in half.

There were scratches all down his back and a decent sized hickey on his collarbone. 

He turned to look at her and the emptiness she saw in his eyes had her tears spilling down her cheeks. He didn’t look sorry or angry or happy. He looked broken.

She had to close the door on him or else she’d collapse. She did just that as soon he was out of sight. She’d pressed her back against the door and slid down its surface, her hand held tight over her mouth to stifle her sobs. She heard his door close and lock and only then did she get up off the floor and bury herself beneath her blankets. 

She cried herself to sleep and woke up with sore eyes and a headache. 

School had been difficult but she’d made it through and now it was the weekend. She turned and pressed back against the locker, watching the nameless people pass her by, some looking at her with interest and most ignoring her. She saw Billy pass her with Tommy and Carol and their entourage. He trailed his eyes over her but didn’t say anything. She could see the turmoil and conflict raging in his eyes before he was pulled away by something Tommy said.

Valerie perked up when she saw Nancy walking dejectedly down the hall, Steve nowhere in sight. She stepped up beside her and tried to smile. Nancy didn’t seem to notice. Valerie tried anyway. 

“Hey, Nancy, are you excited for Tina’s party tonight?” That seemed to break Nancy out of whatever state she was in and the other girl looked up at her. “Oh, hey, Valerie. Yeah, I guess.” Nancy turned away quickly and Valerie drew her eyebrows together.

Something was bothering Nancy or at least distracting her. “What are you going to dress up as?” Valerie tried again. Nancy didn’t take the bait this time. “Look, I’m sorry, Valerie, but can we talk later? I’m supposed to get ready at Steve’s.” Nancy dashed away through the crowd and Valerie felt disheartened. 

She made her way to the parking lot and saw Billy leaning against the back of his car smoking a cigarette and watching her. She glared at him as she passed and missed the way his eyes followed her. He sighed and turned back to the front, tossing his cigarette. There was a tightness starting in his chest and a lump rose up in his throat. He sniffed loudly and turned his head when he heard Max’s skateboard. 

He narrowed his eyes suddenly angry. “You’re late again.” He said. Max glanced up at Valerie standing by the front of the car but she didn’t look at her. “Yeah,” She looked over at Billy. “I had to get catch-up homework.” Max opened the door and pushed the passenger seat forward. Valerie turned to follow her in. Billy scoffed and pushed off the car. “Jesus, I don’t care. You’re late again and you’re skating home, do you hear me?” 

Valerie glared at the side of Billy’s head as she nudged Max into the car. She pushed the seat back and buckled herself in, ignoring Billy’s poignant gaze across the center console. He gave a sharp huff before jerked the transmission and backing out. 

He sped down the side street, his music blaring through the speakers. Max sat hunched in the back seat, her bag beside her and her skateboard at her feet. Valerie kept her gaze out the window and ignored Billy’s petty attempts to get her to look at him.

“God, this place is such a shithole.” He wasn’t very loud but Valerie heard him. She turned her head. “It’s not that bad.” Max piped from the back seat. Billy looked at her in the rearview mirror and his eyes narrowed. Valerie glanced back at her and felt the storm brewing.

“Yeah, Billy, it’s not that bad.” Valerie quipped. The smile on her face was sardonic and Billy could tell. “No.” He nodded and rolled down the window. Valerie jerked back as the wind caught her hair. “You smell that, Val.” Billy was mocking her, holding his nose closed as he hummed. “That’s actually shit. Cow shit.” He looked over at her and she rolled the window up.

“I don’t see any cows.” She replied. Billy snorted. “You’ve met the high school girls. Hell, I saw you talking to Nancy Wheeler today.” Billy’s voice was dripping with acid and Valerie forced herself to bite her tongue. He wanted a reaction from her and she wasn’t going to give him one. 

Billy glared at her. “So what? You like it here now?” Valerie scoffed and shook her head but didn’t answer him. “So why are you defending it?” Billy was looking at her, expecting an answer. 

Valerie wanted to be the bigger person. She didn’t want to give Billy a reason to release his anger. 

She knew he was angry. She hadn’t talked to him all day and he hadn’t had time to expel his pent up emotions that had been raging inside him since last night. 

“I’m not.” She said with scorn. Billy shrugged. “Sure sounds like it.” 

Valerie turned to look at him. “Are the girls really such cows, Billy? I mean, they must not all suck after the night you had.” 

So much for being the bigger person.

Billy snapped his eyes over to her. She saw his lip curl up in contempt and a low growl from deep in his chest.

He shifted gears with a sharp jerk and the car flew down the street. Valerie’s heart leaped in her chest and she gripped the dashboard.

They came over a hill and Valerie could see three boys riding their bikes down the street. “Billy, slow down,” Max called from the backseat. She was leaning forward with her head between the two of them. “Are these your new hick friends?” He asked maliciously. 

Max shook her head, her red hair flying around them. “No, I don’t know them.” Billy cocked his head, staring straight at Valerie. “I guess you won’t care if I hit ‘em then, huh?” He asked. 

He sped up again and the car grew closer to the boys.

She didn’t know what to do. Billy was doing it on purpose, trying to get a rise out of her. He wanted her to be anything but angry at him. 

Well, he succeeded. 

She was scared of him. 

“I get bonus points if I get ‘em all in one go?” Billy adjusted his grip on the steering wheel, careening down the street. “No, Billy, stop. It’s not funny.” Valerie said. Billy looked at her, his eyes were dark and resentful. His face was blank as he pushed the car to go faster. 

The boys turned and began to pedal faster. “Billy, come on! Stop it! It’s not funny!” Max screamed. Valerie snapped her eyes from the boys to Billy and back again. Billy smacked his hand against the steering wheel, his foot pressed to the floorboard of the car. 

“Stop it!” Max screamed one last time. Valerie reached over and jerked the steering wheel to the left, swerving into the other lane and around the boys as they tumbled into the grassy shoulder. Max twisted around to watch the boys as they got to their feet. 

Valerie pressed back against the door as Billy cackled, the car speeding down the road, music shaking the windows.