#*insert image of elmo in front of flames* jaksdjf

[laylabahiti]

LAYLA’S MENTALITY: WHERE DOES IT STEM FROM ?

topic: layla’s mindset mentions: hospitals, bullying, religious discrimination, biphobia, hostage situations word count: 1,387

raised under the scrutiny of her parents, layla was expected to be flawless — perfect. even as young as a toddler, she believed this was the way to her parents’ non-existent hearts. for the first few years of her life, the princess caused no problems, aside from interrupting her parents in their study every so often. interruption wasn’t a concept she understood then, all she wanted was their attention — their affection. still, each time her little legs carried her into their room, she was shooed away, told to go play in her own room. she wasn’t without toys and coloring books, but dolls couldn’t hug you back nor tuck you in at night.

when layla was hospitalized at age four for a severe allergic reaction, she thought her parents would be by her side until she was discharged. she was wrong. dazed and confused when she came to, the only people she recognized were her nanny and bodyguard. if a child could feel heartbreak, that was it. she cried — screamed — for her mother and father, only to be reminded repeatedly that they were busy and she needed to quiet down. ‘my parents are not here because i am not perfect’ was the first thought to cross her mind, followed by ‘my allergy is a defect.’ this experience instilled layla’s avoidance of hospitals and doctors, they would only find things wrong with her and nothing could be wrong if she wanted her parents’ love. her fears weren’t allayed when she returned to the palace, layla now eating completely different meals than her family whenever they opted for meat-based dinners. her beliefs only pushed her to work harder towards the unattainable perfection, this was her normal.

her formal education began not long after that, and she was thrilled to get out of the palace and make friends. she wanted to befriend everyone and certainly tried to do so. a few peers responded well to her kindness while others were miniature copycats of their parents, repeating the skepticism felt toward the monarchy to the princess herself. a copt sat as queen consort and some people couldn’t wrap their minds around the multi-religious family. she would return home often upset, lasting only a few years in a formal school before transitioning to private instruction in the palace. yet another hit at her strive for perfection, she couldn’t even manage school. the few friends she made early on remained true, at least for most of their young adult lives.

scandal struck when layla was sixteen — early morning on the thirtieth of july, the king, queen, and press secretary barged into her room, startling her awake. various newspapers were tossed onto her bed but they all declared the same thing: “PRINCESS LAYLA CAUGHT WITH GIRLFRIEND.” the article spared no detail, photos accompanying and all. flashback to the prior afternoon that saw layla out with her best friend, qitarah. well, best friend and secret girlfriend. the two agreed to test the waters a few weeks earlier, not even telling their other two friends. only after asking qitarah did layla entrust her secret with amon and, for safety purposes, her bodyguard. none of that mattered when paparazzi learned to hide, their cameras capturing the first and last public kiss shared between the two. they were in a corner booth, layla reasoned, they made sure no one was around. 

tables turned and layla was public enemy number one — qitarah’s parents going as far as to blame the princess for the entire afternoon’s events. none of her friends were allowed to see her anymore, the monarchy looking more corrupt than ever. layla felt like a disappointment, a disgrace, far beyond having an allergy or requiring a private tutor. her guard had been let go after being questioned, admitting that he knew of layla’s secret. while protecting her all the same, his action was deemed disloyal to the reigning monarchs. once calmed a bit, claimed they only reacted as such because they weren’t prepared, because they didn’t have a press statement on hand in case layla chose to go public. but she knew they wouldn’t have wanted her to be so open with her sexuality, the press statement was damage control. layla control. 

a few days after the initial news article, layla’s bags were packed for her and she was sent to live with her godfather in an entirely different country — a different continent. the public wounds were still fresh and the egyptian monarchs needed layla away so they could get a clear grasp on the outcry. she wasn’t even given a timeframe for her return, maybe she wouldn’t get to come home. while layla was easily welcomed with open arms into her second home, she spent the first week off and on crying in her room; the only time she left the privacy was to get a meal after the family had already eaten. layla tried calling her parents daily, wanting to know when she could fly back, but the calls never got that far before her parents were hanging up. she spent four months away from egypt, layla only believing her parents called for her return because the winter holidays were coming up and they needed to take portraits. the scandal wasn’t mentioned by her parents nor the staff when she returned to cairo, and frankly, she felt like an outsider. not to mention, her new bodyguard was a stranger. 

layla’s remaining teenage years didn’t brighten much, the girl now friendless (aside from other royals) and finding political work to busy herself with and prove to the king and queen that she could do something right. she didn’t date much either, only finding a short-lived fling with the younger glücksburg prince. she’d already overheard her parents discussing arrangements, so she knew her options were running thin once that relationship ended. layla didn’t resist the arranged marriage news once her parents finally made up their minds — if she couldn’t hold down a partner, they’d find one for her. she needed to redeem herself, after all, and on her twenty-first birthday, they began their search.

when the princess was submitted into the protection program, she acted as though her parents had eyes and ears everywhere. her guard certainly wouldn’t let her bend her parents’ rules, not after the last one was fired. she called home daily, either talking to amon or her parents, though amon was usually more willing to chat and keep her caught up. her calls became less frequent, layla coming to terms with the fact that if her parents really wanted to speak to her, they’d call on their own. and the less calls she made, the less she wanted to go back to egypt altogether. 

layla spent more time with the royal friends she had, letting go of some of the ‘proper etiquette’ she had been made to learn and trying to come into her own — a puppet cutting its strings and falling to the ground. knowing her parents would disapprove, layla changed her wardrobe, pierced her nose, and inked her arm with all the teenage rebellion anyone could ask for at age twenty-four. even with all the changes, nothing felt right. nothing felt like her. 

the invasion of two-thousand eighteen was another low point in layla’s life. being forcefully taken from her room and held hostage, she truly thought that was the end for all of them. and after holding back her feelings for over a year, layla came clean to olivier with the small glimmer of hope and optimism that he might feel the same way — he didn’t. that moment changed her, for better or worse is still to be determined, but she wasn’t going to be pushed around anymore.

layla is still trying to figure out who she is and where she belongs. while she never means to oppose her friends, her newfound, impulsive attitude slips out every now and then. she’ll bottle everything up until someone pushes the wrong button, something she doesn’t necessarily realize she’s doing. 

if you have read all this, congratulations on getting through this mess and finding out why layla is the emotional mess that she is. i’m probably forgetting stuff but this is a lot as is.