#*good bc some of it is uh. not for me i cannot justify spending my hard earned money on some of these lol

[ilonacho]

even when i get into popular media there’s barely any good merch

[transgenderer]

It would be so easy to win at morality. All I would have to do is empty out my savings account and send $ to givedirectly (it would take a few days bc of transaction limits) then wander around aimlessly fasting until until I died. It wouldn't take long - 3 weeks without food is enough to die, probably less if I walk a long distance every day. Yet I don't. I'm not afraid of hurting my loved ones and I don't want to live. Yet I'm still posting instead of winning. Why is this?

well. okay so if we are adopting this stance, and to be clear i dont endorse adopting this stance, 1) unless you have a LOT of money (like, thru inheritance or something) and very little earning potential, you could probably net donate more money by staying alive, having a job, and spending as little as possible on yourself and donating the rest to givedirectly or whatever. which is actually really hard! part of why winning at morality is hard, 2) wandering around fasting aimlessly for weeks would be a crazy way to kill yourself. good chance you would get forcibly institutionalized. 3) your happiness (and that of your loved ones!) goes into the great moral integral in the sky! if you make them sad, or yourself sad, by your choices, that's bad to the calculator! ergo, i think its pretty unlikely killing yourself would be winning at morality!

i mean, to be clear, there are lots of reasons you shouldnt kill yourself. but "killing myself would be the most moral option" is a thought ive often had myself (especially when i was like 14), and man it just does not make any sense in any non-stupid moral system. its trying to justify your desire to kill yourself with ethics. if youre gonna be suicidal, say it from your chest, yknow. anyway i always feel like such a square encouraging people not to kill themselves but man. are you on antidepressants? antidepressants might be placebo but they made me personally way less into wanting to kill myself. if you are, have they done the wacky treatments? go for the wacky treatments. electroconvulsive works, its crazy that it works. but it does. anyway if youve done all that idk, move to another country, join a convent, write an album of shitty songs

the best anti-suicide advice is ive heard is that if you want to kill yourself, do something crazy instead. its not like you have anything to lose. and i think what you will realize, or what i realized, is that its not that i wanted to kill myself, i just wanted to be happy. which is less cool seeming than wanting to kill yourself unfortunately. but anyway. uh. personally i cannot reccommend eating a bunch of delicious food enough. worst case you get fat i guess. food is so good and delicious food can be very cheap. get some fast food you really like. eat candy, eat chocolate, eat cake. get a little pleasure in. speaking of i need to eat something.

[maggiecheungs]

2020 ~everything~ wrap

i finally have time to do all of the tag games that people have tagged me in over the past month or so! i cannot for the life of me remember who tagged me in which one, so i’m just putting ~everything~ in one huge post. if i tag you anywhere then consider it a standing invitation to do whichever of these you haven’t done :) in fact, this is me issuing a standing invite to any of my followers who wants to do it :) also, thank you all!

Creator Wrap: Favourite Works

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

this collection of philosophy quotes paired with thai bl series, (and its sequel) which is possibly my favourite thing i’ve ever made. for, uh, nerd reasons.

these gifted text post memes i made still make me laugh sometimes

this fic about green from 2gether, which i wrote in the notes app on my phone and published the same day. not my absolute best writing but i am very fond of it <3

i have a bunch fof friend zone dangerous area edits/shitposts which i like, but i’m particularly fond of my fzda as satire headlines (which now has a sequel!)

i also love my crisgood-walmart-lesbian post. i might send it in to gmmtv to try and convince them to do a crisgood-bffs spin-off

+ bonus: since i wrote this list i made this gifset (my first ever!) of jennie panhan in the shipper and i love her too much not to include her on here

+ extra nerdy bonus: this niche meme about Chinese philosophy, which still makes me crack up whenever I think about it

Favourite Creators/Follow Forever

i’ve completely lost track of who’s following who from which blog, so this is just going to be a haphazard, non-exhaustive list of people who i adore/admire/am vaguely intimidated by, mutuality be damned. maybe we talk all the time! maybe we’ve never interacted! maybe i am constantly there in ur tags... lurking... 👀... but if you’re on this list you have made me smile at least once this year and i love you for that alone <3

