#*sidles up to the rachni queen*

[tanadrin]

explicit sexuality, especially in media, really does occupy a weird place culturally. like imagine explicit depictions of eating food were derided as tawdry and disgusting, and were so impolite that media depicting that couldn’t get mainstream distribution or funding. and that people also complained that all media depicting eating was inherently disgusting and encouraged gluttony, because it only appealed to our hunger in the most superficial and unreflective ways.

like sure, a lot of porn is gross and aimed at the lowest common denominator. but we also shie away from all but the most circumspect depictions of actual sex in media, and treat explicit depictions of even loving, consensual, normative sex as being far more reprehensible to show than absolutely unhinged forms of violence. that’s pretty weird! and in the context of, for example, single player narrative-driven video games, it produces an artificial divide between those dirty nasty sex video games, which tend to be more cheaply produced, or made by smaller teams, and big triple-A games, which can reference the existence of sex, and tastefully fade to black before any actual sex might happen.

and sure, some of this is crass self-interest--i don’t mind sex in media i enjoy, and in fact would quite like to see more of it. being able to romance and fuck a bug-eyed monster in a video game would be a lot of fun! but also, i think our prudishness as a culture really cramps our ability to explore certain topics meaningfully in art, because as soon as you broach them, you have entered the territory of “mere” pornography, with all the expectations and restrictions that entails.

[theoriginalladya]

Was there a particular scene that popped into your head that inspired your ShepShep verse, or at the very least just the first fic for it?

thank you for asking!!!!

I kind of answered this over here but let me delve into it just a little bit more since you asked about the first fic specifically.

So, I’d been playing ME (all of it, mind, I came to the game late! lol) for about a year and a half at that point.  I feel so HARD for the games, I couldn’t belive it! (totally different story! :D)  I’d been writing a number of my fshenko pairs by then and oh, I loved it!  I was talking with friends one day, and my brain has this nasty little habit of going, hmm, WHAT IF...?  

Well, I had a WHAT IF? moment! lol  What if... you had a married Shepard couple on the Normandy?  What would happen to them if the events of the story as we know it played out?  Who would be the Spectre?  Who would be the one to die?  What would the other one do? etc.  You know, all the kinds of things we ask ourselves when we get ideas for new characters.

At that time, I was also married, and the idea of a married Shepard couple appealed.  I was excited!!!  So many idea!  So many ways it could go!  And my brain being what it is, I just started writing.

Well, about the same time I started publishing Destiny’s Road - within the same month - my personal life took a hard hit.  I ended up filing for divorce and suddenly, my bright and happy Shepard couple (and all my fshenkos, tbh) ended up being a lifeline for me as I went through my own personal hell over Alchera, so to speak.  I had about fifteen of the forty chapters of that fic drafted at the time and suddenly I had to find a way to keep writing them - happy, together, in love, saving the galaxy together, etc. - when I was not in a mindset to do so.  It was rough, not gonna lie.  Some weeks, I just couldn’t do it.  

But somewhere around the middle of the story, I realized something:  I had the perfect opportunity in front of me.  The Destiny series could be my way of working out my issues/feelings/baggage of my own failed marriage through characters I love, a game I love.  The connections aren’t always perfect - c’mon, real life rarely matches what we find in game, right? - but there were plenty of parts that were close, so I changed how I thought about it and suddenly, I was hyped up about writing it again.  The more I wrote them, the more I loved them.

So.  Backing up to your original question, I shared that in the linked post, but I’m going to share with you the scene that helped me make that connection - between the stories and me finding my way through the worst time of my life.  Because it’s an important one - to me, and to the story.  This comes right after the mission on Noveria, and the reference to Wrex is because he tried to indimidate the hell out of Jane after she let the rachni queen go.

Jane exited her cabin to the half-lit crew deck that was common to the ‘night’ shift.  Presumably, it was to make it easier for the crew resting in sleeper pods, though there were controls on each individual unit to regulate that, too.  It gave the impression that night had fallen, and illusion was half the battle to falling asleep and resting well, so it was said.  As far as Jane was concerned, it meant moving more carefully to keep from tripping over anything.  Careful equated to slower in this case, and it left Jane feeling antsy.  Still, she managed to duck into the galley and retrieve a cup of tea before heading upstairs to the CIC and the bridge to check in.  

“Feeling better?”

Jane paused in her steps, turning to sidle up beside John at the side of the galaxy map.  Though his back was currently to her as he messed with one of the computer consoles, she knew he was quite aware of his surroundings and of her presence.  Taking a sip of her tea, she replied, “Anytime I can escape complete annihilation on a mission I always feel better.”  His head turned, his eyes darting up to hers with some concern in them, but she smirked softly.  Her sense of humor could be dark at times, especially when stress levels increased.  She knew from experience that this worried him, but this time she could see that concern fade quickly as he recognized that she was, more or less, okay.  

“True,” he countered as he straightened and faced her.  “Then again, facing down an angry krogan is nearly as dangerous.”

Jane’s eyes closed for a moment and she sighed.  “Yeah.  I need to see about fixing that,” she admitted.

“Maybe you should give Wrex some time to cool off?” he cautioned almost immediately.  “If you approach him too soon, you might just set him off again.”

Jane rolled her shoulders and listened to the soft pops emitted from loosening joints.  “I’ll be careful,” she promised, “and he knows better than to punch a hole in my ship.”

Thank you so much for asking!