#*mother mother starts playing* i want to kill myself *opens ao3* i dont even listen to Female Parent Female Parent *stops musicc*

[that-one-queer-poc]

me when kronk keet

[goffilolo]

Demise of Midoriya Izuku (part 7)

I’m back! sorry it took so long to updat,e however ive seen very busy with school. also this chapter is over twice as long as usual, because its a very intense one, so it took me a very long time to write. hope you dont mind. The chapter is also posted on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11557743/chapters/28807050

“All I’m saying is, next time he comes over we grab a couple of those buckets, fill them with water and drown the bitch into submission!” exclaimed Izuku, while excitedly pointing to the empty buckets in the corridor that were left there by a janitor.

“Izuku, no, just no” said Mrs. Todoroki with the exhaustion of a person who has listened through a hundred and one plans on how to torture her husband.

“You never like any of my plans!” replied Izuku.

“Because they’re not plans, they’re random impulses of vandalism and violent behaviour” she continued “Besides, not that I don’t enjoy your company, but aren’t you supposed meet with piece of shit, or whatever his name was?”

“How did you-”

“It’s a small ward honey. The word gets round quickly” interrupted Mrs. Todoroki while looking pointedly at the four armed nurse, who was currently pretending to be busy writing something in her clipboard and holding the handles of Izuku’s wheelchair.

“Tch, typical” scoffed Izuku.

Now, going back to the topic, YES, he was going to meet ‘piece of shit’ today. The decision was made by his mother who had gone to the Bakugous’ house the previous day and told them about their son’s actions in hopes of resolving the situation (bless her soul) despite the strain it would inevitably put on their friendship. The adults have decided that the best thing to do would be to all go to the hospital and talk things out, to which Izuku’s initial reaction was “not today Satan”, but not much could be done on his side to avoid this trainwreck.

And here he was now, in the common room, killing time with some good old escapism; focusing on all the different ways to torture Mrs. Todoroki’s shitty husband, rather than the ticking clock on the wall above him, mocking him, playing the role of a countdown to the start of what he calls ‘The Bakugou-shitshow’. The sleep deprivation from his meds was definitely not helping.

This was going to be a long fucking day.

“So it’s starting soon, huh? The Bakugou-shitshow” said Shin as he seemingly materialized out of thin air, rubbing his hands in a mischievous manner.

“You’ve read my journal” replied the boy in a cold, flat tone that the doctor hated so much. Honestly, is there no such thing as privacy in this loony bin?

“And you’ve read my medical notes about your case, which may I remind you are for medical staff only” retaliated the doctor, his unwillingness to put up with Izuku’s shit at this point very apparent in his voice. He then turned to the nurse and motioned towards the handles of his patient’s wheelchair “Do you mind if I borrow this little gremlin for a second?”

“Fuck you!” interrupted Izuku.

“See? A little gremlin right here” sneered Shin.

He then grabbed the handles and wordlessly started to wheel Izuku out of the common room in the direction of his office as Mrs. Todoroki and the nurse waved them goodbye.

“So, you’re seeing Bakugou today, aren’t you?”

“Yep”

“Are you mentally ready for it?”

“Fuck no!”

“Thought so, which is why we’re going to have a little chat now” said the doctor as he reached their destination.

Once inside the confines of Shin’s office, the doctor has dropped his cheeky facade in favour of the more uncommon, nevertheless much needed; that of a professional.

“Tell me Izuku, how do you feel about meeting Bakugou?” asked Shin, hoping to go straight to the topic, but leaving the question open enough for his patient.

“I-it’s a lot of-” started Izuku, not yet knowing how to articulate all of the complex feelings swirling together in his psyche, into some sort of a coherent answer “-uugh!” he finished, voice full of helplessness, his posture speaking “I don’t know”, which is still more than he managed to say out loud.

“Okay, that’s...something” replied the doctor, a bit disappointed in the lack of coherent response.

“I’m sorry, it’s just, a lot. Honestly, I don’t know what to expect. He has way too much pride to apologise, although our parents will be there so he’ll probably try to behave more decent with them around. But even if he does apologise, do I want to hear it? Is it going to change anything?” asked Izuku, not expecting an answer.

“You know, my dream of being a hero is dead, and I’m alright with that. I felt like I was on a good path of making peace with myself about that fact, like one day I could look back on it and think fondly of it as in ‘oh, every kid wanted to be a hero and save people’ and not be bitter about it-” continued the boy, his fists clenched, the frustration in his voice growing every second, like a volcano, waiting to erupt “-but he ruined it for me” he spat, full of venom.

“In what way did he ruin it for you?” prompted the doctor.

“To me a hero was someone who could always save everyone, someone who could always make you feel relief upon their arrival no matter how bad the situation was. And Kacchan, he’s-he’s anything BUT that. Having to see him will just remind me of this dream, of all the heroic qualities I aspired for and couldn’t reach, and how someone like HIM, who only knows how to hurt others will be able to reach that dream and ruin it! HE WILL TAKE EVERYTHING IT TAKES TO BE A HERO AND RUIN IT!” screamed Izuku, breathing labored as he became overtaken by his frustration and helplessness.