@wjmild kylie!! you make gifs of arm & tay & lee (separately or in various combinations) & the shipper & and kapook & random fluke pusit cameos & school rangers so i don’t have to <3 ilysm

@janeramida vianey, you have such impeccable taste in general, but your sizzy gifset in particular is so gorgeous it lives in my mind rent free

@applelapis bri, this post was a callout and i want you to know that it haunts me at night as i lie awake staring at the ceiling :((((( i hope you are happy

@gigiesarocha cata, i love it when you show up on my dash bc you have!! such taste!! also, every time you gif gigie i gain five years of life <3 pls continue doing the Good Work

@pvrrish​ eleni, i remeber legit thinking that this was an official poster when i first saw it, it’s so beautiful

@ahysopae​ juliette your khaithird fic is so good and it literally changed the way i think about khai (not an easy feat)

@kurosawadachi angel, whenever i think about grace’s speech i remember your gifset and get literal chills

@doctorbahnjit alexa, you have no right to be as funny as you are. your friend zone edits give me life

@khaotungthanawat sam, you’re probably sick of getting tagged in these lists by random strangers, but i just had to bc your gifsets are Pure Art

@tanwirapong roa, all your gifsets are so ✨iconic✨

faiza @asianmelodrama and rahul @petekaos! yours were the first two thai drama blogs i followed and for ages i lowkey thought of you as my fandom parents.

and some more blogs that make me happy: @curlykytta / @lee-thanat  / @fck-inspector-m / @pangwave / @tichawongtipkanon / @tawanv @kimmonv (violet istg i have spent more time this year trying to figure out how many blogs you have than i have spent admiring your gifsets. & i spend a lot of time admiring your gifsets) / @taytawan / @1akorn and @yihwas (and your radiant lovechild @lakornladies ofc) / @teh-ohaew / @vihokratanas (mel your gifsets are just so gorgeous) / @tootiredtoosadtooangry / @headcompletelyempty / @demiromanticmickey��� / and there are definitely more but my brain is a sieve so apologies if i’ve forgotten anyone!! i love you all!! 

2020 HIGHLIGHTS ✨

rules: list your top 10 shows (bl or not) you watched in 2020 (doesn’t necessarily have to be shows that came out in 2020 though!)

1. 2GETHER & STILL2GETHER

my first thai drama, and even after all the amazing shows i’ve watched this year, it still has a special place in my heart. watching 2gether was the first time i’d ever seen a queer romcom that just... was. for me, by the simple fact of its being, 2gether was revolutionary. and then still2gether came along and took all the best things about the first season and gave us something beautiful and quiet and lovely and just proved to me, once and for all, that queer happiness doesn’t need to justify its own existence. there can be gay cuddles on the beach for no other reason than that we want them. 

2. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

i don’t really have the words for this one but. it makes my heart so very soft.

3. FRIEND ZONE 2: DANGEROUS AREA

season one was mindless fun because everyone was an absolute trashfire and it was hella cathartic to watch, but season 2... wow. i love it for so many reasons: it has messy and authentic queer rep; the characterisation is excellent and i somehow care about all of the characters; amazing women taking centre stage(!); a wlw relationship with lesbian, ace and bipolar rep; multiple interesting plotlines; actual character development; arm weerayut as a chaos gremlin... absolutely one of my favourites of 2020.

4. CHERRY MAGIC

i don’t think i need to explain this one, which is fortunate, because i have no idea how exactly i’d describe the happy-warm-fuzzy-queer-seen-loving-affirmed-profound feeling that rises in my chest whenever i think about it. 

5. THE GIFTED: GRADUATION

confession: i liked season 2 more than season 1 (with the exception of the ending, which we don’t talk about). season 1 was enjoyable and interesting, but for me it was season 2 which made me love this series. it did some incredibly interesting and complicated things (even if it didn’t quite nail the landing): it pushed characters to the breaking point and wove so many layers into the story and questioned its own underlying themes. plus, watching it alongside everyone in the fandom made it 200% better. i love all of you and i love this show. egg girl 5eva.

