#*slightly depressed

[berberriescorner]

Hello, my loves 💕.

To be frank, life has been kicking my ass. Sorry, I’ve been MIA. Your girl is just tired and I haven’t had the urge to write anything lately. This has been an…eventful year. Hell, to be honest, it's been an eventful couple of years. Grateful and thankful to be here. Never get that twisted. Life has been smacking me upside the head for quite some time though. All I’ve wanted to do lately is curl up and read.

I’ve also started a bookstagram and booktok, so that’s been getting a lot of my attention as well. I wish I could put into words how I'm feeling mentally and physically but I'm too tired😆😩.

As soon as this lupus flare eases up. Once I don’t have so much brain fog. Maybe I’ll have a desire to write, but until then I hope you all continue to read and engage with the stories available on my masterlist💜.

Honestly, let me be transparent for a moment. I think I can speak for several Tumblr writers. I look at the notes on some of these amazing fics that I’ve read and I'm like, “What the hell? Where are the reblogs and comments?” I’ll say it over and over. The love button is cool, but it’s the bare minimum for that writer. The notes are not matching the constant requests in their asks. That's just the truth🤷🏾‍♀️. The engagement is just not the same. When we bring it up. Were told to get over it. Mind you this ish is free and we've invested our time creating something that brings joy and entertainment. Engagement shouldn't be so hard to come by. If the facts make you feel a way, ask yourself why that is.

Anywho let me get off that soapbox. I just wanted to drop in and give you all a life update and explain my absence. I hope all my beautiful lovelies are doing okay. To those who aren’t, please know it’s okay to not be okay. You’ll get through it. Just keep the faith. Love you my babies🥹💖.

Tagging a few lovelies so that they get the lovin’ I came to drop off😆💖:

@astoldbychae @darqchilddaydreamz @ravennaortiz @rio-reid-whoreee @percosim @lovedlover @jannavaire @sunshine-flower @phoenixhalliwell @kyletogaz @nobodygetsza @1andonlytashae @novaniskye @thebumbqueen @captainwithoutmakingitlove @kinkiicoils @wroteitbutneverwatchedit @bisexuallyattractivebitch @minton131 @thirtysomethinganduncensored @starrynite7114 @fineanddandy @withmyteeth @prettyyybrownroundd

*if I forgot to tag you sorry in advance. Mama has a lot of babies😆🥰.*

[girlyteengirl16]

guys i can’t stop pushing people away i think im meant to be alone

[glassy-eyed-poet]

There is a vine growing inside of me. Not the kind that butterflies flutter around and life flourishes by, but the type of vine that is made of poison, wrapping around my organs and squeezing until they burst. I can't breathe anymore, as it's moved from my gut to my lungs, tightening with every word that comes out of your mouth. It is reaching up my throat, strangling me so that I cannot cry out for help, silencing me from within. I've tried countless times to hack it down, to make myself regurgitate it so it spills out of my mouth, but my efforts are in vain. It always grows back. I can't run from it, can't fight it, can't hide from it. All I can do is watch it grow, feeling more and more condemned to the inevitable, where I lay, throttled by the vine inside of me.

[christhebrit2]

Thats why you eat your crusts

[plsletmerot]

Feel like I’m in a downward spiral right now. Trying to get outta this mood, but my head won’t let me…. Fuuuuuuccck.

[cfs-crohns-colitis-warrior]

I find it so weird that I don’t have depression like I used to anymore.

Like sure, I still have it, but nowhere near like I did before.

Just been wishing for my pain to end, but clarified to myself that I don’t want my life to end, just the pain.

I now have a boyfriend I love and who loves me. I have a future with him. I have so much to look forward to with him, so of course I don’t want to end my life.

But I sure as hell want this fucking pain to stop so I can get some rest and recoup tomorrow.

[sadjuniper]

✨🎉I wanna cry, but I don't want to draw attention to myself. I don't know what to tell anyone when they ask me, "what's wrong?"🎉✨

[kamomento]

vashwood fluffies :T

[ayphyx]

Woe. Scully be upon ye.

[nohoperadio]

There's a weirdly poignant sort of... metaphysical tragedy in the fact that pain, which evolved as a helpful signal to alert us when bad things might be happening to us, grew into becoming... well, basically the Bad Thing. To the point where by universal consensus the very worst thing you can do to a being like us is torture them (i.e. trigger the warning signal as strongly as possible while perhaps deliberately avoiding causing "actual" harm). And there are tons of illnesses and injuries and disabilities that massively impact people's quality of life, ranging from annoying to depressing to driving people to suicide, basically purely because they're very physically painful, while the underlying bodily dysfunction that the pain is supposedly "warning" of is either relatively minor or literally non-existent.

The capacity to feel pain is a good and important thing, some people lack it and that's generally awful for them, only in a universe unrecognizably different from ours could we ever do without it. But isn't it awful to think how if only there was somebody up there to adjust the settings for us, they'd probably only have to tweak them the tiniest bit to keep 99.99% of the benefits while saving us from all the most extreme miseries forever?

The mechanism didn't have to be perfect for natural selection's purposes, it had to be good enough that the average individual in the average situation would be motivated to stay more or less out of trouble. Measured by the metrics nature was working towards, she could afford to be a little slapdash with the exact implementation, and she was. In doing so she opened the door to infinities of evil and suffering that wouldn't otherwise be conceivable. All this only had one chance to happen, and it happened that way. There's nobody to be mad at--I'm mad about it, though.

[yuripira4e]

trying to explain to other otasune fans that snake is NOT the one with internalized homophobia in their coupling

[penofwildfire]

Kai being the first human Wyldfyre got really attached to and them being a silly little duo and then her losing him after it's revealed that she's lost a lot of loved ones in the past was DEVASTATING AS HELL wtf 😭😭😭

[dykedvonte]

It’s crazy how expendable all the crew members were to the Pony Express.

A 30% chance that your shipment would be lost. Cargo and crew are inseparable if we are to believe the shitty layout of the Tulpar. People use it because it’s cheap. The labor is cheap. The lives are cheap.

They are all relatively easy to forget about. It’s implied Anya and Curly don’t have many friends or much family to be concerned about them back home. She mentions nothing and no one to fall back on and he feels like wasted his life with the company. Jimmy probably only has Curly, otherwise people wouldn’t care or ask. Of course Daisuke and Swansea have family’s but Swansea thinks poorly of his and Daisuke’s poorly of him. All people in the companies eyes that wouldn’t stir up too much trouble if they became part of the 30%.

It makes it so much sadder because that ladder they were climbing was so small and shitty. There were rungs, ranks, but even the highest was barely off the ground. Jimmy wanted to reach the top of something that was brutally cut off and knocked everyone else off just to not see it.

[skunkes]

[just-somedude]

I confessed my feelings for someone yesterday, and it went exactly how I expected. I was turned down, and that hurts, a lot, but it's important not to let it hurt you so much that you shut down. Keep living life and stay true to yourself, eventually someone will come that sees you for the amazing soul you are

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

The way Sky's voice shakes and his chin trembles when he says "I'm fine"