The doctor did not grace Izuku’s outburst with much of a reaction beyond widening his eyes ever so slightly before looking back down to write some notes, already used to such behaviour on his patient’s part. It tells him a lot about the boy’s repressed rage, caused by what he suspects is a mix of admiration, envy and rather justifiable bitterness, which Izuku himself seems to be in denial of.

Speaking of, as the boy slowly regained his breath his face morphed into one full of fear rather than anger as he became aware of is surroundings, the laughing clock, and the inevitable Bakugou-shitshow that’s just around the corner.

“I-I, wh-what would I even say to him when I see him?!” asked Izuku, eyes full of panic.

“I think everything you said just now” replied Shin.

He then stood up from his chair and started to wheel Izuku out of his office, in the direction of his hospital room, the atmosphere between them clear from any traces of Izuku’s outburst.

“Do you want me to be in the room with you for moral support? Or do you want me to wait outside?”

“I think I want you to be there with me”

“That’s fine then. Let’s get this shitshow started”

“Hey! That’s my line”

Soon they have found themselves back in Izuku’s room, who was hoisted up back onto the bed with the help of one of the nurses, his leg elevated like when he first woke up. Shin was keeping himself busy in the corner by reading through Izuku’s hero notebooks, his face solemn, but eyes full of wonder. It was a face Izuku has never seen before, but he wasn’t going to ask about it now, not when the peace within the room was nothing more than a bubble, ready to burst any minute.

Just because he was expecting it did not mean he was prepared, so when the door opened Izuku’s attention was drawn instantly.

Izuku looked like shit, he knew that much. The bags under his eyes told the tales of sleepless nights spent on nothing but staring at the piles upon piles of notebooks, never to be read again. His hair was a mess, like a bird’s nest, nothing unusual, except it was longer, the extra length swirling at the sides, on his face; the proof on an inevitable passage of time. Has it really been a month?

Well, here goes nothing.

He looked like shit, and he wasn’t going to pretend any different. He didn’t know what to expect when Kacchan made an entrance, but it certainly wasn’t for his childhood friend tormentor’s face to mirror the misery he felt, instead of the usual scowl matched with the condescending look.

It made him somewhat angry.

A lot things made him angry recently.

Upon Kacchan’s entrance, Shin acknowledged his presence ever so briefly before going back to flipping through Izuku’s hero notes, volume 13 to be exact. If he didn’t know better Izuku would’ve thought that Shin was trying to rub it in Kacchan’s face.

He was soon followed in by his parents and last but not least, Izuku’s mother who quickly went and sat by Izuku’s side and held his hand to provide some motherly comfort.

The room was soon filled with a strangled silence, neither of the parties knowing what to say, not wanting to start this rollercoaster.

The problem was soon solved as Mrs. Bakugou elbowed her son roughly on the side “Don’t you have something to say, you little shit?” she whispered, her powerful voice making it loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.

Izuku was going to give it to Bakugou, he looked guilty enough, alright. Quite uncomfortable as well, reminding him of all the visits his homeroom teacher has paid him over the course of the last month. Since walking in he hasn’t looked at Izuku even once, instead trying to find something to focus on in his surroundings. It definitely wasn’t his smartest idea. As soon Bakugou focused on the volume 13, another reminder jabbing at his sides, he dared to trail his eyes up to the man holding it, and was quickly met with the coldest, most cruel look he has ever experienced, that physically makes him flinch.

‘Oh, so that’s what Shin meant when he said moral support’ thought Izuku.

Really, he almost felt bad for Kacchan. Almost.

“Oh, this better be good” said Izuku in spite of himself, with that dead flat tone, hoping it was going to have the same effect on Bakugou as it does on Shin and make this shitshow a bit more interesting.

It was enough to bring Bakugou’s attention back to Izuku, but before he could say anything he was beat to it by Izuku.

“Listen, whatever you’ve got to say, frankly I don’t want to hear it. I’m not letting this trainwreck become a sappy continuous wailing of ‘i’m sorry’s. I don’t care what issues you have with quirkless people, or with your own anger, that’s something for you to deal with yourself. If my forgiveness is just for you to soothe your bruised ego and lessen your guilt, then you sure as hell ain’t getting it!” said Izuku, his tone cold, but harsh; harsher than what he was originally going for, but it seemed to work just fine given that Bakugou looked taken aback by the spiteful attitude displayed by his childhood friend, if he could even still be called that.

“But that’s not what you’re really here for, is it?” continued Izuku, this time more collected, as he slowly turned in the direction of Bakugou’s parents putting on the most obnoxiously fake smile he could muster.

“Kacchan’s quite great isn’t he? So smart, so athletic, and a strong quirk to boot it all, a hero material no matter how you look at it” said Izuku in faux admiration as he listed off Bakugou’s good qualities, as if he wasn’t in the room, having heard those complements one too many times “He’ll surely get into UA without a problem, unless…” he trailed off, pretending to be deep in thought “...unless all the bullying he’s done ends up in his record. After all, no school would accept someone who encouraged their classmate to attempt suicide, and his chances of getting into UA and becoming a hero will be as good as gone. Wouldn’t that be awful?” he finished, voice coated with fake worry.

