#*puts a megaphone in front of a microphone* I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR

[sculien]

ART THE CLOWN Terrifier (2017)

[trixcuomo]

I’m crashing in so u betta get this party started

((Another campy, Warcraft-infused iteration worthy of the genre...))

Next on Trixany and the Kaja-Cola Flava Girls...

Trixy's my name, after me Kaja-Cola was never the same! Trixany's my name!

T R I X A N Y !

One sunny afternoon at the Kaja-Cola Dream House, high up in the Stonetalon Mountains...

[Guild] [Meghan]: Mu’usha above! Trixany, what happened to you??

[Guild] [Trixany]: *stumbles in, with baby blue ripped Kaja-Cola costume and white knee-high boots with a broken heel* Arghh.... I had a run-in with Phuur in Dalaran. I tried to handle it once and for all in a civil fashion, and with honor. The way a true warrior would--

[Guild] [Dahlia]: *gravelly Forsaken voice* You mean with D20 rolls? You should have just stabbed her in the shin.

[Guild] [Shuga]: Dahli! Will you cut that out--do you want this girl band guild to get shitposted and banned? Geez, if one more leader of the Frostwolf Clan unfriends me at this point...

[Guild] [Trixany]: ... I rolled a 19. But then that witch Phuur just... stabbed me with her pink crystal dagger, right in the... shin! *groans, collapses on the bright yellow and pink Kaja-Cola Dream House couch*

[Guild] [Dahlia]: See! That’s how you’re supposed to handle things in Dalaran. Steet! Jaina banned people, Madam Goya breaks thumbs... actually, that place can get pretty ghetto come to think of it.

Caption: Dalaran, where pretty magical fireworks happen and lead singers of girl bands getting stabbed in their shins also happens.

[Guild] [Shuga]: Grrr... Enough is enough. Something has to be done here. I’m a Burning Blade Orc by birth, and I’ll be socially dead if one more Orc shitposts about me on Reddit...

[Guild][Trixany]: Wait, Shug--I thought you said you were Frostwolf Clan by birth?

[Guild][Dhalia]: No, she’s a Mag’har Orc now. Shug kept losing followers.

[Guild][Shuga]: That was the week before last. Anyway, those Ally’s Angels have gone too far. We may be a girl band put together mainly for softdrink promotional purposes and not our actual musical talent, but we’re still Horde! *loud wolfwhistle* Mojo Jojo! Arcana Mama! Start up the Kaja-Car. *glints, sinister Orcish snarl* We’ve got some real hard core PvP on our hands.

[Guild] [Coco]: Meanwhile, the intelligent Goblin goil of the guild is gonna stay clean out of it and call our lawyers in about an hour, in anticipation of a fantastic blow-out that can only result in harmin’ business long-term. But have fun, ladies! *crosses ankles on the sofa next to her dying step sister Trixany. Turns magazine page*

[Guild] [Trixany]: *still groggy, as the pretty Nightborne Arcana tries to revive Trixany with Kaja-Cola brand smelling salts in a bright orange vial* Wait, who’s the DM for this again? And do I need a summon?

[Guild] [Shuga]: NO MORE D20! This is real killing, okay?!

Later, at the Ally’s Angels concert in Cathedral Square, Stormwind...

[Phuur]: Aaah, yes, King Anduin. *curtseys* We have seats vight up vront here for you and your date.

[Anduin]: Thank you very much. But no, this is just Wrathion. He’s here on diplomatic matters, of course.

[Phuur]: I’m sure he is. *she makes scare quotes with her blue claws* “Diplomatic.”

[Anduin]: Honestly, I’ve always loved Gnomeade since I was a kid, and we’re both huge fans of Ally’s Angels. Wrathion’s spoken of nothing else since I punched him right in the face with my excellent right hook that one time.

Caption: Young Prince Anduin, with a Gnomeade commercial stuck in his head, “I feel like Gnomeade tonight, like Gnomeade tonight!”

[Wrathion]: *sighs, crosses arms in his embroidered jacket* Must we... keep mentioning that, Anduin dear?

[Phuur]: Enjoy ze show, boys. *winks at them both and gently sashays on her Draenei hooves back to the stage set up in front of the Cathedral stairs* Ladies? Is everyzing set to go?

[Gelica]: *The Human priestess looks up as she finishes tuning her golden electric guitar* The Gnomeade Gnomes have handled everything beautifully as usual. They even brushed Roary all over even though she’s not... really that kind of Worgen.

[Phuur]: *winces* Uh-oh. Roary? You okay with zat? I know you prefer to perform in your Human form at a big event like zhis?

[Roary]: *still making a purring noise and wagging her bushy gray tail* Aaall... over. So nice.

[Phuur]: Oh? Oookay, zhen. *she is handed a blue and gold Gnomish microphone as the Gnomeade Gnomes pick up their equipment and smoothly depart. Phuur then takes her spot center-stage. The sapphire blue curtains haven’t raised yet, but all three Alliance performers smile when they hear the Cathedral Square crowd begin to cheer and chant*

Ally! Ally! Ally! Ally!

[Phuur]: Time to finally show zhe vorld of Azeroth we are ze best peformers, and ze greatest softdrink beverage company! *mutters* Take zhat, Trixany!

[Roary]: Wolf-howls, and laughs mischeviously. *the curtains raise, Gelica sends the first golden guitar riff sailing. Phuur and Roary spin side by side, then drop to their knees in a dramatic synchronized dance move. Then, holding onto each other with real emotion, Phuur curls over her microphone and begins to sing in harmony.*

I looove... what I looove, Roary...

And I love, what you love, Phuur...

What do yoooooou love, Gelica?

We all love... we looooove the Alliance...

Caption: Gnomeade’s premier girl band, Ally’s Angels. Gelica (Human), Phuur (Draenei), Roary (Worgen)

But then, a heavy shadow passes over Cathedral Square and all are compelled to look up, even the highly trained Gnomeade Ally’s Angels performers.

A giant green zeppelin with the bright orange Kaja-Cola logo on the side is sailing dead-aimed at stage.

[Phuur]: *looks up, wide-eyed* They wouldn’t dare... All because I--

[Gelica]: *lowers her guitar, annoyed* Phuur, did you go Eredar on us again? Something clearly provoked this. Roary, did you know about this?

[Roary]: Why, I must say... *then stops looking so concerned* That’s an unusually apt deduction for a Human, Gelica. *eyeroll*

Blood Elf “Fiesta Lime” Trixany is at the helm in her bright blue and green Kaja-captain’s hat, looking very ill and leaning on crutches. The fearsome Orc known as “Shuga Slam” is wearing an Admiral’s hat and red, studded shoulderguards. She’s bracing Trixany up from the other side. Shuga then raises her Goblin megaphone device.

[Shuga][Yells]: Lok’tar! All this pure, white, colorless stone... This place is SO bland, isn’t it, Flava-Girls?

[All Flava-Girls]: Wooooooo! Yeah!

[Jojo]: Light up dat sucka!! For da Horde!

[Shuga][Yells]: Yeeeeaaaah!! I say... LET’S FLAVA-BLAST IT!!! !!! 1!

*BWOOOSH!!! fWOOOOM!*

The gaseous, fiery explosion could be heard from all the way to Booty Bay.