6. THE SHIPPER

i 100% understand why so many people didn’t like this show, or found it problematic, but through some fluke it absolutely worked for me (even the ending). one day i will write an essay explaining my rationale, but for now i’ll just say that it’s one of my favourite shows about adolescence and queerness and identity and compassion and friendship and love that i’ve ever watched. 

7. YYY

this series is absolutely off its rocker, and it somehow managed to be one of the most affirming shows i’ve watched. it shouldn’t have worked by it did, and i love it so much.

8. 3 WILL BE FREE

absolutely iconic. amazing plot, stunning visuals, great characters, canon polyamory, jennie being incredible... what a series.

9. MANNER OF DEATH

i love the fact that this show exists; i love the mix of crime and romance; i love maxtul’s acting; i love the central relationship; i love bun. i know we’re not even halfway through yet, but this show is doing something special and i’m so grateful that i get to watch it unfold in real time. 

10. CHIHAYAFURU (SEASON 3)

odd one out on my list, but I had to include it. chihayafuru is my all-time favourite anime and it finally got a third season, which is somehow even better than the first two. mashima taichi is one of my favourite characters of all time and his storyline hits me on such a profound level. plus, in the years since i first say this show i’ve fallen in love with classical japanese literature (particularly heian poetry) so i had newfound appreciation for the karuta matches (aka i cried every time someone recited one of my favourite poems)

other favourites: together with me, he’s coming to me, sotus and sotus s, my dear loser: edge of 17, why r u, theory of love, wake up chanee!, gameboys, pearl next door, uta koi (anime), three kingdoms (2010), blood and water (netflix). (itsay would almost certainly be on my list if i’d had time to watch it. same with dark blue kiss, which i had to pause so i could do my assignments)

Final Thoughts

well, it’s been... a year (i don’t think anyone needs a reminder of the details) but writing this post has reminded me of all the amazing shows and people I discovered over the course of it.

thank you to everyone for being so lovely and creative and funny and quirky and kind and passionate. you’re all incredibly awesome people and i wish all of you the very best xx

[reaperkaneki]

hm... lately ive been more Emo™ over the fact that i have uh nothing?  like Literally the only thing i have left in life is my bf?

i have no friends, no job, no spending money (i have enough to cover rent for the rest of this lease but i cant really spend on anything else unless i really justify it to myself), no relationship with my family either, no capacity for being out in public except in small doses w/ my bf, no goals, nothing

i probably wont have the money or mental health to go to college even though everyone in my entire life expected me to, so ive pretty much done nothing with my life.

like i cant even keep a houseplant alive so there goes my tiny dream of having a little minimalist indoor herb / succulent garden, ive been trying to appreciate tea again lately but even that feels like so much effort, i still dont understand how to make a good cup of coffee or steam milk or any of that. i have a backlog for books and games and shows and stuff and its really hard for me to keep attention enough to finish things

so even my hobbies are a failure. and im bad at driving and dont know anyhing abt cars so i dont even know whats wrong with mine, and i dont have the money to get new clothes to dress cute esp bc some of my clothes are loose now that ive lost weight from not eating, my skin is all kinds of fucked up and i keep getting weird itchy bumps and rashes and i scratch at them until they bleed which ive never really done before and they wont heal no matter how long its been

so pretty much the only thing i can fill my life with is my bf and video games and mcelroy content i guess

but the thing is that’s too much to ask of him bc like. a human being literally cannot support every aspect of another human being. its unreasonable to expect. even if my bf loves me more than the world its not enough somehow and its just unfair on all accounts

im just. lonely. my birthdays this sunday and honestly? theres not really any point in celebrating it or anything, i dont have any particular idea of what to do anyway. its just gonna be me and my bf cuz i dont have anyone else, and its mothers day anyway so more importantly ill just be going to a  family dinner with him for his mom