#*olton is thoughtful and is such a steady presence and is nice to me but theres meaning behind it. like he does it to just get by but over | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starkissedblade · 4 years ago

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not to be sad on main but. i am sad. ive been thinking about how every single relationship ive had in my life has not been good or was fucked up in some way like WHYYY im trying to sleep and read

#even the small ones #this train of thought is being set off by those posts about being close w ur english teacher like i tried but they didn't care about me lmao #then i was thinking about how weirdly tragically lonely my life has been ??? like it Cannot be this fucked up. but it literally is and has #like i don't even have any good things to lean on relationship wise from when i was even in kindergarten 1st grade lmao #none of my friends really liked me and appreciated me even back then and i could tell. fucked up but i could always tell!#i know this sounds kinda sad but im really glad for the relationships i have w my coworkers and a couple of my managers 😭#i spent my lunch today talking with f*ank about stuff and we have a lot in common interest wise and so i actually like talking w him #and che* puts me at ease in ways no one else has been able to and its fun to talk with him because hes fun and like. a person #d*niel hasn't always been on my nice list but ive come to enjoy his presence #lilo is the best she is such a good kid and i would protect her with my life #conversations w c*ifton are always interesting. and hes fun to mess around with joke and be sarcastic #*olton is thoughtful and is such a steady presence and is nice to me but theres meaning behind it. like he does it to just get by but over #time i can tell he means it now #i can just exist in the same place as these ppl and i can feel at ease #grateful ive come across them #in my feelings. because i finally get to hang out w c*ylee tomorrow and its just all complicated for me!#lots of we are different to each other and important in different ways and i wish i was important in a way that im reached out to #i will take what i will get and back off even then #like i know that im worth it and im pretty fucking nice to hang out w and im like a cute! fun! person etc. so i dont quite get it but #i unfortunately love this person in a way so even the smallest exposure is enough in a way but i know im not wrong to want more &better #and im right to. im disillusioned enough that i can step back when i need to which is all the time and just go about my life w out #worrying about this all the time. but i am worrying tonight so 😜#mess #might delete at a later date lol

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