“So that’s what you want, take a fucking revenge on me, huh?! FINE, HAVE AT IT THEN! I SURE HELL DESERVE IT DON’T I?!” screamed Bakugou, in what most would perceive as his usual angry manner, but Izuku knew there was more to it. Rather than anger it came across as more of a panic. Ah yes, panicked but not surprised. So even the ‘oh so great’ Bakugou knew he had it coming, thought Izuku. Now, THIS was fun.

“You do. And I’m really tempted to get my revenge, but I won’t” stated Izuku.

“Why not? Where’s the catch?” asked Bakugou, getting slightly suspicious.

“Because becoming a hero was always your dream, just as it has been mine and I don’t make it a habit of destroying people’s dreams-” answered Izuku in a slightly more neutral tone, preparing to deliver the ultimate blow “-I’m not YOU” he finished, gathering all of his viciousness into this one, final word.

That seemed to do it, Bakugou looked outright ashamed, having lost all of his desire to argue. Pretty close to crying as well, if the trembling lip and twitch in his eye was anything to go by.

“Just so you know, I’m not letting you off the hook, you should fully appreciate the feeling of guilt you know? It’s the only proof that you’re not a total scumbag if you’re feeling any remorse for your actions. So how about this? Why don’t you repeat what you said to me that day, right here, in front of your parents, my mum, my psychiatrist?” teased Izuku, feeling brave all of a sudden. It was the first time since he met Bakugou, where he was the one in control. He could kind of understand why Bakugou was such an ass all the time if this was the feeling that went with it. And to think he literally had to brush against death to get to this point. He better be careful.

“Fuck no!” shouted Bakugou. He was getting annoyed, but also slightly scared if he was being honest with himself. ‘Deku’ that he knew would never behave like that, he held no sadistic streak, no guts to try and challenge him in such way. And this one, this one was unpredictable, so angry, so vicious in the most passive-aggressive way. Is this what was left of Izuku once he snapped and fell? For all he knew, the Midoriya Izuku that he knew all his life was already dead.

“Oh, you’re not fun!” complained Izuku. “Alright, how about I help you, yeah? C’mon, let’s say it together!” explained the boy as he started moving his hands like a band director in Bakugou’s direction, as if trying to get him to sing his part of the song.

Inko grabbed one of her son’s arms, trying to talk some sense into him “Izuku, don’t you think that’s enough?” she said, while Bakugou looked at her with some sort of hope in his eyes.

“Nope, if anything I think Mr. and Mrs. Bakugou deserve to hear it for themselves, they deserve to know what their son is capable of” he stated and turned back to Bakugou.

“Alright then, let’s say it at three, okay? One...two...three…”

“If you believe they’re holding your quirk over in the next world you should just dive off the rooftop” the boys said in unison; Izuku in an overly cheerful voice, Bakugou in a flat, resigned tone as he kept his eyes down, staring at the floor, not being able to bear the scandalised look on his parents’ faces.

He was now crying, still refusing to look up.

“Now that that’s done, let’s get back to business. As I said, I won’t come forward and tarnish Kacchan’s report, although I do expect some sort of compensation, after all my medical bills won’t pay themselves. But that shouldn’t be a problem for you, right?” said Izuku, as he addressed Kacchan’s parents. Really, it’s the least they could do, especially since it wasn’t exactly a secret that his mother wasn’t doing doing so well financially, the monthly payments sent by his father only being able to cover so much.

The Bakugou couple nodded quickly as they made their way towards their son in an effort to comfort him.

“Oh, and Kacchan?” said Izuku as he addressed the distressed boy, this time more soft, more sincere. He quickly turned to Shin, who stayed the entire time, quietly watching the situation unfold. He gave Izuku a quick nod and a little smile to encourage him.

Bakugou who was now engulfed in his parents’ embrace looked over uncertainly.

“Ever since I was little I looked up to All Might, the number one hero who could save everyone with a smile on his face. He became my ideal, my goal, something to aspire for, my definition of heroism” Izuku said solemnly, the feeling of nostalgia creeping up on him “I’m still bitter about having to give up on my dream, not because I’m lamenting about the unfairness of being born quirkless, but because I live with knowledge that someone like you; for as strong as you are, you’re equally self-centered, unbothered by well-being of others, only caring about fighting, will be able to become a hero and contradict everything it always meant to be one. Congratulations Katsuki, you’ve ruined it for me” said Izuku, the feeling of Kacchan’s full name on is tongue uncanny, but fitting the current situation.

“So when you walk out of this room, I want you to work your ass off till the brink of exhaustion, until you become the number one hero and rub it in my face, so that I won’t feel bad about loosing my dream, knowing that it’s been tainted by you” said Izuku, his eyes filled with determination “You’ve already ruined so many things, so why not go all the way?”

Bakugou, who seemed to regain some of the usually present fire in his eyes was quick to reply “FUCK YOU DEKU, I don’t need you telling me what to do. I’m gonna become number one, regardless of what you say!”

“That’s what I wanted to hear”